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What follows is Nigel Worsfold's
brilliant account of his and Maggie's weekend in Toronto.
Here goes....
Date: Mon, 3 Mar 1997 12:37:39 +0000
From: Nigel Worsfold <nigel@azor.demon.co.uk>
Subject: Nigel's Canadian Adventure
We returned to a dark and still-slumbering
London at 6.00 am this morning, and I thought I'd write a few
lines about our adventures in Canada over the weeekend before
the jet-lag takes a hold!
We arrived in Toronto, and after
touch-down there was an announcement on the plane's loudspeaker,
asking passengers Mr and Mrs Worsfold to leave the plane first.
Maggie and I were rather puzzled, but did as requested.
Imagine our surprise to step from the plane to a sight reminiscent
of when The Beatles first arrived in the USA. There were
about 6,000 cheering Coronation Street fans there waiting for
us, with banners saying WELCOME NIGEL and stuff like that.
There was a motorcade and police motorcycle outriders waiting
to escort our limousine to the hotel in Toronto, a drive of about
20 minutes. As we neared the city, there were neon advertising
hoardings beside the road saying things like TORONTO WELCOMES
NIGEL AND MAGGIE, and THE UPDATE KID'S IN TOWN, etc.
As we got closer to the famous CN
tower, we could see that they had cobbled it from top to bottom
in honour of The Street, which I thought was a nice gesture!
You might have seen on the Group
that I intended to wear the Jack Duckworth glasses in the bar
on the Saturday night to get recognised by those who said they
would come to meet us. Well, as the Colony Hotel came into
view, the place was besieged by a seething mass of Street fans,
ALL wearing the glasses with the sticking plaster. Wonderful.
In the crowd were about fifteen people who had gone to the trouble
of dressing up like GUMMI, the character from the recent health
farm saga. Incredible.
There were two police helicopters
circling overhead, shining those bright searchlights down at
the crowds, and appealing for calm. Then came the most
incredible moment. As our car drew up outside the main
door, the crowd fell silent, then they all began to sing the
Coronation Street theme tune in unison. I was moved to
tears, and quite forgot to tip the driver!
There were update fans on the roof
of our hotel and of neighbouring buildings, many waving banners
or printed copies of recent updates. I couldn't believe
what was happening.
The manager of the hotel welcomed
us personally, but warned us that some fans may get out of hand
in their attempts to get in to see us, so extra guards had been
mounted outside our door and on our floor. After we got
to our room, the lift was prevented from stopping at our floor,
just to be on the safe side.
It was wild.
We got to our room, and I went out
on the balcony, to tumultuous applause and cheering from the
crowds below. They were calling for updates to be thrown
down, but I shouted I didn't actually have any with me.
I looked round the room for something to throw, finding only
a complimentary shower cap and the lid off the ice bucket, which
reached the delighted crowd to increased cheering. It seemed
I could do no wrong.
Maggie wanted to leave the room
for some reason, but found the door electronically locked.
I phoned the main desk and I was told that the management had
caved in to pressure from the waiting crowds and locked me in
the room until I had written a new update for them. I couldn't
believe it! He said the UK episode which I had just missed
by going to Canada had been taped and flown over for me to view,
and it would be shown on the TV in the room at 8.00 pm.
I suppose I was quite flattered, and agreed to the plan.
While I was finishing talking to
him, I heard Maggie screaming hysterically. I put down
the phone and ran to her. She was still screaming and pointing
into the mini-bar. A smiling bespectacled man emerged from
INSIDE the mini-bar. He extended his hand in greeting,
with the words..<hi, I'm Greggy.> He gestured behind
him into the mini- bar and said, <and this is Bazooka!>
He had hidden Bazooka and himself in there hours before our arrival.
I was speechless, but very happy to see them both.
Then the helicopter noise outside
the window was increased. I looked up to see a third one
hovering above the hotel,and a woman being winched down from
it. She got level with our window, and began banging excitedly
on it. <Nigel, Nigel, it's me...Darlene!> Sure
enough, it was Darlene Wakely, who had chartered this helicopter
all the way from Ottawa to see us. I waved and shouted,
<Hi Darlene!> as she was winched lower and lower until
she was swallowed up by the masses, still singing the theme tune!
The next crazy thing was a hot air
balloon drifting in front of Marriots Hotel. There were
five people in the basket, and the large banner they were holding
said, <NIGEL..PICK UP THE PHONE!> In a state of shock,
I did so, and they were speaking into their mobile from the basket
to our room. It was Irwin Zack with his charming wife Ruth,
along with Sylvia Bray, Jacy Blitz and Yolande Jacobs.
They passed the phone to one another and we had a great little
chat about how I saw the plotlines developing in the near future.
We were cut off when they drifted behind
the Hilton and we lost reception, but it was great to see them
all!
Then came a very frightening sight.
On the roof of the Eaton shopping mall opposite, someone was
taking aim at us with what looked like a high powered rifle.
I threw Maggie to the ground and covered her body with mine.
After a couple of seconds, there was a shot and a terrific thud
on the side of our building, above our window. A steel
line had been fired across the 100 yard gap and on top of Eatons,
a person was mounting a bicycle with the rubber tyres removed,
and starting to carefully cycle across on the wire! Slung
below, holding on by their
teeth, was another person. The crowds looked up in hushed
amazement, and the cameras from CBC and CNN looked up at the
daredevil stunt team. As they reached our window, the unmistakeable
smiling features of Tracy Roketta came into view! The person
holding on underneath by her teeth was Tracy' buddy Jane Little.
They clambered in through the window, and left the bike on the
balcony. Tracy lives quite close to Niagara Falls, it turns
out, and cycling on wires across great gaps is in her blood!
Anyway, the reason for all this
dangerous acrobatic stuff was to show me her famous legs, which
had been entirely tattooed with text taken from my updates, and
would I care to autograph them? I cheerfully complied,
as you would! Tracy was thrilled. Jane wanted me
to say hello to her Girl Scouts on my forthcoming interview for
CBC. Again, no problem.
After a few moments just chatting
and hanging out together, the four <intruders> abseiled
down the 14 floors to the ground, leaving me with a couple of
hours to relax and get ready for the special edition.
Well, you know how it is, you have
a shower, take it easy, try to relax, watch some TV...have a
snooze. I flicked it onto the Playboy Channel by accident
and watched that for a few minutes. Unfortunately, we both
fell asleep, and I woke up with a start HALFWAY THROUGH Coronation
Street! I grabbed for the remote, dropped it, and it fell
to the floor. One of the batteries fell out and went through
a vent grille, so I couldn't see ANY of the edition, and the
TV was stuck on the Playboy channel!
What could I do?
A computer and Internet link was
provided for me in the room, so I accessed Graham Allsopp's spoiler
page, but it wasn't much help.
What the hell could I do?
All I could do was to make something
up, and hope for the best, and try to put in a few laughs.
So I spent the next hour writing some rubbish as the crowd below
was getting impatient. In the end it was finished
and I took it out onto the balcony. Some people on the
next roof had got a constant column of black smoke going while
I was writing, and they changed it to white when it was ready.
I fashioned it into a paper plane and watched as it drifted down
to the crowds below.
Someone caught it and read it out
loud. TV and radio coverage carried it live. When
it was finished with the words <good night and I love you
all> the crowd fell silent. Heads were bowed.
TV lights were extinguished. Murmers began, then spread
through the crowd. It was crap. It was drivel.
Not up to the usual standard. Maybe he doesn't write it
at all. We want that guy Paul Baker, at least he can hack
it for real. This guy's a lousy fraud. They drifted
away, and within five minutes, they were gone. CBC said
it had been 5,000 people. Gone in
five minutes. Into the chilly Toronto night.
I watched Tracy as she disappeared,
weeping tears of bitter disappointment, gesturing to her legs
with her mate Jane, who tried in vain to comfort her.
Maggie and I took a taxi to the
airport early next morning, when we were sure the coast was clear.
In the plane, the hostess brought
round the early editions of the Toronto Star. My disgrace
was all over the front page. UPDATE FRAUD LETS TORONTO
DOWN and NIGEL WHO? and worst of all UPDATE LIMEY IN HOTEL PORN
SHAME!
The flight home was purgatory.
One hostess slapped my face repeatedly and called me a bastard.
I wasn't given the comfy blanket for the six hour flight, nor
allowed to watch the movie, and as for in-flight meals, Maggie
and I were thrown a complimentary Fromage Briquette each, and
that was it!
I would like to take this opportunity
to apologise to the people of Toronto who must feel so let down
and disappointed, and to all the people who tuned in live on
CBC and CNN, expecting something special.
People of Toronto...good night and
I love you all.
PS. To those wonderful Street-fan
friends we actually did meet in our hotel:
I really DO love you all, and thanks
for making it a trip to remember forever!!
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