2009

Wednesday 1 April

No episode aired tonight.


Friday 3 April

There was no Wednesday episode, so we launch straight into Friday's first episode.

Peter's in the hospital, reading the comic to Simon. Simon is still on the ventilator. Peter asks the staff how Simon is doing and is told he could be off the machine today. The woman (doctor?) also tells him he should get some sleep. Peter holds Simon's hand. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Blanche and Deirdre arrive in the waiting room with some breakfast for Ken. Oh, and some hand cleaner to avoid MRSA (from Blanche, of course). Ken blames himself for everything. He thinks if he had been sterner with Peter and not allowed Peter to persuade him that everything was OK, the fire would never have happened. "Please, put the boot in, one of you," he pleads. "It's no fun when you're like this," Blanche tells him.

Julie adjusts Kirkeh's tie. He's registered at half a dozen temping agencies. Julie tells him that if he draws a blank he shouldn't beat himself up. Chesney and Fizz argue over school. Kirk tells Ches they're both at a crossroads. He says he and Julie plan to get a house, have kids and put down some roots. Julie has a face on that says "Oh, no we're not!" Ches says he'll move in with them, then. Kirk tells him he's lucky to have a good brain and if he stays at school could end up doing something really interesting for a living. Chesney isn't persuaded. He hates school! Fizz is walking him straight through those gates to registration, she tells him.

Simon opens his eyes. He appears to have lost his gag reflex. Either that or the writers haven't thought about what happens when someone being ventilated wakes up! Peter tells him he's there and that he loves Simon.

Michelle arrives home by taxi to find Graeme picking over the charred junk sitting outside the bookies. Michelle had heard it was bad but didn't realise how bad. Graeme says he wishes he'd seen it go up. A fire officer nearby can't believe what he's hearing. "They were lucky to get out!" he points out. Michelle asks him if they've got any idea how it happened. Graeme says of course he does, there'll be forensics. He asks for details on how to become a firefighter. "Nat nah, son" says the northern Irish fire safety officer. [Sidebar: In relation to non-local actors, has anyone noticed how often the villains in The Bill are Scottish?] Once Graeme's gone, the man tells Michelle that Simon breathed in a lot of smoke and who knows what else.

Tara arrives at Dev's to find the place strewn with dinner debris. Dev comes out of the bedroom and seems upset. Tara mistakes guilt for a hangover. Dev wants to know what she's doing there. Tara suggests he have a shower and she'll cook breakfast. Dev hastily kicks a high-heeled shoe under the sofa and tells Tara he needs a few hours to feel human again. Tara asks him if he'll see her for a pub lunch. Dev opens the door and tells her he'll see her later. Tara takes the hint and leaves, telling him she's quite chuffed to see him fall to pieces without him. He shuts the door behind him just as the lawyer comes out of his bedroom looking for her underwear.

Peter tells his family that Simon's off the ventilator. "Lend us your phone, Ken," says Blanche. "Nancy Gaskell has been up half the night saying Hail Marys." Peter says they worked. "Tell her thanks." Peter sits down and tells Ken he's off the booze now. "Whenever I'm dying for a drink, I'll just need to picture my son lying there." He offers to fetch coffee and proves that he's still not completely recovered by giving Blanche a kiss on his way out. "I think Peter's turned a corner," Ken tells her. "Let's hope there isn't a pub on it," Blanche says.

Graeme's in the shop and he, Claire and Ashley discuss the fact they can smell smoke everywhere. Josh is playing football but Ashley won't be there because of work. Graeme tells him these are the golden years and Claire points out that other kids' fathers are going. One is taking the afternoon off. Graeme says Ashley doesn't trust him, and Claire points out he'd only be gone an hour. Graeme promises to work hard and not to go sniffing round the remains of the bookies, "even though charred buildings are my favourite places to be, bar none!" The two-flank attack works and Ashley says he'll go. Claire is so pleased she kisses Graeme.

Michelle arrives at the hospital and says she told the nurse she was Peter's sister. She assures Peter the fire was an accident but he tells her it was neglect. He can't understand why people are being so nice about it. "Look at him," says Peter, pointing to the sleeping Simon. "Five years old, his mum's dead and his dad's a selfish waster. I'm going to have social services crawling all over me. I don't deserve him and he certainly don't deserve me."

As the two managers are greeted as heroes in the factory, Fizz tells Julie that Ches hasn't reported for registration. Asked if there's a problem, Julie tells Luke it's childcare trouble "I thought you two were sprog free?" He asks. Julie says she doesn't much care for that expression. "Shrivelled spinsters?" offers Tony. Luke offers Fizz the time off to sort out Ches. She scurries away.

As Tara goes to sit down, Dev orders at the bar and tells Poppy, "Silence is golden."

"The Great Chicago Fire killed 300 people, eighth of October, 1871. Guess how many died in the Great Fire of London?" Ches isn't interested in fire facts. "This is worse than school!" he complains to Graeme. He guesses 1,000. Graeme tells him he's wrong. There were only five recorded deaths. He asks Chesney to name any year. "Are you a pyromaniac?" Ches asks. Graeme prefers "pyrophile." He's about to go into more detail about the London fire but stops. "Big sis on warpath," he says. "Brace! Brace!" Fizz comes into the shop and is halfway through asking Graeme whether he's seen Chesney when she realises Ches is sitting on the floor by the counter.

Ken walks Eccles over the canal bridge.

Fizz drags Chesney into the house while berating him about school. She's appalled that nobody at the school seems to have noticed Ches is slipping through the net. She's dialing the school's number, ready to tell them this, when Ches admits that Miss Fergusson has written letters to Fizz twice this term, but he ripped them up and threw them out. Fizz is determined to see the headmaster. "I'm a school refuser," Ches tells her. "You're a cheeky skiver! Don't build your part!" she retorts. In a posh voice she introduces herself to the school as Fiona Brown and asks to speak to Mr Griffin. Just when she gets him on the line, Ches heads for the door shouting "Traitor!" Luckily, Kirk arrives home. "Don't let him out!" calls Fizz and Kirk stops the attempted escape.

Ken is with Martha on the boat. He's told her about the fire. He still blames himself but she points out that Peter is a grown man and maybe the fire will be his wake-up call. "I was too busy, wrapped up in us," Ken tells her. She says he gets to have a family too. "Deirdre tried to warn me about Peter, but I gave up too easily," Ken says. Martha comments on friends who hit the nail on the head. "Don't you just hate them?" "Deirdre's more than a friend," Ken says. "Oh?" replies Martha, her face changing. (Stephanie Beacham is such a good actress!) "She's my wife."

In the pub, Tara apologises. She knows Dev was just being supportive. "I nearly came round at four in the morning and surprised you," she says. She tells him it might have been infuriating and conniving, but he did a nice thing. "Cack handed, but very touching." She kisses him, watched by Poppy.

Martha's sure Ken said his wife was dead but Ken points out he said Peter's mother was dead and let her assume the rest. He tries to apologise but she won't listen. "I want to come clean, if you and I are to have any sort of future together . . ." She laughs. "I mistook caution for integrity," she says. She thought Ken was the most honourable man she'd ever met. Ken tries to tell her home important his time on the boat has been. Cynically, she says that's because it's a wife-free zone. "So Deirdre thinks you're walking the dog?" Ken admits this is true. Eccles looks around for some way of telling Blanche what's going on. "Oh, you are a sham!" Martha says, almost in tears. Ken says he feels more himself with her than with anyone else he's ever met. "What is she? Too provincial? Never picked up a Penguin classic?" Martha asks. "I bet you like it like that." Ken says Deirdre is a fine woman. "And I bet you bore the living daylights out of her," Martha tells him. Ken tries to explain his home circumstances, covering Val, Peter, Tracy, Amy, but Martha's appalled at the weeks and weeks of lies. "How stupid I am!" She cries that Ken was just lining her up to be his mistress. But he tells her he cares about her and values her friendship. Martha, using the word "Ken" as an expletive, tells him she doesn't care. "I've got friends coming out of my ears, Ken! And you couldn't hold a candle to one of them, Ken! I suppose that is your real name - it must be. Who on earth would choose it!" "Martha, my dear," Ken starts, echoing the Beatles. "When I'm with you I wish I was single." Her eyes filled with tears, Martha boots him off her boat. "Get off my boat," she says. "Get off my boat, married man!" Ken goes as she breaks down.

The end of part one.
Margaret Carr

Another week has flown by.

We open at the Battersby residence where Fiz is telling Chesney that he is going back to school and threatens to drag him there. Julie the childcare expert says that the tv programmes say you should never threaten violence. Kirk offers to talk to Chesney as he knows how to get through to him. Fiz agrees so Kirk turns to Chesney and tells him to do as Fiz says. Chesney says no quite strongly and Kirk tells Fiz that he has tried. Julie rolls her eyes at Kirk's useless attempt. Finally she has started to see Kirk as the lad he is. Chesney really wants to do his schoolwork at home, "Home Schooling" is legal and it can be done. He does not like school and Kirk sympathises as he did not like schoolwork either. Chesney wants to do it at home - but Fiz reckons he will spend him time playing computer games and having fun fights with Kirk. And they cannot afford a private tutor! Julie reckons that they can help with Kirk's savings - which Kirk points out is really for a deposit on a house. Fiz says she and Chesney must go and see Mr Griffin or she could end up in prison - and Chesney points out that then she could see her boyfriend.

At number one Blanche is telling Deirdre that her sandwich is undersized compared with Ken's and he is not even there to eat it. Deirdre points out that they are the same and that she gets three balanced meals a day, but Blanche continues to argue over her portion. Ken arrives home but apparently he is not hungry. He almost ignores an update on Peter and Simon and Blanche suggests he contacts the local Gazette and gets them to do a feature on how little Simon had saved the day by raising the alarm. Ken thinks that this would do Peter little favour and leaves the room. Both Blanche and Deirdre are at a loss to understand why Ken is in such a bad mood and snapping at both of them. Later Kirk wants to know from Julie why she said their savings could be used. She evades answering the question at least three times before leaving - I think she scales have left her eyesight.

Mary arrives in the shop and wants a private work with Norris. She is clearly distressed but will not explain why. They head to the Rovers. There Mary asks for a brandy for the shock and in answer to the inevitable question admits that her mother died the previous night. Although devastated she also feels a huge sense of relief, a great weight has been lifted off her - 15 and a half stones to be precise.

In a booth (not Cherie or Tony) Ken was bewailing his lot to Ted. This is boring so I will merely say that Ken is holding himself guilty - and that is entirely justified. Ted merely says that eventually Ken will see the outcome as having been for the best!

In the cafe Julie is clearly thinking hard about something and Hayley sits down with her to listen. Julie is clearly struggling with the Kirk problem and does not want to be any more disloyal to him. She admits that she does not feel she is with the right person and she almost admits that she no longer loves him, indeed she cannot see a future for them together - he wants to settle down with a house and children and she is not ready for that.

Fiz is taking Chesney back to school and as they arrive Chesney runs into a bunch of boys who are clearly making his life difficult led by one Kenzie Judd. Apparently they have been picking on Chesney for some time and he calls Kenzie a nutcase to Fiz. As he reaches the boys that start jostling him and roughing him up. Fiz wades in and tears the kids off Chesney, at which point Mr Griffin appears and wants to know what is going on. Griffin invites Judd, Fiz and Chesney into the school and tells the others to go to classes. In his office Griffin is unsympathetic to Chesney and it appears that he is seeing Kenzie Judd's mother. He claims they take bullying seriously and seeks apologies all round with no apportionment of blame or working out cause and effect. Fiz is not impressed and lets fly. If Chesney continues to fail to attend the welfare officer will get involved and he has clearly decided that Chesney is a lost cause. Fiz loses it completely and tells Griffin that Chesney will not be coming back to school and he will be taught at home where she will get help to ensure he is taught properly.

Julie arrives home and both she and Kirk want to say something. Eventually Kirk gets to go first and says that is over between them. As Julie had wanted to say the same thing she is relieved. Julie asks how he knew - and he said that when he and Chesney watch films sometimes they do not understand and replay until they do. He had replayed their earlier conversation when she had not answered his question and he knew that she would not evade answering if things were good between them.

Graham looks like he is staying around - will Ashley help him get an NVQ in butchery? And it seems he will. And it seems that Josh is a good footballer - natural left foot.

Back on the Street Chesney tells Fiz he is proud of her. She feels however that the solution is another school with proper facilities - a library and science labs, but Chesney really wants to give home schooling a go and tells her so.

Ken has decided that there are more important things in life than Martha, so amputation, painful but necessary. Blanche arrives and overhears and wonders what is being discussed but does not get a straight answer. Dreary and Peter also arrive - the latter drinking a pint of orange juice. Blanche wonders if he will still be asking for the same thing in two weeks time. Peter claims he has had a massive wake up call, that he is truly sorry and that he can and will change. Ken comforts him - and the question is will Peter really change?

See you for Good Friday next week.
K Richard W


Monday 6 April

Straight back into it...

Chesney has done his paper round and is complaining about Norris' bad mood. All it took was a remark "Who died?" to set him off. Ooops! (Mary's mother, remember?) He and Fiz argue about home schooling and Chesney storms off to the library, intent on teaching himself. Kirk brings a box of Julie's things downstairs. There's a red cowboy hat trimmed in white sparkly fur sat on top and he's wearing one of her tshirts. Fiz expresses sympathy. Kirk has a face like a wet weekend. It's sad, isn't it, even if it's your decision to finish!

Hayley brings Peter over a cuppa and nearly gets clipped by something he tosses out the door as he's cleaning up the burned interior of the shop. Hayley commiserates with him. Jason is going to do an estimate on the repairs. Across the road, Joe comes out of Gail's. Things are strained but polite. She looks regretful.

In the Kabin, Norris is perusing the sympathy cards. None of them seem very sincere. He says Mary seems remarkably fine. Rita suggests he help Mary organize things, far more helpful than empty platitudes. Tina comes in, she's back from her holidays. She teases Norris but he's not in the mood, more so than usual but Rita acknowledges that Norris has good reason this time.

Fiz is making phone calls trying to organize the home schooling. It's all very confusing to her and she hasn't been in school in years and doesn't really have the time. (remember, Fiz got 8 or 10 GCSEs, or so the storyline went when she joined the Street full time). Kirk reckons he has time but he and school? never saw eye to eye. (You can say that again!) He does come up with a good idea, she could ask Ken for help!

Michelle joins Peter who's on a smoke break. He compliments her outfit (ratty old clothes) and she insults her boss, a bit of a numpty who set fire to his business. She's here to help him clear up. He flirts, she giggles. Honest! She giggled!!!

Ken is sitting morosely in a corner chair listening to classical music when there's a knock on the door. He turns down the music and lets Fiz in. She prattles on about her confusion about what to do while Ken is clearly on another planet. He comes back to earth and suggest she could buy the syllabuses but she says time is a problem and she probably needs a tutor. He says he can't take on that kind of commitment now but could call some retired teachers to see if they know of anyone that can help.

Gail sees Tina cleaning the Kabin window. They exchange a few awkward words. Tina is shocked to find out that although Gail and her dad are not together, Joe is staying with her but David has moved over to Liverpool for a bit. Tina is a bit reluctant to go see her dad but says she'll think about it.

Julie's at Number 5, a bit tearful as is Kirk. He says he had trouble sleeping because of doubts. She had trouble because her lodger snored. I guess that tells him something. No doubts there then. They agree that though it happened very quickly, they've done the right thing. She tells him he's kind, and warm and loyal... "and if I had a tail I'd make a great puppy" he finishes. That's got to be the line of the night, for me! She is upset and they hug good bye but pull apart when Chesney comes in. Chesney invites Kirk to take Schmeichel for a walk. Kirk muses "maybe me and him can chase sticks together" harkening back to what he'd just said, not that he really meant it but it made me laugh. Andy Whyment was great in this scene!

Jason arrives in the Betting shop which seems in pretty good nick really. Most of the damage was upstairs and the damage doesn't seem to be as bad as it must look. To fix the flat and what needs doing in the shop is only 1600 quid if it's done on a rush basis. Peter wants that because he wants to get Simon back in his home where he belongs. He's not going to let everyone down again, not Simon, his family or Michelle. Ah yes, Michelle. Jason figures she's got a soft spot for him. He brushes it off but likes the idea.

Kirk and Ches get back from the walk. Fiz is disconcerted and tells Chesney that she can't find a tutor that she can afford. He insists he can teach himself but she knows he can't keep it up. She won't have him end up with no education and doing a dead end job. He'll have to go back to school. He refuses and runs upstairs. Oh dear.

And Oh Dear.. the Windasses are back from their holiday, too. Len notices Joe and lets the rest take the luggage in while he checks in with Joe. He says things are going ok and he's making his repayments to Len's friends on time. Len warns him he can't mess them about. Tina walks by and isn't best pleased to see her dad and Len looking somewhat pally. She tells Joe to get lost and calls Len a creep.

Back to Fiz and Kirk who offers Fiz the little bit of money he's saved. It's not enough though, is it. Fiz just doesn't know what to do but doesn't know how to make it all work for Chesney. Kirk tries to be sympathetic. He also admits he didn't want to finish with Julie but knew it was the best thing for her. She points out she has to do the right thing by Chesney even if he hates her for it. Kirk goes up to see how the lad is and Fiz pulls an address book out of a sideboard drawer. Looking around to make sure nobody's listening, she makes a call.

The Windasses are all in the pub. Len tries to chat up Poppy but she's ace at putting him down. Rita runs in to talk to Eileen about a birthday party for Colin.

Fiz has arrived in an institutional looking building. School?

Norris is sitting on the bench by the salon with Mary. He gives her a list of florists and funeral directors. She's got everything sorted already as her mother had already decided all the details for her own funeral. Mary recites all the arrangements. Mary has a very "life goes on" attitude, surprisingly so but it sounded like the responsibility for her mother, and indeed, her mother herself dominated her life for a long time. I suppose it really does feel like a weight off her shoulders. Norris thinks bereavement probably has put a stop to Mary's plans to travel but Mary puts the boot in that theory right sharpish. She's very enthusiastic about experiencing all life has to offer before it's too late, with him at her side, if he will come. Norris looks aghast.

Tony meets his private detective in a remote area. No dirt, sez the PI. He met Carla through Paul with whom he was in business. After that, he had a few unsuccessful businesses so he's had to take out a large loan to buy Carla's share of Underworld. No idea if Luke actually met up with Carla though it doesn't seem likely. Tony isn't satisfied. He's ordered to look harder. Even if he has to follow Luke, he's got to find something.

Fiz is drinking coffee that seems to taste pretty rank. A line of men enter the room behind her and they're all wearing a similar outfit. Oh look, it's John Stape! She's gone to see him in prison!

Tvor

Fizz is seeing John in prison. She tells him why she's there, "It's to do with Chesney, stuff that's been happening at school." She tells him how Kenzie Judd has been bullying Ches. John knows of people like Kenzie Judd in the prison. Fizz tells John that she wants to home school Ches and thought John would be able to give her some advice. John Stape is flattered that Fizz would have thought of him to help her. She is quick to remind him that it's for Chesney.

Mary and Norris in the street talking about travelling together. Norris talks about planning, visas etc but Mary either cannot see or is not phased by Norris's stalling. He asks her if she has any moral concerns about travelling together with him. On the contrary, Mary seems quite excited by the thought of going away with him, "But unless of course, you really don't want to," she says. Norris stalls some more and tells her that he needs more time to think about it, what with the business and Rita and Emily. Mary tells him he can have more time to think, of course he can. She expects he'll have his answer by the end of the afternoon when she will call for him to go for a drink.

In the prison, John gives Fizz a list of instructions like asking Chesney what subjects he is studying etc. Fizz notes them all down eagerly. He assures Fizz that she will be able to do this and offers to help her by phoning her every day and looking at Chesney's work for him. Fizz asks him to honestly answer her, "Are you doing this so I'll keep coming to see you?" John answers no and adds "I'm saying it because I think it'll work, for Chesney's sake." John looks pleased to see Fizz again though.

Michelle is gossiping with Rita in the Kabin about Peter and tells Rita she is impressed with how hard Peter is working to get the bookies back in business again. She leaves. Joe comes into the Kabin to talk to Tina. Tina is not keen to speak to her father though. She asks Rita to ask Joe to leave but Rita won't have a bar of it and refuses. Joe tells Rita he will leave before he causes any more embarrassment and that he hopes his daughter will soon forgive him for whatever terrible crime she thinks he has committed. "And I hope she will..." says Rita before she is about to have have words with Tina. Tina tells her that she will forgive Joe when he stops relying on other people to get him out of the messes he finds himself in.

As prison visiting hour comes to a close, John asks Fizz why, out of all the teachers she picked him to help her. "Because you're the only one I know!" she replies. John grabs at straws and asks if she has any feeling for him because he still loves her and can't forget her. "I still love you!" he shouts after her as Fizz leaves in a hurry looking concerned.

Peter is at Ken & Deirdre's borrowing the few tools Ken has. He wants to build a new hutch for Leanne the bunny. Deirdre takes a moment to have a moan about how useless Ken is around the house.

Joe is at Gail's moaning about Tina, "I'm the parent," he rants, "I should be the one keeping an eye on her but no, the other way round!" Gail asks if she should have another word with her. She tells him that she won't tell Tina it's for Joe, she'll tell her she just wants to see her. She calls Tina and asks her to come round she she's finished work. Tina tells Gail she doesn't want to see Joe but she will come round in about half an hour.

Norris is talking with Rita about travelling with Mary. Rita asks him if he wants to go or not. Norris says that question is not so easy to answer. Rita asks him to make sure that he tells her before he goes off and not leave her in the lurch. Norris will, of course, "Yes! I will tell you and everyone else that's so desperate to know!"

Peter and Michelle see each other on the street and indulge in a little bit of flirting. She says she might drop round and see his progress on the rabbit hutch later.

Roy sees Fizz on the street and hears about Fizz home schooling Chesney. "So whatever subjects you're an expert in, feel free to give us a hand!" she says. Roy looks worried. But then he always does, doesn't he?

Fizz makes it back to her place where Chesney and Kirkeh are watching television. Fizz has an announcement to make and asks them to switch it off. She tells them she has been to see someone who has offered to help with Chesney's schooling. On condition that they do not ask who it is doing the helping. After Ches and Kirk agree not to ask, Fizz goes into the kitchen to take a breath after having got that bit out of the way.

Tina is at Gail's. Tina tells Gail that she doesn't think that Joe shouldn't be living with her, since they're not together any more. Gail explains that even though they're not together, they're still friends. Tina still doesn't agree that Joe should be living there and then Gail drops the bomb that she happens to know that Joe is very upset that Tina is not talking to him.

In the pub, Joe is telling Poppy about his troubles at home. His phone rings, it's Tina. Tina agrees to meet her father later but she doesn't want to meet at Gail's. Emily, Mary and Norris come into the pub followed by Rita. Mary gets the drinks in. Rita talks about Creepy Colin's 70th birthday. Emily asks Rita when that is and Rita tells her a couple of weeks' time. She adds, "I thought it would be nice to do something special. What with the way his family are, I don't think he's had many celebrations in his life." Hmmm, I wonder what she means by that.

At Fizz's, Fizz has made a study chart for Chesney. Chesney tells her that it's too much work for him. He's being a bit cantankerous and makes reference to his mystery helper. Fizz tells him with this attitude, they'll get nowhere. Fizz's phone rings, it's John Stape. She takes the call out in the back yard. John has called to apologise for getting carried away and what he said when she was leaving. He really wants to help Chesney. Fizz tells him how Chesney is complaining about too much homework but John assures her, "They always say that. Don't believe it!" He tells her that he's there to support her through it all. Fizz tells him he'll see her again for sure.

In the bookies, Michelle sees that Peter has made a good job of the hutch. Or has he? In fact, she can see that he bought it but he's not going to tell Simon that he bought it. Peter asks Michelle if she will go out for some dinner with him. She can't tonight but tomorrow night she will.

Poppy brings Rita the price list for the birthday party. Norris asks if it's a surprise party for Creepy Colin. "What surprises me," he says, "is why anyone would want to bother." I think there's a few who would agree with him. Rita asks Norris if he would want to be invited then. While Emily and Rita peruse the price list, Mary asks Norris if he has made his decision. While Norris hasn't had a moment to think about it, Mary apparently hasn't been able to think of anything else. Lloyd comes into the pub and finds out that his main squeeze, Liz, has gone off to Spain to look after Andy who has the man-flu. Lloyd pulls himself a pint.

Tina meets her dad in his Klever Kitchens van. She asks him why he is still with Gail. She tells him that Gail only feels sorry for him. They talk about Tina's abortion a bit. He explains a bit about Len Windass and how they are not friends but that he is involved with a job Joe is on. They decide to talk about something else for a while.

At the bar in the Rovers, Poppy tells Norris that he's jealous of Creepy Colin who has elbowed him out of the way as far as Rita is concerned. "As I see it, you were always her best pal. Now he's taken your place!" Norris's nose is out of joint a bit. Lloyd is at the bar, finishing up a phone call with Liz. He is disappointed because he realised when he was away how much he missed Liz. Back at the booth with Rita, Emily, Norris and Mary Norris tells Rita not to worry about him for Creepy Colin's party because he won't even be there. He has decided he will go around the world with Mary, "And if we like it, we might go around twice!" Poor Mary, I predict a bit of heartbreak. But, Mary is delighted.

Out on Joe's van, Tina suggests getting a flat with Joe. That way, he won't be taking advantage of Gail any more. Joe doesn't seem very pleased at the thought of moving into a flat with Tina but he tells Tina he will tell Gail he's moving out.

Stella McLoughlin


Wednesday 8 April

Joe's busy, packing parts of kitchen cupboards into his van when Gail comes out and comments that he's making an early start. He then breaks the news to her that he's going to be moving out - he's going to get a flat with Tina. "I see," says Gail, not very pleased, as she thought he'd be staying with her for the foreseeable future. "I just think it's best for all of us," says Joe. "Go on, go," says Gail, and so he goes, muttering that they'll talk later.

Eileen quizzes Jason about what time he got home last night, and tells him she knows he wasn't alone, she knows every creak of the stairs and she knows when there's two of them sneaking upstairs together. She tells him she knows he's upset over what happened with Becky, but she can't believe the way to get over it is by chasing every bit of skirt in Greater Manchester. Jason goes off to work - and bumps into Julie outside his front door. She asks if he might be going for a drink tonight. "Dunno, might be," he mumbles, walking away eating his toast.

Fiz comes along then, and walks with Julie, asking how life is, after Kirk. Julie tells her it takes a bit of getting used to, and it's a much longer journey to work. Fiz tells her that she's been sorting out school work for Chesney, and it's like the blind leading the blind. "You need to get someone to help you," says Julie. Fiz says she has. Julie asks if it's a teacher from school. "You could say that," says Fiz.

Audrey arrives at Gail's and sees Joe loading up his van. "What's all this, spring cleaning?" she asks. He tells her it's a bit more than that. She goes inside where Gail tells her that Joe is leaving her. Audrey thinks it's for the best, but Gail doesn't. Just then they hear shouts from outside and go out to find Joe lying flat on his back on the cobbles, his back's gone!

Peter's been to see Simon and goes to see Ken and Deirdre to give them an update on his progress. He sees an anniversary card on the shelf and wishes them a happy anniversary, and asks if there shouldn't be two of them. Ken tells him that his is arriving by second post. (They get a second post in Manchester? I don't think anywhere else does!) Ken asks when Peter's going in to see Simon again, but he says that it won't be today, he's got something else on. Deirdre says that she and Ken will go in later, in that case. Peter asks if they won't be out celebrating, but Deirdre tells them they're well beyond celebrating. After he's gone, Ken tells Deirdre they could go out somewhere after they've seen Simon. "Don't get carried away," says Deirdre, "you haven't even got me a card yet!"

The doctor has called to see Joe, he's slipped a disc. She prescribes painkiller and rest, and hopefully it will be back to normal in 2 weeks. So it seems he's stuck on Gail's sofa for the time being, although he tells her he won't be a burden and will get himself out of there as soon as possible, even if it means crawling!

Sally goes home for lunch to find Sophie sitting looking thoughtful. She asks her mum if it's right to say sorry for something even if a person did something wrong a long time ago, so that she's saying sorry to God and sorry to the person she did wrong to. "I don't see why not," says Sally, and then asks if there's something she's trying to say sorry for. Sophie says there isn't, so Sally goes on to say even putting aside the religious aspect, often once we've said sorry we feel a lot better, it's as if a weight is lifted off the shoulders. Sophie looks even more thoughtful, and not very happy.

Michelle comes along to find Peter loading the damaged things from his flat into a skip. She asks what times she should be ready later, and tells him she'd be quite happy to go to the Rovers. Peter, however, wouldn't be, and plans to take her somewhere much nicer.

Sophie goes into the Kabin and tells Rita she has something to tell her but doesn't know where to start. Norris immediately comes sniffing round, and tells her to just say it. She then tells them that a long time ago, when she was at junior school she used to steal sweets from them. She says she knows it was wrong and wonders if Rita and Norris can find it in their hearts to forgive her.

Rita has taken a tearful Sophie up to her flat, and tells her she forgives her, and she's speaking for Norris too. She says she knows Sophie wasn't the only one to help herself to sweets, and asks if it's going to church that's made her want to own up. Sophie says it is, God just wants her to be honest with everybody, not just Him.

Ken has come up with the missing anniversary card, and asks Deirdre again if she'd like to go out after seeing Simon. Deirdre tells him she knows he doesn't really want to, he's only asking because he thinks he should, after Peter mentioned it. "Are you getting fed up with me, Ken?" she asks him. "What a thing to say!" he mutters, obviously taken aback, "I've just asked if you want to go out." She tells him he forgot the anniversary and only gave her a card because she gave him one. "That's the way you do everything these days, as if you'd rather not but you have to!" she says, adding that she would like to go out - but with someone else!

As the girls come out of the factory, Julie comments to Fiz that she won't be able to come for a drink, she'll have to go and see how Chesney's getting on with his schoolwork. She then says not to worry about her, she'll find someone to keep her company. Then she goes to the Grimshaw house and knocks on the door, asking Eileen if Jason's in. "No, he's not," says Eileen, "was he expecting you?" Julie says no, but they just had a loose arrangement, but could Eileen let him know she'll be in the Rovers if he fancies a drink?

Peter and Michelle have arrived at a smart restaurant. The waiter asks if they'd like drinks and he orders a dry white wine for Michelle and a sparkling water for himself. Michelle starts to say she'll have water too, but Peter won't hear of it. "There's no reason why you shouldn't have a drink because I can't," he tells her. Then he starts to get impatient for the drinks to come, although Michelle points out that he hasn't even had time to get to the bar yet. He snatches a menu from another table, saying they'll look at the food, he's still allowed that. Michelle looks very uncomfortable.

Back at Gail's, she's planning tea for her, Ted and Joe. Joe tells her he'll ring Tina and get her to send a taxi, Ted can then help him get into it. Ted tells him he'll do no such thing.

Peter and Michelle are eating their meal, Peter says that everyone is waiting for him to fall off the wagon, and no one will believe that he didn't have a drink. Then he'll be criticised for taking a woman out when he should be reading his son a bedtime story. He then says that he doesn't care what anyone says, well, only her. "What makes me different?" asks Michelle. "Well, you're on my side," he says. She tells him she's not the only one. "You won't be wanting a dessert will you?" he asks, then starts looking at his watch, and asks if she knows what time visiting goes on till at the hospital. "I should know, but I don't - another black mark!" he says. He then says he's had enough of the meal and lays down his knife and fork. "It weren't right good, were it?" He asks her. She starts to say that hers was ok, but he won't listen. The waiter comes along and asks if everything is all right. "With life in general or the food?" says Peter, sarcastically, "same answer, no, but there you go." Michelle lays down her knife and fork and sighs. Peter asks for the bill.

Sophie goes home and tells Sally how she confessed her previous indiscretions to Rita. Sally is horrified when she hears that Sophie used to pinch sweets on the way to school and has told Rita, and she can apparently serve her penance by working in the Kabin. Sally exclaims that she'll never be able to look Rita in the eye again. "You branding yourself as a shoplifter reflects on the rest of the family!" she tells her. Sophie tells her that she thought what she was doing was right. "Well what's right isn't always what's best," cries Sally, "and you should be old enough to know that." Sophie says she's going upstairs, leaving Sally asking if she ever went shoplifting at Dev's shop.

Audrey is round at Gail's, reminding her daughter how Joe was walking out on her when he hurt his back. Gail is just pleased he's still there. Audrey says she'll say no more. "Good," says Ted, and hustles her out. On her way out she turns, "I just hope he stays on the sofa and doesn't find his way up the stairs," she says.

Peter drops Michelle back home, she gets to her front door and lets herself inside quickly. "Goodnight!" she says, shutting the door.

Joe thanks Gail for looking after him, telling her that he thinks the gods have plans for them, every time he tries to get away he gets struck down till he comes to his senses. Then he kisses her.

Anne Logan.


Friday 10 April

Hi, everyone. Hope your Easter was everything you wanted it to be and that you had some lovely fine spring (or autumn) weather as we did here in Orkney. Now, on with the show!

We open at Gail's, where she's making sure Joe has everything he needs before she goes to work. "I'll be fine," he assures her. He says if she sees Tina she shouldn't say anything. But he says he'll sort something out with the contract, even if he has to get some help in. Gail seems fascinated by the fact that he can't move, that he's trapped on her sofa, powerless to escape . . . "You'll be late!" he warns her. She kisses him goodbye.

Fizz is in the cafe, looking at a prison visiting order. Roy startles her by testing her on history dates. Fizz says it's an education for her as well as for Chesney. I have no idea why the writers are making Fizz out to be a thicko these days. When she was with John Stape she was always going on about how unintelligent she is, too. But when she wanted to design underwear at the factory (March 2002, if you must know!) we found out she had about ten GCSEs.

Sally asks Kevin whether Tyrone's working today and sneers that it's only because he's being paid double. Kevin defends Ty, telling Sal he couldn't be in business with a more honest, simple man. Sally says Tyrone might be simple, but his wife's watching his back. "If only mine would do the same," Kevin tells her, getting up from the breakfast table. An enormously cheerful Sophie comes down, saying doing the right thing makes you feel better. "Proud of being a thief now, are we?" her mother asks. Sophie's proud of owning up. Sally points out that pride is one of the seven deadly sins. Sophie corrects herself and says she feels better and that she has a second chance. Sally is glad about that but doesn't think Sophie should have told everyone she's a thief. Sophie says it's her own fault if people think that and she'll just have to prove herself.

Out in the street, Michelle tells Maria about the night out with Peter. Maria thinks Michelle fancies Peter. Michelle won't give her an answer.

Len Windass is on the phone to the person developing the flats. He seems to be taking some flak for Joe being laid up with his bad back.

Fizz calls someone about the visiting order. But she finds out it will be almost a fortnight before she can use it.

In the Windass household, Anna tells Len there are no biscuits or cakes because they're living on dust and fresh air. Len tells Gary he's going to make it possible for him to get some money. Anna tells Gary that whatever the job is, he's to do it. "This family needs to get back to work."

Over at Number One, Peter can't work out why Blanche and Deirdre are so quiet, with no arguing. Deirdre says they don't argue all the time, and Blanche tells him everybody needs a break sometimes. Peter's been to buy Simon's preferred breakfast cereal ready for his first breakfast back home. That sets off Blanche, telling him they'd have plenty if Deirdre hadn't eaten a bucketful. "I had one bowl," protests Deirdre. Blanche says she had no milk left for her tea. "And all is well with the world again," Peter says happily, heading off to the hospital.

In the Kabin, Norris is giving Sophie instructions on how to mop a floor properly. Rita comes in and is surprised to see her doing the floor. Norris is dressed ready for the funeral. He says Mary is devastated at her loss, though Rita doesn't quite believe this. "She's carrying a lot of pain inside," says Norris. Rita sends her condolences with Norris and asks Sophie to stop and have a cuppa and a biscuit. "It's all right. Mr McKay's gone," she says. "I'm more Mr Barraclough." Sophie looks very confused. "What? You don't like Porridge?" Now she's even more confused!

Anna chooses her moment in the busy cafe and offers her services to Roy. Roy's quite reluctant. He doesn't know Anna, but she says this is a good reason for him to give her a trial. "Oh, give us a pinny!" she says, snatching the tea-towel from his shoulder. Tina is at a table organising flat viewings, but her last phone call, to her dad, puts that plan on hold.

Tina confronts her dad at Gail's. "It's not so bad at your mum's," he tells her, reneging on the whole idea of the two of them sharing. "I know what I want, and it's Gail!" "Are you in pain?" she asks. "Yes." "Good!" Tina asks if she can get her anything. He asks for flapjack which, in the UK, isn't a flapjack at all. It's a muesli bar.

Gail meets Jason in the street and propositions him. She asks if he might like to do some work for Joe. He likes the sound of it and she asks him to call round later.

Peter brings Simon back from the hospital and in a fine example of a parent keeping the ex-patient calm, walks him past the skip and his burnt bed, which is in that skip. Simon wants to see Leanne (the rabbit, not the Battersby). Peter promises him they'll move back into the flat and Peter will look after Simon instead of the other way around. Because he's got his "serious face" on, Simon assumes he avoiding telling him the rabbit is dead. Peter assures him the rabbit is alive and at Grandad's.

Molly calls around to the Websters' and suggests now would be a good time to look at the books. If Tyrone's a partner in the business, "it doesn't seem fair, you doing all the work." Sally's reluctant. "On the shelf," Kevin tells Molly. "Actually, I was going to look at these books this afternoon," says Sal. Molly's happy to bring them back. "In about an hour?" asks Sally? Of course. "In the white box," calls Kevin. Molly picks up the box and grins at him. Sally's not grinning at anyone.

Simon's patting his rabbit. Deirdre's just off the phone with Tracy, who misses Amy at holiday times, apparently. Deirdre misses Tracy and Amy. She loves having a full house. They discuss Simon's potential new bed. Blanche gives him the idea of bunk beds and Simon asks Peter if he can have them.

Len and Gary have gone to visit Joe. Len's worrying that the kitchens are not being installed. "You need help and my lovely nephew here needs a job." Neither Joe nor Gary thinks this is a good idea. Len insists and the other two sigh.

Sophie visits Chesney at home to see how the home schooling is going. Ches is annoyed by the workload. He has stuff to do during the day, then gets more when Fizz gets home from work. Sophie points out that he doesn't have to wear a uniform, get up early for the bus or eat school dinners. She asks if she can join him for home schooling, but Ches thinks she should go to school to make sure Julie Wilkinson doesn't get her claws into Ben. "How do you know about that?" asks Soph. "I get text updates on school gossip from Andrew so I don't fall behind." Roy calls around to give Chesney an hour's introduction to the English civil war. He points out that "there are no bells for the home scholar, so we can go on for as long as we want to." Sophie declines an offer to join them. "I've got to get back to my punishment at the Kabin."

Molly's in the pub, completely distracted as she studies the garage books. Nearby, Norris talks about the funeral, Mary wants to talk about Peru. She thinks her mother would have been happy to think of them going to Peru together. "Perhaps there's somewhere nearer home that might appease her spirit," he suggests. Mary talks of Morocco and North Africa . . . Norris suggests the Lake District. "As long as I have you by my side, I think we could have an adventure anywhere," Mary says.

David, still with his luggage, arrives back from Liverpool and calls in at the Kabin looking for Tina. She's not there and Rita doesn't know any gossip about his family.

Jason and Gail head back to the house, meeting Tina on the way. They don't see David watching them. Maria does and he asks her what's going on with his mum, Joe and Tina.

In the house, Gail and Tina hear the news about Gary working for Joe and don't react well at all. "I got your flapjack," Tina says, crumbling muesli bar into Joe's hair. Gail is annoyed but Jason's philosophical. Joe gets annoyed and says he's agreed to take on Gary for the next few weeks while he's laid up. "It's no big deal!" This last is overheard by David at the door. "Is this a private party or can anyone join in?" he asks, looking around Gail's full living room.

Is he about to kick off? Find out in episode two, coming soon to a computer near you.

Margaret Carr

And Margaret ended her update by revealing the return of the demon child, David. Now during most of this episode my wife and I became obsessed by David's face. He has some sort of "lump" on the let side of his face about half an inch from his nose which is clearly unsightly and was unexpected by the makeup team (who failed to hide it) and the lighting and camera team, although as the episode developed it became clear that they were trying to shoot him only from the other side. I thought it was probably some form of animal bite but who knows.

Anyway the action commences in the Tilsley / Platt / Hillman mad house living room where David is still demanding to know what is going on, with Gail and Tina preparing for the inevitable explosion. Len is taking pleasure in identifying that Joe has a bad back and that Gary is therefore resolving the work problem - which Gail obviously knew nothing about and she has engaged Jason to resolve. David shrugs, asks Joe if he has seen a doctor and then asks Tina how she is. She claims to be fine and David asks if they can talk later to which she agrees and he turns to Gail and politely and nicely says he will take his stuff upstairs as he asks what is for tea. No explosion, no antics, nothing. Tina explains it by asking if he is on drugs! Outside Len says to Jason that he hopes there are no hard feelings and Jason merely hopes that Gary knows what he is doing. Len suggests that Jason might like to act as quality inspector which appears to settle the matter.

Elsewhere Molly has finished looking over the books - and it would appear that Sally has been paid a wage for looking after the books. Inevitably Molly thinks that Ty is not being treated as a proper partner. Kev intervenes and assures Molly that he will ensure that matters are put right as he looks at Sal.

David comes downstairs and with just Gail and Joe present asks to be brought up to date on events. Updated he asks if the two of them are together again. Joe asks if it is a problem and David says no, smiling sweetly, after all if he did forbid them seeing each other they would only go sneaking around behind his back. Gail asks after Martin. David responds by telling them about his seriously cute step sister. And after spending time with that family he had a new perspective and he is fed up of fighting battles, it is hard work and he has never really likes hard work - so he is asking for a new start. Gail asks if he means it and he claims he does. But he has to talk to Tina yet. [By the way if any of my loyal readers actually think that David really means any of the drivel which is spewing out of his mouth, then please do so - I regret that I cannot trust him further than an inch, the look on his face implies yet another round of fun is on its way]. Gail and Joe being complete suckers fall for it hook, line and sinker.

Apparently Darryl's birthday has come around again and Tara and Dev give him an expensive looking watch. Dev seems surprised - at least until a little later when he is given the receipt. Then he is completely gobsmacked. Darryl has had Euros from his father but his mother seems to have had giving birth to twins erased from her memory. Unless it is alcohol induced dementia.

Peter is showing off his handiwork to Simon in building a new hutch for Leanne (the rabbit, not the professional). Emily wishes them both Happy Easter. She then produces some Easter Eggs for Simon and tells them that the church is arranging an egg hunt on Sunday and a pet blessing. To Peter Emily suggests this might be a cheap and tawdry PR effort or perhaps a fun way of getting families involved in church life. Anyway perhaps Ken could take Eccles?

And the proof of the David pudding - a meeting with Graeme and the former expressing a wish that he could have cheerfully shot everyone in the room, except Tina. Graeme sensibly pointed out that with number of deaths Tina was unlikely to be particularly warm and welcoming. Anyway David said they believed he was cool with it all as he had exploited his usual resources of lies and manipulation, exactly what they want to hear. David meets Tina on the Street where he tells her that the only person he cares about is her - not his family, her family or the Windasses. Tina however is made of sterner stuff and she tells him that if he cares he must leave her alone and she goes back into the shop.

Peter asks Ken for some assistance - firstly he wants a bunk bed for Simon and secondly if he is apologising to Michelle should it be flowers or chocolates. Ken answers the second one with ease - both. [But what will it take for Deirdre this time around?]

David returns home and has reverted to the annoying angry child he so often becomes shouting at Joe about Tina. They argue and Joe must now know that the new David has already departed. But no, David after some prompting from Gail apologises to Joe and they briefly shake hands. A little later Gail asks David not to cause any more trouble and he says he will not rock the boat or upset any apple carts and that she can relax. (Gail set the shields to maximum - there is a storm brewing).

Equipped with flowers and chocs Peter knocks on Maria's door but gets no answer so heads to the Rovers. In the Rovers Jason is trying to recruit Luke to run a half marathon or if not he can sponsor Jason. It is to raise money for extending the car park at Weatherfield General (which if it is anything like our local hospital is about the required size). In a booth the now single Julie seems very keen to get to the bar to talk to Jason and this is causing Pauline some distress. Eileen is still trying to get Pauline to admit to Julie's father, but we already know don't we boys and girls? I think Julie and Eileen might just have the same father and that Julie is Jason's aunt.

David arrives at the Rovers and finds Jason, Tina Gary deep in conversation about the half marathon and just jumps to the obvious assumption. He tries to apologise yet again to Tina and that he wants her to know that he will do whatever is needed to win her back. Tina goes to Gail's and tells Joe that she has no intention of going back to David, but David is convinced that he will win in the long run.

Jason is still trying to find sponsors - Ty, Kev anyone!

Michelle is going home to watch a DVD with Maria when the apologetic Peter arrives, sees her with Luke and not very apologetically calls her a fast mover and tells her the flowers he bought are in the bin because she had not answered the door in the ten minutes he was waiting for her. He tells the two of them to have a good night and her job will be waiting for her if she still wants it. He departs and Luke observes that maybe Peter had made some assumptions!

Kev is fuming that Ty was asked to run in the marathon but he had only been asked to be a sponsor and he is far fitter than Ty! Julie is keen to sponsor Julie and wants to feel his thighs to see how strong he is. Seeing the two of them touching each other seems to give Pauline a sick feeling and she rudely rushes out of the pub without a word to anyone.

Ken finds Peter in the living room and asks how it went with Michelle. Pear shaped apparently (I always thought she was more of an hour glass girl myself). Peter calls his father a lucky man and hopes that one day he will get a Deirdre - the real deal.

In the Street Tina is struggling to open her father's van with Gary watching. Eventually the doors give and she slips slightly so Gary catches. They both laugh. But they are being watched. Demon Dave has that face on again - pure hatred as he watches them enjoy life.

Extra Sunday episode should be along shortly.

Cheers.
K Richard W


Sunday 12 April

It's early morning, and Joe is asleep on the sofa. David is lurking around in the kitchen, and then he creeps into the living room. He picks up Joe's packs of painkillers from the floor beside the sofa and then creeps off up the stairs with them.

They're all up early at the Peacock's house, Josh is off to football. Claire moans because it's Sunday but Ashley laughs and tells her they'll be doing this for ten years, as it's not just football, but rugby, cricket and swimming - and they don't even know what Freddie will be good at yet. Not only that, but it's the expense, Ashley reminds Claire that Josh's boots cost fifty quid and he'll grow out of them in no time.

In the Webster household, Kevin is claiming age discrimination because Jason asked Ty to run and not him, and Sophie tells her mum she's giving her Easter egg away because Easter's not about chocolate. Kevin says he'll have it in that case. Sophie tells Sally she doesn't have to come to church with her, but Sally says she doesn't want to stay in with him - looking at grumpy Kevin.

Over at the Barlow's, Simon is walking about carrying his rabbit and tells Blanche he's coming to church with them to get blessed. Blanche is totally unimpressed with this idea and reckons it's one of Reverend Peach's (or Rick as he likes to be called) bright ideas. Deirdre reckons as long as it puts bums on seats it can't be bad. Peter asks Ken if he's coming with them and gets a lecture from atheist Ken, who expresses surprise that his son is going at all, claiming his attendance is pure tokenism. Blanche says that perhaps Peter wants some spiritual support after all he's been through, but Ken reckons he should get it from his fellow man rather than some supernatural being. He asks Peter if he believes in God, and when Peter admits that he doesn't asks him why he's going along with the charade and letting his son take part. (Poor Peter can never do a thing right it seems to me!) Peter says that Simon wants to get his pet blessed. Ken then claims that Simon is being indoctrinated, pictures on the wall at school depict the creation. "He's being taught creationism!" he says. "What would you prefer he was taught? Lesbianism?" scoffs Blanche.

Joe is by now in terrible pain and his painkillers are nowhere to be seen. Gail thinks he must have moved them (how? He can't move himself!) but he says he knows where he put them. Just then David comes down and Joe asks if he's moved them. "That's just the sort of trick you'd pull," says, hitting the nail right on the head. David however, says he doesn't know what he's talking about.

The church service is underway with an assorted congregation of human beings, dogs, ponies and other assorted animals. Blanche is far from pleased with the whole situation and hisses that she's got dog mess on her new Scholls.

Joe gets a text from Tina asking if the coast is clear for her to visit. David asks what she means by that and Joe explains that she doesn't want to come if he's there. "But I've got her an Easter egg!" wails David, pointing out that he lives there and shouldn't have to make himself scarce. Gail agrees so they tell Joe to text Tina back and tell her to come round and join the search party.

The church service has obviously spoken to Sophie who tells Sally that now that Jesus has come into her life she wants to make it official by being baptised. "And I was worried she might want to leave home or get her nose pierced!" says Sally to Emily. Meanwhile, Blanche is berating the vicar about the service. "This is a church, not Rolf Harris's Animal Hospital!" she says angrily, "does the Reverend Sedgely know what you've been up to behind his back?" The vicar assures her that he had a email from the Reverend giving his full backing. Blanche retorts that he's a disgrace and she will be worshipping at St. Cuthbert's from now on. Deirdre pulls Blanche away, mouthing, "I'm so sorry," to the vicar behind her back. The vicar just smiles.

Tina arrives at Gail's and is told about Joe's disappearing pills. Just then David comes down, claiming that he's found them - in Gail's dressing gown pocket! Gail frowns and says she didn't put them there but David says she must have. "You gave him his tablets last night with his cocoa, I saw you." Gail tells Joe she's sorry, and goes off into the kitchen. David asks Tina if she's staying for dinner, but she doesn't think it's a good idea. He says he wants things to be normal and there's no reason why they can't be friends. "Come on, live dangerously," he says. Eventually she agrees so he goes off upstairs to get her Easter egg. When he's out of earshot, Joe whispers to her to be careful, he's sure his pills were by the sofa last night, and they both know that David is more than capable. Tina then tells him to tell Gail she had to go somewhere and rushes out of the house. David then comes down with the Easter egg and looks around. "Where's Tina?" he asks. Joe just shrugs.

Ken is working on his laptop with the radio on in the background when he suddenly hears an ad for a new production by The Weatherfield Players - Thatch Me If You Can, starring Martha Fraser.

In the pub, Kevin turns to Jason and says he doesn't know how fit he is, he doesn't even know how old he is, he's just jumping to conclusions, and he's fitter than Tyrone. Tyrone protests at this and next minute they've challenged each other to a race to the end of the street and back.

Tina has gone into the pub, and David, clutching the Easter egg, comes in and finds her. He gives it to her, telling her to look inside. She pulls out a piece of paper, and he tells her it's the details of a flat - their flat!

Outside, Tyrone and Kevin are lined up for their race. Molly starts them off with a "Ready, get set, go!" They start running, with Kevin easily out way in front of Tyrone, who stops, grabbing at his calf muscle and claiming cramp.

Deirdre, Blanche, Peter and Simon get home from church, and Ken takes Simon aside to have a little talk about atheism, to counterbalance the teachings of the church. Simon however, is more interested in eating his Easter egg. Ken starts to tell him that there are other views and ideas about heaven and hell may not necessarily be true. "But my mummy's in heaven isn't she?" asks Simon, frowning. Peter rushes over hastily. "She is, she is, and she's sitting on a big white cloud with all the other angels, looking down on you, isn't she Granddad?" Ken, for once, seems lost for words!

Back in the pub, David is still trying to persuade Tina to move in with him, brushing aside her protests that she thought they were just going to be friends. He tells her that they could never be just friends, and if they got the flat they could forget about everyone else and start again. She tells him she doesn't want to start again.

Over at the bar, Molly accuses Jason of sexual discrimination because no one asked her if she wanted to do the race. He tells her that everyone is welcome, so Molly tells them she'll beat the lot of them, they'll see!

Ted and Audrey have arrived at Gail's, and Audrey sniffs with disapproval as she sees Joe sipping at the beer, and asks if he should be drinking while he's on painkillers. He asks if she'd begrudge him a can of lager, and she tells him curtly that she begrudges everything he takes from her daughter. Gail starts to tell her not to speak to Joe like that, but Audrey tells her that Joe reminds her of Eddie Windass, sat on his backside and drinking beer. "That's enough!" says Gail, "if you can't behave civilly you can leave!" and she tells her mother to get out. "Me and Joe are back together and if you can't be happy for us that's tough," she says. Ted hustles Audrey out, but at the door she turns and tells Gail, "He's using you!" "I told you - OUT!" says Gail.

Outside, Claire and Ashley have returned with Josh from football. They see Graeme and tell him how Josh scored a goal, this however, is not as good as it sounds because apparently the other side scored 12. (Where is Freddie? He seems to have disappeared!)

Ken is at the bar in the Rovers, and starts talking to Ted about Humanism, but Ted doesn't agree. Ken asks if he's ‘one of them' i.e. a Christian. Ted explains that when he lost his partner he found the church very comforting. Ken reckons that's how they get their hooks into people, when they're most vulnerable.

Graeme finds David sitting miserably in the pub, and discovers that Tina has turned down both the Easter egg and the flat. "She must be seeing someone else," says David, "and if she's not it's only a matter of time." Graeme suggests that David moves on. "Plenty of fish in the sea and all that," he says, but David doesn't want anyone else. He wants Tina and he wants Gary Windass off the scene permanently, and this time he vows he'll do the job properly.

Anne Logan


Monday 13 April

Ken is hiding a cut out ad for Martha's new play, Thatch Me If You Can (probably one of the worst titles ever!) when someone comes in the door. He hastily shoves it in his pocket as Peter and Simon come in. Simon shows off his Space Blaster and Peter invites them out for the day. Deirdre says they're free though Blanche has gone to a fancy dress outing with the One O'Clock club and she's dressed as Amelia Earhart. (Oh, yes you'll get to see her later!) Ken begs off, he's promised to work on the canal project. (I'll just bet he did!). He puts his coat on and escapes, saying he'll be back in a couple of hours.

Hayley is rushed off her feet. Roy is at an exhibition of 18th century muskets and things and Anna hasn't turned up yet for her first day. But she does, running in wittering about putting her flip flops through the washer. (Wouldn't there be a health and safety issue about working around food while wearing very little on your feet?) When told about Roy's day out she exclaims "My Gary's a fan of guns and all!" (*not* quite the same types, I'll be guessing!) Hayley is not at all sure this is going to work out so Anna's duties for now are to take the orders while Hayley does the cooking. Poppy comes in but Anna's still blathering on about her dad working in a biscuit factory until Hayley practically drags her to the counter to take the order which she then proceeds to scream out loud to Hayley at the top of her lungs. Hayley suggests writing the order down instead.

Gail and Ted come outside, Gail moaning about Audrey's attitude towards Joe. She heads into the Kabin as Ken is coming out, a wrapped box of choccies under his arm. The stupid man tells Ted that they are for Deirdre, pretending they're to make up for missing the anniversary. (you'd think he'd know that lies like that are easily exposed. Maybe that's what he wants?) I don't think Ted believes him.

Back to the cafe, David and Audrey are there and Audrey is bitching about Joe, "flat on his back playing the English Patient". Anna delivers their orders with a ringing holler. David reckons part of the reason his mum and Joe are having a rough road is because of all the trouble the Windasses are causing. David tells Audrey he wants his mum to be happy but Audrey knows he doesn't like Joe either and calls him on it. He does admit he's a reconciliation with Tina might come out of the reconciliation between Gail and Joe and he gives Audrey something to think about when he reckons that if Gail has to choose between mother and lover, mother's chances might not be so advantageous as she thinks. Gary comes in and cheeks Audrey before trying to scam free food from his mother who shoots him down soundly. She wants to keep this job! On the way out, he rubs David's face in the fact that he's doing some work for Joe. Toerag, is Audrey's comment and she wonders why David is so calm about it. David points out it's all Len's doing since Joe is working for one of Len's mates. Audrey has something else to think about, too, when David notes that he's bored not working.

Out in the ginnel, Ashley, Graeme and Joshua are kicking the football around. Ashley offers to take them all to a football match. Claire's a bit dubious as to whether it's safe but the men assure her it'll be ok.

Simon is racing around Number 1 blasting aliens while Deirdre gets irritated waiting for Ken to show up. Peter is irritated by the alien blaster going off constantly so he suggests they all go for a walk and find some ducks to feed. The blaster stays home because we don't want to scare the ducks. He hides the blaster in the sideboard when Simon's back is turned. Sorted.

Audrey opens the back door and waves a white handkerchief in as a peace offering. She apologizes for the mean things she said about Joe and David puts the kettle on. She's sympathetic to Joe's pain and offers David his job back at the salon since Maria is off on mat leave. David's chuffed, Gail's chuffed and there's practically a group hug in the kitchen. Sorted. Gail suggests the Rovers for a drink but Audrey has tickets to a matinee that she got off one of her customers and is going to ask Ted to go.

Things aren't going so well for Ken. He's arrived to give the chocolates to Martha only her boat is gone and her ex-neighbour says she moved it a few days ago. Meanwhile, Peter, Deirdre and Simon have Eccles on a lead. Deirdre is laughing on the phone and it turns out that Blanche discovered that the One O'Clock club murder mystery outing to Formby wasn't fancy dress so she's there like a sore thumb in her leather pilot's helmet and goggles! Deirdre tells Peter all about it but then see that Eccles is leading Simon away from the path and down towards the canal (which is where he goes every day with Ken!) After the break, Simon and Eccles come round a shrubbery and surprise Ken who's sat on a bench, the chocolates forlornly in his lap. Ken fires the box over his shoulder into the brush before Simon sees him and then when the others come into view, makes out that he's just passing the time of day. Deirdre complains that they'd been waiting for him so he shouts at her that he's been doing research! She shouts back at him and they row, Ken spouting the old cliche about not wanting to explain where he is every minute. Oh the alarm bells should be ringing in Deirdre's head, or, at least, Peter's since he used all the standard issue cliches, lies and excuses when he was juggling two wives! But, no, Peter just tries to calm things down but it doesn't work and Deirdre takes Simon off for a pizza, spitting "Enjoy your research!" Peter tries to get Ken to accompany them but Ken declines, pretending he's just letting Deirdre cool off and gets a ticking off from his son for it. After they leave, the theatre ad comes out of his pocket again and we know where he's going next, don't we?

Maria sees Natasha outside the salon. Natasha takes a call from Tony but puts him off because she's working. She agrees to do Maria's nails, commenting that she doesn't want to seem too eager to see Tony. She and Maria chat about being too available, Natasha thinking that Tony isn't all that romantic. Maria says that he was with Carla, giving her flowers and expensive presents. It's pretty tough competing with the love of Tony's life.

Down the street, the Peacocks are off to the match. (Someone must be babysitting Freddie). Bill catches Gary loitering in the yard and throws him out with a flea in his ear. This is observed by Graeme and David who are loitering in front of the kebab shop. David remarks that Bill isn't very trusting, and says it with a classic David evil grin. Graeme rightly surmises that David has a cunning plan.

We next see Ken going into a little theatre, called the Jackson Centre (though it's actually a theatre in Oldham). He's gazing at the posters and who should arrive behind him but Ted and Audrey so he pretends he's come to see the play and Deirdre didn't fancy the play so he's there alone. He buys a ticket to see it just as the warning bell goes off for the start of the performance.

Back to the builder's yard, Bill is loading some items on the back of the truck and David is peeking around the corner. He makes a call on his mobile and Bill hears the phone go off upstairs in the office. Guess who? When he goes in to get the phone, David hurries over and pulls two or three tools out of a sack and runs off with them under his jacket. He puts the phone back in his pocket but leaves it ringing while he runs away. We know this because we can still hear the office phone.

We're in the cafe again and Anna is busy wiping down the counters. Hayley has been impressed but can't confirm that she's got the job as that's Roy's call. The door to the cafe opens and guess who comes rolling in! Teresa Morton!!! She approaches Amber and Darryl who are sitting at a table, both of whom are shocked to see her. She's apparently staying with a mate in a very rough housing estate. She's also very drunk. She pulls a tall bottle of gin out of her bag and pours some in both coffee cups that are on the table. Anna comes over to shoo her out and realizes that she's the woman that had locked herself in the house that the Windasses were renting. Teresa recognizes her too and she gets belligerent but Anna manages to steer her out of the cafe. Darryl apologizes to Anna but she's more sorry for him having a mam like that. Her handling of the situation further puts her into Hayley's good books. Amber and Darryl pick up their mugs and take a large mouthful of whatever was poured in and hastily spit it out!

We're now in the pub, where Poppy is waiting for Betty to show up for her shift so she can leave. Sean reckons Betty is a law unto herself but can handle the pace until Betty arrives and he sends Poppy off to do her shopping. Gail, David and Graeme come in to celebrate David getting his job back. Gary comes in but David says nothing, telling his mother he wants a fresh start. To prove it, he goes to Gary and offers the olive branch but Gary isn't having any of it. Gail's proud, Graeme is intrigued, knowing it's all part of the plan, whatever that is.

Play's over. Ken is in the lobby when Audrey and Ted come out. Audrey didn't enjoy the play or the lead actress, much to Ken's chagrin. Ted's enjoying Ken's predicament, judging from the chuckle. They invite Ken for a drink but he declines, having spotted Martha already out of costume and makeup and coming out of the stage door. Audrey notices Ken's attention being drawn to the actress but Ted hustles her out of the way to the theatre bar upstairs for a drink.

And we are back to the pub where Gail, David and Graeme are sat in a booth while Gary pokes at the fruit machine. In charges Bill, hell bent on ripping a strip off Gary. He insists that Gary has stolen his tools.

Ken implores Martha to listen to him. He just can't live without her!!!!!

Find out how that goes in the next half hour!

Tvor

Ken is with Martha in the foyer of the theatre. he tells her she makes him feel alive for the first time in years. He doesn't feel complete without her. They are interrupted by one of Martha's fellow cast members who tells her she was great in this afternoon's performance. Martha takes Ken to the back of the theatre to talk further.

In the Rovers, Gary Windass is defending himself against accusations being flung at him by Bill Webster. He protests that he didn't take Bill's tools. Bill is just about to call the cops when David, who has been listening into the fracas, steps in and tells Bill that Gary couldn't have nicked the tools since they were together at that time- Gary was winding David up about taking David's job with Joe. Gary looks non-plussed at David's obvious lie to protect him. David tells Bill, who is also confused as to why David is sticking up for Gary that he has learned his lesson.

In a restaurant, Audrey is gossiping with Ted about Martha and Ken. Audrey can't believe that Ted is not interested in Ken's business and she deduces that the way Ted steered her away from Ken & Martha, he knows what's going on. But Ted doth protest too much; Audrey puts two and two together and with a big gasp says, "So he is having an affair!"

In the dressing room at the theatre, Martha doesn't know why she is talking to Ken. But she is. Ken tells Martha that they have something worth saving since they click on every level. Martha doesn't let him off with that and tells him how bad Ken made her feel by lying to her every time she asked him to stay over and when he refused, she always felt stupid for trying to rush things with him. She tells him she feels violated. Ken tells her that he never met anyone like her before. He didn't want to tell her the truth only to turn up the next day to find out she had left. He tells her that he has fallen in love with her.

In the bar, Sean and Betty are talking about how Betty was late for work and how annoyed Poppy was about it. Betty says, "Listen, it's Liz McDonald I answer to, not that little upstart!" Oooooh! In a booth, Gail tells David how good it was of him to stand up for Gary when he did. Oh Gail, when will you ever learn? She shouts to Gary, "Maybe now you'll stop gloating about getting his job." When Gary fails to be suitably and pathetically grateful to David, answering, "Whatever!" to Gail, she gets up and leaves. When she's gone, Gary asks David why he lied for him. David makes an excuse that he just wants a quiet life. He offers Gary his hand and calls a truce. Gary accepts before he leaves. When David sits back down with Graham, Graham asks David why he didn't stitch Gary up. "That's exactly what I am doing," David says, cryptically.

At Deirdre's house, Blanche comes home, all dressed up as Amelia Earhart- a classic. Deirdre tells Blanche about having met Ken down by the canal and how he snapped at her. She says she knows Ken is distracted lately and wonders if he's just more worried about Peter and Simon than he lets on. Deirdre wonders if she should cut him a bit of slack. "Oh, I wouldn't go that far!" says Blanche.

At the theatre, Ken and Martha are still talking. Ken tells Martha that he needs her, he has tried to forget her but he can't. He says he knows he doesn't deserve a second chance but he needs to know how she feels about him. Martha tells him she thought she had finally met her soul mate in Ken but it wasn't real. "If the man wasn't real, then neither were my feelings." Ken accuses her of being afraid and of wanting this as much as he does and he demands she admit that.

Teresa Morton is back, baby, and drunk as a skunk. She staggers into the kebab shop and recognizes Minnie as Amber's friend. She tries to barge her way behind the counter to take her "wages" from the till. Amber interrupts and drags Teresa out.

In the theatre, Ken is still begging Martha for a second chance. She asks him what Deirdre said when he told her but of course, Ken hasn't told her yet. Oh, wrong answer, Ken. Martha storms out of the dressing room with Ken running behind her into the theatres foyer where, surprise surprise!, Audrey and Ted see them. Audrey follows the squabbling lovers and hears the tail end of the argument. She hears Ken shouting after Martha where her boat is moored but Martha rides off on her bike. Ted makes sure Ken knows that they are there and Ken runs off. "Come on Ted, " says Audrey, "from the beginning. And I want it all!"

Natasha has a delivery of flowers to the hairdressers- they're from Tony. Maria is with her outside the hairdressers and Tom comes round the corner. He makes plans for a drink with Maria.

In the kebab shop, Amber is with drunk Teresa, waiting for Darryl to arrive. Tara comes in. Teresa tells her to make sure she marries Dev quick. Darryl finally turns up, followed by Dev. Teresa seems very happy to see Dev and gives him a big hug. There's a big kerfuffle which results in a few toppled over sauce bottles before Darryl throws Teresa out and locks the door behind her. Poor Darryl is so embarrassed as Teresa bangs on the door, pleading with her son.

Ashley, Josh and Claire come home from the football. Claire has had a good time, unexpectedly. In the background, Teresa Morton is singing loudly, trying to get Darryl's attention. Inside the kebab shop, Tara tells Dev he has to do something. Dev goes outside and tells Teresa she is to get a cab home or she will call the police. "Taxi!" Teresa shouts at the top of her voice.

In the Rovers, Audrey is appalled by all the grisly details about Ken and Martha. She asks Ted what he was thinking of, "egging him on like that." Deirdre comes into the pub. Ted warns Audrey to keep her mouth shut. Deirdre asks Ted if he has seen Ken and Blanche butts in with, "We're on suicide watch.... He was seen by the canal this lunchtime, staring into the deep..:" Deirdre clarifies that she thinks Ken is just in a bit of a funny mood, is all. Ted tells Deirdre that they haven't seen him. "Where's Les Battersby when you need him?" Blanche is determined to carry on, "He used to dredge that canal, didn't he?" Deirdre drags Blanche away and Ted thanks Audrey for not saying anything to Deirdre. He asks who they are to stop Ken from having a last shot of happiness before he goes senile. Audrey asks Ted, "And you'll be the one to explain that to Deirdre, will you, when she's left in the lurch?" Audrey asks him, "What about her happiness, Ted? Hmm?"

In the Peacock household, Josh's mother is fantasizing about Josh being a future world cup footballer. Ashley thinks they should just concentrate on the under sevens league for now.

In the bar, Sean is talking to Maria about what she needs for the baybeh. "More baybeh clothes, "says Maria, inanely. Tom tells her that he'll go shopping for baby stuff tomorrow if she likes. They they talk a bit about Lad Rags- Tom has a deal for £25,000 of t-shirts. Maria tells him she will talk it over with Toneh first and Tom takes offence. Sean comes back after Maria has left and makes a remark about how it's not nice to play second fiddle, "in business or in love" to Tom. "Well, I heard you're the expert in that department, Sean," says Tom, a bit miffed.

Out in the street, Teresa has turned up again, like that bad penny. The taxi driver won't take him to her bad housing estate. It's decided that Teresa has to stay in the flat above the shop until she sobers up- for one night only.

At Gail's Gail has fallen straight into Evil David's trap and tells David how proud she is of David for sticking up for Gary. She asks if Gary said anything after she left the pub. David tells her that they've made a truce and that he's tired of all the bother. She falls for his bare-faced lies and is placated for a while.

Out in the street, Audrey and Ted see Ken. Audrey tells Ken that there's a woman looking for Ken. Ken looks excited but Audrey goes on to tell him, "Wedding ring on her finger, works in the town hall and very very worried about where you've been all day." Ken looks belligerent and tells Audrey to keep her long and interfering nose out of his business. Audrey, inflamed by Ken's remark and attitude says, "Well, I'll just say this- No, I'm sorry, he's going to hear this, Ted," as Ted tries to interrupt. Audrey continues, "Now I've said nothing to Deirdre today, but if I see you with that woman again or any other woman for that matter, then I will tell her. She will be the first to know, I promise you that! Grow up, will you?" Ken is left to his thoughts out in the street. Love rat.

Stella McLoughlin


Wednesday 15 April

It's Peter's birthday and Simon greets him with a card as he wanders into the living room, but the atmosphere between Deirdre and Ken is decidedly frosty. When Deirdre goes out to the kitchen to make coffee, Peter tells Ken he's been thinking about his twin sister, Susan, it would have been her birthday too.

Molly's been running, training for the race, and she runs up to Tyrone telling him her speed's improved by 20 seconds.

Tom meets Luke in the street and asks him to keep Tony under control, he's fed up with Maria running every decision past him before she'll agree to anything. He tells Luke that Tony and Maria are having secret little meetings. Luke asks if he's had it out with them, but he says he doesn't know when or where they meet. He's upset because it was his and Liam's business, and now he feels like he's being pushed out. Luke promises that if he sees them sneaking around he'll let Tom know.

Joe is giving Gary instructions on how he and Jason can fit the kitchens. Gary remarks that when his dad has a bad back he stays in bed. "And when he hasn't got a bad back?" asks Gail. Gary says that bad backs aren't funny. Just then David comes downstairs. "Oh I don't know," he says, "Joe makes me laugh every time he climbs the stairs." He then acts all friendly with Gary and offers to walk down the street with him, much to everyone's amazement, particularly Gary's.

Amber goes into the corner shop and starts picking up groceries, telling Dev they're for Darryl's mum. Just then Darryl and his mum walk in, and she thanks Dev for letting her use the flat. She hugs Darryl, saying she doesn't know when or how, but she must have done something right sometime for him to have turned out so lovely. (Actually she did very little, I seem to remember that his dad, Jerry, brought the children up!) She tells Dev she's left the flat nice up there, and she leaves. "Is the place she's living really as bad as she says?" asks Tara. "No," says Darryl, "it's worse."

Peter, Simon and Ken are crossing the road when they see Audrey. Peter calls her and asks if she can fit him in for a trim later. Simon tells her that they're having a party as it's Peter's birthday. "A nice family do?" says Audrey, adding that she thinks families are so important. "Don't you Ken?" she asks, pointedly, adding "and so easy to take for granted!" Peter wonders if that remark was aimed at him, but she tells him it wasn't, and tells him to call back later.

Next, they bump into Michelle who asks if they're going anywhere nice. Simon tells her they're off to buy a cake as it's his daddy's birthday. He tells her they're having a party and she can come if she likes. Peter assures her she'd be more than welcome, so she tells Simon she'll see him later. When she's gone on her way, Ken says he assumes that they haven't made it up since the incident with Luke. Peter snaps at him not to have a go at him especially after the way he and Deirdre were earlier. Ken tells him it was nothing, and if he ever finds himself in a long term relationship he'll realise that arguments don't always have to be about anything.

Maria goes to Tony's office to see him and overhears him on the phone to someone telling them to follow someone twenty-four seven, but nothing illegal. When he sees her he hangs up and tries to tell her he was talking to a photocopier salesman. However, even Maria isn't that stupid and she doesn't believe him, so in the end he confesses that he's trying to find out all he can about his new business partner. She tells him it's none of her business and starts to show him the latest order for Ladrags. Just then Luke walks in and Tony asks him to give them a few minutes. "Ah, more of the secret meetings Tom was telling me about!" says Luke and pulls out his phone saying he told Tom he'd let him know as he thought he was being sidelined by the man he calls Braveheart. Tony tells Maria that maybe they should talk later, but Luke suggests they talk to Tom.

Len goes round to see Joe and is sarcastic about his back condition. Frostily, Gail reminds him that Joe is self employed and would have nothing to gain from not working. As she leaves the house Len turns to Joe. "Doesn't know as much as she thinks, does she?" he smirks. Joe says he doesn't like being in this mess and Len tells him to remember who's getting him out of it - him and Gary. "Don't worry," says Joe, "I won't be sacking him." Len says it's Joe who should be worried, about his loan repayments. Apparently his loan shark friend always gets his money, one way or another.

Peter is in the chair at Audrey's salon and tells her he's worried he's putting too much on his dad. "He disappears for hours at a time, you know," he tells her, adding that he's very short tempered too, especially with Deirdre. He goes on to say that he's worried in case he's ill and not telling anybody. Audrey tells him that Ken's just got a bad does of selfishness. Peter then asks her what's going on, he noticed that she and his dad were odd together when they met in the street earlier. That's all Audrey needs to put down her scissors and tell him that his father is having an affair.

Tony sees Maria in the street and remarks that surely that can't be construed as a secret meeting. She says that she doesn't want to make things any worse between her and Luke, but he says that Luke can play silly games if he likes, but they'll play by his rules.

At the Barlow house, Ken apologises to Deirdre for being a bit off. She sniffs but tells him not to spoil Peter's day, and turns to Peter telling him he'll have to blow out the one candle forty four times. Peter tells Simon he'll have to help him, and Ken remarks that if he gave up smoking he wouldn't need any help. Deirdre tells Peter not to take any notice, and Peter, in a voice heavy with sarcasm, says that they can't all live up to the high standards of Saint Kenneth of Weatherfield.

Maria opens a letter from the hospital, but puts it away hurriedly when there's a knock at the door. It's Tom, who has come to take her shopping. She asks him what's going on with Luke, explaining that she called in to see Tony and got accused to sneaking around behind his back. Tom says that she is, and he mentioned it to Luke earlier. She says she was only asking advice, but he reminds her that not long ago she thought he was capable of anything. She retaliates then and says that Tony doesn't think Luke is on the level either and his having him followed.

Back at the Barlow's, when they're alone Peter tells Ken that he knows he's having an affair and wants to know how long it's been going on. Ken tells him he's just had a friendship with a woman and it's none of his business. Peter snaps back that that Ken had a go at him for not having a long relationship and all the time he's been sneaking round Weatherfield like some geriatric tom cat!

Along the Street, Jack is miserable because three of his pigeons haven't come home, and goes off to have an hour down at the Legion. Tyrone turns to Molly and comments that he thought they were eating chicken pie but the meat is dark. Molly tells him that pigeon pie is much posher than chicken. "Oh no!" wails Tyrone, "don't tell me you've fed Jack his own pigeons!" Molly tells him not to be daft, the meat is dark because she used red wine. "The pigeons are in the freezer, I thought I'd roast them after I'd nicked Simon's rabbit!"

Dev is at the bar in the Rovers and Poppy tells him how Tara was singing his praises. She says that she must have forgiven him - or maybe she doesn't know? He replies that confession might be good for the soul but it's bad for a relationship. It was just the once and they had split up, now they're back together he's hoping she never has to know. She tells him that Tara is her friend and she wouldn't want to hurt her. "As long as you're a good boy my lips are sealed."

Peter shows Michelle to the door and thanks her for coming to his party. She says she enjoyed it and kisses him before she leaves. Just then Ken comes into the hall and asks Peter if he's going to say anything. Peter says he won't, but it's for Simon's sake. He's had enough for one year, what with his mum dying and his dad turning into a drunk who nearly killed him. "The only good thing in his life is his grandma and granddad."

Darryl and Amber come round the corner and find Teresa sitting on the bench, saying that the place she's living in is awful. Amber, seeing her father and Tara come out of the pub, says that at a time like this it's time for a superhero. "Who? Grocery Man?" asks Darryl, "faster than a carton of milk and stronger than a week old cheese!" Amber quickly embroiders the story, putting in details about drug dealers and needles, and points out to her dad that the flat is still empty. Tara says it sounds like a setup, but Dev admits that Teresa has no home while he has two. Amber is amazed when he says that Teresa can stay, but her bubble is quickly burst when Dev says that there's a condition - that Darryl moves in with her!

It's late evening, Deirdre and Blanche are in bed and Ken's having a scotch when Peter comes in and snaps that Ken's just getting back at him, tempting him so he can lecture him on human frailties. Ken says he just wants to make it clear that nothing happened between him and Martha. "Oh really?" says Peter, "just good friends, was it?" Ken tells him that's what it was, but also for the first time he believed in soul mates and under any other circumstances would happily have spent the rest of his life with Martha. Peter remarks that that's worse, a one night stand could be put down to a moment of madness. Ken snaps that he's not apologising, he's told him it's over and that's the end of it!

Anne Logan.


Friday 17 April

Yes, it's Friday again and here's the first episode, in which flouncing is the theme, at least for the first half.

It's breakfast time at the Barlows' and Ken is making breakfast in bed for Deirdre, though Peter thinks it's sprinkled with guilt and lies. It's too late, anyway, because here she is and she thinks Ken's being really sweet. She assumes he's being good to her because she's going to see Tracy today.

In the incredibly crowded Alahan household (there are five people at breakfast), Amber and Darryl pack bags for Darryl's move to the shop flat. Uncle Umed compares it to something he was told by George Harrison when they were at Ravi Shankar's house. Dev defends his order for Darryl to live with his mother. He says a boy belongs with his mother. Darryl points out he might also be able to stop her from chaining herself to the oven door as she did last time she was evicted, or throwing things. Umed is attracted at the thought of this feisty young woman. Talked of moving, Tara asks when Umed plans to head home to Mumbai. Dev says his uncle is welcome to stay as long as needed. Tara says they don't have a spare room any more - "I'm planning on turning it into an office." In the street, Audrey and Ted argue over Audrey letting slip that Ken was having an affair. Audrey flounces off to work.

Joe sneaks out and tries to get into his van but just ends up sinking to the ground in pain. Gail and Ted help him to get back inside.

Dev suggests Tara share his office but she points out it's no bigger than a cupboard. Amber says she can move out and live with Darryl, which Umed thinks is a fine idea and shows how bright she is. Dev says that's why she should be studying instead of cleaning Darryl's clothes and cooking. Then he demands Darryl's keys and sends him on his way. At Gail's she asks Joe how he could have been so stupid. Joe snaps at her. He feels cooped up and he's fed up with television. He shouts at Gail that she's driving him mad. Her maternal instinct has gone into overdrive and she'll be putting a bib on him next and cutting up his food. "Why don't you just leave me alone?" Gail does just that, flouncing out of the house and off to work.

Maria's on her way to work and Tom stops her to give her a gift of a pair of baby shoes as a peace offering after their fight. She tells him they have to learn to work together and they go off for a brew. Tony arrives with Natasha in the car and says he needs a word with Maria. "I had a look at those costings and I've got a few suggestions." Tom objects. He priced up the tee-shirts. Tony says Tom's welcome to come too but now Tom's the one flouncing off.

Dev arrives outside the shop by car, which is quite surprising because he lives in the new flats practically next door! Theresa is outside the shop. Presumably Molly's opened up. Dev has a list of rules instead of a lease for Theresa. (I expect this means a future storyline involving the council prosecuting him for not following the regulations imposed on every landlord in the country) "No smoking. No placing of wet objects on furniture." "Come on, the lad's got to sit somewhere," she jokes, but Dev isn't laughing. "Where's the joy?" she asks. Dev says there isn't any and finishes reading the list of rules.

Ken enters the salon to spit annoyed sentences at Audrey. He tells her it was over with Martha but she points out that Ken was begging Martha to come back to him. He's annoyed that people feel free to comment on his life and Audrey tells him that's because they care about Deirdre, "which you obviously don't." He tells her he does care. "Not as much as your fancy piece, hmm?" Ken flounces out.

Lisa arrives in the shop, telling Dev she was just in the area. She says she really enjoyed their night together. He stops her, saying he should point out that he's seeing somebody. Plot hole alert! This is very odd because a) Dev's giving up a chance to show how greedy he is; and b) Surely she knows he's seeing Tara. She was only in the next room when Tara unexpectedly showed up at the flat. In fact, ITV's own website promoted the episode with a still picture of Lisa flattening herself against the door to avoid being seen by Tara! Anyway, Dev's dead keen to get her out of the shop. Lisa's a bit embarrassed. She's almost out the door when Tara rushes in, excited about a sale. She greets Lisa enthusiastically and Dev says Lisa called to see Tara. He says they know each other from Tara's parents' place, which is true. "How long have you been going out together?" Lisa asks. Tara tells her they've been living together for three months. Suddenly Lisa isn't that interested in rushing off and agrees to go and see the gallery. Amber comes in and Dev orders her to look after the shop. There's no way he's leaving Lisa and Tara together on their own!

There's a taxi outside Number 1, waiting to take Deirdre to the prison. Peter warns Ken not to take Eccles for any walks while they're gone. Darryl pops into the shop where a very grumpy Amber points out that Dev says living with Darryl would disrupt her studies, but when it comes to doing something for Dev, that argument goes out the window. Theresa comes in and asks if she can set up a slate. You know what the normal and sensible reaction would be to this. So, of course, Amber says Yes. "Call it a flat-warming gift from my dad." Amber even offers her a more expensive bottle of wine. "That won't be twelve pounds sixty," she says. Umed bustles in, looking for Dev. Amber drops the shop in his lap while she and Darryl go off to lunch. Umed doesn't fight back. "You are Theresa?" he asks. Theresa admits to this. "Pleased to meet you. I've heard all about your wonderful projectiles," he says. Whack! Her palm shows his cheek what feistiness is all about!

At Gail's, Joe's watching TV when she arrives home for lunch. She's arranged for the doctor to call this afternoon. He apologises for this morning. "I'm a rubbish patient." She kisses him.

In the pub, Betty thinks Jack's a bit down. He's missing somebody, he says, but he keeps hoping she'll come back one day. Betty's surprised Jack believes in reincarnation, but he's not talking about Vera. His pigeon, Scarlett, has been missing for a few days. Poppy tries to get Betty to help serve but Betty's on her break.

Ted tells Ken he's sorry things didn't work about with Martha. Ken misses her. Ted wants to know whether he'll try to make a go of his marriage or leave. This question seems to puzzle Ken. He points out that just because he wanted something more, it doesn't mean he wants to give up what he's already got. "That answers the question, then," Ted says. Tony and Maria have a meeting and Tony tells her the commitment to American Booty is a big commitment to a single supplier. He's looked up some other possibilities. Maria says Tom won't like it. She thinks it's the competitiveness of blokes.

Dev and the women are back and he desperately tries to stop them going into the Rovers - without success. He's pleased to see Betty's the only person behind the bar but she says Poppy's out the back. Jack's still going on about Scarlett and how he raised her. Tara invites Lisa back to see the flat. She agrees, despite Dev's efforts to dissuade her. Tara decides they need champagne and heads to the bar, leaving Dev to ask what Lisa's playing at. She's appalled at his behaviour in sleeping with her while seeing Tara, but he tries to say they'd had a row. He pleads with her not to say anything.

Jack heads home to find a strange woman banging on his door. She's got a basket with a pigeon in it. "I traced you through her leg ring. To tell you the truth, I were tempted to keep her." She says her dad kept pigeons. Jack invites her in.

Poppy serves Tara and asks who Lisa is.

Tony sits with Tom in a booth and tells him that badmouthing him to Maria won't work. He says he knows Tom's fallen for her. "You want to be her knight in shining armour, but you have to be a man to be a knight. And you're nothing but a boy." He says Maria finds it embarrassing. "So do her a favour and leave her alone."

Tara praises Dev to Poppy and it's all too much for the barmaid. "He's making a fool out of you," she says, and tells Tara that Dev and Lisa were in the bar the night Tara walked out on him. "They looked a lot closer than just friends and left together. Tara thinks Lisa must be wrong but she says it was Lisa all right. "In fact, Dev asked me not to tell you."

The end of episode one.

Margaret Carr

Well I think that poppy was way out of line. Dev asked her to keep it to herself and she is a barmaid - and discretion goes with the job - unless of course you reckon that Poppy fancies a bit of Dev for herself. I just do not see why she told Tara about Dev's slight indiscretion with Lisa and Tara has trouble believing it as well as we rejoin the Street. Poppy asks Tara what is she going to do about it but the latter does not know as yet. Dev knows nothing and having poured three glasses of champagne calls a toast to Tara. Lisa is being watched very closely by Tara but she gives nothing away.

Tom sees Luke in the Rovers and decides to get his own back on Tony by telling Mr Strong that Mr Gordon is having him investigated and indeed followed. Luke laughs, not wanting to believe such a ludicrous story. Tom says he felt he should know and says that he would not put anything past Tony and Luke should not either.

Teresa in full flow bustles into the kebab shop, puts on an apron and tells Darryl and Minnie that she is working in the family business and that the latter is out. Darryl tells her that is nonsense but Teresa insists she wants to pay her way and therefore she has to have a job. Darryl gives way but insists she has to behave. She sort of agrees to humour him. Eddie comes in and is not amused to find Teresa back. She tells him that she will be harder to get rid of this time. And she asks if he can give her a lift to get her stuff. He says yes if he gets a tenner and she offers him ten later once the job is done.

Jack and Connie - well she has certainly brought a smile to R'Jack's face and they sit in the Dobbs back room talking pigeons and their recent life histories. Ty and Molly come in and Jack explains who they are. Connie is introduced as Jack's saviour - well Scarlet the pigeon's saviour really. Jack takes Connie out to see his blue pied cock (sorry no translation available, I don't talk pigeon English). Molly asks Connie to stay for lunch but she has to go - might miss her bus otherwise (come on this is Manchester, surely they have more than one bus a week?). Jack sees her out and on his return is teased by Molly who asks if he has got Connie's number (no but I think she has got his).

Tara, Lisa and Dev have gone to look at Dev's flat. Louise does a grand job of pretending she has never seen it before. Dev is told to put some snacks out, whilst Tara shows Lisa the wonderful bedroom. Such a lovely big bed and Lisa says it is a lovely room. The geography of the flat has me confused as the bedrooms never seem to be in the same place twice, but then I often drink and watch Corrie at the same time, so that probably explains it. Back in the living room Tara asks Lisa if she has a boyfriend and perhaps they could make up a foursome. Dev is looking extremely uncomfortable all the time! Lisa says there is no-one special and Tara asks Dev to confirm that Lisa is very attractive. Tara insists that Lisa stops for coffee and then realising that the store is empty sends Dev to the shop to get a supply. Tara then drags Lisa over to show her the office in the spare room - full of junk the last time you were here! Lisa pretends ignorance but Tara turns on her and reminds her that she slept with Dev a couple of weeks ago. Lisa said she did not know that Dev was seeing Tara, she was never mentioned. And it was just the one night. And Lisa had wanted to see Dev again - but the minute she turned up today he had said no. Lisa tells Tara that she is sorry but the latter responds that she must never contact either of them again.

Stuff collected Teresa gives Eddie the ten pence piece she had offered him and tells him that he had heard what he wanted to hear - her offer was clear and he had accepted. Eddie is not amused.

Deirdre is back from seeing Tracy - apparently Simon is cleaning Blanche's room - for the grand sum of fifty pence. (It is cheap up north, 10p for a taxi run, 50p to have a room cleaned). Deirdre has some news. Tracy would like to see Amy and Dreary having thought about it considers it is a good sign and that Tracy needs to see Amy and perhaps it was time for Amy to see Tracy. Blanche does not believe that Tracy has any rights and Ken thinks that Amy should be older, but Peter supports Tracy's request. Smiling Simon appears to claim his reward for the child labour.

Dev returns to the flat and is relieved that Lisa has gone, apparently without spilling any beans. He tries to suggest to Tara that they go to bed - but she insists on him making progress with the spare room and she has to go and hang some pictures (actually I think she wants to hang Dev out to dry).

Ken has been cooking dinner and calls Peter in from the yard. The latter wants to know if he is trying to sort things out and Ken insists that he wants to get his marriage back on track and could do with some support from his son.

Luke is in the cafe and looks carefully through the blinds is able to confirm that he really is being followed by a private eye as he sees the same car several times over a brief period going back and forth. So Tom was right. And when he walks back to Underworld it passes him again. He walks right into Dev who drops a box of rubbish. They pick up the mess and after Dev has placed it in the skip, Luke recovers one of the face masks of Tony which the stag party wore on the night that Liam died.

Josh and Ash are playing football in the Street when Claire decides to participate and kicks the ball hard - right through Blanche's window! Blanche looks out and tells Ashley off - he turns to blame Claire only to find that she has done a runner and has to admit it is his fault.

Back at the Rovers a very angry Tara is telling all to Poppy who realises that she has broken the cardinal rule - and after all technically Dev was single at the time. Tara says that Dev has lied to her before and is lying to her again. He thought she had learned his lesson but she will give him one more chance to come clean and if he does she will try and forgive him (this said with a face which threatens about as much forgiveness as a hangman normally show). Otherwise it is over.

The house is virtually empty so Ken and Dreary discuss what to do. Ken wants to watch a documentary on Truffaut and Dreary observes that she will go for a drink! Ken volunteers to record the documentary and as she wants to watch a comedy that is put on and he slips an arm around her as he seems to genuinely want to spend the evening with her.

At Dev's flat He pulls Tara into the study and says about siting a desk, computer equipment, printer, all state of the art. She turns to him and says she is glad they are back together and he agrees. She says she has a confession about the break up - she was just doing it to get her own back and she did not really mean it. She tells him she is sorry and feels so guilty - how did he cope thinking she had gone away forever? And Dev cannot tell the truth so has to lie, he watched a soppy film and used up a box of tissues and hoped she would change her mind. She says that makes her even more guilty and he tells her not to worry - they are together now. And in the closing shot we can see that Tara is making plans to achieve her revenge.

K Richard W


Monday 20 April

Luke poses with the Tony mask on, wrapping a scarf around his neck for effect. He whips the mask off quickly when he hears someone arrive. Rosie walks in with a chirpy Good Morning.

Across the road, Maria is canceling her scan appointment, saying she's not feeling well. She must be in the middle of redecorating because the dark gloomy wallpaper that lines the wall of the staircase is half torn off.

Pam is now selling breakfast type sandwiches (bacon, lettuce and cucumber) and is peddling to Kevin. Molly comes along and teases him about unhealthy eating and all the calories he's about to consume. Pam is of the opinion that calories are a government conspiracy. Kevin asks for mayo but she hadn't thought of that. New line, and all. I wonder if Roy realizes she's taking a good chunk out of his business? More teasing from Molly but Kevin prances into the garage and says he's going for a run after dinner. The focus shifts to Underworld as we see Luke emerge. He pretends to make a call as Tony drives up and tells Tony he's off out. Rosie comes out after Luke looking for a signature but as he's driven away, she says Tony will do. He asks if she knows where Luke went, she doesn't. Tony makes a call to the PI who has just rolled by in his car, ready to follow his prey. Nothing like being obvious!

In the Kabin, Lloyd moans to Rita and Norris about Liz catering to Andy hand and foot while he's home alone, feeling put upon and lonely. (but it was ok for him to up and leave on holiday without notice to Liz, leaving her home alone!) Rita tells Lloyd about Tracy wanting to see Amy. Norris is snotty to Rita, which she figures has to do with the fact that Colin is going to help out in the shop while Norris is globe trotting and Norris doesn't seem to like it one little bit.

Poppy opens the pub doors and Tara zips straight in, anxious to confide. She's got one big knot in her face about Dev, citing every single thing he does that annoys her, and they were all the things she used to think were cute. Poppy points out that Tara had walked out on him on the night in question, an observation that seems to have whistled right over Tara's head and she continues on whinging about giving him the opportunity to confess but did he? Did he 'eck! Poppy advises that she just be direct. Tell him that she knows.

Luke drives up to a pub and Inspector Gadget parks about 13 feet away from him and lifts up his big bad Nikon with a 12 inch long telephoto lens and starts taking photos as Luke goes into the building. Very subtle. Yes. He then takes a few notes to go along with it. He sits back to wait for Luke to come back out.

Natasha comes out of the salon just as Tony comes around the corner but he's looking for Maria. Too late, Natasha informs him, she's gone for her scan. (so, not only is she not going to the scan, she's skiving off work!) They banter a bit, she angling for a lunch invitation, he avoiding it but making a date for the Rovers that night. He turns and sees Tom coming down the street. Tom says he's expected but Tony calls his bluff, telling him that Maria is having a scan, but then that's probably too personal to be telling your business partner. The needle gets stuck in a bit more, doesn't it. Tom's face crumples with resentment as he watches Tony walk back to the factory and he then sullenly walks away from Maria's door.

In the kebab shop, Pam comes in to look at his packets of sauces. She pretends someone hired her as a mystery shopper and she's checking on everything. What she really wants is to find out the cost of the little packets and how much Darryl sells them for. (3p, retailing for 10p). She's particularly interested in the mayo and buys a handful at wholesale prices. Cheeky mare! She leaves and Teresa arrives, late. She asks her son to lend her a tenner for fags. Minnie and Teresa bitch at each other and Darryl gives her the money to keep the peace. Teresa takes off again to go buy some but says she's going for a coffee first, and waves a fag packet under his nose, saying she's got one more to see her through. Darryl should know better by now, he really should!

Inspector Gadget is shoving a takeaway sandwich down his face when an egg hits the windscreen, startling him. He looks out through the gluey muck and sees someone standing 13 feet away. It looks like Tony! The man turns his back and runs off into the pub. IG gets out of the car to start to follow but loses interest and then, Luke comes out of the pub (wearing the same things "Tony" was) so IG scurries back to his vehicle (13 feet away). He reaches into the car and brings out the big bad Nikon again and blatantly takes more pictures of Luke who turns around and waves at him. Worst. Detective. Ever.

After the break, we're back to the salon. Maria is sweeping up and Tony comes in with some paperwork. He asks about the scan and she says it went fine. There's more flirty banter between Natasha and Tony. He fills Maria in on some research he's done for LadRags distribution. She's grateful for his advice but Tom, who's just arrived, isn't happy at all. He's argumentative and defensive but Maria fobs him off as she's trying to work, her client having arrived. He asks about the scan as well and she snaps at him. "I'm at work!" This further fuels Tom's hissy fit.

In the corner shop, Dev expresses concern that Tara was a bit quiet that morning. She archly says that she was planning something, a surprise. (I'll bet!). She makes a date to meet up with him at five and tells him to dress smartly. Dev is pleased. Teresa comes in for a 5 pound top up on her phone and a packet of fags and is told she can get neither or only one. Phone credits are 10 pounds and fags come nearly that much. She opts for the phone, saying she's probably got ciggies upstairs. Dev reminds her that it's a non-smoking flat. She's churlish with him about it (the wallpaper in the flat is probably turning nut brown by the hour!). Dev declares his daughter is never marrying that woman's son. He then rushes off to get ready. It takes him that long, yes indeedy.

Tony arrives in some desolate location to meet up with Gadget who's growling about getting paid and thinks Tony's messing him about playing games. I think he thinks he really did see Tony who then told Luke he was being followed and thus the wave. Duh. He couldn't have been more obvious. (Conveniently, Tony is wearing the same sort of clothes and colours Luke is today) The Investigator threatens to sue if Tony doesn't pay but Tony points out he doesn't pay for incompetence.

Back at Underworld, Rosie takes a call from Tony and passes the phone to Luke who tells her she can go home. Tony is apparently wondering if Luke will be in the office when he gets there because he wants to talk to him. Fine. LUke gets the mask out again and smiles at it.

Rita is reading from a long list of processes that Norris has documented for perfect retail management and reordering of sweets and Norris explains the theory behind it all. Becky and Steve come in, still in the afterglow of their sunny holiday. Somehow, i don't think they saw much sun, but did note the size of the bed! Steve is after wrapping paper for a birthday gift for his mother. Rita tells Steve that Liz has gone off to Spain to nurse Andy. Colin is about to ring up the sale but Norris pushes him aside as Colin hasn't been properly trained yet. Rita grabs the roll of wrapping paper out of Becky's hand and shoves it up Norris' nose. Well, no, she doesn't, but I bet she wishes she could! Becky wishes she could be back on holiday and all the bedsport that went along with it, judging from the look of bliss on her face which does not go unnoticed by a very disapproving Norris. None of those thoughts in here, he scolds. "No unauthorized thoughts" Colin murmurs sarcastically as he makes a note, much to Rita's amusement and Norris' consternation. (Tosser.)

Molly sees Kevin come out of the Kebab shop with a fistful of chips. She teases Kevin because she knows he didn't go for a run after lunch but he says he went after work and promises to run the rest of the chips off tomorrow. Teresa is standing outside the shop on her break, smoking. Minnie can't get her to come back in and when Darryl comes out to try to get her to do some work, she says she's got to go off for an hour.

Natasha and Maria are finished for the day. Natasha says she's got a hot date and Maria wants to talk to Tony first. Natasha teases her about crashing her date.

Steve and Becky came to the cafe to bring Roy a gift Becky had bought her from the Maldives. It turns out to be a tall white chef's hat with a little flag that sticks in the side. Lloyd arrives as well. He tells Steve that Tracy wants to see Amy. He says that Liz is against it and he agrees because Liz doesn't want her to go unless she's back and can help be there for Amy. Becky seems to think it's good for Amy to see her mum but Steve doesn't look too sure and agrees with Lloyd that it should be put off until Liz returns. Lloyd suggests that Steve be the one to convey his mother's concerns to Deirdre.

Tara and Dev stop into the pub for a drink before they head to wherever it is that they're going. Tara says it's a celebration of their relationship. Poppy hopes Tara isn't planning to take Dev down a country road to hit him with a blunt object. No, she clips, he wouldn't suffer. The thing is, she sounds serious! She orders a tonic water without gin along with Dev's scotch and a bottle of red wine to go. She's silently coy when Poppy asks what she's up to. Definitely something, that's for sure.

In the empty factory, Luke hears someone come in so he turns around and puts the mask on, The office door opens and he spins around, scaring Maria to bits. She shrieks and runs out past Tony who's arrived.

What's the fallout? Wait for part two!

Tvor

While Maria is cowering in the street outside Underworld, Luke runs to apologise to Maria for scaring her. Tony tells Luke that the last time Maria saw one of those Tony Masks, it was the night that Liam died. Michelle is out in the street and comes over to make sure Maria is OK. Tony sends Maria home with Michelle. Maria is apologetic for causing a scene but Tony tells her that she has nothing to apologise for.

Deirdre comes into Roy's, where Steve is waiting for her. Steve asks Deirdre if it's right that Tracey in prison wants to see Amy. Deirdre tells Steve that she thinks Tracey should be able to explain her situation to Amy and for him to remember that whatever Tracey has done, she is still Amy's mother. "And I'm her father," says Steve, "and I say no." Becky eavesdrops while shoving a huge cream cake into her mouth.

Tony is giving Luke what for in Underworld for scaring Maria with the Tony Mask. Luke confronts Tony with the fact that Tony has had a private detective watching him and tells Tony that he is sacked from Underworld. Tony is still a shareholder but since Luke is the major shareholder, he is well within his rights to sack Tony. Tony leaves without too much argument.

Tara has brought Dev to a photo shoot for their romantic night together. I think it's quite clear what she's up to but then, I know that she knows Dev slept with Lisa. Tara lies to Dev that she wants to celebrate their relationship with photos.

Norris is moaning to Mary in Roy's about how Rita doesn't seem to realise that he is the one keeping the Kabin running. Mary tells him that soon enough they will be so far away from it all that he won't care but Norris is having none of it. Rita comes into Roy's and Norris is horrified that Rita has left Colin in the shop on his own. Norris rushes off to make sure Colin is not pinching the liquorice allsorts. Norris has run out without paying which Roy mentions to Rita who parks herself at a table in anticipation of a cream bun. Meanwhile, Becky is telling Roy that she thinks Amy should be allowed to go and see her mother in prison. Roy tells her that it's none of her business and not to interfere.

Jack is rambling on to Betty and Poppy about pigeons or marrows or pigeons and marrows at the bar in the Rovers. Teresa Morton comes into the pub. Darryl follows her who is telling her off for not respecting his authority in the kebab shop. He threatens her that if she is not back in the kebab shop in ten minutes, then she is sacked. as Jack is finishing up his drink, Poppy tells him that Molly has just called the pub to let Jack know that some woman called Connie called for him. "Connie? Now there's a woman you could grow a marrow for!" I don't think that's a euphemism. Betty looks suspicious. Anyway, Molly says that Connie might call by. Jack orders another drink.

Tony is on the phone to his private detective in the street. He organises a meeting and tells the detective to bring the file on Luke. He heads over to Maria's and sees Michelle who says something about Luke seeming OK to start with and goes inside. Maria is peeling off wallpaper in the kitchen- and about time too! The decor in that house is dreadful! Maria is worried that Tony has fallen out with Luke because of her. She feels terrible about the mask incident. Tony asks her how the scan went this morning and Maria confesses that she didn't go. She feels that she will hear bad news. Tony tells her that her baby is proof that things can only get better for her and offers to come with her to the scan if she calls and makes another appointment at the hospital.

At the photo shoot, Dev is drinking away and telling Tara how amazing an idea she had and how wonderful she is. Tara comes up with a silly idea about them doing a photo shoot naked together. Dev still can't see that he's being set up for a big naked fall.

Tony meets his private detective. Tony has a go at him for having done such a bad job at tailing Luke before. Tony tells the detective that he wants to know how much money Luke needs to survive with all his bills etc. "Basically, what would it take to sink him?"

In the Kabin, Norris is giving Creepy Colin a security briefing in that lovely self important way he has. He is interrupted by Mary who brings out the tea. Norris comes in to get his money from Norris. Mary is very apologetic and Norris realises that he had to dash out in an emergency without paying. Ironically, Norris had just been giving Colin a lecture on the shop's zero tolerance policy on shoplifting. When they are left alone, Mary tells Norris that while they are away, she will run a ledger to make sure that neither one of them pays more than they should.

Teresa comes into the kebab shop late and Minnie squeals to Darryl on the sly that has never seen a sacking before. She think Darryl is about to sack Teresa. It turns out though that Teresa has been out doing a spot of birthday shopping for Darryl. She has bought him a Ghostbusters t-shirt. Darryl can't sack her now. Minnie packs up her pinnie and tells Darryl he can shove his job.

Dev is naked and having his photo taken at the photo shoot.

In the bar, Natasha has been stood up by Tony. Connie is with Jack in a booth talking about how she has taken in washing to make ends meet. "I'd not make much of a living tekkin' in folks's laundry these days, " she says, "Have you seen them thong things? You could wash a month's worth of thongs and still 'ave space for yer beddin'! In my day, four pair of bloomers and you've got a full load!" Jack counters with, "Oh no! Our Vera's underwear covered 60% of her body. And that was too revealing for me!" They laugh about how Vera would give him death by rolling pin for saying something like that. Jack asks Connie if she would like to come and see the pigeon she brought him from her garden but Connie has to get going. Jack seems a little sad but Connie suggests that next time they go and see the pigeon before they come to the pub.

Tony is printing off very important documents in an office somewhere.

Becky is sitting on Steve's knee in the taxi office. She tells Steve how she feels about Amy visiting Tracey in prison. Steve is stalling and says he wants Liz to be there to help prepare Amy for the visit. Becky tell him that Liz can't do a better job of preparing Amy than he can, Amy's own father. Deirdre comes in to tell Steve that he has organised Tracey to call him from prison. Steve tells Deirdre that he will let Amy go to see Tracey.

Tony is walking past the bus stop and sees Natasha sitting there after having been stood up by him. He apologises profusely and promises if she goes for a drink then he will make sure everyone in the pub knows that he didn't mean to stand her up. Natasha tells him she will go back into the Rovers for a drink if they go now. Tony really wants to deliver the envelope he has in his hand first but Natasha insists they should go now. He acquiesces.

Tara is having a giggle with her photographer friend about the poses he has teased Dev into striking for the naked photos. Dev comes out and asks Tara why she is still dressed. Tara tells him that she will do her naked photo shoot later on in the week.

Tony turns up at Luke's house and informs him that if Luke sacks Tony then a number of clients will withdraw their orders from Underworld. In particular, a certain catalogue business owned by a Mr Tony Gordon. Ooooooh! That's put a spanner in Luke's smug works. Luke comes out onto the balcony and sees Tony put the financial records he was printing off earlier into his letter box. Natasha is with Tony and tells him that Luke is out on the balcony if Tony wants to see him. "He'll come to me," says Tony, wryly, "on his knees." They get into a taxi and leave while Luke is left to chew on that!


Wednesday 22 April

As Maria and Tony are about to leave for her scan at the hospital, Luke comes over and apologises for scaring her with the mask. "I didn't know,? he explains, adding that he feels terrible. Tony remarks that it's all about him, and hustles Maria into his car. Conversation turns quickly to Tony canceling his orders with Underworld, and Luke tells him he'd have to pay thousands in cancellation fees. ?But I'd survive,? says Tony, ?you'd be the biggest loser by a country mile.?

In the Battersby-Brown household, Chesney is trying to understand his question on Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, and the role of Dr. Lanyard. Fizz is cross with him for not getting down to it earlier when they would have had time to look things up. He moans that he has a headache and sarcastically she tells him to go back to bed ? she'll bring him up bacon and eggs and he can play computer games all day, then when he's 16 he can go and sign on the dole!

Over above the pub, Becky is doing Amy's hair, telling her she'll look nice for her mummy. Lloyd hears this and asks Steve what he thinks his own mummy will say when she realises her opinion counts for nothing. Steve reckons Liz will say plenty! Becky tells Steve he'll have to tell Liz that it wasn't her decision to make. Lloyd raises his eyebrows and says Steve is braver than him.

Colin is flirting outrageously with Rita's customers, and tells her it's good for business and that all they ever got from Norris was a temperature report and a rundown of the death notices. 'Charlie Charm has entered the building!? he says.

Tara has slept all night on the sofa, claiming she had a headache. He rubs her shoulders saying it feels like pure tension. ?Or in your case pure alcohol!? she quips. He suggests she spends the day in bed but she says she and Justin have a meeting with the council to discuss a piece of public art he's been commissioned to do.

Lloyd thinks Liz could have been right and Amy might end up having nightmares. ?You should have got T-R-A-C-Y to put if off,? he says, spelling out the name. Steve tells him to knock it off, as Amy can S-P-E-E-L (and yes, he did say double E- L!) He then tells Amy that her mummy won't be able to play with her as she's very busy in that special hotel that she's staying in. Becky can't believe her ears, but Steve's excuse is that it is, sort of. ?Great,? says Becky, ?more lies!? Steve then takes Amy off to see Grandma Deirdre.

With Tony at her side, Maria is having her scan and is told all is well, despite the stress she's been under, which is understandable in her condition. The nurse says the only thing she has to worry about is whether to buy pink or blue baby clothes. Maria isn't sure about whether to find out or not, but Tony says it's her call. In the end she tells the nurse to tell her ? and it's a boy! Maria says she hopes he looks like Liam and tells Tony she feels blessed. Tony suddenly leaps to his feet, apologises and rushes from the room. Outside he gasps and leans against the wall, having another panic attack. However, by the time Maria comes out he's recovered his composure and he tells her he's fine.

Getting Steve on his own, Becky has a go at him for telling Amy that Tracy is in a nice hotel where everything's lovely and it's all cup cakes and lemonade. Steve says he couldn't very well tell Amy where Tracy really is. ?Maybe,? says Becky, ?but you could've said she's done something really bad, and it's like a naughty step, a very naughty step.? ?Residential even,? says Blanche who's come into the bar behind them. Steve asks who asked her and she replies that she's great grandmother, blood relative and paying customer! Blanche obviously doesn't think it's a good idea, even when she's told that Deirdre thinks it's a brilliant idea. Blanche says she could write Deirdre's brilliant ideas down on a pinhead. She says that kids need routine, cod liver oil and the occasional clip round the ear. ?Still, I suppose she gets routine of sorts,? she muses, ?every two years her dad changes his girlfriend!?

Tom comes along as Maria and Tony arrive home. Tony tells him they've just had the scan. Maria apologises for snapping at him last time she saw him and Tony says he's sure he'll get over it, the important thing is that mother and baby are fine. Maria tells him that it's a boy, and Tony doesn't look too pleased when Tom hugs her. ?Liam lives on!? says Maria, beaming. Tom asks if she's had lunch, but Tony butts in and says they were just about to go and get some. Maria asks Tom if he'd like to join them but he says he's already eaten and would catch up with her later.

Rita, Paula and Eileen are in the Rovers. The conversation turns to the organising of the surprise party for Colin's birthday. Paula suddenly says she has to go, and leaves.

Out in the street, Fiz is on the phone, obviously to John as she is talking about Chesney's homework. ?Oh yes, the fight between good and evil in ourselves!? she says, adding that she knew he would have read it. Then she sees Kirk walking towards her and hangs up quickly. Kirk doesn't think Chesney's home schooling is working out, but Fiz is filled with new confidence and tells him she's been genning up on it and feels more on top of it now. She understands all the themes and imagery and will feed it to Ches in bite sized chunks. ?Who needs teachers?" says Kirk.

Tony tells Maria that Tom has a crush on her, he's got no eye for merchandise and she should squeeze him out of Ladrags. She tells him there's no way she's going to do that.

In the pub, Tara gleefully tells Poppy that she's planning revenge on Dev ? humiliation on a grand scale!

Tony finds Tom in the pub, and tells him he's clueless as a businessman and his feelings for Maria are clouding his judgement. Tom asks who Tony thinks he is, but Tony goes on to say that Maria knows Tom's in love with her and wants to be her Paul Burrell. Tom tells him to watch his mouth.

Over at a table, Tara excitedly tells Dev about Justin and the council project. Patronisingly, Dev tells her he loves to see her fired up, it's very sexy! (Ugh ? please!)

Liz Macdonald rings Steve, she's heard about Amy's trip to see Tracy. Steve tells her it went fine and then puts Amy on the phone to talk to her granny. Then he tells Becky that he's a grown man and knows what's best for his child. "With a little steer in the right direction from yours truly," adds Becky.

Back in the Rovers, Tara tells Dev that this is the chance to really put the gallery on the map " but?". "How much?" asks Dev. "Nine grand," she tells him without a moment's hesitation.

Tony is still going on at Tom, telling him that Maria is not going to give him the green light. Tom points out that she's seven months pregnant. "Precisely!" says Tony, telling him that his timing is as bad as his business acumen. He adds that he tried to get Maria to freeze Tom out of the business but she wouldn't hear of it. He then offers Tom "20k to get out of Ladrags and move on, telling him it's eight or nine grand more than it's worth. "I want an answer by tomorrow's close of business," he says. "Or I turn into a pumpkin?" asks Tom. "How would we know the difference?" asks Tony, looking him up and down. Tom gets up and storms out.

Anne Logan


Friday 24 April

Welcome to the first part of another Friday night. I hope you're having a better Spring/Autumn/Fall/Monsoon season than you were expecting.

We begin in the street, where Norris is impatiently waiting outside the house for the paperboy, who is three-and-a-half minutes late! Chesney arrives and is surprised to hear he's late. "A whole three-and-a-half minutes," Emily tells him. "It's worse than the Wall Street Crash!" Chesney overslept. Norris is surprised to hear Rita isn't at the bottom of it. He can't wait to get over there and see how badly Colin is doing. Ches thinks Colin's doing OK, but Norris says he'll be the judge of that, Chesney's just a nine-year-old schoolboy (Yes, we know he's fourteen). Eileen's outside her house and Norris calls to her that Chesney is ten minutes late. He is now that Norris has delayed him even more!

In Eileen's house, she's just in time to see Jason come downstairs with a young woman. She lets the young woman out of the door and asks Jason about her. Jason has a hangover the size of Vietnam and isn't in the mood for Eileen's 'sense of humour.' "Don't you mime inverted commas at me, Jason Grimshaw," she tells him. Eileen's looking out some old pictures Rita can use for Colin's surprise 70th birthday. She backtracks a bit and asks Jason why he mentioned Vietnam. "Oh, I dreamt I was there, fighting for the King Kong," he says, moaning about his headache.

Becky is doing Amy's hair for school. Yes, young Miss Barlow now has a beehive just like Amy Winehouse's! Steve objects and wants a bobble in it. Becky objects but finally gives in.

Fiz is painting on the slap and tells Chesney she's got a meeting with the Home Schooling Network. Ches tells her to ask what misanthropic means. It's something to do with Jekyll and Hyde. Ches wants to go with her to ask the fella the meaning and Fiz has trouble shaking him off.

Tom talks to Maria in the street. He tells her that Tony's made him an offer for Lad's Rags. She's annoyed that Tony would go round making offers behind her back. "There's a difference, you know, between wanting advice off of someone and jumping into bed with them." Just then Tony comes over and Maria has a go at him about it. Tony suggests they have a talk about it, but Maria's now not talking to him.

"Joan Collins or Lulu?" Steve asks Lloyd. Before we can get a definitive answer, Steve gets a call from the school. Something's wrong and Amy needs fetching from school. Lloyd has an airport run and Steve has a business appointment. He decides to ask Becky to collect Amy.

In the factory, Kelly wears a birthday sash and mentions to Luke that they're meeting in the Rovers. He offers to buy the first round. Kelly thinks he's after her body. "He wants me big time," she tells Sean and Janice.

At the school, a teacher tells Becky that a boy shouted "Amy's Mum's a murderer!" Becky's assured it won't happen again.

Luke's taking advice on the phone about whether he can stop Tony taking his business elsewhere. The workers watch as he slams down the phone. They speculate what the argument was about.

Emily and Norris visit the Kabin, Norris criticising all the way. Colin's on the phone to the suppliers, but Rita tells Norris he needn't worry his little head about it. In fact, Norris discovers that Colin's even stopped the greeting card carousel from squeaking. "Did you want anything?" Rita asks. "Only the exit," says Norris. "Consider me a rat deserting a sinking ship!" Rita looks at Emily. "Oh, dear," says Em.

In the cafe, Becky's made a drink for Amy. "Is Mummy a murderer?" asks Amy. Becky tells her "murder" is a funny old word - sometimes someone will say they could murder a doughnut. ?But then sometimes it does mean something a bit different. I'm really sorry, Amy. It's true."

Becky tells Amy that just because someone did a bad thing, that doesn't mean they're a bad person. Roy wonders if it's Becky's job. She tells him that Amy asked her, and the lies weren't good for her. Roy thinks it's a job for Steve. "You're not the only one with a nutter in the family," Becky tells Amy. "My mum were a shoplifter - a good one, mind." She says, "and look at me, I turned out all right!"

In a prison not too far away, Fiz produces her visiting order but has forgotten her ID and isn't allowed in. She protests but it's no good.

Tony's outside the cafe, on the phone to Maria. He's apologising for going at it like a bull in a china shop. He tells her he withdraws the offer. He doesn't want to make her uncomfortable.

In the pub, Becky tells Steve what happened to Amy. "A few things have come to light today - I don't know how to put this really. I had to tell her about Tracy." Steve races upstairs to see Amy.

Maria tells Tom that Tony's all right. She apologises to him - she says she's cocked up what would have been a good thing for him.

Mary's parked the mobile home outside the house and Norris admires its condition. Norris can't believe they're really going. He keeps glancing towards the Kabin. Mary's enthusiastic enough for both of them.

Fiz is still pleading but she's not allowed in. As she's ushered out she has a thought. "You don't know what misanthropic means, do you?"

Steve comes back downstairs. "How could you, Becky? There's a little girl up there inconsolable." Becky tells her that if Amy's that precious to him, then next time he should fetch her from school himself. If he didn't want kids, he should have kept 'that' in his pants. He's angry that she told Becky about Tracy. "She still believes in the tooth fairy, and she used to believe that her mum was in some special hotel somewhere." He accuses Becky of enjoying this. "Just get out of my face, Becky, all right!" Becky tells him that deep down he knows Amy didn't believe the stuff about the hotel. He says he'll bring up Amy as he sees fit. Becky accuses him of palming Amy off on anyone who'll have her. "I fell sorry for the girl. She reminds me of me." She tells him that when she was a little girl and was told her mother was on holiday or her father was away at sea, all she could think was that she was so bad they'd left her." She tells Steve she did what she thought was right at the time. "Amy's different than you!" Steve shouts. "I gave her a good start in life." Becky tells him to rewind. "Her mother's a cold-blooded killer. Some start." She walks out and Steve demands to know where she's going. "As far away from you as possible."

The end of part one.

Margaret Carr

The warring factory owners disappear into the office and the girls start trying to guess the reasons with Kellie knowing that they both fancy her and are going to fight for her. Sean knowingly says that they hate each other's guts. Inside Tony does not make it easy for Luke suggesting they go to the pub where Luke can beg him to leave his business with Underworld. Luke says he does not beg and certainly not from Tony. However Luke has toned down his act a little and agrees that a pint might be useful at this juncture. In the Rovers Luke has to admit that Underworld cannot afford to lose Tony's contract but he would not get such a good deal anywhere else. Tony concurs and says that if he comes back they make all the decisions together - he does not play second fiddle. They shake hands. Maria and Tom arrive and she offers to get Tom to get them a drink and both accept.

In the cafe Becky is up in arms - and consuming alcohol rapidly - she always carries a supply in her handbag it seems. She had only been honest with Amy and she gets no thanks for it. The way he carried on one might think that she had committed the murder, not Tracy. Roy had suggested that she should stay out of it but Becky wants to feel she is part of the McDonald family. Becky says she refuses to lie - and anyway Amy KNEW, she did Royston, she KNEW. She asks Roy if she can stay the night but he advises she returns to the Rovers and talk to Steve. However Becky is likely to do him harm the way she is feeling at the moment and she needed to cool down first. Later having calmed down and done some thinking she re-appears in the cafe and Roy suggests once again that she should go and talk to Steve. And Hayley is out so they cannot ask for her guidance. Becky wonders if Steve has calmed down and if not can she stay the night? He agrees and she thanks him - for being himself.

Mary and Norris are planning the trip of a lifetime with a coloured spreadsheet of all the tasks done and yet to be done. Mary also apologises to Emily for stealing Norris and then admits she likes real "misery-lit" books because they are so poignant. Norris run for the hills - she is a madwoman. Then Mary gives Emily a present - a pair of slippers which polish the floor as you walk - apparently a competition prize and once Norris saw them he knew they were for Emily, the latter is completely lost for words.

Lloyd is commiserating with Steve - at least Any is not being lied to any more. Steve is worried about telling Tracy but as Lloyd points out it is hardly as if she has a history of violence or anything similar!

Jack is going to meet Connie for a drink at her local. Molly asks if he is alright and Jack says he is - in fact he is almost surprised that he is not upset. They think about Vera and Molly assures him that she would want him to be happy and he agrees. He goes to run a bath. Ty seems less happy with the "date". Later Jack appears very smart for him and that he would see them later - much later. Again Ty does not seem impressed by Jack's behaviour. Jack goes and Ty tells Molly she should not be encouraging him. Is she trying to push Jack out so that she can give the house a makeover? She tells him that is unfair and stomps off to bed - his presence is obviously surplus to requirements.

Fiz throws a dictionary at Chesney and tells him the misanthropy is a general distrust or dislike of people. She refuses to answer questions on her "meeting". Fiz and Julie go the Rovers and the latter pushes past so she can stand next to Jason. She starts wittering about always grabbing her opportunities - even going so far as to being able to ride a bucking bronco!

Outside Roy's Rolls Becky tells Steve she is sorry and then asks that she apologises to her. He says he ain't done nutting, but she claims she has been disrespected (at high volume) and as he points out it is not all about her and he walks away again.

Back at the Rovers Julie is singing along to Girls Aloud and directing her entire attention at Jason. Kellie and Janice arrive and the former makes a beeline for Luke reminding him that it is her birthday and he is buying the drinks. He hands over ?20 - and refuses to stay pointing out that he had only offered to buy a round. And once he was out of sight Kellie turns her attentions on another male - and Tom is the selected target as she pronounces him as dead gorgeous with a lovely voice. Kellie heads unsteadily to the ladies pausing to wink at Tom.

And then we get a strange scene. Maria tells Tony to go ahead with the deal and she did not know why she had been upset. Tony and Maria shake hands and agree they are friends. And now the strange bit - Tom loses and says that he is sick to death of the two them flirting with each other and reckons that anyone with half a brain would see the same thing if they had two eyes. They argue, they make up - they make him want to be sick - he is going to the bar! On his way he walks into Kellie who asks for her present - getting her face snogged off and he obliges as a true gentlemen with Rosie suggesting they get a room and Janice more accurately suggests a kennel. And he drags her outside as there must be a ginnel with her name on it!

Julie flirting with Jason has upset Fiz who has returned home and is crying, but Chesney comes in and notices nothing and switches the television on. She tells him about Julie making an exhibition of herself and Ches says that he cannot wait until he is old enough to drink with his mates and see these things for himself. Fiz asks if she can have a cuddle. She will not tell him what is wrong - just that she is feeling sad and he agrees that he suffers as well - it must be in their genes. But at least they are not misanthropic. She smiles and agrees that they can be thankful for that.

Norris, Mary and Emily leave the Rovers. But Norris seems distressed - he realises that he has come to love the pub and the Street and leaving is going to be a huge wrench.

Meanwhile Julie and Jason have managed to help each other down the Street and onto Eileen's sofa. Jason is almost asleep and Julie has moved on from bucking broncos to falling in love with a horse called Bertie Bassett. If Jason is going to sleep perhaps she should put him to bed - but instead he asks her to repeat her Girls Aloud routine and admits to being well drunk. The next bit is a bit worrying - he tells her to "get up them stairs", which given his alcohol intake seems impressive - will he manage to get up the stairs and when there will he manage to get it up for Julie? She needs the bathroom first and asks where it is to be found - and where is his bedroom - she does not want to be inappropriate with Eileen.

And at the back of the Rovers Becky finds Steve and reminds him how happy they were in the Maldives. He says people on holidays are always happy - less stress, no worries and it is not real. He says he has been neglecting Amy and she has to come first. Becky agrees and once they were married they would be a proper little family. She asks him if it will be perfect and he has trouble replying. He thinks that getting married might be bad idea. She reminded that she had simply been honest. But he wants some space - there is a lot going on in his head (and to be honest not many brain cells to do the processing). He turns to go inside and says that he is going by himself. Goodnight.

And a beret looking Becky is let on her own outside. Is it all over for McDonald yet again?

See you next week.

K Richard W


Monday 27 April

2 for the price of 1 special offer this week. Posting this on behalf of Tvor:

Thanks that make you go Hmmmm....

Steve is up on his high horse, pontificating on how he's such a good dad that he puts Amy first and how you do have to be careful who you date when you have a child. Only when it suits you, Lloyd correctly points out, referring to Steve allowing Becky to do his job when he's too busy or can't be bothered. He also doesn't think Becky deserved to be kicked out and though Steve insists he didn't do that, the fact remains that she didn't sleep at home, did she? Meanwhile, Roy is being solicitous and trying to help, wondering if he or Hayley can do anything (and where is Hayley? You'd think she was back in Africa, the rare occasions we actually see her). Becky pretends she's ok, but she's not and it's pretty clear. Roy gets flustered at the sight of tears but she insists it's just the grease and smoke around the grill and escapes out the back to the ladies'.

It's Colin's birthday and pressies and cards are bestowed at Grimshaw Towers. He seems a bit disappointed at the lovely pen Eileen has given him but pretends it's very nice indeed. I don't think she's fooled but she knows there's a party later, a fact which he may or may not suspect. He says his mind is on a surprise he's going to have for Rita. Hmmm...

Anyway, Jason comes stumbling downstairs and wishes his Grandad Happy Days but doesn't have a card or a pressie. He does, however, plan to put money on a tab behind the bar and Grandad is quite happy with that. Everyone is gobsmacked to see Julie shuffle in, all self conscious, then says she's going to go home and change. If that was all she came down for, why didn't she just slip out the front door? nobody would have noticed! I think that's what Jason hoped for too because he shuffled from one foot to the other and awkwardly allowed her to kiss his cheek goodbye. She leaves but he runs after her where she's waiting at the bus. He seems like he's trying to find out what happened last night. Too drunk to remember, it seems. He asks her if she got any sleep so she giggles and implies that neither of them did. You can see Jason blush right through the screen! Funny, he's not usually so shy about it. But he does attempt to say something which she cuts off as her bus arrives. Hmmmm....

Outside, Claire is escorting Josh to school. Peter comes along and asks after Josh's budding football career which seems to be chugging along nicely. Claire asks if Simon will be at practice later which, it turns out, he will. He's not got the same potential as Josh but he loves to play. Claire offers to bring Simon home with them and give him his tea. Peter's grateful for the help and accepts.

Has Norris actually and formally left work? If he's going traveling, why hasn't he just gone? Anyway, he's hanging around the Kabin, sticking his beak in, checking things out and getting underfoot. Rita snaps at him but he pretends he's still just browsing. When Pam comes in, he graciously allows her to go first. To get him out of the way, Rita shoves a box of party decos at him and orders him over to the pub to get stuck in. Paula is there too and hears about the birthday party for Colin, to which Rita has just invited Pam along with Paula as well. Fiz comes in for a magazine, probably for John though he pretends it's for Chesney's school work. Pam, having been in the factory selling butties, notes that Julie wasn't in yet either, a fact which doesn't escape Paula who worries that her daughter is ill. Not 'alf, luv! Pam reckons it's Love Sick and spills the beans about Julie's night with Jason. Paula scatters like a scalded cat which amuses Fiz, figuring Mummy does not approve. Outside, Paula's on the phone to Julie demanding a Royal Audience. Now! Hmmmm.....

Ooh look! Barlow's Bookies is open with a spiffy new sign and brown/wood window framing instead of the old green that used to be there and vertical blinds around the windows. Inside there are loads of posh flat monitors lining the walls. ?Very nice! Finally dragged it into the 21st century! Anyway, Ken has come in and though it doesn't seem he's come to admire, that's what he initially says he's there to do and to be fair, he does look surprised at all the improvements. Peter's looking forward to the future, putting the bad stuff and bad habits in the past and it's all onward and upward for him. They seem to have a nice Dad-Son moment and maybe they've made friends again.

In the cafe, Julie has arrived for her mother's grilling (as appropriate a place for it as any!). Paula is definitely giving her the third degree, too, about Jason. Julie resists Paula's motherly concern, which appears to be too much too late. Sounds like Paula was more concerned with her boyfriends when Julie was a teen to pay much attention to her daughter. (sounds like Audrey and Gail, doesn't it?) Paula tries to find out if there was any rumpy pumpy to which the inevitable None Of Your Business gets fired across the bow of the Good Ship Paula in which many a sailor has put to sea, from the sounds of it. Nonetheless, Paula keeps on at Julie and Julie shouts back, accusing her mother of interfering the moment it looks like Julie might be happy (so where was she during that blissful year she spent with Kirkeh?). Paula starts to back off but Julie seems to have had enough and blasts her mother with both guns for always making her feel useless. It gets worse! Paula lets off the ultimate and most painful one, telling her daughter she was always in the way and truth be told, there were times she'd wished she'd never given birth to Julie! Ouch!!!! Paula runs out in tears, leaving Julie in puddles herself. Boy they were going at it hammer and tongs and it made you feel like you were eavesdropping! I swear, I didn't know where to put meself!

Whew, after all that emotion, we're in the cold and soulless prison, where Fiz has succeeded in seeing John 'this time around. She explains her absence the day before (these visiting orders certainly seem haphazard, don't they? sometimes Fiz has to wait two weeks and then she is allowed to come back the next day after forgetting her ID or paperwork). Anyway, John is ever so grateful to see her and she is flustered at his continued adoration. (He might have shaved!) She gets down to the business of Chesney's schoolwork. When next we see them, Stape is explaining the whys and wherefores of Jekyll and Hyde, all the symbolism and deeper meaning and draws a very definite analogy to his own situation, dealing with the good and bad in everyone, or in his case, being weak and getting into situations you can't get out of. (But who wants a weak nellie that can't resist temptation?) Sadly, she seems to be weakening as well. When it's time to go, everyone else in the room is hugging goodbye but Fiz backs away and leaves, but not without a longing look over the shoulder on her way out. Hmmm.....

Becky comes to the cab office, where Steve is about to visit Tracy. (with a proper visiting order and everything, I bet!) She apologizes again and he does too, saying how difficult it is to be both Mum and Dad for the little girl and he's not always very good at it. She explains where she was coming from, telling him that her father was in jail a lot and everyone told her lies about where he was. She couldn't do that to Amy. He seems to understand a bit more and before you know it, they've made up and things are all back on again. "Awwww....

The pub is filling up with party people but Norris looks like he's been licking wee off a nettle. Mary has brought balloons but nobody else has so she feels a bit out of place and foolish. Norris makes a snarky remark but takes one from her and holds it alongside of her. At the bar, Julie has been telling Sean and Pam about her fight with her mother. Not one to keep her troubles to herself, is Julie. Julie thinks her mother just doesn't want her to be happy and she makes puppy eyes across the bar at Jason, practically drooling down her shirt. I think she figures he's a pretty good catch, he's got a good job, he's good looking, nice bloke (lives with his mother, not got that many more clues than Kirk...) She's definitely got her sights set but when Jason catches her looking, he doesn't seem too keen to make googly eyes back to her. Uh oh, we've seen this before. Colin arrives and "is surprised" and though he says he had no idea, Betty points out that he's dressed for a fancy night out. He says he wanted to look his best on his milestone birthday but he's also got a surprise as well. Someone jokes that it had better not be a strippogram or Emily might swoon but we all know REmily is a goer and she cracks "Nothing I haven't seen before!" Ooh err Missus!

We've jumped back to Peter's flat, in the midst of redecorating with the most awful wallpaper going, full of red spirals on white which is going to make Peter feel like he's drunk even when he's stone cold sober. Or maybe that was the plan! Gotta substitute the booze for something, after all! Anyway, Ken is still admiring the work. Peter is going to be glad to get moved in because the crowded Barlow house is getting a bit much. Sounds like he's bunking in with Simon in what must be Tracy's old room. Ken advises that the windows be open to air out the paint smell. Peter figures putting on the heat might work too but Ken figures that isn't necessary until they move in. Peter admits that day has come. He really needs to get back on his own and get his life started again. He knows it's not going to be easy, staying off the demon drink but he's determined and he asks Ken how he's getting on. Ken admits he's working on banning thoughts of Martha, his own personal addiction. Peter ruefully reckons they're both addicts. Recovering, Ken insists. Hmmmm...

Back to the party, Colin is getting ready to make a speech. He says he's going to look past all the usual gifts he's been given over the years and there's only one thing he really wants for his 70th. He creaks down on one knee. (Eileen groans...) He starts... Lovely Rita... She calls him a daft thing but he continues and pulls out a small jewelry box. There's a big shiny in it and the inevitable Will You Marry Me is uttered. Her face dissolves into a big soppy smile. The crowd goes wild. Norris goes off on one but is shushed by Emily. Rita asks him why. (Why?"?) He says she would make him the happiest man in the pub (certainly happier than Norris!). She doesn't say anything but she holds out her left hand. I guess that means She Say Yes!

Stay tuned, there are fireworks in the next episode and they're not exactly celebratory ones!

Tvor

And now my turn:

The whole pub is gathered around Rita waiting to hear what she says. Rita seems overwhelmed by Creepy Colin's proposal but accepts, asking, "Do I get an eternity ring to go with it?" Norris looks decidedly unhappy. Eileen says quietly to Jason that she feels sorry for Rita but Jason tells her to stop it.

In Peter's flat, Ken and Deirdre turn up with some bedding for Simon's bed. Peter refuses the offer of their help to make the beds. Deirdre tells Peter how he's done a great job with the flat. Peter tells her that he wishes his father would feel the same way since he seems to think Peter is moving too fast and it will all come tumbling down. Deirdre and Peter talk about how they all need each other as a family while Ken looks uncomfortably on.

In the pub, Rita tells Colin she loves her engagement ring and may never take it off. Norris still looks unhappy and makes a wee dig at how many fiances Colin may have had in the past. Rita warns him that's his first dig at Colin. Becky and Eileen are playing with cocktail sausages and cocktail sticks while Becky wonders if it will ever be her that's getting engaged. Jason says, "Steve down on one knee? He'll get... whatsit?... err.. repetitive strain." Becky thumps him on the arm. Jason goes out to grab some cash from the machine while Becky and Eileen look on Norris's face which is like thunder.

Julie runs out into the street after Jason asking if they can talk for a bit. She tells him he doesn't seem very friendly and that she thinks he's avoiding her. Jason mentions that he wants to ask her something but he is interrupted by Julie's phone. It's her mother so she refuses to answer it, telling Jason that her mother is always making her miserable. She drags Jason back into the pub telling him that he doesn't need any money, she'll buy him a drink. Jason goes with her, albeit unwillingly.

They go back into the Rovers where there is a lot of mirth and hilarity. Norris asks Rita if he can talk to her privately. Rita agrees but asks him not to ruin everything for her. Norris seems disappointed that she would think that Norris would do such a thing. Norris tells Rita, "You know what I think of him but, he makes you happy... Seeing you so happy tonight, it makes me sad that you've been on your own so long. I hope this happiness lasts for a very long time." When Rita mentions the two of them embarking on their adventures- her marrying Colin and his travels with Mary, Norris admits to having mixed feelings. Rita assures him that this is a step that's worth taking. Norris hopes that they can always be friends. "Norris," Rita says, grasping his hand "you'll always be very dear to me. Even if you stay away ten years and I marry a dozen fellas." Norris hopes that Colin will be good to her and Rita hopes that Mary will be good to him. I don't know about anybody else but I need a tissue!

At the bar, Jason is telling Eileen that he needs to find out exactly what happened between him and Julie last night. Eileen tells him he needs to just ask her and then tell her that they made a mistake and that's it over. Jason is worried that Julie might cry but Eileen urges him to tell her the truth, that he doesn't fancy Julie.

At Fizz's house, Fizz is going through Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde with Chesney and telling Chesney everything John has told her. Chesney still doesn't know though that John Stape is the guy helping them with Chesney's home study. He has a bit of a revelation and asks Fizz if she fancies the guy helping them. "This home schooling guy, he's fit innhe? You've got a crush on him!"

Steve is telling Lloyd about Tracey finding out that Amy knows now how "Mummy made a mistake" when Becky joins them. It seems it has all turned out OK. Steve apologises to Becky for having gone off at her for telling Amy the truth.

In the bar Rita, Betty and Emily are discussing the end of an era, with Rita marrying again. Betty tells them she couldn't be doing with it, especially having to share the TV. Emily thinks that it's funny how Rita is getting a man just as she is losing one. Betty is astounded to realise that Emily means Norris! Rita tells Norris that Michelle says the bookies has opened a book- "how far you'll get this week." Betty says the odds are 10-1 that he'll be back within the week. Creepy Colin comes over and asks them all to raise their glasses "to two brave adventurous people who are setting off into the big, bad world. Mary and Norris. May they go far!" Norris snides, "You'd like that, wouldn't you?" and Rita gives Norris his second warning. Creepy Colin acknowledges that Norris has been a good friend and support to "his Rita" and toasts Norris, the prince among stationers.

Peter has gone to pick up Simon from Claire & Ashley's place where Claire is being ever so boring about eating healthily because of precious Josh, future England footballer. Just because she's moved into Sally's house doesn't mean she has to turn into a Sally-alike, does it? She nags Ashley to be a better example to his sons. Peter is happy to tells Simon that he will be going home tonight to his own room and new bunk beds!

Becky is reading Amy a story in the downstairs living room at the Rovers while Steve and Lloyd are there. Becky tells Steve to throw Lloyd out as he criticises the story for being a disruptive influence. Lloyd remarks that it looks like Steve and Becky have no willpower to stay away from each other. Steve reckons they've had their break and that'll do. (What break? What did I miss?)

There's still mucho merriment in the bar. Paula comes into the bar, desperately looking for Julie and it looks as though she's a bit drunk. Paula finds Julie and demands to talk to her. Julie doesn't want to talk to her and recalls what Paula said earlier in the day, "You wish you'd never had me and I wish that you weren't my mother- even Stevens!" Eileen comes over to try and make some peace but Paula is furious. When Rita asks Julie if she's OK, Colin tries to drag Rita away., Paula is still making a scene trying to talk to Julie. Julie agrees to ten minutes but she will not tolerate any nastiness.

Ken and Deirdre sit down to a whole evening on their own since Peter and Simon have left and Blanche is out at pensioners' bingo. Deirdre turns on the telly and looks for something to watch but Ken is unimpressed with everything and looks down his nose nastily at his long-suffering wife.

Peter is at home. Simon has gone to bed. Peter is bored and looks around the flat. Just as it looks as though he is about to succumb to a drink, Ashley rings the door and has turned up with a kebab for him and Peter. Peter looks thankful to see him.

In the bar, Paula is telling Julie that she must only ever be friends and nothing more with Jason. Julie accuses Paula of trying to wreck her life since she is the kind of a mother who used to pretend she was Julie's aunty and who couldn't bear to spend a night in with her daughter as she was growing up. Julie is very angry at her mother and tells her that she was never there for her but now she can't leave her alone. Julie accuses Paula of being jealous of her, now that she sees her with a fit young lad like Jason and can't bear to see her happy. Paula protests that she is not jealous, she is scared of Julie and Jason. "I didn't want it to come out like this, " Paula screams, "you're related!" When everyone reels from this, Paula apologises quietly, "I'm sorry but it's true." Creepy Colin can be seen with his head in his hands.

Ashley comes home to silly Claire and tells her that he took a kebab round to Peter. Claire accuses Ashley of undermining her good work with the boys' diet. It's all very silly and unnecessary.

Things have gone quiet in the Rovers after the big revelation about Julie and Jason. Creepy Colin says quietly that somebody should take Paula home which riles Paula up. Eileen asks Paula to take whatever the problem is outside and not ruin Rita's night. When Paula finds out about Rita's engagement to Colin, "that horrible old man is getting married?" she finally just lets everyone know- Creepy Colin is Julie's father. She tears down a big poster of Colin and lets fly, "I was 15 when you were born, he was 38! I was in school uniform and he... he was the Big I Am! I was his daughter's best friend and he's your father." While Colin is shaking in his boots, Julie, Eileen and poor Rita all look suitably horrified.

Stella McLoughlin


Wednesday 29 April

We start where we left off - in the pub. Everyone is shocked by Paula's outburst and Eileen refuses to believe it, telling her she's twisted. "Why would you say such a thing?" she asks her. Paula tells her it's the truth, and one look at Colin's face confirms it. Eileen's sure Paula told her that the art teacher, Mr. Latham, was Julie's dad, but Paula tells her she never did, Eileen just assumed. Julie says she was told her dad was a squaddie, but Paula says she did it to protect her, and she's done nothing wrong. "He's the one that should be ashamed," says Paula, and when Eileen again accuses her of lying she tells her to ask him. So Eileen turns back to her father. "Dad?" she says, questioningly. Colin, looking pained, doesn't answer, but instead turns to Rita who is staring at him. "Let me explain?.," he says, but Rita says she doesn't want to hear and tells him to leave her alone, then she says she needs space and hurries out of the pub. Eileen asks her father again to say something, to tell them all that Paula's lying. Colin just turns to the bar and asks for a double whisky.

Upstairs, Steve is plying Becky with romantic cocktails, but then they're interrupted by Amy who climbs on Becky's knee and hugs her. When Steve goes off to get another cocktail she tells Becky that a boy at school picks on her and makes her cry. Becky's advice is to tell him that her mum isn't in prison any more, she's out and she's going to come and get him! When Amy protests that she isn't, Becky tells her that they know that, but he doesn't!

Down in the bar, Colin is knocking back the whisky. Eileen asks why Paula would be saying those things, but he won't answer. She goes over to Paula, who is sitting alone, head in hands. She tells her to just admit that she was drunk and it was all one big lie. "I'm sorry,? says Paula, and Eileen says that at last they're getting somewhere. Paula corrects her, saying that she's sorry for announcing it in front of all the people in the pub. Just then Colin passes them on his way to the door. "That's right," says Paula, "you run away, leave everybody else to deal with the fall out, just like last time." Colin's explanation is that no one told him she was in the family way. Julie goes over to her mother and says she has to be told what happened. Sean suggests they go into the back room.

In the Barlow household, Blanche has come home with a dvd of The Thorn Birds. Deirdre is delighted, but Ken hopes they can save it for another night. Ken's on his laptop, checking out hotels for a weekend away. Blanche fancies Brighton, but she doesn't feature in Ken's plans, he's hoping for some time with Deirdre. She points out to Blanche that with them away she can have the house to herself. "I'll invite the One O'Clock Club round," says Blanche, "we can have an orgy!"

Eileen is staring into a mirror in the ladies loo, saying she thought she knew her father, she has all her memories but now she just doesn't know what's real. Jason is in there with her and he says she's just going to have to talk to him properly. Eileen remembers that after Paula moved away her parents were fighting all the time. She blamed her mother but now realises that it was her father's fault. She doesn't wholly blame him though, she comments to Jason that Paula would have put him up to it, she always was a precocious little slapper. Jason points out that's not the point, but Eileen's not listening. "She's been waiting years for this, the big dramatic revelation!" she says, "well I'm not having it!"

Julie is talking to her mother, saying she should have told her who her father was, she never had the chance to get to know him. "Why would you want to?" asks Paula, "he took advantage of me, he used me." Julie says she had a right to know who her father was. Paula says she couldn't bear to think about him, her own parents said she brought shame on them, but it wasn't until she got older that she realised it wasn't her fault, Colin was an adult who should have known better. Just then Eileen bursts into the room shouting that Paula's a spiteful cow, blurting out her dirty secret with no thought for anyone else. Paula protests that she's kept it to herself for over 30 years, but had no choice but to reveal it now as Julie and Jason looked like getting together. Eileen shouts that she destroyed her parents marriage, pulled her family apart. With that Paula grabs her back and runs out.

Rita is in the Kabin, sitting in the dark, crying. Colin comes to the door, shouting for her to let him in, he loves her.

Jason tells Julie that they should never mention what happened between them again. She assures him that nothing did happen they were both drunk and they fell asleep. "That's fantastic news," says Eileen sarcastically, "we've only got one pervert in the family instead of three!' Julie shakily starts to say that it's not all that bad, terrible things happen all the time and they just have to find a way to get over it. "Will you just SHUT UP!" shouts Eileen, and storms out.

Rita has let Colin in and he's pleading his case. He protests that he didn't know there was a child, if he had known he would have provided for her. Rita asks whether he thinks that's why people are angry, and points out that he took advantage of a child. He says she was old for her years, and she made the first move. Rita tells him that he was the adult, he should have known better. "Can you swear you've never made a mistake?" he asks. She tells him she's made mistakes, but nothing like this. What he did was unforgivable, he abused a child. She tells him to go and not come back, she never wants to see him again, ever. After he's gone she opens the till and takes off the engagement ring and pops it in, and then breaks down.

Deirdre has been murdering the songs from Grease for an hour. Blanche tells her to put a sock in it, but Deirdre's hoping the musical is still showing in the west end when they go for their weekend away. Blanche points out, correctly, that Ken would rather gouge his eyes out than sit through Grease the Musical. Ken says he's going to go to the Rovers, after he's put on a clean shirt. "Clean shirt for the Rovers?" queries Blanche, "not got a fancy woman on the go, have you?" Deirdre asks if she needs to get changed too. Ken stammers that he thought he'd meet Ted. "Come along as well if you want to," he says, but of course, Deirdre doesn't want to. "Hot date is it?" asks Blanche. Ken tells her to stop the juvenile nonsense!

Eileen's at home, saying she can't bear the thought of people tittle tattling about her. Just then Colin comes in and she tells him she's surprised he can show his face. He reminds her of what Paula was like in those days, but she tells him that doesn't make it right. He says he regrets it, he was stupid, with a big ego and he should have known better. Eileen starts weeping and Jason tells Colin to go.

Outside, Emily, Norris and Mary are looking up at Rita's window, Norris can't bear the thought of her all alone. On the intercom, Norris pleads with her to give them a sign that she's all right - switching her lights on and off five times. They wait expectantly, but nothing happens. So Emily borrows Mary's mobile phone and calls her, leaving a message on her answer machine, saying they know she needs to be alone but if she changes her mind she can call them at any time.

Fizz and Kirk come into the Rovers and Steve tells them how it all kicked off earlier and how Julie has turned out to have the same father as Eileen. He says how upset Julie was, so Fizz tells Kirk they have to go and find her.

Julie is walking along in the dark, weeping. She sees Colin standing at the bus stop and stops in front of him. "I didn't know about you," he says, "or I'd have been there for you, looked after you." "I always wanted a dad," she sobs, "but not like this." Just then Fizz and Kirk come along and take her off with them.

Jason finds Eileen sitting alone in the dark, she can't stop picking over the bones of her life. Paula was her best mate, they were inseparable, it all seemed so innocent. She was always at their house, and now Eileen wonders if it was her Paula wanted to be with or was it him. She wonders if her mother caught them at it. Jason says that there are only two people who can tell her what happened, but Eileen doesn't want to see either of them again. She says the best thing her father can do is hurry up and die. She leans over and sobs on Jason's shoulder.

Ken is walking along the canal bank and comes across Martha's barge with classical music coming from it. He stops for a moment or two and then turns and walks away.

Anne Logan.



Updates written by K Richard Whitbread, Martin Rosen, Ann Logan, Margaret Carr, Stella McLoughlin, Tvor.