2005
Sunday 2 October Episode 6127

It's early morning in the Grimshaw household, and Violet is full of remorse. Jason however, had hardened his heart and will not forgive her.

Out in the street, Janice chases after Leanne who is striding along the pavement. "Don't be like this," she calls, trotting behind her, "if I'd know it was serious…." Leanne denies that her fling with Danny was serious, but lets it be known that she's not happy with Janice's 'big gob'. At that moment Danny comes past them, on his way into work. After making sure he's gone, Leanne then tells Janice she's done her a favour, and that Jamie is the one for her. "It's mind over matter," she tells her, "I don't mind because he doesn't matter."

In the garage, Kevin has a customer who needs his vehicle ready by lunchtime. Reluctantly Kev tells him he'll see what he can do.

As Janice approaches the factory, Danny comes out and introduces himself as her 'new' boss.

Back at the garage Tyrone is showing Nathan some pictures of Maria on his mobile phone.

Jason goes over to see Charlie at the yard. He tells him he can stick his job, he thought Charlie was his mate, he trusted him. "She told you then," says Charlie, and comments that women are nightmares, one and all. Jason is seething with rage, and feels that Charlie was laughing at him. Charlie tries to tell him Violet is mad about Jason, anyone can see that, and he was so drunk he could hardly stand up, Violet could have been anybody. "She wasn't though," says Jason, "she was my girlfriend!" Charlie then changes tack, "I know you're angry," he says, "maybe I did you a favour, at least you know what she's like." Jason grabs at Charlie's t-shirt. "I hate you," he growls.

In the back hallway of the pub, Shelley is comforting Violet. "I keep asking myself why," says Violet. Shelley tells her that Charlie has a way of making someone do what they don't want to. Violet feels she has betrayed both Shelley and Jason, and she can't stay at the Grimshaws'. Shelley tells her she can stay at the pub, after all Violet carried her for long enough.

In the bar, Janice is complaining about the hard work she's been doing all morning. Just then Lloyd comes in and tells Kelly he can't make their date tonight. Fiz and Janice make sarky comments about his excuses, and Kelly tells him that she was going to wash her hair anyway. "Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to finish my drink," she says primly, and Lloyd leaves. "Good riddance to bad rubbish," says Janice.

Martin is talking to Robyn, his new 'foxy' friend. She's planning a surprise for him, and then produces a whistle and blows it. The whole pub falls silent and everyone turns to look. "It's ok, I'm a p.e. teacher, I do this for a living," says Robyn to the throng, and hands the whistle to Martin.

Eileen arrives home and finds Violet about to leave with a bag. She demands to know what's going on, and asks what Jason has done now. Violet confesses that she kissed Charlie, and to start with Eileen is outraged. She quickly calms down, and then asks, "Do you love our Jason?" Violet tells her she loves him more than anything, and Eileen thinks he'll come round. Violet however, is convinced that she's ruined everything.

Kevin sees Nathan working under a car. As he comes out, Nathan remarks that he might have to sleep there tonight. Kevin says he can crash at his place, although Nathan is worried about Rosie. Kevin assures Nathan that, in Rosie's words, Nathan is 'so yesterday!'

Just then Kevin notices Tyrone giving the keys of the vehicle that was brought in that morning, to a young lad. "Who's he?" he wants to know. The boy tells Kevin that his dad has asked him to pick it up, he's had to take his mother to hospital, and will be round with the money later. Kevin finally hands the keys over, and the boy takes the car.

Charlie drives around the corner in his truck and sees Violet taking her bag into the Rovers.

Over in the factory, Janice is outraged because she reckons she's short of money in her pay packet. She calls Danny over who asks how much she's got, agrees there's been a mistake and takes ten pounds. "I've overpaid you," he says. Janice follows him into his office and shuts the door.

Lloyd then arrives, with a large bouquet of roses for Kelly.

In the office, Danny is telling Janice that if she doesn't like it, she knows where the door is. "Don't make this a battle of wills, Lippy," says Danny, "because I will win."

Martin has arrived home, dressed in the black shirt and shorts of a referee. "Those girls were evil," he says to Robyn. (He's obviously been helping out at a match of some sort between secondary school girls, but I couldn't quite work out what it was, maybe some of my fellow reporters could enlighten me.)

Across the street, Jason approaches the pub and stands outside for a few moment, staring at the door. Then he walks away.

In the garage, the owner of the car has arrived to collect it, telling Kevin he doesn't have any kids, now he doesn't have a car, and Kevin owes him five thousand pounds. Nathan comes into the office at that moment, and tells Tyrone to put the kettle on and that the 'gentleman' is just leaving. It seems that Nathan has come across this man and his scam before, in Bolton. As he's leaving the man points his finger at Nathan and tells him that this isn't finished. A scuffle then breaks out, with Nathan getting the better of the crook, "I think I'm going to have to charge you for the extra labour, mate," he tells him.

Danny and Leanne meet outside the factory, and decide it would be nice if they said goodbye to each other properly. "What you doing tomorrow night?" he asks her.

Martin and Robyn are in the pub, with Ashley and Claire, and over at another table sit Kevin, Tyrone and Nathan, talking about a stag night that Kevin went to once. Tracy comes in and sits down with them, "You don't mind if I join you, do you?" she asks, rather too late. "Don't let me stop you, I could do with some intellectual conversation," she says. "What do you think about men in thongs?" asks Tyrone.

Martin and Ashley go to the bar to get the drinks, and are served by Violet who looks rather pale and peaky. "Are you all right, Violet?" asks Ashley. She tells him it's just been a long day, but looks on wistfully as he returns to his table and gives Claire a kiss.

At another table, Janice is trying to convince Kelly that Lloyd is using her. "So?" says Kelly, "I'm using him." "You need help," says Janice. "I need love," says Kelly. Janice asks if she thinks she's going to get it from him. Kelly tells her she hates what he's doing, but the rest of the time he's good to her. There are times when you just have to settle for something, and she's sick of waiting for Prince Charming to come and rescue her.

Kevin, Tyrone and Nathan are telling Tracy about the fight with the con man in the garage. "What is it with men and fighting?" Tracy wants to know. Tyrone thought that girls like to feel protected. "No, victims need protecting," says Tracy, getting up to get her round in, "and I pay my own way." As she gets up to go to the bar, Nathan remarks that he's starting to like her. "You're playing with fire, mate," says Kevin.

Violet is walking along the street in the dark, and sees Charlie locking the gates to the yard. "I told him," she says. Charlie says he knows, and reckons that Violet shouldn't have told him, that is what has hurt him. He adds that he knows that Violet has moved in with Shelley, she's a forgiving person.

Jason is talking to his mum. Eileen points out that Violet hates herself right now. "Good," says Jason. He says that he always thought it would be him who betrayed her, and he really liked her. "You love her," says Eileen. Jason wonders how he can trust her after this, and Eileen urges him to talk to her. When he says he can't, Eileen tells him in that case he never really loved her in the first place.

Annie Logan.





Monday 3 October Episode 6128, 219

Over at the Baldwin's Jamie and Danny are preparing for going away. Danny asks him if he's got his tickets and passport. Jamie asks Frankie, "Have we got any of them batteries for a remote control" She says yes and asks why he needs them. He says it's for his electrical toothbrush. Danny says kids are lazy then, "What's wrong with a good old manual toothbrush?" Jamie replies saying you get a better clean. Danny says the old ways work better. He then asks what happens when they batteries run out, "Your teeth will drop out while my smile keeps on shining" Frankie cant believe she's going to be on her own and says she's going to be going out all the time. She then tells Danny to bring her back a present. He replies saying it's a business trip not a shopping one. "You bring me back something nice or don't bother coming back at all" she says.

At the flat Leanne tells Janice, "You look terrible" Janice says, "And I feel terrible" she then says she hates Mondays. "Yeah? Well, try not getting plastered on Sundays then" Leanne tells her. Janice asks her to come to bingo with her, she says no. Janice then says they could get a video and some crisps, again Leanne says no. Janice says, "I thought lover boy was away to Holland" She then accuses her of going to see Danny. Leanne says they are saying good bye to each other. Janice says, "You told me Jamie was the only one for you" She asks her again to come to bingo, then walks of in disgust.

And at the Platt's Martin comes down the stairs. Sarah can't believe her mum is going to give Phil a second chance and says, "He took advantage! He took advantage of both of us. Will you tell her Martin?" Martin says, "You have to be careful these days. There are some right nutters out there" Gail replies, "He is 'not' a nutter" David says, "I've never liked him anyway" Gail says, "Do I have to ask your permission every time I meet somebody new?" Sarah replies, "You might do better if you did" Gail says, "I don't pass judgment on your friends" Sarah gasps, "You pass judgment on every boyfriend I meet" Martin says, "It's what parents do" Gail says, "Shall we change the subject then? Shall we talk about 'your' new girlfriend, Robyn? Is it" Martin asks David, "Fancy doing something this weekend, mate?" He says yes and Gail says, "Coward" Sarah tells her mum to stay away from Phil.

Grimshaw's household Sean takes some toast and tells Jason, "She love you, you know" Jason does not want to talk about it. Sean turns to Eileen saying they both lost out in love and he has healing powers. Eileen says, "Shut it, Sean" Some one knock's at the door and Sean then tells Eileen it's time they were going. She says she hasn't had her breakfast, "I think four slices of toast is quite enough" he says. Sean the goes to get the door and it's Violet. Jason looks at Sean and says, "You set this up" he then leaves. Sean says he will sort this and goes after Jason. Eileen tells Violet to sit down. She tells Violet that Jason is like a dinosaur and you can talk common sense all day to him, but it will take a week to register.

Just out side the factory Danny asks Jamie, "You checked the van for illegal immigrants?" he replies, "I had to kick out a family of mice. They wanted to start a new life in a windmill in old Amsterdam" Danny says, "Right. This is a special delivery son. So don't screw it up, ok?" Jamie tells him, "I'll be fine. In fact, I've got ages. I was hoping we could have a chat, you and me" He asks what and Jamie says, "I don't know. Stuff" Danny says he has a plane to catch as Leanne comes over and says, "Hiya, I couldn't let you go with out saying good bye" Danny goes. Jamie tells Leanne they should do some thing special when he gets back. She asks what but he says it's a surprise. Jamie tells her he loves her and she tells her to take care.

Over at the Battersby's Cilla asks Les what he is going to wear at his wedding, "And don't say your snakeskin jacket. I am not walking down the aisle to marry a reptile" Les says, "You can wear that tight orange dress of yours. You know, the one that always gets me going. Phwoarr" She replies, "Orange. I am not getting married in orange! I am getting married in white. Something puffy, lacy and frilly, with wings" Les splutters his mouthful of tea all over the table, "Wings? Why do you want wings?" Cilla says, "So I look like a angel" Les says it don't not matter what she wear because everyone will be looking at the Quo. Cilla angrily tells Les she will have wings.

In the Cab office Eileen moans about Phil as he blanked her in the street. "That man has been intimate with my feet! How dare he just ignore me?" she says. Steve tells her that George, has handed his notice in saying he wants to spend more time with his family. Eileen rages, "Oh, his family, my eye. He hates his family. That's why he works the night shift. He's been done for receiving again, hasn't he? That'll be six months again. I wish you wouldn't keep employing ex cons, they are 'not' reliable and now I'll have to find a new driver" He looks shocked and asks if she's all right. She says yes.

A

t the Cafe Martin tells Kevin that he has phoned, left a voice message and now has left a text to Robyn as he likes her. Kevin says it seams less desperate. Frankie asks Leanne, "Why don't you come round tonight. Watch a dvd?" Leanne turns down the offer saying she might have an early night. A customer goes out with out their change and Frankie runs after them. She gives him his change and says, "I know it's only 38p but every little helps" He thanks her. She then shouts on Leanne as she sees Jamie's van being towed. She says she thinks Jamie has been in an accident. They both run round the corner to the garage.

Over at the garage, they find Jamie begging the garage lads to look at the van. Tyrone says, "Looks like the engine's cooked to me" Jamie tells them he checked the oil, water and everything before he left and it was fine, "This is a really important order. My dad will kill me if I don't get it there. Please lads" Kevin asks what time his ferry is and he replies, "Twelve thirty" They tell him no chance. Jamie mentions that there's another ferry at four. Nathan tells him, "It's a big job, but we have worked miracles in the past" Kevin adds, "Yeah, but we're stacked out with work" Leanne says, "You've been sat in the cafe half the morning. You can't be 'that' busy" Kevin tells Jamie he'll see what they can do but that he isn't making any promises. Jamie says, "Thanks lads, I'll make it up to you. I'll go see if I can get booked on the four o'clock ferry"

At the Rovers violet is mopping the floor. Bev thinks she is putting on a brave face. Fred says work is the best thing to take her mind of it. Bev goes and Fred tells Violet she is going a grad job. She smiles and he tells her to have a break. She says no but he insists she take one.

Back at the Cafe Roy says, "I was left all on my own. I had no idea where the two of you were. You could have been abducted for all I knew" Frankie tells him about Jamie. Frankie hands Leanne her house keys and tells her, "Go on, you get off and spend some time with Jamie. I saw the look on your face when you saw that van. Go and have some time together before he goes. I'll square it with Roy" Leanne runs and Roy asks Frankie were she's going. She tells him Leanne was upset and would be a hazard round the deep fat fryer so she told her to go.

Baldwin's again and Jamie is on the phone trying to get the later ferry as Leanne comes in the door. She opens her top and he says this is important. "Yeah I know, so is this" she says and starts to open his shirt. She starts kissing him and they both giggle. He then hangs up the phone.

Over at the Cab office Steve says he hates his life. Eileen asks if he wants to swap. He says no and she replies, "Well it can't be that bad then" He says he only gets to see his daughter once a week. Eileen tells him she's fresh out of support having used it all up on Jason and Violet. He says, "Apart from seeing Amy, it feels like my life is on hold" Eileen smiles, "Well they say good things come to those who wait" Steve looks happy. He replies, "You reckon?" she barks, "No, I'm just saying it to try and stop your self obsessed whinging" he tells her she's becoming bitter and twisted. She says she's told fat Harry then need drives and he knows everyone.

Back at the garage Tyrone in an American accent says, "It was a crack team of mechanics framed for a crime they didn't commit, now they work in a back street garage performing mechanical miracles every day. So if your van has gone up in smoke, and you can find them, maybe you can hire... the A Team" he then sings a them tune. Kevin tells Nathan to hit him with a spanner. "With pleasure" Nathan replies. Sarah coming out of the corner shop sees Phil and asks, "Um, Where do you think you're going?" he says to see her mum. "She doesn't want to talk to you" Phil asks, "Is that what she said?" Sarah continues, "We trusted you and you took advantage" Phil says, "Can I talk to her please?" Sarah tells him, "I just told you, she doesn't want to talk to you" and walks off.

Battersby's household and Cilla has designed her own dress out of curtains, tablecloths and cardboard wings. Yana tells her, "It looks classy. You make Posh look cheap" Cilla hits on the idea of chatting up some rich bloke in a pub. Then getting him to buy her wedding dress for her. "When I'm all dolled up, full warpaint, cleavage to stun, I can cadge drinks off a bloke all night then get him to buy me a wedding dress" She says. Yana tells her, "If you could find a rich man to buy you a dress, don't you think you'd be marrying him now instead of Les?" Cilla sighs, "You've spotted the weakness in my plan"

Platt's again and Gail tells Sarah, "You took your time" Sarah says, "I saw your Phil outside" Gail looks pleased and says, "Really?" Sarah tells her, "Don't you look like that. He is a creep" Gail asks, "What was he doing outside the house?" Sarah replies, "He wanted to explain" Gail says, "Oh?" Sarah tells her, "Mum, he's bad news. Don't waste your time" There is a knock at the door and Gail smiles and says, "Do you think that's him?" Sarah tells her, "Yes" Gail asks, "Did you tell him I was here?" Sarah replies, "I told him you didn't want to talk to him cos that's what you told me last night" Gail says, "Maybe he'll go away" Her face lights up when Phil shouts through the letter box, "Gail, Gail, I know you're in there"

At the garage Martin says, "Answer phone again" Kevin tells him her phone is probably switched off while she is at work. Martin grumps, "She's not 'at' work. She's got the day off. Some charity do at Scarsdale Football Club" Kevin tells it's because of that. Martin tells him, "It doesn't even start for another two hours" Kevin says, "Well maybe she's playing hard to get... or maybe she just isn't interested in you at all" Martin walks away. Tyrone and Nathan laugh at Phil telling him to carry on and ignore them.

Platt's household and Sarah whispers, "If you let him in I will never respect you again" Phil's voice, "I feel a fool talking to a letter box, people are staring. Please, Gail" Gail has a big smile on her face.

Baldwin's and Jamie pulls away from Kissing Leanne telling her he better check on the van. He tells her how much he loves her, "I've never met a girl like you before. I'm not just in love with you, I'm head over heels. I've been dreading this trip. I hate being away from you for even a day, I miss you like crazy when you walk out of a room" He goes in his jacket pocket, "I was going to do this when I got back but... I've been thinking about this for ages. Don't look so nervous, it'll be alright" he opens the box to reveal a diamond ring and asks, "Leanne Battersby, will you marry me?" Leanne looks totally stunned, she cries, "Oh yes! yes, course I will. Come here" and hugs him.

Second part of tonight

Tyrone and his pals, also known as 'The A Team' have managed to fix Jamie's van. Tyrone calls round to give Jamie the key and Jamie hugs Tyrone. Jamie tells Leanne that he can't bear to be away from her blah blah and asks her to go to Holland with him and his van-full knickers. Leanne agrees to go to Holland with Jamie and leaves a message on Danny's mobile to say she can't make their night of passion. Leanne rushes to the Cafe to tell Roy that she needs more time off but won't explain why. Roy as you would expect, reluctantly agrees and Leanne kisses both Roy and Vera.

At the Rovers, Sean's attempts to change Jason's mind about making up with Violet are in vain.

Les, Steve and Eileen consult the list of names of interviewees for a possible taxi driver. One of these is a Ronnie Clayton and Les is convinced that this is the infamous 'Dodgy Ron', rough as a bag of nails. Les harps on about Ronnie and how he has been in Strangeways for GBH and a worried Steve asks Les to stick around during the interview. Then, surprise surprise but a woman walks in, a nice looking woman identifying herself as Ronnie. Les is promptly sent on his lunch break by Steve. Eileen hands Gail an olive branch and Gail is not very gracious about it. Phil comes along and asks to speak with Gail. Phil and Gail head to the Platt's but not before Gail shoots Eileen a look of triumph.

At the Cafe, a customer hands a mobile in to Roy and Vera assumes that it belongs to Frankie. Vera says she will take it to Frankie later when she has finished her shift.

The 'Big Yin' is at Gail's where he presents her with a foot spa! He asks Gail if they can go back to the way it was when they first met. That would be around about the time when Gail was reporting him to the medical centre manager for professional misconduct then would it? To prove his intentions, Phil sets a rolling pin to the interview tapes and Gail flutters her eyelids.

Martin, worried that he hasn't heard from the Fox, turns up to Scarsdale Footie Club. He tells the Fox how much he likes her and is surprised when the Fox takes off its head to reveal and dorky looking youth! Robyn is in fact stood behind him minus a fox outfit and Martin is embarrassed. Martin wonders if he should have bothered coming at all, but Robyn assures him that it was - as she needs help flogging some raffle tickets.

Ronnie flirts with Steve in the cab office leaving him all-of-a-flutter as she flashes her undies each time she bends over. Vera takes the mobile phone to Frankie who explains that it isn't hers but Leanne's. They get chatting about love and romance and their respective husbands.

In the Rovers Jack is telling Cilla that there are three types of rings, engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering. Cilla tells Jack that in some countries, people pin money to the bride's dress. Jack thinks that she would be wasting her time if she tried that in Coronation Street. Shelly is behind the bar trying to talk some sense in to Jason. She tells Jason that it is all Charlie's fault and that he preys on people in love like Jason and Violet.

At the cab office Steve informs Lloyd that the position for a cab driver has now been filled. Lloyd wants to interview a Mr Price but Steve won't hear of it now he has set his eyes on Ronnie.

On the road to Holland, Leanne realises that she is missing a mobile phone. At this point, Danny gets Leanne's message that she wont be joining him at the hotel and rings her mobile. Frankie picks up Leanne's mobile and wonders why Danny would be calling Leanne. She answers it and Danny, thinking it is Leanne harps on about hotel rooms and champagne to a horrified Frankie. Danny is dumbstruck when he realises it is Frankie he has just spoken to and hangs up...

Amanda Souter and Joanne



Wednesday 5 October Episode 6130

Written by: Peter Whalley
Directed by: Rob Rohrer

In a very chic, expensive-looking hotel room, Danny Baldwin snaps his mobile phone closed, and looks like a shattered man. Meanwhile, back in Coronation Street, Frankie looks devastated. Her phone rings; it's Danny. He comes out with a very lame story that, ever since Frankie set the fire alarm off at the hotel in Manchester, every time Danny's away he rings Leanne to ask her where she is. It was just a joke, he explains. He thinks he just might get away with it, but Frankie, in tears, says, 'You must think I'm really, really stupid.' She asks him where he is and he says he's in Glasgow. She says if he gives her the hotel number she'll call him back, but she knows he won't do that because that would give away where he really is. She tells him that if he wants to talk about it he has to come home. Danny's so upset he kicks his overnight bag.

To contradict what I said last week about Coronation Street being situated in the land of the midnight sun, it's actually dark in the next scene. Charlie is in his van and, spotting Jason, stops to ask him if he needs a reference. Jason says he doesn't have another job yet, and Charlie suggests they meet for a drink, 'and you can tell me what to put.' 'Put what you like,' Jason says, turning away. 'About eight o'clock then,' says Charlie, who doesn't take no for an answer unless it's at his own wedding. He drives away.

Jason goes to the cab office to see his mum ('I can't find owt for me tea'). Steve has just invited Ronnie for a drink and they're on their way out. Eileen asks Jason if he's made it up with Violet and he says no. Eileen says that Violet's only fault is she's too honest, and most girls would have just kept quiet about what happened with Charlie. She thinks Jason should be generous enough to forgive her. He won't talk about it, and goes to get fish and chips.

In t'Rovers, Violet is telling Shelley that she's apologised to Jason till she's blue in the face, and he has to make the next move. Liz comes in and tells Bev that when she's working she needs wing mirrors so she can see Diggory creeping up behind her. Then Liz spots Tyrone, and asks him how he would feel if she moved out of the flat she shares with Maria. He looks delighted. Steve and Ronnie are talking to Lloyd, and Liz comes over to ask Steve if she can have a word with him. She asks him if she can move in with him, and he agrees, possibly because he's distracted about leaving Ronnie alone too long with Lloyd.

Danny is in a taxi on his way home, and he rings Frankie to ask her not to do anything till he gets there and talks to her. He says he doesn't want her talking to Leanne or Jamie first.

Les and Cilla are arguing about wedding dresses. She wants one, he thinks she should just wear one of the nice dresses she already has, or borrow one. This gives Cilla an idea: 'Appen someone whose wedding was such a disaster they'd want to forget all about it, 'appen they wouldn't want to hang on to their dress. So who had the worst wedding of all? She's about my size, an'all.'

Gail is off out on a date with Phil the Foot, and Sarah isn't pleased about it. 'What are you going to talk about?' she says. 'Richard Hillman?' 'Ignore her,' Gail says to Phil. And they do.

Danny gets out of the taxi, and goes back into the house to face the wrath of Frankie. She waits for him to come out with another excuse, and when he just stands there looking sheepish she says, 'So you're admitting you had an affair with her?' For once, Danny looks lost for words, and eventually he says quietly, 'If you want to put it like that, yeah, I'm admitting it.' 'An affair with you son's girlfriend? I don't believe I'm standing here listening to you say it.' He says he wishes he could lie his way out of it, for all their sakes, but he can't. He says it's just been an occasional thing, meeting in hotels and so on. Frankie realises he was there at the hotel where she set the fire alarm off: 'And you sent her out to con me, and you even got me to apologise that I suspected her!' She says he's the lowest of the low. He looks completely ashamed, and she's halfway between furious and upset at being betrayed. She asks him why it happened. 'You know why, Frank,' he says. 'She's a sexy girl and I'm...I'm me.' 'A b*stard,' she says, and can't hold back the tears. He says he's really sorry, but she says he's only sorry that he got found out. He tells her that this was going to be his last night with Leanne. 'Well it doesn't have to be now, does it, because *she* is going to be free and *you* are going to be free!' He tries to calm her down but she goes for him, screaming and hitting him. He grabs her to try and calm her but she keeps lashing out and telling him they're finished. 'It's not what I want, Frank,' he says, but she pushes him away. 'Who cares what you want?' she yells, 'We all *know* what you want – Leanne Battersby in a hotel bed, that's what you want!' She asks him where Leanne is, and he says he's got no idea. She says she's going to have a word with his tart, and in the meantime he can start packing.

In the Rovers, Lloyd overhears Liz telling Bev that she's moving out of the taxi office flat. By coincidence, the lease is up on wherever he's living now, so he's looking for somewhere to live, but Liz points out that Maria is still there. Frankie comes into the pub, and loudly asks if Leanne has been in. Everyone stares at her because she looks so upset and disheveled, and Liz says no-one's seen Leanne. Frankie goes back out.

Shelley is somewhat suspicious when Les and Cilla come into the pub and are really nice to her – Cilla even gives her a tip! Shelley soon finds out the reason for this when Cilla asks if she can borrow her wedding dress. Bev, Violet and Liz can't believe she has the nerve and insensitivity to ask (don't they know Cilla?). 'I don't know what all the fuss is about,' says Cilla, as Shelley rushes out to the back room followed by Bev, 'What's she doing? Saving it for next time?'

Danny is talking to Janice on the phone. Janice tells him that Leanne has gone to Holland with Jamie. Frankie rings Janice's doorbell, and Danny tells Janice that Frankie knows about him and Leanne, but she doesn't know that Janice knows (are you following this?). Janice tells Frankie that Leanne has gone to Holland with Jamie. 'Are you sure you ain't hiding her somewhere?' Frankie says. Janice repeats that Leanne is in Holland so Frankie will have to wait. She asks if Frankie wants her to give Leanne a message. 'I'll giver her that myself, thank you,' Frankie says.

Gail and Phil are having a nice meal at the Italian place (the one people go to if they can't afford/the occasion isn't special enough for The Clock). She thinks he shouldn't worry too much about what Sarah thinks about him.

To generalised amazement, Shelley brings her wedding dress out for Cilla. 'I hope it's luckier for you than it was for me,' she says. 'Enjoy your big day.' 'I intend to,' says Cilla. 'You haven't got the shoes that go with it, have you?' Les takes her home before she can cause further embarrassment.

Ronnie is about to leave, and Steve says he'll walk her home. 'He can't take his eyes off her,' Eileen says. 'Nor wait to get his hands on her,' adds Lloyd.

Violet is about to go home as well, but just before she does, Jason comes in and asks her if she'd like to go out with him at the weekend. She agrees.

Lloyd and Liz are both at the bar when Maria comes in. Liz tells her that she's moving out of the flat: 'So I won't be hanging around getting in you way any more.' 'No, it'll be me instead,' adds Lloyd. Maria looks gobsmacked, but Lloyd says it's only an idea and he is house trained. Maria says she'll be back in one minute, and goes out.

Frankie comes home and starts laying into Danny again, saying he's worse than an animal and she hates him. 'I hate her, but I hate you more! I'll never forgive you for this.' She says everyone is going to know because she's going to tell them. 'I'll give you anything you want,' he says, 'Divorce, this house, anything. All I'm asking is you don't tell Jamie. Tell him I was playing away, tell him anything as far as that's concerned, but not that it was with Leanne. Otherwise I'll lose him for good. You may think I deserve it, but I'm asking you not to, please.'

Cilla and Les are coming back home with the wedding dress, and the ever-gracious Cilla says, 'I'll look better in it than she ever did.' She takes it upstairs 'so the dog can't get his mucky paws on it.'

Maria comes back into the pub, where Tyrone is now waiting for her with Liz. Maria tells them she's been over to see Fiz, and is going to be moving back into the salon flat, because she couldn't cope with the idea of sharing a flat with Lloyd. Liz says she thought Lloyd was just joking, but Maria says it doesn't matter because she likes the idea of living with Fiz and Candice again. Tyrone is not happy – he'll have even less privacy than he did before. When Lloyd hears from Liz that he's cunningly managed to get himself a new flat, he's very pleased.

Elsewhere in the pub, Charlie convinces Jason to come back and work for him. Charlie is wearing a white vest. Don't know if that has any particular influence on Jason's decision, but I just thought I'd mention it to help you visualise the scene.

Frankie is throwing Danny out. 'I am sorry,' he repeats. 'No-one's ever been as sorry, but it's happened and I can't do anything about it.' 'No, you can't,' she says. He goes out, and walks away across the wet cobbles, the overnight back he kicked earlier slung over his shoulder.

Sue Haasler







Friday 7 October Episode 6131

At last! Someone who really does look as if she's been crying for hours. Debra Stephenson, as Frankie Baldwin, and Jane Danson, as Leanne Battersby, have really been acting up a storm!

Frankie is sitting at the table, fiddling with her wedding ring, when Danny comes in, looking upstairs as if he expects everyone to still be asleep. Frankie's been thinking about all the times Danny's been away and also working out whether or not he's had Leanne in the bed upstairs. She tells Danny she will never forgive him. He's come to say he will be staying at Mike's. "Be where you like," she mutters. He pleads with her to keep it from Jamie. "Tell him I've cheated on you, sure," he says. But he begs her not to tell him, because it will make it worse for Jamie. He'll disown Danny and won't have a dad any more. "Is that what you really want? Are you going to punish him?" He says if she tells Jamie what really went on, Jamie will suffer more than any of them. Frankie refuses to promise anything.

Steve throws some keys to Ronnie and Eileen gives her the first job -- a supermarket pick-up. She leaves and Eileen and Lloyd give Steve a hard time for hiring someone based on the way she looks.

Fiz has had a text from Candice saying that Danny has moved into Mike's, but Adam refuses to tell them what it's all about. Janice goes into the office. Danny thinks she's told all the others, but she points out it's her step daughter caught in the middle of the mess. She tells him she'll be keeping quiet because Jamie and Leanne plan on getting wed.

There's a bloke looming over Eileen. Which she would normally think was a good thing, I expect. But this one is menacing, demanding to know, in one of those steely voices, where the bosses are. Lloyd comes in and the bloke explains what he's after. He owns Connect Cabs. He's Jimmy Clayton. His wife has left him and he expects she'll be trying to find work as a cabbie, and he doesn't want her to find it. And what's her name? Veronica, or Ronnie, of course!

Gail is explaining the workings of a foot spa to David. Gail warns Sarah, who is being very sarcastic, not to turn against Phil. They're interrupted by Jason coming in from the garden. He wants Gail to check something.

In the garden, Jason checks how Gail wants her new fence. The finished one will be about three feet high. Keith, who is massaging his pig (not a euphemism, he really is!) snorts in derision. "Three foot! He's an 'igh jump champion. He'll be over there like a flash. No, no, you need at least eight foot!" He sees their faces and laughs. "No, foot and a half'll do it."

Danny has obviously told Frankie about the Jamie-Leanne wedding plans. Frankie is furious. He pleads with her again not tell Jamie the truth. Frankie shouts that she'll do what she likes.

Outside, the very engaged couple arrive back. Both are extremely cheerful. Danny tells them that Frankie's found out he's been seeing somebody else. "I can't tell you who." Leanne quickly asks if Frankie knows who. Danny says she does. Jamie tries to ask if it's one of the factory women or some other slag but Danny says it's got nothing to do with him. He's only telling Jamie because Jamie would notice he wasn't around the house. Jamie points out that he promised he wouldn't do this when they all moved up from London. Leanne excuses herself and goes home. "Good timing, Dad," says Jamie, revealing the wedding plans.

Danny is in the factory and Leanne has called him, wanting to know how Frankie found out. Danny tells her and says he tried lying his way out of it but couldn't. Danny says he's asked Frankie not to tell Jamie but can't guarantee it.

In the taxi office, Steve has been called back and Lloyd and Eileen tells him about Ronnie's husband. Steve has met Jimmy Clayton once or twice. "Strikes me he's the kind of fella used to getting his own way," says Lloyd. "He's a nutter," agrees Steve. Lloyd wants Steve to tell Ronnie she's sacked.

Eileen has gone round to take Jason his lunch, which he forgot (he's taking a packed lunch all of 50 feet to work??). Gail has the foot spa running out in the yard. She's asleep in a deck chair with an electric lead running inside the house where she's got it plugged in. Eileen notes all this. Instead of hatching some kind of electrocution plot (my first reaction) she looks at the cement being mixed for the fence's postholes and comes up with an altogether more devious plan. Before Jason knows it (and he is slow to know things), she's pouring the cement into the foot spa, asking Jason how long it will take to set. About 20 minutes, apparently. "Just got time to nip home and have me cheese on toast, then I'll come back and watch," she says. "And don't you dare wake her up."

Danny's gone to see Frankie. He wants to know what's going to happen with Frankie and Danny, but she can't tell him. He tells Frankie about his marriage plans and asks who the other woman is. "Does it matter?" Frankie asks. She cries as her stepson tries to comfort her.

Steve is digging his heels in over sacking Ronnie. She comes in, mystified why she's been called back for "a two-boss situation. What have I done?" Lloyd tells her Steve needs to talk to her. He tells her he'll take her to the Rovers and buy her a drink. "I never drink when I'm driving." She pauses. "Oh, I see, I'm not going to be driving."

Charlie is questioning Jason about why he didn't stop Eileen. Gail is still asleep, as Eileen sees when she sticks her head round the garden gate which, as we all know, is across from the garage, on the other side of the factory entrance. Jason tells her it's set rock solid. "Eileen, we are reputable builders. We do not cement our clients' feet in spa baths." Eileen wakes up Gail. "What's happened? I can't move my feet!" Eileen helps her to her feet and Jason takes her other arm. Eileen then starts all these sympathetic noises, at the same time pushing Gail to and fro like one of those toys that bounces back up again. Several of the factory staff hear the noise and come into the garden. Candice wants to know if it's some sort of new fitness thing. Sarah wants to know if she should call 999. Charlie assures her that they'll get Gail out. I'm afraid the set cement didn't look very convincing, so when it gets to your screens, pretend you don't notice.

Before Steve and Ronnie even get to the pub, she's guessed her husband has been round. She refuses to go in. "I may not be able to choose where I work, but at least I can choose who I drink with. And it won't be with cowards who jump whenever Jimmy Clayton tells them to." Steve tells her she's got it wrong. He's not going to sack her. He invites her back to his flat to talk about it.

Jamie is leaving Frankie's. He can't believe she wants him to continue to work at the factory. "He is your dad," she says. She leaves him, saying she's got a bit of business to sort out.

Steve explains to Ronnie that he's got him mum living there and that he's going through a divorce, so he understands something of what she's going through. "Yeah, but I bet she didn't knock you about," Ronnie says. Steve tells her what Jimmy said. But they didn't tell him they'd employed her.

Frankie arrives at Leanne's with the mobile phone. Leanne looks scared, and Frankie looks so furious I don't blame her. Leanne says it takes two and Frankie shouldn't blame her. Frankie tells her there will be no wedding. "Not now. Not ever."

Steve tells Ronnie she's not leaving. "You might regret that. I'm trouble," she says, and he kisses her.

"You're not marrying Jamie," Frankie says. "The only thing up for discussion is how we call it off. Either I do it, by telling him about you and Danny, or you do. Just tell him you've changed your mind and get out of his life." Frankie points out that if she tells him the truth it'll devastate Jamie. "So I'm giving you the chance to do a bit of good for a change and spare him that." She promises Leanne she'll tell Jamie if she has to. "Whether or not I do have to is down to you." And she slams the door on the way out.

The end.
Margaret Carr






Sunday 9 October Episode 6132

Here's the report for Sunday 9th October, with more brilliant acting from the super Corrie cast. Wendi Peters' comic timing, as Cilla, is once again fantastic.

We open in Mike Baldwin's living room where Danny is woken from his slumber on the sofa by Adam who comes in in his dressing gown and turns on the tv. Danny is feeling fragile after a night of heavy drinking and turns the tv off, warning Adam that if he doesn't want him at work tomorrow in a bad mood he should make himself scarce. Sulkily, Adam retreats.

Over at the Battersby's, Yana is trying unsuccessfully to squeeze a rotund Cilla into Shelley's wedding dress. Cilla, stuffing a sausage roll into her mouth, tells Yana that it's not her fault if Shelley's a flat as a pancake, and remarks that the dress apparently cost over a grand, but needs to be shortened a bit, as her thighs are her best feature! (Just how short does she plan to make it? That's a scary image!) Yana starts flicking though a wedding mag, looking for ideas to 'tart it up a bit'. Cilla, now swigging lager from the tin, (what a beautiful bride!) agrees that the dress is a bit boring. She flops onto the sofa beside her friend, and there's a ripping sound. "Needs altering anyway," she says. Just then Les can be heard coming in, and Cilla makes a bolt for the kitchen, shouting, "Don't look at me!" Les wonders if Cilla could knock him up a fry-up while she's out there. "In me dress?" she shrieks, "Anyway, you've got church to sort out." Les moans that she can't expect him to go round churches on a Sunday, but it seems that Cilla does.

Ronnie walks into Steve's kitchen with a towel over her wet hair, and is surprised to find that it's not Steve cooking breakfast, but his mother. Both are rather embarrassed but introduce themselves.

In Frankie's house, she's up early, scrubbing the floor and cleaning. Jamie urges her to stop while he makes her breakfast, and tells her he hates what Danny's done to her.

Violet knocks on Jason's door, and when he answers it she asks him if he fancies going to the pictures with her that evening. He says he'll pick her up at the pub later.

Ronnie and Liz are getting on famously in Steve's kitchen, while he munches on toast and tries to read the paper. When their conversation gets round to him, he tries desperately to change the subject, but they're not having any of it.

Jason and Charlie are walking down the road, and are seen by Violet. She's outraged that Jason is back with Charlie, after the hard time he gave her. "Do you know how many nights I lay awake crying, because of what he did?" she asks him, "and then hey presto! He clicks his fingers…… Forget it!" she turns and walks off.

Eileen comes down the street and sees Steve bidding Ronnie a passionate farewell on the doorstep, and she smiles.

Jamie and Leanne are in the pub, in front of a gaudy looking fruit machine with the flashing lights that I've not noticed before. Jamie thinks they ought to go round and see Frankie, then he could go out and leave Leanne to comfort his stepmother. Leanne tries to get out of it, but Jamie won't be dissuaded.

Behind the bar, Bev is still griping about Shelley giving her wedding dress to Cilla. She sees Les having a drink with Lloyd and calls out to him, saying she hopes they're going to be invited to this wedding, seeing as it's Shelley's dress. "Course you are," says Les, "I'll drop you round the wedding list so you know what to buy!"

He goes back to his conversation with Lloyd, and tells him that he's been round six churches. He was amazed that 'the Jewish place' was closed, on a Sunday! He's disgusted that they all want him to attend regularly for months before they'd consider marrying him and Cilla. "I don't believe in God, do I?" he says to Lloyd, "Oh no, I'm no hypocrite."

Jamie and Leanne arrive at Frankie's, and he goes to get milk for a cuppa. Frankie glares and Leanne with steely eyes, and Leanne looks decidedly uncomfortable. Frankie is full of venom, and won't let Leanne when she tries to head for the door. She tells her that the only reason she's not outside shouting from the rooftops about her and Danny is because it would break Jamie's heart to find out the truth about his father. "The only way to deal with a cancer like you is to cut it out," she snarls.

Just then Jamie comes back, as Leanne turns her face away and wipes away the tears. She pleads a headache and rushes out, leaving Jamie to enjoy the tea and cakes he's bought with Frankie.

Lloyd walks over to Steve in the Rovers, asking if Ronnie went ballistic when Steve gave her the bullet. "Or did she take it lying down?" quips Eileen. Steve confesses that he didn't sack her. Lloyd is really worried, because of her gangster husband, but Les just chortles, "So we're keeping the totty? Whey-hey!" Lloyd goes off, saying they'll talk about it in the morning. Eileen asks if Steve did anything interesting last night, like rent a video, go ten-pin bowling, or sleep with the taxi-driving wife of a violent competitor?

Bev tells Les she's heard he's having problems finding a church, and tells him that at the Weatherfield Arms there was a priest, Father Abraham, who had his own church, he might be able to help. He's very passionate, deeply devoted to his church. It's a small congregation, but very enthusiastic. Les rushes off to find this priest, and Shelley asks Bev if she was winding Les up. "He's a priest all right," says Bev, and then confesses that he's rather unorthodox, he's been ex-communicated. "But he does a have church…..well, I say 'church', more of a cult really, but I'm sure he'll give Les and Cilla the wedding they deserve!"

David is out in the street and is disgusted to see his dad and Robyn walking along, laughing and joking with each other.

On the corner, Leanne stands, crying. Jamie comes up behind her, and is concerned to see her upset. Leanne makes up a story about letting their wedding plans slip to Frankie, who then shouted at her. Leanne thinks that they should both run away, "Maybe we could go to Europe or Australia," she wails, somewhat desperately, but Jamie points out that neither of them have any money.

Les is in the Weatherfield Arms, looking for the Father Abraham. The barman points out a bald headed, leather-jacketed individual, wearing sunglasses and lacing everyone's drinks from a hip flask.

Back in the Rovers, Martin and Robyn are enjoying a cosy drink, and talking over the way they met, wearing their mascot suits, and how easy her team is to beat, just like their mascot. The smile disappears from her face. She tells him to put his hands down on the table and when he does so, places a glass of beer on each one. Then she picks up her coat. "I'm off," she snaps, "I am not easy, don't call me."

Les is chatting to the priest, and asks if they can use his church for their wedding. "Of course," he says, holding up his drink, "there would be a small fee."

Ronnie and Steve are enjoying a cosy chat on his sofa. She tells him she's living in a b and b, and he says it's not as bad as living with your mother. "No," she agrees, "I'm not that sad."

Les drives a blindfolded Cilla to Father Abraham's church, which turns out to be a corrugated iron hut with a curved roof. "Are we there?" she asks excitedly.

Leanne knocks on Frankie's door, and tells her that the wedding is off. "Just like that?" asks Frankie, and tells her that she wants Leanne and Jamie completely finished. "I don't care how you do it, just do it!" she spits. "What ever you think, I love Jamie," says Leanne. "You've got a pretty sick way of showing it," snorts Frankie and goes back inside.

Les guides Cilla into the 'church', and takes off the blindfold. Cilla is not impressed, she picks up a figure with outstretched arms lying on the table. "Is this an action man with 'is kecks off?" she asks. "It's representational," says Father Abraham. "You don't like it?" asks Les, hesitantly. "Like it?" screeches Cilla, "I hope he does funerals as well, 'cos I'm going to flaming well throttle ya!"

Annie Logan





Monday 10 October Episode 6133, 134

At the Baldwin's household Frankie is having breakfast, although she tips it in the bin.

Over at the flat Leanne tip her breakfast in the bin as well. Janice tells her to stay calm and stick to the plan. "As long as Frankie thinks you and Jamie have split, you're laughing" she then says "You even managed to make 'him' think it's a good idea" Leanne looks devastated. She says, "But I haven't finished with him, I just convinced him to postpone the wedding" Janice replies, "I don't think she will tell him. She loves the bones off that lad. I mean what's she gonna say? 'Oh by the way, your dads been bedding your fiancee?' You're loosing the two most important people in your life. She's not going to do that to him" Leanne does not want to go to work but Janice tells her she has to keep things normal so Jamie does not suspect any thing.

And at Martin's flat he is lazing about. There is a knock at the door. He is surprised to see it's Robyn. Still smarting from being left in The Rovers he snipes, "Don't you teachers ever 'go' to the school?" She smiles, "No, it's in our contracts along with the twenty weeks off every summer" Martin fails to laugh and she quickly changes the subject and tells him she has come to apologise, "and to ask you out. Tonight. If you'll have just one more date with me I promise not to have a row, in fact I swear... but not in a coarse way, obviously. Go on, what do you say?"

At the café Leanne enters and is surprised that Frankie has not tuned up. Roy tells her, "She's got food poisoning, Not from here" he quickly adds. Leanne takes her coat and tells him, "Well sorry I'm a bit late. Women's problems" Sarah tells her mum, "I don't know why you go mooning over that Phil anyway" Gail replies, "I have never mooned in my life" Audrey sniggers, "Excuse me? What about that very drunken coach trip, back from the Blackpool lights" Gail says it was cousin Jill. Sarah says, "Don't you think he's taking the mick just a wee bit, Phil same as Eileen" Phil walks in. He laughs, "Should my ears be burning?" he then asks "I just wondered if the invalid needed escorting to work?" Gail smiles, "Are you any good at fireman's lifts?"

Outside Gail is over Phil's shoulders as he runs along the street with her on his back. He sets her down outside the center where she giggles. He tells her, "You haven't sampled my cooking yet, have you? What are you doing tonight?" She simpers, "Sampling your signature dish? What is it? Deep Fried Mars Bar?" Eileen watches from across the street. Gail spots her and smirks.

Over at the corner shop Audrey is telling Sarah, who is now working, "You see, sweetheart, there were certain men in my past, but there were certain men who stopped me acting like a mother to Gail, your mam, and got me acting like a woman. Am sure you know what I mean. So is that why you and David don't like this Phil?" Sarah replies, "No, I just don't trust him as far as I can throw him" Audrey tells her Gail probably thought the same Alfie. Sarah says, "Yeah, but granddad Alf didn't want to do some stupid interview about weird stuff. And I know he's apologised and we've moved on. But I just feel like he's got some weird hold over my mum. The last time a man had a hold over my mum, look what happened. I just don't want to feel like this. Do you know, I'd do any thing to be made up for her. Egging her on, getting the gossip. But I remember being scared cos the block she chose was bad through and through. And my daughter nearly died. Her daughter nearly died. Your daughter nearly died. And you. And I can't see beyond that, I'm sorry. He could be Brad Pitt and it wouldn't change the way I feel at the moment" Martin come rushing into the shop with flowers, asking if they would be ok for Robyn. Sarah tells him, "They are minging. Give them to Robyn and she'll ditch you. Go to Blooming Lovely in the precinct and get some hand tied ones" Martin runs out.

At the bakery a guy is having difficulty making up his mind what he wants. Liz smiles, "I can recommend the vanilla slice" A bicycle bell rings and Diggory enters wheeling an old fashioned delivery bike into the shop. He beams, "What do you think? Come on Liz, just climb on it. I've got big plans" Liz exclaims, "For god's sake. I've told you, I am not bouncing over those cobbles for anyone" The guy says, "She's right. It's got a puncture" Molly, on her way to see a women with a dysfunctional Schnauzer. She says "It barks every time Carol Vorderman's on telly" Diggory says, "Molly, what 'have' you got on your head?" Molly replies, "What does it look like?" he says, "An omelette" Molly leaves. The guy says, "I'll have an Eccles cake 'and' a vanilla slice please... Liz. I like to have my cake.... and eat it" Liz simpers like a schoolgirl. She looks at Diggory and exclaims, "What?" He replies, "I was just thinking, trying to picture you in a bustle, leg of mutton sleeves.... Have you ever ridden a penny farthing?"

Outside Frankie leaves her house and sees Danny across the road. He gives a weak smile at her. Frankie rushes down the road in tears. Sunita spots her and starts hugging her while she cries in her arms.

Factory and Jamie tells Danny he is really worried about Frankie, "She's talking like this is it. Game over. Normally she just rants and raves for a bit and goes shopping but it's different this time" Sally enters and brings Danny a coffee and asks, "Do you want a biscuit with that Mr Baldwin? Hayley managed to get the lid off the biscuit barrel with a shoehorn in the end" he says no and she leaves. Jamie asks, "Are you alright Dad?" Danny tearfully tells him, "I love you son. Never forget that alright?" Jamie asks what's wrong, "Is there something you're not telling me?" Danny pauses then says, "Nah, me and Frankie will be alright. She's just reached breaking point, that's all. Who can blame her, poor cow. She'll be okay given time, you'll see. I promise"

Platt's household and Martin enters saying he was shouting on David from across the street. He said he had his head phones on. Martin tells him he's sorry about the weekend. David snorts, "I'm not bothered. You've got your new bird on the go and I'm not even on the radar" Martin begins, "I know it's always been in the back of your head that me and your mum might get back together but I'm sorry son, it's just not going to happen" David says, "Look, have you finished. I come home for me dinner to get away from teachers patronising me. I don't need you doing it as well" Martin then leaves.

At the Rovers Gail joins Sally. Sally tells Gail she's heard she's seeing someone and asks if he is Welsh. Gail says Scottish and Sally tells about her first boyfriend, "He was Scottish, Ewan his name was. I met him at Butlins. He won the spacehopper championship and gave me his prize. It was a vanity case that turned into a record player and he bought me 'Together We Are Beautiful' to play on it" Gail smiles, "How was he?" Sally laughs, "Twelve" She suddenly turns more serious, "Look Gail, I am sorry about..... I 'have' pulled my socks up" Gail replies, "It wasn't just your socks you needed to pull up. Are you happy at the factory?" Sally tells her, "No. I can't even say I've learnt my lesson really. I mean, if some handsome man came in here right now and said he'd make everything alright for the girls, I wouldn't turn him down. That's awful really isn't it" Gail replies, "Well, let a man into your life and it can go either way. It will either be brilliant or end up in people getting hurt. It's different if you are single, but when you have kids? And neither of us are eighteen any more" Sally sighs, "They grow up so fast. My babies, yet if I go within a foot of them they practically kick me away like they don't need me any more. But I need them"

Over at the cab office Steve and Ronnie leap apart as Claire walks in with flapjacks. She asks, "Do you bake Ronnie?" Ronnie replies, "No, not really. I can do a courgette and Dairylea soup though" Claire replies, "Er... there's a lot of iron in courgettes" Steve's says, "I'm not really into vegetables" Claire finally takes the hit and goes.

Rovers again and Audrey tells Gail how Sarah is feeling. Gail decides to put her daughter first and replies, "I think me and Sarah could do with a night in together, don't you?" Audrey asks, "Isn't Phil cooking you 'neeps and 'tatties or something tonight?" Gail replies, "He'll wait. I need to make sure 'my' babies are alright" Frankie is with the girls. Deirdre tells her all about Ken leaving her for Wendy Crozier, "She had a face like a smacked backside, and she was no spring chicken. Tracy thought she was wonderful. I was devastated. I thought it was the end but it isn't, not if you've got good friends and good kids" Frankie tearfully asks Sunita, "You're supposed to be my mate now. I have to ask you when I first moved up here I thought there was something going on between you and Danny. That you had slept with him. Tell me the truth. Had you?" Sunita does don't know what to say but finally replies, "I didn't know he was single. He told me he wasn't married. I'm really sorry Frankie" Frankie does not go mad, she takes her hand and tells her, "Thank you. I know I can trust you now"

Street cars again and Claire asks Steve if Lloyd knows about him and Ronnie, "Workplace romances are a challenge in today's society. Not everyone approves" Steve says, "Stop talking like a pamphlet Claire. Do you not approve?" She replies, "Me? How could I not approve? I was Ashley's nanny.... well not his – Joshua's and yes, there were times lust overtook us and we had a kiss in the kitchen..... and on the stairs..... and there was that time in the spare bedroom...." Steve asks what she is trying to say and she beams, "Stuff it, just go for it Steve but remember to tell Lloyd. It'll be dead embarrassing if he tries it on with her as well"

Over at the bakers Liz returns from lunch to find her customer from earlier mending the puncture. He says, "You don't remember me, do you?" She laughs, "Course I do. You were in earlier" He replies, "I work at Blooming Lovely. I delivered some flowers to you not long ago. Whoever sent them is a lucky bloke" Liz replies, "Ah, well I'm not seeing him any more. Young, free and single, that's me" He says, "You 'are' joking? like the view from down here" As he stands up, she asks, "Do you know how old I am?" He smarms, "I think women improve with age, like a fine wine. What are you doing later" Liz smiles back, "I dread to think"

Back at the Rovers Janice and Leanne enter and get a drink. Danny and Jamie walk in and Frankie, Leanne and Danny all look uncomfortable. Eileen asks Frankie if she wants to leave. Frankie tells them she does and gets up to head for the door. Sunita tells her she will come with her. Jamie tells her he knows his dad has been a prat but the two of them need to talk to sort things out. Frankie, the pain of Jamie not knowing what his father has done written all over her face, tells him, "No Jamie, I'm sorry. I'm going home" As she turns to leave, Jamie calls over to Leanne, "Do you want a drink?" Frankie's head snaps round. She asks, "Why are you being so nice to her?" Danny interrupts, "You said you were going Frankie" but is cut off as she yells at the top of her voice, "Don't you even talk to me!" She turns again to Jamie, "Jamie, run this by me again. You and 'er are still together?" Leanne's face drops as Jamie replies, "Course we are. Why wouldn't we be?" Frankie's jaw drops as the truth is reviled.

Amanda Souter

Here is the second part of Monday's double episode. It feels like ages since I've done this but its nice to be back on the team after a short break.

We pick up where we left off with the slanging match in the pub. Frankie is incredulous over Leanne and Jamie but Danny is milling around trying to stop any juicy secrets from spilling out. He mutters to her not to let it out and break his heart and for now she resigns. But Leanne isn't sure she'll stick to it and follows her out

Phil is slightly put out when Gail puts off their date for Sarah but he soon realises that taking it slow is the best policy

Leanne and Frankie's war of words is escalating even further and Frankie is making it very clear she has no intention of giving Leanne and Jamie her blessing. It soon descends into fisticuffs with Leanne getting a smack but she feels she has come out on top. However that soon changes when she's back to feeling frantic when Jamie returns home. Frankie throws both Danny and Leanne out to be alone with Jamie. As Danny has a showdown with Janice on the doorstep, Jamie comes out and Danny lets the gob go, sucking up to Jamie by insulting himself. But Jamie only agrees with his claims that he's pathetic.

Charlie's van is having trouble but Nathan swaggers over and sees to it

Claire is having a gossip about what she saw between Steve and Ronnie, much to Steve's embarrassment.

Jamie is informing Leanne about telling Carol of their engagement. She seems put out by his extreme enthusiasm realising it's going to be hard to end things like Frankie wants.

Lloyd asks Steve if he has sacked Ronnie yet, cue one of Eileen's cutting edge responses ('not in the way you mean he hasn't) before she unceremoniously blags that Steve is seeing her. Lloyd reminds Steve of Jimmy but Steve, forgetting his days of Jez Quigley, believes he'll be a pushover

The four party animals that were the light relief of Maya Sharma's reign of terror nearly a year ago (*sigh* how I miss Maya) are reunited as Eileen, Deirdre and Liz pop round to Frankie's with a bottle of wine with the intention of tearing Danny to bits. Though not literally of course, I'm sure they're capable of it

Robyn shows superior wit to Martin's friends on her introduction (though that doesn't take much) and Ashley and Kevin are suitably impressed by his catch (although anything must seem refreshing after spending all your free time with Sally or Claire)

Here, the Corrie bosses give away their blockbuster Christmas plot when Tracy ponders why Charlie has sent them drinks. Upon raising a glass to him she gets a cheeky wink back from him

Frankie is telling her friends she has put up with enough of Danny's philandering even though she feels like a hypocrite after they started as an affair. As Liz leaves to meet her toyboy, Danny bursts in asking Frankie for half an hour

Sarah and Gail are having a heart to heart about Phil. Gail is still nervous after Richard (see I'm slipping in as many names of Corrie psychos as I can here) Sarah concludes that she should go for it...but one step at a time

After some more flirting Robyn and Martin head for the flat where she decides to spend the night, waking up to freshly baked bread. Well anything to take her mind off waking up to freshly laid Martin Platt...

It seems like verbal excretion is getting Danny through another rough patch as he makes excuses about male genetics and then lays on the compliments with Frankie. But alas no, he's gone too far this time round and Frankie chucks him out telling him that they'll never get back together

Duncan Lindsay





Wednesday 12 October

Written by: Jan McVerry
Directed by: Terry Dyddgen-Jones

There's a semi-naked male in Steve's flat at breakfast time, and it isn't Steve. It's Liz's toy boy, Andy. Steve can't believe it, and nor can Liz, who's looking like the cat who got the cream. Andy is looking equally pleased with his life. 'So, son,' says Steve, 'What's the matter? Normal babysitter off?' 'Take no notice, Andy,' Liz says, 'Me lad here's a bit of a prude.' 'I think I'm going to be sick,' Steve mutters. Liz says she's too tired to argue with him, which is enough information for now, thanks, Liz. Besides, Andy says it sounds too much like bragging. 'I think I've got something to brag about,' giggles Liz, and they head for the bedroom again. Luckily the camera doesn't go with them, otherwise I really would be questioning my continuing role as your Wednesday updater. There's only so much horror one woman can take.

Uh-oh. Speaking of horror, it's now lurking at the cab office in the form of Ronnie's nasty husband Jimmy, who's just loomed up behind Lloyd. He's found out that Ronnie is, against his rather specific advice, working for Streetcars and he's not happy. Just in case Lloyd was thinking of telling a fib about it, Ronnie's voice comes on the radio. Lloyd says it was his partner who took Ronnie on, not knowing about Jimmy's warning, and as we all know, Steve is a family man who wouldn't mess about with Ronnie. 'Listen to me,' says Jimmy, who never blinks and has eyes that are even more scary and stary than Molly Compton's, 'She's trouble 'cos I'm trouble. Get rid, or I get rid of you.' When Ronnie comes back on the radio again, Lloyd asks her to pop back to the office.

Jamie comes downstairs to find Frankie ironing Danny's clothes. '*She* wouldn't do the ironing,' Frankie says, meaning Danny's bit on the side. 'You do know who it is, then?' Jamie says, and adds that Danny has said the affair's over, and Frankie must believe that or she wouldn't be ironing his clothes. Frankie says she's only doing it so she can pack and get rid of him, and she's just putting the latest item into a bag when her darling husband walks in. She asks him for his key – she doesn't like him being able to walk in whenever he feels like it. Danny and Jamie go to work. Frankie picks up the phone and dials.

Roy's Rolls is buzzing with lunch time activity, and Roy gets a phone call from Frankie to say that she's not well and will be taking the day off. Leanne tells Roy she's okay with that, she prefers to be busy. Just as well, because Gail and Phil 'Toe' Nail have a desperate urge for lasagne. Gail tells Phil she's sorted things out with Sarah, and she's glad that she and Phil are taking things slowly. Leanne gets a surprise visitor next. Jamie's mum, Carol. She's not after lasagne, either – she's apparently come to sort out her son's love life: 'Proper little Taylor and Burton, aren't you?' she says, 'Engaged one minute, off the next. Is it you getting cold feet? Or is it money?' Leanne decides the best solution is a total lie couched in a small insult and served with a smile: 'You should've rang, you mad woman. He's away in Glasgow, he won't be back till tomorrow, and Frankie and Danny are away as well.' 'Is that why I've just seen Frankie bring the milk in?' Carol says. Leanne makes a mental note to destroy the milkman, then swerves her lie around a bit and says the problem is Frankie, who has family issues, the details of which Leanne doesn't know. 'Is she having a breakdown? Does she need more notice before she can pick a hat?' Carol says sarcastically. 'She knows we're going to get married some time. Now's just not the best time for her,' Leanne says. 'For *her*? She made you put it off?' An exasperated Carol storms out, presumably on the trail of Frankie. Roy is dismayed to see his only remaining staff member dash off after her.

In the street, Leanne is unable to prevent Carol from rushing off to Frankie's, so she rings Danny to warn him. He's in Bury, and Leanne advises him to stay there.

Carol shoves past Frankie and goes into the house, and has a go at her about trying to run Jamie's life for him, even though she isn't keen on Leanne herself. 'You said it yourself,' Frankie says. 'Leanne ain't right for Jamie.' 'So what?' counters Carol, 'He can always divorce her when he comes to his senses. It's no big deal.' 'The breakdown of a marriage? Of course it's a big deal!' says Frankie, with feeling. Years of being pickled in alcohol haven't slowed Carol down one bit and the truth dawns: 'Danny's been playing away again. If they can do it with you, they can do it to you – I warned you.' She says that Frankie should put her own troubles to one side and put a good show on for Jamie's sake. She accuses Frankie of caring less about Jamie than she does about Warren.

Leanne has gone to the factory to see Jamie. She tells him that she's fed up of them hiding how they feel about each other, and tells him Carol turned up and had a right go at her. She asks him again if he'll go away somewhere with her.

In the Rovers, Liz is regaling Eileen and Bev with the details of her liaison with Andy (something about a cheeky slap, but once again that's a detail too far). Steve is in the background, horribly embarrassed and also gagging for a pint, which Bev is too engrossed to supply him with. Steve's about to leave, but is intercepted by Lloyd who tells him about the visit of Jimmy Clayton. Lloyd says that, as he is the face Jimmy knows, it'll be him who'll get his legs broken. He tells Steve to get rid of Ronnie, but Steve says he really likes her. Lloyd points out that she's the sort of person who would marry a person like Jimmy, so she can't be as nice as Steve thinks she is. He repeats again that he wants her gone from Streetcars.

Carol is still lecturing Frankie on the virtues of Putting On A Happy Face for Jamie's sake. Frankie says that Jamie doesn't know the ins and outs of the situation, and she's trying to protect him. Carol accuses her of being a control freak and says she'll end up losing Jamie. Then she asks who Danny was seeing: 'You're too old for babysitters, and he never showed much imagination, so let me guess – some little slapper from the factory? Younger? He likes them younger. And there she was, in your bed, with your husband, right under your nose.' Frankie is in tears by now. 'He betrayed us,' she says, 'In the worst possible way. He couldn't have hurt us more if he'd tried.' Carol still thinks Frankie is being selfish and over-dramatic, but Frankie says that if Jamie knew the full story, it would be the end of him and Danny. Carol says Frankie just can't stand seeing anyone else happy, but Frankie sobs that she can't let Jamie marry Leanne. 'Why not?' Carol says. 'Because that's who it was – it was her, it was Leanne! His own son's girlfriend.' Carol looks stunned for a moment, then she rushes out of the house, ignoring Frankie's attempts to stop her.

In the factory (which is otherwise empty), Leanne is still desperately trying to persuade Jamie to go away, but he says he can't leave his dad and Frankie. 'I want us to be married,' Leanne says, 'But not like Frankie and your dad. Solid – for keeps.' Carol is pounding at the door. Leanne is almost convincing Jamie, who gives her a big kiss just as Carol manages to get in via the back door, followed by Frankie. Frankie tries to get Carol to leave, but to complete the happy family scene Danny arrives. Everybody's looking at each other just like a scene in a John Woo film (but without the guns, luckily). 'I'm trying to run a business here,' Danny tries to joke, and he tries to get Jamie out of the way by giving him a job to do, but Jamie doesn't move. Carol says she's impressed with the speed that Danny arrived: 'That's quite a hotline you two have got.' She's looking at Leanne while she says this. 'Do they ring each other a lot?' she asks Jamie, who says no. He's looking confused, bless him. Danny again tries to get Jamie to go out on a delivery, but Carol shouts, 'Don't you think it's time you stopped palming him off like a child? All of you.' 'It's called love, Carol,' Danny says. 'Is that what *you* call it, Leanne?' Carol asks her. 'Jamie knows how I feel about him,' Leanne says quietly, moving closer to Jamie. 'But does he know how you feel about his dad?' says Carol. Then everyone tries to shut Carol up – Leanne asks her if she's been drinking, Frankie tries to get her to leave, Danny says Frankie should take her off somewhere and get some coffee down her, but Jamie is just staring at his mother, as the truth sinks in. He steps towards her and she says, 'Did you never suspect? The in-jokes, the excuses. Why didn't you learn? You saw what happened to me.' A shocked Jamie turns to his father and asks him what's going on. Danny says nothing's going on, it's all in the past and Jamie doesn't need to know. 'If you don't tell him, I will,' says Carol, and Danny screams at her to shut up. 'TELL ME!' Jamie yells at his dad. Leanne is in tears and so is Frankie. Danny is crying too as he looks from his son to his wife and back again at Jamie. 'It was Leanne,' he says. 'The person I've been seeing was Leanne.' He says it was the biggest mistake of his life and he promises it's over, but poor Jamie looks like a man whose faith in the goodness of the world has been broken and won't easily be fixed.

Ronnie is sitting at the bus stop with far too much eyeliner on for daytime use. Steve drives up. She tells him that Lloyd has sacked her. Steve says he doesn't want her to go, and that the business is half his, but Ronnie points out that half of nothing won't be much use to him. Steve doesn't think Jimmy would really do anything. Ronnie says it was just a job and nothing more to her, but Steve doesn't believe her. He says she doesn't have to sacrifice herself just to save his business, because he doesn't really care about that. He says that by leaving, Ronnie will have let Jimmy win. 'Don't do the decent thing,' he says, 'Do the right thing. Stay with me. Keep me warm at nights.' Ah, he has the gift of the gab, so he has (as his father might have said).

Jamie is giving Leanne absolute hell out in the street, saying that she was telling him a pack of lies, trying to get him to leave his family behind and start life again in a grotty bedsit. 'I finished with Danny the minute you proposed,' she sobs, but he says, 'Am I supposed to be grateful?' She says she can't explain it properly, but it was nothing to do with him or Frankie. 'Liar,' he says. 'You mean you never took a call from me while you were with him? While you were in bed with him?' She can't answer that one, and he repeats that she's a liar and goes into the house, leaving her crying.

Carol, Frankie and Danny are still in the factory – in the office now, as work seems to have started in the machining side. Carol calls Danny a greedy old pervert, and he tries to make excuses saying his father had just died and his business wasn't doing much. Carol doesn't buy that excuse, but Danny says she must be really loving the situation because now she feels she has revenge on him for when he left her for Frankie. Frankie says that Carol shouldn't have told Jamie. Carol points out it was Danny who betrayed Jamie, not her, but Frankie says Jamie didn't deserve to find out like that. She says she would never have let Jamie marry Leanne. 'It ain't about Leanne!' Danny says. 'It's all about me!' 'Isn't it always?' Frankie says, and goes out. Danny flashes a despising glance at Carol, and says to her, 'This has gotta be your finest hour.' He goes after Frankie.

Phil the Foot and Gail are coming into her house. 'We've got precisely eight minutes,' Phil says. 'Time for a cup of coffee before and a cigarette after,' says Gail, and giggles flirtatiously, 'I can't believe I said that!' (Nor can I. She doesn't smoke). 'Why, Mrs Platt,' murmurs Phil, 'That's a devious mind at work in there.' They're just about to lock lips (noooooo!!!!) but are interrupted by Joy Division! David is upstairs having a seventies-retro teen-angst moment, bless him. Gail yells upstairs for him to turn it down. He doesn't, but it hasn't ruined the moment and she's just about to execute a docking manoeuvre on Phil's stubbly face when, this time, we're saved by the doorbell. Phil knows when he's beaten by circumstance and says he'll let himself out (though presumably she'll be heading for the door as well to see who's ringing the bell) but will meet her for a drink later on.

Jamie has packed a bag and is leaving, despite Leanne's efforts to plead with him and attach herself to his leg. He gets in the van, and Frankie rushes out of the factory. Leanne stands in front of the van to stop him but he shouts dramatically, 'If you want to live dangerously I will run you down!' While Leanne is temporarily distracted by Roy coming to see why she isn't at work, Frankie drags her out of the way, and Jamie drives off. Leanne calls Frankie a stupid bitch. Carol and Danny arrive, and Danny says to Carol that she must have thought she'd be in the van leaving with him. 'Now we've all lost him!' he says. 'You'd better pray we haven't,' Frankie says, 'Cos if anything happens to that boy, you three can point the finger all you like, but I'll know who's to blame.'

Sue Haasler





Friday 14 October


As our long, wet winter slips slowly into winter again, we return to the Street for another Friday

Frankie comes downstairs first thing in the morning and Carol is lying on her sofa drinking what's probably vodka straight from the bottle. "I'll pay for it!" she says defensively. Frankie points out that everyone is paying for Carol's drinking. Carol says she's only drinking it to shift a headache. They snipe at each other about the situation.

Steve is buttering his toast when the toy boy comes in, wearing Steve's dressing gown. The situation is very awkward and Steve obviously feels not only aggressive towards the kid, but annoyed at his mother putting him in this situation. When Liz comes in, she doesn't waste any time in suggesting she and the toy boy (I'm having traumatic amnesia when it comes to his name, because the thought of him staying long enough for me to NEED to remember his name is too much for me!) go back to bed.

Jamie arrives back home to a hug from Frankie. She says they'll look after each other. He wants to know how long Leanne and Danny had been seeing each other, and asks Carol. Carol says it was Frankie who told her. Frankie, still ecstatic to have Jamie back, doesn't notice his face change. He can't believe she knew and kept it from him. He tells her she's as bad as the rest of them, and walks off. Danny sees him going off and knocks on the house door to find out why no-one told him Jamie was back. He's given short shrift.

Gail meets Phil in the street and invites him to lunch. She tells him he would have been invited to her place sooner, but David's at an awkward age. He invites himself tonight, instead of for lunch.

Danny is taking his temper out on those inside the factory and snaps at Hayley. He shuts himself in the office and the others try to find out what's going on by asking Janice, who, Sean points out, has a woman on the inside. Sally is annoyed that the others find other folks' marital problems entertaining. And when Janice says she knows nowt, Sally's jaw drops into her lap.

Carol has made Frankie a sandwich. She says she does want to do the right thing by Jamie "and you falling to bits won't help him." Frankie points out that Carol shooting her mouth off didn't help him, either. They get nastier to each other, ending with Carol saying she couldn't keep something like that from her own blood. Crash! A glass hits the wall behind her and Frankie tells her to get out.

Eileen tells Lloyd that if Ronnie marries Steve, she'll be Ronnie Macdonald. "And he'll be John Brown with his body mouldering in a grave if her husband finds out," Lloyd says. Eileen gives Lloyd a job and on his way out he meets Steve and Ronnie on their way in. "I hope you've come for a cab," he tells Ronnie. Steve says they want two and they'll be driving them. "And in future you consult me before sacking a member of staff." Lloyd points out that no-one consulted him about being threatened by Ronnie's husband. Eileen doesn't think Steve realises how serious Jimmy's threats were. "If we sacked every driver who knew someone dodgy, we'd have a row of empty cabs," Steve replies. Lloyd answers back: "Better than a row of empty cabs." Steve thinks you shouldn't give in to bullies. They're interrupted by Les, who's turned up at an address to find the occupants in their pyjamas and not wanting a cab.

Tracy calls in at the garage where Nathan is working on Charlie's truck. She thinks Charlie should be paying Nathan extra for being polite to him when no-one else wants to talk to him. She says she quite likes hanging around with bad boys, though Nathan points out he isn't one.

Danny meets Leanne in the street and are arguing about fault when Les pulls up in his taxi, gets out and starts shouting the odds with Danny. I'm not quite sure where this has come from, but the factory workers are out their steps watching. When Les tells Danny, "You lay one more finger on her . . ." Sean gleefully shouts, "Oh, Mr Baldwin, not Cilla!" but when Les says something about Danny being twice Leanne's age, it all becomes clear. Janice is the only one who notices Jamie watching quietly and tearfully from the factory roof.

Gail and Phil are propping up a bar that has olives on sticks in a little dish. Not the Rovers, then. She tells him she wants to talk about him tonight, not her. "You know too much about me." She wants to even things up and throws him a whole lot of questions.

It's dark and Jamie is still on the roof. Leanne arrives with a can and sandwiches. Jamie won't look at her, but tells her a story about seeing a vehicle below, which he thought was a milk truck. He was going to go down and get himself a drink of milk. But it was meat wagon. "What an idiot, eh? Thought I was going to get a drink of milk and would have ended up with a stinking carcass." Leanne is in tears.

Ronnie and Steve arrive in the flat, where Liz is sitting on the sofa. "What is this? National Wear Steve's Dressing Gown Day?" "Well, you wouldn't let Andy (THAT'S it!) wear it," she says, just as Andy comes in wearing a very fetching purple satin number. Andy and Ronnie exchange pleasantries and polite questions. Ronnie tells Andy that she's Steve's employee and married as well, prompting Liz to say it makes her and Andy seem quite respectable. "Soon sort that out," Andy says to her. "Shower, then?" And off they go again.

Up on the roof, Leanne wants to know what she can do to start again and persuade Jamie it's him she wants. "That's the honest truth," she says. Jamie points out that not one person has been honest with him. He tells her to walk off the roof to prove she loves him. He says she claims to love him but not enough to walk off the roof. "And not enough to stop you sleeping with my father." He tells her to get lost.

Gail is still cross-examining Phil about his past and his career choice. He tells and long and, frankly, boring story. This was possibly an attempt to make him seem interesting, or possibly an attempt to fill the half hour . . . Unless there's something very surprising coming, you can quite freely fast forward this bit when it gets to your Canadian/Aussie/NZ screens.

Danny is putting the van away when Frankie comes running out, thinking it's Jamie driving. Carol sees them arguing and stops in her tracks. Frankie is crying and saying everything she did was to stop Jamie having his heart ripped out the way hers has been. As Carol approaches and quietly tells Frankie to come inside and not waste her breath on Danny, Jamie is still watching from the roof.

Gail and Phil, laughing together, come home to her place. The place is a tip and a very sulky David refuses to tidy up. He says she said no-one was coming back. He can't see the point in tidying up if Phil's already seen the mess. Gail says if she invites someone back for coffee she doesn't expect it to look like a tip. "Is that coffee as in sex?" asks David. He's promptly ordered upstairs, but mutters that he can't tidy up if he's sent upstairs. Phil makes excuses and leaves, giving Gail a peck on the cheek as he goes. David points an accusing finger at Gail. "Y'said he were just a mate!" She tells him to get out of her sight.

Danny is in the factory office, pouring himself a drink, when Jamie comes in. Danny offers him a drink. Danny says if he could change anything he would. "All we can do is try and rescue something from it." He can't help himself putting blame on Leanne, though. "It's just women. They can just . . ." Jamie tells him that all his life Danny has been sneaking around, hurting Frankie. Jamie says he had to choose a parent because of Danny's cheating. He chose the wrong one. Danny protests, but Jamie says he's choosing again. "And you ain't gonna be one of them. As far as I'm concerned, I haven't got a father. My dad is dead to me. Have you got that. He's dead."

The End.

Margaret Carr





Sunday 16 October

It's breakfast time at the Baldwin residence, and Frankie and Carol are sitting at the table. The atmosphere is rather tense, and then Jamie comes downstairs. He sits down with them, and you can almost see the black cloud over his head.

Over at the other Baldwin residence, Danny wanders into the living room in his dressing gown. Adam asks if he's all right. "Yer 'avin' a laugh, ain't ya?" replies Danny, "Wife's kicked me out, son hates me guts, I'm on cloud 9!" Adam wonders why he did it, he must have known this would happen. "Funnily enough, I didn't," Danny tells him. Adam says he doesn't understand him, it's obvious he loves Frankie so why did he cheat? He tells him that if he loved a girl he could never cheat on her. Danny's excuse is that he's human and he's bloke. He never set out to hurt anyone, it just sort of avalanched. He can see that he's been kidding himself, and now he's gone and stabbed Frankie and Jamie in the heart. Now he's got to live with it.

Over at the taxi office they been getting a load of hoax calls. Lloyd reckons from now on they ask for a contact telephone number. Steve comments that will slow them down, but Lloyd tells him it's his fault they're getting the hoax calls. "Where is she, your girlfriend?" he asks. Eileen tells him she's on an airport run. "Oh, so she doesn't get hoax calls?" says Lloyd, and wonders if she and her husband are actually in it together, a plot to bring down Streetcars.

Gail comes downstairs on her way out, but can't find her mobile phone. She asks David if he's seen it, but he's playing a tv computer game and isn't really interested. Gail eventually leaves the house without it, and just as she's gone, we hear it ring. It's down the side of the sofa. David just looks round and smirks.

Keith and Fred are in their back gardens, conversing over the fence about various cuts of pork. The poor little piggy stands in his pen with thick, red lines drawn all over him, depicting the various joints and cuts. Fred tries to persuade Keith to keep the legs for Christmas, and he'll take the rest off his hands. Rosie and Craig are also out in the back garden. Rosie is incensed about the plans for the pig. "Why don't you draw lines all over yourself?" she demands of Fred, "why don't you think of cutting your fat belly into chops?" Fred tries to patiently explain, you don't get chops from belly. "Joshua?" he turns and asks his grandson, "What do you call a pig's feet?" The absolutely gorgeous and enchanting Joshua cries, "Trotters!" Keith tells Fred he's already sold three of the legs to people in the pub. "What?" exclaims Fred, "you've sold how many? You've only go two there." Keith didn't understand that a pig only has two legs, and two hands, and hands and legs are different. "Even our Joshua knows that," Fred tells him, and Joshua chortles. Craig asks why they don't just leave the pig until he dies of old age, and then Keith can stuff it. "I don't stuff, I mount," Keith tells him. Rosie wants to know how Fred would like it if someone sprayed all over his shop window. "That best not be a threat, young lady," warns Fred. "She's not a young lady," pipes up Craig. "How would you like it if I called you an old man?" asks Rosie, in a very 'stroppy-teenager' tone of voice. "Pigs have got feelings you know!" Fred thought that slaughter was all part of what Satanists do, and tells Keith to keep his eye on the pig.

David is making himself a sandwich when the phone rings. He doesn't answer it, and it's Phil, he leaves a message asking Gail to ring him. David deletes it. Later, Gail comes home, and David is still in front of the tv. "Has anyone called?" she asks. "No," he lies.

Carol goes round to see Danny for a talk. He wonders if Carol has come to gloat, and tells her to see herself out. Carol, by this time, has poured herself a drink, and tells him she thought he had the perfect marriage. She tells Danny he's broken Jamie's heart and he'll never forgive him. He's selfish, he ruined her life, now he's done the same to their son and to Frankie. Danny tells her to get out of his life for ever.

Deirdre goes round to fetch Liz, they're going out to lunch. Liz is still in her red, silk dressing gown, she lost track of time. The reason for this then comes in, in his boxer shorts, and Liz introduces Andy to Deirdre. He's looking for his Batman tee-shirt, it got thrown off when they had a Fatal Attraction moment in the kitchen the night before. Andy tells them he's meeting his mum, and Deirdre wonders if she went to school with her. "I know what you're thinking," Liz says, when she sees Deirdre's face.

Carol is raking up the past with Danny, saying how she hated him for years, but has never stopped loving him. She draws close, "It's always been you, we could still be good together..." Danny is horrified, "You stupid, deluded drunk!" he tells her, "You are a washed up old lush!" He says he'll sort things out with Frankie, because: "Frankie and me belong together."

Out in Keith's back garden, another pig is being herded into the pen by Audrey. Keith's bought another one because he needs four legs! Fred is horrified, "You're turning this place into a farmyard!" He's also furious when he hears that Audrey has bought some of pork off Keith, "You allus get your Christmas meat from me!" he tells her.

Andy turns up at the pub with his mum, who's almost a clone of Liz – same age, height and build, long blonde hair and dress sense. Liz is aghast!

Over at Streetcars, Les and Claire find that someone has put oil all over their back seats. "What next," asks Lloyd, "slashed tyres?"

In the Rovers, Andy's mum is set on being great mates with Liz. This seems to be more than Liz can take, and so she tells Andy that's she's married and her husband is in prison for manslaughter, but due out any day. She thinks it best if they end the relationship now. Andy and his mum both looked gutted and make a quick departure. "Freaks!" shrieks Liz when they've gone.

Carol has returned home to Jamie, and tells him to get his stuff together, she'll take him to Birmingham to live with her. "A fresh start," she says. Jamie isn't so sure, "What do you think Frank?" he asks. "It could be for the best," says Frankie, still looking wrecked. Jamie decides he can't go. "Frankie needs me right now," he says, "and I'm not leaving her." Carol goes off to get her stuff from the bathroom. "Thank you," Frankie whispers to Jamie and he hugs her. Behind them, Carol watches and cries.

Annie Logan.






Monday 17 October

At Streetcars Steve and Ronnie have not turned up. Lloyd is not amused and tells Eileen to phone them. As she does he says, "No, on second thought, leave them where they are. Get on the radio and get all the drivers back to the office as soon as possible"

Steve's flat and he is all flirty with Ronnie. She tells Steve that they should be getting to work but he tells her, "We're working from home" She smiles, "Oh, is that what you call what we just did?" He says, "That was team bonding, yes. Now we are going to have a breakfast meeting which will present me with an excellent opportunity to asses your progress within the company so far" She laughs.

Over at the Cafe Leanne comes in and Roy seeing that Frankie and Leanne are not speaking to each other asks Leanne, "Is it something 'I've done? If I have perhaps unwittingly favoured one of you over the other I can only apologise" Leanne tells him it's nothing of the sort, "You are a great boss Roy" Roy is greatly troubled and replies, "Well as your employer I feel I should offer to help sort things out, to mediate" Frankie butts in, "No point Roy. I 'ate her guts, Every time I look at her I just want to smash her face in" Roy just looks. Leanne tells Frankie, "The feeling is mutual"

Street cars again and as Lloyd goes Eileen phones Steve and telling him, "The vultures are circling Steve. You better get yourself over here pretty sharpish"

Platt's household and Martin wonder's why Robyn has not phoned him. Gail tells him that she's probably just busy. Sarah says, "No, I reckon she's binned him off" David very happily says, "Yeah, she's probably found someone else. Maybe the Burton Albion Badger or the Tamworth Tiger" Someone knocks at the door and Martin says he's leaving and will get the door. It's Keith. "I've come for your left over potato peelings, and any veg you've got left over but I don't want any meat products" He says. Gail relies, "One pig was bad enough but two! I hope you are not breeding them" Keith says both his pigs are boars. Gail tells him that if they keep on making noise the way they were last night she will call the police. Keith says, "You wouldn't call the police in over a couple of pigs" Gail smiles and says, "Wouldn't I?" and shuts the door.

At the cafe Frankie sees Leanne filling damp salt cellars and says the salt will stick at the bottom. Leanne says they won't and pours all the salt all over Frankie's head. Roy steps in quickly and pulls the pair. Roy says, "I cannot have this kind of behaviour in this establishment. You are upsetting my customers" Kirk says its not upsetting him and he loves to watch women scrap with each other. Roy says, "Well I do not! I abhor violence and I will 'not' have it on my premises" Leanne says sorry to Roy and also Frankie. Roy tells them it's not him they should be apologising to, "I would hate to have to let one of you go but if you can't work together.... Now Leanne, you poured salt on Frankie so you apologise first" Frankie says, "She hasn't apologised for sleeping with my husband yet, for cheating on poor Jamie" Roy is shocked and Leanne says, "Yeah, you're right Roy. We can't have the two of us working here. Ta-ra" and goes out the cafe.

Barlow's back garden and Deirdre is having a fag. She hears someone coming and quickly stubs it out in the hanging basket. Ken opens the gate and wheels in his mountain bike and says, "You know, I must develop the habit of using this more often. I feel terrific" While going to kiss her he suddenly pulls back and says, "Have you been smoking?" She says no. Ken rages, "You have! I don't believe it. Only this morning we were saying that we should cycle more, walk more to keep ourselves fit. The last thing I expected is that you would start smoking again"

Street cars and Steve interrupts Lloyd's meeting and accuses him of trying to whip the drivers into a frenzy to force Ronnie out. Lloyd says, "It's not down to me who works here, you've made that abundantly clear, but if she was a bloke you'd have booted her out without a second thought" Les tells them, "I am getting married in three weeks, I can't afford any more lost wages" They have been having fake calls. The rest of the drivers nod and mutter in agreement. Steve tells them they need to show Clayton they are not cowards, "Let's get on the phone and make some hoax calls and see how they like it" Ronnie says, "You will just make matters worse. I don't need this any more than you do. The best thing is if I just leave" and walks out of the office. Steve wails, "You can't just go. She's not going. I'm telling now, she is 'not' going" Lloyd smiles and says, "Sorry mate, looks like she already has"

Out in the street Leanne spots Jamie. He looks at her with a glare before going into his house.

Rovers and Les tells Cilla, "I've tried them all, from A for Agnes to Z for Zion, nowt" Kirk chips in helpfully, "You can hire blow up churches now. You know, like bouncy castles, only churches! We could put it up in the street" Cilla is not amused and informs Les with a snarl, "Find a church... or find another bride" Steve enters and sits next to Ronnie telling her she is letting Jimmy win. She replies, "No, I'm letting Les, Claire and Eileen win" He says, "You're letting Lloyd win" She replies, "He doesn't need the aggro, and nor do you. For Jimmy it won't be that you've nicked a driver, it would be that you've nicked his wife. If he was to find out about us.... I want out of it. It's best if we just call it quits" Steve smiles, "You 'are' talking about the job here, not us, aren't you? Ronnie?"

Barlow household and Ken says, "After all we've said. And you were doing so well! It's been months since you gave up" Blanche says, "That's what 'you' think. She's been like Puff the Magic Dragon out there some days" Deirdre replies, "That's not true! I have just had the occasional one, that's all" Ken fumes, "After all the hoo-hah we had about you giving up? And it's such a disgusting, filthy habit" Tracy sticks up for her, "Dad, get off her back will you? She doesn't 'want' to smoke. That's why she gave up" He says if she wants to kill herself she can, "It's the secrecy and deceit I can't stand" Deirdre says, "For goodness sake, I had a sneaky fag, not an affair" He fires back, "It's just the same, sneaking around, lying. How long has it been going on?" She says since the court case. She says she will start stopping again and he replies, "Yeah, whatever! Yes, I know I detest that phrase but in the case it seems very appropriate" Deirdre gets up and he asks where she is going, "After listening to that? I need a fag"

Outside Les stops his taxi as he sees Leanne at the bus stop. "Oi! Were are you going?" he asks. She tells him, "Town" he gets out and says, "What's with the suitcase then?" She does not say any thing so Les tells her, "Stay there" and runs to the Rovers.

Back at the Rovers and Steve asks Ronnie, "What are you going to do? Live like a nun? Try and find a man that Jimmy 'does' approve of?" She replies, "I can try and find a man who doesn't own a rival cab firm" He tells her, "Fine I'll sell my half of the business. To be honest it's lost a lot of it's appeal since that Scouse lunatic showed up on the scene" Les enters and tells Janice this is important and she has to come now. Steve says "We could drive off into the sunset together" She replies, "You have always got to make a joke of everything" he replies, "Who's joking? I'd do it now. Look, I'd do anything to stop you going"

Back at the bus stop Leanne tells Les and Janice shes going to see a mate. Janice cries, "Then why the big suitcase?" Leanne replies, "I've quit my job so there's no rush for me to get back, alright? I'm just fed up of everyone hating me round here" Les reminds her she is going to be chief bridesmaid in three weeks time. She replies, "I'll 'try' and get back" Eileen on the radio tells Les he had a job. Les tells Leanne he has to go.

Martin has turned up at Robyn's school. He asks someone if they know where she is. The teacher points towards a sports field where a girl's soccer game is taking place. He walks up to the game and when the ball comes over to him he passes it back to her. She looks shocked to see him but ignores him.

Street cars and Les finds a fare waiting at the office, a vicar wanting to travel back to his church, at Jude's in Dinham. Les thinks this is Ronnie's ex with a hoax fare that's not going to pay. He says, "This is a wind up isn't it? A vicar wanting to go all the way out to Cheshire? Cash up front or I'm not taking you. Come on" The reverend tells him "The money is in the vestry at my church. The firm I normally use don't ask for payment in advance and I have to say, the drivers are a little more polite" Eileen tells Les that maybe he should give him the benefit of the doubt. Les replies, "How do we know he is a real vicar? How do we know he's not some chancer working undercover for Jimmy Clayton?" The vicar produces his ID card and brandishes it in front of Les who counters, "Okay, but I'm warning you, any funny business and I'll have you face down over the bonnet of my car before you can say Holy Smoke" Les goes to wait in the taxi.

Over at the school Martin watches Robyn play with the kids. He then happily runs over to the black board and writes marry me. Half time and all the kids sees the board and laugh. "What do you think you are doing here?" Robyn says. He says, "I've been asking myself that for the last ten minutes" She snaps, "I am at work! This is not a good time" He whines that she won't answer the phone, "So when 'is' a good time?" Robyn tells him to go home and she does not want to see him again. Martin is stunned , "What? Well excuse me if I seem confused but the last time I saw you, you gave me a lingering kiss and thanked me for, how was it you put it, one of the most wonderful nights of your life" she says she didn't know what type of man he was.

Steve's flat. He and Ronnie are in bed. She says she is going to stay, "But maybe I should pack the job in. Maybe we shouldn't mix business with pleasure" Steve asks, "And do you really think Jimmy won't mind us sleeping together if you aren't driving?" Ronnie replies with a sigh, "No"

In the taxi Les is talking to the priest. The vicar comments on how rough Manchester is these days, "The friend I have just been to visit, they have almost got CCTV in the confession box now. I'm just glad I got out when I did" Les asks how long he has been in Cheshire and he replies, "Twelve years now. It's lovely, small friendly parish,17th century church. I love it there" Les, very interested, asks him "And what if someone who didn't come from your neck of the woods wanted to get married there?" The vicar smiles, "Well, I'm sure we would be able to come to some arrangement" Les face then beam's.

Back at the bus stop Janice and Leanne are both tearful. Leanne says she has missed three busses already and has to get this one. Janice says she's going for good and she won't hear from her again. Leanne says she will as the bus door closes and drives off. Steve and Ronnie say they will do what they want now and not care what any one thinks. They share a kiss as Ronnie's ex looks on at them.

Amanda Souter

Steve and Ronnie finish their passionate kiss and Jimmy is just as displeased by their public display as he was when we left him. As Steve and Ronnie go their separate ways for the day, it's plain he isn't about to let this drop. He follows Ronnie into the Rovers and buys her a ploughman's. Awww he mustn't be such a bad guy after all. You could be led to believe that if it wasn't for the giveaway evil sneer that suggests otherwise. Oh dear...

Tracy is enjoying seeing Steve wound up over Ronnie and offers to let him have Amy. However, her condition is that she goes nowhere near the 'troublesome' Ronnie. Thus we hear the shattering of glass houses being smashed by her stones.

Back in the Rovers, Ronnie is sitting with Jimmy as he tries to woo her back...by calling her his possession. Not a good idea, and she isn't even tempted. He changes tactics by grabbing her hair and warning her that Steve has better know a good plastic surgeon. Bev sees him stroking her hair and offers a reproving look as she places her lunch down (fast service or what?) As she and Liz watch with concern, he gets more malicious...As Liz goes to warn Steve, Ronnie once again rejects Jimmy and he warns her she'll regret it. He storms out and moments later Steve enters and assures her he'll sort it. She sighs with exasperation that he really doesn't know what he is capable of.

Les and the vicar are discussing prices of hiring the church and things aren't going Les' way. Firstly it needed to be booked 6 months in advance for the more reasonable price and secondly the vicar isn't one for marrying divorcees.

Steve is telling Ronnie that he's had enough and he is going to go and pay Jimmy a visit. She is incredulous at this idea, warning him that he'll be ripped apart by the psycho but Steve retorts by telling her he'll stand more of a chance if he makes the first move rather than being caught by surprise.

The vicar offers to lend Les an ear as he seems miserable but a peeved Les tells him there's nothing he can help with.

Deirdre comes to pay for her papers, mint and usual feeling of outrage at the shopkeeper's putting his foot in it, as Norris lets slip that Ken has ordered him not to supply her with cigarettes. Deirdre is outraged

Les walks into the church and is awe inspired and wants this place for his wedding. He says a little prayer asking God to make his wedding go well and to give him a sign. The vicar walks in and tells Les that the church is open all day. Les asks if he ever worries about thieves and he takes a huge risk by informing a Battersby that there is no CCTV in the area

Robyn has being doing a check on Martin (well her brother has) and now knows the truth about the deaths of Tommy and Katy...and of Martin's involvement in the whole fiasco.

Janice is causing more dismay for Danny by avoiding all work and also reducing the workload of all her colleagues as well. He drags her into the office and warns her that in the factory, he is in control. She smirks and retorts that all his authority has been diminished.

Robyn feels betrayed and is annoyed that martin didn't tell her as they've been seeing each other for 3 weeks (I know that's a long time in Weatherfield but even so...skeletons out in 3 weeks!?) Martin tells her that he'll explain if she'll hear him out

Deirdre confronts Ken about his demands to Norris and he tells her that he was only trying to help. Thanks to the input from everyone's favourite OAP Blanche, they end up making a pact involving Ken giving up caffiene

Robyn admits after story time that it's the whole gymslip bride thing that gets to her more. Martin is exasperated that this is back to haunt him again and he tells her it was a mistake. But she isn't convinced by any of it and feels he may hurt her so she walks out...without promising to be back in touch

Lloyd can't believe Steve has gone to see Jimmy and nor can Tracy but only because he's left Amy.

Steve is full of nerves as he sits down with Jimmy and tells him he's with Ronnie now and they can't control their emotions so he'd appreciate it if they could eliminate any animosity. Jimmy tells him he's certainly got guts and he agrees to Steve's request. But as Steve goes to get drinks in Jimmy tells Clayton Junior that Steve will regret ever laying eyes on Ronnie.

Duncan Lindsay





Wednesday 19 October

Written by: Mark Burt
Directed by: Tracey Rooney

Ken's tetchy, and the reason for this becomes clear when Tracey offers Blanche a cup of tea. 'Actually,' she says pointedly, 'I think I'll have a delicious cup of coffee.' Poor Ken – he's suffering from caffeine withdrawal.

Martin is in the comfort of his own dressing gown, sipping his beverage of choice (no caffeine withdrawal for him), but staring at the phone in a miserable way. He gets all excited when it actually rings, but it's not Foxy Lady, it's Sarah. 'What's happened?' he sighs.

Another miserable man (the street is full of them today) is Danny Baldwin, who's at the factory in body if not in mind (which is elsewhere). When Adam tells him they're getting behind on a contract and he needs to authorise some overtime, Danny just snaps at him to sort it out himself – his job is to motivate the workforce. Adam's first motivational step is to turn off the radio, which upsets the staff as they were enjoying a good old singalong to Nothing Compares To U. 'It's affecting productivity,' he explains, but Janice tells him that it's a case of 'no radio, no knickers.' (I do hope she means they won't be making knickers, as opposed to not wearing them). Sinead O'Connor makes a swift return. 'Nobody touches this radio but me,' says Adam, in a sad attempt to assert his authority.

In the back room of the corner shop Martin is bandaging Sarah's wrist (don't know why she needed it bandaging). It's nice that his nurse training is still coming in handy. Sarah asks him about Robyn, and says she's glad he's moving on with his life. He's not keen to talk about Robyn, and as soon as Dev appears Martin takes his chance to leave. Not before Dev corners him to ask an unusual question, which is somehow related to the fact that Sunita is going for a scan later: 'How do nurses feel about taking bribes?' Martin walks off without answering.

Cilla is battering a cod while Les outlines his scheme to 'borrow' a church for the wedding. He'll get the vicar out of the way, he says. 'It'll be perfect!' he reassures her. 'Just one problem,' says Cilla. 'Who the 'eck's going to marry us? Don't tell me – Chesney's going to borrow Schmeikel's dog collar.' But Les has got that covered – Father Abraham said he'd do it for two bottles of sherry. Cilla doesn't want to be married by the man they call 'the bonking bishop.' She points out that it still wouldn't be legal, but Les says they can get secretly married in a registry office a few days before, and no-one else needs to know. He tells her how lovely it could be: 'You'll be a princess for the day, and a queen for the rest of our lives.' Sold to the lady in the fish-frying hat – one dodgy wedding.

Jamie's at Roy's Rolls, not eating a bacon butty that Vera has lovingly prepared for him. 'Pigs volunteer to be in my bacon butties,' she tempts him, but he says he's not hungry. She says he'll waste away, and he says he wishes he could.

Also in the cafe we have Audrey and Gail, who are discussing whether Gail should ring Phil or not – she says he hasn't called her for a while and she's worried. Ken comes in, and they invite him to join them. 'You're looking a bit peaky,' Gail tells him. 'I think I'm coming down with something,' says Ken, looking longingly at Audrey's cup of coffee. Audrey tells Vera that she thinks Ken needs a cup of coffee. 'NO!" snaps the normally mild-mannered Ken, and leaves. Audrey, Gail and Vera watch him go, stunned at the outburst.

Now Danny comes in, and says hello to Jamie, who hasn't got time to reply before Vera lays into Danny on his behalf, and tells Danny to get out. Danny asks his son how long he's going to treat him like this, and Jamie says, 'For the rest of your pathetic life.' Vera tells Danny to leave, and he does.

Gail receives a text from Phil, saying he's been leaving messages and texts and wonders if she's avoiding him. She checks the inbox on her phone and all the messages have been deleted. She tells Audrey that she thinks she knows who the culprit could be: 'A certain son of mine.'

'You can see the legs.' 'They're arms, Dev.' Sunita proves more adept than her husband at interpreting a scan image. The nurse asks if they'd like a picture, and that they cost two pounds. Dev hands her a twenty and tells her to keep the change. The nurse asks if they have any more questions, and Dev is opening his mouth to ask about the sex of the baby but Sunita tells him not to even think about it. The nurse says that it isn't hospital policy anyway.

The factory girls+Sean are winding Adam up by presenting him with a schedule for their preferred radio listening (didn't you just know that the quip about no-one else touching the radio would come back to bite him?). The only one not involved is Sally, but Janice says that's 'only because we couldn't find Boring FM.' Adam tears the schedule up. 'The day the music died,' sighs Sean. It really does die, too, because Adam turns the radio off again. 'Everyone back to work,' he says. No-one moves, and they all start to giggle. 'Nice try, Tiger,' says Janice, 'But it's our dinner break.' She switches the radio back on. It's not surprising that Adam is confused though – it must be the only time they've all sat in the factory to have their dinner, they're normally over t'Rovers.

Gail is home alone, and she rings Phil's voicemail and leaves a message saying she's sorry for the misunderstanding and she thinks something was wrong with her phone. 'I wondered if you'd like to do something with me when you get back,' she says temptingly, adding, 'I missed you.'

Danny is drowning his sorrows at Weatherfield's premier hostelry, and Adam comes to find him, and sits down. 'What are you doing?' asks Danny. 'I'm doing my job, Danny. You need some motivation.'

Martin is also in t'Rovers in search of alcoholic solace, but while Violet is pulling his pint she can't stop going on about how wonderful Robyn is, until Martin tells her to stop. Violet asks what's happened and he says, 'I've talked, she's listened and she's left, and somehow I don't think she's coming back.' Violet says that Martin is a good person, which she knows because Katy loved him. 'Well, Katy's dead,' says Martin, 'I helped bury her.' Violet tells him that Katy would want him to be happy.

Adam is telling Danny that anarchy is about to break out in the factory. 'Like I said, deal with it,' is Danny's suggestion. Adam reminds him he's still the boss.

Tracey and Ken are just back from the library, and Tracey tells Blanche that Ken was caught trying to steal a book! 'It was an honest mistake,' protests Ken. He'd compounded this by likening the library to a fascist state. 'I'd have clapped him in leg irons as soon as look at him,' says Blanche, who would be quite at home in the administrative wing of a fascist state. Tracey had calmed the outraged library staff down by telling them Ken was on medication. She tells Ken he needs help. 'He needs a fix, more like,' says Blanche. 'After a few hours without caffeine he turns into Britain's Most Wanted. I'd lock up your valuables, love.'

Danny has got the factory girls+Sean lined up for a talking-to. He says the radio is a privilege, and he pays them to work, not to play silly beggars. Then he throws the radio to the floor, smashing it. 'Whoops!' he says, and tells them that privileges are to be earned, and do they have any questions. 'I've got one, Mr Baldwin,' says Janice. 'How's the family?' He smiles at her. 'Summat funny?' she says. 'Yeah,' he says. 'You are sacked.' That wipes the smile off Janice's face (though it puts one on the face of Sally).

Martin is still in the pub, three quarters of the way down a pint of Newton & Ridley's finest, when in walks Robyn. 'There's something I need to know,' she says. 'Did you love Katy?' He smiles. 'Yeah, I did.' She smiles too. 'I'm glad,' she says. So apparently everything's all right again in the world of football mascot relationships.

'He can't sack me,' Janice is telling her (technically former) workmates at the factory. Sean suggests she should try apologising to Danny. 'Are you out of your tiny gay brain?' she says (though she pronounces gay as 'gurr'). 'Why should I go begging to a bloke who has ruined my daughter's life?' Janice tells Adam that the workers will stick together, but Sally laughs. 'Have you got something to say?' Janice asks her. 'I have actually,' says Sally. 'Who's organising the leaving do?' Janice does have an ally in the form of Hayley, who (in her capacity as shop steward) is trying to persuade Danny not to sack her, saying that Janice hasn't done anything to warrant being sacked. Danny tells her that 'the pug-faced mare has been throwing her weight around for weeks, ever since she found out.' Hayley is shocked to learn that Janice knew about Danny and Leanne, and he says, 'She ain't worried about Leanne, she's just choked the gravy train's over.' Hayley says that, even so, this is unfair dismissal. 'Since when has life been fair, Hayley?' he says. Hayley goes out of the office, where the others are waiting to find out what's going to happen. Hayley says she thinks Janice has grounds for a complaint of unfair dismissal, but that she thinks it's best if Janice leaves her to sort it out. Adam says he'll have to escort Janice out of the building. Fiz says, 'If she goes, so do I.' The twins and Sean agree. Adam asks Hayley to do something, but after a moment's thought, Hayley says, 'If Mr Baldwin wants to talk, he knows where to find us.' They all get their coats and go.

Martin and Robyn are coming out of the pub, and he says he's now an open book and she knows everything about him. She says there's one thing he hasn't told her – three little words. So he says them – no, not 'Mine's a pint,' which is technically four words, but 'I love you.' 'I know you do,' she says (she has a very wide mouth), 'I was just checking.' He asks if there's anything she wants to tell him. 'I came back, didn't I?' she says. 'That's all you need to know.'

The factory workers are decamping to the Rovers. Janice thanks Hayley for her support, but Hayley can't think of anything to say to Janice and she walks off.

Inside the Palace of Panty Production, only Danny, Adam and Sally remain. Adam tells Danny it's all his fault, and he's going to ring Mike. Danny says, 'While you're at it, why not tell him that the staff think his precious little snot-nosed son is a joke?' 'At least he's still got a son,' says Adam. Ouch!

Sue Haasler





Friday 21 October

It's Friday and Roy and Hayley are walking from their place towards the factory. Unfortunately, the scriptwriters have given them too much to say on the way, so they're taking teeny, tiny steps, about half a foot length, and everyone's hoping we viewers won't notice. Wrong! Hayley is carrying a folding chair and a chilly bin (or esky, or cool box, or whatever the US/Canadian word is). They are discussing the plans for the day. Roy hopes the protest outside the factory doesn't go on too long, and Hayley assures him it won't if Danny sees sense. "Remember Hayley, a victory gained by violence is tantamount to a defeat," Roy says, quoting Gandhi. Then he quotes Martin Luther King: "Violence is immoral, because it humiliates rather than persuades." Norris, doing the papers, is surprised to see them, but Hayley says she's told everyone to be there at seven sharp, "The early bird catches the scab." Sadly, it's broad daylight, so if it's 7am they must be filming in the south of France or somewhere, because the sun isn't rising until well after 7.30 at the moment.

In the Barlow household, Ken is like a bear with a sore head. Blanche and Deirdre mention it, but he points out that living with Blanche isn't all gay badinage. "When it comes to gay badinage," she points out, "you make your Uncle Albert look like Liberace!" LOL, Albert would be horrified at the thought. Deirdre thinks it's the lack of caffeine making him into a grumpy old man. Blanche says that if that's what old men are like, they should suffocate her instead of putting her into a home. "I won't struggle."

The pro-Janice protestors are gathered . . . minus the woman herself. Apparently Janice was having Scotch chasers last night. Sean thinks Scotch chasers would be a good idea this morning. Kelly phones to say she's ill, and Fizz supports Janice as they arrive. Janice collapses into the folding chair and Fizz suddenly rushes off to be sick, just as Danny and Adam arrive. Danny turns sarcastic. "Look, it's Lech Walesa without the 'tache," he says, pointing at Hayley. As he and Adam go into the factory, the picketers chant "Justice for Janice."

Gail is doing a bit of detective work on the matter of the missing text messages. But she's not doing it very well, Almost as soon as the words "You know about these phones, don't you?" and David suddenly has urgent business upstairs getting ready for school. Audrey arrives and Gail, without realising David is sitting on the stairs, tells her that Phil is coming round tonight. She's managed to get Sarah and Scooter to agree to stay out, and wants Audrey to take David and Bethany. And they are both startled by a David-shaped whirlwind that suddenly spins past them, slamming the door on the way out.

Back on the picket line, Janice is very sarcastic when Sally opens her door and crosses the road. "Better late than never," she sneers. Hayley hushes her, saying Sally had children to see to, which is a better excuse for being late than some had. Sally, however, has no plans to join the picket line. She tries to go into the factory, telling them it's not her fight. "I've got mouths to feed." And before she knows it she's surrounded by flailing arms, swinging placards and shouts of "Scab! Scab! Scab!" The girls come out on their way to school. Rosie does nothing, but Sophie rushes towards them screaming "Leave her alone!" Kevin rushes over from the garage and pulls the picketers off Sally, telling the workers that some people aren't worth striking over. "Scablover!" retorts Janice.

In the Rovers, Ken is so tetchy he even criticises the hotpot and the service. Deirdre tells him he should start drinking coffee again. She says he can drink more decaf and she'll smoke milder cigarettes. Ken gloats that this mean's he's won. "I haven't started smoking again, yet!" Deirdre snaps. "You've won nothing!"

Les and Kirk are discussing the wedding. "Can you get done for stealing a church?" Kirk wants to know. Les says they'll just be borrowing it, but he'll have to do a few recces and make sure it's only the vicar they need to get rid of. He'll need a good lieutenant, Les says, and asks if Kirk will be his best man. Kirky's face is a picture. He's nearly in tears and when he gives Les a hug, Les points out he's been asked to be the best man, not the bride. Of course Kirk will do it. His face is beaming. He doesn't even balk at the Battersby family tradition of the best man buying the beer for the groom until the wedding. And the peanuts. "A bag of dry roasted," a still-beaming Kirk tells Violet.

Roy arrives with lunch, but the picketers aren't too keen. It might have something to do with the fact that the broth is oxtail.

Those of a squeamish nature should leave the room now. In the chippie, Cilla is complaining that the batter gets everywhere. As she wipes her cleavage, she says: "You could cook 10 cod in me bath water." Les comes in and says he's been sorting out the best man. "No need," Cilla tells him. "You'll have a dashing young soldier by your side." Behind her, this starts off Yarna on the subject of men in uniform. "One flash of an epaulet and I'm putty in their hands." As Cilla tells Les that "our Billy" is taking leave specially do duty as Les's best man, Yarna starts counting off the men in uniform she's been putty for, starting with a soldier and a pilot. Cilla firmly tells Les she's not having Kirk. "I'm not having that crate-head mucking up me nuptials!" ". . . and an able seaman, and a copper of course . . ." Yarna continues. "That kebab meat's got a higher IQ than Kirk," Cilla says. ". . . security guard in t'precinct, traffic warden, saved me sixty quid that did, and a hotel doorman . . ." Cilla rounds on her mate and tells her to shut up. "Billy's family. He comes first," she tells Les. "I don't care what you tell Kirk. Just get rid."

David is pouring out his woes to Sarah. Sarah admits she offered to stay out. David thinks she doesn't care. But Sarah says she does. "I care enough to let me mum find happiness with someone that's going to stay around for her. We have to accept it." "You might have to," says David, stomping off.

The picketers are tired and grumpy. Hayley says she'll bring some board games tomorrow, which doesn't exactly fire the others with enthusiasm. As Sally comes out, the chants of "scab" start again. "Gosling!" shouts Fizz. Hayley corrects her: "It's quisling!" You'd think Fizz would have remembered that from when this joke was used in November last year, during the Silver Stitcher dispute. Danny and Adam come out, with Danny saying he's had a cackle-free day. Hayley tells them they're losing money and if they'd just reinstate Janice the others would be back behind their machines tomorrow. Danny is adamant. "Lippy has botched her last gusset, all right," he says.

Roy is wiping tables and humming. He's celebrating the 200th anniversary of the Trafalgar victory. Jack is not keen on so much goodwill with his cuppa, but Roy points out that Nelson's second in command was Admiral Sir John Thomas Duckworth. Vera refuses to believe there can be any connection. Roy points out that Duckworth wasn't actually at Trafalgar, missing the battle because his ship was busy taking on food supplies. This, of course, changes Vera's mind immediately. "He were your ancestor all right!"

Gail is dressed to the nines (actually, undressed, with plenty of arms and cleavage showing) and putting in her earrings when Phil arrives. He's bought wine and says she looks sensational. "Everything does," he says, glancing around at the dining table with candles and the huckery old ironing board propped against the wall by the phone. But I must have hallucinated that last bit, because when we see that piece of wall again, the ironing board has gone. They must have needed it for Cilla's dress for the next scene... As Phil and Gail start to get very, very close indeed, we switch to that very scene.

Les reckons a mate of Lloyd's will do the limos. Conversation turns to the best man. Sophie, doing her homework, suggests Kirk could prove his worth in the same way Hercules did (they're doing a project on Greek myths). He could do 12 tasks to prove his worth. Chesney says Hercules had to do things like slay monsters. "Perhaps he could slay Janice," Cilla muses. "Give us that list. I'll go through these. You go and find Kirk," she tells Les.

Les doesn't have to go far. He finds Kirk in the Rovers and tells him about the tasks. "It gets better and better, all this. Bring 'em on," Kirk beams. Bless.

Back at Gail's, Phil is proving just how little he knows about reflexology by massaging Gail's feet. He tells her he doesn't do just feet and they move towards the stairs. But just a few steps up, Gail is overcome by a panic attack. She asks Phil to go, and he does. "I'll call you," And as he goes, Gail sinks down on the stairs, wracked with sobs.

The End.
Margaret Carr





Sunday 23 October

Janice and Hayley are standing alone on their picket line, wondering where everyone is. Sally comes out and grins, "You'll have Danny Baldwin trembling in his boots, I don't think," she remarks. Janice tells her she should be ashamed of herself, and to think of her mates. Sally says that Janice is not her mate, she's always been nasty to her. Sean then rushes out of Eileen's front door, apologising for being late, he had to floss his teeth. Janice tells him that this is more important than his teeth. "Au contraire," says Sean, "I'd rather you and me fell out than my teeth." Fizz and the others try to urge Sally not to go into work, but to stay out with them. Fizz tells her that they would do the same for her if she got picked on. Sally is sure they wouldn't, and not only that, Janice was asking to get the sack. Sally walks off, leaving Janice enraged, just as a minibus draws up. Out gets Adam, and a whole other workforce! "Scabs!" shouts Janice, and has to be restrained from violence.

Adam stands on the top step in front of the factory door, looking really smug, and Danny comes out. "You are playing a dirty game, Mr. Baldwin," says Hayley, but Danny tells her he has to keep the business afloat.

Over at the Battersby's, Kirk is telling Les how he always wanted to be a best man. Les tells him he has to pass the tests first, it's the Battersby family tradition. Chesney informs Kirk that Cilla has modeled her tests on what he learned at school about the labours of Hercules. "Oh I've seen him on the telly," says Kirk, "he's a Belgian detective, a little bald chap with a 'tache." They tell Kirk that his for his first test he has to get Schmeichel's favourite toy off him.

Gail is sitting, head in hands, at her kitchen table, obviously devastated at the events of the night that came to nothing with Phil. Audrey brings David and Bethany home, but when she sees Gail she sends them off to the shop on an errand. "What happened?" she asks her miserable looking daughter. Gail explains that at the last minute she got frightened, and is sure that right now Phil must think that she isn't worth the trouble.

Ken and Deirdre arrive home, and as they're hanging their coats up Ken is sure he can smell coffee. Deirdre can't smell it, which Ken is quick to point out is due to her smoking for years, her nasal membranes are kippered beyond repair. As they walk into the living room, Tracy puts a cup of coffee into her mother's hand, and Blanche points out that he can have a biscuit. Ken doesn't want a biscuit without a coffee to dip it into. Deirdre tells him he can have hers, and they all encourage him, they can't cope with him being so grouchy without it. Deirdre assures him she's not looking for an excuse to start smoking again, she just wants him back the way he was. "If that's what you all want, it would be churlish of me to deny you," says Ken, and takes a biscuit as well.

In the back yard, Kirk is trying to persuade Schmeichel to leave his toy and run after a ball. (Not that a dog of that size could run at all in that yard, he could barely turn around!) Schmeichel won't be moved, however. "You'll never make best man," says Cilla, watching with Chesney from the sidelines.

Claire arrives at the taxi office, ready to start her shift. She tells Lloyd and Steve that she'll be going off shift for about an hour at tea time while she fetches Joshua from a birthday party. Ronnie comes in then, she's just finished her shift too, she was working the same hours as Steve, surprise, surprise!

Danny walks into the café, and stops Frankie in her tracks. "What do you want?" she asks him, "I've said all I've got to say to you." He tells her he's only come in for a sandwich, but he would like the chance to talk to her about the two of them. "Ham or cheese?" replies Frankie, but Danny confesses that he just lost his appetite. Frankie tells him she's had enough of his lies, it's all over. He says again that he just wants to talk it over, but she tells him to talk it over with Mike, who's due back from his holiday.

Claire puts Joshua into his car seat, and is about to take him home when a young man gets out of another taxi and gets into hers. He tells her she's out of her league in the cab game, and to pack the job in and stick to prams. If she stays with Street Cars she could get hurt, and so could someone belonging to her. He looks at Joshua as he says this, and ruffles his hair.

Sean has left his post on the picket line and working in the pub. Fizz is at the bar, she's come in to use the toilet and feels it only polite to have a drink while she's there. Kirk comes in and tells her about the tests he has to take in order to be Les's best man. Fiz realises straight away this is Cilla's idea so that when he flunks all the tests Billy can be best man. Molly is at Kirk's elbow, and tells Fiz she should have more faith in Kirk's abilities. Fiz tells her it's not about faith, it's about knowing how her mother's mind works.

Poor Claire is still trying to cope with the unwelcome visitor to her taxi. "Get out now while you can still walk," he tells her menacingly. He gets out and Claire locks the doors straight away. "It's all right Josh," she tells her son nervously, "we're going home now, everything's ok." Josh doesn't look convinced.

Mike draws up in his car, to see the picket line in full force outside his factory. "What the hell's all this?" he mutters, and then shouts, "Hayley – come here!" Hayley trots over, beaming. "Hello Mr Baldwin," she says, "did you have a nice holiday?" Mike, however, does not want to talk about his holiday, he wants to know in a nutshell what it's all about. Hayley sums up the events of the last week or so in as few words as possible. "Danny had an affair with Leanne, Frankie threw him out, Janice wasn't best pleased and told him, so he took it out on her and gave her the sack." Mike shakes his head and walks inside.

Inside, Adam and Danny are discussing the poor production figures, when Mike walks in. "You're back," says Danny. "Yes, back to a disaster," Mike agrees. Danny admits that he was out of order, and it got out of hand, he knows that he's lost Jamie, and Mike tells him he's been a fool.

The rival taxi driver pulls up behind Claire as she gets Josh out of the car outside her house. Claire bangs on the front door and Ashley opens it. She tells him how she's been followed and threatened, and Ashley is furious. He punches the young man and sends him packing, but is told, "You'll be sorry!"

Kirk is on all fours in the back yard, with a yellow rubber bone between his teeth. Molly tells him he might be trying too hard. She makes him stand up and give her the bone, "Be ready," she tells him.

Inside, Cilla is talking about the flowers she wants at her wedding, with buttonholes for Les and Billy. Just then Kirk comes in, triumphant, wielding Schmeichel's toy. "Well done, Kirkules!" says Les. Cilla wants to know how they can be sure the toy is Schmeichel's. "Look," says Kirk, tossing it to her, "there's his teethmarks." He throws the toy to Cilla, but at that moment the dog comes in and lunges for his toy, knocking Cilla's chair over backwards!

Back at Underworld, Mike is talking to Danny about Janice and the strike. Adam agrees that she was being impossible. It's Danny's judgement that the girls will all be back a work in a couple of days. "What's your judgement worth?" Mike asks him, "It's already cost you your marriage and your son, do you want to go for the treble and lose this business as well?"

In the Rovers, Lloyd, Ronnie and Steve are enjoying a drink. Steve thinks his little chat with Clayton has done the trick. Just then Ashley comes in, fuming. He tells them that Claire is not going to work for them again, as his wife and son have been threatened. Lloyd looks at Ronnie, "I knew you were trouble the moment I set eyes on you," he says, then turns to Steve, "so come on Steve, what are you going to do about it?"

Annie Logan





Monday 24 October

This is the update for Monday's Corrie. Unfortunately Amanda isn't with us this week as she is taking a well deserved break. Even more unfortunately that leaves you stuck with me for a whole two episodes of synopsis. Oh pure bliss...!

Danny has awoken in one of his now characteristically foul tempers and once again Adam as at the brunt of it. As Mike and Penny watch helplessly, Danny continues to dig at the lad until Penny reminds Danny who it was who caused the strike in the first place. As his two sons leave the room, Mike confesses to Penny that the pair of them worry him.

Ronnie is fretting about Claire and feels responsible for what happened. Steve tells her it has nothing to do with them now but Ronnie feels responsible. Steve tells her she'll be taking Josh to nursery and has a suggestion on how they can pass the time until then

Norris and Rita are bickering over the Kabin sign. Norris, now a partner is determined to have the sign changed but when Rita asks Hayley's advice she tells them that it looks fine as it is

Cilla still doesn't want Kirk to have a role in the wedding and cruelly orders Les to give Kirk a task that he will no doubt fail.

Gail spots Phil approaching and immediately avoids him and the apparent awkward atmosphere.

The mob outside the factory is out in full force very energetic even for a Monday morning. Mike smugly reminds his workforce that it's time to be saving up for Christmas and that starts to hit home until Sally appears as a cue to start hurling abuse. Sally makes her way through the mob and Hayley looks on with disdain as Janice gets carried away. Inside, Mike and Danny lock horns over what to do. Danny is perfectly satisfied with the pensioners but Mike tells him to just reinstate Janice on her final warning. Danny reminds him they've done that so many times before, even after she burnt down the factory but Mike tells him it's not a matter of principles, he just cares about profit.

Cilla and Yana have spotted a three tier, pink chav-style cake in the bakery window and naturally desire it for the wedding. Les says that they'll never eat all of that (evidently underestimating Cilla's appetite) but Yana tells him that it is given to the guests. Cilla declares that she must have that cake!

Ronnie bumps into Claire in the Street and apologises. It soon dawns on Claire that she is out of a job and Ronnie confirms that Ashley resigned on her behalf.

And she is NOT happy about it! Ashley has a case of Charlie Stubbs syndrome and puts his foot down saying she will stay a housewife, but Claire is enraged and storms out to go to work

Sally finishes early from work and is mobbed once again by the suspicious crowd. Blanche and Norris look on as Janice asks to borrow her stick to wallop Sally. Her retorts soon sidetracks into a bickering match between Norris and Blanche as Sally makes her way home.

The price of the cake isn't comforting Les but Cilla suggests they steal it...with Kirk's help. At first he refuses but a 'cunning' plan is never far from a Battersby-Brown mind.

Claire returns to work to Ronnie and Lloyd's unease. Ronnie warns her not to be so sure Nick won't be back.

The wedding planning gets even stranger as Cilla orders Kirk to steal Blanche's corset. In the corner of the cafe, Gail sits down with Phil and apologises for avoiding him. He is full of apologies too but Gail says it'd be best if they didn't see each other again.

Mike and Danny are still at each other's throats over Janice with Danny not understanding why he's so desperate to give in. Danny reminds him that he has been running the factory and is still a partner to Mike. Mike tells him that he shouldn't put his love life first but Danny calls him a hypocrite.

Fred is all for Ashley's decision over Claire. Martin comes in with Robyn and she tells them she has bought a house and aiming for a head teacher's job in Liverpool (a far cry from a mascot) Fred tells them he likes a woman with ambition...ruling out Claire of course.

Rita is beaming about her cruise and recounts every detail before (for some unknown reason) inviting Blanche along. Blanche tells her she'd rather watch the telly if she's honest (which she always is) Norris meanwhile is miffed at being left alone to run the shop

Mike and Danny's argument is now getting more and more personal. Danny rages that his love life is irrelevant but Mike knows from experience it has knock on effects. Danny shouts that he may as well contract on the benefitor of the business, Adam, but Mike tells him his other son will be the heir to the knicker throne. Danny looks blank as Mike follows this up with the confession: 'you're my son'

Danny is incredulous over this bomb shell. He starts talking about 'Angina Andy' who faked heart attacks in tricky situations and claims Mike is doing similar here. He then starts to mock Mike and his claims but as Mike sticks to the story, Danny flies out into the factory and throws his wrinkled workforce out. Danny asks if his father (the father he grew up with...watch as this becomes confusing) knew all along and despite Mike's avoiding of the subject, he realises he must have done. Danny is sickened and tells Mike he ought to give him the punch his brother (Mike's that is) owes him

Claire tells Ashley not to worry. If he really wants to be brave and look out for her then he'll let her have her life

Norris' behaviour is confusing his friends slightly but Rita is too busy looking forward to her cruise to pay much attention

Danny can't believe Mike didn't even work out he was his and he starts comparing him to his other father. Speaking of Harry, he tells Mike he was a decent man. He confesses that in all of his bad situations he thought of his dad and believed that he had some of that good in him

Norris is telling someone outside the Kabin how to spell his name. Is it clear what he's planning on doing yet?

Yana distracts Diggory with flirting which miraculously works while Les sneaks in the bakery while across the road Kirk asks Blanche what size girdle she wears, earning a whack from her stick.

Rita returns to the shop to see Norris's name plastered on it, even before him. Furious, she demands it is changed

As Mike tries to talk Danny round, saying it can't be a huge surprise, Danny asks him to leave. Mike doesn't want him to do anything stupid so Danny starts trashing the factory until Mike gives in and agrees to leave him alone.

Not sure who to talk to, Danny phones Frankie but she hangs up as soon as she hears who it is.

The cake is in the realm of Battersby-Brown land and Kirk dashes in so Les covers it with a towel and tries to pass it off as a budgie. And as it's Kirk, this attempt is successful.

Janice is suspicious of what to do next over the factory and murmurs on until a bored Kelly gets up and leaves.

Jason enters and Violet asks where Charlie is. Jason tells her he has to work for someone even if he doesn't like him and Violet agrees...without enthusiasm.

Mike is moping and telling Penny he wrecks every relationship he's had. Penny comforts him and says he hasn't wrecked anything with her yet. He smiles and tells her to give it time. Adam walks in and Mike is pleased to recall he likes pasta, satisfied that he knows at least one of his sons.

Menacing Jimmy enters the cab office and Lloyd ushers him out but ends up outraged when he deals the most controversial insult ever known by calling him a...wait for it...monkey. Kelly swings across the vines into the office to join her chimp and gets a similar insult and Jimmy warns Lloyd that this has just turned into a war. What next? Water balloons?

A solitary Danny sits alone in a dark office, not able to contact his mother. He rests his face in his hands, despair overcoming him

So what have we learned from tonight's episode?

-Nobody likes a bad atmosphere
-The following residents had donned poppies: Rita, Norris, Mike, Phil, Fred, Diggory, Emily and Blanche
-Les owns a similar jumper collection to Percy Sugden
-Les was drunk on his first wedding day
-Definition of immortal: Won't live forever
-Partners always display names in alphabetical order
-Everyone likes cake
-Hell may be a step up from the jungle

Awards
Most used statement by Cilla: "I want that cake"
Least likely prospect: "We had our heads together in deep conversation" Vera about herself and Jack
Best suggestion: "beat yourself up" Blanche to Janice
Worst L'Oreal model: "I'm worth it" Cilla
Worst disregard of the regular street psychos: Lloyd: Let's hope your guts don't spill Claire: Not much chance of that
Shortest distance to travel: " I just wanted to run back into the house" Gail 'The Turtle' Platt
Second most least likely prospect: "Everything's back to Normal?" Fred
Understatement of the evening: "On this Street your secrets will always find you" Mike to Danny
Most risky statement: "Lightning won't strike twice" Claire to Ashley
Least reliable presumption: "He's not going to do anything stupid" Penny about Danny


Until next week
Duncan Lindsay



Wednesday 26 October

Written by: John Fay
Directed by: Ian Bevitt

I bet you didn't know this: 'A scab is a two-legged animal with a corkscrew soul.' This, and other revelations, are to be found in a note which has appeared on the Websters' doormat. 'It's for you, Mam,' Sophie says. Rosie carries on reading: 'Where others have a heart, she has a tumour of rotten principles.' 'That doesn't sound like the girls from the factory,' says Sally. 'It's Jack London, the writer,' says Rosie. Kevin deduces that it was Rosie herself who printed it out. Sally doesn't seem that bothered that her eldest thinks she has a corkscrew soul; she's more irritated by the other scab employees at the factory, who are apparently even more useless than Janice Battersby. Rosie says she should join the picket line too, but Sally has a compromise – she'll take a few days off and do a bit of shopping. That way the Baldwins will realise how much they need her. Rosie (who is looking a bit more tanned than a Goth has a right to be) doesn't look convinced.

Crisis talks are underway at the cab office, where all the drivers, plus Eileen, Lloyd and Steve, are discussing the nasty Claytons. Les (using his brain for once) thinks the best way out is to sack Ronnie. Lloyd evokes the memory of Rosa Parks by saying that 'Sometimes the easiest thing is to give up your seat on the bus, to laugh and say it never happened. No-one tells me who can sit in my cars – front or back, driver or passenger. No racist toe-rag tells me what to do.' Yay Lloyd! Steve and Lloyd outline a plan – at the first sign of trouble, they should radio for help, and all go and help the one who's in trouble, regardless of where they are or what they're doing.

At the factory, Mike is telling the strikers that they're breaking the law. Hayley says it isn't the nineteenth century, and Janice points out that we have a Labour government, but Mike says they didn't have a secret ballot, they didn't give seven days notice to strike etc etc, so they are breaking the law (so much for a Labour government, in other words). He says if they picket tomorrow he'll have them all arrested. Janice thinks he's bluffing, but Hayley thinks it's worth checking the legal position and gets on the phone. Note for fashion fans: Fiz is wearing a very exciting poncho made of little crocheted circles, in shades of greens and pinks.

In the cab office, Tracy is on the radio to Steve to tell him that she's going in to town and requires him to look after the latest Amy, who is sitting in her buggy in the background. He says he'll be there in twenty minutes, so Tracy leaves Amy with a not-very-pleased Eileen. Not the best move Tracy ever made – the phone rings, and the voice of Evil Jimmy Clayton says, 'All on your own in that little cab office? Call Ronnie. Tell her to come home, and no-one will get hurt.' Eileen says Ronnie doesn't want to come home, and Evil Jimmy says in that case he'll have to come and get her himself. Eileen's just putting the phone down when the fragrant Ronnie arrives, best chest forward as usual, a bit narked having just seen Tracy leave. Eileen tells her to take Amy back to Steve's flat – she shouldn't be in the cab office when Evil Jimmy arrives.

Kirk isn't as thick as he looks, you know. You remember he's supposed to get Blanche's girdle in order to prove he's best man material? Well, he's got one. Cilla spots that it has a price tag still on it – he's just bought it from a shop. But this is the really crafty bit: 'I bought it *for* Blanche!' he says. Cilla isn't convinced and says this hasn't properly fulfilled his remit to bring her the girdle of Blanche Hunt.

Mike is trying to ring Danny but only gets a voicemail message. Adam comes in, carrying something he's just been buying. Mike asks him to bring Janice into the factory, and Adam hopes Mike isn't just going to give her her job back. 'You look and learn, my son,' says Mike, 'Look and learn.'

Danny has gone to visit his mother (who is played by the woman who played Ronnie Barker's daughter in Porridge, which, in my warped TV universe, makes Danny the grandson of Norman Stanley Fletcher). 'I've been expecting you,' she says, leading the way into her nice Essex bungalow.

Blanche's girdle is actually a much more robust model than the one Kirk bought. She's hanging it up on the washing line to dry, and Kirk is leaning out of an upstairs window watching. He ducks back inside in time to avoid Blanche seeing him.

Danny's telling his mum that there were always certain things he could rely on: the earth going round the sun, the moon going round the earth, and his dad always sitting in his favourite chair, which is still there. He always knew he could find his dad there, to bring him his school reports, to tell him he was getting married, that Carol was pregnant, when he crashed the car. 'He was always there.' 'He didn't get out much,' his mother admits. 'Not like you, eh?' snaps Danny. She says she's sorry, but it's in the past and there's no point being angry about it. 'If it hadn't have happened, you wouldn't have been here,' she points out. Danny says he hopes his father comes back to haunt her and Mike. She says she wants to try and explain.

At the factory, Mike is flattering Janice, telling her she's the only one with influence in the factory, and she can talk rings around any union bosses he's ever come across. He says he's typed a full apology, which is in his in-tray. 'Will I get me job back?' she asks. 'Oh, of course, yeah,' he says. He's even got them a new radio – that's what Adam bought earlier. Janice is triumphant, and Mike says she'll leave the factory a hero. All she has to do is sign the apology, which he passes to her. The only thing is – the apology is from Janice to Danny! 'You want me to apologise to him?' she says. 'No chance!' She pushes the letter back at him. In return, he gives her the P45's of all the machinists. Mike says either she can get the radio and her job back and look like the winner, 'And nobody needs to know it'll come out of your first week's wages.' 'You want me to pay for it?' she splutters. 'No-one ever needs to know that I kept your bonuses for the next three months,' he says. Adam is smirking away in the corner. Mike again gives her the choice between the radio and the P45's.

Outside, the picketers are talking about the advice that Hayley got from the union, that they are in fact breaking the law, but that Janice has a good case for unfair dismissal. Janice herself comes out of the factory, and tells them that she just wiped the floor with Mike Baldwin, and shows them the new radio. 'Only thing is we've got to work through our dinner hour to make up for lost time,' she says. Everyone happily agrees and they all go into the factory. Hayley says to Janice that they should think about joining a union, but Janice says why would they want to pay money to a union 'when you've got me for free.'

Kirk has retrieved Blanche's girdle and has passed the test. Les and Cilla tell Kirk to return it, and Cilla tells Les to make sure the next test is a lot harder.

Tracy is talking to Lloyd, who is installing a new entry system on the cab office. Tracy's not pleased to hear that there's been trouble in the office, as she left wee Amy there earlier. Lloyd says she mustn't worry, as Ronnie took Amy straight over to Steve's. Tracy dashes over to the McDonald residence.

Janice is spinning a story to Sally about how the other picketers are not showing much solidarity with her (there's nobody picketing because they're all inside working). She gets Sally to admit that she's on Janice's side really, and then asks Sally if she would mind manning the picket line when the scabs clock off, as she has an appointment at the social security. Sally says she'll think about it.

Danny's mum is explaining that she and her husband had no success in conceiving a child, and they tried for years, but one quick fling with Mike and hey presto. She says she liked Mike, and her husband could be a difficult man. Danny tells her that Frankie has thrown him out and he thinks it might be for good this time.

Tracy is livid with Steve for putting his new fancy woman above the safety of his own daughter. Steve says, 'She was never in any danger, Tracy.' 'Who?' snaps Tracy. 'Amy? Or Ronald McDonald here.' Ronnie says Jimmy might be Evil but he would never hurt a little girl, and Steve says he would never let him hurt her. Tracy says she won't leave Amy where she's not safe, and she goes out. 'I've brought you nothing but trouble, have I?' pouts Ronnie, looming at Steve with her chest. He says he's not going to give up one her, even if it would make life easier.

Kirk's trying to hang Blanche's girdle on the washing line, but we can hear her voice from indoors complaining that she's missing it, as it's the one that gave her Polish hip the most support. Kirk's about to get caught in the act, and he tries to get out of the gate but it's locked, so he hides in the outside toilet. Blanche brings Ken out to show him the very spot where she last saw her foundation garment. 'No wind, no girdle,' she says, adding that when she was pegging it out she had the uneasy feeling she was being watched from Kirk's window. She says Kirk has been taking an unnatural interest in her underwear recently, but she doesn't know why: 'I can't second-guess the mind of a pervert.' They see feet under the toilet door, and Ken opens it to reveal Kirk. 'Why are you sitting on our toilet clutching me girdle to your bosom?' Blanche demands. 'It's to do with Hercules!' Kirk says. 'You'll go blind, you know,' warns Blanche, setting about him with her walking stick.

Sally and Rosie are manning the picket line alone. The first person to leave the factory is Kelly. 'Scab!' yells Rosie, 'You're worse than a rattlesnake.' Hayley and Fiz are next out – followed by Janice. Hayley tells Sally what happened and Janice goes off cackling. Then Mike comes out and asks Sally what she's doing there when she's supposed to be off sick: 'I thought I could rely on you.' He tells her not to expect any sick pay.

Danny is pulling threads out of the arm of his dad's favourite chair. He says there was always a distance between him and his father, probably because his dad knew what had happened even though it was never talked about. 'He never treated me like a son, and you know why? Because I wasn't, that's why.' He's really ripping away at that armchair. He says he always vowed he'd be different with his own sons, but he's got one in Spain he hasn't spoken to for months, and the other one's never going to speak to him again. 'I've lost my wife, I've lost everything. I've got nothing, and it's all your fault.' He leaps up and gives the armchair a good kicking, then collapses on it sobbing.

Sue Haasler





Friday 28 October

Cilla, dressed only in what appears to be a bikini (not a pretty sight!) is getting ready for another session under the sunbed. She asks Chesney what Kirk's next challenge is going to be.

Looking through his book of Greek legends, Chesney says that Hercules had to capture the Erymanthian boar. Les decides that Kirk should go and capture one of Keith's pigs.

Outside, Sarah sets off for work and asks Scooter, 'Right. You 'are' going to go for that job today, aren't you?' He mumbles, 'Yes, course.' She continues, 'And you're not just going to sit about the house all day watching television, are you?' He mumbles no and she tells him she will see him later.

Norris is surprised to find the sign writer back and asks what he is doing there. He replies, 'Mrs Sullivan wasn't happy with the work and has asked me to make certain changes.' Before Norris can reply, Roy appears and sighs, 'Nightmare, isn't it? Signage above shops? What you can and can't do?' The sign writer smiles, 'Don't I know it.' Roy continues, 'I was considering having a new one outside my establishment, one that protruded over the pavement.' The chap smiles, 'Oh, they are the worst!' Roy agrees, 'Tell me about it. Eight pages of regulations. I gave up in the end.' Norris huffily stomps off inside..... ....and tells Rita, 'The sign writer is back. What's going on?' Rita smiles sweetly, 'Oh yes, I meant to mention that. But then, you didn't mention anything to me when I you got him in in the first place, did you?'

Over in the factory, Danny calls his mother, getting the answering machine again. He leaves a message, 'Mum, it's Dan. Look ..... about yesterday. I'm sorry I gave you such a hard time.... I ...' He notices Mike in the office doorway, 'I'll call you back later. Look after yourself.' Mike sniffs, 'So you're here today then?' Danny tells him he went to see his mother, 'Tell me something Michael. Why did you tell me?' Mike shrugs, 'I didn't see any reason not to now.' Danny replies, 'It wouldn't have been easier to leave me in ignorant bliss?' Mike tells him, 'Look forget it. I'll never mention it again.'

Danny explodes at him, 'Forget it? Right? Forget that my dad wasn't my dad and that you and my mum had this secret for most of your lives? Come on Michael, do me a favour please, eh? You've just turned my world upside down. I don't even know how to talk to you any more!' Mike replies, 'Well you seem to be managing it all right. Look, what about your other problems?' Danny cries sarcastically, 'What? Frankie, Leanne and Jamie? Funnily enough I've not had time to even think about it as I have had a bit of a distraction!'

Outside the Kabin, Rita surveys the sign writer's handiwork, Norris sighs, 'Yes, well that was nothing if not predictable.' Rita smiles happily, 'Yes, I am!' With her name where it rightly should be, the sign writer asks, 'Now, you 'are' happy with this? You won't want me to change it back next week?' Rita smiles, 'Oh he will but I'd rather you didn't.' Norris sniffs, 'If that makes you happy then fine, but I have more important things to think about,' and, with nose in the air, walks back inside. Rita smiles at the sign writer and laughs, 'No he hasn't.'

In the Rovers, Penny tells Mike she thinks he should tell Adam about Danny. Mike grimaces, 'But Danny's as good as said he wishes I had never told him.' Penny replies, 'Mike, you can't go back. You've told him now. You have to tell Adam.'

Kelly and Janice arrive in the pub and join Lloyd but he tells them he is just leaving, 'If I'm late back they'll think I'm at the bottom of the Manchester Ship Canal, put there by Jimmy Clayton.' Janice laughs, 'Well before you go, can you just make a date with this nice lady or 'I'll' put you at the bottom of the canal.' Lloyd happily agrees to go out somewhere that very evening.

At the Baldwin residence, Danny lets himself into the house, but Frankie is far from pleased to see him. "You do not just walk in here any more," she tells him crossly, "you want to see me, ring first." He starts trying to say that he just wants to tell her something. She yells at him, "Well, I'm telling you something!" but Danny carries on, "You know my dad that we just buried..." She cuts him off again, "I don't want to hear it, you cannot just waltz in here and…" He carries on, 'It turns out he wasn't me dad after all. It turns out mum had done a little bit of playing away and guess who with. No, don't bother 'cos you'll never get it......Uncle Mike.' Frankie almost bursts out laughing, 'What?' but stops when she sees the pain etched in Danny's face as he tells her, 'So in fact Uncle Mike isn't Uncle Mike anymore is he? He's my dad.' Frankie tells him, 'Your mum and dad were always so close. I knew she was no saint but.... I used to look at them together and hope we'd grow old together like that.' Danny smiles, 'Me too.'

He explains, 'Dad dying has let all these secrets out, like a dam bursting. It's like they have no reason to keep them any more.' Frankie asks, 'You said dad dying. You still think of him as your dad then?' He replies, 'Yes, that's who he was. We didn't always get on but that man who lived with me and me mum, he was my dad. But you know what the worst thing has been? Not being able to talk about it to you.' Frankie replies, 'Well you are now,' and he smiles, 'I know, and I'm grateful. I really am.'

There's chaos as Kirk attempts to capture the wild boar from Keith's back garden but Porky and his as yet un-named pal are proving to be more than a match for his ham fisted efforts. Scooter calls over from next door, 'You're going about it all wrong. You want to close in on 'em nice and slow. You're just panicking 'em. Look, I'll show you.'

He is about to climb over to aid our hero Kirkcules in his quest but he spots the net curtains twitching and beholds the scowling face of Sarah. He slowly climbs back down off the fence and prepares himself for what is surely to come.

Sounding like a junior Gail, she lambastes him, 'I thought you were going for that job?' He stammers, 'Ah, yes, I was going to say to you about that..... I don't think it was really me.' She rages, 'In other words you've been sat watching telly all morning.' As she hauls him indoors he wails pathetically, 'No..... I've been on the internet as well."

Unfortunately for Kirk, he is then confronted by Keith, accompanied by Jack. Keith yells, 'What the flamin' hell do you think you are doing?' Kirk cries, 'I'm not nicking them or anything. I just want to borrow one! I was going to bring it back!' Like Hercules. Do you know Hercules?'

Jack replies, 'Not personally, no.' Kirk wails, 'Well he did this so now I have to!' Keith asks, 'You're not on any medication, are you lad?' Kirk looks puzzled and replies, 'Just some cream for me athlete's foot.' Keith tells him to get out and Kirk makes a hasty departure, calling back as he does so, 'Nice pigs though.'

Back at the Baldwin house, Danny tells Frankie about going to see Viv and what a hard time he gave her. Frankie replies softly, 'Just think how hard it must have been for her. Keeping that secret all these years.' He tells her, 'I know, but I wasn't thinking too clearly, you know? All this coming when I'm so scared that I am going to lose you and Jamie.' She asks if he told Viv about them separating. He replies, 'Mike had already done it, but not all the details. I mean, I'm sat there giving her a hard time for what she did and I've done far worse.... But maybe we can learn from them, you know, put it behind us, keep it quiet and carry on..... if you are willing?'

Over in the Rovers, Cilla uncharacteristically offers to buy Shelley and Tracy a drink. She thanks Shelley for giving her the wedding dress, 'That was so kind. I can't get over it.' Shelley replies, 'As long as you can get 'into' it, never mind over it.' Cilla trills, 'I've got me dress, now I just need to sort me flowers out.' Ah, all becomes clear as she asks Tracy, 'You used to be a florist, didn't you?' Tracy replies guardedly, 'Yes I did.' Cilla smarms, 'I don't suppose you could do my flowers could you?' Tracy smiles, 'Yes, I suppose I could.' Cilla beams, 'It's so nice to have good neighbours,' until Tracy replies, 'Yeah, that'll be a hundred pounds deposit and the balance within seven days!'

Sitting at a table, Penny and Mike break the news to Adam about Danny and who his real father is. If anything, Mike is disappointed because he gets almost no reaction from Adam other than what appears to be mild amusement at the very idea.

At the Baldwin house, however, there is very little amusement, as Frankie rips at Danny, 'Ah so that's how it's going to be is it. The minute I show you a bit of sympathy, you are on at me to forgive and forget as if it's 'me' that did something wrong! It was you that caused it. You and that tart!' He replies, 'All I'm saying is that they had bad times and they got through it and why? For the sake of their family, that's why.' She snarls, 'Don't you dare talk to me about family.' Danny cries, 'All I am saying is why can't we?'

He tells her, 'Look, I know this is all completely my fault but I want to make it up to you. It seems like all you want to do is ruin the rest of our lives. You're acting like there's no way out of this Frank, and all I'm saying is there is!' She cries incredulously, 'And you think I'll forgive you? No!' Danny replies, 'All I'm saying is that they managed it. Why can't we?' Frankie shouts at him, 'Because I can't. Now will you get out of here please? Just get out!'

Outside, Rita finds Norris up a stepladder with a ruler, measuring the height of the letters on the new sign. Roy tells her, 'I've told him he has nothing to worry about. The regulations allow for much larger characters than yours.' Rita scoffs, 'Oh no. That's not what he is checking for. He's checking to make sure my name isn't bigger than his.'

He sniffs, 'I am just ensuring that everything is as it should be.' Rita snaps, 'And are they any bigger? No! And will that make you any happier? No. Because you won't be happy till you see me carted out of here in a box and you can write your name all over the outside of the shop in letters a mile high!'

Roy interrupts, 'Well not 'literally' a mile high, obviously. Actually I think seventy five centimetres is the maximum allowable, unless of course if it was going to be illuminated then it's a completely different set of coordinates.' (Pure Cropper at it's very best!)

Lloyd takes a phone call, 'Hiya babe...... what, tonight? Well actually yeah, I do have something arranged as it happens...... okay, okay babe...... I suppose I could try and rearrange things. I'll see you later.' Uh-oh. Looks like it's another case, 'Sorry Kelly, I forgot I had a darts match.'

Danny tells Adam jokingly, 'I always wanted a brother when I was younger. Someone to kick a ball round with, you know?' Adam replies sarkily, 'Well we can always do that after work if you want.' He replies, 'Just don't follow in your big brother's footsteps when it comes to women, eh? Find the right one and stay faithful to her..... which I know you won't because you've got the Baldwin genes but I've given you one good piece of advice at least, eh?'

In the factory, as expected, Kelly has had her 'oh I forgot I have a darts match' phone call and she wails to Janice, 'Which means he's going to see that woman, doesn't it? Jan, what can I do?'

There's consternation in the cab office as they have been unable to raise Les over the radio for over half an hour. Ronnie arrives and, seeing the serious faces, asks, 'Has something happened?' Steve tells her they aren't sure. Lloyd jokes, 'And if it has, it's only Les,' but his grim expression gives away how much he is worried about him.

He tells Eileen to try again and she calls his car, 'Les, come in. Look, we don't care where you are or what you are doing. Just let us know you are okay,' but again there is no reply. Has Les fallen victim to Jimmy Clayton and is now lying at the bottom of the canal?

Worse, he is having to listen to Cilla's mega-decibel tones banging on about wedding flowers while he has his lunch, 'I'll offer her a tenner deposit and once we've got 'em she can whistle for the rest!' They look up as Kirk walks in accompanied by Roy. Kirk beams, 'You remember what I was supposed to do, capture a wild boar?' Once again, Kirk shows amazing lateral thinking as he announces.... '...Well here he is. The biggest bore for miles!' Naturally, Roy takes not a little umbrage, 'I see, I'm a bore am I?' Les tells him to take no notice. Roy retorts, 'I shan't other than to point out the correct spelling B O R E rather than B O A R.' Les tells him, 'It's to do with the labours of Hercules.' Roy exclaims enthusiastically, 'Ah well in that case the boar would have been the Erymanthian boar! Fourth labour? Yes, the one he bound with chains and carried to Mycenae but not before he had had a series of adventures, or should I say, misadventures amongst which he had to fight a herd of centaur!'

While Roy is puzzling over whether you can say a 'herd' of centaurs or not, the phone rings and Cilla hands it to Les. It's Streetcars relieved to find he is okay but not amused to find him sat on his backside at home while they fret about his safety. He bellows, 'I'm on me break! I'm entitled to me break!' Eileen snarls at him, 'Then could you let us know when you are back in service?' and slams the phone down. Roy, who has been blathering in the background, continues, 'He had to go on and on living, and on and on suffering....' Cilla murmurs, 'I know how he felt.'

Roy is on a roll now, 'So what Kheiron had to do was give away his immortality, for which he had to ask permission of Zeus, who granted it, so Kheiron gifted his immortality to Prometheus who exchanged a final few words with his grieving friend Hercules and....well, died.' He looks at Cilla and Les, both with their noses in newspapers, and Kirk, staring vacantly into space and asks, 'So which one of you is the Greek scholar then?'

Frankie tells Jamie about Mike and Danny. He tells her, 'Wow, this is weird.' She asks, 'What am I going to do?' He replies, puzzled, 'How does this affect you?' She tells him, 'It affects me because it means I've been talking to your dad, the way we used to talk. I used to know what he was thinking before he said it and he was the same with me. It made me realise how much I still love him.' Jamie's face darkens and she adds, 'And how much I still hate him too. I don't know much longer I can go on like this. It's tearing me apart.'

The End.





Sunday 30 October

Hi everyone, here's the update for Sunday 30th October, where we find pre-wedding shenanigans, star-crossed lovers and family fracas.

We open out in the street, with Les trying to persuade Steve to attend his stag night. "It'll be the best stag night in years, I promise," Les tells him. "Where're we going?" asks Steve, "Amsterdam? Paris?" Les confesses that it's the Weatherfield Arms, but assures him it'll be great. Steve says he's promised to take Ronnie out, and makes a hasty departure. Just then Claire and Lloyd come round the corner, eating chips. As he's inviting Lloyd, Ronnie comes along and joins them. Ronnie says that she and Claire will come too, but Les isn't too keen on that idea, but Lloyd persuades him to change his mind.

Cilla is sitting with Yana in the café. Yana puts down her mobile phone and informs Cilla that 'Lunchbox Lenny' the male stripper, won't be at the hen party, he was spotted doing the limbo at a DSS leaving do and the guest of honor recognised him. Now they're doing him for benefit fraud, they'd only just increased his wheelchair users allowance. "She were lookin' at his face?" asks Cilla, "that were bad luck."

Frankie passes them, taking a tray of rolls and drinks over to Rosie and Craig. Cilla remarks that it was no wonder Danny played away, with her sour face waiting at home. "Do you want to drink that coffee or wear it?" asks Frankie, with hands on hips.

Over at the flat, Penny is urging Mike to stop worrying about Danny, Frankie and Jamie, she tells him that every family has rows and bust-ups. Penny suggest they go to see them, and Mike wonders if he should take Jamie some money. Penny tells him it's not money he needs, it's someone he can talk to. Mike says he's not very good at that sort of thing, so Penny suggests he asks Jamie if he would like to go and work for her as Transport Manager.

Martin sees David kicking a ball in the street and goes over to speak to him. They see Craig walking along, wearing what appears to be armour plated boots. "How does he walk in them things?" wonders Martin, as David kicks the ball across to Craig. Craig kicks it back, with difficulty, and goes over to talk to them. David asks him if he would like to go to the Red Rec but Craig declines. David turns to Martin and says it's just the two of them then, but Martin has made plans to see Robyn. David is not a happy bunny at this news.

Over the road, Jason and Charlie are loading up their truck, when Charlie gives Jason a piece of wood with a girl's name and a phone number on it. "What's this?" asks Jason, and Charlie tells him it's the daughter from where they've been working. She wants Jason to ring her. Jason tells him he won't, he can't stop thinking about Violet. Charlie tells him to either get back together with Violet or make a date with Becci, or not bother to go to work the next day, he's doing Charlie's head in.

Mike goes to see Jamie who's playing the fruit machine in the pub, and asks him to spare a few minutes for a chat. He suggests they go back to the flat and Penny will rustle them up some lunch. "What do you want to do, have me sit on your knee and do once upon a time?" asks Jamie. Mike says he understands how hurt he is, and then asks if Jamie could help Penny out, she's looking for a transport manager. Jamie thinks about it for about 30 seconds and then says ok.

In the taxi office, Les is talking to Lloyd about the wedding. He tells him that he's been round the block a time or two but knows that Cilla is the real thing. Just then Steve and Ronnie come in, and when Les has gone, Lloyd tells them that he's bought them a wedding pressie, a tv. "How much did that cost?" Steve demands to know, but Lloyd tells them it fell off the back of a lorry, so not as much as he might think, Ronnie wants to know if it's any good, as Steve could do with one for his bedroom.

In the Rovers, Jason is trying, awkwardly, to strike up a conversation with Violet. He asks her if maybe things could be back the way they were, and then asks if she'd go to the wedding with him. Violet looks truly sorry as she tells him that she has to cover for Sean, she's promised Shelley. Jason takes it all wrong, "Is this because I'm working for Charlie again?" he demands to know. "No…" says Violet, "but now you come to mention it, it does show where your priorities are." She tells him that he got back with Charlie first before he bothered with her. Jason storms off in a moods, leaving Violet with a look of regret on her face.

Danny comes in, and sees Jamie at the bar. Jamie tells his dad that he's celebrating, he's got a nice new job and won't have to deal with Danny again, his 'Granddad Mike' has set him up as Penny's transport manager.

Over at the Battersby's, Kirk is trying to write his best man speech. "Is there one 'd' in marriage?" he queries. Over on the sofa are two creatures who look like they've crawled out of the Black Lagoon, Cilla and Yana have smothered their faces in facial mask and have their hair in rollers and are drinking lager through a straw from the tin. "How many times do I have to tell you?" says Cilla, "you are not best man. Anyroad," she adds, "you wouldn't even be best man standing next to Hayley Cropper!" Kirk is crestfallen, and mutters to Fiz who is sitting beside him, that he wouldn't even be a proper best man anyway, seeing as Father Abraham isn't even a proper priest anymore. This is news to Fiz, and when she hears that they are breaking into the church to be married by a fake priest she's horrified.

Les comes downstairs then, ready to go out on his stag night. He's wearing his snakeskin jacket, "Isn't that your pulling jacket?" enquires the vision of horror from under her face pack. Les assures her that he wouldn't go out for burgers when there's fillet steak at home. She tells him to behave himself, and then adds that he's going to have to find himself somewhere else to sleep, it's bad luck for them to see each other in the morning. "And you," she says to Kirk. After they've gone Yana turns to Cilla, "I thought the only old fashioned tradition you'd be interested in would be copping off one last time," she says. Cilla asks why she thinks she's getting Les out of the house.

Diggory and Norris are at the bar in the pub when Cilla and Yana burst through the door wearing nurses outfits and angels' wings. Norris is affronted by their attire and says so, but Cilla retorts that everyone knows he and Emily play doctors and nurses at least twice a week. Norris threatens that if she continues to make him the butt of her off taste jibes he won't go to the wedding. That calms Cilla down a bit and she apologises, saying this is her first hen do. "Is Les really your first husband?" enquires Diggory, amazed. "First of her own," says Yana, "she's had plenty of other women's!"

Over near the dart board Robyn turns to Martin, "Are they colleagues of yours?" "Worse," mutters Martin, "one of them's a neighbour."

Cilla sees Janice sitting with Sean, and calls out to her to come and have a drink. Janice quietly declines. "Oooh," trills Cilla, "I was going to ask if you had any tips, but then I remembered, he left you for me didn't he?" and she laughs loudly. Janice is in no mood to be messed with and gets up from her seat. "Listen, if Les had best years, he had them with me," she growls. It doesn't take long before their conversation looks like turning to violence, and Sean has to restrain Janice after Cilla takes a swing at her. Sean leads Janice out, as Cilla remarks loudly, "That's the only sort of fella she can get these days!"

Over in the Weatherfield Arms, Les's stag night seems a very subdued affair. Then Claire has a suggestion, "Why don't we play some drinking games?" She goes to the bar, as the others joke with Les about his last night of freedom. Just then Janice and Sean come in. "Oh no," groans Janice when she sees them all, "all I want is a nice quiet drink." Sean assures her that if any woman is safe from Les Battersby tonight, it's her. Claire takes a tray of flaming drinks over to the table, and they all urge Les to knock back the shots. He does, and Claire, who has obviously already had a few herself, roars with laughter and whacks Les round the back of the head, much to Janice and Sean's amusement.

Back in the Rovers, Yana is trying to ensnare Scooter, much to Sarah's annoyance, so she tells him they're going and hurries him away.

Frankie comes in and sees Mike and Penny and goes to sit with them. She thanks Penny for giving Jamie a job, if he'd gone to get a job in London it would have finished her off. Penny tells her it was Mike's idea. Just then Danny walks in and sees them all sitting together. "What's this, happy families?" he asks, "and who's this, your daughter?" he says to Mike. Mike suggests he sits down so they can all talk., but Danny refuses. He's annoyed with Penny too, for giving Jamie a job, driving the wedge between him and his son a little deeper. Frankie tries to reason with him, saying that otherwise Jamie would have gone off and then neither of them would see him again, but Danny is in no mood to listen and storms out.

Cilla is bemoaning the fact that there are no blokes in the Rovers that she can pull, Fiz tells her she shouldn't even be after blokes. Just then Yana comes in dragging two very drunk men. Cilla beams and throws her feather boa round his neck.

Back in the Weatherfield Arms a rather drunk Les totters out of the toilet, and lurches over to Janice. He tells her he can understand why she's not over him, he was her life. He waggles his finger at her and tells her she hasn't been getting any good loving. He suggests they go out the back, she can think of it as his wedding present to her, he doesn't see it as being unfaithful to Cilla, it would be like trying on an old pair of comfy shoes! Janice's reply is to pick up a pint of beer and, pulling out Les's waistband, tips it inside his trousers!

Cilla has taken her bloke back to the house, and drags him off upstairs. Just then, the Les Battersby stag party are staggering down the road, and Les decides he's going to go in to see his Cilla and tell her how much he loves her. He lurches in through the front door shouting, "Bride!" A half naked man comes running down the stairs, followed by Cilla in a state of undress. "Who the heck are you?" asks Les, and Cilla quickly tells him that this is her son, Billy, come home from the Gulf to be best man. Les hugs him, falls down on the sofa and passes out. Cilla tries to carry on where they left off, but the bloke makes a hasty getaway, telling Cilla she's mad and they deserve each other!

Annie Logan.




Monday 31 October

It seems we've been missing the update for October 31, Les and Cilla's wedding so I've clobbered together a summary using the excellent CSVU update as a guide.

Les wakes up the morning after the night before's events in the cab office. Seems Kirk dragged him there so that Cilla could get her laddo out of the way. Lloyd gets him breakfast from the caff an

d Kirk is sent off to St. Jude's to divert the real vicar.

Sarah is looking forward to the wedding but Scooter prefers to stay rooted in front of the telly.

Yana is helping Cilla get ready and has done her hair with three little curls on her forehead, that look curiously like the demonic 666!! Don't you love it when the powers that be add those little touches? Bad luck to let Les see her before the wedding (well, yes, the power of 666 might strike him dead. That or the sight of Cilla done up like a dog's breakfast!) Les is there to pick up Cilla's son Billy. You will recall that Les thinks that the bloke Cilla pulled the night before is Billy when in reality, Billy Brown has only just walked in the door. Cilla makes out that Billy was on a general's errand and Billy, being the son of Cilla that he is, plays along. Les's alcohol-fueled memory is hazy at best, so Cilla and Billy are able to convince him that this is indeed the man he met last night.

En route to the church, Les notices someone standing on the side of the road. Francis Rossie of the Quo and Les is so distracted that he.. yes , wait for it, runs into the back of the Quo's van giving both Les and Rick Parfitt a pain in the neck. Not again, Rick moans, spotting our erstwhile ginger groom. They all troop off to the hospital to attend to their injuries while Cilla is still primping. Neck braced, Les and Billy get to the church where Chesney is delighted to see his big brother. The real vicar was successfuly diverted and Father Abrahams is in residence. Les nicks some flowers from the church gardens for their button holes but there's another glitch. The Vicar left the church locked. A note reveals that a red haired man was seen casing the joint. Busted! Now what?

Oh, look, Leanne is back for the wedding. Jamie spots her and she spots Jamie and she tells Janice that she thinks there may still be a chance with him. Jamie is cold to Leanne's approach, too hurt to let her back into his life.

Billy tries to pick the lock but ends up breaking a window to get in instead. Father Abrahams is filled with the joy and power of the Holy Spirits (you know, the ones in his hip flask).

Fiz is ordered to get the flowers but Fiz doesn't think that's going to be so easy since Tracy hasn't been paid yet. No luck with the flowers so Cilla takes matters into her own hands. Tracy has no intention of letting Cilla have the flowers and pushes Cilla back out the door. Tracy puts the wedding bouquet in the window with a For Sale sign, infuriating the bride who is determined not to be undone. Another window breaks, aided by a Joshua's tricycle! Cilla snatches the flowers, takes some from Dev's display while she's at it, and makes her getaway, Tracy screaming after her on the street.

Back at the church, Kirk is instructed on the correct sequence of music, selections from Classical Crackers, Dr. Zhivago and the theme from T.J Hooker. (hmm.. that's appropriate then!) Chesney is cleaning up Schmeichel's little souvenirs and Les is getting a little case of pre-wedding jitters. Nice little moment when he assures Chesney he's not backing out and they will be a proper family. Sarah has arrived solo, leaving Scooter to mind Beth and immediately starts making eyes at Jason who is also there on his own.

In the car on the way to the church, the bridal party exchange complaints and insults. When they arrive, poor Father Abrahams is shaken to see the bride's demonic hair decoration and pulls them in through the side entrance of the vestry. Cilla is impressed with the church and then the ceremony begins. The bride clumps down the aisle to her erstwhile pseudo-groom. Cilla I do's and plights but just near the end of the ceremony, Kirk sees the vicar returning. Uh oh! Father A wastes no time and spares no breath, speeding up the rest of the ceremony. He does, She does, You are! (well sort of, it's not a legal ceremony, remember) and everyone is rushed out the side door just as the vicar comes in the front, nobly delayed by Kirk for just enough time. Lloyd burns rubber in the limo to the astonishment of the wedding guests who have no idea what's going on.

Back in the pub, Violet is being told by Charlie of all people that Jason would take her back but she shouldn't waste too much time.

The bridal party arrives at the British Legion to receive their guests and, more importantly, seeing as it's the reason we're here today, the wedding presents! The Battersby-Browns enter the reception only to discover all the food is gone! Seems the Status Quo were a bit peckish while they were waiting and now are in a strop over a bad hair day. Is there a hairdresser in the house? The band have gone all Diva and won't show their faces until they're styled and fluffed. Candice is thrilled to volunteer. While they all wait, Les springs for bar snacks for everyone.

Back to the Rovers, Violet is confiding in Shelley that she really does love Jason. Since the pub is empty, Shelley urges Violet to go find Jason and make up with him but blanks Charlie on the street when she puts Violet in a taxi.

The Quo are amused at Candice's hairdresser small talk, clearly she has no idea who and how famous they are. I think she thinks they're just trying to get their start! They're pleased with the end result of their primping but when they try out a few head bangs, they all wince loudly at the state of their injured necks! The roadie pays Candice very well for her efforts, putting a smile on her face.

The DJ shows up in vampire clobber because it's Halloween, innit? I would say that matches Cilla's curls aptly, though. Sarah moans to Jason how boring Scooter is and Jason laps it all up. Billy nearly lets the cat out of the bag when he mentions in his speech that he only met Les today (when Les thinks he met him last night, remember?) but Billy covers quickly. Kirk's speech is emotional, so happy is he for his best friend Les. Les continues with his own speech and dedicates a song to his third and hopefully last wife (*snort* he's *so* classy isn't he?) "Tonight, I celebrate my love for you..." er, where's the bride? (have you listened to your own signing, mate?)

Where's Cilla? checking out the loot! There's even a large telly from everyone at Streetcars. Cilla gloats to Billy who then tells her that he's giving them a 2 week holiday in Spain for their honeymoon, a cut rate deal from a dodgey mate. Fiz comes to find her mother and drags her back to her wifely duties on the dance floor to an even cheesier song, Wind Beneath My Wings (ok, yes i know it's a lovely song but you have to admit, for Les and Cilla, the choice of music only emphasizes the crassness of the couple!) They wreck the cake trying to cut it because it's only a display cardboard cake.

Meanwhile, Jason and Sarah are canoodling in a dark corner. She's pretty much offering it on a plate so you know Jason isn't one to turn down a free meal! Candice is surprised to be getting a job offer to be the tour stylist for the band but Audrey is skeptical of the sincerity of the offer. Violet arrives to find Jason but he's already legged it with Sarah. Kevin and Martin relive their glory days, when they cut their musical tastes on the Quo, gobsmacked that Candice remains clueless. Martin's lady, Robyn arrives late and unfortunately, Martin has to leave to get to work. They moan about having bad timing yet again.

Les helps eject Yana from the band's "green" room and then offers his hand in friendship to the lads. No more bad feelings, eh? Les decides to get into the spirit of the rock and roll world and takes it on himself to trash the dressing room, including tossing a lovely flat screen telly out the window on behalf of Keith Moon. (you *do* see where this is going, yes?) Yep, there's Cilla who spits at Les. He's just trashed all their wedding presents!!!! Will this be the shortest marraige in Corrie history? She screams and bashes him, threatining to make Les pay for the rest of his life, entertaining the band to no end. Kirk drags froth-mouthed Cilla off Les and she stalks off in a steaming fury. The bad feels sorry for him and decide to play a full set to ease Les's pain. Let's rock, lads!

Back on Coronation Street, Jason and Sarah are starting to get jiggy. There's a knock on the door and a contrite Violet stands anxiously on the other side but the lusty young couple don't bother seeing who's there and run upstairs for some rumpy pumpy. As she doesn't get an answer to her knock, a sad Violet's shoulders slump and she turns around and leaves.

The Quo take the stage. The DJ is as clueless as Candice and thinks they're a cover band. They are introduced and at last, Les gets his dream come true. He gets to hop on stage and perform with his heros. Candice decides to take the dream job and the band launch into their most famous tune, Rockin' All Over the World. Les pulls Cilla to the stage with such enthusiasm that she *almost* cracks a smile. Les joins in and even Cilla has a go as the reception starts rocking the night away.

I give you, Mr. and Mrs. Battersby-Brown, everyone!




Updates written by K Richard Whitbread, Martin Rosen, Ann Logan, Peter Webb, Margaret Carr, Mary Earlam, Amanda Souter.