Those of you wondering about the absence of extreme noise down Corrie way will be put at rest tonight! Look out: Les and Cilla are back, bolder, brassier and unbearably noisier than ever before! But that isn't the most interesting arrival on the cobbles tonight as Sir Ian McKellen, star of Lord of The Rings, makes his much awaited debut! And to contrast all these arrivals on the Street, we witness the progressive ending of another character...things aren't looking good for Angela...

We open with The Croppers and Chesney preparing for the trip to Spain to track Cilla down. Hayley wants to buy Chesney a new woolly jumper so he suggests she give him the money. It emerges he actually wants some cash to buy Cilla a present. As Chesney pops of to say goodbye to Sophie, Hayley rages about the fact Chesney can't see through his evil mother. Roy tells her the bond between a mother and son just can't be broken, no matter how foul she is.

Jamie and Danny are waiting to nab the pigeon hutch and Norris tries to get out of it! But it isn't going to happen! He needs to hold Frankie and chooses the in-apt subject of Friday's bingo...right in Vera's earshot!

A depressed Angela sits in an empty visiting hall as her dad visits her. Her solicitor is also due a visit- with good news. Angela is past breaking point and has been doing a lot of mulling over memories of Katy. Her dad assures her it'll all be all right and she'll be back with Craig soon

Jack is humming and singing his way to his pigeon hutch...the song is taken from his heart when he sees that they are gone.

It's time for Chesney to go and Kirk and Fiz arrive to say goodbye to him. Fiz wishes she knew Roy and Hayley at Chesney's age, bringing Hayley to tears. Chesney and Roy set off.

The old folks have met, but are unsure of why! Jack pops into the cafe and Norris flusters in panic. Jack accuses Vera of getting rid of the pigeons, but Vera tells him she's been working. A mysterious character enters the cafe with a letter from Blanche 'Hunch'. He is revealed as Mel Huchwright, the author of Hard Grinding. Blanche wrote to him, wondering if he was a man or a woman! Everyone is impressed by his arrival--except a skeptical Ken. Mel sits down to join the group.

There's a formidable sight at the airport as an indecent Les and Cilla walk up the aisle...after Cilla has asked for a frisking! They head off to get Chesney, who is just nearby with Roy heading the other way...although how they never heard Cilla yelling like a foghorn is beyond me!

We return to the book group in the cafe where Mel is discussing how he told Steven Spielberg off for wanting to set his book in Bolton! Ken remains skeptical. Mel asks for a glass of water but Norris offers to take him to the Rovers for a drink. After babbling on about knowing about book groups, Mel follows his new found friends out to the pub!

Cilla walks in with a 'Buenos nachos!' Vera is confused by their arrival but doesn't get a chance to explain as they head up to see Hayley, who is equally surprised by their arrival. Hayley tells them where they have gone and Les tells Cilla they have done it before, 'abducting a red-head kid!'

In the pub, Mel is describing his experience living in a cabin by the cliffs. Ken asked if he's going to put it in writing. Mel retorts by asking if Ken has ever written and, upon finding out he's a reviewer, comments it's easier to criticise than to create. He spots the time and needs to 'hence' but Norris shoots off to make up the front room at Emily's

Danny comes in, but isn't comfortable seeing Jack. Fiz informs them the pigeons have been stolen and he is shifty!

Cilla gets off the phone to the airport and tells them she won't stop them getting them on a plane as he's always wanted to go on one! Hayley is unimpressed and heads to the phone until Cilla threatens to call the police on Roy for abduction! "There's a good girly-boy!" says Cilla as Hayley reluctantly replaces the receiver.

The pigeons can't be found until the homing birds return, flustering Norris. "So much for getting rid of them! he shouts at Danny, who has the unfortunate experience of being showered by pigeon excrement.

Angela is talking to her solicitor who says Katy's DNA has been found on the wrench. She is confident it won't go to trial...and the murder charges will be dropped. Angela is reduced to tears of relief.

Cilla, sure that the pair are air borne, tells Les to phone the police! Her plot fails though, as Roy and Chesney return, having missed their plane. He hugs a reluctant Cilla, who 'reminds' Roy that she got in contact. Hayley is horrified by the lies but Roy plays along and tells Hayley after the dysfunctional family have left that it's for Chesney's good that he isn't heartbroken by Cilla's negligence.

Angela's relief is short-lived as the solicitor informs her she still broke the law (she left it a cruel long while before informing her of this!) She tells a devastated Angela that she can still expect 6-8 years imprisonment.

Observations

-Theoretically the value of money constantly shrinks
-The 14.36 will get Roy and Chesney to the airport in adequate time
-Chesney's new sweater can be washed, but not put in the dryer
-The older residents are part of the following groups: The community security group, the book group and the neighbourhood watch
-Mel is all man
-The foundation of Hard Grinding is in Lancashire
-The roles of the book group members are as follows:
Norris: The alpha member
Rita; The Passion
Betty: The anchor
Emily: The Conscience
Blanche: The Facilitator
Ken: The Pretender
-Rose bath oil brings Cilla out in a rash

Awards

Most highly shared view: The first thing she should get from him is a good slap - Hayley about Cilla
Most grammatically structured Conversation: Jack: Were it you were it? Vera: Were what me?
Worst description: "Welcome to our humble book group" Norris to Mel
Most cheerful thought: "What if someone had planted something explosive on me?" Cilla
Understatement of the evening: She's unnatural - Hayley about Cilla

Until next week!

Duncan Lindsay

Hello all, and a warm welcome to the KiwiCorries in New Zealand. If you are a member of Corriedays as well, you may wish to cancel one membership so that you don't receive two updates every time. Here is the first episode from Monday 2nd May.

It's morning, and we open in the café where Roy is taking the chairs down from the tables, getting ready for the day. Hayley comes in and offers to help, saying she was just upstairs twiddling her thumbs. They are obviously both missing Chesney. She asks what he would like for his tea, saying that at least now they won't have to have chip butties. Roy comments that it's amazing how quickly one gets used to them. Hayley says that perhaps they could go to the Rovers, they haven't done that for a bit.

Over at the Battersby household, Les and Cilla are enthusing about the joys of Spain. Chesney asks if they went to the Prado museum. They both stare at him, baffled. Cilla asks why they would want to go to a musty old museum, and Chesney tells them that Uncle Roy said it's not really a museum, more an art gallery. "Roy says, Roy says," chants Cilla, "look, all you need to know about Spain is – it's hot, beaches are brilliant…." "and the beer's cheap," adds Les. Chesney asks if they had paella. "Oh no, none of that muck," says Les, and Cilla tells him that where they were they did proper food, fish and chips, toad in the hole, it was just like being in England, only in Spain! Fizz snaps at Cilla that she had seven weeks on a beach while she abandoned her kid! Les retorts that they were working their fingers to the bone out there, and Chesney wasn't abandoned, they knew he was safe with Roy and Hayley. "Well, we thought he was," sneers Cilla, "good job we came back, anything could have happened with those loons." "It did," says Fizz crossly, "he went to bed on time and he got fed properly!" Then she says that she thought they were working in a bar. Les and Cilla both look uncomfortable, then Cilla says that they decided it would be too much of an upheaval for their Chesney. Chesney asks loudly if they got him a present. Cilla starts to say that they thought he was coming out there, when Les picks up a large sombrero and places it on his head. "Course we did," he says, as Cilla squawks, "That's mine!" Kirk jumps up and asks if they got him one as well. "Yeah," says Les sarcastically, "we got you a pair of castanets!" Sarcasm is lost on Kirk, however. "Really?" he asks.

At the Harris's, Craig comes downstairs to find his granddad cleaning shoes. Granddad looks at him and says, "You're not going like that?" Craig looks blank, "Like what?" Keith urges him to at least put a comb through his hair. Craig wants to know why Angela hasn't rung, if she has good news for them. His granddad says that maybe she wants to tell them to their faces.

At Emily's house, she and Norris are taking breakfast with Mel. Norris tells him they are honoured he has agreed to stay in their humble little abode. Emily glares at him, as he witters on that it is hardly the Savoy. Mel says that it's far better to be where he is, among honest, decent folk in simple surroundings. He tells them he was brought up in a house similar to this one, and many's the time he scrubbed the coal dust from his father's back! "Like in Hard Grinding," says Norris. "Always write about what one knows," says Mel, and Norris goes on to tell him that reading Hard Grinding has inspired him to have a go himself. "At grinding?" asks Emily looking puzzled. "At writing," Norris tells her, and starts to ask Mel if he's have the time to help him. Mel says that he would, but after his morning stroll. Norris says he'll join him and Mel looks somewhat less than delighted.

Sally and Kevin come out of their front door, with Kevin making jokes about her spying on Ian. She tells him that Justine put her in a very awkward position, and he agrees, saying that she's best staying out of it, but she'd better watch it if he goes for his secretaries….. Sally assures him that Ian wouldn't do that, they're all mates. Kevin tells her he was only joking, and anyway, it seems like it's the young ones he goes for if Lisa is anything to go by.

Hayley is just kissing Roy goodbye on the doorstep of Roy's Rolls, when Janice comes along on her way to work. She says she thought he had gone to Spain, and Hayley tells her she'll explain on the way to work.

Fred comes along then as well, and points out to Roy the work being done on the unoccupied hardware store, someone must have bought it. Fred thinks it's fishy that they haven't heard about it at the Traders Association.

Mel and Norris are standing at the kerbside, as Mel inhales the northern air and comments on the dusty cobbles. Norris concurs and points out the litter too. Mel notes the pigeons and Norris starts to say what filthy things they are, but Mel says no, he is failing to open his writer's eye, and wonders what countless shoes have worn the cobbles down, even the old newspapers being carried by the wind, what could it tell them about the hands that have held it? He talks about the symbols of the working class struggle against the aristocracy. Norris says he might have to work on that one.

Sally is busy at her desk when Ian comes in and accuses her of avoiding him, saying she's angry with him about Lisa. She denies it, but he says if he hadn't been jealous of her and Kevin he would never had a fling. He still thinks she's jealous, that's why she's punishing him. Then he tells her it's all irrelevant now, he wanted to clear the air, he doesn't want it hanging over them if they're going to go on working together. She says it won't on her part, anyway, and he tells her that he and Justine have had a long talk and they are going to try to make a go of things. She says she's pleased for them.

Craig and his granddad arrive at the prison to see Angela. She tells them that the murder charge has been dropped and they are both really pleased, however, she tells them there are other charges, and she's already pleaded guilty, it was what her solicitor advised. She could be in prison for another four years. Craig looks devastated. He tells her he'll be eighteen then, and she says she'll have to make sure she's out by then and they can have a big party. Craig is angry, "You could have got off," he argues, "but now you've blown it, you've just given up!" She tells him that her solicitor thought it was unlikely, and this way is for the best, but he isn't having any of it. "I need you, Mum," he tells her. She says that she is doing it for him, but he says she's never done anything for him, when his dad died all she cared about was protecting Katy, it didn't matter that she lied to him. Angela's eyes fill with tears as she tells him she tried to protect him too, she thought she was doing the right thing. He tells her that she never thought of asking him what he wants, because he doesn't count, does he? It's all her fault, he tells her, and asks why she couldn't have just told the truth in the beginning. (Good point!). Katy would still be alive and they wouldn't be in this mess. "I hate yer!" he shouts, and gets up and goes away from the table. Keith tries to tell his daughter that he doesn't mean it, but Angela says, "Yeah, he does, everything he says is true, he's right to hate me!"

In the Rovers, Betty is serving hotpot to Mel and his fans – i.e. Blanche, Emily, Norris. Blanche asks Mel what he's working on at the moment. "The Canary's Last Song," he tells them, "a saga of mining folk, set in the north." Norris asks how far on with it he is, but he tells them he can't put pen to paper, writer's block.

Cilla and Les come in, and Betty says she thought they'd moved to Spain. Cilla tells her that she couldn't bear to be parted from Chesney (although her face tells a different story). Les starts to tell Betty about the bar they were working in Spain. "Oh, Flamenco dancers on the table?" enquires Betty. "Oh no," says Les, "it weren't Spanish!" "No," says Cilla, "our pub were run by a bloke from Marple," and goes on to say that it was called The Pig's Trotter and had a plasma telly screen, karaoke, the lot, it was wonderful. Les is counting through his change in order to pay for their drinks. "You don't take Euros do you?" he asks Betty, but is told that they don't. Cilla remarks that they are back where they started, hardly able to scrape enough money together to pay for a pint. Les points out that it's worse, they are out of work now. Cilla's mouth turns down even further at the corners as she tells Les he really knows how to cheer a girl up. Les starts looking through his pockets and to his delight finds a screwed up twenty pound note. "We'll be able to afford tea now," he tells her. "Never mind tea," she scoffs, "get another round in!"

Back at Davenports, Sally overhears Ian making an evening arrangement with an attractive woman customer. He asks Sally for a piece of paper so that he can take down her mobile phone number. Sally's jaw nearly hits the floor as she hands him a small pad, and she's not amused when, after the woman leaves, he just throws it back at her.

Chesney walks into the café wearing his sombrero. "Ola," he says to Hayley, who is delighted and calls out to Roy. Hayley says it must be nice for him to be back home, but he says he'd still like to visit. She asks if he's eaten and he shakes his head, so she says she'll make him a chip buttie with lots of brown and red sauce. As she starts to make it, Roy tells her they may not be the fledgling's nest, but they can provide a sturdy branch from which they can learn to fly!

Les and Cilla are bending Fred's ear about the joys of Spain, and Les tells him that the Spanish pubs are more like Roy's Rolls, they keep bringing food you haven't asked for. "Tapas," says Fred. "Rubbish more like," says Les. "Never mind," he tells Cilla, "at least you've got a fantastic tan." She mutters that that will fade.

Just then Fizz and Janice walk in. Fizz says she might have known they would be in there, boozing away all the money they have left. Janice tells them that they ought to be ashamed of themselves, slagging off poor Roy and Hayley, talk about ingratitude. "Ingratitude?" spits Cilla, "he was about to run off to Spain with our Ches!" Janice tells her it's better than running off without ‘our Ches'. Les says they were going to send for him. "That's what she told you is it, Miss Piggy here?" asks Janice. "What did you call me?" snarls Cilla. "Yer snout's peelin', any longer in that sunshine and it would have been roast pork!" says Janice. Cilla screams and lunges across the bar at Janice, but is restrained by Les, who tells her that Janice is only jealous. "Just because I never gave the ‘oliday of a lifetime!" Cilla huffs. "I got that when I got me divorce," says Janice, smirking.

All this is watched by Mel and the little group at the table. Emily starts to apologise, but Mel asks for a pen, quick. He says he sees it all for his final chapter, the women brawling on the bar room floor. He starts to scribble hastily, laughing with glee. He praises Blanche, the facilitator of all this, and says that he will stay until his work is complete, it is here that the canary will sing his last song! Norris starts to say they could have a plaque put up, when Blanche interrupts and says that they have hogged Mel long enough, it's her turn to have him now. Norris says she hasn't got the room, but Blanche says she'll make the room, she's the facilitator! Emily butts in and tells them not to argue, then turns to Mel and tells him that of course he can stay. He looks up, smiling, and says that even after such a short time they have all become friends and he shall dedicate the book to them all.

Back at the prison, Craig is pacing a short way away from Angela's table. She tells her dad that she's scared Craig will go off the rails and she won't be there to stop him. She asks Keith to look after him, he needs someone who won't let him down. Then he leaves the table, leaving her and Craig to have some time on their own. Craig comes back and tells her he's sorry.

Back at Davenports, Ian accuses Sally of being angry with him because of the woman customer. He admits he was flirting with her, because she's going to buy a 100k Ferrari, and the evening appointment is a test drive because she can't get there at any other time. He stands very closely behind her and leans down across her shoulder. "Anything I should rush back for?" he asks, when he tells her he's off to lunch. "How do you mean?" asks Sally, breathlessly. "Any appointments after lunch?" he asks. She seems deflated. "Oh, no."

Angela is explaining to Craig why she's doing what she's doing. She cries, and says she would do anything to be with him, but he will be able to come and visit her. She makes him promise to get on with his life, to get out with his mates and have a good time. The bell rings, visiting time is over. They both cry as they part company. "I want my mum," says Craig, looking red-eyed as Angela is led away. "I want my family back."

Poor Craig.

More in part 2.

Annie Logan

Monday's 2nd Part

At the Kabin, Jack asks what Norris is doing. Items fall from the shelf. Rita tells Jack that Norris is trying to impress Mel Hutchwright. "He wrote a book called Hard Grinding. All about the hardships of life in Lancashire in the nineteenth century." Jack says if he wants to write about suffering, then he should come to his house for tea. Jack leaves and Rita tells Norris to come out of the storeroom. He comes through with top quality watermarked cotton paper. He gets carried away thinking about the words, the intellectual soarings that might appear on this very paper.

Ian tells Sally he has to go out, she replies that he just came back from lunch. She asks when he will be back, because it helps to know these things. Ian tells her he is off to see a man about a dog, Gemma wants a pet. He then says Justine is meeting him. As he leaves he says, "Poacher turned gamekeeper isn't all it's cracked up to be, is it? Same hours, same money. Less fun."

Craig is looking out the window. Keith tells him they need to tidy the garden, quietly he says yeah. Keith then asks what he would like for his tea, quietly again he says he's not hungry. Keith then says he has to eat some thing. Craig snaps at him. Keith then asks him what he wants, but then realizes that's a stupid question. Keith just wants to help, but is told no one can help him. He then says he know he means well. After Craig goes be says out loud "What are you doing here?"

Norris sees Mel eating the left over sausages. Norris shows him the paper, Mel thanks him but says he is short of money. Norris says it's a gift. Mel says "Normally, such bourgeois luxuries are an anathema to me, but as it's you" Mel says his first writings were on butchers paper. "I would scratch in the dirt if need be, but my words would still find their voice." Norris asks if he will give him advice. Mel replies, "Ah, the gold of knowledge. You seek it's lustre, but a man cannot just be offered such a gift. You must search for that seam in your soul," Mel quickly closes the door, but is told he forgot his paper. His hand comes out and grabs the paper. Emily comes in the door.

Les says Spain was a life changing experience, as Cilla comes down the stairs. Kirk asks her what's up with her face, he told, "'It's tanning cream. I nearly killed meself to get some colour and I'm not giving it up without a fight!" Chez enters asking what's for tea. He is told by his mum that Kirk and Fizz will have to sort him out as she wants to spend some quality time with Les. He tells them he would like to be with Roy and Hayley, as they never tried to get rid of him and their food saw tops. He goes upstairs as Cilla says "If them Croppers think they can buy my son's affection with a few butties they've got another think coming" Fizz replies, "They didn't 'buy' his affections. They just took care of him" Cilla then plans to bring Spain to them with a menu Les stole.

Emily thinks Mel is smoking. Norris says he's working character. She gets up and heads for the front door as Mel approaches. He asks if there is a problem, she says its about his smoking. He asks them to join him for a drink. Emily takes him to the pub as Norris is told to locate some items for creative purposes.

At the Rovers Keith talks to Audrey. He says he was supposed to visit Angela ages ago, but he didn't want to because of Tommy. She asks how Craig is, he says he does not know because he wont talk. Audrey tells him that Craig needs him, he thinks he needs his mum. He then says he didn't think his grandson would be wearing nail varnish, she laughs. He says it's the music he is worried about because as he thinks he's going to like it. Emily and Mel sit next to them.

Ian has returned. Sally is still there, he says, "You didn't have to wait for me" she tells him she was working, then asks if he found a dog. He says "lots but none of them seemed to like Justine, They must have an allergy to her. I could have tied a pork chop round her neck and it wouldn't have made any difference" She smiles and Ian asks her to stay for a drink. He then begs and she agrees to 1 drink.

Kevin is arguing with the girls, they are complaining about their tea. Rosie thinks her mum should be here. Kev says she's at work for a very good reason, she asks what that is. He points to her tea and says that and the clothes on your back. Sophie thanks him for the tea although the sausages are burnt.

Sally is having a drink. He says its £15 a bottle, she says that's were the profits are going. Ian tells Sally, "I asked Justine you know. She denied it of course" He think her spying on him is a great because she will never suspect any thing about them. She says there is no us. He replies "There could be. I don't care anymore about the risks. Lisa was just a consolation prize. You are everything. I want to be with you and I don't care what it takes"

Keith is ironing, but is distracted buy the music. He puts his head up to listen and when he brings it back down he sees that the iron has got caught on Craig's jumper. Its one of those jumpers that you don't iron on the pattern. He pulls at it and it rips some of the pattern off.

Cilla and Les have brought Spain to the house. Les is giving Kirk some Sandra. Cilla is making a Spanish omelet, telling Fizz she is doing Chesney a favour. Fizz replies, "You should have stayed in Spain then" Fizz then tells her that there's no food in the house. She asks Les for the money but he has spend it on the bottle of red wine. She tells chez, "'How about a chip butty instead? I'll even cut it into triangles for you" He replies saying he hates it here and throws the sombrero at them.

Mel, Emily and Audrey leave the Rovers. He talks about the sun. Ken approaches them. Emily tells him they are enjoying the evening. Mel says that it is probably wasted on Ken. Ken likes the morning. Mel replies that there is no comparison and comes out with some flowery prose and about the sun setting like a monarch fanned to sleep. Audrey asks if he wrote that. Ken quickly says no it's by Thomas Moore. They tell Mel that Ken has written a book. It's about the history, but Mel is not impressed. Norris has come back with his stuff saying he got the cigars and strong lager. Mel says he will pay him but giving him wisdom.

Craig coming down the stairs thanks him for doing the ironing but he says not to thank him and shows him the T-shirt that's burns. He says he never liked it and offers to make him a cup of tea. Keith sees Craig is making an effort.

Ian tries to get Sally back. He loves her and wants to wake up with her. She does not want to hurt the girls, he says he can wait for a few years. When they are older. She says no. Sally thinks she's just over time. She then says she has a life and a family that loves her. All Ian has got is his life here and that's nothing.

Amanda Souter

It's Friday night and time for a walk on the wild side -- and it's Cilla who gets wild!

We start out on the cobbles, where Violet is on the phone to someone, saying she'll get back to them in a couple of hours. She tells Sean and Eileen that she's got the chance of a really cheap booking for a fortnight in Ibiza, because someone's broken their leg. "What do you think Jason's going to say?" she asks. "Does it matter?" asks Eileen. Cilla is seeing Les off to work, but she's very grumpy because he won't stay home to keep her company. "I'll be stuck at home on my own with no money." Les tells Fiz and Kirk that Cilla threw in her job, but Fiz insists she must have been sacked. "The Wethy Arms is the best pub she's ever worked in. At least, she's not having to hose broken teeth off the carpet at closing time."

Gail is in her back yard and Keith is in what now seems to be his -- at least, there's been no talk of him having to go back to a house in Sheffield. Gail is trying to get David to feed his rabbit, and Keith wonders if young Mr Platt is interested in gardening. "Only if there's a goal post at one end, a sound system at the other and the grass mows itself," Gail tells him. "You forgot the plasma screen telly in the middle," says David from behind her. Keith is thinking he might get Craig out into the garden, but he muses that kids have different distractions these days. Until he was 16, he didn't know there was anything to do with a girl other than pull her pigtails, he says. David tells him they don't have pigtails these days. "And most of them are into kick boxing -- you had it easy!" David goes inside and Keith asks Gail: "Do you think our Craig will get back being like that?"

In the street, the Websters are leaving for their days at work and school. Sally wants them all to go to Derbyshire tomorrow, hire bikes and go for a long ride. (It's going to come as a dreadful shock to her when she discovers they've never taught the girls to ride bikes, don't you think?) Sally says she doesn't have to work this weekend, and she took the job to help her family, but they never do anything together. Sophie is quite taken by the idea, particularly at the thought of Rosie on a bike. "A Goth on a bike? She'll look well stupid." It doesn't matter, anyway, because Rosie says she's not going.

In the cafe, Cilla empties her purse on to the counter, but the pile of coppers isn't enough to pay, and they don't take Euros. Les, who's managed to find enough for his fry-up, gives her the missing 15p. He warns her not to open the door at home if anyone knocks. They've missed three months' payments and someone is coming to repossess the telly. Violet comes in and sits with Ciaran, calling him "gorgeous" and "sexy". "How much?" asks Ciaran. But she's not after money. She wants him to do half her shifts while she's away. He agrees, getting a quick kiss from Violet, who leaves. Ciaran turns back to the table to find Cilla has slithered over. Barmaid? Vacancy? "I were gonna take one of them satannicals, but I'll be glad to help out if you're short," she says. Frankie throws in her own comments during this exchange. Why is it she can hear from across the busy cafe, but when folk have quiet chats in the Rovers, no-one further than a metre away can hear what they're saying? Ciaran tells Cilla he knows someone in the restaurant business who's looking for someone just like Cilla. He offers to arrange an interview.

At Davenport's car yard, Sally is being asked if she's good with names and lists. She agrees she is, so is sent off to do the sandwich run because Dim Tim in the workshop is off sick.

Cilla is in the middle of an interview, bigging up her customer relations skills, the way she gets on with people and especially with children. "I've got three of me own so I'm sensitive to their little ways. But I'd like to hear more about your restaurant. What is it, exactly?" The camera pans back and we see the entire extended Wong family listening to her. "Chip shop," she's told.

In the Kabin, Liz is buying another writing pad to write letters to Jim. Keith is in there looking at magazines and Norris suggests Liz could give him some advice. Like how to smuggle in drugs? No, he tells her. "Like how to cope when a loved one is incarcerated." Rita is horrified. "The diplomatic corps really missed out with you," she tells Norris. Norris continues on his bull-in-a-china-shop way. When Keith asks what magazines Craig likes, Norris asks how Angela is. Then he tells Keith the paper bill hasn't been paid. When Rita suggests £8 will cover it, Norris corrects her. "Eight pounds sixty-two." Rita tells Keith she'll be happy to get in any magazines Craig wants. Keith asks about books, but is told there isn't much call for them. He turns to Norris. "I shall be wanting a receipt."

In Davenport's saleroom, we can see a ham salad roll which, coincidentally, is what Ian ordered. Sally is pouring salt on to it. She puts it back together and hands it to Ian as he comes in.

In the street, Violet finally catches up to Jason, who tells her his plan for a night out. "I won't be there," she says. "I'm going to be in Ibiza."

Cilla is telling Les about her new job. "It's Wong's chippie! I'm a barmaid!" But Les is absolutely thrilled. Cilla says she wanted to see more of her family. But Les points out she will see them. Chesney will be able to come to her for his tea, and he couldn't do that if she was working in the Wethy Arms. Les points out all the advantages. "It's at the bottom of the road, so there's no bus fares. And we won't have to buy a single meal, so there'll be no food bills." But what really turns him on is the fact that Cilla will smell of chip fat morning, noon and night.

In the Rovers, Charlie is telling Jason that every red-blooded male in Ibiza will be after Violet. Violet comes in, all happy after going shopping for swimwear. Jason tells her he doesn't think she should go. "We're a couple," he says. "I don't just go off and do what I want." "Well," says Violet, "here's your chance. For the next two weeks you can do what you want, because I WILL BE in Ibiza." Eileen gives Jason a look, but Charlie just looks smug.

At the car yard, Ian tells Sally that Duncan from service reception is looking for her. Apparently he and Ian swapped sandwiches. He gives Sally his dinner suit to take to the dry cleaner's.

Martin is visiting Keith. They are having a chat about whether Martin and Katy would have made a go of it. Keith admits he's having trouble knowing what's to do for the best with Craig. Martin says he and David would be happy to spend some time with Craig. He says they go fishing sometimes, but admits he's not a gardener. The door bells goes. It's Norris. "I hope I'm not interrupting anything interesting," Norris says when he spots Martin. His eyes are darting everywhere, in the hope there is something going on. "We wouldn't tell you if we were," Martin says, and he goes. "I'm not one to gossip," says the Mouth of the Street, "but that one's been on the periphery of rather too many unfortunate occurrences." Keith says he's glad Norris isn't one to gossip, because he isn't, either. Norris has brought Keith Mel Hutchwright's book. Keith thanks him and says he'll buy him a drink some time. Norris admits: "I'm partial to a wine on a Friday night." Keith looks at Norris's departing back. "Now why doesn't that surprise me?" he asks himself.

Janice and Fiz are headed towards the chippie. They are both in high spirits. They spot Cilla and stop in the doorway. "She always did have a chip on her shoulder," says Fizz. "Now she's got a whole shop of them." They laugh.

Jason rushes into the taxi office. He wants to catch Violet, but Eileen says she'll be on her way to the airport. "And if you'd spoke to me like that, I would have been on the pull as soon as I got on the plane," she says. There are no taxis available, and Jason says he'll ask Charlie to lend him the van. "The way he wound you up, he should offer to fly you out there," Eileen says. Jason says he loves Violet and doesn't want to lose her. His mother asks whether he will be finding someone else while she's gone, but he says he's not interested in anyone else. "So what makes you think Violet is?" Sean and Violet come into the office. Violet looks at Jason. "Suitcase packed," she says. "Sun lotion packed. Music packed. Boyfriend packed in." Jason tells her he's sorry. It was just stupid, jealous talk. "I just know how I feel about you, and I know every bloke in Ibiza will feel the same." Sean begs to differ. Violet and Jason agree to text each other while she's away.

In the pub, Norris and Keith are having a drink together. Keith is very surprised to hear that Norris has been married twice. Norris says his situation at the moment is very satisfying. "It would take a very special person to get me to give all this up." Jack comes in, bemoaning the fact that the smell of ale doesn't work on Vera the way garlic works on vampires. He's heard that hostages (though I thought he said ostriches) fall in love with their captors. He thinks that's happened to him. Keith says he and Shirley argued, but when she died it was as if he'd lost his right arm. Norris thinks there's something in the theory that men marry their mothers, though he's not sure Myrtle and Angela were even the same sex as his mother. Jack says his mother reckoned he and Vera would never last. "Of all the things to get wrong, why did it have to be that?" Norris admits he's picked up some his mother's habits, particularly that of being meticulous, and one wife got really annoyed when he insisted on arranging the cans in the cupboard in alphabetical order. "She once messed them up just to annoy me." Keith asks if that's what led to the divorce, but Norris says it was when he cut the pointy ends off her golf tees.

In the chippie, Frankie wants Cilla to get a move on. Two people who have been waiting walk out. Then Frankie discovers Cilla has got her order wrong. "Rocky!" Cilla calls to someone in the back, ordering another piece of fish. Fiz and Sean come in. Cilla tells Fiz she shouldn't be eating chips with a backside like that. Fiz agrees. "Of all the things to inherit off her," she sighs. "Ginger hair and a big backside." Sean looks Cilla up and down and tells Fiz it could have been much worse. Frankie is getting really impatient. Rocky (last name Wong, I suspect) comes in and dumps a basket of chips. "Fish!" screeches Cilla. "I said fish!" She mimes a fish face at him. Sean leaps in and asks for a battered sausage. "I want to see how she mimes that," he says. Liz comes to the doorway and Cilla mutters: "That's all I need -- Atomic Mutton!" She starts to put salt and vinegar on Frankie's order, only to be stopped by Frankie, who didn't want that. Les comes in and tries to jump the queue. Frankie tells Cilla to forget it, she'll order pizzas, and stomps out. And Rocky brings some burgers.

At Davenport's, Ian wonders why Sally has taken so long, but she says she had to wait for a dryer. "You need a dryer after a 90-degree wash." Ian looks at his ruined suit. "You little cow!"

In the pub, Cilla is offering to look after Mike's properties in Spain. Mike wouldn't trust them to look after his bike. Penny says she didn't know Cilla spoke Spanish. "I'll let you into a little secret," says Les. "All you need to do is speak up a bit. They can speak English perfectly." Rita is telling Norris she's surprised at Mr Wong hiring Cilla. She and Les would have spent about £40 a week in the chippie, and they won't be paying now. Cilla hears and snarls: "Like Doris isn't dipping into your dolly mixtures as soon as your back's turned!" Several of the women come in, with Eileen sniffing as she passes Cilla. "Codcilla's in," she comments. "The trollop with the scallop," agrees Janice. Cilla snarls at them and Frankie remarks that Cilla hasn't done the customer relations course yet. Cilla calls her "a jumped up tart who only got where she is by stealing someone else's husband." She starts on Rita, saying that at least her own hair colour is nearly natural. "Someone's inhaled too much chip fat," Sean says. Cilla tells him he'll need his machine for sewing on his bits, if he's not careful. Janice tells Cilla she can't talk about stealing husbands. "He chose," says Cilla. "And by 'eck he's glad he chose right." She tells everyone she's worth 10 of any of them. "And anyone who says different has had their chips!" quips Eileen. Everyone laughs. Cilla almost has steam coming out her ears. "You make me flaming sick, every last one of you," she shouts.

The End.

Margaret Carr

It's breakfast time on the Street! Cilla is moaning about it being so much better in Spain as the toaster and fridge fall apart in their run down house, while Mike cooks Penny up a limited style of breakfast. But their dining is interrupted by a phone call--her house alarm is going off!

There are smiles in the Webster household as Kevin plans a day out to the joy of the girls. But Sally is in no mood! Kevin sees she's snappy and tells her she could use a day out!

In the abode of the Baldwins, the day is being planned. Frankie and Danny are off out, Warren and Candice are having lunch at the Weatherfield County Manager's house, Jamie has a van job on and Leanne is...doing nothing

Poor hard done by Cilla has to go to work...though she is trying her best to get out of it. She claims she is ill but Les reminds her that with the house falling apart, they need all the money they can get! Fiz warns him she'll soon realise she can have it better off elsewhere and will disappear without a trace (and that's a problem because...?)

Ken meets Mel in the pub and Mel decides to use his well woven words to put Ken down...but Ken is clearly unmoved by his scathing attempts at a put down

It's quickly moved on to lunch time and Frankie and Danny have joined Mike and Penny for lunch. It turns out that Penny's house has been burgled and it's all trashed! Well we know what this means don't we...

Ian smarmily tells Fred he will name his next hero Fred Elliot...this wins him brownie points...and a free drink!

Wow the residents are hungry today! The chippy is full and Cilla can't cope! With Janice and Eileen laughing at her and Rocky yelling orders, Cilla let's out a huge scream!!!

After being served, Janice and Eileen see Les pull up with a pink sunbed for Cilla that looks remarkably like a coffin (and let's face it, there'll be many wishing it was!)

In the cafe, Mel turns his charm onto Roy by discussing trains and offering Roy a post as his locomotive research manager! This earns him a free dinner!

The Websters return from their day out, complete with trashy souvenirs making them look more absurd than normal! But they're happy enough--and that being such a rare thing down Corrie way, it has to be worth it for the hour it will last.

Les leads his little battered sausage ( he wants to be very careful...judging by Cilla's short temper, comments like that could end in a different type of battered sausage...) into the living room and reveals the sunbed to her complete delight!

Norris is sulking that Fred is going to be the hero in Mel's book but Mel informs him Fred's character dies! The real hero is Norris Cole! Needless to say, Norris is soon offering to buy him a drink!

Frankie is criticising mike for his behaviour towards Penny, telling him he will lose her if he continues to be insensitive!

Sally and Kevin lie in each others arm and reflect on a great family day. Kevin is happy that they did something like tat as it's what it's all about

Warren is testing Candice on the locations of towns and cities on a map. Jamie and Leanne return home and have a laugh at her expense

Les offers to get a sunbathing Cilla another can of lager but as he does so the fridge door falls off! Cilla is angry but comes up with a cunning plan---to get married! A wedding=presents!!! Ideal to get new electricals! A delighted Les, inspired by this idea, proposes! "Too flamin right I will!" crows Cilla and they embrace, cackling mischievously!!

Duncan Lindsay

Hi everyone, here is the first episode from Monday 9th May.

We open in the Battersby's kitchen, where Les, having poured some milk onto his own bowl of cereal, passes the bottle to Chesney. He then takes a mouthful of cereal, grunts with satisfaction and leaves the room. Ches sniffs the milk, pulls a face, shudders and abandons his breakfast. In the front room, Fizz has just arrived, anxious to hear what this ‘important news' is that Kirk couldn't tell her over the phone. Cilla, who is already roasting herself on her sunbed, says to Les, "Shall you tell her or shall I?" Eventually it's Chesney who breaks the news that they are getting married, Uncle Les is going to be his dad! "I'm going to make an honest woman of your mother," Les tells her triumphantly. "That'll be good trick," says Fizz, sarcastically. When Les asks Fizz if she's going to come to the wedding and see her mum become Mrs. Les Battersby, Cilla announces that she's had an idea about that. Why don't they combine their names, like posh people do, and become Mr. & Mrs. Battersby-Brown! Chesney is less than impressed, it's a lot of writing when he has to sign his name. Cilla tells them it's what they call double-barrelled. Kirk says he thought that was shotguns, and then asks if it's a shotgun wedding. "No it's not," says Cilla, "our Chesney is the last mistake I'll ever make." A hurt expression crosses little Chesney's face as he takes this in. Fizz is still looking stunned, and wonders what brought all this on. Les tells her that Cilla was waiting for the right man to come along – him. Cilla asks how he's getting on with the list, and he starts reading out a long list of expensive electrical goods and appliances, including dvd recorder, mobile phone, camcorder and fridge. They're planning on sending this wedding present list out with the invitations, but Fizz says all they'll get from her is a can of air freshener because the whole things stinks!

Sally is at Davenports, but Ian's attitude is increasingly sour and unhelpful. She takes a call from someone called Cheryl, and hands it over to Ian. He flirts outrageously down the phone, telling the caller he's always got time for her if she says she's got to see him. Sally looks uncomfortable and miserable as he puts the phone down and returns to his newspaper, smirking.

Candice is preparing for her interview as the Eye in the Sky of Weatherfield, and is dressed in a green leather jumpsuit. Warren thinks she looks stunning, but she asks Frankie for her opinion. "Just the job for getting in and out of a helicopter," Frankie tells her, kindly. Warren tells her she's got talent, and Candice agrees that she's really good at talking so she'll be great for the job.

Fred is in the Kabin, wondering with Rita and Norris what the new shop is going to be that's opening just up the road. "It's not going to be a butcher's, anyway," declares Fred, and Rita asks how he knows it isn't. He's sure that no one would open in competition with him and Ashley just two doors away, it would be commercial suicide. Just then Cilla, bronzed and bouncy, with an orange flower on her head, breezes in, and asks for speciality cards – wedding invitations. When Rita asks who it's for she tells them all, "Me and Les of course, I haven't the heart to keep refusing him!" She tells them they haven't set a date yet, but when they do they will all be getting invitations, they want all their good friends and neighbours there, "And of course," she adds, tapping Fred playfully on the arm, "Les will be wanting a best man." She breezes off out again leaving three rather bemused people with open mouths.

At Davenports, Sally puts the phone down and informs Ian that the spare parts they wanted are on their way. Nastily he tells her that there's an unwanted spare part right there in the showroom. She tells him she is sick to death of his constant sniping, and he just starts to tell her to do something about it then, when an attractive blonde walks in. "Cheryl," Ian greets her, oozing charm, telling her it's good to see her. He escorts her to his office, telling Sally he does not want to be disturbed, and closes the blinds. Sally, lips pursed, picks up the phone.

Around lunch time a rather dejected looking Chesney wanders into the Kabin, asking what he can get for 11p. Norris tells him to go home, he shouldn't be eating sweets before his dinner. He tells them there's no one there, so Rita gives him something from the counter, and Norris gives him some money for an apple at the corner shop. Rita asks if it's true about the wedding, and he tells them it is, Uncle Les will be his dad. Norris asks if there will be little brother or sister, is that what the wedding is about. Ches says no, his mum doesn't want any more babies, she always says that when she looks at him she knows she's got enough. "What she wants," he tells them, "is a lot of wedding presents. Everything in the house is falling to bits, this way we can get some new stuff."

Warren, Leanne and Frankie are listening to the radio. They hear the presenter tells them they will go to their Eye in the Sky for the traffic updates, the lovely Cerise. Leanne roars with laughter, as they hear Candice trying to put him straight about her name. She then launches into the traffic news, but it's more about the ups and downs of the helicopter, and how there are lots of cars on the motorway, some are going one way and some the other. (Fancy that!) Over at Underworld, Danny, Fizz and Janice are listening too, as they hear Candice saying that "there are no problems with pubic transport," and they collapse with giggles. "Sorry guys," Candice corrects herself, "that's public transport!" She then exclaims about being able to see the Trafford Centre, and Danny groans. "She could end up marrying my son," he says. Over in the salon Audrey and Maria are listening too, as they suddenly hear Candice throwing up!

Justine has arrived at Davenports, having been summoned by Sally who tells her that Ian has been in his office with a woman for at least an hour, and didn't want to be disturbed. "I'll disturb him," says Justine grimly, just as the door opens and Ian and Cheryl step out. It turns out that Cheryl is the accountant, and Justine isn't amused, she could have made a total fool of herself. Ian smarms all over his wife, saying how her turning up has really made his day, and he takes her off to lunch, leaving Sally with egg on her face and in everybody's bad books.

Frankie is having a drink in the Rovers with Penny, who tells her that Mike seemed to have no idea how traumatised she was from being burgled. Just then Mike walks in, and tries to apologise to Penny for his cold attitude the day before. He then produces a set of keys for Penny, they're for his flat and he wants her to move in, for good.

Candice arrives back in the street and tells Warren that she thinks she was awful. "No, you were great" says Warren, somewhat unconvincingly, "until you were sick," he adds. "You're not just saying that?" asks Candice, still looking miserable.

Les and Cilla are in the pub, discussing who to invite to their wedding. "It's people with money we want," says Cilla. Les wonders who to ask to be best man, who would buy them the best present, Mike Baldwin or Fred? Janice wanders up and asks if the rumour of them getting wed is true. Les tells her he wanted to break it to her gently, as he knew that she always hoped to get back with him one day. Cilla assures her that she'll be invited, and Janice tells them she is so pleased and might start celebrating right now. Ciaran says he wishes them both the best of luck and Cilla tells him he'll be invited too. She reaches across and dings the bell, and announces loudly to all, "You're all getting invites!" "With a wedding present list attached?" enquires Rita, who then tells them not to bother to send her one. Audrey and Fred also say they don't want one, and Cilla asks why not? Fred says that he has a prior engagement on their wedding day – whenever it is, he's not going. Rita then spells it out, everyone is ‘allergic' to them, no one wants to spend their hard-earned money on presents for them and they are a pair of public nuisances. Les says that Cilla is sunny natured, the salt of the earth, and he's just a lovable rogue. Janice says that Cilla is one of nature's gum-boils!

Back at Davenports, Ian has returned from lunch and is furious with Sally for spying on him and reporting to Justine. He threatens to go off and tell Kevin just what his wife has been up to. Sally is horrified and chases him out of the garage as Ian jumps into his sports car and drives off.

Mike is asking Penny if she's going to move in or not. Penny says she doesn't want to sleep in her own place for a few days, following the burglary. He insists it's not just for a few days, he wants her to move in for good, he wants her to be the last woman in her life. She tells him that for him, that's almost romantic. He says that's what he's offering, from here to eternity. Penny seems delighted, and says she can't refuse.

Arriving home, Sally sees Ian's car parked outside, and rushes indoors. Kevin greets her in the hall, saying "This is the finish, Sal!" She starts to bluster about what has been said, when it turns out that he is actually furious about the phone bill, which is mainly all down to Rosie. Sally can hardly stop smiling as she tells him she'll have a word with her, but it seems that Rosie has flounced out.

Les is asking Kirk what people are actually trying to say when they say they don't like him and Cilla. Cilla, once again roasting herself on the sunbed, interrupts, saying it's no good asking Kirk, he's as thick as two short planks. Kirk explains that is just what people don't like, Cilla saying nasty things. He explains that people like people who are pleasant, so Cilla decides that she and Les will operate a ‘charm offensive'. If they have to be pleasant to get a present, that's what they'll do.

Ian comes out of the Kabin and looks thoughtfully at Kevin and Sally's front door. Then he crosses the street. Inside, Kevin is eating his tea when there's a knock at the door. Sally opens it and begs Ian not to do this. He tells her it's got to be done. He walks inside and says, "It's a bit difficult this, Kevin," Sally cringes, waiting for the axe to fall. He then says that he's taken on two new mechanics and won't be giving Kevin the servicing work any more. Kevin seems a bit stunned, but says that all good things come to an end. "They certainly do," says Ian, grimly, and leaves.

More in part 2.

Annie Logan

Monday's 2nd Part

Kevin is telling Sally that he thinks there's more to this than meets the eye. He says its personal because, His wife has asked her to spy on him and she has stopped doing over time. Kevin thinks this is Ian's way at getting back at her. He plans to have it out with Ian later but Sally convinces him not to, by saying she may lose her job. Kevin agrees to leave it and let Sally sort it out.

"There's been a lot of banging and hammering going on this morning" Roy tells Fred outside the Café. They look in wonder, thinking who has bought over the hardware store. Fred tells him "Best that can be said for it is at least they are getting on with it" Fred turns round and sees Diggory Compton. He wonders what's he's doing here and says "haven't seen you at any WTA meetings recently" Diggory says "'Just come to view my latest acquisition" Fred realizes he's bought the hardware store. He says "There's no call for a bakers round here" Diggory says he's been observing Roy Café like the queues for take away sandwiches. He thinks he will be taking the strain off Roy. Fred tells him as long as he's not planning to sell meat. Diggory just laughs and goes.

Cilla coming out the door reminds Les they are turning over a new leaf. Les sees Betty and Emily. They offer to give a hand with the bags. Cilla offers to help Emily, but she says she's going all the way to the hospital. Les shouts back "Give me two minutes to get these bags in for Betty and I'll run you in Emily" She thinks that really kind of them. Cilla replies "Well if you can't help your neighbours out now and again"

Sally comes marching into Ian's office demanding that he leave Kevin out of this. She says "You are punishing Kevin for what I've done and making him suspicious into the bargain. Please Ian, I am sorry if I have upset you in any way but I am begging you, please leave Kevin out of this" Ian replies "That's exactly what I am doing. I will be having no further contact with him" Ian thinks this has gone far enough and tells her they will call a truce. She agrees.

Fred is at the Corner shop telling Sunita about Diggory's plans. She does not seem that bothered. He says "You sell bread, sandwiches and snacks don't you? He'll be eating into your profit margins. He's already got his eye on my pork pie empire" She says "Sounds like you've got a bee in your bonnet" Fred wipes his head, she tells him to catch it. He says water fell on his head. They look up and see a leak. He says there's a puddle on the floor. She quickly goes and wipes it up. Fred tells her that leaks can turn into waterfalls just like that. He walks over to a shelf and looks at a can while Sunita wipes the puddle. All of a sudden a waterfall comes right down on Fred. She looks up and tries to hold back a smile. She says "Sorry Fred. You seem to have a knack for finding water, don't you?" Fred is less than amused.

Audrey has come round to see Keith and finds Hayley there. Hayley tells her she has just come round to find out about visiting Angela. He says he saw Angela and she's not bearing up to well. Knock at the door again, this time its Emily. She has come round with his washing and a casserole. He thanks her and tells her to stay for a cup of tea as he is only putting pictures into frames then he has nothing to do till Craig comes home. Audrey says they will keep him company till then and goes to put the kettle on. Emily replies "That's a good idea. It's a pleasure" Keith laughs "Three nice young ladies to look after me? The pleasure's all mine"

At the chipper Frankie says Cilla looks nice and brown. She says it's her sun bed, and offers her to come round and try it. Frankie says she might take her up on that offer, then says the chip's looks crispy and Danny likes them like that. Cilla says she'll give her extra chips. Frankie thinks he will say something, Cilla says "Not in English he won't" She tells Rocky they need more cod. He obviously does not get what she says. Cilla scrams "What is the point of you working in a fish shop if you don't know the names of the fish?" She throws the salt at him and he scrams at her in Chinese. They continue to argue and take it to the back room.

Sally's on the phone. It's the head master from Oakhill. "Let me see…. Volvo Estate, MOT and service. It'll be ready this afternoon. What time would you like to pick it up? I'll make sure personally that it's ready, If it's not you can haul me over the coals" Sally tells Ian they cant go upsetting the head master. He smiles back at her as she leaves. Ian picks up the phone and says "Clive, how's that fleet car service coming along, only I want it finished by tonight. No, the Volvo can wait, just get on with the fleet stuff. You can do the Volvo tomorrow" He has a big grin on his face.

At the Rovers Leanne asks Janice if she has a paper bag as she's going to be sick. Janice says no as she used them all up yesterday listening to something of the radio. They both start laughing. Candice says "lots of people are sick first time they go in a helicopter" Janice says, "there not sick over the pilot" Claire says "She's following her dream, like I did" Candice then gets a phone call. She's not got the job. Frankie appears and says, "some thing will crop up"

Back at the chipper Fizz enters saying she herd there is free chips all round, Cilla says she's wrong. Candice comes in and Cilla gives her free chips saying she was sorry to here about yesterday. Fizz asks why she cant get free chips, Cilla says she can't show favoritism over family members or she'll get the sack. Candice looking at the newspaper the chips are wrapped in asks what Gazette this is. Cilla says its yesterdays. She says "They've got an advert for a weather girl! Look, Window of opportunity for outgoing female. Must love being in the public eye. That is 'so' me. Frankie said something else would come up. I am going to have to go ring them right now. This is fate" Fizz asks why she cant have free chips again. Cilla says, "Your back side is big enough"

At Davenports the head master Mr. Austin has come to collect his car. Sally goes to get the keys for him. Ian talks to Mr. Austin. He says he is talking his wife to the theatre in Leeds. Sally returns saying that she did put a docket on it saying it was priority. The car is not finished and it will be tomorrow. Mr. Austin is not amused. Ian snaps at her asking if she put the docket on the right car, then saying she should of check with the mechanics it was ready. Ian tells Mr. Austin he will lend him a top of the range car. Make sure his car is ready for tomorrow and it will be free of charge. Sally says she'll see to it personally but Ian says no he will. He thinks they have had enough of her assurances for one day.

In the Rovers Sunita speaks to Charlie. She tells him that a nail has gone through a pipe. Charlie tells her to get a plumber. She says it's a new nail and it must have been him. He says he does not put nails through pips. She says it could have been Jason. He says Dev was happy with his work, he got paid and that the end of it. She asks him to just look at it, but he says it's not his problem and call a plumber.

Sally comes marching into Ian's office again saying she found the docket in Mr. Austin cars so they did get it. She then asks him if he made them ignore it to make her look stupid. He says "If you think I am going to let a glorified typist call the shots you've got another thing coming" Sally says "You were happy to when you were getting what you wanted" Ian replies "Well we were both getting what we wanted then" She says "Don't kid yourself. If you think I was enjoying it" Ian laughs, "Well you made a good show of it, but then people who do it for money learn to do that sort of thing, don't they?" Sally slaps him. He goes to hit her back, but stops. He says he's sorry and says they can't go on like this. He says they need to part companies. Sally says "You are not going to get rid of me just like that" He says he knows Arthur Brooks needs a new PA. He will put in a good work and he will take her on.

At the Rovers Dev comes in with Sunita. They walk over to Charlie. Charlie says if it's about the leak. Dev demands that he fix it. Sunita tells Dev to leave it. Charlie says, "She's right" Dev corrects him "No, my wife was right this afternoon" The two of them start arguing. Charlie punches him. Dev says he will regret that as he and Sunita walk off.

Sally asks how she can be sure about this new job. Ian tells her, "Me and Arthur go way back. I'll give you a glowing reference. Good P.A.'s are hard to come by. I want to do the right thing by you Sally. I don't think it's fair that you should suffer just because we have fallen out" She asks, "What would I tell Kevin?" Ian says, "Tell him things went sour here because Justine asked you to spy on me. It wouldn't be a lie" She asks, "And there'll be no mud slinging afterwards?" He replies, "What would I gain by that? There'd be nothing to gain for either of us. This will be a fresh start for both of us Sally. You watch"

Amanda Souter

Written by: Stephen Russell
Directed by: Duncan Foster

In which Charlie has a bruised fist, Kevin has a flying fist and Cilla's weapon of choice is a bottle of ketchup.

Sally, in smart "interview" suit, is telling Kevin that she's gone as far as she can with Ian (ain't that the truth?) and is hoping to impress the boss at the interview she's going to. Kevin says he'd be mad to turn her down, but Sally doesn't look convinced.

The future Mr and Mrs Battersby are discussing the fact that no-one except Kirk has agreed to come to the wedding. Cilla comments that they're hardly likely to get a decent pressie from Kirk: "he only has two ha'pennies to rub together, and you can bet one of them's chocolate." She tells Les that he'd better get on and force people to change their minds, otherwise it'll be chips and scraps for every meal. "What kind of a threat is that?" Les wants to know. Cilla replies that she didn't specify what the scraps would be. Les fears for his manhood!

In the back room of the Rovers, Betty has a right go at Charlie for brawling in the bar with Dev. She tells him that, as "the landlady's fella" he ought to be setting an example. Prompted by Charlie, Shelley tries to reprimand Betty, but Betty's having none of it: "If he can belt Dev, he can belt anybody!" she says. "Charlie would never lay a finger on me!" Shelley says, and he agrees: "I have never laid a finger on a woman in my life," he says, somewhat implausibly (methinks he doth protest too much). Shelley tells Betty that Charlie was only sticking up for her because Dev was being aggressive, and Betty ought to keep her opinions to herself and do what she's paid for.

Sally is being shown round a showroom which is a lot noisier and less plush than Davenports – and she's being offered the job by the boss, who at least doesn't seem to be a robot. They agree she'll start the next day.

Gail is carrying washing out to the garden and sees Keith doing some gardening. She invites him round for dinner some time. David comes out and asks Gail not to hang the washing up yet because he wants to play football – it's a grudge match with Barney the rabbit, he says. Keith tells Gail that he views rabbits as a nice source of protein rather than a pet. The ball goes over the fence and knocks Keith's runner bean supports over. "I take it you're on the fringes of the school team rather than its backbone?" Keith says sarcastically to David.

In the chip shop, Cilla is having a go at Rocky for being lazy and not doing his job properly. An Anglo-Chinese slanging match ensues which escalates into violence when Rocky throws a stack of plastic cartons at her. She screams and retaliates with a decent squirt of tomato ketchup over his overall and face. He grabs the bottle and it's Cilla's turn to get a face full of ketchup!

Norris is outside the corner shop waffling on to Sunita about the placement of the apostrophe in the shop sign (it's correct, apparently), when a blood-curdling scream makes them jump, and they turn round to see Cilla, covered in ketchup, being chased down the street by Rocky, who is brandishing a chip-shovel-thing. He pursues her round the post box, she grabs the weapon from him: "Chip shop property!" she says, "You're fired!" She marches back to the chip shop, leaving the ketchup-covered Rocky looking like he's just done a bout with Uma Thurman in Kill Bill.

David and Keith are discussing Barney the bunny. David reckons he's "high maintenance and low fun. It's all cage cleaning, really." Again he manages to kick the ball into Keith's garden. "I'll take that as a second warning," Keith says. "What do you mean?" David asks. "We'll have to see, won't we?"

It hasn't taken long for Sally's new job to go sour. She's sitting in the new boss's office, and he says there isn't anything else he can teach her. "But I hope there's a few things you can teach me," he says, giving her knee a squeeze. She tells him that's not appropriate, and he says that Ian passed her on to him. "I'm a PA!" she says, standing up. "Nominally," he replies. "I'm sorry, love, but if you're not willing to put out, I've got no use for you." Sally bursts into tears and runs from the office and back to her car.

For the third time, David kicks the ball over the fence into Keith's garden. Keith tells him it's a case of three strikes and you're out (there's a lot of Americanisms in this episode) – he bursts the football with his fork. "You're not a psycho, are you, Keith?" David asks. "I've got me principles and I stick to them," Keith says. David asks what would happen if Barney found his way into Keith's garden, and Keith says they'd have to see about that. David puts the rabbit back in his hutch.

Sally is at home, crying, and Kevin comes in to find out how she got on. She throws her arms around his neck, and tells him there was no job, and Ian's tricked her. "Why would he do that?" Kevin says, "He's a mate." "Ian's not your friend," she says, but won't say more, so Kevin says he'll go and ask Ian himself. She begs him to stay, and says he's got to promise that he won't go and see Ian. "Tell me!" he says, and he looks terrified of what she might be about to say. She's still crying, and Kevin looks like he might start, too. She tells him that Ian's been coming on to her, and keeps asking her to go to bed with him. "So why didn't you tell me before?" Kevin wants to know. "Because I thought I could handle him." He says they should be dealing with problems together, because they're a couple. "We needed the money," she offers as an excuse. He says that at the first sign of trouble she should have rung Kevin, and he'd have gone round there and sorted Ian out. She says that's why she didn't tell him, because he'd have just gone mad. "This isn't my fault!" Kevin shouts, "But I know who is to blame." He wants to know when it all started, and Sally says it was soon after she started working for Ian, and it happened all the time but recently got worse. Kevin is furious, and says he's going to go round and sort Ian out. She says that'll only make things worse, but he goes out, slamming the door.

All of this has been overheard by Rosie, who comes storming in from the other room to confront Sally. "Looks like Dad's going to find out your dirty little secret." Rosie goes out, too, leaving Sally sobbing.

In the Rovers, Norris is treating Emily and Rita to what Emily describes as "a very poor impression" of someone called Mrs Turnbull. He then does a bad impression of Tommy Cooper – Emily guesses this is Neville Chamberlain.

Audrey, Fred and Roy are discussing Diggory Compton, the baker. He's always been very charming to Audrey, but Fred finds him annoying, not least because he might be taking away some of Fred's profits. Roy says there's a theory that increased competition can lead to increased efficiency which can lead to increased profits, but Fred dismisses this: "If you believe that you're dafter than you look, and I wouldn't have thought that were possible."

At the chip shop, Cilla is attempting to recruit her friend Yana as a co-worker. There's a very amusing contrast between the small, plump, bright orange (from the sunbed) Cilla, and the tall, thin, almost ghostly pale Yana. Yana's not convinced that a job in the chip shop is a good idea for her: "I'm proud of my skin. You look like you're in batter these days." Diggory comes in to discuss "the finest barm cakes known to man – perfect for the chip butty." Cilla says the boss is out. When Yana hears that Diggory owns a chain of bakers, she shows more interest in him. He touches her arm to check whether she's real or a vision from the very heavens. "I'll give you a clue," Cilla says, "I can see her too." Yana tells Diggory she's about to become the new fryer at the chip shop ("Deputy fryer," according to Cilla), and he says in that case they'll be seeing a lot of each other.

Meanwhile, the real action is about to kick off at Davenports, where Kevin comes striding through the door, sees Ian, speeds up from a fast walk to a sprint all the better to get some force behind his punch. He knocks Ian flying onto the desk, busting his nose. "You can try it on with other blokes' wives," Kevin shouts at him, "But stay away from mine, d'you hear me? Stay away from Sally!" He turns to leave. Ian sits up and reaches for a hanky for his nose. "That's only half the story," he says to Kevin, who stops and turns round. "Oh, I tried it on," Ian says, "But then I tried it out!" "You what?" Kevin says. "We had an affair! She was more than willing." Ian starts shouting. "Thanks for the loan, Kevin. You can take her back now, I've filled my boots." Kevin rushes at him, but a mechanic who's just come in grabs him and stops him from hitting the boss again. Ian is cringing with a black handkerchief pressed to his nose as the mechanic grapples with an incandescent Kevin. "It's up to you what you believe!" Ian says, "But you've got to ask yourself, why would I lie?" That gives Kevin pause for thought, and he turns and leaves the showroom.

Sally is at home, still sobbing, and getting absolutely no sympathy from Rosie. "I'm just going to tell him the truth," Sally says, when Rosie asks her if she has a plan. "Oh, I get it," Rosie says, "You're going to give Dad the ‘I did it for the family' stuff? Like he's gonna believe that! It'll guarantee he's out of here!" "I can't tell any more lies," Sally says. "Oh, shut up, Mum!" Then Rosie looks a little more sympathetic. "Of course you can," she says, "You just have to deny everything. If Ian has told Dad, just say ‘he's a vindictive little sod, that Ian, I knew he'd bad-mouth me.' Yeah, that's good – accusing someone else of lying. And if Dad pushes it, act all offended, like, and refuse to discuss it." "I don't know," Sally says. "What else are you going to do?" Rosie yells at her. Then Sophie walks in and wants to know what's going on. Rosie tells her that Mum and Dad are fighting again, but Sally won't tell Sophie why, and Rosie says she can't be bothered to tell her: "It's just boring adult rubbish," she says, giving Sally A Look.

Norris is still busy with the impressions in the Rovers, doing a very poor Jimmy Cagney ("Is it Vera Lynn?" Emily wonders). Norris thinks his impressions are pearls before swine.

Charlie is complaining that his knuckles are still sore from where he punched Mr Seven Shops. Shelley is sympathetic, but Betty says if he's lucky they'll have healed by the time the police want to come and see him. She's amused to relate that she heard Dev and Sunita say they were contacting the police. Charlie's quite relaxed about it – he tells Shelley that his "baby face" isn't going to get into any trouble.

Cilla and Les come into the pub, and Les offers to buy drinks for Fred and Audrey. Audrey asks what they've done to deserve it, and Les says that he knows they'll change their minds and come to the wedding. Fred and Audrey say there's no chance, and Norris says, "It's completely obvious what you're doing, and totally pathetic. You're out for wedding presents, and we're not as stupid as we look. Go and scrounge off somebody else." Rita and Emily congratulate Norris on a fine speech, but Cilla calls them all "rotten beggars." Les says, "I don't care what you lot think. I love this woman, and we're getting married because we love each other!" Norris tries another impression: "Who's this?" He whips off his glasses and mimics Cilla's voice, "'Ooh, you rotten beggars!" Emily and Rita find it hilarious.

Zero hilarity at the Websters,' where Sally, Rosie and Sophie are sitting tensely waiting for Kevin to return. They hear the front door open. "Go upstairs girls – please," Sally tells them, but they don't move. Kevin comes in, looks at Sally and quietly tells the girls to go upstairs. "What's going on?" Sophie asks. "UPSTAIRS!" Kevin roars. Rosie is crying, and they both leave the room. Kevin walks through to the kitchen, collecting his thoughts, and Sally stands nervous and tearful behind him. He turns back to her. "He won't come near you again," he says. "What did he say?" she asks. "What do you think he said?" "I don't know. What?" "He didn't say anything," Kevin says, but there's such a lot going on in the looks between them – he knows that she knows that he knows (I think… or I might be reading too much into Michael Le Vell's acting skills). "So it's over?" Sally says. "Yeah. It's over." She goes to him and puts her arms round his neck, sobbing with guilt and relief. But Kevin's face is still troubled.

Sue Haasler

Don't be misled, ladies and gentlemen, as Friday night's episode sometimes strays a little closer to East Enders than some might like.

We start off in the garage, where Sally has come to find Kevin. She comments on him being out early and he points out that someone has to graft now that they're down to one income. She tells him she won't be out of work for long. It's been like a weight off her shoulders, telling him what it was really like at Davenport's. "Yeah?" grunts Kevin, turning away from her to concentrate on some fascinating suspension or rack and pinion joint.

In Charlie's yard, Shelley is telling him she's worried that Dev might go to the police. He replies that it's typical of her to turn something into such a big issue. It was a minor punch-up after provocation and the police would laugh at Dev if he tried to complain about it.

In the Kabin, Rita, Norris and Emily are making admiring comments about Mel, who is standing reading one of the magazines. Due to the strange acoustics of the Kabin, we can hear every word they say, but Mel can't, even though he's standing between us and them! Though I wouldn't put it past the old fraud to be pretending he can't hear the comments about him still cutting a dash, and being very distinguished. Suddenly he starts denouncing the London literary scene. He throws the magazine roughly to the floor. "It's a conspiracy!" he says. "I blame Melvyn Bragg. The only critic I trust is German Greer (that's how he said it, I swear) and she's a party crasher!" Norris is fascinated. "Oooh, has Melvyn started writing a column for the Woman's Own, now?" he asks, looking at the magazine. (I can't believe that the man whose instincts unmasked Richard Hillman could be so taken in by Mel!) But Mr Hutchwright is not talking about Mr Bragg specifically, but about how anything published by someone else "is like a knife in the very soul of someone like me." He's getting quite worked up about it when Audrey comes in, commenting that he does get himself worked up. Mel says, in fact, he's mellowed. He coos at Audrey, asking her advice on where to get his haircut. She mentions her salon. "A ladies' salon, surely?" he asks. They make an appointment for later.

David and Bethany are in the garden. David goes to wake up Barney but he doesn't move. Gail comes out, puts her hand into the hutch and breaks the news that Barney is an ex-bunny. "Can't we give him the kiss of life or summat?" asks David. "He's cold," she says. "He's probably been dead for hours." Keith overhears and tells David: "Chin up, lad," only to have David accuse him of killing Barney. David and his Mum discuss burying Barney and Keith reminds them to make sure the grave is fox-proof, or Barney will be dug up.

In the salon, Mel comes in and coos at Audrey some more, shutting up rather abruptly when he realises that Ken is already there, all caped up. Then Norris comes in. He shrugs off the accusation that he's followed Mel, only to admit that he has, because he thinks it's the companionable thing to do, having his hair cut at the same time. Maria jokes that she can give Norris "a quick polish" from one minute past the hour to two minutes past the hour. Ken and Mel sit in resentful silence next to each other until Mel spots something in the local paper -- Ken's column, which this week is about broken pavements. He does his best to put down Ken. Then he calls over Norris to point out something. "Look, he's used disinterested to mean uninterested, when any slackjawed fool knows it means impartial! Heh heh heh heh . . ." The two cackle together.

Sally is back at the garage, bearing lunch. Kevin apparently changed his mind about coming home for dinner. She thinks something's wrong. Kev puts down his spanner and tells her: "I've been putting summat off -- summat I want to ask you." He then asks her what really happened when Ian made a move on her. Sally says she turned him down. She didn't tell anyone, because she didn't want to let anyone down. Kevin says Ian told him different. "He said you said 'yeah'." Of course Ian would say that, because he's a really nasty piece of work, Sally says. Kevin says he believes Ian. "If that's what you think, I have nothing more to say to you!" she says, rushing away.

In the pub, his fan club asks Mel how much he wrote today. He says he's been typing so hard it's a wonder his fingers aren't dripping blood. But the work wasn't perfect, so he's ripped it up! Ken is less than impressed. So Mel pokes some more fun at Ken's grammar.

At the Websters', Sally is showing Sophie how to make bread. What? Sally's sense of upward mobility and no breadmaker? Kevin comes in and orders Sophie upstairs, despite her having flour all over her hands. "Not another argument," she pleads on her way out. Once the door is closed, Kevin sneers at Sally playing the perfect mother. "I should tell them what you're really like," he says. She replies calmly that she's waiting for her apology. But Kevin won't listen. He says he believes Ian, because he also believed Tommy when he accused Sally of having an affair with Martin. "I got the signs right, but the wrong bloke!" Sally asks what signs and says she was coming home late, bringing back little presents, being nice. He can't see his youngest daughter in tears on the stairs as she listens to this. "I must be the most stupidest man in the world and you make me feel like that!" he shouts. "You lying, cheating . . ." He opens the living room door mid-shout and we hear Sophie scarper up the stairs.

In the pub, Mel thanks Audrey for his haircut. "It's so well cut, you'd hardly know I'd had anything done," he coos. LOL. Just like all of Audrey's do's. He invites Audrey out for dinner, but she has a rabbit's wake to go to. The junior Baldwins are sitting with Dev and Sunita when Warren and Candice come in. Candice apparently has a new job which makes her the future of "meter-ology". She's wearing a colourful, very strangely shaped, plunge-neck top which must have needed large amounts of double-sided tape to stay in place. Danny wonders what kind of new job means she's got wet hair. Candice says it's on a subscriber-only channel, she thinks. "Do you wear clothes?" asks Frankie. Candice assures her that she does. Sunita looks at Dev, who is obviously concentrating on trying to spot the double-sided tape, and knocks his elbow off the table. Which is a very dangerous thing to do. The poor man could have bitten his tongue off! Dev goes to the bar and Shelley insists on serving him. Sunita, sensing trouble, joins him. Shelley is saying that she doesn't think there's any need to go to the police over what happened, when Charlie comes in and catches her. The two women only just keep their men apart, but Charlie rounds on Shelley. She has pushed him through to the lobby behind the bar and he accuses her of crawling to Dev. "I stick up for you and this is how you repay me?" he says. "You never do anything right!"

The wake has started at Gail's. David comes in from the back yard accusing all and sundry of bodysnatching poor Barney. He's gone.

In the Webster household, Kevin comments on how cool Sally is. She says she isn't taking his accusations seriously. She's staying cool because she's a loyal wife. "What's cool about banging the boss?" he shouts, grabbing her by the arms. She demands to be let go. "I don't want to," he replies. "I want to smash you through that wall! How could you do this to me, Sal?" He grabs her jaw in one hand. "Look me in the eye and tell me nothing's happened! I know you've been sleeping with that slimeball! Admit it!" We hear the sound of running feet and their daughters are there, defending their mother. Sally goes to stand with them as they tell their Dad she wouldn't have an affair. Kevin slams the door on the way out.

Emily is on the floor, crawling about the legs of her dining suite. She tells Mel and Norris that she's lost the figurine which always sits on the mantlepiece. Mel admits that while he was still in a temper, just after he ripped up his work, he accidentally broke it. "I hope it was not of great sentimental value." "No," she says, "but it was of considerable value in monetary terms -- it was worth at least two hundred pounds." Mel looks very contrite and promises to repay her before he leaves.

The female Websters are sitting having their tea when Kevin returns. Sophie asks him if he's going away, because she likes them all living together. He says he and Sally got back together to keep the family together and he doesn't want to get divorced again. "We've got problems, but we're going to sort them out, don't worry."

At Gail's, they're all coming up with different theories about where Barney might have got to. The doorbell goes. It's Keith. He's come on solemn business, he says. "I could see the boy were grieving." He knows David needs a fitting memorial to his pet, so (tah dahhhhhhh, he unveils what he's carrying) he's had Barney stuffed and mounted! Keith says he was going to put Barney in an action pose, and he knows David enjoyed playing football with Barney, but he couldn't find a football an appropriate size! So he's stuck to the traditional pose, which is quicker to do. "And this has a quiet dignity about it." Gail says: "I honestly don't know what to say, Keith." David: "You've stuffed Barney!" "I have mounted him," Keith corrects. Scooter snorts. "I don't think I want to know about that," says Audrey. Keith hands Barney to David. Scooter is very impressed. "That's awesome!" Keith leaves and most of poor David's family bursts out laughing.

At the Websters', Kevin is calmer and Sally comments on it. "This is not over," he says. "It's not fixed." He doesn't see how they can work through this issue if Sally won't admit the truth. "I know what's happened, and you lying about it makes it worse."

The End.

Margaret Carr

We open in an empty Webster household. Well it's devoid of Kevin anyway, much to Sally's concern

Candice is walking up the street with Maria, prepared for her first day at work. She says she considered letting Maria do her hair, but then remembered there are professionals who could do it better for her. Maria is less than amused

Danny is asking Jamie why he is doing a delivery on a Sunday. Jamie makes an excuse about the roads being quieter. Danny believes Jamie has found another romance but Jamie ignores him and drives off.

There's a typical family scene of the Webster household, save for the absence of Kevin. Sophie is setting about annoying Rosie and her boyfriend and proceeds to inform Craig that Kevin said he looks gay! When Sally doesn't leap to her defence, Rosie says she hates it at her house. "At least you don't have parents going on at you or an annoying sister" he comments, somewhat tactlessly. Craig is infuriated, saying he'd love to have those things. Slow on the uptake, Rosie clicks at last what she has said and apologises but to no avail. She finds herself dumped! Sophie finds this hysterical!

Jamie is looking for a lady named Carol in a bar. The barman points her out and Jamie walks tentatively over. He asks her if she recognises him. "hello mum."

Tyrone and Maria are shopping and Maria has her heart set on several items. Tyrone suddenly gawps at a live model in a bikini in a shop window. They watch as she goes away and a new model comes out, holding an umbrella....that person is Candice! Seeing them, she isn't concentrating on her umbrella and doesn't open it in time to avoid a soaking!

Rita sees Rosie is upset and Rosie tells her she's been dumped and Kevin and Sally are arguing. Rita is concerned by this but Rosie doesn't tell her the true nature of their falling out

Jamie and Carol are sitting together, Carol is in shock. It emerges that they haven't seen each other in fourteen years! He tells her he's sorry he went to live with dad but he presumed she'd come and see him. She tells him that she couldn't live with just snatched hours.They soon decide to get to know each other

Maria and Tyrone humiliate Candice in the pub by joking about her and exposing the true nature of her glamorous job., She flees the scene sobbing her heart out! Audrey follows her and Candice wails she'll always be a nobody. Audrey offers her her job at the salon back.

Rosie finds Kevin and tries to tell him about her heartbreak with Craig but his mind is elsewhere. She assures him Sally would never cheat with Ian

Carol gives Jamie her address and warns him not to trust Danny.. Jamie tells her he'll be in touch and Carol lets out a sob. Meanwhile, his dad that he shouldn't trust is locking lips with his bored girlfriend Leanne! But as he moves in for a bit more of an intimate kiss, Leanne makes a hasty retreat! (I never knew she had it in her!)

There's a dramatic scene in The Kabin to end the episode as Rita confronts Sally about what Rosie says. Rita tells Sally she has really changed and Sally flies off the handle and tells Rita that she knows that she thinks she takes advantage of her but she won't be coming to her ever again! Even if she is about to lose her family!

Duncan Lindsay

Hi everyone, here is the first episode from Monday, 16th May.

We open in the Baldwin household, where Danny is asking Jamie what took him so long to get to Birmingham and back. He eventually surmises that Jamie must have ‘a woman' down there, (well, he has, in a way!) but Danny obviously assumes it's a ‘little Brummie girlfriend." Jamie denies it, and Frankie asks why he would want another girlfriend when he's going out with Leanne. Danny says because he thinks he can get away with it. Frankie tells Jamie that if it's true, and Leanne finds out, she'll kill him. Danny says they're not going to tell her, are they? Jamie continues to deny that there is anybody in Birmingham, and he was late because the traffic was bad.

As he and Danny step outside the front door on their way to the factory, they meet Leanne. She asks, rather frostily, how his trip to Birmingham was, and Danny interrupts and tells her the traffic was bad. Jamie tells her it's good she didn't come, she would have been bored, sitting for hours in a traffic jam. He tells he'll pop into the café later, and she says he should, but she should mention that she's not actually working today, and Vera will sort him out. "See ya!" she sniffs, and struts off down the street.

Norris is in the corner shop talking to Sunita about Mel Hutchwright and buying several packets of biscuits to keep the great man happy. At that moment Diggory comes in, dressed in white cap and overall, looking like the pie-man from the nursery rhymes and giving out rock cakes. He tells them that today is the day all the fresh bread lovers have been waiting for, cracks some very unfunny jokes and roars with laughter. Dev comes in and is decidedly not amused by the fact that Diggory is opening so close to his shop, as he sells a lot of bread and would like to keep it that way. Norris asks if he sells biscuits, and on hearing that he does, then tells Sunita he won't bother with the biscuits he has put in the basket, he'll just take the coffee and sugar. Dev is annoyed and tells Diggory he can't come round soliciting his customers. Diggory leaves, murmuring loudly in Norris's ear, "Round the corner, fifty yards down on the left!"

Kevin and Sally are sitting at the table over a pot of tea. Kevin wants to know why she looked so miserable when she came back from seeing Rita, is it because she's not seeing Ian any more? The girls then appear in the doorway, asking for lifts to school because Sally has nothing else to do all day. Sally tells them to go and wait by the car. When they're gone she tells Kevin she not miserable because she's not seeing Ian any more, it's because he doesn't believe her when she tells him.

Mike is on the phone to Danny, telling him he has to go to Penny's to check the house hasn't burnt down, but may be in later. Danny tells him to take the whole day if he likes.

Danny turns around and sees Jamie with his phone to his ear. He assumes Jamie is trying to ring Leanne but she's not answering. He tells Jamie to switch his phone off and get his mind on his job, not his girlfriends. Jamie puts his phone down and goes out.

Jason is asking Charlie what happened with a job he had last week, and assumes the lady's husband came back which is why Charlie is in a strop. Diggory arrives with a tray of cakes, and tells them to put their laughing gear round one of those. He tells them to spread the word, and then says he must get back, he's got a bun in the oven! He then roars with laughter as they look at him straight-faced.

Danny has obviously retrieved Leanne's number from Jamie's phone, and gives her a call. She asks him if Jamie is seeing someone else, and he says, "What can I say?" she takes that as a yes, and when he asks if she's still going out with Jamie she says no. So they agree to meet, he says he'll go round to her flat at 2pm.

Fred meets Audrey in the street, and she tells him she's being taken out to lunch by Mel Hutchwright. "You know what they say about writers," he tells her, "he'll remember every word you say, put it in a book and make you look daft!"

Justine arrives and knocks on Sally's door. When Sally opens it, she tells her she thinks they need to talk, so Sally invites her in. Kevin, working outside the garage, sees it all from across the road.

Norris opens the front door to Audrey. "He's been non-stop all morning," he tells her, as they hear the sounds of typing coming from Mel's room. "He'll be ready for his lunch then," says Audrey, but Norris doesn't think they should disturb him. "How's he going to know I'm here?" she asks, but Norris says that this is a man clearly in the throws of a creative passion. Just then the typing stops and Mel sticks his head round the door. He looks dazed, "Where am I?" he asks. "He's sometimes like this", Norris whispers to Audrey. "I'm here!" he says. "You are," says Norris. "And it's now!" says Mel, "It is," says Norris. "And it's Audrey!" says Mel. He then remembers that they are having lunch, and as he puts his jacket he looks seductively at Audrey, "Now, I want you to tell me all about yourself," he murmurs, and they go off out of the door.

Justine is giving Sally a right dressing down. "To think", she fumes, "I relied on you, trusted you, told you everything I was thinking and feeling about my marriage." She assumes Sally has left Davenports because Kevin has found out what was going on. "So it was you and him all the time, was it?" she asks, and tells Sally there is no point in her carrying on lying. Just then Kevin comes in the front door. "Hey, hey, what's all this?" he says, and Justine tells him she thinks she's the last to find out what has been going on between his wife and her husband, which is why he knocked Ian about. Kevin looks at Sally, and then tells Justine, "Do you think I would be stood here if what you are thinking is true. I fell out with Ian because of the way he sacked Sally." Justine says that Sally told her she left. Kevin tells her that Ian made it so that Sally had to leave, and nothing was going on between them, and he would thank her not to come round there making accusations like that. Justine says that if that is what he is saying then she has to accept it. "Yeah, you do," says Kevin. He looks at Sally who gives him a little half smile and looks relieved.

Mike and Penny have returned to the flat after fetching some things from Penny's house, when they hear noises coming from the living room. Creeping round the door they discover Adam, he's left school, told them he's not going back. "Is it okay if I live here with you?" he asks.

Mel and Audrey are enjoying their lunch. He tells her he doesn't want fame and fortune, all he wants is to communicate with his readers. He toils for months and years, only to find his work is met with cynicism and derision. He tells her he so values her support. Audrey giggles, "I haven't done anything," she tells him. "You're buying me lunch," he says, (although I'm sure Audrey thought that lunch was on him!) He leans across the table, "I really must think of some way to repay you," he murmurs, and Audrey sips her drink, smiling coyly.

"You do realise I didn't expect this to happen," Mike tells Penny, and he's sure that when she said she'd move in with him she didn't expect a hulking youth to be lounging around. Adam comes in with coffees for all. Mike asks him what his plans are for his life, and Adam tells him he'd like to work for him at the factory and learn the business. "And live where?" Mike asks him. "Here – is that a problem?" says Adam.

Sally goes into the Rovers and finds Kevin at the bar. She wants to thank him for the way he stood up for her. He says she had no right coming in and shouting the odds, who does she think she is? Sally tells him that Justine thinks she is woman who betrayed her. "Well, we've got to stick together haven't we," says Kevin, "support one another." "You certainly supported me, Kev," says Sally, "I won't forget it."

Over at a table, Hayley is moaning to Janice and Fizz, saying that in the evenings all Roy wants to do is surf the net. "What's he after, porn?" asks Janice. Hayley nearly chokes on her drink and tells her of course not, (this is Roy we're talking about after all!) and there's more to the internet than porn. "News to me," comments Janice. "What's he after then?" asks Fizz. "Well, I don't know, he puts the screen saver on any time I go near," says Hayley. Fizz and Janice just mouth PORN to each other, silently.

Jamie and Leanne are sitting at a table, and he tells her again that the reason he was in Birmingham was not because he was seeing another girl. She tells him he can keep saying it, but she's not going to believe him. Then he tells her, "I was seeing my mum, my real mum, and if you don't believe me you can come back next week and see for yourself." Leanne looks suitably chastened.

Audrey and Mel are still in the restaurant, he orders another brandy, and she asks for the bill. He then tells her that to repay her, he'll put her late husband in his book, Alf shall be his hero. "He used to be mine," muses Audrey. "What was his profession?" queries Mel, but looks somewhat less than delighted when Audrey tells him that Alf was a grocer. She asks him if he's ever been married, and he concedes that there have been one or two ladies, but the life of a writer is one of solitude and self denial. When the waitress brings his brandy he clasps her hand a little too long, and then asks for a cigar.

Jason and Charlie are just getting out of their truck, when a well built man comes around the corner. "Are you called Charlie?" he wants to know, and asks if he did a job on Broomshaw Road. Charlie says he did, whereupon the man punches him and knocks him down, and has to be pulled off by Jason. "I guess that was the husband then," says Jason, "not happy with the job you done!"

Jamie is still talking to Leanne, saying he doesn't want his dad and Frankie to find out he's seen his mum. Leanne says there's something she has to do, and asks him to wait for her, while she rushes out.

Diggory now comes into the Rovers, giving out flyers for his new shop. Fred sees him and is not happy. "Don't be mean, Fred," says Janice, and Diggory offers him a rock cake. "I don't want a rock cake," roars Fred, and tells Diggory he'll make an exception today, but doesn't want to see any of it in future. Diggory tells the ladies he'll have to get back, he's got a bun in the oven, and roars with laughter, again, at his joke.

Leanne arrives at Danny's office, and tells Danny not to come round at 2 o'clock, she's changed her mind.

Mel and Audrey are in the pub, by which time Mel has obviously had a lot to drink. He suggests they go back to where he's staying, but Audrey tells him that it happens to be the home of a very good friend of hers. "Do you want her to join us?" asks Mel. (The mind boggles!!) He then suggests the salon, "Does it have any facilities?" he enquires. Audrey tells him it does if you want a perm. He then wonders about the pub, it is an inn after all. Fred stands glowering behind the bar.

Charlie, obviously in a very bad mood and now sporting the beginnings of a black eye, is walking along with Jason. They pass Dev, who takes one looks and chuckles. "What's amusing him?" asks Charlie, and Jason tells him it'll be the same thing that amuses a lot of people.

In the Rovers, Shelley is aghast when Charlie walks in and she sees his face. "What happened?" she cries, rushing over to him. "Who's done that?" asks Fred, and Charlie asks them who they think it was? Who said he'd get his own back and has already tried it on once? Jason opens his mouth to speak, but shuts it again, as Charlie says it was their friendly local shopkeeper who did this, or at least got someone else to do it for him.

More in part 2

Annie Logan

Monday's 2nd part

At the Rovers Charlie is telling everyone about the bloke that came up to him and hit him. Shelly asks why, he says the guy said this was from Dev. Fred hopes it's the end of this. Betty asks Jason if he would remember the guy. He says maybe then no. Charlie sends him back to the yard. Shelly says, "Wait till Sunita hears about this" Charlie give's a look and Shelly starts protesting Sunita's innocents, saying she was not involved and would never do any thing like that.

Corner shop and Diggory has come back in. He says it's to pass the time of day and admire the view, looking at Sunita. Dev tells him to get out. He's trying to get Blanch to buy his loafs. She asks him if he has a loaf this big and at 57p. He says size is not everything. Then says chemicals are in that loaf. Blanch does not like the sound of that. He convinces her to get his loaf instead by saying he has special loafs at bargain prices. Dev in furious and tells him he is bared. Diggory just laughs.

Rosie has came back from school. She wants to know if her mum and dad are getting a divorce. Sally says no. Rosie says if she told the truth and dad left she would of left with him. She then says that she lied to her dad as well saying her mum did not have an affair because Jemma would have said. She did it for her dad and sister when Sally says she didn't have to do that for her. Sally promises she will never do any thing like this again.

Vera is in the bakery. Diggory is selling her a cake. Roy comes in looking for her. Diggory asks him to wish him good luck with his new business adventure. Roy does. Blanch is there too. Vera and Blanch look out the window and see Mel and Audrey having a laugh. Mel has taken off his tie and is putting it around Audrey. Blanch thinks if he has time to do that, then he has time to come to the book club. Blanch decides she better go out or the pair will be at it within the hour.

Adam comes in the pub and sees his granddad Ken. Followed by Penny and Mike. Danny laughs saying, "those posh schools give's the kids to many holidays". Adam says he's not on holiday, he's been expelled. Then says he has a thing with the headmaster's daughter, he dumped her, then she bobbed him in. He was thinking of leaving any way. Ken asks what he's going to do now. Mike says working in the factory and Danny is going to teach him.

Rita has come round to see Sally; she is apologizing for yesterday. Sally says it's her who should be doing that. Sally is tearful. Rita says she was right and she values their friendship because she has no family. Sally thinks, that was a nasty thing she said. Then says she's selfish and should not of done it. Rita asks what, but she says she was doing it for herself although she said it was for the family. Sally says its just work. Rita cheers her up by saying she has a good husband, and two kids that are a credit to her. Sally smiles a bit.

Mel is taking all the biscuits Roy has out on the counter at the Cafe. Fred says there's other people here as well. Audrey tells them not to fight. Fred asks her how dinner was, she says it was very satisfying. Mel says it was good companionship. Fred warns Mel saying he better have nothing but the best intentions for Audrey. Everyone is here for the book club meeting. Mel decides to read a passage from hard grinding. Blanch has a go at Ken when he starts moaning.

Pub again. Leanne looks over at Danny, then tells Jamie they will sit on their own. Frankie and Danny are talking about Adam. He's not amused. Frankie tells him to give the boy a chance. She points out he went to a private school and should know lots. Danny says anyone can go if they pay. He says he will say one more thing on that matter. That is Adam will not last 5 minutes because he will have him running around, fetching and carrying. Even doing the buttery run and washing cars. Then says, "if that don't scare him, Janice will"

Norris is cleaning. He hears Mel typing away. Then the sound changes. He looks puzzled and goes though to have a look. Mel wakes up in his chair and sees his tape recording has got caught and the tape is wrapping round. He sees Norris. Norris is shocked and says, "it's a tape. All that typing" Penny gives Mike a drink, he says he's lucky. She thinks it's because he has someone to run after him. Mike says feelings and that are not his style when Penny says she would like to hear how he feels about her. Adam comes through as they are sharing a kiss. He says sorry and goes back through.

Norris is saying Mel lied to him. Mel says no. Norris then asks him if he has written any of the Canary. Mel tells him it's all in his head. Mel gets his way out of this by saying it's the publishers and didn't want to hurt his feelings. Norris thought they were friends, Mel puts his arm round him saying they are. Norris then asks why he didn't come to him for help. Norris then tells him it must be stressing. Mel says he's going to publish the book himself and has some saving but not enough. Norris says he has to write his vision. Audrey's at the door, saying Mel forgot his tie. She thinks Mel looks flush. He tells her the story that he wants to publish his own book. She says that coats a lot of money.

Jamie and Leanne are in the pub. She asks him when he's going to see his mum again and if he will tell Frankie and Danny. He does not know and does not like to keep this a secret form Danny and Frankie. Shelly is hugging Charlie as Dev and Sunita come in. Shelly thinks this is wrong and says she does not know how they can just stand there pretending nothing has happened. They don't know what she's on about and decide to leave. Shelly says they are cowards and running away like always. She shows them Charlie's face. She says that Dev got someone to hit Charlie. Shelly says she's changed because of Dev. Sunita says Charlie has stopped her seeing her mum and taken away all her friends. Sunita says she defended her when people called her thick, but she must be thick if she believe Charlie. Shelly runs over to her and starts hitting her. She is pulled off and Charlie puts his hand round her.

Amanda Souter

Written by: Chris Parker
Directed by: Neil Alderton

In which Mike causes confusion, Betty jumps to conclusions, and Norris thwarts crimes both real and imaginary.

Dev and Sunita are opening up the corner shop, and talking about the way Shelley accused Sunita of being too scared to stand up to Dev when she (allegedly) knew he was going to attack Charlie. "Doesn't she know she's talking about herself?" Sunita says. Sunita is very upset that Charlie has come between her and her best mate – she always wanted a friend like Shelley, she says. Dev tells her she's *his* best friend, and she can always rely on him, but she doesn't seem much comforted by that.

Charlie, Shelley and Betty are sitting at the table in the Rovers back room, and there's a Bit of an Atmosphere. Fred comes in and says he hopes the lessons of the previous night have sunk in. He sends Betty to make another pot of tea, so he can read the riot act to Shelley, for behaving like "a washhouse trollop, on top of all the squabbles, and the after-hours carryings-on, and all that business with Beverley." "Let's leave out the sins of the mother, shall we?" Charlie says. Shelley starts to apologise to Fred, but Charlie is intent on keeping things going and starts going on about how Shelley was provoked by Sunita. He implies that Fred is more sympathetic to Dev because Dev's an old friend of his, and Fred agrees that Dev is a trusted friend and a respected member of the community. Charlie changes tack and reminds Fred that he does a lot of work for him for free, but Fred says it's nowt he can't replace – and that goes for Shelley, too: "You live here at my discretion, and if that discretion says to me that I'm better off rid, then you'll both end up on t'street. Do I make myself perfectly clear?" Shelley looks more than usually sheepish, and says, "Yes, Fred." Fred goes out, and Charlie tells Shelley, "Dev's got it coming – I swear to you." Betty comes out of the kitchen with the tea. "We've heard enough threats round here to be going on with, thank you," she tells him.

At Underworld, Danny isn't pleased to see that Mike is already installing Adam in the office. He doesn't look very excited by Mike's invitation to a family meal in the evening, either, but Mike says he's already invited Frankie and it's a done deal. Sean and Janice are teasing Hayley about what Roy has been using the Internet for. Fiz, Kelly and the twins join in, asking if Roy has a web cam. Hayley says there's nothing dirty about a web cam. Sean, Janice and Kelly then turn their attention to admiring the younger members of the Baldwin dynasty. Janice thinks Adam is a "looker," Sean says he has "cheekbones," but Kelly (as we know) prefers Danny. "We're spoiled for choice now," Fiz comments, "After all them years with Uncle Fester." Danny comes out of the office and tells them to get on with some work. Janice says she needs time off in the afternoon because she has a doctor's appointment, but he says no-one's allowed any time off unless they give him a day's notice

At Emily's, Mel is sitting enjoying a cigar, but when Norris comes in Mel tells him the black dog of depression is settling on him, and a nip of malt whisky might help. Norris doesn't think there's any whisky in the house, but Emily might have some tonic wine. "It doesn't matter," Mel sighs, "The gloom that afflicts me will yield to neither grape nor grain." Norris gives him a pep talk, telling him that several years earlier his own life was looking very gloomy until Rita offered him the lifeline of a job at the Kabin. He says he'd love to help Mel in a similar way. Mel says that the only thing he really needs is financial assistance to help him self-publish his book. Norris doesn't quite catch that this is a direct request for money, and is just pleased that Mel is actually talking about producing a book. "That's the spirit!" he tells him, going out to prepare a snack. Mel rolls his eyes and relights his cigar.

In the Rovers bar, Betty is telling Ciaran that she doesn't trust Charlie, and thinks he was getting a kick over Shelley and Sunita fighting. She wonders why Shelley will always stick up for Charlie rather than herself. Shelley has come in behind them, realises they're talking about her and challenges them to say it to her face. Ciaran tells her that he doesn't think Dev is the sort of person who would pay someone else to hit Charlie, and Betty asks Shelley if she's sure that Dev did it. Shelley is furious, and warns them that "if you want to slag off my partner, I'll give you your cards and you can do it in another pub!"

At Roy's Rolls, Roy is behaving strangely (yes, even more strangely than usual), hiding from Hayley a large brown envelope he's been looking at. He tells her it's something very mundane, and shoves it down the front of his apron. Diggory comes in and offers to supply all the bread to the café, but Roy says he already has a regular supplier. While this is going on, Hayley is still asking about the envelope, but Roy says there's such a thing as privacy, and buttons his cardigan over the apron. Diggory offers him a twenty percent discount on the first order, and Hayley says "And that's your last word on the matter?" "Yes," says Roy, to Hayley – but Diggory takes it as an acceptance of his offer and goes out pleased that he's struck a deal.

In the Kabin, Rita and Audrey are discussing the "animal magnetism" of Mel. "Bit long in the tooth for schoolgirl swooning," Norris says to Audrey. "He's seeking inspiration, not trawling the cobbles for a concubine." He says Mel's getting all the creative support he needs from him. Audrey says that from what she's heard from Mel, the support he's after is financial rather than creative, and she'd chip in herself if she thought it would help. "I think you're mistaking this man of letters for some sort of gigolo!" Norris protests. Rita thinks Mel must have his own money, as he once wrote a best-seller. "That was years ago. You don't catch John Grisham trimming his shirt cuffs with nail scissors," Audrey says. Norris says that if all the members of the book group pitched in, maybe there'd be enough to help Mel out. "But let's not use words like ‘help'" he says, "He's a very proud man, is Mel."

Charlie is at the Rovers, and Jason rings him, teasing him about the goings-on at the Rovers the previous night. Betty overhears Charlie say, "If Dev comes near me today he'll see what he gets. I'll kill him. Just bring me the flaming gun, alright?" Betty is shocked. "Oh no!" she whispers to herself. What she didn't hear was that the gun he needs is a perfectly innocent sealant gun...

At Roy's Rolls, Frankie is puzzled and irritated by a phone call from Danny about going out with Mike and Penny for dinner that evening. "Mike never left a message for me about tonight, did he?" she asks Roy and Hayley. They say no. "Yeah, that's what I thought, but my darling husband swears I'm the one who's forgot," she grumbles. While Roy is busy filling the napkin dispensers, Hayley takes the opportunity to ask Frankie if she thinks Roy's been acting strangely recently, and starts going on about men having "desires and urges" that their wives can't always fulfill. "Speak for yourself," Frankie says. "They're not like us, that's what I'm saying," Hayley says. "Well, you're more like ‘em than most, darling," Frankie replies. Hayley says she knows about secret lives because she's lived one, but she always relied on her and Roy having no secrets. She asks if Frankie knows what's in the brown envelope. "Something about the Bay of Naples," Frankie says, which is sweet music to Hayley's ears as she starts mentally shopping for comfy walking shoes.

Betty comes into the Kabin in a bit of a state. "I just heard that Charlie Stubbs on the phone, and I think he's trying to get a gun!" she tells Rita and Norris. Norris is immediately in "Neighbourhood Watch Co-ordinator" mode, and says he has the ear of the local constabulary – but first they need to warn Dev. "What if I'm wrong?" Betty says. "And what if you're right, and you do nothing?" reasons Norris, and rushes off.

At a posh restaurant, Mike Penny, Adam and Danny are already seated when Frankie rushes in, apologising for still being in her jeans, because they must have got crossed wires about Mike supposedly mentioning the meal to her earlier in the day. Mike says the meal is just to welcome Adam into the family fold, and Adam quips that whatever happens, there'll always be a job for Mike at Underworld. "If the day ever comes, shoot me," Mike says. Danny tells them that he learned how to cope in business by being thrown in at the deep end in a factory full of women. If he hadn't learned how to deal with them he wouldn't have survived, and he says that there's only so much Adam can learn by watching.

Norris is in a call box making a 999 call to the police. He goes home to tell Mel to stay indoors until the police have dealt with the situation, and finds Mel with his hat and coat on, and bags packed. Mel says he's partly leaving for Audrey's sake: "I cannot allow her to be drawn, moth-like, to the flame of ruined promise." He's doing a big dramatic number about being allowed to slip away with dignity, "like Eskimos lash themselves to icebergs," but perks up remarkably when Norris tells him that the book group may be able to finance his book being published. Norris goes to ring the other members of Neighbourhood Watch (Blanche being first on the list) about Charlie's apparently homicidal tendencies. Meanwhile Mel carries some of his bags into Emily's front room – and from a Freshco's carrier bag he removes a pair of Emily's antique figurines, and replaces them on the shelf, laughing wheezily. "I've just foiled a crime!" Norris is telling Blanche on the phone, little realising that he has indeed done just that, in his own home.

At the restaurant, Danny is still going on about Adam needing more hands-on experience, but that Underworld is too small an operation for him to get it by working there. Penny offers to employ Adam as a trainee manager, 3 days a week. Adam and Mike agree, and Danny is pleased to have offloaded Adam.

Dev and Sunita are locking up the shop, and notice a police car stop at the Rovers.

Two police officers go into the pub, and tell Charlie they have reason to believe he has a firearm on the premises, following a report from a member of the public. Dev and Sunita have just come in behind them, and Charlie looks at Dev: "Oh, I get it," he murmurs, "You lying piece of scum." He lunges at Dev, but is grabbed by the two police officers, who arrest him on suspicion of holding an illegal firearm. They bundle him out, and Shelley comes in at that moment and goes after them, shrieking that he hasn't done anything wrong. Charlie is driven away.

Sue Haasler

It's Friday night and there's a gun on the table in the back of the Rovers -- a caulking gun. Charlie and Shelley are waiting for Betty. When she enters the room, Charlie asks her if she knows what the thing is. "Is it something to do with tiling?" she asks. Charlie explains in a careful and patient voice just what it's used for and that anyone who is a builder or a plumber or even just someone who is into DIY will have one. "And do you know what it's called, Betty?" She doesn't. "A GUN!!!!" he shouts in her face, making her start. He tells her that you can't kill anyone with it. About all you could do with it is seal up someone's mouth. Betty apologises, saying you hear all sorts of things on the news, so when she heard Charlie talking about a gun, she jumped to conclusions, especially after Charlie and Dev had their argument. Shelley asks if she really thinks Charlie would be the sort of person to settle his arguments with a gun. Betty admits she wouldn't and admits that they are friends. But Charlie has spent four hours in police custody. "You don't grass your friends up to the police," she is told. But Betty says she didn't, though she admits she told Rita and Norris. "Norris!" say Shelley and Charlie together. "That's nice," says Charlie. "It's not just some batty old barmaid with a big mouth. It's half the flaming street!"

At Mike's, they're discussing the pending sale of Penny's house. She's thinking about using the money to buy somewhere in Spain and, surprise, surprise, Mike knows just the place. He proposes a family holiday at his villa and offers to pay Adam's fare, but Adam doesn't want to go. "Dad, when I said I wanted to make my own way in the business, I meant it. I can't just go swanning off on free holidays whenever I like."

In the back of the Rovers, Shelley asks Charlie if he wants her to get rid of Betty. He points out that he's unpopular enough without being blamed for Betty losing her job. "Somewhere along the way I've become the bad guy," he says. "Not so long ago I was pulling people out of burning buildings. Hero to zero in six months, Shell. How did that happen?"

In the cafe, Dev, Fred and Roy are holding a summit. Dev says he's not worried about Charlie Stubbs, though Fred thinks he should be after yesterday's fiasco. But they agree they should be worried about Diggory Compton. Fred claims to be as worried about Diggory as the next man. "Has he halved your bread sales?" asks Dev. "Has he made constant, ill-disguised passes at your wife?" Fred admits not, pausing to compliment Roy on his toast before returning to the subject of Diggory. "I'VE NO RESPECT FOR A MAN WHO IS MORE INTERESTED IN THE VOLUME OF HIS VOICE THAN THE WORDS HE UTTERS!" he pronounces at full strength. Roy points out that Diggory has reopened a shop that was empty for a long time. But Dev thinks the man has used his position as president of the Weatherfield Traders to further his own interests. If the small traders don't co-operate, the big supermarkets will pick them off one by one. Smacking his lips, he asks Roy where he gets his bread. "Well . . . I . . ." begins Roy, and the penny drops for Fred and Dev. "You is a quisling!" Cropper, says Dev (odd grammar, but that's what he said). "You's a traitor and a quisling!" And Dev walks out. "That's a small business, too," Roy mutters defensively.

At his yard, Charlie asks Jason to get something engraved for him. "I know! A headstone!" jokes Jason, but the joke goes down badly. Dev approaches and says "I am only going to say this once. I am not responsible for you getting beaten up and I am not responsible for Norris's over-active imagination. Got it?" Charlie tells him that if Dev stays out of his way, he'll stay out of Dev's.

In the Kabin, Norris is being his usual slithering, oleaginous self with Mel, talking about how fulfilling it is to live in a creative hothouse with such an author. "It stimulates the imagination, Rita," he says. "As Charlie Stubbs found out yesterday," she points out. But Norris isn't talking about that -- he's found the inspiration to return to his novel and has finished three pages! It's a thriller set in a stationery shop. Mel admits this sounds different. But he is no less oily than Norris and manages to slip around paying the 20p for the pencil he's buying, and when Norris offers to pay for it, Mel quickly adds a packet of cigars to the order. Norris is calling an emergency general meeting of the book club to discuss financing the publication of Mel's new book. Though Mel protests that he would rather hear some of Norris's work at the meeting. "He's so self-effacing," Norris tells Rita when Mel has gone. "If it was left to him, he would never get this book published." "Or pay for a packet of cigars," Rita mutters.

Norris leaves the Kabin and heads for Roy's Rolls. From above, he hears a shout. "Hey! Norris!" He looks up and sees Charlie aiming a piece of timber at him. "Duck!" Norris trips into the cafe door protesting that it was an honest mistake. "I've got you in my sights now, Norris," calls Charlie. "I'd watch my step if I was you." And Norris fumbles helplessly trying to get the cafe door open.

Once inside, still gasping for breath, he tells Roy he's fine. "I had to negotiate an intimidatory sniper, but my mission is an important one." He wants to book the cafe for the book club meeting. Jamie and Leanne are at a table, with Jamie regretting keeping secrets from Frankie. Frankie comes over and points out that she's finished her shift and it's time for Leanne to do some work. She asks what they're talking about and Leanne says it's none of her business. Once she's gone, Leanne agrees to go with Jamie to meet his real mother.

In the pub, Deirdre is wondering if she should tell Bev about yesterday, but Ken points out that it was just a misunderstanding. Shelley is about five feet away but can't hear them. Ciaran and Betty are also talking about Charlie, but Shelley can't hear them, either. "I wish I'd been here," Ciaran is saying. "I always miss the fun." Shelley asks what they're talking about and Ciaran tells her you have to see the funny side of it. Shelley doesn't though, and he face is like thunder. Maria and Tyrone are also talking about it. We switch to seeing the room through Shelley's eyes and as she looks around, everyone is looking and pointing at her and all she can hear is mumbling and whispering. Charlie and Jason come in. Charlie has had the caulking gun mounted on a board with an engraved plaque saying "Charlie's gun". He plans to put it behind the bar. He hushes the bar to announce it. "This is my gun," he says. "And he's not afraid to use it," adds Jason. Charlie grins. "Charlie Stubbs: Licensed to fill!"

"And then he ran his elegant fingers across his slightly balding pate in a manner which many women found almost irresistible. 'There is more to paper clips than you might think,' he said rakishly." Yes, Norris is reading his novel to the book club. Mel leads the applause, describing the work as an astonishing debut. "Don't be too polite," Blanche says. "We're not her to listen to that claptrap." Here, I describe Norris's outfit, because it really was quite startling. He was wearing a burnt-orange shirt, a blue sleeveless vest/jerkin thingy, and a tie which had obviously been carefully colour-matched to the shirt. The tie seems to have a pattern of, er, cobbles! Norris addresses the assembly about financing Mel's book, though Mel hastens to add that this isn't his idea. He tells them that with a small initial investment they can make a profit from Mel's book. "How small an investment?" asks Ken. "How big a profit?" asks Fred.

In the pub, Liz comes in joins Maria and Tyrone. She is going to see Jim tomorrow. Maria asks if she misses him. Liz says she misses something, but she's not sure it's Jim. When she goes to the prison she prays for a body search, she says.

Back in the cafe, Emily is saying none of them know anything about publishing. Norris points out that if they can pay for a first print of 300 hardbacks, about £2,000, they can sell them for £10 each and make £1,000 profit. "Hold on," says Ken. "These vanity publishing schemes are notoriously bad for making money." Mel objects to the word "vanity" and prefers "self-publishing". Ken says it still means a printer printing the word with absolutely no incentive to market or sell the books. "I have no truck with vanity," says Mel. "And you only have to take a look at Ken to see he's a stranger to his bathroom mirror." He tells them that the very successful Schott's Miscellany started out as a "vanity" publication and has now sold millions. He mentions another author whose posthumously published book was very successful, but who committed suicide in despair at never being published. Though Ken does have to correct him on the name of the book. Mel gets all choked up as he tells the book group: "I may not be here to see it, but I know my Canary will sing." They take a vote and all except Ken and possibly Rita (her hand was only half up, and that might have been because she was conveying a biscuit to her mouth) agree to put in £200 each to pay for the book.

Penny comes home unexpectedly and wants to take Mike to lunch but he's going to golf. He asks if she minds Adam being there. She says it makes her feel as if they are a proper family.

In the pub, Mel offers to buy Norris a drink, but Norris spots Charlie and makes himself scarce.

Hayley and Roy are leaving the cafe. They will be stretched to contribute to Mel's book because Roy has something else in the budget that he hasn't told Hayley about. He's booked a holiday for them in October, for the 200th anniversary of the Battle of Trafalgar. Naples? No, it's not Naples. They're going to Nelson's birthplace in Norfolk. He did consider Naples, but there are more sites related to Nelson in Norfolk. "Would you have preferred Naples?" No, Hayley wouldn't. She suggests that instead of going to the pub they go for a walk and they turn and walk in the opposite direction.

In the Rovers, Liz glares at Shelley as she tells Maria she should be grateful to have such a good man. She says they are made for each other and suggests they move in together. Both think this is an excellent idea. Mel is toasting his investors but over to one side Ken and Rita are talking. "Are you sure this isn't just sour grapes?" Rita asks. But Ken thinks there is something wrong with Mel. "I am going to find out the truth about Mel Hutchwright if it's the last thing I do."

The End.

Margaret Carr

Well he's had his ten episodes...now it's time for the canary to sing his final song. It's been an eventful three weeks for Ian McKellen's character Mel Huchwright, and an entertaining three weeks for us viewers. Hasn't he been simply fantastic! And his last episode follows in those standards he set by breezing onto the Street not so long ago and fitting in like Betty's hotpot. This will definitely be one of Corrie's successes! But, I have compliments to dish out elsewhere in this episode. Jamie's mother, Carol, seems a promising new addition to the street. She's a good actress...and is bringing out Jamie into his own at last. I have a good vibe about this storyline as well!

The episode opened with Jamie and Leanne paying a visit to Carol. Leanne is unimpressed by the house and is irritated by the thought of Frankie swanning around in her designer gear. Jamie warns her not to mention Frankie in front of Carol as it is a bit of a sore spot. Carol is delighted to see them and seems over-eccentric. She invites them both in for a chicken dinner

Mel is telling Norris that he will be forever grateful for his gratitude and how he has saved him from throwing his creativity away to the B-Movie standards. Roy tells Mel he's enjoyed all of their chats, before bringing him another complimentary breakfast. Mel tells them that their gratitude will forever be burned in his heart. Norris asks if he really has to go that night and Mel tells him he has been at his breast too long and doesn't like to take advantage! He reminds Norris to write cheques out to the publisher, Lionel Hipkiss

There is an awkward atmosphere over at carol's. Carol eventually compliments Leanne's outfit so Leanne does likewise about her top. Carol says Leanne has a lovely figure and Leanne said she couldn't put on weight what with working at the cafe especially as Vera and Frankie are slackers. Carol's attitude changes at the mention of Frankie's name and she talks venomously about her. She soon calms down and goes off to fetch some wine. Jamie assures Leanne that she's doing fine

Liz is in a state after a visit to Jim in prison. Deirdre asks what happened and Liz tells her that Jim is to spend a further two years in prison after beating up a cellmate. Liz is furious and says that she has had enough of Jim as she deserves to have a life.

Leanne is struggling to cut through her chicken. Carol returns with more wine and is now at the tipsy stage of saying how gorgeous her son is (oh how we can all remember situations like that which are cringe worthy!) Carol becomes emotional about pushing him away and reminisces about how things were. Leanne seems pretty concerned by the time she and Jamie leave, but Jamie is confident it went as well as it could've

Mel is downing drinks in the pub to oil his creativity. He tells Norris and Fred that they will witness the canary's last song at the book group when he makes his speech before departing.

Across the bar, Liz informs Steve about what Jim did. Steve is less than impressed. The word 'idiot' gives this away somewhat

Over in the cafe, the book group have gathered to fund Mel's project. Norris urges everyone to write their cheques, although Blanche manages to write hers out to Lionel Blair. As Norris becomes irritable, Roy hands Mel some cash. Mel blesses him and Norris hands him all the cheques. He is deeply thankful and prepares to make a speech.

Leanne tells Jamie she is concerned about Carol but Jamie brushes off her claims. She tells him she thinks Carol may have a drink problem. Irritated, Jamie tells her she has ruined his day and he storms out.

Mel continues to read his poetic extract and he has his audience in awe. But all that changes when Ken enters...with neighbourhood watch business. Mel's smile is wiped off his face when Ken refers to him as Lionel Hipkiss!

Leanne follows Jamie out to the van where he is sitting and tells him she found a load of empty spirit bottles in Carol's kitchen. Jamie tells her that because he chose Danny, it is his fault his mum is in such a state and he'll never forgive himself for it!

Ken has exposed Lionel good and proper! He only spent a small section of his life as an author, the rest of the time he has been going around conning support off of locals like the corrie book group to fund his new book. Only there has never been a new book. Rita encourages Roy to phone the police but Lionel turns nasty saying he could paint some awful caricatures to the press and insults each member of the group. Norris, feeling stupid, ushers Lionel out of the door. Donning his coat, he leaves, crosses the cobbles and tuts to himself before heading out of the Street.

So what have we learned from this episode?

-Cuban Rebel Girls was Errol Flynn's final film
-Hard Grinding was foreplay
-A lot of punters leave Roy's cafe with heartburn
-Leanne looked uncomfortable before there was any need to
-Frankie always knew how to get a good tip
-Jamie had ninja turtles pyjamas
-Leanne's talents exceed to cutting Vienetta
-Blanche will still have her marbles in her satchel long after Norris goes ga-ga
-In Lionel's 'book' Fred Elliot has a broad chest, toned thighs and an ample arm
-These were Lionel's final insults:
Fred: Vain pub landlord
Roy: Anorak cafe owner
Audrey or Emily (I couldn't tell I think it was Audrey!): Lonely Crimper
Emily or Audrey: Chattery crone
Rita: Improperly coiffeured newsagent
Norris: and her walter mitty assistant
Ken: Village intellect and village idiot rolled into one: Billy Liar himself!

Awards

Most tested philosophy: There are few more pitiful sights than a great artist dancing for pennies in the twilight of his career" Lionel
Fib of the day: "I kept my nose clean" Liz
Understatement of the evening: "I am going to give you a recital that you won't forget" Lionel to Norris
Most repeated phrase: canary's last song
Most delightful prospect: "I'm going to shovel absolute Huchwright into your ears!" Lionel to Norris
Most pointless statement: "I'm not sure here is the right place" Liz to Steve directly before telling him in that very place
Insult of the evening: "Ah yes the nitwit in knitwear" Lionel to Ken
Blatant lie of the night: "I didn't want to tell you this" Leanne before disclosing to Jamie carol's alcohol situation

That's all from me for this week. Until next time!!

Duncan Lindsay

Written by: Jonathan Harvey
Directed by: Terry Dyddgen-Jones

In which we learn that Jamie was a very noisy baby, Vera has little experience of making Italian rustic bread, and Jim Macdonald was a man of great passion.

It’s a lovely scene of domestic bliss at Mike and Penny’s, where Penny is teasing Adam about the amount of male grooming products he possesses. "Did you know," says Penny, "That haemorrhoid cream is really good for bags under the eyes?" Mike groans: "Ugh, too much information, Alma." He doesn’t realise he’s called her Alma, and in fact tells Penny that she must be hearing things – "first sign of madness," he says, wagging his finger a her. Except Adam heard him say "Alma" too. Penny doesn’t look

Jamie is talking to Leanne about his mother’s apparent drinking problem. Leanne is being reassuring, and says that Les likes a drink too ("and the only reason he’s with Cilla is because her perfume’s 100% alcopops"). Jamie says, "I’m going to be part of her life, and I’m going to help her. She’s my mum."

Shelley comes down the stairs in the Rovers and overhears Ciaran and Fred talking in the bar, about Charlie. Fred says there’s something odd about Charlie, since it was so easy to believe that he might have a gun, and Ciaran says that Charlie gives him the creeps. "He thinks he can play me like a banjo," Fred says. "I see right through him." "Through who?" Shelley asks as she walks in. Fred improvises: "Cub Scout, came round on bob-a-job. Wanted to examine the contents of me tallboy."

Jamie and Leanne are now outside, and Jamie is telling her that he doesn’t have any happy memories of life with his mum. Leanne says he’ll just have to make some new happy memories. "You’re not just a pretty face, are you?" he says. "No, I’ve got the body of a supermodel and the brain of a boffin as well!" she grins. Jamie gets in the van and drives off, not hearing that Danny is calling him from the doorway of the factory.

Things are buzzing in the factory – I’ve never seen it looking so much like genuine work was going on. Adam asks Danny where Jamie is, because he’s meant to be on a delivery, but Danny says he doesn’t know. Mike wants to know where Janice is. "Holiday," chorus Adam and Danny. "I hope we’re not paying her," Mike says. "We’re not," Danny and Adam say in unison. Danny’s irritated by Adam, and when they hear the coffee machine’s broken, he tries to send Adam to the café to get coffee. Adam says why don’t they send Jamie when he finally shows his face. The management of Underworld is suffering from Baldwin overload.

Shelley is on the phone to Charlie (who is at work), telling him she’s sick of everyone gossiping about him. He tells her it’s Betty who’s the root of all the trouble, and uses his tried and tested tactic of putting an idea in Shelley’s mind but making her think she thought of it herself: "I hate to have to say it, Shell, but you were right all along." He’s succeeded in winding Shelley up nicely, and between clenched teeth she says, "I’ll give her a call now. Tell her to take a bit of a break." Pleased with a job well done, Charlie saunters out to see what Jason’s up to. The young apprentice is happy at the prospect of Violet returning from holiday, but Charlie proceeds to take the shine of that by suggesting Violet might have met someone while on holiday: "Hope for the best, but expect the worst," he winks.

Jamie is waiting outside his mum’s house in the van, and sees her coming home with a shopping trolley full of bags. "Just done me weekly shop," she says, and asks him to give her a hand with the bags. He’s a bit disturbed at the sound of clinking bottles that he hears when he lifts the bags.

It’s lunchtime at the Rovers, and Fred has noticed a distinct lack of Betty. Shelley tells him and Ciaran that Betty is having a few days off. They ask if Betty’s unwell, but Shelley says she’s fine, and Violet will be back later and she’s "niftier on her pins" than Betty. Fred tells Shelley she’s looking a bit peaky, and she replies that she’s never felt better in her life – but she doesn’t look it. Fred and Ciaran exchange a concerned look.

At the Duckworth’s, Jack and Vera are having lunch with Tyrone and Maria, and Vera is wondering whatever happened to Judith Chalmers: "She had a lovely life – island hopping around the Med wi’nowt but a vanity case and a couple of wraps." She tells Jack she wants to go on holiday, and Tyrone agrees that she deserves it. Jack says Vera’s corns would scare everyone off the beach, so she says she’s going next door to help Frankie make focaccia: "It’s a kind of bread," she tells Jack. After she’s gone, Tyrone tells Jack again that a holiday somewhere hot would do them good.

Carol is telling Jamie what a noisy baby he was. He’s drinking a can of beer, and she has a large bottle of gin next to her and is half-way down a glass. She tells him about a time when he was crying so much she hadn’t slept for days, so she put him in the garage in his carry-cot. A neighbour saw her do this, and offered to take him for a walk while Carol had a sleep. But the neighbour only got to the end of the road and was forced to bring him back because he was too noisy. Jamie laughs, "So that’s meant to be a happy memory, is it?" "Do you ever cry now, darling?" she asks him. He says no. "I start every day with a good cry," she says. "I missed you, Mum." "Have you? That’s nice." She gazes into her glass. "It’s sort of self-inflicted, though, isn’t it? You had a choice, you chose him." "I was *seven*," he says. She pours herself another drink. "In fact," she says, sounding drunk now, "You made me like this. Killed me, killed my soul. But you came back. You came back. I’ll drink to that. Do you want another beer?" "No, I’m alright," he says, and for a boy who says he doesn’t cry, he’s fighting back tears now. "I can’t believe you’re so quiet! What happened to you?" she wants to know. He says nothing.

Eileen and Steve are in the cab office. He’s worrying about how Jim will cope if Liz divorces him. Eileen is sure that all of his years in the army will have equipped him to put a pie in the oven and open a can of beans, and she says Steve should think about Liz’s needs. Understandably, he prefers not to dwell on what those might be! Tracy comes in, to tell Steve that Amy’s pram has a wonky wheel. Amy has done a picture which Steve admires (he’s so cute with Amy!) and puts on the wall. Tracy tells Steve she’s been trying to ring Liz all day, but Liz isn’t answering her phone. Tracy thinks she might pop round later to see how Liz is coping: "Well, I am practically her daughter-in-law, and it’s always best to keep these things in the family." Steve says that the reason Liz isn’t answering the phone is that she’s doing a first aid course at work. "First aid’s alright if you’ve cut your finger, but how do you mend a broken heart?" says Tracy. "Tracy, you should get on that Thought for the Day," Eileen says, "You’re full of them." "There’s no need to be flippant, Eileen," Tracy says, "I just care what happens to Steve’s family. Like you would if you had a fella. But you don’t, do you? Possibly because you’re a very flippant person."

Frankie and Vera are taking a batch of focaccia out of the oven. Danny comes home, and asks if anyone’s seen his layabout son today. "I’m watching the telly," Warren says. "No, the other one with the bigger hair, not the divvy one with the little brain," his father says. He’s very grumpy, especially when Vera tells him about all the things that got broken and messed up while they were baking – including the coffee machine, and Danny’s desperate for a cup of coffee. "Who rattled your cage?" Warren asks him. "Your brother and my cousin," Danny says, "Do you know how patronising that boy is, and the age of him? And Mike’s about as much use as a pogo stick in a paddling pool." And to top it all he’s been drinking green tea all day because the coffee machine at work is on the blink. Vera remarks that green tea is supposed to be calming: "It’s ying-a-lang-a-ling, is that," she says.

Danny tastes the focaccia, pronounces it disgusting, and goes out.

Where does a man in need of coffee go? To the café, of course, where the lovely Leanne is just about to close. When she hears his plea for caffeine, she lets him into the shop, and closes the door behind him, with the Closed sign on it.

Frankie, Liz and Eileen are sharing a drink and a nibble of focaccia in the Rovers. Frankie says the bread isn’t very good, but it’s Vera’s fault: "Anybody would think she’d never baked a rustic Italian loaf before." Eileen’s talking about growing old with only a hot water bottle and a Barbara Cartland for company, and says at least Frankie has someone to cuddle up to (though Frankie says her relationship with Danny is either famine or feast, and they’re currently in the middle of a prolonged famine). Liz says she misses the physical side of her relationship with Jim: "He was a man of great passion." Frankie asks if he’s good looking, and Liz describes him as "rugged, rather than good looking." Steve joins them and they have to change the subject. Eileen suggests a girls’ night out (presumably Steve isn’t included in this), and says there’s a speed-dating night on at the Weathy Arms on Friday. Liz says she’d love to do speed dating.

Leanne has made Danny a coffee. She asks him if Jamie showed up for work. Danny says no he didn’t, but he doesn’t want to talk about Jamie. He’s being all flirtatious, and says he reads palms. He takes her hand, and says it belongs to "a very sensuous person, passionate, intelligent." He makes her giggle. He tells her it’s written in the stars and it’s pointless fighting it, but she smilingly says she thinks he should have his coffee and then go. He leans towards her to kiss her, but she stands up and says she has to cash up.

"Do you think I’m a sad old man?" he says, "All wrinkles and bags and ideas above me station?" She’s wiping tables, and he puts his arms around her. She turns to face him. "And where does Jamie fit into all this, eh?" she asks him. She says Jamie is going through a really weird time, and doesn’t really deserve this. "And what about Frankie? You’re supposed to love her, you’re supposed to be making a go of it, not hopping into bed with the first woman who gets you a cappuccino." "Leanne Battersby," he says, "Who said anything about hopping into bed? You have got a filthy mind. And I like it." "I think you should go now." "And I think you should give me a kiss," he says, leaning towards her again, "Just a little one, to see me on my way." But she steps away from him and tells him to go home. "Lee," he says, "I can have any woman I want." "Hark at you, Mr Modesty." "Yeah, but I don’t just want any woman." "Why?" she asks, "Turn you on, does it, the thought of you with your son’s bird?" Danny says again that he doesn’t want to talk about Jamie, but Leanne says he’ll always be there, in their heads, in the street, "in some seedy motel room." Danny puts his arms round her neck, and says she ought to ask herself where Jamie is now – he’s not answering the phone, not at work – he implies Jamie’s having an affair. Leanne shakes him away from her and tells him to grow up: "Just cos you do it doesn’t mean that he does," she says. "He *is* seeing another woman. In fact – she’s one of your ex’s, Dan. He’s gone to see Carol, in Birmingham. He’s gone to see his mother." Danny just stares.

Sue Haasler

Monday’s 2nd Part

We open back up in the Café. Danny is asking why she didn’t say what Jamie was up to. Leanne replies saying, "Well you don’t tell him what you’re up to" Danny says she’s the same. Leanne then begs, "I wasn't supposed to let on about him seeing Carol. Danny, please don't say anything to him" Danny tells her, "It's no use going on at me about keeping secrets love, when you can't keep 'em yourself" Danny then walks out of the Café.

Carol is in a drunken state trying to look for pictures of Jamie as a baby. He says, "Mum It don’t matter" Carol says he was a lovely baby. "I'll have seen them. We've got the same ones at home" Jamie tells her. Carol shouts, "Not these ones you haven't! They're the official ones, studio portraits. These are the snaps". Jamie tells her he can’t stay; she shouts at him telling him to sit down, as she knows were they are. Jamie says, "You just said they were on the table". He asks her to show him next time but she shouts at him saying she wants to show him now. He says again he must go and Carol shouts saying, "What’s the matter with you Jamie. You’ve been gone for ages and you can’t give me five minutes" He says ok.

At the Rovers Fred is apologising to Shelly. "I don't like seeing you upset. You are more than just a bar manager to me. You are a friend" He says. Shelley slightly upset and in a quiet voice says, "No I'm not. Words like friendship, loyalty and commitment don't even register with you" Fred says it was a misunderstanding and he was worried about her. Shelly tells him she can look after herself as Charlie comes through from the back. Charlie says, "What do you think I am going to do? Pull a gun on her? Or am I saving the ammo for Dev" Fred tells Charlie he was worried for Shelley but knows it was a misunderstanding, "And because of that I apologise unreservedly" Ciaran who has been collecting glasses says he is also sorry. "Have you any idea how hurt I felt? I thought we were mates" says Charlie. Ciaran says they are but Charlie must snaps back. Violet is back from her holiday and has no idea about the tension going on. She comes in with her bags and a big smile. "Hi everybody. I know I'm a bit late but the flight was delayed. I'll just dump my bags in the back room and get straight back to work. It's just great to be back!"

Danny comes in and Frankie says, "Hi" but he’s not listening. She asks if he’s going like that to the Rovers. He looks puzzled so she says "Didn’t Mike tell you?" He ask her if she’s saw Jamie today, apart from this morning she hasn’t. Frankie thinks there will be an explanation. "You jump ship now and again. Like father like son" She tells him. "Trust you to stick up for him" Danny says. Frankie then tells him to get ready as they are going out with Mike for a family meal. Danny replies, "Stuff Mike" She is not amused and says Mike wants a family. He says, "No, No Love, I’ll wait here for Jamie to get back"

Jamie has is hand on the door handle ready to go and says, "Look I have to go" Carol says, "Dance with me. Do you remember you used to dance round the kitchen with me? Come on, you have time for a dance" He tells her he doesn’t. "You're leaving me" she says. He tells her he will come back and see her sometime. She demands to know when so Jamie replies, "I don't know for sure. I'm going to give you a call" She thinks he’s running away so he says he’s got the get the van back. "I’m important, not the van" he says he will phone her. She tells him he’s said that before and look what happened. She then pushes him out the door and scrams "Go on then. Go back to your father. I've had enough of you. Go on. Get out of my sight!" She slams the door and he looks upset.

At the cab office and Steve does not see the point of speed dating. "What can you find out about someone in three minutes" He asks Liz. "Name, age, job, marital status, bank balance" She tells him. He asks if everyone tells the truth, yeah she says. Steve says, "So after you’ve said hi, Liz, forty-seven, barmaid, you’re fast up to speed on you’re husband being in prison for manslaughter" Liz says she will leave that bit out. Steve then asks if she’s going to tell Jim. She says, no he has no rights. "He’s behind bars, witch he seams to prefer" Liz says. Tracy says she would not chase after other guys if Steve were in prison. Liz tells them you don’t know what you would do if you were stuck in on you’re own every night. Liz then says Jim expects her to wait another two years. Tracy changes her tune and says Liz is right. Steve says Jim will have been lonely too and tells Liz just to talk to him as he might have been pushed into this fight.

Vera is trying to get Jack to go on holiday. She says Spain - too hot. Portugal - too far. America - Been there. Paris - Garlic. Florida - Mickey Flamin' Mouse. Jack says, "I like Weatherfield" Vera suggest they go to Amsterdam. Jack replies, "We've got canals round here" Vera asks Tyrone to tell Jack. Tyrone says he should go. Jack says, "It's never going to happen. I am staying put"

Jason comes into the Rover and sees Violet. He says, "You’re back" and asks how she’s got on and if she enjoyed herself. "I couldn't help it, I had to. Everywhere I looked there were gorgeous blokes stacked on top of each other. Suntanned, rippling muscles, What's a girl to do?" She says. Jason says, "Is there anything else you want to tell me" she replies, "Actually, I think I'd prefer to just draw a veil over it" Jason is not amused and shouts, "Well if that's how it is!" and marches out of the Rovers. Mike, Penny, Danny, Frankie and Adam are out for their family meal. Mike talks about his holiday to Spain with Penny. He says the higher up you get the more trips you can go on. Penny says if you have the manager that can run things. Mike says all you need is a dogsbody. Adam says, "Ah, so that's what I am is it?" He says, "No you are the apprentice dogsbody. See that bloke there? He

Tracy is moving the sofa in Steve’s flat. He enters and asks what she’s doing. He then says there’s stuff in the bathroom. She says it’s hers and all he had was after save. Steve tells her that’s all he needs. He then tells her to go get Amy because she should be in bed and he doesn’t like her dumping her on Deirdre. Tracy says Deirdre does not mind. Tracy then tells him she wishes he would talk to her about his mum. She then tells him she want to go to the Rovers later and they will talk about it. She will be back in half an hour for him.

Jamie is telling Leanne about his visit to Carol. "She's a mess, a drunk. She doesn't know what she's saying half the time, she flares up, making a show of herself" Jamie says. Jamie’s phone goes off. He says, "That her. I've had enough of her whining and crying. I can't cope with it" he does not pick it up. Leanne tells him, "You can't just switch her off Jamie. What will your dad say?" Jamie replies, "He doesn't know I've been to see her, and he's not going to" He does not want him to know the state she’s in. Leanne replies, '"He knows you weren't at work" Jamie says, "I'll just spin him some line, say I was with you or something. It'll be fine as long as you back me up" Leanne starts to says, "Jamie..." but he stops her. He says, "I'm not telling him Leanne and that's that! She's a wreck and there's no way I'm telling 'any' of them the truth!"

Steve is on the phone to his dad Jim. He is trying to tell him just how much damage he has done by beating up someone. Steve tells him he has to apologies to Liz. Jim tells Steve he will apologise to Liz when he sees her. "I'll make it up to her when I get out so I will" He says. Steve says, "What makes you think she'll still be waiting?" Tracy enters the flat. Jim asks him what he means by that but Steve says, "Look dad, I think there's someone at the door. I'll have to go, I'll call you again soon" he puts down the phone. Jim looks confused and then puts down the phone.

At the Rovers and Eileen and Jason enter. She tells Violet, "I must apologise for my son not having a sense of humour. He's too miserable to share the house with at home so I just had to bring him in here. Now can you just be straight with him? He's been bawling his head off" Jason says, "I have not" Violet in a low voice tells Jason, "Well I have. It was just a joke Jason. I thought you'd laugh. Yes there were loads of blokes in Ibiza but I never even looked at any of them. I missed you like mad. I just didn't say because I didn't want you to think I was stupid" Eileen says, "Why not? He doesn't really understand jokes. He's a bit like Roy Cropper in that respect." Eileen tells Violet to give him is present. Violet hands it to him. Jason just stands there looking gormless. So Eileen says, "Right Jason, now kiss her." As they are kissing Eileen says, "Finally, I can die happy now" and walks out.

Vera has booked a holiday and informs Jack they are going on a caravan holiday in Formby. Tyrone and Maria say he'll like it. "It's on the coast. I know! The Irish Sea. Nothing but gales. It'll blow the caravan over" Jack says. He then tells them, "Ah, hang on a minute. I know why you two are so keen for us to go. You think your love life is going to take a turn for the better don't you?" Tyrone and Maria smile but insists that is not the case at all. Vera snaps and says, "Well I wish mine would! When was the last time...." Jack cuts her off. He says, "Whoa, whoa, Don't be going down that road woman!" Vera tells him, "I'm telling you now, somebody's going to make this house into a love nest for the next two weeks and if it's not them, it's going to be us." Jack tells Vera she can go on her own, "Tyrone can go and stop at Maria's and I can get some peace and quiet." Vera says he can think again. She says, "I'll be stopping here and the second that sun goes down behind the viaduct I'll be drawing the curtains and having my wicked way with you. The only way you'll get me to keep my hands off you will be if you take me to Formby, where the sea air will knock me out for the count and, anyway, we'll have two beds in the caravan. We don't have that here" Jack looks as if he’s changed his mind. Maria says, "What do you say to that Jack?" and she and Tyrone start laughing. Jack replies, "Formby it is then. I can hardly wait to get there"

Upstairs of the Rovers Charlie is telling Shelly how he could hear everybody downstairs in the bar talking about him. "How they don't like me, how they don't trust me" He says lying. Shelley tells him she will bar anyone who speaks about him. Charlie closes the curtains and says, "No, not on my account. It would only give them more ammunition. Anyway, I don't care about them. I only care about you" She tells him, "I love it in this room" He replies, "Me too. We are brilliant when it's just the two of us. No-one can get at us when we are up here" He sits on the bed next to her. Shelly says, "This is our entire universe Charlie, just you and me together." Charlie says, "Trouble can't get through that door" Shelley replies, "No, and it never will" She hugs him.

Rovers again. Danny is feed up of Mike going on about Spain. He sees Leanne entering the pub. He tells Frankie he won't be a minute. She says, "Ok" Danny comes over to Leanne. He asks her where Jamie is. Leanne says, "I asked you before Danny. Please don't say anything to him. He's upset and he needs peace and quiet" Danny replies, "So he's at your place then" Leanne says, "So you are going to tell him?" Danny smiling says, "Seems like it" then says, "although maybe there 'is' something you could do to stop me. You make it worth my while" She looks shocked and asks what he means. "Okay, if you need it spelling out. You're a good looking girl, fanciable" He says. She replies, "You mean you want to sleep with me" Danny still with a smile, "Well, we've all got our sacrifices to make, haven't we?" Leanne looking disappointed replies, "Alright. But you don't say a word, right?" Danny has a smirk on his face. "Not a word" he says and heads back to his seat.

Amanda Souter

No episode aired today. Two episodes air on Friday this week.

Hi all…there was no episode on Wednesday night, it was put off until Friday to make way for football. Here then, is the first Friday night episode.

Leanne and Jamie are talking, she tries to get him to change his mind and tell his dad and Frankie about Carol, his mum, but he is absolutely adamant that they are the last people he wants to know about this. "And don't you go blabbing about it neither," he warns her. "I wouldn't," says Leanne rather weakly, and of course, we all know that she already has.

Diggory goes into the corner shop and spies Sarah working there. She tells him that Dev thinks she should be more cheerful with the customers, but she can't see the point. Diggory agrees with her, and tells her it sounds like they have the same attitude to customer service. He would rather someone was downright miserable than false. "Get 'em in, get 'em served and get 'em out, that's my motto," he tells her. He then asks where Dev is and she tells him that Dev has gone to spy on him, and says that the two of them ought to swap jobs the amount of time they spend in each other's shops. Diggory looks around furtively. "In that case," he tells her, "I might have a little proposition for you……."

Mike and Adam are on their way to work in Mike's car. As they pull up outside the factory Mike asks him if he's nervous. Adam tells him that he's just trying to work out the best strategy to get the workforce on his side. Mike's advice in maintaining and motivating a happy workforce is not to bother with any of that rubbish, "Just show 'em who's boss," he says, "You're a Baldwin aren't you?"

As they go in, Adam lets it be known that he's not too happy with the menial tasks he's been given, and asks for something a bit more challenging. Danny sees Jamie letting himself in to their house across the road and tells him that he can look after the factory for a bit.

Over in the taxi office, Liz, wearing a rather bright, purple coloured cardigan, asks if she looks ok. Steve asks if she's going speed dating, but she informs him that she's going to see his dad. "Ah, speed dumping then," retorts Steve. Liz tells him that she will be telling Jim they're finished, so she doesn't want to look too glam, and Tracy agrees with her, but adds, "but it's your big farewell, things will probably get emotional so you want to look your best." Steve is disgusted at their attitude. "Hello?" he says, "Will somebody spare a thought for my dad in all this, he's about to get dumped by the only woman he has ever loved." Tracy tells him that Jim can't behave the way he has and expect Liz to wait for him. "Thank you Tracy," says Liz, "at least there's one person who seems to understand what I'm going through."

Danny has followed Jamie into the house and starts to ask him where he's been. Jamie tells him the traffic was bad both ways, and then he went straight to Leanne's, but Danny interrupts. "I know where you've been!" Jamie stares open mouthed, he's stunned, as Danny goes on, "Now, instead of you and me screaming at each other like we normally do, why don't we try communicating for a change?"

Over in the Rovers, Shelley is carrying cutlery through the back room when Charlie comes bounding down the stairs and pushes open the door just as she is behind it. She catches it full in the face and drops the cutlery everywhere, and clutches her head in pain. Charlie appears to be mortified, and says he'll take her to the hospital, or the doctors, but Shelley says she'll be ok. Charlie asks where the first aid kit is, then tells her he's going to take the day off to look after her.

Jamie is still with Danny, furious that Leanne has betrayed him. "Don't you go blaming her," he tells him, "she was trying to protect you. I wouldn't stand it your way, I knew this was bound to happen sooner or later." Jamie won't be pacified. "Don't give me that caring dad routine," he says, "you want the past buried where you think it belongs." Danny explodes then, "Listen to me boy, I'd sooner we sorted this out as a family, than you going your own sweet way. How long has this been going on?" "You make it sound like a sordid affair," cries Jamie.

Over at Underworld, the factory workforce are taking advantage of the fact that Danny has gone out, and are chattering nineteen to the dozen. Adam decides it's time to keep order, and tries to get their attention but they're talking so loudly he can't be heard. He raises his voice, "Right, shut it!" he shouts, "When Danny is not here, I'm in charge, that's right, I'm the boss!" Kelly giggles, "Look at him," she sniggers, "he's like a three year old with a pint pot." Adam says, "I might be young, I might be inexperienced, but I'm not stupid, any more sniggering or slacking and you will be out of that door." Sean snorts, but Adam carries on, "I mean it Sean, from now on sniggering or sneering are sackable offences. Got it?" They all nod meekly and Adam tells them to get on with their work.

Over in the pub, Charlie tells Ciaran and Violet that Shelley isn't feeling well and has a splitting headache, so she's gone to bed. He's sure they will cope on their own, and tells them he doesn't want her disturbed at all and if it gets busy he will come and lend a hand. He tells them he's sure she'll be ok in the morning.

Back at the Baldwin residence, Danny is asking Jamie if Carol has remarried, and if she's doing all right. He tells Jamie that she used to be a good looking girl. Jamie tells him, "She's a mess, Dad, she's an alcoholic, at least she definitely has a drink problem, and the house is a tip." Danny says that she was always a bit unstable, but Jamie retorts, "No she wasn't, she was a loving mother and a good wife." Danny says that Jamie was seven when they split up and he has no idea what went on behind the scenes. "What?" asks Jamie, "like you sleeping with the baby sitter? She's like she is because she lost us two. She lost the two people she loved most. You just want her forgotten like you did no wrong!" "I know I did wrong," snaps Danny, "but I am not responsible for how her life turned out." "You know what?" says Jamie, "I wish I had chosen to live with her, not you. At least then I might have been able to help her." (At seven years old?)

Danny walks back to the factory and is surprised to find it quiet with everybody working. He goes into the office and asks Adam if everything's all right. "The girls not giving you any gyp?" Adam assures him that he's had no problems whatsoever, and Danny seems disappointed.

Upstairs in the Rovers, Charlie is checking on Shelley who's been asleep in bed. She tells him she ought to be getting up. "I've a bar to run down there," she tells him. He tells her it's dead down there, and Violet and Ciaran can cope. By now, Shelley's eye has turned into a right shiner, but she doesn't realise it at first. She tells him she feels guilty lying in bed while everyone is working. Charlie tells her, "Look, if it was Violet who banged her head you would soon send her home for the rest of the day, wouldn't you? Now you just lie back and get some rest, it'll all still be there tomorrow."

Dev comes back to the corner shop, and is told by Sarah that she has been offered another job. He wants to know who has offered this, and she tells him it's Mr. Compton at the bakers. "What?" roars Dev, "you work for me, he can't do this!" Sarah tells him she's been offered 50 pence an hour more and more flexible hours. "Oh well," says Dev, sarcastically, "how can I possibly stand in your way? Haven't you ever heard of loyalty? Well I'm not having it, he can't do this!" and he marches out of the shop, obviously off to the bakery.

It's visiting time at the prison, and Jim is sitting watching the door, until he sees Liz come in. He hugs her and tells her, "For a moment there I thought you weren't going to come." She pulls away and tells him the bus was late. He tells her she looks beautiful, "I swear you get younger every time I see you," he tells her. "Believe me," says Liz, "the one thing I am not getting is younger." He then tells her he's sorry about what happened, "I was buck stupid, so I was." She tells him his behaviour was totally unacceptable, and he smiles rather sheepishly. "Aye, that's what the governor said." She tells him it's not just his sentence that's got longer, it's hers too. He tells her, "It was just one split second, I lost the bat, ok?" "You always let your temper get the better of you," she tells him, "thump first, think later, that's why you're in here, that's why they just made your sentence longer, and that's why I can't take it any more."

Dev marches into the baker's shop. "Is this a spying mission," asks Diggory, "or are you actually here to buy something?" Dev turns on the sarcasm, (nothing new there!) "Oh I'm here to buy, I'll have a Battenburg, a small cob, and him!" He points to Diggory's rather gormless looking assistant. "Austin?" queries Diggory. "Yes, I'll have an Austin," says Dev, and tells Austin that he'll pay him an extra fifty pence an hour and from now on he works for him. Austin grins broadly and says it's all right with him! Diggory says that it's all right with him too, "You're welcome to him," he tells Dev, "he's only here on a week's trial and he's rubbish. No offence, Austin lad. Take him right now if you want." Dev says he doesn't want him, he wants Diggory to keep his hands off his staff. "What were you in a previous life, a gang master?" he asks. Diggory tells him that actually he was told by a Buddhist priest in Bali that he had previously been a horse. Dev is furious and tells him it stops right now. Diggory tells him that Sarah was miserable working for him, and there's nothing wrong with what he's done, it's called free movement of labour. "I pay decent wages, see," he tells him, "that's why I'm a magnet for all the talent." Dev storms off, leaving Diggory calling, "Don't forget your Battenburg!"

Jamie goes to Danny and asks for the keys to the van, only to be told that Danny has confiscated them. "If you want to see your mother I can't stop you," he tells him, "but I don't see why I should provide the transport." Danny says he hopes Jamie isn't giving her money, as she's obviously told him a sob story and he doesn't want Jamie paying for her addiction. Leanne appears in the doorway at that moment, hears it all and realises what has happened. "You told him then," she says to Danny. Jamie then storms out of the factory, with Leanne trailing after him, protesting that she had no choice but to tell Danny, "He was accusing you of all sorts," she tells him, "I defended you because I love you!" He turns round, and angrily tells her she's a stupid, interfering cow. "He knows and now Frankie's going to know. Have you got any idea what you've started?" he says, "and since when were you and him on such good terms that you could trade secrets?" Leanne says she just thought it would help if Danny knew. "He was the last person I wanted to know," says Jamie, "I hate him - and I don't know where you think that leaves me and you, how can I go out with someone I can't trust?" Leanne is mortified and is left crying in the street.

At the prison, Jim tells Liz that he understands that she is angry. She tells him she was angry, she was furious, but now she just feels let down. He tells her that if she'll just stick with him through this he'll never let her down again, but she tells him that she's sorry but she just can't take that chance. He gasps and says she can't turn her back on thirty years of marriage, the only thing that keeps him going is knowing that she'll be waiting for him when he gets out. Liz tells him, "No, I won't be waiting. I will not put my life on hold any more." Jim, with his all usual unselfishness and understanding can't see the problem at all, and tells her, "You've got Steve, you've got Deirdre, you've got a job….." "I've got a husband," retorts Liz, "who I only see one hour a month!" He tells her, "At least you're not banged up in here," and she tells him she might as well be, she's as much a prisoner as he is. True to form, Jim can't imagine that he could possibly be the cause of this situation, and demands to know if there's someone else. "No," she tells him, "but there will be. The second I walk out of here I'm a free agent. I think I should go now." She gets up from the table and turns and walks towards the door. Jim yells "No, Elizabeth, please!" and jumps up and tries to run after her, only to be grabbed by two prison officers, as he yells, "No, please don't do this to me Elizabeth, I love you! I love you!" Liz is crying as she looks back and tells him, "I'm sorry," and then keeps on walking.

Annie Logan

Shelley is examining her bruised eye in the mirror and Charlie points out that people will call her stupid for seeing a man that could do that to her. Shelley is upset at the fact that people will form their own opinions of her boyfriend. Charlie tells her to go to bed as she is more important than the vicious gossips.

There's an intense atmosphere in the Baldwin household as Jamie doesn't want to see Danny. Frankie wants to know what the situation is but Danny puts it down to morning mood swings.

At the foghorn bakery, Sarah is starting her first day at work. As Ken goes out to a funeral, Diggory explains to the teen the importance of a hair net.

Leanne informs Danny that she has broken up with Jamie (even though she's confident she'll get him back) Danny tells her he was in awkward position and that there is no need for her to be annoyed with him. But she clearly is. The smeared slice of buttered toast on his suit is a clear indication of this.

Shelley tells Charlie that she is going to face them and tell them that she hit her head on a beam (and the difference that is to running into a door is...?) Charlie tells her that although he doesn't care what people think, he knows they won't believe that either. Shelley suggests that she stays up in the room and Charlie uses reverse psychology saying that she can't be expected to do that for him. It's her that matters. How sweet, Charlie...

There's a kafuffle between Danny and Jamie in the factory and Danny is just irritated that Carol has managed to cause a row between them. After Jamie storms out, Frankie storms in, still demanding to know what's going on. This time he merely tells her he's upset after a row with Leanne

Diggory is accusing Sarah of stealing a twenty pound note and orders her to turn out her pockets. A furious Sarah rages she has done no such thing and that he has no right to accuse her. He tells her he has any right he wants as he owns the place, including the right to sack her. Needless to say, he promptly does so, just to prove it.

Leanne apologises to Jamie but he's having none of it. Leanne doesn't want to lose him as they are in deep. Jamie wonders if she considered Frankie's feelings before letting her mouth go. Frankie overhears Jamie finishing with Leanne and asks him why he is blocking her out. He tells her that he is just cut up about breaking up with Leanne (How many times is this lady going to be fobbed off tonight!?)

Danny finds Leanne in tears and she says she has been cutting onions. Danny, obviously doesn't fall for this. Leanne blames Danny for Jamie finishing with her. Danny suggests they go somewhere to sort it out. The stranger thing is, she actually agrees.

Diggory is shocked at Keith's assumption that he has rats. Keith examines the evidence and there is in fact a rodent infestation. Keith offers the shocked baker his help.

Frankie is emotional that she thinks Jamie has been let down by her. But he tells her the reason he has to feel so ashamed...Carol. Frankie is speechless as Jamie embraces her with a heartfelt apology.

Danny is opening up to Leanne about the past, saying how it really got to Jamie having his split parents arguing to each other. Danny even tells her he and Carol considered getting back together. Danny tells Leanne he is going to track Jamie down and force him over to Leanne's to sort things out. Leanne gives him a key and tells him that Jamie can have it to use, anytime. Danny wishes her luck and plants a kiss on her cheek.

Violet wants to take some flowers up for Shelley but Charlie tells her that she is fast asleep. Across the bar, Eileen and Liz are chortling about their speed dating experiences as Ken comes in from the funeral. He introduces Bob, an old companion he met at the funeral, to Deirdre and Blanche. He offers drinks all round but Blanche goes home as she's too tired entertaining herself.

Shelley is at the bottom of the stairs and Charlie spots her and demands to know what she's doing. She tells him she wants a tonic water but he orders her back upstairs in case anyone sees.

Liz and Bob are getting on like a house on fire and both open up to everyone about their lifestyles and pasts! Needless to say, Liz's is a tad more colourful!

Jamie is fretting over whether he made a harsh decision and he still feels blame for Carol's alcoholism. Frankie wishes he had told her but he didn't want to hurt her. She tells him she loves him and so the only thing that hurts is that he's been going through this pain without her

It's psychology lesson eighteen as we return to Shelley and Charlie. He tells her she should've come down as they're definitely going to be caught now. Shelley tells him they won't as she is staying up in the room until her eye heals. Charlie reminds her that friends will want to pay visits but she tells him she has no friends, she just has him.

Danny returns to Leanne's, with two bottles of wine. She asks him to do up her dress which he is keen to do. She looks at him flirtatiously and he tells her that this can't happen and that he's going to find Jamie. Predictably, he doesn't actually move...until he jams his tongue down her throat, that is.

Duncan Lindsay

Hello again!

The rat mission is underway and a trap is set while Diggory and Keith discuss old TV shows before moving on to the prospect of what life would be like if jetpacks existed. This delightful conversation is mercifully interrupted by the mouse trap going off.

The proverbial Sunday morning breakfast scene in the Baldwin household is more tense than usual. Frankie tells Danny that Jamie as told her about Carol and Danny is not impressed. Frankie has sympathy towards Carol and points out to Danny that she is in a real state but Danny doesn't care. He storms out and Frankie tells Jamie to talk to Leanne. But he just doesn't have the energy

Penny is packing for Spain and not best pleased with Mike's style of pink shirts. She crams it down the settee while he isn't looking. But as he heads out to the office he claims it back, with a cheeky grin on his face.

Charlie is buying chocolates and magazines for Shelley and tells Rita and Deirdre that she has chicken pox. Both are eager to visit her and wish her well but he tells them that Shelley prefers her own company when she is ill.

Keith reminds Diggory that he owes Sarah an apology but he's not keen on that. He wonders when Keith will finish his rodent clear up. As they listen out for the last 'blighter', Dev raps on the door and asks why he isn't in business. He hears the mousetrap snap. Diggory fobs Dev off with the most plausible excuse he can think of...Keith is practicing his ventriloquism...he pushes Dev out of the door before he even has the chance to raise his eyebrows (and voice) in suspicion.

Danny comes in to the cafe to see the sexiest bird in Weatherfield. While he is talking to Frankie, it's clear it's a hint to Leanne also.

Yet another Diggory scene sees him offering Sarah her job back. He uses the fact that she won't have many job offers to avoid giving her an apology and expects to see her in 5 minutes.

Danny gives Frankie a hug, kiss and a 'love you', leaving Leanne with a sour lemon type expression on her face.

As the swelling has gone down, Shelley suggests he puts a lot of make up on and go down. Charlie informs her that he's told everyone she's contagious now. She agrees to stay upstairs.

Leanne bumps into Danny who is clearly relishing the fact that Leanne is showing jealousy over Frankie. Danny tells her that Frankie is the wife, Leanne is the first reserve. Nevertheless she is willing to arrange another get together with him.

Les is moaning that he is hungry and wants a hotpot but she won't let him waste money on food when he can get free chips. He complains that he is sick of chips

Jamie apologises to Leanne and tells her he misses her. Leanne tells him he deserves someone nicer but he concludes that that would be boring

Charlie is installing a new DVD player into his and Shelley's room. She has been thinking and thanks him for everything he is doing for her. He tells her he just wants her to be happy. They declare that is the two of them against the world.

Penny is furious that Mike is late as the taxi arrives.

Claire, for some reason, when trying on her bus driver uniform, decides to go into the pub. She immediately starts getting abuse from Cilla, who has a random vendetta against bus drivers, although it is obvious this new trait is just added in to bulk up upcoming events. Claire ignores her as best she can and this riles Cilla up even more and she storms up to Claire, who lets rip with an attack on how bad a mother she is. As Cilla squares up for her own shot at abuse, Claire warns her to back off as she is a lot tougher than she looks.

Diggory the dominant refuses to pay Keith as he is in a financial embarrassment at the moment. Keith warns Diggory to pay or he'll find the rats back in his shop, nailed to the door! Dev is overjoyed by this. He tells Diggory to et Sarah back in work and he won't contact Environmental Health but Diggory warns him that if he dares mess with him that way, he'll come off worse.

Penny storms to the factory and poor Mike has no idea what she's going on about at first. He tells her that he simply lost track of time however.

Frankie is wondering how Leanne and Jamie are. She tells Danny that Jamie loves Leanne but Danny isn't convinced. The pair themselves walk in, back in each others' arms. Danny doesn't appear amused.

Duncan Lindsay

Monday 30 May, Episode 6038, 6039

Hi all, here is the first part from Monday 29th May.

We open in the Battersby household, where Cilla is reclining, as usual, on her sunbed, while Les is complaining bitterly at the fare brought home from the chippy - their meal consists of mushy peas and onion rings. Cilla points out that there are also some bangers to go with them, but they are all burnt. Although Kirk says he likes them like that, Les reckons they're more like firelighters than food. "We'll have the caviar and champagne you brought in then, shall we?" retorts Cilla sarcastically, and Kirk, ever the innocent, asks if they've got some. Ignoring him, Cilla goes on to tell Les that she doesn't see him bringing anything in, and asks him if she wants them to be spending all their money on food, instead of saving up to get married. He just wishes she could nick them some fish for a change. Cilla gets up from the sunbed and sits at the table, she tells them that this is better for them anyway, they're always being told to eat more veg, now they have onions and peas, they'll be fit as fleas! Chesney hands a burnt sausage down to Schmeichal but is seen by Les who disapproves. Chesney points out that Schmeichal has got to eat, but Les says they will have the social on to them if he's seen to be losing weight at school. "Hang on a minute, Les," says Cilla, as something obviously dawns on her, "the lad could have a point."

In the Peacock household, a nervous Claire is getting ready for her bus drivers test. Ashley says they'll stand on Rosamund Street at 2 o'clock and wave as she comes past. He gives her a hug and tells her she'll be brilliant, but she has to break away and rush off for her fifth visit to the loo.

In Leanne's flat Jamie is frying breakfast when she comes into the kitchen in her dressing gown, they're obviously both enjoying being back together after their break-up. He tells her he was planning to surprise her in bed. She tells him the breakfast looks nice as well! They flirt wildly with each other until he tells her that the breakfast will spoil if she carries on looking at him like that, but as he goes to grab her she tells him she has to be at work in ten minutes, it's a bank holiday and it's double time and she can't say no to that. She takes the pan off the heat and backs seductively towards the bedroom, he chases her, telling her she's going nowhere.

In the back room of the Rovers, Ciaran has just come up from the cellar and Violet says she'll make him a cup of tea. They then notice that the sofa is missing! Upstairs Charlie and Shelley are rearranging the bedroom to accommodate the very same sofa and laughing with each other. Shelley comments that it's getting like a cosy den in there. Forever the control freak, he asks where she would like it, but when she suggests one place he tells her they'll put it somewhere else. As they shift furniture she asks if the people downstairs have swallowed their 'chicken pox' story. He says he can handle the gossip, and he'll handle Fred too when he asks where his manager has gone. Charlie lies down on the sofa and tells her that from there he'll be able to keep an eye on her. "How does that feel?" he asks. "What more could a girl ask?" replies Shelley, weakly.

Out in the street, Vera is in the taxi ready to go off to Formby for their caravan holiday, and Tyronee is out on the pavement saying goodbye. Jack arrives with a basket of pigeons, and she tells him they're only coming over her dead body! "Don't tempt me Vera," says Jack, and then explains that as soon as they get to Formby he'll release them so they come home. "How do you know they will?" she asks. "Because they're homing pigeons Vera, it's what they do, they come home." he tells her. The taxi drives off with Vera moaning in the back. As they drive off Maria looks out of the window and grins at Tyronee, giving him the thumbs up sign!

Diggory Compton comes round the corner and bumps into Sarah. He asks if she's set for another hard day's grind. She tells him she is, and he continues on his way, grinning. He runs into Dev and tells him he lost a little belter there.

Les and Cilla, who has an ever-darkening complexion from too much sunbathing, have arrived at the chippy with Schmeichal. Cilla reckons that the dog can eat as much as he likes there and it won't cost them a penny. Her colleague Yana quickly pours cold water on that idea when she tells her that Mr. Wong has come to check up on them and is out the back. So they then decide to tie Schmeichal up outside in the hope that people will feel sorry for him and give him their chips. Les worries what they are going to tell Chesney. Cilla tells him to send Chesney round at lunch time to take him for a walk, "We don't want any trophies on t'pavement, or Wong will do 'is nut." She tells him.

In the corner shop, Deirdre tells Sunita that according to Charlie, Shelley has chicken pox, she asks if she should pass on Sunita's regards. Sunita just smiles and counts out Deirdre's change. Deirdre tells her she'll say no more, and leaves.

Sarah and Scooter come into the shop, and peer round to counter to talk to Dev in the back room. She tells him she has been thinking about what he said about loyalty and how it wasn't fair the way she left. She tells him that if he wants her to come back she will. Sunita says that would be wonderful, but Dev isn't so easy to convince. He gives her a really hard time, asking why she left in the first place. She says she needed more money for Beth, but now realises that loyalty is more important. "Than your own daughter?" Dev demands to know. Sarah looks abashed and struggles to say sorry, but Dev interrupts her and tells her that what she is sorry about is that she found that things were not so rosy in Diggory Compton's garden and now she wants out. Scooter butts in and says that's not true. "And who asked you, my two-wheeled friend?" asks Dev. He demands to know why Sarah really wants to come back, he insists she tells him the truth. Sarah confesses that she's not happy there, Diggory is really creepy. Dev says that's why she gets paid extra, it's called danger money. Sarah then grovels and promises never to let them down again, and Sunita says she thinks they ought to give her another chance. Dev looks at her, "She can come back," he says at last, "a month's trial to see if she means what she says."

Jamie and Leanne come into the Rovers and find Danny and Frankie. "Oh, you managed to get out of bed then," says Danny sarcastically, and tells Frankie that they should split up more often if it means a day off work when they got back together again. Danny goes to get drinks and then comes back and asks Leanne to go to the bar and choose which wine she wants. When she's left the table Frankie tells Jamie that she will never be on his case about Leanne again.

Jack and Vera arrive at the caravan site, he moans about the caravan being cramped, Vera clutches his arm and says it's no bad thing, it's cosy! "We 'ad a deal, Vera," mumbles Jack, and then decides he has to rush off to find a shop for provisions. "Don't be long!" trills Vera after him.

Meanwhile, back in Coronation Street, Tyronee and Maria are enjoying being on their own. She wonders how Jack and Vera are getting on, and Tyronee says he expects they're rowing. "Is that what we've got to look forward to," ponders Maria, but Tyronee reckons they are happy enough underneath. They joke around, pretending to be Jack and Vera until he chases her up the stairs.

"Just what do you think you're playing at?" an outraged Diggory confronts Dev in the Rovers. "It's a free world Diggsy, remember? People work for who they like?" Diggory tells Dev he'll regret this, and Dev asks if he's going to move into cut price fruit and veg as well. Diggory then changes tack and says he was going to sack Sarah anyway, she's too flighty. "Too intelligent you mean," says Dev, "she had you well sussed."

Blanche and Keith (Craig's granddad) come in to the pub talking about Craig, and Blanche tells Keith that what he needs is a jam roly-poly. She tells him to leave it with her, and goes to sit with Norris and Lena. Emily comes up to the bar and sees Keith, and asks how Craig is. Keith tells her that he's looking a bit peaky, he's not sure he's eating right. Emily says she's making some soup and will let him have some.

Blanche reminds Rita that they are going speed dating at the Weatherfield Arms that night, but Rita wonders if they're a bit long in the tooth for that sort of thing. "You speak for yourself," Lena tells her, and Blanche reckons that at their age they could drop dead at any minute and have to squeeze every last drop while they can. Norris isn't keen on them going 'cavorting with desperate geriatrics' but Blanche asks him who said anything about geriatrics? "A lot of young men prefer the charms of the mature woman," says Lena, thrusting out her chest. "Even if you don't cop off," Blanche tells Rita, there's the thrill of the chase." In the end Rita concedes that it will be a laugh, and Norris is disgusted. They tell him they'll let him know what he misses.

The Baldwins are thinking about eating, and Danny asks if it means Frankie cooking or him paying. Frankie asks if he ever thinks about anything but money and he tells her he thinks of the four Fs, football, food, factory and….. "Watch your language," Frankie tells him quickly, placing her hand over his mouth, but he tells her, "and Frankie Baldwin, the love of my life!" Frankie reckons you have to watch Baldwin men, when they're giving you the patter half the time they're up to something. Leanne, sitting next to Jamie, drinks her drink, flirting with her eyes at Danny the whole time.

Ashley takes the lovely Joshua into the chippy and orders chips from Cilla, telling her that Claire is taking her driving test on the buses today. Ashley asks if Schmeichal is outside instead of a wastebin as they look round and see customers giving him titbits. Cilla's friend and workmate, Yana, seems to take quite a shine to Ashley especially when she finds out that he's a butcher with a shop close by and flashes a few flirty smiles at him.

Diggory comes in then, "The fair Yana," he cries, "an apparition through a haze of mist!" "It's the fumes from the fryer," snarls Cilla, obviously not falling for Diggory's charms. Diggory tries to poach Yana to come and work for him, but just then there's a commotion outside, Schmeichal has knocked Ashley's chips out of his hand. Mr. Wong is then cross with Cilla and tells her clean it all up. He promises Ashley more chips and tells Cilla they are coming out of her wages.

Over at the caravan, Jack is about to set his pigeons free, as Vera knocks on the window telling him she's made tea. Once the pigeons have flown away Vera goes out and grabs Jack and drags her reluctant husband inside.

Chesney arrives at the chippy to take Schmiechal for a walk, but Schmeichal has disappeared, he's no longer tied up outside. Chesney goes off calling for him.

Upstairs in the Rovers, Shelley is just pouring Charlie a beer from a tin when he comes in and demands to know where she got it. She tells him she got it downstairs when they brought the sofa up, she knew there was no one there to see her. He's not happy though, and tells her she's got to let him protect her. "Don't you feel safer knowing I'm in control?" he asks. She admits that she has felt safe being in there with him and the door locked, she'd rather be in there than outside.

Chesney is walking down the street calling for his dog when he sees Ashley and Josh waiting for Claire to drive past. He asks Ashley if he's seen Schmeichal, but he hasn't. Just then, across the road, Diggory throws Schmeichal out of his shop, he's been in there eating the cakes from the window display. Chesney rushes over and claims him just as Claire turns into the street. Then there's chaos as Schmeichal gets away from Chesney and runs across the road, and on the other side Joshua gets away from Ashley and runs into the road. Ashley darts after his and scoops him up in his arms as Claire slams on the brakes. People come from all directions to see what has happened, but everyone is just concerned that Josh and Ashley are all right, no one sees poor Schmeichal lying on the ground on the other side of the bus with a distraught Chesney kneeling over him.

Find out what happens next in part 2.

Annie Logan

Concluding Part of tonight's 1hr long episode

(Hospital)
Female: No external wounds, but external internal damage.
Male: What's his CRP?
Female: Over two seconds.
Male: His BP?
Female: 81. Heart rate 90.
Chesney: What are they talking about?
Les: He'll be all right, son. He's alive. And he's in good hands.
Cilla: Certainly is. Do me next, if he wants.
Male: The femoral pulse is weak. We'll have to get him to x-ray now.
Chesney: Schmeichel! Is he going to be ok?
Male: He's every poorly. We'll know more once he's been x-rayed. I promise I'll do all I can for him, Ok?
Les: Hear that, Lad? He'll be well looked after.
Kirk: Schmeichel's a tough nut. He'll be ok.
Chesney: What if he isn't?

(Ashley and Claire's)
Ashley: Is he all right?
Claire: Yeah. I calmed him down, got him off for a nap.
Ashley: We could've lost him today, in the blink of an eye, and it all would've been my fault.
Claire: No.
Ashley: I should've been more careful. I should've hung onto him, like they should've hung onto that flaming dog! Our Josh could've been killed -
Claire: Because I couldn't control that bus.
Ashley: No. You did everything you could. You missed Joshua. That's all what counts.
Claire: Try telling Chesney that?

(Caravan close to Formby)
Vera: I reckon t'sea air's done you a power of good, love.
Jack: Aye, about as much good as them as walk the plank.
Vera: What?
Jack: No. I was saying, maybe that's what I've got to thank.
Vera: Aw, beautiful, innit? Hey, we could have a walk up to Formby Point later. Watch the sun set. It's so romantic.
Jack: The sun set on this flaming place years ago. It's been piddling down ever since.
Vera: I had other things on my mind. Hey, we don't have to go to t'beach, you know. We could go into town. Or.. Squirrels' Retreat.
Jack: No, I don't think I could stand that, Vera.
Vera: Oh, I know you Jack Duckworth. I can see the glint in your eye. You want us to stay in, don't you, and make us own entertainment?
Jack: No, no. I just want to get out and get a bit of fresh air, you know. There's rubbish to take out, an'all. I thought I might go and have a little constitutional, you know, to blow away the cobwebs, like.
Vera: But I thought you'd already done that. Oh, go on, then. Go, recharge your batteries. Me and Mat'll be waiting for you.
Jack: Matt?
Vera: Yeah. Monro. Go on, then. The sooner you get there, the sooner you'll get back.
Jack: Aye, that's what I was thinking.
Vera: I think we've cracked it, Matt.

(Harrises)
Keith: What's wrong wi' you?
Craig: I hate bank holidays. I don't know what all the fuss is about? Still brings you 24 hours closer to death.
Keith: Charming! You should've gone ferreting like I suggested. (Door bell) You may scoff, but I've had some of the best times of my life with my arm up a rabbit hole. Oh Betty, come on in.
Betty: Hello love.
Keith: Oh, look what Betty's brought over. Nice bit of hotpot.
Betty: Just summat to tide you over, you know? All right lovie?
Keith: Don't pay any attention to missing link. He missies Lily Munster from over the road. Why don't you go upstairs and listen to Stink of Corpse?
Craig: Stench of Death
Keith: Is it? And my dad thought the Shadows were a bad influence.
Blanche: Hello. Oh, you door was open, so I thought I'd just pop in and give you this.
Keith: Oh, good afternoon, Blanche. Let me take that.
Blanche: It's your jam roly poly.
Keith: Aye, I know. Well, thanks very much. I'd love to stop and chat with you two ladies but um -.
Blanche: Hello Betty.
Betty: Afternoon love.
Keith: But me and the lad were going out.
Craig: No.
Keith: Well, I was, anyroad.
Emily: I've brought your cock-a-leekie over.
Keith: Emily. What a wonderful surprise.
Emily: Hello Blanche.. Betty.
Betty: Hello
Blanche: Hello
Keith: Oh, what a smashing coincidence, you three turning up like this, with grub out of the blue. Who'd have believed it, eh?
Blanche: Not me, for one.
Betty: Me neither.
Keith: No, Ladies, look, I.. I don't understand.
Emily: I think you understand all too well. Mr Appleyard. You abused are goodwill. In the most shameful and calculated fashion.
Blanche: You've played us for right fools. Enjoy it, did you?
Keith: No, I didn't want to hurt you by.. by turning you down. No.. no.. no.. ladies. Don't please.
Blanche: No.. No

(Hospital)
Male: We're talking him into surgery now.
Chesney: Surgery
Male: There's some evidence of arterial bleeding around the stomach. But the x-ray didn't revel a diaphragm hernia, witch would have been more serious.
Chesney: So he's going to be Ok?
Male; It's early days. Surgery of this kind always carries a substantial risk. I can't offer any guarantee.
Les: Come on. Give it to us straight, Dr. Owens.
Male: It's Mr. Owens
Les: What? You're not even a doctor? Oh well am sorry. I'm not having no amateur cut up our dog. What sort of a place is this?
Kirk: Vets aren't Doctors, they're Misters.
Les: Oh, er.. Oh, right.
Cilla: Idiot.
Fizz: So what are Schmeichel's chances, in percentages, like?
Male: He is a strong animal, but it might be as well to expect the worst.
Chesney: No. He can't die. He can't. He's my best mate.

(Duckworths)
Maria: Is there anyone there?
Tyrone: I told you to stay up there.
Maria: I'm not gonna leave you to face 'em on your own.
Tyrone: There can't be anyone here, because look. (Points to Monica)
Maria: You could ransack the house and that thing'd kip through it. I defiantly herd something. (Door squeaks) Look! The door. Be careful Ty.
Tyrone: It's me who needs to be careful. Laws on my side. I can use extreme force. (picks up a rolling pin)
Maria: That's one way of betting him up. NO! (Stops him, as her towel falls)
Jack: Flaming nora.
Tyrone: Hello, Jack.

(Out side - bus stop)
Craig: All right?
Rosie: All right.
Craig: What are you listening to?
Rosie: Flesh Eating love bug.
Craig: Oh, right, yeah. I queued for three hours when that came out.
Rosie: I wanted to, but mum wouldn't let me take the morning off. I wish we could've bought it together.
Craig: Yeah, me too. What..Whats your favourite track? Mines closed minds, open wrists.
Rosie: Yeah, and girl in a hemp cravat.
Craig: Yeah, that's great. Look you don't have to.
Rosie: If you don't.
Keith: Ah, good to see you two talking again. Look why don't you come over and have some tea, love. I've got some stuff in.
Rosie: I don't know.
Keith: I can't promise owt fancy, mind. I'm good with a frying pan but you'd be a dab hand, with the domestic science an 'all.
Rosie: We don't do domestic science.
Keith: D'you. Not? Well, you'll have picked up one or two things from your mum. You can give us one or two pointers.
Rosie: No. Sorry, I gotta go.

(Duckworths)
Tyrone: I could've caved your head in, you know. If it wasn't for Maria, you'd be laid down there brown head.
Jack: At least I'd have died with a smile on my face. By gum, you know how to spend a bank holiday Monday, son. That knocks the pleasure beach into a cocked hat.
Maria: Jack
Jack: Sorry love, any thing I might have seen has now been erased from my memory. For the good of my health.
Maria: What are you doing here, anyway?
Jack: Well I got to Formbay, I released my pigeons and I had to come back here to see if they were safe.
Tyrone: And are they?
Jack: Aye.
Tyrone: We won't hold you. Vera'll be waiting.
Jack: Exactly. Now if I've got a choice between my bed and a pull down in a caravan with her snoring next to me -
Maria: You've got to go back.
Jack: Have I? Well its like kipping next to a Vietnamese pot betty? Even worst during the day. When I think of this morning. I put up a fight, but it was like Rork's Drift except the Zulus won, anyway she'll be fine. She's got Matt Monro for company.
Tyrone: Who's Matt Monro?
Jack: It's not who he is, its what he means. I have only got to hear two bars of Born Free and my blood runs cold.
Maria: Look, you can't leave her alone in that caravan. Imagine how guilty you would feel if something happened.
Tyrone: Yeah, like the time she was mugged.
Jack: All right, point taken. But it's a long way back to Formbay especially on an empty stomach.
Maria: How does sausage and egg sound.
Jack: a bit lonely without bacon, beans and black pudding. A condemned man deserves an healthy meal.
Tyrone: I'll go to t'shop then.
Jack: All right good lad.

(Rovers)
Betty: I can't believe we let him get away with it for so long.
Blanche: We might as well have been hanging off a mug tree.
Emily: After this and Mel Hutchwright, I'm losing all faith in human nature.
Lena: Well, I admire him.
Keith: Should my ears be burning?
Lena: No..No. But your eyes are smouldering. Buy me a drink cowboy.
Keith: I'd like to buy you all a drink. It's the very least I can do.
Emily: We're fine thank you.
Keith: Don't be like this, ladies. I know I took advantage, but you're such fantastic cooks, I couldn't help my self, and I'd like to make it up to you.
Betty: Oh, yeah.
Keith: I've a proposal - a quid pro quo.
Blanche: And what can you do for me? Stuff Ken? I doubt as anyone would notice the difference.
Keith: Well, I were thinking of DIY. I'll do any odd jobs you like in return for food for me and Craig, it's the boy am thinking about. Growing lad like him, needs good home cooking I cant provide. I mean, don't punish him for my mistakes.
Lena: Well, I've got a dripping tap that's driving me mad. Fix that and I could probably run to a lamb shank.
Blanche: Our system doesn't fill up properly. And Ken doesn't know one end of a ball cock from the other. Sort that out and I might sling a few puddings your way.
Keith: Ladies?
Emily: Well, for the sake of your grandson.
Betty: Oh, all right.
Keith: Fantastic. I'll get the drinks in.
Blanche: Not for me and Lena. We've got to pick Rita up from speed dating.
Lean: Well, em, I'm not so sure I'm going to bother to go now.
Keith: Oh, I should, love. You wouldn't want to let your mates down, Hey?

(Hospital)
Les: How long as he been in there?
Kirk: Hour and a half.
Fizz: That's no time. Even simple operation they take ages.
Cilla: Hark at Dr. Kidare.
Fizz: I'm trying to reassure Ches, or do you want to see him upset?
Cilla: Course not. I want that mutt to pull through as much as anyone.
Fizz: Wonder why that would be. Not feeling guilty, by any chance?
Cilla: Here's t'guilty one. You've a nerve, pitching up here.
Claire: I just came to see how Schmeical was doing.
Cilla: Touch and go, thanks to you. Were you even looking at the road?
Claire: Course I was. It all happened so quickly.. I tried my best.
Cilla: Let me know when you're doing your worst. I'll stop indoors.
Ashley: Oh, come on Claire. I knew this would be a waste of time.
Cilla: I should do t 'driving if I were you. It's criminal putting her behind any wheel let alone a bus. Talk about license to kill.
Ashley: That's enough. Claire's not to blame for any of this. If that dog weren't running around in the street -
Cilla: He won't run anywhere now, will he? Let's hope there aren't any Weatherfield wayfarers in doggy heaven.
Chesney: Shut up! Shut up, all of you. I don't care who's done what. I just want my dog back.
Les: Hey, come here, come here.

(Speed dating)
Rita: There we are love. Thank you. Here we are now, you enjoy that.
Norris: Name tags, name tags, I ask you. Mind, am surprised they're not handing folk.
Blanche: look, if you don't like it, go home. I thought you weren't interested anyway.
Norris: I'm not. I'm here to chaperon. To protect Rita from these predatory types.
Blanche: And you need a gallon of old spices for that?
Lena: And any way, what about me and Blanch?
Norris: Any man who's fool enough to get entangled with you two is beyond my protection.
Rita: I don't need you riding shotgun, Norris. The day I can be overpowered by this lot, I'll pack it in.
Blanche: So take your badge off and go sit over there. I don't want you doing any thing that's beneath you.
Norris: No, no, no I'll participate. As a creative, it's vital I collect diverse experience, however distasteful or unpleasant.
Blanche: Really? Oh, I better bear that in mind, the next time the outside privy's blocked. Thank you.

(Rovers - bedroom)
Shelly: I took up pottery classes after seeing this.
Charlie: Hoping you'd meet Patrick Swayze.
Shelly: Yeah.. Funnily enough, he didn't even take evening classes at Weatherfield comp. All I ended up with was a lopsided mug and an ashtray with no bottom. You remind me of him, actually. Better looking though.
Charlie: Glad to hear it. I'm not having that quiff.
Shelly: I love this. We really should try and spend more time together in future.
Charlie: Yeah, fat chance living over a pub, though you're on constant - (Knock at door) See what I mean.
Shelly: Who is it? I.. I can't see anyone Charlie.
Charlie: Its ok. I'll get rid of them, don't worry.
Ciaran: It's Ciaran. I have a hot drink for you.
Shelly: Please make him go, Charlie.
Charlie: What is it.
Ciaran: Something from the Navy days. It might give the boss a lift.
Charlie: Oh, cheers, mate..Ta.
Ciaran: Is everything ok?
Charlie: Fine. She just needs some peace. Spirits. I hope you've put some money in the till.
Ciaran: Yeah
Charlie: Good lad.
Shelly: You don't think he saw something do you? You don't think he saw?
Charlie: He didn't have a clue. We're getting good at this, you and me. If I'd played hooky at school more often, if I'd known it was such fun.
Shelly: It's good of him to go to all that trouble but I just feel so naughty.
Charlie: I was hoping you might say that. Who needs a potter's wheel, eh?

(Speed dating)
Glenn: So what was your hair colour originally?
Blanche: Brown, if you must know.
Glenn: Pity. Would you consider dying it red?
Blanche: Why should I do that?
Glenn: Rita, my first wife, she didn't mind. Nor Rita my second wife, but neither of them pulled it off. Auburn and.. Strawberry blond. Not proper flame red. Like Rita.
Blanche: Which Rita is this?
Glenn: Hayworth. I'm here biggest fan. Ever since I saw her in Gilda, at the Ilkeston Scala in '48. Opposite Glenn Ford. That's my name since 1962, anyroad.
Woman: Surly a great place of literature is a holistic experience. It transcends the mind and lifts your entire being.
Norris: Oh, your so right. You can't whack a good yarn.
Woman: The very best writers can touch your soul.
Norris: Do you know Jill, that could be me talking, it could.
Woman: Creativity is such a gift. I've always been drawn to it. Admired it above all other qualities in a man.
Norris: Really.

(Caravan close to Formbay)
Vera: There you are. I've worn out that caravan carpet fretting over you. FOUR hour's you've been. I hope you haven't been in the bookies.
Jack: I wouldn't do that to you my little silverfish. No, you get your coat on. I'll walk you into Formby.
Vera: Stuff Formby! Where the hell - pigeons.
Jack: Yes, I'll let em loose and you go and make a nice cup of tea.
Vera: Hang on a minute. If you've got - Have you been home?
Jack: I was worried about 'em.
Vera: You will be worried by the time I've finished with you. Get in there. I've been worried sick over you. Yes, and that stereo, it's chewed up Matt Monro.

(Speed dating)
Lean: of course I could take my pick. I particularly liked that Malcolm, though.
Blanche: The retired upholsterer?
Lean: That's the one.
Blanche: Keep your hands off, he's mine.
Lean: Am sorry, but its all fair, Blanch. My chaise lounge's not seen any stuffing in years.
Rita: I've not been taken with anybody. And them me.
Blanche: I'm sure that'll soon change.
Woman: Excuse me. I couldn't help noticing you came in with Norris.
Blanche: Aye, but try not to hold it against me.
Woman: Oh, I thought he was fascinating. But three minutes isn't enough. I want to know more about the man, not just the novelist.
Blanche: The what?
Malcolm: I hope you don't mind me prying.
Norris: No, no, not at all.. Malcolm. I knew Rita would have lots of admires.
Malcolm: Rita? No, no. Her name's Blanch.
Norris: Blanch.
Malcolm: I like a woman with sprit.
Norris: Yes? Well, that's one word for it.
Malcolm: What's her background?
Norris: Well I shouldn't talk really. I mean it is only gossip.
Malcolm: Go on.
Norris: Well round here she's known as the Black Widow. Five husbands in Southern Cemetery. Got her own vault. And I hear there's still one sarcophagus going begging.

(Rovers)
Violet: How's the patient?
Charlie: Still sickly. Some people have got better powers of recovery than others.
Violet: Good job she's got you to look after her.
Charlie: Yeah. I've got good bedside manners.

(Speed dating)
Rita: Hi, am Rita
Glenn: Yes, you certainly are.
Norris: Oh! (As he gets slapped)
Woman: Art is about nothing if not the truth
Norris: What the..?
Rita: And before that I was a night-club dancer. What about you? Are you all right?
Glenn: (Bad American accent) The name's Johnny Farrell. I want you Gilda. Please take me.

(Hospital)
Chesney: Oh, he's dead.
Male: No, he's still under anaesthetic . He won't come round for a while.
Les: But.. He will come round?
Male: The operation went as well as we could reasonably have expected. It's out of are hands now.
Fizz: What, so it could go either way?
Male: Why don't you all go home and rest?
Chesney: No way. I'll stop here.
Cilla: Don't be so daft. There's nowhere to -
Les: I'll stay with you, lad.
Kirk: Me and all.
Male: Look, I know you're all worried, but staying here overnight won't change anything. Schmeichel needs you tomorrow, not tonight.
Chesney: Not if he's going to die. Is he going to die? Is he gonna die, Uncle Les?
Les: One day, Hopefully not for a few years yet.
Chesney: Wait! Don't go boy. Please don't go

Amanda Souter

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Updates written by K Richard Whitbread, Martin Rosen, Duncan Lindsay, Ann Logan, Peter Webb, Margaret Carr, Mary Earlam, Amanda Souter.

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