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"My favourite sense is touch. I love the feel of a man's cold skin, with goosepimples. I find it very erotic..."
If actresses were like the characters they played on screen, then Tina Hobley would not enjoy sex. And this would be bad news, especially since somebody - the chambermaid, one of the camera crew, or possibly even my good self - has turned on the porno channel in the hotel room where she's just arrived to be interviewed for FHM.
Admittedly, as red-hot boy-girl action goes, tonight's flick - the sensitively entitled Euroslut - is a rather limp affair. It appears to have been lit by somebody holding a small torch above his head, and it contains little more in the way of nudity than you'd see on the beach at St Tropez. But all the same, I'm alarmed when Tina walks in. There's certainly no doubt that Samantha Failsworth, her alter ego in Coronation Street, would think it reason enough to give me some choice words and a good hard slap across the face. Known on Corrie as the woman who likes to say no, she has spurned the advances of such heavyweight ladykillers as Des Barnes and Sean Skinner, and if asked to sum her up in one word, most residents of Weatherfield would go for "frigid".
Fortunately, in real life Tina is a much warmer person. As soon as she sees what's on, she hoots with laughter and confesses that - at 25 - she's never actually seen a blue movie before. Within moments she's captivated - not by the rumpy-pumpy, but by the haircuts, accents, and generally woeful standard of acting. The male lead is indeed hysterical, sporting a blond mullet that's been styled into place with industrial quantities of Cossack, and given to utterances like "Yes, bitch, I'm the stallion you've been looking for all your life." His antics soon have her rolling around the hotel bed, giggling in a manner which any red-blooded man would find considerably more arousing than anything on the screen. And more amusing too: when the "plot" turns to a waitress, whose small but testing role consists entirely of pouring Bacardi while being taken vigorously from the rear, she suggests, in her best Barry Norman voice, that "this girl has all the right qualities to fit in at the Rover's Return".
And she should know. Hired to bring the oomph back to Coronation Street, and to reverse its recent ratings defeats by EastEnders, she brings a new twist to the potentially cheesy role of "sexy barmaid". She plays Sam as a sassy, mysterious woman, more intriguing and complex than Raquel with her plunging necklines or Tiffany with her pouty Lolita antics. And while the axe is falling on other regular cast members, she herself is being set up as one of the series' most important and enduring stars. Talking to her, you can see why the producers chose her for this responsibility, even though - as a Londoner - she was hardly the obvious choice to play the North-West's foxiest new babe. As well as being good fun, intelligent, and immediately likeable, she is also more genuinely beautiful than any of her peers. Other soaps may have their contenders, but the smart money is on her being the one that viewers turn on to watch...
You're playing a character who, at the moment anyway, isn't too keen on sex. Have you ever had any bad experiences in that department?
Well, let's just say most women will tell you that the first time never quite lives up to expectations...So, how was it for you?
I was 17, and I'd been going out with my boyfriend for exactly a year. We planned it to the day, and it was going to be like The Blue Lagoon all over again. It was at my parents' house while they were away. In my bedroom, under the poster of John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John...Hmm, I suppose it's always good to have Grease handy when you make love for the first time...
Haha. No, it was very disappointing. I'd lived for Endless Love and 91/2 Weeks, and it was nothing like that at all. He was losing his virginity too, and it was all over before we got started really...This sounds a little hard on your partner. I mean, tell me honestly, were you (a) crap, or (b) excellent?
B, definitely. I'd researched the subject thoroughly, you see. I used to read a lot of Jackie Collins, and she was my bible on sexual matters. All the men were super-confident and had names like Jake Python or Brad Balls. She gave me a lot of fantasies, that woman, and she has a lot to answer for. Mind you, I'm quite happy these days...The character you play works behind the bar at the Rover's Return, but do you spend much time in boozers off the set?
I'm half-Irish, and I used to visit the family pub in County Clare. It was great just to be in this quiet fishing village, wearing big sweaters and getting loads of attention. I could even do the shamrock on the top of a pint of Guinness!Is that your favourite tipple, then?
No, I like champagne, especially Laurent Perrier, just in case anyone fancies sending me some. Oh, and gin and tonic - but it has to be Bombay Sapphire gin. I have a sensitive palate, so I can tell the difference.You're a Londoner, so how hard was it to pick up the Mancunian accent?
Once you know the key differences - like saying "bath" instead of "barth" - it's actually not too hard.And is it tough fending off the attentions of all those Man Utd players?
I've been here eight months and I'm really disappointed, I haven't met one famous footballer. Mind you, I haven't been out much because I've been working very hard. Once I relax into the part, I'll go out more. But I have to say, I'm an Arsenal fan...Well, that's good news for Martin Keown, I suppose. And talking of tall, attractive men, I hear you once toured the world with - of all people - Derek Nimmo.
Yeah, he's so cool. He was organising a tour of Only When I Laugh, which is a farce set in hospital, and he picked me to play the nurse. A few weeks later I was in the Middle East being shouted at...By the critics?
No, by people on the street. If you wear shorts or a skirt the men spit at you and call you a slut. Even if you just show your elbows, they go mad.Did any sheiks offer you 50 camels for your favours?
More than that! In Muscat, I got talking to a guy in the hotel bar and he seemed nice so I invited him to the last-night performance. We did the show, and afterwards he came to see me backstage in all the towel gear. Then he told me he was the third richest man in the world, and stuff about his father being assassinated when he was only 22, and he said "you must come out to dinner." Everything is must out there. Of course, I told him I had to get a flight that night, but he said that I'd have to come and give the chef the bad news myself. So we get into his brand new Ferrari, and I'm trying to adopt an "oh yeah, I get this every day" attitude, and he drives me off to a huge palace. Six servants come down to help me out of the car, and then four waiters lead me up to a verandah where there's the most lavish meal I've ever seen, all laid out with gold knives and forks.Did you stay?
Of course not, or I'd probably still be in his harem. All I had was a glass of champagne, but as I was leaving he told me to pick anything I wanted from his house as a gift. I thought he was joking, but when I got to the airport the other guys told me it was a custom. These princes often give away a Rolex to their guests, apparently...I can believe that, but I'm still struggling with the idea of Derek Nimmo being a top box-office draw in the Middle East. Do they still get Oh Brother out there or something?
I'm not sure, but we played to full houses every night. Perhaps they came to see me in a nurse's outfit...I'll say. Have you still got it?
No, I'm afraid I gave it back to Derek.It was his? That explains a lot. So then, if you don't dress up as an SRN before bedtime, what do you wear?
In bed? Hmm, let's just say that if I do have my pyjamas on, I must just casually slip them off before I get under the duvet. I hear you're a bit of an action girl, and you go abseiling and canoeing... I love it. I love the thrill, I'm a big-time adrenalin junkie. I even drive fast - but don't tell my mother.What car do you have?
A Clio. Just like Nicole in the adverts. And I really want to do a parachute jump. There was one in Coronation Street, but they wouldn't let me do it for insurance purposes. But I did all the practice stuff, which will come in handy when I manage the real thing.In your school plays, you had the roles of Cleopatra and a slave girl. If you had to choose one for a sexual fantasy now, which would it be?
You mean being bathed in ass's milk or chained up? Can't I have them both?No. You'd drown in the bath.
Okay. I'll go for the ass's milk then. But the smell might be a bit cheesy, so I'd want it scented. Like those Müller yogurts you tip a bit of fruit into. I haven't got into chains so far, but I wouldn't like having them put on me. I reckon I'd want to administer the punishment myself and be in charge, as I quite like lazy men in bed...Crikey! Now, are you ever going to exploit your physical similarity to Geri from the Spice Girls and launch a singing career?
I'm a terrible singer. There will be no Tina Hobley single, I'm afraid. I don't even sing in the bath... well, maybe I bash out Roll A Silver Dollar. That's a sexy little number.I don't know it, alas. Would it be the record you play for a spot of romance in front of a roaring fire?
No, I'd go for Ravel's Bolero. It's cheesy, but I like a bit of cheese.Have you ever gone out with a super-smooth cool bloke, then?
No. I like rough types. Rugged, cool, Johnny Depp types, sensitive and sweet to look at, but with a dark secret inside.How about your worst ever date?
I had one with a guy who'd met me in a bar and asked for my phone number. I always find it impossible to say no when someone asks me for it, unless they're totally weird or they've got six heads. I don't want to say no in case they think, "What, is she so arrogant that she thinks I fancy her?" Anyway, this guy was terribly nice, full of enthusiasm, but it was hopeless. The first thing I saw was bad shoes. He was wearing brogues, and I prefer trendy climbing shoes or chunky Chelsea boots. And he had a shirt with a jumper over it - very un-me. Also, he was too straight. He agreed with everything I said, and I like to be challenged, to be with someone who knows a little more than I know. Then we went to see a Harold Pinter play, which was no laughs, very slow and dull - just like the date.In Coronation...
Er, hang on, I've just remembered that I'd love to work with Harold Pinter, so change that last bit and say the play was fab, hahaha.
In Coronation Street you share a house with Curly. Have you ever shared a flat in real life?
Oh yeah. I lived with three girls in Hampstead. It was like a girly bachelor pad, with loads of running around in knickers saying, "Help, I'm going out with this guy, what shall I wear?" and doing each other's make-up. It was great, but we had this very odd snooper woman opposite who reported us to the police because she thought we were running a brothel.What gave her that impression?
The constant stream of young men, I suppose. But they were friends, not lovers. We thought it was hysterical when the cops came round, and afterwards we used to open the windows and try to lure men in for a joke. You know, "Come this way, fine sir."Why are women so good at arguing?
Hmm, personally I'm a Taurus, and if I think I'm right, that's it. Even if I know I'm wrong, I find it really hard to back down and say sorry.What do you argue about most?
With my boyfriend, it tends to be about time.What, whether it travels in a straight line or, as Einstein would have it, in a continuous loop?
No, about my career. He works in London, so the most we're together is three nights a week, and he wants to see his woman every night. What's good about being apart is that we still make the effort. You know, I'll put on matching underwear instead of getting into a rut and wearing the blue bra with the white knickers.A lot of characters seem to be getting the axe in Coronation Street. Why do you think that's necessary?
Things move on, and you need to pick up a younger generation of viewers. They need to be captivated, and so the show needs new characters and stronger storylines.So if they asked you to "do an Anna Friel" to spice up the show, would you snog another woman?
Yes.And would you use tongues?
Funnily enough, I had a part on Pie In The Sky where I had to kiss a man in a cupboard. I remember thinking "Oooh, did I just feel his tongue in my mouth? He could have asked." I certainly wouldn't do that if I was acting.If you had to smuggle one favourite possession through customs, hidden internally, what would it be?
Apart from my vibrator, you mean? Haha - no, I've never owned one. I don't even know what they look like, because luckily I've never had the need to buy one. I've always had a boyfriend from the age of 16, with no long breaks on my own. Hmm, now what would I smuggle? Oh, damn it, I've answered this question a 1,000 times...What, you've already been asked 1,000 times what you'd smuggle through customs internally?
No, I mean when I've read other issues of FHM, I've imagined me being asked that sort of question. I always said, "I could answer that better."But now you can't?
Er, no.Okay, try this: what's your favourite of the five senses?
Touch, especially if it's a man's cold skin, with goosepimples. I find it very, very erotic. Yes, Tina Hobley likes a man straight out of the fridge.Describe the perfect bedroom for romance.
The bed would have to be Victorian, with crisp, virginal, white linen, plump pillows, and rafters on the roof. Possibly for swinging on.It's time for your pants exam. Y-fronts, leopardskin thongs, Calvins or boxers. Discuss.
I like the Calvins. The saddest would be dirty grey Y-fronts. Forget it, mister. At least the guy wearing a leopardskin thong with a zip-front is brave.Really? They say men wear thongs because they're badly-hung. It bunches everything up...
Great. Great for him. I'm glad he's prepared to show me the scoops of his buttocks if he's got nothing in front. Fine. Technique over size every time. To be honest, I prefer a man's back to his front anyway. I like a nice, clean, non-hairy, non-spotty back.Are fat blokes sexy?
They can be. I met Robbie Coltrane at Granada, and he was a dish on legs.Quite a few dishes, I'd say...
Take it from me, he's a beautiful creature. And John Goodman in Roseanne is very sexy too.Is your hair dyed?
This is a matching collars and cuffs question, right? Hmm, let's just say things might be less dramatically racy red down there.Would you make love in a car, a plane or a boat?
I'm a bad sailor, and I'm not saying whether I've had sex in a plane. I've considered it, anyway. But I really like that movie Rita, Sue And Bob Too. You know, "Move over Sue, and let me have a jump wi' 'im." That would make anyone want to have sex in a car. Fantastic.What can men do to understand women better?
The difference between the sexes is what makes things interesting, but I can answer that in one simple word - sensitivity. When God was giving out the gifts, he short-changed men there. They should risk a few emotions and explore their true feelings. So many problems are caused by men being silent and macho instead of saying what they really feel. Work on it, fellas.FHM
Interview by Grub Smith, photography by Richard McLaren
All words and pictures (c) EMAP Metro/FHM.
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