Wen furst Ah cehme
(by Old Blowick)

Wen furst Ah cehme acrost this pehge,
T'rinsin' debehte weer awl t'rehge.
T'lasses un t'Street ne'er rinsed a plehte,
'N' indignehshun weer in full spehte.
"Yon mucky gurls doan't wash oop reet"
(Thass summat theh wud oft repeat!)
A reet owd scandal t'weer un 'ere,
Baht rinseless Gehle 'n' Sal 'n' 'Drear'!

Wen furst Ah cehme acrost t'GB
('N' this 'ere's joos twixt thee 'n' me!)
T'Wilton's weer t'deh's pet 'ehte,
Tharris till Derek met 'is fehte;
Then awl at wunce them weer gradely fawk --
(Ah sed t' missen Ah sed "Warra jawk!)
E'en then thaw evrywun's pet peeve
Weer itha Don aw Twitchy Steve.

Wen furst Ah cehme acrost this 'ere,
Moast pawsters weer o' reet gud cheer.
'N' 'appy tihmes weer spent by awl,
Wi' naw wun lukin' fer a brawl.
Us tawked uv Ken (nawbody's choice)
'N' felt reet bad fer pore owd Joyce.
Bu' things 'as chehged, no' fer t'best,
'N' sad t' seh, it's lost it's zest

Wen furst Ah cehme acrost this spot
People 'ere Ah liked a lot.
A gradely tihme wuz spent each deh
Wi' monny 'oo 'ave gun theer weh.
Naw nasty trawls, naw spihteful pawsts
(Well, 'appun th'awcehsionul gentle rawst).
Ah offen think abaht Yung Flaw
'N' wunda wieh 'er 'ad t' gaw.

Wen furst Ah cehme acrost t'Guesbuke,
T'theme weer offen wot t' cuke --
Lamingtons, parkin, cow'eel pieh,
'Otpot, faggots, awl werth a trieh!
Sum gehve theer recipes un 'ere
Uv Lanky food us 'eld saw dear.
Bah gum, tha knaws, it weer awl reet . . .
T'nihsust bunch tha'll evva meet!

Wen furst Ah cehme, Grahame weer t'lad
'Oo ran t'pehge 'n' mehde mi glad
T' mehke new friends awl awver t'plehce --
Keith, Elehne, 'n' Dale 'n' Grehce
Karen, Emma, Owd Bill too,
Dehvid 'Annah, t' nehme a few
'Oo ewsta cum 'ere evry deh
'N' allus 'ad summat t' seh.

Wen furst Ah cehme acrost t'GB
It meant a lot t' thee 'n' me.
Then things went wrung 'n' Grahame said "Nay,
Ah woan't do this anutha deh.
R Annie cehme 'n' picked oop pieces,
Burrawl t'nonsunse nevva ceases!
Us lost Ken Armitage, tharris true . . .
But . . . doan't . . . this 'ere . . . Jill . . . botha you?

A tired and disappointed Cunning Fiend
Camrose, AB,- Friday, August 14, 1998 at 05:19:39 (GMT/BST)