Sunday 1 November
Better late than never ? Well, perhaps. It's now Friday, which
means there's but two days to go before the next Sunday episode.
And less than two hours before I have to fly awa' hame to get
the bairns supper ready. So this'll be brief.
Sorry for the delay. It's been a funny old week all round
- back from a weekend in Scotland (fabulous time) to find the
3-hr tape hanging out of the video having expired before Sunday's
Corrie even started. Dang those kids and the 4-hr tape box !
Found a repeat on Monday afternoon and recorded that instead,
but literally had no time to get around to watching it before
last night. Fell out badly with a friend/neighbour who dented
our car. Spent 2 hours on Wednesday night wondering how Mrs L
would take the news that I intend to ask Cameron Diaz to marry
me forthwith and bear more bonny Laird babies. (Badly, I imagine.
There probably *are* worse things than getting your frank'n'beans
stuck in your zipper. Oh, and don't go to see "There's Something
About Mary" if you're easily offended.)
That'll have to do for now, so let's get down to business
with the good folks of Coronation Street:
Act 1
[Even the video'd repeat didn't work 100% - the programme was
already underway so if there were any earlier scenes, a quick
trip to the CSVU web pages might be in order.]
Les is telling Audrey how he intends to sue the council over
the diabolical state of the pavement, what with it being strewn
with dug-up cobblestones. When he suggests "compo" [or
compensation], Audrey mentions the name of one of the UK's top
legal counsel. It flies over Les' head like Concorde over Swindon.
He wonders what he is paying his poll tax for, and Audrey in turn
marvels that he is paying anything. [Not least poll tax, which
was phased out many years ago.] Now he's going to add defamation
to the list. Janice drags him inside before he claims further
compensation for hurting his back while lifting the stones in
the first place. Maud, who may be having problems navigating the
street herself, asks Audrey what she *is* going to about it. It'll
be reported to the Highway Department, and after that it'll be
out of her hands.
In the corner shop, Zoe is buying some extra milk as Ruth and
her cousin are coming over for tea and a chat. She asks Ashley
if he'll stay out of the way at dinnertime as they'll be discussing
women's things. As Zoe leaves, Maud motors in. Judy, also present,
remarks on how well Zoe looks. Ashley says he is worried that
talking about Shannon's death will only bring it all back and
make her worse again. He also thinks that Ruth doesn't approve
of him, and might be trying to persuade Zoe likewise. Maud puts
his grumpy mood down to the fact that he's had no breakfast, and
has "an empty belly". "Not like Judy here",
she adds. [Judy looks as if she's expecting twin African elephants.]
Dobber arrives at Toyah's house. She marvels at his nerve,
showing up there when Les has indicated he'll rearrange Dobber's
limbs when he catches him. She knows all about what they were
up to, as Les had kept them awake half the night raving about
the cobblestones business. Dobber actually seems quite contrite
[clearly the Personality Transplant Fairy has booked an appointment].
She tells him it'd be better if he didn't show his face around
there again. "Where are we going to meet, to... you know
?" he asks. Toyah pauses and tells him that perhaps it's
all over anyway.
A very very brief scene with Tony [with the very passé
bleached-blond crop] on his mobile phone in Des' living room,
ordering some "stuff". [Notable perhaps for the fact
that this actually appears to have been shot in the actual mock-up
house in the street at ITV Studios, with the camera revealing
it really is a very narrow house indeed - somewhere about 8' wide
in my estimation.]
Over to the Rovers now, where Michael tells Jim that he has
been offered the job in Milton Keynes. Jim is pleased for him,
and tells him Liz will be too. What should happen next, but Liz
and Deirdre arrive. Liz comes over and Jim breaks the news. Liz
and Michael choreograph awkward looks all round as Jim prattles
on, seemingly oblivious to the obvious. "You'll have a ball
down there [what, in MK ? Bwahaahaha...], a single man like you,
lots of women to meet..." suggests Jim. At this, Liz rushes
off, claiming to have left something at the factory.
Des and Natalie put in an appearance, just back from their
honeymoon. Des asks Vera for a proper pint, saying he's tired
of sipping Pina Coladas on a sun-kissed beach. [Hang on, thought
they were in Ireland ?] Natalie says she wouldn't know, all she
saw was sky most of the time ! Vera howls with laughter.
Deirdre returns to the factory to find Liz looking more than
a tad upset. She tells Liz that even she could see how Michael
was reacting, from the other side of the bar. It's obvious he
really cares for her. "Oh, it's no use", wails Liz.
[No it isn't, just get shut of the pair of them and resume normal
programming, puh-leeze !]
A much better little vignette [is that the right word ?] in
the café, where Ken orders some lasagne, and congratulates
Toyah on the quality of her essay about Wuthering Heights. He
tells Gail her assistant has a sharp and discriminating mind.
Toyah wonders if "discriminating" isn't, well, not good.
Not in that way, replies Ken, it means she has good judgement.
On cue, Dobber clears his throat just behind Ken. Ken remarks
this is probably a suitable time to sit down and await his lunch.
Dobber asks Toyah if she meant what she said earlier, and yes
she does. He gives her a bracelet and tells her she doesn't have
to give it back, she can keep it as a sort of goodbye present.
Toyah is immediately suspicious that he "nicked it"
from somewhere, but he assures her it is all paid for. She tells
him that it's a nice thing to do, and kisses him on the cheek.
"See you around ?", he asks only half-hopefully. [Gosh,
you could almost like him now. The PTF has indeed visited.] Gail
tells Toyah that Dobber is getting more like Heathcliffe every
day.
Dull, dull, again, as Tony's "mate" Jason arrives.
Tony seems concerned that no-one has followed him there. He drops
a small package on the coffee table and Tony opens his briefcase
to reveal a small set of scales. [Somehow I don't think the "stuff"
is best Italian blend mocha.]
Les and Janice get out of a taxi, outside their house. It appears
Les has been to the hospital to have his foot looked at, and was
none too pleased with the service. Janice reminds him that the
doctor had obviously seen through Les' story and remarked how
it looked very much like something heavy had dropped onto Les'
foot, and not that Les had tripped over anything. Still moaning
about not having been given a courtesy ambulance, Les is dragged
inside.
Des and Natalie leave the Rovers to go home, and Des carries
her across the threshold. They are a little surprised to find
Tony there, with his dodgy looking mate. [They just managed to
hide the evidence as the front door opened.]
Intermission
Bobbins. And so to...
Act 2
Wherein, we find young mistress Zoe, being quite the hostess to
Ruth and her cousin Naomi. [Naomi appears almost normal, but Ruth
looks, well, weird. She has these dark bushy eyebrows that would
suit a Bond villain. I wonder how they cast these ? "Young
female actress required, must look like a sandwich short of a
picnic".] Ruth introduces Zoe and Naomi to each other, and
starts the ball rolling by mentioning how they had both lost young
babies. And then it all sort of dragged for a bit while the two
swapped stories and got a bit maudlin and almost tearful. The
scene ends with a quick shot of Ruth looking very pleased [and
very creepy] at what she has clearly engineered. [Sooooo, Mr Bond...]
Tony bundles Jason out of the front door. Jason tries to press
Tony for the money for his "stuff". [Is that too many
quoted suggestions ?] Okay, for his drugs. Tony tells him they
can't settle up right now, but asks him to meet in the café
instead. He returns inside, and asks Natalie how the honeymoon
went. Des walks in and spots Tony's smart briefcase. He admires
it and is just on the point of opening it up when Tony brusquely
snatches it away, saying it contains personal stuff. There is
an awkward silence.
Naomi tells Zoe she has a gift for helping people. Ruth agrees
- "you have positive energy", she tells her. Zoe looks
a bit confused by all this weird talk, but also flattered.
Tony and Jason are now in the café. Jason advises Tony
to stay close to his Mum, as he's likely to get a kicking from
some characters who are looking for him. He demands his £800
for the drugs he's supplied. "Not here !" whispers Tony.
Jason says it's the money or he wants his stuff back. Tony says
he can't get it out of the house with Natalie and Des there. Jason
isn't very happy at all.
Another much brighter moment as Les' partner-in-crime, Charlie,
arrives at the Battersby's house. [Charlie is in the best traditions
of weaselly no-good rascals.] Les shows him the bandage on his
foot, and they have an argument about who ran off, and who was
making too much noise. Charlie remarks that the cobblestones are
still sitting on the pavement. Why hadn't Les moved them into
his back-yard in the middle of the night ? Les points to his foot
- he could hardly shift himself. "What about your Janice
?", asks Charlie, "she's a strong lass !". "Give
her some exercise, and maybe then she won't be so lippy !!".
[Brilliant !] Anyway, Charlie might be able to get another lorry
again tonight... Les says he's resting up, and he has another
plan anyway. When he's better, he's going to kick Charlie's rear
down Rosamund Street.
Back to Des and Natalie's house, where Mr Barnes asks Mrs Barnes
when Tony might be leaving. Des is still in honeymoon mood, and
three's a crowd... On cue, Tony returns. He asks for a word with
his Mum. In private. Des leaves, but not before Natalie points
out he's "family" now. Tony tells Natalie that he has
lost his job in Leeds, and his flat. He asks if he can stay there
a bit longer, and she agrees.
Zoe enters Ashley's house. She has seen Ruth and Naomi off.
She tells him how close she feels to the two girls. Ashley wonders
if this is such a good idea. Zoe tells him he can't understand.
[Cos he's a man, of course.] She says she has invited Ruth and
Ben for tea the next day. Ashley asks "who are these people,
you hardly know them ?". He's worried. [An expression Ashley
plays to a tee, along with perplexed and befuddled.]
Des is chatting to Lorraine and Maxine in the Rovers. They
ask if he got to kiss the Blarney Stone. "Might have done",
replies Des, "I kissed just about everything else !".
Ooh, giggles and high jinks all round. Lorraine observes "there's
Auntie Natalie now". Des offers Auntie Natalie a milk stout,
and receives a clip around the ear for his trouble. She tells
him Tony isn't leaving just yet. Des wonders how they can persuade
Tony to wear earplugs at night. [I think we've wandered into Carry
On Weatherfield by accident...]
In the corner shop, Jim shows Maud how he is able to pull himself
right out of his wheelchair and almost stand up, with some support.
Maud is amazed. He asks her to keep it their secret, as he wants
to surprise Liz.
Talk of the devil, she and Deirdre are walking up the street.
Michael accosts them, and Deirdre makes her excuses. Michael apologises
for the way she heard about his job offer - he had wanted to tell
her himself, somewhere less public. As they talk, Michael grasps
Liz' hand. In the background, the great undead himself, Steve,
looks on. His tiny mind is putting two and two together...
This episode was written by John Stevenson.
How did this one read ? I only got to watch it the once, in
stop-start mode while I made notes. Overall, I think it came
over as middling. There were some good moments with Les, and
Janice or Charlie, and Toyah and the revamped Dobber. Spooky
moments with Ruth and Zoe. And some moments of slumber whenever
Tony appeared. But, rejoice ! No Greg or Sally !!
Overall rating (out of 5 stars): ***
Next week, on time. Promise !
John Laird
Monday 2 November
Well, well, well, what's all this then? ;)
Hi everybody... Welcome to this week's Monday Update and it's
really quite a monumental event in Corrie terms but for all the
wrong reasons. There are two ways of looking at tonight's episode,
really.
Either
a) The entire script department and all the actors involved
are royally taking the mickey out of the whole show
or
b) This is the worst excuse for an episode of Coronation Street
I've seen in ages.
Welcome to bottom of the televisual barrel! Let's have a good
ol' scrape around, shall we?
We start the proceedings with a bit of action in the Cornershop.
Liz is buying a bottle of mineral water off of Maud who is bemoaning
the 'trendiness' of putting water in bottles and reselling it.
In the background, Zoe is telling Ashley about her plans for 'Her
Dinner With Ruth & Ben' (to be honest, "My Dinner With
Andre" sounds more appealing and that's saying something...).
She intends to cook a roast chicken and RAshleh is pleased to
hear this! He reckons she can get one cheap off of Uncle Fred
and suggests, since Fred is bound to give her a big one, that
they let Nick and Leanne in on the proceedings as well. Nick,
who has been lurking about in the background, is overjoyed at
the invitation and the prospect of a decent meal. Zoe isn't so
pleased, however, in a "4's company, 6 is a crowd" sort
of way and the look on her face tells this loud and clear to the
hapless Ashley... On the other side of the shop, meanwhile, Jim
wheels himself over to Gary (Yes, the shop is *packed* full of
people in this scene, I'm not making this up!) and says he needs
to get into town for the afternoon. He doesn't explain why and
tells Gareh that if he wants to find out, he'll have to give him
a lift. Gareh is obviously more interested than I am, since he
agrees to this, quite merrily.
Meanwhile, in the Valley Of The Bland (Greg's Flat), Sally
approaches Gruesomeness Incarnate who is sitting on his Throne
(The Couch) impersonating a red pepper as opposed to his usual
green pepper. Yup, bright red shirt with garish orange tie to
'match'... Yeuch! Anyhow, Sally is *STILL* blathering on about
getting a house and he says it's all go this time, *but* he needs
to make sure that the Reuben Deal is officially closed before
they make an offer for some flashy five bedroom mansion that his
Gormless Gal has her eyes on. Apparently Reuben should have been
in touch already, so Greg is a little on the worried side (though
he refuses to admit this to Sally, the look on his face gives
it away!) that something may be amiss with his dodgy dealings.
Speaking of dodgy dealings... Over at Number 6, Tony Horror(cks)
is on his mobile phone, presumably to the Dial-A-Cliche department
again. Natalie descends the stairs so he quickly hangs up and
when she asks who he was on the blower to he simply replies it
was "a mate" who might "put him up for awhile".
She insists he can stay at No.6 for as long as he likes but he
"doesn't want to impose" (!!!). Nat's having none of
this and maintains that he's more than welcome... Although it'd
be nice if he'd "put the hoover round" and "make
himself useful"... With this she leaves and instantly he's
back on the phone and his dialogue is ripped straight from every
dreadful Charles Bronson movie that was released in the mid-80's:
"I need the money... I'm up to my ears in it..." etc
etc... Any minute now I expect Bronson to kick down the door,
brandishing a pistol and snarling "Your time's up, scum"
or something equally trite.
Unfortunately this doesn't happen so we cut to Nicky's College
where the Camp Crusader himself is mincing merrily down the corridor
towards Smiley Spice Lorraine. She shows him a job advert pinned
to the wall and ribs him about it, since it's a request for a
nude model in the College's art department. Nick stands and stares
gormlessly at it, mouthing the words on the paper out loud, in
much the same manner that he reads the cue cards for all his lines.
He tells Smiley Spice that he's just not interested but, as she
walks away giggling, he swipes the piece of paper from the wall
and stuffs it in his pocket... [Incidentally, for the benefit
of anyone who *did* see tonight's episode (my condolences)...
was it just me or did Adam Rickett look *possessed* by something
in this scene? His eyes were all over the place, crossing and
staring... Perhaps he's taking acting advice from Simon Gregson?]
At The House Of Mac, Jim is saying "Goodbye" to Action
Man Michael... *AGAIN*. Will this man *EVER* leave? Or more to
the point, can Jim get any more oblivious to what's going on???
As he says things like "I'll miss you, Michael, we both will",
in reference to Liz, Michael's face turns a ghostly shade of pale
but Jim keeps harping on passionately about how glad he is that
everything's going so well for the three of them, that if he's
ever in Milton Keynes he'll have to look Michael up (I'm sorry,
but does *anyone* get this close to their *OCCUPATIONAL THERAPIST*
anyway???) and that if it hadn't have been for good ol' Michael
the Messiah, he'd still be "sitting like a vegetable, dying
a slow death". The final nail in his own coffin is, when
asked to say goodbye to Liz for Michael, Jim insists that his
therapist buddy does that himself (More on this later)... Gary
arrives at this point, ready to chauffeur Jim into town and the
scene flits to:
Friz and Dreary in the Rovers, gossiping about, yup, you guessed
it, Michael. Liz reckons that the affair is over between them
but doesn't seem to have a clue whether this is what she wants,
what she really really wants. Her head's a mess and she can't
make up her mind if she's glad it's over or if she's going to
regret it later. Eventually, after much incoherant babble, she
says she's going to just stick with Jim and forget the torrid
affair with the occupational therapist ever happened.
Over at Greg Kelly Enterprises (Yes, he's dropped the Designs,
now it's Enterprises... How do we know? Because the sign (yes,
sign!) on the door says so!), Blandford is brooding behind his
desk, convinced that Reubens is ignoring him and his 'phone messages
on purpose. Silly Sally tries to comfort him but to no avail since
the riled red-pepper snarls adamantly that if Reuben hasn't called
within the next hour he plans to storm over there himself and
find out exactly what's happening.
What follows is a truly appalling scene between Jim and Gary
at the jewellers in town. Yup, he's choosing an engagement ring
(which is the aforementioned mystery reason why he needed a lift
into town) and can't seem to decide between diamond and emerald.
An embarrassingly contrived and blatantly prophetic conversation,
which I simply *can't* bring myself to reproduce in print, ensues
about superstitions, luck and devotion before, in the end, they
decide on a diamond.
Sinking further into the mire, the Dial-A-Cliche hard case
in the black leather jacket (who's name is apparently Jason) has
arrived at the door of Number 6 for Tony. They start walking briskly
down the street and re-enact dialogue from "Crime Story"...
"You do realise who we're messin' with??" asks Jason...
Tony is fully aware who they're "messin' with", but
is having problems gettin' "da money" and to make it
worse has already "offloaded some of da goods"... Oh
Christ, does anyone even care? I imagine most of you have already
stopped reading at this point. It's cliche'd, it's predictable,
it's badly acted, it's dreary, it's inappropriate and when Jason
tells Tony, heatedly, "You're gonna need a priest when they
find out what's happened... They're gonna kill you!", I wonder
at what point they moved Coronation Street next door to Albert
Square...
END OF PART ONE
Thank God. The adverts are a welcome relief from the utter
bilge of the first part. So I let my mind sink back into gear
before gulping and attempting to brave the latter half of this
heinous horror!
PART TWO
Zoe is cooking in The Kitchen Of Elliot and having a go at Ashley
for inviting Nick & Leanne to their little dinner party. She
wanted to "get to know Ben and Ruth a little better"
before introducing them to her friends, apparently. Just then
the young Tilsleys enter (Speak of the Devil, eh? (anyone who
remembers Adam Rickett's recent Cosmo Nude Spread will get that
one!)) and Nick offers to go fetch a bottle of booze from the
store. As he empties his pockets looking for cash, Leanne *almost*
spies that paper advert he ripped off the college wall earlier,
but Nick swishes his golden locks from side to side and claims
it's just an ad for used sports gear (!) before she can properly
read it. Whoop whoop, there goes the doorbell and it's those two
utter nutters, Ben and Ruth. Pleasantries are swapped and when
Nick tells of his plans to get some grog in, Ruth shows off an
exciting bottle of "herbs and ginseng" (!) that she's
brought along while Ben proclaims, in the style of a true Space
Cadet "We don't need to drink anymore... Life's intoxicating
enough!"... His female companion continues along those wacko
lines and remarks on what a good atmosphere the House Of Elliot
has and how it reflects something on the people who live in it.
Ashley looks justifiably concerned but Zoe is beaming like a hyperactive
little Munchkin...
Tony Horror(cks) and his new stepdad crack open some cans of
Newcastle Brown Ale over at No.6, as Des questions the lad about
his 'occupation' in 'promotions'. Peroxide Boy is a bit apprehensive
and acts suspicious enough for Des to catch on and lay down the
law: "It's your life", he grunts, "Do what you
like. But I don't like the look of your so-called friends so don't
bring 'em round here in future, ok?" ... At this point, Natalie
re-enters and the boys both smile as if nothing's happened. They
all have a group hug and play Happy Families.
Meanwhile, The Dinner Party at the House Of Elliot gets off
to a flying start. Zoe serves up some melon for starters and Ruth
N Ben pause to say a really cliche'd and airheaded 'prayer' to
"The Eternal Mother" (Now, c'mon, if *anyone* has not
caught on at this point that there's something odd going on, they
need their head looking at!)... Nick giggles a bit but Ben explains,
in the most patronising manner imaginable, that praying to this
Deity of their's before a meal is the same as a warm-up before
P.E. class...
Over at Blandford's flat, the Gruesome One storms in, furious,
yelling to Sally that the Reubens deal has fell through. Naturally,
she has no idea why and neither does he. He wanted to ask more
questions but didn't want to press Reuben on the matter for fear
of looking desperate. They reach the conclusion that someone is
'badmouthing' Greg Kelly Enterprises and the Prime Suspect is
Mike Baldwin. Of course the question is, how did Baldwin find
out about the Reuben's Deal? Blandford doesn't know but claims
if he ever finds out he'll "kill them". :o
I nearly fell off my chair at this point as a truly frightful
looking young woman with dreadlocks and an obvious aversion to
soap sits in Roy's Rolls (How *DARE* they conduct such sordid
dealings on such Hallowed Ground??) awaiting the arrival of Tony
Horror(cks). Peroxide Boy shows up and is given the low-down on
the latest goings on. Apparently the woman in the cafe is the
girlfriend of the bloke that Tony intended to pedal his 'wares'
to. Said bloke, however, has been taken in for questioning by
the police and thus can no longer shift the goods from Ton...
zzzzzzzzzzzzz...
Oops, fell asleep there... Anyway, I wake up and catch the
show continuing back at Zoe's Dinner Party where the Main Course
is being served. Unfortunately for the hostess, she didn't bank
on her Ghoulish Guests being die-hard vegetarians. They refuse
the chicken but show great excitement for the steamed vegetables
(You know, I really would *like* to say I'm making this up...).
When Nick asks why they don't like to eat meat, Ruth starts explaining
in the same way you might talk to a nursery school child that
they just don't believe it's "right to take the life of another
living being". Nick attempts feebly to debate the point but
being the mincing nelly and appalling actor that he is, completely
fails on all accounts. The worst part is that when Ruth attests
that meat "messes up your spiritual balance" and proclaims,
sloganeeringly (in rhyme no less!!!) "FRUIT AND SEEDS ARE
ALL WE NEED!", the once 'streetwise' Zoe seems thoroughly
mesmerised by the whole thing.
Over at the Garage, Steve "Googly Eyes" MacDonald
gets his car tuned up by Kevin Webster. As Kev completes the job
and arranges to meet Googly Eyes at the Rovers in five minutes,
Steve can't help but notice Human Love Doll Michael Wall entering
the House Of MacDonald across the road... With a quick cut to
inside the House of M, Michael and Liz run through their usual
unconvincing and tedious conversation about "I know we shouldn't
but our feelings are too strong"... Michael claims, with
the highest degree of melodrama (which really needs to be seen
to be believed!) he's just here to say "goodbye properly"
and insists she'll "always be more than a memory" to
him, no matter what (I do hope he's not hinting at a rash here...).
Vomit.
Over in The Rovers at this very point, Jim is nursing a bouquet
of roses that he bought "at a garage on the way home"
and that he intends to present to Liz shortly when he re-proposes
to her. Vera, at the bar, slams his choice of flowers and harps
on to Judy Mallett and whoever else is in earshot about something
she read in a magazine about the "proper flowers" to
give for a proposal but Jim is iritated by her wibblings and tells
her to can it. He's even more irate when Googly Eyes enters the
pub and starts laughing evilly at him. When Jim asks "What's
so funny?", Googly takes the piss out of him and pretends
as if nothing's wrong, all the while hinting that Jim *really*
should go back to the house at this point... Jim is thoroughly
and embarrassingly oblivious to Steve's point but leaves anyway,
adamant that now is the time he will win Liz's heart!
Not quite, as back at El House De MacDonald, Liz and Michael
are continuing their overracting. He kisses her on the lips and
says, pretensiously, "In another time... in another world..."
but this translates more accurately to "In a second, on the
downstairs bed" as they commence a face-sucking, messy snog
session replete with clothes-ripping. Meanwhile outside, Gary
is wheeling Jim to the front door. Jim is all fired up and gets
Gareh to help him up onto his new walking frame. Once this is
done, the door is opened and Jim, cellophane-wrapped roses crackling
loudly under his arm, noisily hoists his way indoors on the frame...
Of course, no matter how much racket he makes, the lovebirds inside
are busy on the downstairs bed and don't know he's there until
he overzealously throws open the door and collapses in a heap
when he sees them topless (yet 'artfully' (!) covered up) on the
bed together. He gasps, moans and does a rather accurate "Captain
Kirk caught in an alien tractor beam" impression before the
credits mercifully roll...
...and a Nation offers thanks to the Deity of it's choice!
The first time I saw this episode, I actually laughed a little.
Laughed at the dire nature of the script, the predictability,
the endless stream of cliches and of course the relentless overacting.
But the second time, it just hit me square in the gut what a
*dreadful* excuse for a Corrie episode this was and how, really,
it wasn't all that funny at all.
I apologise for perhaps being a little abrupt, unobjective,
offensive or undescriptive throughout some of this Update but
that's just the way I felt after watching this steaming hunk
o' junk. Take a look at what we have here: Greg and Sally actually
seem almost interesting when compared to this ridiculous (not
to mention highly unrealistic) crap with Zoe and these New Age
Nutjobs. The idea of Tony Horror(cks) dealing hard drugs in Roy's
Rolls of all places (!) while being pursued by tough guys from
Leeds who want to *kill* him is about as fitting and appropriate
as one of Liz MacDonald's skirts. And as for Jim's prolonged
and continuing obliviousness to one of the most obvious affairs
I've seen on the Street in years... Pathetic just isn't the word.
If I hadn't had to write the Update for this episode I most likely
would have switched it off half way through and I don't even
remember the last time I had to do that with Corrie.
Anyway, hopefully things will improve on the Street by next
Monday but if they don't and you'd rather me just list the facts
of what happened without my incessant ranting and raving just
drop me a line and tell me so.
Til next time, take care! :)
This Monday Update was sponsored
by Plastikman (what I was listening to) and Stella Artois (what
I was drinking)
Wednesday 4 November
Hi everyone,
Do you believe that machines have their own minds?
My video certainly does. In fact, on wednesday night I'd say
it exercised discerning taste albeit a tad too late. What am
I talking about, you may well ask [and people often do] but my
video machine obviously decided that it couldn't stand anymore
of this Sally and Greg rubbish or the Jim/Liz/Michael fiasco
cos it cut out on me just before the end of the episode but,
thanks to Glenda, I was able to find out what I missed, and it
wasn't much! Just before I begin, I'd like to say eat your greens.
My doc's just told me I have anaemia (that's a medical term for
pale and interesting apparently:)
This episode sponsored by Cadburys Wispa Mint - a favourite
of my friend CP.
The opening scene is the same as the closing scene
from Monday. Jim is sprawled on the floor in a self pitying lump
whilst Liz and Michael are covering themselves for the sake of
decency.[Hmmm I wonder if Liz will be keeping that yoghurt stained
frock for another occasion]. "I trusted you Michael, you
bastard, get out!" [I got the impression that Jim was more
upset about Michael than Liz and this turns out to be so. Men
have to stick together and women cant help themselves and all
that chauvenistic rubbish that Jim's susceptible to] He then tells
them both to get out by the back door. Most of the script for
this scene was tediously repetitious..."I didnt mean to hurt
you Jim" says Liz several times. "Get out" says
Jim, several more times.
Next we find our budding adonis Tilly nervously inquiring
about the models job. [God was this next bit corny]. Middle aged
female teacher, sans hrt patch, looks young Tilly up and down
and asks "have you got any experience" [Oh please, she
needed a baby bib to catch the dribbles]. "This job requires
intense concentration and very few people can do it well."[oh
dear, is Tilly going to fall at the first post]? She then takes
him down to show how the other model does it. [You just sit there,
let it hang and keep a bored expression on your face! he's got
the job?]
Later, in the House of Elliott, the last supper has
just finished and Zoe apologises about the chicken. Ashley is
definitely not mein host as he sits and pouts whilst Zoe tries
to sing his praises[take it where you can Ashleh!] Ruth offers
to do the washing up. [Who me? not bloody likely] so that Ben
and Ashley have chance to chat. They talk about not having a dad
around and Ashley, Bless him, is quite loyal as he tells Ben that
'I've got me Uncle Fred [Amen, I say Amen!] and tells Ben how
he gave Ashley a job. "Oh, in the corner shop" snides
Ben. And Ashley replies "Its a small supermarket actually,
And we've got a licence to sell alcohol.!" "Alcohol's
got no appeal for me" says Ben the party pooper.[better not
go to a ping or a contress then Ben!]
Over at Chez Barnes, Nat tries to get Tony to get out
and make new friends. [hah!] "Come over to the Rovers."
But Tony doesnt have much money. He asks why he should make new
friends. "Well, now that youre not going back to Leeds."
"Who says Im not" snaps Tony. The conversation descends
into one that a fourteen year old would have with a parent who
doesnt let him go to the school dance. Nat smells a rat, but its
just Des's cheap aftershave."What happened in Leeds, you
never told me". "Its none of your business.""Youre
my son, what you do is my businesss" [blimey, we've all heard
that speech before!] Tony snaps at her again and tells her to
go to work.
Back at Jim's (and I'm confused here cos I dont know
if its a continuation of the last scene or later on in the day].
Jim thought Liz had gone out the back door with Michael but she's
sat there, all gormless like, with the engagement ring and her
mouth gaping repeating the same old, "I didnt know, Im sorry
Jim etcetera etcetera etcetera] She says she had no idea[quelle
surprise!] that Jim was going to ask her to marry him. After he
drags himself onto the sofa he tells her that he thought she loved
him and she says she does but she's not in love with him [yawn
yawn..lets just be friends...yawn..we've all heard that one].
Back at the college and Colin the model, whose modesty
is preserved by a carefully placed easel, lounges on the podium.
The teacher, who's giving Tilly the roving eye, tells him where
the dressing room is. Tilly tells her that he's worried about
how embarrassed he'll be but she assures him that you get used
to it. [This woman is gagging for it, i can see her hrt patch
>from here]. "Any particular poses?" asks Tilly.
"Nothing unusual but anything dynamic is good." replies
the teacher [who is beginning to resemble an iguana the way her
tongue keeps flitting about wetting her lips]. Tilly tells the
Iguana that he'll let her know tomorrow.
Outside on the street, Michael is waiting for Liz.
She tells him that Jim had an engagement ring as well as the flowers.
"Oh god, better get in the car" is all he can think
to say. "What are we going to do?" enquires Michael.
"He had flowers, and a ring and he was walking" exclaims
Liz. He tells Liz she shouldnt feel guilty, she did her best for
Jim but she cant help it, she does feel guilty. "He needs
someone" she says. [Let it be me, let it be me!] "Where
are you going to stay?" asks Michael.. Liz, totally oblivious,
says again "he was walking, he could move by himself. Arent
you listening?" [obviously not cos he carries on asking her
where she's going to stay]. "You didnt see his face."
[im resisting the urge to say where his face was and why he might
not have seen Jims face, but Ill resist:)] "Yes I did"
says Michael. [liar, liar!!] "Well then you know we've wrecked
him. We might as well have pushed him off of another scaffold"
cries Liz. "We did everything to help him" says Michael
and in an amazing change of attitude Liz decides that "Yes,
we did."
End of part the first.
Part the second.
Up in the flat, Sally tells Greg not to worry, "we'll get
more orders. Shall I get Kevin to look after the girls tonight?"
"What good would that do" grunts Greg. "Well, it
wont get us any more orders but it will give us some time together"
whimpers Sally [bleh!] Greg says not to bother cos he'll probably
go out. "What about the house?" says Sally. "What
about it?" "Shall I put an offer in for it?" [this
woman has the business acumen of a labour conservative chancellor,
she could have paid for it by now with the inheritance].
The following morning Tilly and Leanne are chatting
and Tilly asks her for a tenner. "A tenner? how much do you
think i earn" says Leanne. "More than me" whinges
Tilly. [hasnt Tilly got a grant and a student loan for gods sake].
Watch out, here comes the highlight of the episode!!! Audreh comes
up to Nicky and says "shouldnt you be at your desk?"
"we dont have desks no" "where do you do your sums
then?" asks Audreh. "Im not doing sums" says Tilly
grinning. Audreh turns to Ken and says "is this right, they
dont have desks anymore Ken?"
Ken drolly replies "They dont have slates either
Audrey, or ink wells, or the cane." "Thats why theres
so many tearaways, no wonder teachers are scared of 'em all".
"Theyre not scared of me" assures Tilly.[no surprises
there I think]. "No, and you wont get a hundred lines for
being late to school" says Ken as Tilly goes off. Audreh
turns to chat to Ken. "Do you know, I used to get that all
the time, 'I must not talk in class, I must not talk in class'.
Can you believe that!?" "Yes!" says Ken with a
smirk. "Ooh Ken, you are awful" says Audreh, a la Dick
Emery.
Ken walks off as we see Baldwin driving down Coronation
Street. He pulls up by Greggg and asks him if he's lost any big
deals lately. "Ill get them back." assures Greg. "Not
if I have anything to do with it." says Mike. He gives Greg
a bit of unsolicited advice. "Keep your order book away from
your women. They like to chat to all and sundry." "What
do you mean by that?" And Baldwin smirks and says "Tell
Sally I said thanks", he laughs and drives off leaving Greg
looking as though a pigeon has just deposited something on his
best brown surge.
Liz turns up again at Jim's to have a chat. Jim asks
her if she wants to laugh cos he couldnt think of any other reason
why she'd want to spend time with a cripple. "Youre not a
cripple,". "No, Im not, am I?" says Jim. "And
its all thanks to you, thankyou very much". "I did what
anyone woudl do." "I think you underestimate yourself
Elizabeth, I cant think of another human being who would do what
youve done, in my bed!!" She tells him that she never said
that she'd marry him. He just balled it out at Des's wedding without
asking her. He tells her how he'd struggled to get back on his
feet for her. "No, Jim, you did it for you!". She told
him it didnt bother her about the wheelchair, but she wasnt in
love with him like that anymore. He asks her if she loves Michael
and Liz tells him its none of his business. "Not my business!
you were in my bed." She then repeats, ad nauseum, the lines
about how she doesnt love him anymore and that she doesnt want
him.[personally i think he's more upset about not being invited
for a threesome!] "I dont want to please you, I dont want
my arms around you.!!" "Oh, ok, what about hearing me,
seeing me, touching me, stuff like that?" "Why should
I? Think back over our life." "Oh its like that. A bit
of a change, a new man." "No, I just dont want to be
with someone who blackmails me into staying with them."
Back at college and Tilly is running up the steps to
school to speak with the Iguana. She sees that he hasnt got the
book with him [as if he'd carry it hanging between his legs which
is exactly where her eyes are!] "Does this mean you want
the job?" says Iggy."Yes please." "Some people
cant cope with the idea and we never see them again." "I
dont know if Ill be any good" whimpers Tilly. Iggy then tells
him that she needs him at 2pm cos the other guy has gone sick.
Nick didnt expect to do it so soon but she says "think of
all the students. Its you or a bowl of fruit." [!!!!!!] A
bowl of fruit or a vegetable, make your choice ladies, and gents!]
.
Back to Chez Macdonald [again!] and Jim is trying salvage
a bit of pride. He says he supposed she was expecting him to be
sat in the wheelchair pleading her to help him.[he's sat on the
sofa]. "In three months time Ill be able to do what he can
do" protests Jim. "You wont be able to stop being yourself"
carps Liz. Jim cant understand why she stayed looking after him.
She'd told him she loved him. "I was lying, to us both Jim."
She would have done the same for anyone she'd knowna long time.
Jim cant believe that and says that he knows he meant more to
her than that. "Im really proud of you" says Liz. She
wants to get on with her life, leave him behind. "To be with
Michael?" asks Jim. "To do as I please." says Liz.
But Jim cant resist barbing her. "Ive had the best years
of you , it wont be long till he goes for someone younger."
"Bye Jim". "Take a look in the mirror, Im right,
he'll drop you for someone younger."[like Barbara Cartland
maybe:)] Itll not be long before he pities you!". The door
closes behind Liz.
Over at Gregs rags, Sally tries to hold on to a customer[on
the phone] whilst all the stuff is delivered.
Then we're quickly drawn to Tilly's college where he
is clutching his bathrobe. "I dont believe Im doing this"
"Youll be fine" says Iggy. "Just one bit of advice,
forget about your body" [yeah right,as if she's going to]As
she says this, she has her arms around his shoulders waiting to
take his bathrobe off of him. There he is, in all his glory, a
number 2 HB with an eraser on the end.
Michael turns up at Deirdre's to talk to Liz. She tells
Michael that Jim started hitting back verbally. "What are
you going to do?" "I dont know, but im not going back".
He finally asks her if she's going to go with him to Milton Keynes
but she turns him down, even though the smile on her face says
she's glad that he asked her. "I wont quote Jims exact words,
but Im older than you. "It doesnt matter." "It
will in a year or two." Liz argues. He tells her he's no
kid and that he doesnt go from one woman to another. "I wanna
be with you Liz" "We've got no future". "Did
Jim say that?" asks Michael. "Yes." "And do
you believe him?" "I think I do." She tells him
she's grateful he came to see her but she'd lik him to go now."
Back at Greggs rags, Gregg tells Sally how chirpy she
sounds then proceeds to tell her what a great day he's had[sarcastically].
"Have you?" grins Sally. "Oh yeah, I ve ben selling
to anyone2. "Did you have any luck" she asks. "Oh
yeah, Ive got all the luck I need. Bad luck." "What
do you mean? " asks Sal. "Ive got a partner with a big
mouth" at which point Greg grabs Sally around the face, "someone
who doesnt know how to shut it.!!" "Greg" whimpers
Sally. He asks her who she's told and she says no one. "What
about Kevin."? "No". "Well how does Baldwin
know then? How come he's undercut us? How come no one wants to
do business with us?" "I dont know" protests Sally,
almost in tears. "I might have mentioned it to Gail."
"Oh, Gail, who's a friend of Alma's who's married to Baldwin."
He then notices the list with all the names crossed off.
At Chez Barnes, Des comes home and Tony asks him for
money. "A grand will do it. Mum'd give us it. Probably more."
he says he doesnt want to worry her. He's really evasive and Des
tells him to get a bank loan.
Back at Greggs rags and Sally tells him that the phones
have been ringing all day. She explains that she tried to tell
them than everything was fine. Then Greg sees all the boxes of
merchandise. "What are these?" "I ordered them
for these" says Sally waving the list about. "These
orders are cancelled. Who are we going to sell them to?"
She says somebody will buy them. "I thought we were doing
so well. What are we going to do?" "I know what Id like
to do" says Greg with bottom lip fully extended and eyes
glaring. "We'll have to cancel the cheque." But Sally
explains that they cant, she had to sign a bank mandate because
they wouldnt take a cheque, its already gone out of the bank.
"How much?" "£5,000". "Oh God"
says Greg.
And oh god is exactly what i said cos the damn video
ran out. But thanks to Glenda I am able to tell you that all I
missed was Greg showing Sally his Lennox Lewis impression as he
knocks her to the floor. The last shot is of Sally, lip bleeding,
looking at Greg.
Well, my apologies for the lateness of this but I havent
been a well gal but things are ok now. See you later in the week.
Love and stuff, Ruth
Friday 6 November
Hiya folks!!!! ... Time again for another update....
What's been happening this week, not a lot really,
I'm still making progress updating my website with technical
information to help people get on the IRC #coro_street chat-line,
and that seems to be well received... on IRC, a very pleasant
atmosphere, especially with an enjoyable Corrie trivia quiz on
Friday and the regular Saturday Night Oldies meet.
For those of you unaware, the quiz is on Friday nights
between 8 and 9 p.m. Eastern Time (Saturday morning 0100-0200
GMT) - we had a superb turnout this week with around 35 taking
part, and a good time was had by all.
As regards the Oldies show, CHFI in Toronto, broadcast
an excellent oldies music show (mainly late 50s through to 70s
music) on Saturday nights 6-11 p.m. Eastern Time (Saturday 2300
hours GMT till Sunday 0400). CHFI is on 98FM in the Toronto area
and at the following web address:
http://www.cybertv.to/chfi/index16.htm.
This is now a regular feature of Saturday nights with
3 continents regularly represented - if you are a fan of that
music era, I promise that you won't be disappointed by the excellent
selection of music - that and some great company and chat, make
for a good time!
What else? Well, just before the half-term holidays,
Trude was successful in a job interview - having spent 6 years
in a support capacity (English as a second language primarily
in Bangladeshi communities, Trude has been hankering after having
her own class again. Well, come January next year, that will
be a reality as Trude takes over a class nicknames "the
class from hell" - I think the word "interesting"
would be an appropriate euphemism for the future fate of all!!
Thinking of schools, now that half-term is out of the way, we
are now into the Christmas run. At this time of the year, the
nativity story is covered and the youngsters gear up for the
nativity play which is usually put on in the final week before
Christmas. A couple of real-life tales from the archives for
you to demonstrate the enduring natural humour of children.
The first tale involves a class who were told the
nativity story and asked to draw a picture depicting "The
Flight from Egypt". Well, one bright spark draws a picture
of an aeroplane (well it WAS the FLIGHT from Egypt!!) - he points
out Mary, Joseph and the baby Jesus. When he was asked who was
the front of the plane, the teacher received the indignant answer
"well, it's Pontius the pilot, who do you think?" !!!!!!
The second tale involves youngster who wanted to play
the part of Joseph, but was denied the part and told that he
would be playing the part of the Innkeeper. The day of the performance
comes and Joseph knocks on the door to ask if there was any room
at the inn, to which our disgruntled innkeeper retorts, in front
of the assembled audience "P*ss off!! I wanted to be Joseph!!"
They say timing is all.. a lively career awaits this natural
spark!!!
The episode commences in Greg's flat. Viewers will
recall that Greg struck Sally in a fit of temper, in the previous
episode. Sally is still in her dressing gown, nursing a cut lip.
Greg sheepishly comes in through the door, having been out all
night. She asks him where he has been. His reply of "Do you
care?", provokes a response of "No, not really."
But she is curious. "Bars, clubs, anywhere I could get a
drink!".. .She asks who he was with... "no-one you know"
is his reply... "oh and er, no-one female, either, if that's
what you're thinking", he adds. She tells him she wouldn't
care if he was out with every tart in Manchester, except someone
should warn them what an animal he is. He replies that she can
say what she likes, but it won't make him feel any worse than
he already does. "Good, and I hope you feel like that for
the rest of your life" is Sally's retort.
At the shop, Zoë is telling Ashley that Ruth has
just phoned and invited her out for the rest of the day. When
Ashley asks where they are going to go, Zoë tells him she
doesn't know - she had suggested looking around the shops, but
Ruth's reply was that it only made her want things she can't afford
and doesn't need, "which is true really, when you think about
it, because we only buy that stuff because everyone else does."
She announces they are going ice-skating instead, which sets off
Ashley down a wistful reminiscence of days gone by - he loved
going there when he was little, although he was never any good,
he confesses. He tells her that he hopes she has a nice time,
as she merrily skips off on her cheerful way. In the middle of
all of this, Nick has come in for some milk - he tries not to
pay, making the excuse that it's for Ashley's cocoa as well as
his, but Ashley is insistent he pays. After Zoë has left,
Nick asks Ashley whether he is happy about Zoe's friendship with
Ruth and Ben. Ashley admits that he didn't like them at first,
but they mean well and they are very nice people, we've got to
give them a chance. Nick isn't convinced, he thinks they are weird.
Ashley questions the judgement - is it because they aren't dressed
scruffily and don't go boozing every night and because they think
of more stuff than who is at the top of the charts? Nick retorts
that Ashley is sounding more and more like his Uncle Fred, but
Ashley points out that if Nick thinks that Ruth and Ben are weird,
then he should see some of the other people Zoë used to hang
around with.
Greg is asking Sally whether she is going into the
office, but she tells him she cannot do that without lying as
to how she acquired her bruises. He asks whether she wants him
to take the girls to school, but she is furious with him and doesn't
want him anywhere near them - she is keeping them with her today,
if they do venture out, its just going to be to the paper shop
on Rosamund Street to see if there are any flats to rent listed
in the Gazette. He is surprised that she is moving out, but she
tells him that she is not living with a man who hits her. He is
deeply apologetic, but she tells him to save his breath, she doesn't
want to hear it, she cannot even bear to be in the same room as
him. He insists they have to talk but her retort is that she thought
he preferred using his fists. He promises it will never happen
again, but Sally is in no mood for idle chat - her father had
knocked her mother about for years but she was too stupid and
too scared to do anything about it, she tells Greg. She is neither
of those and had vowed that no man would ever lay a finger on
her, or if he did, he would only do it once. Oh-oh!! Deep do-do
time for Greg.
Michael has popped round to Deirdre's to have a word
with Liz. Deirdre discreetly makes an exit to enable Michael and
Liz to talk in private. He tells Liz that he was on his way to
see a patient, but wanted to see how she was - he had this mad
idea, about her changing her mind and coming with him. She is
sorry to disappoint him, she replies, the way she sees it, she
has done something wrong and the only way to put it right is to
support Jim, if he will let her. "And I guess he will forgive
you eventually" replies Michael, but Liz admits that she
will probably never forgive herself. Michael's conscience gets
the better of him as he announces that he has to talk to Jim,
but Liz is insistent it will only make things worse. He admits
he feels guilty as well, but he doesn't intend to let it rule
his life. Liz doesn't think it's a good idea and doubts whether
Jim will even let him in. however, that isn't going to stop Michael
having a try.
Greg is with his solicitor, Richard. He is having some
hair of the dog and tells Richard that he was drinking last night
to forget - "mind you, I did meet this gorgeous blonde in
Fleet's Wine Bar - absolute goddess." He tells his solicitor
that he had a big bust up with Sally after she lost him an order
for £30,000, "blabbing to people she shouldn't have,
you know what they're like." He admits he lost his rag and
he hit Sally, he's not proud of himself, "but... thirty grand!"
She hasn't gone to the police, but she has said that she doesn't
want anything more to do with him, he confesses. They haven't
been getting on for a while, he admits, "she is so clingy,
absolutely no business sense whatsoever, she's actually quite
thick." When Richard expresses the view that Sally is quite
tasty, Greg tells him he is welcome to her, when he has finished
with her. Richard comments that he doesn't know how Greg keeps
up with the pretence, but Greg reveals that there is a lot at
stake - what he wants to know is, "if she does sling her
hook, what's gonna happen to the business?" All heart, eh??
Michael has let himself into Jim's house. He had knocked,
apparently, but there was no answer. The house is in darkness,
the curtains have not been opened - Jim is sitting in his wheelchair
in the dark , demolishing the contents of a bottle of whisky.
Jim is furious with Michael and tells him to get out but Michael
is insistent, he will not leave until he has said what he came
to say. He tells Jim that "it's time you stopped behaving
like a selfish old git and faced a few facts." Jim struggles
to get out his chair, but fails miserably. Michael says that Jim
is drowning in self-pity and asks whether he ever stops to think
about how Liz might be feeling. Jim is clearly in no mood for
a sermon, "You slept with her in my bed, in my house and
now you propose to waltz in here and give me a lecture about it"
he yells. Michael tries to tell him that the affair was not planned,
they had fought against it, but Jim is not impressed, "what
do you want me to do about it, celebrate?" When Michael says
he doesn't expect that but he should be prepared to accept what
has happened and to let Liz go. Jim is full of hatred and tells
him that the further Liz goes from him the better. In fact, he
never wants to set eyes on the pair of them again. Michael continues
to explain, it was never going to work out between him and Liz,
but Jim is incensed - it was certainly not going to work out while
he (Michael) was around and he asks him whether this is a regular
practice of his, to prey on cripples. Michael beseeches him not
to think of himself in that manner, he can walk now, he has his
whole life ahead of him, but "me and Liz love each other.
I know that hurts to hear, but it's time you started facing the
truth. She wants to come with me, but she can't because of some
stupid misguided loyalty she feels towards you." Jim reminds
Michael that he was sent round to pick up the pieces of his life,
not rub it in the dirt and destroy it. He betrayed him, he tells
Michael - "and you deluded yourself" is Michael's reply.
Jim tells Michael that he hates him more than he hates Liz, "she
couldn't help herself, she never could, but you, you ought to
know better." Michael insists he has done nothing he is ashamed
of, it just happened. "You've got no shame, you've got no
decency, let me give you a word of advice. Get out of my house
before I kill you."
Greg is still with his solicitor. Greg shows him the
bank mandate and has his fears confirmed, cheques require both
signatures. Strictly speaking, Richard tells him, he shouldn't
even take a fiver out of petty cash without her say so. Greg expresses
his surprise, but his legal friend tells him that this is what
he wanted to set up. He advises further that if Sally does decided
to dissolve the partnership, she can do so tomorrow, she is legally
entitled to take out every penny that she put in. Greg is full
of disbelief, "she can't do that! I've gotta keep this place
going, it's my livelihood." His solicitor tells him, in that
case, he needs to patch up thing between them. There is a look
of resignation on Greg's face as he realises he has no other option....
... and the theme tune comes in, on cue for the End
of part 1
After the ads, it's Part 2
The second part of the programme commences back at Ashley's. Nick
is studying the book lent to him by the art tutor, the one with
the male nude poses. Zoë come home and Nick quickly hides
the book under a cushion. Zoë excitedly announces to him
that she has a new job. She describes how, after going ice skating
in the morning, they went for a coffee, and Ruth and Ben told
them about a job where they worked. She is going to be working
in an office, she proudly tells him.
It is evening. At Des', he is ready for a pint. Natalie
asks Tony if he is sure he won't come with them. He declines her
offer, he'd rather watch TV. When Natalie tells him there are
plenty of beers in the fridge, Des sarcastically tells him to
help himself to whatever he fancies. Both Des and Natalie leave
the house for the pub. As they do so, Tony puts the safety chain
on the door.
Outside Des tells her that he is fed up of Natalie
spoiling her son. When she says she is just trying to make Tony
feel at home, Des replies he would prefer her dropping some more
hints about him moving out.
As they are crossing the road to go to the Rovers,
a car drives by. One of the passengers points out Natalie to the
driver, "that's his mam, I think, and her husband."
He points out the house and is told to phone Tony to see if he
is in.
Inside the pub, Des is exasperated with Tony. He tells
Natalie that he thinks Tony is having them on, they will never
get shut of him, he treats the place like a hotel. She, on the
other hand, wants to give her son a roof over his head, until
he gets back on his feet. Des adds that he doesn't believe "all
that crap about being in the music business for one second."
Natalie is unhappy at her son being branded a liar now, by Des.
Des thinks that Tony is a skiver, but Natalie is annoyed. Does
she want Tony putting in the army? Des is concerned though, he
feels that Tony is up to something and tells her that there have
been some very unsavoury characters around and he has asked to
borrow some money, "thinks he's going to get a sub on what
you get when you sell the house." Natalie replies that Tony
should have asked her and asks whether Des helped him out. "What
does he need money for?" is Des' query. "Because he's
skint" is her reply. She recognises that it's not an ideal
start to married life, the three of them together under one roof,
but, she asks Des to try to make him welcome - she fears that,
otherwise, when Tony leaves he is going to stay away altogether.
"Whatever you say dear" is Des' reply. In any case,
Natalie continues, it really is no big deal if Tony has a few
shifty mates and owes a few bob.
At Des' place, his friend, Jason, from Sheffield rings
the doorbell for Tony. As Tony comes to door and opens up, his
friend moves away. Hidden in the shadows are the rest of the gang,
who force their way into the house with baseball bats in hand.
"Not trying to avoid me, eh, Tony?" cries Carl, the
ringleader, "only you just took off, you never left me an
address or nowt. It's only thanks to Jason here that we managed
to find you at all." Tony makes the excuse that he is only
staying for a few days, then he was coming back. When he is asked
whether he has the money he owes them, he says, yes of course,
but not here, he will have it for them. Carl is not impressed,
he is getting sick of Tony's games, he doesn't think Tony is giving
this matter enough urgency, what he needs is a little gee up.
Tony begs for a few more days to pay, as the gang starts to lay
into him.
Next door, at Ashley's, Nick can hear some noises above
the sound of the television, some shouting next door, but decides
he must have been mistaken. Ashley is talking to Zoë about
her new job, who is it for, he asks. She is not sure. She doesn't
know how much she will be paid. She will find out when she gets
there, she tells them. Ashley tries to clarify matters - so she
hasn't actually got the job then. Zoë tells them that they
(Ruth and Ben) were going to put in a good word for her with their
boss, she is to go along on Monday for an induction. Ashley is
pleased. Leanne tells her that when Zoë gets there on Monday,
she is to ask them if they have a job for Nick. He replies that
he already has a job. This is news to Leanne, as Nick admits that
he got a job today - it is working in the labs at the college,
he tells her. She is very proud of him and comes over to embrace
him. As she does so, she sits down on the book Nick has hidden
behind the cushion. She opens it up and exclaims that "it's
a mucky book. It's full of pictures of naked men." He tells
her that it's his book, its for a project he is doing at college,
on physique and muscle tone. Leanne is delighted and kisses Nick.
At Greg's flat, Sally is phoning for accommodation.
She is asking how big the garden is, as she has two little girls.
As she does so, Greg comes back in. He has flowers in hand. He
has overheard her conversation and asks whether she is serious
about leaving. Dead serious, is her reply. She asks whether the
flowers are for her. He tells her they are her favourites and
he got something for the girls as well. You can stick them in
the bin, she replies. He pleads with her, but she refuses to be
fobbed off, to use the girls to get to her, he should have saved
himself the money, or was it her money, she asks. Greg tells her
he understands she must hate him, but they cannot just throw away
everything they've got because of one mistake. She gets annoyed
at his inability to see the seriousness of the situation, "You
make it sound like all you did was stay out late one night. Look
at me!" He tells her that he has never done anything like
this before in his life and he never will again. He doesn't know
what came over him. He puts it down to the pressures of the last
few months, having to keep quiet about their business venture,
Kevin finding out, trying to get the business off the ground,
the four of them cooped up in this tiny little flat. Then he finds
out that Baldwin had shafted them, he just snapped inside. It
was Baldwin he want to get at, not her. Sally tells him to save
his excuses, she has heard them all before, her father was very
sorry after he had hit her mum and had sworn he would never do
it again. She is not living with a violent man, especially with
two little girls to think about, at least Kevin never laid a finger
on her. She will never be able to trust him. He pulls out the
pity card and tells her that he is so ashamed, he hates himself
and what is worse, what is really cutting him up is what she was
saying, about growing up with a violent father. Vowing she wouldn't
stand for it. Every day of his life, he has said the same thing
to himself, he tells her. When Sally asks if his step father used
to hit Greg's mother, his reply is "not just my mother."
In the Rovers, Michael has come back in - he seeks
out Liz and tells her about his meeting with Jim. He had to try
to make his peace with Jim, he explains. Deirdre asks when he
is starting his new job. He tells her it will be in a couple of
weeks as he has to work through his notice first. Then he has
to go down there to find somewhere to live. "Fancy coming
with me?" he asks Liz, "I could do with a second opinion",
he adds unconvincingly. Not getting a response from Liz, he bids
them farewell.
Steve has seen the cosy conversation and comes over.
"So, what did lover-boy have to say?" He tells her that
it's all a bit close to home, even by his own standards. When
Liz asks who told him, he replies that her main worry is not him
knowing, it's the man in her life, he knows he's stupid, but he's
not that stupid. Liz tells him that Jim already knows. Steve sniggers
"I bet that went down well." Liz tells him they are
sorting it out between them, but it is time for Steve to rub salt
into the wound as revenge, "I'll tell you what makes me laugh...",
he commences. Deirdre chips in "seeing other people unhappy",
but Steve ignores her. "When Fiona found out about me and
Maxine, you were the first to jump on your high horse, weren't
you, now you're sleeping with dad's physio. It's a bit hypocritical,
isn't it?" Deirdre asks him whether he cannot drink somewhere
else, but Steve has made his point and departs. Deirdre tells
Liz not to take any notice, but Liz recognises the truth of what
he has said. Deirdre asks Liz an outright question - why is she
staying around here? She must be mad. Jim isn't going to thank
her for it and even if he takes her back in, he will always hold
it against him, she tells Liz. Steve is a dead loss. If she were
her, she would be on the next train. Liz is full of excuses, it's
not that simple is it. Deirdre begs to differ, Michael is a lovely
man and he is offering Liz the chance of a fresh start. Liz sees
it as running away, but Deirdre doesn't view it that way, getting
away from Steve and Jim would be a bonus. But Liz is adamant,
she cannot go. Why not, asks Deirdre, is it really so terrible,
that Liz might come out of all this happy? Time to ponder, eh
Liz?
At Greg's flat, Sally has put the girls to bed. Greg
is continuing his sob story, how from the outside everyone thought
they were the perfect family. Nice big house, loads of money,
that's what they thought. Sally asks whether Greg's step-father
was very violent and Greg tells her that he was violent enough
for them both to be afraid to be alone in the house with him.
He tries not to think about it, he certainly doesn't talk about
it, it's all in the past, or at least he thought it was, these
things screw you up in ways in which you cannot imagine, he confides.
He has Sally on the emotional rails, she is full of sympathy for
him and says that he should talk about it to someone, a professional
person. He tells her that there is only one person he can talk
to in his life and that is her. Having dangled the bait, he pulls
it away - he shouldn't have got into all this he tells her, he
makes out that he needs to pack a bag, it would be better if he
stayed at a B & Bwhile she found somewhere. She tells him
he needn't do this, she wants to have another go. He cannot believe
she is serious, but she warns him, if he as much as raises his
voice to her again, that's it. They embrace, as we see relief
on his face, that yet again, he has managed to pull a stunt over
her.
Des and Natalie are leaving the pub and going back
home - Des is sarcastically saying he hopes Tony hasn't drunk
all his cans of beer, he apologises for his snide remark. As they
come into the house, Natalie is surprised that all the lights
are off, maybe Tony has gone to bed. As they come into the house,
they see that Tony is lying on the floor, having been badly beaten
up. Tony is covering his face but Natalie cannot get a reply from
him. He pulls away Tony's hands and is horrified at what she sees
and becomes distraught. She asks Des to call for an ambulance.
The look on Des' face shows that his fears of something untoward
have been well founded.
.....and with that.... it is the cue for music and
credits
Episode written by Mark Wadlaw
All material is, and remains, copyright property of
ITV Television.
Well, how was it for me?
Not a classic episode, despite some action, as a number
of storylines move along towards a conclusion. We see Sally's
relationship with Greg deteriorating , even though he has wormed
his way out of the problem in this instance - but he is clearly
living on borrowed time. Also on borrowed time, is Liz and Jim's
relationship - actually, that is past its sell-by date, despite
Liz believing she needs to assuage her guilt. Zoë is getting
involved with her new friends and, at this stage, it is not obvious
as to what will happen, but she is clearly very taken with them.
And of course, Tony's past is starting to catch up with him,
as he reaps his rewards for getting involved in a shady world
where he is out of his depth.
The classic one-liner of the week.. well, there wasn't
one!! Funny moments, there wasn't one of them either.... sigh....!!!
Anyway that's it for now.. Until the next time, take
care...
Hugs and kisses from Tinky^
Regards, Alan
Sunday 8 November
[Please insert interesting snippet of recent events
in your own life here, add your name to the bottom of the list
and mail a copy to the 5 people listed above you. Things are
a bit confusing for me at the moment, and too little time today
to explain.]
[PS. If you take offence at anything I might say in
these updates, and I grant you I can be offensive, sometimes
even deliberately, please have the courtesy to engage in e-mail
debate with an address to which I can respond. Or suffer in silence
!]
Right, let's get straight down to more (humdrum) business.
Act 1
The episode opens with an aerial shot of an ambulance carting
the hapless, witless and generally everythingless Tony off to
hospital. Natalie is distraught, as any good mother should be,
even when your son is a complete waste of space. Des tries to
console her, saying Tony will be fine after a few stitches and
a night in a hospital bed. Natalie has convinced herself that
Tony has been hurt while defending the house against burglars.
Gary advises Jim to let Liz go, and get on with his
life. "She's not your wife any more", he points out.
Jim is still fuming, though. He drops a hint that maybe Michael
won't get the job in Milton Keynes after all, see he's been doing
some research and there's such a thing as a professional code
of practice. Therapists shouldn't be carrying on with their clients,
or their families. "Liz isn't your wife", says Gary
again.
Now, we've had a little medical scene earlier, so naturally
who should arrive at Des' house but Martin ! Des tells him that
he thinks Tony has been mixing with the wrong crowd, and that
he [Des] is more worried about his house than his step-son. Apparently,
there's nothing missing though, other than "a couple of Tony's
teeth". [It would be fitting if Tony had lost a few brain
cells too, but there was no sign of any damage to his arse.] Des
will be happy if Tony doesn't get out for several days, as it'll
be less aggravation for him. "This was no robbery",
he says.
Leanne is puzzled why Nick is being so secretive about
his new job. He tells everyone that he wasn't sure how long it
might last. There is general skepticism about Nick's qualifications
for working in a chemistry lab, but he points out that he's just
an assistant. "All I do is get the equipment out at the beginning,
and put it away at the end !". [ROFL!!!]
Deirdre is furthering her role as counsellor to Liz.
In the Rovers. She is keeping an eye on Jim, who seems to be on
sentry duty nearer the door. They decide to have another drink
as there's no way Liz is going to walk past him voluntarily. Les
rushes in and tells everyone what has been going on over at Des
and Natalie's house - it appears that the arrival and departure
of the ambulance had passed unnoticed. Kevin, pointedly, asks
if Natalie was okay.
Jim tackles Michael, and tells him he intends to make
a formal complaint.
Natalie arrives home from the hospital, and Des tells
her that the police will be round the next day to talk to Tony,
after he's out of hospital. They have a bit of a ding-dong about
why it is that nothing's missing. Natalie is convinced Tony was
fighting off some burglars, and was knocked unconscious. Des points
out that they could have emptied the house after that, but nothing's
missing. What about Tony, what has he said ? But Tony, apparently,
can't remember anything after he opened the door. "Very convenient",
replies Des.
Intermission
A brief pause for breath, while the video is on fast-forward,
sharpen the old editorial pencil, and straight on with...
Act 2
Leanne is telling Nick how boring it can be, working in the shop.
Nick is just leaving for college, when the phone rings. "It's
some woman... for you", Leanne tells him. He answers the
phone, and goes into a huddle [mmm can you have a huddle of one
?] and whispers a few words into the receiver. Leanne asks who
it was. Nick tells her it was his boss, asking if he could put
in a few hours that afternoon. Leanne is surprised that he hadn't
said he was working for a woman. [She'd be even more surprised
to see how much interest Nick's boss is taking in his work !]
Still desperately trying to pad the story out, the
scriptwriters have us back at the Barnes household, where Natalie
is still trying to convince Des that Tony is some sort of hero.
The more they argue, the more Des is sure that he is nothing of
the sort. Tony walks in in the middle, having discharged himself.
Des tackles him about what had really going on. Get off my back,
replies Tony. Anyway, he needs some rest. And he'll need it before
the police arrive to interview him. This alarms Tony.
Leanne and Rita are chatting in the Kabin. Alec arrives
with the good news that the connecting door has finally been finished.
He invites Rita to a grand opening ceremony later that afternoon.
After he leaves, Leanne smirks knowingly at Rita.
Hayley asks Gail what she and Martin do most evenings.
Put the kids to bed and watch telly, is the gist of her response.
[I empathise.] Any road, Roy and Hayley have decided they should
do more. A few cultural possibilities are floated, and sunk, before
they agree that evening classes might be the answer. Hayley will
go and get some information. [Anyone spot the upcoming plot here
? Good. 10/10.] At a table in the café, Liz and Michael
are discussing what to do with Jim. Apart from shoving him down
the steps at Odessa, the answer seems to be not very much. Michael
has told Jim that he loves Liz. This hadn't gone down well with
big Jim. Liz is worried that Michael may lose his job, and she
doesn't want that to happen.
A policeman has arrived, to interview Tony. He fails
to fool anyone with his laughable story about not remembering
anything other than two white blokes, with brown hair, in their
20s or 30s. With nothing to go on, the policeman leaves. Des observes
that Tony has only narrowed the suspects down to half the male
population. "Get off my back", says Tony, never stuck
for a new phrase, and goes upstairs again, shoving Des out of
the way in the process.
Back to the café to pick up Michael and Liz
again. Liz thinks Jim might change his mind about making a complaint
if she stays with him. Michael says he doesn't care, he'll get
another job and start again, but he wants Liz to be with *him*.
Alec and Rita cut the ribbon on the new door between
their flats. She is a little unsure if they have done the right
thing, but he points out the door can be locked from both sides.
He'd thought about opening a bottle of champagne to mark the occasion,
though. Rita asks him round for supper that night - they will
have a bit of celebration after all. And he can bring the champagne,
too !
Leanne and Nick and Ashley are waiting to go out to
a club. Zoe is wrapped up in a phone conversation with Ruth. "Psycho
babble", comments Nick. [He's been getting all the best lines
tonight.] He suggests to Leanne that they might be able to afford
a short holiday next year, now he is earning a little bit of money.
Zoe finally comes off the phone and tells them excitedly that
her job offer is definite, and she can start on Monday. Nick remarks
to Leanne that they obviously only employ "nutters"
at this office.
Natalie goes off to work, but not before she has checked
that her precious Tony will be alright. She needn't fear, no sooner
has she shut the front door than Des lays into him. [Verbally
! This is a family show...] Des knows something's up, just that
he doesn't know exactly what it is yet. Tony fears for nothing,
as he's Natalie's flesh and blood, whereas Des has only known
her for 5 minutes. She'll stick up for Tony when it comes down
to it.
Round at Rita's flat, she and Alec have finished their
meal. He thanks her for a lovely evening. "If you do change
your mind, we can get that door bricked up faster than it was
put in", says Alec. She tells him not to worry about the
time, as Leanne is opening up the shop in the morning. He opens
another bottle of bubbly, saying another hour won't matter then.
"Don't stay an hour, Alec, stay the night", she surprises
him. [It's an old trick, but the cork flies out of the champagne
bottle as she says this.] Alec looks both delighted and nervous.
More drear from Liz and Michael to wind the show up
tonight. She's *still* thinking about staying put, and he's *still*
trying to convince her she'd be better off with him, someone who
loves her, than with Jim, who'll only resent her for what's happened.
"Come with me", he pleads, "leave all this behind."
[For Ghod's sake, GO !!]
This episode was written by Catherine Hayes.
I wish I could find something particularly positive
to say about tonight's episode. But it was rather, as I said,
humdrum. Nice to see Nick getting some funny lines to deliver.
By the end of the show though, I wanted to reach into the set
and strangle Liz and Michael. And especially Tony - he is *hopeless*.
Overall rating (out of 5 stars): **
Hoping for better things next week.
John Laird
Monday 9 November
Greetings Comrades :)
I apologise for the late running of this Monday Update.
<EXCUSES>
I was out on Monday night witnessing the freshly reformed (and
indeed rejuvenated!) BLONDIE peddle their extremly fine wares
to an unsuspecting audience and then by the time Tuesday came
round I discovered I'd been struck with some kind of unpleasant
flu virus (I'm sure the two events are unconnected...) which
not only meant I had to miss out on seeing Billy Bragg in concert
on Tuesday (*wail*), but it also meant I've been holed up in
bed for the last couple of days, unable to scribble my usual
nonsense about Monday's Coronation Street. But never one to shirk
my duty, I have braved the snivvles, aches and pains, hauled
my ailing carcass up onto a chair, taken appropriately coloured
pills and decided to attempt the Monday Update... Better a bit
late and half-hearted than never, eh? :)
</EXCUSES>
It's the morning after the night before in Weatherfield's
latest little lovenest... Rita and Alec are eating breakfast,
looking rather pleased with themselves and engaging in small talk.
Alec says, in between chomps of toast, that he doesn't usually
eat breakfast unless it's in a hotel and included with the cost
but this morning he's "quite peckish" and "certainly
not complaining". Rita goes on to inform him, much to his
surprise, that he snores loudly but Alec lets her know it's only
if he's had "a glass or two too many" before assuring
that -she- doesn't snore and even if she did he wouldn't say anything
to "avoid hurting her feelings"! Rita rolls here eyes
and muses aloud that there's "something to be said about
being alone with a newspaper at this time in the morning"
before making the suggestion that they both to get off to work.
Alec recommends, sagely, that they exit through their own respective
front doors so that "all and sundry don't know what's going
on behind locked doors and drawn curtains"! Rita concedes
that they can do without all the excess "nudging and winking"
and they plan to meet up on the corner outside the Kabin in a
few minutes as if nothing's happened... That'll throw 'em, eh?
(As if the whole Street doesn't know already about the adjoining
door Alec had fitted between their two flats!)
Zoe and Ashley, at this very moment, are crossing the
road and she is concerned about whether she's dressed appropriately
for her new job (funnily enough, she's not dressed any differently
than usual) and although he reassures her that she is, she has
to ask a nearby Maud Grimes for a second opinion. Maud agrees
with Ashley and having gained the approval of these two much heralded
fashion gurus, Zoe makes a lunch- date with Ashley and heads off
merrily to "The Foundation", to start work.
Just then, Alec and Rita enter the Street from their
respective doors and meet on the corner, proclaiming Fred-Elliot-volume
"GOOD MORNING!"'s to each other. Their plan is foiled
however when Martin Platt steps out of the Kabin and wonders "what
went wrong" with Alec's hole-in-the-wall plan and why the
two of them are emerging out of seperate doors. Rita informs the
Nosey Nurse that there is a "proper door, WITH a lock"
in place between the two flats, but in the true spirit of 'nudge
nudge wink wink', Martin suggests bawdily that Alec won't "need
a pair of burglar's tools to get through that, eh?" before
chuckling off into the distance leaving Alec seething at their
inability to "have a private life 'round here". (Having
been on the Street as long as he has, he should have learnt this
valuable lesson a *LONG* time before now!)
Over at Number 6, Natalie suggests happily that Tony
accompanies Des to work today but both her boys seem rather, err,
unimpressed by the idea, gasping "NO!" in unision. Tony
makes for the bathroom, hastily, after mumbling something about
having to make some 'phone calls during the day. Des decides to
take leave also and asks Natalie if she's going to be alright
in case "they come back" but Nat, uncharacteristically
oblivious (c'mon, she's smarter than this!) maintains that "they"
were burglars and wouldn't come back again after what happened
the last time... Des doesn't even bother to argue this time round
and simply leaves for work.
Over at some house ("The Foundation" HQ,
apparently), decorated with posters of the Sun and pretty things
like that, Zoe encounters Ruth Of The Eerie Eyebrows, who welcomes
her, spookily... "This is the first day of the rest of your
life..." she sing-songs as the CLICHE ALARM rings at full
blast, "it's more than a job, this is a whole way of life
and, we think, the only right way!"... Just then her partner
in crime, Ben (who is looking increasingly like Jools Holland
with each episode!), arrives, equally joyous to see that their
new recruit is present. I have to wonder at this point where all
the other members of The Foundation are... It's a big empty house
and it appears that the only occupants are Ben & Ruth... Bizarre...
Anyway, Ben reckons Zoe is going to be one of their "stars"
(Human sacrifice, anyone?) and then presents her with HER VERY
OWN (brace yourself) CRYSTAL OF NIRAB (Obviously named after top
TV Producer Nirab Karp ;))! This is their way of welcoming her
to "the family" (Charles Manson, anyone?) and he goes
on to say that she's 'one of them' now... Not just her though...
Her *and* Baby Shannon. They are both now part of "The Foundation"...
(Ok, you can stop giggling now...)
Over at the Rovers, Alec is hitting the Stout, much
to Natalie's surprise. He exclaims, gruffly, that it "builds
a man up" but she believes that should he build himself up
any more "he's going to need planning permission" (lol!).
He is indignant but goes on to proudly tell her how he's "not
fat, just pleasantly plump", that "thin men are bad
news" and that he "may be knocking on a bit but all
is in working order". He still has "all his facilties
and *cough* all his faculties"! Across the room, Action Man
Michael enters and (no prizes for guessing this) accosts Liz in
a nearby booth. He buys her a drink and asks the withering old
trout AGAIN to come with him to Milton Keynes with even more William
Shatner-esque melodrama than ever before (*zzzz*). (One question
though... What the Hell are these two going be doing once they
get there? Seemingly the only (brief) times that they've spent
together have been strictly reserved for bonking and I don't recall
the last time they actually shared a 'conversation' that wasn't
about Jim MacDonald or Milton bleedin' Keynes!!!) Anyway, the
dialogue is near-identical to that of the last 200 scenes these
two have been in so there's no need to repeat it here. The only
difference is that at the end of all the blathering and O.T.T.
acting, she finally agrees to come with him and they have a brief
snog, in front of the entire, astonished Rovers staff. Natalie
looks on and proclaims, with perfect comic timing, "Well
then... I reckon he's been on the stout!"
Wa-hey! At last, The Nation's Favourites are back!
:) Lady Hayley of Patterson is standing in the cafe with Sir Royston
of Cropper, eating a chocolate bar and perusing a list of evening
classes. She suggests a few ideas to Roy as to what they might
sign up for but doesn't seem to be making much progress. Jewellry
making doesn't go down well since neither of them have much use
for it ("I only have one pair of cufflinks" says Roy,
baffled by the suggestion, "And I rarely use them!")...
Cooking isn't feasible either as Roy explains "I.. I.. run
a cafe. If I start having cookery lessons I'll never hear the
end of it!"... They hilariously examine the possibities of
language courses, next. Dutch is a bad idea ("You're not
still hankering after Amsterdam are you?" asks Roy, at the
idea!) since "they all speak English anyway", but Roy's
suggestion of Spanish is an instant hit! "Brilliant!"
yelps Hayley, "All the girls at work have been to Spain...
er, they don't speak it though... Still, if we ever went I'd love
to be able to speak to the locals!" which prompts Roy to
reel off a list of Spanish-speaking countries, as mutual enthusiasm
mounts! Hayley leaves, excitedly, to sign them up for the course
and as she exits proclaims "See you later... or should I
say.. Hasta la vista!"... Sir R's response is the show-stealer
of the night but unfortunately translates rather badly from screen
to text. "Kimosabe!" he hollers across the room merrily
before adding "Err, oh no.. that's not Spanish at all, is
it?" (LOL! The mere *look* on his face is worth a million
quid!)
As poor Ashley sits alone in t'caff, Zoe is being led
around The Foundation by Ruth. She apologises that, at this stage,
she can't show Zoe "THE SANCTUM" (!!!) until she has
been "recieved into The Foundation" (eh? Didn't they
already do this?). She then enthuses, with much eyebrow movement,
that they'll train Zoe to use a computer (Ahh, so *this* is who's
responsible for all those MAKE MONEY FAST spam mails I keep getting!)
before hastily adding that "the Foundation isn't just about
office skills though, it's about life, and the life beyond life"
(This dialogue is pants... pants beyond pants...). She then gives
Zoe a briefcase and promptly disappears up her own arse with the
words: "It's time to enter into what ordinary people call
'The Real World'... But you and I know better don't we? The Real
World is inside you, inside me and inside the one great wholeness..."
*whoosh* There she goes!
Meanwhile, Des arrives home early at Number Six to
find his new stepson doing the gardening outside. However, with
Tony not being hotly tipped as a green-fingered type, the suspicion
runs high and, despite much protests from the Hateful Horrocks,
Des swiftly digs up about an inch (if that!) of dirt with his
fingers and discovers a bag of white powder, which I seriously
doubt is something to help the flowers grow... The dialogue is
so painfully cliche'd (ie: "What's this?" asks Des,
wide-eyed in a Joe Pesci kinda way, "Buried treasure, eh
Tony?") that I'll spare you the torture of reading it and
cut mercifully to the ads...
END OF PART ONE
More plastic bimbos telling us how good their cosmetics are (Hmm,
there's an original slant, never seen *that* before...), more
woefully obscure nonsense from the Beefeater restaurants (what
*ARE* these adverts about???), more gratuitous flesh from the
skin-care department, a few seconds of Michael Barrymore getting
knocked unconcious by a boxing glove on a spring (YES! Now *there*'s
a decent advert!) and finally Kate Moss, cavorting about in that
stick-insect kind of way that only she can, pretending to be the
Terminator, declaring "war" on split ends with her swanky
new hair-care products...
The mind well and truly boggles. So let's get back
to what ordinary folk call the Real World...
PART TWO
Eh up, it's Des and Tony again... In the kitchen. Des is holding
Tony up against the wall by his neck in true gangsta stylee and
I'll spare you the whole "I knew you were up to no good!"/"But,
but, but I need the money!" exchange since, if you've ever
watched *any* TV show dealing with a drug-deal scenario, you'll
have seen it before... Oh, and surprise sur- bleedin'-prise, Des
flushes Tony's bag of dodgy goods down the sink and then, as Tony
tearfully tries to fetch it back, Des smashes the CLICHE-O- METER
into pieces by saying "Look at yourself, Tony, just look
at yourself". At this point, a single tear falls from my
cheek as I remember that this is the same Des Barnes that only
a few years ago was goofing around hilariously with good ol' Arthur
the Gnome and who is now merely playing the part of a third rate
Charles Bronson. [Incidentally, Eagle- Eyed viewers will notice
that I spliced two seperate scenes into one there. I'm sure no
one minds or cares that I did this... It simply didn't warrant
2 paragraphs, IMHO...]
Ruth and Zoe are standing on the doorstep of some dosile
housewife (who may or may not be a mute) trying to peddle their
wares. "Your very own Crystal Of Nirab! You've probably seen
programmes about this on the TV (!!). It's not just a beautiful
piece of jewellry... It's actually focused to channel the magnetic
forces so that you harmonise with the beneficial flow (!!!). Not
just for physical health but for spiritual well-being too. Lots
of World Leaders have these and so do I, well, I wouldn't be without
mine. It's only £9.99 on a beaded chain and then the gold
chain at £19.99!" is the jaw-dropping sales pitch and
amazingly the abnormally quiet housewife purchases with gusto!
As Zoe and her lunatic mate leave the doorstep, it's explained
that by selling these pug-ugly lumps of plastic on a string, The
Foundation can be kept financially alive. Zoe however has no confidence
in her ability to sell these things but Ruth persuades her that
she's a "very talented person" and will do just fine.
Oh joy, oh rapture, it's the MacDonald's. Jim is sitting,
as he always does, in a darkened living room as Liz, once again
(Hello! Production!? Can we drag this dreadful storyline out a
bit further without making any progress!?) is telling him that
he has no right to threaten Michael. Once again, Jim replies with
his usual nonsense about how the Occupational Therapist was sent
round to look after him and instead "seduces" his "wife".
Liz gives the auto-response that she wasn't "seduced"
and isn't his "wife". Jim... Liz... Jim... Liz... JIM!
LIZ! JIM! LIZ! ARRRRGH! It's all too much! Oh yes, and Jim uses
the word "Bastard" quite prominently for anyone who's
keeping a swear-counter on the show.
Next up, Zoe bounces into The Foundation HQ and apparently
has sold 2 crystals "virtually on her own". Ben enters
at this point and begins to lay down the really heavy weirdness,
telling her that although selling these crystals to bored housewives
may seem trivial... "...Everything we do from the moment
we wake up to our last concious thought is trivial. All of it
is trivial in comparison to the time that's coming, very very
soon... This present age that we live in with our Earthly bodies
is coming to it's close... A violent end! A cataclysmic end!!"
(Anyone else feel like they're listening to poor Death Metal lyrics
here?)... Then one of the most unintentionally hilarious lines
I've ever heard is uttered with fantastic comic timing: "How
is it coming? *pause* We... don't, err, know... Nirab hasn't told
us yet!" (Well, of course he hasn't you silly sods, he resigned
from production duties a couple of weeks ago! ;)) But of course,
this speech is wrapped up with the fact that as long as she's
part of The Foundation, she has nothing to fear as they are the
only ones who'll be able to enter into the next life... where
Baby Shannon is waiting. "Go home, Zoe", he finally
murmurs with deadpan 'charm', "Ruth and I will now go into
the Sanctum to give thanks" before warning her that "fleshly
contact with those outside the Foundation" is strictly forbidden...
Anyone with a straight face at the end of this unabashed nonsense
deserves a medal!
Tony and Des, meanwhile, audition for roles in "Eastenders".
They yell, holler, shout, scream, rant and rave to each other
for about in a minute in the kitchen of No.6 before Des strikes
a deal with his Stupid Stepson that he won't say a word about
the drugs as long as Tony bogs off out of Weatherfield and goes
somewhere completely new, like London, to "get a proper job,
like everyone else has to".
In the Rovers, Janice and Natalie harp on briefly on
how the mob that beat up poor, innocent Tony should be locked
up for good before the camera cuts over to Alec and Rita at the
other end of the bar. Rita subtly mentions that "if you leave
a door standing open, people get the idea they've got the right
of way. Some of the time it has to be closed and I'd like an early
night tonight" and, as Alec's face lights up with the promise
of a repeat performance, Rita concludes that she's "just
started a new steamy novel" and "would like the door
closed". Err... It's just too obvious to make rude comments
here so I'll simply say that Alec looks a tad disappointed and
we move swiftly along to...
...The House Of Elliot, where Zoe and Ashley are eating
dinner (and it looks to me like there's meat in that!)... Ashley
is disheartened that she didn't keep their lunch-date as promised
but Zoe is too busy gushing about her new job to care. She enthuses
that they're going to teach her how to use "one of them computers"
(expect to see ZTattersall@Foundation.Com in RATUCS any minute
now!) and then proudly displays her very own CRYSTAL OF NIRAB
which she claims gets her "magnetic forces running right
way, like" before attesting that it keeps the bad vibes out
and the good vibes in (like, groovy, man...). Ashley expresses
justifiable concern but Zoe palms him off with a simple "You
don't understand, you'll never understand... You're not one of
us!"
The final scene of tonight's episode involves a Delighted
Des and a Tired Tony entering the Rovers, ordering pints and sharing
some "news" with a Naive Natalie... Tony claims, with
a bit of pushing, that he's "got a job", "in promotions",
"down in London" and will have to leave quite shortly
as it's "too good an opportunity to pass up"... That's
it, cue credits!!!
This episode was written by John Stevenson (and allegedly
produced by Nirab Karp!) and, admittedly, is a marked improvement
over the last few. This cult malarky is becoming a bit less dreadful
because I'm now thoroughly convinced that it *MUST* be the scriptwriters
taking the piss. With dialogue as bad as some of the stuff Ben
was coming out with, it *has* to be a joke. Still, that's not
to say I agree with such blatant self-parody in Corrie but I
do find it a damn sight easier to digest than the gloomy, gritty
tedium of this appalling Tony Horrocks 'story'. There's not a
single line in it that hasn't been said before and it's predictable
as all Hell, not to mention far too downbeat, inappropriate and
staringly out-of-place for the show.
The Liz & Michael storyline seems to be *finally*
reaching a head, slowly but surely, so we can thank our lucky
stars for that... Alec provided a lot of laughs with his "I'm
all man" schtick and Natalie responded with commendable
comic timing... But the show-stealers, as ever, were Roy and
Hayley, despite the fact that their 2.5 minute scene was probably
the most innocuous and harmless bit of fluff in the whole show.
I had a grin on my face and a giggle in my belly throughout the
whole thing and by the time Roy had yelled "Kimosabe!",
I was nearly splitting my sides with laughter. We need far more
well-scripted dialogue like this in the show from any or preferrably
ALL of the characters and, IIRC, it wasn't *that* long ago when
we last saw something like that.
So, in conclusion, the show is getting better than
it has been for the last couple of weeks. Now it's my turn to
get better. :)
Take care! The Rattler
This Monday Update was sponsored
by Scott 4 (What I was listening to) and Stella Artois (What I
would have been drinking, usually!).
Wednesday 11 November
This, when it's finished, will be the first of my
updates to be fully completed within my new home in Sussex Place.
By a twist of fate it closely follows the reappearance in the
news of Mr Evon Berry, whose family have recently been presented
with his posthumous gallantry award. Mr Berry, a popular caretaker
of a local community centre, was shot dead on New Years Day,
1996, not 200 yards from where I sit, at the other end of Sussex
Place, after intervening with a drugs gang attempting to infiltrate
the area.
I mention this because it does have some topical relevance
to the matter in hand. Sussex Place would make a good setting
for a soap opera I think, with its mixed inner-city community,
small shops, and nearby pubs and café - though I know
little of the marital infidelities that go on here. Events like
Mr Berry's murder are the sort of thing that add extra spice,
though I fear that one violent death in three years would be
pretty poor stuff by modern soap standards. At least people in
Bristol were genuinely shocked by Mr Berry's death and things
really did change for the better as a result. And we were spared
seeing Mr Berry's smiling face looking out of the cover of Venue
magazine two weeks before his demise, as we can now see Des Barnes
on the covers of every TV magazine in every newsagent right now.
He, like Evon Berry, is going to be killed next Wednesday after
intervening in a drugs dispute. There's no secret about it, it's
not a casual leak, it's been set up with the full connivance
of the producers. So what's the point of watching? Drama used
to be about tension, and not knowing what will happen next. Now
it seems we have to have it all flagged up in advance - it's
as if we all need to be wrapped up in cotton wool and protected
from nasty shocks. Without tension, without the unexpected, it's
no wonder we get bland and dreary storylines. Ho hum...
The HTV continuity announcer says "There's something
on HTV now, which is ironic because some people have nothing on...".
(The episode is sponsored by Cadbury's "Nuts About Caramel"
which is also ironic I guess)
Liz and Deirdre are, however, fully dressed in Deirdre's
kitchen. Liz is acting like an excited child on Christmas morning.
Deirdre is evidently completing last night's washing up to create
a nice stable little domestic scene, which Liz clearly doesn't
belong in. It's her day for saying her farewells and we'll see
her weaving her way in and out of the episode without ever really
having much impact on it. Right now she's complaining to Deirdre
that Jim thinks it's all about him, but it's really about the
friends and family she's leaving behind. She tries for the umpteenth
time to phone Steve, and leaves a message on his answering machine
to say she's leaving with Michael.
Over where the young folks are putting on the agony,
putting on the style (that dates me!), Zoe is sitting in a tartan
(not denim) dressing gown morosely nursing a mug of coffee (she's
still allowed that then, for the time being at least). Ashley
seems to have noticed something, he wonders why Zoe seems to have
gone off him. But, responds Zoe, on the defensive, the stuff she's
doing for the Foundation, it takes up a lot of her time and her
thinking. "Look," she prickles, "there's higher
things in life than stuff you're interested in". At which
point Leanne comes bouncing down the stairs tying up her hair
and playing the sceptic to the full. "Yeah? Like what?"
she demands. "Well," says Zoe defiantly, "like
what comes after life and preparing for it." My word, she
has been smitten. But Leanne is not at all impressed. "Preparing
for life in a coffin is what you're doing". As Zoe complains
to Ashley that she is "seeing things different from what
I used to", Ashley gives her hair an affectionate rub. Plainly
irritated by this, Zoe immediately straightens up.
Cut to Leanne, who is giving Nick a shoulder massage.
Nick tells her languidly that he's not going into college till
later. Oh, he adds, he's working late again and won't be back
until 9. Doubtless with Sally and Greg reaching their climax we
have to lead up to another set of lies about working late - this
is another storyline that has been well trumpeted although it's
painfully obvious from the story where we're going. And already,
even as Nick is still in the innocent stage, Leanne has her doubts.
"Cleaning test-tubes again!" she says with transparent
disbelief. And this gives her cue to turn the bitchiness on full-blast.
"What I don't get is why anybody would do a job they don't
get a proper wage for" - with a nod as Zoe who we see looking
at her defensively in the background. "I wouldn't be surprised,"
she stage-whispers, "if she's just hanging about on street
corners with her old mates again". Zoe becomes very defensive
at this and comes over to challenge that remark. "And you
think money's all that matters do yer? It's the most important
job there is". But all Leanne can reply is a pert aside "It's
like I said, she's back on t'streets!"
Natalie and Tony are at breakfast. The table is set
for three, with the traditional milk bottle on the table and an
unattended bowl of cereal, but Des is nowhere to be seen. Which
gives Natalie an opportunity to question Tony about his plans.
"So, you're off to London with nowhere to stay and you think
you're going to find somewhere just like that?". Tony thinks
Des has seen enough of him, which is unusually perceptive for
Tony. Though he, Tony, would be glad of a few days more, and Natalie,
blinded by a mother's love and not so perceptive, is quite sure
Des is perfectly happy having him around. Tony takes his cue to
reveal to his mother that he has a few debts, to some mates he
borrowed money off. Natalie falls right into this one. "I'm
your mother, what are mothers for if not to help? How much do
you owe?" And as Tony names a figure (of £4,500), we
close in on Natalie's face as her eyes roll heavenwards.
Liz has risked paying a call on Jim, and circles warily
behind the wheelchair clutching her handbag tightly for security,
no doubt anticipating the coming storm. "Have you thought
any more about what I said?" she enquires nervously. But
the storm doesn't break, not in the way she expects. Jim stays
cool, if bitter, and looks up at her from his chair (he is psychologically
in the more vulnerable position here). "I thought I probably
wouldn't bother", he says wearily, meaning he won't report
Michael for malpractice. Liz is so surprised by this that she
kneels by the chair, changing the power relationship as Jim now
looks down on her. But there's a sting in Jim's attitude, he's
not going to not complain for her benefit, and certainly not for
Michael's, but for himself. He's realised the implications of
an inquiry on his life, with the endless questioning about what
exactly happened and what was said. And he intends to wipe Liz
out of his life, never mentioning her name and making sure nobody
else does either. Liz can't quite cope with this: "Twenty
years of growing up and having a family and you're just going
to wipe me out of your memory?" Well, ripostes Jim, "it's
either that or I go mad".
Tony is stretched out on the sofa, languidly puffing
at a cigarette and with a vacant expression on his face, when
Natalie enters the room. "Mum," says Tony, not very
convincingly, "I've been thinking, I can't let you".
But she's only brought him £720 - far from not being able
to let her, he expresses his contemptuous disappointment, rather
more convincingly, and whines "Is that all you've got?"
He thought she was selling her house. And then he goes all frightened,
he's afraid she'll tell Des who will be even less impressed with
him if he knows he's sponging off his Mum (quite!). But she won't
tell Des unless he asks, but she's not going to start lying to
him.
Out in the street, Michael is leaving the bookies and
bumps into Deirdre, who has a message for him - be nice to Liz,
it's hard for her and she's leaving all her family and friends
for him. "Of course I will - I love her!" he says.
Cut to Natalie crossing the street. The camera follows
her until she passes behind a black Jeep, and then lingers on
the two goons in the Jeep - Grant and Phil Mitchell escaped from
another place? - who chew gum as they stare meaningfully with
overplayed menace at Des 'n' Nat's house.
In Deirdre's kitchen, Liz brings Michael some good
news with his tea/coffee. "Jim's not going to be putting
in a complaint". And oscillating between worry and girlish
giggles she muses on the past and the future. She wishes Jim would
accept things are they are, still hopes she'll get the odd Christmas
card from Jim, just to hear how he's getting on. She's divorced
him, fought with him, said some awful things, and she still cares
what he thinks. "So what if he disapproves now? asks Michael.
She giggles. "Then I'll ignore him! But I still wonder if
I'm doing the right thing".
Hayley is in the Rovers, enthusiastically telling Janice
about the exciting things it's possible to do at evening classes.
With her characteristic social gaucheness however, she is oblivious
to the palpably obvious fact that Janice is listless, distracted
and uninterested in what she has to say. Janice can't understand
why Hayley and Roy want to learn Spanish to go on holiday there.
"Whenever I've been they've always spoke English. I suppose
they do speak Spanish as well."
Cut to Liz, entering, who approaches Betty and tells
her she's looking for Steve.
Cut to Des entering, pleased with himself and beaming
at Natalie as he orders a pint. "Did I mention that I love
you?" to which Natalie replies "I think it were you,
yeah!". Des wants to know if Tony has left yet, and is disappointed
and angered to learn that he hasn't and may not for a few days
yet. Natalie tries to reassure him, it's going to take Tony a
while to sort himself out. Des can't resist a bit of bitchiness
of his own "What's he supposed to be, a garage mechanic or
something?" - it's a good job Kevin's not listening! But
Natalie has seemingly endless faith in her son. "He's a lot
like his dad - took him ages to discover what he's good at. Tony'll
be the same"
Cut to Janice, as Liz arrives at the table. Janice
seems annoyed "I wondered where you'd got to" (perhaps
desperate for relief from Hayley's over-jolly company?). So Liz
tells Janice and Hayley she won't be back at Underworld, she's
going away. "Going away where?" asks Hayley brightly.
And beams as she wishes Liz the very best of luck. Poor Hayley,
she must be sad at losing an ally, but then perhaps she still
hasn't realised who her true friends are.
Outside, Tony is leaving the house, slipping something
into his coat as he furtively looks both ways and drags on a cigarette
(Dickens had a character who was forever shrouded in cigar smoke
to suggest sleaziness, the same is happening here I suggest).
Cut to the goons getting out of the Jeep, and approaching Tony
menacingly (these characters really are a bit too obvious, one
of the really sinister things about the drugs Mr Bigs in real
life is that they look alarmingly ordinary). Tony looks on, surprised
and taken aback. Breathless and stammering, he tells them he's
got a part payment. "I don't remember talking about instalments"
mutters one of the goons. Tony needs a bit of time, but "That's
just what you haven't got, have yer? Time". Tony will, he
stammers like a scared child, have the money for them next week.
Well, he'd better. He gets away with it this time, as the goons
stalk off with deeply meaningful glances.
INTERMISSION
Part Two opens on Planet Nirab, whence Zoe has been
abducted by the alien bodysnatchers. Zoe and the alien called
"Ruth" are in the middle of discussing the reaction
of Zoe's housemates. "They haven't said much really,"
says Zoe, "well, with one exception who's got a big gob."
Leanne has clearly been getting under her skin. But, assures "Ruth"
soothingly, "They don't understand about the Foundation and
what they are doing". As Zoe's face registers deeper and
deeper alarm, "Ruth" tells her how the aliens left their
families and friends to come to Planet Nirab to be with people
who do understand. And "The time will come when you want
to - but only you will know when you are ready". And with
a sinister touch she adds "There'll always be a place for
you".
Natalie is enjoying a relaxing break at home with the
newspaper when desperado Tony enters, scared and overacting like
there's no tomorrow. He looks around him, wild-eyed and pants
"Des isn't here is he?" He really *is* desperate. He
needs more money, and now. He wants Natalie to hurry up and sell
her house. "Look, I've got debts to pay and if I don't pay
'em I'm in trouble". And then he backtracks in a panic, "They
are mates of mine". Slowly, it begins to dawn on Natalie
that maybe her beloved son might not be the angel she thought
he was. "Tony, I hope there's not something you've not told
me?". Almost with relief, Tony snivels with a sickly grin
"I want everything clear so I can start again - then I'm
going to make you proud of me!"
Off we go to Gail and Roy in the café, so we
can expect some knockabout comic relief. Roy is studiously polishing
a table as there is clearly something he doesn't want to discuss.
But Gail knows when she's got Roy on the run... "Life class?"
she asks, teasingly, "is that what I think it means? Naked
women lying about on sofas?" This gets Roy giggling nervously
"No, it won't be like that!" and then after a pause,
he adds, warily, "will it?".
Hayley bursts excitedly through the door. "Did
you know Liz Macdonald's leaving?" And Gail can't resist
continuing the tease "No," she says with a wicked grin,
"did you know you were going to a life class? I'll let him
tell you!" and departs, leaving Hayley looking baffled and
accusing at Roy.
[At which point I have a question. Haven't we had a
hint before of Hayley's artistic prowess? In one of her very early
episodes, Hayley presented Alma with a rather well-executed portrait
sketch. This has never been picked up on, and perhaps was just
slipped in at a point when Hayley was thought by the producers
to be just passing through]
Roy stammeringly and awkwardly explains that the Spanish
class has been suspended because the teacher was poorly, so he
asked what else was on and was told they still had a few places
left in the life class. And Hayley, even more dismayed, complains
plaintively "so we're going to be drawing some naked female?".
Roy is now fully aware that he's done the wrong thing. "Th...
th... that's what Gail said... D'you think that's what it'll be?"
But you and I, dear readers, have already guessed what's
going to happen, haven't we!
Steve bursts into Jim's house. "I hear Mum's leaving!"
And Jim, prickly and sarcastic, launches into his detested son
"And you thought I mightn't know, is that it? So you thought
you'd just take a wee mosey round and let me know? Thank you so
much for your consideration son. Or perhaps you thought you'd
just walk round and slide the knife in, is that the crack?"
Steve needles Jim further with some unkind remarks about Liz,
which provoke an unexpected reaction from Jim. "Oi, that's
your mother you're talking about! She has her own life to lead,
she's entitled to do what she wants with it." At this point
we are supposed, I think, to get confused at this change in Jim's
tune. Steve at any rate can't quite believe his ears. "You're
telling me you're very happy for her, is that it?" he asks
incredulously. "I'm telling yer... telling yer... I hope
she's very happy". And all Steve can do is snigger disbelievingly.
It's not a nude descending the spiral staircase, but
the awkward gait tells us it's Hayley, preceded by Roy and led
by Miranda the randy art teacher. Roy is reminding Miranda once
more that they aren't prepared with their own equipment as they
were intending to do Spanish, you see... Miranda shows them to
easels and invites them to make themselves at home. In the background
we can see Nick, obliviously removing his dressing gown and settling
down in the raw (at least I think so, parts of him are judiciously
concealed by the easels). Miranda tells them "I envy you
starting from scratch, no inhibitions, no preconceptions. I can't
think of anything more exciting". But I'm sure her mind is
excited at this point and focused on Nick, about whom she has
preconceptions but no inhibitions...
As Miranda moves away we see Nick as he recognises
who is there, and the dismay registering on his face.
Cut to Roy, his face emerging from behind his easel,
recognising Nick and looking disconcerted.
Cut to Nick, looking alarmed.
Cut to Hayley, ostentatiously measuring with her outstretched
thumb before suddenly recognising Nick and suddenly looking horrified.
(One of the paramount skills of Julie Hesmondhalgh is her ability
to register emotions so well with the slightest of changes to
an impassive face - she would, I think, have been a star of the
silent cinema in the manner of Buster Keaton or Harold Lloyd).
All the time, Miranda continues her talk to the class.
"Later on I'll be talking about perspective, how our idea
of size changes with our point of view". I bet you will,
dear, I bet you will!
Roy, not knowing where to put himself, looks around
as if looking for a place to retreat, then withdraws behind his
easel. And Hayley's face sinks slowly behind hers. A lovely moment
of comedy.
Steve is in the Rovers, looking fed-up, when Liz enters,
concerned that Steve has not had her message. But Steve was sure
he'd see her there in the Rovers. "But you might not have
done," says Liz, "because this time tomorrow I'll be
gone". She wants to ring Steve with her new address and phone
number when she gets to Milton Keynes, because "I'm relying
on you to tell me how your dad is - seeing as he's just wished
me dead". But Steve, surprised by this outburst, explains
about his own encounter with Jim, and how Jim has given her his
blessing. Which leaves Liz looking incredulous.
At the home of the young folks, Leanne is examining
Zoe's crystal with evident amusement as Zoe enters, arms folded
defensively. "What is it?" enquires Leanne, "Some
kind of magic charm that keeps away evil spirits?" Ever more
prickly Zoe, putting it on (I mean the crystal not the agony or
the style, but those too I guess), explains that it's supposed
to 'armonise these forces that there are that, well, they're there
but you can't see 'em and it 'elps you find spiritual peace. Zoe
certainly has a way with the English language doesn't she! But
Leanne is less than impressed: "What a load of rubbish!"
she opines. Ashley rushes to Zoe's defence from the kitchen. "Leave
it alone can't yer?", whereupon Leanne goes off in a huff.
Ashley, perhaps understandably, is concerned for Zoe's state of
mind and suggests that they go out for the evening, but Zoe is
unenthusiastic. He suggests that at least they could watch telly
together, but this gets scorned too. "I can't, I've got stuff
for t'Foundation I've got ter read". And Ashley is left with
an exasperated "Well how about me!"
Jim's in mellow, reflective mood as he entertains Liz.
He's surprised at what he said to Steve, all he wanted was to
wipe the smirk of his face, but eventually realised he'd spoken
no less than the truth. "I've always wanted you to be happy,"
he tells her, "why should that change now? I just wish it
was me who was going to make you happy. Mind you, I can't complain
can I? I've had twenty years trying and made a mess of it".
Liz is fighting back tears. "I'll always need you Elizabeth,
that's the trouble". And the scene ends really very touchingly,
with hugs and hand-holding, and Jim's "He's a lucky man -
you tell him I said so.
I should mention that while I've been writing this
update I've been listening to Wagner's "Tristan und Isolde",
which I at least find the most moving four hours in the history
of music. And as I was describing Liz and Jim's farewell, we'd
reached the Liebestod, and it just adds to the poignancy of that
scene, which was surprisingly well-done after the turgidity of
the storyline leading up to it.
The life class is drawing to a close, and Miranda is
inspecting the results. "How are you getting on?" she
asks, brightly. Hayley could only bring herself to do a face (which
is really rather good, in the style of, I'm not sure, an early
Picasso perhaps), with a long-necked and rather primitive Nick.
"Ah yes!" remarks Miranda, "you've chosen to concentrate
on the face!". Hayley can only respond with an embarrassed
mumble, she prefers faces. Roy has done a childlike full-length
study but without the naughty bits (it's also rather good in a
naive style). Roy would call it a mess, but Miranda, eager to
encourage, begs to differ. "It's got youth! Let's call it
"youth"! Hayley and Roy both look as if they wish the
earth would open. The theatrical Miranda puts her arm round a
newly dressing-gowned Nick and tells him "You've certainly
got that haven't you sweetheart! Then come kiss me, sweet and
twenty!" My word, she's making no secret of her intentions,
but Nick just looks gormless as she nuzzles up to him, before
going off. There is embarrassment all round. Roy explains once
again to Nick that they were meant to be doing Spanish. Both Hayley
and Roy are all too happy to keep Nick's secret. I don't think
they'll be returning to art classes in a hurry.
Des is at home relaxing with a can of lager and the
newspaper. He's not best pleased when Tony comes in "I thought
we had a deal?" So when is Tony going? Not yet. When? As
soon as I get the money I owe. "Oh aye," says Des, "Where
are you going to get that from? Not from your mother I hope?"
Tony smirks, nervously as Des's horror registers, then grins stupidly:
"None of your business where I'm getting it from". Which
prompts Des to leave immediately as Tony fires a parting shot.
"What's up Desie? you not talking to me? Suit yourself".
And he drinks from Des's can with overplayed relish.
In the Rovers, Liz is telling Michael about her encounter
with Jim. Deirdre doesn't believe it, but Liz is now convinced
he does.
Cut to Des entering and going up to Natalie, just as
he did in the first half but deadly serious this time. Despairingly,
he tells Natalie what Tony has just tacitly implied to him, perhaps
calling her bluff. Natalie justifies giving Tony money on the
basis that it was the family home anyway so he could be said to
be entitled to some of the proceeds. But Des persists. Does she
know why Tony needs the money? Well, she knows he has some debts.
So Des puts her straight. "Drugs! He's a dealer!" And
Tony has broken his agreement to go, so Des in turn is breaking
his agreement not to tell. And with the camera closing in on Natalie's
crestfallen face, the credits roll. ------
Script by Peter Whalley.
Much of this episode was pretty lacklustre, but there
were some nice moments, comic ones in the art class, serious
ones between Natalie, Des and Tony, and an unexpectedly touching
one between Liz and Jim. This should have been Liz's episode
I guess, but my nomination for this episode's star performance
goes to Denise Welch's nicely understated portrayal of a mother
waking up to the shortcomings of her undeservedly beloved son.
I find Natalie a very engaging and warm character and can't understand
the references to "Nastily". But then perhaps I've
missed something in the past.
Rosalind
Friday 13 November
Hiya folks!!!! ... Time again for another update....
One of those weeks where things don't quite go to plan, but, hey,
isn't that life?
Life seems to be a tad turbulent on the Net these
days and that has now hit RATUCS with, by all accounts, unparalleled
nastiness abounding. Gently joshing with friends is one thing,
but vitriolic and malicious bile is another - one of the aspects
which attracted me to the Newsgroup was its innate "niceness".
That may be a twee comment in these cynical times, but it is
a credo for which I will not apologise. There was a time when
the regulars fell over each other to welcome newbies to the group
- these days such friendly action provokes scornful sarcastic
comments and smart-Alec (and sometimes downright nasty) e-mail.
I want no part of that and, as posted a few days ago, I will
withdraw to the sidelines while the lunatics who have taken over
the asylum, fight it out among themselves - I would rather be
among those who know how to treat their friends. Let me say this
- the freedom we enjoy on the net to say totally unfettered whatever
we wish, is a precious right. But alongside freedom come responsibility
and accountability - surely we should consider the effects of
our words and actions on our fellow travellers in cyberspace,
if not for altruistic reasons then surely for the maxim that
one day the shoe may be on the other foot. The cheap wind-up
for its own sake is pointless and impresses no-one. End sermon..........
Talking of cynical signs of the times, we live in
an age where the media projects powerful images to us all, especially
to the young. My generation has seen space travel become a reality
with other, but equally enduring images of beauty, which might
impress less, are magnificent nonetheless to the young. Lest
we forget the effect on our children, an aircraft such as Concorde
is still a picture of grace and marvel. So when my wife was asking
one of the youngsters she teaches what he enjoyed about the autumn
season, his reply was a tad surprising. "Gathering Concordes"
was his riposte, which puzzled her, until she realised that he
meant "gathering conkers"!!!
The other scenario which says a lot about our age
concerned the upcoming Christmas. Trude asked the kids to draw
a picture depicting the scene where the Angel approaches Mary
to inform her that she is to give birth to a rather special child
- they all did their bit with varying degrees of success, but
the prize went to the youngster who drew the Virgin Mary wearing
a T-shirt - this was a T-shirt with a difference, the motif featured
the traditional Nike trademark tick!! I think we'll say "Amen"
to that and give praises to the Great God Nike!!! LOL......
The episode commences at breakfast time at Natalie
and Des'' place. Nat is asking Des' what time her son Tony got
in. Des' is busy going through the post, he doesn't know and,
we suspect, he doesn't much care, either. Natalie has a dilemma
- she has a duty to her husband, but equally Tony is her son -
she cannot turn her back on him and she feels that if what they
have heard is true, then Tony is going to need the money more
than ever. Des' concern is whether the money will be used to get
him out of the mess or actually help him finance more drug deals.
Natalie apologises for putting this burden on Des', but he doesn't
mind, after all, they are married, he tells her, they share everything.
The camera moves to Rita's place. There is a noise
from the kitchen area. It's Alec preparing breakfast. His activities
have disturbed Rita - frightened her to death, she tells him.
He was planning to bring her breakfast in bed, in fact, he is
still prepared to do so, if she wants to go back. Rita, who isn't
a mornings person makes it clear that she cannot do with him creeping
about the place all hours of night and day. Alec indignantly tells
her that he was NOT creeping about the place - he was walking
in a normal upright manner. Anyway, he asks her, what's the point
of them having a door of neither of them cannot come through it.
Rita denies that this is the case, its just that it would be nice
to have bit of notice. "Oh, I've got to make an appointment
now, have I?" asks Alec sarcastically. He gets all hurt,
"So I'm grumpy, and I creep about... I'm surprised you want
me anywhere near." Rita tries to salvage matters - cooking
breakfast was a nice idea, but she suggests that the next time,
could he tell her the night before. Alec continues in sarcastic
mode, he can give her, not just one day's but three days' notice,
in writing, will one copy be enough, or does she want another
for her solicitor.
We are back at Des' place. Tony comes down in his vest
to have a drink in the kitchen. You can cut the atmosphere with
a knife - it gets to him, so he asks what is going on. Natalie
informs him that Des has told her the full story, the drugs. She
wants to know why he got involved in something like that. Tony's
answer is simple - like anyone else in business, it is to make
a living. Natalie clearly sees it as a moral issue, these are
drugs, she tells him, they kill people. Tony is full of easy answers
- so does alcohol, is his riposte and she sells that. When Des
protests that this is hardly a fair comparison, Tony concedes
that "alright, drugs happen to be illegal, only difference"
but Des sees it as a pretty big difference. Tony doesn't see it
that way, he is not an addict, he tells them, he doesn't know
what Des has been telling Natalie, but he is just a businessman.
Des has had enough of this charade, he tells him that Natalie
knows what Tony is doing and he knows how Tony cons money out
of her, so he doesn't want Tony playing them off against each
other. Des departs for work. Natalie asks him why he didn't tell
her about the drugs himself - Tony admits that he didn't know
how to tell his mother, but now that she knows, it's not as Des
is saying it is, he is not conning her, it's money he doesn't
have, it's money he needs. He maintains that he has finished with
dealing, or he will be, once he has paid back what he owes. Natalie
still has her moral hat on - the money is going to go to other
drug dealers. He points out the realities, either he pays them
or they kill him, when he was beaten up earlier, that was a warning,
he tells her, that's what they do, that's the way they are. Natalie
looks horrified. He has to pay them back, its the only way he
is going to get out of it. When Natalie suggests he goes to London,
he dismisses this as an option, they would still find him no matter
where he was. She asks how much he owes and he admits that, after
the money she has already given him, then another £4000
will cover it. Natalie looks aghast.
Liz is at Deirdre's place. She had set aside all morning
to pack, but she has already finished. She is really nervous,
it's like getting married again, but worse, she knows it can go
wrong - "which is why it won't" interjects Deirdre.
She is due to set off around 6 o'clock, later than she really
wanted, but Michael has a lot to do - still, it will give her
a chance to say her goodbyes. She is planning to pop in and see
Jim at the last minute - they said all they had to say yesterday,
but she is going to ring him every week, she cannot leave him
completely behind, not after what he has been through.
Meanwhile, at Jim's place, he is trying to get out
of his wheelchair. With a lot of effort, he eventually manages
to lift himself to his feet, supported by his walking frame.
Nat is just finishing her phone conversation. Coming
off the phone, she tells Tony that the money will take at least
a week to come through, but no more than two. "Well, I'm
dead!" exclaims Tony. Natalie is upset at him talking that
way, but he points out that it's true - he had promised a week,
at the outside and they had agreed. There is no way he can go
back and ask for more time, until his mum sells her house. Natalie
is exasperated, what can she do? Tony is desperate with fear -
can she not borrow it against the money coming through from the
sale of the house, why doesn't she go to the bank and tell them
she needs £4000 for a couple of weeks? Natalie is disappointed
in her son - he has turned into such a wheeler dealer. When Tony
repeats his request, Natalie's mother's instinct gets the better
of her - she agrees she will try for him, but she cannot say more
than that.
At the café, Gail is clearly looking for a blow
by blow account of Roy and Hayley's night school class, but it's
clear that he's not going to tell her, he says. "There's
nothing to tell" replies Roy. When Gail asks whether it was
a live model, with no clothes on, and she assumes the model was
female. Roy is evidently embarrassed and concedes that, given
the circumstances, being an art class, it seemed only natural,
but he is reluctant to go into any more detail. At that point,
the cause of his embarrassment comes in, in the form of Nick,
accompanied by Leanne. Nick has brought in Leanne for her coffee
break, orders the drinks and sits down. Before he does so, we
have one of those marvellous visual scenes, where Roy and Nick's
eye contact says so much, mainly embarrassment on both sides.
When Gail asks whether Roy and Hayley were going to go again,
Roy tries to get across the fact that, they were hoping to do
"Conversational Spanish".
Nick tells Leanne that he has invited her on a pretext.
Ashley had asked him to have a word with her. He asks whether
she could lay off Zoë a bit and to stop having a go at her
about "this Foundation thing she is getting into." Leanne
isn't happy at humouring Zoë - is she supposed "to pretend
it's alright when she says she's got a job, which isn't really
a job, it's just really trailing around with a load of old loonies
who think the whole world is going to end next week. Just say,
oh that must be ace! So what exact qualifications did you need?
A certificate saying that your brain had been taken out??"
When Nick points out he was only asking on Ashley's behalf, Leanne
is insistent, she is not prepared to lie, even if Ashley is. Nick
tells her that Ashley feels this is all to help Zoë get over
the death of Shannon, but after an initial pause, Leanne is clearly
pondering on the matter.
Nick makes an excuse to go over and talk to Roy. He
is worried that the news of his nude modelling will come out.
There followed one of those gems of hilarious little dialogue
sessions which Roy does so well, you know the sort of thing:
N - Roy, mate, you haven't said anything have you?
R - No, no, no. you can rely on my absolute discretion. N - And
Hayley she won't. R - Oh no, Hayley wouldn't even tell me. I mean,
not that she has done, because I already know, but if I didn't,
she wouldn't. N (looking bemused) - Right.
Gail is having a quick word with Liz McBurger and commenting
that Liz is set for a whole new life. Liz is obviously excited
by it all.
At Mission Control, sorry, Etheric Foundation offices,
Zoë is talking to Ruth. She asks whether she will really
get to see Shannon again. A slight but significant pause from
Ruth and she gives the confirmation that Zoë so desperately
wants to hear, "A baby is the purest of spirits." Zoë
is still seeking reassurance, "And will she still be a baby,
you know? Just have stayed like she was?" R - "Well,
we'll all be babies.... And we'll all be fully grown. It's one
of the mysteries that will only become clear in the Life beyond
Life..... Anyway, do you know where I was thinking we might go
today? To your neighbourhood." Z - "Why?" R - "To
let them see that we're not trying to take you away from them,
that we're giving them every chance to listen, just as you've
listened." Z - "Yeah, but they won't. They think it's
all daft." R - "Well let's give them the opportunity.
Whether they take it, is up to them."
Rita is at the Rovers, ordering her drink from the
Alec and offers for him to get one for himself. "Oh, I'm
forgiven, am I for trying to mollycoddle you with breakfast in
bed then?" ""Not yet" replies Rita but she
wants to him to come over for a cup of tea, when he has finished
and they will talk about things then, sort out a few ground rules.
Liz is saying her goodbyes and comes over to Rita to
do the same. Rita expresses the hope that Liz will be very happy
in Milton Keynes.
Betty sees Gary and Les propping up the bar. She asks
Gary whether he knows something about paint fumes. "Don't
you worry about it, Betty love, whatever he doesn't know about
it, I do" says the ever helpful and knowledgeable Les. "Hmm"
replies an unconvinced Betty. She explains her place is being
repainted inside and out and the fumes are giving her terrible
headaches. "Paint fumes? That's drink, that is" says
our Les stirring. Betty is indignant but Les continues "I
mean that's a good excuse, yeah, I might use it myself one day,
but come on... anyway, it makes a change from blaming your hangover
on a bad pie, doesn't it. Very good though... pain fumes...."
Gary comes to the rescue and confirms that pain fumes can cause
problems - alas, it would appear there is no easy answer, except
stay out of them.
Liz comes over to them and asks whether Judy will put
in an appearance at the pub today sometime. "I would have
thought so, she's not going to be out jogging, is she?" is
his reply. She explains that she wanted to say goodbye as she
is moving away. Gary seems unaware of this move. "New life,
new man" explains Liz. "Hey! And what's wrong with the
fellas round here, like?" asks Les. "Too shy, I suppose"
quips Liz! As she moves away, Les wistfully says "Would you
credit it? I was thinking of having a crack at that and now it's
too late." (In his dreams!) Gary's reply "Eee, she won't
know what she's missed" merely prompts Les to think there
might still be an opportunity "Hey! What time did she say
she was leaving?". Gary brings him back to reality as he
tells Les that he would have more chance with Betty and her paint
fumes!
Des comes into the Rovers. He wants to know from Natalie
what is happening. She breaks the news to him that she is going
to go to the bank to see whether she can borrow on the strength
of the house sale, then Tony will be able to pay off his debts
and hopefully make a fresh start, but, of course, Des doesn't
agree with that, does he? She points out that she has no alternative,
Tony is her son. Des comments that all drug dealers have mothers,
it doesn't stop them being drug dealers. Natalie asks what she
is supposed to do, kick him out. Des agrees with that proposition
- Tony needs to sort his own life out before he makes a mess of
theirs. Natalie looks uncomfortable with the dilemma facing her.
... and the theme tune comes in, on cue for the end
of part 1
After the ads, it's Part 2
The second part of the programme commences at the Corner Shop.
Ruth and Zoë are on missionary duty and have called in on
Ashley and Maude. "We've called to share some time together,"
announces Ruth, "and reflect on what little time we all have
remaining." Zoë looks embarrassed and tries to tell
Ruth that she has already talked to Ashley about it and he isn't
interested. Ashley explains that he hasn't had time to think about
it, but Maude wants to know what they are selling. "Oh, hello
Maude, we're here to tell you about a life beyond life,"
Ruth continues earnestly, "that can only be reached through
the principles of the Etheric Foundation." "And I'm
here to tell you that I've got enough to worry about in THIS life,
thank you very much. I'll let the next one look after itself"
replies Maude, as ever straight to the point. "Oh, but it
won't" is Ruth's return shot "and what's more, it will
be here sooner than you think." It is clear that Ruth is
wasting her breath, as is pointed out by Zoë, so Ruth quickly
changes tack to try to sell Maude one of her Crystals of Nirab,
"it harmonises the beneficial forces of the Universe to bring
you both physical and spiritual peace." Maude sarcastically
asks whether it will help her to win the Lottery. Ruth realises
that she is on a loser here and both her and Zoë leave the
shop, accompanied by Ashley's words of "Good luck with, er
well, whatever you're doing." After they have left, Maude
remarks "so that's what she's got herself into then, life
beyond life and magic stones round her neck?" Ashley, as
ever sees the positives and remarks that it is doing Zoë
good, it's getting her out, she's meeting different people. Maude,
ever the realist, hopes that Zoë has got the sense "not
to rely on any of them, or on her magic stone. And she's already
got someone she can rely on and she's not going to find better."
The last remark is made at Ashley, who gives out one of his endearing
"chuffed-to-little-mint-balls" looks.
Back at the Barnes' residence, Natalie has come back
to find Des at home. He tells her that they need to talk, which
they can hardly do over there (at the Rovers). She reminds him,
she needs to go to the bank. Des explains he has tried to see
things from her perspective, but Tony is also a drug dealer and
a liar, who has lied from the outset. Now he is telling her he
wants £4000 - how does she know this is the truth? Because
he is telling her? Natalie is evidently happy to take Tony's word
at face value but Des points out that since everything else Tony
has said has been a lie, why not this? It might be, replies Natalie,
but it is a chance she has to take. "Because what is the
alternative? That I tell him I won't help him and then he gets
beaten up again?" Des doesn't see that happening, but Natalie
has to consider that possibility and would have difficulty living
with the consequences. Des fears that if Natalie gives Tony the
£4000, then he may come back at some stage in the future,
if he wants more money at that point, what then? After a pause,
Natalie quickly thinks on her feet and replies that this won't
happen because she will make it clear to Tony that this is the
last - Des tells her that it doesn't work like that. He fears
that her agreeing now, allows Tony to come back whenever he likes
with some sob story and she will do it again - "Yes, I might"
is Natalie's honest reply, "because he's my son, Des."
"Which is why I've tried to see things from your point of
view.... You go along with what you want, but I tell you this.
It's got to work two ways" retorts Des. The disagreement
develops with Natalie sniping that this means she has to agree
with whatever Des wants, but Des is trying to point out that they
have to pull together. Natalie tells him that this is OK for "everything
else but not on this... I'm sorry, Des, but that's how it is...."
We are at Rita's flat. Alec is asking her whether she
is sure she is not having second thoughts about the door, after
all, it can always be bricked up. Rita doesn't want that at all,
but equally, she doesn't want Alec wandering through unannounced,
and she is sure the same applies for him as well. Alec agrees
that they might both want a bit of privacy. He announces he will
phone her and ask her if his presence will be welcome. "Alright,
but don't go funny on me if I say no," replies Rita. "When
do I go funny" says Alec, doing just that! "You're doing
it now! Alec, it's a woman's privilege to say no and one I intend
to take full advantage of" replies Rita. Alec understands
and announces that he is going away for a few days, so she will
have the run of the entire establishment. He is going down to
see Vicky, who is working in an hotel in London, but he is not
going to advise Vicky of the "little arrangement" he
has with Rita. "Well, they're easily shocked aren't they,
the young?"
We are chez Jim McBurger. Steve wanders in, obviously
having been invited over by Jim - he asks what help is expected
of him. Jim explains that Liz is coming round shortly before she
goes and he thought it would be a good idea for her to see them
together without knocking lumps out of each other. A week ago,
he could not have envisaged that scenario, but now that Liz is
leaving, things are different, he tells Steve. "It makes
you realise how few people there are left in the world that mean
something to you." Steve agrees to stay and Jim is pleased
at his reaction.
Back at Ashley's place, he comes home. Nick and Zoë
are in the lounge. Ashley tells them he has some mince and will
make some spaghetti bolognaise. Zoë reminds him that she
is a veggie - he hasn't forgotten and will make her some without
the meat. He asks how Zoë got on selling her crystals. Alright,
replies Zoë, but she is concerned that Maude must have thought
they were a "right load of loonies." Ashley tries to
make light of this, but a raw nerve has been struck. Zoë
points out that she doesn't care what people like, she doesn't
have to stay around here, there will always be a place for her
at the Foundation, if everyone around here thinks she is off her
trolley. She makes a dig that this is clearly the case, "in
this house, for a start." Ashley is surprised at her reaction
and tries to placate her - she cannot expect everyone to believe
the same as her, he tells her, no matter where she goes, there
will always be someone who has different views. "Not at the
Foundation. At the Foundation, everyone thinks the same. You've
got no-one laughing at you behind your back." Enter Leanne,
from a bit of shopping. Zoë is in a tetchy mood and expects
Leanne to have a go at her, but this is not what is going to happen
- Leanne apologises for her behaviour, Zoë fears this change
of heart will be short-lived. Leanne is anxious to make amends
and to prove her worth, produces a bottle of vodka - she thought
they could make a night of it. Zoë fancies a drink and agrees,
as long as no-one tells the Foundation. Leanne apologises again
for going on at Zoë and her apology is accepted - Zoë
concedes that some of it (referring to the beliefs of the Foundation),
even strikes her as a bit daft.
Michael has called round to Deirdre's to collect Liz
and her belongings. Liz cannot believe that they are actually
on their way and gets a sudden attack of the jitters. What will
she do if it all goes wrong, she fears? "So you'll come back"
replies Deirdre. "Yeah, I will.... No I won't, because it's
not gonna go wrong is it and you're gonna come and see us"
says Liz, changing tack and thinking positive. Of course, replies
Deirdre, she will bring her up to date on all the gossip.
At the Barnes', despondency is in the air. Natalie
has been to the bank, who have turned down her loan request as
they do not lend money to people expecting to sell their homes,
because the sale often falls through. Tony's anxiety manifests
in an outburst of anger - he reminds her that she told him she
had already sold the house. "Practically sold, not a hundred
percent. According to the bank, if the sale does fall through,
then I'm left with a loan I can't pay back" explains Natalie.
Tony cannot believe it and we see the desperation in his face
and hear it in his voice. Des tells him that he IS going to have
to believe it. Tony's fear goes up a notch when he tells them
that he needs that money. When Natalie replies the she knows this
and tried to get it, Tony can only see her failure - clearly,
she didn't try hard enough. Des blows up at Tony talking this
way to Natalie in his house - Tony threatens to storm off, knowing
this will exacerbate the conflict of interests felt by Natalie.
She suggests that they all calm down and think about what they
are going to do. Des is still livid at Tony talking to Natalie
in that way, but Nat manages to extract a reluctant promise from
Tony that this will not happen again.
Liz has come to say her goodbyes to Jim. She is delighted
to see Steve present and embraces him warmly. They are running
late and she has to be on her way. Jim is near to breaking point
with emotion cracking his voice, as he wishes her all the best,
he hopes that they will both be very happy. She is relieved and
grateful to hear his good wishes and they hug each other. She
thanks him for saying that, from the bottom of her heart, and
for everything else, as she breaks down in tears. Jim reprises
their relationship of over 20 years - they were good together,
he reminds her. "We were good.... Very good..." she
agrees. With that, she goes out into the street, leaving Jim behind
with Steve. Jim has a finale to perform and asks Steve for his
help - he wants to get out of that door, he wants to be on his
feet, to wave her goodbye. He wants Steve to get him out there
and to stand close "in case these bloody legs give way."
Back at the Barnes', Tony is still angry with desperation.
He reminds Natalie that she promised him the money. She agrees,
but says that she tried, she went to the bank but they wouldn't
lend me any money. Tony is asking whether she did actually go
to the bank, is she just saying she did, just to get rid of him?
Des has had a bellyful and his temper blows - he has had enough,
he is going to the Police to tell them everything he knows about
Tony. When Natalie protests, Des tries to point out that her son
has no respect for her, "he tries to con you out of money
and then calls you a liar when he can't get it for him."
Natalie brings the whole conflict to a head - she tells Des that
if he goes to the Police, then she will not be here when he gets
back. There is another superb non-verbal scene, with Des and Tony
facing each other, and the realisation that, in a battle where
a mother is forced into making a decision between the conflicts
between spouse and offspring, the maternal force is something
to be reckoned with.
A tearful and emotional Liz hugs Deirdre and gets into
Michael's car. Deirdre is outside and tells Liz that she is to
ring her when she gets to Milton Keynes. He starts the car.
Meanwhile Jim has been wheeled out into the street
by Steve. He painfully lifts himself to his feet using his walking
frame. He insists that Steve has to let him go, Liz has to see
him standing, it might be the last time she ever sees him. Steve
calls to his mother as the car approaches them as it comes around
the corner.
Liz sees the proud figure of Jim standing, wobbly on
his feet, but unaided. Michael slows down the car. Liz is stunned
by the sight. Michael asks her whether she wishes to get out of
the car, but Liz's reply is sure and positive "No, we're
going on.... Go on!!!" The car picks up speeds and disappears
around the corner.
As it does so, we see the emotional figure of Jim whispering
"Goodbye Liz, all the best....."
.....and with that.... it is the cue for music and
credits
Episode written by Peter Whalley.
All material is, and remains, copyright property of
ITV Television.
Well, how was it for me? An excellent episode with
some well put-together and realistic dialogue and action. Some
fine acting too.
Alec Gilroy and Rita Sullivan provide wonderful moments
of light comedy with impeccable timing. Roy Barraclough has the
marvellous ability to portray facial expressions which convey
a thousand words and his imminent departure from the Series will
rob the Street of one of its most gifted actors.
Facial expressions are an aspect of acting in which
David Neilson (Roy Cropper) excels, especially the ability to
look very embarrassed and uncomfortable.
The Zoë/Etheric Foundation storyline is also
well put together, especially the aspect of religious cults having
the ability to prey on the vulnerable and susceptible. Zoe's
portrayal of a grieving mother seeking reassurance that she will
be reunited with her lost daughter was touching.
The sheer desperation faced by someone whose life
is threatened was well scripted and portrayed in the Tony Horrocks
storyline. The differing perspectives by each of the parties
in the spouse-mother-son triangle were covered well. Des as the
husband being the outsider in the triangle, probably the only
one being able to view the situation and decide logically what
should be done. Natalie as the mother, torn between her husband
and her son, ultimately finding the mother's instinct providing
the stronger pull. Tony as the hapless son, facing certain death
in a battle in which he is hopelessly out of his depth, prepared
to go to any lengths to save his skin, being prepared to play
off his mother against her husband.
The most touching moment comes, however, from Charles
Lawson (Jim McDonald). Having feuded with his wife over the years
and having been an obstinate pig of a husband, he is faced with
the loss forever of his former wife, with whom he had hoped,
he would be able to share the challenges facing him in rebuilding
his life. His pride, quite often a negative feature of his personality,
was brought into play in the most positive way - he wants to
show his wife what he has achieved by being able to stand on
his own feet (both physically and metaphorically). He still loves
her but knows he can never have her, nevertheless he wishes her
to be proud of him and he wants to retain his dignity. His touching
acceptance of the reality of his loss and for his wish for happiness
for Liz were incredibly moving and brought a lump to the throat
and were a fine end of an era in the McDonald household. marvellous
acting and a superb script, but then Peter Whalley does know
how to turn them out. Excellent viewing, full of good lines,
powerful emotions and excellent acting.
Anyway that's it for now.. Until the next time, take
care...
Tubbyhugs and kisses from Tinky^
Regards, Alan
Sunday 15 November
I think I'm a somewhat cheerier mood this week. The
week before last was very strange in a whole lot of ways, but
things are returning to normal again.
Most noticeable event of the week was Remembrance
Day, on the Wednesday. At 11 o'clock, what sounded like a gun
went off in the town centre (and again, two minutes later). I
don't ever remember this from my childhood - for a very long
time the silence was observed only on the Sunday. I'm certainly
far too young to remember the traffic coming to a complete stop,
although I believe many public service drivers were told they
could stop their buses if it was convenient to do so this year.
No doubt, one or two would have done so and been greeted with
abuse from some short-sighted clots, sad to say. As it has been
90 years since the "Great War" ended, we had somewhat
more media coverage than usual this year. To the very great credit
of the reporters and film- makers involved, the vast majority
of this has been tremendously sensitively done. Simple pictures
of ageing veterans standing silently to attention in front of
memorials can be intensely powerful in their impact. Especially
so when you consider that this will be the last significant anniversary
of 1918 in which those who took part will still be alive.
I offer my opinions on this issue not in an attempt
to brow-beat or sermonise or glorify anything, but simply as
my thoughts. To my family, neither major war this century had
any great impact (I lost a great-grandfather in WWI and as far
as I know, no direct relatives at all in WWII, although to be
fair my family tree appears to be inverted with respect to the
norm, in that it has dwindled in size with each successive generation.
Either that or they all went mad and no longer "exist".),
so I have no great personal baggage, but neither do I consider
myself so cynical as to pour scorn on those who seek not to let
the memories fade. "Lest we forget". Conflict may seem
futile and often avoidable as we approach the next millenium,
but at the turn of this century it was regarded, rightly or wrongly,
as inevitable.
I'll leave you with my most potent memory of this,
which is a verse from a poem entitled "For the Fallen",
often used in Remembrance services. As a callow youth, I spent
many years in a cadet force, and we were obliged to attend Remembrance
Day parades every year as representatives. Despite being the
usual huffy teenager, I was always struck by the simple sentiments
of this verse. I still am.
They shall grow
not old, as we that are left grow old.
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning,
We will remember them.
Act 1
The curtain rises at Ashley's house, where he is seen tidying
up the aftermath of what obviously became a small party the night
before. [Very small if the size of the lone vodka bottle was anything
to go by. Especially if girls were involved - they're either on
the floor after 3 drinks, or still standing after 3 bottles. All
imho, of course !] Zoe appears at the bottom of the stairs, and
Ashley remarks on the "good time" that she and Leanne
obviously had. He offers to make breakfast, but Zoe isn't hungry.
She is alarmed when she realises what time it is, as she has to
go in to work at the Foundation, even though it is Saturday. Ashley
looks exasperated by her continued involvement with this dubious
outfit. [Or perhaps it is exasperation with his own dubious outfit
- another short-sleeved check shirt.]
Over to the Barnes residence, where Des asks Natalie
if she has seen Tony that morning. She tells him no, but it's
not surprising as he would hardly be keen to confront Des again.
They bicker over her wayward son, and Natalie tells Des that she
has to support him because he *is* her son. Des maintains he thinks
calling the police is the best idea, this doesn't go down well
with Tony who appears at that moment. Des asks Natalie how she
intends to help Tony, now that the bank have refused to loan her
any money. It transpires she also has a building society account,
from which she may be able to get a couple of thousand. Tony rants
and raves. "It's not enough ! I'm dead !!". [Who cares
? SPOILER: I have realised why Des is leaving shortly. From the
look of his sweaters, he is growing boobs. Clearly, one Hayley
is enough in the Street, so Des has to go ! All the clues are
there if you look hard enough...]
More unhappiness over at Rita's Kabin, where the proprietoress
is giving Leanne a hard time over her hangover. "Please don't
let it be busy today", says Leanne. Betty arrives and asks
Rita, coincidentally, for some headache pills. She has the decorators
in, and the paint fumes are making her feel unwell. "I feel
as if I've been run over by a tram !", she observes. Rita
offers her a bed for the night - as Alec is away, she can use
his flat. Betty is aghast, but changes her mind when Rita offers
to swap. She'll stay in Alec's flat, and Betty can sleep in Rita's
bed. [And I observe how little we see of Betty really, which is
a shame as she can come up with the goods when the script is up
to it.]
Zoe arrives at the Foundation, looking somewhat weary.
She tells Ruth that her bus didn't turn up, that's why she's late.
Ruth says she is relieved - she knew it was something out of Zoe's
hands, as surely she wouldn't have let them down of her own accord.
We pay a visit to the café now, where Martin
is asking Roy if he has bought himself a black beret yet. "You'll
need all the right gear, if you're going to be painting naked
ladies !". "It was a naked man, actually", replies
Roy. Oooh, says Gail. "Was he good-looking ?!". Roy
covers up by saying he couldn't really say. Hayley arrives just
then, and Martin jokingly tells her she should be ashamed of herself,
painting naked men like that. Hayley looks embarrassed. Martin
goes on to joke about the rate of pay, and whether the heating
was adequate in the classroom. Roy tells him he is surprised at
this attitude, as Martin works in the medical profession. Why
isn't he a bit more respectful of the human body ? Martin tells
Roy he might understand more if he'd seen some of the things Martin
has seen. Gail interrupts, and tells everyone she hopes the model
*was* good-looking, because she'll be going along next time !
Roy hastily tells her that the class if fully booked, and in fact
he and Hayley won't be going again either. Hayley looks confused.
The remaining Macdonalds have gathered in the Rovers,
for a drink and a bit of chat now that Liz has left. Steve *almost*
brings himself to say that he is proud of his Dad for the way
he handled her departure. It seems they may be burying the hatchet
now. And not in each other's backs.
Tony saunters into the bar, to be greeted Kevin, asking
whether the police are any nearer to catching the "burglars"
who attacked him. Tony mutters something inconsequential, and
says he wants a word with his Mum. He tells Natalie that he's
been in touch with the guys he owes money to, and they are prepared
to take 2K now, and the rest in a few weeks time. Natalie is a
little surprised at this apparent change in attitude, but agrees
to go to the building society to get the money. She doesn't seem
entirely satisfied with his explanation.
Zoe is making necklaces containing the "crystal
of Nirab". She appears jaded, and Ruth asks if everything
is OK. Zoe explains how she is tired, and would appreciate a break.
Ruth says that rest goes against the eternal spirit, and "time's
not something we have a lot of". [I'm really having trouble
with Zoe, a streetwise and cynical urchin, being taken in so easily
by this "end of the world" line.] Zoe makes a huge mistake
by admitting that maybe she had had too much to drink the night
before. Ruth hits the roof, and lectures her on how alcohol is
a poison, it has tainted her soul and everything in the room,
including all the morning's work. By everyone. Zoe runs out to
the garden.
Intermission
A slightly above-average collection of adverts tonight. Two of
them even raised a smile...
Act 2
Zoe is sitting on a bench in the garden outside the Foundation's
house. [How come these loony sects always have some stonking big
house somewhere ?] Ben comes outside and comforts her. He reiterates
that they believe alcohol is a negative influence, along with
many other vices. Her body is a sacred vessel, apparently. He
tells her she should not poison it. Nor have sex, "without
Nirab's love". [Oo-err. This sounds as if it's heading into
uncharted waters. Well, for Corrie anyway. Done and dusted over
the M6 in Brookie !!] He tells her they don't have much time.
Zoe announces that she wants to see Shannon again. Ben advises
her to keep believing that she will, one day. Zoe asks what is
going to happen to everyone else, those who don't believe, are
they going to burn in hell ? Ben doesn't know the answer to that,
but he does know that there will be no salvation for others.
Back to the café again, where Nick is paying
Roy for his lunch. Gail asks him how the new job is going. With
perfect timing, Roy drops a cup and saucer on the floor and breaks
them ! She asks Nick how he is finding it, being a lab technician
or whatever it is he does. In the background, Lorraine can barely
control herself, giggling. Nick sits down at her table and whispers
that he had to make up a story to keep everyone happy. He tells
her that Roy and Hayley had come along the other night. She is
still tittering as she leaves, bumping into Leanne on the way
out, who wonders what was going on. Nick tells her it was "college
stuff". Leanne orders a black coffee, still suffering from
the night before.
Zoe is atoning for her sins, down on her hands and
knees polishing the wooden floor in the Foundation house. Ruth
approaches, and apologises for having been so angry earlier. She
drops hints about Zoe doing more to confirm her commitment to
the cause. Whenever things get heavy, you can be sure that Ben
will appear, and sure enough he does. He also drops some hints
about Zoe being careful not to be influenced by the negative effects
of the people she shares her house with. [What, Ashley ? Nuuuurrrrr,
surely not.]
It's dark and raining outside, and two gnomes are scurrying
about in the street. But no, it's Roy and Hayley, clad in their
finest anoraks, with hoods up. Hayley is unhappy that Roy has
decided to stop them both going to the art class, without consulting
her. "Doesn't my opinion count any more, now you're the only
one still wearing trousers ?" Roy tries to explain it's not
about the two of them - he's more worried about how Gail might
react if she finds out.
More humour as Ben arrives at Zoe's house, to drop
her off, in his 2CV. [Wonder if it runs on chicken poo ?] He mocks
the antiquated appearance of the street, but Zoe tells him it's
just a street of ordinary people. Time has obviously mellowed
her a bit, as she tells him that most of them were kind to her
after Shannon died. They go inside, and Ben and Ashley greet one
another coolly. Ben has a go at Ashley about Zoe's drinking. Leanne
enters at this point and gives Ben a cold look. Ben tells Zoe
to "remember what he said", before leaving.
A more prolonged visit to the Rovers now, as we catch
up with several characters. Natalie is having a word with Deirdre,
who is already missing Liz. "It's not the other side of the
world, Milton Keynes, you know !" [Actually, it just seems
like another planet !] Deirdre says she must seem like a right
sad old cow. [Yep, she really did.] On the way back to the bar,
Natalie sees Des, who asks if Tony has put in an appearance recently.
She answers in the negative. Over in another corner, Roy and Hayley
continue to debate the issue of evening classes. Hayley tells
Roy that she had really quite liked the art class, and will go
on her own even if he wants to drop out. He reminds her they had
originally intended to learn conversational Spanish. Tony finally
arrives, and rather brusquely asks Natalie for the money. She
looks more aggrieved when it appears he might be about to count
it out. "I'm not one of your drug-dealing friends, you know
!" She tells him she is worried about him being on his own,
and suggests Des accompany him. Tony laughs this one off.
Betty arrives at Rita's flat, to stay the night. She
notices the connecting door to Roy's flat, and remarks it has
set a few tongues wagging. [Or was it eyebrows raising ?] She
sometimes wishes she'd been able to have a door installed, to
keep her husbands out from time to time. "You've the best
of both worlds, luvvy !"
Natalie and Des are back at their house, but Tony is
still out. She's worried. Des is unfussed. He observes that up
to now, Tony has been dealing in drugs. Perhaps she should have
more worried about that. He goes off to bed.
And the bed theme is continued at Rita's flat, where
Alec has unexpectedly arrived back. He removes his clothes [calm
down, he stops at his undies and vest !], telling "Rita"
that there's nothing better than a nice warm bed after a long
drive home. Of course, he's barely in the bed and looking for
a cuddle when Betty leaps out and clouts him with her pillow.
Rita arrives to see what the fuss is about. Alec looks as if he's
woken from one nightmare to find himself in another one.
We close tonight with Tony in his boy-racer Ford Crapi,
meeting another car on some waste ground. He walks up to it, money
in hand, but it's not the two nasty characters who've been hassling
him - it's his supplier. Tony hands over the money, and takes
a packet of white powder in return. He looks at it as if it's
going to solve all his problems. [He also tries to look hard.
And misses by a country mile.]
This episode was written by Phil Ford.
What an improvement on last week. Better dialog, better
delivery, things happening. Someone's put another 50p in the
meter, obviously.
Overall rating (out of 5 stars): ****
Only 37 days to Christmas... See you next week !
John Laird
Monday 16 November
Hi :) I know I don't usually do much of what could
be considered a "Prologue" as such, anyway, but this
week I'm going to cut it out altogether. I'm still recovering
from that nasty cold thingie (as mentioned in last week's update)
which has meant that I'm currently crushed under a pile of work
that needs to be doing from last week and I don't really have
a lot of energy right now. So without any ramblings, further
or otherwise, here's...
[This Episode is aptly sponsored by Cadbury's Nuts
About Caramel, as judging from some of the stuff we see tonight,
someone in the production team is most definately nuts...]
We open in the Barnes Household where Des is berating
Tony for being late getting in last night and keeping his mum
up until all hours of the morning. Tony is typically nonchalant
about matters and mumbles that he's gotten everything "sorted"
with the blokes he owes money to and that everything's settled
now. Des voices loudly the fact that he doesn't believe a word
of it. Midway through the conversation, however, Natalie comes
down the stairs and upon seeing her, the boys both shut up. Tony
tells her that he's leaving once and for all tonight because,
although she's "been brilliant", it's time for him to
"stand on his own two feet". Des looks typically skeptical
of the whole thing, convinced that Tony is up to no good, still...
Over the road, Leanne bounces down the stairs of Le
Maison De Elliot (pretensious? moi?), blissfully unaware that
as she enters the kitchen, her housemate Zoe is furiously emptying
cans of Caffrey's Ale down the sink! Leanne thinks this is over-the-top
behaviour, obviously, but Zoe launches into a speech about how
alcohol is bad, very bad, and that no one in the household is
safe while there's alcohol in the building (Hark! I hear The Nutter
Alarm!)... Just as she is about to mercilessly ditch a ? full
bottle of Southern Comfort into the North-Western waste system,
Lee snatches the booze from her hands and exclaims in no uncertain
terms that she's unimpressed with Zoe's behaviour, before pointing
the finger of blame at "Them weirdos: Ruth and Ben and the
Ga-Ga Men!" (LOL! Top marks to Jane Danson for a perfectly
timed and rhymed delivery!)... Zoe insists that it's for the good
of them all but Leanne responds with (another great line) "You
can go all goody-goody if you like, but don't bother saving me,
because I don't want to be saved, so save your breath!" before
adding "Oh, and in future, keep your hands off my booze!"
Not too far away, Alec sits moping in his kitchen and
when Rita asks what's wrong he explains that it's embarrassment
and he fears "it might be terminal"! He is referring
of course to the "incident" the previous night with
Betty and has no idea how he's going to even be able to face the
Burly Barmaid again, adding that he had no clue that she was going
to be sleeping in Rita's bed when the "incident" occured...
Rita chides him by saying "Betty was in my bed because I
was doing her a favour. You, on the other hand, were just there
to please yourself!" but Alec insists he was just trying
to give her a "pleasant surprise"! As he mopes further,
she reminds him that "none of this would have happened if
you hadn't come back from London in t'middle of t'night with more
on your mind than a stiff nightcap and decent kip" before
suggesting the best thing to do would be to just face Betty in
the Rovers, explain what happened and apologise profusely. Alec
agrees that this is probably the easiest solution.
In the cornershop, Ashley busies himself with the Cadbury's
chocolate fingers (Quiet at the back!) as Zoe bounces through
the door like a denim-clad Tigger. Maud asks her how her new job
is going before commenting on how "Business-like" she's
looking (Note: Zoe is dressed the same as ever...)! Zoe says it's
going well and Maud enquires as to what it is she actually does
at the foundation. Her answer, "A bit of everything really",
is interrupted by Ashley, who jokes that part of what they do
is "help close down butcher's shops" before snickering
that "they reckon eating meat's against nature... EVIL!".
This brief impression of Fred Elliot gets Zoe's proverbial goat
so much that she storms out, exclaiming that she was going to
cook dinner for Ashley tonight but not anymore! He doesn't seem
too bothered (no surprise really, I doubt she's exactly Masterchef
standard...) and resumes sorting the chocolate fingers as Deidre
Rachid approaches the counter. The Drear complains to Maud, as
she buys a loaf of bread, about how she's got nothing to do anymore
now that Liz has left town (Deidre's own words "Sad old cow
with no friends" spring to mind!) and how she needs a night
out on the tiles. However, she recieves little sympathy >from
Maud who reminds her that it'll be easier for her to find new
friends than it will be for Jim, who "needed" Liz and
whom she "let down". "That man has a difficult
road to travel", continues Maud, "and now he's going
to have to do every foot of it on his own". The Drear, visibly
uninterested in Jim's plight, stretches her neck tendons and leaves
the shop without a word. (Obviously, Maud forgot that Jim has
plenty of friends anyway, which makes the whole scene a little
bizarre, but oh well...)
Over in the Cafe, Roy is behind the counter, with a
walkman and a phrasebook, repeating something in Spanish, stiltedly
and loudly. The long lost Emily Bishop comes in from the void
and wonders what Roy is doing before Gail explains that he's "turning
bilingual" and getting a head start for his Spanish lessons
with Hayley. When Gail interrupts his learning and asks him just
what the phrase is that he's trying to repeat, Roy flips awkwardly
through the pages of his book and is surprised when Emily recites
the whole thing perfectly (with a decent accent, no less!) and
tells both he and Gail that it means "I would like some toilet
paper in my room, please"!
"OI! MANUEL!" screams an all too familiar
voice from across the room, interrupting the conversation, and
it's none other than Les Battersby who, *DESPITE BEING BARRED
FROM THE CAFE NOT VERY LONG AGO (something none of the staff seem
to remember!)*, is sitting at a table with his bandaged foot resting
upon it, awaiting his fried breakfast and proclaiming "My
stomach feels like my throat's been cut!" ("I wouldn't
like to disappoint it", murmurs Gail, brilliantly!)... Roy
walks over and sternly asks him to remove his foot from the table,
explaining that people have to eat off of these and it's unhygenic.
Les reckons he's got Trenchfoot and needs to rest it but Roy only
thinks that Trenchfoot is all the more reason to take his festering
foot off of the tabletop! Les eventually complies but not without
some lengthy standard-issue grumbling and another "Manuel"
dig at Roy.
Is it a bird?? Is it a plane?? No, it's The Camp Crusader,
Nicky Tilsley and he's mincing down Coronation Street, flicking
his fluffy golden locks from side to side! Making for the Kabin,
he spies Leanne and minces towards her. She is looking tres serious
and says she needs to talk to him about Zoe later tonight but
Tilly tells her he won't have time to since he's working later
on. "What is it you're doing there?" she gasps, exasperrated
at how much time her husband is spending at 'work', "Building
Frankenstein's Monster?" (Not quite Lee, they're just painting
pictures of him! ;))...
A quick move of the camera to behind where The Tilsley's
are talking reveals Kevin Webster chatting to Tony Horror(cks)
about his car. Apparently Terrible Tony's car is on the blink
and he's pretty desperate to get the Manic Mechanic to fix it.
Kevin's really busy at the moment however and declines the work...
That is until Tony produces from his wallet, a wide wad and whacks
it into the hands of the waiting Webster who is soon willing to
work on his wheels... Kevin wanders away, cash in hand, just as
Natalie comes out of the door of Number Six and catches a surprised
looking Tony taking a briefcase out of his car. She doesn't notice
his obviously suspicious behaviour and asks him to come to the
Rovers later that night for a quick farewell drink before he leaves
town. He agrees, but doesn't appear too sincere about his intentions...
Meanwhile, Emily (who has gone from total obscurity
over the last few weeks into sudden omniprescence!) sits in a
booth at the Rovers, making small talk with Deidre... The Drear
is still moaning about being a "sad old cow with no friends"
and, as her neck tendons go wild with anticipation, she wonders
if Emily is up for a night out with her. Emily thinks she's a
bit old for clubbing but Deidre explains that she just meant a
night in the Rovers or something simple like that. However, the
Busy Bishop is simply unable to comply with the Cardassian's request
since she is currently doing a lot of evening work for the Weatherfield
Operatic Society who are putting on "The Pirates Of Penzance"
this year, adding the suggestion that maybe The Drear could come
along and watch the show. Dreary thinks this is a good idea and
gets the next round of drinks in, noticing aloud at the same time
that Betty (who is serving behind the bar) looks a bit distraught.
"It's bed bugs, luv", murmurs Betty, "One very
large one"... (LOL!)
As The Drear looks confused in that patented way of
her's, the camera cuts across the room to where Natalie is clearing
up empty glasses and chatting to her husband. Des is, naturally,
angry that Tony hasn't left already and is even more distraught
to learn that Nat has invited her son to the Rovers for a farewell
drink. She pleads with the Begrudging Bookie to bear with her,
just for tonight, and he reluctantly agrees, musing aloud that
if Tony really is leaving then he supposes that's a good a reason
as any for celebrating...
Meanwhile, behind the bar, Alec tentatively approaches
Betty and asks her, in stutters, if she realises that the events
of the previous night were caused by nothing more than a "little
mistake"... She tells him, in a po-faced manner, that such
a nasty shock in the middle of night could have horrible side-effects
like nightmares or the inability to sleep without the light on
and that she should probably see her solicitor and claim compensation
for it! Upon noticing the thoroughly horrified look on Alec's
increasingly white face, Betty laughs evilly and spits "SEE?
Not nice having a shock like that out of the blue, is it?!"
before putting his mind to rest that the secret is safe since
she has her "reputation to uphold" and wouldn't want
people to think that she'd been in the same bed as Alec Gilroy!
Over at the Corner Shop, Hayley enters and buys a bottle
of milk from Maud, enthusing about her and Roy's imminent Spanish
lessons. "How continental", muses Maud as a Hyperactive
Hayley squeaks "Gratias Senora!" and dashes out of the
shop as quickly as she came in. Just then, a frantic Leanne comes
in and approaches Ashley (who is still arranging the Cadbury's
chocolate fingers on the shelf!) before verbally expressing much
concern about Zoe's mental state, her involvement with the Foundation
and the fact that this morning she was caught tipping booze down
the sink. Ashley shares her concern but assures her that, "knowing
Zoe, it's probably just a phase she's going through", adding
"she'll be over it by next week"... In an act of typically
perfect timing, who should enter but Zoe? She's bearing good tidings,
namely the fact that Ruth and Ben have invited her and Ashley
to The Foundation that evening for dinner! As Leanne frowns deeply
and folds her arms in Ashleh's general direction, he attempts
a sheepish grin. Zoe, meanwhile, beams away merrily in front of
them and one can't help but ponder upon what it is they're putting
in her springwater... END OF PART ONE
The adverts are of the usual lacklustre quality. There's
a fairly humourous one for TESCO superstores but I think the
funniest thing about it is probably the idea that any member
of TESCO staff could be as intelligent and/or helpful as the
ones in the ad (who aren't all the intelligent or helpful anyway,
really)... More crap about this new Digital TV lark follows but
I won't bother going into that since it's probably already the
most overhyped concept of the year. Oh, and those PG Tips Chimpanzees
are back but with poorer quality jokes. Hohum! So it's back to
the fun...
PART TWO
Ashley descends the Stairs Of Elliot, wearing THE most vile shirt
this side of Stephen Billington (I urge you to check Mike Plowman's
CSVU to view for yourself this shameless violation of good taste
laws) and is suitably berated for his fashion sense by an embarrassed
Zoe who feels ashamed to visit the Foundation with him dressed
like that. He claims it's useful because no one will notice if
he spills soup down it! Leanne, who is sitting on the couch, snidly
remarks that it wouldn't matter what he was wearing if Ruth and
Ben were "proper mates" and, obviously, this enrages
Zoe. Even moreso when Lee says "I'd rather spend every night
in alone with the telly than with freaks like them"! Zoe
retorts venomously that this is all Leanne does anyway, since
Nick's never at home these days but Leanne has the last word (and
a mighty fine one it is too): "Don't forget to bring a bottle!"
she smiles as Ashley ushers his Growling Girlfriend out of the
room. However, once they're gone, Leanne's smile fades and she
moans "NICK!" aloud, as she throws a mean right hook
into a nearby cushion.
Of course, as his long-suffering wife is at home missing
him like the deserts miss the rain et al, Nick is standing in
a cubicle removing his clothes and showing his naked torso and
legs to several million viewers worldwide... Or at least, to the
his voyeuristic teacher, Miranda, whom he (thankfully) spots watching
him just before he removes his speedoes. She tells him he has
an "exquisite body" and that "a lot of men would
kill for a body like that" before asking him to come for
a drink with her and a couple of other students after class! He
minces about and camply declines but when Miranda asks if he's
"rushing back to his girlfriend" he replies "No,
actually she's my w... well, err, umm... No, I have an assignment
I've got to get finished"... Hmmm... Draw your own conclusions.
;)
Over at The Foundation, Ashley and Zoe are sitting
at a particularly low table, "enjoying" their meal with
some Spring Water ("The milk of the Planet, refreshing and
renewing!") bottled at The Foundation's own personal spring
in Wales, apparently. Ash is trying his best to be polite as they
harp on about it's purity but whispers to Zoe that his "stomach
is growling for some meat"! Zoe tells him to be quiet though
he can't help but be curious about who the empty seat next to
him, at the end of the table, is set for. Ruth explains that this
is 'Nirab's Place' (a new name for the whole show perhaps? ;))
and that they always set a place for Nirab... "And he never
shows up? That's bad manners!" exclaims the Perplexed Peacock
but Zoe, Ruth and Ben all explain that Nirab is the "founder"
and the "boss", before alerting Ash's attention to a
portrait behind the table of the very man himself... NIRAB KRAP!
(And YES for anyone who didn't see this episode, it REALLY is
a portrait of Brian Park, the Corrie Producer! The ego! The self-indulgence!
The unadulterated hilarity! I came very close to falling off my
seat at this point!)
As Ashley tries desperately in vain to keep a straight
face, we cut to the Rovers where Lady Hayley of Patterson and
Sir Royston of Cropper are settling down for a pineapple juice.
They have gotten back from their Spanish class and it's left Lady
H thoroughly excited and full of ideas. Sir R is a bit crestfallen
though, since it appears he wasn't doing very well at it... She
tells him not to worry and says he needs to revel in the sounds
of the language: "La Gusto Muchooo!" she exclaims with
err, much gusto... "Luh Gustuh Muchar" he repeats, with
err, somewhat less. She smiles and reassures him that it's "early
days, yet"... Across the way a little, Des encounters Kevin
at the bar and they exchange small talk. It isn't long before
Kevin mentions Tony's car and it soon transpires that Tony slipped
him ?150 to fix it! Des is most displeased and the waves of suspicion
roll across his features...
Back in The House Of Elliot, Nick returns home to find
a bored Leanne sitting on the couch, moaning that he's never home
and that the telly's always crap, to boot... He sits down with
her and says "This should make you happy" before...
(I'm NOT making this up!!!) reaching deep into the crotch of his
trousers... moving his hand around a bit... and removing... a
great big... huge... wad... of cash! His pay packet, apparently...
(*PHEEEEEW*) She smiles and suggests, pleasantly, that she gets
a night job at the college too so she can visit him in the labs.
He is understandably taken aback at the idea and tells her it
wouldn't be such a smart one just as Ashley and Zoe return home
from Outer Space. Ash jokes to all and sundry about Nirab and
how they always set a place for him even though "he's off
on an island somewhere" ("Maybe they're waiting for
him to beam down!" quips Leanne, who really is getting far
too many excellent lines in this episode) but is cut off by a
furious Zoe who tells them all ominously that they "won't
be laughing when the final day comes"!
Oh, time for the high drama bit now... As Tony Horror(cks)
is spotted trying to creep silently out of the front door of Number
Six, he is suddenly jumped by Carl Foster and his crew of heavy
duty hardknocks who are here to rough him up a bit.... "Going
somewhere, Tony?" wins the award for most cliche'd line of
the night.
Thankfully, we cut back to the Rovers at this point
where Hayley and Roy are still conversing about Spanish classes.
She is getting very excited about Spanish culture, their music,
their dancing and their long dresses. Roy reckons he can just
picture his girlfriend as a "dusky-eyed senorita, peering
over the top of a black lace fan" before becoming suddenly
enthusiastic and voicing his new idea that what Weatherfield needs
is some exotic food... "Tortilla, Paella, Omelette, you know,
Spanish food" (LOL!) A plan emerges... Hayley suggests they
could redecorate the cafe, give the place a "Mediterraean
feel" and play some Spanish music. "It's a pity you
don't play the guitar", she sighs and Roy makes the startling
confession that he did try to learn when he was younger but, because
it gave him callouses on his fingers trying to hold down the chords,
his mum made him stop! Hayley smiles sweetly and straightens Roy's
collar for him... Aww... :)
Des, meanwhile, stands at the bar talking to Natalie.
She is acting painfully naive and can't understand why Tony hasn't
popped in for his farewell drink. Des expresses his concern that
Tony is lying to her and has just taken her money and ran off
with it, something he's not happy about. As she tries harder and
harder to defend her son, Des becomes increasingly irate, tells
her about Kevin and the bung and then storms out off home to find
out what's really going on...
[NB: In the interests of Freedom Of Choice, since this
IS a vitally important scene, this next bit is going to be updated
in two versions. The slightly embellished "Dramatic"
One and the "Honest" One...]
"DRAMATIC" VERSION (slightly embellished):
As Carl Foster's henchmen clutch a screaming, pleading Tony by
his arms in Des' living room, Foster himself reads the last rights:
"You're out of lies, you're out of time and your luck's just
run out... You can't go through life messing people about like
this, Tony, and you'll remember that every time you look in the
mirror". He reaches into his pocket to produce a switchblade,
just as an incredulous Des enters and asks what's going on. Foster
tells him to "get out" as it's "none of his business"
but when Des pleads for him to leave Tony alone or he'll call
the police, the Callous Criminal headbutts him hard and knocks
him to the ground... In the Rovers, as this is happening, Natalie
hastily asks Alec if she can pop out for five minutes for "personal"
reasons and luckily he agrees... Meanwhile, back at the house,
Carl and his cronies are seriously laying into Tony with some
hefty thumps as he begs and whimpers "Help me, Des!"...
Des, clutching his head, rises to his feet and despite Foster's
threats ("I'd stay there if I were you, Des, unless you want
some more!" he taunts) he lunges at the gangster! Natalie
enters, sees this and screams "DES!", distracting her
husband and allowing the vicious Carl Foster to get a punch in
which sends Des hurtling across the room and to the floor, his
head colliding harshly with the edge of the coffee table... As
Des lies unconcious and bleeding on the floor, Foster proves that
despite his "hard man" front, he's but a small time
crook at heart, not to mention a coward. He gasps at the damage
he's inadvertantly caused to his opponent, grabs Tony's briefcase
full of drugs and scarpers out of the house with his henchmen
in tow leaving Natalie to clutch her agonised husband's motionless
body, tearfully whimpering his name as the credits roll...
"HONEST" VERSION: Carl Foster who, as Mike
Plowman so rightly pointed out, looks like Jimmy Somerville (and
about as intimidating, too!), babbles some of the most over-used
and cringfully inappropriate dialogue this side of Albert Square
and threatens Tony with a knife that never actually gets shown.
Just as he's about to reveal the mysterious instrument to the
camera, Des runs in and, as you do of course when three unknown
men are in your living room beating up your stepson, threatens
to call the police if they don't stop that sort of naughty behaviour
right now this instant. Foster tells him to "get out"
and, to prove he's serious, gives Des a headbutt that came right
out Rik Mayall/Ade Edmonson's "Bottom" programme, wacky
sound FX and all... While he's down for the count and trying to
get up, Foster makes like one of the Harry Enfield scousers and,
in his silly shellsuit asks "D'ya want some more, like, eh?
Do ya?" as his mates give Tony some "biscuits and tickles"
style slaps... It's as laughable as it sounds... Des, despite
being threatened in this painfully silly way, gets up and lunges
for the guy. However, at this second, Natalie enters and screams
"DES!" which puts him off his stroke, leaving Carl to
knock him to the ground with THE weediest little shove you've
ever seen (Adam Rickett could probably lay a harder punch than
that!) and Des falls over, shoulders first, onto a cardboard occasional
table which crumples without sound or any discernible proof of
impact. As Foster and his cronies run out of the building, Natalie
(as you do) grabs Des' head, lifts it up (almost snapping his
neck in the process) and cries (admittedly Denise Welch's acting
was by far the best thing in this scene)... The credits roll...
This episode was written by the increasingly excellent
Phil Ford who, although not quite up to the standard of the Almighty
Peter Mills yet, is improving with each one he writes, IMHO.
Even the last scene which was, as the "Honest" bit
shows, absolutely dreadful in execution considering the "Dramatic"
impact it was supposed to have, could have been worse... In fact,
if it hadn't have been for the DREADFULLY choreographed "fight"
scenes, they may even have been able to pull it off... Hm...
Ok, maybe I'm being too generous there but, as I said, it could
have been worse.
All in all, Corrie HAS been improving over the last
few episodes (From Friday onwards)... Some of the dialogue has
been brilliantly snappy (thanks, Phil Ford!) and it seems to
be throwing in some MUCH needed light hearted storylines (ie:
Rita and Alec, Roy and Hayley's Spanish lessons, etc). Also,
let's face it, even if like me you don't believe self-parody
has any place in the show, seeing Brian Park's face on the wall
of a wacky Religious Cult's Hall of Worship is quite frankly
side-splitting. The Tony Horror(cks) story is coming to an end
too it would seem and despite them not being able to show anything
even remotely resembling a realistic fight scene, just the fact
that it's nearly over is a mighty relief...
Anyway, that's my lot for this week. :)
The Rattler
This Monday Update was sponsored
by James Ray's Gangwar (what I was listening to) and Stella Artois
(what I was drinking)
Wednesday 18 November
Hello there, I hope this week's update finds you well
and avoiding the hype of the festive season, no matter what your
faith is. The sight of another flashing ball or silver fairy
will make me scream. The panto season will soon be upon us. "Oh
no it wont." "Oh yes it will".Which brings me
to todays episode. For those who don't know, Philip Middlemiss,
'Our Des' is going to be playing Buttons in Cinderella in Newcastle
upon Tyne. Todays episode of course is centred around our Des
and with no further ado, I shall proceed with the update.
The episode opens with Judeh watching 3 men run out
of Des's and jump into a car. The she hears natalie crying and
runs over. Tony's dragging his feet over calling the ambulance
cos he wants to know what theyre going to say to them about what
happened. At this point Judy comes in and Natalie asks her to
ring cos Tony's still faffing around.
Over at the Big Red's, Rita is just settling down when
Alec comes a calling with a bottle of wine. He gets an attack
of over politeness and asks Rita to sit down. What he's trying
to do is avoid Betty downstairs and Rita realises this. She starts
to wind him up about how Betty just used the paint fumes as an
excuse to see Alec in his pyjamas. "When you jumped into
bed with her she must have thought it was her birthday."
Alec tells Rita that Betty had a 'good right hook on her for someone
that age." "Oh, that was just a come on!" says
Rita. "You must be joking" cries Alec. "Would I
joke about something like that?" asks Rita, trying to keep
her face straight. "Well, now you come to think of itI did
have a lot of offers on those cruises" boasts Alec. "Maybe
its not so ridiculous". "Yes it is" says Rita [none
too impressed] "I was joking!!",
Downstairs in the Rovers, Aunty Em is trying to flog
tickets for the Pirates of Penzance". Gary's too broke and
Em suggests to Steve that it might be a nice treat for his dad.
"I don't think so" says Steve, rolling his eyeballs.
[and for once I agree. Theres more culture in a pot of strawberry
yoghurt that Jim could ever hope to aspire to]. Then Les says
he'll have half a dozen thinking theyre freebies as it's an amateur
show.[oh lovey, oh sweetie, you were wonderful daaaaahling]. "Theyre
not free, theyre five pounds each" says Aunty Em quite indignantly.
[and quite so Aunty Em. I spent some wonderful years doing am
dram[amateur dramatics] and really miss it. And you aint seen
nothing till you've seen my performance of Tinkerbell. She was
specially renamed for that production. TANKERBELL!J] "Where's
the money going?" "To charity" says Aunty Em. "Swindle!
Go on with you" as he shoos poor Emily off. Aunty Em turns
to Betty and and says "It's a pity Gilbert and Sullivan didn't
meet Mr Battersby. He would have inspired a whole new opera.".
And Betty replies "The New Horror Show" [My god, scriptwriters,
I can't believe you couldn't come up with a really funny G &
S pun or joke here. It was a really wasted opportunity for Betty
to have a good line for a change.] Then Judy rushes in to get
Gary and sends him to get Coronation Streets answer to Dr. Kildare,
yes, poor old Martin.
Back at Des' and Natalie is beside herself with worry,
wondering where the ambulance is. "Tony, can you do something?"
[nope!!] Tony continues doing his impression of an ashtray on
a motorbike. "What?" "Find out whats happened to
the ambulance!" Martin checks Des's pulse which he assures
her is strong whilst Gary rings again for the ambulance. Judeh
gets a quilt to keep Des warm. The ashtray is still on the motorbike!
Back at Big Reds and there's a big bottle of red on
the table. Rita offers to cook Alec some supper but Alec declines.
"Have I said something to upset you?" asks a concerned
Rita. "No, quite the reverse, its just that I'm beginning
to wonder if this door is such a good idea." He doesn't want
to impose on her privacy and says he knows she is just too polite
to say so and that she was probably getting ready to settle down
for a ngiht in front of the telly." "Me? Polite? "
laughs Rita. She reassures him about the door and then says she'll
cook the supper. "And I'll have another glass of that wine."
[a big glass of red for the big red eh?] She then sends him off
to get some eggs.
The ambulance has arrived and Des is on a stretcher,
Natalie and Tony go with him although Natalie, quite rightly is
not too bothered about being within 100 miles of Tony. Judeh and
Gareh talk between themselves. "It looks serious" says
Judeh. "Well, we don't know" reassures Gareh. "I
need a drink" whimpers Judeh, and they go off to the Rovers.
[god these two are pathetic].
Kevin runs over to see whats happened as Martin is
shutting Des's front door. He tells Kevin what happened. He asks
how Natalie is. Martin tells her that she wanted him to go to
the hospital with her but that there was nothing he could do.
"Come on" says Kevin, "we cant leave Natalie to
wait on her own.!" [no, but you can drag poor Martin back
to where he works shifts all day long just to sit around doing
nothing instead of getting rest, poor old Martin].
Judeh and Gareh are in the Rovers. "I need a brandy"
[yeah right Judeh, you've been through so much, what with ringing
for an ambulance and having to go and get a quilt for Des] Judeh
tells the rest of the pub and they all chip in with little gems
of advice and philosophy and wondering whyits happened twice in
a week.
At the hospital they whisk Des off as Tony turns to
natalie. "What can I say, Im sorry, I didn't know that thed
turn on Des." "As long as I live, Ill never forgive
you for this" is all Natalie can say [and all that she needs
to say as well]
End of Part the First.
Part the second.
In the café Hayley is trying out her spanish on Roy by
asking him if he has any tomato sauce. "No comprendez"
sighs Roy who is just cant seem to get his tongue round it at
all. "Its easy, a lot of the words are the same as ours but
with an o or an a at the end. Like fruita." "whats that?
Asks our trusty monolinguist.. "Fruit" replies a slightly
exasperated hayley[apologies but the caps key keeps sticking].
But bless her, she taps him on the shoulder and says "fantastico.
Don't worry, we'll get the hang of it". "You will"
says poor Roy, dejectedly. Now back to the hospital waiting room
and Tony tells Natalie he'll wait with her. "Kev says he'll
wait for me" "I wanna see if Des is alright" mumbles
Tony, unconvincingly. Natalie gives him that 'don't talk bollocks,
you couldn't give a shit look' [scuse the french but you know
what Im getting at] and walks away, rightly disgusted with him.
Poor woman is driven mad with the waiting. It seems to take ages
for them to do a scan. Kev reassures her that he's in good hands.
"So what happened, you still havent told me" says tactless
Kev. "I don't want to talk about it" says Natalie. "It
seems a bit of a coincidence after last week, just wondered if
it was the same fellas." [oh do shut up Kev] Martin comes
back and says so far so good. He's had the scan" She asks
if they found anything. "The doctors'll tell you more when
they know" reassures Martin. ,<expert medical advice >
"But I reckon he's over the worst." Says Martin. </expert
medical advice >. Tony continues to hover and pretend that
he's worried about Des but all he's really worried about is if
Natalie says anything. "The police are here as well. They
want statements" Martin tells them. "What? Now?"
she asks. Martin offers to put them off. "No, its okay, I
wanna see 'em" says Tony. "Might as well tell them all
I know, get it over with". As he says this he gives a knowing
look to Natalie.
Back at the Rovers and Lorraine tells Jack and Betty
about Des and that he's comfortable.
Meanwhile, still in the hospital, Tony tells Natalie
that she needs to know what he said to the police. "Oh I
see, arent we in enough trouble already"
He tells her what he said happened. That they threatened
him if he didn't tell them where Des's keys were . He also told
the police that it was the same one's as last week.
"Oh, I hope you remembered to give the same description.
What was it? Male with dark hair" says Natalie with a soupcon
of sarcasm. [unlike tony who is possibly male with fair hair that
looks like a hedgehog dipped in bleach] He then carries on pleading
with her that he will go to prison if she tells the truth and
that she wouldn't want that for him [funny, but the look on her
face says she just might!]
Then the doctor comes in and takes her to see Des.
In the café, Zoe and Ruth are chating. Zoe apologises
for Ashley. Ruth says its okay, she forgives him cos he's ignorant.
"Just remember" says Ruth "Ignorance is ephemeral,
but wisdom is eternal." [and I ran the tape back three times
to check that little pearl of wisdom, har har barf !] Then they
go off to harass members of the public with their leaflets. [oh
how I was tempted to do an 'accidental' typing error and leave
out the l in public!]
Toyah comes in for a sub which Roy gives her. "Erm,
you've been to spain, how did you get on with the language.?"
Toyah spiels out a lot of spanish, said in a very seductive tone
"I didn't understand any of that, but its probably a good
job'an all." [reminiscences of Racquels linguistic fax po,
I mean faux pas with Ken when she reveals her knowledge of french.
'voulez vous couchez avec moi, cest soi[?] I never could get me
tongue round french, except a hot night with Alain Delon once.anyway,
I digress].
Back at the hospital, the doctor tells her not to worry
about all the tubes, its just to keep an eye on him. The doctor
leaves them alone.
"Well, look at you, I thought Id lost you"
says Natalie, trying to sound cheerful. She tells him that when
he's better they'll go on a proper holiday, a real honeymoon.
Jus us and on-one else. She cries and tells him how much she loves
him. Des asks what happened and asks if Tony is alright.
Then [annoyingly] it cuts back to the café where
Judeh has just told Roy about Des. Zoe and Ruth walk in and Judeh
goes to see how Zoe is whilst Ruth gets the teas. When Zoe introduces
them, Ruth tells her she's been dying to meet her and Judeh gives
Zoe a sideways glance. Judeh asks Zoe aobut her job and she says
that Ruth's her boss. She then tells her to keep in touch and
Ruth pipes up with "Id like to keep in touch as well. I think
youre a very positive person. The way you helped Zoe when Shannon
died and all the time you were grieving for Katie. Any time you
want to talk about it" Judeh gives her a withering look.
"No, I wouldn't, not to a stranger."
Judy leaves and Ruth turns to Zoe. "Poor Judeh,
she's still not come to terms with her grief" sneers Ruth
.
Back at the hospital, Des is telling Natalie how he
was dreaming about being in the tower at blackpool. "There
was no-one around and I was shouting. I was looking down and the
place was deserted." "Shh youre still tired." "I
was looking down and shouting 'Mrs Barnes, I love you Mrs Barnes.
There's no-one could hear me. Only you.." "That's all
that matters and she squeezes his hand tighter. He makes her promise
that they'll go to Blackpool. He closes his eyes for a moment
and Natalie cuddles into him. Suddenly he is in cardiac arrest
and the machines are all sounding their alarms. Natalie runs to
the doctor.
Meantime, we are taken back to the Rovers where Deidre
is having her lunch with Aunty Em. She tells her how she enjoyed
the Pirates of Penzance' and Aunty Em tries to recruit her for
the group. "I cant sing" [believe me Deidre, its never
stopped people before from being cast major parts in amateur dramatics].
"Oh they'll take anyone" "Thanks very much"
laughs Dreary.
Judeh then walks in [god, she gets everywhere in this
episode] and says she's just spoken to Gail and Des is out of
danger. "They do a great job, so they do, considering what
they've got to put up with " says Jim. "I can imagine"
chips in Maude, smiling at him. "I was a model patient".
"Only cos you were in a coma" laughs Gareh.
Jack offers to take Lorraine to the hospital.
Ashley comes into the pub and Judeh tells him she's
just met Ruth. She tells him that she's met people like her before
and she doesn't think that they'll let go easily, despite Ashley
telling her that it will all blow over in a couple of weeks.
Back at the hospital and natalie comes back out to
sit with Kev whilst the doctors try and revive Des. "They
said he was over the worst" cries Natalie, utterly distraught.
Martin comes back with the doctor and cant meet her eyes. "Whats
happening?" but she can tell by the look on their faces what
has happened. "NO! NO" "Im sorry, we did everything
we could" "No, he cant be. I thought he was going to
be alright." "He had a massive heart attack, there was
nothing anyone could do" says Martin. Kevin puts his arm
round her as Tony walks in. "Whats happened?" "He's
dead Tony, he's dead" cries Natalie. The scene ends with
Natalie looking through the glass at Des and crying helplessly.
Prologue You know, despite watching this tape twice,
I was still on the verge of tears for this last scene. I can't
let it go by without saying how marvellous Denise Welch's acting
has been. There's no-one more fervent than a convert and I was
very hesitant when she first came into the street as a regular.
I'm definitely a fan now.
Well, see you all anon.
Love, Ruth
Friday 20 November
Hiya folks!!!! ... Time again for another update....
One of those weeks where things don't quite go to plan, but,
hey, isn't that life? That's how last week's episode update commenced
and this one could be little different.
Turbulent life on the Net these days seems to have
been a feature of this week as well - all I will say, is that
it is heartening to have a bulging and supportive mail box, full
of love and care. It is doubly touching to receive three transatlantic
phone calls from my Canadian friends - thanks from the bottom
of my heart to you all.
As regards channel happenings, the #coro_street channel
has moved IRC Networks - for some time, we have been on DALNET,
but this has been so overcrowded, resulting in all sorts of technical
difficulties. As of 8 p.m. Eastern Time, Friday 20th November,
we can now be found on Sorcery.Net - for more details see Greggy's
new web site at http://members.xoom.com/greggy/ops.htm. You find
logging on quicker and the lags problems we had on DALNET a thing
of the past - enjoy!!! On a personal level it was a real joy
to have our own Glossop micro-ping as we hosted for a couple
of days, RAnnie and The Rattler, whom some of you will know from
ratucs and IRC. A real good time was had, especially when we
installed some software to enable all three of us to be on IRC
simultaneously, each from a separate PC but using just one modem
and one phone line. Anoraks paradise!!! The future?? Well, we
are only 3 weeks away from Annie's Christmas Shop-PING in Manchester.
Gotta be worth a woohoo!!!
The episode commences out in the street. Kevin returns
from the hospital in his car with Natalie, Tony and Lorraine.
Betty accosts Lorraine getting out of the car and tells her it's
good to see Natalie back home. She seems to think Des is out of
danger, after all, that was the last piece of news the Rovers'
regulars had received from the hospital. It falls to Lorraine
to break the news to her that Des is dead, he had a heart attack,
there was nothing that could be done. Lorraine is understandably
distraught - Betty is shocked. Kevin escorts Natalie towards her
house, with Tony following on behind. Natalie's ordeal has not
ended, because she is greeted at her front door by D.S. Reynolds
- he tells her that he is very sorry to hear the news, but she
cannot enter the house as it is a scene of crime. He asks whether
there is anywhere else she can go. Kevin suggests that Natalie
goes across the road to stay with him. The detective tells her
that, although the house will be released to her when they have
finished, it will be some time yet before this happens. Tony asks
whether he can enter and receives the same answer.
Back at Ashley's, Zoe is asking Ruth for her opinion
as to how she really did today. She had sold some of the pendants
but no-one bought the books, a lot of people ignored her. "Well,
it's as Nirab says, they were negative. There is nothing you can
do to counteract a closed mindset, not on the street anyhow"
replies Klingon Ruth . She explains that if people came into one
of their centres, they would get to know them, find out their
hopes, their needs - presumably, the padded restraints on the
chairs would help (oops... get serious Tinky). "Why bother?"
is Zoe's cynical response. "Because you have to start from
where they are" replies Ruth. They get into a discussion
about positives and negatives and Ruth explains that it's all
in the book (available from all good booksellers now), but for
Zoe it's a bit boring. Ruth laughs and tells her she appreciates
Zoe's honesty, its one of the things she admires about her. Zoe
is amazed that anyone could admire her but Ruth explains that
this is because she radiates positive thoughts (eh?? Musta missed
summat there!! LOL!). She continues, there are negative influences
in the house, but Zoe overcomes them. Zoe tells her that Leanne
can be a bit of a pain but Ashley is alright. When Ruth comments
that Zoe has done wonders with him, Zoe tells her that it's actually
the other way round. Ruth continues with her selling spiel by
telling Zoe not to undervalue herself, she is the deep thinker,
she has got to try to take him with her.
At Kevin's, we see him trying to console a grieving
Natalie. She is telling Kevin how Des was talking to her moments
before he died. It looked as if everything was going to be alright.
"These things happen" replies Kevin, faced with the
situation where there are no answers and no words which will resolve
the problem. She just cannot believe she is not going to see him
again, there was so much they were going to do together. Lorraine
offers her a drink, but Natalie cannot face that, or anything.....
she just wants Des, she just wants her husband back. Tony passes
through from the kitchen and says he is going to go out for a
bit - when Lorraine asks whether she should go with him, he replies
no, he won't be long, he needs a bit of air.
The news has hit the folks at Ashley's. Gail is telling
Leanne and Nick about the previous night's tragedy. Ashley cannot
believe that anyone could be murdered in the Street, but Ruth
comments that none of them escapes being touched by evil. Gail
asks whether Nick is alright about it, as she feared it might
bring back memories of his father. Although he is fine, Gail has
had some memory cells stirred by the events and it has upset her.
Ruth suggests that they "should co-join and commend ourselves
to Nirab." "Why?" is Ashley's simple and succinct
question. "He deserves our intercession on his behalf, no
matter what sort of a man he was" replies Ruth. When Nick
protests and says that Des was "a good bloke", Ruth
asks if he knew him well. Gail tells her that Martin and her were
friends with Des for years "I don't think he needs your intercession."
Having lost that battle, Ruth suggests they all join hands but
Nick declines - his excuse is he is going to work and when Leanne
protests to him about being left with them, he tells her to ignore
them. The scene ends with Ruth, Zoe and an uncomfortable looking
Ashley holding hands.
At the café, while Emily Bishop is being served,
Hayley asks for her help in persuading Roy to go to their night
school Spanish class. He doesn't want to go because he is no good
at languages, he tells Emily, whereas Hayley is really enjoying
it. Emily points out that they don't have to do everything together
but Hayley clearly wants Roy to accompany her. Roy seems to fancy
doing something different, something a bit livelier. Emily suggests
Gilbert and Sullivan, as she still has tickets for the "Pirates
of Penzance". Roy is quite taken with the idea, after all
"it is for charity" - although Hayley would prefer to
do Spanish, she agrees to go along with the idea, a bit reluctantly.
Emily enthuses how all and sundry have spoken highly of the production
and extracts 10 from Roy for the tickets.
Gareh comes home to find Judeh upset. She has been
crying and is still stunned at Des' death. Gareh understands,
after all, Des was a friend, a good mate. She says her being pregnant
makes everything feel so much more sad - she thinks of the awful
things that could happen to their babies. Gareh reassures her
nothing will happen to their children. Judeh says that they don't
know that and that they are being born into the Street, with all
its happenings. Gareh insists nobody is going to harm their children,
they will look after them, they will build a fence around them
if they have to. Judeh wants to keep them safe from accidents,
bad people, crime, war. Gareh tells her they won't go to war -
can anyone see him in a tin hat, he jokes? Judeh continues - she
feels silly - she is being daft. Gareh recognises this as the
motherly protective instinct, it's only natural, he tells her.
when she tells him she is full of anxieties about what could go
wrong, about dropping the babies, Gareh reminds her she never
dropped Kateh, in any case, "up to three months they bounce."
"They don't" she replies. "Do they not? Well, I'm
glad you told me that" he jokes. He tells her it's OK for
her to be upset for Des, everybody in the street will have a thought
for him tonight, but she isn't to worry about the children. They
are going to be born into a good home with a mum and dad who are
gonna love them, what else could they need? "Nothing"
is her reassured reply.
At college, Nick is talking to his tutor, the delicious
Miranda. She asks whether he is rushing back to his girlfriend
tonight. He tells her he won't be doing so, as they have a house
full of people tonight. She tells him she couldn't stand that,
she's all for a quiet life. "How do you get one of those,
then?" he asks wistfully. "Easy, I live on my own"
is the sexy siren's reply. When Nick enquires if there is a boyfriend,
she tells him that she hasn't had a boyfriend since she was a
student and she kicked her husband out a couple of years ago.
She asks Nick whether he can come for drink tonight, she doesn't
want to force him, it'll be the usual crowd, she tells him. He
agrees and tells her he would like to come. When Miranda asks
whether his girlfriend would mind, he says she wouldn't. Boing!!!
Twang my thang!!! "Good, see you later" says the sultry
lady.
Lorraine is about to go home and asks whether Natalie
will be alright on her own. She wants to stay there, as Des isn't
so far away. Lorraine promises to come back to her first thing
in the morning. They hug and after Lorraine departs, Natalie breaks
down into tears. Kevin comes down the stairs. He sees her crying
and takes her hand. She asks him why is it that Des was attacked.
Kevin recommends leaving it to the police. She is full of questions
as to what happened but most of all, she just wants Des back,
but she is never going to see him again. Kevin tries to console
her grief, but she is totally distraught....
... and the theme tune comes in, on cue for the End
of part 1
After the ads, it's Part 2
The second part of the programme commences back at the café.
Roy is full of Gilbert and Sullivan and is singing "I am
the very model of a modern Major General" from the Pirates
of Penzance. Clearly, the previous night's theatrical performance
has been a great success. Hayley compliments Roy on his voice,
she had originally thought that light opera would be boring and
is surprised at how funny it was, although Roy points out that
some of the laughs were unintentional. "Well that's amateur
theatricals for you, if the scenery doesn't fall down at least
once, you feel cheated" enthuses Hayley. Gail comes in and
apologises for being late. Roy tells her it's OK, he didn't notice,
they were reliving last night's dramatic event. They explain they
went to see G&S, "Money very well spent. I've not had
a laugh like that in a long time" enthuses Roy. At that stage
it's Gail's turn to burst their bubble as she tells them about
last night's other dramatic news.
Jack is round at Kevin's offering Natalie his condolences.
Natalie remarks how kind people have been. Jack tells her that
Vera is very shocked and cannot stop crying. He leaves a condolence
card and after he has left, with Kevin, she opens it. Tony is
hanging around. Des' death has been on his mind as well, but from
a totally different angle. He is concerned as to the questions
the police are going to ask and needs reassurance that he will
not be faced with any embarrassing questions. He needs to know
that Natalie is going to back up his version of events. "What
happened, it was an accident, it was nothing to do with me"
he maintains. Natalie loses control and starts to hit out at Tony.
"It was YOUR fault" she tells him. They were his friends,
it was his doing, Des was helping him. "Well I didn't ask
him to, he just barged in" replies Tony. Natalie asks just
what sort of a person he is. Tony begs her not to tell certain
things to the police, but Natalie asks why she should keep her
mouth shut when her husband is dead. He points out that if she
doesn't then he is going to be locked up and "you don't want
that, do you?" "I don't want you. I want Des" yells
a totally distraught Natalie. She runs out of the house into the
street and attempts to get back into her home. The policeman on
guard stops her. Kevin pulls her away and takes her back to his
home. As he does so, Jack who has been watching the events, passes
Tony standing in the doorway and stares at him, long and hard.
Back at Mission Control, aka as the Etheric Foundation,
Zoe has returned from distributing her Foundation goodies. She
has been gone a while and walked for miles. Ruth is delighted
by her commitment, she is "reliable, so tenacious" she
gushes. Ben asks whether Zoe has had any lunch. She hasn't, she
just fancies a sit down, she tells him. Ben offers her a seat
and asks her to take her shoes off. Zoe is puzzled, but Ben explains
that he is going to massage her feet. Ruth and Ben explain that
it will be very relaxing and she will feel much better for it.
Ben is their best healer, he's got special powers, Ruth tells
Zoe. They persuade her to go along with it.
The police have come to get a statement from Natalie.
Kevin tells the Detective Sergeant that she should really be resting.
Natalie has been given some tablets to help her sleep, but she
cannot. The detective explains he is here only because it is absolutely
necessary - they need to know what happened. Tony butts in to
say that he has already told them, but the detective is insistent,
they need Natalie's version. "It will be the same as mine,
won't it mum?" replies Tony. Natalie pauses and then recounts
the tale. She tells the detective that there were three intruders,
they wanted Des' money from the track, Des had told them it wasn't
in the house, they didn't believe him, they hit him. She didn't
recognise them and that's all she can remember. A look of relief
comes over Tony's face.
Zoe has had her massage and apologises to Ben for being
funny with him earlier. She had never heard of having your feet
massaged, but she is delighted with the outcome - she feels so
much better, she tells them. Ruth comments on how relaxed Zoe
looks and how pretty she is when she is not frowning. "Well,
you've not got much to frown about now, have you?" asks Ben.
Zoe agrees. Ruth tells her how well they think she is doing. Ben
adds that they would like to reward her for all the hard work
she has been doing. They want to honour her. Ruth asks whether
Zoe could stay with them in the evening. When Zoe confirms that
she can, Ben discloses that they would like her to attend their
team meeting. Even though normally they wouldn't invite new members,
they feel she is ready for some extra responsibility. Zoe agrees
and when she does Ruth goes into over-acting mode - she hugs her
and tells her she is delighted that Zoe has said yes, she had
hoped that would be the case. The gathered throng around them
applaud like performing seals.
DS Reynolds has finished interviewing Natalie. He tells
her not to be reticent if she remembers anything else about the
night's events. She was scared, she froze, she tells him. The
detective tells her that any further detail she can recollect
might be helpful. Kevin shows the detective out of his home. Tony
thanks his mother for backing him up. She replies that this was
the last lie she will ever tell for him. When Tony expresses his
worries that she will be overheard, Natalie blows up and tells
him that he is only concerned about himself. He tells her that
he didn't kill Des, it was a heart attack. This news is too much
for her and she tells him to get out of the house, before she
has a chance of calling the detective back and telling him just
what sort of a son Tony really is. "I am the son you made
me" snarls Tony. "Oh God forbid!" replies Natalie.
Tony tells her that the two of them are not really that different.
Natalie has had enough and tells him to get out of her sight,
she doesn't want to talk to him anymore. "Suits me fine"
says the caring son and he storms out of he house. Kevin comes
back into the room. He sees that she is upset but she tells him
that she just wants to lie down, to be on her own.
Back at his place, Ashley is concerned that Zoe hasn't
returned home yet. "She'll be holding hands with t'weirdos"
explains Leanne. "Yeah, they're probably trying to save our
souls" adds Nick. "Oh, good, maybe our lottery numbers
will come up" sniggers Leanne. Ashley wonders whether he
should go round and bring her home. Leanne seems indifferent to
it all. Leanne cannot understand why Zoe is working eight hours
a day for nothing, she must be stupid - she'd be better off with
a paper round, she tells them, she'd mix with better people .
Ashley, as ever, is supportive of Zoe and turns on Leanne for
her snide comments. "It's my negative energies, they just
come pouring out" jibes Leanne. When Nick asks Leanne how
come she knows so much about it, she replies that she has to talk
to somebody, as he is always fiddling around with his test-tubes.
LOL!!! Ashley is worried about her. Nick tries to reassure him
by saying that Zoe will get fed up with it all, but Leanne points
out that Zoe gets fed up with everything - in the end it will
be between Ashley and Nirab.
Back at Kevin's, he is talking to Lorraine, who tells
him that Natalie is still in bed. He tells her what he has found
out about the funeral arrangements. Des cannot be buried until
there is a Coroner's Report. It can take a while. Kevin goes up
to see if she is awake, he needs to break it to her gently. He
goes up, only to discover that Natalie is missing. They rush out
to try to find her.
At Mission Control, Zoe is ready to be placed in the
safe hands of Nirab. In case you're wondering what this will involve,
I have the answer for you. Those of you who used to listen to
the Ken Dodd Comedy show on the radio in the 1960s may remember
a lady of, how shall we say, ample proportions and healthy drive,
having that very answer. Every week, she would exhort the hapless
Ken "welllllll, first of all, you need to take ALL your clothes
off..." as the preamble, whereupon Ken would run a mile for
fear of a fate worse than death. Nirab's version is to for Zoe
to strip off the lies and deceit, all the negative ways of the
past. Laziness, indulgence, dishonesty. Look closely at yourself.
Know who you really are. To go inside we must be pure in thought
and deed and word. Cleanse your mind, Zoe, make it a clean base
for Nirab. (Yep and I'm King Zbigniew III.) Anyway, Zoe is ready
for it all, while they are sitting chantin' 't mantra (remember
Bhagwan Hardcastle, the famous Yorkshire Buddhist?).
Having looked around by the canal, Kevin and Lorraine
are no nearer finding Natalie. Suddenly, Lorraine sees Natalie
- she is sitting in Des' car. They ask her to come home. She tells
them she is staying in the car - she shows them the last picture
taken of her and Des, then Des' identity card from the track.
It's all she has left of him, it's all there is to hold. Kevin
tells her it's only a piece of card, it's nothing. There's nothing
else, replies Natalie. There is, reassures Kevin, "you're
not on your own." "I want Des" is Natalie's reply,
she wants to be left on her own, she tells them. When Lorraine
tells her that they cannot leave her on her own, Natalie replies
"...but I am on my own...." and breaks down sobbing......
.....and with that.... it is the cue for music and
credits
Episode written by Catherine Hayes. All material is,
and remains, copyright property of ITV Television.
Well, how was it for me? A superb episode, with some
fine moments. The lighter of these provided by Roy and Hayley
in their own inimitable style of gentle comedy - I LOVE their
enthusiasm. Ah well, it takes an anorak to know one!!! LOL!!!
Sultry sex, well the delicious Miranda, cor!!! She
IS fit!!! Moments of tenderness, provided by Gareh as the reassuring
expectant father - very, very well done, with a good script which
highlights the fears of anyone about to embark on imminent parenthood.
The award for the night, however, goes to Natalie,
with a brilliant portrayal as the grieving widow. Quite magnificent!
Contrast that with the Liz McDonald wailing banshee act last
week and you have two actresses in very different leagues. I've
admired Denise Welch's acting ability for a while in Corrie and
this has to be her best performance yet.
Anyway that's it for now.. Until the next time, take
care...
Tubby greetings and Tinkyluv from the Tinkster in Glorious
Glossop....
Regards, Alan
Sunday 22 November
Act 1
We open tonight in Ashley's house, where he is talking to Zoe
about how late he waited up for her the night before. Had they
been saying prayers at the Foundation ? "No, humming !"
replies Zoe. Ashley misses his chance to say how they have some
air freshener on special offer in the corner shop, and listens
while Zoe explains how they were meditating, while listening to
"harmonics" [only available from Ronco]. Ashley tells
her it sounds daft, and wonders if she knows exactly what she's
getting into. Zoe is too carried away with enthusiasm to listen
to his concerns.
Just along the street, Natalie and Lorraine enter Des'
house. The police have clearly finished their examination, and
have tidied up. Lorraine remarks on this in attempt to subdue
Natalie, who becomes almost hysterical as she scurries about the
lounge, moving everything about because it wasn't quite the way
Des had had it. "I want it all back the way it was...",
she cries, close to tears. But obviously there'll always be one
thing missing.
Zoe tells Leanne that while she'll be helping out in
the soup kitchen, she won't be getting paid any more money as
a result. Leanne voices what we've all felt, that Zoe is being
taken for a ride.
A stranger, but with one of those not-to-be-trusted
faces, pays for his lunch in the cafe and engages Gail in what
sounds like idle chat. But in no time at all he has got the subject
round to Des Barnes. Gail twigs that he is a reporter. He says
he is after background. There is no background, explains Gail,
Des was a nice bloke who was very unlucky. The reporter is skeptical,
and suggests that it wasn't just bad luck, after all there'd been
trouble at the house twice within a week. "You should know",
he adds, "you live next door". Gail brings this to a
stop and says she has nothing more to say to him. He leaves, passing
Roy and Hayley on the way out. Roy is explaining to Hayley that
he has tried out some of his conversational Spanish on customers,
but they haven't responded. Hayley asks why they should. "Well,
they go there on their holidays every year - you'd think they
would have picked up the basics !" he argues. [Roy, here's
how it goes: if the English is "two beers please", then
the Spanish is "TWO BEERS, PLEASE !!!".] All the while,
Roy is fiddling with a letter, which is clearly bothering him.
He explains how it is something he needs to discuss with Gail,
but he is concerned as to her reaction.
A rather odd scene follows, with Deirdre talking to
Maud and Rita. They have all knocked off work for lunch. [What's
odd about it is that the 3 actresses were clearly not in the same
scene - we keep seeing one side and the other and either they're
12' feet apart or not together at all.] Anyway, they ask after
Liz and hear that Deirdre has had a couple of letters and it seems
that Liz is fine. Maud opines that she'd thought they were a bit
closer than that, "only two letters ?", and is Deirdre
enjoying having her flat to herself again ? "I liked the
company", replies Deirdre, in one of those fashions that
sign- post an unexpected change.
Our new character-we-hate-on-sight, the reporter, knocks
on Natalie's door. He introduces himself and offers his sympathies.
He explains how his paper would like to print Natalie's story,
and suggests he should come in. Natalie won't have any of it,
and tries to get rid of him. He's not that easily put off, though,
and continues to ask about Des. What had he done ? Bookies aren't
always popular figures. He goes too far when he suggests that
perhaps Natalie hadn't really known Des all that well, as they'd
only been married a few weeks. "Can I see where it happened
?", he asks, and tries to push his way past her. She tries
to stop him, and is only saved by the fortuitous appearance of
one-time love Kevin, who brusquely tells the reporter to get lost.
Around at the Foundation, Ruth is wittering about about
the power of Nirab to an increasingly brainwashed Zoe, who is
by now convinced that she wants nothing more than to talk to Shannon.
Ruth tells her that if she continues to meditate, this will help.
A tape can be hers for the special price of 15 pounds. Zoe protests
that she has no money [it all went on vodka !] but Ruth assures
her that they can simply take it out of her wages. [I'm still
deeply concerned about the actress playing Ruth - either she really
is slightly cross-eyed, and this was a qualification for the role,
or she is squinting through every scene. My mum used to say I'd
stick like that ! Whatever, she is really quite spooky-looking.]
As the little black-and-white stripey symbol appears
in the corner of the screen, signalling the adverts, we pay a
visit to Deirdre's flat, where there is a knock on the door. She
opens it to find Jackie Dobbs, her hardnosed cellmate from prison.
"Surprise, surprise !", exclaims Cill^h^h^h^hJackie,
and gives Deirdre a big hug. Deirdre looks suitably shocked.
Intermission
Just time to boil the kettle and make some instant custard [with
real fruit sauce] as advertised, before having a change of heart
and consuming some mouldy bread instead [it looked far better],
and returning to the sofa for...
Act 2
Which resumes in Deirdre's flat, where Jackie asks if Deirdre
was surprised to see her ? "I'd have been less surprised
to see Samir on the doorstep", says Deirdre. [Oh, okay, she
didn't really.] In no time at all, Jackie has eyed some sandwiches
and a pot of tea and is helping herself. She explains she is just
out on parole. Deirdre tells her that *she* just wanted to get
straight back to her own place [hint!], and hears that Jackie
had gone home, to find her fella [that's what they have in Liverpool]
shacked up with some other woman already. That's terrible, says
Deirdre, not yet realising just how terrible. "I've no-one
to turn to !", says Jackie. And now realisation crosses Deirdre's
face.
Kevin is consoling Natalie, and offers to help at any
time. He wonders where Tony is. Deirdre says something about a
new job in London, but Kevin thinks it's pretty terrible that
Tony didn't stay around at a time like this. She tells Kevin to
go back to his garage - she knows where to find him if she needs
him. They exchange looks which speak of things gone by.
Back with the jailbirds, Deirdre is shocked at how
badly Jackie's partner has treated her. Jackie doesn't seem terribly
surprised, as that's just typical of men, in her view. She mentions
Jon Lindsay's name, which Deirdre is not best pleased at. "Don't
mention that name in this house !", she warns her. Realising
the time, she tells Jackie that she has to get back to work. For
Mike, the guy who helped her when she was wrongly imprisoned.
Jackie tells her to go, "don't worry about me". Deirdre
realises that Jackie is probably not going to leave voluntarily
and tells her that she really can't help her. Jackie's face hardens
[although to be fair it was hardly angelic to start with], as
she tells Deirdre that she had had a very hard time from the prison
officer who had tormented Deirdre, after she was released. Deirdre
relents, and goes off to work.
In the Rovers, Betty and Alec and Lorraine and the
Malletts are talking about Natalie. Lorraine explains that she
is handling the funeral arrangements, but is worried about the
catering. Alec offers to help. They all agree that Tony should
have stayed behind to help his mother. Kevin arrives, and tells
them of his run-in with the nosey reporter.
Gail and Roy are standing outside the cafe, looking
up at the sign. [Roy's Rolls, it says. I've not been paying attention
- I thought it was still Jim's cafe !] Gail tells Roy that if
he wants to sell, what can she do ? He's the majority partner,
after all. To elucidate, it appears that Roy has had an offer
of 65 thousand pounds for the premises. He thinks it's a very
good offer, and they could afford to set up another business somewhere
else with the proceeds. Gail doesn't want to move, however. They
go back inside, and Roy tries to ask Ashley for the benefit of
his entrepreneurial skills. Ashley seems very distracted though,
and is no help.
Low point of the episode, now, as Les comes over to
Natalies' house to tell her how cut up he is about Des' death.
Now, Les the character probably is genuinely upset, but Les the
actor can't hack this at all. As he bumbles his way unconvincingly
through the scene, Natalie breaks down. [Perhaps it was the only
way she could stop herself having hysterics...] Lorraine thanks
him for coming, but suggests that Natalie really needs to be on
her own. Les leaves, and the two women hug each other.
Back to the local again, where Hayley and Roy are nursing
their fruit juices. Roy thinks he should sell up, and move. Apparently,
the other shops in the street have been done up, and the owner
of the next-door shop wants to expand and move into the cafe.
Roy ponders what he has done to improve the cafe since buying
out Alma's share. Changed the name, that's all. Added a few new
choices to the menu, but everything still comes with chips. Hayley
sagely advises him that people know what they like. Roy spots
Emily, and asks her to sit down and offer him some pearls of wisdom.
Deirdre enters, and asks Betty for a G&T. "Bit
early for that, love" remarks Betty. "Someone's turned
up out of the blue", replies Deirdre, "and I think she
might be here all evening !". [Oh dear, someone pop down
the corner shop and get Dreary a clue. I think Jackie will be
here all month...]
Emily thinks Roy should broaden his horizons. "But
don't tell Gail I said that !", she adds. She asks if they
enjoyed "The Pirates of Penzance" the other night, and
persuades Roy and Hayley that they should get involved behind
the scenes at the theatre.
Leanne comes home, to find Zoe sitting cross-legged
on the floor, listening to her meditation tape. Ommmmmm and ommmmmm,
it goes. [Ah, but if you play it backwards and speed it up, it
sounds more like "Klaatu Barada Nikto". If they only
knew, Ruth and Ben are aliens and this is a coded message to be
delivered to the most robotic presence on the show. Plank ? Wherefore
art thou, plank ?"] Leanne rearranges a few letters and points
out that it sounds like mooing, to her. Zoe explains how it is
helping her get ready to talk to Shannon. Leanne rolls her eyes
in disbelief.
Deirdre returns home, to find Jackie not only still
in her flat, but clad in Deirdre's dressing-gown, smoking a fag,
and listening to George Formby on the radio. Jackie says she hopes
Deirdre doesn't mind her having a bath, "it's lovely, that
aromatherapy oil". "I'm all ready for a night out !",
she adds cheerily. Deirdre fully realises what's happening, and
tells Jackie that she can't stay. Jackie hardens again, and tells
Deirdre that she'd helped her in prison. "And now you *owe*
me..."
This episode was written by Catherine Hayes.
Another solid show tonight, underpinned by Denise
Welch's excellent portrayal of the grieving Natalie, a performance
she kept up even during Les' laughable attempts to persuade her
of his own feelings.
I suppose she will have her fans, but I personally
think that Margi Clarke is not a great asset to the show. She
really only ever plays one part - Margi Clarke, a gobby bottle-blonde
Scouser. [Hey, I should recognise the species, I'm married to
one !] So, a bit of a downer there. But I hear that her appearance
leads to some more interesting storylines for other characters.
Let's hope so.
Overall rating (out of 5 stars): ***
Oh look, it's the 25th today - only a month to go !!
John Laird
Monday 23 November
It's Monday again which means a) it's the end of an
absolutely wonderful weekend and b) it's my turn on the Update
front again. Let me say right now before we begin what a vast
improvement tonight's episode is when compared to some of the
dross we've suffered in the last month or so. Even the worst
of the current storyline crop has been garnished fairly liberally
with snappy dialogue, tonight. In fact, I'm so bursting with
excitement and enthusiasm, I'm going to leap straight into the
Update, prologue-free!
The show opens in The Drear's Domain, early morning,
where Margi... err, Jackie Dobbs, her new housemate, is making
herself quite at home with a bowl of cornflakes on the couch.
Drear tells her that there's simply no way she can put Jackie
up (or should that say, "put up with Jackie"?) for much
longer than a few days since she's on stony financial ground herself
and the Dobbster is just plain broke altogether. Jackie attests
unconvincingly that a few days is all she needs since she has
a "cousin" who lives in a "big house" in Southport
and who will be more than willing to provide accomodation within
the next day or so. Poor naive, innocent Deidre falls hook, line
and sinker for this tall tale even to the extent that when Jackie
asks for a key to the flat ("I don't want to be stuck in
here all day... There aren't even any mailbags to sew!"),
The Drear hands over Liz's old one...
Over at The House Of Elliot, Zoe quite easily talks
Ashley into offering her a box of canned goods for The Foundation's
Soup Kitchen Project whilst Nick and Leanne look on from the breakfast
table, making snide comments. Tilly reckons that giving away food
is a stupid idea, from a "business" perspective (and
what would Mister "I just get the equipment out at the start
and put it away again at the end" know about business anyway!?),
as Ashley is handing his "profits" to "local scroungers"
(Actually, I'm seeing a future in politics, here!) by donating
tins to the cause but Ashley insists it's all out-of-date stock
and no one will miss it. Zoe leaves for "work" at this
point and Leanne, who has been looking vehemently annoyed throughout
the whole conversation starts to tell a blissfully unaware Ashley
exactly what The Foundation are up to with Zoe:
"They've said she can talk to Shannon", interrupts
Nick which merely prompts the obvious "But Shannon's dead"
answer from Ashley. Unfortunately Adam Rickitt doesn't have the
comic timing to deliver the next line properly but the thought
is there: "No, apparently she's just in some kind of holding
bay"! From here, Leanne goes on to explain that Ruth and
Ben have told Zoe that if she buys these "meditational"
tapes at fifteen pounds a crack and continues to 'work' at The
Foundation, eventually she'll be able to talk to her deceased
child and, naturally, Ashley is horrified to hear of the ride
his girlfriend is being taken for. He makes the decision to have
some serious words with her and his face goes into Cropperesque
deep thought.
Speaking of Sir Royston, he's merrily cleaning the
counter in the Cafe, his brain full of ideas for it's possible
expansion. Gail, however, is intent on things staying the way
they are and thinks the prospect of serving "alternative
cuisine" as opposed to "eggs, bacon, chips, prawns and
sandwiches" is preposterous. Roy enthuses emphatically (which
makes a lovely change from his recent distress over the Spanish
classes) that it would be a "challenge" to prepare some
exotic dishes but Gail lays down the law and tells him that she
has a family to feed and simply cannot take the risk of changing
the Cafe's image and location, concluding nastily "Leave
it out, you were on about it all day yesterday and I need a break!"...
He looks suitably crestfallen as his dreams of a Continental eatery
encounter trouble at the first hurdle. Poor Roy!
Over at Number Six, Alec has popped by for a quick
word with Natalie and Smiley Spice Lorraine (Holly Newman has
visibly taken lessons from Adam Rickitt on how to maintain a goofy
smirk even throughout the most serious of scenes!). What's he
here to ask about? As if it isn't obvious, his opening line is
the loaded question: "Have you thought about where the mourners
are going to come back to after the funeral?"... Natalie
doesn't really want to think about it and heads upstairs leaving
a distraught Lorraine to tell Alec that her Aunt is like this
all the time at the moment, fine one minute and "upstairs"
the next. Alec recommends that they have a "small gathering"
at The Rovers after the funeral, so as that if Natalie needs to
be alone she can just nip back to the house. Lorraine thinks this
would be a good idea and goes on to explain just how badly Natalie
is grieving: "I don't think it'd be so bad if they'd had
more time together... But now she feels she's missed out on everything"...
To provide some light relief, we're now back in the
Cafe where a (perhaps surprisingly) undeterred Roy is questioning
Ken Borelow about the possibilities of "Lemon Grass Soup"
and such likes being added to the menu. Gail tries to put Ken
off the idea claiming that "egg and chips are all people
want", adding "I've never heard you complain and you've
been coming here for years" but Ken, in that unmatchably
patronising way of his, tells her with a cough that "this
isn't the only establishment I eat in" before informing Roy
that he can be marked down as "appreciative of a more varied
menu". Jackie Dobbs, however, who has just walked into t'caff
butts into the conversation and tells whoever is in earshot that
they can "lash that foreign muck" and give her "a
big fry up" any day of the week! The Dobbster proceeds to
order the most outrageous fried breakfast imaginable, much to
Gail's delight, and the two of them enter into friendly conversation.
It's not long before the facts are more-than- willingly revealed
in no uncertain terms ("I'm staying with a mate... Deidre
Rachid! We were in the nick together. Of course *I* was guilty
but she's a very luvvly person!") and Gail tries desperately
to stifle laughter, obviously imagining the Drear's current plight.
Over at the Cornershop, Ashley gives Zoe the box of
tins as Maud congratulates the young girl on doing such good work
for charity. Prince Peacock is patently pertubed about something,
however, and keeps attempting to talk seriously to Zoe but alas,
she claims to have a "meeting" (!) at 1'o'clock and,
no matter how "important" he says it is, she just doesn't
have the time. He sighs and slips into "thought mode"
again...
Meanwhile, in The Rovers, Smiley Spice approaches Maxine
and wonders if she's heard from Tony. Max looks a tad irritated
by the request and answers bluntly "Why should I have? He's
in London isn't he?"... Lorraine sighs, as she wanted to
get in touch with him to let him know the funeral arrangements,
but seeing that Maxine is not going to be of any help, Smiley
Spice thanks her and leaves the pub... This gives Max the perfect
excuse to tell a nearby Judy Mallet (and indeed anyone else within
earshot) that "he was flash with his money" and "up
to his neck with dirty deals", adding hintingly that "Des
never got his house broken into til he showed up"... This
(along with a rather blunt insinuation that Des and Tony were
in cahoots regarding said "dirty deals"), unfortunately,
prompts Betty to come over all indignant and warn Max, in no uncertain
terms, to not "speak ill of the dead". The Mouthy Muppet
reluctantly cans it...
END OF PART ONE
The adverts interrupt, as ever, to provide us with more fun than
a barrel of monkeys... Or not. Corrie's own randy art teacher
Miranda Peters (or at least a bloody good lookalike!) appears
to advertise the Boots Christmas Range, a droopy-faced dog shows
us how exciting the Clinton's range of (yup) Christmas cards are
and... oh sod it, you get the idea... And it's only mid-November!!!
PART TWO
We're back in the Cafe as Gail, standing with arms folded firmly
across her chest, tells Audrey, who clutches a sandwich, that
it's "the last bacon buttie you'll get in this Cafe"
before informing her, sarcastically, that "we're moving premises
and going upmarket". Unfortunately, her plan to get a negative
reaction from mum doesn't work as Audrey chirps "About time
too!" adding chidingly "You know this bacon sandwich
is awfully soggy!"... A truly wonderful exchange of dialogue
between the two of them and Roy follows suit: (I have to print
at least a small bit of this in case you missed it... It's 24
Carat!)
Gail: "It'll be even soggier when there's olive
oil all over it!" Audrey: (Recoiling in horror) "Olive
oil!? On a bacon sandwich!?" Roy: "I.. I think your
daughter is being a trifle sarcastic, Mrs Roberts..." Audrey:
"No, I don't think so, Roy, it's not in her nature..."
Gail: (Mockingly) "I think *Roy* is being a trifle obscure,
mum..." Audrey: "Now that I *can* believe!"
To cut a long story short, the whole thing backfires
on Gail as, once Audrey hears of Roy's dreams of adding some "continental"
dishes ("Maybe even a taste of the Orient") to the menu,
she's deeply impressed by his enthusiasm ("I didn't know
you had it in you, Roy!") and adamantly expresses that she's
all for the idea, since "we don't all stuff our faces with
tripe and onion every day, you know"! Gail gives The Unholy
"TUT TUT, MOTHER" Stare (TM) in that way that only Gail
can... :) Excellent scene!
Back at the House Of Elliot, Ruth Of The Dangerous
Eyebrows and Zoe are cleaning up after the Soup Kitchen (which
it appears took place in the Elliot Kitchen!) and Ruth enthuses
about how well it went and how wonderful and positive and blah
blah blah Zoe is, as usual. Zoe goes to dump some leftovers outside
just as Leanne comes home (perfect timing!) and confronts Ruth
sternly about this whole Nirab malarky. Ruth is typically extra
terrestrial when attacked with accusations of being a rip-off
merchant, claiming that "Zoe will speak to Shannon... and
Shannon will speak to her" but Leanne seethes "Shannon
couldn't even speak when she was alive... She never even got as
far as 'mama'" (Ouch! Excellent and highly poignant delivery
of a single line in an otherwise pretty lacklustre scene... Maximum
applause for Jane Danson!)... The Alien is unmoved by this, however,
and the argument progresses, only to be cut off when Zoe re-emerges
from out back to plastic smiles and uneasy silence all round...
A thoroughly clattered Deidre Rachid returns home from
a hard day at the office to the sounds of "Walkin' Back To
Happiness" on the radio and the news that Jackie has been
unable to contact her cousin (or any of her apparent "big
family") all day and, despite it only being 6:30pm, thinks
it's "too late" to call them now. She's up for a night
on the town but Dreary, exhausted and strapped for cash, just
isn't game for a spot of clubbing. Eventually she's persuaded
that after a hot bath and some tea, they'll go across to the Rovers
for a few drinks, an idea which visibly doesn't appeal to the
Reluctant Rachid, but she goes along with nonetheless.
A quick cut to the local College reveals The Camp Crusader
mincing his merry little way down the stairs of the art room to
where the predatory and sly Miranda Peters is waiting to pounce.
They swap small-talk and she says she has a "favour to ask"
but is unable to go into any more detail inside the college. If
he wants to know more ("It's very innocuous" she purrs
suggestively, in true Mrs Robinson style) he'll have to come back
to her house. Little Nicky is unable to stifle his giggles as
he beams widely and flutters his lashes at her before eventually
agreeing to meet with her in the car park. Throughout the whole
scene, he gave the impression of a rabbit stuck in her headlights
and it seems quite obvious that before too long, she's going to
knock him for six... ;)
The action heats up, meanwhile, at The Rovers, as Deidre
enters with Jackie. The latter's eyes go straight over to Ken
Barflow (New Nickname (C)1998 Kathleen McBride!) (who is standing
at the bar reading the newspaper) and, upon hearing that he's
the Drear's previous husband, Jackie requests that the two of
them are introduced formally: "Ken, this is Jackie Dobbs.
I told you about her", murmurs Deidre, embarrassedly, but
JD puts the lid on subtlety, barking "We were cellmates!
Banged up together!" at the top of her voice. Ken is "pleased
to meet her" but probably somewhat less pleased when she
remarks excitedly "OOOH! Doesn't 'e talk posh!?"...
He offers them both a drink (no prizes for guessing Jackie's a
fan of malt whiskey, her initials being JD and all) as Dreary
looks as if the ground is about to swallow her up.
Over at the bar, Alec is telling Kevin about the incident
earlier and remarks "You know Maxine, she opens her mouth
and doesn't know *WHAT* comes out, half the time" (I think
most people are more worried about what goes -IN- to be honest...
*slap*) but it's too late as the seeds of suspicion about what
Tony was possibly up to are now planted in the Manic Mechanic's
mind. Alec tries to put his concerns to rest, claiming that Max
was "just making it up as she goes along... she's got a very
pretty face but you could fit her brain on a teaspoon" but
it's no good. Kevin's grey matter has obviously begun to bubble
over (you can hear the cogs winding into gear if you listen closely
to your TV Set).
Probably the finest scene in the whole show follows,
but it's really one of those ones you actually had to see for
yourself to fully appreciate (ie: As visual as it was verbal).
Deidre walks over to sit with Jim MacDonald in a booth and he
enquires, half-jokingly, if Jackie is a "replacement for
Liz" to which the Drear laughs "HARDLY!"... This
prompts for a remarkably poignant conversation between the two
(Charles Lawson's acting here was astounding... so underplayed
and natural, for a change...) as Jim explains that he got a postcard
from her in Milton Keynes but how it never actually said if she
was happy or not. He asks for Deidre's opinion and she sagely
tells him "Maybe she doesn't even know for herself, yet"...
Jim admits to her that he's worried he'll never see Liz again
but is touchingly reassured by The Drear that she will be back.
To see him and of course to see Steve before going on to explain
the nature of the bond between a mother and her offspring, using
Tracy as an example. Jim smiles and nods, as they exchange well-scripted
dialogue about their respective wayward children. (Like I say,
it transpires badly into print, but this really was a truly lovely
low-key scene)...
Back at the bar, Jackie has gotten bored of Ken already
which is quite alright since the feeling's mutual and he wants
to go home and read a book. As Borelow departs, Jackie asks The
Drear (who has returned from Jim's table) worriedly "He's
not a snob is he?" (LOL!) but before an answer can be given,
Les Battersby, a veritable Anti-Snob enters and an instant animal
attraction is triggered off between he and The Dobbster. Not to
mention a potentially impressive chemistry between Bruce Jones
and Margi Clarke as they swap 'pleasantries':
JD: "I'm Jackie Dobbs and I'm out for a good time."
*wink* LB: "Les Battersby... can I buy you a drink?"
JD: "You can... To start off with..." LB: "Why?
What 'appens then?" JD: (To Deidre, excitedly) "Hey
Deidre, he's got 'come-to-bed' eyes!!"
We cut, perhaps mercifully, to Miranda's flat where
various arty farty nick nacks clutter the shelves. The Camp Crusader,
Tilly, is surveying said thingimajigs and remarks how good they
are. He asks her, quite pricelessly in true "Carry On"
fashion if she "exhibits her pieces" and she replies,
with more than a hint of double entendre that she does, "occasionally".
Then she propositions him. Not quite as indecently as you'd expect
though. She merely wants to make a sculpture of a "handsome,
well-built young man", as she has been "privately commissioned"
to do so! He minces and wibbles in his inimitable way and finally
agrees to do it when confronted with a £300 payment for
the honour of having his body manhandl^H^H^H immortalised by Ms
Peters.
Over at The Rovers, Sir Royston Of Cropper is "really
pushing the boat out" (as Betty says) and ordering "a
large Dandelion and Burdock" with "two packets of Bombay
Mix" to take back to his flat for a 'romantic' evening indoors
with Lady Hayley Of Patterson. As he bounces towards the door
with these exotic wares (!) in his hand, smiling broadly, he accidentally
bumps into Gail who wonders if he's made a decision about the
Cafe yet. She goes on to warn him that there's "a lot involved
in upping sticks" and doesn't think that he's taken all this
into consideration, but Roy insists it would be a "great
psychological boost".
"But I don't need a boost", comments Gail
to which Roy pauses slightly in the way only he does and says
"Yes, well, maybe I do"... Poor Roy! He finally wants
to prove to the world that he's actually *good* at something (ie:
Cooking) and even someone as normally pleasant as Gail tries to
put the kibosh on his dreams. :( Anyhow, he reassures her that
no rash decisions will be made without her full consultation and
then cheerily bids her goodnight and heads off on his way to spend
a pleasant evening at home in good company... Gail moves on to
the bar to order 4 cans of lager to take home (why does no one
buy lager from the off license anymore where it's about £1
a can cheaper?) and comments to Betty about all the merry noise
that is coming from behind her. There are no prizes for guessing
that the booth to her rear contains Les Battersby, Deidre and
Jackie Dobbs. Betty asks Gail if she knows who Jackie is and Gail
responds with truly wonderful timing "Oh yes, she was quite
happy to tell me..." then smiles broadly and singsongs "You'll
find out!" before paying and leaving the pub. (It has to
be said that Helen Worth gets little to no praise around these
parts but I'd like to say right here and now that she's a star,
IMHO!)
Over in the Booth, Deidre wants to go home, but Les
and Jackie are up for an all-nighter it would seem ("Ere,
she's a right goer is your mate!" pipes Les!)... Betty looks
on and shakes her head as the following arguement ensues:
JD: "'Ere, I could drink you under the table..."
LB: "Oooh, you couldn't..." JD: "D'ya wanna bet?"
LB: "You're on!" JD: "Okay! Get the ale in, it's
a competition!" LB: "Last man standing wins?" JD:
"And if you spew up, you're out!" LB: *laughs* "Ay,
Deidre, where d'ya get this one from?" DR: "Welllll...."
JD: "There's not another like me!" LB: "I hope
not, I'd be worn out!"
Shortly after, we cut to Number Six where Kevin is
spreading the gossip from Maxine to Smiley Spice about the conspiracy
theories. Natalie descends the stairs and is curious as to what
they were whispering about. Kevin eventually admits that Max was
saying "Des and Tony were running some sort of scam"
and, of course, this enrages Natalie who yells "He's dead!
Why can't people just leave him alone!?!" before eventually
breaking down with "I just want it all to end"...
Well, if she meant the episode, she's almost there
since the final scene occurs in The House Of Elliot where Zoe
and Ben return home from The Angry Red Planet. Leanne is there
and instantly confronts the Creepy One as soon as Zoe goes to
make a cuppa. It's not long before Ashley comes in from downstairs
and adds fuel to the fire, telling Ben in no uncertain terms that
he doesn't want him filling Zoe's head with ideas of being able
to talk to Shannon and such like. Zoe returns and Ben, doing a
(sarcasm aside) genuinely frightening impression of the Reverend
Jim Jones, asks her to tell her friends what she believes about
Shannon: She says nervously with much pausing "Well, I believe
all sorts of stuff... I believe that I don't have to worry about
her anymore. That she's happy, she's content and that she's waiting
for me... In the... Spiritual Zone... It's on a different level
from this life. But I'll experience it soon. I'll speak to Shannon
again. I'll talk to her like I used to. Ruth believes it, Ben
believes it...
...and I believe it, too" ... As she finishes
her little speech (dreadful words, IMHO, but utterly superb in
delivery), Ashley looks mortified at the way the Foundation have
manipulated her. Cue credits.
This episode was written by Catherine Hayes, who did
a fine job in the same way that Phil Ford did the previous week.
Some truly great dialogue matched by some really fine acting
can actually make us forget that some of these plotlines are
verging on the ridiculous. Even this Foundation nonsense has
been elevated to "passable" level by some excellent
delivery of lines from Leanne and Zoe. The plot is still silly,
but at least it's nice to see them making the best of it.
As for the rest of it, some really nice things are
developing. Jim appears to be mellowing out wonderfully, which
is great... Tony Horror(cks) appears to have left for good, which
is even better... Seeing Margi Clarke onscreen in Corrie again
was an absolute treat, she was *made* for this show and the chemistry
between her and Bruce Jones seems to be first rate... Can't wait
to see where that goes! And of course, there's poor old Roy and
his dreams of posh nosh. I don't even need to go into David Neilson
and his acting. If you've ever watched him onscreen you'd know
that one facial expression from him says a thousand words (Something
I've said time and time again in my updates) and it's a joy to
behold.
So there you have it. A non-whingy Update from me
for a change (Oh, alright, Adam Rickitt needs to be hung, drawn
and quartered for crimes against acting... happy now?) and I'm
glad to say that. Let's hope it stays this way or, better yet,
improves!
The Rattler
This Monday Update was sponsored
by Rob Peters (What I was listening to) and Stella Artois (What
I was drinking)
Wednesday 25 November
Events have a habit of conspiring to delay things
don't they? After a hectic few days I'm finally able to sit down
and tackle this update, so here it is, a little late but never
mind.
At least I sit down in a cheerful frame of mind, and
with a song in my heart. How about a bit of old musical - Oklahoma!,
for example. Just my kind of thing. Excuse me while I sing to
myself. I sing like a bird you know. (The bird in question being
a crow with a severe case of laryngitis...)
Ahem!
Oh what a beautiful morning Oh what a beautiful day
I've got a beautiful feeling Everything's going my way...
Hmmm. There's Deirdre, whom we view from above in her
flat (thus tending to diminish her), and not looking as if it's
a beautiful day at all. In fact, she sits with her head in her
hands, looking decidedly glum. And judging by the farmyard noises
off (it *is* Oklahoma! Unless perhaps it's Seven Brides for Seven
Brothers) we can guess perhaps the source of her anxiety. In glides
Jackie, pink dressing-gowned, fag in hand, the worse for wear,
and Deirdre doesn't look especially pleased to see her - in fact
she begins a detailed examination of her fingers. "Help yourself
to breakfast" says Deirdre, without enthusiasm. But Jackie
declines, she'll content herself with the ciggie she proceeds
to light, blowing the smoke all around to Deirdre's distaste and
discomfort. She suggests that Deirdre might be surprised by her
abstinence, after all she never missed her breakfast in the nick
and had a fair bit of Deirdre's too, but that was because she
was entitled to it by law "Catch me lettin' that lot gerraway
with it!" But slowly Deirdre's unhappiness dawns on her.
She suggests going into town, having some fun, and catching themselves
a couple of blokes. That was the wrong thing to say. What Deirdre
is really fretting about is her wedding anniversary. Which one?
"I mean you've notched up a few in your time haven't you?"
suggests Jackie, unhelpfully. But the one on Deirdre's mind is
"the best - Samir". She thought they'd be together forever.
But everything that has gone wrong started with losing Samir,
falling for Jon Lindsay and his lies, ending up in prison. "You'd
never have met me!" enthuses Jackie. Quite! "Come on,
you've gorra look on der bright side".
Lorraine is at Natalie's sitting drinking her coffee
and reading the paper (headline: "Will Spice Babies Start
The Next School Craze?"). She looks up from her paper to
see Natalie descending the staircase, pale, drawn and haggard.
Was that the phone she'd just heard? Indeed it was, it was Des's
brother Colin. Natalie starts; "Colin? You should have shouted
me!" But Colin has been asking if the police have arrested
anybody yet, and anyway, he will see Natalie at the funeral, with
Des's Mum and Dad. "Des's Mum?" muses Natalie, "She
was devastated".
The doorbell rings. It's Zoe, come to offer her own
special brand of condolence, though there is scepticism in Lorraine's
eyes as she glances sidelong at Natalie, before going out to make
coffee, leaving Natalie and Zoe alone together. "I know just
what you're feeling," says Zoe, "because it happened
to me when I lost Shannon". And the two women embrace as
only two women who have shared a loss can. Very touching. Thus
far...
Out back of the corner shop, Maude is offering advice
to a gloomy Ashley about Zoe, when an offscreen bellow and snort
signals the arrival of two tons of prime Aberdeen-Angus on the
hoof, pawing excitedly at the ground. Yes, it's Fred! Standing
there in the doorway with his chins resting uncomfortable on a
wicker hamper of fearsome size. "TEK THIS OFF ME!" he
bawls at Ashley, who duly obliges with a struggle. "What
is it?" inquires a bemused Ashley. "WHAT DOES IT LOOK
LIKE? IT'S AN 'AMPER. FULL OF RARE AND DELICIOUS COMESTIBLES.
WE'RE RAFFLING IT FOR CHRISTMAS". Somehow it seems appropriate
that Fred speaks in upper case, with every syllable enunciated
with relish (but little variation). "OH IT'S UPPER-CLASS
FARE IS THIS OUR ASHLEY. RARE DELICACIES NOT TO MENTION VINTAGE
PORT AND AMONTILLADO. CRYSTALLISED GINGERS, FIGS IN BRANDY - BY
'ECK I BET THEY WORK WONDERS - ER, LARKS TONGUES IN ASPIC AS SUPPLIED
TO 'IS LATE MAJESTY KING EDWARD THE SEVENTH. MY WORD!" Well,
I thought it was worth writing that out in full, it's just too
delicious hearing him saying it as I write. Maude is less than
impressed, people around here won't want that sort of stuff. But
Fred is not to be outdone. "'COURSE THEY DO, JUST T'JOB FOR
CHRISTMAS! CAN'T STAND 'ERE GABBIN' I'VE PIES TO SHIFT".
And as he goes, Maude asks the bemused Ashley why she can't talk
to Fred about Zoe. "Because you know what he's like, he'll
say she's mental".
Back at Natalie's, the special, inimitable, flavour
of Zoe's comfort is starting to show. She understands now, It's
punishment. Natalie is being punished for sin - either her own
or Des's - and this provokes outrage in Lorraine. "Shannon
was taken from me because I was a sinner," wails Zoe. "It's
rubbish, this!" says Lorraine. But Zoe doesn't know when
she's overstepped the mark, and with a sanctimonious scowl, if
there is such a thing, and Joanne Froggatt has a good try at realising
it, she twists the knife. "Well she stole a woman's 'usband
didn't she?". This is too much for Lorraine. Despite Natalie's
protestations, she grabs Zoe and pushes her towards the door,
but not without the latter's parting spit. "I'm sorry you
haven't the strength to face reality". "You're potty!"
exclaims Lorraine as she pushes Zoe out onto the street. And to
Natalie when she returns, she tells her "don't take any notice,
she's off her head". Well, maybe she is, suggests Natalie
forlornly. She's lost a baby. It does that to you. "There's
not a mother alive who wouldn't have done anything to save a kid.
If I hadn't, Des might still be here". The worms of guilt
are starting to gnaw at Natalie's conscience.
We're inside the hairdressers looking out, at back
of a "Flat to Let" sign and Jackie studying it, with
the Rovers significantly positioned in the background. Cut to
outside, and Audrey emerging to challenge the intruder whom she
suspects of staring at her clients. But Jackie points out she
was just reading the sign, the flat would suit Jackie just fine,
just across from the pub. "Not too far to stagger, eh?"
Wary Audrey says she'll be asking for three months rent in advance.
She'll have to sort that out with the "Social", that's
not Jackie's problem. Well then, Audrey will be asking for the
*highest* references. "No problem," says Jackie "I'm
a friend of Deirdre's - since we were in the nick together".
Audrey's chin looks in danger of hitting the flags. She has one
last try. She doesn't think the flat would suit Jackie. "Why
not?" "As it happens it's practically promised",
and turns to go back inside. Jackie turns on the venom. "Don't
turn yer nose up at me yer stuck-up cow. You can stick yer flat".
Following Audrey inside, she shouts at the customers "I 'ope
yer all gets nits!"
In the cafe, Gail is expressing incredulity at Roy's
prospects as a singer. He, modestly, makes no great claims. Hayley
doesn't see why he should have to sing anyway, he can work backstage.
It emerges that Roy and Hayley want to join the Amateur Operatic
Society and have been asked to audition. Clearly Roy is embarrassed
at discovering yet another thing that Hayley can do better than
him, but gallantly says that they are bound to want Hayley as,
and at this Hayley blushes and looks at her feet, she is a lovely
singer. "Oh, oh no, you should hear her in the bath!"
To everybody's surprise, and Hayley's open-mouthed delight, Roy
has found a song for the audition; he will "sing" in
the style of Rex Harrison "I've grown accustomed to your
face". And speaks the lyric with no style whatever. Gail
is not impressed. "Very polished and suave though, Rex Harrison.
A real charmer!" Roy is now affronted - "Wh.. What point
are you trying to make exactly, he stammers, and Gail, changing
the subject, asks Hayley what she is going to sing.
Now, this is the bit that really gets me going, lover
of soppy musicals that I am. Hayley shuffles, and diffidently
begins to sing (from Oklahoma! of course - with Roy adding an
occasional Rum-ti-tum). Excuse me while I sing along...
Don't throw bouquets at me Don't please my folks too
much Don't laugh at my jokes too much People will say we're in
love
...
Mmm, uh? oh! Got a bit carried away there!
And, indeed, it turns out that Hayley really *has*
got a lovely singing voice - the style can be worked on later
- and she earns a spontaneous round of applause from the clientele
of Roy's Rolls. Good stuff!
Alec and Betty are behind the bar in the Rovers as
Natalie enters. She's come to sort out the food for after the
funeral, and Betty takes her behind the scenes with a comforting
arm round her shoulders. A bellow of "INNKEEPER!" announces
the entrance of the inimitable Fred, with Audrey following in
his wake. "MY USUAL TINCTURE AND A G AND T FOR THIS GOOD
LADY" he booms, oozing exaggerated bonhomie. Which all serves
to attract the attention of Jackie, now stationed at the Rovers
and relishing the prospect of a confrontation with Audrey. "Lady?
Don't make me laff!" she declares to everyone within earshot,
disdainfully dragging on the ever-present ciggie between over-painted
lips. "'OO's 'ER THEN?" demands Fred in a stage whisper.
Audrey distastefully whispers back that she's a pal of Deirdre's
from prison, but not quietly enough to escape the attention of
Jackie, who's senses have no doubt been sharpened by prison street-wisdom.
"I can 'ear yer whisperin'" Jackie and Fred are both
gearing up for a battle. "MIND YOUR MANNERS, THAT'S NO WAY
TO SPEAK TO COUNCILLOR MRS ROBERTS". "Councillor! So
pardon me fer breedin'! But I've ate dem for breakfast and spat
dem out!" (she'd be right at home in the Bristol District
Labour Party then!)
At this point Alec, fearing that he might lose control
completely, intervenes, and this exchange is priceless.
Alec: "Mrs Roberts is a good customer, she doesn't
come here to be insulted" Jackie: "Where does she go
then? The pet shop?"
Cut to Fred and Audrey, now seated. Audrey wants to
know what was so urgent that Fred had to meet her for a drink.
It becomes clear that Christmas is "loomin' oop" and,
says Fred, "'ERE'S ME, WELL-OFF, SUCCESSFUL, 'IGHLY-REGARDED
BUT BASICALLY ALONE". Aha! He's angling for an invitation
for Christmas dinner, that's what, and if he has to put up with
Alf's company as well as Audrey's then so he must. He can't go
to a hotel on his own (why not? my mum does), he won't have her
slaving in the kitchen, all she has to do is hand him a bottle-opener
and a corkscrew. You see, he has a trump card, he's raffling the
hamper, and gives a strong hint that he's rigged the raffle in
Audrey's favour. Audrey is upset at Jackie staring at her, but
this is a fine moment for a bit of Freddish hypocrisy. "THAT
JAILBIRD YOU MEAN, IGNORE 'ER I SAY TEK NO NOTICE. IF THERE'S
ONE THING I CAN'T ABIDE IT'S DISHONESTY!".
I N T E R M I S S I O N
Mike and Alma are standing at the bar of the Rovers.
Mike is a little unsteady already, but thinks they could "force
another one", though Alma, being cautious, is sure that Fressco
(yes she really *does* pronounce it that way) don't like to see
their trainee managers staggering about. Well, says irresponsible
Mike, why does she think he's his own boss? Jackie wakes from
her reverie with a shock of recognition, comes over and introduces
herself. "Who wants to know? If you're a VAT or a tax inspector
you can mind your own business. Mind you, you don't look like
a tax inspector to me!". Mike and Jackie clearly click together,
he buys her a large brandy while Alma decides discretion is the
better part of valour, and creeps off back to work.
At the House of Elliot, Leanne is overcome with amusement
as she runs in to Nick with a cassette player. "Here y'are
Nick, get a load of this!". It's Zoe's meditation tape, which
she plays. Zoe comes in and Leanne quickly switches it off again.
Zoe is quickly on the defensive. "Don't mock so much just
because you can't understand" she says, very irritably. "Oh
give over!" says Leanne, "get a life!" "That's
exactly what I am doing, if only you knew it". This is too
much for Leanne, who grabs her coat and drags hapless Nick to
the door, where they meet Ashley coming in. "Me and Nick
are escaping, you're just in time for one of Zoe's lectures"
she says as they leave. Zoe is still very irritable and very defensive
as she confronts Ashley with arms folded. She supposes he thinks
the same as them, that she's stupid. No, Ashley doesn't think
she's stupid, but he's wearying of her all the same. He's got
off work early so they could spend the evening together. But Zoe
cuts in that she can't, she's got a meeting at the Foundation.
Ashley's patience snaps. "It's every flaming night!".
"Bye" says Zoe, and goes. Ashley's eyes roll in exasperation.
Back in the Rovers, Natalie is leaning, arms folded,
on the bar looking very low. Lorraine comes up behind her, concerned.
"Are you sure you should be here?" For Natalie is now
back at work behind the bar. Ken Barlow comes in, wearing a sunshine
yellow shirt (if loud shirts signify sexual prowess, which I didn't
know until somebody in RATUCS suggested it recently, then Ken
clearly fancies his chances in the superstud stakes, even if nobody
else does). "How are you?" says Ken, who then decides
that's a silly question. But no, Natalie is grateful for his concern.
She wanted to get back to work because she doesn't like her own
company at the moment (too tormented by guilt no doubt).
At this point Les comes in, "Gis a pint Lorraine!",
and then starts and stiffens on seeing Natalie working. Loudly
he adopts a posture of righteous indignation and berates Alec
for dragging Natalie back to work. "You can take him to a
tribunal for this love!". Natalie snaps at him to drop it,
but he won't let go. "Somebody's got to look after you darlin'.
I was Des's best man and I know what Dessie would have wanted
me to do...". Ken, sitting right next to Les, does a fine
impression of a man who wishes he was a long way off, but like
Tom the Cabin Boy says nothing.
Alec feels the need to intervene again, it's really
not his day, and Les is at his most truculent. "I'm the customer
in here," says Les, "and the customer's always right,
right?" "Wrong!" ripostes Alec, who can happily
do without Les's custom and threatens him with barring. The thought
of being barred worries Les, who is momentarily overcome with
contrition, but Alec refuses to serve him anyway as he considers
he's had enough. That's a shame, Les was in a big spending mood
but would take his custom elsewhere. As he leaves he turns on
the innocuous Ken "And you can keep your nose out Barlow!".
Alec is prompted to remark to Ken "The man is a beast in
human form. Well, almost human".
Outside in the doorway, Les turns his collar to the
cold and damp and lights a cigarette, in a clever parody of 1940's
film noir. From across a wet dark street, dodging between traffic,
comes Jackie, inviting Les inside for a drink. Les puts on a show
of bravado, he's always willing but not in the Rovers, the ale's
gone off, the gaffer can't look after it right. Well, suggests
Jackie, why don't they go back to her place? Les's eyes light
up (if Les can be said to have any light in his eyes) but fade
when he realises that this might include Deirdre in the company.
But, points out Jackie, Deirdre is out for the evening. But then
again, she has no drink in. Cadger meets cadger, immovable object
meets irresistible force, but it's Les who gives, he offers to
buy a few cans. No, she want's a drop of the hard stuff. Les,
with a lecherous grin: "if it's the hard stuff you want darlin'
you've come to the right man". Jackie winks, slowly. Lovely
little scene, might be a comic tribute to Fred McMurray and Barbara
Stanwyck.
Inside the Rovers, Lorraine feels awful about the previous
fracas. But Natalie might as well get used to it, she's got the
funeral to face.
Jackie and Les have been to the offie, where Les has
bought cans and also splashed out on a whole half-bottle of scotch,
and are back at Deirdre's, Les pouring out scotch. It's funny
scotch, it's frothy like scotch never is. Weatherfield Trading
Standards should be informed, if not the ITV props department...
They clink glasses. Jackie says "D'yer know wha' la'? It's
great to be back in de big world again". Les knows what she
means, he's been there. He gets these "passionate feelings"
- whereupon Jackie offers to read his palm. She's got the gift.
"Me Nana was a proper Romany yer know! Ooh! Look at the action
goin' on 'ere! Yer sensual aren't yer!". I must say, these
scenes between Les and Jackie are really hilarious, because of
their improbability and unexpectedness. Les is a rebel ("Too
right!" he agrees), he's had trouble in his past with being
too nice to other people (ooerrr! But Les readily agrees: "That's
bang on! I've been too nice for my own good!). He's not going
to live where he is now, she can see - a bungalow! Pass us another
can! Well, what can Les do but seize his chance to be the demon
lover. If she can see all that in the palm of his hand, what will
she see if he takes all his clothes off? And her just out of the
nick and *so* frustrated. She in her turn is almost speechless
with anticipation, trembling, grinning toothily. Les likes helping
people!
Ashley is glumly watching television, at home on his
own with a can of lager. It must be desperate, he's watching a
wildlife programme showing elephants at a waterhole in the Serengeti
or somewhere. Downstairs come Leanne and Nick, dressed and ready
for a night on the tiles. They invite Ashley to join them, but
he feels he'd best wait in for Zoe, much to Leanne's irritation.
"Ashley, " she demands impatiently, "why do you
let her walk all over yer?" "I don't" "Yer
do" (Christmas is coming, it's Panto time) "Well, I
if do," insists Ashley, "it's because I care about her".
Perhaps, suggests Leanne, if he cared less about her, she'd care
more about him. And with Ashley looking on wistfully, Leanne and
Nick leave for their night out.
Meanwhile Les and Jackie have become very drunk and
are swilling from cans with linked arms (Les and Jackie, not the
cans). Jackie is just getting the taste for it, "so nip out
and get more cans". Much to the consternation of parsimonious
Les, but puts his mind at rest. "I'm only kiddin'" The
more lager she drinks, the better looking he gets! And at this
point we hear a door slamming. It's an aghast Deirdre. Les puts
on a drunkenly solemn look, Jackie doesn't notice until Deirdre
demands "What's he doing here?" Well, Les is just trying
to be neighbourly, just saying hello. So Deirdre will just say
goodbye... And Les just leaves, just like that, with a parting
"Right, as I say Jackie, anything you want to know, you just
ask me or our Janice."
It's time, thinks Deirdre, for some straight talking,
but she knows that it is futile. "Listen Jackie, while you're
here, no parties, eh?" Well, Jackie won't be there much longer
will she, if she's going to her cousin tomorrow. But inevitably,
Jackie says she hasn't been able to get hold of her cousin, all
she got was a funny noise on the phone, "can I stop on a
bit longer D? You're the only friend I've got... I'm desperate...
" Well, she did help Deirdre when she was in the nick. And
the claws dig in deeper.
It's late, and Ashley is still sitting in front of
the television, just as he was, when Zoe comes home. Yes, she
has been at the Foundation till this time. Talkin', singin' (arms
folded defensively), meditatin', nowt Ashley'd be interested in.
Ashley looks bitter. No, she's not hungry. Just sullen and silent.
Ashley gets impatient. He was a bit fed up earlier, he'd taken
time off work and wanted them to spend some time together. They
now have the house to themselves, why don't they go to bed? But
then Zoe drops her bombshell. She turns away from him. "No
Ashley, there'll be no more of that kind of thing. No more what
you'd call lovin'". But he does call it loving, because he
loves her. He can't understand. But she won't sleep with him any
more, he's not "one of us". She'll sleep on the settee
from now on. Ashley's desperation grows palpable. They can be
happy again, he insists, like they were before "this Foundation
rubbish!" But, she says, it's not rubbish, it's the stuff
he wants that's rubbish. And Ashley cries from the heart "Zoe,
don't do this to me! Don't shut me out!". As
The Credits Roll.
Well, I don't know about you, but I thought this was
a cracking good episode, a lovely mixture of comedy and pathos,
a breath of fresh air after some of the tired and stale fare
that's been served up lately. It's Margi Clarke that's made the
difference here - try as you might there's only so much that
can be done with established characters without losing freshness.
A little of Margi doubtless goes a very long way, but she stole
this episode and without question takes my award for Best Performance.
Considering that without her in it, it would be memorable for
another splendid performance from Denise Welsh, that's saying
quite something.
Well, that's it from me until the next time.
Rosalind
Friday 27 November
Hiya folks!!!! ... Time again for another update....
I was pondering on the issue of age when thinking about the prologue
theme for this update. I suppose I was originally prompted by
this theme a couple of weeks ago, when I was talking by NetMeeting
to one of my best friends in Canada.
I was actually recounting the tale, some ten years
ago, of an insurance company celebration held to mark the centenary
of their Manchester office. While I don't particularly enjoy
formal dos, they can have their plus points, one of them being
the chance to put the face to the voice. And so it was on this
occasion, as I found myself meeting for the first time face-to-face
and sitting next to a young lady with whom I had spoken regularly
for a number of years. This young lady had a very confident and
mature manner about her and when she asked me the fatal question,
how old did I think she was, well, I was well and truly suckered
into something best left untouched. She certainly had that mature
air about her and my private estimate was early thirties - now
I did have the presence of mind to deduct a few years and declared
mid-to-late twenties as my estimate only to find to my horror,
that she was barely 21. We had a good laugh about this, one which
was repeated during our subsequent phone contact over the years
ahead, but I vowed not to repeat this error in the future, for
fear of offence.
So there am I in my NetMeeting, telling my pal this
tale, when she asks me how old I thought she was. Yep!!! Bonehead
here fell for it again! The lady in question has a very mature
attitude, occupies a senior position in her work and likes a
wide range of music and humour, including that of an era not
far away from mine. I figured that late thirties to early forties
was a pretty accurate reflection, so that was my estimate. Yet
again, I was way out, as I was told the correct age was early
thirties and not ten years older!!! Ooops!!! Sorry!!! When will
I learn?? LOL!!!
One of the main factors on which I based my assumption
was taste in music. Popular music is often an influencing factor
during our younger years and it has the ability to recreate memories
of what we were doing at a certain stage in life. That was vividly
brought to life on Friday night, when Trude and I had a most
enjoyable evening out, seeing Elton John in concert in Manchester,
during the final leg of his European tour. I found it awesome
to recall that it was late in 1969 that I first heard the record
Skyline Pigeon and bought his debut album which featured that
track. So here we were, nearly 30 years down the line, watching
one of the most enduring performers of my generation, a real
superstar who has been immensely successful over that period
and brought so much pleasure. It was great being among an appreciative
audience with quite a wide age range, including its share of
grey-haired wrinklies, such as ourselves, still rocking after
all these years. A brilliant performance and one which will generate
more happy memories in the years ahead.
Mind you, when you are talking to youngsters, they
have an even worse perspective when it comes to age. Trude was
telling me the tale a while ago, of a child in her class who
told her that he had broken the family cassette recorder. Trude
took the opportunity to tell the class, how, when she was a youngster,
she had accidentally set fire to towels in the bathroom. She
jokingly told the class that this had happened "millions
of years" earlier, to hear another youngster pipe up with
the burning question "did you see any dinosaurs when you
were little, miss?", to which my better half quipped "See
them?? I AM one!!" I just wonder what was going through
the children's minds at that point.
Before I finish on the subject of age, a quick "hi,
hello and Happy Birthday" to another good pal of mine from
IRC on December 1st, the superb Lorraine, otherwise known as
Amom!! Have a great day kiddo, enjoy!!!
The episode commences at Des' home on the day of his
funeral. Natalie is introducing Des' family - his parents, his
brother, Colin and wife, Kath) to Lorraine. His parents are saying
to Natalie what a terrible day it is for them all and so soon
after their wedding. Natalie says that, at least she had him for
a short while and Des' mother appreciates that Natalie had made
Des very happy. Natalie offers to put the kettle on but they don't
want to be a burden. In the meantime, it is obvious that all is
not well with Des' brother - he is wondering where Tony is, who
caused all this grief and it is evident from his wife's reaction
that the circumstances of Des' death have been bothering him.
We switch to the Rovers where Alec is telling Betty
that the first drink for the funeral guests will be free. He wants
the food bringing through around 1.30. Mike comes in and orders
a drink. Les is propping up the bar - he tries to cadge a life
to the funeral from Mike, but Mike is "full up". At
that stage Alma comes into the pub and Mike gets her a drink.
Les is in philosophical mood, "it makes you think though,
none of us know when it's going to happen, do we. You've got to
enjoy life while we can." Alma recalls that Les was Des'
best man at the wedding. Yes, he was, he confirms, he had saved
Des' life, he explains, but not this time, he didn't or else they
wouldn't be here, would they? He continues to explains how he
and Des became very close. Mike offers to get Les a drink to help
him in his sorrow.
At Ashley's, the aborigines have arrived with a CD
of their music - well, it sounds like it, with all sorts of weird
noises, but it's the Etheric Cult tape being played by Zoe. Nick
has had a bellyful of the racket, as he is trying to concentrate
on his college work and is finding the music very distracting,
and he tells her to turn down the volume. Zoe, though, is on a
mission and has to listen to the end of it. Nick suggests a pair
of headphones. Leanne comes in and she isn't pleased either, by
the racket she hears. She comments to Zoe that she noticed her
sleeping downstairs last night, but Zoe tells her it's none of
her business. Leanne is exasperated with Zoe and tells her that
if she wishes to cut herself off from people then that is fine
by her, but not to be surprised if people ending up not wanting
to have anything to do with her. She and Nick storm out.
Back at Des' place, Colin is talking to Kevin, as a
friend and neighbour of Des'. Kevin explains that Des was a "very
friendly fella" and Colin surmises that maybe this is what
got Des killed - Natalie had let Tony have the run of the place,
but Kevin doesn't see it that way - it was just a couple of yobbos
who broke in, thinking there was money on the premises with him
being a bookie, Tony's presence had nothing to do with Des' death
and, by all accounts, he did his best to help Des. The doorbell
rings and when Lorraine answers the door, we see Alec Gilroy outside.
He has come to explain to Natalie that all the buffet arrangements
for the funeral have been sorted - he offers his sympathies to
Natalie, and tells her that, although none of them know what she
is going through, at least getting over this day will help. Meanwhile,
Des' brother is still perturbed by the mystery of Des' death and,
like a dog with a bone, he cannot let go - he is concerned about
the story being put about, but Kath is more understanding - maybe,
it's just what Kevin thinks. He goes over to Gary and Judy to
ask how Des died - they repeat the tale, as recited by Kevin,
but Colin is not convinced. (I have to chuckle - these days, I
find it difficult to watch Judy Mallett without thinking of Jane
Couch, the English female boxer recently controversially granted
a boxing licence by the authorities - the hair, the face, I'll
swear it's Jane Couch moonlighting!)
At the Rovers, the crowd is getting ready to attend
the funeral and we drop in on a number of conversations. Ken is
getting a drink in for Emily.
Mike is telling Alma that he wouldn't offer Ken a lift
to his own funeral, on the other hand, he might just to that,
but not to anyone else's.
Les asks Janice how long Mike Baldwin has given the
factory girls to attend the funeral - dinner hour plus however
long it takes this afternoon, replies his missus. Les is concerned
that Mike might stop the girls' wages, because he has come himself
and he won't be stopping his own, will he?
Ken asks Betty whether she has seen anything of Natalie,
but the answer is in the negative. Emily tells Ken that the awful
thing about funerals is that you cannot really do anything practical
to help - the mourners just have to get through it by themselves.
Alec announces to the pub that the hearse has arrived,
so departure will take place shortly.
The camera moves to outside Des' house, where we see
the hearse waiting. The camera pans slowly along the length of
the coffin. We then see the front door open and mourners leaving
to join the cortege. Natalie is first, followed by Des' family
and then Lorraine, Kevin, Gary and Judy. Colin has been getting
more and more agitated and starts to blow. He asks Natalie where
Tony is, but Natalie tells him that she doesn't think Tony will
be joining them. Des' father seeing the rumbles building up, tells
Colin that this isn't the time to be discussing this matter. When
Des' father suggests that they all go in the same car, if this
is what Natalie wants, Colin will have no part of it and storms
off to make his own way, closely followed by his wife. Gary remarks
to Judy that Colin is a "funny lad" but Judy is understanding,
he is clearly entitled to be upset by the death of his brother.
At that stage, Judy espies the sight of an upset Zoe standing
by the hearse, staring intently at the coffin inside and goes
off to join Zoe and console her, while Gary goes to rouse Ashley.
Les has come out of the pub and seeing Martin and Gail, getting
into their car, successfully cadges a life for himself and Janice
to the funeral.
The cortege moves off as Des makes his final journey,
to his resting place. Back at Ashley's, Judy is trying to console
Zoe, who was upset seeing the coffin, which reminded her of Shannon's
death. It was like it was happening all over again, Zoe tells
her, but Judy reminds her that the funeral and coffin were for
Des. Ashley makes it hotfoot from the shop, with Gary. Judy and
Gareh leave for the funeral as Ashley stays behind to comfort
Zoe. When he asks whether he can get anything for her, she tells
him that she doesn't want anything from HIM, she wants Ruth. He
tells her that Ruth isn't here, but he is. The lad is staggered
as his attempts to help her result in a cruel rejection from her.
we see her picking up the phone to call Ruth.
We are now at the church and the funeral service is
in full flow. The minister is describing how Des had originally
come from Hartlepool, but made his home in Weatherfield. Des was
a very friendly, sociable man, well known in the community and
well liked by everybody who met him, he is telling them. Since
leaving school, he had pursued a successful career as a bookmaker,
a role in which he was trusted and respected. That he should be
taken from them at the age of 33, was, of course, a tragedy. What
made it even more of one is the way he was taken and the fact
that it had happened only 5 weeks - 5 short weeks after his marriage
to Natalie - with whom, he knows, Des was extremely happy. But
then into the home they had made together, came these mindless
and violent men seeking money. Colin has been shuffling and sighing
as he hears the minister's words. The minister continues that
it was a mark of Desmond's courage that he fought with these intruders
in defence of his family. This statement is too much for Colin,
who yells "ah, come on!" The preacher continues that
this was how Des had lost his life. Colin is upset at what he
perceives as an injustice, gets up and shouts that he hadn't come
here to listen to this, to listen to a pack of lies. Les tells
him to sit down, but Colin continues "go on, ask her, she
can tell you. But no, she'd rather save her rotten son."
Des' father tells him to control himself, but Colin has heard
enough and storms out. The minister continues with his speech
and encourages them to think of all the positive things in Desmond's
life..... as we focus on Natalie, already distressed by the loss
of her husband, now having to cope with this outburst, knowing
full well that it is actually the truth.....
... and the theme tune comes in, on cue for thee nd
of part 1
After the ads, it's part 2
The second part of the programme commences in the café.
Hayley is saying to Roy that she didn't want to go into the Rovers
because they would all be in from the funeral. Having been reminded
of this, Roy remarks that the jukebox should not be playing, not
today. Tunes from "Oklahoma" are on the jukebox and
Roy explains that he was just getting in the mood for the Amateur
Dramatics audition, he had forgotten about the funeral.
As he goes over to the juke box, Nick and Leanne are
talking about Zoe and the fact that she had slept downstairs.
Leanne surmises that maybe Ashley is as fed of her as they are,
but Nick doesn't agree - he thinks Ashley would let her do whatever
she wants. Leanne comments that Zoe is going crazy and that they
are going to be carting her off next week.
Roy has gone behind the jukebox and pulled the plug
out "out of respect", he explains to them, to a puzzled
and bewildered look on Nick's face (or was that his normal expression?).
At the pub, Alec tells Betty that they are ready to
serve the buffet. When Betty asks whether everything went OK,
he replies that it depends on how you like your funerals.
Mike Baldwin comes in through the door with Deirdre
and Alma. Mike is obviously talking about Colin's outburst, wondering
whether "the bloke was out of his head, or what" and
Deirdre is wondering exactly what Colin had meant about Natalie
knowing.
Janice says to Les that she should really get a drink
for Martin and Gail, for giving them a lift to the funeral. While
Les is propping up the bar, Jacky Dobbs comes over and asks him
whether he enjoyed his funeral. Les tells her that he's never
been to one like it - "What? Got up and walked, did her?"
japes Jacky, but Les tells her that, no, Des didn't, but his brother
did! It was a right to-do!! Jacky asks if Les is having a drink
with his wife, but he explains that this is only until she goes
back to work - she isn't leaving, is she, he asks. "See how
it goes, eh?" replies Jacky. By this time, Janice has come
back from talking to Martin and Gail and orders their drinks.
Jacky and Janice strike up a casual conversation, Janice oblivious
of Les' designs on Jacky.
Martin and Gail are discussing the service, and Martin
is wondering why Tony wasn't present. Gail suggests that maybe
Tony stopped away because he wasn't getting on with Des' family.
Martin doesn't see this as enough of a reason to miss a funeral.
Alec tells Mike that the first round is on Des - "Oh,
that was good of him, here's to Des, wherever he is" toasts
Mike.
Colin's wife, Kath is talking to his parents outside
the Rovers - she is telling Colin's father that her husband needed
a walk and wanted to be on his own. His father is not amused by
Colin's tantrums. The parents both go into the pub to join the
other mourners.
Kevin has called round at Natalie's. Lorraine answers
the door and tells him that Natalie wanted to be on her own for
a while. Colin barges in demanding to talk to Natalie and brushes
past Lorraine. Kevin tries to hold him back, but Natalie appears
and agrees to speak to Colin, but demands that Kevin and Lorraine
leave to enable them to talk privately. After they have gone,
Colin wants to know the answer to just one question "Why
all the lies?" Natalie has a question herself, "doesn't
she have the right to bury her husband in peace?" Colin's
view is that she doesn't have that right if it means lying about
how he came to be in that coffin in the first place. He explains
that he knows the whole story - Des had rung him the other week,
for a chat and had told him the whole story, about how Tony was
a drug dealer, the thugs that turned up and did him over and how
Tony was in a panic because they were threatening to come back.
He knows they weren't after Des' money, they both know that, it
was her precious son they were after. He thought that all the
neighbours knew the truth, until he heard the rubbish about the
burglars. Natalie maintains that it is not rubbish, it is what
happened, all she wants is to be able to remember him and to mourn
him - he should not forget that when he has gone back home, she
still has to live here. "What, with your son? Come of hiding
then, will he?" asks Colin. "No - because the way things
have turned out, I seem to have lost him as well" replies
Natalie. "Well, let me tell you this - the only one that
I feel sorry for is Des" concludes Colin "as far as
I'm concerned the rest of you can rot in hell."
At the Rovers, Les is doing his best to get Janice
back to work so that the coast will be clear for him and Jacky.
He tells her that Mike Baldwin keeps looking at her, obviously
wondering when she is going to get back to work, he says. "When
he does" is her reply, until Les points out that it's alright
saying that, but Mike is the boss and "it's one law for them
and another for the likes of us." Janice is not being deflected
from the task in hand, which is to finish her drink and she might
finish another, she hasn't made her mind up, she tells him.
Jacky is spouting off her words of wisdom to the audience
which includes Mike, Alma and Deirdre. In her eyes, a good funeral
beats a good wedding, with a funeral the grief and suffering is
already behind you, whereas with a wedding.... "it's yet
to come!" quips Mike, finishing her line. He orders another
round of drinks. Jacky is getting well oiled and comments that
you leave a funeral glad to be alive - Mike concurs with her view,
whereas Alma comments she is just glad to leave it.
Now back at the pub, Colin is still furious at the
injustice he feels is being done by Natalie not being straight
about Des' death. Des' father feels they need to make tracks but
doesn't just want to slope off without saying their goodbyes.
Ken asks Alec what Natalie's plans are, but Alec is
unable to help. She will obviously get the house, he surmises,
but whether she will get anything else, he doesn't really know.
Emily comments that she is sure Natalie will have more important
things to think about, other than that, but Alec points out that
life has a habit of reasserting itself, you may be grieving but
you have to think of what you are going to live on. Emily feels
that Natalie's pre-occupation will be what she has to live for.
Gail comments that Natalie is "a tough lady, she'll find
something."
Les is still doing his best to get rid of Janice and
is trying all sorts of angles in his quest to clear the coast
for his assignation with Jacky. The latest angles are that he
doesn't want Janice to lose her job and, neither would Des. Janice
reluctantly agrees to go.
Back at Ashley's, the poor lad is still trying to keep
Zoe company. She, on the other hand, is in her own dream world,
listening to her tape. Nick comes home and Ashley explains to
him that Zoe saw Des Barnes' funeral and got upset, it made her
think of Shannon. Zoe snaps at Ashley and tells him that he can
go, he doesn't have to stop for her. Ashley's patience snaps "OK
then I will. Oh, it's alright, she doesn't want you either. She
wants her real friends, Ben and Ruth from the Foundation, only
they're not just there right now, she's had to put up with me
instead. Only I think I'm making things worse, so I'd best get
back to the shop." He storms out all upset, as we see Zoe
getting up to call Ruth again.
Les is telling Jacky that funerals have a funny effect
on him, "they make me.. you know, want to enjoy life while
I can." Jacky confides that she was just saying the same
herself. Perked up by the fact that both are on the same wavelength,
he suggests they could always go back to her house. He recommends
that they would have to box clever, say, he went out first, got
into his house, opened the back door, she can then come down the
back ginnel and straight in. He explains that Janice will be back
at work. When she tells him that she doesn't want him thinking
she does this all the time, he replies that he understands - in
any case, these feelings that you have, do need to be satisfied,
otherwise you would go barmy. "Well we don't want you having
to do that, do we?" laughs Jacky.
Deirdre comes over to Natalie to tell her that she
has to leave but she will be thinking about her.
Natalie comes over to Mike and Alma. When Alma asks
how Natalie is feeling, the reply is that she is trying to understand
why it all had to happen, but she doesn't suppose she ever will.
Kevin gets a drink in for Gary, who has persuaded Judy
to go home and have a lie down. They discuss Colin and how he
was shouting his mouth off earlier. Gary says that he couldn't
believe the outburst, he is surprised "nobody landed him
one." Kevin is surprised that, after all of that, Colin is
there at the pub, coolly having a drink.
Les announces it's time to leave and departs.
Des' parents are talking to Natalie with Colin and
his Kath. Colin decides he is having another drink, much to his
wife's disapproval and gets his father to keep him company.
Back at the Battersby's, Les has come home. He makes
his way to the back door and unlocks it. He puts on some music
("Charmaine" - lush strings - Mantovani - what a smooth
operator our Les is) to create a romantic mood and launches into
a pretend romantic dance. Then, coming down the stairs, we see
Janice.... To say Les is stunned is the understatement of the
evening. "Jan? What are you doing here?" Janice explains
that she came home to get changed, sat down on the bed and before
she knew it, she had fallen asleep and it was half an hour later.
Les is panicking to get her out of the house and clear the coast,
but Janice is not to be rushed, she wants to have a cup of tea
first. She asks whether the wake has finished, but Les explains
that he had a bit of a headache so he came home. He is still trying
to rush her out of the house, saying that Baldwin had left just
after she did, when the pantomime takes its hilarious turn. We
hear "Cooie, I'm here!" as Jacky pops her head around
the door. We view the wonderful spectacle of the threesome looking
at each other, in horror. Janice, surprised, asks Jacky what she
is doing here. Jacky, not thinking quickly enough, tells her that
she was invited by Les (not a smart move!!). The smouldering parcel
is now in Les' hands and adds "for a cup of tea?" Jacky
making her understatement of the day asks "is this not a
good time? I'll see you another day, eh? B-b-b-bye!" as she
slams the door and departs in a hurry. Les is left to explain
away the events, but Janice has rumbled what's been going on "You
rotten low down creeping reptile!" Les tries to make out
that he had invited Jacky for a cup of tea any time she was passing,
but Janice sees through this pathetic excuse - after all, Jacky
coming in through the back door hardly fits in with the innocent
picture he is trying to paint. She loses her temper and tells
him to pack his bags. He tries to wheedle his way of his embarrassing
predicament, does she really think he would stoop so low, he asks
her. Janice recognising what's been going on, knows what he was
thinking, she wouldn't be here, she would be at work in Les' plan.
Our hapless fool tries bravado as a way out of his predicament
- maybe he should leave if that's what she thinks about him. He
tries desperately to talk her round - he wouldn't do anything
like that on the day of Des' funeral, he tells her. Janice starts
weakening and gets him to swear that there was nothing going on
- he swears on Des' coffin. Janice's parting acceptance shot is
that Jacky needs telling she doesn't come into people's houses
- Les plays the game by agreeing "yeah, she needs telling
.... Her!" and breathes a great big sigh of relief as he
realises he has managed to talk his way out of the problem.
At the Rovers, Kevin is talking to Gary - he feels
sorry for Des having such a brother. Colin overhears this and
says that, if it were not a funeral, he would be outside sorting
out Kevin. The argument escalates as Gary and Kevin suggest that
Colin leaves the pub and lets the family grieve for Des. Colin
decides it's time to play his trump cards - he asks Natalie "where's
Tony? Out dealing, now he's had me brother killed?" As he
takes his leave of the mourners, he tells them he wouldn't stay
with this bunch of hypocrites and playing the ace, announces that
Tony is a drug dealer and that's why his brother was killed, "how
long can you keep denying that Natalie, eh?" "Forever,
because it's not true" is Natalie's reply as we see her face
with of grief and distress, wondering how long she can keep to
her story to protect her son......
.....and with that.... it is the cue for music and
credits
Episode written by Peter Whalley.
All material is, and remains, copyright property of
ITV Television.
Well, how was it for me? A good episode, showing the
mixed emotions which occur during funerals. Some people are looking
for quiet time, others view it as an opportunity to set the record
straight. They are episodes which can bring together warring
factions, but, equally, can be the start of new feuds. Fine acting
from Natalie and from Colin, as the distressed brother.
Light relief and comedy in just the right balance
provided by Les and the Merseyside Mattress (aka Jacky Dobbs).
Les has very much taken over the role hitherto occupied by Jack
Duckworth and prior to him, by Stan Ogden, the chancer who always
comes unstuck when trying to pit his limited wits against a wilier
spouse. Jacky is the even bigger chancing slagette, with less
scruples than Les. Brief relief also provided by Roy at the café.
What else? Well, the Nirab lark just goes on and on.
The underlying message, the way in which cults can prey on susceptible
individuals and pander to their weaknesses is a sound one, although
somewhat tedious. Fine acting from Zoe as the bereaved mother
looking for consolation and answers to the reasons why her baby,
Shannon, died. Ashley, as ever, plays his part with great sensitivity,
desperate to try to understand and to accommodate Zoe, but finding
himself rapidly being marginalised by the cult, with an understandably
frustrating reaction.
A good episode with some fine moments....
Anyway that's it for now.. Until the next time, take
care...
Tubby greetings and Tinkyluv from the Tinkster in Glorious
Glossop....
Regards, Alan
Sunday 29 November
Another somewhat abbreviated update for you this week,
as I have been a bit pre-occupied with getting ready for the
Master Kitchen Fitter's return visit, to finish what we started
last August [yikes!] and which is still in need of some tender
loving care - lights, a painted ceiling, wallpaper, and two remaining
wall-units. [The MKF is Mr Laird, Snr. Oh the shame of it, having
to get an OAP in...] Also distracting me this week is my trusty
old car's MOT which once again falls due immediately before Christmas.
[Do you have MOTs overseas ? This is an mechanic's test of the
car which has to be done every year, starting when it is three
years old.] When they reach the age of mine, it's a bit like
the approach of winter on your most elderly relatives. One year,
sure, but pleeeeease let it not be this one ;-)
Act 1
The video whirrs into life to find that ITV have, once again,
started Corrie early. Not to worry though, because we're still
in the first scene, and in fact it's one we've seen before - Kevin
has come to tell Natalie again that he will be there for her if
she needs him. She tells him she'd really just prefer to be on
her own at the moment, and confides in Lorraine that she thinks
he is sniffing about. [My words !]
An early visit to the Battersby residence now, as Janice
and Toyah are just leaving for work. Les plainly isn't going anywhere,
as he is sat in his armchair with his foot up. The foot is up
in more ways than one, as he tells Janice. She has little sympathy,
and warns him he'd better not be having any thoughts of arranging
for "Nurse Jackie" to come and have a look at it. If
he does, he'll be looking at two stumps after Janice has finished
with him...
Also just going off to work is Grumpy Greg. Sally is
moaning that he never has any time to spend at weekends with her
and the gurls. The phone rings, and Greg answers it to find Les
is really worried about his foot, and wants a lift to casualty.
Sally finds this amusing, and Greg's mood lightens a little when
he suggests they get a babysitter in, and have an evening out.
Down at the cafe, Roy has put "Oh what a beautiful
mornin'" [that's from Oklahoma, that is] on the jukebox.
Toyah is underwhelmed. "What's that cruddy noise ?",
she sneers. She also sneers at Leanne and Nick, who fail to greet
her with sufficient enthusiasm as she delivers a cup of tea. [It
must be that time of the month.] Roy and Hayley are auditioning
to join the local operatic society, he tells Gail. He's worried
about his singing, however.
Ruth and Ben have come to see Zoe, to apologise for
not "being there for her" when she called. They'd been
at a Council of Nirab meeting, no doubt planning the untimely
demise of another handful of characters. As she tells them there
was no-one in the house she felt she could talk to, Ashley walks
in. He declines to shake Ben's offered hand, and tells Zoe is
he is not happy at being shut out of her life. Ben suggests that
perhaps Ashley is shutting Zoe out, had he thought of that. Ashley
replies that mostly he's been thinking of how much better they'd
be if Ben and Ruth were shut out, permanently. He goes back to
work. Ruth tells Zoe how negative Ashley is, and Ben wastes little
time in pointing out *who* has stayed with her, and *who* has
left.
In the Kabin, Rita and Alec are discussing the ugly
scene in the Rovers after Des' funeral, when Colin and Natalie
had a stand-up row. Sally arrives and mistakes a packet of mints
for a 4-pack of baked beans for the gurls' tea. She tells Rita
that she thinks Kevin is looking for any opportunity to get back
with Natalie. Rita is a little perturbed at Sally's cynicism.
Natalie and Judy are sharing a pot of tea. Natalie
asks Judy if she had heard about the incident in the pub. Judy
hasn't, but says she wouldn't have believed it [that Tony was
dealing drugs] even if she'd been there. Natalie admits that it's
true, that she needed to tell *someone* one the truth, and asks
Judy to keep quiet about it. She explains that Tony is still her
son, and she had to lie, and keep lying, to protect him. Judy
wonders if she should do this, even to the point where it makes
it less likely that the police will catch Des' murderer. "Yes",
admits Natalie.
On the way home, Judy bumps into Zoe and Ruth and Ben,
as the two loonies are leaving. They thank her for helping Zoe
the previous day, but say that they will take care of her now.
Judy asks Zoe if that's what she wants. Ruth tells Judy that she
has her own babies to think about, but then unbelievably goes
on to say that "Nirab says it'd be better if babies didn't
have to encounter this world but went straight on to the next".
"Take care !", she adds cheerfully, with that manic
stare she does so well. Judy looks as if she's been hit by a bus.
She rushes into the Rovers, very upset, and tells Gary what has
happened. He's not happy.
Roy and Hayley arrive, and order a pineapple juice
and a whisky. Roy is on the hard stuff, attempting a little Dutch
courage before his audition.
Something out of Dr Who warbles and glows in the Battersby's
house. It's Les' phone ringing. Janice enters in time to answer
it, and finds that Les has been admitted into hospital. It's serious
- he might lose his foot !
Intermission
Apparently there were some commercials here, enticing us to buy
buy buy for Christmas. As I have never consciously purchased anything
as a direct result of a TV advert, I have no hesitation at all
in hitting the >>> button and moving straight onto...
Act 2
Janice is at Les' bedside. He tells her he has osteomyelitis -
an infection in his foot. Sure enough, his foot is not a pretty
sight. Let's hope we don't get to see it again. [Nor the rest
of his scrawny body. I still have trouble believing that Bruce
Jones used to be a fireman. Any fireman I've met looks more solidly
built than the fire station !] Back to the plot, anyway, and Les
informs us that he's already started a course of injections. He
notes that he has "Florence" looking after him [cue
a background shot of Martin in the same ward]. Martin comes over.
Janice asks him if it's true, is Les' foot in a bad way ? "Yes,
what a surprise", says Martin. "Les telling the truth."
Unfortunately, he will get better, though. As Martin goes back
to work, Les shouts after him that he'd like the phone brought
over. [For the benefit of our overseas readers, wards in UK National
Health Service hospitals are multiply-occupied and you don't get
luxuries like phones and seperate rooms and TVs.] Janice looks
suspicious, but Les says it's just some business with Charlie.
Which it patently isn't. He tells her not to bring any fruit in
on her next visit, but some miniatures of whisky would be nice
!
Roy and Hayley arrive at their audition. He tries to
evade the singing, and suggests that he'd be better off helping
backstage, but Hayley puts him right. Or... possibly not, as the
pianist launches into "Singing in the rain", and Roy,
erm, joins in, after a fashion. I can't really capture the effect
in words, but let's be honest, it wasn't very confident. His rendition
is interrupted by the director's mobile phone ringing. He answers
it, and starts up a conversation, which Hayley then interrupts,
annoyed that he is paying Roy no attention.
A phone rings at Deirdre's as well [is that 4 tonight
? This must be one of those "theme" things]. She answers
it to Les, who claims to be a "friend" of Jackie's and
asks to speak to her. "It's Les Battersby !", says Deirdre,
handing the phone over. Jackie listens to his story, but tells
him she has a real dislike of institutions, and most certainly
won't be coming round to see him in hospital.
Act 1, Scene 1, Take 2. Kevin has come round to Natalie's
house. Again ! She gets rid of Lorraine, and then thanks him for
his help and support at the funeral. But. There's no future for
*us*, after this, and what does it look like to everyone else
in the street, Kevin coming round every five minutes ? Kevin feigns
hurt at the accusation, and stomps off, saying he won't be back
to help her, no matter what. Natalie doesn't look *too* bothered.
Leanne and Nick return home, to find Ashley alone.
He doesn't know where Zoe has got to. Leanne takes an educated
guess - "the nutters' house, probably". She tells him
that she can't talk to Zoe at all, and doesn't know how Ashley
puts up with her. "Oh, and I've noticed you've been sleeping
on the settee lately !". Toyah bursts in at that point and
tells Leanne about her Dad being in hospital. Nick looks bemused
as they leave - "a poisoned foot ?", he says. "He's
lucky", replies Ashley, "with Zoe it's a poisoned mind".
Greg arrives home, in no better mood than he was earlier,
and heads straight for the drink bottles. Sally asks if he's had
a bad day. No worse than usual, apparently. He's just fed up with
living in a grotty flat, he's always tired through having to sleep
on the settee, and he doesn't get any support from Sally. [Beyond
the tens of thousands of pounds, that is.]
Kevin is in the Rovers, complaining to Ashley about
"women". Gary arrives and tells Ashley how insensitive
Zoe's friends had been about Judy and her babies. Ashley apologises,
but says he can barely get through to Zoe these days. He leaves.
Elsewhere in the pub, Martin and Gail are discussing Les' condition.
Roy and Hayley arrive, with the good news that they have both
been accepted into the society, who will be casting soon for the
Sound of Music. "Ooh, lovely", says Gail, "we'll
have to come and see you". Martin is quick off the mark -
"I might be working", he points out. Gail is quicker
still - "no you won't !", she replies. In a don't mess
with me voice. [Ladies, where do you learn how to do this ?]
Back at the grotty flat, Sally is putting the gurls
off to bed, while Greg is still whinging away. He's run out of
money as well as everything else. Sally isn't fast enough with
an offer of more cash for his liking, and he has a go at her about
her "lack of support" again. "Are you the company
accountant now, as well ?" he sneers. Sally dutifully produces
her cash card, and tells him the PIN number. It's the date of
her wedding, she points out. "Good, I'll remember that",
says Greg, meaning the number. "So will I", says Sally
to herself, meaning the date. The music rolls.
This episode was written by Peter Whalley.
[Ah, I see I have literally about a minute to wrap
this up.] Straight down the middle of the road, this episode.
Some chances for some nice little interplays between the better
characters, counterpointed by some tedious stuff that we're not
much bothered about, by the lesser inhabitants.]
All in all,
Overall rating (out of 5 stars): ***
Back next week - John Laird
Monday 30 November
Well, this week's Monday Corrie was somewhat pedestrian,
to say the least. It's a shame after having a couple of really
good ones in a row, we now suffer an episode so painfully average,
uneventfully plodding and (more often than not) woefully predictable
that I'm afraid it's taken me until Wednesday evening to dispel
enough apathy to even so much as *attempt* to write about it...
Apologies for rushing through this in a pretty lacklustre manner,
but here we go, better than nothing I suppose...
The cute Cadbury's Roses sponsorship ad with the chocolate
cat fades away and we open, early morning, in The House Of Elliot
where all four of the young residents seem to be in distress.
Leanne and Nicky argue on the stairs *again* about how much time
he's spending at 'work', a concept that's becoming rapidly more
ludicrous with each time they go through it. Not only is Adam
Rickitt's acting enough to make me lose interest in a scene almost
instantly but the idea that all the art students at college draw
just *him* again and again, week after week after week is frankly
ridiculous. So, it's over to the kitchen where Zoe and Ashley
debate the merits of Nirab. He isn't happy about what Ruth said
to Judeh about "little babies" the other days and tells
his girlfriend (justifiably) that "you can't go forcing weird
stuff like this down people's throats" before warning her
that if she continues to do so, people might write her off as
"some kind of nutter". She lashes out with "What?
Like they do already, you mean? Why should I give a toss what
they think?" but Ashley tells her he just wants her to be
careful, so as she doesn't lose all her friends. Unfortunately,
Zoe doesn't seem at all phased by this and storms out asking "What
do I need 'em for anyway?" as she goes.
Over at The Drear's Domain, Jackie seems to be making
a 'phonecall but, upon being caught with the reciever, tries to
attest she was just cleaning the mouthpiece. It's pretty obvious
she's up to something but The Dobbster quickly changes subject
with the suggestion that they go out shopping. Dreary isn't impressed
with the idea and thus puts forth the notion that her horrid housemate
would make better use of the day if she went looking for a job
or a flat. "I'm on the case" says Marg^H^H^HJackie,
Dick Tracy style.
Ahhh, I *knew* there was a reason I didn't like this
episode. Yup, after two weeks of being blissfully away from the
Nation's screens, Silly Sally and Gruesome Greg return to the
fold having visibly been taking domestic advice from the Eastenders
cast. The Bland One is royally miffed at not being able to find
his gold-plated pen (show off!) and no one in the household will
own up to having seen it. It doesn't take long, however, to notice
that it's on the breakfast table in front of little Rursie. Greg
isn't happy at all but Sally attests it's "easily done"
since "we're all on top of each other in this place",
before putting forth the idea that they all go out to the pictures
("with burgers for afters!" - woo!) tonight. The plan
doesn't appear too appealing to Blandford, who tells her in no
uncertain terms that they have to really watch their funds ("all
the money we've got has to be prioritised for the business")
and suggests rather forcefully that Kevin takes care of treats
for the gurrrls. This enrages Sally who tries to argue but is
cut off when Greg storms out with the assertion that he has "other
things to worry about" like "a meeting at lunch"...
Is it just me or are these two possibly the most teethgrindly
difficult-to-stomach pairing to ever grace the Corrie screens?
Not only is there less-than-zero chemistry between the two 'actors'
involved but the constant repetitious bickering, the see-through
nature of Greg's pathetic excuses (trained by Jon Lindsay by the
looks of things) and the relentless stupidity of Sally all adds
up to one borderline-unwatchable storyline, IMHO. After all, it
*WAS* only this time last year when almost the same thing (albeit
with better acting all round) was happening to Deidre Rachid.
Meanwhile Leanne, looking uncharacteristically like
Death Warmed Up, is cleaning the windows of the Kabin when Janice
approaches, telling Lee that if she's "the only ray of sunlight
they're gonna get, I don't know why you're bothering to clean
'em" only to be met with a thoroughly convincing "Waah,
I'm *FED UP*!" from the young Battersby. What's she fed up
with? Nick, of course, (Wahey! Even his wife is seeing the light!)
but more specifically the fact that he's always at work and they
never have any time to themselves anymore. Janice gives her a
nice little talk ("It can't be champagne and roses all the
time... In fact, it never was with us... A bottle of brown ale
and a bunch of crysthanimums he nicked from the crem was Les'
idea o' romance!") before suggesting that Lee "puts
the fizz back" into the marriage by doing "the last
thing that [Nick] would expect"! (What? Like approach him
with sincerity and say "Your acting is like a realistic breath
of fresh air in this world of artificial glamour and talentless
wannabes"?)
"Tea up" chirps Ashley, Prince Of Peacock,
with more than a little half- heartedness in his voice. He's in
the cornershop making cuppas for himself and Maud, the latter
of whom wonders aloud why Ash has been "mooching around this
shop like a lost lamb, all morning". He explains that he's
not overjoyed about Zoe's involvment with "this religious
lot", he's worried that she's just "not herself"
anymore and to cap it all off, he fears that "they're using
Shannon to... to... trap her... like she's being brainwashed".
Maud (who is wearing a truly side-splitting hat with a POINTY
ARROW on the side of it (presumably pointing upwards to Nirab?))
recommends that to confirm his suspicions, Ashley should go to
one of The Foundation's meetings for himself and see what's *really*
going on. "If it's some sort of religious group they can
hardly complain about you going along can they? Churches are always
looking for some new flock", she explains.
Over at The Rovers, Natalie enters and heads behind
the bar, all set to come back to work. Alec asks her if this decision
is for the best and she asks him: "Where would you rather
be? In a smoky pub with people nattering and getting on with life
or in an empty house crying?"... He doesn't need to answer.
In the hospital, meanwhile, the ailing Les Battersby
is being a general pain in the arse torwards Nurse Martin Platt.
First off, he makes a point of complaining about the Hospital
Radio, asking if they'll play Status Quo instead of Cliff Richard
and Julio Inglesias (God, if that isn't being stuck between a
(stadium) rock and a hard place...). He continues to ask if they
can transfer him to a private room but the best Martin can suggest
to this is that he can nip down to the lab, get him "something
contagious" and put him in an isolation ward! The final insult
is when Les accuses Martin of not being a "proper nurse"
(ie: Not a leggy young woman, in Les' terms!) so Martin wanders
off and starts seething to a colleague about how irritating Les
is and how much he'd like to "put him down like a rabid dog"
(Nurse!? Hide the sharp objects from Mr Platt!)... As Martin continues
his tirade, Les makes a point of filling his cardboard bedpan
and, with a shout of "OI! PLATTY!", invites his favourite
nurse to come and dispose of it...
Back in The Rovers, Natalie is stood behind the bar
staring into space, looking utterly devoid of positive thoughts.
Betty shakes her head at this sight and berates Alec for letting
her come back to work but he whispers that "with all the
rumours flying around, I'd rather her be maintaining a somewhat
*low* profile"... Meanwhile at a table nearby, Ashley tells
Zoe that he wants to come along with her to a Foundation meeting.
He says he's been thinking about the whole affair and has been
too quick to judge. Zoe seems overjoyed that he wants to attend
a meeting and reaches out across the table to hold his hand...
For a brief moment, a look of happiness spreads across his face,
as he finally feels the togetherness they shared in the past...
(Little does he know what's to come after the adverts!)
A quick scene ensues in which an out-of-proportion
teenage lad lounges about on Deidre's couch, playing with a rather
loud Nintendo Gameboy thingie. The Drear herself returns home
from work, shocked to find this layabout in her abode but is even
more dismayed when Jackie enters and introduces the little urchin
as Tyrone, her son!
END OF PART ONE
The adverts, bless their little cotton socks, are seemingly
more nonsenical than ever. We have an old style advert for Golden
Syrup in which a bouncing postman jumps from door to door (in
faded grainy film stock, no less!), waving to everyone in the
neighbourhood before returning home to his syrupy pancakes and
then to cap it all off, we have another ad in which a cherubic
young lad marches down the street to a bombastic brass band while
chanting "Roll it over, with Clover" (Clover being a
low-fat margarine-esque spread in the UK) as the rest of the village
come out to join him in the march. It really doesn't sit too comfortably
at all with the plastic, rushed-off-their-feet yuppies of the
new Nescafe ad or with the forcefulness of the Sony Playstation...
Then again, the fact of none of these commercials make a slight
bit of sense when coupled with the next one along probably just
goes to prove what a *deeply* confused planet we live on...
PART TWO
"What do you mean, your son??" cries Deidre and, predictably
Jackie launches into her next hard-luck story... "Tyrone
lives with his dad, you see, and they don't get on"... She
goes on to tell The Drear how talented, clever and nice her son
is and how his father hits him and how he's been thrown out onto
the streets by his Dastardly Dad and how neither of them have
a ... *stifle* place... to *yawn*... stay.. and.. how... *YAAAAAAAAWN*
... they... *zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz* And yet again, Deidre is taken
for a right royal ride.
Back at the hospital, it's Bathtime for Battersby!
Yes, Martin is here by the bedside, sponge in hand, ready to give
Les a good scrubbing (!)... Les, isn't best pleased about this
and protests loudly "You lay one soapy finger on me and I'll
put you in that bed ove there until Christmas! No messin'!"
but it doesn't seem to be getting him anywhere, as (perhaps unnervingly,
considering the somewhat unappealing physical appearance and indeed
personal hygeine of his patient) Martin seems determined and even
a little enthusiastic. Thankfully, Janice shows up at this point,
interrupting the proceedings by bearing gifts for the patient.
Sadly, it's only fruit, not "little bottles of whiskey"
so Les has a mildly amusing moan about it...
Over The Rovers, Greg and Sally are at the bar. The
Bland One's lunchtime meeting went badly ("They didn't show
up, 100 miles up the motorway for nothing" - Anyone else
get the feeling this isn't 100% accurate?) and he's moping about,
uninterestingly, as usual. Meanwhile, Fred, across the room, buys
a drink from an increasingly zombified Natalie and takes the liberty
of mentioning to Alec that "although she has every reason
to have a face like a banana on a stick" she shouldn't really
be serving the customers in this state. Alec realises that her
plans of work taking her mind off Des aren't working, so he subtly
suggests that maybe the pub isn't the best place for her. She
agrees, semi-reluctantly... And it's back to Greg and Sally, where
the former is explaining how he is taking top client Maggie Knight
for a "slap up meal" tomorrow night... But when Sally
asks to come along, he tells her they can't afford to "bump
up the expenses". He also refuses to give her the cashcard
back, palms her off with a tenner and tells her that the best
way around their current financial problems would be for her to
make *her* account into a *joint* account...... Four words.. No
make that five.. Give me a f**king break. The sooner they end
this pathetic, loathsome, recycled heap of crap masquerading as
a 'storyline', the bloody better. It seems to have been going
on since the beginning of time and has gotten progressively worse
with each scene that passes. *WHY* do we need another Jon Lindsay???
With less charisma!?? Bah... The pits.
The House Of Elliot is bustling with activity as Ashley
and Zoe prepare for a night out at The Foundation. Leanne, meanwhile,
has a "surprise" planned for Nicky and "can't wait
to see his face" (Personally, I could wait a lifetime and
still be happy to never see his silly grinning mug again...) when
she shows up to see him.
Oh, and here we are again in Blandford's flat. He's
blathering on incessantly about how he's hopeful about the forthcoming
dinner/meeting and still trying to smooth-talk Sally into opening
a joint account. She falls for it and I can't help but think how
much more realistic the story could be if only Stephen Billington
possessed even one iota of anything remotely resembling charm
or charisma. "I'll go and see me bank manager first thing
in the morning" chirps The Moron Formerly Known As Sally
Webster.
It's Nirab time again at the doors of The Foundation...
But what's this? Creepy Ben and Ruth Of The Exorcisable Eyebrows
aren't happy at all to see Ashley show up at the door with Zoe.
Prince Peacock queries "It's not as if you've anything to
hide, is it?" and the two nutters reluctantly let him inside
to avoid creating a scene...
Over at the college meanwhile, Leanne is clutching
a gift for Tilly which, to be frank, looks like a wrapped fish
n chip supper (!) from where I'm standing... Unfortunately, she
sees him come out of the front doors with Miranda Peters and this
in itself is enough to turn her smile into a frown as the Bells
Of Suspicion begin to ring in her head... As Nick and the Aging
Artist slip into a car and drive away, Leanne looks furious, throws
the bag o' chips into a nearby receptacle and storms away into
the darkness behind her.
The atmosphere in Deidre's flat is about as perky as
everywhere else on the show tonight, as she becomes increasingly
frustrated with the bleepy bloopy noises coming from Tyrone Dobbs'
Gameboy machine. "While that thing's pinging, at least you
know where his fingers are" reassures Jackie, somewhat unreassuringly!
She thanks the Drear again for putting them both up and as the
Cardassian goes to bed, Tyrone jumps up off the couch and enthuses
"Do you think she's got anything worth flogging!?"...
Jackie chides him and tells him that the "plan" is that
they "make the best of a good thing while it lasts"
and that nicking things from Deidre's flat could ruin what they've
got going...
Some archive footage from the vaults of the late, great
Lucio Fulci (if you recognise that name, you should probably be
ashamed of yourself) is unearthed next, as several catatonic youths
with bad seventies haircuts kneel before a table, hands linked,
chanting and humming while an overzealous man in a sweater shouts
emphatically "RELEASE YOUR IMPURITIES TO ME, NAOMI! GIVE
THEM UNTO MY SAFE HANDS! RELEASE THOSE EVIL THOUGHTS YOU TRIED
TO HIDE! RELEASE YOURSELF TO ME! ABANDON YOURSELF TO NIRAB AND
THE ETERNAL SPIRIT!" and other such nonsense. Meanwhile,
a nearby Ashley Peacock looks utterly terrified out of his wits
and when one of the zombie-kids (Naomi) starts yelping "YES!
YES! YES!" this is all too freaky for the poor lad and he
runs away out of the room before the obligatory orgy scene and
human sacrifice to the naked man in the Goat Mask...
Back at the House Of Elliot, Leanne lays into Nick,
accusing him of seeing another woman, claiming she saw him "getting
into her car, laughing and joking" (funny, I didn't see that
part... then again, with acting as lousy as Adam Rickitt's, you
can't tell if he's laughing, crying or making any kind of discernible
human expression for that matter) but he tells her that was "just
Miranda", his boss and that it was her birthday so a bunch
of the students went to the pub with her to celebrate. Is he lying?
Is he telling the truth? Who knows, his acting is as (un)convincing
as ever, but nonetheless, she seems to believe him, albeit reluctantly...
Finally, we find ourselves outside the Foundation where
Ashley verbally attacks Zoe about what a bunch of nutters her
new found friends are. She tells him sternly that if he wants
to keep her, he'd best not make her choose between him and Nirab.
He looks utterly gutpunched. The credits roll at long last.
It's a mighty shame that tonight's episode was so
bad because at this point I've now seen Wednesday's (the one
afterwards) and it was an excellent, first-rate show! In fact,
come to think of it, so was Sunday's! I don't know *what* happened
here but this episode was a steaming pile of pants, IMHO, almost
entirely from start to finish. One or two nice lines from Les
and, of course, a few decent performances from the reliable ones
(Jane Danson just gets better and better, even with cruddy scripts!)
just can't save the terminal monotony of Greg and Sally, the
total implausibility of the Nirab plot (which seems to flit between
hilarious and intolerable, depending on the episode!) and the
increasing lack of care, effort or even the faintest sign of
life from the despicable Adam Rickitt, who gets my vote as being
by far the most talent-barren waste of oxygen ever to (dis)grace
Corrie.
Anyway, enough of this ranting. Judging from Wednesday's
episode (I won't spoil by saying anything more), it seems this
one was just a mishap and things do seem to be getting a lot better.
Sooooo... 'Til next time, take care! :)
The Rattler
This Monday Update was sponsored
by James Ray's Gangwar (what I was listening to) and Stella Artois
(what I was drinking...)
Written by John
Laird; The Rattler;
Ruth Carey & Rosalind Mitchell; Alan Milewczyk
