Monday 1 November

Hi everyone, here is the first episode of Monday evening.

It is obviously early morning, and Liz, clad in a red silk dressing gown is in the kitchen at the Rovers. Charlie is waiting in the living room for her, wearing nothing but a pair of jeans. He tells her he told Shelley that he wanted a cup of water, but he tells Liz to stay out of his way. She says that's rich, coming from him, she had to push him off last night. He says he likes the look of her, dressed like that. Liz wishes Shelley could hear him now. He edges closer and tells her he knows how she's fixed, husband in gaol, not much money coming in, he likes the way she thrusts herself at him. Liz tells him he's disgusting, he says he's normal. He says he might be interested next time Shelley's away, or he has too much to drink, women like her are always better with alcohol. Liz leaves the room.

The workers are waiting outside the factory. They are all moaning about Kelly, and the fact that she told them a pack of lies. Janice says they will show her what it feels like to have a kick in the guts, they ask Kelly if she's going to bingo, saying that she's not coming with them. Then Danny arrives and lets them all in.

Over in the corner shop, Dev, Mike and Eileen are trying to get Frankie to remember whatever she can about the taxi driver who spoke to her and Maya when they were having lunch one day. She remembers that he had a silver streak in his hair, like Dickie Davies, and he had a son who was in the army. Dev says he get Patrick to drive round half of the taxi firms and Eileen says she will go and speak to the rest on the radio.

Outside in the street, Les has just taken delivery of an enormous, round, and rather disgustingly dirty, bath. It is sitting on the pavement outside his house. He calls to Eileen as she approaches that it is going to hot up his 'lurrve-life'. Eileen thinks there should be markings on it, 1ft, 2ft, deep end… Fizz reckons Chesney could get sucked into the pipes when the water is let out. She then says she'll take Chesney to school, but Mike comes up behind her and tells her that she won't, as she's late for work and should get herself over to the factory. Eileen says she'll be back later, with her cozzy. Cilla comes out then, apparently delighted that Les has bought it for her. Les tells her it's a 'lurrve-tub' and there'll be bubbles everywhere. (Yukk!) He tells her to get off to work, and he and Kirk will get it inside.

In the Rovers, Liz is telling Deirdre all about her encounters with Charlie, but how she's not going to let him get the better of her. Betty points out that if she's not happy she should leave. Liz says she can't afford to live anywhere else round there, but Deirdre tells her it's only a job, and she should look further afield, although she goes on to express the opinion that it's Charlie who should sling his hook. Liz tells her he won't do that while Shelley is crazy about him – and at that point Shelley overhears and comes over. She tells Liz that if she's got anything to say, would she say it to her face, and in the meantime she can serve Deirdre, this is a pub, not a meeting place for Liz's friends.

Dev and Eileen are in the taxi office, talking to Patrick on the radio about finding the driver who took Maya to her 'wedding'. Dev is getting pretty desperate.

Shelley and Betty are having a cup of tea. Betty asks Shelley if she's sure Charlie is the right man for her. She doesn't seem happy – when does she laugh? Shelley protests and says that she laughs when she is with him (can't say I've noticed, lately), but Betty wonders if she's fooling herself. Shelley asks Betty to be on her side, and not to criticize Charlie all the time. Betty says she's always on Shelley's side, and if she's happy with Charlie, then Betty will try to be too.

Over in the factory, the other girls have gone to the Rover's, leaving Kelly on her own. Danny comes in, and she tells him the others don't want to play with her any more. She tells him they don't like the way she works, she would rather make money than be one of the gang. He asks if she would like him to have a word with them, but she tells him no, so he suggests buying her a drink. She tells him she couldn't go to the Rovers, so he suggests the Weatherfield Arms, after work. She flutters her eyelashes at him and tells him he's really cheered her up, and he tells her that if they put their heads together, just the two of them, he might be able to do a lot more than just cheer her up.

At the Battersby's, Kirk and Les are struggling to lift the bath off the floor, let alone get it up the stairs. Les suggests they get it to the bottom stair on it's side and then roll it up. Eventually Les puts his back out and hobbles in pain to the sofa. Cilla says the bath can't stop there, who will move it? Cilla suddenly remembers that her mate Sue's husband is a plumber, and Kirk tells her to ring him. Groaning, Les tells her to ring an ambulance. Cilla says that Sue's husband is brilliant, he can turn his had to anything. Les asks if he can do massage, and Cilla doesn't answer, but she has a knowing twinkle in her eye...

Liz, on her break, is enjoying a ciggie in the back room of the pub. Charlie comes in and asks where Shelley is. Liz tells him she's in the bar, and asks if she should call her. He tells her no, he likes being alone with her. Liz tells him to leave her alone, and tells him she's going upstairs. He says that sounds like an invitation, so she tells him to get lost. Just then Shelley comes in and asks why Charlie didn't come through to the bar. Liz explains that Charlie would rather spend time with her – and then she walks out.

Dev comes back into the taxi office, exhausted. Eileen tells him he needs a break, but Dev says he can't take a break with Sunita in prison. Just then Sunita's father appears, and is shocked because he assumes that with Sunita in prison, Dev is carrying on working. He tells Dev that a good man should be by the side of his wife, and Dev tries to explain that Sunita doesn't want to see him, and is too upset to talk to him. Just then Eileen tells them that Patrick has some news, and on the radio Patrick tells them that he has found the taxi driver they've been looking for and Dev had better get over there quickly, as he won't wait long. Telling Mr. Parek that he'll explain on the way, Dev rushes off with him.

Danny and Kelly are enjoying their drink in the Weatherfield Arms, although conversation is a little stilted at first. Kelly mentions her wedding fiasco, and tells him she doesn't know what she was thinking, marriage just ties you down, what she wants now is a good time. Danny says he can put her into the 'no strings attached' category, and she replies that she would quite like it if he did.

At the Battersby's, Les is prostrate on the sofa, while Chesney and Kirk are sitting in the bath, watching tv. Cilla comes in, clicks off the tv with the remote control, much to Kirk's annoyance, and tells Chesney to go to bed, but he protests that it's too early, so she tells him to do his homework. He protests some more, saying that he hasn't got any. 'Off you go,' she tells him, I want to comfort Les. 'Can I watch?' asks Chesney, but she tells him he can't. He goes off upstairs, and Kirk says he'll go and see if Fizz is in the pub, and leaves the house. However, the comfort that Les is expecting is a far cry from what Cilla actually has planned – she has some horrible smelling liniment she's going to rub into his back.

Behind the bar in the Rovers, Charlie seems to be shadowing Liz. Deirdre talks to Betty and wonders if she should go home or stay. Next minute a row breaks out between Charlie and Liz, she's fed up with being ogled, and he tells her that she flirted in next to nothing this morning. He tells her that the clothes she wears lead him, just look at what she's wearing now. Liz tells him he makes her sick, just as Shelley comes back into the bar. 'What's the problem now?' she screeches, and tells Liz to leave Charlie alone. 'If you're frustrated,' she tells Liz, 'find a man of your own.' They all start shouting at each other, Liz telling Charlie that he should admit it, that he won't leave any woman alone, she is just the latest in a long line, and half the people in the street know about him and Gail Platt. She says that Shelley specializes in hooking up with losers so she knows better than anybody. With that, Liz walks out of the bar.

In a dark car park, Dev's witness is reluctant to get involved. They explain to him how Maya took Sunita's name, and now Sunita is in prison, but he won't be moved. He stays as far away from the police as he can, he doesn't want the police poking round in his business. When Dev tells him he is their only witness and the police will bring him in, he says he will deny everything.

Danny and Kelly are still in the Weatherfield Arms. He tells her that Frankie is a top of the range woman. Kelly admits she's a smart woman, and Danny tells her he likes her to look good. She asks if they've been married long and he says yes, and he plans to stay married for ever. He does concede that she wasn't the first woman in his life, and she will be the very last. Kelly then suggests that there's room for one or two in the middle. 'There might be,' says Danny, 'we'll have to wait and see'.

Over in the Rovers, the other girls are pulling Kelly to pieces and saying she's burnt her boats with them. They all get up to go to Bingo, but Fizz says she's staying behind. Kirk comments that it's his magnetic personality, but the truth is she thinks there's going to be a fight behind the bar and she wants to watch it.

Behind the bar, Charlie is leaning in the doorway to the back rooms, staring at Liz. Deirdre asks what she's going to do. She says she'll carry on pulling pints and being pleasant to the customers. When she goes over to pull one of the aforementioned pints, Shelley asks her if she's been spreading more lies. Liz tells her that the only liar is Charlie. Shelley asks if she's going to carry on accusing him, and Liz, in response, asks if she's going to carry on believing him. The next minute they are shouting at each other, despite the fact that the whole pub can hear. Eventually Liz says that she doesn't know what she's doing there, and tells Shelley she can stick her bedroom and stick her job, and she walks out.

More in part 2!

Annie Logan

Welcome to episode two for Monday, November 1, in which actor Paul Barber finally gets his big break with a role in Corrie.

It is breakfast time at the Battersby household, and Chesney is sitting in the bath eating his cereal. The bath, of course, is still in the front room. Cilla comes downstairs, issuing a dire warning about not spilling anything in the bath, and giving poor Chesney a whack on the head at the same time to make sure he does! "Clean it up," she screeches. "If I have to share my first bath with a load of stray puffs there will be hell to pay!" She goes to give poor Les, still on the sofa, some sympathy and stomach-turning promises of what he will get once the bath is installed. She asks Fizz to take Chesney for the evening so she and Les can have some time together. Chesney wants to come home and see the bath working, but Fizz points out it won't be pleasant. "That rubber duck's going to need blinkers," she says, "or counseling."

In the back room of the pub, Shelley is saying she didn't sleep. Charlie points out that he didn't either, and even if he had tossed and turned, that's very difficult with a back full of knives. Shelley explains that Liz is just jealous. Charlie tells Shelley that she causes the reaction around him because she's clearly shown her insecurity and suspicion. And just in case all that hasn't made her feel bad enough, he pushes away the fry-up she's made him and says he doesn't feel like breakfast.

At the new enlarged McDonald household, the elder member of the clan is hogging the bathroom and Karen is enraged. Steve points out that Karen has an hour before she has to be at work. "That's all right for you, Steve, to swill round your pits and bits," she tells him. "A woman needs time in the morning to make herself look beautiful." Steve suggests that's what his mother is doing, but Karen says the only reason Liz made a play for Charlie Stubbs was to get her hands on his trowel and cement mix. She hasn't noticed that Liz has come out of the bathroom. When she realises, she asks Liz if she realises "some of us have got work to go to." Liz replies she thought Karen had already gone. "The fish market opens at half five, doesn't it?"

At Les's, Kirk opens the door to find a bloke standing there with a van labeled "Apache Plumbing" in the street. It's Cilla's contact, Billy Arrowsmith (arrows -- apache -- geddit? "Enemy of the cowboys," he tells Kirk). In fact, most of you will recognize him as Paul Barber, finally making it into the street after a career full of lesser roles, such as three appearances in Casualty, roles in Cracker, To The Manor Born, Boon and Minder, playing Morgan in Porridge, Horse in The Full Monty and Denzil in Only Fools and Horses! He greets Cilla a little enthusiastically, until she introduces Kirk as "my boyfriend's pal". When Les comes in, they only just get their stories straight as Billy is introduced as the husband of her pal Sue. Les goes off to work, leaving Kirk as the only possible help to Billy in getting the bath upstairs. As Cilla goes off to make a brew, Billy Arrowsmith puts a consoling hand on Kirk's shoulder. "I expect you lost a lot of modeling work when Lowry died, eh?" http://www.clark-art.co.uk/pages/single/362.html if you're unfamiliar with Mr Lowry's work).

In the shop, Dev is telling Shelley about the failed attempt to get the taxi driver to give evidence against Maya. He is distraught, but Shelley urges him to carry on fighting to get Sunita released.

In the factory, the girls are discussing Kelly and the fact that the silent treatment doesn't seem to be bothering her. Sonia is all for tarring and feathering her, as they did with collaborators during the war. Angela calls Kelly a Judas, and Janice agrees there isn't much difference between betraying someone for 30 pieces of silver or for a Silver Stitcher. Hayley expresses some sympathy for Kelly, but is warned by Janice of dire consequences if she suggests "a return ticket from Coventry". Danny comes out of the office and tells them to shut up. He can't abide bullying.

Cilla is in the kitchen putting biscuits on a plate when Kirk comes in, complaining about the effort it took to get the bath upstairs. "Haven't you got mongrels to worm?" Cilla asks him, slapping his hand as he tries to take a biscuit. He says Billy has had to take the door off to get the bath into the bathroom. Cilla agrees it's a big job and will probably take all day. She urges Kirk to take Les for a drink after work and to keep him out of the way until late evening. As Kirk goes off to work, Cilla lines up a mug of tea and the biscuits on a tray, adjusts her chest and heads upstairs.

In the bathroom, Billy is moaning about what a difficult job it is and how's he's had to remove everything else to get the bath in. He wonders if Les bought the bath or excavated it. "I'm surprised the hot and cold aren't in Latin! And I don't know if the pipework's sound." Cilla tells him his pipework has always proved reliable int'past! She promises him a special bonus if he gets the job done.

At the factory, Hayley stops behind as the others head for the pub, prompting some pithy comments from the others. "You're a flamin' gosling," Fizz spits. "Quisling!" Hayley corrects. She talks to Kelly, explaining how the others feel. Kelly is astounded the others think she would sell out her mates for a few extra quid in piece work. Though "piece work" might be the right phrase -- "I'm working out how to get a piece of him," she tells Hayley, pointing at Danny in the office. Hayley is appalled. Danny is married and he's been unfaithful before. "Oh, so I'm in with a chance then," Kelly says enthusiastically.

They are still talking when the others come back from the pub, full of remarks about what they see as teacher's two pets. Danny comes out to tell them they've done such a good job they have another order, but it has to be finished by tomorrow night. He breaks the news to them, though, that the Silver Stitcher is going back. He's not stupid, He knew they were on a go-slow and "when I heard you lot round your cauldron this morning, that was the final straw. I rang 'em up and said we'd send it back this afternoon."

At the Battersby house, there is a lot of banging coming from upstairs. No, Cilla is downstairs now and trying to stop Chesney from going up. He wants the loo, but she tells him he'll have to use the lavvy in the yard from now on. "It was good enough for me when I was your age." She gives him some money and he goes off, saying he'd rather wait than use the outside loo.

The girls in the factory are still giving Hayley and Kelly a hard time. Jamie is removing the trial Silver Stitcher. Janice believes the new deadline is a con. "We've been here before," she says, reminding the others of the fake deadline Danny used to get them to work faster when he first arrived. They start to talk in more and more militant terms until Danny loses patience and comes out of the office. "Stone me! If you lot were to work the machines with your jaws we wouldn't need a Silver Stitcher!"

In the street, Dev catches up with Jamie and Leanne and tries to persuade Leanne to rack her brains and try to remember anything Maya said while they were working on the unfair dismissal case. Jamie tells her it would be a mistake to get mixed up with the police and Leanne says Dev and Sunita have never helped her out at all. She refuses.

In the pub, Les is drinking with Kirk and moaning about his back. He hopes to numb it so it doesn't bother him later on. Kirk breaks the news about the inside bog being gone and Les says there's nothing wrong with the one outside. "It's November," Kirk reminds him. "There's dogs at our kennels smaller than some of the spiders living in there." Leanne and Jamie are having a drink and Leanne asks her dad how the new bath is going, prompting Les into rather too much information about what he and Cilla will get up to later on. "The thought of him and her on land is bad enough," Jamie comments. Leanne points out that at least Les is doing something to perk up his love life. A girl likes to be pampered, she tells Jamie, saying she expects he treated his ex-girlfriends better than he treats her. He denies this. "Really?," Leanne asks. "Do you ever think that might explain why they're your EX-girlfriends?" As she heads off to the loo, Jamie makes a call on his mobile phone.

As the girls leave the factory for the day. Hayley tells Danny she's sure they'll make the target. He suggests maybe he's been hoist by his own petard. "I don't even know what a petard is," he says. "Oh, it's a fire cracker," says Hayley, telling him Roy told her during a Scrabble game. (A pedant writes: I looked this up, and my dictionary says it was a case which contained explosives for blowing in doors. In Shakespeare's time there was something called a "petar" which was a moving firework). Hayley leaves and Kelly stays to thank Danny for sticking up for her. She suggests they have another drink together some time.

In the pub, Leanne returns to find that Jamie has booked them a table somewhere very posh for the next night. Charlie comes in and Shelley tells him his dinner is in the oven -- liver and bacon. He makes a face and says he'll have a drink first (I'm jumping up and down offering to have his dinner if he doesn't want it). Shelley tries to apologise to him but he brushes her off. She suggests that later they can curl up together on the sofa. Which really annoys Karen, who very snarkily says that she'd like to do the same with her husband, but they now have a lodger! Shelley suggests that Karen does what she did and stands up to Liz. Karen is inspired. "We'll have to get rid of her," she tells Steve, who asks if she's planning on putting his mother out for the bin men. "No, 'cause they wouldn't take her," Karen says. Steve points out that his mother has rights. But Karen makes her feelings clear. "I'm not happy, Steve. I'm so not happy." Les is planning to go off and make the water move (ew!) but when he stands up his back gives him really pain. He sits down and calls for more anesthetic. "Stick another one in there," Kirk, "and make it a triple."

Back in his bathroom, you people in Canada could probably hear the bath when Billy first switched it on. I don't think we want to know why he's wearing a dressing gown. "Have you downed tools for the day?" asks Cilla. "I hope not," Billy says. "I seem to remember there are still one or two things that need seeing to," and they sink out of camera shot as the credits roll.

Margaret Carr

Wednesday 3 November

Written by: Stephen Lowe
Directed by: David Kester

Les is sitting in the outside loo, freezing. He goes indoors to find Cilla in her dressing gown. Les says he fancies an early swirl in the whirlpool to warm himself up, as he didn't get to try it last night. Cilla apologises for being too tired last night and says she'll make it up to him. But not now because she's out of bath foam. She says she'll buy two kinds later, and set them up for "an underwater adventure."

In the factory Danny is chivvying the girls to get on with making up the new order. He says they can have overtime pay if they work hard. Jamie is after a sub from his dad because he wants to take Leanne out, but Danny says no. Jamie's gaze rests a bit too long on the petty cash box…

Mrs Parekh comes to see Dev. She's just come from the prison, and is upset about Sunita, and says she's going to fight for her. She wants to speak to taxi driver again, and tells Dev not to give up hope.

At the factory, the girls are all going to the pub. Hayley asks Janice to invite Kelly and says they should go easy on her as she's feeling a bit delicate emotionally. The girls guess she has a crush on Danny, and Hayley sort of confirms it. They invite her to pub. Danny says they can all have overtime if they come straight back, but Janice says if he thinks he can control them just by clicking his fingers he can dream on.

We see Mrs Parekh getting into a taxi – driven by That taxi driver, Tom Duggan. Dev is getting in too. Tom realises it's him and says he still won't co-operate and go to the police, but they say they want him to drive them. "Where to?" he asks. Mrs Parekh is being inscrutable and mysterious. "I'll direct you. I know the way."

Janice, Sean and Sonia are discussing employment issues in the pub. Janice says if they do the overtime Danny's asked for, they'll be expected to do it in future and get the sack if they refuse. Fizz and Angela sit down with them, and then Kelly comes over and tries to join in with the banter but Janice takes it the wrong way, and then taunts Kelly about Danny. Kelly's about to throw her drink over Janice, but walks out instead. Janice tells Hayley not to worry about her, as they all know where she has a shoulder to cry on.

In a dark and deserted factory, Jamie is helping himself to several ten pound notes from the petty cash tin. Kelly comes in, almost catching him at it, but he says he was checking that the petty cash added up. She says she's come back for the overtime. He's looking guilty as hell, and asks Kelly to tell his dad that he's gone. He leaves, and Kelly sits down to wait for Danny.

In the taxi, Mrs Parekh is instructing Tom where to go. They arrive at the prison. Mrs Parekh appeals to Tom as a parent (his son is in the army): "How would you feel if your son was captured? You would do anything you could to set him free wouldn't you? No parent wants to see their innocent child…" She can't go on. He's moved. He says he still won't go to the police, but he will help them.

In the Rovers, Mrs Parekh (watched by Dev and Shelley; Tom the taxi driver is in the background) is on the phone to Maya, saying she needs to talk to someone she can trust and that only Maya came to talk to her at the wedding. Maya agrees to meet her. Dev and Shelley are delighted, but Mrs Parekh says, "I don't think I can do this." "Yes you can," Dev tells her.

Les gets home from work with fish and chips. Cilla comes downstairs in the same dressing gown. We can hear the bath upstairs – it's as noisy as a cement mixer. "All this and mushy peas! I've gone to 'eaven!" Les says.

Danny arrives back at the factory to find Kelly there alone. After a bit of flirting, he suggests that she stops working and turns the lights out. "I wondered if you fancied a sausage roll with me," he says, holding up a white paper bag presumably containing said pastry. "There's nothing I fancy more," she purrs.

HURRAH!! Norris is back!! The Street has been Norris free since October 3rd, and I've missed him. Anyway, he and Emily are pounding on Les's door, not happy about the sound the bath is making. "I should have known you'd make a scene!" Emily is complaining. He says, "I'm trying to save people's lives, Emily. Whatever it is in there is shaking like it's about to blow up, and if it does there'll be weeping relatives all over the national news, and I'll feel personally responsible." Les and Cilla answer the door in a state of disrobement. Norris is shocked to hear that they've been taking a bath together in their new whirlpool. "This isn't Hawaii!" he points out accurately. "You don't have whirlpools in a terraced street." Les tells him to get lost and they go back inside, leaving Norris shaking more than the whirlpool.

Maya arrives at the Rovers and greets Mrs Parekh, and looks around. "I have to be careful in here," she says. "Dev has a lot of friends – most of whom he's slept with." She pretends to be concerned about Sunita.

Elsewhere in the pub the girls are debating whether to go back to work and do the overtime. They all want to do it except Janice, so they decide to go.

Kelly and Danny are sitting in the dark. They've

finished the sausage roll and are discussing "dessert." Kelly has a crumb on her lip which Danny is about to attempt to remove by the tried and tested method of kissing it off, when the door opens and the lights come on. All the factory girls (except Karen, who has been missing for the entire episode) are there. "I'm sorry," says Janice. "Are we disturbing summat?" Danny is completely flustered and tries to cover by saying he's glad they've come back to work.

In the pub Maya is being dramatic and tragic, telling Mrs Parekh how the evil Dev led her into some "dark, dark places." Mrs Parekh keeps glancing across the room as if she's waiting for someone, and Maya becomes suspicious and makes to leave. Tom the taxi driver comes in with Dev. "Is this the woman you drove to and from her wedding?" Dev asks him loudly, and then to the pub in general: "Now will everyone note that Mr Duggan pointed out Maya Sharma," he says (he's seen too many courtroom dramas). Tom says he's positive it was her, except that wasn't her name then: "Her husband kept calling her Sunita. It struck me because it were such a lovely name." Dev tells Maya to go to the police and confess before he arrives there with a string of witnesses. Maya recovers her composure. "You're no lawyer," she tells him. "Any lawyer would know that you've just thrown away your ace card. Letting your prime witness make an identification in a pub wouldn't be admissible for a second. It would look like exactly what it is – a set up. They'd laugh you out of court and I'd be laughing with them."


Erotic snacks of the day: (1) Fish, chips and mushy peas (2) Sausage rolls.

Sue Haasler

Friday 5 November

We start tonight's episode with Dev in the shop with all the lights out. Danny is off to work and Frankie asks if everything is ok. He says it is and maybe they should go out at the weekend. Frankie says it's not about spending money, women need some reassurance. Danny says he does give her that and Frankie she wishes he meant it. He says he does so she tells him to book a table at a restaurant.

Sophie is opening her birthday cards and presents. Sally says she should name her new guinea pig so Sophie suggests rat features! Sally tells her off but she doesn't seem bothered. Rosie has been allowed to bring a friend to Sophie's party which Sophie is not pleased about! Kevin tells her that she won't even know they are there and she can have music, food and games.

Blanche has got on to a new game show. Four generations of the same family answer questions to see if they can win a car. Ken asks if Amy will be answering questions on the French Revolution! They have to go to London tomorrow. Ken says he's pleased that they don't need him but Blanche says they do. They blackmail him into going!

Kelly has popped in to see Danny. He tells her he's calling it a day; he doesn't want it to go any further. The rest of the girls come in and Janice tells them to be careful when they turn their machines on because they might still be warm from all the overtime last night. She says Kelly's machine must be red hot! Danny asks if she is insinuating something and if she is then she should say it. She says she knows overtime means unusual hours but she didn't know that it meant unusual practices as well! Danny shouts at her to either say it or belt up! Jamie asks if Janice was giving him grief but he says she always gives him grief. Danny asks what it's got to do with him and he says that accusing Janice of telling lies and gossiping, the mind boggles.

Sunita's mum is telling Dev to go back to the police station but Dev says there is nothing he can do. Frankie comes in and asks what's happening. Dev says that the police won't do anything because the identification wasn't in a proper police line-up. Frankie tells him to do something quick because Maya said something about going to Italy today.

Emily and Norris are complaining to Les about the noise of his bath last night. Les says they should try having a bath because it calms him. Cilla says it sounds like they had their ears up to the walls but Emily says they didn't need to! Norris says it was like listening to the titanic going down but Les says they'll be more bath nights like that. Norris threatens to call the water board but Les says that if he gets any complaints from the water board he'll know who to come looking for.

The police tell Dev that they can't arrest Maya for going abroad but Dev shouts at them to do something because she will slip through the net. He says that if they aren't going to do anything he will and he storms off. A policeman brings in a one of the men that Maya married.

Jamie asks Danny about what Janice was saying. Danny tells him that she's nicked £50 and that Jamie can sack her. Jamie owns up to taking the money and apologises for it. He also says that he wasn't the only one out of order; he heard that he was getting it on with Kelly in the factory. Danny asks who told him but Jamie asks if he's going to sack them. Danny tells him that he's got the wrong end of the stick as he was only flirting with her.

Maya is packing her bags but Dev's standing outside waiting for her.

Maya says he could get him arrested but he says he doesn't care anymore. He tells her that he's not going to let her get away with this. He didn't deserve this and neither did Sunita. She shouts at him that if he had any idea of the damage he's caused but Dev shouts back that people get hurt everyday and don't carry out tricks like this. Maya says he got what he deserved and Dev grabs her. The police roll up and Maya starts screaming. The police arrest Maya (yey) and she looks a bit shocked!

Sophie's party is in full swing and Sally is asking Rosie's friend about her family. Sophie tries to ask her mum about the jam biscuits but she won't speak to her. Sophie moans to Chesney about her in the Kitchen and they go off somewhere. Sophie and Gemma go upstairs and her dad rings up about Gemma stopping the night. Apparently Sally and Kevin didn't know about it!

Steve comes home and Karen asks about whether he's ready to go to Dublin; Linda has invited them over. He says no because they can't afford it and he's got a lot of work on but he says that she can go on her own. He says he doesn't mind and any other time he would go. She says that she'll feel guilty but he says that he'll only be in the way of them catching up. She agrees and says that when she gets back they can get back to you know what!

Kevin has just finished on the phone with Gemma's dad and he's invited them round for a drink. Sally says that they don't know whether Rosie will like Gemma and Kevin says that what she means is that she doesn't know whether she likes Gemma. Sally says that she did invite herself to stay over without asking. Kevin says that he said they'll go but Sally tells him that she has no intention of going so he'd better ring him back and cancel.

Jamie and Danny are having and drink and Jamie says that he promised Frankie that he'd have a clean slate when they moved here. Danny says he's got a clean slate and nothing was going on. Jamie says he won't mind if he tells Frankie then. Danny says that if he tells her he might lose her, Jamie and Warren. He's says that Jamie has got to believe him.

Sophie is auctioning off her guinea pig to her friends (I'll take it!) Sally tells her to stop but Sophie says she'll do what she likes with it. Kevin tells Sally that she's taken more notice of Gemma than Sophie today so what does she expect. He says that he thinks Gemma is alright so they'll go and have drinks with her dad and they might enjoy it.

Dev is waiting at the police station and he asks the policewoman when Sunita will be released. She can't tell him anything so he goes and sits down again. Maya comes out of a room at the same time of one of the men she married and he identifies her. He asks "Sunita" to tell them she is his wife but she says she's never seen him before in her life. The police don't seem to believe her!

Steve's mum tells him that Blanche and Deirdre have asked her to on the TV show. She asks him to drive her down but he says it's a bit short notice. She says that he can stay in a fancy hotel paid for by the TV company and they'll be back by Sunday lunch. He asks why she can't go with them but she says they're making a weekend of it and she doesn't want to gate crash. She says it's a once in a life time opportunity that she may not get again. Steve reluctantly agrees.

Dev is sitting in his car outside the prison. The door opened and Sunita walks out. She puts her wedding ring back on. Dev sees her and runs up to her to give her a hug. They both start crying and he tells her that it's all over now.

The End

Helen Edgar

Sunday 7 November

Here is the report for tonight's episode, which contains many hilarious facial expressions of bewilderment from our poor, hapless friend Steve.

Speaking of hapless, the first scene is Dev trying to talk Sunita out of working and it's not just because it's a Sunday but because he doesn't feel she's up to it. She wants to get back to normality however and wants to face people, and no argument from Dev changes her kind.

Steve carries Karen's heavy bag into the cab office and is bewildered as to why she's taking so many shoes. Eileen believes it makes sense--if Karen were a centipede. Karen takes Steve's complaints as a signal that he doesn't want her to go but she assures him not to worry--they'll get back to their baby making as soon as she gets back. She feels a break could do him good anyway--to give him a chance to "restock his cupboards" She asks what he'll be doing and he lies, saying he's going to be working.

Blanche and Deirdre are getting some travel pills in the shop and are both assuring Sunita that no one thought she was guilty. They tell her that they're off to London for the game show that Blanche got them a part on but Deirdre is adamant if anyone should be going away for a break, it should be Sunita. Dev enters and agrees with Deirdre and even suggests a honeymoon but Sunita snaps and orders him to back off.

Patrick approaches Janice and offers to take her out for something to eat, when she's hungry of course. Janice suggests they go out tonight and they agree on eight o clock

The contestants for the game show (Ken, Blanche, Deirdre, Tracy, Amy and Liz) are getting ready and judging by Liz and Tracy's conversation, Steve's name can be added to the list--though he doesn't know it yet. As Karen goes past in a taxi, Tracy grins like the Cheshire cat.

Jamie makes a poor attempt to blackmail Danny over Kelly so he can get money to take Leanne out but Danny makes it clear that he's "the man"

Sally is making a spectacle of herself once again, this time by crawling on the floor whistling for a lost guinea pig. Kevin is down on his hands and knees too, searching and Sophie is finding it all very amusing. Sally believes she's done it on purpose because they wouldn't get her a dog, leading to an outburst from Sophie, who still believes, rather accurately, that Rosie is being favoured above her. Sally tries to use the excuse that it'll be favouring Rosie to go to the Davenports' for a drink, but Kevin is adamant that they'll be going.

Tanya, the girl to ask for help on the set of the show and at the hotel, is going over things for Liz and Steve. Liz is excited but Steve isn't over confident. Ken and Deirdre walk in to the hotel and Steve's face gradually drops further as Blanche walks in, Tracy hot on her heels, clutching Amy. Tracy greets him and he smiles weakly in return.

Warren leaves the Baldwin household to take Candice out. Danny is lying on the couch, Jamie sitting nearby with a face like Blanche sucking on a sour lemon. Danny teases him for a while before handing over forty quid, making him "the man" in Jamie's eyes.

Blanche and Liz are arguing over whether the team name should be Barlow-McDonalds or McDonald-Barlows. They come up with different points each including alphabetical order and the sound of Laurel and Hardy. Tanya says Dave the presenter can decide and goes through some rules about the game. Dave will apparently start with light hearted banter (such as "Deirdre you veiny necked lizard" or "Tracy you spiteful, bitter mere"?) She warns them not to mention his troubles with the press. When she mentions that there are seven team members, things start to dawn on Steve, leaving Liz to say: "I probably should have mentioned this earlier..." Steve is horrified: "I'm not doing it--not in a million years!"

Steve is still refusing to take part and Tanya now has the Blanche-sour lemon look. Steve also points out that putting Amy through it is child abuse but she's already done it and passed spot the teletubby with flying colours. Everyone desperately tries to convince Steve and he soon realises he'll have to pay the hotel bill if he doesn't do it. Ken offers to speak to Karen for him as well. Steve deliberates and then...."No! I'm not doing it!" A million years later, we cut to Steve getting his hair done, with, yep you guessed it, the Blanche-sour lemon facial expression plastered on him!

Sally and Kevin are preparing to leave for the Davenports for a 'bevvie' Rita calls round to babysit the girls and the couple leave.

30 seconds till the show starts--and Liz and Deirdre are getting excited! Ken wishes everyone luck and badges are given out. Steve refuses to wear the DAD badge, but he appears to have little choice. 5. 4. 3. 2. 1. Cue cheesy music and the family toddle onto the set in front of their audience, Steve giving one last bemused look. They are greeted by a very lame (yet typical) presenter. Tracy is gushing with excitement, beside a nervous Steve.

Patrick bounds into the shop yelling the question "How was prison?" to Sunita. Sunita hisses for him not to spread her private life, as if there were still people who hadn't heard about it. Dev ushers Patrick out and finally convinces Sunita to take time off and let him care for her.

Dave the presenter is giving his lame banter to Steve. He asks how he and Tracy met and Tracy says they were school friends. Cue an audience Awwwwwwww to Steve's clear horror! Oh, if Karen could see this...

Patrick knocks on Janice's door and Leanne and Jamie come out presuming Patrick is their cabbie. He reluctantly agrees to take them to the restaurant.

The contestants are discussing whether or not they should gamble. The filming begins again and Dave asks Blanche who says they'll gamble. And the person who's randomly picked for the question is...Steve!! And the question's category is...Shoes!! Hoho, what fun! Wouldn't it be great if ITV1 decided to show the whole programme, purely for Steve's humorous bemused looks.

Janice comes out of her house, ready to go and bumps into Les, who was obviously meant to pick up Leanne and Jamie. After a confusing situation, Les ends up taking Janice to the bingo.

Sally is aghast that Kevin has bought cheap lager to take to the Davenports. She also decides to go home and get changed.

Patrick returns to Janice's flat and rings the bell expectantly

Steve is hit with the confusing shoe question and is given his final lifeline--phone a family member. At first he denies that anyone would know the answer. But, after his tense countdown and Blanche-sour lemon looks from his fellow contestants he gives in and utters one word..."Karen"


The shoes Karen needs for one night away: a day pair, an alternative day pair, a night pair, an alternative night pair and a traveling pair.

Sunita pointed at Deirdre when she said "That woman has ruined any chance of a proper honeymoon"

The team on the gameshow end up being called the McDonald-Barlows.

Liz had a field's worth of snowdrops dangling from each of her ears.

When Sally was going out, Sophie got a kiss yet Rosie didn't...the plot thickens...

The presenter Dave used an evil tone when introducing Tracy

Ken was the only one to get a question wrong, beaten even by Amy.

You can see part of the set outside Janice's flat.

Judging by her stance, Tracy needed the toilet by the end of the show.


Least likely thing to be found on the Street: "I just want to have some day to day normality" Sunita to Dev

Question the asker really doesn't want to know the answer to: "What are you going to be up to while I'm enjoying myself in Dublin?" Karen to Steve

Suggestion least likely to cheer up a depressed wife: "Let's go and spend a couple of days with your parents" Dev to Sunita

Comment with the most risk of being mistaken as an insult: "She's a Hunt" Liz, pointing to Blanche

Offer most likely to be regretted later: "If you want me to talk to Karen, I'd be happy to oblige." Ken to Steve

That's all from me this evening. Until next Sunday!

Duncan Lindsay

Monday 8 November

Hello everyone. Here is the first episode of this damp Monday evening here in the UK.

The Barlows and the MacDonalds are still taking part in the quiz show. They have got to the last question – who, from a list of four, is not a shoe designer. Steve goes for the option of phoning a family member to find out the answer, and who better equipped to know than Karen? He dials her number, while Dave, the quizmaster, tries to find out who Karen is. Blanche tells him, 'It's his wife!' There is an 'Oooooh' from the audience. Dave asks if they are separated and Blanche tells him they might be after this. Karen answers the phone, telling Steve she's in The Gravediggers Arms. He tells her he's in a pub, too. She is obviously oblivious to the fact that her every word can be heard by the whole audience, plus the tv cameras, (and ultimately by several million people, no doubt) and embarrassingly tells him she is feeling fertile, and goes into graphic detail about what she is going to do to him when she gets home.

Back in Coronation Street, Janice rushes up to her front door to find the flowers that Patrick has left, on the step.

In the tv studio, Steve desperately urges Karen to shut up and asks her to settle a bet. He then asks her the shoe question. She gives him the right answer, and everybody goes wild. Lights flash, music plays, they've won the car. While the Barlows et al. go off to get in their new car, Steve sits down and quietly thanks Karen, and tells her he really does love her.

Jack Duckworth is in a pub that is not the Rovers. An old friend of his called Ron comes in and Jack explains that he is supposed to be meeting Vera but thought he would come to this pub first for a bit of peace and quiet. They talk about the pigeons Jack used to keep, and how he no longer has them. 'Vera?' asks Ron. 'Aye, Vera,' Jack tells him.

In the TV studio, champagne corks are popping and they all congratulate themselves. While Steve sits quietly, Ken points out that it is all thanks to Karen. Blanche tells him it was no thanks to him, that was for sure. Dave comes in and tells them they were all brilliant, it was a fantastic start to the series. He pats Steve on the head, 'Well done Dad,' he says, 'thought you were going to blow it at the end there.' He tells them their taxi will be ready to take them back to their hotel in about half an hour, and then they can drink the place dry.

Sally and Kevin (who is wearing a suit) have arrived at the rather grand house of Rosie's friend's parents, and are greeted warmly by Ian, the dad. He's dressed in 'smart casual' wear. He leads them through to meet the other guests, but before they go in he implores them not to mention Oakhill, he says it's like a PTA meeting in there. They are introduced to Justine, Gemma's mum, who kisses Sally on both cheeks, although she says she only does that to wind up her husband. When asked what they want to drink, Kevin asks for lager, and Sally asks for wine, but can't seem to make a decision over red or white. In the end she glances round nervously and says she'll have what everyone else is having.

Jack is having yet another pint with his friend Ron, as they moan about the pigeon fanciers who have fallen by the wayside, and put it down to feminism, a man no longer being king in his own castle. Ron says he's on a recruitment drive, and to get someone like Jack on board again would be a coup. 'A coup?' asks Jack, 'A coup!' declares Ron. Jack is certain Vera would not allow him to have pigeons again, but Ron says he has a little trick up his sleeve……….

Patrick is trying to explain to Janice how he arrived to pick her up but Leanne thought he was the taxi she had booked. Janice just pleads with him to feed her, she says her belly thinks her throat has been cut. They decide to get some chips, and Patrick suggests they eat them upstairs in her flat. She declines because Leanne will be back soon, but suggests they go to his place. He's not happy about that, because of Luke and Russell. 'Is it a small house?' asks Janice, 'No,' he tells her, 'they're big lads'.

At the hotel, the Barlows and Liz are discussing what to do with the car they've won. Ken thinks the best thing would be to sell it and divide the money seven ways. Steve says he wants no part of it, they can have his share, as long as they all promise, and they make Tracy promise, that Karen will never find out how they won it. Deirdre announces that the room is spinning and she has to go to bed. They all get up to go to bed too, when Steve makes Tracy promise on Amy's life that she will never tell Karen about it. Tracy promises. Ken is worried, and thinks that Karen deserves a share. Steve goes off to get another drink, and Tracy wonders how Steve thinks Karen will never find out, as they are all going to be on TV. Liz confesses that she told Steve it was just a pilot and would never be shown. Liz gets up to follow Blanche, Ken and Deirdre upstairs, but before she goes she asks whether Tracy is planning on taking advantage of her son. 'There's no chance of that, is there?' says Tracy, 'No chance,' agrees Liz.

When Steve comes back to the table, Tracy assures him that when she first agreed to do the quiz, she had no idea he was going to be involved. Steve finishes his drink and decides to go to bed, and Tracy says she'll come with him. She hastily tells him to relax, she means her own bed. They are both on the fifth floor, and head for the lift.

Patrick and Janice are finishing their chips in the car, in the pouring rain. Janice decides that skulking around is silly, and invites him up to the flat for coffee. Just then Patrick gets a call on his mobile, his dog Neville has got out and run off. He asks if she minds if they go and get him, promising it won't take long. Janice weakly agrees.

Back at the hotel, Steve finds that his room key card doesn't open his door. Tracy invites him in to her room to phone reception. He looks doubtful, until she tells him that Amy is asleep in her room and invites him to look at her, she's gorgeous when she's asleep. (Aren't they all?)

At the drinks party, the women are discussing island hopping round the Greek islands. One of them tells Sally everyone really should do the Greek islands, she spent the summer there during her gap year. She mentions islands that Sally has never heard of, but tells her that although they get the package holiday 'rabble' there on day trips from Kos, they are all gone by 2.0 o'clock. After she has gone off, Justine tells Sally not to take any notice, her friend is a snob. She tells Sally that she thinks Rosie is a lovely girl, very down to earth, a credit to her. Sally is pleased and tells Justine she was just about to say the same to her about Gemma! (Ahem – yeah right!)

Steve and Tracy are looking at the sleeping Amy. Steve asks if Tracy ever regrets it. Tracy tells him she regrets a lot of the thing she did when she was pregnant, but she doesn't regret having Amy. She offers Steve a bottle of lager from the mini bar, but tells him he doesn't have to take it, the phone is right there. Steve asks her to lay off Karen from now on, and she says she'll do her best, but Karen does ask for it sometimes.

Patrick and Janice are now back in the car, complete with Neville, who seems to be a large Mastiff. (What is Corrie's obsession with large dogs lately? First Schmeich el and now Neville.) Janice is not too happy because she has scratches all down her throat and over her chest, as well as grass stains on her back. Patrick tries to explain that Neville was just being enthusiastic, and it's not his fault because his sons won't take the dog for a walk, they're bone idle. When the hapless Patrick asks if he can see her again, Janice retorts, 'Forget it!' and jumps out of the car.

Kevin and Sally are now back home. Sally is congratulating herself on picking Oakhill, because that is the sort of family they want their girls mixing with. Kevin is impressed because he has never met anyone that rich before who knows what it is to do hard graft. Sally is thrilled because Justine used to work in a bookies too, she snuggles up to Kevin and says they could be the Davenports one day. Kev says he's quite happy being the Websters. Big mistake! Sally stops in her tracks – 'There must be other things you want in your life?' she asks him. 'Well,' says Kevin, eyeing her up and down, 'there is one more thing…….' Sally is disgusted and tells him to forget it, she's going to bed.

Steve and Tracy are sitting on the bed, talking. He asks her about Ciaran, and she tells him it was all right while it lasted. Steve wonders if she would go charging down the aisle if Ciaran were to marry somebody else. She tells him she was just trying to get her baby back, she is so over him she could be his umbrella. He says that's a relief, she says it's also a big fat lie. Steve phones reception and asks to be let into his room. Tracy leans over and suggests that if she could give him a 100 percent guarantee that no one would find out, she thinks he'd be tempted to stay the night. Steve doesn't answer, and Tracy thinks that his silence speaks volumes, it's not love of Karen that's stopping him, it's the fear of getting caught. Steve gets up to leave, and Tracy kisses him. He walks to the door, then turns and asks her, 'Please don't tell Karen about the quiz show.' She assures him that she gave her word, she won't tell.

More to follow in episode 2…………

Annie Logan

Hello, and welcome to an episode with one of the most surprising plot twists I've seen in a long time.

It's breakfast in the posh London hotel. Tracey and Amy are at one table and her parents and grandmother at another. Deirdre is busy discussing last night. She can't believe their luck. Except that it wasn't luck, Blanche points out. Who was it who entered them for the contest? Who nagged them until they agreed? Who was the mastermind behind it? Why, Blanche, of course! Steve comes down to breakfast and Tracy tells him it won't kill him to sit next to his daughter at breakfast. As they eat, Steve feeds Amy. Liz and Blanch go all ga-ga at this, agreeing that they look like a proper family. They are a proper family, according to Liz. But Deirdre tells Blanche to stick to the new car and hope it doesn't turn into a pumpkin.

Claire is late to Ashley's. She explains that there was a big argument at the flat over Candice using all the hot water again. Ashley says she won't have any problems once she moves in with him and Joshua, but he isn't prepared for the sharp reaction he gets. Claire snaps that there certainly is a problem in the house, and it's Maxine. But she calms down and tells Ashley that she was angry at Candice and took it out of him. She sends him off to work.

Back at the hotel, Deirdre asks if everyone is ready for the road. Ken points out that they came down in two cars but have to get three back to Weatherfield. Liz has an idea. Why doesn't she drive Steve's car, and he can drive the prize car with Tracy and Amy for company? Blanche also thinks this is a good idea, "after all, it's a people container, isn't it?" But Steve soon puts them straight. "You came down with me, you go home with me," he tells his mother.

Back in Weatherfield, the Duckies have had some mail and it's not a bill. It's from the North West Conservation Society. "Conversation society?" asks Vera. "What do they want to talk about?" No, the society wants to find a 20th century working class dwelling and make it into a museum of the 20th century, Jack reads. It will reflect the age of the common man. "Who are they calling common?" snorts Vera. Someone has suggested to the society that No 9 Coronation Street would be suitable. It is one of a number of houses which have been nominated. The society wants to inspect the house. If it is suitable, the society will buy it at or above the market value. Jack and Vera will live in the house as custodians rent-free. It must be rubbish, Jack says, screwing up the letter and throwing it away. Vera isn't so sure. She rescues it and smooths it out. "You don't think we'll win!" Jack mocks. "We'll just go to all the trouble of cleaning up this place and they'll pick another place." "Are you a man or a mouse?" Vera asks. "I think we should go for it! Oh, Jack, our house -- a museum." "Aye," says Jack. "I always said you should be in a museum."

A very fast-looking yellow car pulls up outside the garage. The cobbles must have been hell on its suspension! Ah, it's Ian Davenport, the post bloke who used to be a mechanic. He just happens to be in the area and suggests Kevin, Tommy and Tyrone go for a pint in the Rovers.

In the butcher's, Audrey is buying sausage, but it weighs a bit over what she asked for. "Fred's always telling me you can't have too much sausage," she tells Ashley. She stops herself and mentions that it must be difficult on days like today. Oh no. He forgot it was Maxine's birthday. "I've been thinking more about Claire," he says. "That's where I've gone wrong." Audrey is very sympathetic and reassures him that's it's a good thing. "Nobody could have cared more than you, but she's gone. You've got to put Claire and Joshua first now. There's nothing more you can do for Maxine."

In the Rovers, Vera is talking to Sally about the letter. Sally tells her about the posh house they visited, where the dining room was bigger than the whole of the Websters' house downstairs. "Size isn't everything," Very says, "as I keep telling our Jack." Sally details the number of bathrooms and loos. "It must cost them a fortune in toilet rolls," Vera gasps. The whole experience was like swimming with dolphins, Sally gushes. One of them thar dolphins comes into the pub then, along with her husband his oil-stained cohorts. He orders a round of drinks as Sally explains who he is. Vera looks him up and down. "I can see what you mean about dolphins," she mutters. And, to her utter horror, Kev suggests he and Ian get fish and chips and go back to theirs to eat them!

Out in the street, Patrick has fetched Karen back -- presumably from the station or the airport rather than Dublin itself. He is very grumpy, probably because he's carrying the case containing all those shoes. Steve and Liz have also just got home. Steve is pleading with his mother never to let Karen know about the weekend. She points out that Tracy is the one he has to worry about. She won't waste a chance of rubbing Karen's nose in it. Steve goes to talk to Tracey, but she assures him she will keep quiet.

Back at the Websters', Sally is doing a quick tidy-up and hissing at Kevin as she goes. Ian comes in and wants to eat the fish straight out of the paper but Sally tells him he will not! Kevin gives Ian directions to the loo. "Straight up the stairs -- you can't miss it." "I'll try not to," Ian jokes. Sally is aghast. The house is a mess. The bathroom is a mess. "What did you want me to do?" Kevin asks. "Tell him to go out in the yard?" And she insists he remove the sauce bottle from the table this instant! Ian comes back and sits down. He moans about the fact that they might have a big house, but there's no decent chippy or pub for miles. "Got any ketchup?" As they chat, Ian tells them they'll have to come round again. But Kevin says no, it's their turn, and invited Ian and his wife to come for tea with the Websters. Ian happily accepts. And if Kevin wonders why he got a headache very suddenly, it'll be the poison darts flying into his head as Sally glares at him!

At the McDonalds' there has been an ambush. Karen is waiting for Steve, who didn't expect her back just yet. She proceeds to put into action some of the promises she gave him in the phone call heard by the studio audience!

Ashley has gone home early. He tells Claire about forgetting Maxine's birthday. He knows it means Doreen will be round prompt at four to pick up him and Joshua and take them to visit Maxine's grave. But he has no plans to go. Claire is his future and he wants to prove it to her. Claire explains she's not asking him to forget the past, just not to live in it.

At the potential museum of the common man, he is watching the racing on TV. Vera turns it off. She wants to talk about the offer. Making museums out of ordinary folk's homes is what they do these days, she explains. They did it with John Lennon and Paul McCartney's houses. She thinks the cladding and the "Old Refectory" name plate will swing it for them. "I want you to ring up and tell them to come and have a look. Jack gives in. "Just remember, this were your idea, not mine," he warns.

Doreen has arrived but Claire seems to be missing. Ashley is just getting around to starting to tell Doreen that he won't be coming when Claire comes back and hands him a bunch of flowers, which she says he asked her to get. They exchange an understanding look and Ashley has changed his mind. He'll go with Doreen.

In the pub, Karen and Steve come in, with Karen boasting about how they have just worked up a thirst. It's enough to put everyone off their drinks. And it really annoys Blanche, who tells Karen they kept Steve entertained while she was away. She tells Karen about it. She doesn't get a chance to finish before the steam is coming out Karen's ears. "It's not what you think," protests Steve. "DON'T YOU TELL ME WHAT TO THINK!" (add your own exclamation marks -- as many as you like). "You can't blame me because I didn't say owt," Tracey points out. "YOU GET HOME NOW!" explodes Karen, dragging Steve out. "Does anyone want to buy two secondhand pints?" asks Ciaran.

In another pub, Jack is having a drink with his pigeon-club mate. "Your missus fell for it?" his mate asks. "Aye," says Jack. "Like a rat hurling herself on a trap." He explains that all he had to do was oppose the scheme and he knew Vera would go for it. His friend says all he has to do now is dress smartly, borrow a briefcase and come round as the inspector. "Are you going to mention the pigeon loft?" asks Jack. "No, it's too soon. Keep that back as a trump card." Jack says that in his daydreams he can hear the flutter of wings -- his flock of pigeons coming home to roost.

At the McDonalds', you know how it goes. Lots of shouting. Finger pointing. "I might have known your Mum'd have something to do with it." "It wasn't like that! You know I'd never go with her!" Unfortunately Steve makes out he didn't know the Barlows were going to be at the quiz show. "If I was going to have an affair, I wouldn't take her down to London with all her family, would I?" Karen thinks it's just one accident too many. She's sick of Steve's excuses and she's sick of him." "Honey?" asks Steve weakly. But that was the sound of the front door slamming.

The end.

I am SO pleased with Jack's scheme. I didn't see it coming at all.

Margaret Carr

Wednesday 10 November

Written by: Chris Parker
Directed by: Daniel Wilson

"Just be careful with that sausage, Ashley."
"I'll wash me hands after."

Breakfast time in the Peacock household, where Ashley is playing "guess which hand the sausage is in" with Josh. Butchers and their games, eh? He tells Claire he wants the day to be fun, unlike the day before (Maxine's birthday). He asks Claire to marry him soon – he says Maxine's birthday made him realise they shouldn't put it off. They hug.

Karen is still in a strop with Steve about the quiz show (even though she still thinks Steve only watched the show from the studio audience). Tracy driving up in the prize car doesn't help, and nor does Liz inviting them for a drink in the Rovers. Karen accuses Liz of trying to set Tracy and Steve up together in London, and Liz says she can't blame Steve for having a bit of fun while she's swanning off to Ireland.

Tyrone is having breakfast with Fizz in Roy's Rolls. He tells her he's got a date with Maria. Fizz says she and Kirk are going, too – Maria's idea. Kirk and Maria come in, in the middle of an argument. Their parents can't go on holiday to Majorca (Nan's having her knee done) so they've said that Kirk and Maria can go instead. Maria doesn't want to go with her brother, so Kirk thinks he and Fizz should go: "Me and Fizz are a couple." Maria almost says so are her and Tyrone (Tyrone's little face lights up, bless him), but she stops herself (his little face falls).

Janice and Karen are in the factory talking about Tracy and the quiz show. Karen says it's not so much the thought of Steve and Tracy "doing" anything, it's just the idea of them talking and laughing together that does her head in. Janice's advice is to give Steve the rollicking of his life & keep repeating it till he tells her every detail. "That's what I'm afraid of, Jan," says Karen.

To the butcher's shop now, where Claire and Ashley are about to ring up to book the wedding. Vera comes in for pork pies, and becomes the first to know about the wedding being brought forward. After she's gone, they discuss dates, and decide on the summer.

In the cab office, Eileen is highly amused by the whole quiz scenario; Steve is looking uncomfortable and fed up, especially when he tells Eileen about the phone a friend thing when he rang Karen, meaning that Karen won the car for Tracy. "All I wanted to do was something nice for me mum," is his best defense. "Haven't you heard of chocolates?" Eileen asks. She says Steve needs to tell Karen the whole truth. He says the show was a pilot and might never be shown – but Eileen says it doesn't matter, with Tracy's big gob on the loose.

At the Rovers, Tyrone is talking to Violet and Jason about his date with Maria. Jason thinks the fact that she's invited Kirk and Fizz along means that she can't be much interested in Tyrone – then he discovers that he and Violet are going as well. Violet is enjoying keeping Jason on his toes.

Janice and Karen are on their way home from work (it's actually dark!), and they meet Steve, who looks sheepish. "Do you want to go home?" he says to Karen. Tracy appears behind Janice and Karen, who says Steve should go home on his own, because she wants to talk to Tracy and see if their stories match up. Alone with Karen, Tracy says she's sorry. "Why?" Karen asks. "All he did was watch you roll out the family brain cell, so what's up with that?" "Oh, nothing," Tracy says. "It's just… sometimes you get lucky." She walks away.

Violet, Jason, Fizz, Kirk, Maria and Tyrone all sitting round a table at the Weatherfield Arms. Maria and Kirk are still trying to decide who gets to go on the holiday. They're going to play darts for it.

Back at Weatherfield's premier hostelry, the Rovers, Janice is taunting Steve about the Karen/Tracy stand-off which they assume is taking place even as they speak.

Shelley asks Charlie what he's "all dressed up" for (he's wearing a shirt that doesn't have plaster on it is what she means). He's off out, he says. A mate's birthday, he says. It's the first Shelley's heard of it, and her face assumes that wounded-but-trying-to-be-perky look. She was hoping for some help behind the bar, she says, and Charlie says he'll be back by ten and will help out then.

The darts match is in progress at the Weatherfield Arms, and Maria proves that even though her skill as a hairdresser is dubious, her talent as a darts player is non-existent. With Fizz and Kirk in the lead, Maria leads Tyrone to believe that if he wins the match for them, she might take him on the holiday. He throws the winning darts, and she gives him a big hug.

Ashley comes home and tells Claire that, unfortunately, the church is booked up until this time next year. The only day they could offer was (can you guess, readers?) . . . Christmas Day. Claire says she'd love to get married on Christmas Day, and Ashley says he's already provisionally booked it. Claire says she's always dreamed of a wedding with children singing and Fred cooking a roast (what odd dreams they must have been). Ashley says, "We can give Josh his presents in t'morning, and in the afternoon, Daddy and Claire can get married. How happy a Christmas is that, eh Josh?"

Meanwhile, back at the Rovers, Maria isn't pleased to be overhearing Jason and Tyrone talking somewhat lewdly about rubbing suncream on her on holiday. She tells Fizz she never promised to take Tyrone with her. Violet is telling Shelley that she really likes Jason. Charlie still isn't back.

Karen and Steve are having a blazing row. She tells him that she even thought about walking out on their marriage, just so she could be free of Tracy. "I don't want to go," she says. "I love you, and that's where my problem lies. If she feels just a quarter of what I feel for you, she's going to stop at nothing to get at you." "Tracy can't come between me and you," Steve tells her.

Shelley is clearing up in a now deserted bar. Charlie comes up behind her, eating fish and chips, making her jump. He wants her to come to bed, but - true gentleman that he is - leaves her to do the cleaning up first.

Steve is on his way back home with some cans of beer and a takeaway. Tracy stops next to him in the prize car. "You'd better get used to being stopped in the street," she says. "The quiz show – it's on TV tomorrow night!" He doesn't know whether to believe her. As she drives away she says, "It wasn't just our victory. It's only right that Karen should share it as well."

Sue Haasler

Friday 12 November

We start tonight's episode Steve telling his mother that he will get away with going on the game show. She doesn't think so because everyone will be talking about it. He says that it won't matter if she sees it because all she'll see is him and Tracy standing together with mum and dad badges on and her answering the winning question! His mum starts laughing! Blanche moans to Norris about the newspaper headline and says it should read "Shrewd pensioner leads family to TV victory." The pair start arguing about who actually won the show because Karen gave them the final answer when she walks past. Norris starts to ask Karen about it but Steve grabs her and drags her inside!

Candice is trying to persuade Maria to take her on holiday instead of Tyrone. Maria thinks that she should take him because he did win her it. Candice says that he'll wear massive swim shorts because they show that he's got personality and not a six pack! Audrey tells her not to knock a good personality. Maria says she'll think about it.

Steve is trying to get Karen out of the flat to a restaurant so she doesn't watch the TV but she doesn't want to go. She agrees to you know what but says she'll be watching the telly over his shoulder!

Vera has been cleaning the house and doesn't want Tyrone to sit anywhere! She can see something is wrong though so she asks him. He says that he thinks Maria doesn't want him to go with her because her face fell. Vera tells him to stop feeling sorry for himself and help her. Jack comes in and tells her she's basically got everything wrong! The house doesn't look authentic enough for the conservation person.

Shelley wants to go out but Charlie thinks it's to get back at him for going out last night. Ciaran says that it's going to be busy later because it's Friday night. Shelley tells him that he is supposed to serve customers before her!

Blanche is moaning about the size of the TV because they won't be able to see themselves. Tracy comes in and also starts moaning. In the end they decide to book the TV in the pub.

The conservation man has arrived in Vera's house. He says that he's very impressed with the house and that Vera is obviously an asset! He thinks the house looks very authentic. Apparently they get extra marks for animals and they are definitely on the short list!

Blanche asks Shelley to book the table under the TV. Shelley says she can't reserve it because Fred only lets the TV be on when England are playing. Blanche says that her sort shouldn't be in a position of authority as she's power mad. Shelley tells her that if she speaks to her like that again she'll bar her. Blanche says she wouldn't come in the pub again even if she was giving out free nuts! Fizz tells Maria that she should take Tyrone on holiday because he helped her win it. Candice says that if she still feels guilty when they get there she'll draw his face on a beach ball! Tyrone hears them and asks if they were talking about him. Maria says no but Candice tells him that Maria doesn't want to go holiday with him so she is going! Tyrone walks out.

Maria runs after Tyrone and tells him that she does want to go on holiday with him. He's really excited and says that he's seen some really long shorts in a shop. Maria does not look pleased.

Karen, Steve and Tracy are in the shop. They start sniping at each other as usual and somehow they get around to Tracy asking if there's anything that Steve hasn't told her. Karen asks Steve if there is but he says he's got no secrets. Tracy tells Karen about their TV debut and Karen thanks her for telling her as she might have accidentally watched it! Norris says she ought to tune in!

Maria apologises to Candice about the holiday but Tyrone tells her to get over it. Candice says that Maria has still got time to change her mind but she says she can't do it to him. Candice says she doesn't know why after all he's only there to get trodden on!

Karen is watching the TV and Steve is trying to distract her. The show is coming up next so Steve changes the channel. Karen struggles to get it back on but she eventually does it. Steve is looking very worried!

Blanche has got all dressed up for their debut. She reckons that she after she's been on TV people might want her to open supermarkets! She tells Ken to turn up the telly but it explodes so they all run to the pub.

The show is starting so Steve tries to tell Karen the truth but she's not listening. Fortunately she hates the presenter and turns off the telly! She asks what Steve was trying to tell her and he says it was only that it was that presenter doing the show. Karen says she's bored so they decide to go out for a drink.

Tracy and co have arrived at the pub but Shelley won't let them watch the TV because Blanche was rude to her. If she apologises she'll turn it on.

Steve and Karen are on their way to the pub when they walk past a house with the show on. Steve pretends to choke so as to cover up the sounds! Fizz and Kirk come out and Kirk shouts "there's the star"! Steve grabs Tracy and says that he's got to check on Patrick. He walks in only to find that he's got the telly on! He grabs the TV and says it's against company rules to watch TV and he could sack him! Karen tells him to calm down it's only a telly!

Everyone is in the pub watching the telly and Shelley says she never thought she'd see the day where Blanche apologised! Shelley goes to leave but Charlie stops her. He thinks that she is annoyed at him for going out and she's just trying to punish him. She says she's not but he says he's not into playing those sorts of games. He says he thought they had something special and asks her to stay in so she agrees.

Steve is telling Karen that he's just had a stressful week. His mum grabs him and asks if she's seen it. He asks if his head is the shape of a frying pan! She tells him it'll be over soon. She also tells him that she is recording it at his house. She says she'll hide the tape but he says to burn it or eat it! Karen and Steve argue about where to go for a drink but they eventually decide on the Rovers.

Steve and Karen walk into the pub just in time to see her answering the winning question. Tracy thanks her for the car! Karen calls Steve a liar, hits him a couple of times with her handbag and storms out!

The End

Helen Edgar

Sunday 14 November

With a dignified day such as remembrance Sunday, you'd expect things to be pretty quiet down Corrie way. However, there was not a moment of peace. That's right, another of Corrie's psychopath women went off on one in dramatic style--look out, Karen McDonald strikes!

Steve has been sleeping on the settee and has a stiff neck. Maternal mother, Liz gives him a massage as a scorned Karen looks on in disgust. "Aww diddums," she sneers when Steve tells her about his sore neck. She spills his boiling tea over his lap and wallops him over the head with a purple cushion. Cue an exchange of comments where Steve pleads Karen for forgiveness, Karen blames Liz, Steve agrees, Karen tells him not to involve Liz, Liz leaves the room, Steve begs Karen to forgive him again, she lays in to him with a cushion like a bear released from a cage after 6 months, Karen storms out and Liz comes back in and asks him if he's all right. Ahhh, just another Sunday morning in the McDonald household.

Shelley is walking past the building site and gets a wolf whistle from Charlie. Jason comments that she's he best cleavage so far that day, meaning that not many people have passed that way. Shelley asks Charlie to come down and discuss his birthday but he quashes her hopes for big fuss and tells her not to bother. In a nice way for once.

Henry (the guy that's helping Jack get his pigeons back by tricking Vera) visits the Duckworths and has some good and bad news. The good news is a certain flappy eared, polo playing individual may be coming to open the house for the ceremony. Jack needs to point out to a slow Vera that he is referring to her uncle Prince Charles. The bad news is that another house has overtaken in the bid--because they have pigeon lofts! Subtle or what?

Blanche is dressed smartly to greet her adoring fans as she's now a "Z list celebrity" Tracy comes down looking like "the cat that got the cream" and it soon becomes clear that she's taking extreme satisfaction in Karen's pain and humiliation, something which Blanche approves of. Ken and Deirdre are sympathetic with Karen but the cat that's after the cream merely comments that the fridge door has been left open. Cue a bite from soggy looking toast.

Vera is seeing Henry out and has decided that she will be more than willing to have as many pigeons as required. Jack tries to show disinterest by refusing this prospect, but Vera's determined to have them whether he likes it or not!

Crash Crash Crash Bang Wallop Splash Chugga Chugga! No, I haven't invented a new language to write my reports, I'm merely quoting from Norris who was pretending to be a bath for today's edition of Trading Places. Emily is present and doesn't need reminding of the noise that is being made. They unanimously decide (yes, both of them) to get onto the council. "It's payback time!" says Emily firmly. Ken also came in but only to make a joke about U bends.

Violet agrees to go clubbing with Jason making Fiz wonder when she and Kirk last did something exciting if you can class a night clubbing with a boring builder as exhilaration. Kirk has lined up a fantastic surprise for her though...he's...oh wait for it...*drum roll....(is this boring yet?)....got them a go in Les and Cilla's bath! We can just about see the cast offs of fluff, hair and Cilla debris floating around beside them. Oh, Kirky, you old romantic you!

Karen and Steve are still rowing about Karen's humiliation and it continues in more or less the same vain as the last one. Karen's betrayed, Steve didn't mean to hurt her etc. Oh, and Karen storms out, prepared to lamp Tracy one. Steve and Liz follow her to half heartedly try and talk it out of her, but let's face it, who would miss this for the world?

Karen bangs on Number 1 and Tracy answers flippantly until she is hauled out onto the cobbles and dealt a smack to the chops courtesy of Karen. Ken and Deirdre step in between the two women, Karen just about foaming at the mouth as she vows to Tracy that this is her last warning! Not one to know when to shut up, Tracy decides now is an apt time to tell Karen that Steve spent the night of the game show in her hotel room with her and Amy. Karen deliberates over whether to go psycho, before trotting off, clearly enraged.

Back home, Steve tells Karen that nothing happened and that it's her she wants. Karen is disgusted at the thought of Steve and Karen cooing over young Amy and tells him to go away before he tells her more lies. He whimpers that he loves her, before being told to go away again. He takes the hint thankfully.

Tracy permits Deirdre to start the lecture but Deirdre comforts her as she sobs that she may have put Steve off...slightly...

Violet and Shelley are discussing Charlie's birthday. No developments are made.

Vera is happily spreading news of events set for her house and she gives a clue as to who the famous person may be. Unfortunately, Fiz guesses right away. Vera vows them to secrecy.

Janice purchases a pint and Cilla decides to try and start a fight by opening the line with Janice could start a fight in an empty room. Janice doesn't rise to the bait and Cilla takes Les off for bath time. How much more of this do we have to cope with? It's Sunday night pre watershed for goodness sake!

Norris is in Les' garden pondering over whether to take a photo of Les' old bath for council evidence. As Cilla and Les burst through the back door, Emily ducks behind her garden wall, leaving Norris to be accused of perving at Cilla's underwear! Emily eventually comes to his rescue but Cilla says that if they go to the council, she'll tell the press that he's a knicker nicker!

Liz is telling Steve that Karen will come round as she always does. Steve is still sorrowful.

Jason wants to do something for Charlie's birthday, Violet isn't so sure. Still no real developments here.

Norris storms into the pub, indignance plastered all over his face. Janice and Charlie wonder what's wrong and Emily tells them of their plans to complain to the council. Janice is worried as her name is still on the rent book, so she plans to talk to Cilla and Les first.

Vera is still discussing her excitement concerning her house and when Kirk guesses that the guest is Martin Clunes she cries "Prince Charles!" The pub turns silent and Vera warns them it's a secret!

Janice is knocking on Les' door. Cilla answers and the noise of the bath becomes apparent. Janice decides to insult Cilla, something about her being an ugly monster. Les comes downstairs and Janice tells him she's worried about her name being on the rent book. Cilla tells her to clear off and Janice cackles when her rival slams the door.

Steve is tense over Karen and she eventually calls to ask him and Liz homes. The door is latched and Liz's bags and knickers are strewn across the Street, much to her horror. Karen yells she's chucking them both out and as Steve shouts up at her, she flies through to the sitting room, assaults the TV with that dreaded purple cushion and breaks down in tears.

Ah wasn't that fun!?


-Steve didn't take his sock fully off the previous night.
-One of Karen's earrings is bigger than the other
-Blanche likes to wear four sets of beads
-Deirdre pulled wings off of flies as a toddler
-The following animal/character comparisons were made: Emily is like a worm, Kirk is like a stoat.
-Tracy is a pug faced mardy mere
-Karen sits very strangely on her settee
-Les and sense aren't a happy couple
-Janice looks like a frog when she knocks on doors


Understatement of the day: "You need psychiatric help, you." Liz to Karen
Second understatement of the day: "She's a psycho!" Liz about Karen
Favour of the Day: "Ey! I've just made you a cup of tea!" Liz to Steve after he agreed with Karen that it was her fault
Comment that was least taken on board: "Don't bother" Charlie about his birthday
Lie of the day: ""There's nothing miserable about me" Tracy
Most romantic gesture: "I've got us a go in Les' bath!" Kirk to Cilla.
Least likely crime: "He's a knicker nicker!" Cilla about Norris over her own underwear
Most alluring thought: ""Not to mention the noise of them bathing" Emily about Cilla and Les

Following on from the game show success, Liz and Steve decide to go on a new nature programme about insect habits: "You've got ants in your pants!" Liz to Steve

Well, that's all from me tonight. You may hear from me a little more next week, how great is that for you!?
Keep watching! Judging from the latest commercial, things will be hotting up even more....

Bye for now--have a nice week!

Duncan Lindsay

Monday 15 November

Hi all, welcome back to another exciting episode of our favourite soap!

It's early morning, and Karen wanders into her living room, clad in her bright red dressing gown. (She clashes somewhat, with the lilac sofa and walls!) She sniffs a bit, and then starts applying her make up.

Steve is in the taxi office when he hears the door open and shut. He thinks it's Karen, but it's Tracy, and he doesn't want to see her. She's come to apologise but he's really cross and tells her she couldn't help herself, despite having promised, she had to rub Karen's nose in it, like she always does. Tracy tries to tell him that what they shared in the hotel room was special, and when that doesn't work tries the old ploy of the fact that they have a child together. Steve is not impressed at all, and tells her that the most important thing in his life is Karen – then he tells Tracy to get out.

At the Barlow's, Ken and Deirdre are fussing round Liz, who has stayed the night, but Blanche is not happy. Deirdre reminds her mother that they are putting themselves out for a friend. Blanche points out that she is working all day and she and Ken will be 'stuck with her'. Ken tries to tell Liz that she is welcome to stay, despite what Blanche says. Liz says that Blanche is right, their living room isn't their own. 'Living room?' scoffs Blanche, 'it's a bedsit.' Deirdre assures Liz that she will be their guest for the foreseeable future. Ken tells her not to worry about Blanche, she'll get used to it. Blanche looks like she'd rather get used to drinking acid.

In the Kabin, Norris, Emily and Danny are comparing notes about the noises they hear, living each side of Les and Cilla's new bath. Just then Cilla breezes in, and Norris tells her he's going to complain about the noise. She tells him to get a life, and asks when was the last time anyone put him in a bath of bubbles, or Emily for that matter. Norris tells Cilla that if she's not buying anything to wobble her pruned flesh round to some other establishment. Cilla says she only came in to say that she and Les won't be using the bath tonight – Fiz and Kirk will! She flounces out, but Danny says he'll think of something to burst her bubbles.

Charlie has just opened his birthday present from Shelley. It's a smart new watch, and he does seem genuinely pleased with it. She then tells him that she has something planned for that evening, and although she knows he hates surprises, she won't tell him what it is.

Fiz, Kirk and Cilla are on the doorstep, while Les messes about under the bonnet of his taxi. Candice is going to have Chesney to stay over tonight, because Cilla and Les will be in the curry house until closing, and Fiz and Kirk will be frolicking in the tub all night long. 'Will we?' asks Kirk, 'You'd better!' warns Cilla. Kirk asks Fiz what you do when you frolic. She tells him to let his imagination run riot, but he's worried because he hasn't got any imagination. She tells him not to worry, she has.

At the Barlow's, Liz is hanging her washing, which mostly seems to be underwear, all around the house. Blanche remarks that she'll be hanging them from the chandeliers next. Ken is worried that he's got a letter to write and shall need the table, but Deirdre just tells him to push the clothes aside. 'Do you think Ken wants to stare at thongs all day?' asks Blanche, 'the man's an intellectual!'

At the factory, Sean is struggling to get a machine to work, and has been fiddling with it all through break time. Danny comes out and hustles them all back to work. He tells Sean he'll have a look at the machine later, and to use another one. Sean says he will, when he's had his break. Danny tells him he's had it, it's now time to get back to work. Sean says he was working on the machine all through his break, but Danny says that as he wasn't told to, he's now got to get to work. An argument ensues, which culminates in Sean getting a written warning from Danny.

Liz tells Tracy that she thinks Tracy is Steve's only chance of real happiness. Tracy is obviously delighted to hear this. Liz says that if Steve sticks with Karen, things are only going to get worse, and she so wishes he was married to Tracy.

Just then they see Karen coming out of the factory, and Tracy goes across to her. She tells Karen to walk away from Steve, to tell him she never wants to see him again. 'So you can get your claws into him?' asks Karen. Tracy admits it, she says he's all she's ever wanted, she loves him and Karen doesn't, so she should just walk away and leave them to it. Just then Steve drives up and, getting out of the taxi, demands to know what is going on. Tracy tells him that Karen doesn't want him. Steve tells Karen that he doesn't give a toss about Tracy, he loves her and only her. Tracy says that she would love Steve more than anyone has ever loved him, and urges Karen to walk away, she hurts Steve, she may not mean to but she does. Karen looks thoughtfully at the two of them, and then tells Steve to go with who he wants, but to stay out of her life. Then she walks off.

Charlie walks into the back room of the pub, and kisses Shelley. He's had his hair cut short, but Shelley isn't sure she likes it, and says she isn't sure it suits him. (Bet she wouldn't like it if he said the same to her after a trip to the hairdressers!) He says it's a big deal if he has to ask her permission every time he goes to the barbers. (Actually I think he looks a whole lot better!) Then she tells him she thinks he's gorgeous, really handsome and she loves whether his hair is long or short.

Emily walks into the Kabin, just as Fiz walks out, and she asks Norris if he asked Fiz to keep the noise down tonight. Norris thinks it would have been a waste of time, she's her mother's daughter. Just then Danny comes in. He's got a plan to turn the Battersby's water off, so they can't use the bath. They will both go round there, then Norris must take Les out the back and keep him talking while Danny turns off the stopcock under the sink. Norris is worried, he doesn't find it easy conversing with morons.

Out in the street, Fiz sees Kirk and rushes over. As they walk to the café for their tea, they talk about the bath, and how it's as big as a proper pool. Kirk reckons if he gets cramp he won't be able to move and Fiz will be able to do what she likes to him……(I don't think I even want to think about that…..)

In the pub, Ken is aghast to hear from Deirdre that Liz is joining them for a drink. Deirdre says that she hasn't seen her all day, but Ken points out that he has. He goes off home as Liz comes in.

Over at a table, Sean is discussing his warning with Janice, Hayley and Kelly. Shelley, all dressed up in sparkly poncho, goes to sit with Jason and Charlie. Jason is persuading Charlie to go to the Weatherfield Arms. Shelley says that they are going out and Betty is covering for her, and obviously is not keen on going to another pub. However, she is overruled and off they go, with Jason planning to pick Violet up on the way.

Norris and Danny knock on Les's door. He demands to know what they want. They start by trying to tell him that they are not going to complain to the council, they want to live in peace and harmony. Les says thank you and tries to shut the door. Danny hurriedly tells Les that he's seen squirrels in his backyard and feels they ought to go and see if they've made a nest in the old bath that's out there. They persuade Les to let them in to show him where the 'squirrels' are so they can help him shift them. Danny suddenly says he's twisted his ankle, and has to rest on a chair while Norris and Les continue through to the back. As soon as they're out of sight, Danny rushes to the cupboard under the kitchen sink….

In the Weatherfield Arms, Shelley and Violet are sitting together, while Charlie and Jason laugh and joke with other men at the bar. 'Enjoying yourself?' calls Charlie, 'Yeah, yeah,' replies Shelley, weakly, telling Violet quietly that they're not staying long, she's book a table for half past eight. Violet tells her Charlie has left a big kitty behind the bar, it looks like he'll be there till closing time.

Emily is sitting with Blanche and Deirdre, waiting for Norris to return from Les's. She tells them she's promised to meet him in the pub, to buy him a drink. 'Why? Is he doing you a favour?' asks Blanche. 'In a manner of speaking,' Emily tells her.

Kelly is talking to Angie and Janice about Sean. She reckons he only need a good woman to straighten him out, and she's the woman.

Karen comes in then, and Janice gets up to get her a drink. Steve is over at the far side of the bar. Liz can't keep her mouth shut, and calls across, thanking Karen for dumping Steve, it's the best thing that could have happened to him, and she's delighted for Tracy, the mother of his child. Karen rushes round to stand between Steve and Liz. 'Here's something you can tell Tracy – me and Steve we're back together, because that's where we belong.' Then, turning to Steve, 'Come on Baby, let's go 'ome. Come on!' and she marches off, with Steve following, grinning. Liz looks gutted.

More to follow in episode 2.

Annie Logan

Neither sleet nor snow nor hail, two power cuts and a Force 9 gale will deter me from bringing Episode Two from Monday night to your computer screen! Of course, if I'd go round to doing it last night I would have had none of these problems.

So, off we go.

Steve and Karen have arrived home. "Don't get too excited," Karen warns him. "You're not out of the doghouse. What I said in the pub was a display of public unity, said for the benefit of your mother! I am still furious! Let's go to bed." Steve is confused, but it seems it's Karen's most fertile period. "We haven't tried for a baby for at least three days. Come on, we've got a lot of work to do." And she picks Steve's jaw up off the floor and drags him off to the bedroom.

In a fairly misty-looking terraced house on the other side of the set, Fizz is welcomed to Sutherland's spa. There is music and Kirk has managed a smoke effect by tying a herbal teabag to the kettle spout. The air is perfumed by essential oils to put her in the mood, though he admits he didn't go out and buy them. "They're free samples our Maria got off a sales rep."

Along at the Barlows', Ken is settled down with the laptop, enjoying the peace. His face falls as Deirdre and Liz come in. Liz worries they might be disturbing him, but Deirdre insists that it's a living room and if Ken wants to work he can go to the library. Ken's protest that the library shuts in 20 minutes is ignored.

In the Weatherfield Arms, Charlie is playing the machines and Jason comes over to say he's getting a bit anxious about ignoring the girls. But Shelley is telling Violet that it's Charlie's birthday so he should be enjoying himself. "Anyway, it'll give us a chance to get to know each other," she says. "I'd rather get to know Jason," mutters Violet.

In a spa-bath-containing bathroom far, far away, Kirk is proudly showing Fizz the candles he has set up all around. "Romantic, isn't it?" he beams. "Now, get yer kit off and I'll run the bath." But what's this? There's no water. "Oh, what are we going to do now, Kirky?" purrs Fizz, giving a fair indication of what she'd like to do. They are interrupted by a knock at the front door. It's Danny, asking if their water is off. So is theirs, it seems. Danny steps inside the door. "Stone me!" he says to Kirk, "something pongs in here!" Kirk explains that it's essential oils. "More like smelly socks," says Danny. "Oh, that pong," Kirk says. "That is smelly socks."

How was it for you?" Steve asks Karen. "Necessary," she replies. Steve tells her he feels dirty and abused. They weren't making love, they were reproducing, she tells him. He asks if she'd rather find a donor. "You could go to one of them clinics and get a designer baby." Karen tells him she wants him to be the father of her child. Anyway, she doesn't see what's wrong with designer babies. "It's up to the parents what they dress their kids in." Steve doesn't think he can live like this -- sex or silence. He turns on the TV but Karen snatches the remote control and turns it off again. She wants him to apologise. He tells her he has already apologised for going off to London and taking part in the quiz show. He's apologised again and again. But not enough, apparently. Karen says she has forgiven him for all of that. What she can't forgive him for is for lying about it. He protests that he was only trying to protect her. Karen says she realises that. "But every time you try and protect me, I end up looking like a complete twonk!" He agrees. "Right, well, we better get back down to it then, if we're going to manage four attempts," she says.

Kirk is listening as Danny apparently talks to someone from the water board. He puts down the phone and tells Kirk and "Fuzz" (Danny's word) there has been a huge surge in demand for water, and that it's been pinpointed to No 5. Oh, that's here, isn't it? Fizz is very suspicious, but Danny says he's only telling them what the water board said. Though he doesn't help himself by saying there's a shortfall in the national grid! The water board has had to suspend supply until they can get some more water piped up from Leamington Spa!

Jason is even more anxious about leaving Violet and Shelley on their own. It's all right for Charlie because he's got his feet firmly under the table. "I'm only just knocking on the door!" Charlie goes over to Shelley and apologises for leaving her on her own. It can't be much fun for her. Her smile fades as he tells her to go home. His mates have got him three more pints lined up

Karen is talking to Steve again. She tells him that what she wants from a husband is very simple. She's not impressed by fancy gifts. "Yeah, you are!" Oh, OK, she is. But there is more. Honesty is the most important thing. Steve tells her that if she wants honesty she can have it. Tracy came to see him today and they were alone in the cab office. She begged him to dump Karen, but, Steve says, he knocked her back. "She's just so obsessed with you, isn't she," comments Karen. "She's not going to give up. I think we should move." And her whole face lights up as she sees this solution to all their problems. "Why don't we just move out of Weatherfield and get as far away from Tracy and Amy as we possibly can?

In the Rovers, Shelley is back earlier than expected. She tells Betty she had a headache. Norris is talking about whether or not their plan has worked. Frankie is doubtful. Though she admits they could have fooled Kirk. "He makes our Warren look like Stephen Hawking. It was a stupid idea, and now you keep having to come up with even more stupid ideas to cover up for the first bit of stupidness." "Stupidity," corrects Danny. "And don't go making snide remarks about our Warren." Norris says he was trembling like a leaf through the whole episode. Frankie says the plan won't work for five minutes. But Danny says he and "Nozzer here" only did it so they could get a good night's kip. "I'm not used to living in the edge like," moans "Nozzer". Over in a booth, the girls are asking Kelly if she's suggesting Sean is bi-sexual. "No, but he's a bloke, isn't he," she says. And no bloke can resist Kelly, laughs Janice. Kelly admits it. Hayley is disgusted that Kelly would consider sleeping with someone just to make a point.

Charlie comes back to the pub just as Shelley finishes cancelling the table booking at Delphines. He is full of apologies and says he was hypnotised by the gaming machines. But he's got a pocket full of coins to pay for a bottle of champagne if they can get into Delphines again.

Karen is well away on her new plan to move to the country. She tells Steve they can move to the Keys, the Florida Keys, or Wilmslow or anywhere in Cheshire with some trees and no Tracies. Steve tries to reason with her. He doesn't see why they should give in and Tracy force them away. "You may not have meant what you said in the pub, but it made me feel really proud," he tells her. "We're going to be together till we die." They have a cuddle. Karen tells Steve he's forgiven. "Anyway," he goes on. "We will move -- this place ain't right for kids anyway." But he says they will move when they are ready, and when they're not being hounded by a lunatic. Karen leaps on him! She's still aiming for four times! "I don't think I've got the energy," says Steve, and there is something of the Jack Duckworth about him.

At Les's, Cilla is furious and insists Les rings the water board help line. "Tell 'em, if water's not on in half an hour we want putting up in a hotel!"

In the pub, the girls are off home. Kelly stops behind and asks Sean to keep her company. She suggests going on to a nightclub but Sean doesn't think they'd frequent the same sort of places. She gets him talking and he asks about her love life. "I'm waiting for Mr Right," she says. "Snap."

Les is on the phone. He tells the others that the water board says no fault has been reported in Weatherfield. He goes to check the stopcock as instructed and Cilla grabs the phone. "We can't use the lav. I've got a 10-year-old busting here, now what are you going to do about it?" She hangs up quite quickly as Les reveals that the stopcock is off.

In the McDonald love nest, Karen seems to leap from a height on to Steve, who has collapsed on the sofa. "NO!" he protests. Karen agrees they can stay up for a bit. She turns on the television and insists on stopping it on the channel showing "Top of the Tree". Steve tells her she'll only be upset by it, but she says she only saw the end. "It's only a game show, isn't it?"

Out in the street, Les knocks on the junior Baldwins' door. When Danny answers, Les tells him the water's on at their place now, so he thought he'd do the neighbourly thing and take Danny a bucket. Danny only just gets the door shut in time as the whole bucketful heads his way. "Told you they'd rumble you," says Frankie. And right on cue the bath starts rumbling next door.

Kirk is in the bath. The best thing about it, he yells to Fizz over the noise, is that you can fart all you like and no-one will know." Fizz is suddenly not so keen on getting in there with him.

Karen watches the end of this week's show and tells Steve it's not right. "You answered the last question right and I helped. Them lot didn't know anything about shoes. It's our car!" Steve points out that Tracy isn't just going to hand it over. But Karen wants to go and tackle Tracy about it now. When they have a baby they're going to need a car like that. "Ten minutes ago you wanted to move to get away from her!" Steve says. "Now you want to go round and start a fight." But Karen is determined. "It's our car, Steve, and I'm having it!"

The End.

Margaret Carr

Wednesday 17 November

Written by: Chris Fewtrell
Directed by: John Anderson

It's a scene of total chaos in the Barlow's front room – Liz is drying her hair, Tracy is changing Amy's nappy on the dining table and to top it all, Ken can't find his newspaper. He's not a happy man, particularly when he finds out that his granddaughter has "had an accident" on said paper. Blanche tells him to stop mithering when he points out the inappropriateness off the household's only dining surface as a changing table, but she has niggles of her own. Liz has apparently finished the last of the milk: "It's like having a giant bluetit in residence," Blanche says pointedly. Liz observes that Blanche also had a bowl of cereal, but apparently Blanche needs roughage at her age "to keep the wrinkles at bay. It's a shame you didn't start sooner," she tells Liz. Deirdre offers to go and buy more milk.

What's missing from this happy scene? Oh, yes. Karen McDonald in a strop. And here she comes, banging at the door with her delicate fist, while Steve attempts to calm her down. She announces to the Barlows (including Blanche and Liz) who assemble on the doorstep that she wants the prize car. "And why would you want a family car, Barren?" asks Tracy. Ken concedes that Karen has a point ("morally if not legally") about having some claim on a share of the car, since she answered one of the quiz questions. They go indoors to carry on the discussion.

Meanwhile, Frankie Baldwin is attempting to watch daytime TV while Vera dusts the television, talking about Prince Charles's ears and pigeon lofts. Frankie is fed up and feeling unfulfilled, and needs a reason to get up in the mornings. Vera, knowing her own station in life only too well, refrains from pointing out to Frankie that maybe doing her own dusting would be a start.

Now that Sunita's a married woman, it seems to have given her carte blanche to expose a daring amount of cleavage in the corner shop. But Dev's concern is that she's overdoing it work-wise. Emily and Norris welcome her back to the shop. "I know what goes on in women's prisons," Norris says, perhaps a little implausibly. "Googie Withers would turn in her grave." Cilla, who presumably has more first-hand insight on the subject than Norris, attempts to bond with Sunita but is seen off by Dev. She's planning a tropical night with Les, so a ham and pineapple pizza is going to be the finishing touch. Norris again threatens to go to the council about the spa bath, but Cilla says she knows how to handle the council and will just stonewall till they get bored. If Norris is bothered, he can stick cotton wool balls in his ears.

The assembled Barlow/Hunt/McDonald council of war (minus Deirdre who must have gone to Freshco's for the milk because she wasn't in the corner shop just now) are debating the car. Ken is advocating collective ownership – each member of the quiz team will have the car for one day a week. Karen thinks they should also have Amy's day, but Steve agrees to the one day, and Ken hands over the key.

Dev wants to take Sunita out for lunch, and a tour round his retail empire to give out wedding cake to the staff, but Sunita would rather stay at the shop. She's being haunted by memories of the wedding day and her arrest and prison. Dev, bless him, says he'll help her swamp the bad memories with happiness, but Sunita doesn't seem convinced.

Frankie comes into the factory and says she's just seen Karen behind the wheel of a people carrier. She's supposed to be off sick. Janice riles Frankie by going on about her busy lifestyle – shopping, and more shopping. Frankie tells Danny that the girls see her as a "freeloading bimbo," and Danny doesn't bother to contradict her. She tells him she wants a job at the factory. He talks her out of it.

Karen and Steve are sitting in the prize car. She reckons it would be a great place to get pregnant – the seats fold right down (she is so classy), and despite Steve's protests that he really ought to be getting to work, they drive off to "give it a proper road test."

Outside another outpost of the Alahan empire, Sunita has cheered up, and has no regrets about all the problems she and Dev have had to go through to get to their present blissful state. Except she's really hungry, so they go off for lunch.

Karen stops the car in a leafy wood. Steve can't believe she was serious about wanting to make a baby in the car, but Karen says which would he prefer, that their baby is conceived in Coronation Street or in this lovely setting? "And you have to admit," she says as she pulls down the zip of her top to reveal quite a bit of flesh and seductive underwear, "that the scenery is lovely." Steve can't argue with that and tweaks his seat reclining lever. Even rolling on top of a giggling toy clown doesn't dampen their ardour – but Karen's hand getting tangled up with a dirty nappy and it ending up on Steve's face is a real passion killer. "Right, we're going home!" Karen fumes. Poor Steve was just in the mood for love, but Karen reckons that Tracy has "flipping ruined it – again!"

Also in the mood is Les Battersby, coming home to find Cilla in a grass skirt, frilly red bra and garland of flowers around her neck. There are cocktails on the table, and the Hawaii 5-0 theme tune is booming out. "Aloha, Mr Les," she greets him, placing the flower garland around his neck. "Get yourself upstairs, strip off, switch on and dive in. I'll be up wi' t'pizzas in a sec." He's a happy man.

Kirk, Fizz and Chesney are coming out of Fizz's flat, having had a bit of an argument with Candice because Schmeichel has eaten her shoes.

Karen and Steve are arriving back home, arguing now because Steve has filled the car up with petrol, and they have to give it back to the Barlows. Karen plans to drive round the block till she's used all the petrol up.

In the Rovers, Frankie offers to go shopping with Vera to get her a new dress for the official opening of the house. Kelly is flirting with Sean and tells Janice she still hasn't given up hope of "turning" him.

Les and Cilla are enjoying their pizza in the bath. They have candlelight, cocktails, rubber ducks and ukulele music. Les says heaven would be an anticlimax after this.

Liz has spotted Karen driving round and round the block. On her next circuit, she pauses to tell Tracy, who has joined Liz on the doorstep, that she's not going to leave them any petrol. "Have you any idea how pathetic you sound?" Tracy asks. "Steve, you must be really proud."

On the other side of the road, Dev has a surprise for Sunita. He's changed the sign on the shop to "D & S Alahan's." "Now I really do feel like a princess," she sighs. Dev carries her over the threshold.

Schmeichel runs barking around the corner, dragging Kirk closely followed by Fizz and Chesney. They decide to take the dog indoors and give it some food before they take it back to the kennels. They can hear the roar of the spa bath from outside the house. Indoors, the smell of pizza is too much for a hungry Great Dane to cope with, and Schmeichel runs upstairs, into the bathroom, and jumps straight into the bath with Les and Cilla!

From downstairs, we can see the ceiling beginning to bow and bend and water trickle through. The bath plunges through the ceiling, narrowly missing Chesney who's pulled out of the way by Kirk, and lands in the middle of the living room, still with Les, Cilla and a very large dog on board. Schmeichel is happily chewing pizza.


Today's top turn-ons: People carriers with reclining seats; pretty scenery; ukulele music; pizza; having a shop with your name on it.

Today's top turn-offs: Dirty nappies; gravity.

Friday 19 November

We start tonight's episode with the bath still in Les and Cilla's lounge! Cilla is blaming everyone around her when Charlie comes in. Les thinks he's trying to get some money out of him and tells him that the council is coming round later and they will pay for it. Charlie tells them that they will have to pay as the bath was too big and it'll cost them around £4000. Les can't afford that so Charlie comes up with a plan.

Warren has got a match in the afternoon. Frankie decides to go and see him play.

Tracy and co are waiting for Karen to bring the car back. Liz leaves her spare key to Steve's flat on the side and the car keys are pushed through the letter box. They go outside to use the car and discover that all the wheels are flat. Tracy says that someone has done this deliberately and look who walks past at the same time. Karen!

The factory girls are just clocking on. Kelly invites Sean to a taco bar. Kelly is "reeling" him in as Karen puts it!

Charlie is placing some rotten joists around Les and Cilla's old bath which is now in their lounge to make it look like it is the council's fault. Les asks how much he owes him but he says that if the council hire him they'll pay him. Les has covered up the spa bath in the backyard.

Tracy tells Karen that her scam didn't work. She tells her that it only took Kevin a couple of minutes to pump up the tyres and hands her his bill! She also says that she should enter a competition in the paper for the biggest baby! Steve tells Karen that this is how wars start but Karen says that if she wants a war she'll get one.

The man from the council is back at Jack and Vera's house and tells them that their house has been nominated for the working class monument of greater Manchester. Unfortunately Jack has to give up his pigeons in the backyard. Frankie comes round and Vera tells her the good news. Vera says that she'll have to take her out later to go shopping but Frankie says she can't because she's going to watch Warren. Vera says they'll look down on her in the posh shops so Frankie says she'll lend her some accessories so that they won't.

Liz tells Deirdre and Tracy that she hopes Karen will have got the message. Deirdre asks when it is all going to end. They go round the corner and Tracy says that's where it goes next. The car is up on blocks with the wheels missing!

The man from the council has come round to see Les and Cilla's bath. Les tells him that he was having a bath when he heard a crack and he landed on the floor. He was the only one in the bath and he only had 6 or 7 inches of water. Charlie says he thinks it was the joists but the man says he's never seen a case of dry rot in those houses so he decides to have a closer look around.

Steve comes home to find Karen sitting in the lounge with the tyres piled up next to her. Steve says that they won't be able to use the car but Karen says she'll just put them back on every time. She says she'd rather not use it than have to go begging to Tracy every time she wants to use it. Steve asks what happens if Tracy phones the police but Karen says that she hasn't got anything that doesn't belong to her!

The man from the council is in the backyard and he sees the covered bath. Les says it's a rowing boat but the man says he restores boats and asks to see it! Cilla screams that her Chesney could have been killed last night and he is to blame. If anything else goes wrong she'll know where to look for compensation! The man says that he has established the cause of the accident and makes a sharp exit!

Tracy says that if Karen is having the wheels then she is having the seats! Deirdre says they should report it so Tracy says that they could send over some heavies! Deirdre suggests that they wait until Karen is supposed to have the car again and then if she puts the wheels back on they'll know that she took them. Tracy spots Liz's spare key to their flat and says agrees with Deirdre that they should wait.

Liz is telling Candice about Warren's amazing game! Candice says that if he starts playing for the pros she'll have to quit her job and then move to Spain when he starts playing for Real Madrid! Warren says that he only scored a game in a practice match! Sean suggests that they should invite Warren to get some tacos with them. Kelly asks him if he fancies Warren. He says that footballer's thighs are very interesting! Kelly asks about his Spanish and (if my GCSE Spanish is any good!) he manages "wine", "love" and "where is the clinic?"!

Steve and Karen are arguing about whose pizza's are who's when Karen walks into the lounge. The tyres have gone! A note has been left in Tracy's hand writing that says "Wheel meet again"!

Ken asks Tracy what she thinks she was doing but she says that Karen is not going to get one over on her. Ken says that she should rise over her and not stoop to her level but she says she's stooped lower than her with any luck. Deirdre asks her how she got them back and Liz realises that she took her key. Tracy says that at least they've got the wheels and the keys!

The man from the council and Jack are having a drink together. He asks where Vera is and Jack says that she's gossiping somewhere. He says he's ordered Jack's pigeons and Vera won't complain. Jack says that it's going to be hard work for him looking after them and naming them when he could be inside stroking Vera! The phone rings and Jack says it's the hospital. Vera has been mugged.

Sean is making the bed. He asks Kelly if she wants to stay over and she agrees. He asks her what her favourite bit of the night was and she says it was being with him. She says he's really special and he says that she's special too.

Jack is at the hospital and Vera tells him that two people attacked her. They took Frankie's handbag and she sprained her leg. She asks if it's her punishment for wanting her house to be a museum and forcing Jack to have pigeons he doesn't want. She says its all because of her vanity but Jack says the main thing is that she's safe.

The End

Helen Edgar

Sunday 21 November

This is the report for Sunday's episode where some interesting partnerships formed. First we had the continuation of Kelly and Sean's blossoming friendship but even better were some great scenes between Sean and Chesney. Does Sean just get on with everyone?

We opened with our poor injured Vera resting on the couch with Monica, an uneaten breakfast on her lap, looking shaken. Jack brings her a book to read and offers to buy her a new one as she's read that one loads of times before. She's suspicious over why he's being so nice to her but he's just concerned. She's lost her appetite but wants a cup of tea from the pot. Jack tells her it is from the pot but she doesn't believe him. Vera considers phoning up the conservation to get the sympathy vote but Jack tells her they'll likely be disqualified. Vera agrees as it's bad enough that they're sneaking pigeons in at the last minute. There's a pause before Jack is accused of lying! He looks bewildered and guilty but it turns out Vera's just sussed that the tea wasn't from the pot after all...

A hungover Kelly stumbles through into the Grimshaw's front room. Eileen looks bewildered and automatically assumes she's been with Jason. However, he confirms that he didn't "do 'er" An equally hungover Sean comes through looking for a paracetemol and his bird!

Chesney finds a lump of something in his cereal. Kirk first believes that it is concrete but after a taste concludes that it is actually cement. Cilla, with Charlie standing next to her, tells Chesney to go out and play, although Kirk initially believes she's talking to him. Chesney slouches out and Kirk goes upstairs while Cilla offers herself to Charlie for him to re-fit the bath. However, in a shock twist, Charlie turns the offer of infidelity down. Les comes in and Charlie tells him he'll take it to the skip--at a price of thirty quid. Les decides to just do it himself.

Kelly and Sean are looking at the little change that they have left from their night out--and can't believe it! Eileen comes in and there's a misunderstanding but Sean puts her right--he wouldn't as Kelly's a girl! Angela comes in for a casserole dish (no comment) as hers turned up in her back garden and she smirks at the sight of Kelly and Sean together, clearly picking up a similar stick end to Eileen. Kelly smiles back with satisfaction.

Frankie brings her clothes over to Vera and bumps into her sore leg. Jack tells her she was in hospital. A concerned Frankie listens as Vera relates how she fought with all her might to try and prevent the muggers getting the handbag.

Les offers Jamie a tenner to shift the bath but the figure moves rapidly to forty. Les is outraged and Jamie slams the door to return to lying on the couch and watching star wars

Sean and Kelly are walking down the alley discussing snogs at school when Chesney pops over his garden wall and invites them to see his new den.

Jack and Ron are in a pub (was it the Weatherfield Arms??) discussing pigeons over---pictures of pigeons. But Jack's guilt over Vera's plight is soon showing through.

Sean and Kelly are mucking around with Chesney in the tub in the back garden when Cilla comes through and tells Sean and Kelly to get out of her garden. Despite the offer of biscuits, Kelly and Sean leave. Chesney tells Cilla he wants to keep the tub (he's obviously forgetting who's been in it and what went on) Cilla calls Les down and tells him to get rid of it. Charlie returns with his offer of thirty quid but he can't do it until tomorrow. Cilla warns Les that if he hasn't gotten rid of it by tonight, he'll be sleeping in it (Something which most would prefer to sharing a bed with Cilla)

Ron is trying to convince Jack that what happened to Vera wasn't his fault but a guilty Jack can't go through with it and tells Ron that the deal's off!

Janice is in the pub with Angela and Eileen discussing Kelly and Sean when the pair themselves come in. Sean has no money to buy drinks so Eileen lends him a fiver. Kelly sits down and is secretive about what happened, making Janice conclude that obviously nothing happened, else she'd never shut up about it. Kelly is indignant by this remark and says she really likes Sean.

Les is paying Kevin money to get rid of the bath. Sally trots over and tells Kevin to hurry up as the Davenports will arrive at any moment. Cue Cilla coming out of the house crowing for Chesney to come and clear the back yard. She is distracted though, as Janice comes out of the pub and calls her a slapper. As Kevin drives the bath to his garage, Mr and Mrs Davenport call round at Sally's with a bottle of wine. After a while, Kevin arrives and says he'll go and get dressed. Sally invites her guests in.

Ron calls round with flowers for Vera and cunningly tells her that he is going to get her a sympathy vote before asking about the pigeons. Jack tries to talk her out of getting the birds but she wants them, after all she's been through.

At the Websters dinner table, Kevin and Mr D are discussing garages. The conversation moves on when Mrs D asks how Sally's girls are always so well behaved (??) Speaking of which, they both enter the room, arguing about videos. Sophie drops her foot in it twice...first by giving away that they've cleaned the house especially and second by telling Mrs D that Sally calls her well to do. Mrs D takes it all in good humour however. Mr D asks Kevin to take him out and show him his empire. Outside, Les and Kirk ask Kelly and Sean if they've seen Chesney. They both look concerned by Kirk and Les' frantic behaviour. Kevin takes Mr D into his garage and he's impressed by what he sees. He offers Kevin a role in his own empire but Kevin is happy working for himself. Mr D tells him to sleep on the offer.

Outside the Duckworth house, Jack is scolding Ron for his dirty trick and he's worried that Vera may find out. Ron tells him to relax and assures him he won't regret it. Frankie walks into the house with flowers for Vera and she starts to bubble as everyone's been so nice. They discuss the muggers. "Some people ought to be locked up!" sneers Frankie, with a deliberate Shell Dockley look in reference to her role in Bad Girls. Vera carries on, saying how she felt really fragile and longed for Jack to be there. Jack listens sadly through the door before walking in and offering to get her something to eat. Frankie tells him to hold that thought and dashes out. Jack sits down and tells Vera to be more careful--he's not finished with her yet!

Sean sits on Kevin's truck and offers Chesney some chips. Chesney, it emerges, has been hiding in the tub so that Cilla won't take it from him. Sean tells him just to use his most powerful weapon-his mind. Even though it has to go in real life, Cilla can't take it from his head. Chesney, cheered up, returns home and Kelly comes over and hugs Sean, telling him that he's sweet.

Frankie is bringing a bag of food over to Vera's, much to Jamie's horror as it was for his tea. He's disgusted that he'll have to make something himself after a day of doing ironing and making his own lunch (Yeah, Jamie, and lazing on the couch watching Star Wars) Frankie starts cooking for Vera, who is upset that she is doing that for her. Jack tells Frankie that Vera is embarrassed at the role reversal but Frankie assures Vera that she's there because she wants to be and that she'll look after her as a friend--and will think no less of her for it...

Be sure to tune in tomorrow for Maya's Mad Monday, where things will be a lot less mushy...you'd be as mad as Maya herself to miss this week's 7 remaining episodes.

I apologise I have no observations or awards this week but I forgot to press the record button on my video!

That's all from me until Friday

Duncan Lindsay

Monday 22 November

Hi everyone, and welcome to this first, gripping installment of Maya's Mad Monday!

We begin in the Webster household, Rosie and Sophie come down the stairs, and Rosie has a face like a wet weekend. Sally asks why, only to be told it's because they are poor. 'No we're not,' Sally tells her, but Rosie insists that, compared to the Davenports they are. Kevin tells Rosie that the Davenports are down to earth, like them, and Sophie asks if he means common. Sally hustles them both out of the door and off to school, and turns to tell Kevin that she didn't say a word. He's off to work too, but Sally wants to talk about Ian's fantastic offer. Kevin goes off, telling her he's not going to change his mind.

Over in the corner shop, Sunita has just finished a telephone call. When Dev asks who it was, she tells him she's invited her mother and father round for dinner. Dev looks decidedly less than delighted at first, but gradually comes round to the idea, and tells her it'll be candles, silver service, everything!

Over in the Baldwin household, Frankie, wearing a halter-neck top more suited to warm, sunny climes rather than Manchester in November, tells Danny and the boys that they will all have to muck in for the next few days, she's going to be helping Vera. Jamie tells her she won't last five minutes as Vera's home help, she just doesn't do housework. Frankie is clearly affronted, and reckons they just see her as a big joke. Danny rushes after her, telling her he thinks what she's doing is great. She asks why he didn't say something, and he tells her she would just have accused him of being up to something. 'And are you?' asks Frankie, 'Er….I was going to tell you about her,' says Danny. 'Who is she?' asks Frankie, 'Next door's cleaner,' he tells her, giving her a kiss, which placates her.

Sally has called on Vera, and asks if there's anything she can do for her. Vera thanks her but tells her that Frankie has offered to help out for a few days. After she's gone, Vera has a little snivel, she's clearly touched by Sally bringing her flowers.

Frankie comes round the corner just as Sunita is putting out the flower buckets. She asks Sunita if they're fresh as she wants some for Vera. Sunita asks how Vera is doing, and Frankie tells her she's helping her out. She asks how Sunita is doing, and says she's surprised Dev has let her out, she would have thought he would keep her under lock and key! She then realises the faux pas she has made and apologises. Sunita tells her if it wasn't for her, she still would be. Frankie picks a bunch of flowers but Sunita won't take any money, she says to give them to Vera with her love, and tells her that Vera is lucky to have a friend like her.

It's break time over in the factory, and Janice and Angie are discussing Kelly's progress with Sean. Kelly tells them it's just a matter of right timing, and she would be doing him a favour, it's a lot easier being straight than it is being gay in this world. Just then, Danny comes along, trying to find someone who will go and do the shopping that he's supposed to be doing. Eventually Hayley tells him that she has to go to the shops later, she'll do it for him. Danny sees Sean doing some embroidery and asks what he thinks he's doing. Sean thought the Celtic cross design would look good on the new range. Danny tells him he's not paid to think, he just wants mindless robots working for him.

Frankie is doing Vera's ironing, while Vera sits with her foot up and Jack does the crossword. There's a knock on the door and Jack opens it to find Roy standing behind a bunch of flowers. 'Flaming Norah, I'm off,' he mutters, and pushes past Roy. When Roy gets inside and sees Vera, she apologises for leaving him in the lurch. He tells her not to worry, he'll get someone from an agency to fill in. After he's gone, Vera is clearly worried that Roy will get a young thing from an agency, keen as mustard to please, and, being a businessman, he won't have any time for a clapped out old banger like her.

After the break, we see Frankie going into the café. She tells Roy that she's there to fill in for Vera. Roy is somewhat thrown by this, and tells Frankie that Vera is entitled to sick pay. Frankie assures him that Vera is a proud woman, and this way, she is still earning while laid up, and Roy won't have to take on anyone from an agency. Just then Leanne comes up and demands to know what is going on. Frankie tells her she's got a new work buddy. ''Oo?' asks Leanne. Roy gestures towards Frankie and tells her she's filling in for Vera. Leanne, obviously not the sharpest knife in the drawer, asks again, ''Oo?' 'What are you, an owl or something?' says Frankie, 'me, that's 'oo!' Leanne is obviously most put out at this news, and glares at Roy as Frankie dons the apron and reckons it'll be fun!

Sunita is writing a shopping list for the ingredients for tonight's meal. Dev doesn't want her to go to too much trouble, he says her parents would be happy with beans on toast, but Sunita wants it to be special. (Actually, considering that Dev suggested candles and silver service it's a little odd that he thinks beans on toast would be ok.) Sunita's worried that, as so much has happened, they won't find anything to talk about. Dev tells her then they'll talk about the weather, whatever it is that normal families talk about. He tells her that tonight is not about the past, it's about the future.

Sally takes Kevin a bacon buttie to the garage. She wants to talk about Ian's offer, saying that opportunities like this don't come along very often. Kevin is adamant, he's not selling. Sally tells him that making a better life for yourself doesn't mean ruining the one you've already got. 'How would you know?' demands Kevin, 'when was the last time you thought about what we've actually got?'

Frankie is chatting away to the customers, much to Leanne's disgust, and she is not impressed when Frankie tells Roy, 'Eggs on toast, over easy.' Roy explains to her that it's diner's slang from America. Just then Jack comes in, he's worried about not getting his tea. Frankie tells him she'll be over later to make him and Vera something special. 'Frankie,' says Jack, 'they broke the mould when they made you.' Leanne's scowl deepens!

Dev and Sunita are dressed up to the nines, awaiting her parents. Just then the doorbell rings and they rush to let them in, and warm greetings are exchanged. As he shuts the front door to follow them into the flat, Dev adjusts his somewhat worried expression into a happy smile.

Leanne is obviously getting very worried about Frankie's presence in Roy's Rolls. 'I don't know what you're playing at,' she tells her, 'but you're not fooling me with your Mother Theresa act, and if you think you can get rid of me, think again.' Frankie tells her to grow up, she's there for Vera, not her. Just then Danny and the boys come in, and are astounded to see Frankie working there. 'I don't believe it,' says Warren, 'Mum's a charlady.' They sit down and Danny asks who is going to take the order. 'I will,' chorus Leanne and Frankie together.

Sunita and her mum are cooking the meal, while Dev and her dad talk on the sofa. He tells Dev about the things Sunita used to get up to as a child. In the kitchen, Sunita's mum drops something, and then confesses to Sunita that she had a mild stroke three years ago, but is fine now. She admits that it was terrible of her not to tell Sunita. Sunita says she should have been there, and her mother tells her that she, Sunita, could have died, and where was she?

In the pub, Hayley is sitting with Janice and Angie, and fretting about Kelly's designs on Sean. Janice assures her that nothing will happen, Sean makes Dale Winton look like Rambo. Hayley is worried that Sean's feelings will get hurt, but Janice tells her to quit the sensitive twaddle, and Sean is probably enjoying all the attention.

Over at a table, Kelly and Sean are sitting cosily together. Sean asks why she's there with him and not out looking for Mr. Right. She tells him she likes him and feels comfortable with him. She tells him he might find someone first, and he tells her that Danni Minogue might learn how to sing! She tells him he's dead good looking, the best looking lad in there. He tells her that's not difficult, most of them look like Shrek, so she ends up saying he's the best looking lad in the whole world.

Outside, Kevin is just locking up the garage when he's approached by Ian. Ian asks him if he'd like to go for a drink, and Kevin tells him that he hasn't changed his mind about selling the garage. Ian isn't bothered, but asks a favour. He has a fleet service coming in next week and hasn't enough staff. He asks Kevin if he could handle some of it, just as Sally comes up to them. Ian asks if she'd like to join them for a drink, but she says she has to make the girls' tea.

Chez Alahan, and the family are continuing their cosy meal, with sweet words and compliments all round. Sunita's father is delighted to see mother and daughter reunited and says it is a night he will never forget. Dev picks up his glass and with a flourish proposes a toast – A Night to Remember – obviously a great foreteller of doom, as the camera turns to the curtains fluttering in the breeze and we see Maya's face appear. She is outside, across the road, staring up at their window……………

Don't miss the next exciting episode……..

Annie Logan

Welcome to the second of three episodes of the Street for Monday night – the episode resulting from the producer shouting "I'm fed up with all this backstory cluttering up the office. Get it out of here!"

We open out in the street, where Frankie is sighing as she heads home. She meets Danny and tells him she's off to make Jack's tea. "Why can't he go to the chippy like I had to?" he moans. "He's a pensioner," Frankie points out. "You don't begrudge him a bit of sausage and mash do you?"

At the Alahan abode, Sunita's parents are still there and seem quite happy, but Sunita is worried there is still time for something to do wrong. Dev reassures her that the night will be perfect.

Frankie's intentions might have been good (actually, I'm still not sure what exactly her intentions are. Does she really have a heart of gold?) but V is up showing her how to cook sausages in the frying pan. She won't sit down and tells Frankie she's always been active. "Aye, especially your gob," mutters Jack. Vera thanks Frankie and tells her no all the neighbours would be as helpful. "You could be stood in that street on fire and they wouldn't spit on you." Vera goes upstairs to watch her TV programme in peace, but not before she gives Jack a warning about his behaviour. He's not to take his shirt off, clip his toenails, "or indulge in any bodily functions – either end!" When she's gone, Jack settles down to do his pools. This reminds Frankie of her Grandad (backstory alert!). He used to do the pools every week but never had any success. Then her father won £5,000, which annoyed her Grandad so much he dropped dead in the argument that followed. "It was a good job we had that five grand, because we had to pay that for his funeral." Jack pooh-poohs the idea of her family needing a pools win to pay for a funeral. After all, Frankie's posh. No, she grew up on a council estate in north London. Her Dad was on the buses until he retired. He bought his council house and then sold it for an enormous profit and moved to Essex, where Frankie met Danny when she was babysitting his children. "I'm no different to anyone on this street." Jack disagrees. He says she's a lady. Frankie disagrees and says that Vera is also a lady. "Well, yeah," says Jack, "but you've only ever seen her with her teeth in."

In the Rovers, a depressed Liz is at the bar when Jamie comes in to order a drink. Liz has been to see Jim. She confesses to Jamie what an ordeal it is and he is listening in a surprisingly sympathetic way. Leanne flounces in and Jamie says "Hello gorgeous." "I'm not gorgeous," she moans. "My hair's a mess, my hands are raw and my feet have lost the will to live." So, writer Daran Little has researched what it feels like to work in a cafe all day then. Funny, I don't remember him asking me. Jamie tries to include Liz in the conversation, but Leanne keeps interrupting to whinge on about how awful Frankie was. He suggests they have a pint and a pizza, but Leanne wants to go home, get dressed up and go somewhere special. Sean and Kelly are chatting in one of the booths. Apparently neither one has ever slept with a woman and both fancy men. (Backstory alert!) Sean has never told his parents that he is gay and his mother keeps asking when he's going to meet a nice girl. Kelly offers to play that "nice girl" and meet his parents, but Sean says that though he might avoid telling his folks he's gay, he won't lie to them. "If you were straight, would you go out with me?" asks Kelly. "Definitely," Sean says.

At the Alahans', they are up to the dessert. Sunita's mother says she'll bring the photo album next time... if there is a next time. Of course there will be, she's reassured.

Frankie has served up Jack's tea and tells him it would cost £4.75 in the cafe. And Jack reveals the secret he has kept hidden for so long – he can rustle up a bit of grub himself, thanks to doing national service. Only his mouth is very full and it sounds more like "Ogin uslubbita ub missell – na-i erbiss." As Frankie begins to clear up, a glint comes into Jack's eye and he tell her she hasn't finished her wife-replacement duties yet. "A man has more than one sort of appetite." Frankie calls his bluff. At least, I think she does. "As long as you don't tell Vera," she coos, telling him she's the kind of woman who can never get enough. Jack is terrified and as she insinuates herself on to his knee, he stutters out an excuse about his heart bypass.

Sean and Kelly have gone back to Eileen's front room. Eileen's at work, Sean says, and Jason is out. Sean has a bottle of wine in the fridge. "I get it coz I know Jason can't stand it." Jason drank the vodka Sean had put there, apparently. Kelly asks what it's like living with the Grimshaws, and Sean says Eileen is great and Jason is decorative. "You should see him in boxers. Wakes me up quicker than coffee." Sean likes Jason's dark skin and Kelly points out that hers is dark. (backstory alert!) She once got conned into posing for a sleazy fake photographer who told her she could be a model when she was 15, but the cops were watching the man and he was arrested before anything happened. But she really enjoyed the posing and would have taken off the bikini if he'd asked. She was living with a foster family, Frank and Averil. She really looked up to Frank and Sean reminds her of him. She still sees her real mum, though they are more like friends than mother and daughter.

Down on the Quays, Sunita and her mother are talking about the time they spent apart. Her mother is still upset that Sunita turned down a good man. "But now you have Dave everyone is happy." (Yes, I know it's quite possibly the correct pronunciation of "Dev", but it always stops me in my tracks). Sunita is still upset that she didn't know about her mother having a stroke.

Eileen is in the Rovers, not at work as Sean said. She and Shelly are talking about Liz. "Karen won't have her back," Eileen says. Shelly isn't surprised. Liz was very difficult to live with when they shared a whole pub – it must be much worse in a small flat. "She's not tidy, you know," Shelly says. "Shoes and knickers everywhere – well, I say knickers, they'd be more use cutting cheese." (If that's too awful to think about, get a sick bag before reading episode three!) Eileen is quite sympathetic. After all, Liz has no job and no home. They are being watched from afar by Liz and Deirdre and Liz is certain it's not Deirdre who is being talked about. Deirdre tells her to rise above it and Liz says she has. In fact, she feels sorry for Shelly because she doesn't know what kind of a fella she's living with. "We've all been blind about fellas," Deirdre reminds her. "Blind?" asks Liz. "She should have a flippin' guide dog behind that bar!" Frankie and Danny come in and, like Leanne, Frankie is annoyed her man isn't planning on taking her any further than the Rovers. "You remind me of Jack Duckworth," she says, accusing him of doing nothing around the house and moaning when his dinner's not ready. Liz and Deirdre have planned a girls night out. When they get up to go, they see Eileen standing alone playing the fruit machine. Liz shouts over and asks her if she feels like a girls night out "getting sloshed and crying over a pizza." Yes, she would. Frankie hears this and asks if she can tag along. She would, too. She tells Danny it's better than standing at the bar all night listening to him going on about knicker orders, Warren's footballing future and how hard done by he is because he had to walk to the chippy!

Outside, Jamie and Leanne are just catching the Number 232 bus. Frankie, Eileen and Deirdre come out and talk about going for a pizza. Frankie isn't "doing carbs" but says she can always have a salad. She takes Eileen's arm and they set off, leaving Deirdre to call "Wait for Liz."

The Alahan get-together has turned philosophical. Sunita's mother apologises to her. "I'm a proud woman, but not so proud I can't beg to be forgiven." Dev's phone goes and his face falls when he answers it. He tells them he'll have to go. The alarm is going off at the Eccles shop.

Kelly and Sean are on the sofa. "Erotica?" he asks. "No, that's too late for me," Kelly replies. It seems they are talking about Madonna songs. Kelly prefers the "bubblegum" songs, but it seems they both know every move she made in the video clip for "Vogue".

Jack is in the pub now and he and Danny are having a general gripe about women. Jack can't understand how women can concentrate on romantic rubbish but insist on interrupting sport. And Jack tells the story of Vera stripping off and jumping up and down naked in front of the telly to try to get his attention. "Your Vera stood in front of the telly with nothing on?" asks an incredulous Danny. "There's always someone worse off than yourself, Jack."

On a road somewhere on the way to Eccles, Dev is speeding and talking to Sunita on his hands-free mobile. She tells him her parents have just left.

Back at Eileen's, Sean and Kelly are on the sofa and Sean seems to be asleep. Kelly kisses him lightly and he doesn't wake. So she kisses him again, but harder. "What are you doing?" he screeches. "I fancy you," she says, to his utter horror.

Dev pulls up outside a shop much bigger than your average corner shop. As he uses his key in the door, an explosion blasts him right back over a parked car. He lies motionless on the ground.

Take a deep breath, everyone, as we head into one of the scariest episodes of the Street EVER! Yes, Liz and Deirdre get drunk and talk about their love lives!

We open in Eccles, where the alarm is still sounding and Dev is still lying in the street surrounded by toilet rolls.

But we soon switch back to Eileen's, where Sean is so desperate to get Kelly off him he throws her to the floor. "Is this some kind of sick joke?" he asks. "Don't touch me!" She grabs her bag and leaves.

Dev is moving. He is incoherent and stumbles around. The shop is burning fiercely. I once watched a fire at a paint shop and it didn't burn this fiercely!

Back in the street, Kelly is about to knock on Eileen's door but thinks better of it. "Aw, what's the use," she mutters, and teeters off around the corner.

In a pizza restaurant, a group of four ladies of a certain age have just arrived and are already harassing the male staff. Liz mutters to Deirdre that they hardly know Frankie, but Deirdre says it will give them a chance to get to know her


Part of the Alahan empire is still burning madly. He sits in the road.

The ladies are choosing their food. Eileen never knows whether to play safe to choose something adventurous. "Playing safe won't get you far," Frankie says. "That's why I live only half a mile from where I was born," Eileen agrees. Frankie says she has traveled, but Liz tops that be telling her she traveled with the army, living in Germany, Hong Kong and Singapore. Frankie says she's got extra housekeeping money this week and offers to buy the wine by the bottle.

The fire brigade has arrived and at least one firefighter wants to call an ambulance for Dev. But he says he just needs to sit down. He sits in his car. "How can a shop just explode like that?" he asks. The firefighter says they will know more once the fire is out. Dev's phone rings. It's Virinder (Verinda? Virenda?) from the Swinton shop. The alarm is going off in the shop downstairs, she tells him. "Get out!" he screams. "Get out and take your children with you!" He slams the car door and roars away.

Jason is home and Sean seems very morose. Questioned by Jason, he admits he's been crying. He tells what happened and Jason laughs. Kelly is really fit and Sean is gay. Sean is upset because he thought Kelly really knew him, but she had an ulterior motive. "If I was a girl and she was a bloke, it'd be attempted rape," he says.

Little do they know that they are being discussed in a pizza restaurant. Jason's six-pack is very much admired. Jamie is admired by Liz, who admits she'd have Jason for afters. Deirdre admits she fancies Ciaran and says she used to have a thing for Kevin Webster (I warned you you'd need your sick bag).

Jason and Sean are talking. Jason wants to know how Sean can know that he's gay if he's never slept with a woman. "Have you ever done anything with a lad?" Sean asks. A horrified Jason has not. "Well, how do you know you're straight?" Sean tells Jason that women talk to him. He knows that Violet won't sleep with Jason, but reassures the macho man that he just needs to wait until Violet knows he respects her.

Sunita is going to bed. She uses the bedside phone to call Dev but can't get through.

Dev is still speeding through the night talking to Virinder. We hear her scream and she tells Dev his shop has just exploded.

Dev arrives to calm down his staff member and her children just as the fire brigade arrives. Over the sound of their siren, he hears his mobile ring. "No! No!" he cries, as he is told yet another shop has exploded. Virinder wants him to stay but he can't. "The Astley shop's in flames. I have to go!"

The pizza party is discussing marriages. Frankie is smug because her marriage has lasted the longest, though she tells them about her affair with Vince. They take an oath that whatever is discussed tonight will stay between the four of them. "Just like the Brownies," says Eileen. Deirdre needs little prompting to tell them about Mike. And Dev. "Dev? As in 'my boss'?" Eileen asks. "You and Rumpelstiltskin?" asks Rumpelstiltskin's niece-in-law. Frankie is impressed. She raises a glass. "To Deirdre." The others raise their glasses. "To Deirdre," repeats Liz, "and all who sail in her."

In the Rovers, Danny, Charlie and Fred are sitting together. It's Tommy's round but he's in the lav. (They're wrong about that, actually. He's not even in the episode!) Charlie suggests livening up the pub with stag nights, strippers and dirty comics. Fred is skeptical but Charlie says he can persuade Shelly. He suggests they have a card game that night and Fred says they could use the back room. Charlie is sure Shelly won't mind.

Dev is haring along a main road towards the latest burning shop when the phone rings again. Yes, this time it's Dave, from across the road from another shop I didn't catch the location of. "Mr Alahan, your shop's just exploded." And the car does a quick about turn.

Eileen tells Frankie she can't figure her out. But Frankie says it's simple. She's rich and bored. She had an affair because she was in a rut. Liz tells her she loved settling down and stopping moving with the army. But Jim couldn't settle. Now he's inside, making plans for them when he gets out. "When really I dread living with him again. I don't know if I love him any more." She weeps. Frankie tells Liz she admires the way she keeps things together. Deirdre, slurring her words, says she's got to the stage where she's starting to enjoy life instead of fighting against it. They toast life.

Charlie tells Shelly about the planned poker game. She has a video and bottle of wine ready, and protests that Fred might object to the back room being used for gambling. "It was his idea," Charlie says. He offers to tell the guys it's off, but that makes Shelly feel guilty. She supposes she could go upstairs with the video. This is a good idea, Charlie says. "You can catch up on your beauty sleep. You've been looking a bit jaded."

The ladies are getting ready to leave the restaurant. "Out of the four of us," asks Frankie, "who do you think the fellas would go for?" Deirdre has had a LOT to drink. "I've got very good legs," she says. "Ken likes my legs." In fact, Ken likes all of her. He loves her. He's lovely. She should really say yes next time he proposes, she rambles. Eileen is the only one without a man so Frankie suggests they go back to her place to draw up a list of available men for Eileen.

Dev's car screeches to a halt. "You fool! You fool!" he tells himself, punching a number into his phone.

The bedside phone rings beside Sunita, waking her. She reaches for it and we just have time to see Maya's face behind Sunita before the camera switches back to Dev. And all he hears is an horrendous scream. We see the phone dangling beside the bed.

The end. Two more episodes Wednesday night.

Margaret Carr

[Footnote: As the phone dangled, it dangled beside a pair of pink fluffy slippers. Sunita got into bed on the other side, so they must be Dev's!]

Wednesday 24 November

Fasten your seatbelts...

Written by: John Fay
Directed by: Duncan Foster

A scream tears the air. "Sunitaaaaaaa!!" Dev shouts desperately into his mobile. He's in his car, helpless, as he hears Maya's voice: "Hello Dev. She can't come to the phone right now – she's a bit tied up." We see Sunita, tied up face down on the bed, sobbing. Maya tells Dev to come home – on his own, she emphasises, because if he tells the police she'll kill Sunita. "He'll come alone," Maya mutters gripping her captive by the hair, "He's arrogant and conceited enough to think he's the knight in shining armour, the Bollywood hero." "He never meant to hurt you!" cries Sunita. Maya's reply is chilling: "That's a pity. I'll let you into a little secret… I mean to hurt you."

Charlie, Mike, Danny, Tommy and Fred are playing cards. They agree on a maximum stake of £5. Tommy seems a bit reluctant to bet a lot of money, and says he's got £60 with him and once that's gone he's off. Shelley is doing something in the background and not looking best pleased.

Maya is looking at wedding photos of Dev and Sunita. "What, none of your arrest?" she wonders. Sunita, now sitting on the floor, her hands tied behind her back and tears streaming down her face, attempts to convince Maya that ruining the wedding was sufficient revenge. Her captor looks even more unhinged than usual (but her blood-red lipstick is perfectly in place) as she describes how she came up with the bigamy plot: "Little lap-dog Sunita married not just once, but seven times. Seven times for seven shops, every shop in that little tin-pot empire." Let no-one say there wasn't method in her madness. "Just for once, I wanted the last laugh," she says. "And you got it," Sunita says. "We were humiliated. Humiliated, in front of all our family and friends. Please, Maya, why can't we just leave it at that?" "BECAUSE YOU'RE STILL MRS ALAHAN!" roars Maya. Sunita sobs uncontrollably. "Whatever you're going to do, you can't hurt me more than you did on my wedding day," she says. Maya is suddenly icily calm again. "Do you really believe that?" she says. "You've absolutely no imagination whatsoever, have you?" She taunts Sunita for being a dim-wit and for being no more than a shop girl. "You'll shell out kids like you shell out change, clean and skivvy for him. And one day he'll get bored and look elsewhere – that's your future." Sunita tries to stick up for herself. "You're jealous," she says, "You want him and you can't have him because he loves me and he always will so DEAL WITH IT!" This speech earns her a very hard slap in the face and she falls sideways to the floor. Maya picks up a heavy-looking Indian statuette. "If you raise your voice to me again," she says. "I'll raise Ganesh to you, and he's very, very heavy. It would be a pity to be beaten to death by the god of good fortune before Dev's had the chance to save you." She raises the statuette over Sunita's head and brings it down hard, right next to her. Sunita shrieks.

We see Dev's car racing through the darkness.

Eileen, Liz, Frankie and Deirdre are returning home from their night out in Patrick's cab, still laughing and joking. Before she gets out of the cab, Frankie asks Patrick what type of man Eileen goes for. "I dunno," says Patrick, "Better ask her." On the pavement, Liz asks the other three, if they had to choose, would they pick Patrick or Les. "Patrick, every time," replies Eileen. They all have hysterics [hello? The choice was Patrick or Les, not Patrick and Tom Cruise]. "You could do worse than Patrick," Frankie tells Eileen. "You should ask him out." As they're going into the house, Deirdre spots something – the prize car is on bricks, with no wheels on it. It's Karen's turn for the car tomorrow – Deirdre reckons Tracy must have taken the wheels back off again.

Indoors, Frankie pursues the Patrick theme with Eileen. Apparently, one of the advantages of having Patrick as a boyfriend would be that Eileen, on cab control, would know where he was at all times. Eileen drops a bombshell – she and Patrick used to be in a band together. They were called the Bleak Industrial Blues Band. Eileen was the backing singer, and Patrick got the sack after a couple of months for being too cheerful!

Back at the Quays, Maya is striking matches. Never a good sign. "He loves me," she whispers, and blows the match out, "He loves me not. And he really is that fickle, you know. One minute he's burning with passion, the next he loves someone else." The someone else is now gagged as well as bound.

Dev's car is approaching.

Shelley is standing alone in a deserted, dark Rovers bar, with the voices of the men playing cards in the background. Charlie comes out, and asks her to get them a round in, then get herself up to bed. "I should've rung Sunita to see if she wanted any company," Shelley says. "Bit late for that now." Charlie has already gone.

Dev is out of the car and racing into the building and up the stairs. He puts the key in the lock, and hesitates, afraid of the explosion that might follow, but it doesn't and he enters the dark flat. No sign of Sunita or Maya in the sitting room. He goes into the bedroom, which is also empty and with signs of a struggle – the phone off the hook, broken things on the floor. Back in the sitting room, he notices the glass coffee table. There are seven burnt-out matches laid in a line, and underneath, written in Maya's blood-red lipstick, the words: ONE MORE TO GO. COME ALONE!

Dev gets back in his car and heads off to Coronation Street.

The police are ringing the bell of the corner shop. Maya looks out between the blinds, but isn't concerned, she's sure it's a routine visit. Sunita is still bound and gagged, still sobbing.

In the Rovers, Mike is on a lucky streak in the card game. The others are a bit suspicious of him.

The police leave the corner shop. Sunita despairs, Maya tucks into a jaffa cake.

Eileen is telling Deirdre, Liz and Frankie how the band had groupies – three women from Wigan who all took a shine to Patrick. One night he took all three of them home, which was how he got the nickname "Hat-trick."

We see Dev jumping a red light in his desperation to get to the shop, almost causing an accident.

Eileen confesses to the others (who are speculating on Patrick's sexual skills) that she's had previous carnal knowledge of him. "Was he a big let down?" Frankie wants to know. "No, just a let down," Eileen replies, wiggling her little finger meaningfully.

Dev practically falls out of his car outside the shop. He stands outside, looking at it. All appears to be quiet.

The card game is still going on.

Dev is in the shop, turning off the alarm, desperate to find no-one is there. He sits, head in hands, moaning to himself, and realises they must be upstairs. He grabs a fire extinguisher.

At the Rovers, Tommy is getting in over his head, and is borrowing money to cover his bets.

Poor Dev, every time he has to turn a key he cringes. He opens the door to the shop


Tommy is worried that he shouldn't be gambling his money, with Christmas so close, and they want to get Craig a computer. But he bets another £20 anyway.

Dev climbs the stairs to the flat, fire extinguisher still in hand, and pauses by the door.

He bursts into the flat, turns the lights on, and sees Sunita tied up on the floor. He kisses her, asking if she's okay, but we see Sunita's eyes wide open in horror as she tries to scream a warning – then Maya brings something heavy crashing down on Dev's head.

Sue Haasler

This is the report for the climax to Maya's spectacular revenge. Hold on to the edge of your seats as the deranged mad woman puts the final part of her murderous plot into action--with devastating consequences...if Corrie don't win awards for this, then there is something seriously wrong...

Maya has just struck Dev down with a baton (although at first I thought she'd used Ganesh!) and is handcuffing him, watched by a bound and gagged Sunita, who is still cuffed to the oven.
"I wonder if he'll recognise these when he wakes up," Maya ponders. "We had many a night playing with them." Once they are tight enough, Maya looks up at Sunita, whose face is soaked with tears.
"I don't suppose you two go into games much, do you?" she smirks. "Nah, course not, you're a dim-witted unimaginative dreary little dredge!" She looks down at Dev, who had a bad wound on the side of his head, which blood is flowing out of.
"Oh dear," Maya says, with a mock sadness, touching the blood with her fingers. "I think I may have fractured your husband's skull Mrs Alahan. Still, if he wakes up with a headache, brain tumour girl will know what to do!" With a satisfactory smirk, Maya pulls off a line of black tape to bound Dev...

We're back at the card game and Tommy is out, leaving Fred and Mike to face each other. Mike has a full house and when he shows his hand, a devastated Tommy realises that he could've beaten him after all! "Oh, you'll be popular!" grins Danny. "It'll be like Christmas at Bob Cratchet's house this year!" Mike offers to lend Tommy some money, but he leaves. Fred is disgusted that Mike has won.

Maya is by the window of the flat, the blinds casting an eerie shadow across her face. Coughs from the floor indicate that Dev is coming round. Maya turns around and retrieves her baton as Dev sits up. Maya casually wipes her baton with a cloth as Dev struggles to perceive his bearings.
"I don't know how you did this!" he gasps after a while.
"I used to be a solicitor," Maya reminds him. "I have friends in very low places."
"However you did it, the police will find out, they'll know!" Dev cries, desperately trying to assure himself. "Everyone will know!"
Maya stalks towards him, a twisted smile forming on her face.
"It's better than cutting up your clothes (Tracy, take some lessons from this ex!)," she sneers. "When all your other exes hear about this they'll be kicking themselves they didn't think of it first!"
"No they won't!" Dev argues. "Because they're not mad and this is madness and you can't get away with this!"
"We'll see," Maya replies, seemingly unmoved. She turns back to the window, watched by Dev.
"Let her go?" he requests, making Maya spin around, a murderous expression on her face.
Maya approaches him.
"Isn't that how you like her?" she goads. "Mouth shut and chained to the oven?"
"You know I'm not like that," replies Dev.
"Then I fail to see how you could choose her over me!" Maya hisses violently.
"Look, I'm sorry," Dev cries.
Her infamous temper rising, Maya storms up to Sunita and grabs her hair, causing her to cry out even louder than her consistent background sobs.
"THAT OVER ME!" Maya yells, finding the prospect outrageous.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Dev stammers. "I know I've hurt you and I'm sorry so can't we just keep calm and we can talk about this please?"
"You're pathetic!" snarls Maya. "I don't know what I ever saw in you!"
"Don't worry it'll be okay," Dev calls to Sunita, earning a sharp smack from a raging Maya.
"Maya, just listen to me," he pleads. "You need help."
"She needs help! She's the damsel in distress and you're supposed to be her knight in shining armour and you're not much good are you?" storms Maya. "You come storming in here, like we knew you would, then BAM! It's all over, thank you and good night!"
After a short think, Dev warns Maya that the police are coming. Maya is looking out of the window again.
"They've been, they've gone, sorry!" she answers, unbothered.
"No, I rang them, they'll be here any minute," Dev says, causing Maya to turn around cautiously.
"If that were true, you wouldn't be telling me now," Maya concludes.
"It's true," assures Dev. "And you let us go when they come and I'll tell them how it's my fault and how I've hurt you-you're not responsible for your actions, we don't have to mention any of this..."
"Can I just stop you there?" Maya asks, cutting over him. "I don't do pea bargains, especially when I'm the one holding all the cards?"
"Maya this is madness!" Dev screams.
"And no pleas of insanity either!" Maya continues, as Dev weeps. "Wanting revenge, wanting to get your own back on the man who destroyed your life...that's not insanity!" Maya screams in his face.
"You've had your revenge ten times over--you ruined my wedding, you got me arrested, you got Sunita sent to jail, you've got me scared half to death, I've got shops in flames all over the city! Now, isn't that enough!?" demands Dev.
Struggling with her rage and deep sorrow, Maya spits out: "Not....yet!"
"Please Maya, I'm begging you!" pleads Dev, breaking down. "Just see sense! Now you can't get away with this and you're destroying your life as well as ours!" Maya unleashes a fresh load of tears.
"You pursued me," she weeps.
"I know and I'm sorry," Dev replies.
"I wanted nothing to do with you, I was happy," Maya sobs, shaking her head. "And you put on those stupid Michael Caine glasses and you pursued me and broke me down, made me think it could work!"
"I thought it could..."
"You promised me you were different!" Maya reminds Dev. "You asked me to live with you, you got engaged to me, we were going to get married then Sunita gets a headache and I'm history!"
"None of it was planned, I just did what I though was right at the time," Dev says.
"And what's she got that I haven't--a brain tumour!?" cries Maya incredulously. "It's not love."
"Okay, I'll not lie to you, I loved her long before she fell ill."
"Oh, I know. I know you did," nods Maya.
"And I won't lie! I just didn't realise."
"You proposed to her long before we even met! You swore to me I had no reason to be jealous but still you pursued and still you went ahead and got engaged to ME!" At this point, Maya becomes weak and holds her head as if faint and in pain.
"But I wasn't lying to you," assures Dev. "I was lying to myself." Maya is still holding her head in pain.
"When I tried to get you done for sexual harassment you wriggled out of it and left me looking stupid. When I tried to stop you getting married, you wriggled out of it and left me looking at two years in jail so no, it's not enough," Maya hisses. Her eyes burning, Maya looks and sounds like a woman possessed by the devil himself.
"Not nearly enough. Not yet! This time you won't wriggle out of it!" Suddenly, a police officer rings the bell, causing Dev to cry out for help. The policeman notices the light upstairs. Across the street, Patrick has pulled up and Frankie is dragging him into her house. Inside, she and her drunk friends are having a laugh at his expense, while he is unaware over their knowledge over his hatrick! When he realises it's all a joke, he storms out, causing the girls to break out into fits of giggles. Outside, Patrick notices the policeman and tells him that no one lives there. Liz and Deirdre emerge from Frankie's house, cackling, causing Patrick to make a quick getaway. Inside the flat, Maya picks up the receiver.
"Is that the police? Sorry I kept you waiting, I was on the phone."
"Who am I speaking to?" the PC enquires.
"Sunita Alahan," Maya replies.
When he asks where Dev is, Maya tells him he's around his shops somewhere.
"I need to ask you a few questions, Mrs Alahan," PC tells her.
"I'll be down in a minute," she says, replacing the receiver with a sneer. She storms over to Sunita and tries to pull the rings from her fingers.
"Give them to me or I'll break your fingers, you little bitch!" Maya warns, before yanking the rings free from a sobbing Sunita. Maya leaves the room and Dev struggles to his feet and shuffles to the kitchen. Below, Maya is putting on a good act as Dev's doting wife. The PC believes he may have met Dev and asks Maya if she carries a picture.
In the kitchen, Dev has opened the cutlery draw. Down below, Maya gets a picture of her and Dev from her red sports car and shows it to the PC. Meanwhile, Dev has retrieved a knife.
The PC continues to question Maya.
"Has he got any enemies?"
"Business rivals, but no one who would go this far!" Maya replies coolly. She concludes that no one will try anything while she's there, but the PC tells her he'll stick around, just in case. Maya tries to talk him out of it but he won't take no for an answer.
"Thanks, that's very good of you," Maya smiles. With a grimace, she closes the door. Dev is cutting through the tape that binds his legs when Maya returns, heading to look out of the window.
"Short delay, I'm afraid," she says, as Dev hides the knife down his sleeve. "But normal service will be resumed as soon as possible


-BREAK (shame on you if you took the risk of going to the toilet or getting a jaffa cake!)-

It's early the next morning, and the policeman has finally gone! "Now we can get on with it!" Maya says.

Over in the Websters, Kevin has been called out for a job and is concerned to see that Sophie is up early. She tells him she heard screams in her dream and couldn't sleep. As she's had no breakfast, she goes with Kevin so they can pick up some breakfast on the way home.

Back in the flat of doom, Maya is turning on the gas amid Sunita's muffled screams. Once the gas is seeping out, Maya pulls off the knobs. "You can struggle all you want," Maya smirks at her. "But unfortunately you're in a bit of an awkward position. Even if you manage to pull the cooker from the wall, it'll only make the gas come out quicker!" She smiles slyly at this prospect before continuing.
"I'd love to stay and watch, Sunita, but I've got to go! Don't break a nail now!" Maya walks through the door and closes it, looking down mercilessly at Dev.
"This is it, Dev,"she announces. "The seventh fire in the seventh shop." She grabs him and pulls him up.
"If you believe in reincarnation, maybe next time you'll come back as something better." She moves in to kiss him but he pulls back. With a sigh, she gets to her feet and says goodbye. But just as she's about to leave she turns round and takes the fire extinguisher from the kitchen.
"You don't mind if I take this do you?" she asks Dev. As she leaves, she sneers the words: "See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya!"
She closes the door, leaving the Alahans to their fate!

Charlie is on the couch, watching a TV show. A miffed Shelley comes through and asks him why he didn't come to bed. He was wanting a night cap and ended up watching the TV instead. He tells her he's not going in to work and pulls her onto him to start some activity that will help him get to sleep...

Maya storms down into the shop and takes a lighter from behind the counter. She starts throwing boxes and packets onto the floor, making herself a little bonfire. Upstairs, Dev has cut through the tape and struggles up to his feet. He gets through to the kitchen and fumbles around on the cooker, only to find the knobs aren't there.

In the Barlow household, Ken has woken a hungover Liz up by falling over the tyres that Tracy has left. Furious, he vows to take them to Kevin and make Tracy pay, waking up Deirdre and Amy in the process.

Maya uses her lighter to set fire to the wedding photo. She watches the flame eat up the image of the two people that have sent her into madness before placing it on her pile, which lights. She looks up to the ceiling, smirks and leaves. Dev is trying desperately to break the cuffs as the fire takes hold below. He ends up falling flat, but gets up again.

Leanne and Jamie are returning from their night out (What is it with everyone going out to get drunk on a Monday night!?) and start chatting to Rita. Jamie soon notices smoke billowing out of the shop. Ken is on the Street with the tyre, followed by Deirdre, who looks a lot fresher than thirty seconds ago. he windows of the flat are smashed by Dev alerting the residents that someone is in the flat. Ken pulls Jamie away as he heads to the door. Leanne is shouting up to Dev before turning to Sally and telling her to get out as there's a fire! Ken shouts across to the pub, waking Shelley and Charlie who hear him mention a fire spreading. As residents start to pour out onto the Street on Ken's shouts, Ciaran tries to break down the door to the flat. In the Websters', the house is filled with smoke and Rosie and Sally panic as there is no sign of Sophie. Up in the burning flat, Dev and Sunita struggle and scream on as the inferno rages! Charlie joins Ciaran with his sledgehammer and smashes through the door as more residents gather to watch.

Maya pulls up in the distance, seated in her flashy car and watches her chaos unfold. Inside the burning shop, Ciaran and Charlie fight through the flames. Ciaran grabs Dev as Charlie sets about smashing Sunita's handcuffs with his hammer. Kevin and Sophie return and a crying Sally and Rosie rush to Sophie and embrace her. Maya looks horrified as Ciaran lays Dev on the cobbles but is rewarded with the sight of the shop exploding dramatically, to mournful cries from Dev and Shelley and shocked gaps from the gathered residents, who dive for cover. It seems Sunita and Charlie are dead, but Maya is pushed over the edge at the sight of Charlie carrying Sunita out of the fireball to safety. Now over the brink, Maya revs up her motor and speeds towards the gathered residents, who dive out of her murderous path. Charlie rescues Sunita again by flinging her out of the way and Maya is sent careering into the wall. Still not beaten, she comes round, her face blooded and utterly psychotic and reverses, preparing to strike again. Sunita screams in terror as Maya heads for her, only to end up in the path of an oncoming truck which smashes into her, crushing her against the wall. The police arrive on the scene and Dev and Sunita embrace on the cobbles, hoping against hope that this is finally the end of Mad Maya...

So what have we learned from this whole experience?

-Maya is a little bit crazy
-Frankie is the ying in the Baldwin family's yang
-Kelly's all mouth and no trousers.
-Vera snores, even when in a coma.
-Dev believed a tin of marrowfat peas would suffice for dinner with Sunita's parents
-Sunita does a bad impression of her mother, Mena, and Liz does a bad impression of Dev (I know someone who can do a cracking impression of the corner shop king!)
-A billion Indians can't be wrong.
-Suresh thinks he had a sense of humour to pass on to Sunita.
-Despite deciding to take an hour to get rid of her half dead look, Leanne really didn't change at all.
-Sean can do the splits.
Deirdre was torn between the Fruits of the Sea and the Florentine
-Eileen lives half a mile from where she was born.
-Deirdre used to fancy Kevin.
-It took Dev six explosions to work out that Sunita may be in danger.
-Despite sharing a home with Tracy, Blanche, Ken, Liz and Amy, Deirdre is starting to enjoy life.
-Upon realising about Sunita's peril, Dev sped up and nearly hit a lone shopping trolley.
-Ganesh is very heavy.
-Patrick and Eileen used to be in "THE BLEAK INDUSTRIAL BLUES" band.
-Dev has a framed, stitched hindu elephant on the wall of his flat.
-Scoring twice is a brace.
-Maya and Dev used to get saucy with a pair of handcuffs
-Every time Maya becomes unhinged, we hear a car passing by.
-The PC stayed allnight.
-The Websters ran out of milk.
-Charlie can laugh without changing his facial expression.
-Maya used cereals, crisps and a wedding photo to fuel her fire.
And some suggestions from Sue: -Don't play with matches
-Lipstick is a b*gger to remove from a glass table!


Most misplaced inkling: "I've got this early night vibe." Dev to Sunita.
Desire most fulfilled: "What I want working for me is robots." Danny to Sean
Most least likely prospect: "What if we can't find anything to talk about?" Sunita about her parent's impending visit.
Most philosophical discussion: "My brother had this mango tree which Sunita used to climb---just like a little monkey." Suresh to Dev
Best Biology lesson: SEAN: Kelly, why are you here? KELLY: Me parents probably got bored one night.
Comment made far too soon: "I told you everything would be all right." Dev
Theory most likely to be tested: "You could catch fire and they wouldn't even spit on you!" Vera to Frankie.
The award for the dragged through a bush full of hedgehogs look goes to: Jamie!
Second best understatement: He's not one for good behaviour" Liz about Jim.
Best understatement: "I'd keep him on his toes." Maya about Dev.
Most misled person: "I'm well above it" Liz about Shelley.
Most likely conclusion: "What you saying Sean? I'm thick?" Jason.
Person most dedicated to their religion:"If you raise your voice to me again, I'll raise Ganesh to you!" Maya to Sunita.
Most intelligent deduction: "Maya this is madness!" Dev.
Most impossible feat: "Just see sense!" Dev to Maya
Most dramatic role reversal: "I wanted nothing to do with you but still you pursued me" Maya to Dev.
Question with most obvious answer: You don't carry a picture of him do you?" PC to Maya.
Most excitable prospect: "Normal service will be resumed as soon as possible" Maya to Dev and Sunita
Best advertising campaign: "This is a very sturdy cooker." Maya to Sunita
Hardest IQ test: "Is that smoke?" Jamie as smoke piles out of the shop window.
And the best Terminator impression this week goes to: Maya!

And if you're interested:

The following people were present on the Street during the fire: Maya, Ken, Deirdre, Sally, Ciaran, Jamie, Leanne, Rita, Shelley, Eileen, Charlie, Vera, Jack, Sean, Norris, Rosie, Sunita, Dev, Sophie, Kevin, Tracy, Liz, Karen, Steve, Craig, Tommy, Les, Cilla, Chesney, Frankie and Blanche!

The following people were not present on the Street during Maya's fire: Mike,Warren, Janice, Emily, Claire, Kelly, Hayley, Roy, Maria and Tyrone (who are on holiday!), Fred, Jason, Angela, Katy, Ashley, David, Gail, Martin, Sarah, Audrey, Candice, Kirk, Violet, Fiz, Danny and Patrick

Okay that's all from me--and from Maya it seems! There are two episodes on Friday, 7.30pm and 10pm--don't miss the latest developments from the Street!

Until Sunday!

Duncan Lindsay

Friday 26 November

We start tonight's episode with Dev and Sunita in the hospital looking battered and bruised.

Sally and Kevin are talking about everything that they are going to have do because of the fire. Sophie is trying to get the whole day off school because of stress! Sally says it was her that was stressed because she thought she was in the fire. She says it was the worst moment of her life which Sophie seems to like! She says that she couldn't bare to lose her and Sophie says that's wicked!

The girls in the factory are talking about the fire. Hayley says that Dev and Sunita won't know what hit them but Fizz says that they all know what hit Maya, a truck! Janice says it's a pity it didn't finish the job off. Hayley says that she must have psychological problems but Janice says to spare them the political correctness, she tried to kill them. She says that someone with a double barrel name will come along, say she's bonkers and she'll end up in a fancy suite. Danny says that life goes on unlike the tea break which finished three minutes ago! He says that Miss Crabtree is not well and will be in later but Janice says that she's just skiving. Hayley asks Karen how Dev and Sunita are going to get over something like that but she's not listening. Hayley asks if she's alright and she says that she was due on three days ago. Hayley says that's hopeful but Karen says she's never felt less pregnant and being late is messing up her head.

Steve and Shelley have come to visit Dev and Sunita in hospital. Shelley says it was madness and Dev says it could have been a lot worse. He says they owe their lives to Ciaran and Charlie. Dev asks Steve to change all the locks at the flat and Shelley says that with any luck Maya will die and they won't need to bother! Sunita asks where she is and they find out that she is in the same hospital as they are. Sunita says that they are not staying there and Dev agrees.

Cilla is chatting to the police officer standing outside the shop. She says that if he needs to go to the loo he can use their house and he says that he might take her up on that offer. He says he got a long day ahead and Cilla says it could be worse he could be one of those beefeaters in London. She says that one of her mates flashed her boob at one and got nothing. She got arrested though! She asks if Quincy (yey!) has been in yet to check for finger prints but he says he can't discuss it. She tells him not to forget if he gets caught short to use their house, she'll even put up a new bog roll! She goes off and gives a thumb up to Les who is standing round the corner.

Steve asks Tracy if Amy is ill and she says that she's got a temperature. She say's she's been like that for twenty minutes and Steve asks if that is normal but Tracy doesn't know. Steve says that maybe she should go back in and ask but Tracy asks if this is the A to Z of parenting from Steve 'keep that brat away from me' McDonald! Steve asks what medicine it is and Tracy asks what he is doing. He says he's just concerned because he didn't know. He says it's probably none of his business and Tracy says it is but it's her call. Steve apologises but Tracy says he never has to apologise for caring about his daughter.

Shelley asks how her favourite life saver is. Charlie says that he's in need of oxygen and tells her to get off him! She tells him that Maya is in intensive care which is all Dev and Sunita need. She says that she thought he was 'a gonna' and she feels like she's been neglecting him. She says that she thinks she should be parading him around in an open top bus but he says he'll settle for breakfast in bed! Unfortunately she hasn't done a shop (oh dear!)

Fizz is trying to get in touch with Crabby but her phone is still switched off. She says that Sean is the crabby one as he's been miserable today. Hayley tells Ciaran that he's rocketed in her and Roy's estimation. She congratulates Charlie and in comes Norris and Emily. They say that they are both exceptionally brave and they want to buy them a drink. Emily says that she hopes the police commended their bravery. Janice comes up to the bar and asks for two packets of smoky bacon, two cheese and onion and a fireman's lift back to the factory! She tells Shelley that she's shacked up with the local hero.

Karen is in her flat holding a pregnancy test. She looks extremely shocked!

Karen comes into the cab office to find Steve but he's not there. Eileen offers to call him on the radio but Karen says not to. Eileen asks if everything is alright and Karen says it is.

A policewoman gives Sunita her wedding rings back. Dev asks how Sunita is doing and she says she is fine; he should cross her off his list of things to worry about. Sunita says it's good that they don't have to stay in the same place that Maya is and Dev says that they should bite the bullet and go back to the flat. Sunita says that everything there is tainted. Ciaran comes in and Sunita thanks him. Sunita asks how he is and he says that he's fine. He says that all this is behind them now.

Sean asks Kelly if she is going to apologise to him but she says in his dreams. He doesn't understand why she is behaving like the injured party because it was him that was deceived but she says it was her that was booted onto the floor! Kelly says that she was blathered. Sean asks what kind of excuse that is; he's gay and off limits. She says that was the challenge. She told the other girls she could turn him for the sheer hell of it. Sean says that she is the saddo, the sicko and the psycho. Kelly slaps him and Sean grabs her arms. They start some sort of a fight (!) and Kelly calls him a loser when Danny sees them and stops it.

The policeman that Cilla was talking to earlier is on her doorstep. Chesney invites him in and says that his mum said he would be bursting! Shelley tells Charlie that she feels guilty for shopping at another shop but Charlie says that they have to shop somewhere. Norris sees Les and Cilla nip into Dev's shop. The policeman and Chesney are coming out of the house when Chesney sees Cilla and Les and distracts the man longer. Cilla and Les manage to get out but empty handed. Les asks what she expected and Cilla says at least a tin of ham and some cigars.

Janice wants some gossip about the fight but Hayley only says that Sean is very upset. Danny is shouting at Kelly because he doesn't need this. He asks what is going on but Kelly says it's private. He says that she's dragged it into the workplace which makes it public property. She says that she likes how she is getting it in the neck all of a sudden; how times have changed. He tells her to fill him in and asks if she slagged off Barbara Striesand! He says he doesn't understand because Sean is never usually a 'handbag's at dawn' lad. Kelly says no he's a total pussy cat and shows him her bruises on her arm.

Dev and Sunita see the shop. Ciaran says it's only a shop but Dev says it's not the brick and mortar it's the hatred.

Norris challenges Les and Cilla about looting at the shop so Cilla tells him that they didn't get anything. Norris suggests that they could sue Dev for the trauma of a fruitless exercise! He also says that they could tap him for the dry cleaning once he's out of hospital and recuperating from the attempt on his life!

Sean is telling Danny that things aren't what they seem. Kelly says that they were crashed out at his place when he tried it on. She said no, he loses the plot and she ends up black and blue. Danny asks if Sean gave her those bruises and he says not on purpose. Danny says that if he ever brings it on the factory floor again he will take great delight in giving him his P45. He says that she is lying and he is letting her 34d's get in the way of the facts. Danny says he doesn't know about that but the fact is he is sacked.

Cilla tells Ciaran that he should have gone to hospital and kicked up a stink. Les says there is a big pot of compo that is there for the taking. Ciaran asks Kevin if Sally has forgiven him yet and Steve says that the thought of new wallpaper works wonders! Cilla says that her and Les will be his witnesses if he wants to keel over and have a coughing fit! Ciaran says thanks but no thanks! Tracy is telling Liz that Steve asked about Amy when she was ill. Liz says that if Karen didn't have such a tight leash on him he would probably see more of Amy. Tracy says that Steve will always be Amy's dad but Liz says that Karen will always be Steve's wife. Tracy says can you imagine what Steve will be like when Amy is running up to him in the street and shouting daddy. She says that there's no way that Karen will last out.

Sean starts crying and Eileen asks what's wrong. He tells her that Kelly told Danny that he attacked her and now he's sacked him.

Steve is in the pub and Tracy asks Liz if she should go over to him. Liz says that if she does Karen will kick off about him seeing Amy. Charlie comes out of the back and Shelley asks if he's got over the stress of every woman in Weatherfield pouring over him. He makes a comment about her top and she says that she's had no complaints. He says that no mans going to complain about that and offers to take her shopping. She says that she's working and she's not in the mood. She's got a pub to run and a cleavage to display! He says whatever and storms off. Karen comes in and Steve asks what she's having. She says a baby! Steve seems a bit shocked but very happy. They hug each other and Tracy's face is a picture!

That's the end of this episode stay tuned for the second one tonight!

Helen Edgar

Written by: Carmel Morgan
Directed by: Colin Cant

Following straight on from the previous episode, we're still in the Rovers, where Tracy has a tear on her cheek after overhearing Karen's news. It's probably the realization that she won't be able to use the "Barren Karen" joke again. Karen is practically exploding with happiness, and is tearful herself, and Steve has the widest grin imaginable. Liz congratulates them: "I am over the moon." Karen can't resist: "Well you should be," she says, "It's your first legit grandkid." Any illusions that poor Steve might have entertained that Karen's pregnancy might help Karen and Liz to bond is further shattered when Liz says she'll always be available to baby-sit. "We'll play it by ear," mutters Karen. "You'll probably be too busy fawning over Amy Barlow."

Tracy is sitting with her parents. "Could Liz be any more of a hypocrite?" she says. Deirdre and Ken try to calm her down. Steve comes over to offer them a drink. "Just a sick bag for me, ta," says Tracy, getting up to leave. She's clearly very emotional but, for once, is holding it in. "I suppose if I was a normal, well-rounded person, I'd be happy for you," she tells Steve quietly. "Just don't forget about Amy." "I couldn't even if I wanted to," he replies.

Sean and Eileen are at home having a heart-to-heart about Kelly. He tells Eileen about what Kelly did, and that he feels really insulted. And also that Danny sacked him because he thought Sean had attacked Kelly. He's most hurt because it seems that Kelly was just pretending to be his friend, and thought she could "turn" him, and the other girls were in on it. "Maybe they think I'm some kind of freak who can be reprogrammed," he says. Eileen is furious, and having already threatened to smack Kelly the length of the street, ends the scene with that look on her face that tells us she's got some Sorting Out to do.

Janice, Fizz, Hayley and Angela come into the pub, and ask Karen why she hasn't been at work all afternoon. Neither has Kelly, apparently. The rest of them had to work late to finish an order, so they're not best pleased with Karen. And she's not best pleased to hear that Danny is going to dock her pay. "I need all the money I can, kids don't come cheap do they?" she says. Janice catches on quick: "You're never!" "I am!" Cue general celebratory screaming and jumping up and down.

It's a much quieter scene next door at the Barlow's, where a tearful Tracy is cuddling Amy. Blanche is annoyed, because she'd had Amy all bathed, fed and ready for bed. Tracy says she just wanted a cuddle, and Blanche retorts that she hopes Amy is enjoying Tracy's lager fumes as much as she is. This makes Tracy really break down, but Blanche doesn't notice as she bustles through to the kitchen, wittering on about Les Battersby looting the corner shop. Finally she realises Tracy is upset, and Tracy tells her why. If she was expecting sympathy, she's not going to get it from Blanche. "Look at the state of you," she says. "He's a married man." Tracy protests that it's Amy she's concerned about, but Blanche knows different. "If you're crying for Steve Macdonald, dry your eyes – he's more out of bounds than ever. If it's going to put paid to your daydreams then maybe it's a blessing in not much of a disguise." She gets up from the table, leaving Tracy still crying.

Angela, Fizz, Hayley and Janice are toasting the happy news ("To baby Macdonald – God help that child"), but then fall to discussing Sean. They're worried about him, as he looked so unhappy earlier. Fizz sends him a text: "Come for a bev you big hissy queen." Hayley doesn't think that's very appropriate, but Fizz says she's only messing.

Shelley, Mike and Rita are staring daggers at Les and Cilla across the bar. "What's the matter, 'ave I got cabbage between me teeth?" Cilla says. "We were wondering how you could be so hard-faced," Shelley says, and Rita and Mike join in to condemn their looting activities. "Like Mr Seven Shops won't be coining it in off the insurance," Les defends himself, and Cilla suggests that it was a handy coincidence all the shops going up in flames in the same night. A moment later, a battle-scarred Dev and Sunita come into the pub to a standing ovation and a real Rovers welcome, including Kirk's "Is she a psycho bitch or what?" Dev and Sunita greet Charlie as a hero. Shelley invites her recently traumatized best mate through to the back for a chat, but is disappointed when Charlie says he's going out for a bit (she should have expected this – he's wearing his "going out for a bit" black denim shirt).

Steve and Karen are at home now, and she presents him with her third positive pregnancy test, promises to go to the doctor first thing in the morning, and settles down for a gloat about Tracy. Steve tells her to stop thinking about Tracy and to concentrate on them, so Karen's thoughts turn to things maternal. She's not keen on breastfeeding, but on the plus side "it's supposed to be a real bonding time – plus you get your figure back quicker." She hopes the baby will have Steve's eyes and her eyelashes (though from this angle I have to say there's nothing wrong with Steve's eyelashes). Steve hopes it has Karen's "tact, diplomacy and wheel-changing skills." Speaking of which, Karen's days of taking the wheels of the people carrier are over: "That was Barren Karen," she says. "She was a mentalist, her." Instead, she's planning to spend her time with her feet up and Steve running around ragged. Poor Steve.

Dev is having a drink with Rita and Mike. He says he's going to have to get round to all the shops to assess the damage, but at least the flat is ok so they can sleep in their own bed.

Eileen comes in to the Rovers. The factory girls ask why Sean isn't coming in. "I wonder if it can have anything to do with the fact he's been sacked?" Eileen says. It's the first the others have heard of it, and they're shocked. "Your pathetic little dare with Kelly Crabface has cost him his job," says Eileen, sitting down next to Hayley. "So perhaps you'd like to fill me in your plans to get him unsacked."

Charlie is in a bar, preparing to chat up an attractive brunette.

Meanwhile, Sunita is telling Shelley about the Maya ordeal. She thinks that Maya would have been happy to see her and Dev brought out in body bags, then would have gone home, cleaned her teeth and slept like a baby. She says it feels like Maya is everywhere – she can picture her in the Kabin, in the street, in every booth in the Rovers. She dreads going back to the flat, where the whole ordeal started, but feels she has to keep a lid on how she feels, for Dev's sake. Shelley says they can sleep at the Rovers, but Sunita says that if she doesn't go back to the flat, Maya will have won.

Danny has joined Mike and Rita in the Rovers bar. Mike has noticed that the factory girls seem upset and asks Danny if everything is alright. "Yes, uncle," says Danny, sounding like Bob Cratchit. The girls and Eileen are coming over. Rita beats a diplomatic retreat. "Is it true Sean's been sacked?" asks Hayley, flanked by Janice, Fizz, Angela and Eileen. Mike demands to know what's going on. Fizz says Kelly has stitched Sean up, and Danny's fallen for it. Danny says that Sean admitted he'd hurt Kelly, who has the bruises to prove it. Hayley tries to convince Danny of what really happened. He doesn't look convinced, but Hayley says if he doesn't re-instate Sean immediately, he'll have a mutiny on his hands. They walk away, and Mike looks questioningly at Danny.

Dev has joined Sunita and Shelley in the Rovers' back room, and is giving a report of the damage of the various shops. He says there are new locks on the doors at home, so Sunita says what are they waiting for, and gets up to leave. She doesn't look at all happy about it, but is trying to be brave.

When Ken, Deirdre and Liz arrive back home, they find Blanche asleep on the sofa, and Tracy apparently asleep – though we know she's pretending. Amy is wide awake and sitting in her pram. Liz and Deirdre start discussing the new baby, and whether it'll make Karen calm down and be friendlier to Liz. "You never know," Deirdre says, "You could be pushing a double buggy yet." "You flaming won't!" says Tracy, sitting up. She thinks that, since Amy doesn't have two parents, she needs the rest of the family to rally round. Liz is angry – she says that she does rally round, and she loves Amy because she's her flesh and blood. But so will the new child be, and she'll love her the same, "No more, no less." "You just don't get it, do you?" Tracy says to her parents (Liz has gone upstairs). "Amy's not going to get a look in now." They roll their eyes.

Shelley is doing the books at the Rovers. Violet is just about to leave, and asks if there's any sign of Charlie yet. Violet thinks that Charlie drinking at the Weatherfield Arms while his missus owns a pub is worse than having an affair. Shelley offers some advice on men: "You've got to cut them some slack, love, else they get resentful. Trust me, I'm an expert at making a pig's ear out of relationships."

And another pig's ear is well and truly on the production line as we see Charlie and the woman he was with in the pub, kissing passionately in a dark alley.

Chez Macdonald, Karen is chain-eating digestive biscuits and making a list of schools. Her main criterion, naturally, is which one has the cutest uniform. Karen is also planning to chuck it in t'deep end at the swimming baths, and not put stabilisers on its bike. "Let's not get carried away," Steve cautions, but it's not that easy to keep Karen rational. "No, *let's* get carried away," she says, all excited. "I intend to enjoy every minute of this." They're both really excited and happy, and talk about how it won't be a brat, how intelligent and confident it'll be, it'll have loads of mates. Karen adds that he or she will be really good with his or her brothers and sisters, when they have more. Steve says at some point in the far distant future, they will have to think about his or her relationship with Amy. Mention of the A word bursts Karen's bubble a bit, but she says she thinks that Tracy and Amy will be long gone by the time the Junior is old enough to start asking questions


Sunita is looking reluctant to get into bed with Dev (this must be a first for Dev), but he persuades her that Maya has no influence now. She gets into bed and he puts his arms around her, and she sobs that although she knows there's a policeman at the end of Maya's bed and the doors are locked… She can't finish, and Dev comforts her and says they have to take things one day at a time.

Charlie is trying to slip quietly into the back door of the Rovers, but Shelley is waiting for him, still in the nasty crocheted poncho she's been wearing all episode (it looks like something Albert Tatlock would have had on his sideboard). "You know I can't go to sleep without me goodnight kiss," she says. The episode ends with them going upstairs hand-in-hand.

Sue Haasle


Sunday 28 November

Welcome to the report for Sunday, where we saw Tracy spend half an hour sulkier than usual.

We open at the Barlow household where Liz is painting her nails with a pungently odoured polish, watching reprovingly by Ken. Little by little, the room gets more crowded. Deirdre is in the kitchen and starts talking beauty with Liz, as if they would know much about it. Tracy comes in with Amy and a face like Norris' smacked behind. And then Blanche comes in to offer a snide remark about Deirdre never letting herself go. Tracy tells Blanche she wants to look after Amy, and as usual, Blanche complains--her point of view this time being that Karen has won over Tracy. Tracy snaps that she would be moaning if she had asked her to babysit. Liz assures Tracy that, so long as she's around, Steve won't brush Amy under the carpet. She then comments on how Amy would look good with pierced ears, much to Ken's horror. However, it soon emerges that the comment was a result of Liz's amazing sense of humour and it was clear that she had been thinking of the joke since the episode began.

Dev awakes Sunita with a start by stroking her face. (Wasn't that sensitive of him!?) He asks if she's okay as she never slept, but Sunita tells him he should be finding somewhere to live for Verinda and her kids (the inhabitants of the second shop that Maya blew up) He takes a lot of persuading to go

Karen comes over to Hayley and Janice excited about the due date of her baby, which apparently will arrive in August. Hayley is over the moon, but Janice doesn't seem overly excited. Tracy glances over moodily from across the Street as the girls bump into Kelly, who is jovial, until she realises that the girls are giving her the cold shoulder over what she did to Sean. Danny calls them all to work from the factory and tells Kelly that he wants to see her in his office.

We are now in the living area of the pub and Charlie is eating like a complete pig. Shelley asks him if Sunita can stay and he says yes before reminding her she has a husband, as if anyone could've forgotten the wedding. He also tells Shelley that Sunita has a lot to be grateful for and Shell assures him that she is. Subject turns to where Charlie was but he says he stayed in the Weatherfield Arms as he didn't want to interrupt Shelley and Sunita. Shelley tells him she'll always have time for him but he says that he's learned to take his turn where Sunita is concerned.

Danny is discussing George Michael with Kelly and the subject soon becomes clearly linked to Sean. He orders her to apologise to Sean and offer him his job back--or face the doll.

Liz's underwear and ironing board are in Ken's way and he becomes slightly frustrated, a feeling which becomes more obvious when Tracy moans about Karen and her baby again. Ken tells them that soon Steve will be forced to choose and Tracy knows he's right--as soon as McDonald junior comes along, Amy will be history!

We return with Tracy rolling the pram across the Street. Karen catches up with her, flailing two fluffy little pink shoes (the kind that some of us would kill for!! ahem...) Tracy attempts to brush off Karen's pleasure and discussion of expensive gifts by saying it's bad luck but nothing will burst Karen's bubble...

Hayley is calling round at Sunita's flat and she drops a vase in terror. When she realises tat it's Hayley, she unbolts the door and breaks down into a comforting Hayley's arms.

Kelly buys Sean a drink and he is still furious with her, something which Kelly says he has a god right to be. She apologises and tells him he can have the job back but he tells her he isn't desperate. She tells him that she really did like him even though it started out as a dare and says she'd rather lose her job than fall out with him


Dev is thanking Hayley as she leaves the flat and a shaken Sunita. Sunita weeps that she thought it was Maya (who of course would be civil enough to knock on the door before trying to kill her again) Dev assures her that Maya can't hurt them but Sunita isn't so sure, after all she's managed to blow up 7 shops simultaneously before so she can escape a hospital. Dev tells her that Maya would be too injured and when she recovers she'll go straight to prison. Sunita tells him that she'll just come out and that in the meantime there are too many reminders. Dev suggests moving away but Sunita tells him it was the sight of Maya standing over her, moving away can't solve this. She sobs that she feels like Maya's prisoner as Dev embraces her in consolation.

Kelly is telling Sean that she was confused and that she felt so close to him that she believed anything was possible. She felt really bad but it was easier to blame him. She pleads with him to come back and gives in.

Sunita is lying on her couch with Dev when the bell goes. This time it's Mena, and I for one would prefer it if it was Maya knocking. Nevertheless, Sunita seems pleased to see her. Mena offers them a place to stay and they reluctantly agree after a bit of persuasion, more so to give the actors a break.

As Tracy wallows in her own self pity, Deirdre comments that she hasn't seen her this miserable in a long time and Tracy confirms that this is due to Karen. Deirdre relates a similar situation (well kind of) of her own and tells Tracy that she won't end up like that as Deirdre will be there for her.

There's a happier discussion going on as Steve and Karen happily discuss baby names, until, typically, Karen introduces Amy into the conversation. She doesn't want her baby to be Amy's half sibling she wants it to have brothers and sisters of it's own. Steve is clearly uncomfortable by the turn in the conversation.

Tracy is relating to Deirdre how much she loves Steve, but Deirdre presses it into her how off limits he is. She tells her that Steve isn't worth the bother as he has a family and Tracy deserves someone she can love and respect (if she knows the meaning of the emotions, that is) Tracy defends Steve saying he loves Amy but Deirdre counters that by saying the feelings are for Amy, not Tracy. She orders her to get it out of her head but she sobs that she can't...

So what have we learned from tonight's episode?

-Dev can sort out everything with a single phone call.
-Kelly always wears the same earrings
-There are three new factory girls.
-Kelly makes a blinding cup of tea
-Danny and Frankie love George Michael and Danny used to have stubble like his.
-Sunita is more terrified of a visit from Hayley than you would expect.
-Tracy would have been Matthew if she was a boy.
-Names considered by Steve and Karen: Chealsey, Jack, Ronald, Willow
-Names not considered by Steve and Karen: Amy.


Question with most obvious answer: "Sorry, Ken, am I distracting you?" Liz
Most subtle insult:"There is a rather pungent odour" Ken to Liz.
Best Observation: "Are you still here?" Sunita to Dev
Most misled person: "And there was me thinking you were a perceptive woman" Danny to Kelly
Biggest understatement: "I know this isn't ideal" Liz to Ken over their living arrangements
Most joy inducing announcement: "We're back!" Deirdre as she and Blanche get home
Action taken too late: "I didn't want people thinking I were stupid" Kelly to Sean.
Most uplifting prospect: "We'll start somewhere else" Dev to Sunita
Most unbelievable comment: "I felt better the moment you got back" Sunita to Dev.
Most appealing offer: "We'd love to have you home" Mena to Sunita and Dev

That's all for this week. Keep watching!

Until Sunday

Duncan Lindsay

Monday 29 November

Hi all, welcome to this first episode of Monday evening…where, as the announcer said before the start, who needs Trinny and Susannah when you've got Blanche!

It's breakfast time at the Barlow's, Tracy is feeding Amy something from a bowl and Blanche is ordering Deirdre to eat her crusts. Ken has his nose in the newspaper, he apparently had his breakfast earlier. Just then Liz makes a dramatic entrance, dressed in a sparkly, low cut little number, (and looking like a right slapper!) saying she's off to a job interview. 'Oh, what job?' asks Tracy, 'Prostitute,' declares Blanche, to Deirdre's horror. 'Well, you're all thinking it,' says Blanche, 'I'm just saying it out loud.' (I have to admit, she's right!) It's actually a barmaid's job at the Weatherfield Arms, so then they then all press Ken to give his opinion, but he won't be drawn into it, he suddenly remembers an important job he has to do, and tries to make a hasty exit. Liz corners him and points out that if she gets the job she'll have more money and will be able to go and live somewhere else. On hearing this, Blanche says that she's changed her mind and Liz looks lovely. Ken mumbles that it's the perfect outfit for a barmaid, and Liz seems delighted. 'So you don't fancy me then?' she giggles. Ken's expression is extremely pained.

Martin and Katy come out of their flat. Katy is dressed in school uniform, with hair in bunches as well, (they seem to be trying to make her look about 12 years old, round here all the sixth formers wear their own clothes to school) today she is starting her mocks for her A-levels.

At the Duckworth's, Frankie is frying Jack some eggs for breakfast, and asking him if he'd like some fried bread. Then she wonders if she ought to check with Vera, she doesn't want to clog up Jack's arteries. Jack hastily tells her his arteries are flowing like a mountain stream and he thinks they ought to leave Vera to sleep. Just then Vera comes in, and although Jack orders her back upstairs, telling her she needs to rest, she isn't having any of it and goes to see what Frankie is cooking. She tells her that just one egg will be enough (poor Jack was planning on two), and is quick to take the fried bread off the menu. She then tells Frankie that she can manage at home now, but doesn't feel ready to go back to the café. Jack tries to get Vera to go back to the café and have Frankie looking after him at home, but Frankie tells him that Vera wants her man back. Vera then asks Jack if he's done anything about the pigeons, she wants to make sure they get Northwest Conservation Society Status, and that means they have to have pigeons.

Katy is talking to Angie in the street. Angie asks Katy if she's been revising for her exams, they lied to her dad once about her results, she's not going to do it a second time. She points out that Tommy is expecting to see her on University Challenge. Just then, Tommy comes across the road with Craig, who is going on to his dad about getting a computer. Craig asks Katy to tell their dad just how useful a computer can be. Katy obliges, but Tommy tells her she never needed a computer, she was always bright, he expects he'll see her on University Challenge one day! Just then, Sarah comes out, she's taking Bethany to nursery. When she's gone Tommy points out to Katy that without an education that is the sort of future she would have had.

Steve MacDonald's taxi draws up, and out get Maria and Tyrone, back from their holiday. Tyrone is full of enthusiasm about the great time they have had, but Maria seems slightly less than enthusiastic.

In his backyard, Jack has taken delivery of his pedigree racing pigeons, when Vera comes out and is amazed at how quickly it's all been arranged. Kirk asks if he can hold one, but Jack almost snarls at him to get his hands off his 'babies'. Vera's mouth drops open, until Jack remembers himself and mumbles about not wanting anyone to ruffle their feathers until they have been inspected. Vera tells him to get on to the Conservation Society and tell them they're ready. Just then Tyrone comes out into the backyard, having arrived home. He's greeted warmly by Vera, who wants to know how he and Maria got on. Tyrone tells her it was great, they got on really well, it was just like old times, with romantic walks on the beach at sunset. 'Why can't we do that?' asks Vera to Jack. 'Because we live in Weatherfield,' Jack tells her. Vera recalls how they did do that once, at Blackpool, when Jack slipped on chip paper and put his back out, and she stepped in donkey-do!

In the hair salon, Candice tells Audrey that Maria is crying. Audrey rushes over to her and eventually Maria tells her that she feels such a horrible person. While on holiday she 'copped off' with someone else. 'Did Tyrone catch you?' asks Candice, 'No, he doesn't know,' Maria sobs. 'That's impressive!' declares Candice, Audrey frowns at her. Maria sobs some more about how she doesn't deserve to be happy, she had gone away with lovely Tyrone and ended up sneaking off with someone else behind his back.

In desperation, Ken has gone to visit Steve in the taxi office, to ask for his help. He points out that he already has Steve's daughter under his roof, is it fair that he should have his mother too? Steve says he wishes he could help, but his mother is a law unto herself. Ken tells him he's outnumbered 5 to 1, and feels he's being squeezed out of his own house. Just then Karen comes in, and Steve and Ken stop talking, leaving a guilty silence hanging in the air. 'What do you want?' asks Karen, 'can we get you a taxi?' 'Err, no……' falters Ken, 'err…..I came to congratulate you on your good news.' Ken departs, and Karen asks Steve what he really wanted. 'To congratulate us,' says Steve, not very convincingly, 'you are suspicious!' Karen pauses, her mind taken off Ken Barlow all of a sudden. 'I think I just felt the baby kick!' Steve tells her it can't kick, it's got no legs. Karen tells him not to talk about their baby like that, and pulls his hand onto her stomach. Steve obviously decides this is a welcome diversion and agrees that he felt it too.

It's lunchtime, and Maria has gone to the pub with Audrey and Candice. Candice wants to know all about it, and Maria tells her that she didn't mean to, it just happened. It was a couple of nights ago, after a lovely evening with Tyrone, Maria was beginning to think they might have a future. She realised she had forgotten her bag and went back downstairs to get it, and bumped into Dave, and they just clicked. Maria tells them that she really likes Tyrone, he's a lovely bloke, and she wishes she felt more for him, but she doesn't. Audrey presses Maria to tell Tyrone the truth, but Maria is not at all keen on that idea. She doesn't want to hurt him, to break his heart, but Audrey says it would make him take off those rose tinted glasses. Maria wants to let him down gently, that way they can still be friends.

Angie comes out of the Kabin and sees Katy walking down the street. She asks how the exams went. Katy asks if that's all she can think about, but Angie tells her that although she and Tommy would be over the moon if she gets good grades and goes to college, there are other things she could do, and if she found something she was happy with, then they would be happy too. 'Do you mean that?' asks Katy. 'Of course,' Angie tells her, and hugs her.

Vera is talking to Jack's friend on the doorstep. She sees Frankie and calls her over, introducing her to 'Mr. Henry Brockspawn of the Northwest Conservation Society'. As Frankie walks away, she meets Ken, who tells her he hasn't seen Ron Hepplewhite for ages. Frankie is puzzled, so Ken explains that the man just going in to the Duckworth's house is Ron Hepplewhite, of the Weatherfield Pigeon Fanciers Association. He knew him when he worked for the Gazette. He walks off, leaving Frankie looking mystified.

Inside his house, Ken is greeted by Liz, still in her tarty outfit, pouring sherry for all. She got the job. Ken congratulates her, and Blanche immediately asks when she's moving out. Liz says she hasn't been paid any money yet, so she'll need a bit of time. She leans into Ken's face and tells him she owes him a bottle of whisky. Blanche explains that they drank his single malt, and Deirdre adds that it was the one she bought him two Christmases ago. Ken suddenly remembers another errand that he needs to run, and makes a hasty exit.

For some reason that has escaped me, Martin is in the butcher's, helping Ashley clean the place. He tells Ashley that he would like to encourage Katy to leave school and get a rubbish job, they live together, they'll be happy, but he can't. He's a dad, not her dad, but he has to encourage her. He's as bad as Tommy thinks he is. What does he do if she does well and wants to go to college, does he up-sticks and go with her, or say goodbye? Anyway, he thanks Ashley, (who has hardly said a word) it's made him feel better talking about it.

Liz is telling Steve about her new job. She doesn't appear best pleased all of a sudden. 'A barmaid at my age!' she tells him, she should be running a place by now, a place better than that. Steve says she might in a couple of months, but Liz doesn't seem convinced. Apart from her new job, she doesn't have much to look forward to. His dad is still behind bars and she needs to find somewhere to live. 'Are you not happy at Deirdre's?' Steve seems astounded. Liz tells him she's done her time kipping on mate's floors. Steve looks thoughtful, but she tells him not to look so worried, she knows he can't do anything. She then goes off to buy Ken another bottle of whisky.

Ken is the lone customer in the pub. 'Can you hear that, Betty?' he asks Betty, 'peace and quiet.' Betty chuckles that it's daft, she comes in the pub for the company, and he comes in to get away from it.

Maria arrives home to hear the shower running in the bathroom. 'Hallo?' she calls, grabbing an umbrella and tiptoeing to the bathroom door. The door bursts open and Liz appears in a towel, clutching a bath brush in her hand. She's Maria's new flatmate!

Ken arrives home, all is quiet, with soothing classical music playing softly, and Deirdre laying the table. She tells him that Tracy is out with Amy and Blanche has gone to see a friend. 'And Liz?' queries Ken. Deirdre says she has moved out. Ken implores her not to tease him, but she assures him it's true. She thought they'd have a nice peaceful tea for two. They sit on the sofa and she snuggles up to him, suggesting they make the most of it. Suddenly the door slams and Blanche comes in. 'What do you think you're doing?' she demands, and then drops the bombshell. She's brought her friend Wanda to stay as she's got termites!

Out in the street, Martin and Sarah are sitting on a bench with Bethany. Katy comes along, and Sarah decides it's time to get Bethany home. Katy wants to talk to Martin, right now. She now knows what she wants to do, it's big and it involves him. She wants to have a baby!

More in episode 2………..

Annie Logan

Good evening, and welcome to a Street where the fire-filled events of last week might never have happened!

And we're straight back with Katy and Martin. "Well?" Katy demands as they go into the cafe. Nice to see they've chosen somewhere quiet for such an important chat! Martin is still stunned. Roy is clearing round and Katy asks him about children. Of course, this is not a subject Roy is comfortable with. Once Roy has managed to escape, Martin asks the question straight out: "You're not already pregnant, are you?" He tells her it's something that needs thinking about because of her diabetes. She insists that lots of people with diabetes have children with no problems, but Martin says it still needs thinking about. "That's all I'm doing," Katy says, "thinking about it. I'm not pregnant."

Her parents and brother are out in the street discussing Craig's Christmas computer. Craig is worried that there will be none left if they leave the decision too long, but Tommy asks him to wait a few days so he can check with a mate to see if he can get a discounted one (Amstrad or Apple Classic II, do you think?).

In the unlicensed B&B that is the Barlows' home, where they must have knocked through into the Rovers to fit everyone in, Wanda is telling Ken and Deirdre about the termites that went bump in the night. "It was terrible, like they were clicking their claws inside me 'air net." Ken comments that Edgar Allan Poe could hear the woodworm in the walls. "Did he have to wait months for a council house," asks Wanda. No, he went mad. Wanda's nerves are so upset she asks if Blanche has anything to steady them. "A bit of mother's ruin would do the trick." Blanche says she does have some stashed away, for medicinal purposes. Wanda is clutching what looks like a large ginger jar. It's Dickie, her husband. Or at least his ashes. "I keep him close in case he wants to talk to me," she says. "He hasn't yet, but I know he likes me to talk to him. It's a comfort for him." Blanche brings in the drink and Ken is given Dickie to hold.

In the pub. Tommy is desperate for a chance to win back some of the money he lost. Obviously he can't afford the computer for Craig. Mike doesn't think Fred would like a rematch but goads him into it. They have trouble deciding on a venue. Ciaran points out that they could use the Rovers again because Charlie is taking Shelley away for the night. They agree. "You can put your money where your mouth is," Fred tells Mike. Tommy appeals to them to calm down. "It's only a friendly game, isn't it?"

In the cafe, Martin tells Katy he doesn't want her to end up like Sarah. She says she won't, because she's got him. And she doesn't want their child growing up with a Dad on a Zimmer-frame. Martin tells her that he doesn't think it's time for children yet. Then he goes off to work. Frankie sees Katy with a big grin on her face and asks why. "Men say no, but they always come round," she smirks.

At the Barlows', Wanda is well into the bottle of gin. I've no idea how it lasted with Liz in the house, but Wanda is putting it to good use. "She seems very fond of the drink," says Deirdre. "After all she's been through, I don't blame her," says Blanche. Ken says it's only a few beetles. You'd think someone with his education would know termites were ants, wouldn't you? Wanda appears to be very unsteady and spilling gin on the table. "Oh, bless her," says Blanche. Ken and Deirdre say they are just popping next door for a quick drink and leave Blanche and her pal to it.

Maria is in the taxi office demanding to know why Liz has been moved in without her even being consulted. "I thought you'd be pleased," Steve tells her. "Pleased!?" Maria is incredulous. Steve points out that Maria is always late with the rent. "Now you'll only need to be late with half of it."

In the back room of the pub, the card sharps, and the card blunts, are arguing about which movie they're in. "Return of the Maverick Brothers" suggests Danny. "Nah, you've got the wrong film," says Mike. "Cincinnati kid." It's one of Danny's favourites, but Tommy has never heard of it. Danny tells him it's the one where Steve McQueen comes up against the big, fat, cigar-smoking Edward G. "I suppose I'm down as the big fat loser, am I?" mutters Fred. But Mike says since he's the one with the cigar, Fred can play Steve McQueen. Danny asks Tommy what he'd like to play. "Cards." They discuss whether a man can be lucky in love and at cards. This gets Fred on the defensive. The game starts.

Out in the bar, Katy is asking Candice if she's ever wanted children since Sarah had Bethany. No, she hasn't. "It's the end of your life," she tells Katy. "You spend months walking round like a duck, then you get some snotty little kid sniveling over your best top." Well put, that girl! Tyrone comes in and they ask about the holiday with Maria. "Did you get to do the old banana boat together?" asks Katy. "Just once," Tyrone says innocently. "Maria fell off." The girls dissolve into hysterics. Warren comes in and has tickets to a football "do". Tyrone is interested, but is shocked to hear the tickets are £30 a pop.

Fred's game is much better tonight. He's actually winning some money. Mike says it's not about the cards. It's about psychology. He suggests that Fred is only winning because Mike is letting him -- lulling him into thinking it's safe to bet big. "The art is to get all the money over to the dude, then the dude starts to get restless, takes risks. Then you wait for that one game." He tells Fred a wise man would take his winnings and go. Tommy says he's won a few quid back and he's happy, so he's quitting. Danny is also out but offers to deal for the other two. Fred says Mike is just scared. Mike claims Fred is getting emotional about it and will risk anything. "No limits!" Fred proposes. Mike agrees. No limits. Uh oh.

There is a beautiful spread set out in the Duckworths', though Vera slaps her guest's hand as it reaches for her Coronation Mug. Not been touched by human lips for 50 years -- it's waiting for its rightful owner. Vera offers Mr Folk Museum a cup of tea. "You'll want lemon in your tea, won't you, because milk is common," she says. "Jack and I always have it with lemon." Jack's face looks as if he's just eaten one.

In the pub, Tyrone asks out Maria, saying there is a group going to the football club do on Friday night. Well, Candice and Warren, anyway. He's forked out for those tickets. Maria agrees. "I suppose it beats watching Liz throw her knickers at Tom Jones videos."

Vera is telling Frankie how disappointed she is that it will be Charles coming and not the Queen. Though he's better than his sister, who would be wanting to ride her horse through the front room. She goes to put the mug back in the cabinet and Frankie attacks. "Big stuff," she says. Jack says it might not happen. "There's many a slip twixt cup and lip." "And what slip have you got planned?" she demands of Jack. She tells him she knows who the "rich geezer" really is. "When Vera finds out she's going to be gutted." He begs her not to tell Vera. "Think of the harm it would cause." But he's not thinking of Vera but of the pigeons. "They've hardly had a chance to settle. They're very sensitive birds," he says. She agrees not to tell Vera the truth. "You've made an old man very happy," Jack tells her. "And it's a long time since I said that to a woman.

In the Rovers' back room, Mike suggests that Fred throw in his hand. "You can't fool me," Fred says. "Make your play." Mike is ready. "I will raise you everything you've put on that table." He's bluffing, suggests Fred. Danny won't give an opinion. "I'm just waiting to inherit." "I'll raise you," Fred says. "With what?" "My car against yours," says Fred. "He's been pushing me to this all night. He'll not go. He'll not dare." "At least you've learned something today, Fred," Mike says. "It's all about psychology." He agrees to put in his car. But he's not seeing Fred, he's raising him. "My share of Underworld." You can tell everyone's holding their breath. "What can I put up?" asks Fred. "It'll take your butcher's shop to see me," Mike says.

In the flat, Maria is happy to chat to Liz. Liz wants to co-operate and Maria asks if she's going to be in on Friday night. She's just had a text message from her holiday romance bloke and she's seeing him on Friday.

Wanda is now very very drunk. Blanche says Wanda just got a bit carried away. "She was always very highly strung." The idea of anything nibbling at your toes is enough to drive anyone to drink. Wanda is suddenly quite wide awake. "Dickie," she calls. "Dickie." and she flings herself into Ken's arms. "I suppose I could always sleep with Tracy," laughs Deirdre.

Mike is lighting a cigar. Tommy says Fred has to remember Mike's not a loser. Tommy suggests Mike is trying a double bluff. Maybe it's a triple bluff, says Danny. "He thinks that you think that he thinks that you . . ." Fred has a headache. Danny admits he didn't want Fred to win Underworld. "I wouldn't want to see me and you together in the world of women's knickers." But he think Mike has a winning hand and doesn't want to see Fred go down. "I'll see you," Fred says at last. He puts down his cards. A straight flush of spades, Queen high. Mike suggests splitting the pot and going for a drink. "Are you trying to back out?" asks Fred. "No, I'm asking if I can," Mike says. "Shame you don't remember the end of that film," says Mike. Fred insists that he show his hand. Sadly, it's another straight flush. Hearts this time, Ace high. "Sorry, Fred," says Mike. "Maybe you'll be lucky in love."

The End

Margaret Carr

Updates written by K Richard Whitbread, Martin Rosen, Ann Logan, Peter Webb, Margaret Carr, Duncan Lyndsay, Sue Haasler, Helen Edgar.

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