Hiya folks!!!! ... Time again for another update....
Its been a great week hosting my pals Annie and Chris for chunks of this week and to share in something special. Also meeting up with Digger, just over the big hill from me in Yorkshire - it's quite weird meeting someone, whom you've known on the net for a little while (in fact, we originally knew of each other some 20 years ago, back at my old firm) but not met face to face before. Plus a mini-ping at the weekend.
On the domestic front, I note that in a few days' time it will be our 22nd wedding anniversary. Weddings are one of life's major lifestyle events, and, as such, prone to much suffering on the nerves front. I suppose my way of coping is to turn it into humour (that in between chewing off the ends of my fingers). I don't remember much about the day - it all goes past like some blur - but I do recall a couple of incidents at the Registry Office. I recall the Registrar saying "I want you to put your hands on the table" and me quipping "spoilsport!". I also remember her saying "Do you, Trudy Catherine Seipel agree to take Alan M-m-m-m-m.... " Both little episodes brought the house down and lightened the tension.
Names!! What a funny thing.. I mean, Trude has always dreamt of getting rid of her name. Well, I don't blame her. Think of it this way.. Trudy Seipel .. the surname is pronounced SEYE- PUL, so if you say it quickly, what do you get?? True disciple!!!! Groan!! No wonder she wanted to change her name. She dreamt of an ordinary Smith or Jones, anything to get rid of that horrible pun, so what does she gets? M-m-m-m-m-m... !!!
People are still struggling with it. One of her kids at school said to her the other week "I told my mum your name and she laughed!" Wonder whether she would have laughed more at the pun? Who knows.
One things for sure, my wife became convinced on our honeymoon that she had married a nutter. We spent our honeymoon in Paris and I was like a little kid with a new toy, when I discovered the joys of the Paris Metro - the ability to travel across the city efficiently, never mind the fact that you spend all your time changing from one line to another in the journey diagonally across the city and then back :)! We spent so much time on the Metro, that one night in the hotel, Trude woke with a start and asked "are we at the right station yet?" hahahahahhah!! Yep, certainly a frenetic holiday. The day after we went on a trip in a Bateau Mouche on the River Seine, she dreamt she was on a Bateau Mouche going down Stamford Street in Ashton. Now Stamford Street has all sorts of things, but a river and bateaux mouches it certainly doesn't have!!! She certainly didn't have an easy time of it that holiday - she had an amazing combination of complaints on our honeymoon - a bad cough, the runs and an ingrowing toenail - I leave the rest to your imagination. And, if you think that this lot has been made up, I can assure you that life is stranger than fiction at times - every word is true.
The events of the last 20 odd years have done nothing to dispel her fears that she married a nutter - mind you, as I keep saying, you gotta be one to recognise one. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it!!
Still, as Fred Elliott would say "I can't stand here gabbin', I've pies to shift."
Episode sponsored by Cadbury's Roses
The programme starts at Ashley's place. It's morning and Leanne is rushing to go to work. Nick has just opened the post and there seems to be something wrong with the bank statement. Oh-oh!! She tells him she is going to be late, but he won't take "no" for an answer - according to the statement one of them withdrew £200 and it certainly wasn't him, he tells her. initially she tries to bluff it out but when he points out that only one of them could have drawn it out, she suddenly remembers - she drew it out! When he probes to find what she spent the money on, she comes clean - Janice was desperate, so she lent it to her. Nick is not a happy bunny at this news - how could she, he asks, after all he said to her.
Cut to the Kabin where Rita is commenting to Sharon that Leanne's timekeeping is worse than ever and that she (Sharon) needs to have a word with her. Sharon is all hurt after Rita's volte face regarding the Kabin and tells Rita that she has no intention of doing Rita's dirty work if she is not going to be in charge of the Kabin. Well said, young lass!! Rita tells her that there is no reason for Sharon to get stroppy, but Sharon disagrees. "I think there's every reason . First you say I'm in charge, then you say I'm not. And what gets me is all the people who know I'm supposed to be taking over. I'm gonna look a right idiot now. Or worse than an idiot, a liar." Rita tries to stop the torrent of unhappiness pouring forth - she tells Sharon that the bickering can stop between them, as far as the customers are concerned, they won't know different. "But, Rita, I know different" replies Sharon " and that's what hurts." Bulls-eye, Sharon!!!!
Nick and Leanne are continuing their row. He is reminding her that the money was for them, for their future. He told her not to lend the money and is hurt that she went ahead anyway. Leanne tries to remind him that Janice was desperate, the electricity had been cut off. When Nick tells her that this was a problem for Les to sort out, Leanne replies that she could turn her back on them. "No. you see, you turned your back on me instead" is Nick's hurt reply. Leanne doesn't see what the problem is, they will get their money back. Nick disagrees and Leanne tries to persuade him otherwise, that Janice has already repaid some of the money. When pressed, she admits it was £20 - "Wow, brilliant!" is Nick's unimpressed reply, as he tells her they can kiss the rest goodbye, they will never see another penny of it. Leanne tells him to stop going on, she has already apologised, it's only money, in any case. Nick tells her that it's much more than that - it's about her doing something that he was dead set against, it's about her lying to him. He wonders what else she could be lying about and that he doesn't know what to believe anymore. When she asks him what he means by that statement, he initially says that he doesn't know, but then confesses what's on his mind - maybe she didn't get pregnant by accident and maybe she really did it on purpose because she wanted a baby. She refutes this allegation with horror. He storms out, deeply hurt, trust shattered, leaving behind Leanne, devastated.
Out in the street, Audrey is coming into work and is greeted by Maxine touting for business outside - erm, lemme rephrase that - Maxine has a sign on the pavement promoting her hairdressing business with Tom. Audrey is having none of it and is hurt that Maxine could possibly stoop so low, setting up in competition and in her own flat above the salon, which she rented out in the goodness of her heart, when Maxine was desperate. Maxine responds by saying that she is just trying to earn a living to pay Audrey her rent and if Audrey hadn't sacked her... Audrey chips in to correct her. she hadn't sacked Leanne, she had to let her go as she was surplus to requirements. Maxine sees this as irrelevant, either way, she is still out of a job. Audrey tries to point out that she is trying to run a business, not some sort of charity but Leanne replies that she doesn't want charity, she just wants to earn her keep, and she is doing this because hairdressing is the only thing she knows. Audrey tells her to get a job in that case and makes it clear that she intends to go to court, if necessary, adding that it is illegal running her business in a private residence. "I shall have you out of there, Maxine, I will" she says very determinedly. The look on Maxine's face reveals confusion.
At Barlow's B&B, he is about to perform an "extra" service for his guest - he is about to bring Deirdre breakfast in bed. However, just as he is about to take the tray upstairs, she comes down. She says that Ken should have woken her up as she is due for work in 20 minutes. Ken tells her how wonderful she looked, fast asleep. She is touched by his kindness, it's ages since she had breakfast in bed, he doesn't have to spoil her, she tells him. No trouble, he tells her, it's just as easy for two as for one. "Is that what we're doing, the two of us, getting together, because it's just as easy for two as for one?" she asks. He refutes that, he knows they can make it work this time "and you're the woman I want to be with, for the rest of my life." Awwwwww!. As far as Deirdre is concerned it is not because it's the easy option, it might not work out, they can never be sure of that. Having said that, she has no regrets and is willing to give it a try - maybe they will get it right this time. "Well, I promise you this, it won't be for want of trying" replies Ken. They kiss to seal the deal!
Maud has just come into Audrey's salon for a hair-do. Audrey is already tending to as client and tells her to read a magazine while she waits but Maud points out that her appointment is for 9 a.m., in any case, it isn't with her, it's with Tom. Audrey tells her that she will be doing Maud's hair and explains that Tom had to go - he didn't suit, really, she explains. It's horses for courses and he wasn't up to it, she adds. Maud replies that she liked him and he knows how to do her hair. Audrey doesn't see what the fuss is about, she is trained and fully qualified, she can do Maud's hair. "I bet he's gone in with Maxine" replies Maud, adding that he is probably doing hair in people's homes and that he is in the upstairs flat with Maxine. Audrey admits this is true. "Well, why didn't you tell me that in the first place, then?" asks Maud, "I may not have the use of my legs but still have the use of choosing who does my hair for me", as she wheels herself out in a huff. Audrey is exasperated, after all, how is Maud going get upstairs. "Honestly, she's so touchy that woman, I'm glad I'm not like her!" she says, returning to her client, "I'm glad I'm not her!!!!" ROTFLMAO!
Out in the street, Maud accosts Maxine. She wants Maxine to tell Tom that Maud would like him to do her hair. Maxine gets hold of the wrong end of the stick, "you want him to come round to your place one evening?" "No, I want him to do it here, and right now" replies Maud. "What? Here? On the pavement?" asks Max, the penny gradually dropping. "Now you're getting the idea" adds Maud, "go on, tell Tom I'm waiting for him". Both of them laugh at this wicked wheeze as Maxine rushes off to get Tom.
At the Rovers, Natalie is giving Vera some grief over the state of the windows. When Vera insists that she did them this morning, Natalie cannot believe her - Vera is insistent, the real problem is that they need doing on the outside. Natalie has the answer - dirt is dirt whether it's on the inside or the outside, so as soon as Vera has finished inside, she is to clean the outside. Vera refuses, so Natalie insists "you're the cleaner and the window wants cleaning, so.... " Vera once more states that she is the inside cleaner. As Jack comes through from the cellar, Vera suggests that he might be able to it, he used to be a window cleaner, after all. She recalls he was a right randy swine, all them housewives, don't think she didn't know - no such luck anyway, as Jack's ever reliably dicky back comes to the rescue. In any case, all he needs to see is a ladder and he goes all dizzy. Natalie has been getting exasperated hearing them bickering and snaps that she doesn't care who does it, she wants the windows cleaning - that said, she goes through to the back of the pub. "She's an hard face cow, her" mutters Vera, "I tell you what, if she fell on the pavement, she'd crack a flag. Aren't you glad I'm not like her." The look on Jack's face is indescribable!!
Tom has come out to talk to Maud. He is telling her that he cannot cut her hair out in the street. He cannot do a proper job, but Maud insists that this does not matter. All he has to do is to go through the motions, that will be enough. Tom replies that he cannot understand, but just at that point Maxine warns them that Audrey is peeping through the windows of the salon. The penny drops. "Oh right!!!! Right, madam, would you like my special Easter bonnet cut, with this cut, you'll never have to buy a hat again" he quips. "That's no good" retorts Maud jokingly, "I like buying hats." "You'd have never guessed" jokes Maxine. "Cheeky trollop" returns Maud. As he puts a towel around Maud, he asks "How about the Easter egg look, bald on top with a little bow tie and a ribbon at the front." Maud replies he can do whatever he likes as long as he doesn't actually cut her hair. Tom goes through the motions, making passes "pass here, pass there" and we see Audrey mouthing to them through the salon window to go away, much to Maxine's amusement. "Many a year since anyone made passes at me" jokes Maud, "and I bet you can remember every last one of them" replies Maxine. Maud proudly confirms that she can and the banter continues with Tom begging her to tell all, to which Maud replies "you're too young." By this time a small crowd, including Jack, Les and Martin, has gathered outside, bemused by the developments. Les asks what is going on, wondering if there any free haircuts going. At that stage, an angry Audrey rushes out of her salon and tells the crowd to disperse off (at least that was the gist of it) otherwise she will call the police, but Maud counters by saying there is no law to stop her hair being cut in the fresh air. Audrey is exasperated and tells Maxine that its all gone on long enough, to which Maxine replies that she is only trying to earn a living. When Maud adds that Maxine could sell tickets to this spectacle, that raises a laugh from the crowd, much to Audrey's embarrassment. That's enough, as Audrey realising the futility of trying to negotiate in public, concedes defeat and invites Tom and Maxine into the salon for a word. They agree, as Audrey follows them, to much banter from the crowd. Martin bends down to Maud to tell her that he knows when she is up to something. She smiles knowingly and offers a drink for whomever will wheel her into the pub. Martin, Jack and Les nearly get killed in the rush..... with Martin winning the race. This is accompanied by a jibe from Les about the Platts getting away with everything...... ... and the theme tune comes in, on cue for the end of part 1
After the ads, it's part 2
The second part of the programme commences back in the salon,
as Audrey is telling Maxine and Tom that they are hurting everyone
- there isn't enough business in the area for two salons. Tom
replies why should they be the ones to back down, to which Audrey
replies that she was here first. Maxine replies that this is not
relevant, after all, she was in the salon before Audrey bought
it. Audrey tries to play one off against the other by saying to
Tom that there is always a job for him at the salon, but he recognises
her ruse. When he asks what about Maxine's job, Audrey repeats
that there isn't enough trade for the three of them. The answer
from Tom is a resounding "no", at which stage Maxine,
in an awkward position, suggests Tom really might be better off
thinking about himself. He discounts this option and loyally tells
her that he owes his job to Maxine, who took him on, in the first
place, he is not going to steal her job. Just as he is about to
walk out of the door, Audrey capitulates, they can both have their
old jobs back, but how they are all going to make a living out
of this, is beyond her. At that point, enter Motorised Maud, wondering
whether she is going to get her hair done. Unfortunately, Audrey
has not yet got the reply to her proposal, but this only takes
a second or two more, as both Maxine and Tom agree to rejoin.
Smiles all round, everyone's a winner! As Tom wheels Maud off,
Audrey comments that it's a blessing to offload Maud onto Tom
adding, "Maxine, would you make us all a cup of coffee and
we'll go through the appointments book?"
At the Rovers, Rita is moaning to Sally about her morning - not a good one, apparently, as Sharon has been sulking "and let me tell you, when she puts her mind to it, she can sulk for Lancashire." Sally replies that, from what she has heard, she thinks Sharon has every reason - she explains that she happened to bump into Sharon this morning and that Sharon had told her that Rita had changed her mind. Rita obviously doesn't sound too pleased to hear about these confidential matters being discussed openly but sally reassures her that it won't go any further. When Sally says that she has heard that Sharon is only to be made a partner, Rita is indignant. "Only? I'm beginning to think that's too much for her." Sally gets Rita to see sense and points out it's hardly surprising that Sharon feels the way she does - she was offered the whole business and now Rita has gone back ion her word, who wouldn't be disappointed. Apart from that it shows that Rita doesn't trust her. Yay!!! I've actually agreed with Sally on something and you can tell that it has hit a bulls-eye with Rita too, as she contemplates the ramifications of her actions.
At the bar, Gary is asking Jack whether it was him he saw cleaning the pub windows earlier on. Jack confirms this was the case and wistfully recalls the days he had his own round. This is news to Gary, as Jack tells him it's a subject not often mentioned as winds Vera up - at the time she never knew which bedroom window his ladder was leaning against. "By God, the crumpet I had to contend with. If I'd have been getting any more, I'd have had to take a lad on!" ROTFLMAO.
Audrey is having a drink with Maxine and Tom, and while doing so, is voicing her fears - she hopes the salon is able to generate enough business to pay there wages, never mind the running expenses. Tom says that they will do their best and Maxine wonders whether they ought to be doing more on the beauty side with manicures, facials, and massages. Audrey leaps at this suggestion, saying she has always been very good on the beauty side "as you can tell... (preen, preen).. cheers!"
Nick comes into the pub, alongside Les and tells him he thought he would find Les in here. "Ah Nick, lad, just in time to buy me a drink" quips Les - wrong thing to say to Nick who has a hissy fit about how fed up he is of buying ALL of Les' drinks - he tells Les that if he wants to sponge of him and Leanne then he shouldn't send Janice to do his dirty work. With that, he flounces off, leaving a bemused Les in front of the bar and Natalie behind it.
Leanne is sobbing her heart out telling Janice how horrible Nick had been and how he had said she had been lying to him. Janice recognises that this was her fault and apologises - she promises again to repay him. Leanne, still sobbing, tells Janice that it wasn't just an issue of the money - just as she is about to tell Janice, enter Les furious after being at the receiving end of Nick's invective. He starts mouthing off about how he has been slagged off in the pub by Leanne's husband, oblivious of the fact that Leanne is upset herself. His raised voice merely sends Leanne another notch higher in the emotional stakes until Janice puts her foot down - she tells him they want to have a quiet talk and he is in the way. Embarrassed at the prospect of "women's problems", Les backs out, "I don't want to hear about it. it only puts me off my dinner." With that, he scarpers out, leaving an inconsolable Leanne to tell Janice that Nick doesn't want the baby.
Gary is beginning to get some ideas talking to Jack, who confirms that, no, there isn't a window cleaner in the area. "Mind you, if he's getting up to what I was getting up to, he's most likely died of ecstasy!" adds Jack. He asks Gary whether he would fancy the job. "Might do, what do you need?" is Gary's reply. Jack tells him that you'd need a little cart for your ladders, a buckets, a couple of chamois, one of them pulls with a wiper on the end... Gary wonders where he could get a cart. The only person Jack can think of, is "Charlie West, that lunatic that took my pigeons... ". Gary recognises him "oh yes, Les Battersbys mate who looks like Worzel Gummidge's friend. Jack tells him that Charlie has all sorts at his yard.
Fred comes over to join Audrey, Maxine and Tom and Audrey confirms that their dispute has been resolved. They are back on the workforce and like one big happy family. Self-congratulatory grins all round. (What next Audrey, Kosovo?) Fred slips some money to Tom and Maxine for a drink and while Tom goes to get it, Fred sits down in his place, next to Maxine. He starts fishing about a fracas, a scuffle, that he had heard about - apparently it had taken place outside Audrey's shop, earlier. Audrey and Maxine deny all knowledge of a scuffle. "I didn't think it could be right, cos he said that Maud Grimes were involved. Maud Grimes in a scuffle? I said, as if? She wouldn't have a leg to stand on! Heheheheheheheheh! Well, he roared!! He goes for that kind of clever humour!" ROTFLMAOPMP as do Maxine and Audrey!! Wonderful stuff!!!
Sharon is bringing the drinks over to Rita and apologises for her behaviour, "I've been a bit of a cow today, haven't I?" "Well they do say it takes one to know one, in that case, moo" replies Rita and this breaks the ice between them. Sharon apologises, saying that Rita has done a lot for her, but Rita insists that it is she who should be doing the apologising. She recognises that she has chopped and changed and admits that if there is anything she hates, it's someone doing that to her. So, she proposes to go back to the original idea, to sign everything over to Sharon lock, stock and barrel. "Oh Rita... thanks, I'll take it" quips Sharon, "but I hope you'll tell me when I do something stupid?" "Whenever have I not done?" replies Rita.
At Ken's place, he is uncorking a bottle of wine - red wine, no less - as Deirdre comes in with a suitcase in hand. She didn't bother packing all her clothes, she tells Ken, she thought they would be OK at the flat. Ken tells her that she has missed a phone call from Blanche - Ken tells Deirdre that he informed her mother about them. Apparently Blanche had said that it was something for which she had always hoped and was very happy, both for herself and for the two of them. As she takes a swig of red wine, Deirdre asks ken whether he told anyone else about them today - apparently not, is the answer, Ken hasn't seen anybody. Deirdre wants to keep it between themselves for now. Ken looks perturbed and wonders whether she is having second thoughts. Basically, Deirdre is just sick of her private life being the talk of the wash-house again, which it will, when this gets out. Ken tells her he doesn't give a damn about the gossips, "people can think what they like, people say what they like. All I care about is you and me are back together again and we make it succeed." Deirdre affirms her desire to give it a good try too.
Leanne and Janice are still talking. Janice is telling her that Nick had no right saying what he did about the baby, although she recognises that folk say plenty of things they don't really mean when they are having a row. Still sobbing, Leanne tells her that she is sure that Nick DOES mean it and that she should have "you know.... get rid of it." Janice tells her that she needs to ask herself what she really wants, that's all the matters, "do you want this baby?" "Of course I want it!" sobs Leanne, "and I'm having it whatever he says." Janice assures Leanne that she is on her side and that Leanne will always have a home here, "you and the baby, if Nick walks out on you." Leanne looks shell-shocked at this statement and it is clear that she has never considered that eventuality. "Well, you've got to face it, love, you could lose him" continues Janice, "then you'll end up like plenty more before you, bringing up a child on your own, no husband, but don't you worry, eh? You'll always have a home here with us. You and that kiddie." The picture of devastation on Leanne's face speaks volumes, although she is speechless.... And with that...
.... it is the cue for music and credits ...
Episode written by John Stevenson
All material is, and remains, copyright property of Granada Television.
Well, how was it for me? An enjoyable episode, largely because of the humour element.
Let's get the "much ado about nothing" bits out of the way. I really didn't see the point of Rita chopping and changing her mind about giving the Kabin to Sharon and I'm disappointed that nothing was made of the jealousy angle from Sally - anything that paints Sally as the bad guy is good by me. Sigh...
I know it may be a major storyline but the idea of Ken and Deirdre getting it back together doesn't exactly set me on fire. Boring! Boring! Boring! Double sigh...
Interesting to see the setting up of a new job for Gary, that of window cleaner. Lovely bits of humour from Jack, who really is so good in this role.
The Audrey/Maxine/Tom triangle with Maud's input provided some great humour from all involved (except Tom who is the straight guy). Audrey does comedy so naturally and so well and Maud has always been a good set-up artiste. It's interesting seeing Maxine's character changing directions - I quite enjoy seeing her playing something other than bimbo parts and the banter between her and Maud was well written and executed. Not forgetting Fred's contribution!!!
The major storyline, of course, is the Nick/Leanne pregnancy, with the added ingredient introduced this week - that of trust being betrayed, this time on the financial front. As I have said before, this storyline is a well written one with great potential for the actors and actresses concerned. Ultimately, the breakdown of trust has to be one of the major contributors to the death of a relationship and the financial angle has been nicely interwoven with the pregnancy issue. Great performances from Jane Danson (Leanne) and Vicky Entwistle (Janice) - even Les' contribution which was limited to comedy was good. But, dear oh dear oh dear, Adam Rickitts' performance .... Big big big big sigh. It's all been said before, so I won't vent again. The only good news on the horizon - SPOILER ALERT - Rickitts filmed his final scenes on the street this last week, so we will be seeing those in the UK in three weeks' time - thank heavens.
Summary? All in all, pretty good, especially with some nice moments of humour.
Now then, I've been doing these updates for just over a year now and only had a couple of weeks off in that time. I think that with some of the issues going on at home, I could do with a couple of weeks off. Any volunteers for the episode updates for Fridays 9th and 16th April?
Anyway that's it for now.. Until the next time, take care...
Tubby greetings and Tinkyluv from the Tinkster in Glorious Glossop....
Regards, Alan
Hiya :)
Happy Easter everybody! I hope you've all had a decent break and are enjoying what's left of the Hols (unless, like me, you have been forced back to work!). I'm going to skip anything resembling a prologue because my brain isn't properly working after the rather weird and wonderful week I've had. I'd like to sit and waffle about it for several paragraphs but my fingers seem unable to find the words. So rather than faff about with the impossible, I'll dive straight into the Update for this week's Corrie which, I'm sad to report, was utterly excreable. One or two fleeting moments of decency were lost amid a flood of some of the worst scenes I've *EVER* witnessed from this show. As a result of this and the fact that I'm running two days late with this already, I'm going to keep it very short and simple...
We open in the Mallett household, where Gareh is voicing his plans for the day. It seems he's off to visit Sir Charlie Of West in order to pick up the necessary provisions for his proposed window-cleaning adventures. Judeh is still a little bit unconvinced about the benefits of the whole idea and warns him not to spend too much money that they don't have. He's confident that it'll all be quite cheap, although the ladders will probably be the most expensive item on the list... "Why don't you ask Steve MacDonald if you can borrow one of his?" asks Judeh, an idea which her Happy Hubby thinks might just work. "See, I'm not just a milk machine!" she quips, as he leaves on his jolly way.
So now we move on to the House Of Elliot where tonight's central storyline begins to rear it's pug-ugly head. Leanne, Nick and Baby Tilly. COME BACK GREG KELLY, ALL IS FORGIVEN!!! Now, bless Jane Danson's little cotton socks for she is doing her very best with this plot but aside from that I can think of nothing good to say about it. The script is tedious as all Hell, the storyline seemingly directionless and the character of Nick is rapidly changing from merely very irritating into thoroughly, utterly loathsome. I'm not going to harp on any more about Adam Rickitt's acting because I might as well be telling you that the sky is blue. He's abysmal and you all know it... Scientists say that human beings only actively *use* a miniscule percentage of their brains whilst awake and, bearing this knowledge in mind, I've finally realised what that little dent in Rickitt's forehead is. The tiny, tiny proportion of the brain that is actually *USED* has been removed at some point in his life, leaving behind only empty space, which has since been filled in by the skin of his forehead. Hence the dent... So really all that's inside his head now we're missing that vital 3% or so of the brain is just useless grey matter. Makes sense doesn't it? I'm under the impression that whoever decided to let him loose with a "proper" storyline suffers from the same tragic condition.
Oh the scene? Well, I didn't want to watch it twice it was so painful (Canadians, I'm not exagerrating - just *WAIT* until you get this!!!) but basically, from memory, Leanne is sitting at the breakfast table explaining how terrified she is at the prospect of having an abortion. Nick, plumbing new depths of insensitivity, snaps "Don't worry about that NOW!", telling her that it's not worth thinking about and, if she's concerned about the whole street knowing, she can (hey f**king presto) tell everyone she's had a miscarriage! "These... things... happen... they do... I read... about... it... in... a college.... maga...zine..." he stutters, unconvincingly. I don't believe him, since this would imply that he could actually read. Someone needs to slap that boy and it's a shame that Leanne didn't.
I do apologise but that last scene drained me of all enthusiasm, even a little for Weatherfield's very own Royal Couple, Sir Royston of Cropper and Lady Hayley of Patterson who are (thankfully) up next, in the Cafe, discussing the plans for their proposed wedding. She is on the subject of guests, of who will be Best Man and, more importantly, the Bridesmaids. "I imagine that likely candidates will suggest themselves as one calls them to mind", nods Roy and then, lo and behold, who should appear but Toyah, coming in for work...
The next scene cuts to Nick and Leanne. I give you my apologies but I cannot stomach even thinking about this, let alone watching it. They go over the same uber-dull "Shall we keep it? Shall we not?" arguments and he gets so far under my skin, I want to skin him alive! They conclude (or more he concludes) that she will have an abortion and Tilly, with a frantic air of "let's get this crap out of the way so I can move on to my pop career" about him, says he will book them in to see the doctor that very morning.
So, in attempting to keep calm, let's move to the next scene, which is back at the Cafe with Roy and Hayley deep in conversation as Gail wonders in and asks Toyah if she's interrupting anything... The Royal Couple are *very* apologetic when they realise that they've been too engaged in their discussion to even notice her arrival and then decide to break the news, explaining with much joy (and quite rightly so!) that they've found a curate who will wed them properly, that they've set a date and that they want Sarah-Louise and Toyah to be Bridesmaids! Needless to say, Gail and Toyah are both totally over the moon at this news and the latter remarks "I've never been a Bridesmaid before. I got cheated with RLeanne" which, of course, prompts a snide "We all got cheated with Leanne" from Mother Platt... Further humour is derived from Toyah's concern that the Bridesmaid outfit will be naff, so Lady H suggests that they design it together! :) You know, I should be able to drum up a bit more enthusiasm for this scene because it was really quite sweet but, alas, the abundance of dross that we've suffered already this episode (bear in mind the two Nick scenes I've compressed into a paragraph each lasted for several minutes) has totally ripped it out of me.
Cut to No.1 where the newly reunited Ken and Deirdre (who I also think are quite sweet, I'm sorry to admit!) are discussing a much-needed joint shopping spree this afternoon. The infamous thick-cut marmalade discussed only a few months earlier between Dee and Jackie Dobbs is mentioned as being something that they have a disagreement on (thus thin-cut is required) and apparently, Ken's taste in kitchen cleaning equipment is about 10 years out of date (well, better than his sweaters then..) and in need of some serious upgrading. "Have I missed some kind of revolution?" asks Ken, to which Deirdre purrs sultrily "I'll show you what you've missed" prior to moving in and kissing him. (Diane! Diane! Calm down! ;))
Jack Duckworth is crossing the cobbles when he notices a whistling Gareh Mallett appearing in the opposite direction, pushing a window cleaner's cart. The Daft Duckie approaches Gary and performs a closer inspection on it, highly surprised that it is in fact BERTHA, Jack's old cart from way back in the day when he was in the same trade. He wipes tears from his eyes as he tells Gareh about his "golden moments" with "Dulcie Frogatt" and warns him that window-cleaning is not just a job but a peek into other people's lives! LOL! Sadly, the mirth is stifled instantly like a candle's flame pinched by cruel fingers, for lo and behold, across the road are Nick and Leanne, who are on their way to the Doctor. They encounter Martin on the way, nervously telling him it's "just a check-up" and Nurse Platt walks away, oblivious to the truth. Leanne is upset that they have lied to him but Nick, getting worse by the second, is more concerned that she was going to tell Martin everything and get them both busted. Prat. Prat, prat, prat, prat, PRAT! There, I feel better now.
So we cut across to Mr Baldwin's Palace Of Fun, The Underworld Of Delight, where Hayley, Janice and Linda are gossiping about Ken and Deirdre's reunion... We actually get the best line of the night here when Janice says "She's only with him cos he's safe!", to which Linda responds "So's low alcohol lager but no one wants that!" - ROFL! The fun is stopped when Deirdre appears, snaps her hands together and says "Less of that and more work, please", shortly before turning around and finding Julia Stone standing behind her wanting to see Mike. Deirdre heads into the Office Of Baldwin and asks him if he's got a minute, to which Mike grins wickedly and tells Dee to go back to Julia and ask if she can come back some other time when it's more convinient...
...Or, more precisely, round the back of Freshco, where Ashley and his mate "Boris" are unloading some pies from the back of a truck. Tyrone (or Tuh-rone, as Ashley pronounces it) Dobbs appears from behind a skip and begs the Lurve Doctor for a pie... Eventually, seeing the mucky (err, muckier) state of the Dobbs lad, Ashley surrenders a pastry. As "Boris" takes the rest of the tray inside and Tuh-rone scarpers, Ash discovers a sleeping bag inside one of the rubbish skips and the penny drops that Tyrone has been sleeping rough.
The next scene (Nick and Leanne at the doctor) is so pitiful and wearisome, I refuse to even attempt to update it. Sorry.
Moving swiftly along, we see Ken and Deirdre outside Freshco getting ready for their shopping trip. They spot Tyrone approaching across the Street and try to turn and run but it's too late! He's spotted them, so he bounds across and begs for money. Dee, taking pity on his filthy apprearance, hands him a five pound note and the Delighted Dobbs leaves them be. "My, whoever taught you kids that thing called attitude should be... well, something very bad!" murmurs Deirdre, in that unique way of her's... Ken looks on, raises an eyebrow and wonders where Jackie is...
Back at the House Of Elliot, Nick whines, whinces, whinnies and wanks about, insensitively begging Leanne to get the abortion done as quickly and as quietly as possible. She wonders if he's spoken to Miranda about it and if this is how he knows so much and has changed his mind. He lies and says he hasn't then whines, whinces, whinnies and wanks about some more... or something...
...and about 2 insufferable hours later, we cut back to the Cafe where Sir Roy and Lady Hayley are writing down an official wedding guest list... She wishes to invite everyone and their dogs (especially Janice and Alma) but Roy is deeply concerned about certain dogs (ie: Les and Mike Baldwin) showing up and spreading their rabies... Lady H shares her fiance's concerns about these plonkers but insists that her friends are invited, nonetheless and then, in another act of Good Timing (TM), who should show up but Janice?? She's heard all about Toyah being the bridesmaid, about the date being set and is now over the moon about being in attendance. She's also INSISTANT that the invitation they give her is addressed ONLY to her and not to Les as well, since she doesn't want to risk anything ruining R&H's big day (aww)... Sir Royston is only too pleased to go with this plan!!! :)
Meanwhile, Nick looks through the yellow pages and finds a drive-through abortion clinic or something similarly cold sounding, all the while stuttering and bleating, making the most monotonous and annoying droning noises I've heard this side of Merzbow's least accessible albums. In fact, I'd rather be stuck in a room with Merzbow, Aube *and* Masonna (three of Japan's most notorious Noise "Artists"), several huge speakers and a few dozen mic'd-up powertools for 48 hours than listen to another 48 milliseconds of his vile voice.
Mercifully, after about three whole minutes of moribund monologue from the talent-barren tyke, we cut to the Rovers where Curly and Ashley are talking about Tyrone's probable homelessness. Needless to say Curly, in Freshco Manager mode, is not happy that Tyrone is sleeping behind the store and getting free pies, but The Lurve Doctor insists that he should take pity since the Dobbs boy has obviously ran away from home. Meanwhile, Mike and Alma enter and, as Alma buys drinks, her husband heads over to a booth where the predatory Julia Stone is waiting for him with leering eyes. She tries once more to charm him (without success) and then mentions that she'll be going to the Rag Trade Ball on Friday all alone with no one to share her hotel room with (oh, puh-leeese!)... At the bar, Gary Mallett and a newly-bearded Steve (he may look dead but his facial hair lives!!!) are talking about the former's window-cleaning adventure. Gareh asks to borrow some spare ladders and, miraculously, the Great Rotting Cadaver Boy agrees! Nice...... The show ends across the room where Mike has now sat down with Alma as she asks who the strange young lady that he was talking to was. He explains it's "just a rep" and most definately not the same one who was chatting him up a few weeks ago... Cue credits.
And I can't say I've ever been so pleased to see the credits of Corrie before. What a dire episode. I may well have condensed it considerably for my update but I'd say that approximately half of this show was concentrating on Leanne's pregnancy storyline. I've said enough already so I won't dwell on the subject but we all know why it's becoming *totally* unwatchable... Hint: It's not Jane Danson.
The script (by Maureen Chadwick) was pretty mediocre tonight and there was precious little to get excited about. So, as the teacher would say: "Can do better"... and as the doctor would say: "NEXT PLEASE!"
Til next time! :)
The Rattler
Bora da, and greetings from Wales.
Yep, it's me again this week as CP has gone into hiding until That Rickitt Creature leaves the Street. And to be honest, I don't blame him. My mother in law, who has watched Corrie since it first started, recently said (of Rickitt) 'that boy is so wet. He needs a kick up the backside. I have to turn the telly off when he comes on cos I can't bear to watch him.' This update might be shorter than recent ones because I just cannot BEAR to repeat any or Rickitt's dialogue.
When I watched this a second time to do this update, I realised that it wasn't *quite* as dismal as I first thought and that there were some gems amongst the drek. So, it's the Queen of Siam's update for Wednesday 7th April, 1999.
This episode was sponsored by Cadbury's Caramel and I was sponsored by the Beasts of Bourbon (what I was listening to).
We start in the street where Gary is standing on a ladder (<shudder> I hate heights) outside the Salon, cleaning the upstairs windows. Jack comes along and says Gary is doing a good job. Gary says there is nothing to it. Jack tells him to be quiet as 'you'll be losing your round before you've cleaned your first set of flippin windows'. Gary replies, 'oh, I don't know about that. Judging from the look on these windows they haven't been touched since you last had a chamois in your hand.' Marvy appears and asks Gary if he is ok. Jack tells her window cleaning is a craft. Marvy remembers when Jack used to be a window cleaner. She bets he has seen some sights. Yes, and he could tell some tales, too. 'I bet you could. That's why I'm glad he's up there and you're down here.' LOL!
The Camel and St Martin are crossing the street. Gail is saying that Sarah Lou (Lou! I hate that. My middle name is Louise and one of my childhood nicknames used to be Looby Loo. <hide> I once had a boyfriend who used to call me Lou. He had to go) is really excited about being a Royal bridesmaid. Martin is uncertain about the marriage. 'Marriage is a big step for any 'normal' (his inverted commas, not mine) couple.' 'Yeah well,' she replies, 'Roy and Hayley ARE normal, much as it's anybody else's business. They love each other, Martin, and that's all that matters.' Yeah,' he quips, 'well I married you and you're not normal.' She chases him down the street where Curly can now be seen leaving for work. He asks Emily if she would keep an eye on his house for suspicious characters. What sort? 'Dobbs sort. I saw Tyrone hanging around the store so the Mother of the Black Lagoon (great nick. Why didn't I think of that) can't be far away,' he replies. Emily says she had hoped they had seen the last of them.
Over at the Kabin, Ken has some news for the Big Red. She already knows. 'It's the talk of the factory'. It's the best news she's heard for a long time. When he's gone, Daffers asks her how long she'll give it this time around. She replies, 'if nobody gave out a second try then some of us wouldn't amount to much would we.' Leanne looks on thoughtfully. Can she have the afternoon off for the Clinic? Yes, and is everything ok? Yes.
Over at Roy's Rolls, Hayley is leaving for work. They decide to hand deliver their local wedding invites personally. 'Well it will certainly save on stamps', he says. 'Oh, Roy!'. Gail and Alma walk in. Alma is interested to hear what news they have for her. Hayley tells her that they have set the date. Alma is thrilled and gives them a hug. But why the rush? Because the stand in curate at Mrs Bishop's church has agreed to do it, and she will only be around for a few weeks. They don't care that they won't be signing anything official. They just want a ceremony to show how much they love each other. Aww. (I find it ridiculous that if you are not married in the eyes of the Christian church then you are not 'legally' married at all. In this multi-racial and multi-cultural society, too) Hayley continues, 'and I wondered, Alma, seeing as I could talk to you when I couldn't talk to anyone else and if it weren't for you then I'd never have met Roy. Would you consider being my Matron of Honour?' Alma, almost crying, 'oh Hayley! I'd be delighted,' and hugs her again.
Over at Chateau Batteau, Peat Bog Man is whinging again. Why is Gary cleaning their windows? Because the Warrior Princess asked him too. Why, he demands. 'Cos they're windows, Les, you're supposed to be able to see through 'em. It's like living in a flaming total eclipse living in this house.' LOL! Toyah tells him that she is to be a bridesmaid to Roy and Hayley. He waffles on in his sweet neanderthal way about how disgusting it is ad nauseum (Les B would have made a good Witchfinder General, methinks). 'Oh come on Les, why don't you climb out of the Dark Age. Hayley's not a freak. She's lovely,' is Janice's answer. He replies, ' there is not way that you, Toyah, or any other member of this family is taking part in a side-show like that.'
Leanne and Casper the Unfriendly Rickitt Creature are leaving the Kabin. Judy comes in as says that when the baby is born they are welcome to anything that the twins have grown out of. Leanne looks devastated. They leave.
Alma enters the Rovers. So does Gary who wants Jacks advice. 'As a master craftsman, you mean?' asks Jack. Yeah. How does he get rid of smears on windows? 'Work 'em into the corners, nobody'll notice,' comes the experienced reply. LOL! The Fairy Godmother of Weatherfield has overheard and offers to wave her magic wand for Gary.
Alma is now sat in a corner with the Three Misogynist Caveman aka Peat Bog Man Battersby, Great Rotting Undead McDonald, and her husband, Wideboy Short. They are discussing the forthcoming Royal Wedding. Wideboy Short says 'that has put me off my scotch (shame, I was hoping it was going to choke him). Les replies, 'you'll have weirdos getting married to surgically enhanced pigs next' (you mean like Janice did? If there are any pigs reading this, I'm sorry for the insult). They start talking about cloning. Great Rotting Undead says 'Only they don't clone something we'd all recognise like Melinda Messinger (who?). But sheep and stuff (oh, so THAT'S ok is it pal?). Wideboy Short replies 'yeah, maybe that's who's going to marry Hayley and Roy. Dolly the sheep.' They all think this is hysterical. Alma tells them. Peat Bog Man says 'not even a proper vicar then.' (prat). Wideboy Short comes back with that line loved by women haters everywhere 'I always knew there was trouble putting a dog collar on a woman. Unless there's a lead attached to it.' (Honestly, the only thing missing from this scene were the white hoods. But more on that later).
Curly is outside Freshco asking the Lurve Doctor if he has seen Short Rodney who has been spotted lurking around. He then sees him. Look at the state of him. What has he been doing? Just having a kip. Curly says that's dangerous as there are rats and delivery vans around, and is he hungry? Yes.
Casper and Leanne are in the waiting room of the clinic. And, I'm sorry, but I just can't bear to repeat any of the dialogue or comment on Whoopsie Boy's 'acting'. The Dr wants to see Leanne on her own. She goes off.
Curly and Short Rodney are talking. Medusa is back inside because she beat up his dad's girlfriend. Curly says he's sorry. 'Why, she didn't exactly do you any favours,' says the little sproglet. 'It's a bit rough on you though.' Short Rodney says his dad doesn't want him. Has Curly got any jobs? No. Short Rodney suggests he could go and collect all the Freshco trolleys that are around the streets. 'Ok then, but if I see just one Freshco trolley on the way home, you're for it.' Alma appears as Tyrone leaves. Why has Curly been looking for her? Because she has to go to a seminar in Birmingham on Friday. She is not pleased as it will mean missing the 'do' with Mike but she is resigned to it.
Gary and Googly Eyes McD are by the bar when the Fairy Godmother of Weatherfield walks in. She has a bottle of Mr Sugden's preparation (the mind boggles), for cleaning windows. It stinks, apparently. She says he discovered the formula when he was in the army. Gary isn't surprised. 'Smells like nerve gas.' Emily says it left her windows 'quite transparent'. 'Are you sure the glass didn't just drop out,' quips Googly. LOL! (yes! Lol! at Steve).
Meanwhile Leanne is talking to the doctor. The doctor says she has to be 100% certain before she has this abortion. Leanne doesn't look certain.
Hayley arrives home. Has Roy had a good day? 'We've run out of baked beans I'm afraid. Seems we've had a bit of a run on high fibre protein,' he relies completely straight faced (how DOES he do it). She says they sound like an old married couple (not quite Hayley, you just wait until you start arguing over who's turn it is to bath the dogs! Your turn will come, mark my words). Roy replies, 'I've always thought that old married couples are made up of people who are generally content to be together so, well, perhaps, it's no bad thing eh?' Aww. 'I love you, you know, Roy, I think you're a very, very special man. Double aww. She goes on to say he's very special for 'marrying someone like me.' Roy looks overwhelmed and says, in the words of The Fast Show's Mark Williams, 'I'll get me coat.'
In the Rovers Curly is telling Spider and the Fairy Godmother of Weatherfield about his day. 'Do you know how much those trolleys are worth?' he asks a disbelieving Spider. 'No, and it's a good job Tyrone didn't either or he'd be holding them all to ransom.' LOL! Curly thinks Tyrone needed a break and Emily thinks that, with a mother like Medusa, Tyrone needs all the help he can find. (Bloody hell, that wand is working overtime lately).
Leanne and Casper arrive back from the clinic when Roy and Hayley come to deliver the invitation. I am so fed up with Rickitt that I can't even be bothered to say what the lovely Ashley was doing in this scene.
Alma arrives in the Rover and tells Mike she can't make it on Friday. She says he will have to go on his own. He smirks. (And I think the quicker The Preying Mantis gets him, the better).
Ken and Deirdre sit down (still in the Rovers). 'Is this what Pandas feel like in the zoo, with everybody standing around waiting for them to mate?' she asks. The Witch in the Wardrobe (yay!) comes over and in her own inimitable way, 'congratulates' them. 'Hello you love birds.' 'Hello Audrey, so I take it you've heard then?' asks Deirdre. 'Of course, I've heard about nothing else all day. You're a couple of old romantics aren't you? says Witchie Poo. The Big Red walks in. 'Rita, hi, I was just saying to these two, they're like something out of Catherine Cookson aren't they?' Deirdre replies, 'I didn't realise we were such good entertainment.' Reet says, 'Well I think it's a bit of good news. And I reckon everybody else feels the same as I do. Good luck to you both. Come on Audrey, you can buy me a drink. I'm gagging.' Audrey replies, 'oh, right, don't want to be gooseberries do we?' Across the bar she says to Rita, 'That's a turn up for the books isn't it? Ken and Deirdre getting back together. I mean after all the mileage they've both put in since they split up.' (You're terrible, Muriel). Rita, in the best line of the show, says 'mileage doesn't count, Audrey. It's the destination that matters.' Audrey replies, 'Well I wonder how long it'll be before one of 'em get another bout of wanderlust, eh?' Reet shakes her had with another one of THOSE expressions on her face.
Back at House of Elliot, Leanne is looking wistfully at the Royal wedding invitation. 'At least Hayley will never have this problem, will she. Probably nothing she'd want more than to have a little baby.' Casper whines and flounces saying they'll have a baby. 'Not this one though, eh,' she says flatly. 'Right, that's it then. I'm having an abortion. Friday morning.' (No Leanne, no! It's obviously not what you want. Don't do it on account of that mincing tw*t). Credits roll.
Episode written by Phil Ford.
So how was it for me?
Well, most depressing scene of the night was the one where Steve Mcdonald, Les Battersby and Mike Baldwin were in the pub. Not because of the way it was acted but because there really are too many idiots out there like them <shudder>. You meat them on almost every street you walk down and almost every pub you walk in to. And I guess because Corrie reflects real life then we have to have *some* obnoxious characters in it. So well done to Simon Griegson, Bruce Jones and Johnny Briggs for making me hate your characters so much (at the moment).
Gold star of the night goes to, again, Sue Nicholls as Audrey. The scene where she 'congratulated' Ken and Deirdre was priceless. Really, it had to be viewed to be believed as her facial expressions and mannerisms were a joy to watch. Well done that woman! (again).
Also some very touching scenes between Roy and Hayley. And good scenes between the Spider/Curly/Tyrone/Emily gang.
Looking back on tonight's episode, the only really bad thing about it (apart from the aforementioned pub scene. And that wasn't bad as such, because of the acting, but because of the obnoxious characters portrayed) was Rickitt. He is getting more loathsome day by day. I just cannot bear to watch him or repeat any of his dialogue. Jane Danson is acting her little heart out but Rickitt is, quite frankly, taking the p*ss. Overseas viewers should be grateful that when he leaves the show you will (hopefully) never have to see him again. Us poor folks in the UK won't be so fortunate.
Elsewhere, it was nice to see Janice, Toyah, Gail, Martin, Gary, Judy and Jack. Even if it was only briefly. And bring back my Ashley, I say, bring him back.
So, that's it from me. Hope you liked it. If I can drag CP out of hiding then he will be here next week.
Hwyl fawr, Jane
This is a guest update on behalf of Alan Milewczyk.
The episode was sponsored by Cadbury's Caramel and is preceded by the animation of a young lady lying in a hammock on a desert island enjoying her chocolate bar. She is suddenly interrupted by a car horn and wakes up in the Street on a decorator's trestle (shame!).
The episode opens in Ashley's house, the radio is quietly reporting the weather forecast. Leanne is slouched on the sofa pensively rubbing her tummy while in the background Nick is finishing his breakfast. He rises and moves to stand behind her. "Do you want some breakfast?" "I'm not to have anything eight hours before the anaesthetic" "Oh ... right, yeah ... sorry I forgot"
Nick moves around to sit in an armchair. "What time is the taxi coming?" asks Leanne. "er, it's booked for half ten." "I don't know why we're wasting money on a taxi. I can walk. I'm not an invalid." "Leanne, you're going to hospital for an operation." "Operations are something you have when there's something wrong with ya ... there's nothing wrong with me" snaps Leanne in response. "all right a _procedure_ then, you know what I mean." Leanne becomes disconsolate, "yeah I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap. I just hate anything to do with hospitals and doctors." "Yeah I know what you mean" Nick is suddenly upset and starts crying. "I do know it's not easy for you, Leanne" he snivels "I wish I could take your place but I cant . So the least I can do is make you as comfy as possible."
Leanne, leaving the sofa, grabs his head in both hands and ... kisses him (with no visible reaction from Nick) just as Ashley comes down the stairs. Ashley wants to know whether he should bring home some lamb's liver they've got on special offer. Leanne looks disgusted and tells him she hates liver. Ashley asserts that its full of iron and very good for a woman in Leanne's condition. He offers pork chops as an alternative. "You sound more like your uncle Fred every day" quips Nick. "I just thought It'd be nice to have a sit-down meal together, that's all."
Leanne is looking even more sick and claims lack of appetite. Ashley says its good reason to keep her strength up and reminds her that she's eating for two. Leanne is revolted and rushes off upstairs. Poor, bemused Ashley has to believe Nick's explanation that she's not feeling too well so isn't going to work. Ashley asked whether Nick had 'phoned a doctor only to get the response that it wasn't serious but not to be disappointed if she's not very sociable when he gets home in the evening. Ashley promising to keep out of the road takes his coat and leaves for work. Unfortunately we're left with a still frame of Nick looking ... well like Nick looks.
Now for some light relief the scene changes to Mike's office where Alma is delivering the dry cleaning. She explains that they've put a new button on the jacket because "we can't have you going to the ball looking like a scruff." As the camera swings round to follow Alma hanging the suit on the door it reveals Deirdre searching through a filing cabinet draw. Apparently the "bash" is going to start about six but Mike's not planning to get there until seven, if at all. Mike acts disinterested in a boring trade do and is only going because he might get a bit of business out of it. Ironically (because we all know who else is going to be there) Alma works hard to persuade him to go.
Mike's flattering her and he's going to miss her so she turns aside to ask Deirdre, who just happens to be passing on her way back to the files, if she's heard these comments. Deirdre is "trying not to listen." Mike tries once again to get Alma to go with him but Alma is adamant that she must go to Freshco's training scheme.
Deirdre is doing something inexplicable in the corner whilst Alma and Mike have a touching goodbye scene. Alma fiddles with Mikes tie then hugs him, tells him to have a great time and leaves on her way to the training course.
Entering Freshco's store through the rear entrance, Tyrone, who's pushing a trolley, bumps into Curly. [Interestingly the trolley is fitted with one of those chains with a box into which you have to shove a pound before you can take it away - makes me wonder why Freshco is losing so many of them.] Curly's obviously annoyed by finding the terror in his store. Tyrone's just going to leave when Curly asks what's happened to him. Tyrone's explanation is that in retrieving the trolley from a back alley he was jumped by three lads who wanted it back. Having fought them off he's sustained an injury to his ribs.
Curly is feeling sorry for Tyrone so he finds him a job tidying some boxes. Curly promises that if Tyrone does this task well and quickly he might find more work for him. As Tyrone happily rushes off to obey Curly's every whim we see Curly looking as though he doesn't believe he's just done that.
Back to Nick staring out the kitchen window. Leanne arrives down the stairs carrying a very large holdall. Nick wants to know if she's OK. Leanne finishes packing her makeup into the bag. Nick excuses Ashley with "he meant well" and says that he told Ashley that she wasn't feeling too good. Leanne is upset again and wails that she wished they hadn't told anybody she was pregnant in the first place because she hates all the this having to lie. Nick assures her that she won't have to lie because he's going to do all of it.
Leanne is all packed and doesn't need much because she'll be out in a few hours. Looking pained but putting a brave face on she jokes that she might even be home in time for tea. Leanne's mood swings back to great worry as she asks once again whether they're doing the right thing. Leanne jokes that Nick's right, her hormones are "all over the place" and it's a good job he's thinking straight. The taxi arrives and they leave to meet their fate.
Alma [I thought she'd gone off on a course] ear-holes Curly, demanding to know why she's just seen the Dobbs boy with a sweeping brush in his hand. Curly, with his hands in his pockets again [very bad example that], explains that he's told Tyrone to sweep up "he's on trial." "What for - shoplifting?" "No ... I'm letting him work here on a casual basis."
Alma thinks he's mad because Tyrone is a hooligan but Curly thinks he's a misunderstood youth who's never been given a chance. Curly feels sorry for him. Alma points out that Tyrone was the one who broke in to Curly's house in his absence. According to Curly that was kid's stuff - it was his mother that turned it into a squat. Alma still thinks he's off his rocker and is amused that its her being sent on the course to improve recruitment skills. Curly's giving him a chance to prove himself and bets that no one else has ever done that. Alma leaves him with a warning "don't be surprised if you come in tomorrow morning only to find all your stock gone and the locks changed."
A very bossy and officious head nurse leads Leanne and Nick into a room at the clinic. She instructs Leanne to change into a hospital gown because the anaesthetist will be along soon. Oddly, since she's expecting to have an anaesthetic, Leanne asks why? However it's just a routine check that she's not allergic to the anaesthetic and then she'll be taken down to theatre. Afterwards Leanne will be brought back to the room to come round. Nick must wait in the waiting room. In response to Leanne's plea that she doesn't want to wake up on her own, the nurse, with all the sympathy of a charging bull, points out that she'll be fine. The nurse leaves them to have another heart searching session with a bit more weeping (Nick) and wailing (Leanne).
After the mid session interval we return to find Roy pacing around the cafe quoting Spanish (it sounds like La SaGranda Familia but my Spanish is about as good as Roy's :-) Garry, who's having his lunch in the cafe - so much for having no money - asks him what he's talking about. It turns out to be an astonishing cathedral in Barcelona. Construction started in 1882 and its still no where near completion. Garry thinks that's foreign builders for you but Roy points out that it was a massive undertaking. With nary a smile Gail wonders whether Steve McDonald wasn't the main contractor.
Roy's secretly planning to take Haley there for their honeymoon. Gail doesn't think sightseeing in Spain is a very romantic honeymoon destination but Roy points out that they can have a few day's sightseeing then head off into the mountains. Gail recognises that there's the added advantage that they speak the language. To which Roy replies "hardly".
Back in Freshco's it must be going home time as Curly hands Tyrone a few quid for his day's work. "Thanks Curly." "That's Mr Watts to you." "Thanks Mr Watts."
After Curly determines Tyrone's age and school status (he left last summer). He offers to give Tyrone a chance. He'll be on trolleys for now but at the slightest sign of trouble he's down the road so fast ..
Curly also wants him to smarten himself up a bit [don't see how he's going to do that as he's living in a rubbish skip]. Tyrone leaves the store looking very pleased with himself.
Roy is just finishing clearing up when Haley returns to the cafe. She finds Roy's guide book to Spain lying on the counter [after all his admonishing Gail to keep it a secret]. Roy sheepishly states that a customer must have left it behind. Haley knows better and tells Roy not to tell fibs. "Is it that obvious when I tell a lie?" asks Roy "No I can tell because of the way you put stick-on flags on the pages that interest you."
Haley wonders whether Roy's thinking of taking up the language again but Roy has to admit that it was on his list of possible destinations for their honeymoon. Haley is dismayed and tells him to go on his own. She doesn't want to go anywhere where she'll have to show her passport, not after the last fiasco. Poor Roy is crestfallen again.
Later, at the ragtrade ball the female rep, Julia, dressed in a fetching and revealing black evening gown, waits like a wild cat for its prey. But first Mike must get past an old acquaintance, Jim, and his generously proportioned wife, Muriel. Muriel is wearing a shiny number in psychedelic colours. As his contacts are called away by another social meeting the huntress creeps up behind Mike to engage his complete attention. Julia craftily establishes that Mike is all alone and is going to be hers for the evening (and probably the night as well). Unfortunately Jim and Muriel turn back just as things are getting interesting and introductions have to be made. Jim nearly twigs something odd's going on because he doesn't recognise Julia as an employee of the company she claims to represent.
Roy and Haley are having a quite drink (fruit juice of course) in the Rovers [good grief nearly a whole episode with no one drinking in the Rovers]. They are continuing their conversation regarding Spain, and "abroad" in general. Roy thought that their marriage would change things but Hayley is more of a realist and recognises that with bureaucracy it's not that easy. She is pleased that Roy was thinking about taking her for an enjoyable honeymoon. They'll just have to stay in the UK [the Isle of Man perhaps :-)]
Deirdre and Ken are propping up a corner of the bar. Deirdre fancies eating out but Ken doesn't think he can afford it so Deirdre offers to pay. Ken wants Deirdre to start moving in properly by going to her flat to sort out her stuff. Deirdre doesn't think deciding whether to keep her hand whisk or Ken's is a very romantic way to spend the evening. Maybe they should just make do with what's at Ken's house and have a car boot sale with hers. They decide to discus the practicalities over a nice romantic dinner and Ken heads off to the 'phone to book a table. [They're already becoming a comfortable old married couple]
Alma walks in. She was supposed to be on a course in Birmingham but the course director has been taken ill with a migraine so it's been cancelled but they didn't bother telling the attendees until they got there. Deirdre encourages Alma to go to the do and find Mike but Alma is having none of it. It will take another hour's drive to get there so it'll be too late.
Meanwhile Mike is still chatting to Jim and Julia is looking bored by the business talk. She gives Mike her drink while she pops off to the ladies. While she's away Jim and Mike get into "boys" talk about her. Jim's definitely noticed that she's chasing Mike but Mike denies anything's going on because he's a married man and Julia's just being friendly. There again Julia is on her mobile telling her secret partner how she's getting on with seducing Mike.
Back in the Rovers, Haley and Roy have decided where to go on honeymoon. There's plenty to do. Roy suggests monuments, museums, galleries and Haley adds tea rooms. Roy also points out the beautiful country side nearby. So York it is then.
Deirdre is still working on Alma who remains reluctant to go. But just as Ken returns to confirm that he's booked dinner for two at nine thirty Alma changes her mind and heads home to change. Will she get there just in time to catch Mike in a compromising situation?
Across the road Leanne is curled up on the sofa, obviously in a lot of discomfort. Nick hands her a hot water bottle and asks whether it's normal to be in such pain (as if either of them would know). Leanne says they warned her it might happen and that she'll be all right tomorrow. Nick threatens (sorry promises) to take her to casualty if she's not. Ashley arrives and Leanne heads off, slowly and painfully, upstairs to bed. Nick, crying again, tells Ashley that Leanne's lost the baby (there the lie's out in the open).
Now the web is closing in on Mike. The temptress is dropping not very subtle hints that her bed is available to him.
A shocked Ashley is consoling Nick who's still crying. Ashley points out that this morning he was encouraging her to eat for two. He feels like there's a curse on the house, first Shannon then Leanne's baby. Nick, using a grimace to show some sort of emotion, tries to point out that the situations are completely different.
Mike must be thinking his birthday's come early. As he dances with Julia, a beautiful woman half his age, and they decide to go for it Alma arrives in the hotel lobby. Mike makes a last feeble attempt to play the married man card but Julia counters with "I'm not trying to take you away from Alma just have some fun." Mike wants to be discreet however because he thinks his friend Jim has sussed them. They agree that Julia will go up to her room (413) and Mike will follow in twenty minutes.
As Julia leaves the dance hall Alma walks in, nearly knocking her over. Alma, finding Mike busy pouring himself another drink taps him on the shoulder. Mike turns and nearly collapses with shock. "You are glad to see me aren't you" says Alma. "Of course I am, I ..I'm thrilled." As they hug Mike exchanges a pained look over her shoulder with Julia. Julia is obviously very disappointed and heads off to her room alone. She so nearly won - there's more to come yet.
This could have been a very good episode. The heavy drama of the abortion expertly intermixed with some fine lighter interludes. A great deal of the episode was taken up with the intimate and heart rending dialogues between Nick and Leanne. These scenes were played brilliantly by Jane Danson but Adam Rickitt was his usual unrealistically flat self. I really don't know how she can continue to work so well opposite this puppet.
Granada have recognised the possibly disturbing nature of the abortion story line and are offering a free fact sheet available from their studio.
Hiya :)
Well, it's that time again, my Monday Update. Now, those of you who read the newsgroup RATUCS may well have noticed a posting from the very nice Ladyscotia, mentioning that she is (justifiably) tired of the level of whinging there is on this particular discussion group about "that twerp" Adam Rickitt (Nick Tilsley) and his complete inability to act. Since I'd say about 80% of this whinging comes from me, I am going to try and write a whole update tonight without once mentioning his lack of talent, his irritating mannerisms or anything else that I usually rant about. Let's face it, I've said enough in the past for the message to be gotten... and, praise Nirab, it's only 2 more Monday updates to go until he leaves!!! So this time around, in honour of Ladyscotia's wishes, I'm going to go easy on the little bas..er.. on the lad.
Tonight's show premiered a new Cadbury's chocolate animation for the CRUNCHIE bar and, quite frankly, it damn nearly made me jump out of my skin. I've never seen such a loud, garishly coloured and bombastic Cadbury's animation before in my life! Usually it's all soft violin tones or chocolate cartoon characters falling into green fluffy pillows. This was horrible! It was all exploding orange thingies and booming brass sections! Bring back the sleeping cat and his friends, please! (Note to Overseas Viewers - I'm not on LSD, we really do have these weird little promotional animations at the start of each show...)
Anyway, with that out the way, we open the show tonight in Albert Square where all is miserable and bleak with the world... Oops, hang on, it's not Albert Square after all is it? It's the Webster Household, but, as you can probably guess, things are indeed miserable and bleak within it's confines. Sally is putting the girls into their straitjacke...err..anoraks (the straitjackets come later, I imagine, when they grow up to be seriously dysfunctional young adults) when Kevin comes a'knockin' and asks if he can take them to school this morning. Rursie intones "We wunt mum to take us" in a brainwashed parrot-like fashion and then Sickly starts putting the boot in, resuming just where she left off *before* Kevin left. Yep, in the month or so that he's been away absolutely NOTHING has changed! We're straight back into the middle of the War Of The Websters... Shout, shout, shout, moan, moan, moan... "Maybe they'll let you take them tomorrow", hisses the Horrible Harpie, "If you're staying around for that long"... Kev tries to apologise, explaining that following the outcome of the custody hearing he was deeply upset and not in his right mind but Sally just lectures him on how he's "got a lot of fences to mend".
Cut to the Baldwins' flat where Mike is examining himself in the mirror with a look on his face that could only be thinking about his plans for Julia Stone. Just then, Alma walks by on her way out to work and he stops her to tell her, snappily, that he won't be in all weekend since he has to "go down to London to see some suppliers". She doesn't mind, adding that it must be important if he's willing to sacrifice his usual weekend golf game for it... He just smiles, very broadly indeed, into the mirror... Oooooh, the little swine!
A very brief and wordless scene ensues now as Kevin returns to the Garage and heads into the back office, surprised to find that someone has set up a sleeping bag on the floor there! (No prizes if you guess who that belongs to...)
So, moving swiftly along, we find ourselves in Roy's Rolls where Lady Hayley of Patterson comes downstairs, on her way out to work, and wonders why her fiance has been up since 4am! "You're not getting cold feet?" she asks him and, as he laughs nervously "No more than normal", she chuckles "What you did before you had my back to warm them on, I don't know" (aww)... He begins to express concern about his quest for a Best Man and doesn't think that he really needs one since "it's not compulsory". Hayley however is quite adamant that they will have a traditional wedding, Best Man and all!! A rather amusing exchange follows:
Lady H: "There must be somebody, a friend?"
Sir R: "You're me only friend.. I mean only close friend.. You, then Gail" (the metaphorical lightbulb appears over his head at this point!)
Lady H: (Sternly) "You are NOT having Gail as your Best Man! What would people say??" - Pause - "What about Martin?"
Sir R: "W..well, he wouldn't mind, he's quite broad-minded..."
Lady H: "Noooo, I meant as your Best Man.. I mean, he is a friend.."
Sir R: "Only as Gail's husband.."
Lady H: "Ask him!"
...and with that we cut back to Misery Central, half way down the Despair Line heading towards Glum City via Sadville. As Sickly packs her boxes of knickers into the back of the van, Alison rounds the corner with Loathsome Linda and notices that Kevin's Garage door is open again... Linda reckons it must be the bailiffs come to haul his stuff away, but Alison isn't so sure. As they pass by, The Manic Mechanic emerges from the gloom and, needless to say, this comes as quite a surprise. Even more of a surprise for the poor girl is when he tells her he's been back for a couple of days now without telling her and, to cap it all off, he's already told Sickly! Needless to say, she's deeply hurt by all this and, as she walks off in a rage, Kev starts to realise that maybe he's handled all this somewhat badly... Meanwhile, across the Street, N..N.....NI....NIIII....NICK walks out of the corner shop and bumps into Martin, who appears to have suspicions about Leanne's supposed "miscarriage". He questions his stepson a little about abortion, mentioning that it's something of a coincidence that only days after discussing the idea of a termination, Leanne has a "miscarriage"... Nick covers it up about as well as the spot on his forehead so Martin figures out what's happened, shakes his head and goes "tssssssssk" in that special way of his.
Meanwhile at Mr Baldwin's Underworld Of Delight, the Factory Bees are hard at work, hardly working. Linda and Janice start to gossip as Alison heads tearfully into the loo. The Loathsome One explains all about Kevin's return and, this is how rumours get started you know, how it seems he's actually gone back to Sally rather than Alison since he told her first of his homecoming. Janice shakes her head and sighs, as we cut to inside Mr Baldwin's office where he's making a phonecall in whispers to one Miss Julia Stone. Hayley knocks the door of the office nervously and Mike spins round and assumes she's been listening in on his conversation. "Who the Hell gave you the right to listen to my phonecalls??" he snaps, nastily and, as Hayley tries to apologise, he demands to know what she wanted. She explains that she just was wondering if perhaps she could use the machines during her lunch hour to sew her wedding dress but, sadly, gets nowt but a mouth of abuse for her troubles. "I don't want you in here when you're supposed to be out! You'll be going through my desk next!" he shouts and Lady H is forced to leave, sheepishly and crestfallen...
Over at the College, Miranda has set up an exhibition (although it actually looks more like a shrine) to her nude drawings of Nick. She tells him what a great subject he was and how he evidently loved being the centre of attention. He seems a bit distracted and she asks about Leanne, which prompts him to tell all about the abortion (oh, so it's ok for *HIM* to tell whoever *HE* wants, just not Leanne?? What a double- standard!!) and, to add insult to injury, he can't understand why she's being "dead weepy and stuff"!!! He is under the impression she should be glad about it and Miranda, the daft cow, reassures him that Leanne'll be "fine in a couple of days"! Can't we find a *decent* bloke for Leanne, please? And Toyah, while we're at it!
The Royal Couple are sitting in the Rovers with Gail and Martin, having a drink. Sir Royston is sipping a glass of sherry, something which doesn't go unnoticed by Nurse Platt who remarks "Sherry at lunchtime, Roy? You'll be jumpin' off buses before they've stopped, next!" before Sir R murmurs "Ah, well, you see that's not possible nowadays what with the doors... Although, on the old Routemaster... Er, not that I ever did..." only to be cut off by Gail who explains that her husband was only joking... Anyway, it becomes clear that Roy is deeply nervous about something and, eventually he spits it out and asks Martin to be his Best Man. The Nutty Nurse accepts the position but seems a little taken aback by the whole prospect. Hayley and Gail meanwhile giggle and bounce about like little schoolgirls! :)
Just then, Kevin enters the pub and is ordered into the back room by Natalie who, it seems, wants to talk business. As they disappear out back, Alma enters to find Mike at the bar. She is bearing good news! It transpires that she actually has a day off this Friday and, thus, suggests that she could go to London with him and have a look round the shops whilst he meets his "suppliers". Mike, shocked, hastily whips up an excuse about him not actually being in Central London but travelling all around Watford, Kent and Reading without time to stop for pleasure... Reluctantly, his long-suffering wife believes every word and sighs, as he grins and orders another Scotch... Swine!
...where Natalie and Kevin are deep in their argument about the state of the Garage. He was hoping that she'd understand why he ran away and abandoned everything for awhile but she is furious about what's happened to the business. Apparently, people have been coming into the bar, asking her what's going on (strange... cos we viewers haven't seen *ANYBODY*ANYWHERE* mention Kevin at all since he vanished!) and she's ended up clueless and looking stupid, not knowing what to say. On top of all that, it's being closed for so long has now rendered it destroyed and irredeemable as a business, she reckons. "It's all you've got, so it's in your best interests to make it work again" is her parting shot, leaving him looking regretful and worried.
So we cut to The House of Elliot for the most suprising scene of the whole night. Les has come round to see Leanne and he's carrying a bunch of flowers (bought ones, wrapped 'n' all, not stolen from the cemetary!)... He hands them to her and asks how she's doing before giving her a light hug. She is feigning contentment and pretending that she's fine, offering to make him a cup of tea and smiling a cracked smile, but it's obvious that she's on the verge of breaking down again. He seems a bit lost for words and asks her again if she's okay, adding this time "are you gonna be okay, like, for the future?" - Leanne smiles again and tells him that of course she will, there's no reason for her not to be. She laughs and tells him "You're too young to be a Grandad anyway"...
Les: "I've been a horrible enough dad. I had a... I... I just thought I might be able to get it right this time round..."
Leanne: (Smiling much wider now, in a way that makes it obvious she's about to crack at any second) "Don't be soft..."
Les: "Come on.. I was never there when you needed me.. and when I was, I wasn't much use...." (he sighs) ".. I never said anything to Janice, but I reckon that was part of the reason you rushed off to get wed.."
Leanne: (Shocked) "You what?"
Les: (His eyes begin to glaze, he talks slowly) "To get out of my house.. to get away from me.. start your own family.."
Leanne: (Cutting him off, her eyes filling up too) "Dad! I got married to Nick because... I loved him... and I wanted to be with him..." (there's much emphasis on the past tense here)
Les: "Yeah, I bet he's gutted about this as well..."
Leanne: (Biting her lip, trying not to cry) "Yep"
Les: (Mumbling a little) "'Ere... you won't tell Janice about the flowers, will you?"
Leanne: (Her voice cracking severely) "Why not? They're lovely..."
Les: "I don't want people thinkin' I'm going soft, do I?"
Leanne: (Breaking down completely and hugging him) "Oh dad!" (He hugs her back and starts crying too)
Amazingly, this was a deeply, deeply moving scene... I knew Bruce Jones had it in him from what we saw during the 'Toyah In London' storyline but, really, it's so rare to see him actually do a convincing 'Tender Les', that's it's still very surprising when it happens. Howver, the scene stealer is Jane Danson. Words just aren't good enough to describe the sheer depth of her performance and range of emotions in this scene. Brilliant, brilliant stuff.
So now we cut across to the Rovers, for some light relief, err which come to think of it, is the very subject of the discussion between Jack and Maxine across the bar. He reckons that they (or more specifically, SHE) should start doing massages over at the Salon and she plays along, telling him what a good idea that is... "It's very physical", she purrs sexily, leaning in closer towards him as his eyebrows start to raise, "rrrrreally satisfying, you feel like you're in tune with the body, releeeeeasing the tension, relaxxxing.... you get a reeeeeal buzz out of it, you know"... Needless to say, this has very much peaked his interest and he begins to explain about his (infamous) back troubles and how he could *really* do with a massage. "Well, I could ask Tom..." she replies, to his horror and he stutters "I thought you said you enjoyed it and got satisfaction??"... She responds, slyly, "Yeah, Tom's got a wonderful touch!" which shuts him up, pronto!! Arf arf! Just then, his lady wife Vera enters and wonders what they're talking about. Max explains that they were discussing the prospect of massages at the Salon, an appealing idea indeedy to the Duchess Of Duck, who comments racily on how lovely it would be to have "Young Tom" relaxing her muscles. Jack gets on his moral high horse and, of course, condemns her for even considering something so sordid as a massage from an attractive member of the opposite sex! LOL! A very amusing scene with, brace yourself, a really good quality bit of acting from Tracy Shaw!
Back at The House Of Elliot, Leanne is looking at her face in a compact mirror and pushing her flesh around in deep thought... Nick enters and mumbles something unintelligble, to which she replies that Les has been round... "You didn't tell him did you?" asks Nick and, justifiably, Leanne snaps "IS THAT ALL YOU CARE ABOUT?" back at him, proceeding to inform him that her dad was actually very sweet and compassionate about the whole thing, even going so far as to bring her flowers (something I notice *NICK* never did, the bastard)... "Sometimes I don't think you realise how difficult this has been for me" she begins and he tries to tell her that he does and that it's not been easy for him either. Two seconds later, however, he's telling her that they should start thinking now about moving to Canada (for *HIS* education, I should add... of course, unless it's the University of Life, it's not going to do him much good, it seems)... Needless to say, she's mortified that he could be so selfish as to consider this so soon after such a major event in her life. He doesn't seem to notice or care.
Kevin and Curly are sitting on the floor of the garage drinking beer out of cans and having a 'manly' talk, waiting to see if whoever was using the mystery sleeping bag was likely to return. The Manic Mechanic is wondering if Curly ever thought of just *completely* disappearing when he left for Kuala Lumpur. Curly explains that there was no point, since no matter what you do to hide yourself, it's always your own face you have to look at in the mirror every morning (a very true point, indeed)... "It was the beard that made me decide finally", he muses, "I tried to grow one and after three weeks, I looked like I'd half-eaten a hamster"... They laugh and then go onto to the question of 'ties'. Kevin says he has too many in Weatherfield to let go of and Curly wonders if he's referring to the girls or... Sally (!)... The Manic Mechanic murmurs that "you can never get back what you had", which prompts Curly to talk briefly about Racquel and what he misses about her: "It's the things that you share... The things that make you both laugh, and no one knows what you're on about... That's what I miss the most..." (*snivvle*, why don't they just BRING BACK RACQUEL???)... Changing the subject rapidly, he goes onto asking Kev about Alison and what's happening there. Kevin realises he doesn't stand a chance with her now, since he's lost the girls, the house and his business... In fact, he doesn't even have a bed to sleep in. Curly, however, offers help in the form of putting him up at his house. "We can call the house "Dunroamin" (done roamin') to remind us that you can never run away"... "I'll drink to that!" chirps Kevin and drink they do. A very lovely scene, too, I might add.
Maybe it's just me, but the next scene, although a sort of mirror image, seemed like such a horrid contrast. Sharon and Sally are sitting in the Rovers discussing the same subject, Kevin's return. Gurn-O-Matic detects a note of disappointment in Sickly's voice when she explains how Kev came back for the gurrrls, not for her. This is merely her imagination running wild though, as it seems RSick is more than happy to steer clear of men altogether for awhile. Then they start getting all bitter and twisted about Natalie Barnes, wondering why "nice girls like themselves" (SALLY?? NICE??? On what planet??) can't get a bloke whereas The Sleeveless One seems to have "more men than the Grand Old Duke Of York"! "I'm just glad for the gurrls, that he's back" says Sally, all little-miss-innocent, conveniently neglecting to mention the abuse and insults she's thrown Kevin's way since his return! They have a bit of a laugh as we pan across to where Alison and Linda are sitting, wondering "what she's celebrating". The Loathsome One, cynical as ever, explains that she's probably chuffed because Kev's gone back to her but Alison, ever trusting, tries to defend him, saying he only went to see Sally before her because of the gurrls... Needless to say, this excuse flies over Linda's head and she suggests that "tomorrow night, let's go out, find a couple of fellas and treat 'em dead mean"... Tsk tsk, two wrongs don't make a right, you know.
So back to the Garage, where Tyrone lowers himself through a skylight on a rope (rofl! Action Man Dobbs!), only to be confronted by Kevin and Curly who, of course, have been waiting for their mystery squatter. The Manic Mechanic tells the Dobbs boy to begone forever but Tyrone, ever the enterprising young lad, suggests that he was doing Kev a favour looking after the place and being a "night watchman"! As they shake their heads at his excuse and kick him out, Curly asks, concernedly, "Where are you gonna stay now??" to which Tyrone sighs and mumbles morbidly "Whaddyou care, as long as I'm not late for work, eh?" before leaving into the darkness of the Street outside...
The final scene tonight is back in The House Of Elliot, where Gail and Martin have come round to comfort Nick and Leanne about their recent miscarriage. It appears Martin has not said anything about his abortion suspicions and Gail is trying her best to be supportive about the whole thing, explaining that "these things happen" and telling Leanne that, although Nick puts on a macho exterior (!!) he's probably really really upset himself since he's just soooo hypersensitive and caring... After a few minutes of her usual "All praise my wonderful son" rubbish, Leanne finally has an outburst...
Gail: "Sensitivity may not count in some families but in my family, it's better than being a macho bigmouth..."
Leanne: (Rising slowly from the sofa, unleashing all the anger she's kept up over the past few days) "What about being a hypocrite?? Is that important too?"
Martin: "Maybe we should go, Gail... Leanne's still upset..."
Gail: "I.. I don't understand?"
Leanne: "...and a liar? I don't suppose that counts either?"
Nick: "Please Lee don't..."
Leanne: "I don't see why I should have to lie. SHE uses it to have a pop at me dad!"
Gail: "Would somebody please tell me what's going on?"
Leanne: "Me dad came round today... He was heartbroken about me losing the baby... I had to lie to him..." (looks at Nick) "...then I have to SIT HERE and listen to how SENSITIVE you are!" (looks back at Gail.. starts crying) "He's so sensitive he's scared to tell you the truth! Well, I'm not! I didn't lose the baby.." (begins to whimper) "I got rid of it.. I had an abortion..."
Gail: (Looking at Nick, solemnly) "...and you knew?"
Leanne: "You think it's something I'd do behind his back???" (screaming now) "He was so DESPERATE for me to get rid of it, he paid for me to go private!!! Couldn't even wait ONE AFTERNOON for the NHS to book me in! IS THAT SENSITIVE ENOUGH FOR YOU???"
With that, she covers her face and runs upstairs leaving Gail staring straight ahead, hopefully realising what a waste of space, useless, insensitive, selfish, uncaring, dumb and pathetic son she has... and the actor who plays him isn't any better either! ;) (DOOHHHH!!!! Almost made it! Sorry Katherine!!! :))
Cue credits.
This episode was written by David Lane (there's a name we don't see very often) and was about 50/50... Some of the storylines are really dire at the moment (Kevin vs Sally - Round 666! No thankyou!) and the prominence of a certain character/actor is still a burden but, despite this, Mr Lane managed to wrench some mighty fine scenes out tonight.
However, *by far* the winner of the episode was Jane Danson who has shot straight up the list from "one of the best young actresses the show has" to simply "one of the best actresses the show has", regardless of age or mainstay status. Quite simply, her performance tonight was breathtaking. Far beyond the weepy, shouty stuff that we've seen her do well before (albeit do well before). Her range of emotions (most notably in the scene between Leanne and Les) was absolutely astonishing to behold and I really hope that she gets the acclaim she so richly deserves for this.
Anyway, that's me lot for this week. I've already waffled enough about the other stuff throughout the rest of the Update and see no need to repeat myself, especially since Jane Danson stole the entire show herself.
So, 'til next time! :)
The Rattler
Dear Update Readers,
"Oh no!" I can hear some of you saying: "Not that awful, foul-mouthed, over-the-top, sad old drama queen again!" Well actually no, it isn't Paul Baker - God bless him - it's me! (I'm sure Paul won't mind a little gentle ribbing. And no, I don't have a cold: I *did* say 'ribbing'). Yes I'm back - after eight months in the wilderness, this marks my return to the high octane world of CS updating on a more or less regular basis. I am actually filling the opening, so to speak, provided by John Laird, who is leaving for pastures new. (And soon to re-appear, after a little corrective surgery, as Joanna Laird). I'm sure those of you who have enjoyed John's updates - and I am one of that trio - will wish him well in his new persona. (And to those sceptics who say that John is merely fulfilling every straight man's dream - namely to have a pair of breasts that he can play with whenever the mood takes him - I say: think again! Changing one's sex is not something that one enters into lightly. No man in his right mind would say: "Oh, I'm not busy next week - I think I'll have me willy chopped off." It's far more complex than that. Apparently.)
Anyway, John's Sunday update slot has become vacant, and that other inimitable old pro, Ros Mitchell, is stepping into it. Which leaves Ros's Wednesday slot free for yours truly. Of course, this will not be to everyone's liking: even as we speak, that deranged spinster halfway up a volcano in New Zealand is faxing off to Haiti for a little CP doll and a hundred pins. But before you all start to unsubscribe in droves, let me assure you that you won't be having me every week. (You should be so lucky!) I shall be with you once a fortnight, and on alternate Wednesdays you will be exposed to the mega writing talent that is Jane 'Ricey' Rice. You may already know her - she is no stranger to RATUCS - and I'm sure you'll love her as much as I do. It's wonderful to see her writing updates. Indeed, it's pretty amazing that she is able to put pen to paper at all, given that it's only a fortnight since she finished her electro-shock treatment. Jane is a very brave woman, and an inspiration to us all.
And so down to business. Subscribing, as I do, to the Tinky School of Prologues That Make "War And Peace" Look Like A Note For The Milkman, I shall do my prologue in the form of a diary, chronicling the events of my past week. (Actually this is from three weeks ago, but what the heck!?) Anyway, if you think I'm confusing you with someone who gives a toss, you can always scroll down to the update proper!
CP's Diary
Thursday
My aunt Rose phones to remind me not to forget my parent's wedding anniversary. They've been married for 46 years, which is amazing when you consider that one could have done three life sentences for murder and got out sooner. She's planning a surprise for them: she's doing an astrological chart of the exact time of their wedding, "to see whether they're compatible or not." I tell her that it's a bit late after 46 years to think of incompatibility. "It's never too late to realise what a mistake you've made," she says. I say that since I'm a very logical, practical and down-to-earth Virgo, I don't believe in any of that astrological mumbo jumbo. "Actually," she says, "I've never thought you were a typical Virgo. Virgos are supposed to be ultra-clean and obsessed with hygiene. Considering some of the things *you* put in your mouth, you hardly qualify." I say nothing, although there's plenty I could retaliate with. For a start, she has no room to talk about sexual irregularity. I mean, this is the woman whose husband left her because she couldn't deliver in the bedroom department. For years, her nickname was "February 29th". Presumably because she only came once every four years.Friday
I pick my godson, Nathan, up from school at lunchtime and bundle him off in a taxi to his Grade 2 piano practical at Old Elvet Methodist Church. We are half an hour early, which is just as well because the steward in charge of the examination has noticed an error on the list of candidates: Nathan is down as being 15 rather than 11. It takes twenty minutes and several phone calls hither and thither to sort otu. When it's all resolved, we breathe a collective sigh of relief. The steward turns to me and says: "I *thought* you didn't look old enough to have a 15-year old lad!" Nathan whispers in my ear: "Surely the question should be: is a 15-year old lad old enough to have a 36-year old man?!" Fortunately the steward doesn't hear this, and I'm relieved when the time comes for him to go through the big green wooden door at the end of the waiting room and into the hall where the exam is to be held. By this time I am a bag of nerves, so I go outside among the graves for a cigarette or five. Fifteen minutes later and it's all over: Nathan emerges, a little red-faced but beaming from ear to ear. "What arpeggios did she ask you to play? Did you remember the pedalling on the Bartok piece? Was your fingering okay on the chromatic scales?" He shrugs my questions off and reaches into his pocket for some chewing gum, while I light another cigarette. He's taken the exam but I'm the one with frayed nerves. Eventually he says that everything went well, considering that he'd never met the (female) examiner before. "Maybe I should have greeted her the same way that Bill Clinton greets his female secretaries on their first day at the White House," he says. "How's that?" I say. "Well, whenever Bill Clinton meets a woman for the first time, he says: 'Ooh, I haven't come across *your* face before!' " (It takes several seconds for me to get the joke, but I daren't box his ears - not so soon after an exam, anyway).Saturday
Dinner at Ian's place and out for a drink afterwards. He has come to a big decision, and it looks as though a career change is definitely on the cards. He's not sure what he wants to do, though, and bemoans the fact that he has no real skill to fall back on. (Unless you call the ability to take off a pair of Calvin Kleins with your teeth in less than 20 seconds a skill, that is). I tell him that it's never too late to learn. Eventually he says that he might like to try his hand at IT. Jobs for computer experts are plentiful, what with the Millenium Bug and all that. "And who knows?" he says. "I could be Durham's very own Millenium Bugger!"Sunday
There's an old Jewish saying: "It's easier to phone your mother than not to phone your mother", and I guess it's true. And besides, if I phone her, it may just prevent her from calling me dead on 7.30, when the Street starts. Anyway, her main snippet of news is that she's off to the local college next week to see "a slide-show presentation on tyranny". I am momentarily gobsmacked: since when has my mother been interested in politics or current affairs? I mean, this is the woman who thinks the Khmer Rouge is the latest line from Revlon, and that bulimia is a small country in South America. Maybe it's because she lived through the blitz, and is now trying to understand why such atrocities as the Holocaust can happen. "Why the sudden interest in tyranny?" I ask. "Oh," she says, "Brenda Cracknell went there last summer and says it's fabulous, so I'm thinking of going." I take a deep breath. "You did say 'tyranny', didn't you?" I ask. "Yes," she says, "it's in Italy, apparently, so I shan't need any injections." After a few minutes of giddy and perplexing conversation, I realise that the slideshow is not about 'tyranny' at all. "I think you mean 'Tuscany', mother!" I tell her exasperatedly. "That's what I said," she says: "You're just not paying attention!" I say nothing: sometimes it's better that way.Monday
My ex-flatmate, Mark, rings in a blind panic: he has got a ring stuck on his finger, and it's swollen up something like a veritable balloon. He's tried soap, cooking oil, baby lotion - but the bugger won't budge. The only solution, he concludes, is to drive to A&E and have it cut off, something he's loathe to do since it was a present from an old boyfriend. I tell him that I had to have a ring cut off once, and that it's a relatively simple procedure. Anyway, half an hour later and we're sitting in Dryburn hospital A&E, waiting to be seen by a doctor. Or at least someone with a pair of pliers. Mark's finger is really swollen by now and he's scared that if he's not seen soon, it'll become gangrenous and drop off. (I tell him it was a good job the ring was on his finger, and not elsewhere). I try to humour him, but the piped muzak doesn't help. It's that anodyne kind of elevator muzak that they play, ostensibly to calm people down, but which always ends up making you want to smash the loudspeaker. One of tonight's 'easy listening' choices is, amazingly enough, Nancy Wilson singing "You've Got Your Troubles", which is hardly the kind of thing you want to hear if you've just been pulled out of a car smash and hauled through the avocado-and-peach interior of Dryburn Accident and Emergency suite. Anyway, two hours later and we're still sitting there - until Mark spies a male nurse he thinks he knows. ("I never forget a face," he says, "especially when I've sat on it.") Anyway, his sometime acquaintance pulls strings and within minutes we are being ushered into a cubicle where another nurse then appears, wielding what looks like an oversize pair of secateurs. Mark is embarrassed by the whole thing, but the nurse puts him at his ease. "Don't worry, we get all sorts in here," she says. And then, in hushed tones she confides: "Last week we had a man in here who'd got a headless Barbie doll stuck up his arse. Certainly puts your swollen finger into perspective." Well this set Mark off into paroxysms of laughter, so much so that he didn't feel the ring being sliced off his finger. We were still laughing when we got home. "A Barbie doll you can understand," he kept saying, "but why headless?? And does Ken know??"Tuesday
Not only has that bastard Rupert Murdoch and his Sky satellite channel robbed us terrestrial-TV viewers of premier league football, he has also secured a monopoly on the Oscar ceremony as well. According to 'one of my pals' in Canada, who shall remain nameless (but you know who you are, Kathleen sweetie), this year's bash was one of the most forgettable, but then I don't think she sees it quite through the same eyes. The Oscar ceremony is a tribute to everything that is camp and kitsch and over-the-top - and I'm not talking about the films, either, although no doubt some of them qualify as such. I'm talking mainly about the costumes, the make-up and the acceptance speeches of those who attend, all of which provide excellent bitching fodder. I had to make do with little snatches - frustrated straight men will know how I feel! - on the news and morning television, but it's not the same. I would love to have seen the smug and eminently slappable Gwyneth Paltrow win the Tom Hanks/Sally Field Award for most sick-making acceptance speech of the year, in response to her Best Actress award. (Which should have gone to Meryl Streep, by the way). Clad in a huge pink number that apparently made her look like a cross between a bargain-basement Grace Kelly and an explosion in a blancmange factory, the silly bitch broke into tearless sobs and thanked everyone from the man holding the clapperboard to her dead cousin Keith. Anyway, the only redeeming feature of the whole shenanigans was the Best Supporting Actress award, which went to the wondrous Dame Judi Dench, a lady of incomparable grace and style beside whom Gwyneth looks like a sixth-form amateur. No matter that Dame Judi's role in "Shakespeare in Love" is only eight minutes long: this woman could appear in a film for three seconds, fart, exit stage left, and still deserve the Oscar for it. (Oh, and thank the Lord that the God-awful Tom Hanks didn't win. Ditto the film he was in - 'Saving Ryan's Privates' or whatever it was called. I don't usually get on my soapbox - unless it's to have fun with very tall men - but Spielberg is another one who leaves me totally stone cold).
Which brings us to Wednesday, and the Update! So here goes:
The episode opens chez the Websters, where Kevin, rested and relaxed after his cottage holiday, has come round to tell Sally that he has an appointment with the solicitor to sort out the alimony back payments he owes her. Such sudden rectitude leaves Sally somewhat gobsmacked, and she is struck dumb even further when he tells her that he plans to have his name taken off the house deeds. Their conversation is politeness personified, and Kevin remarks: "We're becoming civilised in our old age, aren't we?" (A lot of people will no doubt warm to this new, softer, more laid-back Kevin, but I'm not so sure. But then I still rue the day that he shaved his moustache off. Along with yuppies and shoulder pads, Kev's moustache symbolises all that was deliciously naff about the Eighties; in fact, for some of us, Kev's moustache *was* the Eighties. I know time can't stand still, but you'd think he'd grow a little designer stubble, just for his diehard fans).
At the House of Elliot, a near miracle has taken place, because Adam Rickett is actually having a laudable stab at acting! (Either that or I was having acid flashbacks, I don't know). He is having a mega hissy fit over Leanne's outburst, during which she let slip to Gail that she'd had an abortion. They say that when someone is in the last days of a terminal illness, they suddenly appear as though they're getting better, and I think this is why Old Mother Rickett and her washboard came to life this evening. It's the storm before the calm of his leaving, mark my words. You won't see acting like this from him again, believe me. Before you can say 'hammy little whoopsie', he'll be back to his old ways.)
As Kevin leaves the Webster household among laughter and cries of merriment, he is seen by Linda and Alison on the other side of the street. Talk about being seen in the wrong place at the wrong time! Anyway, Linda helps Alison to put two and two together and make four, and to conclude that this touching tableau of a family clearly at ease with itself heralds the imminent rapprochement of Sally and Kevin. Nothing could be further from the truth, of course, but Alison doesn't know that. And Linda doesn't want her to know that. (Linda is fast becoming the Street's Greek chorus: woe, woe and thrice woe! Death and doom and destruction before teatime! I suspect she's been taking lessons from my mother). She later wastes no time in announcing to all and sundry that Sally and Kevin are, indeed, back together. Alison, poor poppet, can only look on in anguish.
Inside Underworld, the Drear is droning on to Mike Baldwin about the imminent visit from his accountant, but Mike is clearly pre-occupied with thoughts of Julia Stone and oodles of chopped liver sundae. He snaps at Drear to cancel the engagement with the accountant, who, as Deirdre says, will probably prefer to be off playing golf anyway. (Who knows, maybe he will score a hole-in-one at exactly the same time Mike does!)
Gail and Martin, meanwhile, are picking over the bones of last night's revelation. Gail has come to the conclusion - after possibly five seconds' deliberation - that it was obviously Leanne who orchestrated the whole abortion business, clearly against Nick's wishes. Martin tells her not to be so rash in her appraisal of the situation, and that since he heard about it from Nick himself, he knows differently. Gail is taken aback to think that her precious Nick could have bypassed her and told Martin all his and Leanne's secrets rather than her. Martin tells her that it's quite natural, and reminds Gail that she too was close to having an abortion when she was pregnant with David - a situation that she would never have dreamed of disclosing to Nick.
Chez the Battersbys, Janice and Toyah - goddesses that they are - are seated together on the sofa, sipping soup. Les enters and is almost knocked over by the smell, which he attributes immediately to Toyah's malodorous trainers. Toyah tells him that it is simply cabbage soup, which they are imbibing as part of an endeavour to purge their bodies of toxins and lose weight before the wedding. Les reiterates his intention to prevent Toyah from going to what he calls "that freakshow", which, he warns, will be be "full of Rumanian shotputter-types and drag queens". (Very much like a ratucs ping, by all accounts!)
Talking of the wedding, at the cafe, Roy is somewhat concerned that Toyah will choose her own outfit for the wedding, but Hayley slaps him down immediately. "Toyah is coordinating her outfit with mine," she snarls (well it seemed like a snarl to me), "and so that is the end of the conversation." Roy, well and truly put in his place, makes a mental note to find Hayley's hormone tablets and bin them: femininity is one thing, but surely if she planned to wear the trousers in this relationship - and parade the fact in front of a cafe-full of customers - she could have saved herself the trouble of a painful operation?! (I hope that Roy will have the guts to stand up to her and show her that he is the one with balls, so to speak. There's no sadder sight to behold than a downtrodden man).
That's not to say, of course, that I don't admire a strong woman, and there's no stronger woman on the Street right now than Janice. When Leanne tells her that she has had an abortion, Janice is a veritable tower of strength, offering support, compassion and advice in equal amounts. This short exchange between Leanne, Janice and Toyah was an absolute gem: three of the Street's most accomplished actresses together in a scene of exquisitite dramatic understatement and perfect timing. The upshot of the scene is Leanne's realisation that while she knows how she herself feels, she hasn't really given Nick scope to express his feelings.
And so she goes to the college to find him, but bumps into Miranda instead. Miranda tells her that she should be resting, and that given time, she will get over what has happened. Leanne suddenly realises that Miranda knows everything, and her fears are confirmed when she is suddenly pulled into Miranda's embrace, and the cloying display of empathy that accompanies it. Not only, it seems, does Miranda know all about the abortion, but she was also instrumental in Nick's decision to have Leanne go ahead with it.
At the Rovers, Hayley - and I wish to heavens that she'd get rid of that manky old red anorak - interrupts Janice and Linda to remind that the former that she has yet to reply to the wedding invite. Janice says that she has every intention of attending the wedding, and that Toyah will be there - Les's protests to the contrary notwithstanding. Linda says that she has already availed herself of the "half-price manicure for wedding guests" offer, even though, as she makes quite clear, she has no intention of attending the wedding. "If I want to go to the circus," she tells Hayley, "I'll book the Big Top." Hayley, a little piqued, says that it's okay by her, and that she (i.e. Linda) won't be missed. (Venomous little creature, this Linda, but I'm sure she must have a redeeming feature or two somewhere. It's just taking a long time to shine through, that's all).
Back at the House of Elliot, Whoopsie Boy continues to startle with his new-found ability to act as he rips into Leanne, who has accused him of telling Miranda everything and now has to listen to all of his counter attacks. The scene ends with no resolution in sight, apart from the feeling that this young couple's days are, indeed, numbered. Later, Whoopsie drowns his sorrows in the Rovers over a shot of brandy bought for him by Jim McDonald. However, the magic woven by the Good Acting Fairy was wearing off by now, because his downing of the drink was far from accomplished: he left half of it in the glass.
Alison gives Kevin the house keys back, and tries to brush off his claims that he didn't mean to upset her. As he endeavours to tell her that he isn't getting back with Sally, a bemused Tyrone watches from the other side of the street ("This is better than the telly, this!" he shouts), but Kevin gives him a tongue-lashing and sends him away. Alison ends the conversation by telling Kevin that she hopes he and Sally will be very happy together - before correcting herself and saying: "Actually, no, I hope you'll both be very miserable together."
And that, as they, say, was it.
I'm off to recuperate from a fantabulous holiday in Paris and blood-poisoning, in that order. Ricey will be with you next week, providing that her liposuction is a success.
hugs to you all,
CP
Hello everyone, my name is Helen Johns and I'm here doing a guest update for Alan Milewczyk. It has been just about a year since I last posted an update, so for the benefit of those who haven't been reading these forever, I shall re-introduce myself. I'm a Midlander by birth (Evesham, Worcestershire if anyone's interested), and a scientist by profession. I'm now 35 and I have been aware of The Street's existence since I was a child, but I only became a true fan in 1990, when I met my other half, Mike. I discovered Graham Allsopp's web site (now at http://www.corrie.net) and through that, the ratucs newsgroup and all who post in her. I became a regular updater when the Street went to 4 episodes per week, and continued to relate the Friday goings-on until April last year. Then I changed my job and moved from London to Salisbury. I lost the luxury of free unlimited web and news access which I had enjoyed (being at http://www.graylab.ac.uk), and due to horrendous problems with our house sale, it was 6 months before Mike could leave as well and come and join me. Having sold the house, I then went straight out and bought a home computer, since I was by then suffering chronic newsgroup withdrawal syndrome. I have been lurking again on ratucs since Christmas, and though I don't often post, I enjoy reading it all. Mike and I have been to a few pings (London twice and Manchester) and I really enjoyed putting faces to names and getting to know some of the regulars - UK, Canada and elsewhere - a bit better. So hello again to 'anyone who knows me' as they used to say. Anyway, that's enough about me; what you really want to know is what's been happening down Weatherfield way. So here it is:
We begin with Kevin opening up the garage in the rain. He sees some of the girls going in to the factory, including Alison. She does not look across and Kevin grimaces ruefully. Meanwhile, Curly catches Tyrone in the act of nicking a bottle of milk from Gail's (I think) doorstep. Curly threatens to sack Tyrone from Freshcos and Tyrone immediately promises he'll never do it again. Curly wonders why he bothers.
At the factory, Hayley is yawning because she has been up until 2am sewing her wedding dress. Janice advises her to throw a 'sickkie' but Hayley's conscience wouldn't let her do that. Linda collars Alison to find out if Kevin has been in touch. Alison says no, and she doesn't expect to hear from him again. Linda is pleased.
In the Kabin, Rita tries to be nice to Leanne, who seems distracted. Gail comes in and Leanne wishes her a Happy Birthday. Gail is 41 today, and Rita assures her it gets better from now on. Leanne, on the other hand, can't wait to be out of her teenage years. Leanne accepts Gail's invitation for her and Nick to go for a drink later. Leanne is surprised that Gail is still talking to her. Gail kindly says she is still her daughter-in-law.
In the cafe, Curly and Tyrone are having breakfast. Under questioning, Tyrone admits that he never had a bed at Marcus's house and has been sleeping rough all the time; he's eating as if it is his first hot food in weeks. Curly says he needs to smarten himself up in order to keep his job and get a room, and Tyrone is pleased when Curly offers to take him home and give him a bath and some clothes.
Nick requests a word in private with Miranda, so she gets her colleague to leave them alone and asks Nick what is wrong. He launches into an attack on Miranda for having told Leanne that they had discussed an abortion. Miranda is bemused to find that Nick didn't tell Leanne in the first place that he was talking to Miranda about it, and notes that she is seeing a new, and not very attractive side to Nick. He despairingly says it is all too late now as Leanne just keeps going on at him, attacking him and accusing him.
Mike prepares his things to go away on his 'business trip' and Alma gives him a hug, saying she'll miss him. Mike says they will have a weekend in London together to make up for it, soon. They hug again and he promises to phone.
In the Kabin, Kevin tells Jim that his Dad is having a good time in Germany and that he helped Kevin when he needed it after losing the girls. Jim remarks that it is time to move on now, and Rita says she thinks Kevin and Sally have benefitted from spending time apart. Kevin wonders how he can get Alison back since she wasn't pleased about him going off to Germany. Jim advises a big romantic gesture to demonstrate how sorry he is. Kevin protests 'I've said I'm sorry!' then looks suitably gormless as Jim chuckles 'I don't mean in words, Kevin.'
Back at college, Miranda is rapidly losing patience with Nick. She accuses him of being totally selfish and paying no regard to Leanne's feelings, not to mention being thoroughly childish. Nick blinks a lot and tosses his hair, when she orders him to grow up, then he splutters that he has finished with being lectured to and he is quitting college.
Break
Cereals, supermarkets, men's deodorant, chemists and indigestion
remedies.
Part 2
Mike enters the hallway of a block of flats and rings at number
2. Julia answers and invites him in.
At Curly's house, Tyrone is told by Curly that he can have the sofa for one night only when Kevin emerges from the kitchen. He is wearing a smart red apron and has a potato in one hand and the peeler in the other. Kevin says he was planning to get Alison back and was hoping to have the house to himself. Curly makes for the pub and Tyrone invites Kevin to bribe him to go out.
In Julia's flat, she explains that she has only been there a couple of wee