Hi again, I'm back (temporarily) from holiday, but not in a very business-like mood as I forgot to press the record button on the video until 4 or 5 scenes into the episode. Forgive any errors or omissions, therefore.
Street: Fiona and Alan emerge from their love-nest with a bit of chat which establishes that he will not be home from work until late tonight. Jim strides up to them and forcefully tells Fi to make Alan leave Steve alone. Jim reminds them that Steve is now 'going straight' and that he, Jim, will support Steve all the way.
House: Kevin is appalled to receive a letter from Sally's solicitor regarding maintenance payments for the children. He at first screws it up, but Natalie reasons that he cannot ignore it, so he decides to speak to Sally later.
Street: Emily calls at Ken's to enquire if everything is all right with Daniel. He was screaming half the night and Percy despairs of getting a good night's sleep, with the Battersby's the other side. Ken looks very haggard and old. He uncharacteristically snaps at Emily, then apologises. He has only just managed to get Daniel off to sleep, and is finding parenting hard going.
House: Angie and Chris enjoy a tense breakfast. He finds living with Des a strain, and wants more privacy. She has no desire for a mortgage, and even goes on to outline her vision of communal living - 6, 8, or even 10 people buy a large old property and live there, all helping each other and raising kids. Not Chris's idea of fun, evidently!
House: Dreary calls in at Ken's, having heard from Emily that he had a bad night. They then talk about her holiday and Ken is surprised that she and Jon are going to Scotland rather that somewhere more exotic. Ken tells Deirdre he is taking Daniel back to Denise that night.
Shop: Maud again tries to convince Maureen that she should beware of Fred, because his motive is to take over their business. Kevin marches in to see Sally. They tell him she is now working in Mike's factory, and Maud makes it clear she is not sorry to see the back of Sally.
House: Dreary has packed Daniel's stuff for Ken. Over a cup of tea he sadly admits he coped before but can't now. Why did Denise have to allow Brian to take them so far away, so that Daniel now regards Brian as his real Daddy? Dreary sympathetically asks if Ken couldn't go up there more - now he has time on his hands. Ken says that isn't the answer, and he has lost his son, which is awful now that he hasn't anything else in his life. He is not comforted when Dreary says that when Daniel is older he will become curious about his father.
Underworld: Mike is on the phone in the office when he sees Janice slip some knickers into her bag. (ones she has just sewn on her machine.) He is on his way over when Kevin bursts in shouting at Sally. She refuses to speak to him and Mike has to throw him out. In the commotion, Janice slips the stolen pants out of her bag and sits on them. Mike commands Angie to search Janice's bag, and of course there is nothing there. He is very cross and imposes new rules that handbags will kept in lockers from now on. Ida objects, but Mike is adamant. He also snarls at Sally that she must keep her personal life out of her work.
Street: Dreary helps Ken load his car and sees him and Daniel off. She tells Emily that Daniel is not well. They speculate that Ken will be returning to an 'empty life'.
Rovers: Des and Sam agree they will go to the cinema, followed by a curry, later that night. Fiona asks Jim to leave Alan alone. He speculates that the real reason she wants to leave is not Steve, but himself. Fiona requests he just make her life easier.
Shop: Fred is sitting on the floor removing chewing gum while Maureen watches him. He invites her for Sunday roast beef, and she wants to but knows that her mother would not approve. She tells Fred that Maud thinks he is after the shop. He looks incredulous.
Garage: Chris moans to Kevin about Des, but Kevin is preoccupied; it is 5:45 pm and he is waiting for the staff of Underworld to emerge. Chris wonders if Des still fancies Angie.
Street: Kevin follows Sally across the road and they shout at each other. He promises she has a fight on her hands.
House: Late at night Des and Sam enter his house. He is surprised to find it empty and assumes Sam will want to leave. She is, however, happy to stay for a drink.
House: Natalie waits in bed as Kevin paces the floor moaning about Sally's behaviour. He asks Natalie to 'cook the books' to make it appear he is not earning much money. Natalie refuses point blank, and says he should be fair to his family.
Rovers: Alec tries to get Jim to have another drink, but after a bit of bar-room philosophy Jim declines and leaves. Gary joins Deirdre and Emily, but looks alarmed when they recount what a nightmare parenting a 2-year-old can be. In fact, they conclude that at any age raising children is an exhausting experience. Round the corner, Chris announces to Angie that he is fed up with her and Des sharing private jokes and generally excluding him.
House: Sam and Des seem relaxed and happy; she is impressed that he has been restrained, then kisses him. He responds, then gets up saying it doesn't feel right, and he knows it isn't what she wants. She wants to tell him what her problem is - she knows everyone thinks she has got a problem - and feels he may be someone she can confide in. They kiss, then Chris and Angie burst in, in the process of a big argument. Sam hurriedly goes home.
Salon Flat: Jim begs Fiona not to marry Alan, as he thinks she is only doing it to escape the messy situation. She admits that maybe she is, but what is she meant to do? Jim declares there is another way - marry him. Fiona can only stare at him as he swears that he loves her and again invites her to be his wife. Credits.
Episode written by : Maureen Chadwick
That's all until next week, Helen
Here is the news for Sunday August 3rd, and this is Jerry Ledbetter reading it.
In tonight's main headlines:
Fred and Ashley miss the mark, two proposals go awry
Kev has second (?) thoughts about his living arrangements
Fiona still keen to marry Alan, despite Jim's desperate appeal
Chris plays it cool with Angie, I won't tell me mum about yer he says
Des and Sam make a second date
Fred and Ashley miss the mark.
In the double date of the century Fred and Ashley, the rump steak and scrag end of the butchery business, made desperate bids to plight their troths to the women of their dreams. For the latest on this sensational and romantic story, we cross live to Tom, who is standing outside the house of the corpulent carcass consultant. Over to you Tom.
Thank you very much Jerry. Yes indeed listeners, Fred's house has been a veritable hive of activity today as he embarked on his plan to fatten Maureen up for the 'chase' and simply to fatten Maxine up for anything.
Earlier in the day, Fred was heard waxing lyrical to Ashley about the benefits of marriage, confident that he could slide his way into his true love's heart with a generous helping of pork dripping. Inspired by his uncle, Ashley popped the question to Maxine over a pile of dirty dishes in the kitchen.
First to escape the house was Maxine and she had this to say:
"I have never been so embarrassed. I am far too young to get married. We were getting on fine and now he has gone and ruined it all by behaving like this. I don't know if I ever want to see him again".
Shortly after Maureen staggered out, shell shocked. She gave us this statement:
"I honestly wish he would stop asking me about marriage Tom. I have told him that I am not ready for that kind of thing again, if I ever will be. Every time he asks me he gets the same answer. I know it hurts him. I had to tell him that, if he doesn't want to hear that answer, he has to stop asking the question. No matter how many second helpings I am likely to get, no promised Sunday roast is ever going to get me to weaken my resolve on this".
Clearly things could have gone better, but the course of true love never runs, so they say. In fact it barely crawls most days, so we will have to await developments. now back to you Jerry.
Kev has second thoughts about his living arrangements
Sources close to the Websters today revealed that things are still not going smoothly for the lovelorn couple. Last week we heard how Sally, in desperate financial straits, has had Rita's lawyer send Kev a letter demanding more money. Kev has enough sense to realise that, if the lawyers get involved, he'll wind up with nothing. Consequently Kev tried to talk things over with Sally and sort things out amicably.
Having shown an amazing burst of speed, Tom is now standing in the Street to bring you the latest on this long running saga. Are you there Tom. Yes, I have just arrived outside 'The Rover's' and am about to talk to Martin.
Martin, did you enjoy Paris?
"Oui, it was really bon, merci".
It's good to see a more Eurocentric attitude on the street isn't it, after the dark days of the black pudding scandal? But enough of these pleasantries, mon ami. Un petite bird tells me that you have had Kev crying on your shoulder today.
"Yes, that's right. What a total mess that guy has made of his life Tom. And I should know, I nearly did the same once.
"He went to see Sally today and virtually promised her that, if she gave him a list of the kids needs, he would pay for them all. And the stupid thing about it is that he dotes on those kids. And on Sal too really. Absolutely crazy about them. I told him he ought to get back together with Sally, but Kev is convinced that she won't have him.
"If only Sal hadn't been quite so hard with Kev when she found out about Natalie, she could have kept him and avoided all this. Still, I can understand why she acted as she did".
Thank you Martin. And here is your other half, Gail. Hello Gail, I understand that you have been over to see Sally today.
"Yes I have Tom. Poor Sally, she was in tears when I saw her. She spends all her time wondering what it was she did wrong that caused Kev to stray. I tried to tell her that men are all the same. There is not one of them that leave his wife and family in the lurch if it suits him. But that is no consolation I know. Still Kevin has done the decent thing by agreeing to stand by his children and support them.
"I think that Sally supported herself emotionally for a while by drawing on her anger and hatred of Kev and Natalie. Now that has subsided, she is coming to grips with being a solo mum. It is not an easy job I can tell you. She told me that in the few weeks she has been back she has run through all the money she and Kev had saved in the time they were together".
Thank you Gail. now back to Jerry in the studio.
Fiona still keen to marry Alan, despite Jim's desperate
Jim, having spent the early part of the day trying unsuccessfully to avoid Fiona's eye, finally broke and went to see her this afternoon while Alan was at work. Jim is reputed to be concerned that Fiona's determination to frogmarch Alan up the aisle stems from her uncertainty about whether she should marry at all. However, Jim's appeal to Fiona to wait fell on deaf ears.
Chris plays it cool with Angie
Chris, already in Angie's bad books for taking a one week holiday without her, only made matters worse today. In response to Angie's persistent questioning about whether he would tell his family he had fallen for a sophisticated older woman, he admitted that he would not. The shine seems to have gone from Chris's relationship lately. He has begun telling friends that he and Angie spent too little time together (out of bed) and that he feels very cramped by the presence of Des in the house.
Des and Sam make a second date
On the other hand, Des has lost no time in trying to redefine the parameters of his relationship with Sam. His uncharacteristic uncertainty with her showed itself in his choice of chat up line: "When we were interrupted last night, was that an excuse for you to escape?" he asked Sam today. In response, Sam merely said that she would be "round on Wednesday night". Will slimy Des succeed where better men have failed? We will have to wait and see. (personally I hope not)
Greetings Fellow Street fans,
Well, here I am, about to type my first update as an update writer proper. But first, may I pay my respects to my predecessor, the great Paul Baker.
Of course, Paul needs no introduction so suffice to say that I would simply like to express my thanks and my admiration for all the hard work he has put in over the last 2 years and for all the smiles he has generated around the world. You are a star, Paul!
Coronation Street - Monday 4th August 1997
We open with a brief scene of role reversal with Steve McDonald very keen to get off to the building site this morning whereas Jim isn't inclined to even go to work that day. Steve bleats that he has busted a gut to get them this job etc but Jim simply snarls in reply.
We then see Sally walking into the garage intent on seeing Kevin but she bumps into to Nastily, wearing one of those sleeveless things again, (someone should tell her. God forbid she ever raises her arms on screen, viewers just tuning in would think they had tuned into one of those wildlife documentaries about those gliding monkeys!) and darn near jumps out of her skin. The saggy one tells sally that Kev has gone to Sheffield and can she take a message for him. Sally says no and sorry for troubling her but, as we have all come to know of late, Sally is unable to utter two nice sentences in a row and turns savagely on Nastily, berating her in no uncertain manner. Sally hands her a list of all the bills she has to pay each month and tells her to give it to kevin.
In Fred's nicely appointed kitchen, Ashley is having a fit of depression over his spurning by Maxine. ( I was under the impression that Ash lived with his mum still, why he's at Fred's for brekkies I'm not sure). Fred enters having just splashed on a bottle of aftershave and complains to Ashley that he will never understand why women find the smell of aftershave more attractive than that of a freshly cut side of beef. Fred, keeping his own ejection by Maureen secret, encourages Ashley to persevere.
In the Salon, Fiona has managed to find a cancellation at a church and has asked them to pencil her and Alan in.
In the cafe, Roy is perusing Gail and Martin's photos from Paris while Gail warbles enthusiaticly about the trip. Enter Audreh who complains to Gail about the night cream she brought her from the duty free shop. Audreh claims that the cream is for dry, flaky, wrinkled old skin whereas she has a very fine skin. She is always told so when she has her facials apparently. The fact that someone giving a facial might just want some repeat business and is therefore unlikely to say, 'I'm sorry Mrs Roberts, you have skin not unlike that of a wart hog and probably best treated with a litre or so of axle grease to stop it squeaking when you talk' seems to escape Audreh. Roy does the right thing and refrains from commenting that embalming fluid isn't sold in duty free shops and tells Audreh that she should get Alf (remember Alf, Audreh?) to take her to Paris, which she thinks is a wonderful idea.
On the building site, Bill and Steve are working (yes, gentle reader, Steve is working, and enjoying it! Yet more proof of my 'salvation through the work ethic theory! He is still complaining about his father's attitude when a smartly dressed young woman pulls up in a VW Golf Convertible and asks to see the boss. Bill tells her, grinning, that Steve is the boss. She introduces herself as Rachel Forbes from the estate agents and she needs to go over a few things with him. At that point Jim arrives and tells her that 'the boss' always buys them a beer in the Rovers after work and why doesn't she meet them in there? She agrees.(Must have been Steve's helmet!! :-) ) Oo-er!
Maureen arrives at the salon for one of those Hair by Fiona Middleton specials that cost £17.50 and leave you looking exactly the same as you went in. No one seems to have sussed yet that is the only style they offer, apart from the now discontinued bleached crash helmet cut. Fiona says she heard about the proposal yesterday, (meaning Maxine's from Ashley) and Maureen gets a twitter on thinking she means Fred's but calms down once she realizes Ashley had proposed to Max. Alan arrives and Fiona then gives Maureen the salon's other specialty, that of totally ignoring the customer while having a conversation with someone else. She tells Alan they can get married at St Lukes on Nov 7th (that's a Friday folks). Alan is cock a hoop at the news and they proceed to snog!!! Eurgh!
In another tiresome scene at No 13, Kev and Sally row over her demands. Kev says it's too much, Sally threatens court action.
Maxine turns up at Fred's shop to try and speak to Ashley but he's having none of it. After a brief bicker he shuts the door on her and pulls down the window blinding leaving Maxine looking forlornly at the 'No Dogs' sign. Some directors have a wicked sense of humour, don't they? :-)
Roy and Gail are chatting in the cafe and gail asks how Toyah got on. Gail remarks about Toyah's name and says she always that Sarah Lou was an exotic name. (Gail should get out more!). Roy ponders on if it's possible that your name can determine the character you have and wonders how he would have turned out if he'd been named 'Magnus' or 'Barnaby'. (At this point there was much cheering chez Plowman. I mean, how many 13 week old puppies get England's greatest actor to mention their name on the greatest TV show? Thanks a million DN!)
Zoe and Judy chat about the upcoming birth and Judy's inability to have children. Fiona enters the cafe and buys chicken salad sarnies and eclairs in celebration of the forthcoming nuptials, which have been on and off more times than the brown paper bag at Kevin and Nastily's bedside. Jim enters and overhears Fiona and there follows what was supposed to have been searing meaningful looks but it might have been a touch of colic, I'm not sure.
Kev and Nastily are sat in the Rovers discussing Sally's demands. Natalie says that Sally seems to think that Kev is spending all his money on roses and champagne dinners (but we know it's on brown paper bags, HRT patches and embalming fluid.) She persuades Kev that he should pay up and look after his family. She then persuades him to kiss her. They snog. Euurgh!
Fred and Ashley are having a lunchtime pint and Fred tells Ashley not to give up on Maxine. They leave the pub but Ashley fails to pluck up the nerve to go and see her. Meanwhile, Fred confronts Maureen and Maud outside the shop and tells Maud that he has asked Maureen to marry him and, while she has not accepted this time, he will not give up. Maureen looks for a hole in the ground to jump into.
Gail and Sally are talking at No 13 when Kevin arrives to see sally. He tells her that he'll pay whatever she needs and they, apart from a couple of Sally's characteristic snarling sessions, part on slightly better terms.
Maxine finds Ashley and tells him that she is too young to consider marriage but 'does' still want to be with him. They snog! Eeuurgh!
Maud, Maureen and Audreh are in the pub and Maud tells Audreh that Fred proposed to Maureen. You can faintly here the Weatherfield drums start beating. Maureen looks mortified! Jim, Steve, Bill and Martin arrive in the pub after work, Within minutes, Rachel arrives to see Steve. Steve doesn't seem that interested until he sees Fiona and Alan arrive. He then starts to make a big fuss of her and buys a bottle of champagne. Alan and Fiona are telling people that they have set a date for the wedding. Jim is beside himself with jealousy and starts to carp at Alan, who offers to buy him a drink. Jim flies off the handle and tells Alan that perhaps there is something that Fiona should tell him, slams his pint down on the bar giving a very good impression of Old Faithful and storms out of the pub, almost knocking Martin over. Alan looks enquiringly at Fiona..............Oh dear!
In conjunction with the Monday update, you can now see scenes
from the episode at:
Stay safe, stay well, See you next week!
Hello to everyone - I'm standing in this week for Nigel while he is on holiday and so although I had that pre exam feeling when I sat down to watch tonight, I remembered that as it is a month since the contress, the episodes we are watching this week are the same ones they were filming just after the ratucs collective trod the hallowed cobbles :) This made me feel better so here goes ...
Update of Coronation Street - Wednesday 6th August 1997
The episode opens in what is fast becoming time honoured fashion, with Alan and Fiona outside the salon discussing Jim's behaviour in the Rovers from the previous evening. Fiona is sporting a hairstyle much akin to a dying wasp, which hardly says much for the various "styles" on offer from her salon. The action then switches to outside Des's house where he is dressed as a French maid and Angie (leaving for work) makes a snappy response that Des never spent ages marinating king prawns when they were together and that it will take more than "a bit of spicy wok work to win Samantha". Des is holding a bizarre looking kitchen implement which reminds me of a cattle prod but is more likely to be left over from last week's BBQ - Chris didn't seem to have much luck with it anyway.
We then are treated to a scene where Sally does a very good "I'm being tough today" impression and turns up at the garage with Rursie & Surphie to leave them with Kevin because one of Karen (the childminder)'s children is ill and so she is stuck for a babysitter. Kevin implores her to be reasonable as he can't look after the children and work in the garage at the same time. "You said you wanted access, Kevin" Sally retorts and stomps round the corner to Underworld. Kev decides that giving the kids beans and chips is a good way of keeping them occupied and so he takes them to the cafe where he is joined by Nasty. It slowly dawns on the viewer that Kev is planning on dumping the kids on 'Aunty Natalie' for the day and she tells them that she will give them ice cream, take them to the park and out in a rowing boat. With stunning foresight, Rursie asks if they will be brought back afterwards - obviously labouring under the illusion, as I was, that Nasty is either planning to sell them to be child slaves or will take them away like Hansel & Gretel to a gingerbread house and then eat them. However, she reassures them that she'll bring them back to Daddy safe and sound.
At a nearby table in the cafe, Maud ignores Maureen's attempts at gossip regarding Kevin's babysitting arrangements and tries to extract some kind of reassurance from Maureen that she won't ever marry Fred, as Maud is frightened of being put in a home. Maureen won't commit herself and just sighs and rolls her eyes, doing a very passable Steve McD impression.
Back at McDonald, Webster and McDonald, Steve and Jim are having a teabreak and arguing over whose turn it is to go over to Fiona's flat and recite the recycled script, when Rachel Forbes appears and angles for another date with Steve. This chick is a nineties woman however and offers to pick Steve up at quarter to seven. Unless I have missed something though she doesn't know where he lives but having taken some lessons from Mystic Meg during the adverts she appears outside his house at the appointed hour. This woman bothers me. She arrives in her car with the roof down, displaying the leather interior and she has a leather jacket on - that is way too much leather for me. Steve however seems quite keen on the idea of being hijacked by a leather babe and they drive off into town for a drink and a meal. I, however, remain unconvinced.
Janice harangues Angie in the factory about giving Leanne a job as a machinist. While Angie attempts to explain the finer points of economics "it's supply and demand" to Janice (with the sounds of Gary Barlow in the background) she realises that Janice won't take "no" for an answer and so suggests a position as a cleaner and general dogsbody. "That's her" says Janice obviously recognising her daughter's strengths when they are spelt out. Janice then waxes lyrical about Leanne's cleaning abilities "she keeps that stereo spotless" and as this seems to satisfy the interview requirements, Angie agrees to give her a trial as a cleaner for a month at a rate of £2.80 per hour. Mike appears and with typical finesse decides that 1 week will suffice as a trial and the rate will be £1.80 per hour. Janice accepts on behalf of her daughter and is pleased that she is being given a chance.
She goes across to tell Leanne the good news and finds Toyah smoking and drinking in the house with two boys: Mickey&Pete. (I am reminded here of the inseparable Sam'n'Eric from The Lord of the Flies.) Being young blokes, they are boasting as to the volume of alcohol which they can consume without being ill. 10 pints and half a bottle of vodka seemed to be the average, but being Scottish I wasn't impressed. That's what we call an aperitif up here. Janice quite wisely throws the boys out (although she seems more bothered about the boys being in the house than her underage daughter smoking and drinking) and tells Toyah that they are not allowed back in. Toyah is embarrassed by her mother's interference and says she wants to go out. Janice replies that she wants to slap her face (don't we all ?) and she is staying put. She calls Leanne down and tells her the good news about her impending working life. Leanne is far from thrilled, despite her mother referring to her as "laydeh", although without the Big Red Wig's years of experience her delivery of the line lacked Rita's aplomb. Her mother goes back to the factory and Toyah goes upstairs to sleep off the alcohol.
Round at Curly's, Sam is ironing and Curly is searching for a lost potato peeler. Angie arrives and after solving the mystery of the missing peeler "you must have thrown it out with the potato peelings", she offers to take him out for a pint and "chips with whatever you fancy" (I was hoping Curly would plump for a deep fried Mars bar but no such luck :) They leave Sam ironing a lime green shirt.
Mickey&Pete return to the back door and demand drink from Leanne, who fetches them a couple of cans from inside the house. They force their way into the house, obviously looking for something more than a can of Newton & Ridleys, and Leanne starts screaming. Samantha is out the back taking in the two shirts which just fit on the washing line and hearing Leanne's distress races round to help.
Luckily there is plenty of rubbish in the Battersbys' back yard and grabbing a piece of old hoover, Sam breaks the door down and rushes in and throws Mickey&Pete out. We don't see what happens but one of the boys emerges with blood running down the side of his face. Leanne doesn't want to call the police as Janice had said the boys were barred, so Sam reluctantly agrees to go along with this. Sam then talks to Leanne who seems to have recovered remarkably well and does not seem affected by the incident - she appears more concerned about her top being ruined although having seen the article in question before the incident I find it hard to believe that it could be ruined any further. Leanne starts blaming herself for letting the boys in and Sam categorically states that the boys had a choice and they chose to abuse their position so the blame rests firmly with them. She goes home and while still ironing that shirt for her date with Des, the impact of what has happened hits her and she runs to the kitchen and throws up. Des meanwhile is wondering what has happened to her as she is late for their meal.
In the Rovers, Angie and Mike discuss employing their newest recruit and Mike thinks that employing *one* Battersby marks him out for employer of the year, nevermind two. Jim and Bill are relaxing with a pint after work and Bill presses Jim to tell what the problem is as he's noticed that Jim is not quite himself. He ventures at woman trouble but Jim merely grunts and gets up to go to the ginnel (I'm sorry - the bathroom). Fiona and Alan walk in and order the legendary red wine, but Alan sees Jim heading for the ginnel and waylays him to make amends for the beer cascade of the previous evening. Alan seemed to me to be genuinely trying to make up for Fiona's sake but Jim, playing the sulky schoolboy who has lost all his marbles, is having none of it.
Back at the garage, Sally appears to pick up the kids and she looks more downtrodden and wifey than before. This makeup free vision in denim contrasts sharply with the designer orange and black clothes horse who returns the kids. Sally goes ballistic at Kevin for letting "huuurr" look after the girls and grabbing Rursie from Kevin's grasp she hurries the girls back home.
Des decides he can't wait any longer and goes over to Sam's house to see if there is something wrong. She confesses that she was abused and raped as a youngster by her tennis coach (Ian Phillips) and she didn't tell anyone because she tried to pretend it wasn't happening. The incident next door with Leanne and the boys brought everything flooding back. The episode finishes with Sam crying and saying that everyone must think she is weird where men are concerned.
As this is a one-off update I'd like to award a special Glaswegian "Do you think I'm hard?" razor to Mickey&Pete for their bravado in the drinking stakes. Close boys, but no cigar.
Awrrabest, Fiona Hamilton
Hello all, and what an interesting week I have had. I'm still in shock! Some of you may know that I was due to become a (step)grandmother at the end of September. Well, on Wednesday, 7 weeks early, she arrived! A little girl, safe and sound, mother and baby doing well. We actually watched Wednesday's episode in the delivery room before the action began. So I'm getting used to my new role - and to being married to a grandad! (and to think he looks so young as well...) Expect progress reports regularly. Anyway, on with the events in Friday's episode.
House: Janice disapproves of Leanne's choice of clothing for her first day at work - shorts and a skimpy top. After arguing, Leanne does go upstairs to change.
House: Curly seems wryly amused that Sam and Des didn't spend the night together. He makes fun of her, but she says Des is a kind, caring person. Curly gets a bit up tight, then calms down.
House: Angie teases Des that he didn't seduce Sam. He gets rather irritable as she goes on and an about him not being able to get (keep) a woman.
Street: Les shows off his latest acquisition to his family - an old rust-bucket of a car. He intends to do it up and sell it on for a quick profit. Janice doesn't want it outside their house. Judy gives Zoe some money and sees her off to the ante-natal clinic. Zoe seems fed up. Curly, and Judy moan at Les about having the car there. Leanne thanks Sam for helping her out, but warns her not to tell Les and Janice about the incident. Sam does tell Curly a bit about what happened with the boys who attacked Leanne. Mavis moans to Les about the car, saying if Derek had been here he would not stand for it. Les is not bothered by anyone's comments.
Underworld: Angie welcomes Leanne to her first day at work, and then argues with Mike about her first task. Janice is just relieved that she is earning and promises to keep an eye on Leanne.
Building Site: Jim asks Steve if anything is going on with Rachel, and tells Steve he would be better off with her than holding out hope for Fiona. Steve does not agree, though doesn't make an issue of it with his father.
Rovers: Des asks Sam if she is OK. She warns him not to say any more about what she told him the previous night.
Underworld: Leanne can't make tea, didn't wash up the cups, and didn't mop the floor properly. Mike is losing his patience.
House: Jim is grumpy with Bill and refuses to go to the Rovers. Bill decides to stay in with Jim while Steve goes out.
Rovers: Des attempts to chat to Sam but she is very terse with him. Les enters with a bare chest but Alec refuses to serve him until he puts a shirt on. Mavis reminisces to Des; today would have been Derek's 61st birthday. Des is kind and sympathetic, Mavis is touched. Janice thanks Angie for giving Leanne a chance at the job. Angie looks as if she wishes she hadn't!
House: Bill tries to talk to Jim, who reveals that he has been rejected by a woman who had a fling then went back to her boyfriend. He doesn't let Willy know the identity. Jim is still smitten, as he believes they had something special, so he does not welcome Willy's advice to forget her.
House: Angie has an early night, and Des has a visitor- Samantha.
Rovers: Alec reluctantly admits Les wearing a vest. Audrey admires Les's body to Mavis and Gail - they are not impressed by her leching. Judy makes what could be interpreted as a threat to Les. She lets him know that she knows that he is drawing benefit and off work with a supposed spinal injury, when he is actually repairing cars in the street all day. Zoe comes in to see Judy and gives a half-hearted account of the antenatal visit. Apparently the midwife emphasised how important it is to bond with the baby during the first 9 months of its life. Judy looks uneasy.
House: Sam apologises to Des for being terse. She says it was hard keeping it all bottled up for years until the previous night, and she wishes she had told her parents at the time. Des learns, to his surprise, of the existence of the husband and the 2 day marriage. Des is very sympathetic and caring. Sam blames herself for not fighting during the rape, and recognises that now, when she feels out of control, she does fight and scream.
House: Judy tells Zoe it would be better if she left immediately after the baby is born, so that it is not confused by having 2 mothers to bond with. Zoe seems as if she may be having second thoughts about the arrangement, but is happy enough when Judy assures her that the money will be available when the time comes. Judy asks Zoe not to discuss this with Gary.
House: Des urges Sam to speak to her parents and explain everything to them. She sees many obstacles but realises that he genuinely wants to support her. She tentatively agrees, so he says he will take her on Sunday. Credits.
Best line: Judy to Alec about Les 'And you used to think me and Gary were common!'
That's all until next week, Helen
Here is the news for Sunday the 10th of August. And this is Jerry Ledbetter reading it. In tonight's headlines:
Sam goes back to confront the ghosts of her past: Will she return to the Street?
Steve charms Rachel
No baby buying for Mallats. It's all off says Garry.
Les finds himself in a Lada trouble: mate in Strangeways sells him duff car
Fiona chooses a wedding dress. "It gives me butterflies in my tummy" says Fi.
Sam goes back to confront the ghosts of her past
Sam took a trip down memory lane today when, helped by Des, she went to confront her old tennis coach and tell her family what had happened to her. Some dutch courage was required before the feisty barmaid felt ready to put her past to rights. Your roving reporter, Tom, is talking to Des in the radio car about the success or otherwise of the day. Over to you Tom.
Thank you very much Jerry. Yes I m indeed talking to Des. Now Des, how did Sam seem to you as she laid these troubles of her past?
"Very tense Tom, but you'd expect that wouldn't you? It's not the kind of thing that is easy to do, telling your parents why you ran away, especially when it involves a close friend. I think she wondered if they would believe her."
I understand she also confronted her attacker, the tennis coach.
"The rapist you mean. She asked me to drive to his house. I wasn't very sure about that, but she said she wanted to see the look in his eyes when she told him that nothing had been forgotten and it wasn't going away. But that didn't work out. The guy had been killed in a car crash two years ago. His widow had moved away."
How did Sam take that news?
"She was upset that he had 'got away with it'. As if he had chosen to die rather than be confronted by her.
"After that I drove her to her parents' house. She went in while I waited outside. An hour or so went by and she came out again to tell me not to wait. She was staying for a while and would I give her excuses to Vera. "'Will I see you again?', I asked. She told me she'd be in touch but her 'Goodbye' sounded awfully final. And if I was her, with rich parents like that and all, I wouldn't choose to come back to live in Coronation Street. I wonder if I'll ever see her again."
Thank you Des, now back to Jerry in the studio.
Steve charms Rachel
Loverboy Steve took the afternoon off work today to spend time with his latest squeeze, Rachel. To tell us the latest on how their relationship is going, Tom met up with Rachel outside the McDonald house this afternoon. Over to you again Tom.
Hello Rachel, I'm Tom Good from "Talk Radio Weatherfield, the friend of the community". Could you tell us how you are getting on with Steve?
"I never realised he was so popular and well known that his private matters should be newsworthy".
Well, it is a slow news day today and this is a very close knit community. People like to know what everyone else is up to.
"I suppose so. Well, I am beginning to warm to Steve, although I must admit it surprised me when I saw the kind of house he was living in. I expected a go-getter like him to have a flat on the Quays or something, not to be living in a little terraced house with his father.
"But then he explained about his disastrous first marriage. How his wife had them living beyond their means which had cost him his expensive flat and bankrupted his clothing business. He wasn't bitter about it, he said, but I could see how deeply he had been hurt by her selfish behaviour. It's terrible when someone you trusted lets you down like that.
"I admire the way he put all the money he could salvage from his business into keeping his father employed. Then he explained how his mother had abandoned them. He said he had to stay around to keep an eye on his father and help him over his resulting drink problem.
"Steve is such a sensitive caring man, to care for his father that way. It's about time he had some good luck in his life."
He didn't mention the 'Big House' at all?
"The one his firm is doing up for us you mean? No, we didn't talk about that, but I did tell him of another conversion job in Bramhall that he might be interested in bidding for."
Thank you very much Rachel. Now back to Jerry in the studio. Thank you Tom. Listeners are reminded that Rachel's views are her own and do not necessarily reflect the true state of affairs between Steve and his ex-wife.
No baby buying for Mallats. It's all off says Garry
Garry was surprised to hear today that Judy wants Zoe out of their house as soon as the baby is born. Jude fears that, if Zoe looks after the child, she will grow too attached to it to give it up. Garry's concern is that the health worker, who is supposed to visit Zoe one month after the birth, might take the child from them, if she finds out about the unusual fostering arrangement. Fed to the back teeth with the deception they are planning Garry decided that he wants no further part in this surrogacy arrangement.
Les finds himself in a Lada trouble
After a mate in Strangeways sold Les his Lada, the street's resident 'knave of all trades' saw himself making a fast quid selling it on. His hopes were dashed, however, when the car refused to start. Kevin later pronounced the car officially knackered. Janice is reported to have told Les to phone the council to take it away but Les is confident that he can still make back his money, if he can only find someone with more money than brains.
Fiona chooses wedding dress
A brief story of fashion news to close. Fiona chose a wedding dress today after much searching with helpful Maxine. "It gives me butterflies in my tummy" said Fi of her new purchase.
Following Sams decision to stay on at her parents house for the time being Des goes to see Curly to tell him as Sam thinks he'll worry. (ISTR that Sams tenancy agreement was for six months and recalling the aggro she gave Curly when she first moved in I'd think he might be relieved to get shut of her, leaving those orange rings round the bath etc, let her stay with the other Oompah-Loompahs.) He and Des have a half hearted obligatory carp at each other. Des bumps in to Angie outside and gives her equally short shrift.
Kev and Nastily pull up outside the garage and she notices Kev giving rather a long and longing kind of look at No 13. He tells her that he is taking Rursie and Surphie swimming that evening. "I'll come too" she chimes but Kevin puts her off. (I suspect that after Sally's reaction to Nastily going near the kids last week he fears another such confrontation.)
Rachel pulls up outside Steves on her way to work and they flirt and swap innuendos like a couple of love birds. Fiona is leaving the corner shop and sees them together.
The girls are all hard at work in the Underworld factory and Leanne is sweeping the floor when The Spice Girls 'Wannabe' comes on the radio. She sings and dances along with the song with much thrusting of hips and showing of leg etc. Ida shouts at her to shut up and stop! (I shout at Ida to shut up and stop!) It may not be fashionable but the Battersbys are rapidly becoming a bit of an underground success, with me at least. This scene was great fun (for other than the obvious reasons) in that it told us a little more about Leanne's character without chasing a storyline along at 90 miles per hour. This is what we want, what we really really want, Mr Park!
But such light relief is short lived these days and it's back to that old rejected Brookside script again. Zoe overhears Gary telling Judy that there is no way he is going to go through with buying the baby and packs her things and goes. Judy is distraught and Gary tries to persuade her that they would be better off if they tried to adopt through the proper channels. Vera pops round later to check if Judy really is ill to find her in a very upset state. She tells Vera that she can't tell her what's wrong and V tells her take off as much time as she needs. Later in the Rovers, Vera and Alec are discussing Judy and the possibility that it might be 'womans problems' [This was done by Roy Barraclough in the style of Cissy and Ada and was a smashing touch].
In the pub, Nastily is whingeing on about not being allowed to go swimming and feeling left out. Kev promises he'll be home as soon as he's dropped the girls off afterwards.
Lunchtime in the factory and Ida is begging chips off Leanne. (Careful Leanne, she'll be grooming your scalp next, like her simian relations in the PG Tips ads.) The Spice Girls come on the radio again and Leanne is up like a shot. Dressed in a silk nightie over her overall, she is prancing round the factory floor when Mike walks in with an important customer! Oops! After the customer has gone Mike takes Leanne in the office and rips into her. Leanne simply smirks as he blusters. Angie points out that it 'was' their lunchbreak and after he has sent Leanne back to work he shouts at Angie that he will not have her undermine him in front of staff! She reminds him that she is his partner and 'not' his employee. He tells her he means what he says. Later in the pub, Janice offers Angie a drink as thanks for defending Leanne but Angie says 'No thanks' preferring to keep her distance from the staff a little. Or perhaps that's just from the Battersbys! :-)
Also in the Rovers, Fiona and Maxine ask Steve about Rachel. Rachel arrives and she appears to look down her nose at them when Steve tells her, with a dismissive wave of the hand, 'Oh, they're hairdressers!' Later, she and Steve canoodle on the sofa chez McD. I'm not quite sure exactly what was said as I was quite quite transfixed watching the wine glass on the dining table move by itself! Obviously this was an illusion caused by the cameraman moving around the table but it was very good and eventually the table itself walked sideways out of the room. If you have this on tape check it out, anyway it was far more interesting than Steve and Little Miss Yuppie. Steve told her he had been in prison and this seemed to have an aphrodisiac effect on Rachel rather than the expected dumping if the Gurnmeister.
Kevin returns the kids after swimming and Rursie pleads with him to stay for tea. All thoughts of Natalie leave his head and he readily accepts. After the kids have gone to bed he reflects on how much he has enjoyed the evening with Sally and the girls and what he has given up.. I bet Mrs P a fiver that they would kiss before the episode was over and at one point as he was about to leave he put his hand on Sallys arm. 'Ha, get your fiver out we....woman!' I cried. But with a brief touch Kevin was gone and Sally was left alone with her tears and I with mine.
At the Malletts, Zoe walks back into the house to Gary's and despair. Judy begs her to stay and see the deal through and by now is quite beyond rational thought. Zoe tells them that she wants half of the £2000 now or she will go. Gary tells her to get lost but Judy readily agrees.
Episode written by Ken Blakeson.
Stay safe, stay well, See you next week - Mike Plowman
A THOUSAND GREETINGS and it's been quite a week. Firstly, my grateful thanks to the dangerously witty Fiona Hamilton for standing in for me while I was away on holiday last week. The girl done good!
Yesterday it was my birthday, I hung one more year on the line.
So starts a Paul Simon song, and for me it's true. Yesterday was indeed my birthday. Friends hell bent on being jocular asked if I was twenty one again. For the mathematicians amongst you, I can reveal I was exactly twice that!
I thought you might like to know how my day progressed and one or two of the presents I received.
My mother is in a class of her own when it comes to presents. Every Christmas I receive a sweater. More or less the same sweater. It is always of the same heavy-knit crew-neck design, but the colour varies slightly from year to year. Soon, I shall have one of every colour known to the dyeing industry. If she has done well at bingo in the run- up to the great festivities, it will be made of wool. If not, the tell- tale word Acylic will appear on the label. So the fibre of my annual sweater is a true and valuable economic indicator of my mother's financial position at the time.
Then there is the matter of size. I am a medium, say 38 inch chest, but the sweaters she provides on an annual basis usually hover around the 42 or 44 inch mark, and would keep my hands warm too, if I didn't roll back the sleeves until there appears to be a thick woollen tyre being carried on each wrist.
So that's Christmas, when it's traditionally chilly, but birthdays usually bring books, and yesterday was no exception. Her gifts are always given with love, but if she sees a book displaying a REDUCED sticker, I am destined to be its final owner, irrespective of its suitability.
So yesterday I received two intriguing titles, which I confess I might have overlooked, had I been browsing the bookstore. One of them is published by Editions Berlitz, and bears the tantalizing title Improve Your Croat. It is full of helpful phrases, grammar and vocabulary which will come in awfully handy if I ever find myself in a country where a working knowledge of Croat is expected. The fundamentally hilarious aspect of this is that the title assumes I know some Croat already!
The second book, lavishly illustrated but gloriously useless to me, and I can hardly speak its name without going into convulsions of hilarity, is The Iguana, Profiting from your Pet.
I need hardly tell you I have never owned an iguana, and never even contemplated taking a first step towards establishing any kind of relationship with any manner of reptile, but there you are! I have looked through the first half of the book, and there are some wonderful pictures of a man who is clearly carried off into paroxysms of joy, merely by being in close proximity to the creature in question. Not so, however in the chapter entitled Constipation: We Can Work it Out! In the relevant illustration, he is frowning and obviously mortally anxious about the well being of his beloved pet in the lavatorial department.
He is holding the long suffering creature on its back in his lap, and is scrutinising the source of the problem all too closely for my liking. I have not had time to read all the accompanying text yet, and I shudder to think how he will indeed 'work it out' as the chapter sub-heading promises.
As for the means of profiting from your pet, this whole issue remains shrouded in mystery thus far. I cannot think of how one can profit from an iguana. There seems to be little which can be commercially extracted or harvested from the enigmatic little blighters. They don't slough off endless amounts of skin which can be re-cycled and made into handbags or shoes. Perhaps there is some concealed gland which can be stroked and subsequently milked, to produce the world's most devastating aphrodisiac? Who can say? Can we agree that I'll let you know on this one?
Without indulging in mucky talk, let me say all three of our children have been born exactly nine months after my birthday, if you get my drift, so you can imagine my pleasant anticipation as I slipped into bed beside Maggie when it came to 10.30 pm. As ever, I apologised for waking her, and switched on the TV, ready to take her mind off what was about to happen. I had been in bed but two minutes when I suddenly remembered something and jumped out again. She asked "Where are you going?"
I said "I'll be right back, I forgot to put on my athlete's foot cream!"
With a scream of horror, she hurried off to sleep in the spare room.
I just hope my toes clear up by 12th August 1998! That's the worst of having a summer birthday isn't it?
Here is the update for the UK episode shown on Wednesday 13th August 1997:
At the Duckworth breakfast table, Jack is trying his best to ignore Vera and pay attention to his newspaper, but she'll not be sidelined, and chatters on about their forthcoming 40th wedding anniversary coming up next Wednesday. She chides him for forgetting. "Forty flamin' years" says Jack, in a kind of thinking-out-loud way. Later in the pub she asks him if he's planning a 'do', maybe at the Assembly Rooms where the Licensed Victuallers have their special occasions? She tells him to keep the actual number of years a secret, so that folk wouldn't get to thinking they're a middle-aged couple, but it's already too late. Jack's mentioned it to Des, who raises his glass to Vera in anticipation of next week's big occasion. In case he runs away with the mistaken impression that she is indeed middle-aged, she assures Des she was a child bride!
She sings that old song:
We've been together now for forty years And it don't seem a day too long.
If she carried on with the verse, she'd come unstuck because it should be 'a day too much' so that it rhymes with the words 'dear old dutch' at the end of the first verse. Come on Vera!
An anxious looking Sally meets Gail in the street, and they exchange customary greetings. The arrival of Natalie and Kevin cuts short their chat. It's clearly a case of the old Beatles number which includes the line 'baby you can drive my car' as Kev gets out the driver's side.
Natalie says she wants to get to meet some of his friends, and he agrees to the idea. In pursuance of that request, he invites Martin and Gail round for a meal cooked by Natalie's fair and competent hand. Martin agrees, but later Gail utterly refuses to step a single foot over the Horrocks threshold, on any terms. She says he can go alone if he wants, and they have a minor row about it. She says he had no right to agree to such a thing without her consent.
There is further negotiation over cash in the Mallett household, with Zoe looking very sullen indeed. Will they pay the 'half up front' demanded by the charmless surrogate? No! asserts the man of the house, they jolly-well won't! Instead, in a fit of genuine-looking compassion, he tells Judy to take her out shopping for new clothes to cheer her up. Judy reckons a hairdo wouldn't come amiss either, so that's the final offer from Gary. Stick to the former arrangement; take it or leave it. Zoe decides to take it, as later she calls at the pub to see Judy to tell her she's sorry for the hurt she caused over trying to change the rules of the game, and everything's back on track again, much to Judy's delight.
Another sullen little madam appears on our screens, this time in the form of Leanne Battersby. She's doing her cleaning routine at the knicker factory, and not exactly warming to her task. Ida is grizzling about the dirty condition of the sewing machines, which should have received the careful attentions of Miss B.
Leanne slips off to the toilet for a smoke. She sits puffing away, alongside a large No Smoking sign. This sets off the smoke alarm, and Angie and the workforce of seven women all troop out of the building. Mike roars up in the car, and is distraught to hear of the fire alarm being activated. With Angie, and carrying a fire extinguisher, he searches the place for the root of the problem. Angie investigates in the ladies' toilet, and finds five fag-ends in one of the wash-basins. The identity of the culprit is obvious. Mike gives Angie the job of 'letting Leanne go' as they say these days, and disappears to the pub.
"I saw your cigarette ends on the floor" says Angie, in a momentary lapse of memory. Leanne says she can stick her job, and that's that. At a stroke, the company is pared down to two partners and a workforce of six!
Two villainous young lads come into the corner shop, where Maud is alone. They leave, having 'cased the joint' as they used to say in substandard movies. They repair to the cafe where Roy, ever the reliable judge of character, tells Gail to keep an eye on the pair, as they draw their plan of attack, in felt tip pen, on the table. When they leave, having agreed to obtain a get-away car for the haul, Roy quickly identifies the map as referring to Coronation Street!
Sure enough, they return to the shop. This time their purpose is nefarious in the extreme. They rough-up Maud, in a scene which forever lays to rest the rumour that she keeps a pistol in her hat for personal protection. They shove hundreds of tins off the shelf onto the floor, as there is surely no one who will fence 250 5 ounce tins of spaghetti hoops on the Weatherfield black market! No, they are in quest of the wines and spirits!
In the pub, Des buys Maureen another drink when she talks of getting back to the shop. Later Des will say "if only..." but it will be too late then!
Gary comes into the bar, and wonders why the shop is closed. Puzzled, Maureen exits to see the young thugs using Maud's wheelchair to convey the swag out of the shop to the car! She runs towards them, but they make good their escape. "What's your game?" shouts Martin, somewhat ineffectually under the circumstances.
"Where's mother?" shouts Maureen.
The dramatic final scene is of Maud, still and silent (and hatless!) prostrate on the shop floor, amongst those very tins of spaghetti hoops!
That's yer lot.
Good night and I love you all!
PS On Saturday it will be 20 years ago, so why not do as I will; sit down, pour yourself a drink, put Love Me Tender on the hi-fi and remember the talent of a truck-drivin' boy from Tupelo Mississippi who changed popular music for ever.
Firstly, many thanks for all your good wishes and emails congratulating me about the baby. She is going to be called Keeley. We went to the hospital to see her on Sunday and she is doing very well. Sara, her mother, (Mike's daughter) is out of hospital and also recovered from the ordeal. Anyway, enough of me, here is what happened in Friday's episode.
Shop: Continuing immediately where we left it on Wednesday, Maureen rushes into the shop to find Maud lying on the floor. Martin assists Maud and sends Maureen to phone the police. Maud is shaken but not badly hurt, although she has a cut on her forehead.
House: The following morning, Jim remarks on the robbery to Steve, who seems to find it amusing. Both men are disturbed to see an envelope addressed to Andy in Fiona's handwriting. Jim forbids Steve from opening it.
Shop: Fred listens sympathetically to Maureen as she agonises over leaving her mother in the shop. It has come as a shock for Maureen to realise that her opinionated cantankerous old Mum is in fact getting frail and unable to carry on in charge of the shop. Maureen has left her at home being cared for by a neighbour, but realises that she must sort something out. Then Maud arrives, having had an argument with the neighbour and declaring that she is perfectly able to help in the shop. She then demands to know what the 'tub of lard' - Fred - is doing in the shop.
House: Jim opens the letter and it proves to be a wedding invitation. Steve thinks it is unfair that the only member of the family to be invited was Andy, he assumes that Alan is responsible.
House: Leanne considers suing Underworld for unfair dismissal. Les is on her side, but Janice reminds them that Leanne was actually smoking and did cause the fire alarm to go off. Leanne gets belligerent and Janice calls her 'an ungrateful little piglet' and storms off to work, leaving both Leanne and Les fuming.
Cafe: Martin gives Roy the gossip about Maud. They are surprised Gail didn't mention it, though Roy says she has been quiet. Gail lets Martin know that she is upset about having to go to Kevin and Natalie's. He doesn't know how to cancel now that he has said yes, and he eventually pleads with Gail in a childlike manner to get her to change her mind.
Rovers: Jack invites Audrey to his and Vera's Ruby Wedding party, next Wednesday in the Rovers. Les overhears and invites himself along. Martin asks Audrey to baby-sit, but doesn't say where they are going as Sally is close by. Les collars Angie and takes her aside to plead Leanne's case. He turns menacing when it is apparent that Angie has no intention of reinstating Leanne, ultimately pointing his finger at her and snarling 'You want to watch yourself, you. You're not the only one round here can make people cry. YOU LITTLE COW!'
Underworld: Angie storms back into Mike's office and summons Janice in. Angie reminds Janice that it was she who gave Leanne a chance, against Mike's wishes, and she will not now put up with being insulted in public by Les. Janice seems a little ashamed of Les's behaviour, and apologises. Angie warns Janice that it is her who will be sacked if there are any more incidents. Mike more or less says I told you so to Angie, who acknowledges she still has far to go up the steep learning curve of management.
Rovers: In the back room, Vera floats around happily - until Jack suggests they have their 'do' here at the Rovers instead of in a posh hotel. He waffles about pride of ownership of their own little palace, then admits they can't afford it. Eventually she comes round to his way, and cheerfully kisses his cheek, saying she wouldn't swap him. In the bar, Maureen and Fred discuss in whispers what to do about Maud. Maureen is scandalised when he tentatively suggests residential care. He offers to lend her Ashley to help in the shop temporarily, and Maureen immediately brightens. Fiona makes it clear to Steve that she has no intention of inviting him to the wedding.She does not, however, have an answer when Steve says that Jim was upset not to have been asked. Alec has procured a band to entertain at the party, and he will only charge Jack £75, plus another £75 for the use of the pub. Jack does not want to pay to use his own pub, but Alec reminds him that it is no longer just his.
House: Des has also had a wedding invitation, for himself and Angie. Angie answers a knock on the door and Samantha enters. Angie diplomatically decides to go for a shower. Des and Sam seem pleased to see one another.
House: Kevin eagerly shows in Martin and Gail, who continue an argument already in progress. Natalie is uncomfortable, and Kevin busies himself getting drinks.
House: Sam tells Des all about her parents' reaction to her news of her rape and subsequent disappearance. At first they were stunned, then angry at her for going off. Samantha had wondered if her mum had known what was happening, but apparently she did not. Sam says she does not think she will be going back. Des listens quietly.
House: Fiona calls to see Jim with a wedding invitation. She makes it plain that he is not actually welcome to turn up, it is purely for Steve's benefit. Jim sniffs the letter pensively as she leaves.
House: Natalie gets Gail on her own and asks why she doesn't like her. Gail says that Sally has been her friend for years and she doesn't like to see her and the children get hurt. Gail then launches into a reminiscence about how, in a spooky coincidence, her first husband, also a mechanic, went off with another woman. He came back eventually, but things were never the same....... Gail twists the knife by telling Natalie that they are only there because Martin feels sorry for Kevin.
House: Poor lonely Sally has opened a bottle of white wine, (this is where it starts, girl, before you know it you'll be hiding vodka miniatures in the washing machine), but she doesn't drink from the glass, just looks up at the wedding photo on the wall. She then gets up and after listening at the foot of the stairs for the children she opens the door and makes her way over to Gail's house. Audrey explains that she is baby-sitting as Gail and Martin have gone out. We know exactly what is going to happen when Audrey says 'perhaps I shouldn't say...' and Sally flees in tears when she learns that her so-called friend has gone to dine at the table of June Whitfield's less good-looking (older) sister, Natalie. (OK, I copied that description from The Guardian)
House: Gail and Martin thank their hosts and leave, and though Kevin thinks it went alright, Natalie quickly tells him it was a total disaster. Kevin stares blankly as Natalie shrieks they hate her and only came because they felt sorry for him.. Credits.
Episode written by : Sally Wainwright
That's all for this week, Helen
Here is the news for Sunday 17th August, and this is Jerry Ledbetter reading it. In tonight's headlines:
Gail and Sally fall out. "You betrayed me" says Sally
Les's Lada goes missing. Mickey and Pete are at it again
Ashley provides security services for corner shop
Vera plans anniversary surprise for Jack
Gail and Sally fall out
Over breakfast this morning, Audrey, the Platt's babysitter of last night, revealed that she had told Sally where Martin and Gail had gone. In response to Gail's criticism of this indiscretion, Audrey is said to have replied "If you're feeling guilty it's not my fault".
For Sally's reaction to the news, we cross live to Tom Good your roving reporter, who is talking to Sally in the radio car. Over to you Tom.
Thank you very much Jerry. Now Sally, how did you feel when you found out that the Platts had gone to visit Kevin and Natalie last night?
"I felt betrayed Tom. I would never have done anything like that to Gail, never.
"I suppose they talked about me all night. Kev would have been all sympathetic, full of 'I never wanted to hurt Sally' and 'We can still be friends'; Natalie would be full of 'I really like Sally actually, and I wish it hadn't come to this'. It makes me so angry to think about my life being used to brighten up their dinner."
I understand that Gail has tried to see you to apologise for accepting the invitation.
"There is nothing she can do to make amends. I needed her to treat Kev the way he deserves, to support me. She comes around now and says it was a mistake, that the meal went badly, that she wishes she hadn't done it. But when will people realise, they can't just say sorry and make it all go away.
"I don't need her, I don't need Kev, I don't need anyone, except for my girls."
Sally, all our sympathy is with you. Now back to you Jerry.
Although Martin was obviously uncomfortable with last night's meal also, he confirmed today that he was still Kev's mate and they could still meet for a drink in the Rover's. Thrown out by his wife, increasingly deserted by his friends, Kev's adulterous little world seems to be less rosy than he had hoped. He was quoted today as saying that "Natalie's house will never really feel like it is his".
Les's Lada goes missing
After trying unsuccessfully for days to get his Lada to work, Les was amazed when two cheeky thieves drove away in it this afternoon. The crime appears to have all the marks of a revenge theft, as no genuine thief would ever want to take a Lada. For the latest on this fast breaking story we cross to Tom who is talking to an anonymous witness claiming to have witnessed the crime. Over to you Tom.
Thank you Jerry. I am talking to an anonymous witness who claims to be able to link the crime to the recent corner shop robbery here in the street.
"Call me Toyah."
Oh all right, although that does rather ruin your attempt at anonymity. Well, Toyah, tell me first about the corner shop break in. You say you know who did it?
"Yes Tom, or at least, if I can get the reward that the old woman has posted, I am prepared to say that it were Mickey and Pete. They fit the description that she has posted in the window of the shop."
I take it you mean Maude. Did you see the robbery?
"No, but it could have been Mickey and Pete. I'm prepared to say I saw it if it means I get the reward."
Don't you think that is a little, well, dishonest? What if they are innocent? Are your parents happy with that?
"Oh, mum says it is OK. She thinks it is about time someone in this family did the 'right' thing, whatever that is. Dad is completely against it. He were anyway, not so much now. He said that we should never make the mistake of helping the police in anything.
"The funny thing is Leanne is scared of them. I can't figure out why. But she says that, if I do tell on them, they will make me regret it. But how can they? They'll be in the nick won't they?
"Leanne has been behaving real peculiar today. This afternoon, she went to the coinbox over the street to make a phone call. Why didn't she make it from the house? Maybe she's keen on them or something."
Now tell me the circumstances surrounding the theft of Les's car.
"There's not much to tell really. We were sitting inside and the next thing you know we hear it being driven away. We ran outside just in time to see it disappearing 'round the corner. Dad were right annoyed about it, he wanted mum to ring 999. She said 'I thought you didn't want to involve police in anything'. The amazing thing is that they managed to make it go at all.
"Anyway, I think I know who did it, I only saw the back of their heads, but I think that it were those two again. I said to dad, I'd tell the police it were them, if he give me a fiver."
Thank you Toyah. Now back to you Jerry.
Ashley provides security services for corner shop
At his uncle Fred's request, Ashley has agreed to be the shop boy and bouncer at Maureen's shop until the culprits of last week's robbery are caught. Ashley has made a big hit with both staff and customers, his brief is to pack customer's bags, shoo non-customers out of the shop and to wheel Maude down to "The Rover's" for a drink at lunch time.
Vera plans anniversary surprise for Jack
With the Duckworth's ruby wedding looming, Jack and Vera are making plans to paint the bar red. Although they own the bar, Jack has got Vera to agree that they should hire it for the night, so that things can be done in style.
Alec was pleased to receive the £75 hire fee, but less pleased to be given a list of Vera's demands for the night."We're paying guests now we are, so make sure you get it right" was her comment. Jack, worried about the cost of the party, has managed to extract from Vera a promise that no presents will be exchanged on the day. Later, however, Vera caught Jack and Les going through Angie's "UnderWorld" publicity portfolio. Sources say that subsequently she went to visit Angie at the factory. Exactly why remains to be seen.
Greetings Corrie fans around the world.
Well here we are on my third update already and 'still' no sign of Liz McDonald. The bottle of vitriol on my shelf is getting rather dusty.
We open with a scene chez Battersby which is about as rowdy as you could imagine. Les is on the phone to the police hoping to get some info on his stolen Lada. Meanwhile Janice and the girls are squabbling very loudly indeed (in fact there were so many 'Shut Its' in this scene I though I might have been watching the Vauxhall Almera ad! :-) ) over who had pigged all of Janice's chocolates the night before. It turns out that Toyah is the guilty party. Janice tells her off with a 'See here, Laydeh!' ( I fully expected a David Attenborough voice over , " Here, in the depths of darkest Weatherfield we see nature at it's cruelest. Two pack leaders, now rather old and toothless are challenged by younger, and rather more energetic members of the pack. The once dominant male, now with thinning mane and failing eyesight has it's vest cruelly torn from it's back while the female, it's once striking red mane now fading and needing to be aided by artificial colouring has her 'Laydeh' taken from her and can offer only weak resistance.")
Gail is still very upset over the falling out with Sally. Martin comforts her and tells her that Sally will come round in time. He resists the temptation to tell her to keep her chin up but he's probably not as keen on getting a cheap laugh as I am!
Ashley is working in the corner shop and Maud is full of praise for the youngster praising his fine attitude to work. Ashley tells her that he misses his 'slice'. Maud is puzzled but Ashley explains that he and Uncle Fred have a ritual whereby every time they sell some sliced meat, they are each allowed a slice. (Fred must sell some incredible amounts of sliced meat!). Not to be outdone by a 'tub of lard', Maud gives Ashley one of her Bon-Bons in a scene that took the plot nowhere but was very good indeed! This is what we want!
Back chez Battersby there is a knock at the door and Les answers to find a policeman. He wants Les to come down the station and have a look at a car that may or may not be his. Having identified the car (which has been driven into a brick wall, thereby increasing it's value!) Les is told that the car was stolen 'before' he bought it! Can Les prove that he 'did' buy it in good faith? I doubt it very much but Les tells the police that he knows that the same two who pinched his car also did the robbery at the corner shop and that his daughter will tell them their names, if they forget about the car
Angie delivers a gift wrapped box to Vera. V tells her it's a surprise for Jack for their Ruby Wedding anniversary.
Kevin and Nastily are arriving at their house with the hideously painted living room to find the front door open. Kevin has a rush of testosterone and enters the house first (Fool! Anyone with any sense would have sent Nastily in first. Even Beelzebub himself would flee seeing that coming towards him!) But no, it is no burglar, it is Nick, Nastily's husband! (The guide dog stays curiously out of shot.) Nick tells then that he had popped round to 'reassess the situation.' Thankfully, this doesn't mean that he is hoping for a reconciliation thereby making a boring storyline even more tiresome, but it 'does' mean that now he knows that Nastily is living with someone else, he is going to stop giving her a monthly cheque!
The police arrive at the cafe, with Les, to speak to Toyah. She, with Les's encouragement gives them Pete and Mickey's names.
Back at the blue walled house, Kevin sits moaning about how they won't be able to manage with him having to pay the mortgage on No 13 and give Sally money etc. Nastily seems unconcerned and tells him that all that matters is being together. (Ha! We'll see how they feel when they've had beans on toast for tea every night for a fortnight! )
The policeman now turns up at the corner shop to see Maud but is stopped by a very protective Ashley who, superbly, demands to see his warrant card. (Steven Arnold, along with Vicky Entwhistle, are without a doubt two of the best finds for CS over the last year. he has grown in confidence so much with the role of Ashley and I find myself enjoying every scene he does. If only they would bring Kelly back for him!) The police want Maud to come down to the station and identify the two robbers from a lineup, and before you can say 'Wacky Races' she is roaring towards the door!
Later, the culprits identified, Maud gives Janice a big box of chocolates for Toyah as thanks for telling the police. Janice, not having forgotten Toyah's troughing of her chocs the previous night omits to tell Toyah and troughs her own way through the box that evening!
Martin calls on Sally and convinces her that Gail did not want to go to Kevin and Nastilys' at all and only did so at his request.
Jack stumbles across the gift box and opens it. Inside is some red lingerie which he and Betty assume must be Samantha's from when she looked after the pub some months ago and Jack says he'd like to see it filled (with Samantha!). Vera enters and, seeing he had discovered her surprise tells that he 'will' be seeing it filled on Wednesday...... filled with Vera! Jack looks pained and I sensed a 48 hour headache coming on!
Des pops over to see Sam and she tells him that she has made a decision. She is leaving Weatherfield to start a new life in London!! Des is dumbstruck and, I suspect, not a little heartbroken. :-(
That's it for this week. Stay safe, stay well, See you next week!
A THOUSAND GREETINGS...how's your week been?
In 1978 there was a great single by someone Belgian, who was called Plastic Bertrand. I loved it at the time, and I've heard it only about twice since then. It was called Ca Plane Pour Moi, and I suppose it was Belgium's answer to the punk era. Imagine my delight last night when I was watching a satellite Golden Oldies channel and they showed old Plastic himself 'performing' his Great Hit on the old German TV show Beat Club.
I had never seen him before and it was an experience I shall long remember. I love the record even more now that I have set eyes on Plastic, with his tight black leather trousers and shocking pink jacket, his eye liner and his locks of curly golden hair. He danced and cavorted amongst the bemused audience of sedentary Germans, who were clearly convinced this loopy little Prince of Pink was extremely high on drugs.
If anyone out there remembers this record, and takes the trouble to write to me and say so, I shall be thrilled beyond measure. For me, Ca Plane Pour Moi represents the cream of vacuous Euro-pop. I don't understand a word, but who cares? It's wonderful.
Plastic made my week.
I have also been brooding about the way the spell checker on my word processing software nags me about the word 'knicker' every week when I refer to Baldwin's knicker factory. "Are you sure, Nigel?" it whines. "I wouldn't if I were you, old son" it nags. It even underlines the offending word in zigzag red to try to make me look silly.
So this week I thought I'd strike back, and write the whole update with deliberately atrocious spelling which it will no doubt blindly endorse. "Good man Nigel...much better!" it will say. Maybe in this facile and irrelevant way, I shall demonstrate that machines will never replace MEN!!
We start with Jack Hell ping himself two a scotch from thee optic. It's a seen witch will bee very familiar buy thee end of the episode! Vera parades her outfit four tonight's grate Anniversay Celebrations fore his approval, assuring hymn that she is wear ring the sexy new underwear from Angie. She says it makes her feel grate. She leaves Jack inn know doubt that tonight's the Big Night where unbridled carnality is concerned. Jack looks distictly worried.
Inn the corner shop, Fred, miners the crutches at last is may king sure Ashley has given satisfaction inn his temporary position there. Ashley beams with pride at a job well done. Fred attributes Ashleys effectiveness two his butchery background. He all sow takes the opportunity two ask Maureen too the big event later in the Rovers. Maureen says she'll see hymn there.
Gail calls on Sally, intending two make it up with her. Within seconds, they are hugging each other on the doorstep, and Sally is near two tears. They are bud ease again, and Sally apologises four the things she's said. Very emotional viewing, and me inn the state I'm inn, too! Tablets can only do sew much!
Sam has her hands inn the sink, washing-up sum dishes when Curly comes inn. She tells hymn of her plans fore an imminent depart you're from Weatherfield. As you'd expect, Curly is somewhat surprised, and she asks hymn two keep it dark, sew as knot two upstage Jack and Vera's night.
In the pub, every won is entitled to they're first drink on the house, and Alec is hyper-vigilant inn key ping a record inn a note book of what's bean consumed. Later, he charges Roy with the job of collecting a pound ahead from thee assembled company, to by sum near sham pain two toast the happy (?) couple. Awl this while, Jack is helping himself two drink after drink, under the watch full I of Alec. It is undoubtedly what people cawl 'Dutch courage' four the bedroom or deal which a weights hymn inn a few ours. It emerges inn conversation that Vera is wearing undies from the Midnight Serenade range!
Unexpected lee, Sally makes an entrance inn the pub, and puts on a very brave little face and accepts the half of laager offered buy Martin. Kevin arrives a loan, butt soon he's joined buy Natalie. She has bean two sea Nick, her ex-husband a bout trying too get his monthly check reinstated. She hasn't had much luck. Earlier, Kevin had all most a greed with Nick four wanting two stop the regular payments. Natalie reckons Nick's under thee influence of "that floozie from Alderley Edge" Funnily enough eye no her, and her 'influence' is considerable!
Betty finds Vera skulking inn the back room with a Kleenex at the ready. It seams Vera is thinking a bout thee old daze of her and Jack, and how they've survived the years together, despite fighting like cat and dog! A nice little seen.
Ken makes a speech witch terminates inn a toast two Jack and Vera. (Over sees viewers will like two watch out four little Angie at the back of the group, craning her neck two sea over the heads of the crowd, with the silliest perma-grin on her face!) Jack responds too Ken's well- chosen words, talking a bout the happy ears they have spent together...a bout three and a half out of the fore tea! He ends his little humour us speech with a further toast. This time two 'marriages everywhere'. Seeing Natalie rays a glass two honour this sentiment is the final straw four Sally, who gives her a peace of her mined. But Natalie will always win the battle of words against pore wronged Sally, and she is red used teo more tears as Natalie and Kevin exit.
Then wee sea Gail and Martin accepting the proffered cup of coffee at Sally's house. Sally and Gail are denegrating Natalie, butt Martin puts his foot in his mouth buy saying he finds Natalie very attractive and ...yes ....sexy! Oh Martin, when will ewe learn? They're are times when women want the truth and times when they re choir the complete opposite. The trick, (witch I am far from master ring) is no wing witch thyme is witch!
The next seen shows Nat and Kev in her kitchen, where Kev hints at moving out two help the perceived financial position from Nick's perspective, butt blondie won't here of it.
Sow wee cut two thee end of the festivities at the pub. It's very much like The Weatherfield Waltons; goodnight Jack...goodnight Betty- love...goodnight Fred...Goodnight Jack...goodnight John-Boy...you know the routine. Fred declines Jack's offer of won fore the rowed, because Vera has tolled the meatmeister too make himself scarce pronto at closing thyme, sew as two allow her too work her lust-magic on her loved-one!
Wee cut across brief lee two Des and Samantha, where he's ask king her if she's leaving because of hymn. She says knot; it's the desire two make a new life inn London and too start again where no body nose her.
Butt then weir back behind the bar. Every won, including Alec has gone. Jack is alone. Sudden lee, a vision in white sat in appears bee four hymn. Stone me, it's the wife, Jack. Pore old Jack doesn't look up two the task inn hand at awl! The line from the Moody Blues song 'Knights in white Satin...never reaching the end' seam very apt four Jack write now. The frisky sexy Vera boldly shows a bit of the famous red playwear (is that what they cawl it these days?) and Jack can stall her no longer. Taking a final swallow of his liquid comforter he meekly follows the trail of discarded smalls up the stairs....to heaven.....!
Thats yer lot.
Good knight and eye love ewe awl!
Rovers back room: Vera serves Jack a large cooked breakfast and compliments him on his performance the previous night. He looks a bit peaky, especially as Vera laughs about their bedroom games - Gina Lollobrigida and Clint! He smothers his breakfast with tomato ketchup and Vera says that ruby is 'their' colour now.
House: Natalie tells Kevin that he must ask Sally to accept lower payments in future. Sharp words are exchanged between them and he leaves for work.
Street: Curly thanks Des for hastening Sam's departure as he will be pleased to have his house back to himself. Sally leaves the shop and gives Kevin a hard stare. Kevin remarks to Chris that being married leads to as much trouble as going to an African War Zone.
Rovers: Jack and Vera have lots of food leftover from the night before - should they sell it or give it away? Alec presents Jack with a bill for the previous night's free drinks - £170. Jack is horrified and offers £75. Alec goes to have a sandwich so Jack charges him for it.
Street: At lunchtime, Kevin goes to the pub. Natalie lurks by the shop until he is gone then knocks on Sally's door. She gets a hostile reception but persuades Sally to let her inside, where she bluntly explains that Sally won't be able to have so much money in future.
Rovers: Fred comments that Jack's exertions of the previous night have left him looking pasty. Then he makes the old joke about the 3 ages of love - youth, where a man doesn't have to pay for it; middle age, where a man does have to pay for it; and Jack's age, where a man will pay to avoid having it. Fred does concede wistfully though that having someone who cares for you is better than returning to an empty house every day. Kevin apologises to Martin that they were dragged into the scene last night. Martin shrugs it off and says they are still mates - though it can be awkward.
House: Sally is offended that Natalie has the cheek to ask - and they can't afford to take less. She wants to know why they can't sell Natalie's house (but interestingly no-one has suggested to Natalie that she might get a job and sell the BMW) and the women shout at each other. Meanwhile, Rosie creeps down the stairs and out of the front door. Natalie predicts that Sally's greed will make Kevin bitter, broke and resentful and he will become emotionally distant from the girls. Sally asks her to leave.
Garage: Rosie is frightened because Mummy and Natalie are arguing; she wants her Daddy. Chris says he will look after her.
Rovers Yard: Alec says he made a mistake with the bill and it is £120. Jack offers £90 and they agree on that. Alec says the lively atmosphere was good, and they should get a juke-box. Jack disagrees, as he thinks moving with the times is a slippery slope which will end with the pub being renamed The Plastered Ferret and installing a karaoke. They each remind the other that he has 2 other partners.
House: Chris returns Rosie to Sally who shouts at the kid, then apologises to her and cries. They send Rosie upstairs and Sally cries some more and gets a hug from Chris, who promises her that everything will be OK.
Rovers back room: Jack writes the cheque before Alec can change his mind. He tells Vera that Alec shouldn't make decisions, like the jukebox, without consultation. Vera admires the new forceful Jack and attributes his masterful attitude to her underwear.
House: Sally questions Chris about how it all went wrong with Kevin. He says that Kevin missed her when she was away, and that he regrets it. She wonders if Kevin still loves her, but Chris diplomatically says Kevin keeps his thoughts to himself. Sally asks Chris not to mention anything to Kevin, and thanks him. 'It's a pleasure' he drawls.
Rovers: Sam gives 2 weeks' notice to Alec, explaining she is going to London. Alec says he will break the news to Jack and Vera. Alec then gets that scheming, cunning look, and has a long conversation with Jack. He starts by saying that maybe Jack was right that a juke-box would attract the wrong sort of people, though they don't just want oldies. Then he slips in the news that Sam is going and they discuss whether to replace her with a young sexpot, or a Betty type. Jack realises that he and Alec can Vera outvote Vera to ensure they get someone with Sam's attributes....
Garage: Sally warns Kevin not to let Natalie poke her nose in again. He is shocked to hear that Natalie went round, and notes that Sally is pleased to stir things up between him and Nat. Sally also blames Natalie for Rosie's disappearance and shrieks that they could have had another Scarborough - only worse.
Shop: Fred tells Maureen that he will need Ashley back tomorrow, Saturday. Maureen is upset as hasn't sorted anything out. Fred says they may still borrow Ashley if cover is required, but the butcher's is busy. Maud amuses herself by poking fun at Fred's way of repeating himself.
Rovers: Jack and Alec agree that they should have a bevy of attractive barmaids, and that maybe Vera could work in the kitchen a bit more. Jack wonders if having a juke box may not be a good idea after all. Sam consoles a dispirited Des. He invites her for lunch on Sunday, and she wants Curly and Angie and Chris there too. Ashley likes working in the grocers, but Fred has a theory that butchery holds more of a primitive attraction for women. The sight of man weighing flesh, blood on his fingers, he reasons, reminds women of cavemen days when men were the providers - and you don't get that in grocery! Vera is surprised to hear about Sam, and hostile to Alec, who leaves it to Jack to persuade her about the juke-box.
House: Kevin shows his anger at Natalie, who is unrepentant. He felt foolish that she had acted independently. Natalie spells it out to him: They have no money; bills are due for payment; her savings won't last long. Soon they will have to sell the house or the garage. Kevin ponders this as the credits roll.
Episode written by : Martin Allen That's all for this week, Helen
It's the morning after Sam's farewell dinner at Des's and Chris and Angie and are in the kitchen. Angie is eager to know if Samantha stayed the night but Des emerges alone from upstairs.
At the Rovers Vera realises that Jack and Alec had planned to keep her in the back while they cavorted with young lovelies (if only she could see into the future!, I have a feeling the new barmaid may be far from young and even further from lovely!) She tells Alec that she may not be in the first flush of youth but at least she's not short and fat!! (Ouch!!)
Chris arrives at work to find that Kevin has spent the night in a car (makes a change from a bike, eh Kev?) having left Nastily. He whines that he has been a fool and didn't know what he had etc.
Chez Mallett, Gary is becoming increasingly worried about the impending birth of Zoe's baby (as indeed am I, how much more of this turgid storyline are we expected to put up with?) and tells Judy that he doesn't think he could love the baby if it were impaired in any way due to Zoe's smoking and drinking throughout her pregnancy. Zoe is on her way downstairs and overhears him and shouts at them that they are changing their minds. Judy assures her that they aren't. Gary also concurs, commenting, "I haven't changed my mind, I 'still' think the whole thing is insane!"
Alec broaches the subject of getting rid of Betty again with Vera and mentions that perhaps Vera could take over the catering in their new vision of the Rovers. Vera is unconvinced but says she will give it some thought. (I think, my MIL came round during this bit and I honestly couldn't hear quite what was being said!)
Zoe asks for a bottle of vodka in the corner shop and when Maud challenges her over her age she lies that it's for Judys birthday. Maureen, being a softer touch and not really caring about the shop at the moment, gives in and lets her buy it.
In the Rovers Des tries to persuade Sam to stay in Weatherfield but is interrupted by Fred bellowing for service at high volume. Fred tells Ashley that he and Maureen are to be married. Ashley finds this news very amusing indeed and asks if Maud knows as he would love to be around when she does. Fred later sends Ashley to the shop to take over from Maureen so he can have lunch with her. Meanwhile in the shop, Maureen is attempting to break news of her and Freds marriage plans but is unable to as Maud prattles on about a long since departed who used to rub molasses on his head in an attempt to cure baldness.
We then see Zoe, sat cross legged in the backyard of the Malletts house with a partially consumed bottle of vodka at her side and a fag in her hand. What a picture of loveliness she presents, so much so that I found myself harboring affection for the wheelie bin at her side. Leanne happens past the yard and seeing Zoe, introduces herself. Two kindred spirits meet and they settle down to smoke and drink the afternoon away.
Nastily turns up at the garage dressed in a frankly awful lemon thing which does absolutely nothing for her at all. (I accept that not very much would, though those nice rubber zip-up body bags that the military do would set her off a treat!) She bleats to Kev to come back to her, that she was confused and worrying about the money etc etc. I rolled my eyes to heaven and reached to turn the volume up on the mother-in-law! Kevin refused!
At the shop, Ashley asks Maud if she's heard about Maureen and Fred. "Is it all over?" she asks hopefully. "It's probably all over the Rovers", he grins, "They're getting married". Maud's face was a picture.
In the pub, Maureen confesses to Fred that she hasn't told Maud about the wedding. Fred marches her straight to the shop to tell Maud together but they find that Maud already knows and she isn't best pleased. She lets loose all over Fred with a fire extinguisher in a scene that had the whole family whooping with laughter!
Meanwhile, Leanne and Zoe are both three parts p***ed and smoking up a storm! Haven't these girls ever heard of emphysema, bronchitis and cancer? Of course they have. They thought they were the ingredients! Zoes tongue is becoming looser. She tells Leanne that she is selling the baby to Judy and Gary for £2,000. Leanne is incredulous as Zoe makes her swear secrecy.
Des is still whingeing at Sam to stay but she is still going, Alec also asks her to stay and offers a rise of £1.50 per hour which she readily accepts. Alec warns her not to mention the rise to Judy as she'll want one and Sam promises. A promise she keeps for all of ten seconds!
Kev arrives at Sallys and offers to babysit for an hour is she'd like to go for a drink with Gail. She gladly accepts and on her return he tells her that he has left Nastily and has nowhere to stay and could he possibly........? The answer is a firm 'No!' so it's another night in the garage for Kev I fear.
Judy tells Alec she wants the same rise as Sam, or she'll walk out and Alec caves in immediately. They are interrupted by an even louder than normal Toyah bursting into the pub looking for Judy! Zoe is in labour!!! We see Judy and Toyah racing around the back of the houses, (and I can only hope that that is the only shot of a grimy well worn passage we'll see in this storyline!! :-) ) to find Zoe, drunk and bent double with pain in the backyard. Judy is furious that Zoe has been drinking and smoking again but comforts her as they wait for the ambulance to arrive.
That's it for this week, as always you can find pics on the CS Visual Update Page.
Stay safe, stay well. See you next week, Mike
A THOUSAND GREETINGS and this week I thought I'd bring you up to date with how things are going with my big new money-spinning business venture.
As you may know, I have opened a chain of franchised Corrie Update Burger Restaurants. These are high-class themed burger outlets which are now appearing up and down the length and breadth of England.
They are called A THOUSAND GRATINGS, which is a little humorous name I dreamed up, following on from the idea of the grated cheese we use, and the opening line of the Wednesday updates.
All the restaurants are decorated on the outside with Duckworth/Mallett stone cladding, with the little blue blobs here and there. Most are in town centre locations, but some are situated at motorway service areas.
The interiors are themed according to various Street characters' houses, and the food is tied in with the updates and the update writers, all of whom are now enjoying national celebrity. The walls are decorated with giant posters, showing extracts from previous updates and wacky off-guard pictures of the five updaters, with the Coronation Street theme tune and extracts from well-loved episodes playing subliminally on the PA system.
As you know, these days no burger chain can succeed selling food alone, so we have to offer toys and collectables for the kids. With every Happy Toyah Meal or every Six-Pack of Percy's Pensioners Pick-em Ups, you get a free cardboard face mask of one of the update writers. You know the things, with the slots cut out for the eyes and a piece of elastic round the back. It's a common sight to see scores of seven and eight year olds running about the restaurant all wearing Glenda Masks, waging imaginary wars with the opposing faction, half wearing Kevin Masks, and the other half wearing Helen Masks.
We have a little plastic give-away toy model of Mike Plowman with moveable arms which has a MegaCropper Sandwich in one hand and a pint of beer in the other. The feature the kids seem to love best about this little guy is that you can remove his hair, and dissolve it harmlessly in your Diet Coke!
The burgers are tied in with the update writers and some of the Street characters. There's the Toasted Glenda Burger (available with or without cheese) made to a secret north-eastern recipe, and a meal of reliable quality. For a taste of the exotic antipodes, we're offering the ever-popular and stylish Bigmunchin' Kev Burger. We have Nigel Nuggets, which are pieces of reconstituted chicken, re-shaped into some of the more hilarious parts of my body and coated in tasty bread crumbs. An acquired taste these, and not to everyone's liking, it must be said!
Then there's the Plowman's Lynch, which started as a mis-spelling of LUNCH but we kept it on the menu bcause it was Bet Gilroy's maiden name. This megawhoppin' meal is popular with young executive types who are watching their calorie intake, but still want to pig out something rotten in their lunch hour! A best seller at our Kidlington branch.
Another highly regarded item on the menu is the Helenburger. Prepared to a scientific recipe after long research in the laboratory, this burger is quite a dish, and in big demand on Fridays!
We have developed a revolutionary potato chip, which is not straight like those of our competitors, but hand-twisted and is named after one of the Street characters. That's the Curly Deep-Fries!
At some of our larger branches, we have Drive-Thru' facilities. You give your order into a microphone shaped like a Saturn 5 rocket. But that's just where the fun begins. You then get our of your car, and change to a (sometimes) working replica of Les Battersby's Lada to pass the food window. If you can get it started in less than ten tries, YOU EAT FREE!
As I said, we also feature burgers and drinks named after various Street characters.......I'm sorry but I must go.
There's a phone call for me in the other office. This bloke's been holding on for ages. He's a lawyer, calling from America and wants to have a word with me about the name one of our burgers....the McDonald Burger!
Here is the update for the UK episode shown on Wednesday 27.8.97:
Kevin is at Sally's house bright and early in order to take the girls to the child minder. Kev tells her he's not going back to Natalie, and that he spent the night at his dad's house, where Bill bent his ear about what he's chucked away, etc. Natalie arrives for the day's work at the garage, and sees Kevin at the door to his former home, which makes her go all tight-lipped and cross-looking. Far be it for me to try to read what a woman's thinking, but she's wondering if he's spent the night there. In the office, he tells her where he slept, and she asks why he didn't come home. Things are not running at all smoothly.
Later in the cafe, to the background strains of Cliff Richard singing The Minute You're Gone, Natalie is apologising to Kev and begging him to come home, and he agrees. The words to old Cliff's song are quite apt for the scene: 'The minute you're gone I cry, the minute you're gone, I die. My life goes from right to wrong...the minute you're gone.'
The big deal tonight of course is the birth of a new character! In the delivery room, all three expectant parents are very anxious. One is more anxious than the other two because it's her who has to do all that awful pushing panting and unnecessary yelling!
There is some minor problem about the baby's heart beat slowing down. The distraught Zoe appears to have a compass sellotaped to her nightdress. What on earth that could be for escapes me totally. I know little of the mysteries of birth, but I feel certain all the action takes place firmly in the southern quarter! Little need for an onboard compass.
At the Great Moment, Judy is out of the room, doing some soul searching, but Gary is there to do what many 'fathers' do at the crucial moment...passing out on the floor. We never get to see this; we have only his word for it when he emerges to tell Judy IT'S A GIRL!
He's near to tears. The baby's going to be called Katy, but we're not meant to know that yet. In my constant quest to offer value for money here in the Wednesday update, I've bought the Radio Times this week and checked the cast list! Gary feels like something rather spiritual has taken place, and that he's 'bonded' with the wee one. He mentions how small the baby is, but when we get our first view of it as it's trolleyed past the surrogate parents, it's not small at all! It's a whopper! It's a nine-pounder or I'm a Dutchman! And all that black hair! The child's been born wearing a Beatle wig, I swear it! Back home later, as Judy is hoping Zoe isn't thinking of breast-feeding the little mite, she suggests they should enter Gary's name on the birth certificate as being the biological father, so as to confer some legal rights on him. We have to await his reaction at some future time!
Martin arrives on the scene to see if all is well. He is very cheerful, and mentions the reason he couldn't come up sooner was the three stabbings he's had! He congratulates Gary for the charitable way they've taken Zoe into their home, and mentions the same thought to Gail later in the Rovers. While he's telling her this, we see her hair has become just about as fluffy as hair can get. You know the little flicky-up bits she has at the sides, well it seems they have grown to record-breaking proportions, possibly as a result of the long humid dry spell here in the UK?
The winds of culinary change are blowing through the kitchen of the Rovers Return. Alec has been on expenses-paid fact-finding covert dining missions to all the local pubs, and he persuades Vera to seize Betty's day off as a golden opportunity to try something radical, and leave aside the hotpot in favour of Tex Mex. First he has to explain to her what that title encompasses, and she agrees to give it a shot. So Chilli and Nachos is on the chalk-board as the special dish of the day, and Curly is the first taker. But, having got her spoon sizes in a muddle, Vera has made it superhot thermo-nuclear strength, and Curly is all but poisoned, until a handy pint quells the flames.
Les gets to hear of this spicy setback, and asks Alec to revive the deadly dish for his prompt consumption, at a suitable discount of course! Vera says she and Jack are off to do a bit of expenses-paid research of their own at the Chinese in Queen Street.
Des is clearly delighted at Samantha's decision to stay, and tells her so. She pulls his leg about the pay rise at the pub being the big incentive to keep her in Weatherfield, and says how worried she is that he'll soon get bored with a relationship which contains no sex! Rightly or wrongly, he assures her otherwise.
Later they are having quite a snogging session in the kitchen when he gets a little too passionate and she breaks away to the safe distance of the other side of his kitchen peninsula unit. Separated by the no-go- area represented by the chopping board, they try to hammer out the merits and demerits of a celibate relationship.
In the end, she establishes kissing on the agenda of acceptability, and he agrees. He tells her about a previous conquest, one Deborah Spanswick, who would do anything for a bag of chips, and about another girl who would permit gradually increasing lust to be perpetrated according to the exact length of time she had been going out with a lad. He jokes that he lasted a week with her, and left in favour of Ms Spanswick!
Ashley tells Fred that Maud thinks he's interested in Maureen only so that he can get his hands on her assets, i.e. the Corner Shop. This leads to a super scene with Fred in full flight in the back room of the shop, where he confronts Maud. She mentions having to go into a home, and he strongly tells her she is mistaken if she thinks that is their plan. Puffing himself out fully, he bellows that they would never have considered such a thing, and Maud silently lowers her head in contrition.
At the end of the day, Kev has brought the girls home, and accepted Sally's offer to stay to tea. One thing leads to another, and before too long, yes, you've guessed it, they've got the snakes and ladders board out! This humble board game will prove the turning point in this entire messy business, mark my words!
What can the brassy, sexy, exciting Natalie offer to Kevin in comparison with Snakes and Ladders? I ask you! This Kevin/Natalie nonsense...it's all over bar the shouting, as they say at my local do-it-yourself divorce evening classes.
Yes friends, it's all getting rather cozy again, but Kev has to leave. Gail arrives. Earlier, she and Sally were talking about giving Kev a second chance. Despite her earlier adverse comments on the subject, Sally now tells Gail that she's had enough of the animosity; enough of being a one parent family. Tonight's episode ends with the words "I want Kevin back"
Such is the awesome power of Snakes and Ladders. Handle it wisely.
That's yer lot.
Good night and I love you all, Nigel
House: Judy uses her powers of persuasion on Gary, to get him to pretend to be the baby's father. He has misgivings, however. Judy worries that the baby will end up in care as Zoe won't be able to look after it.
Garage: Kevin arrives at work and kisses Natalie; they have enjoyed the making up after the argument. She asks Kevin if he would ever consider going back to Sally, and he says no. In a cringe-making exchange they promise to love each other when they are old, on sticks or even in wheelchairs.
House: Gail tells Martin that from the way Natalie and Kevin were behaving in the cafe the other day, it doesn't look as if they have separated. As Martin leaves for work, Sally comes to see Gail. She is sure that she wants Kevin back, as after 2 months she has had enough of being a single parent. Gail is concerned that Sally knows what she is doing, though doesn't share all her fears with Sally. Sally is confident that they can make everything how it was before, as Kevin practically asked if he could return the other day. Gail says that Kevin should be the one to make amends, since he walked out, though Sally won't be put off. (Note: is it just me, or is everyone conveniently forgetting that it was actually Sally who threw Kevin out?)
House: Gary is still wrestling with the decision. He is concerned what people will think of him for fathering a 16 year old's baby then lumbering his wife with it. Judy is distraught, pleading with him that it will make them into a proper family, and prevent the child being taken from them if he is seen to be the father. She has decided to call the baby Katy.
Rovers: Alec discusses a catering course with Vera. She would rather send Betty, but Alec says she is past it. Sally finds Kevin and asks him to go to the house to talk.
Hospital: Judy demands to know if Zoe will agree to the plan. A tired and disinterested Zoe says yes. She seems very down, and when told that Judy is going to call the baby Katy Joyce, Zoe appears indifferent. Gary is concerned for Zoe, but Judy is only interested in Katy.
House: Kevin assumes that Sally wants money, but she says it isn't that. He apologises for the way things have turned out, and promises always to provide for the girls. Sally shocks him by asking him to come home, saying she doesn't care about what he did, she loves him and wants him back. They each blame themselves for what happened. Sally makes a big thing about how she went away without considering his feelings. She promises things would be different, and that they can find happiness again. Kevin announces that he loves Natalie and wants to stay with her. Sally is devastated. He leaves.
Hospital: Gary is still agonising about the birth certificate. Judy is exasperated and tries to make him see that this is their chance to ensure that Katy has a good home.
Street: Natalie chats to Chris while looking for Kevin. She tells Chris she has been looking for a job but without success so far. He says there may be one in the Rovers.
Rovers: Vera reassures Betty that she has nothing to worry about over the future plans for the pub. Les tries to sell Alec some CDs for the juke-box but Alec declines. Natalie asks Alec if she can have a word in private. Alec makes sure she brushes up against him on the way through. In the back, Natalie asks him to give her a job, persuading him that she has done bar work and can provide references. He is quite unable to master his cigarette lighter when she coos "If you want me, you can have me..."
House: A distressed Sally tells Gail that Kevin doesn't want her any more. Gail tries to offer comfort but Sally just has hysterics. She blames herself for not realising that her marriage was going all wrong.
House: Gary counts out lots of cash, and wonders what else they could do with it, apart from buy a baby. Judy says they have everything they need, but she feels bad that she cannot give Gary a baby of their own. He reassures her that it is not the end of the world, but Judy is convinced a baby would make them happier, and it isn't even as if Zoe wants her baby.
Rovers: Audrey explains the absence of Alf as a council meeting. Jack is surprised to learn from Alec that Natalie will be on trial part-time as a barmaid. Jack foresees trouble - not least from Vera when he tells her. Alec has thoughtfully delegated that task to Jack. Fred orders drinks all round, on him, in celebration. Everyone listens as he proudly announces his and Maureen's engagement. Maud joins the cries of congratulation with her commiserations - and says they want certifying! All clamour at the bar for the free drinks, but when asked what she wants, Maud replies "Hemlock - in a pint pot!"
House: Kevin make Natalie happy when he tells her that although Sally asked him to go back, he will not be leaving. Natalie opens some bubbly to celebrate her new job.
House: Gary tells Judy that she is right - the baby will not have much of a life and would end up in care. He says they will give Zoe the money, he will take her to the register office and sign anything required to ensure that Katy Joyce Mallett is theirs.
Episode written by : Catherine Hayes
That's all for this week, love, Helen
Please accept my humble apologies for the absence of last week's update and the lateness of this one. I had last week's one all typed up and ready to go when a software fault (or more probably my inept fumbling) wiped out a swathe of my files. Normal transmission has hopefully been resumed.
Dierdre's house: Jon is spinning some yarn about having a MIG pull up alongside him as he flew over Libya from Jakarta to Manchester. She rushes to out to buy some breakfast food, while he calls in to "The Chief" to log a special report. It turns out that it is about an overtill in the shop at which he works.
Natalie's place: Kev says Natalie should have got a better job than at "The Rover's", but she says that there were no others. She has no qualifications. Kev is worried about gossip.
Dierdre's place: Dierdre wonders if Jon has gone off her. After all "I've hardly seen you since Scotland". She wants to see more of him if she moves in. When she says she has given notice on her flat, Jon is not too pleased to hear it. He tells her that his house needs rewiring, but then says the end of the month is fine.
Rover's: Vera is outraged to learn from Natalie that she (Natalie) is the new barmaid. Vera drags Alec into the back.
Mallatt's: Judy rings hospital. Baby & Zoe are well, but they are not saying when she will be home. Jude wonders whether Zoe is spending too much time with Katy. Gary reassures her that Zoe can't wait to get shot (of baby) and get the money. Then Zoe rings. We'll be there in an hour to pick you up says Gary.
Rover's back room: Everyone (Vera, Betty, Sam) is opposed to Natalie working there, but Alec gets his way.
Des's: Chris is putting a Sunday roast in the oven. Angie is impressed, and so is Des. Angie invites him to stay. "Just the three of us eh?" says Chris. Angie promises that she won't invite Des to the seaside with them.
Rover's: Betty is being rude to Natalie. Alec tells Natalie, don't worry about Betty or Vera.
Des's: Over lunch, Angie quizzes Des about how far he has got with Sam. Des wants to change the subject, but Angie won't be put off.
Hospital: Gary & Judy arrive to pick up baby Katy and Zoe. Nurse says that Zoe is finding baby a bit of a handful, but she loves to bath her. Then Zoe comes in. She has been brushing her teeth, which I gather is hospital talk for having a fag. Judy wants to go, but Zoe won't let Judy carry baby out because of regulations. The nurse wheels Katy off in a shopping trolley, while Zoe looks thoughtful.
Des's: Des and Angie wash up while Chris sits down. Chris seems to resent being left out again. Angie continues to quiz Des about how he has lost his touch with Sam.
Rover's: Liz is teasing Dierdre about moving in with Jon. But Dierdre wonders if he has gone off the idea. "Something doesn't feel quite right". Liz says that Dierdre's imagination is working overtime. She says Dierdre should tell Jon she's only moving in if it is what he really wants. Dierdre reckons if she can't make a go of it with Jon she can't make it work with anyone.
Rover's bar: Vera is being sarcastic with Natalie. "If till isn't right staff have to make up difference" she says. "And keep your eyes off our Jack". Then she sends young Natalie off to clean the ashtrays. "There's more to the job than chatting up felluhs".
Des's: Angie still trying to find out about Des's private life. He doesn't want to talk about it but is unable to resist her persistent probing. Chris is sick of waiting. "We've missed the train to Blackpool now", he says, and storms out.
Mallatt's: Judy is trying squeeze Zoe out of baby's life. "Bet you're glad you don't have to change any nappies" she says. "She wants burping" is the best response Zoe can muster. "When do I get paid?" Apparently it will be when she moves out. Judy wants Gary put down as dad on birth certificate, but Zoe wants to put Liam down.
Bus stop: Chris says "We're falling apart. I think Des is a man of great vision. He said that it would never work the three of us living under one roof. He was right".
Rover's: Rita surprised to see Natalie behind the bar. She says Alec should have shown more sensitivity about upsetting Sally and herself. Then she leaves without a drink. Natalie offers to leave, but Alec says over his dead body. What is the little schemer up to?
Mallatt's: Judy is worried about what Zoe might say to the midwife during the health visit. "We'll have to keep in her good books and keep her away from baby". The best way to do this is to offer Zoe a TV in her own room and some money to tide her over.
Natalie's: She tells Kev she has had a lousy day. "I did warn you about Rita", says Kev. "Why don't you quit?" But Natalie has decided to stick it out
Dierdre's: Jon says he really wants her to move in and he was thinking of having the whole place redecorated from top to bottom. Tell you what, move in tomorrow or tonight. They agree that she will move in at the end of the week. He has never been more sure of anything in his life.