T'Black 'Awl O' Calcutta
(by Old Blowick)

Naw tha's 'eard uv t'Black 'Awl O' Calcutta,
At t'staht uv colawnyul rule 
Wen England weer conkrin' India --
Well, 'appun tha lurnt it in school.

'N' mebbe tha's 'eard uv yon black 'awls
T'scihntists 'ave foeaund oop in t'skieh.
Ah'm afrehd tharrah knaw nowt aboeaut 'em --
T' pretend wud be tellin' a lieh.

Bu' theer's a black 'awl tharrah do knaw
Summat aboeaut (saw dost thee!),
It be t'fehmus black awl thass on Corry,
Filled wi' fawk as us naw longa see.

Dost' rememba Ah wroate this 'ere pawm
(It mus' be a yur agaw noeauw)
'Baht lasses 'oo lived un t'Street wunce,
In th'ouses awl theer in a roeauw?

Ah cud tellee aggen uv R Elsie,
Uv Annie 'n' Ena 'n' sutch;
Uv luvli-urd Gloria espeshly --
Burrah'd fihnd tharrah'd gaw un too mutch!

Saw this tihme Ah'll remihnd thi uv utthas
'Oo lived un t'Street in theer dehs
'N' ave fell doeawn this 'awl un t'telly --
Pore victims uv Granada's daft wehs.

Dosta knaw that Ken Barlow 'ad kiddies
In t'yurs 'e weer marrid t' Val?
(Albert Tatlock's niece as it 'appuns --
A quiet, unassumin' yung gal)

'E did -- t'nehmes weer Peter 'n' Susan,
Them weer twins, reet cute in theer pram;
Wen theer Mam weer killed bah th'lectric
T'kids weer sent oop nawth t' theer Gram.

Bu' tha nevva 'ear Ken tawk abaht 'em,
Us doan't knaw jus' wot cehme t' pass.
(Ah really doan't cur abaht Susan --
An 'ighly-resistubbul lass!)

Aye, Ah knaws tharr'er wed that theer Baldwin
'N' left 'im -- bu' weer did 'er gaw?
'N' t'weeraboeauts o' yung Peter
Is t'reet mystree -- sehme as Yung Flaw!

'N' warrevva 'appund t' Debbie,
R Kevin's yung sister, ba 'eck?
Well appun t'blawks at Granada
Seh "It be tihme t' clear t'deck!"

Ah knaws that sum want t' leave prawgram,
'N' sum are joos givven t'shuv,
Bu' wie doan't us 'ear uv 'em sumtihmes
Lihke us do wi' R Trehcy Luv?

Theer's lawds uv 'em jus' simply vanish,
Lihke Jamie 'n' Becky 'n' Shawn;
'N' 'Ilda 'n' Eddie 'n' Marion --
'Tweer lihke yon 'ad nevva bin bawn!

Well it's naw gud jus' sittin' 'n' frettin'
'N' gerrin' bit miffed wi' t'fawk
'Oo wrihte awl t'stawries fer Corrie,
Bu' cum cum noeauw, it bain't naw jawk!

Ah doan't think that people jus' vanish
Into thin 'ur, as theh seh;
At leas', norrahf uv a Street doan't! --
Sum o' yon cud cum back fer a deh!

Saw 'appun that summun shud menshun
T' fawk at Granada (sutch gawl!)
Theh shud 'ave t'grand reunyun party
Uv awl them 'oo've vanished doeauwn th'awl!

Well Ah knaw tharrit's no' gawna 'appun --
Them's no' gawna do it, naw fear!
Saw 'appun Ah'd best end this 'ere doggrul
'N' wish thee awl "Gradely New Year!"

CUNNING FIEND (aka Blowick)
Frawzen Nawth,- Thursday, December 31, 1998 at 00:03:33 (GMT/BST)