T' Lasses On T' Street
(by Old Blowick)

T'weer Greggy weer t'fella 'oo ast me
T' wreet 'im a pawm fer t'Ping.
Ah ast 'im "Wot dosta want, lad?
'N' 'e sed, "Aw, enny owd thing!"
"Saw Ah thawt Ah wud wreet baht t'lasses"
'Oo 'ave cum 'n' gun un t'Street
Sin prawgram furst urred back in 'sixties,
'N' theer's a lorruvum, 'onest t' Pete!

Ah cahn't cuvverum awl, theer's saw menny,
Burra few o' t'best, Ah declur:
'N' if 'appun Ah've left oeaut tha fehvrut,
Awl Ah seh is Ah've trihed t' be fur.
Me mem'ry's bain't worrit wunce weer,
Ah've fergot wun aw two, sad t' seh;
Burappun Ah've nit fergot t'guddens --
Ah remember 'em reet till this deh!

Ah think Ah'll begin wi' R Elsie,
A champyun lehdi weer she.
Awl t'lads un t'Street 'ad a soft spot
Fer Elsie! Oh aye, evun me!
A reet buxom lass weer R Elsie,
'N' wunce t'glammer gerl o' t'Street.
'Er weer flihty'un, Ah'll not deny it,
Burra kinda lass tha'll nevva meet!

'Er dirrenr cur mooch fer Owd Ena,
(A reet battulaxe theh do tell!)
'N' Ena 'erself felt t'sehme weh
'N' sed Elsie'd wihnd oop in 'ell.
Burrah miss Elsie Tanner -- us awl does --
Theh doan't mehke 'e, lihke 'er sawt t'deh!
Theer's nobbut a lass un t'Street noeauw
Con cumpur -- at leas' thass worrah seh!

N' then theer weer Sheila 'n' Doreen
(Birtles 'n' Lostock, tha knaws).
Ah doan't knaw warappund t' them two,
It'll be in t'buke, Ah sappawse.
Dost remember that theer Suzie Birchall?
Ba gum, 'er weer t'sihte fer saw eyes!
'Er wunce weer a clawss friend o' Gail's
Till 'er trihed t' brehke t'famly tiehs.

'Er batted 'er eyelids at Brian,
Beyind 'er best friend, 'n' wot's moor,
R Elsie cud see wot weer 'appunin'
Saw 'er strehtweh shawed Suzie t'door.
Sharon Gaskell, Trisha 'Opkins 'n' uvvas
'Ave awl cum 'n' gun on t'Street,
As 'ave awl uv Ken's newmrus gerlfriends
(Wendy Nightingale. 'er weer awl reet!).

'N' then theer weer Tina t'barmehde
(Eddie Ramsden weer awl awva yon),
'N' us mussent ferget Renee Bradshaw
'Oo married R Alf -- burrer's gun.
Lucille 'n' Concepta 'n' Irma,
Awl theer in me mem'ry yet,
'N' uv cawse Jenny Bradley 'n' utthas
Ah think Ah wud rather ferget.

Well, Ah knaw wot sum uv thi's thinkin' --
'E's fergorrun t'moast gradely lass theer!
Nay nay, dosta think Ah'd ferget 'er,
T'lass wi' t'wundaful 'ur?
Nay, Ah'll ne'er ferget R Gloria,
'Er weer a reet pickchur b'yind t'bar.
Ah'll norrav a werd sed agehnst 'er,
'Er beats awl t'utthas ba far!

Ah cud gaw un 'n' un baht Gloria,
Burrit'd be uv naw int'rest t' thee,
Saw Ah'll seh nobbut moor at this tihme --
T'wud be best if Ah joos lerrit be!
Saw 'ere's t' t'lasses 'oo 'ave bin
R fehvruts doeauwn through t'years;
'N' 'ere's t' t'wuns oo're still cummin --
But not t'Battersbys ba wot Ah 'ears!

CUNNING FIEND
Sunday, August 17, 1997 at 19:20:29 (EDT)