Friday 2 October

Hiya folks!!!! ... Time again for another update.... We've just come back from the Blackpool Contress and what a fabulous time we had, despite it being Blackpool!! As has been said before, it's not the place that matters, but the people... It was a real joy to meet some lovely people, some we've met before, others who have merely been names on the screen, particularly our friends from Canada. The last few days have been and the next few will continue to be days of hosting our guests and should provide us all with some lovely memories. A big special mention of our dear friends Kathleen McBride (Perfidia on IRC), Brian Marvin (Uncle Betty), Gill Kasella (RBaz), Greg Wadden (Greggy) and Sheila Mackay (Sunbuny), not forgetting new friends Sheila Richmond, Darlene Wakely and Joan McClement - it's been a real pleasure meeting you all. I'll do a fuller report next week as we are running short on time and I want to get this Update out of the way, but couldn't let the weekend pass without mention.

Talking of hosting, I hope our son learns some skills, based on events over the weekend. On Saturday night, he and one of his friends, Ian, went for a night out on the tiles, in Glossop. On their way back home, Ian decided he wanted more of the action, so he turned around and went back into town. The agreement, apparently, was that Simon would put up Ian for the night. Anyway, Simon comes home, locks up, head hits the pillow and goes straight off into land of nod. He comes to with a start at 7 a.m. and suddenly remembers the previous night's agreement with Ian. He rushes downstairs to find Ian, huddled up freezing, in the porch, where he had been since 3 a.m. Despite him banging on the door and ringing the doorbell (and our doorbell is VERY loud), that had failed to rouse Simon, who blissfully slept through it all. Some host!!!

Anyway... without further ado, it's time for the update, sponsored by Cadbury's Marble

The episode commences with Kevin and Rita meeting up in the Street. He tells Rita that, despite the message in Sally's phone call saying he was hitting her, that had not occurred - he hadn't touched her. Rita tells him she knows this, but recognises he was probably not far off doing so, due to provocation. He couldn't hit her, he tells Rita. Meanwhile, Rita is telling him how she had told Sally that the way she was carrying on, she would have no friends left and how Sally tried her patience so she can imagine how Kevin must be feeling. At that stage, Sally walks by the two of them and tells Rita that whatever Kevin is telling her, she should take it with a bag of salt. Rita angrily replies to her "do you think I'm not capable of making up my own mind? Give us some credit. Anyway, I've told you what I think. I hope you slept on it." After Sally has gone, she tells Kevin that she hopes that she comes to her senses soon, because she is playing a dangerous game. "That's what I keep telling her" replies Kevin and he thanks Rita for seeing it from his side. Rita replies that she is not interested in taking sides, she just wants what is best for the little girls, because they are too young to stick up for themselves.

Outside Freshco, Spider has been waiting for Anne Malone. When he sees her getting out of her car, he introduces himself. He is Norman Watts' cousin - Curly has gone missing and he is trying to find him, he tells her. "Yes, you and the Police" she replies, "how do I know you are his cousin?" She wonders whether he might actually be a policeman. When Spider denies this and finds it amusing that he could look like one, she points out that the whole point of being a plain-clothes policeman, is that he looks anything but. "Yeah, as I know to my cost", he laughs, "but that's another story." He insists he is Curly's cousin and tells her that Curly told him the whole story in confidence as to how he was set up and that he knows a lot more about her than she might imagine - he asks to speak to her in private and she suggests that they continue the discussion in her office.

At Roy's flat, he and Hayley are doing the washing up. She is telling him that it would be nice for them to have a long weekend away somewhere, a nice hotel. "I'd like that" replies Roy. "Somewhere very luxurious, the Dales or the Lakes," she continues. "Or we could take tents" replies our romantic hero. "It would be a bit chilly this time of year, Roy" she tells him, "anyway, it's my treat, so don't go out buying ground sheets and billy cans. What do you say?" Roy is keen on the idea and says he will see whether Gail can manage without him. "Right and I'll ask Mr Baldwin. I'm due some time off" she replies. "In that case you won't have to ask him, will you?" replies Roy. When Hayley tells him that its just a matter of checking it is convenient, Roy continues on his track - such an issue doesn't come into it, he maintains, merely that he refuses to be beholden to Mike Baldwin and he'd be happier if she just informed him. "Right, I will" replies RHayley, "not worth falling out over." She kisses him on the cheek and departs.

We move to the Mallets' house. Judeh asks Gareh how long he has been fishing - she has found all sorts of fishing gear under the bed, "tins, reels, all sorts of stuff." Gareh asks her, in a concerned voice, whether she has opened any of the tins. When she replies to the contrary, he is relieved, but clearly has a guilty secret, "best not, just in case." When she asks him to sort them out, he tells her that he cannot do it now, as he has to practice on his drums. And with that, we see one exasperated Judeh as our budding Gene Krupa bashes his way into overdrive.

Spider is talking to Anne Malone - he is telling her that it couldn't have been Curly responsible for the extortion letters, going missing is out of character for him. When Anne asks who else it could have been, Spider tells her that it was someone very clever, someone with a grudge against him. Anne asks who it could be and Spider tells her that Curly doesn't know. However, he has a feeling that if Curly is going to contact anyone, then it's going to be her - he then starts spinning her a yarn about how what Curly had told him about her, what he thought of her, how he felt about her coming back to work with him. "Never in her wildest dreams will Anne know what she really means to me" is the quote he attributes to Curly. It is clear that this statement has taken Anne aback. Spider continues "but I guess, after what happened with Raquel and every other woman he's been involved with, his self-confidence was non-existent, so he kept it to himself. Self-protection. He was terrified that you would knock him back, so he never unburdened himself to you. I understand that he led you to believe that he didn't like you. Nothing could have been further from the truth." A devastated and astonished Anne replies "if only he had said. Then none of this need have happened." Spider tells her that he is determined to prove Curly's innocence, because he reckons that's the only thing that will bring him out of hiding. He asks Anne to remember, that should Curly contact her, despite what he might say, he is crazy about her and if she can think of anything that can help clear his name, then she is to call him. He hands her a piece of paper on which he has just written his contact information.

Vera is cheesed off with Jack's attitude to their holidays - anyone else she knows would jump at the chance of a holiday in Tenerife, she tells him. In that case, they are welcome to his ticket, is Jack's reply. She tells him that surely he doesn't mean it, after all, look at the fun they had last year in Las Vegas. They are going to the Canaries with the sun, sea, and sand, she tells him. "And lager louts" he adds. "No, summat else beginning with S" she continues. "Stomach ache" is Jack's classic retort. When she asks, in that case, where he would like to go, after a brief pause "Newmarket" is his answer - that's our Jack, a perfect life being race meetings and gambling. When she says that she wouldn't like to go there, his reply is "who mentioned owt about you going?" Vera loses her temper and tells him that he is going on holiday whether he likes it or not and he is going to enjoy himself, "so get packing."

At the café, Roy is telling Gail that he has a lot for which to be grateful - if it wasn't for her, then he would still be dragging his feet. He has never been one for taking the bull by the horns. She disputes this statement, he surprised her when he leapt in and bought the café, "quite the man of action". He agrees that he can be impulsive, but he is talking about affairs of the heart. "Is this leading somewhere?" she asks. "Yes, the Dales or the Lakes," he replies, "we'd like to take a long weekend" and he asks whether this would be alright by her. "I'm sure I'll manage somehow" is her reply.

She goes over to Sally who is also sitting in the café and comments that Roy hasn't come down to earth yet. Sally asks whether she has seen Rita today. When Gail replies to the contrary, Sally goes into a slagging off session - she doesn't know what has got into her recently, "she has suddenly started to tell me how to run my life, as if she is any example. She practically told me that I was selfish. She behaves as though I am not fit to look after my own children." When Gail tries to calm her by saying that maybe Rita is over-reacting, Sally replies "never mind maybe. If she had her way, they'd be living with Kevin." Gail points out that she might behave differently once she has got to know Greg a bit better. Gail asks how Greg feels about the girls moving into the flat. "Oh, he's fine" replies Sally, "he's away at the moment, he's on business." When Gail asks what he thinks about living with a ready-made family, Sally confesses that she hasn't told him yet.

... and the theme tune comes in, on cue for the end of part 1

After the ads, it's Part 2
The second part of the programme commences back at the café. Gail is asking Sally whether she is worried that Greg won't be suited to child-rearing. Sally denies this, she just hasn't had the chance to tell him yet, that's all. She tells Gail that she has only had a chance to talk business when they have talked on the phone. Gail says that she is all for Sally showing an interest in his work, but isn't this taking things to extremes - Sally then confesses that they have gone into business together.

Back at the Mallets, Gareh has been practising on his drums. He apologises for disturbing Judeh and tells her to put her feet up. She, however, has cleaning to do. He doesn't want her overdoing things "you'll be polishing the cobbles next." He recommends that she takes a break, which will be impossible while she is at home, so he suggests her going away, maybe to stay with her best mate, Jenny, whom she has not seen for years, while she has a choice.

Sally is telling Gail about her business plans for her joint venture with Greg, how they need an office and a warehouse facility. They can buy in top quality underwear without making it themselves, so it's a matter of finding a buyer and selling it on. When Gail asks how come it is so cheap, Sally replies that they don't have the same overheads in Romania. And the strength of the pound helps. Gail asks whether this is Sally's idea or Greg's, Sally replies it is Greg's contacts. ".... And your money" adds Gail. Sally maintains it was her idea to invest in the business, Greg never asked for a penny, "he wouldn't - he's not that kind of person. He's very kind and I love him." "I can see that, Sal, I'm just being over-cautious on your behalf" replies Gail. She adds that being in business she knows how easy it is to make mistakes, over-expand. Sally pooh-poohs this, saying it's a different situation, on a much bigger scale, to which Gail replies that this is good reason to be cautious. Sally tells her that Mike Baldwin is unaware of the position and Gail confirms she will keep quiet about her secret.

Hayley has just popped into the café to tell her that she has successfully sorted out her holiday break with Mike Baldwin, "he were very amenable." Roy replies that's because she is a good worker and not because Baldwin has an ounce of decency in the man. "Anyway, subject closed" she says, but Roy replies "if only it could be." When Hayley suggests that they ignore Mike, Roy expresses his concerns that Baldwin knows far too much about them for his liking. "About me, there's nothing odd about you, Roy" replies Hayley. At this stage our hero says "nor you, Hayley, and don't let anyone tell you that there is..." (Oooh, sniffle, what a hero!!!!) When Hayley accuses of him being too loyal, Roy replies "I'm talking about being true to oneself, instead of all this hiding away and convincing oneself that one is inferior" to which Hayley comes out with the classic line "one is talking a bit like Prince Charles, isn't one"!!!!! Roy tells her that he doesn't see it as a joke - they have to stick up for themselves, nobody else will.

Natalie is telling Des that it's years since she went to Hartlepool. Des says she wouldn't recognise it, Marina, brand new historic quay, "you can even watch the football under cover if you're a masochist." He asks whether she is kitted out for the wedding, which she confirms. He tells her that they are staying overnight at the same hotel where the reception is being held, so there will be no hassle regarding driving. Natalie tells him that there is a bit of trouble about her being allowed time off by Alec. When he advises her to tell Alec to take a running jump, Natalie expresses her fear of the risk of losing her job. Des confirms how important it is to him for her to accompany him to the wedding.

At the Rovers, Judeh is about to go off for her short break. Gareh is full of the possibilities of him having a recording contract in his pocket when she gets home. She wishes him well and they leave the pub together, with her about to take the train.

The taxi has arrived to take Jack and Vera off for their holiday flight. Jack is wistfully reciting his ideal holiday "sat at home, reading a card from our Vera with a picture of a kangaroo on it"!!!!! Vera is fully of excitement at the imminent holiday. Alec is stirring it, in best Gilroy manner "go on Jack, you'll have a wonderful time." We see the priceless picture of a reluctant Jack leaving the pub to go on his holiday with Vera.

After they have departed, Natalie comes in and asks to have word with Alec. He tells her that he has been expecting this - he had heard from a third party that she was going to be letting him down. She is going to a wedding, she says, she told Vera but he wasn't around at the time. She asks whether it is a problem, but Alec is playing awkward, telling her that it is certainly inconvenient. She suggests that, in that case, she should have a chat with Lorraine and persuade her to change her shift. Recognising that he cannot hold out forever, he tells her that she could work a couple of hours now "if you wanted to stay in my good books." Realising that it isn't worth making an issue of it, Natalie says that she will have to tell Des, as they were supposed to be going out. Alec smirks as she goes out, having retrieved a point in this game of one-upmanship.

At the pub, Spider is reporting back to Alma - he confirms that Anne Malone is mad for Curly. He tells Alma about his conversation with Anne and her reaction "if only you'd told me sooner, none of this need have happened." He asks Alma what she makes of that. But Alma recommends caution "she's a lot cleverer than you realise." When Spider repeats Anne's promise to call if she could think of any way to clear Curly's name, Alma suggests that he doesn't hold his breath waiting for the call, she is hardly likely to admit to being the one who sent the letters.

A tearful Anne is looking at a photograph of Curly "don't worry, I'll think of something" says Evil Eyes. She lovingly kisses the photograph.... what a basket case!!!

Gail has come into the Kabin for a word with Rita. She is concerned about her conversation with Sally. Rita confirms she has given Sally a piece of her mind and tells Gail that if she is here to persuade her "to put things straight, you're wasting your time." Gail confirms she is as worried as Rita, probably more. Rita expresses her concern about the hold that Greg has over Sally, which Gail attributes to love, whereupon Rita opines that, in that case, "I think its one-sided." Gail discloses her fears that Greg is after Sally for her money.

Natalie has popped back home to change out of her smarts into her working clothes. Des is not pleased at her having to forego a night out. However, her news that she has sorted out the weekend, pleases Des. He tells her that it is ages since he saw the old clan, she wont be able to get a word in edgeways. Natalie is clearly concerned about the prospect of meeting Des' family for the first time and asks whether there is anyone she needs to wary about. He tells her not to worry, she should just be herself. Nat asks how Des plans on introducing her. after some debate he suggests "partner" being the appropriate designation. When Natalie points out that they don't actually live together, Des replies that there is no reason why they shouldn't - he has been meaning to mention the idea, "what do you say, me and you? Proper couple..."

At the Rovers, Maude is asking Hayley whether living together is all they expected. "We're both very happy, aren't we, Roy?" is Hayley's reply. "Now we've taken the plunge, should have done it months ago" adds Roy.

Spider and Alma are still discussing Anne Malone and how her previous dismissal from Firman's was hushed up. Alma suggests that if they could get the witnesses to come forward and give a statement, it is possible they could blow her credibility. Alma recounts how Anne had put something into Samantha's bag and accused her of shoplifting and how a girl called Shula, who used to work there. They decide to try to track her down.

Back at the bar, Roy is getting the drinks in. Mike Baldwin barges in, ordering his drink. When Roy points out politely that he was in the queue first, "Is that so? You'll have to shout louder next time, won't you?" is Mike's dismissive reply. In the background, we can see Hayley being agitated at Roy rising to the bait. Mike gets served and Roy puts his order.

Mike goes into loud-mouth mode "I hear you and your friend are going on holiday soon. Where are you going? Thailand?"

"Why do you say that?" replies a nervous looking Roy.

MVB: "Well, I thought you and your, er, partner would go for the exotic."

RC: "I'm not with you."

MVB: "Well, be just up your street there....I mean, anything goes, genderwise...."

RC: "I beg your pardon"

MVB: "Weirdoes, freaks!"

RC: "I resent that."

MVB: "Look, if she's not a freak, I'm the Queen Mother, alright?"

RC: "I think you'd better withdraw that remark."

MVB: "Why? What's the matter? Can't you take a joke?"

RC: "I mean it. I want an apology."

MVB: "Well, you'll just have to carry on wanting, won't you?"

RC: "I'll have to ask you to step outside."

MVB (laughing): "You what? Have you heard what this lunatic's just said to me, eh?"

Alec Gilroy: "What's going on?"

RC: "Come on! Outside!"

AG: "Look! I don't want any trouble."

MVB "Look! All I said was.... do you wanna tell him, or do you want me to?" (said to Roy)

AG: "Tell me what?"

At this, Roy picks up the drink which has been served to him and throws it at Mike's face (Cheers all round from the Contress crowd at the Royal Glen at Blackpool. Nay! Most probably, cheers all round the country!!!!!)

MVB (wet through, angrily): "Right, sunshine!!!" (Alma tries to restrain Mike.) "That wasn't clever. Not very clever at all."

Cut to Spider, who, having seen the events, raises a thumbs up sign to Roy...

.....and with that.... it is the cue for music and credits

Episode written by Phil Woods

All material is, and remains, copyright property of ITV Television.

Well, how was it for me? A bit of a mixed bag. Saving grace has to be that neither Greg nor Plank were in the episode. As far as Anne Malone is concerned, as I the only one to find her acting unconvincing? Much ado nothing with the Mallets.

So what does that leave? Ah, Roy and Hayley!!! Well, they made the episode. The best bits of dialogue - him suggesting camping, the "Prince Charles" quip and, of course, doing what we would all like to do, throwing a drink at Mike Baldwin after his taunting. We saw this with the rest of the troops at Blackpool and you could have heard our cheers miles away, as the beer hit MVB's face. Mind you, I *AM* having problems trying to persuade "her downstairs" not to follow through with the death threats towards Baldwin!!!! Hehehehehe!!

Anyway that's it for now.. Until the next time, take care...

Hugs and kisses from Tinky^, Regards - Alan

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Sunday 4 October

This week, I have been mostly browsing... Graham Allsopp's Who's Who site. Curious to see what past updaters wrote, I spent many an hour randomly selecting updates from the last 3 years or so. What excellent stuff. I was struck most by how much the updates have grown in the last year or so. It appears that Dewey and latterly Alan have been responsible for the ever- expanding girth of the average update. (With an honourable mention to Nigel Worsfold, whose other-worldly babblings must surely have found him a place in a mental institution. Or Microsoft.) And in a long, roundabout, fashion this is my way of getting around to saying that I am going to have to rein in my Sunday updates slightly, to about a perfect 8. It has been somewhat of a strain recently trying to find 2 hours or so to write each one up, and with a real risk of me losing my office Internet connection, I may be forced to (takes deep breath) pay for my own dial-up. If that happens, then I simply won't have the time to spend either, especially if we can't get the computers shifted out of Number 1 son's bedroom. I'll be vying for time with the latest shoot-em-up...

So, with nothing more exciting than that to lead in with (I wasn't at the Blackpool Contress), let's move on to the latest Sunday episode of our favourite soap.

Act 1
We open in Roy's love-nest, where he and Hayley are having breakfast and talking about Mike Baldwin's impromptu baptism the night before. Roy rues the waste of half a pint of Newton and Ridley's, and thinks it might have been a mistake all round. He is concerned about the effect on Hayley, as she works at Mike's factory, and wonders if she shouldn't give up her job and help him at the cafe instead. After all, they don't really need the money as such. Hayley tells him she likes working at the factory with the rest of the girls, and it's something she'll just have to deal with. Maybe she'll have a quiet word with Mike before the rest arrive, and try to smooth things out. Appeal to his better nature. With perfect timing, Roy pauses, and asks "does he have one ?".

Over at Gary's house, our ears are assaulted by his attempt at drumming along to "Smoke on the Water", and a persistent hammering on his front door. He opens the door to find Jim, somewhat less than pleased to be listening to this racket through the dividing wall at eight o'clock. [Don't worry if you don't have a mental picture of the Street - neither have I.] Gary apologises and explains that as Judy is away at a friend's house, he has been waking early and it seemed like mid-morning to him. Jim suggests he might want to sell the drum-kit, what with the baby on its way, but Gary surprises him by saying he has an audition with a local band that afternoon. [Gary mate, my twenty quid soundcard plays better drums than you...]

Hayley finds Mike in his office, reading a paper. He turns round and tells her he knew who it was, as she was wearing far too much perfume. "Not like real women", he says. He's surprised she showed her face that day. Hayley tells him she likes working there, but she'd like a word with him. "What, man to man you mean ?", is Mike's riposte. She starts to tell him that what she has done wasn't easy. The words are barely out before Mike chips in with "what, having your wedding tackle cut off ?". No, that was the easiest part, she says, she means working with the rest of the women and trying to fit in and be accepted. She can handle Mike's comments, but she doesn't think Roy can, and asks Mike to keep the truth to himself. Just then, Janice and some of the other workers arrive, and Janice sticks her head in the door to offer her congratulations to Roy for doing what they'd all wanted to do themselves. After she goes, Mike tells Hayley that he'll try to be discreet, but can't promise what might slip out, in the heat of the moment. [Ooh, that didn't come out quite right !]

Les is collecting Toyah, freshly returned from her holiday. He tells her she looks great, and thinks there might be a twinkle in her eye. Excited, she tells him about this great bunch of girls she was with, one of them could drink a whole bottle of vodka, and then they were mooning at some lads [and this is not what Les wants to hear, really] and that's how she met... HIM. Someone by the name of "Dobber". [I had to stifle a laugh at this, in front of the kids. Where I grew up, this was a term of abuse, and was pretty much what you would call some bloke if you thought he was a "dick", which was what it was taken to mean.] Les hopes she didn't do anything she shouldn't have. "You what ?!", says Toyah. It weren't like that, apparently, cos they fell in love. The real thing. It might have been best if Les could have rolled his eyes right back in their sockets at this point, but we had to content ourselves with his hopeful observation that Dobber probably lived miles away. In another country, with a bit of luck. But his luck's out, as Toyah tells that he practically lives round the corner. She went to his school, even. And he'll be round to see her straight away.

Natalie and Lorraine are idly chatting behind the bar about the weekend with Des' family. It doesn't seem to have gone as well as Natalie might have hoped, Des said nothing to her or his family about having asked her to move in with him.

Janice and Liz and Hayley arrive for lunch. Liz is fishing for snippets of gossip about exactly what Mike said to Roy that prompted his early bath. Just then, Mike arrives, and Janice suggests a replay for her benefit. Mike says he'll buy them all a drink, "to shut them up", and adds he'll buy one for Hayley too, "as well as the ladies". He doesn't bear a grudge, see. [Just a mile-wide cruel streak.]

As Les and Toyah arrive back home in a taxi, a nasty-looking specimen of modern yoof is seen hanging about. We don't need a sign-post to know that this is Dobber. He and Toyah snog enthusiastically. She introduces him to Les, who shrugs a brief "hello". Dobber responds with an overly chummy "how are you Les, y'alright ?", which if I had been Les would probably have incited me to stick a fist down his throat and remove his lungs the hard way. Thirteen million viewers cool to Dobber in the space of about 15 seconds.

Alma is furtively shuffling through files in Curly's office. She seems to have found something interesting, but is interrupted by Anne Malone, and just about manages to excuse herself by asking where the till rolls might be kept. In the drawer below, it fortunately turns out. We then see some rather odd goings-on as Anne hands Alma [a humble floor worker] some report to look at, then retracts them with a "wrong ones" comment, and then produces another set of figures, showing store growth and expansion plans. Alma is as bemused as the rest of us, as to what this means. It seems to satisfy the mad Anne, though.

Intermission
How dare they ? In the middle of Corrie, we find Dirty Den in the bath, humouring us with "life after soap" and "cleaning up my act" quips. Spooky. Oh, and some *dreadful* life assurance ads from Pearl, along the lines of "I hope you've made proper provision for the kids, you might die or be horribly maimed tomorrow". Sort of thing that almost makes you want to plan to die penniless, just to keep commission out of the hands of this lot.

Act 2
Gary has arrived at the "audition" - three young lads with two guitars and a keyboard in a garage. It goes really badly, as they all discover that not only does Gary have no musical knowledge whatsoever, but his drumming skills are on a par with the average "two pencils on the edge of the desk" office worker. Don't give up your day job, Gary.

Alma and Spider discuss her unsuccessful attempt to get hold of the address of the Bettabuys [or was it Firmans ?] employee who knew the truth about Anne's attempt to get Curly sacked for sexual harassment. They might know the street, but Spider isn't too keen on knocking on dozens of strangers' doors. But he has a cunning plan - something involving being nice to Anne... Mike joins them at the bar, and Alma wants to know if he has been civil to Hayley. Of course, says Mike, he's never been one to mock the afflicted. As he raises his voice, and looks pointedly at Hayley, she looks away.

Toyah and Dobber enter the cafe, and he orders two meals for them. Roy hints to Toyah that he could do with a hand behind the counter, but Dobber replies that this is "hard luck". He asks Toyah what they're going to do that afternoon. "Oh, you're not starting that again !", says Toyah. Dobber points out that everyone else on holiday was "at it". Toyah thinks he should respect her for not being so easy. At this point, Roy dumps some cutlery on their table in a very off-hand fashion. Dobber presses Toyah further. She thinks she will, soon. He asks if her Mum and Dad are out of the house that afternoon. [Hey mate, I think soon might have been weeks or months, not minutes !] Toyah shudders at the thought of her parents' house, it wouldn't be right. Besides, she hasn't got any, you know, precautions. Dobber will "take care" of that. And he might be able to get hold of his brother's motor. "Really ?", asks an easily impressed young Battersby.

Gary calls at Jim's house, and tells him that the audition didn't go well. He realises that buying a drum-kit and being a proper musician was just a dream, and he's sold the drums. Shame, so it is.

Natalie pops in to see Des, and asks him how he thinks the weekend went. Before long, they are discussing what it really means to move in together. Well, to be more honest, Natalie is firing awkward questions at Des, and he is answering with ums and ers. She realises that he is reluctant to make any real commitment - he'd be happy if she sold her house and moved in, but it alarms him to think of it happening the other way round.

Toyah is standing on the pavement, opposite her house, waiting for her no-mark boyfriend. Janice spots her and tries to engage her in conversation. Toyah is mortified less Dobber should arrive, and mutters responses like "go inside" and "bog off !". Naturally he arrives. In a hurry. In a bright red dick-mobile. [Amazingly, the credits mention a "stunt driver" - clearly specialist skills are required for driving at more than 5mph on the cobbled streets of Weatherfield !] Toyah gets into his car, still sadly impressed, and some tonsil tickling takes place. She asks if he had "got something" and apparently he has. Janice walks over and introduces herself. She tells Dobber she's heard a lot about him. "So what ?", says the charmless oik, and drives off. [Tears, mark my words, it'll all end in tears.]

Des enters the Rovers, to talk to Natalie. He's decided that he is serious about their future, and he'll make a commitment if that's what she wants. Natalie points out she doesn't want to be the latest in a long line of women who've moved in with him, only to move out again soon after. He agrees that this is probably a fair comment on his track record, but he's not proud of it.

Spider relays the latest news from the battle front to Alma. He found the right house, but the woman had moved on. However, Anne wants to meet him. Alma is worried about what he might be getting into.

Janice is telling Les of her first impressions of Dobber. "I wanted to slap him !", she says. [Didn't we all ?] Les was impressed with his motor. "Anyway, why's he called Dobber ?", wonders Janice, "has he got something to brag about, downstairs ??". [See !!] "What, like me you mean ?", asks Les. Janice gives him a *withering* look.

Roy is locking up the cafe, as Hayley arrives home. He asks how her day has gone, and in particular how she had got on with Mike Baldwin. It's clear from her answer that Mike has continued to make disparaging remarks, but Hayley tells Roy not to let himself get worked up about it. He fears that Mike's snide comments may be between themselves at the moment, but that he'll start talking in public eventually. Hayley says they will cross that bridge when they come to it.

We close this week with Toyah and Dobber. Not on a deserted beach at sunset, nor in a country house hotel, nor even a meadow on a summer's afternoon, but in Dobber's brother's car, in a lay-by, next to a greasy spoon caravan. Dobber asks "how about it ?". Toyah gets around to admitting that she's a virgin, but he says he'll show her what's what. "Let's get in the back", he adds romantically. [This is broad daylight and all !] Let's lower the curtain now before it gets any worse...

This episode was written by Sally Wainwright.

I've just realised we didn't see Sally or Kevin or Greg tonight. What a pleasant change. And now, yet another character to really *hate*. Dobber. I think it's fairly obvious where this storyline is heading (especially as I have already seen Monday's episode, but I'll not spoil it by revealing more) and yet it's been well written to appear perfectly believable (okay, the location of the final scene excepted) and perhaps even inevitable for a poor innocent like Toyah. Janice already has his measure, but is it too late ?

Overall rating (out of 5 stars): ***1/2

Right then, off to the spell checker. Lordy, just as weighty as ever. Still, if a new slimline update appears in the future, don't say I didn't warn you !

Take care, John Laird

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Monday 5 October

*groggy clearing of throat*

Hiya :)

Yes, it's the notorious Post-Contress Update! I'm still recovering from the quite remarkable lack of sleep and vast intake of alcohol brought on by said Contress, so please bear with me in terms of spulling errors, grammatical mistakes and general lack of wit. I assure you normal (!) service will be resumed next week but for now you'll have to bear with me as I slowly recover from the wild, weird and wonderful Blackpool Weekend. If you're expecting a run-down of all the perverted debauchery you'll have to ask elsewhere since all I found were a group of lovely, charming people from all over the world with whom I had great pleasure talking... Err... Ok, I'll rephrase. If you want a run-down of all the perverted debauchery you'll just have to offer me a larger bribe than they did. ;)) Seriously though, everyone was rather delightful and the lewd and lacsivious behaviour was kept to a bare minimum (the naked man chained to a railing outside the Pleasant Hotel at 8pm on Saturday night providing the "bare" part...) although honourable mention in these stakes goes to "Lusty" Vivienne Smith for boasting a proud scream of "YESSS!" in front of a packed tour (mostly complete strangers, I should add) at the World Of Coronation Street when the question was raised whether anyone present had 'had' more lovers than Elsie Tanner... ;) (Last count for Elsie was 27, I believe!) Rumours/Protests that Vivienne misunderstood the question and was actually saying "Yes" to something completely different and far more innocent have been ignored in the name of humilia..*cough*..humour, despite the fact that they're quite likely to be true. ;)

Anyways, joking aside, I had an absolutely lovely time so thanks are in order to everyone (attendees and organisers) who made it that way... So lovely, in fact, was my weekend that I almost allowed myself to turn in a *gasp* LATE UPDATE in the name of rest but that just wouldn't do, so here's me best shot on low-batteries... Enjoy! (And forgive!) :)

After the titles proclaim this episode as being sponsored by Cadbury's Dairy Milk, we open in the presence of Les and Janice Battersby, early morning. As Les sits glued to the credits of a Breakfast TV show (you can hear the awful music...) Janice calls down Toyah (who apparently is running a bit late for school, having had a night on the tiles) before confiding in her husband that she's concerned about "that lad", in reference to Toyah's new, bizarrely nicknamed boyfriend, 'Dobber'. Les, only half-interested, says it'll do the girl good to "enjoy herself" after "that turn in London" but Janice is still *highly* suspicious of 'Dobber' and worries that Toyah's schoolwork may slip as a result of his influence. It's decided, albeit reluctantly (the lure of spookily long running Breakfast TV credits seems to be tempting him away from his fatherly duties!), that Les should have a word with her, although not before Janice has performed an obligatory interrogation first. The line of questioning is none too fruitful, as Toyah lies and says she was "out", "with her mates", "on the street" and "doing nowt" so Janice leaves for work, leaving her husband and daughter to have a heart-to- heart. He asks her to vow that she won't do "owt daft" with her new boyfriend ("Drugs... or... owt else") and, after assuring that he trusts her and is just worried for her Mum's sake, he finally gets her to make the promise. This pleases him as it means Toyah can get off to school on time and he can go back to watching that fascinating, eternally-running theme music on the telly.

Meanwhile outside, Roy is walking Hayley to work (hand-in-hand... awww! :)) and making sure that she'll be alright. She assures him she can handle it just as they run into the eternally chirpy Martin Platt. They exchange a bit of inconsequential small-talk as Nurse Platt disappears off to find a nearby five thousand to feed. Hayley uses this incident to try and make Roy feel better by mentioning that "there is life beyond Mike Baldwin, you know... Everyone else likes us!" but Sir Royston still seems very het up about the whole situation. The Lady In Red suggests that they invite Martin and Gail around to supper again, "our first supper party at your flat... as a couple", and this seems to make him perk up a little. He says it's a "good idea" and will ask Gail when he gets back to work. She kisses him on the cheek and heads off to the factory. :)

Over t'road, Toyah, sporting a school-skirt from The Bev Callard Wardrobe O'Skimp (TM) that would have gotten her a hefty detention in my day, bumps into Leanne and they exchange words which come round to 'Dobber'. Toyah confesses that Les and Janice are mad with her because she was out late last night with a boy she met on holiday prompting Lee to ask if this means she's "you know" (oh, you *know*)... The truth comes out that not only did she "you know" for the first time last night (argh!) but she also neglected to "use precautions", something which Leanne is displeased to hear, to say the least, and adds she's not surprised the Battersby Elders are annoyed. "They don't know what 'appened" insists Toyah but Leanne glances down at her half-sister's belly and says ominously "They will"... Rut roh... I think the penny drops.

In the MacDonald Household, Jim sits lifting weights with the greatest of ease, to the complimenting tones of Occupational Therapist Michael (as opposed to Psychotherapist Michael or Best-Friend Michael, both of whom are available as seperate toys... "Life in Plastic, it's fantastic!"). Michael-Doll thinks it's a good idea for Jim to "branch out" now he's "got some of his confidence back", adding that the MacDonald Household and The Rovers aren't very "adventurous" before finally putting forth the suggestion that Jim should take Liz out for a meal somewhere. A change of scenery, et al. Jim isn't sure he's ready for it.. "A room full of strangers and all that carry-on" he mutters and mumbles, in his inimitably cynical way but the Thankfully Thoughtful Therapist thinks this is just what Jim needs, prompting the Irishman to say "You know Michael, you could talk me into just about anything" before adding, "The question is, what will Liz say?"... One wonders aimlessly at this point if Michael could talk him into appearing on 'Ready Steady Cook!' again. ;))) (For the non-UK viewers, I apologise if that one made no sense...)

Meanwhile at The Cafe.. Sir R is humbly inviting Gail to a meal. Gail seems a bit surprised and insists it's her turn this time but Roy explains it's no problem "unless you think I'm being pushy". The Perplexed Platt smiles, tells him not to be silly, "umms", "ahhs" and then chirps that she and Martin are free tomorrow night and would love to come over. Roy says that if she feels guilty about it she can always have him and Hayley over at a later date, before whipping out his diary and suggesting that maybe they make a weekly thing out of it. The Platts' one week, Roy & Hayley's the next! Gail says she'll speak to Martin and smiles politely although it's obvious from the look in her eyes that she finds this idea to be somehow unappealling.

In The Rovers, as this is happening, Drinking-Partner Michael (the latest in this range of hot and happening toys!) stands at the bar buying a round of drinks as the two MacDonalds, who are sitting close by, discuss dinner. Liz seems pleasantly surprised that Jim has offered this and asks if he's sure he's up to it. He responds with "Of course I'm up to it... The question is are you? In case I make a fool out of meself" (You, Jim?? Never!!! Not you! Not Jim "Sober and Sensible" MacDonald!) and she happily accepts the invitation, suggesting they just do it and see what happens.

Janice walks in at this point and makes straight for the bar, like any wise woman would. ;) Upon reaching her destination, she discovers Roy and tells him their "drawing lots" on him over at the factory about who gets to run his fan club! (Incidentally, when they elect the president, I simply *must* sign up for a membership card! :)) Anyways, Roy is obviously a bit wary of this attention and tells Janice politely that a fan club "isn't really the right attitude to take". She reckons it is because Baldwin deserved everything he got (too bloody right! and then some!) and that she thinks Roy's "really fab" (I reiterate: too bloody right! and then some! :)) She then kisses him on the cheek and scampers off to the other end of the pub, giggling. Just then, the saloon doors burst open, the moody tones of Ennio Morricone fill the air and Baldwin El Bastardo, the meanest bandit in The West, strides up to the bar. "Flavour Of The Month, now, are we, eeeeeh gringo?" he sneers in a heavy Mexican accent, picking his blackened teeth with a splinter (Ok ok!!! I'll nip the tacky Western crap in the bud..). Roy retains his dignity and says "I wouldn't know" but Baldwin tells him to "Enjoy it while it lasts" which instantly hits the Terror Nerve with Sir R who asks, nervously "Meaning...??". Before the swine can answer, Hayley enters and he merely says, arrogantly "Oh look, here's your boyfriend" before adding, even more viciously, "There was a King Harold wasn't there? You know 1066 and all that? They all get in the eye eventually..." and walking off, sneering. I was going to write something like "The bastard! The absolute bastard!" here but decided that would be a ridiculous understatement (Top marks to Johnny Briggs however, for playing Baldwin at his very lowest to seriously teeth-grinding effect... I'm convinced I'll need major dental care before too long...). Anyways, Hayley can tell that Roy is upset and asks what Baldwin said, getting the half-stuttered answer of "Oh.. Nothing... Just the usual taunting...". She tells him not to let it get to him but he can only ask "But it does, doesn't it?" rhetorically, before heading back to work.

Superman Michael (Limited Edition doll available while stocks last!) is sitting with Liz, as Roy leaves, and isn't much surprised when she tells him about the forthcoming dinner. She catches on to the fact that it was his suggestion and thanks him, gushingly, saying "Oh, I don't know what we'd have done without you" and such likes. He plays it modestly, as he would, so she thanks him once more.

In The Cafe, Gail puts forth Roy's dinner plans to Martin who is about as impressed as punk rocker in a line-dance. When she adds that Roy wanted to make a weekly event out of it, Martin gasps with shock, dead-against the idea of spending a night in with good quality company as opposed to turning water into wine before a crowd of cured lepers. "Perhaps we should knock tomorrow night on the head then" he suggests, "Start as we mean to go on" but is dismayed when his wife reveals she has already agreed to it.

Toyah is sitting nearby and The Despicable Dobber walks in (He's been in the Street less than 2 episodes... I already can't stand the guy and am calling him names... Shame on me! ;)) to sit down and smarm at her in an arrogant and smug kind of way. In fact, he's so vain he probably thinks this scene is about hi...DOH!! He wants to "blag" a free meal out of Toyah but since she's not on waitress duty at the moment he has to take a raincheck. Just then he spots Ken Barlow lurking about and exclaims disgust loudly, as his apparent ex-teacher walks over. "Hello SIR" smarms Dobber in a hideously false manner, to which Ken replies "Hello Philip" (heh heh! heh heh!). They get into a brief and obviously uncomfortable conversation about what 'Philip' is up to these days and when asked if he's found a job yet he retorts "No sir, unfortunately. How about you, sir? Have you got a job yet?". Ouch! Ken leaves with a rather angry look on his face leaving Philip to badmouth him behind his back. Toyah seems, understandably, awkward and it goes without saying she doesn't mention the Private Lessons.

Back in the Rovers, Spider is talking with Alma and gobbling down peanuts at a rapid rate. He is, apparently, meeting with RoboAnneMalone(TM) later on in the day and is somewhat nervous. Alma offers her assistance but Spider stares wide-eyed into oblivion, like a psycho cartoon character and declines... "Nah, you can set up the bullet", he says, in a Frank Drebin kinda way, "But it's me who has to bite it!". I half-expected him to turn to the camera and say "Red Rock Cider: It's not red and there's no rocks in it", but mercifully the scene ends and cuts back to...

...The cafe, where Dobber/Philip gets up for a pee. Conveniently, Leanne comes in right about now and asks Toyah rather incredulously if that's the boy she's seeing. "Phil Dobson???" she exclaims and Toyah responds with "Yeah?? You used to fancy him!!" (eh? News to us!) before Leanne says that this was when she was "thirteen and didn't know any better" (This all seems a bit *too* convenient, no?). Apparently, he's notorious for "using women and dumping them" or "getting them in trouble with the police" but Toyah insists that the two of them are "in lurve". Gargh, not *AGAIN*! Jon Lindsey/Deidre Rachid... Greg Kelly/Sally Webster... Dobber Dobson/Toyah Battersby... And that's just in the last nine months alone!!! I really hope they do something a bit more productive with this one. So, back to the show, Leanne tells Toyah rather forcefully to go to the Doctors' in the afternoon and get a morning after pill, informing of all the details ("it works for 72 hours after the event", "it's all confidential these days", etc...) and ends her speech with the threat that if she "doesn't want to be pushing a snotty nosed kid around for her 17th birthday" she should get to it, pronto.
END OF PART ONE

The adverts are as unconvincing as ever. Hearing a bloke exclaim "Direct Line Rescue??? Is that new???" with boundless surprise just seems ridiculous in the light that adverts for this service have been bombarded down our throats for seemingly eons... Load o' rubbish soooo... on with...

PART TWO
Roy, diary back in hand, is telling Gail in T'Caf' that Hayley is "delighted" about the Dinner Party. Gail, however, reports that it won't be so easy to do the weekly thing, making the excuse that "Martin might find it a bit of a problem, you know, working shifts", so Roy suggests they all "play it by ear". This isn't quite the response Gail was after so she prompts politely "Don't you have any other friends you'd like to have round? I mean, we wouldn't want to monopolise you.." but Roy insists that if he felt they were "imposing" ("there's nothing worse than people imposing on you", he muses) he would tell them.

Over at a table, Dobber is being an arsehole to Toyah, something I wouldn't recommend for his health while Mike Plowman prowls the Earth! :) They discuss "last night" and Toyah suggests that in the future they should "use something" so they don't "catch things". He sneers indignantly that she "won't catch owt" off him before adding snottily that if it's that much of a problem they should just forget it altogether. Yawn, yawn, who brought The Bumper Book Of Cliche's back onto the Corrie set? More to the point, who let this wanker run free with it? (I'm sorry if I'm going against the grain here, especially since it's early days in this storyline but as I mentioned earlier I'm sick to death of these "Evil, nasty man with *blatantly* see-through lies" -vs- "Innocent naive woman in love" stories coming so quickly one after the other and I certainly think that in the light of the superb Toyah Tales we've had recently, Georgia Taylor is capable of so much more. I, personally, was much happier seeing her character go doo-lally over Spider Nugent than this wally... (All those comments are purely IMHO, I should add... Plus, as I said, this *is* early days yet... I may be forced to eat my words on this subject, who knows?))

Anyway, Natalie is moving into Des' house, it would seem, and is unpacking a lamp. Des thinks this is silly since he has plenty of lamps himself but Nat insists that it's just her way of making herself feel "at home" before adding that "that's the difference between men and women. You lot can live anywhere as long as it's 'okay' whereas we like to make the place our own". He smiles and says, almost sarcastically, "I'm sure whatever you do, it'll look great" as he unpacks a tremendously unexciting porcelain ornament. This leads to a snog. Not sure what else I can say, here, really. As I said at the beginning of this, I'm half- asleep and the more I type, the later it's getting!

Ken emerges from the Kabin and catches Janice on her way home. He wants "a word" with her and explains that he saw Toyah at lunchtime in the Cafe with a boy he "used to teach, Philip Dobson" prompting a sigh of "Not 'im again" from Janice who then asks "What was he like?" and is unsurprised to hear that 'Dobber' is often in trouble with the police for petty stealing and the likes (*snore*). Speak of the Devil and we cut over to the Cafe, which is almost closed. Dobber (Does that name sound soooo "Home And Away" or WOT??) enters, asking for a "pie and chips... on the house", but when he's told that they've stopped serving hot meals he decides to settle for "a tenner out of the till". Toyah looks a bit shocked and just then, Hayley enters, multiple bags under her arms. Gail jokes that she must be "shopping for Christmas" but Hayley smiles and says it's for tomorrow night's meal since Roy is "making something special" ("if a job's worth doing, it's worth doing well!", he adds, proudly). Ever the gentleman, he offers to help his girlfriend with the bags and they stumble up the stairs with the assistance of Gail. Of course, the fact that all three are now out of the room leaves Toyah free to, admittedly with a look of utter guilt on her face, remove ten pounds from the cash-till, as the evil Philip looks on, grinning like a failed audition for "The Omen III".

Jim and Friz, meanwhile, are sitting down for a meal in rather impressive surroundings for Weatherfield standards. ;) Candles everywhere, nice lighting, even a polite and unpatronising waiter! They ask to view the Wine List and exchange small-talk. As they do this, a dubious looking gent in a suit gives Liz the typical "Mmm.. let's go back to my place" looks from a darkened corner of the restaurant... Liz eyes him back, nervously. Hmm... Just like Hollywood.

Meanwhile, at their humble abode, Les and Janice sit in the living room discussing the situation their daughter has landed herself in. Les says he had the talk with her this morning and everything seems ok but Janice tells him what Ken said. "You can't stop her from seeing him", reasons Les, holding his wife's hand in a rare act of compassion "But what you *can* do is make sure she behaves sensibly". The front door opens and, sure enough, it's Toyah and Devil-Boy. Les offers the two of them a seat but they want to go upstairs, a prospect which displeases Janice to the extent that she *demands* vehemently they stay down in the living room before adding it's not that she doesn't trust Toyah: "It's just I don't like the company you keep". Dobber takes this as his cue to leave but Les defends him, by saying "Aw, c'mon, she didn't mean it like that, son". Not the best thing to say as Janice retorts "Oh yes I did... I mean, DOBBER? What kind of a name's that? Y'sound like a horse!" leading to the riposte: "Yeah, well at least I don't look like one!" (Obviously, this kid *wants* to be added to Mike Plowman's Hit List asap without passing "GO!" or collecting £200!). Les throws the "mouthy little squirt" out in a torrent of abuse and sends a Tantrumming Toyah to her room.

I'll be brief with this scene, since it left me so underimpressed and my batteries are running out, rapidly: Spider is visiting RoboAnneMalone(TM) at her office and she is questioning him about his lie/confession the other day that Curly has a crush on her. He blags it in much the same way he's done so far and she falls for it hook, line and sinker. The Robot admits that she had a big crush on Curly, also and then they both agree that Curly was set up. When asked if she has any ideas on whodunnit, RoboAnne says "Yes, I have actually..."

Back to the Battersbys' now, where Toyah is coming downstairs, sulkily, and heading for the kitchen. The door goes and Janice instantly reckons it to be Devil-Boy but thankfully it's only Leanne who heads straight for the kitchen also ("I'll just make meself a coffee", being her excuse) to talk to Toyah who has, apparently (God knows when!), been to the doctors' for the Morning After Pills, which she is presently taking with a glass of water. Leanne is glad she took the advice but says sternly "and next time... take precautions" before leaving back to the living room, oddly without a coffee. C'mon, continuity people! ;P

I'm amazed at the amount of *really* short scenes in tonight's show, it seems to cut back and forth all the time, so apologies for the possible disjointedness of this update. We're back with Spider and RoboAnneMalone(TM) now, as they discuss conspiracy theories for the upcoming Hollywood animated-movie "Who Framed Curly Watts?". The 'Bot starts to reel off a long story which doesn't sound too far removed from the truth about how a co-worker had a crush on Curly but the affection wasn't returned so, unable to cope with rejection ("Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned", she says, tackily), she set the poor guy up. When quizzed as to who this culprit is, RoboAnne points the finger at ALMA BALDWIN(dunno about you but I'd guessed this about five minutes ago)! Apparently Alma confessed her alleged love for Curly to RoboAnne in a moment of weakness. The Bot suggests that her and Spider "set up" Alma with ransom notes, in much the same way as Curly was set up... Spider says he'll "do anything to clear Curly's name"... I begin to wonder where Scooby Doo is at this point.

At the posh restaurant, Jim has wheeled himself off to the restrooms, dropping his napkin by mistake on the way out. Mr Dubious in the dark corner takes this opportunity to approach the now-solo Liz and say, smoothly "Your friend dropped this", handing the napkin back to her. She thanks him and he tells her that Jim is a "lucky man" (oh dear, oh dear, *SOMEONE* doesn't watch Corrie ;))) adding "so would I be if you'd ever care to get in touch" while handing over his business card. Liz (unexpectedly!) lies and says she's a "happily married woman" so Senor Sleaze oozes away back into the corner again. Just then Jim returns and realises that the odd-fellow had been hitting on his companion. Liz insists that nothing happened but Jim is now angered and decides to go over and start yelling at the guy, threatening that he would "batter" him if he wasn't in the chair. "You think you've got the right cos I'm paralysed?" he asks, but the anonymous stranger leaves in silence. Liz says there was no need for it but Jim, now set off on a familiar trail of bitterness and jealously accuses Liz of "enjoying" an "able-bodied man" coming on to her... After putting up with his ranting, she gives him the Inverse-Midas Speech: "You don't change do you? You ruin everything you touch, Jim" and then the credits roll.

So that's that. Sorry I can't be more enthused but it was, on the whole, a rather average episode. Certainly not a bad one and not lacking in strong scenes, but there's something about this Toyah storyline that's worrying me... Can't put my finger on it right now, mind. Of course, my tiredness didn't help things but still, I'm sure we'll be back to normal next week. :) No further comments, yr'honour. Battery death imminent!!!

Take care! :) The Rattler

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Wednesday 7 October

I have bravely[read stupidly:)] taken the plunge to step into the much esteemed shoes of CP to do the Wednesday updates. However, this will be on alternate weeks and to give you some variety, I believe Roz Mitchell will be covering the alternate Wednesdays with me, awaiting confirmation.

Already I've suffered with first night nerves resulting in me taping over Wednesday's episode so had to wait for Sunday for the repeat omnibus, hence the delay for which I humbly apologise.

Ive only done two updates previously so be gentle with me kind viewers and allow me the same privileges as Sally Webster...the occasional cock up!!

Enough of this pre-emptory drivel, on we go with last Wednesday's update.

WWWelll, tth th thats all for now folks, I leave you in the trusty hands of Roz for this Wednesday's update and Ill see you all next week.

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Friday 9 October

At long last, I've got round to doing my Blackpool Ping report. Do take alook !

Have fun folks and thanks to everyone who made it an enjoyable week!!Anyway... without further ado, it's time for the update, sponsored by Cadbury's Dairy Milk

Well, how was it for me? One of those coming to a head type of episodes, as Michael makes his move on Liz and Anne looks like coming unstuck in her plot to set up Curly and now Alma. The salon is in the middle of a handover, with all the uncertainties that this situation brings - new brooms and all that... Meanwhile, Gareh and Judeh start preparing for parenthood....

Good moments.. well, for me, the Ice Queen becoming a reality???

Apart from that, a competent middle of the road episode.....

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Sunday 11 October

This week I've had to leave the preamble until the end, to make sure I had time to actually get the update written. There's only a few minutes left before the bell goes [metaphorically], so not much time to ramble on about the trivia and minutae of my life over the last seven days.

One nice interlude in an otherwise rather uneventful week was an invitation to the evening reception after a college friend's wedding. This was our first remarriage for Mrs L and I, shows we're reaching that sort of age, I suppose. Some of the other guests were folks I'd known at college and had hardly seen since. A quite unfathomable 17 years, in one or two cases. The really funny thing is that they hadn't really changed much at all. Perhaps we haven't either. Shows what a fine upstanding undergraduate I was all those years ago !

But that's enough nostalgia, let's hasten off to Weatherfield to see what's going on in the lives of the residents of Coronation Street...

This episode was perfectly missable. It had a tired, going-through-the- motions feel about it, only enlivened by a couple of amusing little moments from Rosie and Sophie. Further dissection is probably unwise !

Overall rating (out of 5 stars): *1/2

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Monday 12 October

Well, what can I say? If the whole idea of an Update is to inform those who were unfortunate enough to not catch an episode exactly what they *missed* then here I present this week's Monday Update:

Oh, alright, that's a bit of a cop-out but even so, this has to be one of the poorest episodes I've seen since the Darren Whateley story a few months ago (which never *did* properly end, did it? Not that I'm complaining, mind!). As a result, I really don't feel like going into excessive detail about half the scenes so this week's proceedings will be of a slighter slimmer, duller volume than is normal. Here's hoping for better next time around!!!

So there you have it. Aside from that final little bit of comeuppance for a certain cocky swine, a really dire episode, by my mileage, hence the dodgy update and total lack of enthusiasm on my part. The Jim/Liz/Michael love triangle is rapidly becoming infinitely more tedious that the never- ending Kevin/Sally/Greg one and the RoboAnne Malone plot gets my vote for by far the worst one this year and the dragging out of it is a surefire cure for insomnia. Let's hope all of this rot gets wrapped up asap and we can resume to the normal service of pure televisual magic that we're used to... Til next time, take care! :)

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Wednesday 14 October

Welcome to the Ruthie 'n' Rosie Show. Yes, those intrepid adventurers, following their daring voyage to the very heart of the Blackpool Ghost Train, are now bringing your their tour of Weatherfield, alternating Wednesdays.

Tradition seems to indicate that I should start with some sort of personal preamble. Well, I'd really like to draw a veil over what has been Not One Of My Better Weeks but one bright star that shines through is the postcard now sitting on my desk. It shows a lovely picture of Durham Cathedral shrouded in trees, and comes from my daughter Karen Spry, who is now settled in to St Aidans College, studying history (and not modern languages at all :/), and so far loving every minute. One to treasure, I think.

My scratch video got used up for something else. So I had to go through my precious collection of 40s film noir and weepy musicals to find a tape to sacrifice on the altar of Corrie updates. I settled on "To Have and Have Not" - you know the one; Humphrey Bogart, in Vichy French territory in WW2 and with the means to aid the escape of the resistance but too cynical to do much about it, falls for a femme fatale and sacrifices himself to the cause. What? You thought that was "Casablanca"? No, this was the big budget version of the same basic story with a top director (Howard Hawks), and real stars, and one unforgettable moment (Lauren Bacall: "You know how to whistle don't you Steve? You just put your lips together and blow"), but despite all that, nothing like as good. There's a moral in there somewhere, about how big budgets, stars and high tech don't necessarily make a better product. So it is with CS; I do feel that some of the grittiness of old black and white Corrie's from the 1960s has been lost.

Talking of films, HTV scheduled the 1994 film of "Maverick" to follow Corrie last night. That's the recreation of the old TV western with Mel Gibson in the role immortalised by James Garner, with the wonderful and rather underrated Garner in a guest role. And, said the HTV continuity announcer after the trailer for it, it's "more a case of High Noon in Weatherfield..."

This episode was sponsored by Cadbury's Dairy Milk and scripted by Jan McVerry.
Pretty good, not brilliant but not at all bad.

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Friday 16 October

It's not been a particularly eventful week, after all the activity of previous weeks, just trying to get back to normal life, if there is such a thing in this household. Those of you who read my rambling updates regularly, will be aware of some of the frustrations I have been experiencing with the excessive bureaucracy in my job, frustrations which have caused me some grief, healthwise, this year. Well, I decided a few weeks back that these were not battles I could win and what I now need to do is to pursue career alternatives, which side-step those frustrations, but enable me to capitalise on my skills and interests. Although I am doing a job which is very different to my first one after graduating, in a lot of ways, I haven't really changed - I guess the difference is that now I understand better, who I am and what makes me tick. Basically, the engineer is still there, the curiosity with life, the desire to crack problems is still important. Those who know me from IRC, have an inkling of how important and satisfying it is for me to help people. As I am a person with a high level of technical skill, I have come to the conclusion that I would be better off in a technical training/support role. So, over the next few weeks and months, my activities are going to be directed towards that goal.

The other goal of building "a life" after getting set in a groove also continues. I realised recently, that I haven't been to a pop concert for over 20 years - a pretty astonishing thing considering that popular music has been am important part of my life for over 35 years! Well, it might take something to get me moving, but when I do so, I don't do things by halves!!! This afternoon I popped into Manchester city centre to book for three concerts over the coming months, namely, Elton John, Rod Stewart and Neil Diamond!!! Should be good!!!

While in the centre this afternoon (a Sunday), I was reflecting on how life has changed over the years. The place was a bustling hive of activity - alive with a great buzz - which made me proud to be a Northerner and a Mancunian. I remember the outrage I felt on a number of levels, just over two years ago, when part of the centre was destroyed by the IRA bomb. Well, there is currently a lot of building activity going on, the refurbished Royal Exchange building is open to some new shops and cafes and the buzz is definitely there. Hopefully, Manchester will become THE place of the North, if it isn't so already. I also recall, not that long ago, Manchester, in common with many other towns and cities would be dead on a Sunday - it's so exciting seeing it alive and thriving. I have no wish to get into Lord's Day religious debates, but I do think Sunday opening is a great thing for the place. What is also pleasing is the continuing redevelopment of the centre - many derelict office blocks are being converted into hotels and apartments, providing accommodation right in the heart of the city. My father could never understand British cities which were largely ghost towns at night, whereas, on the Continent, cities were a place in which to live and play, as well as work and shop. Well, I think he would be pleased, as I am, to seeing Manchester addressing this issue, with some success.

Anyway, enough of this stuff... without further ado, it's time for the update ...

Well, how was it for me? Not a bad episode, largely one of those set-the-scene for the future type of episodes. The Greg/Sally relationship continues to fall apart, with some major stresses and strains becoming evident. The Liz/Michael relationship is set to take off and Des' and Natalie's wedding plans go into gear.

Good moments.... apart from the pleasure of seeing Greg/Sally starting to fall apart, the Roy/Hayley/Mike saga provided the best moments. The dilemma facing Hayley in terms of disclosing her past is coming to a head, with a wonderful piece of dialogue between Roy and Hayley. The classic moment, of course, provided by Mike Baldwin, "Good evening, lads!" - I would think that many a TV set in the country would have had something thrown at it in anger at that cruel jibe.

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Sunday 18 October

Absolutely no preamble today, as I have to be off home for me tea and the grim prospect of explaining to Mrs L just why another chunk of savings has disappeared getting her car fixed. It was "steaming" yesterday, and she'll be steaming today...

A right curate's egg tonight. Some terrible bits, mostly with Sally and Greg going on and on and on, and Les. And the return of the Undead. But on the whole, gripping stuff as we watch Hayley's secret unfold, and the very mixed reactions of those around her.

Overall rating (out of 5 stars): ****

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Monday 19 October

When writing an update you soon learn that you have to watch the episode concerned twice[at least]. Once at normal speed and once with the finger hovering over the pause button as you write down dialogue and try and capture the essence of each moment in order to recreate it for eager readers. Particularly those who don't actually get to see the programme at all. Its quite a responsibility I can tell you. And we've all had to deal with dire story lines and risen to the challenge [hopefully] of at least trying to inject humour where the scriptwriters failed on occasion, eg. the Kevin/Sally/Greg storyline.

However, I am glad to say that in the case of the Roy and Hayley storyline, nobody has had to do this [nor wanted to, I suspect]. Its been a delight to watch this on-screen relationship blossom. We've all shared Hayley's secret with Roy and Alma and now, thanks to a sensitively handled storyline, we are on Hayley and Roy's side as we see them encounter their first, and probably their most important hurdle in the relationship. Some may have thought that Roy was being selfish in Sundays episode when he asked Hayley if she had thought about how it would have affected him and how he would have felt, after all, wasnt it she who had made the life changing decision, gone ahead with, and I can only imagine, a very difficult series of operations. But, Roy is right, they are in this together and perhaps Hayley should have discussed it further with him. We can only surmise that she hoped she would experience a sense of relief which would far outweigh any repurcussions, unfortunately, as we will see, she has opened a whole new can of worms. As you will see from tonight's episode, the biggest worm, not surprisingly, is Les Battersby. Let's hope that Roy, who's a bright lad and is nobody's fool becomes the early bird that catches that worm!

I'm sorry its such a long one but I felt justified in including the dialogue and blow by blow account of the scenes with Roy and Hayley as I felt they were not only important, but well written and worth recreating here as best I could. I can't go without saying how marvellous I thought both actors were but especially David Neilsen. It must be very difficult to portray someone with a gentle nature without making him look a wimp and I think he managed that. Displaying his strong side . After all, isn't acknowledging our weaknesses actually a strength? And on that note Ill bid you farewell till next time.

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Wednesday 21 October

Hiya folks!!!! ... Time again for another update.... Fooled ya? Hahahahah!! Well....., Chris who does Mondays normally had to swap with Roofy because of work commitments, but then, as Wednesday approached, that looked tricky as well, so here I am. The very first episode I wrote was for a Monday, so after today, all I need is a Sunday for a full set.... (No John, I'm not offering, not just yet!!!) ... and the bonus for me, is that I get a weekend off for good behaviour!!!

Well, it's not been a full week, so not that much has happened. I've been enjoying myself upgrading the web-site - thanks incidentally, for the kind comments - it's got a bit more structure about it now and hopefully easier on the eye and quicker to navigate around. Much of the non-Corrie stuff has been completed, including a section on Glorious Glossop, with photos shot on the one sunny day in the year, and some stuff from our Pembrokeshire holidays, showing the dramatic coastline. Next on the agenda? Well, I'll be putting up some family pics and then attacking the Corrie section - I have a number of draft FAQ sheets to help people get onto the IRC channel, etc and these will be heavily reworked in the light of personal advice given on the channel to newbies.

On a personal note, I have been saddened that some of actions have had to be taken on IRC this week. For me, the #coro_street channel is one of the happiest places around and I certainly want to keep it that way. For that reason, I didn't envy the dilemma, which was facing the channel founder, Greggy, this week - action was taken to preserve the ethos of the channel, after much heart-searching. From time to time, friends fall out and when they do, they often go their separate ways. Friendships then get polarised as to who is going to stay pally with whom and what signals does it send as to what camp they are in. Many of us want no part of that, all we wish is to enjoy the company of our friends, have a natter, have a laugh. Wounds do take some time to heal, but if they are to heal properly, then individuals need to consider what they can learn from the experience and what needs to change in the future. I do hope the wounds do heal. For me, compassion, love, care and understanding of our fellow travellers are pretty high on the list - I have no religious faith, but "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" is a code to which I continually strive.... Long may it be so... here endeth the lesson... now, back to life...

Well, how was it for me? I suppose, so-so, has to be the only fair assessment. Another of those "leading up to the big event" type of episodes, the big one here being Natalie and Des' wedding, with some amusing moments. The Sally/Greg storyline grinds on, with nothing to commend it.

The highlight storyline, of course, being the Roy and Hayley saga. Some extremely painful moments here as Hayley is at the receiving end of some pretty cruel cheap jibes from her work colleague, Linda, and the ever predictable Les Battersby. As ever the acting by David and Julie excels, played with the appropriate sensitivity and passion. The most touching moment for me, when Roy, realising he is about to lose Hayley, becomes distraught and the passion flows, including a splendid, tender kiss from him. Wonderful stuff...

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Friday 23 October

Buttonholes firmly in place? Collars straight? Reached a suitable level of intoxication? Excellent... Welcome to the wedding of Mr Desmond Frances Barnes and Ms Natalie Felicity Horrocks, brought to you courtesy of The Rattler and Annie, an episode so good, we watched it twice and then decided it would still take both of us simply to write the update!

After the relentlessly bleak episodes this week, we finally arrive at one which lifts the spirit (and indeed had us lifting our glasses!) and leaves you feeling warm and fuzzy all over. No lengthy prologues this week, let's get straight to the fun! (Wahey!)

Well, then... It was unanimous between us that the wonderful background action in this episode by the guests in the marquee was simply far too entertaining to ever sufficiently convey in a mere written update. Our only suggestion is, for UK viewers who have access to a video recorder, to watch it again and for the rest of you, overseas, to tape this one and watch it at least twice, possibly more, in order to catch the multitude of seemingly spontaneous and utterly hilarious events going on behind the main dialogue.

All in all, this is Corrie how it *should* be, damnit! The whole episode was a joy to behold. Consistently entertaining, well plotted, lively, uplifting and excellently acted all round. Even the 2 dire scenes with Liz and Michael were worth watching for the sheer O.T.T. nature of their antics.

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Sunday 25 October

Once again, a minimum of preamble this week, as time waits for no man, just like my tea in fact which definitely won't wait long for me before it heads for the kitchen bin [we don't have a dog, and I think it might defeat the hamster].

Let's head straight off to those familiar cobbled streets...

Oh deary me. This wasn't very gripping first time around, it didn't improve on second viewing, and it didn't get any better as I wrote it up. All in all a big disappointment after the wedding episode.

But, hey, we have a new couple to hate. More so than Greg and Sally, there is now Tony and Maxine. Tony takes "uninteresting" to new depths. And on the couple front, it looks as if Toyah is getting the measure of Dobber. Smart girl. Let's hope there's no nasty aftertaste in a few months time.

Overall rating (out of 5 stars): **

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Monday 26 October

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Wednesday 28 October

What makes a man a man? When does a child become a grown-up? If ever? Will this ridiculous woman ever stop asking damn fool questions? These are riddles that recent episodes have posed to those minded to answer such things - of course others may well prefer just to watch and enjoy, using the updates to catch up on missed episodes, which is fair enough. But I do try to amuse, and add any little insights I can come up with, as well as inform.

"So employ her," says the shrewd Alma. "Would she be any good?"
"She'd be perfect!"
"OK, ask her"
"What, after all that's happened?"
"OK, I'll ask her!" says Alma, and she goes off pleased with herself.

Phew! That seemed to go on forever.

A real curate's egg of an episode, this one. Great stretches of dreariness, but some lovely moments, and a real tour-de-force from Vicky Entwistle as Janice, as nearly all the best moments involved her. She gets better and better, she does.

Script by Jan McVerry

Player of the Match: Janice Battersby, a diamond among the dross.

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Friday 30 October

Hiya folks!!!! ... Time again for another update.... It's been an interesting week or so.... For my good pals on IRC, a quick thank you for your love and care, you know who you are, you've been really tremendous... now we move forward, eh??

We went to the theatre last night, a most pleasurable experience. We spent the latter part of the afternoon in the centre of Manchester... so good to see the place buzzing with activity. The new Marks and Spencer's store is being rebuilt after the IRA bombing a couple of years ago - this will be their largest store in the world when it is completed and the whole project looks like it is progressing nicely towards the planned November 1999 opening. The Royal Exchange building has reopened with some new stores, while around the corner, St Anne's Square seems to look lovelier by the day. Just a bit further on, the Waterstones bookshop on Deansgate is in the final stages of a major refit and will be the largest bookshop for miles around when work is completed shortly - a real joy to visit. Incidentally, this work is being done in advance of some major competition planned from an American bookstore chain, due to open in Manchester, which will revolutionise bookselling in the UK. I love books and love browsing for hours, before I decide what to buy and we are set to see coffee shops coming into bookshops, where customers can browse in comfort. We went for a meal before our show to an Italian restaurant for a quick pizza and that was an interesting experience. Across the road was a Pizza Hut place, but we opted for a smaller restaurant without that brand name. I have to say that the food was far more imaginative, the surroundings more pleasant and the staff more caring than in the large chain, evidence that the big boys don't always get it right and that there is a niche for the smaller outfits who take care looking after their customers and think about their place in the market. The fact that the place was continually full in the hour we were there, says it all... power to their elbow.

We then went onto the show, called "Girls Night Out in Ibiza." I didn't know much about the storyline, apart from the fact that it was supposed to be a hilarious account of some girls on an all-ladies holiday to the sunshine resort of Ibiza. Trude commented on the predominantly young female audience building up before the show, which started to get me worried as to what we were about to get into. Well, all was revealed, well nearly all anyway, as it gradually became apparent that this was a "chicks" play - the half of the storyline I have described was true, the half I didn't know about, was the their boyfriends/partners were also at the resort, unbeknown to them, auditioning as male strippers in a club - as the storyline unfolds we gradually see each half of each couple coming together, to much mutual surprise. The female audience was largely present to see the fellas getting their kit off!!! Having said that, it really was a hilarious show, very well done, reflecting these changing times of increasing "gurrl-power - I have no problem with it, after all, if I can admire a well shaped lass, then I don't see why the ladies cannot have their fun as well....

So, a time of changes in a number of different fields, but one thing doesn't change and that's 7:30 p.m. in the UK on Friday night, when it's time for Coronation Street... ... so, without further ado, it's time for the update sponsored by Cadbury's Crunchie.

The episode commences out in the street. Les Battersby and Charlie West are looking at the cobbles in the street, they then look up at each other and nod knowingly.

Meanwhile, we see Maxine coming out of Des Barnes' place, where she has stayed the night with Tony Horrocks. She is extricating herself unwillingly from his arms to go to work. She comments as to how she feels like the living dead, but she is late for work and doesn't want to get into Audreh's bad books and get sacked. Tony, however, seems to be preoccupied with continuing his trampolining practice on the mattress with her. They hug and kiss on the doorstep, as Audrey sees her and does her yoo-hoo bit. As Maxine scoots off to work, Tony tells her he's going back to bed.

Outside chez Battersby, we have the sight of Les talking to Charlie West. Charlie has obviously a scheme in mind, but Les is not convinced - it seems like hard work to him and we know that this is anathema to the male species of genus battersbius. But Charlie is insistent and tells Les that "it's easy money." Now anyone taken in by that must be a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic, after all there is no such thing as a free lunch in life. But we realise soon that Les' concern is not related to the actual task in hand, per se. It would appear that Charlie has this contact who wants a lorry-load of street cobbles and the plan would appear to be to dig up the street in the middle of the night - what Les certainly isn't thinking of, is the risks involved in the venture of lifting the cobbles, his concern is how someone wants the cobbles in the first place. But then that's why he's at the bottom of the pile and Richard Branson is laughing all the way to the bank. Charlie tells him that he just doesn't have his finger on the old trendy pulse, these cobbles are like priceless stones and the yuppie types go mad for a bit of the "old urban squalor." He tells about this bloke in Knutsford who is "offering t...... a fiver a cobble". Even Les' un-Mensa-like mind realises that a street-load is "worth a .. a fair amount." Charlie's plan involves Les' muscle, his brains - wow! A match made in heaven! And if Les is on, tonight's the night! Les' reaction putting his arm around Charlie and giving a thumbs up sign, confirms tonight it's all systems go.

The camera moves to the Ashley Peacock residence, where RAshley is saying that he wasn't one much for clubbing, Zo, on the other hand is saying that she likes it and it could have been a really good night out if Nick hadn't been so miserable. Ashley points out that it's the lack of money that was the cause, but Zo doesn't see that as a problem, you can still have a bit of fun. She is looking around the house for her purse - this is the one that got nicked by them religious nutters, although she doesn't know that. When prompted, Ashley, who hears no evil, sees no evil and speaks no evil, asks whether she has lost it. We can almost hear Homer saying "Doh" when Zo responds, "would I be asking?" He tells her not to take it out on him, he was only asking. She tells him that it had all her money, "about six quid," but it's not the money that's the issue, it's a photo of baby Shannon. Ashley surmises that it might have got lost when she was in the club, dancing and suggests that she rings them. But streetwise Zo knows better, nobody hands purses in, if she's lost it there, then that's that, she tells him. Ashley attempts to reassure, but without apparent success.

At Underworld, Mike is on the phone talking to a customer. He's trying to retrieve an order falling apart because of Greg's actions. In an attempt to salvage the order, he asks whether he has ever let the customer down, he tries to discredit Greg by questioning whether he can deliver, he should know, after all, he fired him, he's unreliable... but the customer clearly isn't listening, he's probably paying too much attention to the bottom line. When Mike puts the phone down, he confirms to Deirdre who is going through Mike's filing cabinet, that the regular Rubens order has gone, Greg has stolen it from them, as he was able to undercut them on price, 20% less. Mike is angry at the lack of customer loyalty and asks Deirdre to get the client's file out, but Dee drops a bombshell - the file is not there, it looks as if Greg has taken it with him. "The scheming swine! You know, I gave him his big break, I trusted him!" rants Mike. The only way is to go through it the hard way - he tells Deirdre to go through all the firms they have dealt with, who have placed an order in the last three months, they will be the orders that Greg is trying to steal. He resolves that if Greg wants a fight then he can have one, he's not going to allow himself to be stitched up.

At the salon, Maxine is getting herself a coffee. Audrey notices that it's a black one and remarks as to how appropriate it is, anything to stop Maxine yawning at the customers. Max tells her they went clubbing it last night and feels rough today. Audrey comments that Maxine is not wearing suitable clothing for a salon. When Maxine tells her that it is what she wore last night and she didn't get a chance to change this morning, Audrey is horrified - surely Max's mother will be frantic. Maxine reassures her that she phoned her mother and told her that she was staying at a friend's - she confides that she actually stayed with Tony and only got about an hour's sleep. Audrey goes into "Boss mode" and informs Maxine that she had her moments as a youngster - in fact she did recently - but she never let them interfere with work. (She omits to tell her that her solution was not to work in the first place! Bitch! Bitch! Meow!!) She tells Maxine to pull herself together, there are a lot of very good hairdressers looking for work, she warns.

The scene at Underworld is no happier than earlier. Mike is on the phone to another client. What more can he give him, he asks? He is already offering the client 10% below Greg Kelly, whom would the client rather trust, Kelly or Baldwin, he asks. He agrees to go a final figure of 12.5% and when he puts the phone down, he confirms to Deirdre that they have got the Ruben order back. While Deirdre is pleased, Mike isn't so sure - he won't break even on that order, he will be lucky to come out losing only half an arm and half a leg. Maybe they should just forget it, suggests Deirdre, but Mike is in a fighting mood. "And let Greg Kelly do it? I'd rather go bankrupt and drag him down with me." He goes into the outer office and announces to the girls that from next week, until further notice, he wants an extra hour's work at the end of each shift from everyone. Janice asks what the rate will be. "Flat rate" is Mike's reply. Janice isn't amused by this, until Mike points out that the bonus still stands - if they don't like flat rate, they can have their cards right now, he is giving it to them straight, if they don't increase production, they will all be looking for a job at the end of the month.

Jim is at the Rovers, buying a bottle of wine, red wine (nudge! nudge!) - Liz is cooking, so thought he'd better buy some booze. Ruth comes into the pub and Vera asks to take her order. She doesn't want anything, as she doesn't drink alcohol, she tells Vera. She asks if Vera can help her, as she is looking for a couple of young people who live around here and, perhaps, Vera knows them. "Zo and also Ashley, I think?" she enquires. Vera points her towards the corner shop and as Ruth leaves the pub, Vera comments that it is surprising to find Zo mixing "with the likes of her." Jim expresses the view that Zo could do with more friends like this visitor, but Vera adds that she doesn't like teetotallers, a nasty lot in her experience. Jim's crowning comment is that, presumably, in view of the volume of his custom, he is practically the Pope in Vera's eyes.

At the shop, Ashley and Maude are talking, when Ruth enters. She introduces herself and Ashley recognises her from last night. She tells him that she is looking for Zo, she has found her purse - when she shows it him, Ashley confirms, yes, that's the one and that Zo was looking for it this morning. Ruth is pleased she has found the right place, not that there is much money in the purse, but there is a baby photo, she thought it might have sentimental value. Ashley confirms that it does, it's the best picture Zo had of her own baby and Maude adds that the baby died of meningitis. After Ashley has thanked Ruth for bringing the purse round, Maude suggests that he take the visitor to see Zo, she is sure Zo would want to thank her in person. So they merrily troop off to the house. ... and the theme tune comes in, on cue for the end of Part 1

After the ads, it's Part 2
The second part of the programme commences back at Tony's place. Maxine has been knocking on the door, but Tony was asleep and didn't hear her. She comments that she wishes she had been in bed, but if she did then she wouldn't get up until it was dark. "Audrey's been a right cow today," she tells Tony, she feels dreadful. When Tony suggests that she ring Audrey to tell her she is not well, Maxine fears she would be sacked - while Tony isn't perturbed at the prospect as there are plenty of other jobs, Maxine clearly doesn't see it this way. She says that she cannot see him doing a proper job and comments that sometimes he looks frightened. She asks where Des keeps his headache tablets. Tony says he doesn't, but he has something which might buck her up and get her through the afternoon - Maxine looks horrified and replies that she would rather have a headache. Max asks where he gets all these pills and Tony replies that they are from a mate of his, nobody she knows and what she doesn't know can't get her into trouble, can it?

Ashley is at his place, having brought Ruth round to see Zo. He has to get back to the shop to let Maude have her dinner. After he has left, Ruth comments that Zo and Ashley are very young to be together, but Zo says they are not married or anything, but Ashley is a nice lad, kind, although he wasn't Shannon's dad he loved her. Ruth tells Zo that as soon as she saw the photograph of Shannon, she recognised there was something very important about it. Zo recounts the tale of Shannon's death - how she was a lovely baby, but got ill and nobody had realised quite how ill she was. When Zo wistfully recalls what a lovely baby Shannon was, Ruth sympathetically agrees, adding, "she still is. She always will be." She then goes on to tell her how Zo is like her own sister, Naomi, she lost her baby too. Zo replies that, in that case, she knows what it's like to lose a baby - Ruth recommends the two of them meet, Naomi could help her, perhaps they could both help each other. Zo doesn't appear particularly keen to meet and Ruth backs off her suggestion.

Liz and Deirdre are talking in the Rovers about Michael. Liz tells her that it would be for the best if Michael got this job, but Deirdre cannot believe that Liz means this. However, Liz cannot see a future for her and Michael - it's best all round if he moves away, she tells Deirdre. Deirdre tries to point out that they could have a future together, if she wanted one, but Liz replies that she could not face it, seeing Michael on the side, meeting him in secret all the time and then having to put up a front for Jim's benefit - she doesn't think that Michael could stand it, either. When Deirdre asks what the answer is, is she going to be stuck with Jim till doomsday, Liz says that it needn't be that bad, plenty of women settle for less - she tries to convince herself that what she has to do is to work on her and Jim.

Greg and Sally have come into the pub. Greg asks Vera if it is true that she has a bottle of champagne in the fridge - Vera confirms this is policy, so Greg tells her he will have it. Vera asks whether he is sure how much it costs and Sally picks up the vibes that nobody likes them around there, now they are going to think that they are "dead flash and all" (mebbe dear, but you're still pretty common with it!! LOL!). Greg does not seem perturbed, "let em, who cares?"

In the pub, Les is telling Dobber that they might be able to let him in on the job that Les and Charlie have lined up. When Dobber asks what he would have to do, Les explains that he and Charlie are going to be the brains, while Dobber will provider the muscle (funny how we've heard that statement before, albeit with a subtle amendment). Dobber isn't happy at this - he doesn't want to beat anyone up. Les reassures him that it is nothing like that, all he has to do is to dig up some cobblestones. When asked whether he is in on the deal, Dobber agrees.

Mike and Alma have come into the pub for a drink. Greg chirpily greets him "good morning" and invites him and Sally to join them in a drink of champagne. Mike replies that he wouldn't take a drink from Greg if he were dying of thirst. When Alma tries to shush Mike, Greg tells her that her old man is a bad loser, "the number of times I've heard him say, 'all's fair in business'." Mike tells him he knows nothing about business and that he will be bankrupt in six months. Greg continues crowing at his own success and tells Mike he is past it, he's had his day, he needs to move over and tells Mike that he doesn't want to trample on him. Mike has heard enough but is determined not to rise to the bait and they take a seat away from the bar. Sally tells Greg that his outburst was unnecessary, but Greg is still full of himself and replies that Mike had it coming to him. Meanwhile, Alma tells Mike she is proud of how he kept his temper and walked away - Mike admits that it took some doing. He tells Alma that what Greg doesn't realise is that all his schemes are going to come to an end - he doesn't care what it costs him, he is going to break Greg, resolves Mike, in a chilling prophesy.

Zo is pouring out her heart to Ruth and explains how, every morning, she wakes up with Shannon on her mind - she cannot stop thinking about her and missing her and wanting to hold her. Ruth consoles her that she hasn't lost Shannon forever, they will be together again. When Zo asks "do you believe all that stuff?" Ruth confirms she does. At that stage, Leanne comes in for her lunch break. Zo tells her that Ruth found her purse and that all the money was still there. "Honesty lives, eh?" is Leanne's surprised reply. Ruth makes her excuses and gets up to leave. Zo thanks her for coming and tells her she feels better for talking to her, she suggests that Ruth can come round anytime she likes and she can bring her sister, if she wants. Ruth is pleased and says she really believes that Naomi could help her.

At the caf, Ken is having something to eat, telling Gail that he couldn't face cooking for himself tonight. Toyah comes up to the table, bubbling with excitement and tells Ken she has finished her essay. Ken invites Toyah to sit down. It appears she has read "Wuthering Heights" and has written an essay on the book - eight pages, she got carried away, she proudly tells him. Ken promises to read it at home to give it his proper attention. She tells him that she enjoyed the book once it really got going, she never realised it was written before the song. Ken looks puzzled, but having gone back about 20 years in his time machine, he recalls "Oh, Kate Bush, wasn't it?" "I dunno, it was one of them old singers," replies Toyah. LOL!!!! She admits that she wouldn't have said so at one stage, she would have been frightened of folk laughing at her. Ken recognises that this is progress, nobody knows everything and there's no merit in pretending otherwise, he tells her, the real merit is in the desire to learn. Gail comes over and adds that she read Wuthering Heights when she was young and thought Heathcliffe was wonderful, she used to wonder why there were no lads like him around here! "I expect there are," presumes Ken, "Toyah's boyfriend Dobber, possibly." "Dobber? He's good at the wuthering, never quite reaches the heights, though" replies Toyah in the Riposte of the Episode, much to Ken's and Gail's amusement.

Back at Battersby mansions, Dobber is being kitted out for his assignment by Les - the gear consists of a luminous donkey jacket. Dobber isn't impressed but Les doesn't want to hear any of that poncy talk, anyway these are our camouflage, he tells him. A knock at the door reveals Charlie West. He has brought in some lights ***, which he has stolen from the roadworks in Albert Street. Charlie and Les are amused at this little caper. When Charlie sees the overjackets, he comments that they add an air of authenticity to the proceedings, anybody passing will think they are council workers. "What, working in the middle of the night? Never heard of that!" replies Dobber. "There's always a first time, isn't there" replies Charlie, while Les tells Dobber to stop moaning and grumbling. Dobber is concerned what will happen if he gets caught, as he is already on a police caution, but Les tells him he won't get caught, Charlie and him are professionals and he promises that Dobber will get an education tonight. At that stage Janice comes home from work. She is surprised to see them all kitted out. Charlie tries to sweet talk Janice "you get bonnier", he tells her, but she is not fooled by his smokescreen. She wants to know what is going on, but Les' non-committal reply is "just a bit of business, luv." If Charlie is involved, it is monkey business, she tells him. She notices their garb and asks what they are supposed to be. "Cobblers" is Charlie's fast riposte. Janice thinks that Charlie is being rude, but Les explains that's what they are supposed to be "cobblers", working on the cobbles. Charlie tells her that they have this special order, "a lorry load of cobbles, supply and deliver." Les proudly adds "and what's outside our front door, a street full of cobbles, just waiting to be lifted." "Brilliant!" replies Janice sarcastically, "that's typical of you, Les, is that, dirtying on your own flaming doorstep." Les points out that are going to work at the far end of the street, round by the Corner Shop. It is easy money and she isn't to worry, she will get her share. "Right lads!! A cobbling!!" is Les' cry as they all troop outside much to Janice's frustration.

Tony and Maxine are on the settee, watching TV. She asks if they are going out tonight. Tony tells her that he is unable to do so, as he has some business to attend to. He suggests that she goes to bed early. He needs to make a few phone calls, ring a few contacts, she'd only get bored. She willingly takes the hint, as she is tired, and leaves. After she has gone, he opens his case. We see a number of sachets, containing a white powder packet - obviously drugs. He phones his friend, Jason, he wants "some more of the gear." He tells Jason that he doesn't need it tonight and adds that he is not in Leeds, he knows it wouldn't be very good for him. Jason is to ring him if he can deliver tomorrow.

It is dark and Dobber and Les are digging away in the street. Dobber is concerned that Charlie isn't there with his truck. Les' reply is a classic "well you see, it sometimes it takes him a while to find one that he fancies, okay?" "You mean it's not his own truck?" asks the ever-bright Dobber. "He just borrows them now and again, doesn't he?" replies Les (no doubt, forgetting to ask the owners first, but what's a small detail like that?). Dobber is getting concerned and tells Les that he doesn't like what's going on, but Les tells him to be quiet.

At Jim's, he has just finished a lovely meal and congratulates Liz on the wonderful meal and company. He tells her that he does notice things, the effort she has made tonight, the candles, etc. She tells him she enjoys it just as much as he does, but looks awkward when Jim comments on the romantic setting. It works for him, he tells her and he would like to show her how much it is appreciated. He asks her to come over and kisses her, but she pulls away, picking up the dishes to wash them. One of these days, he promises her, they are going to have a dance together, they might even dance together at their own wedding, if the new physio is half as good as Michael. He says that he wishes Michael a lot of luck in his new job. Meanwhile, in the kitchen, the expression on Liz' face tells a different story, one of desperation as to how she is going to extricate herself from Jim.

Back in the street, Les and Dobber are still digging away and Charlie pulls up in a pickup truck he has purloined. Charlie backs the truck into position and apologises for the delay. There was this trench in Albert Street, he explains. When he sees how much they have dug up, he is not impressed, he could have picked his nose better than that he exclaims. He urges them to load the wagon, which they start doing. Charlie remarks how they used to say the streets of London were paved with gold, but the gold is here, in Weatherfield. Suddenly we see a car pulling up. Dobber is convinced it is the police and runs away, dropping a cobble onto Les' foot. Charlie is equally quick to make a move, jumps into the wagon and drives off, leaving Les in agony, limping painfully home.....

....and with that.... it is the cue for music and credits

Episode written by John Stevenson. All material is, and remains, copyright property of ITV Television.

Well, how was it for me? A so-so episode really. Not an awful lot going on, just preparing us for some major action in episodes to come. It's pretty clear that Tony Horrocks is in some pretty serious trouble and that we are being prepared for a developing storyline here. Similarly for Zo - we know Ruth isn't as goody-goody as she might seem, as she has stolen Zo's purse with an ulterior, as yet undeclared, motive. The Greg/Sally storyline continues, with Mike starting to regain ground - Greg being full of himself, is full of the pride which comes before a fall. Equally, Liz is getting increasingly frustrated as to how she can continue with Michael, while Jim is full delusions and unable to recognise the deceit around him. Light entertainment provided by Les Battersby and Charlie West who look like the modern day equivalents of Stan Odgen and Eddie Yeats, forever involved in scams which are doomed to failure.

The classic one-liner of the week..

The prize goes to Toyah with her "Wuthering heights" quip about Dobber.... Anyway that's it for now.. Until the next time, take care...

Hugs and kisses from Tinky^
Regards, Alan

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