Hiya :)
Apologies in advance if this Update is a bit lacklustre, but I'm feeling a bit under the weather at the moment... Nothing I can't deal with, I'm sure, but having recently suffered a fate uncannily and eerily similar to that of Roy's Rolls, I'm currently sitting in a very wet and cold room typing this with a stuffy nose and aching head... But enough of my whinging, I shall brave the conditions and endeavour to bring you my usual rot about Corrie which, this week, seems to have taken a sudden right turn into the Mediocrity Zone with tonight's rather drab episode. So let's take a look inside:
We open on a low note in the Rovers (just before opening time) with Natalie asking Sulky Spice how last night's "essay" went. Lorraine tells her that it's complete and was about "town planning, local government and all that" (Can she even SPELL these words??) but, of course, Nat is smarter than this and enquires "Are you sure it wasn't about film studies" before chastising her niece for lying to her and sneaking out to the cinema with Ashley. A cringeworthy and highly embarrassing scene for all concerned, especially Holly Newman who, whilst I'm sure is a nice person, just isn't very good *at all* at this acting game. Thankfully, I can tolerate the bleating, whining, pouting and sulking routine that she runs through, prior to being sent into the backroom to help Betty with the sandwiches, since <SPOILER> I know that all of this storyline is leading up to her imminent departure from the show! Yay! :) </SPOILER>
Just then, Vera, in Hilda-esque cleaner's garb, comes out of the toilets (er, the rest-rooms, I should say, to clarify) with a mop in hand, having heard a knock on the door. It's Gareh Mallett! He has a favour to ask of the Duckworths and what follows is by far the best scene in the episode:
Gary: "I'd like you two to be Godparents to our twins. Christening's on Sunday so it's a bit of short-notice, but we'd really like you to do it!"
Vera: (Overwhelmed with joy) "We'd love to! Wouldn't we, Jack??"
Jack: (In suspicious disbelief, To Gary) "Why? Has someone let you down, like?"
Gary: "No, no, you were our first choice!"
Vera: (Beside herself) "Honest??"
Jack: "Give over! Why us?"
Gary: "I'm tellin' you, you're 100%, the pair of you! You're honest, decent folk. You're good company, a good laugh! You'd be a good example to them two kids!"
Vera: (Quietly, in amazement) "You know... No one's ever said owt like that to us, have they Jack?"
Gary: "More fool them!"
Jack: (Still a bit suspicious) "Is that what you really think of me, then? You sure?"
Gary: (Smiling) "Jack. You're the kind of bloke that'd do anything for anybody. There's no edge to ya."
Jack: (Proudly, to Vera) "Did you hear that?" (To Gary) "What else?"
Gary: (Laughs) "I just think you're as sound as a pound."
(An excellently acted piece of dialogue that serves as a good reminder as to what great players Ian Mercer, Liz Dawn and Bill Tarmey are! The surprise in the Duckies' expressions when someone was actually complimenting them was actually very touching!) Sadly, the joviality is broken up when Natalie returns from the back room and tells Jack forcefully to remove his pigeons from her property today, OR ELSE!
Over at the Kabin, Rita makes tea for Sharon, who doesn't appear to change T-Shirts very often and is *still* wearing the grey one with the cheeky pink monkey face on it (which, it seems she's had since she was 15!). Following Ian's outburst the previous night, The Big Red One enquires if everything is alright with her foster daughter's love life but, needless to say, Gurn-O-Matic defends her fiance to the death, claiming that he has a tough job with lots of driving and plenty of "things" on his mind, blissfully unaware that said "things" belong to Natalie Barnes... Oh, and speak of the Devil! Who should walk into the shop but Ms Barnes herself, here to buy a paper... "How was your holiday, Rita?" she asks and Big Red explains that the trip was great with the exception of Mavis' lengthy recitals of Wordsworth poetry (lol! Wish we could've seen that!). Sharon fires up into Wedding-Mode and starts harping on about her honeymoon and how they were planning to go to the Lake District but decided on Tenerife instead. Rita and Leanne try to shut her up for fear that the mention of weddings might upset Natalie (who, hard as it may be to believe considering her current behaviour, has after all just lost her husband)... After the Sleeveless One leaves, Big Red tells Sharon how insensitive it was to talk about The M Word in front of her but the Gurning Gaskell cackles "Ha! She can take it! She's hard as nails, is that one! Or has everyone convieniently forgotten that she wrecked Sally's marriage?", all the while treating us to a remarkable display of facial contortion. Surely her features weren't this rubbery back in 1982? :)
Across the road, Tyrone, who (Thank God) is mellowing out in an alarmingly simliar way to Dobber, enters Desai's Corner Shop and runs into Jack Duckworth. Jack laments the fate of his poor pigeons before the lightbulb switches on above his head and he wonders if Tyrone wants to look after them for him. "Oh, I dunno Jack... It's too much trouble" muses the young scamp, but he quickly changes his mind when he's told that he gets to keep the birds in his own backyard and that they're a great little earner, "what with the money from the racing and the breeding" (LOL)... "Great! Do they have names?" asks the suddely enthusiastic Tyrone but before Jack can answer, the camera cuts over to the other side of the store where Ravi has entered to check up on Nita and business in general. He is a little alarmed to find all the prices have been reduced but, upon being told that it's all in the name of healthy competiton, soon stops worrying and says he'll "take a look at the books" later that night, before leaving with a smile and a wave, Laughing Cavalier Stylee.
The Salon is busy-busy-busy since, with Audrey away in Canada, Internationally Reknowned Pop Songstress Tracy Shaw has been left to run the place single-handedly! Sharon is there, waffling on about how she wants her hair done for the wedding but Trac^H^HMaxine tells her that she just doesn't have the time to talk about it right now, since she has customers coming out of her ears! Maud Grimes, meanwhile, sits in the hotseat in front of the mirror (Did someone *GLUE* the poor dear to this seat?? How come no one else ever sits there anymore and Maud never leaves?) with curlers in her hair, eavesdropping on the conversation. She suggests that Traxine gets an assitant in, part-time, since Audrey would probably mind that a lot less than she would mind having to turn away customers... In a moment of utterly unintentional hilarity, Traxine turns to the camera, says nothing and just pouts with a "Take me, Hollywood!!!" look on her face. Does stardom beckon? ;)
A slightly bizarre scene ensues outside, as Rita bumps into Brother Cadfael, who is taking the freshly foil-wrapped gurrrls for a walk along the Street. They exchange small-talk and then Big Red asks about the custody decision and, more specifically, Kevin's reaction to it. Sickly tells her that "He's gone" and she doesn't know where to, but Rita is seemingly uninterested and just offers pleasantly to do some babysitting if ever the need arises. Perhaps something was cut out or perhaps Rita really *doesn't* give a toss about Kevin but either way this scene looked a bit strange to me. Anyhow, Sickly departs and Rita spots Nita (how cute, their names rhyme.. bleh) outside the Corner Shop. She walks over in an attempt to "clear the air" and ask "what's going on?" but The Winking One is typically stony and gives her the cold shoulder, barking "Why don't you ask Sharon?"
Speak of the Devil, the Forever-Gurning Foster-Daughter is over at the kabin *STILL* rabitting on to Leanne about how much she is looking forward to her wedding. Groan! <RANT> I remarked the first week that she re-appeared in my Updates that her constant overzealous witterings about it would signify disaster and wasn't I just spot on? It's so tedious to watch. We *all* know that Ian is doing God-knows-what with Natalie on the sly and blah, blah, blah, we've seen it all before. *WHY* do we keep suffering this slew of extra-marital (or pre-marital in this case) affairs? The storylines are tedious and 100% predictable as they develop (come on, how many times have you heard the old "He's working late tonight" excuse on Corrie in the last year alone?) and they *always* end up with rowing, fighting and screaming in the end. It wouldn't be quite so bad but it seems that just as one ends, another one starts up!!! And it always seems to be established female cast members (Natalie, Sharon, Sally, Deirdre) who are swept off their feet by unconvincing Johnny-Come- Latelys (Ian, Greg, Jon Lindsey, etc) who come and go as quickly as their flash cars will carry them. Bleh... </RANT> Anyway, I'm totally digressing... Rita storms into the Kabin and interrupts Sharon in mid- waffle, shouting about how rude Nita was to her. She turns around to see the 'new' video stall that Gurn-o-matic had erected in her absense and tells her to "get shut of it" since the Kabin "won't make a penny out of renting videos". She's quite right too since, as all video anoraks like myself will notice, all of the films on the shelf are from 1995 or previous and she's charging £2.50 a piece for them! Sharon looks a bit upset at having to get rid of them and all her other new ideas (ie: the bread and milk), whilst Leanne stands around with one of those "Please let the ground swallow me up" looks on her face. Marks out of Ten for the "Store Wars" Storyline? Nil.
Across the road, at The Rovers, Ashley is nursing a pint with a smug smile on his face and when Janice comes along and asks him how he is, he replies "Never better!" before winking at Lorraine and asking "Right?"... He continues by asking her, smoothly, what she thought of the film last night but since Natalie is standing right behind him, Sulky Spice feigns complete ignorance (not hard for her) and attempts to signal for him to shut up. He doesn't quite understand what she's trying to tell him (probably because she looks like some hideously over made-up circus clown experiencing chronic constipation) but he assumes it's rejection and sulks in his beer... Over at one of the tables, Leanne sits telling The Camp Crusader (who is doing a Stephen Billington (er, so to speak) and wearing a matching brown top and trousers) about how she "dreads going into work" because of all the fighting at the moment. The Eternally Eavesdropping Maud Grimes tells her that there's a spare job going at the Salon if she's interested but Lee doesn't think she's up to cutting hair. However, a nearby Jackie Dobbs is listening with much interest... Back at the bar, Lorraine scalds Ashley for giving the game away to Natalie that she was at the cinema last night (Forgive me, but didn't Natalie find this out from Fred already *AND* punish Lorraine for it in the first scene???) and, no matter how much he apologises, it doesn't seem to cut it with Sulky Spice who storms off in a huff. "I can take a hint!" mopes the Lurve Doctor, slamming his empty pint glass on the bar, "I'll see you around"... Aw, poor sod, why is wasting his time with this bimbo?
Behind him, Alison walks in and starts up a very uncomfortable conversation about Kevin with Sally, who is sitting alone and friendless (ha!) in a booth. It transpires that neither of them have heard a word from the Missing Mechanic but Alison seems like the somewhat more worried of the two, suggesting that they contact the police and check the nearby hospitals. Sickly is, as ever, oblivious to anyone's feelings but her own and merely bleats "Well, I thought he'd be back by now"...
END OF PART ONE
Well, aside from the unearthing of a Turkish Delight advert from a couple of decades ago without even bothering to so much as touch up the grainy film stock let alone reshoot it, the commercial break is uneventful as ever. I also can't help but wonder how many ads, since the dawn of time, have used Tammy Wynette's "Stand By Your Man"? And, more to the point, why? :)
PART TWO
The latter half of the episode begins with a juicy, prime slab
of Fred Elliot (Yum! ;)). As Janice eats some kind of pie at the
bar, the Burly Butcher approaches and asks if she's seen Ashley
today:
Janice: (Mischeivously) "Lorraine'd know!"
Sulky Spice: "Know what?"
Janice: "Where Ashley is."
Sulky Spice: (Petulantly) "I haven't a clue!"
Janice: (Aside, to Fred) "Maybe they've fallen out..."
Fred: "Oh you've not have you? Had a lover's tiff?"
Sulky Spice: (Irritatedly) "How could we since we're not even lovers?"
Janice: "That's not what I heard..."
Fred: "Me neither! I thought you went out together last night, in fact I KNOW you went out together last night!"
Sulky Spice: (Whispering) "Ok, ok, we went to the pictures but that doesn't mean a thing."
Fred: "Aye, it did in my day. I did most of my courting in pictures."
Janice: (Putting down her fork) "Ugh, what a horrible thought..."
Fred: (With great nostalgia) "Whaddya mean? It were a wonderful time! I once sat through two showings of 'The Dambusters' and never once saw the screen. Aye, she were insatiable was Sonia Bostock..."
Janice: (Getting up and leaving to the loos) "Ew, that's put me right off me pie..."
Fred: (Trademarked wide toothy Beagle grin!)
I've said it before but it's worth saying again and again. John Savident is consistently the most side-splitting thing on this show. His mannerisms, his facial expressions, his words, his bellowing accent. Were it not for Fred Elliot, the Street would be a far darker place! But anyhow, Lorraine makes it quite clear to Weatherfield's finest Meat Merchant that she is *not* interested in Ashley and, as Fred leaves the pub shaking his head, Gary Mallett enters and approaches Jim MacDonald who is, as ever, propping up the bar (or I suppose the bar is propping him up these days?)... Yet ANOTHER great exchange of dialogue ensues and I'm disappointed that the whole show wasn't as good as these scenes:
Gary: "What're you doing on Sunday?"
Jim: (Sarcastically) "Well, I couldn't rightly tell you without checking my diary but, suffice to say, if I'm not in here drinking I'll be at home watching the telly."
Gary: "Great. How d'ya fancy being a Godfather? It'll only take you half an hour!"
Jim: "Well I'm flattered, honest to God I am, but I don't need to tell you that I'm not the best example of humanity."
Gary: "Oh give over... Hey, Jack and Vera are up for it!"
Jim: "S'that right? Oh, I'll be in good company then! You're on!"
LOL - The usual first class delivery from Monsieurs Mercer and Lawson.
Over at the Kabin, Les Battersby is trying to swindle Rita (as ever). He tells her that last week the packet of 20 cigarettes that he's trying to buy were selling at far less than she's charging now but, thankfully, Big Red sticks to her guns and tells him that they're back up to "the proper price". The Boorish Battersby threatens that "if it wasn't for my daughter working 'ere, I'd report you to the department of trade!" before reluctantly buying the cigarettes and rushing out of the store. Leanne looks on in tedium and despair... Speaking of those two emotions, here comes Ian! Once again, he's in a rush (has he ever spent more than a minute's onscreen time in Sharon's company?) and, as he waffles on about some travel arrangements he's trying to make for the honeymoon, I slip into a deeeeep sleeeeep. I'm awoken by Ian's mobile phone ringing and apparently it's "Head Office" wanting him to "stop by Wigan" on his way home tonight... He tells Sharon it's unlikely he'll see her again tonight before making the usual hasty exit.
Meanwhile, at the back of the Rovers, Jack is packing his pigeons into a box for Tyrone, who is enthusiastically asking how to tell them apart. "Ah you'll learn, son" proclaims Jack, sagely, "They're all different and they're all beautiful"! As they leave via the back gate, Ian sneaks in... Sure enough, it was Natalie not Head Office, who was on the phone and unless Wigan is a slang term for her bedroom, he certainly won't be stopping off anywhere near it! They kiss in the back doorway and then she virtually pulls him inside by the collar of his shirt in a way that we haven't seen since Liz "Facehugger" MacDonald attac..err..seduced Michael Wall.
Back at The Salon, Saint Alma of Baldwin is getting her Holy Hair done by Internationaly Reknowned Pop Songstress Tracy Shaw. Breaking the silence with her cries, who should walk in but Jackie Gobbs, shouting her mouth off about the possibility of getting a job. "Is it true what I 'eard? Old Maudie Babes said you were desperate!" she squawks before continuing to boast (probably falsely) that she used to cut the Screws' hair in prison! Traxine explains politely that they're not actually hiring at the moment but simply gets a tirade of abuse for her troubles as Ms Gobbs tells her that she's "prejuduced", "a snob" and (wait for it) "a jumped up little tart"! Meow! "I don't want yer job and ya know where ya can stick it!" she growls, leaving a sighing Traxine to remark on how she could do without Jackie "as an enemy".
Across in the back room of the Rovers, Ian enjoys one of Betty's Shephard's Pies while Natalie (bizarrely) sits watching him eat. He quips that "if Betty is ever up for Cook Of The Yearm she's got my vote" as Nat tells him that he has Betty's vote too, for being "a very nice fella". "Ah, that's because she's got very good taste" smarms the sickening little rat and I collapse into unconciousness whilst the two of them swap compliments... In all fairness, Denise Welch is acting very naturally and very convincingly throughout but the sad truth is that this tried-and- tested love triangle plot has already been done to death and not even she can save it from the remarkable predictability.
Tyrone and Jack have now moved in the pigeons into the Dobbs' back yard and the wee lad is stroking one of them and gushing "Ooooh! I can hear it's little heart beating!" (as I said, he's really mellowing out!)... The two of them exchange very humourous dialogue about looking after the pigeons with Tyrone asking as many awkward questions as possible and Jack looking a bit stumped for answers! (I have to say these two work really well together and I'd love to see Jack becoming something of a role- model/father figure for Tyrone. Alan Halsall is rapidly going up my list as one of the best young actors that the show has. Let's see more of him!) Unfortunately, the scene is ruined as Jackie appears and starts yelling in that nails-on-blackboard Scouse accent about how they can only keep the birds there "over her dead body" (Yes please! Keep the pigeons, kill Margi!) because they're "filthy dirty creatures and they cack everywhere"! Regrettably, when threatened with GBH, Jack agrees to take them back...
Over in the Rovers, the Camp Crusader is posing at the bar and swishing his long golden locks around, when Traxine enters and gives him a "Help Wanted" (he sure bloody needs some!) sign to put up at his college, in case there are any hairdressing students looking for part time work. He minces punily, as the camera mercifully cuts across to a booth where Sharon is sitting with Alma and Rita. Janice walks over and asks if they're planning a hen night for the Gurning One's impending wedding and is surprised to find the answer is "no". Eventually, Gurn-O-Matic is persuaded to let Rita ask Natalie to "put on a few sandwiches" but she explains that Ian isn't bothering with a Stag Night since it would rather "have a clear head on the day"... "He sounds nothing like my husband", quips Janice, "You lucky beggar!!!"
However, to prove that Ian and Les really *aren't* too dissimilar, who should be kissing Natalie goodbye and leaving through the back door, his tie all ruffled and his top collar undone...? (Clue: It's not Les)... They waffle on about how quickly they've developed such strong feelings for each other and, despite Denise Welch's acting shining through, it's really quite tedious, since we all know he's leading her astray... Still, it must be the mark of an exceptional actress to still come across so well with lines as bad as that.
Meanwhile, on t'other side of the building, Jack is sulking about his pigeons, so Fred offers to take them off his hands. "I'll give you 50p a pound! But you'll have to pluck them first!" he bellows and, needless to say, The Jackal is not amused in the slightest... Rita approaches the bar and mentions to Natalie about Sharon's Hen Night, asking if it would be okay to get some sandwiches knocked up for the occasion. Ms Barnes is quite happy to do this and Rita thanks her before mentioning, sombrely, that she really does feel sorry for her about what happened to Des since almost the same thing happened to her with Ted... She explains that "Sooner or later you begin to look forward and realise that you've got a past as well as a future... I hope it's sooner..."
"You know what, Rita?" smiles Natalie, "I have a feeling it will be..." - Ut oh! Oh, how we cringed! Cue credits.
This'ere'un was written by Phil Woods and, as I already said, was far from brilliant, I'm afraid. There were one or two EXCELLENT bits of dialogue (Kudos, Phil!) but the ratio of poor:good plotlines is getting dangerously out of sync. I've already ranted about how much I hate love triangle plots so all I'll add is that the sooner this Natalie/Sharon/Ian dross finishes, the better (quids in we'll never see Ian again, I bet)...
The Store Wars are wearing out their welcome too, since it's neither plausible, fun or interesting. Thankfully, with Rita back things seem to be calming down a little on that front.
Lorraine is a huge waste of space. Every storyline she has been involved in for the last 10 months has been either a) pants, b) pointless, c) absurd or d) all of the above... This nonsense with her behaving like a big spoilt brat does nothing to change this statement. Seal her in a box with Rickitt and bury them both a good few foot underground.
On the good side tho, we had Fred's always brilliant dialogue, Tyrone and Jack's "bonding" and the Malletts' Christening preparations, but sadly this only comprised of a small part of the episode... Not to worry though, I'm sure we'll have a good'un next week when some of the nonsense dies down a bit. Hopefully I won't be so ill by that time as well!! Anyway, 'til next time! :)
The Rattler
Hiya folks!!!! ... Time again for another update....
Not a particularly eventful week - probably one of the highlights was last Sunday evening when we went to see Neil Diamond in concert at the Arena in Manchester. As I have said elsewhere, I first came across his song writing talents on the flip side of Cliff Richard's 1965 Number one hit "The Minute You're Gone". This, and a number of other tracks, were recorded in autumn 1964 in Nashville, including the flip of that hit, entitled "Just Another Guy". The next time I heard Neil's talents was in 1966 when his own records "Solitary Man" and "Cherry Cherry" were heavily played by the offshore radio stations around Britain's coast at the time - they were big hits stateside and launched Neil's career internationally. I have been a fan ever since, although I don't go for the Vegas star bit much. Anyway, what can you say? A flawless performance, slick presentation, great backing, brilliant lights - passionate lyrics performed superbly by a writer who knew how to wear his heart on his sleeve. I am not into poetry but do think of Neil's songs as poetry set to music, putting him into the same class as Bob Dylan, Smokey Robinson and Paul Simon. Very much one of the major performers of my generation (and a real joy to listen to) - this was evidenced by the fact that his original single concert in Manchester planned for the day before was sold out within days and lead to a second night which was again, quick sold out.
If that was a high spot, the music world provided a low moment with the tragic death of Dusty Springfield from breast cancer, at the age of only 59. Dusty was another of those major performers of my generation and her love of black music helped with he acceptance of Tamla Motown and R&B in the UK. One of the most amazing soulful voices - probably THE female voice of my generation. I remember her being described in the music press in the 60s as a person with the most mischievous sense of humour and tales of her custard pie throwing episodes were legendary at the time. Rest in peace, dahlin'.
The handover of work continues slowly and I feel OK about that and I have lined up some interviews with the Careers service to get specific advice on particular career options I have in mind. Trude continues to work hard at school. Good news on Friday with Simon receiving a piece of paper he has been eagerly awaiting - the offer of a place at a local university on the place he wants. The offer is conditional on achieving specified grades in his "A" levels but this are realistic and achievable. Although it is at Manchester Metropolitan University, he will not be living at home - we are encouraging him to spread his wings and he is ready to do so. We have been seeing a more focused attitude from him of late, so let's hope this continues.
On personal/internet fronts, an IRC friend is coming over to the UK next week - Sue (Cork) from Kingston, Ontario - so we are hoping to do the Granada thing and have a mini-ping for her and for her daughter Sarah. Incidentally, on the ping front, it was lovely to see the piccies of the recent Brit Show Ping in Toronto, especially those of my alter-ego, Tinky Winky being photographed with Roy Barraclough. LOL, Jacqueline. There are two sets of piccies are available on Cork's web site, one by Cork and the other by Jacqueline - check out http://www.geocities.com/SouthBeach/Pier/4213/ and enjoy.
What else? The naming of Baby Spice as Brooklyn (being the place the happy couple discovered Victoria was pregnant) has started a hilarious thread on the Guest Book. The starter for ten was, what if the baby had been discovered in Pekham? Can you imagine it, Pekham Beckham???????? ROTFLMAO. Well, we've had a load more, including Bald Mans Knob, Diddlibah and Humpybong (all from our cultural attache Jubblyjubs), Witless, Dildo, Come by Chance, Goobies and Happy Adventure (from Ian Charnley), Ongaonga Washdyke Faerie Queene (from Dale - that's ONE NAME, not alternatives), not forgetting Hetty Peglers Tump (also from Dale) and Llanfair PG (this is the abbreviated version - I think you missed out the "llantysyllio" bit - from Eric in Toronto). Still, with Fifi Peaches Trixiebelle around, we have high standards to live up to, in the "real world". Thanks one and all, what a hilarious read.
If you want to join in the fun have a quick look at Annie's Guest Book on http://homepages.enterprise.net/annew/cs/csgb2.htm
Anyway.... enough of that.... without further ado, it's time for the update....
Episode sponsored by Cadbury's Nuts about Caramel
The programme starts at the Rovers, where Betty is reminding Natalie that they have Sharon's hen party lined up tonight, as she is getting married on Sunday. Natalie has forgotten and needs to lay on some sandwiches - she then tells Betty that she is popping out for a few hours herself later, she is going out with Ian. Betty remarks that Ian must be keen - Natalie says that he is, but she just isn't sure how she feels. She knows that it is too soon after Des, but you don't plan these things - she can hardly tell him to clear off and come back when she's finishing mourning for Des. Betty understands the dilemma facing Natalie and all she wants is for Nat to do the right thing. "I'll always mourn Des, Betty, but right now, I'm here, I'm alive and I'm lonely" replies Natalie - "awww" interjects Betty - "and I don't know what to do", continues Natalie. She asks Betty to keep the information to herself, she doesn't want to be gossiped about by all and sundry.
Cue for entrance from Vera, with Nat adding "mentioning no names." Vera takes you back a generation, reminiscent of Andy Capp's wife, a real Hilda Ogden look-alike, complete with mop, bucket, housecoat and headsquare - you can see her coming into Annie Walker's parlour, as the Queen herself is holding court. Vera comments about how "you could eat your tea off that floor" which is a prompt for Natalie to ask her to sit down and have a cup of tea. Vera is preoccupied - Jack is in a right state, he hardly slept a wink last night, she tells Natalie, "it's them pigeons". Natalie reminds her that Jack has had two months to get rid of the pigeons, but Vera's reply is that it isn't easy, after all, they haven't even found anywhere else to live. Natalie firmly puts the marker down - "tell Jack the birds have to go."
We are at the Kabin. Scouse Slagette makes her entrance "hi girls" which is met with indifference by Rita and Sharon. Jackie notices that there is no bread and asks whether the bread man has been yet - Rita tells her that he hasn't and won't be doing. "Wassup? Did he pinch yer bum? He pinched mine but you don't have to bother" is Jackie's response. This raises a snigger from Sharon but Rita isn't amused - she tells Jackie that the reason is the Kabin won't be selling bread any more and the Corner Shop won't be selling papers any more. "I liked coming here for me cheap bread and going over the road for me cheap papers" is Jackie's riposte. Rita tells her that those days have gone, she is happy to say. "You might be but I'm not. I believe in cut-throat capitalism, me" is the return. After Jackie has left the shop, Rita remarks to Sharon how that is a customer that Nita is welcome to.
At the salon, Maxine is busy working away as Toyah comes in. She wants a quick cut and blow dry doing - Maxine tells her that she can fit her in, but.. it will have to be Tom. You can see that Toyah is quite impressed by the good looking young lad - she asks Maxine who he is. Max explains that he is her new assistant, he's a very good stylist. "What? He's talented as well as looking like that?" asks Toyah. "Why? Do you fancy him, do you?" is Maxine's query. "Well, no, not really" is Toyah's reply, as she adds, more truthfully, "well, he is pretty fit, I suppose." Maxine asks Tom to "see to Toyah" - "It'll be a pleasure" replies Tom. As she sits down, Toyah bashfully explains that "I just want a trim and that." Tom tells her that she has very good hair and asks whether she has ever thought of a different shape. She tells him it's OK as it is - he agrees it's OK "but it could be really knockout." Putty in his hands, she capitulates "Yeah. Yeah. OK. Do whatever you want. I feel dead reckless today." A gobsmacked Maxine looks on, somewhat astounded at Tom's powers of persuasion.
At the Rovers, Mike is getting a drink in. Jack is serving - as he does so, Natalie comes in to lay the law down - those pigeons have got to go by tonight, she tells him, or else he will be leaving with them. Jack pleads for more time, but to no avail. Back at the bar, he explains his predicament to Mike - recalling that Mike has a yard at the back of his factory, he starts to ask Mike whether he would do the honours. "Forget it. put it out of your mind. I'm running a sweat shop, not a pet shop." Boom! Boom!!
"Jack lad! Have no fear! Les is here!" is the greeting from Les Battersby and Charlie West as they enter the pub. The Dynamic Duo have come to help Jack with his problem - Charlie explains that he might be able to help and very quickly Jack gets conned into providing both of them with a pint. "Do you know much about pigeons?" asks Jack. "I've flown em, bred em, shot em, plucked em and ate em" is Charlie's classic reply, "will that do ya? Hahahahahahah!" Oh dear, Jack doesn't look too happy!!!
Ian has come into the Kabin to see Sharon. Rita is asking him whether he is ready for the wedding. "More or less. Bit nervous actually" is Ian's reply. "So you should be. Brides are radiant, grooms are nervous" is Rita's quip, as she asks whether he has time for a coffee. He does, so Rita goes off into the back to do the honours, instructing Sharon to settle Ian's nerves. Sharon tells him that she isn't nervous, she can't wait to be Mrs Bentley - he needs to have a few pints at his stag do... which reminds her, where is he going to have it? No idea, is his reply, it's all down to the best man. She says that she hopes he doesn't get too legless, she wants him in good shape at that altar. As she stacks some magazines, we see the worried look on Ian's face - he takes the opportunity to ask her whether she is having any doubts about them getting married. If she has, then she needs to voice them now, before it's too late, he tells her. Totally oblivious to what is going on, Sharon misreads this as anxiety on his part and reassures him that she has never been surer - she embraces him. he caries on talking in his code and tells her that he would never want to hurt her - "but you never will" is her blind reply, "you couldn't." ... sigh... oh dear... As she embraces him, we see the look of torment on his face.
Round the back of the Rovers, Charlie and Les are being shown the pigeons by Jack. He is telling them that he wouldn't be getting rid of them, but he hasn't any choice. Charlie tells him that he would be parting with them soon enough, there's a good few of them on their last legs. "Aye, there's not many flaps left in them wings" adds Les. Jack tells him he knows nothing about it, but Les' reply is that he knows a lot about birds, "with feathers or without"!!! Charlie asks Jack whether he has raced his pigeons and Jack tries to bluff. Charlie calls his bluff by asking to see the medals. Well, there aren't any, replies Jack, he races them privately, whoever is first past the post picks up the winnings. Charlie and Les exchange knowing glances, realising that Jack is bullsh*tting. Charlie then says that whoever takes on the pigeons wouldn't be able to fly them anyway, as they would return back to the Rovers. "Of course, I could breed with them, I daresay" he continues with his pitch, "how much are we talking about?" The negotiations take a step further when Jack says that if they went to a proper home, he wasn't thinking of charging much. "Charging? I wanna know how much you're giving if I'm taking them off ya!!!" is the next card played by Charlie. Jack ain't happy but Charlie has a suggestion "tell you what I'll bring the van around this afternoon and take them away.... If.. you throw the coop in ... and buy us a couple of pints....(cough from Les) ... and for Les as well..." He holds his hand out to seal the deal - Jack pauses for a second, but what option does he have? His facial expression is one of reluctant acceptance. Seeing this, Charlie spits on his hand and presses it into Jack's to conclude the deal. Poor Jack - the look on his face!!
A delighted Toyah has popped in to see Leanne after her cut and blow - "what do you think?" she asks Leanne. "It's really nice, did you get that done in town?" replies Leanne. When Toyah tells her that she had it done at the salon, next door, Leanne is full of disbelief - Maxine isn't capable of doing that, she says. Toyah tells her it was the new stylist and "he's called Tom, he's very nice looking, you want to check him out."
Enter Janice - she remarks on Toyah's new hairstyle, but Toyah cannot stay, she has to go. After she has left an embarrassed Janice starts to explain about the money she has borrowed from Leanne - thinking that Janice is about to repay it, Leanne expresses relief. She has been afraid of Nick finding out. Janice drops her bombshell - the sub she had from work is now being clawed back by Mike and, to cut a long story short, she just doesn't have the money to repay her right now. Leanne realises she has made a big error of judgement "Nick were right, he said we'd never get it back." "You will, course you will. It's just you'll have to wait a bit longer, that's all" replies Janice. Great sigh from Leanne - what can she do, she is well and truly boxed in!!
Boxed in might describe the state of Jack's chicken coop. It's in the back of an open-top pickup truck, speeding down. Les is driving, Charlie is in the front passenger seat. Jack is sitting in the back, perched precariously next to the coop. "Les! Will you slow down? This is falling on me!! You lunatic!! Charlie!! Les!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" His cries go unheeded.
At the Kabin, Ian is about to leave. Sharon tells him not to get too plastered and to take care of himself. As he leaves, Rita tells him "I'll see you in church." Rita and Sharon laugh at this little joke. On his way out, who should happen to come into the pub, but Betty. She greets him, but he ignores her.
She looks puzzled, "what's up with him?", she asks.
When Rita remarks that she didn't know that Betty knew him, Betty
replies that she has seen him at the Rovers.
"Ah, calming those nerves of his, eh, Sharon" quips
Rita.
"Before the big day" quips back Sharon."
"What big day is that then, luv?" asks Betty.
"Sharon's wedding" replies Rita.
"It's him? It's him you're marrying?" asks a gobsmacked
Betty.
"Yeah!! That's him!!" replies Sharon.
"So you see, Betty, the lad's got a lot on his mind"
explains Rita jokingly.
"Yes, yes.... He must have" replies Betty, stuck for
anything sensible to say.....
... and the theme tune comes in, on cue for the end of part 1
After the ads, it's part 2
The second part of the programme commences at Charlie West's place
- it looks like a cross between a car breakers yard and a council
rubbish tip. The Terrible Threesome are painfully unloading the
pigeon coop off the truck -the scene is reminiscent of Fred Carno's
Circus. "Hey, wonderful air round here, that knows. Lots
of that there hozone! (sic) It comes wafting off of t'sewage farm"
says Charlie. Jack is gasping for breath - well for fresh air,
anyway. Charlie promises "I'll feed em and I'll breed em."
Les with his eye on the basics of life remarks "Not a bad
life, eh. I could fancy that myself." Jack starts to give
them advice as to the fact that the hens will never leave their
own eggs, but Charlie knows all about it, "you're talking
to an expert. They'll make better parents than what some folk
do." They let Jack have some space to say his goodbyes. As
they do so, Les says to Charlie "you've got a great place
here, Charlie. I've always wanted a smallholding." Charlie's
reply is priceless "well, Janice reckons you've already got
one!" ROTFL!!!! There are a touching few seconds as Jack
says his goodbyes - then he asks Charlie where the nearest bus-stop
is. "Nay, take the van, lad. I'll not be wanting it again....
and it can't stay round here!!!!!" "No it can't"
replies Les as they both snigger. Jack looks perplexed.
At Kevin's place, Alison is looking through the drawers when Sally comes in - she asks Alison what she thinks she's doing "you've no right to be in this house." When Alison says that she does as it is Kevin's home, Sally tells her it's the family home (Oh yeah? Since when, Sally?) and in case she hadn't noticed the family is her and her daughters!!! Alison says that she was looking to see if Kevin had taken his passport - she wonders whether he might have gone to Germany to see his dad. Sally sneers at her - she had already spoken to Bill and he hadn't seen Kevin. When Alison wonders whether Bill might not have wanted to tell her the truth, Sally gets into sanctimonious mode "well, obviously you don't know Bill. He's very honest, pity Kevin's not like his dad." Alison tells her that she has contacted the police - yet again, Sally jeers in a mocking voice "yes I know you did, they told me." Alison gets upset at Sally's tone and tells her that she was worried "he might have had an accident or something, not that you'd care if he had." Sally continues her obnoxious one-upmanship "you don't know Kevin very well. he's gone off to have a sulk somewhere because he didn't get his own way and he didn't bother even telling you. Well that gives you some idea what he thinks about YOU! Now I'll have your door key, please!" (Cut to Tinky Towers where Tinky is having to restrain himself throwing a brick at the telly - what a b*tch!) "Oh no I won't. I'll give it back to Kevin, IF and when he asks for it" replies Alison forcefully. Yay!!! I enjoyed seeing the look on Sally's face when she realised she hadn't won THAT point.
Back on the road, Les is taking Jack home in the van. Jack asks what Charlie meant by not wanting to see the truck again. Les explains tactfully that Charlie never uses the same one twice. "Oh right, he's selling this one, is he?" says Jack cottoning on, but not correctly. "No, that's a mug's game" replies Les, "you're into log books and MOT whatsits, aren't ya?" Jack is puzzled and asks whether or not this is Charlie's wagon and Les tells him that Charlie borrows one whenever he needs something shifting. "So he borrowed it off a mate of his?" asks Jack. "Don't be a plonker, Jack" replies Les, "he's borrowed this from wherever he's found it!" At last, Jack has understood. "Are you telling me we're travelling in a stolen vehicle?", he asks. "Not stolen" replies Les, "we'll leave this somewhere near the Red Rec. That's not stealing, is it?" Les then goes off into a diatribe about the desirability of some socialist utopia with communal ownership of all vehicles, like Holland where they leave their bikes standing and if you want one you just get on and ride off. Jack has had enough and demands that Les stops the truck. Although Les tells him they have miles to go, before they get home, Jack is insistent. "You and your mate, Charlie, are flaming maniacs" he shouts at Les as he gets out of the truck.
At the Rovers, it's hen-party time. Sharon and Sally have come in and it's two white wines to start off with. They are both in a great mood. Lorraine serves them as Sally tells her that Sharon is getting married from her place "where Hayley is baby-sitting as we speak." Sally promises to get Sharon to bed at a reasonable time so she can look beautiful for Ian.
The camera pans to Linda and Alison having a drink. Alison tells Linda that she doesn't like being in the pub when Sally is in. (Listen gal, I don't like being in the room when she's on the screen!!) Alison suggests going to the Flying Horse, but Linda isn't keen - she's obviously hanging around on the off-chance of meeting Steve.
At the till, Betty is sorting some change out, when Natalie pops her head round to say that she is off out for a couple of hours. Anyway, Jack is on his way, so she is sure Lorraine and Betty can manage - in her excitement at the prospect of another night out with Ian, Natalie doesn't pick up on the disapproving expression on betty's face.
Lorraine comes over to Betty - she's angry that Natalie has gone out again, leaving the two of them to hold the fort. Betty is in no mood for sympathy, "tell her yourself, I'm fed up of fighting other people's battles."
Vera has popped round to the Malletts - Gary asks her if she will be fine for the christening on Sunday. Of course, replies Vera, she wouldn't miss it for the world. Vera comments on how lovely the babies are and how Judy's mum would have been so proud. "Yeah, she'd have loved being a gran", Judy replies wistfully. She then tells Vera that they cannot really afford to put on a big do for the christening. Vera tells them that the reason she has come round is to drop off a present for the babies, christening gowns. Gary and Judy look delighted and touched by Vera's gesture. "Really nice them, saves them going up to t'font in their babygros, doesn't it?" jokes Gary. (Note for overseas readers, a "babygro" is an all-in-one suit for babies.) Vera is concerned, she hopes she isn't being pushy, but Judy is very touched by Vera's kindness and, with a hug, tells her "we think you're lovely, Vera, you're as good as a mum to me."
The hen party is in full swing at the Rovers. Leanne is at the bar with Janice, but she is not in happy frame of mind. Janice tries to get her to snap out of it and explains that just because she refund Leanne's loan, it doesn't mean she has to stay in every night like some nun. She promises to repay the money, but Leanne is angry and storms off home.
At another part of the bar, Steve and Jim are having a drink. Jim is ruminating on the institution of marriage and how many people look forward to marriage despite the consequences!! Steve exchanges glances with Linda - he makes his excuses and goes over to join Linda and Alison. This entrée is a cue for Alison to say her goodbyes "three is a crowd and anyway, Kevin might phone."
Back at the bar, Les has just come in and Jack is not pleased to see him, "you nearly gave me a heart attack. That is the last time I ride in any vehicle that you're driving." "Give over, Jack" replies Les, "when I get my licence back, you'll be forever cadging lifts." !!!!! "No licence! Driving! You want locking up!" exclaims an apoplectic Jack.
Time for the next round for the hen party and it's Rita's turn. She goes to the bar and asks Betty "can you do the same again?" Betty replies that she can, but her heart's not in it. Rita asks whether someone has been upsetting Betty. The reply from Betty is "Rita, you don't know the half of it." Rita insists on helping - they are old pals, if there's a problem, she is happy to share it. Betty tells her that it's Sharon's problem. Then she clams up, but Rita will have none of it - Betty just cannot leave it there. She tells Rita that the bar is not the correct place to discuss this and asks Rita to come round the bar.
Restaurant time for Natalie and Ian. He is continuing his patter, how he feels he has known her all his life. She tells him she feels as if she hardly knows him at all. "No problem, ask me anything at all" he invites. She tells him that she has been thinking a lot about his fiancée Nicola and how upset she must be since he broke off the engagement. He suggests that they finish off the wine and have a coffee at his place. Natalie replies that she would love to do so, but she has to get back to the Rovers, it's a busy night, could he take her home?
At the Rovers, the hen party is in the boisterous phase - the streamers have been let off, the girls are singing "she's getting married in the morning". They are all having a great time.
Vera is getting a drink in for Jack, much to his surprise. She tells him she knows how much those pigeons have meant to him. He tells her he is missing them and Vera tries to cheer him up - if they can get sorted with a suitable house, then he can have them back.
Round the back of the Rovers, Betty is starting to open up to Rita. She explains that she knows Sharon's fiancé, Ian, because he comes into the Rovers to see Natalie, "she's carrying on with him." When Rita tells her she must be mistaken, Betty replies that she were, "but it's been going on for weeks, he takes her out, you know - she's out with him now." The look of horror spreads over Rita's face as she realises that this could, indeed, be the truth.
Round the front of the bar, the girls are getting more boisterous - they suddenly remember that Rita was supposed to be getting the drinks in and wonder where she is. Betty comes through from the back and, when asked, tells them that there's something she has to sort out, but not to worry, she has given her the money for some drinks - great cheers all round. Sharon asks what Rita has to sort out - Sally suggests that it might be some sort of surprise for the wedding. "Could be, knowing Rita" replies Sharon, "Hey is that it, Betty? Have we guessed it, eh, eh?" Betty looks uncomfortable, but doesn't say a word. Cue "She's getting married in the morning" as the girls going into song, once more.
In the yard of the Rovers, Ian has brought Natalie home. They are locked in a passionate embrace. "You don't know what you do to me" confesses an amorous Ian, "let me come in." Natalie tells him "next time, I've got to show my face in the bar" as she kisses him passionately again. She tells him to ring her, he gets hold of her and kisses her again. As he leaves, she gets her keys and opens the door.
Inside, Rita is standing by the door. As Natalie comes in, with her back to the house, we see Ian outside in the yard. "Night Ian", she says, as she shuts the door. As she turns round, she sees Rita standing there. "Rita, what are you doing here? Is summat wrong?" she asks. Furiously, Rita replies "By hell, lady, I've met some hard faced bitches in my time, but you take the bloody gold medal". Natalie looks puzzled......
.....and with that.... it is the cue for music and credits ...
Episode written by John Stevenson
All material is, and remains, copyright property of Granada Television.
Well, how was it for me? A really enjoyable episode, slightly less things going on, mainly because of the concentration on developments in the main storyline, the wedding Ian/Sharon/Natalie affair, of which, more later.
One storyline coming to a conclusion was the end of the trade war between Rita and the Desais, as evidenced by one unhappy customer, Jackie.
Setting the scene for the christening was Vera, making a nice impact on the Malletts' heart - nice touch.!
Another scene setter for the future is the impact Tom Ferguson is having on the ladies as the new stylist at the salon. Let's hope he has acting abilities to match his good looks. Nice contribution, as ever, by Toyah.
The difficulties in lending money to friends or relatives were well handled, as Janice predictably fails to keep her word and repay the funds, well and truly dropping her daughter in it.
Cow of the week award goes to Sally, who is intent on scoring points, this time over on Alison as she wreaks her revenge on Kevin. She really is a nasty piece of work and I hope she realises how totally non-productive revenge can be.
Which brings us to the two key storylines of the episode, the humour being provided by Charlie West and Les in the saga of Jack's pigeons. What can you say? Corrie comedy at its best with some absolutely brilliant one-liners from Charlie " flown em, bred em, shot em, plucked em and ate em" West. You know that Les and Charlie are both rather iffy, to say the least, but the way this episode gradually unveils the truth is hilarious. Wonderful script, wonderful acting.
The main storyline, of course, the planned wedding and the Natalie, Ian and Sharon triangle. The final strands are now being unveiled for all to see and, again, well crafted and scripted. Sharon going to the altar, unwittingly manipulated like a lamb to the slaughter, Ian looking for a way out but being too spineless to be honest and tackle the issue head on, and Natalie full of caution and, in this case, being an unwitting third-party. Betty and Rita as the bystanders caught up in it all. Strikes me as being well done all round.
All in all, a really enjoyable episode with a nice mix of the serious stuff with some great comedy. There is a rather nice cosy warmth returning to Corrie these days and I don't mean in a negative dull way either. Friendships and relationships are the natural breeding grounds for gentle joshing, the harmless banter which we are seeing re-emerge on Corrie. Long may it continue... :)
Anyway that's it for now.. Until the next time, take care...
Tubby greetings and Tinkyluv from the Tinkster in Glorious Glossop....
Regards, Alan
I'd like to start this week with an apology. Barely hours after the mailing list had sent out last Sunday's update, containing a word of thanks to the splendid volunteer who had filled in for the previous two weeks, than I got an email from Jane Rice, saying it was very nice that I had thanked her in public for doing so, BUT... I should have been thanking Annie !! Aargh ! So, Annie, if you're out there...
Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry!
And furthermore, SORRY about that !
Lest anyone should thing I have completely lost it, there *is* a good reason why I mentioned Jane's name, but more of that later.
This week's show was an hour-long special, featuring a wedding and a christening. So, I have even more notes than usual and even less time for preamble, so we'll get straight on with the action.
But just before that. A quick teaser: You have just returned from the most expensive (but most enjoyable) family holiday ever. The next day is a major milestone birthday. The following Saturday is a big party and there's lot to do. What's the last thing you want to hear on the day after "life begins" ? Answer at the end.
For now, enjoy the Street...
Act 1
A barnstorming start, as we pick up where we'd left off on Friday,
in the back of the Rovers with Rita and Natalie having a rare
old fight. [Verbally, at least.] Rita is completely disgusted.
What sort of a trollop is Natalie, how could she do this, what
were the pair of them thinking ? Natalie, for her part, is mostly
confused. What is Rita on about ? On hearing that Betty had been
the bearer of bad tidings, Natalie fetches her through from the
bar. Betty tells them that she'd only passed on what she'd seen,
that Natalie appeared to be involved with Ian Bentley. Yes, says,
Natalie, I know him, but what business is it of anyone else ?
Gradually, we work through the fact that he *was* engaged, but
had broken it off, before Rita finally lets on that far from his
fiancee knowing anything about it, she's in fact right there in
the pub having her hen night. Natalie can scarcely believe that
they're talking about Sharon. [An excellent start tonight, with
Rita and Natalie showing what they can with some really good material.]
Briefly, we cut to the aforementioned celebration, where Sharon is admitting to the other women that the whole wedding is a bit of a compromise between Ian's wish for a quiet registry office do, and her dream of a traditional church affair. [Actually, it looks like she won most of the argument, although she did admit her wedding dress was more ivory than white.] She wonders where Rita, off to get the next round of drinks, has got to...
Straight back to the barely defused situation in the back where Natalie protests her innocence, saying she would never had got involved with Ian had she know the whole truth. Of course, Rita wastes no time in scoring a point by reminding her of her affair with Kevin. She warns Natalie to keep away from Ian. "Oh, don't worry, when I find him I'll kill him !" Rita is shocked to hear that Natalie doesn't even know where he lives, and is reluctant to enlighten her, but Natalie only has to mention that she *could* simply ask Sharon...
Steve and Linda are seen walking down the street outside. She's already complaining that he's not lavishing enough on her - how about a proper meal rather than a fried supper ? Steve deflects the accusations of stinginess by claiming that he'd been looking forward to something "a bit more exciting" than an evening in a restaurant. In no time, it's straight to the main course when they agree to pick up a bottle of something, champagne preferably, before going back to his flat to see what comes up. They nip into the corner shop, and Linda demands the most expensive bottle from Nita. A snip at 24 quid ! Steve goes through to the storeroom where he finds Vikram, who has been looking over his accounts. "They're a joke !", is his considered opinion. Steve mumbles something about not telling the tax man everything, but Vik is quick to point out that you have to tell them something, and the accountant even more. Another failed point from Steve is "it's not a crime !", and Vik puts him right by telling him that's exactly what it is, tax evasion. He tells Steve to enjoy his bubbly, while he still can.
Sharon is in full flow by now, spilling all the beans about the ceremony, her dress, the honeymoon. When she hears they are booked into the church immediately after the Malletts' christenings, she worries whether the vicar will have enough time. [You'll have to suspend disbelief on this one, as in my experience, C of E weddings always take place on Saturdays, and baptisms on Sundays.] Rita returns at this point, looking very uncertain what to say or do. Sharon spots her and asks her where she's been. "Oh, just talking to Betty about nothing..."
Natalie arrives at Ian's flat. "This is a... surprise !", he says. "A shock, do you mean ?", she replies. He asks her how she'd found out where he lived. Oh, Natalie's found out quite a lot about you, sunny Jim. He tells her she'd better come in. "Not disturbing you and your fiancee, I hope ? Oh no, of course it's traditional to spend the night before the wedding apart, where is Nicola, then, at her parents ? It *is* Nicola, isn't it ?", and with that, she walks into the flat past a worried-looking Ian.
[Bit of a shock for Brookie fans coming up next.] Eek, it's that mad Simon ! Oh, no, apparently he's not come to start a new cult, he's Gary's brother, Shane, fresh in from Saudi for the christening.
Off to "Changing Rooms" now, where that long-haired toff with the double- barrelled name has been let loose on a suburban flat and has painted every room a different primary colour. Or rather, it's Ian's flat, and Natalie is on the full inspection tour, while simultaneously grilling Ian. She found out about Sharon from Rita. What on earth did he think he was doing, the Rovers is only 50 yards from the Kabin ? Did he think no-one would notice ? Ian goes into full flannel mode, as he tries to persuade Natalie, and us [if we care] that he'd not meant to hurt anyone, it just happened, yadda yadda, there's something between us, how can I tell Sharon... Natalie sums it all up rather well, telling him he is weak and pathetic, and just wanted to have his cake and eat it. [Strange expression, that !]
The assembled Malletts are looking at the twins. Gary reminds Shane that he's supposed to be doing a reading in church. When Judy leaves the room, Shane remarks how the babies do look like Gary - that must have been quite a relief. Gary for his part doesn't want to be reminded of the pain he went through when Judy confessed she had slept with her boss around the time the twins were conceived [and for my part this is the first time we've really found that Gary had gone to his brother's house then, obviously not in Saudi at the time, where it was Shane who had persuaded him to go back to Judy and not think any more about it]. Gary asks his brother never to mention it again.
Ian has told Natalie that he still intends to go ahead and marry Sharon the next day. She's dumbfounded at this. He thinks he can still make it up to the poor girl, after all he hadn't actually slept with Natalie, and it's before the wedding, not after, anyway. She says the truth is that he's too spineless to tell Sharon everything now. He asks Natalie not to say anything to anyone. She seems amenable to this, not wanting her own name dragged through the mud as well, but can't vouch for Rita. He tries to apologise, but she tells him to save it for Sharon. As far as Natalie's concerned, it's finished. He raises the prospect of them remaining friends, but she cuts him down. [A few people have criticised Ian, or rather the actor concerned, for his performance, but I'd have to say he actually came over rather well. I think what we tend to forget is that many men are in fact completely hopeless with relationships, or emotions generally, and that appearing distant and awkward can be fairly natural !]
Back to the Rovers, where Jack is several sheets to the wind, apparently mourning the loss of his pigeons. Vera reminds him they have duties to perform as godparents the next day, and he'd better be in a fit state by then. She drags him away. As they go, Betty observes to Rita that the hen party is in full swing. Rita still can't decide what to do, worried that Sharon would be devastated to know about Ian and Natalie, but Betty remarks how much worse it could be if she finds out later, and learns that Rita had known on the eve of their wedding. The camera cuts to Sharon, who is showing off her engagement ring...
Intermission
Oh, wonder of wonders, a whole slew of adverts which raised a
smile tonight ! If I had more time, I'd tell you all about them.
You'll just have to take my word for it ;-)
Act 2
Next day. Sally is feeding the girls, who are all decked out in
their bridesmaids outfits. Sharon, meanwhile, is having a bad
hair day, and starting to panic about it. Sally has an inspiration,
and goes out to see what she can do, just as Rita arrives. She
tells Sharon they need a quiet word in private.
Steve arrives in the corner shop, and hands Vik a shoebox of extra invoices and stuff, asking him to give them the once over. He offers a pint in the Rovers later. Vik tells him it'd better be several, *and* there'll be a bill later. Steve's face looks even glummer than usual.
Back to Sharon and Rita - rather than just telling her straight, Rita is skirting around the subject by asking Sharon if she feels alright about the wedding, you know people would understand if she had doubts, especially if she wasn't sure how well she knew Ian, and how much she could trust him. Sharon twigs that Rita is hinting at something, and asks what's going on. "I just want you to be happy..." is Rita's reply. Sharon's face lights up and she tells her foster mother that she's blissfully happy when she's with Ian, she *dreams* of being his wife, in fact. [Oh sorry, I forgot to warn you you might need the in-flight sick bags tonight. Just hand them to the flight stewards on the way out.] Before things get any better, or worse, Sally arrives back with Maxine in tow. [She's going to run her fingers through Sharon's hair, in all likelihood.]
As Rita leaves the house, she's taken aback to see Ian arriving. Rather than engage him in conversation, she tells him curtly that his secret's safe with her. He asks her to hear him out, and they make their way to Rita's flat. Where he promptly puts all the blame on Natalie, telling Rita how the lecherous landlady had done all the running. He'd simply got caught up in it all. He swears he'd never looked at another woman since he got involved with Sharon. Rita looks unconvinced, but all too ready to think badly of Natalie.
Our first visit to the church next, where the vicar is having a quiet word with Gary and Judy. In the front pews, Jack and Vera are engaged in animated discussions about something they have seen in the service book, and as the vicar gets the service underway, they interrupt him with the news that Jack has never been baptised himself, and does this mean he can't stand as godparent ? The vicar confirms this, and tells the Malletts that they will need to find someone else. Quick as a flash, Les bounces off his seat and volunteers his services. Before poor Gary and Judy have to think too long about this, the vicar announces that he *could* baptise Jack first, and then he would be able to be godparent to he twins. This is fine with Jack, until it emerges that he too will need godparents, and while Vera can be one, they will also need another man. Les is on his feet again, but Jack manages to catch Ken's eye, and Ken says he'd be only too pleased to help out. [And don't think we've seen the last of Les tonight !]
Rita has returned to the Rovers, where she tells Betty what Ian has said, about Natalie being most at fault, and that he intends the wedding to go ahead. She's thought about, and feels he deserves another chance. In the background, Natalie has seen this exchange, and comes over to find out what the latest news is. Rita claims ignorance, and Natalie announces she's sick of all the whisperings and rumours.
Some light humour from the church as Jack interrupts the vicar again, this time during his own baptism ceremony, to say he'd always rather fancied being called Marlon, or Clint. Vera gets ready to clip him round the ear, and the service goes ahead, as John Harold Duckworth is duly christened.
Natalie has followed Rita back to her flat above the Kabin, and is protesting that she can't be held to blame for every failed relationship in Weatherfield. She tries to convince Rita that if it were up to Ian, he would have smuggled her off on his honeymoon as well as his bride. Rita scoffs at the idea, but Natalie looks determined to prove that he is still lying. She asks to borrow Rita's phone.
In a rather hammy and overacted piece, Ian's best man is wondering aloud how Ian had ever managed to get himself dragged to the altar in the first place, what about his "colourful" past, then, fnarr, fnarr. Ian tells him that Sharon is very persuasive... mind you, doesn't mean he has to change his spots as it were, just be a bit more discreet in future. [I think we all get the picture now.] Just then, Ian's phone rings, and he waves his friend off so he can have a quiet word with Natalie. She asks him if he'd meant what he'd said to her just before she left his flat, about their carrying on in some way ? Her tone suggests that maybe she could come to terms with this, and as he starts to say how much he'd like this, and how he can't imagine not being able to see her again, Natalie hands the receiver to Rita to listen in.
Intermission
Another good ad. Mind you, most of the "amusing" ones
these days seem to highlight the general ineptitude of the male
of the species...
Act III
The vicar baptises the twins, as the proud parents look on. [Could
Gary and Judy smile any wider ? Could they look any *more* like
proud parents on such an occasion ? They're just so natural when
they're on form, especially Gary.] In the background, though,
Shane is not smiling as he checks all his suit pockets [a suit
he has borrowed from Gary, having already forgotten to bring suitable
attire] and realises he has forgotten to do anything about getting
some material for the reading. He tries to duck it, but his father
says he'll have to think of something. He has about 5 seconds
to do so, as the vicar finishes up and announces that the twins'
uncle has a reading for the occasion. Shane stands up and looks
around a little nervously, before starting to recite the words
of a song [yes, I know I'm allowed to cheat and we do find out
later, but I did clock it as a Whitney Houston number, the one
that starts "I believe the children are our future..."].
As he progresses, Gary grins as he realises where Shane's inspiration
has come from.
The next ceremony is getting nearer, as Sally and the girls await the arrival of the the wedding cars. Rita arrives, and finds Sharon also ready to go, in her full regalia. We get the usual "you look beautiful" bit, before Sally and Rosie and Sophie go outside, and Rita stops Sharon from following on, stops her dead in her tracks in fact as she reveals that Ian has been seeing someone else.
Outside the church, Gary and Shane let Judy and Vera into the joke about the "reading". Gary is especially grateful that Shane hadn't brought his guitar along as well. [And Brookie fans will be glad to hear that Shane didn't blow the church up !!]
Sharon is in denial - this can't be happening to her. Rita tells her it breaks her heart to have to say all this, but it's the truth. Ian has been seeing someone else. "Someone I know ?" "Natalie !" "&*!&*!^*&" [OK, so I made that up, this is a family show.] Rita won't divulge all the details, but says she is sure that it was mostly Ian's fault. And before you know it, Sharon has decided that no, it must be *her* fault, for being too pushy. She claims she'd always known he'd had a lot of women in the past, perhaps this is just one last fling. Rita tells her not to fool herself that way - he had begged her to keep quiet about it himself. Sharon's not listening by now, she's decided he's truly sorry and is trying to protect her by keeping the truth from her on her wedding day. She resolves to go ahead with the wedding, and warns Rita not to say any more to anyone else.
A change of pace as we adjourn to the Rovers, where Steve and Vikram are having a drink. Vik waves his arms at Steve's "paperwork" and asks if this is some kind of double bluff ? Steve is confused. Vik explains he'd expected to see some signs of a profitable business, with the true extents of the profits being kept from the tax man, but instead he thinks Steve will be lucky to stay in business for more than a month or two. Steve is [easily] confused - he's got loads of work on. "You've loads of work, but you're not making enough profit !", he is advised. "As soon as it hits your bank account, it disappears !". Steve mumbles something about expenses, but Vik tells him that champagne is not a reasonable expense. He observes that Steve owes the bank a fortune, that his rent is exorbitant, and that his car is way too fancy for someone in his financial position. The problem is Steve's lifestyle. "And did you know there's six letters from the Inland Revenue in here ? SIX ?!" Steve deflates entirely. [Someone's switched Vik on tonight - he's been thoroughly hopeless at his attempts to chat up Maxine up til now, but this person who tore into Steve and demolished him, well he's a different beast altogether !]
In the church, Janice and Les sneak in just before the bride and her entourage arrive. [I'm not sure why - I'm pretty certain that, as a civil ceremony too, the public cannot be excluded from weddings, after all, they do go through the bit about "if anyone here knows any just cause or impediment..."] Everyone's attire is checked, and the bride-to-be walks down the aisle, accompanied by the gurls. [I think Rosie might even have managed a smile, tonight.] As Sharon reaches the altar, Ian leans over and tells her she looks fantastic. The vicar begins the service...
Back to Steve and Vik in the Rovers. Vik tells Steve that the bank won't want to foreclose, and they can probably handle that side, and the tax people, but Steve will have to tighten his belt. No more champagne, and the car will have to go. "You need A car", says Vik, "not one that costs 400 quid a month !" Sell it, or it'll be repossessed. And find a cheaper place to live, or even somewhere that's free. Finally, Steve learns that his largest expense is his wage bill - he should hire and fire, and at the moment, fire. [Bit difficult to believe that Steve doesn't pay the bare minimum to his workers, but there you go.] Right on cue, Gary enters and heads for the bar. He invites Steve round to the house later. "I'll think about it", says Steve. "You're the boss", says Gary cheerfully. [You work it out !]
Back to the church again, where the vicar has run through the bit about just cause and impediment, and starts with the vows, Ian first. Sharon looks at Rita, who looks back at her helplessly. As Ian finishes with the "forsaking all others" quote, Sharon's face collapses. She screams "liar !" at him and lays into him. [Very impressively, I might add.] He tries to calm her down, but she announces that she doesn't want anyone touching her, and runs off outside the church. Near the back, Les turns delightedly to Janice and observes that he wouldn't have missed this for anything. Ian spies Rita and accuses her of not having kept quiet about it all. Rita in return tells him how Natalie had tricked him, and she heard him betraying Sharon herself. At the mention of Natalie's name, Sally's ears prick up and she goes off after Sharon. Les, meanwhile, has spotted someone at the front of the church with a video camera, and is trying to wrestle this off the hapless soul, reckoning this'll be worth sending in to Jeremy Beadle. [I'm not sure I've time to explain this in great detail - JB has hosted a variety of shows involving the real and faked misfortune of ordinary folks, culminating in an especially tiresome one involving disasters caught on camera. Yes, some are funny, but some are deeply unfunny. I think this would fall in the latter camp.] Anyway back to the action, and Sally has found Sharon sitting sobbing on a gravestone outside [cheery places, churches aren't they ?]. Sally tries to console her friend, but it's fairly plain there's a good amount of spite involved as she tries to discover exactly how and why Natalie is involved. Sharon gets more angry as she realises what a fool she has been taken for, and vows to go and sort out that Barnes woman. "Don't do anything daft", warns Sally, "let me come with you [and I will] !"
Without further distraction, we see them arrive at the Rovers and push their way through the back, where they find Natalie. She is immediately defensive, and probably rightly so, and tells Sharon that not only does she wish that she'd never set eyes on Ian, but that she has if anything, not hurt Sharon herself, but done her a favour by letting her see what sort of man she nearly got married to.
Time for some relief from this, provided by a quick visit to the Malletts' home, where Gary and Judy look at the twins, asleep in their cots. [Have I remarked on how terrific these babies look and behave ? Two lucky, lucky, sets of parents out there somewhere.] Downstairs, Les is telling everyone how he'd stayed on at the church, and seen the spectacle of Sharon laying into Ian and walking out of the service. Natalie's name comes up. Jack ribs Ken about living up to his responsibilities as his godfather.
Sally leads a thoroughly despondent Sharon back to their house, through some rarely seen snow. As they walk off-camera, a tax pulls up outside Curly's house. It can't be ! It is !! Curly's back !!! He tries his key in the front door lock, but it won't turn. As he checks the other keys on the keyring, the door opens and the unedifying sight of Jackie and Tyrone Dobbs awaits him. "Who are you ?" he asks. "Never mind us, who are YOU ?", demands Jackie. Confused, he tells them his name, and that he lives here. "Not any more you don't, now shove off !", are Jackie's final words before slamming the door in his face. Curly looks about, wondering if he's got the wrong street, or town, or country, perhaps...
This episode was written by Mark Wadlow.
What a cracking episode ! A full hour of sheer delight. Drama, humour, you name it, it was there. (Still could have done without Sally, mind you.)
Can I stop typing now ? (Hey, be grateful it wasn't Me-left-cheek on duty ! He could've been up for a Booker prize for an hour's worth !!)
Overall rating (out of 5 stars): *****
And the answer to this week's brain teaser ? Well, the last thing you want to hear is that you won't have a job in a couple of months time. Especially when your partner's job could also fizzle out at any time. While we attempt to deal with this as best we can, I feel it only fair to bring my term as an updater to an end, and let someone with more time and commitment and enthusiasm take over. As next week marks a year (almost to the day) since I first ventured forth, that seems a suitable point to stop, after which you will have the undoubted pleasure of being serviced, on an alternating basis (!), by newcomer Jane Rice (Ricey) and the one and only... CP Turner.
Until then, take care - John Laird
Hiya :)
Monday rolls 'round again, eh? I don't know where the time goes anymore, but it certainly seems to fly. Not just in real life (where it's currently set to warp speed) but in Corrie too, where *plenty* of changes have happened since my last Update a mere seven days ago! Some good, some bad but all in all, tonight's episode was a winner, IMHO, so let's get cracking rather than waffle on.
We open with the devastated Sharon sitting in Rita's flat, still crying her eyes out, following yesterday's aborted wedding. It's 6:30am and she hasn't slept a wink, nor has Big Red, it would seem who smiles and offers to make some tea. Sharon attempts to compose herself but it's no use as she blurts out "I wish I were dead!" and bursts once again into floods of tears. Rita attempts to comfort her by telling her not to think like that because what Ian did was "sly and ugly" and that she's "worth far more than any man like that"... Obviously, her Fretting Foster-daughter is completely ignoring the advice, dead-set on mulling over the whole chain of events in full and wondering what possessed her beloved fiance to cheat on her with Natalie. As she launches into a tear-sodden lament about how much she loved him, Rita starts crying too and before long so am I! (It's hard to believe, since a) I was slagging this storyline to High Heaven only a week ago for being so deadly dull and b) since I find it difficult to grasp just what she saw in that nodding git who was never around for more than 2 minutes at once... But despite the millions of flaws circling the dying plot like hungry vultures, I fail to find a single bad word to say about Tracie Bennett and Barbara Knox who both act their hearts and souls out in this scene... Maximum cred points awarded all round! VERY moving!) - Rita explains that they'll "be someone else, one day" but Sharon is unconvinced and sniffles "What? So I can wreck me life all over again"...
Cadaver Boy MacDonald sprints around the corner of Rosamund Street in his big black hearse and pulls up outside the Cornershop where he is met by 5V-Vikram (who has recently had a visit from the Personality Transplant Fairy, it would seem!). Vik tells Steve that he really can't afford to be driving a car like the Fulci-mobile and that it "won't be any use for pulling birds when you have to push it cos it's ran out of petrol", but unsurprisingly, the Great Rotting Undead tells him that he *needs* the car and *won't* get rid of it. "You asked me to take a look at your books and I'm glad I did", harps the Suddenly Sanctimonious Shelf Stacker, adding that Steve will be in "DEEP trouble" if he doesn't start cutting his expenses.
Over t'road, the Returning Rover Curly Watts exits through Emily's front door having apparently slept the night on her couch. "I can't believe what's been happening around here since I've been away!" he muses to the Benevolent Bishop and her nephew, both of whom nod in agreement and tell him how happy they are that he's back... He explains that he's overjoyed himself, having been to "some places" that they "wouldn't believe" (is this the next Corrie video? ;)), and all he wants is to get into his own house and relax. Sadly, Jackie Gobbs and Son are currently occupying the premises, but Curly is "sick of living life in a rucksack" and "didn't come home just to pitch a tent out on the Red Rec", thus he approaches No 7 and bangs away on the door, as friendly neighbour Gareh Mallett appears and offers to buy him a pint later in the Rovers and show off the newborn twins. The two of them are interrupted by Cadaver Boy who is shouting "Gareh! Got a minute?" from down the road. The Merry Mallett approaches his boss and asks what's up... Steve begins to awkwardly try and say something as Judeh, with twins in tow, appears from out of nowhere to give Gary his sandwiches. Upon seeing the sweet sight of Mother, Father and Two Bonnie Babehs, the Cadaver Boy suddenly decides that what he was going to say (no cash prizes if you guessed it, btw) isn't important and can wait until later...
Irritating Ian pulls up elsewhere on the Street and rings Rita's doorbell only to be faced with ROBERT SMITH from THE CURE!!! Wow! Err, wait a second, no... That's just Barbara Knox, her hair all messed up and her mascara streaming down her face... Anyway, he begs and pleads with her to be let inside so he can talk to Sharon, but Rita tells him in no uncertain terms that he's about as welcome in there as a turd in a punchbowl. "Have you any idea what you've done to that girl??" she spits with equal doses of venom and despair, "You didn't just ruin what should have been the happiest day of her life but you might just have destroyed what's left of it, too! How easy do you think it's going to be for her to trust another man after what you've done to her??" - The Nodding Ninkempoop is totally unfazed, even when Big Red growls "You've could very well have scarred that girl just as surely as if you'd thrown acid in her face"! Of course, it's not long before Sharon herself comes downstairs (looking surprisingly composed) and tells Rita to let him in... Ut oh! Once again, this scene is stolen totally by Barbara Knox's intense level of acting. What a star! Long may she grace the Street with her high standard of performance.
Back at No 7, Curly is greeted at his own front door by the sight of Tyrone Dobbs, who is not best pleased to see him. "Aw I knew you'd be back!", he grunts at our hapless adventurer, "And I figured you'd want your stuff back!" - With that, the Boy Dobbs chucks a massive bin-liner full of clothes at poor Curly and slams the door in his face. Seconds later, it opens again and Tyrone hands him a pair of leather trousers with the line: "Oh aye, and you can 'ave these 'n'all! Wouldn't want people gettin' the wrong idea about me!" (LOL!)... To add insult to injury, a full bucket of water is suddenly poured upon Curly's head from the upstairs window as the cackle of Jackie Gobbs rings forth from above! "YOU! MAD!! COW!!!" screams the Watery Watts (!) but Gobbs is unmoved and threatens that next time he tries to get in, it won't be water but instead a chip-pan full of burning oil! Needless to say, the Wanderer beats a hasty retreat back to Emily's house...
...And we're back inside Rita's, where Ian is (badly) trying to win back Sharon with his words and his incessant head-nodding. Amazingly, Sharon stands up to him with frightening force and tells him not to come all innocent with her after what he's done. He stutters and makes horrible excuses about how what he and Natalie did never meant a thing and that he never even "saw the wallpaper on her bedroom wall". His only defence seems to stem from the fact that he made it to the Church and he keeps repeating this, as if it's some consolation (what an arse)! "That's what scares me so much!" shouts Sharon, "That's what makes me almost want to throw up!" adding that if they HAD gone through with it then he'd probably "still be sniffing around that tart at the Rovers before [he'd] even finished writing his thankyou cards!"... He nods and nods like one of those absurd little dogs you put at the back of your car and it becomes apparent at the end of the scene that Tracie Bennett has acted him clean off the screen! I would hereby like to apologise for all the times I referred to her as "Gurn-O-Matic" and other derogatory remarks since, in the last two episodes, she has proved herself to be (when her lines are more than "Ooh boy, I'm, like, soooo looking forward to marrying this swoony dreamboat!") a gobsmackingly excellent actress. Boy, is my face red. What a star she is!
Meanwhile at the Kabin, Leanne is looking distressed and tearful, but quickly springs to attention as a customer enters. It's Janice, Warrior Princess, and instantly she notices that something is wrong. Lee sells her some cigarettes and tells her, shakily, that everything is fine and "never better" but if you believe that then you'll believe that Adam Rickitt's new single is going to be a very faithful Leonard Cohen cover version. Just as Janice is about to leave, her stepdaughter pipes up nervously "Err, could you just look after the shop for five minutes?", since she has to go somewhere unspecified, and with a bit of pushing, the deal is sealed... "Go on, but just hurry up", sighs Janice, heading behind the counter, "I just hope Baldwin doesn't come in for one of his mucky mags"... hehehe!
Over at Rita's, that cad Ian is certainly pulling out all the stops (short of being sincere, that is) as he calmly takes out Sharon's wedding ring and muses "So, what am I going to do with this then?"... Thankfully, she doesn't fall into the trap and spews "Ask yer girlfriend across the Street if SHE wants it. It's s'posed to be every man's dream isn't it? A woman with her own pub?"... Despite the complete inaccuracy of her statement (I can think of far nicer things to dream about! :)), he is surprised that she's finally standing up to him, so he plays the final and most deadly card: GUILT! "Ugh, it was always what you wanted!", he barks, raising his voice, "A couple of kids, somewhere nice to live..."
Sharon: "It was what you wanted too!"
Ian: "No! It wasn't what I wanted! Not what *I* wanted!"
Sharon: "Huh? You never said anything abo..."
Ian: (Standing up and interrupting her loudly) "NO! I never
*SAID* anything because I *COULDN'T*! I couldn't stop you! I couldn't
stop... it! There was never any room for what I wanted! It's been
like a snowball! Getting faster... and bigger... and rolling down
the hill, and, and, and...... and I've just been rolled up in
it. Swept along by it!"
Sharon looks devastated and splutters "I can't believe you didn't want to marry me, what was going through your head??" to which Ian ruins the whole mood and shouts in a horrifyingly unexpected GLASWEGIAN ACCENT "Ah just wasnae ready forrr it!"... Huh!? Anyway, the strange regional lapse goes unnoticed and it appears it's a Point to the bastard as he's hit Sharon exactly where it hurts. "YOU MEAN MY LIFE IS IN SHREDS BECAUSE YOU WERE JUST TOO SPINELESS TO SAY NO???" she screams and all he can do is smile, nod like a bloody toy dog and say an insincere "Sorry"... "GET OUT! GET OUT!!!!" she howls, showing him the door, but as he leaves it's clear by the expression on her face that the rage is already turning into a massive wave of guilt. Ian: 1.. Sharon: 0.. regrettably. Once again, a scene that COULD have been pretty poor is saved by Tracie Bennett's sheer tour-de-force of a performance, which is a marvel to behold.
Back at the Kabin, Janice has made herself at home behind the counter with a cigarette and a soft drink (which I doubt she paid for)... Leanne returns, relieves her of duty and, as the Warrior Princess leaves, all becomes clear... From out of Lee's handbag comes... THE PREGNANCY TEST!!! Cue commercials!
The ads are merely an excuse to drill in the same few taglines that have been drilled into us for years. I'd say it's a good job that I don't believe everything I see on TV, but maybe if I did then I really *would* feel that a certain brand of moisturiser was like "warm summer rain on my face", that a certain brand of shampoo would keep my hair "looking and feeling great" and that an unnamed deoderant would make me feel "good and fresh all day"... In fact, come to think of it, for a mere £6 or so's worth of toiletries, it seems that I would be transported to some fabulous Utopia where everything is perfect.
Hmm, hang on, I think I'm just popping up to the shops... ;)
Ok, enough waffle, let's get back to the proper stuff. Curly is returning to Freshco for the first time since his return and is a little mystified by the presence of Ashley "The Lurve Doctor" Peacock, dressed in full butcher's garb. The Good Doctor explains about Fred's meat stall in the shop and Curly nods in bemusement. "Right then, I'll see if my job's still going..." he says, straightening his tie and heading into the back room for an even bigger surprise...
"ALMA!??"
"CURLY??!"
(Oh John! Oh Marsha!)
Frivolously assuming that we can handle such wild tension, the show now cuts to The Rovers where Brother Cadfael storms in to bring down the Wrath of God upon her arch-enemy Natalie Barnes... In full-view of a dozen rhubarb-loving extras, she spews forth venom that would kill a King Cobra at 50 paces, telling Nat to "get out of the Street and get out of everyone's lives" amongst other, not so friendly, things... As the Luckless Landlady tries to retain her dignity in the face of remarks like "You ruined my marriage to Kevin and now you've ruined Sharon's before she even got to the altar", Sickly's rage escalates until eventually she roars "And I'm not giving you another penny for that house! I'm moving out!" and storms out... Funniest moment of the night ensues when, as the pub descends into total silence, a nearby Spider Nugent peers over the top of his newspaper like a terrified Kilroy... "Same again, Spider?" asks Natalie, bending to pick up his empty glass... "Er, yeah", he says, nervously, hidden firmly behind the paper! Probably a purely visual gag but nonetheless one that had me in utter hysterics and reminded me one of the many things that sets Corrie head and shoulders above other soaps. After such a terribly tense and shouty scene, the whole thing is brought to a close with something so very funny indeed. When was the last time you saw such a working contrast in the likes of Eas... err, certain other soaps. ;)
Anyway, back at Freshco, Alma is desperately trying to explain to Curly just *WHY* she is sitting in his chair but the more she says about the likes of "Aidan O'Donnell" (the area manager who looked like Mark LaMarr... remember?), the more our hapless hero is confused... When he asks what's going to happen now that he's back (since, if you recall, Alma did say that she would only take the position UNTIL his return), she changes the subject and asks him how Kuala Lumpar was (or "Koala Lumper" (a very dangerous Australian pastime, I hear) as someone misspelt it to me last night! ;)))... He explains that he kept moving around there and never managed to find Racquel (awww nooo!), thus eventually decided to come home and turn himself in. Obviously, the police ran through the whole dreary RoboMadAnneMalone story to him and he was free to go. He then apologises for running away so quickly and tells her that the only thing he needs to do now is boot the Gobbs Family from his house... "Ah, that could be a problem", ahems Alma, "They're not squatters, they're tenants... They've got rent books, you see........ Because I, err, gave them to 'em..." - Curly looks as if he wishes the ground would open and swallow him up...
So it's back to the Rovers, where Jim MacDonald and his Googly-Eyed Son exchange some dialogue. It transpires that Steve has come up with a nice cost-cutter which involves him getting rid of his flat and moving back in with his dear dad (This is less than a year after he attempted to murder said 'dear dad', I should note)... Jim is surprised (as am I!), since he thought that the business was going well, but he says that he's very sorry that Steve is having a financial rut, adding that "I could hardly sit here and say that I don't need the company can I?"... The Great Rotting Cadaver Boy says he'd like to move in next week and Jim quips "Great, tell you what, I'll get some beer in!" - A strange scene and I have no idea where that could be leading to!!!
Meanwhile, Janice and Loathsome Linda sit across the room, with Linda going all mushy about Cadaver Boy, watching him breathlessly and cooing "Ooh, he knows how to treat a woman, you know, Steve does" (one is reminded of some arcane and horrible George Romero film footage at this point... *shudder*)... The Warrior Princess is, obviously, finding this hard to believe and warns that "he married Alec Gilroy's granddaughter, just for her cash"... Needless to say, Linda is ignoring all this and, as they stand up and make for the exit, she stops to talk to her little crush... As she asks if he wants a repeat performance of the other night, he grunts rudely and wonders if she's paying this time... She explains that of course she isn't because that's "what men are for", to pamper their female partners and pay for things. Mr Misogyny replies "Does it look like I've got a mug handle sticking out the back of my head?" and I try and work out which of these two characters I dislike the most... Bleh.
Leanne is at home, staring at the (as yet unused) pregnancy test kit and sitting at the kitchen table. THE CAMP CRUSADER (da-da-da-daaah!) returns home and squeaks "Hi! I'm back!" as if he's auditioning for presidency of the Joan Collins Fan Club... She is surprised to see him back so soon and, as he winces in cringeful falsetto (hopefully ***not*** an indication of his imminent singing career!) about how they should maybe go out tonight, she tells him that she's not in the mood for it... He wonders if something's wrong with her (what? besides the fact that she's married to a haircut with a mouth?) but Lee merely gets increasingly agitated with his wimpy little bleats and feeble attempts at delivering anything even resembling convincing dialogue, eventually storming upstairs and leaving him to preen at his beloved camera... With, unsurprisingly, no mention of the little blue kit...
Returning to The Rovers, Curly sits at a table with Emily, Spider and Maude wishing that he'd never come back. He explains that he *IS* grateful for all that Alma's done in his honour and he *IS* sorry for running off so quickly and unexpectedly, but nonetheless, all he wanted was to come home, kick his shoes off and relax, so the present trials and tribulations are most unwelcome! He groans that his only hope is to talk to the police in the morning and see if they'll help remove his gobby squatters, but Spider is somewhat less than enthusiastic, explaining that some of his mates are "expert squatters" and that the only way to get them out is by taking down the house brick by brick and building it somewhere else! Once again, Curly's face hits the floor.
The show wraps up in the busy Mallett Household with a very cruel and callous scene. As Judeh steps over a carpet strewn with nappies, leading Steve into the room, Gareh (bouncing a babeh in each arm, aww!) greets his employer with pleasantries and offers him a beer. Cadaver Boy declines and proceeds to tell him, in stunningly insensitive and cold monotone that he's "laying off a few fellas" and Gary is one of them. "Sorry Mate", he says, handing Gary a cheque for 'what he owes him' (apology not included!)... Gareh clutches the twins and looks mortified as Judeh's face turns to one of complete horror! What a b@st@rd!!!!
Cue credits!
This episode was written by Phil Ford and, amazingly, considering the dodginess of some of these plotlines, was actually very good! The acting was of a higher overall standard than I've seen for awhile on the Street with only the usual suspects, who I won't name again, letting the side down.
It's good to see Curly returning and thrust straight back into the turmoil he's been going through since day one! We wouldn't have him any other way and it's utterly marvellous to see Kev Kennedy looking so healthy and radiant! Really good stuff there and, I would like to hope that his enthused performance signifies an improvement in his personal circumstances.
The show-stopper was actually the first scene tho, with Barbara Knox and Tracie Bennett. There are no words to do justice to the performances that both of these ladies have given in the last two episodes, following the exposure of Ian the Swine's affair. I said just last week that these storylines lead up to nothing of interest, but what this one has done is disproved my theory, since, if nothing more, it's given a chance for these two stunningly talented actresses to show off their remarkable skills... Kudos!
Elsewhere the Leanne/Nick/Possible-Baby-Rickitt-Monster story seems to be forming and this worries me. It's obviously going to be a sensitive topic (teenage pregnancy) and I am, joking aside, very worried about how a certain Mr Rickitt will be able to handle such dialogue... But who knows, maybe he'll surprise us all? Aside from that, tho, things are moving along at a nice pace (not too fast, not too slow) with a nice mix of high drama and quaint comedy. I enjoyed it! What more can I say? :)
Anyhow, next week, I'm taking a short break from the Updates (my first in 25 weeks!) so you will be treated to the Vitriolic Velocity of Jane "Ricey" Rice, Wales' own answer to Lydia Lunch, in my place. Oh, don't worry, she's a fluffy kitten at heart, really, I swear. ;) I hope you enjoy Jane's Update and, all being well, I'll return to the fray on the 22nd!
'Til next time! :)
The Rattler
Hiya folks!!!! ... Time again for another update....
It's been a real fun week on the personal front, with nothing much to talk about workwise. Heavy domination of Corrie, IRC, and my pals on the Net.
First of all, I want to welcome some new friends to this forum - Georgia Taylor (aka Toyah Battersby) and Phil Collinson, her boyfriend, who put in a number of appearances on the #coro_street channel during the last week. A real pleasure to meet such a couple of really nice warm friendly and unassuming folk.
It was a week of great laughter, especially on the Guest Book and IRC. My lovely pal, Jubblyjub in Queensland, Australia posted a message on the GB about looking to trade in one 44 year old male (her hubbie) for two 22 years year olds. Woohooo!! It turns out that snoring of said hubbie is the cause of the discord, but it started a hilarious thread on snoring and various remedies. Regulars to this forum will be aware of the fact that my dear wife is one helluva snorer herself, something which has been the cause of much mirth and hilarity in between the frustration of me having to wear ear plugs in bed to get a decent night's sleep. Anyway, within hours of this thread starting, I inadvertently got my own back - during the day, I had been working on some sound clips on the PC which I use as a fax server and I forgot to switch the sound down after finishing my work. Early the following morning, a fax comes in and - as the PC is just the other side of the partition wall from our bedroom - I hear the modem taking the call. One of the features of WinFax is that it can notify you when a fax has arrived - this it does by playing a wav file - in this case wfnotify.wav, which is actually a bugle wave!!!! So, at 6 am we hear this bugle going off. Trude, thoroughly confused and disoriented, was trying to work out what it was - realising my clanger, I pretended I was still asleep. The problem was, another fax came in a few minutes later, to be followed by the exclamation from Trude "Bl**dy h*ll,. I spend all day working with idiots, I come home and I'm surrounded by them and then in the middle of the night, you hear f***ing bugles sounding off!!!!" Needless to say, I was absolutely helpless with laughter, wiping away the copious tears streaming down my cheeks and trying to keep my ribcage in for fear of passing out from the pain of laugher. Anyway, the wav file has been renamed bugle.wav and dear Jubbly plays it whenever I appear on the channel. I tell you this, if we had more laughter like this, we wouldn't need Prozac and the like!!!
Our IRC pal, Sue arrived from Kingston, Ontario in the early hours of Thursday morning. Her hotel room wasn't ready, so we took her and her daughter, Sarah, for a quick tour of the City Centre, followed by a nice drive through the Peak District.
That night, a couple of good pals, Annie and Chris, arrived to stay overnight - a joy as ever to see them.
On the Friday, Sue, Sarah and I spent a few enjoyable hours at the Granada Studios Tour - being Comic Relief "Red Nose Day", Granada were in the swing of this, with Bruce Jones selling signed autographs for charity. (We also saw "pop star" type fever and adulation in action, as Adam Ricketts made an appearance for the screaming crowd of pre-pubescent girls at the main gate. Each to their own, I guess!) Always good to see the Street and hopefully, this time, the photos will come out OK!!! Bad point was Granada shutting early for the day and quite a few attractions being shut part-way through the afternoon, unannounced in advance. You wouldn't believe the palaver we had getting them to open the shop for Sue - after all, she'd only travelled 3000 miles - despite conflicting stories as to what was or wasn't open.
The following day, I am pleased to say that dear Annie managed to apply a hefty boot to the situation and get Granada to readmit Sue and Sarah, free of charge, to be able to experience the bits of the Tour shut on the Friday. Well done Annie!!
Saturday night was Cork's mini-ping night - in attendance, honorary guests, lovely Sue and the delightful daughter "Cookie" aka Sarah. In her honour, the other attendees, the Prince and Princess of Ping, Chris and Annie, not forgetting Trude and myself.... Oh and a few other guests too. Delightful Georgia (Toyah Battersby) Taylor and her fella Phil, who has established himself as a regular on the channel, plus a couple of Georgia's friends. A good fun night in lovely company. That's what it's all about!! Hope Sue and Sarah had a good time - we certainly had a great time in their company. Enjoy the rest of your stay!!
On a highly personal level, the evening was rounded off with some lovely presents that Cork brought over from various Canadian friends of mine on the channel - thanks ever so much, your thoughts and kindness are very much appreciated. Especially touching was a beautiful book of photographs of Canada entitled "Canada With Love" - this was signed by all who attended the recent Brit Show Ping in Toronto. It's not often I am lost for words - you lot certainly had me blubbing - thanks for the warmth and love and care. What the heck can I say? You've no idea how much your love means to me.....
Oh and by the way, this update covers the episode for 12th March 1999 - I wrote my first update for the episode of 16th March 1998 (a Monday), switching to doing Fridays from later that same week, 20th March..... For me a year of many contrasts, some real pain , but also joy like I've not known for years. Thanks for being part of my life in a most wonderful year and what a joy it has been getting to know so many lovely people..
Anyway.... enough of that.... without further ado, it's time for the update
Episode sponsored by Cadbury
The programme starts at Ashley's place. Leanne is peeking through the net curtains out onto the street, a glass of water in her hand, looking thoughtful and upset. Nick comes down the stairs and asks whether she is feeling sick. She is obviously pretty confused and preoccupied - she explains that she didn't sleep a wink all night and got up at 5. Clutching at straws, Nick tells her she has to go to the doctor's as the test might be wrong, but she dismisses his line of thought. He tells her surely the test must be wrong, she cannot be pregnant as she takes the pill.
Back at Emily's, Spider and Curly are just leaving. Spider is puzzled why Curly has hardly said a word about his holiday, no photographs, no boring anecdotes - he tells Curly he even cleared a space in his wardrobe specially, for the "My mate went to Kuala Lumpur and all I got was this lousy teashirt" teashirt!!! Curly explains that he soon snapped out of the holiday mood (hahahahahaha!!) and anyway, he hasn't got round to putting his films in for processing. But, he explains determinedly that he has decided today is the day he takes the house situation by the scruff of the neck.
In the street, Steve is loading up his car with tools (do us a favour mate, stick yourself in - mind you tools are usually useful). Gary walks by and remarks that, if Steve has a job on, then maybe he needs some help. Steve is short with him, but apologetic, the job is small and doesn't merit any other help. He sees that Gary looks desperate and tells him that, although things are a bit quiet right now, if he hears of anything, then he will let him know. "Thanks mate, anything.... Anything at all, you know how we're fixed" replies a grateful Gary. After he has moved on, we hear Steve muttering under his breath "you and me, mate."
The scene changes to Underworld where an attractive female sales rep is trying to get to see Mike. Deirdre is explaining to her that she has just missed Mike, as he has gone on a lunch appointment with a supplier in Bolton. Just as the visitor is asking when Mike is due back (as she could wait for him, because she has a number of calls in the area), the phone rings. Deirdre offers her apologies and goes to answer the phone. It's for Alison - Deirdre calls her and silently mouths "it's Kevin" to her. Continuing her conversation, Deirdre explains that Mike doesn't see reps without an appointment. Just as the rep is asking for Deirdre to book her in, who should walk in through the door, but an irritated Mike Baldwin himself. He walks past Deirdre and the visitor, explaining that the journey was a waste of time - halfway down the motorway, he had a call from the secretary cancelling the appointment. He sees Alison on the phone in his office, the door closed and asks Deirdre whether it is a personal call. Dee explains that it is and it's important. Mike angrily bangs on the door, asking Alison how many times has he told her, "no personal calls in work time." He chastises Deirdre, warning her that she needs to be careful, otherwise all the workforce will abuse the position. Deirdre introduces the rep, a Julia Stone, "from Mercury Fabrics", adds the visitor. "I'm sorry darlin', I don't see reps without an appointment " snaps Mike, still in an irritated mood. As Alison leaves Mike's office to get back to her bench, he continues snapping - she isn't to make a habit of it, he tells her. "And I make a point of seeing new clients over lunch, "offers Julia. He must be hungry after the wasted trip, so she suggests they could meet over in the pub across the road in, say, twenty minutes. "Is that supposed to sound tempting? It's hardly the Savoy Grill" retorts Mike, sarcastically. "And you're hardly Chanel" returns Julia. Yay!!! 15-all!! Mike pauses, duly put down and tells her, fine, he will give her half an hour. "Good, half an hour is all I need. See you over there" replies Julia, as she picks up her case and leaves.
At the Kabin, Sharon has just popped out of the shop to look at a window display she has organised. Pleased with her efforts ,she goes back into the shop. She comments to Rita that they should change the display more often. Rita replies that is exactly what Leanne has been telling her - she recalls how Mavis used to have nightmares changing the displays because she imagined there would a crowd outside watching her and she would suddenly realise she was stacking peardrops in the nude - oh my gawwwd what a thought??!! Sharon continues, they should run a poster competition. "Of Mavis? In the nude?" asks an incredulous Rita. Sharon's idea is to have something which involves the local kids, but Rita doesn't look very impressed and pulls a face. Rita asks Sharon to be honest, is she just doing this for her (Rita's) benefit, but Sharon tells her she needs to be doing something to take her mind off things - sitting around moping doesn't help, you only end up blaming yourself. Rita tells her she has nothing for which to blame herself, but Sharon feels that, maybe, she pushed Ian, she asks why, for the party or the frock? Did she want the wedding more than she wanted the husband? "Don't talk daft" replies Rita, but Sharon is being honest with herself, it's a fair enough question. "So what's the answer?" asks Rita. "Dunno" is the answer, "no-one wants to think they are as shallow as all that".
At that point, Nick comes into the Kabin to see Leanne. Rita calls her from the back. When she comes through, he asks what she is doing for lunch - "I'm not having one, I've got that 'Dentist's' appointment, this afternoon" (nudge nudge), she tells him. Being a plank, he twigs pretty quickly :) She tells him that the appointment is at half four, so she will see him at home. "Good luck" he wishes her as he leaves the shop. Leanne gazes into space, unhappy, worried, distracted.
Sharon wistfully comments to Leanne that it must be nice knowing you got married for the right reasons and how nice it must be, the pair of them together, happy. Leanne's face tells a different story, not that Sharon can see this.
At the Rovers, Betty looks rushed off her feet. She is the only one serving. Spider is propping up the crowded bar, as Curly comes in, looking purposeful. "Mission accomplished?" asks Spider. Curly replies that he has seen two different solicitors and got two different sets of advice. He remarks that he is considering going for the easy option and getting a baseball bat!!! LOL!!! In the middle of this, Jackie forces her way through the scrum to get a drink in at the bar. Anyway, Curly has managed to do one thing - get his slides in for developing, the problem is that he has nothing to view them on "not until I get HER out" he raises his voice pointedly, looking in Jackie's direction. Suddenly, he remembers, doesn't Emily have one? Ken, who has been propping up the bar nearby, interjects to say that it was actually Ernie's and he's ashamed to say that he borrowed it about 3 years ago and didn't return it. Curly continues, he has also made an appointment at Freshco's to see what excuses they have for pinning Anne Malone's madness on him. "I wanna see those creeps sweat", he adds. "Well, I'll drink to that", replies Spider "or at least I would if we could get a drink."
Mike and Julia are having their business lunch. She is showing him her catalogue (keep it clean!!!) and he admires one of the items. She tells him they get that from one of their suppliers in Portugal - would he be interested in having some samples made up? Looking at the catalogue he laughs and says "at that price, no thanks." She tells him they could be flexible "if the order was right." "How flexible?" asks Mike. Julia shows her lack of seniority by saying she would have to refer that to her manager. "You'll have to do better than that. You're new to this game aren't you?" he asks. Embarrassed, she replies "is it that obvious?" "Stands out a mile" he replies. "Still I enjoyed the sandwiches and I fancied a sit-down," looking at his watch "and now, I'm afraid I've got to go. Julia, it was nice not doing business with you" as he holds out his hand and shakes hers. She holds onto his hand for just a little bit longer than he expected and asks if she can get back to him and discuss the matter again over lunch, somewhere decent, his choice. Delfin's, he suggests - fine, she will have her sales pitch sorted out by then. "And a hefty expense account, I hope" he replies, as he gets up and leaves. As he does so, we see the expression on her face, he has clearly made an impression on her. (Hmm.. red wine next?)
Ken answers the door. Not Greeks bearing gifts (or even geeks bearing GIFs , it's Deirdre bearing butties. "One cheese. One turkey salad" she announces, "I thought I could bribe my way to a pot of tea and some stimulating conversation" she announces. "Well, you'll get plenty of that" replies Ken - Deirdre realises he's got company and looks to leave, but Ken insists she is very welcome to stay, although she might not thank him for it. At that point, the door opens to reveal Curly "Ah, Deirdre, you're just in time for Kakkadoo." (Spelling??!!) "Kakkawhat?" asks Dee. Ken explains that Curly has his holiday slides on show. Deirdre tries to get out of it, but Ken insists and she reluctantly comes in. Curly is in full flight - there is a projector screen in the room with a slide displayed on it. Curly is holding a wooden spoon, which he is using as a pointer. "Now this, is the ghost gum tree" he continues - we see Spider sprawled out on a chair looking as if he is suffering from terminal boredom - "now a little tip here for you, if you get lost in the outback" - "like you do" interjects Deirdre - "and you've forgotten your 'Factor 15', if you rub your hands up and down the bark and cover yourself in the white powder, it's an old aboriginal form of sun-block." ROTFL, Curly at his best in anorak-overdrive mode, he does it SOOOO well, reminds me of my slide-shows!!! LOL!!! "Fascinating" observes Ken. Curly switches to the next slide, "and this is....." .. "a termite mound" offers Spider. "Oh yes" recalls Curly, "I keep forgetting." Deirdre asks Spider whether he has been there. "Australia? I lived there. Well, till I got deported..... in an eco-community in Queensland.... The stories I could tell you..." Ken quickly takes the opportunity to collapse the projector screen "well, at least we know it's all in good working order, perhaps if you give Emily my apologies.." Rushing to his feet, Spider insists there is no need, "you hang onto it, cos Curly can use his own projector cos he'll be back at home soon." ROTFL.... Anything to stop Curly going through his slides again.... Oblivious of what's going on, Curly says it could be ages away, as we see Ken and Spider jockeying for control!! "You could reminisce all afternoon" says Ken, handing him the screen, "think of the adventures you could swap." ""There's plenty of em by the looks of it" quips Deirdre, as we see Curly holding a slide up to the light "Hey!!! Wait until you see Borneo." ROTFL.. wonderful scene.
The factory girls have come into the pub. Alison looks pretty pleased and she offers to get the drinks in. Janice tells her that they want to hear every last word of that phone call from Kevin. When Alison tries to get served, you can see that Betty is still under pressure in the busy bar. At that point, Natalie comes in from outside and seeing the commotion asks Betty what is going on. "You ask me. I send that dopey niece of yours out ten minutes ago for some crisps, haven't seen her since" replies Betty clearly irritated. Natalie makes her way into the back of the pub and sees Lorraine standing up, engrossed, reading a paper. "What are you playing at? There's people dying of thirst out there" she snaps angrily. "I'm coming! I'm coming" retorts Lorraine in a shirty manner. She goes through into the front of the bar and Betty tells her to serve the factory girls.
The girls are quizzing Alison as to what Kevin had to say for himself. Not much, explains Alison, he was only on for a minute. "A minute too long" quips Linda, getting her oar in. Alison explains that Kevin knew she would be worried, but the girls are not impressed, surely he knew she was worried two weeks ago, why didn't he phone then? Anyway, he's in Germany, stopping at his dad's, having been to France, as well. They barrage her with questions, "when is he coming back", "did he leave his number" and Alison looks intimidated by it all, "what is this, twenty questions?" Lorraine comes over with a tray of drinks and she and Linda exchange glares. Alison continues, she doesn't know when he's coming back, she tells them - Linda chips in, surely it doesn't matter when he comes back, Alison isn't going to be seeing him again? Alison starts to reply that she is not defending what he's done, but Linda butts in again. Surely Alison doesn't trust him, she's not going to take him back? Surely Kevin knew she would be worried, but he didn't phone her for weeks. And when he did, did he call her at home where they could have a proper conversation? Alison tries to defend Kevin, but to no avail, as Linda insists that Kevin waited until she was at work and Baldwin was breathing down Alison's neck because he doesn't want a long chat, he wants her off his case. This angers Alison as she gets really irritated by Linda's stirring and accuses Linda of having a go at her. Linda makes out that she merely doesn't want Kevin making a fool of her, but Alison is quick to rebut this "no, you'd rather make a fool of me yourself." "Well, you said it" replies Linda.
At the back of the Kabin, Toyah is looking at herself in a mirror, concerned about her appearance. Leanne, on a short fuse, gets irritated at her prattling - "it's only a spot", it will be gone by Sunday, she tells her. The shop door opens, it's Judy with a Bebeh Mallett in her arms, she needs some tissues quickly - the two sisters go through into the front of the shop and, while Judy is getting her money out, she hands the baby over to Leanne to hold. "Aww, isn't she lovely" remarks Toyah. "He!! It's William" corrects Judy, as she explains they are going a friend's for tea and she wanted to dress up, but now, she doesn't know why she bothered. She wipes her top and Leanne, looking agitated, hurriedly hands the baby back. As Judy leaves the shop, Leanne breaks into tears and announces to Toyah that she is pregnant, the doctor confirmed it this afternoon. Toyah asks "is that not good?" and seeing Leanne's expression, holds her, as Leanne breaks down sobbing....
... and the theme tune comes in, on cue for the end of part 1
After the ads, it's part 2
The second part of the programme commences at Kevin's, erm, Sally's
place. Alison is at the front door telling Sally that Kevin is
now staying at his dad's in Germany. Sally looks relieved and
says that she will ring him. We see Alison looking sheepish as
she asks for Kevin's number - we also see the smug look on Sally's
face, as she tries to make big of the fact that Kevin didn't give
Alison his number, but Alison explains what happened at work.
Sally goes to get the number.
The camera moves to Gary talking to Janice in the street. He is trying to find a job and is asking whether there are jobs going at Les' place. They've got a full crew, Janice tells him, in any case, it's an awful job, Les comes home stinking most nights. Gary tells her that he will do anything, he is begging not choosing.
Across the street, Sharon is unloading the car. She and Rita have been out to the Cash and Carry. Natalie comes out of the Corner Shop and pauses to make her peace with Sharon - she asks how Sharon is doing. Rita comes to the car like a protective mother hen, but Sharon tells her to carry on and not to worry. Sharon tells Natalie that she is wasting her time with this old pals act, it doesn't wash with her. Natalie tries to get Sharon to see that Ian lied to them both, they are both in the same boat - Sharon doesn't see it that way and asks "I bet you think you're a right good judge of character, don't you?" Natalie says she thought she was, but Sharon points out that the salesman side of Ian made him plausible. Natalie tells her that she didn't come over for a slanging match, but Sharon has got the knives out, as she tells her "you fell for Ian's spiel, because you're easy. You've got pushover stamped all over you. At least I fell for him because I loved him." Yeaouch!!
Back in the Rovers, Mike is crowing to Alma about the business lunch arranged in Delfin's. She is envious and wonders whether Mike would take her along in an advisory capacity. Mike comments that the new rep is so green she would probably fall for that. Alma asks what the rep is like - "gorgeous" chips in Lorraine who is clearing empty glasses from the table. "Gorgeous and gullible" laughs Mike, "a winning combination in a woman."
Natalie comes in from outside, clearly stung by Sharon's barbed comments. Lorraine asks her whether she is alright. Natalie says she is, but unconvincingly and tells h