Awd T' Th'Owd Guessbuke
(by Old Blowick)

T'weer nobbut t'cuppul o'yurs at t'moast
(Well, 'appun a li'l bit moor)
Ah weer surfin' t'Net, as theh seh nowadehs,
Wen Ah gehve oeaut t'bloomin' big roor:

"Cum luke at this 'ere, R Mam," Ah intawned,
"Nah wot's awl t'fuss?" 'er repliehd.
"Tha'll no' believe this -- Corrie guessbuke, ba gum!"
"Wot'll them think oop next!" t'owd 'un siehed.

It weer reet gradely readin' -- Ah cehme every deh,
'N' ba 'eck, Ah met sum reet luvli fawk,
Lihke Elaine frum doeauwn oonda, 'n' R Dale 'n' awl.
Us 'ad monny a laugh 'n' a jawk!

Ah oopset paw owd Emmer -- t'weer awnly t'prank
As misfiyad as offen theh do --
Ah felt bad 'baht that, burrawl weer fergot,
'N' me list o' new pals grew 'n' grew.

Then Emma, 'er left, 'n' then Karen Knox,
Shawtly follered ba Bill (weer'd 'e gaw?),
'N' utthas 'n' awl simply drifted aweh --
Dave 'Annah, Yvonne, 'n' Yung Flaw!

Well sum dirrent leave awltagetha, tha knaws,
Theer visits becahme rartha rur --
Even regluhs lihke David frum owd Lundun toeauwn,
'N' R Jaq wi' t'luvli red 'ur!

Sum'un nehmed 'er St. Jaqlin, 'cos moast ev'ry deh
'Er'd end wi' "God bless everywun!"
Ah cahn't seh 'ow sehntly t'lass be in reel lihfe,
Ah met 'er, 'n' 'er's lots uv fun!

But t'blihte cehme un pehge wen sum nasty fawk
Like Ken Armitage wi' 'is murrehn,
'E dirrent lihke Keith ('n' weern't fond uv me!)
'N' theer insults weer moastly t' blehme

Fer t'demihse uv t'Guessbuke, fer Grahame wun deh
Sed "Them trolls be t'rihte pehne in t'neck!
Ah've joos 'ad enuff!" 'n' 'e clawsed t'pehge doeauwn!
Burralung cehme R Annie, ba 'eck!

Saw naw us 'as t'Guessbuke Mark II, dosta knaw,
'N' us knaw weer in R Annie's debt.
Saw 'ere's t' R Grahame fer awl 'e 'as dun,
'N' t' Annie, 'er's as gud as theh get! 

'N' 'ere's t' t'lasses, 'n' 'ere's t' t'lads
'Oo nevva gehve oop on t'GB;
'N' 'ere's t' t'owd uns 'oo nivva cehme back
'Appun theh'll fihnd us aggen . . . wehte 'n' see!

BLOWICK (aka Cunning Fiend) 
Camrose, AB, - Wednesday, July 22, 1998 at 01:01:55 (GMT/BST)