Tina and Graeme are in the café when David comes in. They get up to leave but he calls after them to wait a minute. Graeme tells him he doesn't want to speak to him ever again.
Over in the pub Becky has thought of a treasured possession she can take to the meeting with the social worker - her 'Becky' necklace. Every time she's been arrested she feels naked till she gets it back. Steve gently tries to tell her that she can't use the number of times she's been arrested to tell how much something means to her. He asks who gave it to her. "I nicked it," she says. "Try again," says Steve.
Jason goes into the salon to speak to David. They go out to the back for some privacy and David tells him he thinks Jason should let Tina get her stuff back. Jason asks how he would feel if his girlfriend dumped him and then took up with a complete and utter fool? David stares at him for a moment. "Are you being serious?" he asks. Jason looks blank. "What?" David sighs and agrees that he wouldn't like it. "Anyway, you've changed your tune," says Jason. David tells him he's slept on it. Jason thinks David's up to something. David smirks and says he might be!
Becky has come up with another treasured possession - her mobile phone. It's got lots of numbers and photos stored on it, and if she lost it and there was an emergency, she couldn't call for help, plus she's got free minutes on it. Steve tells her it's a phone, it's replaceable, she can ask people for numbers and download the photos again. "They'd laugh us out of the room," he tells her. Becky gets upset, she says she hates this whole thing and she hates being judged. She runs out of the room.
In the taxi office, Eileen wants to know why Lloyd is so happy. He tells her that Cheryl didn't take her husband with her to the musical, she took her son. She warns him to walk away, find someone else to have a crush on. Lloyd tells her he can't - in the words of Billie Holiday he's got it bad and that ain't good!
Jason unlocks his front door and tells Tina and Graeme they've got five minutes. David appears and tells Tina that he's the one who made it happen. "You've got over this pretty quickly, haven't you David?" snaps Tina. David agrees that he has. Tina goes on inside. "Would a thank you go amiss?" David asks Jason.
In the pub, Michelle tells Liz that she is the ideal candidate for the Barmaid competition. She's blonde, brassy, does what it says on the tin. Liz says she's been thinking about what men really want in a barmaid, and thinks it's someone they might have a chance with, someone not afraid of flashing the odd tattoo. Steve tells them that what people want in a barmaid is Becky. Ciaran suggests they write the four names down on little bits of paper and draw one, so Liz gets busy with a pad of paper and a pen. Just then Becky comes down with her toy monkey, that's what she's taking to the meeting. As they talk about that, we see that Liz writes her own name on each piece of paper! She then gives the bowl to Steve to draw one. "The winner is Michelle!" says Steve. Liz looks puzzled. "Let me see," she says, taking the paper. She turns it round to reveal her own name - Steve was joking!
Lloyd is sitting in his cab leaving a phone message for Cheryl. He starts to say that he's near her house and suggests they meet for coffee, when he stops. Out come Cheryl, her husband and son and they walk off down the road laughing together. He changes his message, saying he's just remembered an appointment, and watches them sadly.
Steve and Becky have arrived at the adoption meeting along with Anna and Eddie. They ask Eddie what he's brought with him, and Anna tells them he's brought nothing, he's refused. "It's all in hand," he tells them.
Tina and Graeme are sitting in the pub looking through the property pages in the paper at all the expensive houses.
Liz comes into the bar done up to the nines and reeking of perfume so that Michelle can take her photo for the Finest Barmaid competition.
Steve is telling the social worker and other would-be parents how much his action figure, Buster Tough-guts, means to him. Eddie mutters to Anna that it was rehearsed. "Of course it was rehearsed," snaps Steve, "it's very nerve racking is this."
Becky is talking about the toy gorilla that she's brought with her. The social worker asks how she'd feel if she asked her to hand it over. "Well, I wouldn't like it," says Becky, and goes on to say she understands how hard it must be for the birth parents to hand their babies over so the children can have a better life.
David follows Graeme into the gents at the pub and apologises for his behaviour. However, all is not as it seems and before long he's planting seeds of doubt into Graeme's mind about how Tina was looking at Jason. Then he says he was probably imagining things. "Look In the mirror," he says, smirking, "how could she fancy Jason over that?"
Anna is talking to the room about a ring that was her grandmother's and then her mother's before it came to her, and how she'd feel to lose it. Attention then turns to Eddie. He says he hasn't brought anything with him, because his something special is his son, who is preparing to defend everyone in the room, and also all the little babies waiting to be given a home.
Lloyd and Eileen are chatting in the office about being in their prime and being single. He thought she liked it. She assures him she doesn't, and gets scared sometimes.
Becky and Steve have returned to the pub and are looking at the photos Michelle took of Liz. Becky thinks she looks like Faye Dunaway. Graeme has returned to Tina in the bar but obviously has something on his mind. She wants to know what David said to him, she saw him follow Graeme into the gents.
In the back room, Ciaran tells Liz he found the slips of paper and wants to know why she cheated. She tells him she just wanted her picture in the paper, a scrap of attention as reward for getting up at the crack of dawn every morning and trying to look half decent. He tells her he thinks the whole competition is tacky, demeaning and beneath her. He leaves her slightly tearful and returns to the bar.
Tina has managed to wheedle the facts out of Graeme and has learned how David has suggested there might be sexual tension still between herself and Jason. "Were you born yesterday?" she asks Graeme. "1990," he replies. "I'll kill him," she mutters.
Eddie and Anna are in the taxi office, telling Lloyd and Eileen how wonderful they were at the adoption meeting. "We're in the lead," says Eddie. Anna tells him it's not a competition. "Course it is," he says.
Tina and Graeme are confronting David over his remarks. David says he was making sure Tina isn't using Graeme and adds that Tina is only going out with him to get back at himself. He says since the first day he met her she's been nothing but trouble, and he lists all the things that happened - Tina throwing coffee over him, aborting his child, and then she got engaged to Jason. "You trampled all over him and then you walked out of your own father's funeral so you could get my mum arrested," he says. "Then, when that doesn't work and everyone else abandons you, what do you do? You pick the nearest poor sap you can find and it just so happens to be David's best mate, Graeme." He tells her she used to be the most beautiful girl in the world and now she's just a mess. Graeme takes a swing at him then, but Steve and Lloyd get between them. David is told to leave and Tina wanders towards the bar, visibly upset. "I don't know what to do," says Graeme, "what do I do?" "Oh for crying out loud," says Ciaran, "will you just hug the girl!" Graeme takes Tina in his arms.
Written by Jonathan Harvey, directed by Terry Dyddgen-Jones.
Tina's still upset over the mean things that David said to her other night. I'm almost shocked that he managed to get to her this much, actually. I'm often shocked that David manages to get to anyone really though. Graeme tells her to ignore David that that he's just weird. Uh, he's a bit more than just weird! Tina wonders how many times she has to tell Graeme that she can't stay at his uncle's minging place anymore! Seriously Graeme, figure it out! Tina can't do EVERYTHING. Oh, wait. Tina asks Graeme to stop being so nice to her in the next sentence, and looks for pity from everyone else. Tina suggests to Graeme that perhaps they just need to leave the street entirely. Graeme says that it's not the street, that it's *him* (David). No, it's not just David, it's the street - she should leave now, but don't take Graeme!
At the Kabin later, Tina's looking through the paper for a flat but finding that it's more than she can afford. Has she ever paid rent? Rita offers the spare bedroom in her flat for Tina to use until she finds a place. Tina, of course accepts her next meal ticket. At Rita's, Tina notices a framed picture of a young girl. Rita tells her it was Jenny (Jenny Bradley), another girl Rita was able to help. Tina asks where Jenny is now but Rita says it's sad that she has no clue. After a drink with Rita in the sitting room, her and Graeme run into Tina's new room all excitedly to unpack her "luggage." Later, Graeme takes Tina on a romantic date and the two of them cycle off the street in the rickshaw. He in his only hoody left, and she in her top-knot, flowers from Dev's and all.
Natasha's over at Gail's singing "Make You My Man" into her hairbrush with the stereo turned up to "loud and obnoxious." Nick walks in to find her there and wonders why she's there, and why she's singing. He looks at her like she's absolutely bonkers. Okay, I know he's not in love with her, but does he even LIKE her? It seems Natasha still has a key to Gail's and came to get some scrunchies she'd left behind. Nick doesn't understand how that equates to her singing into her hairbrush at the top of her lungs. Neither do I. Nick is clearly disturbed with her throwing the "we" word around when talking about his business. What is with Natasha? Is she going to start living in a mobile home next?
The factory girls talk about Hayley's wedding and what each of them would like in a wedding dress. Fiz wonders when Trev and Carla are coming back. Nick marches in in a rage barking at the girls to get back to work and for Kirk to do what he was put on this earth to do: pack boxes. Nick's in a panic to get this Stokes order done. At factory-nouveau Janice is outside puffing a fag and tells Nick that insides it's absolute bedlam! Nick isn't looking forward to this and marches inside with scowl on his face especially when he sees the girls not working, but dancing salsa. They surprise him and tell him that the order's done, much to Nick's relief. Underworld: We can rebuild her.
Eileen (not Eilene) is noticing Lloyd's dampened mood towards Cheryl and says she can send someone else, perhaps Fat Brenda, to go down and get her. Of course, Lloyd takes the fare anyhow since he can't go on avoiding her - or his responsibilities at work! Lloyd goes to Cheryl's club to wait for her and sees her coming out of the back arguing with her boss. It seems that her boss Mel doesn't want her to work since she's got a black eye. Lloyd assumes that Mel was the one who gave it to her since he "knows how these places work." He gets ahead of himself and goes to attack Mel causing him to get bopped in the face by security who have thrown him out and Cheryl to lose her job. Cheryl's not happy that she lost her job, but goes to fix up Lloyd's face for him at his. There, she tells him that it wasn't Mel who hit her, but her husband Chris. Cheryl tells Lloyd that her husband hit her after he found a text from Lloyd to her. Uh-oh.
It's Deirdre's candle-lit supper with guests of honour Audrey and Lewis tonight. Lewis is looking forward to it, but something tells me Audrey would rather have watch paint dry. Audrey points out that Deirdre is good company, but not Ken so much. Lewis cares not for Ken, but only for Deirdre as he fixes his coif in the salon mirror before meeting the pair at the Rovers.
Deirdre is going to outdo herself this evening by preparing a gourmet dish for her company: stuffed marrow. Ken thinks that that dish is a bit ambitious for the evening but Deirdre thinks it's just right and that her Tracy loves it! What does Tracy have to do with any of it? She's not going to have a piece. Deirdre's listening to some motown and Ken suggests a more classical selection for dinner. Deirdre agrees so long as it isn't anything too...weird. Ken figures that Lewis is a cultured man and he sees a lot of himself in him. Oh, just wait until he sees a lot of Lewis in....ahem. The two couples meet in the Rovers and Ken talks of how they're going to turn Blanche's room into a study.
Sean-y boy is back on the street and a new shade of crimson/tan. The other barmaids are excited to see him and want to see all his trip photos. Later, Michelle tells Sean about the speed dating night and how Ciaran got off with some trout and how she caught them snogging out the back. Michelle figures that Ciaran won't be seeing trout-face again since the only one he's in love with is himself. Sean is upset with all of Becky and Steve's adoption-talk since he can't even see his own little babbie. Can't he get a paternity test, or go the legal route here? He must have some rights. I feel like he's not going about this the right way. Why doesn't he write Violet a letter or something?
- Lady Gaga has swept the street! We had Graeme "singing" Poker Face, Lloyd sitting in the lap dancing club listening to "Just Dance" and "Paparazzi" playing when Graeme goes to pick up Tina in his rickshaw for their special date.
- Eileen might not have a lot going on in her life, but her hair is looking really great lately!
- Lewis fixing his hair in the salon mirror before meeting Deirdre. He's a cad, but he's a well-done character!
- Deirdre tells Ken that her stuffed marrow is a beautiful dish and it's full of iron. Ken sarcastically coming back at her that when people go to a soiree they always hope that there will be plenty of iron. I usually hope that there's enough protein, but to each their own.
- Nick telling Kirk to get back to what he was put on this earth to do: pack boxes.
- Rita reckoning that she has a very high boredom threshold after working with Norris for so many years.
- Rita: "Norris, would you get me a Garibaldi biscuit as well." Norris: "What did your last slave die of?" Rita: "Insolence. Chop, chop."
- It's nice that the writers mentioned Jenny Bradley. I like it when they mention old characters, it gives the regular characters (and the soap) depth.
- Tina being "homeless" and all and forcing Graeme to find someone for them to sleep. What exactly happened between Tina and her mother that made sleeping on "Uncle Derek's" couch a better option? Am I missing something here?
- Is anyone wondering whatever happened to the kebab shop? It doesn't seem like Tina works there anymore, and clearly Theresa and her son don't either, nor does Amber. Plus, we have seen NOTHING of Minnie since last year. Who on earth works there now? It can't be Sunita, but I'd sure like to see her slinging kebab meat.
- Audrey pointing out that Ken isn't the best company. This isn't the first time I've heard someone utter this same sentiment (besides Deirdre and her late mother of course!) and I find it interesting. Perhaps John Stape is the new Ken - shortlived however. I really like Ken Barlow, as he's one of my favourite characters but I guess I'd never really realized how much of an old windbag he can be!
- Nick looking at Natasha (and treating her) like she's a nutter. Does he even LIKE her? Why is he still leading her on?
- I'm sorry, but I still find the relationship between Tina and Graeme unbelievable. Especially when she seems so happy to be taken on a ride in his rickshaw. She's too high-and-mighty for that!
Written by Johnathan Harvey Directed by Terry Dyddgen-Jones
Lloyd has Cheryl safely in his flat. Turns out her husband has hit her before. She excuses him. He used to be lovely and he doesn't mean it. (that just sends shivers down my back!) Lloyd doesn't understand and Cheryl cites pressure from losing his job. Lloyd doesn't buy it. He certainly wouldn't take stress out on her. She tells him it's only every now and then. Lloyd sighs.
In the pub, Hayley and Julie are talking to Nick who says he's going to push for another order from Stokes. Julie gets all overcome thinking about how masterful Nick must get in a business deal while Hayley is off in some other world wondering about some character or actor from The Krankies. Nick tells them to report for work on Monday morning just in case and goes off to make a phone call, leaving Julie lusting in his wake. (Something has to be done about that poor woman if she's lusting after Nick!)
At the Barlow's, the dinner party from hell is underway. Ken tries to talk politics but it seems Lewis doesn't really bother voting. Ken is appalled and of course trots out the "If you can't vote, you can't criticize". Lewis doesn't, actually. Audrey just seems embarrassed and Deirdre offers everyone ketchup (crass!). Deirdre snipes at Ken and he postures on about how dinner parties should be full of heated debate, something like the old Cafe Tabac on the Left Bank. Oooh, Audrey trills, I love London! (Hah! I'm sure she meant Paris, or she would if she wasn't just trying to put on airs!) Ken and Lewis continue their conversation, Lewis pointing out that all the oldy worldy cafes are long gone in the major European cities these days. Deirdre again tries to divert the conversation with a word about her watery marrow. Nonsense, bores Ken, Food isn't important, Deirdre, the conversation is! (he's going to regret he said that.)
Sean is getting filled in on the new factory. Natasha is all gushy over Her Nicky who comes back into the pub. Sean asks if he has a job too and is told he does. (He was on holiday in London after the old factory burned up) Nick tells all the rest of the workers who are now there that he's got another order and they can start tomorrow (Sunday) with overtime.
Graham has wheeled Tina out into the countryside (Heaton Park, probably) where a mate called Bonehead has put together a table of treats and a picnic on Graeme's request. Tina is impressed and very pleased as he hands her a bouquet of flowers to go along with it.
In the taxi office, Steve is telling Eileen about Eddie's "performance" at the adoption meeting that won over the social workers. Eileen is barely listening, occupying herself by cutting out paper hats (and wearing one). The phone rings and it's Fat Brenda who was on a job for a pickup at La Belle (the lap dancing club). She was turned away. Eileen tells Steve about Lloyd going there earlier for Cheryl. Connection? Steve goes off to find out.
Michelle has an idea for Sean. He should try to get one of Violet's mates to contact her on FaceScene/book/whatever. Sean thinks it's a good idea but he doesn't know if her mates are on that site (but he's been mates with Violet for years, surely he would know her mates and know if they're on the site, too. It can't be that difficult to find out.)
Graham and Tina are laying on the grass wrapped in a blanket and watching the sun set, cuddling to romantic music. He tells her about a childhood memory and a best friend he had. Turns out the friend, Jamie, died very young as he had cystic fibrosis. Graeme has a moment as he remembers his friend.
Sean tells the girls about his adventures in London. He'd encountered a Croatian wrestler. The thought of a dark and broody Croatian sends Julie off into another paroxysm of fantasy and lust. Sean keeps an eye on Liz as if he's had an idea. He makes small talk with her for a minute at the bar about her outfit and then gestures for Michelle. He wants to set up a fake account on the social networking site in Liz's name. Michelle admits she has a photo from the Fairest Barmaid shoot and says Sean can borrow Ryan's laptop (Sean's is broken).
Cheryl attempts to put makeup on over her bruises. Lloyd doesn't want her to return. Steve arrives, angry that the contract has been cancelled. Cheryl doesn't want Lloyd to tell Steve what happened. (they're both sporting bruises, what is he going to think?). Steve confronts Lloyd so Lloyd admits he had a run in with the owner. Steve knows darn well it's all about Cheryl somehow and starts shouting at Lloyd who ends up slamming the door in his face.
Back to the Barlow residence where dinner is cleared up and wine is still being consumed. Ken is telling Lewis about his new study and what he wants in it including floor to ceiling bookshelves with a library ladder. Pompous git! Deirdre seems to think so too, and lets slip that Ken used to be a male escort!! Ken is horrified, Lewis is bemused and curious and Audrey is embarrassed. Ken tries to change the subject, asking Deirdre to defrost the dessert and she comes back with "It's not the food, Ken, it's the conversation!" (Point, Deirdre!). The doorbell rings and Audrey rushes to answer it and lets in Liz who is invited to join them for a drink.
Cheryl apologises and is ready to go home. He's shocked that she'd go back but she has her son to consider too and urges her to kick her husband out. She's having none of that but Lloyd insists on taking her home if she's insisting on going.
Sean and Michelle have set up an account in Liz's name and they giggle over their scheme.
Natasha meets Nick on the street. He's finally off the phone but their dinner is ruined. He placates her by telling her he's got another order so can pay her back the money he owes her and he's taking her to a boutique hotel in Cheshire for the night. She's putty in his hands once again.
Graham and Tina are now gazing up at the stars, still cuddled under a blanket. There are coloured fairy lights on the little table as well. They have a laugh and then discuss their accommodations problems. They want to be able to go home together.
Cheryl gets Lloyd to drop her off around the corner from where she lives, by a chip shop as it happens and who's looking out the window? Her husband. They talk in the car and she is not persuaded to do the right thing. She says she has to think about her son but Lloyd doesn't accept that either. He'd have gone after his dad if he'd found out his dad beat his mom. She's uncomfortable (probably knows down deep everything he's saying is true). She admits Chris never hits her in front of Russ. Lloyd points out that her son will learn the wrong thing about how to treat or think of women. She insists she can't take her son away from his father.
Lewis joins Deirdre out in the back for a cigarette. She says she was bad for teasing Ken like that. Lewis leans in and says she's a very. naughty. girl. It's dripping with innuendo and she laps it up, flirting right back at him. She says if she had to choose who to pay for their services she knows who it would be. One guesses it wouldn't be Ken! Lewis most definitely shows signs of interest as Audrey pops out to tell him their taxi is there. She politely asks Deirdre for the recipe for the marrow but says there's no rush for it. Lewis ushers her back inside but throws Deirdre a very sexy look over his shoulder.
Cheryl thanks Lloyd but tells him to leave and forget all about her or he'll get caught in the cross fire. They argue a bit more and she insists then gets out of the car. He drives off and her husband comes out of the chippie and catches up to her. She lies and says she's been out with Leanne and took the bus home. He's got a dangerous look in his eye at that.
Hi. Well I am hopeful that we will soon be back on a regular production timetable - I think we have all been a little confused over when episodes are appearing during the World Cup.
And I am now gong to be regularly updating on the second half of Monday evenings. Stella is still around but is taking a bit of rest for a while and I am bashing the keyboard again.
We open this episode, written by Carmel Morgan and directed by Terry Dyddgen-Jones, in the cab office where Steve wants to know where they can get a replacement contract now that La Belle has cancelled due to the actions of a driver - or managing partner as Lloyd asserts. Steve and Lloyd bicker over the lost contract. Lloyd departs to answer a call.
Sean has returned and is looking through the door of the new premises. The girls are assembled outside - Mary appears to show Hayley a wedding venue she has identified - 18th century splendour. As Hayley immediately identifies it is out of their price league. Mary will not take no for an answer. Nick and Natasha arrive in a black cab with a hangover. If Nick asks nicely Natasha will meet him for lunch. he tells her he will be too busy.
In the Kabin, Emily is telling Tina that Graeme must be a very special young man. Norris counters this by calling him an oddball "Sandwich Short"! Rita reckons that there was a hidden compliment and anyway Tina thinks that Mary is hardly the full shilling. Doris says she is not comparing like with like. He and Mary are not walking out and they do not go out in a rickshaw. The female contingent laugh.
Lloyd returns as his phone rings - it is Cheryl and he rushes off - it turns out her husband has been knocking her about and has done it again. Steve offers to help but Lloyd insists he can handle it.
In "Turners" Sean talks to Nick on the new factory. Sean asks after Carla in a roundabout way but Nick discourages discussion and he pretends it is still "Underworld" but the paperwork refers to "Nick's Knickers".
Carla and a cleaned up Trevor - no stubble and weight loss standing tall and straight arrive back from the World Cup to Carla's flat. She reckons he looks fit and they kiss. Obviously a good holiday.
Lloyd finds Cheryl and her son waiting for him. The husband (Chris) has given Cheryl a good beating. They jump in the car and Lloyd locks all the doors. Eventually are some shunting back and forth Lloyd gets the car moving with wheels spinning and smoke emerging he manages to get away from Chris.
Sean catches Fiz in the Rovers and updates her on his "FaceScene" activities as Liz. He is an identity thief. He is going around to Michelle's later to see if there has been a response to his message.
In Lloyd's flat Cheryl is holding a bag of frozen peas to her somewhat battered face. She tells her son that Chris needs time to settle down. Cheryl apologises for events - she explains that Chris had seen her getting out of his cab - so it is the second time that Lloyd has caused her to get beaten.
In the cab office Chris appears and asks Eileen if a cab had foudn his wife's missing mobile - Mrs Cheryl Gray - and Steve identifies the friendly neighbourhood wife beater. Chris keeps asking where the driver lives. As Steve says Chris only hits women. Chris departs.
Natasha wants to know if they are going to her sister's engagement party. Nick could not sort out his diary even if he tried. Nick says he prefers life without Carla.
At Carla's flat she has her arms around Trevor and has her long legs on display. She wants him to make himself at home. They argue over who should make the tea. He is thirsty and she has a meeting with the loss adjustor. She obviously wants to go to work - once she has had a cup of tea - and she likes her work. She ends up putting the kettle on.
In the Rovers Norris, Mary, Emily, Rita and Tina are playing a game. Famous people living or dead, surname starting with B - so AB, BB, CB etc. Oddly they do not go round the group sequentially but jump in the order: Mary, Rita, Norris, Emily, Tina: Anne Bancroft, Beryl Bainbridge [amazing and one wonders how this was achieved. Beryl of course was once a cast member, one of Ken's dolly birds in 1961, who died on 2 July 2010, so I assume this whole sequence was created as a delightful tribute to the lady]. Charles Bronson, David Blunkett (or perhaps Deirdre Barlow) and Edith Bowman, a Scottish DJ apparently according to Tina. Graeme arrives and suggests they go to Baines. Tina is not enamoured. Frank Bough.
Steve arrives in Lloyd's flat to say that Chris has been in the cab office. Lloyd tells Cheryl of the visit.
Michelle and Sean check the website - there is a message for Liz and photos of a cute 3 year old boy. Sean can hardly believe his eyes. Michelle tries to re-assure Sean that he might eventually meet his son.
Emily suggests that she a spare room. Graeme accepts her kind offer, although Doris is not keen. Doris suggests the camper van - but she prefers older men. Graeme tells Emily that she gives Christians a good name.
Cheryl asks Lloyd "What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?". "Nothing - you've already told her twice". And she currently has two black eyes. She did not think she would turn into a beaten wife. They giggle. Cheryl says she will be gone in the morning. Lloyd tells her that they do not have to go - he enjoys the Company - Scout's Honour. Cheryl reckons he was never a Boy Scout - he agrees - it was all too white, even Brown Owl was not brown. He means it - she and Russ must stay and she agrees until she gets her head sorted. She departs for bed calling him a lovely fella.
See you next week.
K Richard W
It's morning, and Carla and Trevor are discussing her day. She's getting a visit from the loss adjuster, and then she's going to try and catch up with Nick.
In Lloyd's flat, Cheryl is looking for marmalade. There isn't any, and Lloyd says he's not really big on breakfast. She says that when she's dropped her son at school she'll pick up some shopping. Lloyd opens his wallet, but Cheryl tells him she's not a charity case and she can sort the shopping.
David is shouting for Nick to hurry up and come out of the bathroom when Natasha arrives. "Your stalker's here," he shouts up to his brother. Nick rushes down the stairs, he thought he was meeting Natasha in the café. She tells him she can't make it, Audrey has called, she's running late and wants Natasha to open up. Nick says he'll get a take out and bring it round. "My hero!" says Natasha. Gail looks up from her bowl of cereal. "Is she all right?" she asks, with a worried look on her face. Natasha tells her she's fine, in fact she sounded really happy.
Cheryl arrives back at Lloyd's with a bag of groceries. They discuss how well her son seems to be coping with the situation, and Cheryl remarks that she's a mess - a battered, unemployed pole dancer, dossing with bloke she barely knows. Lloyd tells her things will get better and she'll get another job. "Looking like this?" she says. He tells her it doesn't have to be dancing - didn't she used to do hairdressing. She tells him dancing pays better and she needs all the money she can get because she's not going back to Chris.
Lewis drives Audrey to the salon. In the car she wonders what she's going to say to David and Natasha, and he urges her to pull a sickie so they can go for a walk in the countryside. She tells him he's a bad influence, but talking of grass her back lawn could do with a bit of a going over.
Trevor catches up with Janice walking down the street. She asks if he and Cruella - sorry, Carla - had a nice holiday. He says they did, and gives her a carrier bag, a present. She pulls out a large, wooden elephant ( why? where did they go? Africa?) with the name 'Janis' engraved on its' side. "Oh, nearly!" says Janice, looking embarrassed. Trevor says she could always return it. Janice says she's sure she'll find a use for it, and Trevor rushes off to work.
Scary Mary is in the café, organising Hayley's day. The motor home is filled up, they're going on trip to see a possible wedding venue that she, Mary, has decided is 'the one'. She's got it all planned, the music on the CD player, Michael Buble, Flamenco and Dolly Parton, and a stop for luncheon. Traffic permitting they should arrive at the venue at around 14.30. "Shall we synchronise watches?" jokes Hayley. "Why should we want to do that?" asks Mary, seriously.
Carla is standing outside the boarded up, blackened factory, looking somewhat shocked. Leanne comes out of the Kabin and walks over to her. "Hello, stranger," she says, and seeing how stunned Carla looks asks if she'd like to come to the flat for a drink and a chat. Carla says she'll be there when she's seen the insurance man.
As Carla walks towards the factory doors, Nick drives up the street and watches her.
Inside the new, makeshift premises, Sean voices his opinion that they're no longer working for Underworld. Janice says she doesn't care who she's working for as long as she gets paid, although she does agree that Nick is up to something. Just then Nick comes in. Fiz asks if they can go for lunch and he says they can, and adding that to reward them for their hard work there will be something extra in their pay packets, although it won't be enough to retire on. Janice comments that it'll probably buy a kebab and chips. "More than I got at Freshco," says Izzy.
In the Rovers, Michelle is flirting with the male customers, much to Ciaran's annoyance. Michelle laughs, and Ciaran tells her they both know what's going on - she wants him. Just then Sean comes in and asks Michelle if they can talk, it's about Dylan. She goes off with Sean, despite Ciaran protesting that the lunchtime rush will start at any minute. "You'll cope - stud!" says Michelle over her shoulder, tongue very much in cheek!
Carla has joined Leanne in her flat. She tells her about the holiday, normal daytime pursuits of sightseeing and sunbathing, but at night all she could hear was Tony's voice. It threw her, seeing the factory again, but she didn't want Tony to have won. Leanne tells her to take things easy and let Nick take up the slack. He's been doing a pretty good job while she was away. "How do you mean?" asks Carla, sharply. Leanne explains about her helping Nick to set up in Turner's. "Didn't you know?" she asks. Carla didn't know, but is impressed.
Cheryl goes into the taxi office, she's off to check out a place in town to see if there are any jobs going. "How do I look?" she asks Lloyd. He tells her she looks fantastic. "I meant, can you see the bruises?" she says. He says no, so she asks him to wish her luck and off she goes. He turns to Steve and assures him he's just helping her out. Steve warns him to be careful, she's not exactly travelling light.
To the dulcet tones of Dolly Parton, Mary's camper van pulls up in front of a very impressive looking country house. Hayley's worried she won't be able to afford it, Mary tells her this is about her wedding day and she mustn't cheapen it by talking about money. They alight from the van and go inside.
Sean and Michelle are in the café. Sean is sad because he's seen photos of his little boy on the internet after pretending to be Liz, and he has no part in Dylan's life. He wishes he knew why Violet doesn't want any contact. Michelle suggests he pretends again to be Liz and emails Violet and asks her.
Gail goes into the salon to see if Audrey is ok, after Natasha's announcement earlier that Audrey was going to be late. Audrey assures her she's fine, her alarm didn't go off. Gail remarks that things between Audrey and Lewis seem to be getting serious. Audrey admits that she never expected to find someone like Lewis at her time of life. Gail says they must do something special for Audrey's forthcoming 70th birthday. Audrey tells her she doesn't want a fuss and she certainly doesn't want Lewis knowing how old she is.
Lloyd is in the taxi office when Cheryl's belligerent husband barges in demanding to know where she is. Lloyd says he can't help. In a couple of moments the two of them are wrestling their way across the office when Steve comes back. He rushes and separates the two of them and tells Chris to get lost. He goes, after telling Lloyd he'll see him again.
Carla and Leanne are finishing a drink in the pub. Carla decides she'd better go and see Nick, but before she goes she takes their empty glasses to the bar. She sees Michelle and asks how she is. Michelle says she was fine, until she saw Carla again. Carla tells her there are only so many times that she can say sorry and Michelle had better get used to having her around, because she's going nowhere.
Ciaran is scoffing his way through a bag of peanuts. He tells Michelle that because she disappeared at lunchtime he didn't get time to have any thing earlier. She laughs and tells him from what she's seen of his cooking she did him a favour. Rising to the challenge, Ciaran tells her that he'll make her dinner and if it's not one of the best she's tasted he'll do a shift in his boxer shorts. Laughing she takes him up on it - tonight at her place!
The machinists tell Nick that they're ahead of schedule with the order. He's delighted and says the surprise in their wage packets might even stretch to a couple of drinks. Just then Carla walks in and is initially delighted to see them all working hard. They are equally delighted to see her and Julie leaps up and hugs her. Then she sees Nick, glowering on the sidelines. She asks him where her office is. "Last time I looked, under a pile of rubble," he tells her. She doesn't understand. "Underworld is that way," he points towards the door. "This is my place."
Hayley and Mary are being given a tour of the sumptuous rooms that could be used for her wedding reception. Mary is totally smitten. "It's perfect, we'll take it," she tells the gentleman with the clipboard. Hayley anxiously reminds them both they haven't yet discussed the price. She's told that for everything she's looking in the region of six thousand pounds. She tells Mary that it's a bit more than they were planning on. Mary brushes her worries aside. "If Roy loves you he'll want you to be happy, whatever the cost." Lloyd is washing his car when Cheryl and her son arrive back. Just then Cheryl's husband Chris comes rushing over. He tells her they need to talk. She suggests the café over the road and asks Lloyd to look after Russ.
Back in the makeshift factory, Carla can't believe what she's hearing. Nick could have tried to keep the business going. He says there was no business, was he expected to sit around while everything he worked for went down the toilet. She points out it was her business. He asks who she thinks is paying for all of this. "My machines, my workers, my premises, and I want you off them, now!" As the workers sit, shocked and silent, she tells him he's picked the wrong person to have a row with. "This is business Carla, nothing personal," he says. "That's what you think," she says.
We're still in the factory where Nick tells Carla that no matter what else she's lost, there's no need to lose her dignity, too. "Walk away." But Carla's not going to do that while there's breath in her body. Nick tells her the factory is history but he is the future. He walks away from Carla, telling the machinists to go home. They close their mouths, which have been gaping open, and start to do so. Carla shouts for them to stay. She won't let them go until she has some answers. Did they know they were working for Nick? They admit they'd begun to suspect they were but because it was Nick they assumed . . . Carla points out they assumed wrong. She suggests they all go home and come back when their real employer is up and running again. Nick says he's offering them a job right here, right now. "Who's staying away tomorrow?" Sean puts his hand up but quickly puts it down again when he realises it's just him. Carla sneers at their sense of loyalty. "These girls needed food on their tables and you were halfway round the world," Nick tells her. "So don't you dare lecture my girls on loyalty." He tells the staff to go and they scarper. Carla wants to carry on the argument but Nick's phone goes and he tells her to close the door on her way out.
Outside, a group of the workers talk about it. Fiz doesn't care who puts it there as long as money is going into her bank account. Sean thinks Carla is a fighter and it's not all over. Janice thinks he made a mistake allying himself with Carla. "Park yourself on that fence, mate, sharpish!"
Lloyd's awkwardly looking after Cheryl's little boy. He invites him to choose a DVD to watch but after Russ has read out Midnight Express, The Deer Hunter, Schindler's List and Kes, Lloyd wonders how he gets up in the morning. Lloyd doesn't think they've got time to watch a film. Russ worries about whether his mum and dad will sort it out. Lloyd tells him that his mother loves him and will make sure things turn out all right.
Eddie Windass is in the bookies' with his nephew in the buggy. Leanne tells him children aren't allowed and sends him out. Eddie objects and Lewis interjects and says the race is just starting so Eddie will be gone soon. Deirdre also speaks up for Eddie and he's allowed to stay. Lewis overhears Deirdre remind Leanne that it's her birthday tomorrow so she won't be in. That gets her some flirty compliments from Lewis which have Leanne rolling her eyes. Deirdre offers to help with Simon's party later on.
Steve meets Ciaran coming out of the pub. He's got Liz's permission to finish early because he's cooking goujons of sole for Michelle. Steve doubts it will get him anywhere. As Ciaran walks away, Steve sees Eddie wheeling his nephew and glares after him.
Hayley and Mary are on the galleried upper floor of the proposed wedding venue, with Mary dismissing the idea of a chocolate fountain as a magnet for troublemakers. As the manager leads them off, Hayley spots a door and asks what's in there. It's a much smaller function room, which is also cheaper, "for the more intimate ceremony." Mary tartly says that "intimate" is another word for "couldn't swing a cat, but by the look of the decor they've had a darned good try at it." The manager is offended. Hayley quite likes the room and from the window they can see the East Lancs steam railway. Roy would love it. Mary tells her sternly that her wedding day can't be planned round Roy's childhood obsession. "It IS his day too," Hayley says. "No, oh no! You can get that idea right out of your mind," Mary tells her. This will be Hayley's day to shine - the day she's always dreamed about. She grabs Hayley by the arm and hustles her out of the room.
Michelle's clearly not ready when Ciaran rings the doorbell. "You've got to give me a chance to cook properly," he tells her through the speakerphone. He pleads to be allowed to come up and says he'll keep out of her way. Michelle agrees to let him up as long as he doesn't set foot off the kitchen lino.
Mary and Hayley go into the cafe where Mary tells Roy the place was sumptuous and put her in mind of Versailles. "Palace?" asks Roy. "Well, I don't mean the treaty," says Mary. She orders Hayley to tell Roy about the ballroom and the grounds.
In the factory, Nick finishes his phone call and finds Carla still there. She tells him what he's done is not only immoral but illegal. She's seen they're working on an order from Paul Stokes and says he's an Underworld contact. Nick says that won't stand up in court but Carla promises that her solicitor will rip him to pieces.
Lewis is grumbling at the racing broadcast when Deirdre tells him he has to close up. He invites her to have a consolation drink with him but she's still got a few things to do so she says she's making a brew and invites him to join her. Lewis tells her his father used to own a small chain of bookmakers shops and he loved that world. Though he's surprised everything isn't computerised by now (Note for Kiwis and Aussies: The UK is a long way behind you when it comes to betting technology).
Lloyd's still trying to keep Russ amused and not doing terribly well. Cheryl comes in in time to save him. She sends Russ to the bedroom to clean up and tells Lloyd her husband didn't get physical and was full of apologies. She has to do a lot of thinking to work out what's best. Lloyd tells her they can stay as long as they need to.
Ciaran's set the table and is lighting candles when Michelle comes in. He sits her at the table and serves the meal. Michelle tells him they won't be disturbed because Ryan is staying at a friend's. Behind her, Ciaran discovers he's burnt the roast chicken.
In the Rovers, Mary's lecturing Hayley and Roy on what will happen on their big day. When Mary goes to the loo, Roy takes the opportunity to tell Hayley that if she wants a big lavish wedding he won't stand in her way, but he wants to be sure it's what she wants and not what Mary wants. "She's very persuasive," Hayley admits.
At the bar, Steve talks to Sean about Eddie. "What's he doing with a child?" he wonders.
In a booth, Carla talks to Leanne and Peter. Leanne apologises for helping Nick. She assumed she was doing it for Underworld. Carla can't work out how he set up so quickly. Peter tells her he got Deirdre to check it out with planning and Nick didn't apply for any permission to change the use of the unit or for any other consents. "As far as the council is concerned, that place is still a bar." Carla wonders whether George knows but Leanne says all she did was put Nick and George in touch. She doesn't know what they agreed. Carla asks for George's number.
Michelle is waiting eagerly to see what Ciaran's done for the main course. "Baked haricot in a rich pomodoro sauce served on a bed of grilled ciabatta avec poire." Michelle tells him she's never had that before, but changes her mind when she sees it's beans on toast! She can't understand why the place smells like a chicken dinner. "You know, I thought that when I arrived but I didn't want to say," lies Ciaran. Michelle marches over to the bin and reveals the discarded chicken.
Natasha arrives to see Nick while the Tilsley-Platt-McIntoshes are at dinner. She reveals that she's talked to Dev about viewing his flat. "If you need help packing, just say the word," offers David. Nick is angry and says he's too busy. He dumps his dinner in the bin - must be the day for it.
Michelle and Ciaran are on the sofa drinking wine. Ciaran makes a move but Michelle wriggles away and opens the door for him.
Natasha's following Nick across the cobbles, apologising profusely for not realising Gail didn't know. He just wants some peace and quiet but he won't get it at the Rovers. Carla's barring his way. She tells him she knows he hasn't got planning permission and tells him that if he's ignored the council then he's probably ignored a lot of other important people. And she's told George. "Enjoy your drink," she says, swinging on her high heels and sauntering away.
The End of episode one.
It feels like a long time since I've done this but yes, Friday episodes are back so I have to dust off my old reporting pen and get back to it after my colleagues have been doing the bulk of the work!
We open with Carla still determined as ever to finish Nick's business venture. She is going to contact George. Trev comments that he wouldn't like to get on the wrong side of her.
Leanne isn't best pleased with Nick either. She confronts him on the Street and demands to know why he left Carla out of the business deal. He tells her that he had to take action. Leanne tells him that Carla had just been through the worst experience of her life but Nick tells her she doesn't have to worry as Carla is going to contact George. Leanne says this is good but when Janice turns up looking worried, her hardness seems to falter.
It's Deirdre's birthday and Ken finds a card from Blanche on the sideboard. Deirdre admits that it's comforting just having her handwriting there so she brought out her card from last year. Ken comforts her as she says she misses her mother.
Janice bursts into the new factory and tells her friends that they're about to lose their jobs again. Nick tells them all to keep their thoughts to themselves until they know what is going to happen. Until then he is paying them to work...so work!
Deirdre is receiving a birthday manicure at the Salon and moaning about her birthday blues. Lewis comes in and wishes her a happy birthday which cheers her day up. He invites Audrey out but she would rather have a quiet night in. As a compromise, Deirdre invites them both for a drink with her and Ken that night in The Rovers. As Lewis leaves, Audrey looks uneasy when Deirdre comments on how nice he is.
Leanne finds Janice moping in the café. Janice tells her that the fiasco over the factory jobs is getting to her. She contemplates getting another job before saying that it's not fair that the workers are caught in the crossfire in Carla and Nick's feud. At least Nick can get them work but even though Carla can't provide work for them she won't let Nick either.
Ciaran comes to work fully clothed and Michelle reminds him of their bet. He tells her he is not coming in wearing only his boxers but Michelle and Becky have ideas and warn him to get undressed...or they'll take his garments off for him. At this point Steve comes along and says that he can't get the image of Eddie with a pram out of his mind. He wonders if he really has got a baby already.
Cheryl and Lloyd pull up and, as Lloyd unpacks her things, Leanne comes over. She is relieved when Cheryl tells her she has left Chris but she then asks if he knows she is moving in with Lloyd. "What do you think?" is Cheryl's response.
Ciaran comes into the bar in only his boxers to jovial cheers from Michelle and Becky...and a nipple twist from Steve.
Emily is in the butchers and asks Graeme what he wants for tea before thanking him for drawing a smiley face in the bathroom mirror condensation that morning. As Ashley bags up her beef, Graeme takes a call from Tina. After a suitably mushy conversation he casually says he loves her...but is mortified when she doesn't say it back.
Deirdre is considering botox and Ken wonders if she is having a mid life crisis. Deirdre snaps that at least her mid life crisis wouldn't hurt anyone but she apologies. Ken says he's sorry too.
Carla is sitting with Jason and Bill and asking how quick they can rebuild the factory. Owen overhears and comments that it's a big job. He says he is in the building trade too and has 20 men. Bill argues he can hire more and he and Jason aren't afraid of hard work but Owen outshines them by not only offering a quote but also a deadline which, if he doesn't meet, he will refund part of the money. Carla agrees to take a quote from him and Bill looks annoyed.
Nick runs up to Leanne and apologises again but she is having none of it. She doesn't want to hear his excuses for what he did and he needs to remember that he is nothing to Leanne so she wants nothing more to do with him or his struggling business.
Eddie is passing in his scruffy attire, with a cigar dangling from his mouth and pushing a pram. Becky catches up to him and is incredulous that he's got a baby so quick. Eddie says that social services were so impressed that they fast-tracked him and Anna.
Deirdre is putting the finishing touches to a pretty badly constructed cake, which Peter finds hilarious. He tells her she would have been better getting one from Dev's.
Lloyd comes into the cab office and Cheryl soon follows and asks if he is working late. He says he isn't so she tells him she is making nachos for tea. As she leaves Lloyd implores Eileen not to say a word. She says she thinks he is brave for what he is doing. He tells her it could be stupidity more than bravery but time will tell.
The birthday songs are being sung as the party gets underway. As Deirdre and Simon have their joint celebration, Leanne receives a text.
Eileen is in the butchers and listening to Graeme's woes about Tina not saying she loves him back. Eileen parts with the helpful comment that Tina changes her mind with the weather so probably is copping off with someone else. Graeme moans to Ashley that he doesn't know what to do and Ashley says he must have had a girlfriend before. Graeme replies he only ever went out with his friend Baz's mum.
Leanne and Deirdre are merry on wine and Leanne (rather insensitively considering Peter's an alcoholic) tells her fiancé she's enjoying herself so much that she's going out for another bottle.
Steve is trying to reassure Becky over Eddie. He tells her that the process takes a lot longer and Eddie was probably just lying. Becky says that if he is he will get fast tracked for real: to Hell.
The Factory crew enter the Rovers and Sean thinks all of his Christmases have come at once when he sees Ciaran standing in nothing but his boxers. He promptly takes a photo and orders Michelle to send him upstairs. But Janice can't wait and says Ciaran is a bit overdressed and he should show her what he's got...before chasing him through the back.
Leanne sees Nick outside and apologises to him. He moans that everything he touches turns bad...he's still living with his mother and his business has gone down the pan. Leanne reluctantly agrees to phone George.
Deirdre is sitting with Ken, Lewis and Audrey and apologises for being such a misery. Audrey suggests she look at the happy parts and Deirdre says that she is happy that Blanche spent her last days in Portugal. Audrey says she would love to retire abroad and Lewis agrees. As he talks wistfully of blue skies and cocktails, both he and Audrey look thoughtful.
Cheryl and her son whose name I forget are curled on the sofa. Lloyd smiles at them and comments how nice it is to see them looking so at home.
Leanne has called George and he has agreed to let Nick have some time. Nick tells Leanne he is grateful and she tells him that that is it over now, she wants nothing more to do with him now. As he tells her he won't tell Peter or Carla, Leanne walks out, looking guilty and worried. These things always have a habit of coming out...
So what have we learned tonight?
-Janice is fondly known by the following nicknames: Rent-A-Gob and Billy No Mates
-Ken brings out the best mugs for Deirdre's birthday
-Blanche bought Deirdre a birthday card for 20p last year...and left the price sticker on
-Audrey can't be doing with jazz
-Carla is glamorous, gobby and full of confidence according to Janice.
-Smiley faces in bathroom mirror condensation make Emily's day...but not Norris'
-Ashley charges £4.10 for beef skirt
-Saving "I love you" and not getting it said back is relationship suicide
-If Tina were to cheat on him, Graeme reckons it would be with someone who knows about spanners and grouting (like Bill?)
-Cheryl can make her own nacho salsa
-Going from a Battersby to a Barlow is classed as going up in the world
-Social Services don't do quick.
Question with answer most likely to offend: "How thick am I?" Leanne
Quote that most accurately sums up the female race: "The girls are desperate for money" Nick
Most unnecessary Question: "Got something to say Sean?" Nick
Local most in need of a visit to an opticians: "You are looking rather radiant" Lewis to Deirdre.
And incidentally, local also most in need of a visit to the shrink: "You and Ken could never be boring" Lewis to Deirdre.
Most worrying train of thought: "I can not stop thinking about Eddie Windass." Steve
Most accurate mirror: "All I see looking back is a tired middle aged woman" Deirdre.
Understatement of the evening: "Blanche had something to say on everything" Ken
Most nauseating thought: "Could be the fruit of my very own loins" Eddie about Rory the baby.
Most unbelievable plot twist: "I wasn't going to say anything" Eileen
That's all for now!
Unless any more World Cups come along, more next week!
Written by Jan McVerry Directed by Tessa Hoffe
Things are jumping in the betting shop. Nick walks by and Leanne looks disturbed. Peter's happy with the outcome of a race but nobody else is. He jumps and hugs Leanne.
Nick arrives in the cafe where Carla and Trev are having a bite. He tells them that George is extending the lease on the Joinery. Nick is very smug but Carla's not bothered. Trev is angry at Nick's attitude and Carla is upset though doesn't let Nick see. After he leaves, she jumps up and is out the door after Nick leaves. Trev follows, confused. Outside, Carla admits that Nick is right and she's in a difficult position. She's not even sure she should have returned from L.A. That gets Trev's face in a knot as he wouldn't have met her otherwise.
In the factory, machines are buzzing, Hayley is filling Nick in on the day's business. Nick tells them that there will likely be another order when this one is finished. Fiz passes out sandwiches that she'd run out to get at the cafe and everyone is more concerned with that than with what Nick is saying, which makes him holler. Hayley tells Nick that the workers are feeling a bit "unloved" and untrusted. Nick doesn't understand the concept of keeping the workers sweet.
Eddie skives off his afternoon shift to look after that cute little baby. Steve isn't too happy. Becky wonders how someone like Eddie can get a cutie like that baby when they get more forms to fill out. Just then, a car pulls up and beeps the horn. Becky is about to give the driver hell but it's the social worker, Dawn. Oops.
In the Kabin,Graeme comes in to see Tina who's busy and runs out the door. Norris instructs Graeme on house rules but Graeme is more concerned that Tina is already getting tired of him.
Carla nearly knocks Hayley over. Hayley is on her way back with a box of cakes for the factory workers. Seems Nick must have agreed with her suggestion that the odd cake wouldn't go amiss. Hayley and Carla sit at Maxine's bench and talk about getting their lives back on track after the incident. Lovely little scene that shows that Carla can be nice when she wants to be. Hayley assures Carla that the staff didn't know what Nick was up to.
Graeme is explaining to Norris how he said the L word to Tina and she didn't say it back. You wouldn't think Norris would be the one to go to for relationship advice, would you? And he admits he never understood the workings of the female mind. Graeme has convinced himself all is lost.
Paul Stokes has come to the factory to check on things and he approves of the work done so far. Before he commits to a repeat order, he answers his mobile. He's cagey and agrees with the person. He arranges to meet Nick later because he's got to go which he does. Hayley points out that Stokes didn't sign a new contract. "That, my dear Hayley, as we say in the trade, is foreplay" (And that usually happens just before someone is about to get ... um... you fill in the blanks!)
Dawn is trying to assure Steve and Becky that things are as they should be. Becky moans about doing things by the book and getting shafted but it soon comes out that the little'un is Anna's nephew, not a potential adoptee. Eddie says it were a joke but nobody's laughing. Dawn gives both couples hell for playing rivalry games.
In the pub, Nick is ready to drown his sorrows. Natasha arrives, with a smile, and says they are supposed to view Dev's flat later. Leanne and Peter arrive. Peter says it'll be ok, he'll put up with Nick and he even accepts a drink from Nick. Natasha marks her territory by telling them about Dev's flat. Peter marks his territory by referring to Leanne as his fiancee.
A car slows down under a bridge. Paul Stokes is standing there and the driver of the car is Carla. Hmmmm....Double and Triple dealing, I think. He gets in and they drive off.
After the break, we're at the Windass house. Anna is shouting the odds at Eddie while the little fellow is on the couch with ink or finger paints and getting it all over the couch. Anna is highly dismayed!
Natasha is wittering on about the flat. There's general chat about Les and ZZ Top of the Morning. Leanne and Nick exchange a few "old times" memories in between the small talk. Peter gets off but tells Leanne to stay a bit longer and relax. Nick is excited that he's on a roll, work wise and buys the next round in.
Audrey is giving Lewis a trim in the salon. He's also going to lie on the sunbed for a few minutes. His mobile rings and it's one of his semi-regulars, much to Audrey's curiosity. He dismisses the call as a rarity. They make plans for dinner.
Anna can't get the stains out. Eddie suggests a blanket could be put over it. And he admits he didn't keep up the insurance payments up on it. She smacks him and screams at him.
Stokes is at Carla's flat looking over paperwork and presentation to lure him to give her the next order. He isn't optimistic, knowing she has no premises or staff. She assures him she can find temporary space and will be getting her own staff back. He's tempted but a bit doubtful just the same. Also, he had as much as promised the order to Nick. He says if she lowers the cost, she can have the order. Money talks.
In the pub, Natasha is still boring Nick and Leanne to bits about the flat. Nick is bragging about his business acumen and then attributes his success to Leanne's help in getting George on board. Natasha reminds him of her cash injection. Yeah, he says, and continues to praise Leanne who warns him that George doesn't do anything without a reason. Elsewhere, Becky and Steve are looking glum. Eddie and Anna arrive to apologize. Anna plays peacemaker and there seems to be a somewhat armed truce again.
Leanne apologizes for keeping Nick and Natasha from their appointment. Natasha, who's had a few drinks by now and getting bitchier by the moment, making very pointed insinuations. Leanne knows exactly what she's getting at and warns Natasha before leaving. Natasha immediately lets a cat out of the bag and tells Nick that Leanne was a prostitute for awhile. Nick didn't know (and I really don't believe that someone in his family didn't pass that bit of gossip on years ago!) and jumps up to follow Leanne out the door. Not the reaction Natasha was hoping for, I'd guess.
Outside the butcher shop, Tina has come over to see Graeme and to tell him she's looking for an early night tonight. She leaves and Graeme is still convinced Tina is avoiding him.
Natasha takes a call from Dev and it's clear he's wondering where she and Nick are. She says she was held up at work but that's just where he is. Nick is nowhere to be seen. Eddie approaches Fiz and John and asks John if he can get a discount on a nice sofa at his place. He finishes his drink and leaves. Fiz pales and John looks a bit uncomfortable to say the least.
Outside, Nick is talking to Leanne who isn't giving out any details. She says it just happened and it's over. She is with Peter who loves her. She covers her hurt by lashing into Nick and telling him to stay away from her and warns that Natasha isn't fit to lick her patent leather boots! She takes her boots and storms back across the cobbles home.
More to come...
Written by Jan McVerry and directed by Tessa Hoffe
Natasha is in a foul mood and lets rip at Nick when he arrives. Look I do not know why but whoever gets the job of Nick Tilsley is doomed for failure. Anyway Natasha is trying to justify her actions in outing Leanne as a professional, hard but she manages it. Natasha is upset that they let Dev down. Anyway Nick is more worried about business when his phone goes. She storms out.
Leanne returns to the flat and kisses Peter who reminds her how she used to be all over Nick - she seems glad it was all a long time ago. She hugs Simon. Leanne is not happy and seems out of sorts. She starts to cry and she tells Peter about Natasha's comments and Leanne cannot work out why she is so upset. Peter says that she is jealous the history with Leanne. Peter is not upset - because he knows his relationship with her is solid. She hoped one day she would shake her past off, but it still troubles her and she never will get rid of it.
Eddie and Anna are still trying to get a discount sofa from John - he recommends they shop elsewhere. He gives them a long spiel. As John and Fiz leave the Rovers Charlotte appears out of nowhere and is invited indoors, much to Fiz's annoyance. Chesney explains to Charlotte that he is working on the market. Once Fiz and Chesney are out of earshot she asks after Colin - but there is little to say on the subject. Charlotte has to go as they are on their way out. She handles over a bottle of wine. Charlotte promises to keep in touch.
Nick has lost his order - he has been undercut. Turns out that Carla Connor has got the order. Paul Stokes apologises.
Carla and Trevor are relaxing when the door bell goes and Nick arrives - in a temper. Nick points out that she has no premises and no staff. Carla reckons that the Underworld staff will return to her. Carla tells Nick off for not caring about her when she was in hospital - he has no one to blame but himself.
Lewis and Audrey are in a restaurant and she is observing that they are doing well - although they could both do with some more sun - but she does not want to die in harness. They spot Claudia with a man. They mark the companion out of ten and then Audrey calls Lewis an 8 - or 7 without a sunbed. Claudia now knows why Lewis has not been answering his calls. They tell her it is not a booking and that they are an item - it makes Claudia speechless. Audrey insists that Claudia delete Lewis from her phone but she refuses. Audrey gives Lewis a Look. Audrey and Lewis bicker - she is supposed to be eating veal but it is leathery - or delicious.
Graeme is unhappy and moaning to Ashley. Claire arrives and they all try to cheer him up. She finds the right words and he realises that Tina does want him after all.
Anna and Eddie are still trying to afford a sofa. They bicker and waste five minutes.
Fiz, John and Chesney look at the bottle of wine when there is a knock at the door. It is Eddie - but he still needs a sofa and they will be in on Monday to buy one and will see John then.
Nick returns to the Street and looks beaten. He looks over at the bookies where upstairs Leanne and Simon are watching a film and Peter is fast asleep. The door buzzer goes twice and Leanne goes down to see who is being annoying. She finds Nick doing knock and run. Nick tells her that he feels it was his responsibility, but Leanne said she needed easy money and it was the only way. Nick says he is in a bit of a mess himself - he has been shafted by Carla. The business has gone. Leanne says she cannot be around him any more. He asks if she ever wondered if they had been together with a baby - but she does not because she has everything she ever wanted now. He says he should never have let her go.
She closes the door and he slumps back against the wall, sighing.
See you all next week and sorry this is late. Busy week at update towers - 21st wedding anniversary. Had a few celebrations. And hangovers.
K Richard W
This is one of the displaced episodes because of the World Cup. Corrie is not usually shown on Wednesdays in the UK.
Let's welcome Yoork as a new reporter, who will be stepping in occasionally to provide you with the updates. Some of you may have read her reports on other blogs, but now here is a chance for you to enjoy her reports here.
Written by Damon Rochefort, directed by Pip Short
John and Fiz panic on how they're going to deal with the Windasses showing up at his supposed furniture store. John has done some research on the furniture store, for when Eddie and Anna come in. How does he have time to do all of this reconnaissance work AND work a full-time teaching job? Chesney says he needs a car, since he can't keep taking the bus to his market stall. Making things worse, Julie asks again to be introduced to the worker men at John's work with all their big lifting muscles.
I can't believe this, but John actually poses as a salesguy in the furniture shop. Why couldn't he have just told them he worked in the back, or something? John manages to entertain the Windasses, but not until another customer complains about his shoddy customer service to the manager. John sees trouble coming and tries to usher Anna and Eddie out of the way. Meanwhile, back at home, Chesney came home to meet an angry gent who's looking for Colin Fishwick that's been sleeping with his missus. That's Charlotte's husband? She's tarting over John when she's got that at home?
Natasha tries her worst to apologize to Leanne for her earlier comments regarding Leanne's former career. She only gets left in the dust by Nick after Leanne walks away. Natasha whines to Audrey about what she'd done to Leanne. Audrey figures that Leanne's heard worse and is still a Battersby at heart. Natasha is worried about what Nick thinks of her. Audrey tells Natasha that Nick's a good looking lad (not lately) and he's got a history with other women.
Carla comes into the factory to tell the factory girls that she's got the Stokes order. It's a stand-off as Carla asks who is with her. Nick loses his workforce as quick as he can say "it's always about the money." Nick just drowns his sorrows and sobs around Leanne. How pathetic.
Claudia comes to visit Audrey in her salon. Claudia's booked an appointment so that she can be filled in on all the gossip about Lewis. She warns Audrey that she'll always be paying, whether it's a packet of cash on the bedside table or not.
Graeme tries to get Tina out that night, and wonders if she doesn't get sick of the Rovers. As Graeme leaves the Kabin Tina says "love ya" after him. He's clearly shocked, but happy to hear it. I wonder if Norris had anything to do with this? Graeme's happiness is short-lived as Sean rips him for taking Tina away from his Jason and calls them "beauty and the beast." Graeme takes this to heart and tells Ashley that he's going to dump Tina before he can dump her, since he has no clue what she sees in him. Oh please, she's just some brown-haired-perky harridan. Graeme actually does it, and breaks up with Tina! What is he thinking? Correction, WHY is he thinking?
Yay, Sally's back! She was even looking forward to going back to work until she saw the state of Underworld. Her girls meet her at the car and wish her happy birthday. There's a little garden party in Sally's yard that her family's set up for her. Even Sian shows up, and Sally's delighted to be back home.
- Fiz pointing out to John that there's only ONE person making his life complicated. Now, if she could just work up enough resentment to leave him.
- Carla with her "instinctive sense for the dramatic" comes into Nick's setup and challenges the workers to take her side. She's got brass ones, her!
- Schmeichel protecting Chesney from some dodgy dodger at his doorstep looking for Colin Fishwick.
- Is anyone else having a real problem looking at Nick Tilsley lately? He's such a shell of a man and constantly looks like he's passing stones, or having trouble breathing air. He already looked too old, and now he looks as though he's aged about ten years since he returned to Weatherfield. Someone put this bull out to stud.
- Audrey's snobby attitude towards Leanne Battersby.
- It was funny, but I cannot believe that John actually faked working at the furniture store!!! What is he THINKING? Oh, wait, he's not.
- The Windasses bouncing on the sofas. Eddie saying the sofa will get more action than that, and pouncing on Anna on it. So funny!
Poor Fiz is worried. She tells John they shouldn't have told Chesney anything. Chesney comes in with Kirk, who tries to give Fiz and Chesney some sibling relationship advice. When Kirk leaves, Fiz says she's glad Chesney's home. Ches tells her it's not his home. He's a Battersby-Brown and he doesn't know what she is. A Stape? A Fishwick? "My sister's throwing her life away for you - again!" he tells John.
Carla's glad to see the builders arrive on the dot of 8.30. Bill's not so glad. He can't believe Carla gave the work to someone else. Izzie's not pleased to see him working there, either.
Tina and Graeme have a moment in the street but are glared at by David. Tina tells Graeme not to worry about his former pal. "It's not worth it."
Michelle opens the mail and finds Ryan's ordered tickets for a festival. He glumly tells her he ordered them when he was still with Sian. Michelle suggests he find someone else to go with. "There is no-one else!"
The machinists in the factory discuss the fuss yesterday and wonder who's in charge. When Carla comes in they ask her. Carla says they're on her team. "Nothing's changed but we've come to an agreement. they're partners for the foreseeable. Nick's on the phone having trouble with the fabric supplier. Carla grabs the phone and sorts it out, giving the supplier a deadline.
Sally plans to go shopping with Sian and Sophie. Sian isn't feeling well.
Fiz goes to the market and sees Schmeichel. Chesney tells her she shouldn't be there but she pleads for five minutes of his time.
The fabric arrives inside Carla's deadline of two hours. Nick is outside taking delivery when David asks him if he wants a drink later. Nick turns him down.
Fiz and Chesney drink Styrofoam coffee and Fiz tries to explain how John feels about teaching. "Why blow it all for Rosie Webster?" asks Chesney. Fiz tells him John's double life is no different to when Chesney was pretending to sit his exams but really working the market stall. Ches says he wasn't breaking the law but Fiz says John isn't hurting anyone. She says she's standing by John because she loves him and one day he'll understand how love works. Her brother replies that, looking at her now, he's not sure he wants to understand.
Fiz pleads with Ches to be friends again. He agrees, though he warns her that John will screw up. He admits he thinks she's an idiot. "But you're also the best sister in the world."
Ryan's in the street when a taxi brings back Sian, Sophie and Sally. Sally's buzzing and ropes Ryan into the conversation about the school prom. The girls tell Ryan they're going together but then Sophie gets a text message reminding her that she has to be at a prom committee meeting before it starts.
Carla calls everyone together in the factory. She wants to thank everyone but warns them that times will stay tough for a while. She urges them to work hard. Sean points out that Nick had mentioned some kind of perks. Carla says there won't be any.
Ryan's going through the rubbish looking for the festival tickets. Michelle had rescued them. she'd planned to use them herself. Ryan hopes to ask Sian if she'll go with him. She seemed very friendly in the street and he's sure there's still something there.
Graeme and Tina share a kebab but Graeme sees David sitting outside the medical centre and goes to talk to him. He asks for a hug. "You need help," says David, storming off. "Poor love," Graeme tells Tina. "He couldn't even threaten me properly."
Kirk and Izzie are in the Rovers. Kirk thinks he might have a career ahead as a professional arbitrator. Her dad comes in with a load of hunky builders (exciting Sean) and is introduced to Kirk. "Nice to meet you," says Kirk. "I wouldn't count on it," says her dad. Kirk wonders if he's joking but Izzie says probably not. She and her dad have different opinions on men. "Would you like me to arbitrate?" asks Kirk. Oooh, bless!
At the bar, Bill ignores the builder's greeting. Carla comes in and Bill scoffs when he hears him say the work at the factory will be done in six weeks. Kirk comes over to try to arbitrate but doesn't get a welcome. Liz tells them to stop it and Owen and Bill reluctantly shake hands.
In the conservatory, Sian's still not comfortable with her stomach pain coming and going. "I swear if it carries on you can forget about that prom tomorrow." Sophie thinks Sian's scared because she doesn't have a date. "Do you really believe I'm that pathetic?" asks Sian.
Fiz cooks dinner and gets John to open some wine. She hopes he and Chesney can patch things up. There's a knock at the door. It's Charlotte. "Colin's coming home," she tells them.
Nick sits with Carla in the Rovers. He asks her to call a truce. She agrees and they shake on it.
John pours some wine for Charlotte. "Right, you've had your drink. Now tell us about Colin," demands Fiz. Charlotte thinks they're too uptight but she tells them about an emotional e-mail she got from Colin. "He's probably en route at this very moment. Any chance of a top-up?" Fiz calls her a sad, pathetic, lonely woman on some sort of power trip and demands she get out of the house. "Whatever you think of me, just remember I didn't have to warn your husband," she says as she leaves. "What are we going to do?" Fiz asks John.
The end of the first episode.
Naturally, John is in a bit of a state following Charlotte's revelation and he is desperately trying to get in touch with her. As he leaves a panicky message on her phone, Fiz demands to know why he is trying to keep Charlotte involved. She could even be lying. Chesney interrupts their argument and states with disdain that it won't be long before John is found out.
Michelle is asking Ryan about the prom and he still seems undecided over asking Sian. Michelle ponders that he's leaving it somewhat late and tells him not to get his hopes up too high as she doesn't want him to get hurt.
Audrey is doing Rita's hair in the salon and Rita is quizzing her over whether Lewis is for keeps. She asks whether it is awkward when they bump into a former client of Lewis'. Audrey comments that it's no different to bumping into an ex and it wouldn't happen so often if they moved away. Rita asks if they have plans and Audrey says they are considering a move to the Greek Islands. As Rita looks concerned, Natasha asks David at the other side of the room whether Audrey has any plans to retire.
John finally gets a hold of Charlotte and asks whether she has told Colin the truth. She keeps him hanging and suggests that they meet up for lunch.
Cheryl asks Lloyd if she can book him to give her a lift to a new job. He asks what the nature of the work is and she apologetically informs him that it's the same work but a different club. Lloyd tells her that Chris phoned and he told him he didn't know where she was. She tells him he doesn't have to lie for her. After she leaves, Eileen comments that despite all of the complications, she still likes her.
Chesney has got some extra stock to carry and informs Fiz that he is taking it in a taxi. He comments that when John inevitably loses his job he can drive Chesney to the market. As they emerge onto the Street they see Eddie loading his new sofa into the house. He calls over that they should come round for dinner to christen it and doesn't take no for an answer. (Not that Fiz has a chance to say no)
Eileen is wondering why Cheryl does the job she does. Lloyd reckons it must be because of the money as it can't be for the job satisfaction. Chesney bursts in and asks for a taxi.
Owen is making a purchase at the shop and Norris confronts him over the mess his builders are making and asks him to be more considerate. Owen says he isn't going to stop they builders making a mess as they wouldn't react kindly but he offers to buy Norris a new brush when it wears down. Rita looks amused but Norris most certainly is not
Sian is telling Sophie that she had more stomach pains during the night but she feels okay now. Sophie is having to rush off to meet up with the prom committee. Ryan catches up with Sian and asks if she wants to go together, just for the convenience. Sian reluctantly agrees.
John takes Charlotte into the cafe. Anna tells John that Eddie has invited them round to dinner. John sits down and asks Charlotte whether she has told Colin. She says she hasn't yet but she is meeting him later. John begs her not to say anything but Charlotte points out that if she doesn't he is bound to find out another way.
Charlotte has persuaded John that telling Colin is for the best as he would take it better from them. They decide to arrange a meeting with him to explain his reasoning.
Rita and Sian are discussing the prom. Sian suddenly gets a phone call from Ryan and they arrange a time to meet. Michelle overhears the phone call and appears worried about Ryan.
Natasha asks Audrey what she is planning to do for her upcoming birthday and Audrey says she is much past the age where she would celebrate. Natasha asks her how far but Audrey just laughs and says age doesn't matter. People are doing things to all ages now. As she goes to serve a customer, David informs Natasha that she is seventy
Lewis has just had another win at the bookies. He tells Deirdre that she must be his lucky charm as he never wins when Peter is on duty. He offers to buy her a drink.
Fiz is annoyed when John tells her he can't go to the Windasses as he is going to meet up with Colin. She is even more agitated when Charlotte's name crops up.
Lewis asks Michelle what Deirdre's drink of choice is. When she answers red wine, he buys her a large one.
Owen comes in and Liz asks how the building work is going. As he goes through an in depth explanation, she looks bored and he realises that she would rather have had a short answer.
Deirdre turns up to meet Lewis and he notices that Ken is not with her. She admits that she hasn't told him. Lewis jokingly says that he hopes she won't get into trouble.
Rita and Norris come in and Norris is annoyed to see Owen. He is about to make a comment when Rita warns him that if he shows her up she is leaving.
Audrey joins Lewis and Deirdre. As Lewis goes to get her a drink, Audrey says that it was nice of him to take pity on Deirdre sitting on her own. Deirdre forces a smile.
Sian and Ryan are heading for the bus stop when Sian is overcome with more stomach pains. She sits down on the bench and grimaces in pain as Ryan stands helplessly (uselessly I mean)
Fiz apologises to Eddie and Anna that John can't make it. Eddie says that John's probably off selling more furniture as he's so good at it. Chesney looks annoyed.
Meanwhile, Sian is lying down on the bench, wailing in agony. What's wrong with her? you'll have to wait and find out...
So what have we learned tonight?
-There's nothing worse than sour grapes
-The most sensible place for Graeme and Tina to kiss is right outside David's house. And similarly, the least suspicious place for John to secretly meet Charlotte and discuss identity fraud is Roy's Rolls.
-George Lucas works as an extra for Corrie
-Owen always bows to beauty.
-Owen reminds Rita of her former husband Len
-Ryan usually gets up at 3pm during school holidays
-Rita doesn't take sugar in her tea
-Audrey's retirement plans are a family secret. As if the Platts don't have enough skeletons in their closet...
-Cheryl rather inventively calls Lloyd ‘Lloydy'
-Most teachers say they're fed up of teaching
-There's a difference between going out as a couple and getting a bus together
-The two things people never forget are their date of birth and their partner's misdemeanors
Least Likely Event: "I wont say another word." Michelle
Question with the longest potential answer: "How are you?" Charlotte to John
Best use of grammar: "Even though you said you was I know you weren't" Sophie
Best motive to go out on a date: "We're catching the same bus anyway" Ryan to Sian
Diet follower of the year: "Can I have a salad sandwich...with chips and a coke" John
Understatement of the week: "you're a gambler" Charlotte to John
Understatement of the year: "The things I have forgiven that man for" Deirdre about Ken
Most useful person in a medical emergency: "Shall I get someone?" Ryan to Sian, who is screaming in agony.
The ‘You don't say?' Award: "This is entirely my fault" John
Question with most offensive answer: "Do I look desperate?" David
Actually, THIS is the question with the most offensive answer: "You think I'm an idiot don't you? Be honest!" Fiz. Okay, Fiz, you asked for it. I think you are the definition of idiocy. There is enough empty space in your head to set up an IKEA showroom and not to mention your new dowdy fashion sense, your whiny voice and the fact that you use a teapot that would be too old fashioned for a retirement home. YES you're an idiot. you're married to an idiot, whose idiotic actions you keep idiotically forgiving. Sorry, but you did ask...
Most patronizing employer: "Work like little beavers and we'll get through this!" Carla to the factory workers. And don't worry Janice and co, there'll be a carton of milk waiting for you at break time and nap time is 2pm til 2.30
Person most easily pleased: "I'm impressed." Carla about Owen.
That's all from me for now. Until next time!
Written by Peter Whalley, directed by Pip Short
Ryan runs into the Rovers to find Michelle to help him out with Sian, who's doubled over in pain at the bus stop. Owen is at the bar, and overhears, saying he knows some first aid, so Liz ushers him out to help. Sian's crying in pain and Owen takes Sian in his arms and heads towards his car to go to the hospital. They arrive at the hospital, and Sian is taken straight through. Michelle called the Websters to get Sian's parents number to let them know what's going on. Therefore, Kev arrived to pick up Sophie from her prom to take her to the hospital to see Sian. When Sophie and Kev arrive, they're told by Ryan and Michelle that Sian's got a burst appendix and she's been taken to theatre. It's good news for Sian, her appendix has been removed, and she's in recovery. The doctor says it was all down to how fast they got her in there, all thanks to Ryan. Ryan and Michelle talk to Sian first, as there's only two people allowed at once in her hospital room. Kev tells Sophie that it's too bad that her big night was ruined. Sophie tells him she knew something would happen since it was too straight forward for them to go and have a good time together. Kevin is somewhat confused by this statement. Sophie goes to see Sian and to ask if she's alright, and why she was with Ryan. When Sian falls asleep, Sophie kisses her and says she loves her.
Kirk has been having drinks with Izzy in the Rovers, who is happy her father isn't there for the moment. Owen returns from the hospital, and Liz has a fresh drink waiting for him and a whole lot of cleavage and flirting. Izzy is still obsessed with her father taking over her life. Owen buys Izzy and Kirk a drink saying there's something he needs to speak to her about. Owen wants Izzy to dissuade her fifteen year old sister, Katy, from going on booze and drug filled holiday. Izzy has to leave, since she thinks her father's influence is too close for comfort.
It's a cosy tea at the Windasses with Ches and Fiz over, sans John. The Windasses continue to go on about John and how good of a furniture salesman he is, and Ches is having a hard time keeping straight, for his disdain of John. Fiz manages to usher him out soon enough. After they leave Eddie figures that John and Fiz must have had a tiff over the fact that John hadn't bought her as nice a new sofa as they have. They then begin to cuddle nauseatingly on the sofa and I turn my eyes.
Meanwhile, John is preparing himself for what may be the MOST awkward drink in recent Rovers history. Yes, this is the meeting where he's invited Colin Fishwick to have a drink with he and Charlotte so that he can tell him that he's stolen his identity. The sentence alone boggles the mind! Colin is quite jet-lagged, but that doesn't stop John from wanting to strike when the iron's...er, hot. Colin tells John why he went to Canada to begin with, as though he cares or something. Colin says that he went to go see this woman, Vicky, but turns out she's married to a guy who's been serving three years and'll be out in three weeks. Long irrelevant story short, Vicky left him and he's lonely, so he's back home - for keeps. John is quick to ask if he'll be going back into teaching, and Colin says he most definitely won't be. Colin asks what John's been up to. What a loaded question. John wants Colin's assurance that he won't go to the coppers, and he gets it. Well, for now at least. Charlotte tries to get John to go out for a drink later, but he declines to go home. It seems that John knows he hasn't seen or heard the last of Charlotte or Colin. Again, how does he sleep at night?
No prizes for guessing who isn't happy with Colin's assurance. She figures it's only a matter of time before Colin calls in this favour he's done for John by not going to the police. Fiz tells John he's not a fool, so asks why he's acting like one. Oh, he's a fool alright! She also knows that Colin could put John back in prison, and sooner or later he will. Is that foreshadowing at its best?
John and Charlotte plainly tell Colin that they've stolen his identity. So plainly as though they've decided to tell him that they borrowed his car while he was gone. Colin figures this is some kind of a joke and they're putting him on. John tells Colin all about the school he's teaching at and how they think that he's him. John even brings his pay stub to show Colin to prove it. Colin doesn't know what to say. John assures Colin that none of this was done to harm him, or even deceive him. John says that Colin can do whatever he'd like, and if he' does him in that he'll be straight back inside. Colin says he doesn't want that, but he'll need time to think about it. Charlotte asks everyone if they'd like another round. Seriously? you're going to have another drink sitting there in that awkward air? Colin looks like he's about to be sick.
Lloyd's still driving Cheryl to all her new lap-dancing job interviews. She feels that Lloyd judges her for lap dancing, and well, he does. It looks like Cheryl's gotten the lap dancing job, much to Lloyd's disapproval. She says she's sorry for not being what he wants her to be. Oh, she's pretty close I'd say.
- I've never seen someone so stunned as Colin when he'd been told that his identity had been "borrowed."
- Chesney poking fun at John for being, well, insane at this point.
- When Colin asks how he'd gotten forged documents, Charlotte offers that "John is very big in the Manchester underworld." Pffft.
- How it looked as though Kirk was buying Izzy a pint, then she asks for her change as he'd pocketed it! Oh, that Kirk.
- Kevin asks Sophie if she'd like to go home to change first before seeing Sian in the hospital. Oh yeah, because that's a priority when someone's in hospital. Your outfit.
- Why on earth did Charlotte need to be at the meeting between Colin and Stape? They could have done without her "an homage to you" tidbits!
- Izzy obsessed over her father "watching her." Kirk points out all too rightly that Owen is talking to Liz, and that's really his current interest at the moment.
Written by Martin Allen Directed by Alan Wareing
Welcome to an episode filled with plot holes.
Fiz searches in a mirror, I wonder if she thinks she doesn't recognize herself these days because I sure don't. Anyway. John assures her Colin doesn't want to teach anymore. She reckons there could still be a problem no matter where Colin works. Like what? John asks, stupidly. Um. Tax. National Insurance. Doh. John thinks they'll just worry about it when it happens. Fiz doesn't trust Charlotte either. John says Charlotte won't cause any trouble. (Wanna bet? Sounds like a Phrase of Doom if every I heard one!)
We look past red flowers through a diamond-paned window where Audrey is sipping tea and having a leisurely start to her morning. Lewis is up and dressed already. She complains that she looks a bit of a slob but of course, he flatters her. He is a bit uncomfortable when she suggests that he move a few things in for convenience and half heartedly agrees.
In Platt Towers, Natasha has discovered Audrey is about to turn 70. David doesn't understand why women get all bothered about their age. When Natasha says that Audrey looks fantastic for her age, he wisely replies that either a woman looks good or she doesn't, regardless of age. He even says he wouldn't be bothered if he discovered his girlfriend was quite a bit older than him. Natasha wants to throw Audrey a surprise party. Gail is dubious but agrees that her mother would probably be upset if nobody made a fuss.
Ryan establishes that Michelle will be working quite a bit this week. She figures out that he wants the flat to himself to have Sian over and teases him mercifully. He admits he wants to get back together with her but doesn't want his mother's advice. She asks him if she looks ok but he's not bothered, she's his mother! She says he has to learn to pretend if he wants to get anywhere with women. And that, folks, is the reason Michelle keeps ending up with lying, cheating, men and is raising her son to be one too!
It's chaos in the Alahan house. Kids are on school holidays and rambunctious. Dev gets ready to go and Sunita says she'll be along shortly, with kids in tow. He doesn't think that's such a good idea. She objects but Dev thinks they're too young to be running around in the shop. He drags out that old fashioned view of the wife staying home raising the kids while the husband goes out to work. Uh huh. But we all know Sunita is a modern woman and will have her way.
Chesney asks John why he wasn't at the Windasses. He lies about it being a works' do that he couldn't avoid. Chesney figures it's a lie just like everything else that comes out of John's mouth. (I'm loving this side of Ches, being snarky and sarcastic to John!) Chesney sarcastically says they had a lovely visit, watching Fiz all in knots about where he was but as long as John gets job satisfaction, that's all that matters. Zing! Then says he had a liar for a mother so he's used to it. Double Zing! He warns John not to get put back in jail, for Fiz's sake.
Eileen is pegging out in the yard. Sean is thoughtful, with Dylan on his mind. He tells her he tracked Violet down and has seen photos of the lad but also tells her that Violet thinks he's one of her old girlfriends. (Liz!) Eileen is dismayed and figures he's blown it big time.
Lloyd has brought Sian and Sophie home from the hospital. Sian is still a bit sore but not feeling too bad. Ryan comes along and asks how she feels. Sian reckons Ryan saved her life. He asks her if they could meet up for lunch. She agrees. Sophie is not impressed. Sian thinks Ryan's just a mate. Sophie is silent.
In the shop, the two twins are causing havoc. Gail wonders if the child minder let them down. Dev spews a load of bollocks about them not believing in farming their children out to strangers. After Gail leaves, Dev tries to get Sunita to take the kids away and this can't go on for the remaining 6 weeks of holidays. She says they'll settle down. Ciaran and Ryan come in and Ryan admits he's looking for something to cook for Sian. Ciaran offers advice on how to entertain on the cheap, or "seduction on a shoestring" as he calls it.
Angry man pounding on Number 5. Claire and her two come by and he asks her if she's ever heard of Colin Fishwick. Nope, never heard of him. He isn't happy. He goes across the road, parks his butt on the wall and lights a fag, settling in to wait. (I want to know how he even found out "Colin" lived there? The real Colin would have been listed under his old address and nobody is supposed to know Colin is working in Rochdale. Would the school there even give out a teacher's address should someone even manage to track them down? I think not!).
Fiz is fumbling in the factory. She's distracted but can't really tell Sean what the problem is. Sean reckons it's John but Fiz only admits he's stressed at work (Um. it's holidays isn't it?) Sean says dealing with people can be difficult and he recommends John invent himself a new identity to help deal with those people. Of course he's doing that, too isn't he? Bit it's a bit close to the knuckle there, if only he knew!
Eileen gets her pay packet (cash. Don't they do cheque or direct deposit?) Lloyd sucks up to Eileen and she realizes he wants her to work extra tonight. They argue back and forth and in the end Eileen agrees, for double time. She's not happy, though, she spends all her life in that chair!
Angry man is still waiting. Ciaran comes around the corner, flirting with Michelle. There's a window cleaner in the background beavering away at the front of the Kabin. Why aren't they using Graeme? Anyway, back to Ciaran who's not getting far with Michelle. She knows Blarney, does Michelle.
In the shop, the kids are stacking cans of beans. On the floor. Dev comes out of the office and isn't pleased. (Why can't he help look after them, by the way?). He picks up Aadi and drags his feet across the bean tower, knocking it all over the shop floor. One customer leaves but Claire and the kids have arrived. Dev starts to pick up but is only his way to a meeting and then the cash and carry. He reminds Sunita to order two dozen jars of mango chutney. (I assume that's for all 7 shops, not just the one!) After he leaves, Claire offers sympathy and offers to take the two kids off her hands for a bit. She promises not to tell. (But the kids will tell him, surely?)
Ciaran drops by to see how Ryan is making out. Ryan figures Ciaran is only helpful because he wants to impress Michelle. No so, says Ciaran ("So", says I). Ciaran puts the flowers in water and scolds Ryan for having sliced bread not rolls, mugs not glasses and awful music. Have you not got a decent boyband? he asks (Nice little "In" joke there! Keith Duffy is a member of Boyzone, in case anyone isn't aware) The bell rings and Sian has arrived. Ciaran is ordered out. Sian seems somewhat impressed but also a bit uncomfortable with all the trouble he's gone to.
Lewis arrives to pick up Audrey to go to the pub. Natasha and David are left alone. Natasha has stolen her address book in order to find people to invite to the party.
In the shop, Sean says he's seen Claire who's taking all the kids swimming (She may have a spare suit for Aadi but what about Asha?) Sean has a moan about Dylan. Sunita remembers she has to order the chutney. Sophie goes outside to replenish the flowers and overhears Ciaran tell Michelle that he's helped Ryan with his "big date" with Sian. Sophie looks quite upset. Michelle isn't buying Ciaran's plan to win her over and tells him so. Sophie runs in and asks if it's ok that she nip out.
Angry man sees Fiz come home for her dinner. He runs across and bangs on the door as Chesney comes in the back door. Fiz opens the door to an angry guy looking for Colin. Chesney threatens him with the dog who isn't very growling today. He tells Fiz Colin is having an affair with his wife, therefore cheating on her too.
Ryan admits Ciaran took over the plans. Ryan says he was going to get them kebabs until Ciaran stuck his oar in. I see the water is in proper glasses at least. He takes her hand and starts to tell her that he's got music festival tickets when Sophie bursts in. (no bell, no key. Did Sian leave the door open?) Sian runs after her.
Angry man tells them he was inside for GBH and the affair started while he was inside. John comes in just then and is confronted and then punched in the nose.
Hmmm... What happens next happens in the next episode.
I have to say that the entire Fishwick storyline is annoying me intensely and I was planning to leave it out of the update. However that would probably leave me with nothing to write about. You are however going to get a seriously shortened version.
This episode was written by Martin Allen and directed by Alan Wareing, neither of whom are to blame I suppose.
John picks himself up off the floor - to face the man who thinks Colin Fishwick is having an affair with his wife (I wonder if we will ever get to see this femme fatale - we need something to add colour to the story). Joh proves he is John Stape and not Colin Fishwick. The stranger tells John he is dead if he is lying. The stranger goes and Fiz tells Chesney to take the dog for a walk. Fiz begins to think that John is having an affair. John is so good at lying that Fiz does not feel she can trust him. They argue.
Sophie and does not want to know about Sian - and accuses her of wanting to reconcile with Ryan. Sian and Sophie argue. They hand around Bill's yard and Sian explains that Ciaran was involved in the setup, Ryan did not try anything. Their discussion ends in a passionate kiss witnessed by Ryan who cannot believe his eyes.
Chez returns and asks John to change - as he promised when he came out of prison. Chez tells John to pack his bags and leave. John phones Charlotte - they have a problem.
Sian follows Ryan back to his flat and he asks here if she is lesbian or bisexual. She answers that she does not know - she is confused, he wants to know how long it has been going on - about 3 months, but it did not overlap with going out with him. She thinks she is in love with Sophie and they are both confused - and they have not slept together. Something inside her is driving it - but she has no-one she can talk to.
Natasha is looking for Claudia's number in Audrey's phonebook. She brings up a few old names - Reg Holdsworth, Fred Elliott. Eventually Claudia is found. Details copied.
Fiz returns home and John denies he is having an affair - but with so many lies Fiz does not know what to believe. John is still deceiving people - but he swears he is doing nothing behind her back. She wants him to resign and to dump the second identity.
Sian and Ryan are still talking and she tries to explain that she still likes him as a friend. She just needs a friend and she wants him to keep quiet - they are not ready for people to know. He refuses to say that he will say nothing.
After the break we are in the shop with Sunita (a welcome return for the lovely lady, great to have her back) and Eileen who is buying some super healthy food (pizzas) for R'Jason's tea. Sunita suggests going to Italy for the real thing, anyway Eileen has no time for such trips as she has to look after a 27 year old son. Dev arrives back with the chutney. Sunita ordered 28 dozen cases, not 28 jars. Dev is not amused. As Eileen observes to general hilarity it would seem Sunita is in a bit of a pickle.
Sian returns to see Sophie and she is told that Ryan will not say about keeping quiet. They discuss the situation but denial was not a possibility. Sophie hopes he will come down on their side. Sian tries to explain that she thinks Ryan will understand.
Eileen is in the Rovers explaining to Liz about her lack of life - an evening off, but she has to work, spends her time running round after her grown up son and she has no holidays and she cannot see Todd - he is too busy and Jason is on the phone saying he needs some custard as he cannot make his own and he departs.
Natasha and Nick approach the bar, they ask Liz if they can arrange a surprise birthday party for Audrey. Liz has some new menus and takes them through the options. At which point Audrey walks in and changes the subject.
576 jars of mango chutney was what Sunita ordered. Dev wants to know why she was not at home looking after the children - because that is what mothers do. She tidies up the children's toys. He suggests that she has the night off and he will do everything. Sunita has a better suggestion. They will swap jobs for a week - he looks after the kids and she will run the shops and if after a week they will both have learned something. She offers her hand and he shakes it.
Sally (good to see her back) is watching Sian and Sophie make steak and kidney and Sally asks after the recipe. Sally has to get the washing in. Sophie wants to tell everyone about them - but Sian reckons she is not ready. She is not ashamed, but she found talking to Ryan difficult enough. They agree not to tell people and hope that Ryan stays quiet.
John is looking at a picture of the wedding. Fiz returns - her or teaching. He says it is Fiz and he will give up teaching. She gets him to promise and they hug.
Natasha decides on the Supreme menu - need to know by Thursday. Lewis wants to know why - it is Audrey's 70th birthday party. And this is a surprise to Lewis who did not think she was that old. Anyway Lewis has an appointment. Audrey has been thinking about this morning. She suggests he moves in properly. He reckons it is a thought - but does not give an answer.
John meets Charlotte in the Street - she has turned up but John needs to get back to Fiz. Charlotte finds all the danger exciting - almost a turn on. She says they both know where this is heading - it is going to happen and he needs to accept. John reckons it sounds like blackmail especially when she says the local authority would like to know about "Colin Fishwick". Anyway as Charlotte observes she wants it and she always gets what she wants! She walks off with a backward look and John with a very worried look on his face.
No time for comments, except see you next week.
K Richard W
Fiz walks down the street with a pack of cereal under her arm. As she reaches the front door, Chesney comes out and tells her she should be kicking John out, not feeding him. Fiz tells him that John's going to resign, everything will be back to normal. Chesney tells her to turn round, he wants to see if she's got ‘doormat' written down her back.
Ches goes on down the road and meets Sian and Sophie. They have a discussion about their futures, 6th form and then uni for the girls. A lifetime of student debt, thinks Chesney, while he, the ‘thicko' will be loaded.
The girls walk on, Sophie is worried that Ryan will divulge their secret, but Sian is confident that he won't. Just then Ryan comes out of the Kabin, but he doesn't speak and just pushes past them.
At Audrey's house, Lewis asks what's wrong. She tells him she was daft to suggest that he moves in. He tells her it was a good idea and if he gets rid of his flat he would be able to afford some rent. She tells him she doesn't want a lodger. He kisses her and says he'll see her later.
John is sitting at the table when Charlotte rings his mobile. He hisses at her not to come round, but then says he'll see her later. Fiz comes downstairs. "Was that your phone?" she asks. He says he was just changing his ring tone. She tells him not to mess about, he's got a resignation letter to write. He tries to argue against it, telling her that teacher's can't just resign in the summer holidays, they need to give schools the time to find a replacement. Fiz tells him that's what supply teachers are for. He thinks it will reflect badly on himself, she points out he no longer has a reputation. "Colin Fishwick has…" John starts to say. Fiz explodes, saying that they can't care about Colin Fishwick, John needs to get out of the mess now. "Get that letter written and posted today," she says.
Sian goes into the shop to see Sophie. they're worried now, after seeing Ryan, that he will reveal their secret. Sophie is all for coming out and telling her family the truth, but Sian is against the idea. Just then Michelle comes in and wonders if she's interrupting anything. They tell her they're just having a chat. She asks Sian how she is, saying that they were all worried about her, especially Ryan. She asks if there's any chance for Ryan with Sian. "What's he been saying?" asks Sian, looking embarrassed, as Sophie shakes her head behind Michelle. She then says she'll keep her nose out, pays for her shopping, and leaves.
Audrey goes into the Kabin and tells Rita that she's asked Lewis to move in and she thinks he's fine with the idea, but he does have a dream of opening a hotel on a Greek island and Grassmere Drive, Weatherfield doesn't really compete. Rita thinks that sort of thing is for the young, moving abroad to retire is one thing, but to run a business? It's hard work as both she and Audrey know. This is obviously not what Audrey wants to hear, so she leaves.
In the salon, Natasha takes a call from Maria. She tells her she didn't forget to invite her to Audrey's party, she and David split the list, it must have been him. she'll put Maria down as guest of honour. Just then Audrey comes back so Natasha hangs up quickly. She asks Audrey if she's ever thought of giving the salon a facelift, but Audrey likes it the way it is. She then asks if Audrey's thought any more about retiring. "Dreams, Natasha," says Audrey, "and as Rita has just pointed out to me, they don't always come true."
Sian walks into the cafe and sees Ryan sitting there. She turns and walks straight out again and he runs after her. Catching her up outside they start to talk. He's obviously bitter about not being number one in Sian's life. "Everyone will think it's me, turning you onto girls," he says. She tells him that Sophie wants to tell her parents, and Ryan reminds her of her own dad's reaction when he found she was going out with him. Sian says that Sophie wants to tell them before Ryan starts telling everyone, but he promises her that he won't tell anybody. "Really promise?" asks Sian, a little tearfully. "Yes, really promise," says Ryan.
Deirdre is sitting in the Rovers with Rita when Lewis comes in and joins them. Rita says she has to go back to work and leaves, so he's left with Deirdre. He seems troubled so Deirdre urges him to tell what's wrong. "A trouble shared is a trouble halved." He says it seems ungallant to class Audrey as trouble, but she's asked him to move in with her. "Is that not what you want?" queries Deirdre. Lewis is of the opinion that if it ain't broke, don't fix it, but adds that there comes a time when one has to question how many chances of happiness there are left. Perhaps it's time for him to hang up his dancing shoes and settle for a life of domesticity.
Charlotte is visiting John. She tells him to lighten up, most men would love to be offered an affair. John tells her that it isn't funny, and he doesn't want to go back to prison. He says that Fiz wants him to resign, but Charlotte says she won't let him, he can't hand in his resignation until next term, alarm bells would ring. Anyway, the head probably wouldn't get his resignation until next term as the school is shut. She reminds him that he's committed fraud and they would throw the book at him. "Only if someone told them," says John. "Hell hath no fury," she smiles. She gets up and locks the front door. "Would you care to show me round the house? Upstairs?" she purrs. John snaps that he hasn't been married a year. "you're leading one double life, what's another between friends?" she says, "I'll even call you Colin if you like!"
John is trying desperately to get out of the situation with Charlotte. He tells her that Fiz is only at work across the street and Chesney could come back at any time. Eventually she tells him to forget it. "Really?" John's relief is obvious, but short lived. "Come to mine next week, on Friday. I'll make sure there are no distractions."
Chesney is in the cafe buying cakes, and Eileen is waiting her turn behind him. Deirdre comes in, and when Anna has finished with Chesney she turns to serve Deirdre. Of course, Eileen is furious. "Is this deliberate?" she fumes. She says that she feels she has become a non-person, someone not to be taken seriously. "Not here, not at work, not at home." Anna tells her to sit down, she'll bring her tea over to her, on the house, and a bun if she likes. Eileen tells her where to stick her bun, so Deirdre suggests they go back to her house and start on a box of chocolates she's been keeping since Mother's Day.
John walks down the Street holding an envelope on his way to the post box, and passes Sian who is waiting outside the shop. "Hello Mr. Stape," she says. John remarks that no one calls him Mr. Stape any more. (No, I suppose it's Mr. Fishwick now!") Sian reminds him that he used to teach her English. He asks how her exams went, she thinks they went ok. She says she likes school and is staying on for the 6th form. John is about to pop his letter into the box when he hesitates. He stares at it for a few moments, then he turns and walks back the way he came, tearing his letter up as he goes.
Sophie comes out of the shop, and Sian tells her that Ryan has promised not to tell. At first Sophie is delighted, but then starts to think that if people knew about them they wouldn't have to go on sneaking around.
Lloyd is dancing round his flat singing and wearing only a towel when Cheryl comes back. She tells him she's quit her job, it was a dump and the punters kept grabbing her. Lloyd suggests a cheering up drink in the Rovers. "Only if you go like that," says Cheryl.
Fiz asks John if he posted the letter. He tells her it was the only sensible thing to do. She thanks him and kisses him. "I don't deserve you," he says.
Deirdre opens a bottle of wine and pours Eileen a glass. Eileen says that 50 is approaching like a train and she's feeling sorry for herself because no one else will. She feels she gets no respect from Steve or Lloyd at work, and none from Jason and Sean at home. Deirdre points out that Audrey is 70 and moving her new toy boy in. "Who knows? Your fifties might be brilliant," she says. This seems to make Eileen worse. "A 70 year old is having a better life than I am," she says.
Lloyd and Cheryl are in the pub. Cheryl asks Michelle if there are any shifts going, but Michelle doesn't think so. Lloyd seems to remember that Cheryl once used to do hairdressing. He could put a word in for her at the salon across the road, but Cheryl doesn't want him to.
Lewis is pouring wine into 2 glasses on Audrey's patio. She's worried that she might have spoiled their relationship, but he tells her that if the offer to move in is still open he can't think of anything he would like more.
It's morning, which is signalled by Lewis pulling back the curtains upstairs at Audrey's and by the sound which all TV programmes use to signal morning – the whirr of a milk float! Lewis has made breakfast for Audrey and serves it to her in bed with a rose in a stem vase. She opens her gift, which is a pendant. She worries that it's too expensive but he's kept the receipt just in case she wants to swap it for a modest semi-detached house in Knutsford. I wouldn't know the price of one of those – I only rent in Knutsford! She tells him to close his eyes, reaches into the bedside drawer and wraps something in the gift paper. It's a set of house keys for him.
Eileen and Sean come out of their house and meet Deirdre. Eileen seems to be particularly happy and she tells them she's decided she can sit around moaning about her life or pick it up by the scruff of its neck and give it a good shake. Sean mutters to Deirdre that he's quite disturbed by this change.
Dev's looking forward to some down time, taking care of the kids while Sunita goes to work. She makes him promise not to sneakily ring a supplier or do any other kind of shop business. She wishes him luck with his "down time" as the sound of twin screams comes from inside.
Natasha's at Gail's, giving orders about Audrey's birthday party. Gail is less than co-operative. Natasha takes Nick aside and suggests he try to find out from Audrey how much the salon's worth. She thinks Audrey's toying with the idea of retiring.
Sophie and Sian discuss the difficulties of getting time alone.
Lloyd wonders why Eileen is dressed up. She tells him things are changing and she wants a stake in the business. A partnership. She's still got a bit of money left from her dad and wants to own something in this world. "I want to know the harder I graft the better things are for me, not just for you and Steve. After all, I run this place single-handed half the time." Lloyd tries to talk her out of the idea but she's serious. She's been in this chair for ten years with nothing to show for it.
Gail admires the pendant and says Lewis is too good to be true. Gail's bought theatre vouchers for Audrey. She's determined to use them tonight. Natasha tries to dissuade her but Audrey is determined. Natasha says she'll do the booking but then says there's a recorded message saying tonight's performance is cancelled.
Outside the burnt-out factory a familiar figure stares . . . it's Maria! Fiz and Hayley welcome her back and tell her about Hayley's wedding. Maria tells them she's back for good.
Sian and Sophie have been looking at tents. Sophie bets they could borrow one from someone. They kid around for a minute, then get serious talking about love and celibacy. Sian regrets going with Ryan, though she thinks she loved him at the time. Sophie doesn't think she loved Ben. Sophie thinks it must be difficult for Ryan and hopes he keeps his word about keeping their secret.
Steve and Lloyd joke with each other about Eileen wanting a partnership. "Imagine it, eh? Eileen with power?" asks Steve. Lloyd thinks maybe she's just after a pay rise. Thud! That's the sound of the pastry box being thumped down on the counter. Eileen's back and heard them. Splat! That's the sound of the éclairs hitting the testosterone! She tells them they can shove their scuzzy job and their switchboard right up their airport tunnel!
Lewis's late at the salon. He's brought champagne with him. He promises Natasha he'll have Audrey at the pub in half an hour. Audrey brings mugs for the champagne and she and Lewis drink to her birthday.
Lloyd's got his foot in Eileen's door. He and Steve are a delegation, come to woo her back to her job. Eileen is in no mood to be persuaded. She wants to know what it is that makes the thought of her doing something more is hilariously funny. they've convinced her she really is a waste of space. She shuts the door in their faces.
Sian and Sophie go to see Ryan. He's not in the mood. He tells them his mum has been going on about him getting back with Sian all morning. Sophie says they'll buy the festival tickets from him if it will help, but that just makes him angrier. He says he'll keep their secret but if they come round again he'll change his mind.
Audrey locks up. She tells Lewis for the past few years she's felt she's just ticking off years till she's done, but with him in her life she feels different. There are cheers as they go into the pub. Natasha reminds Nick to find out about the salon's value. Norris can't see the point in congratulating someone on their birthday. It's not as if they've achieved anything other than surviving. Rita congratulates herself every time she survives another year of his constant complaining. "Hear hear!" says Emily. Natasha admits it was all her idea. Before Audrey can tell her off, Maria comes in and Audrey is thrilled. Natasha isn't. Then Claudia arrives, to Audrey's obvious displeasure. She congratulates Audrey on reaching her 70th. "Yes . . . any tips?" asks Audrey. Under her breath, Claudia asks Lewis if the meter's running and whether he drops his rates for the over-70s. Lewis says she knows he's given that up and asks if she's come to cause trouble.
Sophie and Ryan argue in the street. Sophie tells him Sian never cheated on him. He thinks Sophie's just trying to make herself feel better. She tells him how bad she felt when she got to the hospital and thought Sian and Ryan had got back together. So she knows how he's feeling, now that he's lost her. She tells him they didn't come round to wind him up or blag tickets, but they'll stay out of his way in future.
Dev brings the kids into the shop to say goodnight to Sunita but can't stop himself from checking up on the ordering while he's there, much to her annoyance.
The phone goes as Eileen and Sean leave the house and she goes back to answer it.
Sophie tries to reassure Sian that everything will be OK. As they sit on Maxine's bench, Ryan brings them the festival tickets and tells them they're forty-five pounds each.
Oops, the phone call was Eileen's landlord telling her the rent is going up. She's really glad she quit her job today.
In the pub, partying continues. There are cries for a speech from Audrey. She is persuaded eventually. Emily thinks Audrey's one of the few people who suit a toy boy. Norris is annoyed because he was just about to head to the loo. Audrey says she's blessed with lovely family and friends and pays tribute to Lewis. He proposes a toast to her. Over next to Gail, XXX mutters under her breath about Audrey keeping receipts and Lewis being a legitimate business expense. Gail eventually wants to know what she means. As everyone else sings Happy Birthday, she tells Gail Lewis is a gigolo, a prostitute.
The End of episode one.
Eileen and Sean come in. Eileen is looking very miserable.
Audrey is embarrassed when Nick presents her with a big photo album. "Seventy years of memories!" he announces. Lewis comments that she looks stunning and Audrey replies that it gets less and less the more pages you turn. Lewis smarms that she has matured like a fine wine.
Maria comes over to Nick and wonders if he has been avoiding her. He says they didn't exactly part on good terms but she reminds him whose fault that was. He tells her that he has heard she has had a rough time lately. At the bar, David points to them and tells Natasha that they used to be engaged. She begins to wonder if there is any street female he hasn't been engaged to.
Eileen comments to Sean that she must be the only person in the bar still renting. When he is less than helpful when it comes to reassuring her, she stomps out.
Molly and Tyrone are bickering on their way into the salon. Molly is telling him that there is no point making changes to a house on the market but he said if the sale takes ages to go through then the baby will need a nursery. She states firmly that she isn't bringing a baby up around here.
Hayley and Roy are clearing up the cafe after the day's trading and are about to head up when Mary comes calling. She is armed with a wedding dress and says it might take a while to make adjustments so Roy will have to vacate the room. He doesn't look too happy about this but wisely chooses not to argue with Mary.
Claudia has suggested to Gail that she asks Rita whether or not Lewis was an escort or not. Rita is annoyed at being dragged into things but Norris kindly supplies Gail with the answer she seeks: "I'm afraid he is, yes"
Maria asks Audrey if she can have her job back. Audrey tells her that of course she can but she may not be in charge for very long as she is considering selling. Maria expresses an interest in buying.
Lewis is chatting to Deirdre when Ken arrives. He offers to get them both a drink. Meanwhile, Gail glares at them from the bar.
The kids are running wild around Dev while he supplies dinner. He eventually manages, with great difficulty, to get them to bed.
Fiz comes knocking at the cafe. Mary offers to get rid of her but Hayley tells her she was invited. Fiz is bowled over by how nice Hayley looks in her dress and Hayley asks her to be a bridesmaid.
Rita is annoyed with Claudia for telling Gail but Claudia mischievously tells her that she assumed Gail knew.
Deirdre has spotted Gail glaring at her and wonders if she will ever forgive her for what Tracy did. Ken suggests she talks to her but when she goes, Gail pushes past and heads for Lewis. She demands a word outside and Lewis obediently follows. Gail asks him what he is playing at and makes it clear that she wants him to leave Audrey alone. He tells her that will be difficult as he and Audrey are very close and Gail had better not be thinking of trying to spoil it.
Lloyd and Steve are at Eileen's door with a bunch of flowers and an apology. They tell her they're sorry she can't be a partner but offer her a manager' position, meaning she gets to choose her shifts and Claire's. Eileen comments that extra responsibility will surely come with extra money and tries to coax a 10% wage. Lloyd offers 6% and she declines. When they've gone Sean asks her why she did that and she admits that she just got carried away.
Natasha sourly asks Nick if there are any others she should know about. He tells her she shouldn't worry so much. She also asks if he's had a word with Audrey about the salon yet and when she realises he hasn't she goes over to do it herself.
Lewis and Deirdre watch as Claudia gets very flirty with Ken and seem to find it amusing. As they laugh, Gail watches them stonily.
Natasha asks Audrey if she can buy the salon. Audrey is amazed that she hasn't even made a final decision yet and already she has two offers.
Eileen arrives at the cab office and says she has reconsidered their offer. Steve tells them they've dropped it to a 3% raise Eileen accepts 4% but only if they can put 6% on paper as she is trying to get a mortgage and wants it to look like she earns more.
Fiz and Hayley are trying to pick out bridesmaid dresses but each one they choose, Mary puts down. Fiz decides it would be better to do it tomorrow at work and leaves. Mary criticises Hayley's choice of bridesmaid as red hair will clash with the colour scheme but Hayley tells her that's not important as Fiz is practically family. Mary apologises and puts it down to the stress of her role. Roy suggests she abdicates and she glares at him.
Eileen calls round at Molly and Tyrone's and tells them she wants to make an offer on the house. Molly is over the moon and Eileen says they will get the ball rolling on Monday. Tyrone seems less than keen as Molly states that as Eileen is a first time buyer the sale could be through within weeks.
Dev is telling Sunita that his role as father and housekeeper was easy. Sunita says that's good as they are going to extend it over the summer holidays.
Audrey is thanking Lewis for being so good to her. As he goes up for more drinks Gail sits down and criticises Audrey for her choice of man. Audrey apologies and says that she should have told Gail but it's not a big thing, she loves Lewis.
Dev can't handle the thought of a whole six weeks and firmly tells Sunita that, as much as he loves the kids, he isn't extending the arrangement that far. However, when she suggests a childminder he throws that idea aside too.
Rita and Claudia are worse for wear and singing loudly, much to everyone's amusement and Norris' critical eye, who warns that they will feel the consequences in the morning.
Audrey is about to leave and Gail catches her to tell her she is rushing into things. Audrey says she is sorry Gail lost Joe but she can't put her own life on hold to be sympathetic to Gail. Gail is outraged and says Audrey is the one who needs sympathy for being so desperate. Audrey bites back that Gail's choice of men is hardly exemplary and Gail shouts that Audrey can hardly talk as she is the one shacking up with a male prostitute. The Rovers descends into silence and Audrey shrugs and says that she doesn't mind that people know Lewis' past. She tells everyone that she used to pay for Lewis' company but then they fell in love as he is the most charming and considerate man she knows. She may be seventy but her life is beginning. As she leads Lewis out, she says pointedly to Gail that people's resentment because they have no one at home waiting for them won't stop her having her life the way she wants it.
And what have we learned tonight?
-Lewis has well practised ‘come to bed' eyes
-Betty is off work with bunions
-According to Eileen the Coronation Street hierarchy is thus: -Gail and Deirdre are the adults, Sean, Maria and Natasha are the kids and Eileen and Norris are the lonely saddos. And if they were all birds, Sean would be an ostrich and Eileen would be a cuckoo. Decipher that if you can!
-A pot of tea and Radio 3 is a great day to end the day (ten points to anyone who can guess which couple are firm believers in that!)
-Time is precious at 70
-Kids can't play horsey when daddy is serving dinner
-Lewis is more smarm than charm
-Claudia fins ties provocative
-A bridesmaid's dress should never upstage the bride... or the cake
-Dev wouldn't last two minutes chasing a buffalo but he could hunt down the cheapest tin of beans in record time!
Most Polite way to describe someone's love life history: "don't worry, he's already had her!" David to Natasha about Nick and Maria
Most arguable claim: "This is a great place to raise a baby!" Tyrone. I'm Amy, who has had more ordeals than most adults, would have something to say about that!
The 'Roy's luck is in' Award: "You know what I fancy after this?" Hayley. Oo-er...
The 'teaching a granny to suck eggs' award: "A man can have worse faults than being friendly" Lewis to Gail who's been married to a cheat a murderer and a suicidal drug addict.
Character most on my wavelength: "Women complain far too much." Amen to that, Dev
Hypocrite of the evening: "don't you think you're rushing things?" Gail to Audrey.
That's all for now!
Written by Damon Rochefort Directed by Tim Dowd
Audrey is basking in the afterglow of high embarrassment now that everyone knows she's shacked up with a former escort. Lewis points out he's done lots of other things (including nude model... at uni!). She facetiously asks if he was a porn star too? She muses that everyone things of her as the classic good time girl, married for money, lording it over people as Lady Mayoress (well, she was, she did and she did!) and she figures the gossip will have spread far and wide. Lewis seems a bit annoyed at her attitude and walks out of the room.
At the Platts', Gail has had a rough night trying to sleep. She asks Natasha to bring down the sheets off her and Nick's bed and she jumps to conclusions that Gail was inferring something mucky was going on when it's just that Monday is sheet washing day. David takes great pleasure in teasing her and Nick turns red. Nick and David then take the mickey out of Audrey with Natasha proves she's just as dim as you thought she was. Nick gets off to work and assures Gail that he doesn't care, Lewis makes Audrey happy and that's all that matters and David agrees.
It's Chesney's 16th birthday and he likes his pressie of new jeans, but then puts a sour face on when he finds out that John picked them out. Fiz goes to put the kettle on and John has a quiet word in Chesney's year to smarten up for Fiz' sake. He brightens up a bit and leaves. John is surprised Cilla didn't remember the birthday but Fiz isn't at all surprised. Cilla gave her 40 fags for her 16th and she didn't even smoke! John thinks Ches should have a birthday party. Fiz suggests that John ask for his job back at the cafe and they can pretend he's lost his pretend job at the furniture shop. John says he'll go talk to Roy but doesn't look very happy about it.
Eileen is looking at Number 9 and tells the Dobbs' that she's interested, barring a look from a proper inspector. Tyrone is not looking too chuffed at the idea and after Eileen leaves, Molly reminds him that they decided together they wanted to move away so he should talk to Kevin sooner than later.
Audrey and Lewis walk towards the salon. Roy is outside sweeping and calls out to them a friendly greeting. Eileen greets them cheerfully too. Audrey takes both greetings as snide remarks though Lewis says it's only what it seems, a greeting. Audrey's paranoia is putting conspiracies in her head. She tells Audrey about a friend that retired to Jamaica country and got herself a toyboy and has never been happier. Audrey then grimaces as Liz comes out the pub door and waves. I think that had more to do with the shimmery Vampira look Liz is sporting today! Lewis wonders if running away solves anything but Audrey thinks it's an attractive idea, selling up everything and running off with him. He's surprised she'd do that for him. She then thinks it's probably a mad idea, they've not known each other long. He makes out that she didn't offend him, pecks her on the cheek and takes his leave.
There's a great pit in the middle of the old Underworld. Hard hatted Nick and Carla come by to check on the progress. It happens to be their tea break and Carla wants the whip snapped. Nick waffles and wibbles but Carla orders that the floor be finished by Monday latest. He can be in charge of that, ok?
In the cafe, John has arrived to talk to Roy but he's busy with the factory order so John sits down to wait. That's all it takes for John to change his mind and disappear. Nobody is surprised are they?
Liz and Eileen are gossiping about Audrey. It's like an American glossy tv show! "Desperate Fishwives" Eileen offers. (HA!) Lewis arrives so the subject is changed. Ken joins him at the bar while another strange man compliments Liz then gives her the eye from over in a booth. Liz tells Eileen that another strange man came up to her that morning and wonders if it's the recent change of perfume. She'd borrowed some of Becky's. Seems to be working! Liz is currently flattered by the attention. That won't last!
Ken and Lewis chat about life in general. Ken says he, as a former escort, is not judging. Ken admits he once had higher ambitions and confesses he had the chance to leave just last year but won't go into details. He avers that there is a certain comfort in familiarity even though there will always be a temptation or a fantasy life out there. He thinks if Lewis puts roots down, he and Audrey could be as happy as Ken and Deirdre are! (ya think?) Lewis looks thoughtful.
After the break, Audrey is leaving a message for Lewis and an apology. David starts again but Audrey cuts him off. Natasha says there's nothing to be an escort. David figures it should be an easy living to make so he might even try it himself. Audrey gets fed up and chucks them both out the door.
In the factory, Sean is looking sad. Sally is getting ready to go running at lunchtime and bemoans the poor working conditions in the new factory. Izzy points out that Janice loves it, feels right at home. Sally, in the line of the night, mutters that trolls traditionally live under bridges, don't they? She goes off and leaves Fiz and Izzy giggling but it doesn't cheer up Sean. Carla is being condescending to Nick, praises Sean for his work but pulls him up for his attitude. She's also narky that Owen seems to have gone off on a family emergency. Izzy says it's likely to do with her sister.
Sally comes into the corner shop for a bottle of water. She tells Molly she's decided to take up running but is having a hard time getting Kevin motivated to run with her like he said he would. How did Molly keep Kevin motivated when they were running? (you don't want to know). Molly implies a reward of a pint at the end usually did the trick. Ah. Sally's surprised that Eileen is keen and then, from up on her high horse, deigns those tiny houses with no gardens as far beneath her now. Molly takes it in her stride. She leaves as Tyrone comes in. He's bottled out of talking to Kevin. Molly scolds him so he says he'll talk to him after work in the Rovers.
Kirk tells Chesney he has to have a party at the weekend. Chesney isn't really interested but Kirk really wants one. Kirk recalls his 16th birthday where he and his mates tried to get into see Boogie Nights but had to watch a kiddie musical instead. Chesney laughs.
Lewis still hasn't got back to Audrey and she seems a bit frustrated. Nick comes in to see her and assures her he isn't at all bothered about Lewis' past. Natasha arrives and is chuffed to see him so he pretends he's come in for a trim. She offers to do it and Audrey asks her to close up.
Fiz asks Sean why he got drunk last night. Sean says he had got depressed looking at pictures of Dylan. Fiz warns Sean that Liz better not find out about him using her identity. Sean comments that Liz can't even work the till properly let alone a computer (which Violet would know, so it's surprising she hasn't figured it out!) Fiz is going in to make something for Ches's birthday tea and Sean heads to the pub. Across the road, Audrey is leaving yet another message. Gail approaches and apologizes to her mother. Audrey grudgingly accepts it, saying that she goes out with who she pleases. They go across to the pub together, though...
Where a scruffy biker is chatting up Liz. Sean and Liz and Michelle have a laugh just as Audrey comes in with Gail and Audrey of course, thinks they're all talking and laughing about her! Gail doesn't think so. Sean teases Liz who is still a bit flattered at the attention from these strange men. She asks Audrey about Lewis and Audrey is defensive and she's worried that Lewis might have decided to pack her in. Gail apologizes again. Liz brings over a bottle of wine and tells Audrey that it doesn't matter what Lewis used to do, she thinks he's gorgeous. The conversation turns to Gail's past men and how Audrey didn't think any of them were good for her daughter. Audrey agrees, she was right, too! Gail takes umbrage and gets all offended because she's a recent widow and walks away from the table to the loo.
At the bar, Liz is squirting on some more of Becky's perfume, thinking that's the reason for all the attention. Sean decides to douse himself with it too, if that's the effect it has. Eileen tells a newly arrived Tyrone that she's been to the bank and got her application for a mortgage in. Tyrone looks glum. Lewis finally arrives to Audrey's relief. He was down at the travel agent and has some brochures for Alonysus (however it's spelled) and suggests they go for a weekend to have a look. If they like it, they could move there permanently! She's tickled and hugs him joyfully just as Gail returns. She tells Gail that they're going to Greece for a weekend holiday.
And that's yer lot for this first half...
John and Fiz are at the breakfast table. He's bright and cheery, she's not happy. She goes off to get ready for work and as she goes, John gets a message on his phone from Charlotte, telling him to meet her outside. Grabbing the almost full bottle of washing up liquid, he shouts up to her that they're almost out and he's going to get more. Outside, Charlotte is standing by her car. "What're you planning on doing with that?" she asks, eyeing the washing up liquid. John wants to get away as quickly as possible before anyone sees them. "It's like we're under cover, isn't it?" she grins, loving every minute. They get into the car and drive off, but Fiz has come downstairs looking for John and looks out of the window......
David and Natasha are in the salon, leafing through Audrey's Greek brochures. She comes out from the back and snatches them away. "Just seeing what you're blowing my inheritance on," jokes David. Audrey says they're just going on holiday for a few days, but eventually confesses that the purchase of a small hotel is a distinct possibility. Just then Maria comes in and when she finds out what they're doing she says that if Audrey's selling up then she's keen to buy. Natasha snaps that she feels the same so Maria will just have to join the queue. David says he'd be happy to run the place if Audrey's just looking for a manager. Audrey snaps at all of them, saying nothing is decided yet.
John and Charlotte are parked in a leafy suburb. She tells him that Colin won't change his mind, he's got a job in a bookshop and needs his name and National Insurance number to work. "We could try and get him the sack," she giggles. John, however, accepts defeat. "That's it, it's over," he says. Charlotte asks where the old John has gone, the one that's mad, bad and dangerous to know? John says that as of tomorrow he's going to be down the job centre. Charlotte tries seduction. "Why don't we go somewhere quiet, we can chat, talk about your other options?" John says he's not in the mood and gets out of the car. (I don't know how far it is, but it looks like it's a long way from Coronation Street - one would have thought she would have driven him back!)
The machinists are working and chatting. Well, most of them are, Janice is reading a magazine and chatting. They discuss moving back to the refurbished factory. Janice asks Izzy how long her dad is going to take to finish the job. Izzy doesn't know, and thinks it could be creepy over there, with the ghost of Tony Gordon rattling around. Janice tries to bring Fiz in on the conversation but Fiz's thoughts are elsewhere.
In Lloyd's flat, Cheryl, newspaper in hand, is phoning round for jobs, but without success. Russ comes in then, he's seen an ad for a football training camp and he'd really like to go. Cheryl tells him she can't afford it. He begs, saying it could be his Christmas present, but she hasn't got the money, and he goes off in a bit of a sulk. Lloyd tells her he could lend her the money, but Cheryl won't hear of it.
Sally goes to the garage to see Kevin. She wants to know if he's had a chance to make Tyrone an offer for his share of the business. Kevin says yes, but they haven't signed anything yet. Sally tells him he should put pressure on Tyrone to sign an agreement straight away in case he realises he can get a better deal. Kevin says he's not going to stitch him up, he's a mate. "I owe him," he tells Sally. "For what?" says Sally. Kevin hesitates. "Nothing," he says, finally.
Audrey meets Gail in the Street. Gail tells her that Lewis is not the man she would have chosen for Audrey (since when did children choose their parents friends?) and moving abroad with someone she's only just met is risky. Audrey confesses that she's nervous about it, but is also worried that she might otherwise lose her last chance of happiness.
Sophie and Sian are discussing the forthcoming music festival that they really want to go to. Sophie points out that she's going to ask her mum when Sally gets back. Sian wonders if they should do the hoovering to get Sally in a good mood. Sophie says that there's one thing she's learnt from Rosie, apart from how to dress like a hooker, is that if she wants something it's best to ask straight out. Just then Sally and Kevin come through the door in the middle of a very heated discussion. Looks like it's not the right time to be asking.....
Fiz arrives home for lunch and finds John sitting on the sofa. She tells him she saw him getting into Charlotte's car. John says it's not what she thinks. "Knowing you it's probably worse," says Fiz. John says that Charlotte came because Colin has a job and wants the documents that John took from him. "What's that got to do with her?" demands Fiz. John says she just came to pick them up. Fiz shouts at him, wanting to know why he had to hide it from her. He says he didn't want to her to worry and get upset. "I am upset!" shouts Fiz, adding that she's sick of him sneaking about and lying, she wants it to stop, now. Just then there's a knock at the door. Fiz opens it and in bursts the same violent man from a few days before. "What do you want?" asks John. "I think you know the answer to that," says the man, locking the door. John tells him he's already told him everything he knows. The man tells him he doesn't believe Colin is in Canada, a mate saw him at the Arndale centre. He then threatens violence if John doesn't tell him where Colin is, but John remains silent. Eventually Fiz blurts out that Colin is working in a bookshop in town but she doesn't know which one. "There can't be that many, you're bound to find him," says Fiz. The man leaves, but says that if he can't, he'll be back.
Lewis turns up at the bookshop, and after checking with Deirdre that Leanne is on a break, produces a bottle of red wine. He tells her how he and Audrey are planning a trip to Greece, which obviously comes as a bit of shock to her. "Enjoy the wine," he says, and leaves.
Back at Fiz's house, he tells her she shouldn't have told the bloke where Colin was. She says she thought he was going to kill John. "I must warn him." says John, but Fiz won't let him. "No more Colin, no more Charlotte, no more lies, I want it to stop," she says, "it's over!"
Sophie and Sian finally get round to telling Sally and Kevin about the festival. "What's that, like a fete?" asks Sally. They explain that it's a music festival and it's on for four days and they take their own tent. "No chance!" says Sally, firmly. "I'm not having you camping in a field with a bunch of hippies taking drugs!" Sophie begs and pleads but Sally won't budge. "It's not that I don't trust you, but you're not old enough," she says. "Dad?" Sophie implores her father, but Kevin says he agrees with Sally on this one.
Deirdre is in the pub and has told Liz about Lewis and the bottle of wine. Liz thinks he's after something, but Deirdre says he's happy with Audrey. As they're talking they notice a man standing a little way away eyeing up Liz. Eventually comes over and says hello. "Do I know you?" asks Liz. "You should do, I poked you the other night," he says. Liz looks shocked. "I beg your pardon?" she says. He repeats that he poked her, a couple of times. "Out!" she says, pushing him out of the door. Meanwhile Sean is standing at the bar looking guilty and worried. As she shuts the door, Deirdre asks who it was. Liz is adamant that she's never seen him before. "And how did he know your name?" asks Deirdre. Liz doesn't know. "I think I know a man who does though," mutters Michelle, staring at Sean.
Lloyd is outside the taxi office when Cheryl and Russ come along. She's just bought him a new football. Lloyd tells Russ that Claire's Joshua is going to a local footie school and she could get him in. "How much is it?" asks Russ. Lloyd tells him it's free. "That means it'll be pants," says Russ, his face falling. Cheryl tells him sharply that Lloyd is doing him a favour and tells him to thank him. As he and Lloyd run off with the football for a kick about, Cheryl takes a phone call. "Chris, leave us alone," she says.
Back in the pub, Sean tells Michelle that one night, when bored and drunk, he went into an internet chat room using Liz's screen name. "It was just a bit of fun," he says, "I wasn't to know they'd all start turning up here by the coach load." Michelle tells him if he can't delete Liz's page, to remove her personal details - i.e. her job as landlady of the Rover's Return.
Maria comes into the pub and sees Audrey and Lewis. She starts chatting, obviously hinting about buying the salon, but Audrey tells her that she's enjoying some peace and quiet and will not be making any decisions until she gets back.
John is at home alone when there's a knock on the door. It's Colin, with a badly bruised face and bloody lip. "What happened?" he asks as Colin pushes past him and walks in. "Take a wild guess!" says Colin, and tells him that he's lost his job and had seven bells kicked out of him because of John. (Oh, nothing to do with his own behaviour with the man's wife then?) John tells him that it was Fiz who told where Colin could be found, and asks if there's anything he can do. "Oh there is," says Colin, "and you're going to do it!"
In the salon, David and Natasha start arguing over who is going to do Gail's hair. As Audrey tries to sort it out, Lewis comes in. Audrey sends David and Natasha off on a break and then goes out to the back. Left alone with Gail, Lewis tells her he's very fond of her mother and only wants what's best for her. Gail replies that that is one thing they have in common. "Then we understand each other." says Lewis.
Colin tells John that he wants two thousand pounds in order to get away from the psychopath who has threatened to break both his legs. John tells him he doesn't have that sort of money and tells him to be reasonable. Colin says he's been nothing but reasonable so far, he said nothing while John was pretending to be him. "You are going to find me two thousand pounds by tomorrow or the next person through that door will be the police!"
Hello and welcome to another Friday and the first of two episodes shown in the UK.
We're in the ginnel, watching John Stape in the yard talking to Colin Fishwick on the phone. He's interrupted by Fiz and blusters his way round her questions. She's off to work but Chesney's staying home to get ready for his party.
Audrey and Lewis leave some luggage at Gail's so they can leave as soon as Audrey finishes work.
Michelle tackles Sean about taking Liz's contact details off the website. He claims he has but then admits maybe he hasn't because Violet has replied to Liz again. She said she thought she'd treated Sean badly. He tells Michelle he sent a strongly worded reply from Liz and now wishes there was an Unsend button (Don't we all?).
John's in the house now, trying to get a loan or increase his overdraft but with no success. He looks down and sees a roll of money on Chesney's gear. He seriously considers taking it but Chesney comes down, grabs it and heads off to the shops.
In the cafe, a sound system is being moved in ready for the party. Hayley's flapping about and tells Roy she's getting streamers, banners and plenty of balloons.
At a table, Lloyd wants to help young Russ get new football boots so he can go to football camp but Cheryl tells him he doesn't need to help. They show her their sulking faces and she agrees but says she's coming with them.
Chesney's in the shop inviting Sophie and Sian to the party. They're a bit amused by his eagerness but agree to come. Kirk's there trying to buy vodka but Sophie's too young to sell it to him. She doesn't know he's buying it for Chesney. Kirk and Chesney are outside the shop when Sunita returns and follow her back in, hoping to get the vodka.
Sean rushes into the street from the pub, telling Fiz he's texting Michelle and asking her to make some excuse to Carla for his being late back to work. Fiz spots Kirk coming out of the shop and races down the street to talk to him. He quickly puts his hands behind his back, a bottle of vodka in each, and Chesney grabs them and scoots away around the corner with them. Fiz has come to ask Kirk if he can make sure none of Chesney's mates try to smuggle booze into the party.
Charlotte can't believe Colin Fishwick is a blackmailer. John's sorry he phoned her, but not half as sorry as he'll be if Fiz finds Charlotte in her house again! He tells Charlotte he can't go to prison again. He couldn't stand it. But he doesn't have two thousand pounds, either.
Sean's at Michelle's flat trying to write a fix-it message to Violet from Liz. He's blaming the strong message on "Liz" being drunk. He sends the message then suddenly realises what the time is.
Audrey's inherited a cast-off computer from the medical centre and already has it set up so she can transfer her client list. Natasha offers to help. Maria has just sorted through all the supplies and cleaned out everything's that out of date. When Audrey can't read her own handwriting, Maria helps out so Audrey suggests she read and Natasha type. "You're not as daft as you look, are you?" David says to her quietly. Audrey denies knowing what he's talking about.
John and Charlotte say goodbye out in the street. She's going to try to get some money and come back, but it won't be the full two thousand. Charlotte says Colin is a coward and wants the money so he can run away. "He might settle for a Saver to Stockport. Putting you in prison won't get him any nearer Canada, will it?" She tells John to trust her and to smile. "You're not on your own now!"
In the pub, Liz has noticed there are not so many weirdoes. Michelle answers the phone. It's Violet. Unfortunately, Liz is close enough to hear, so Michelle can't make any excuses. Michelle hovers, though, so she can hear Liz's confusion when Violet talks to her about some message. Sounds like it's all up for Sean!
In a booth, Ken and Deirdre talk to Lewis and Audrey about Greece. David arrives with Audrey's case and tells her the taxi is outside. He's left Natasha and Maria codebreaking Audrey's client list. She tells Ken and Deirdre there are some advantages to having them competing for her attention. Once she and Lewis have left the pub, Deirdre wonders whether they'll get on as well once they're on their own in Greece. "I give them ten minutes once they're on their own." Ken says they look good as a couple. Audrey looks 20 years younger. That doesn't please Deirdre at all.
Michelle leaves a panicked message for Sean but Liz overhears and realises who's been posing as her. "I'll kill him!" She tells Michelle not to warn him. "I want to see the whites of his eyes!"
John flaps about telling Fiz and Chesney they're going to be late for the party. He'll be right behind but he's just got an email from an employment agency, he says. We can see Charlotte out in the yard, waiting, and so can John, but Fiz seems to have gone blind. She and Chesney go off and John lets Charlotte into the room. She managed to get five hundred pounds, a list of cheap one-way flights to Canada, and plans to flirt with Colin too. John swears that if this works he'll make sure no-one ever has to put themselves out for him like this again.
Sean dashes into the pub, late for his shift. Michelle grabs him and begins: "Liz . . ." ". . . is behind you," finishes Liz. She demands to know what the hell Sean was playing at. She wonders what would have happened if one of the weirdoes had been an axe murderer. "And if you think that Violet is ever going to speak to you again, you're deluded!"
John's quoting Keats' "On Solitude" at Charlotte. She praises his teaching and he agrees he'll give her champagne and oysters once all this is over. He staves off her attempt at a kiss, saying he loves Fiz. Colin Fishwick arrives and demands his money. Charlotte says he should listen to what they've got to say first.
The cafe's full of rowdy kids and confused adults. Oh, and Kirk, who could be in either category, even if he is 28. He's pouring vodka into the punch. Roy's worried Chesney's low-slung pants will actually fall down.
Sunita meets Lloyd, Cheryl and Russ coming out of her house. They've been showing Claire the new boots. Lloyd and Russ race off to have a kick-about and Russ runs around the corner and right into his dad.
Colin's annoyed they don't have all the money. The phone rings and rings. We know it's Fiz but nobody answers. Colin's really angry and demands the rest of the money. He starts to call the police. Charlotte makes to grab the phone off him. He staggers, then stops and drops to the floor. "I didn't touch him," she says. John drops down beside Colin and checks for a pulse. "He's dead." Uh oh.
More coming in episode two.
Here's part two and we're straight back into the action...John Fish-Stape has a body on his hands and a somewhat hysterical Charlotte hanging in the background. Charlotte suggests an ambulance but Colin is very clearly dead, as John soon points out. Going to the police isn't an option, John says. He will end up back in jail for this. Charlotte tries to assure him that he can't get the blame for this but John reminds her that once they find out he had stolen his identity, he's got an excellent motive for murder. And Charlotte had better be prepared to get dragged down too.
The party is kicking off at Roy's Rolls, with Roy innocently sipping a glass of the punch. Kirk asks Chesney how it feels to be sixteen and Chesney replies that he didn't know it was meant to feel any different. Sophie has clicked that the punch contains alcohol so warns Sian to go easy. Izzy comes in with a young companion and Chesney's chin almost hits the floor. Kirk tells him that it's Izzy's younger sister, Katy.
John is rifling through Colin's pockets. Charlotte demands to know what he is doing and John tells her that the only way they can get away with it is to get Colin's body back to the B and B. Charlotte tells him that he's mad but John cries that they have no other option. They find a key for the B and B and John gets Charlotte to look up the address in the Yellow Pages. John dashes upstairs and grabs a roll of carpet. Charlotte asks what he's doing with that and he snaps that it would look nice in front of the fire. He proceeds to roll Colin's body into the carpet and Charlotte reluctantly helps.
Chris is reading a chapter of a book to Russ. Russ tells him that he's got new football boots. Chris slyly comments that Cheryl must have increased her rates and Lloyd warns him to shut up.
Fiz is getting exasperated by John's absence and tells Kirk that she is going to go and find him. Meanwhile, Chesney is boasting to Katy that he runs his own business, much to the amusement of Sophie, Sian and Izzy.
Fiz comes home and is confused to find it empty. The back door is standing wide open so Fiz heads out and calls for John, who is hidden behind a gate with Charlotte and Carpet-Colin. Charlotte is shaking and reaches out for John's hand but takes Colin's instead. Luckily Fiz doesn't notice her scream.
Liz is telling Sean that what he did was unforgiveable and he bursts into tears and says that he doesn't think things through and always messes things up. Dylan is probably better off without him.
Charlotte and John come out of hiding when Fiz disappears and Charlotte drops Colin and says she can't carry him. John rushes over to the wheelie bin outside and starts flinging bin bags out onto the ground. Norris comes out next door and John pushes Charlotte out of sight. Norris is aghast by the sight he sees and demands to know what John is doing as there have been rats lately. John says he is looking for a present of Chesney's he accidentally threw out but he will put the bin bags back. Norris warns him that he had better and he will be back out to check. Realising there is no time to waste, John gets Charlotte to help him bundle Carpet-Colin into the bin.
John and Charlotte are rolling the body filled bin and stop at the corner shop. John tells Charlotte to go and open her car but she is stunned to realise her car has been blocked in. John is beginning to panic and Charlotte is about to try and persuade him that calling the police is still an option when Owen comes out of the factory and sticks his key in the car. John is relieved...until Owen just throws something in, re-locks it and heads into the Rovers. He tells Charlotte that all they need to do is get Carpet-Colin into her boot, even if she can't drive away yet.
Roy and Hayley are getting quite merry on the punch as Fiz continues to worry about John's whereabouts. Mary comes in and seems offended that she wasn't invited but Hayley assures her it is Chesney's do, not theirs.
Chesney asks Katy how old she is. She asks why and he replies he was just wanting to make conversation unless she wants to do something else. She whispers that seeing as he is now legal, they should sneak out together and have a ride. Chesney's eyes light up in shock and delight until he realises that Katy is actually suggesting that they take Izzy's electric wheelchair out for a spin
Chris is telling Lloyd that his family life is none of his business but Lloyd assures him otherwise. They are about to square up to eachother when Russ comes out of his room and asks why they are shouting. Chris reassures him and sends him back to bed but before he leaves he warns Cheryl and Lloyd that they aren't taking his kid away from him.
Charlotte opens her boot and is just clearing a space when Rita taps John on the shoulder and yells that she's caught him. She accuses him of doing an Eddie Windass and dividing rubbish among bins but at his panicked look she laughs and says she is joking. John laughs overly hard at this. Rita holds out her hand to Charlotte and John explains that she is a colleague and he is just giving her a carpet he has no space for. Rita strokes the carpet and says it's a beauty. When she has gone, Charlotte says that he slammed the boot shut in fright and locked her keys inside...her other set are at home! John spots Norris snooping around nearby and pushes the bin into the wrecked factory.
Sean is back behind the bar and Michelle claims he is jammy. Liz warns Sean to delete everything as soon as he gets home.
At the bar, Carla is looking for updates on the factory. They decide to go over and have a look around after they finish the drink
Liz goes into the back and phones Violet.
John and Charlotte are in the factory and bickering over whose fault the situation is. John eventually relents and thanks Charlotte for helping him. As they wonder what they are going to do, John spots a big pit in which they can hide the body. Charlotte points out the builders will notice it but John tells her they will come and get it again before that happens, they just need somewhere to store Carpet-Colin until Charlotte gets her other set of keys.
Katy is pushing Chesney in the wheelchair but Owen storms over much to Katy's dismay and shouts that it isn't a toy. Izzy calls over that she let them use it but Owen has smelt drink on Katy and yells at Roy and Hayley that they should be ashamed of themselves for supplying alcohol to 16 year olds. Chesney confesses that he was the one who spiked the punch and Owen drags Katy away while Carla wonders when they are going to make progress on the factory.
John tells Charlotte to come back tomorrow at 5.30 am and to get some rest. She tells him that she will never be able to rest again.
Sean is in the process of deleting Liz's online networking pages when a message pops up. A Picture of Dylan with the message ‘HI DAD!!' beside it reduces Sean to tears.
Roy is aghast that he and Hayley have been involved in the spiked punch escapade but Mary asks for the recipe. As Fiz tells Chesney off he's wondering whether he's messed things up with Katy. John comes in and explains to Fiz that he had to go and get another ink cartridge for the printer. She reminds him that it's bin day tomorrow and he tells her wearily that he's already taken the bin out for the night.
So what have we learned tonight, apart from John is the undisputed
master of terrible plans?
-You can do the following amazing things when you're 16. You can ‘you know...do it...like', you can pilot a glider, you can ride a 50cc moped and you can drive invalid carriages.
-Colin was staying at Deanway Guest House
-Kirk suits Hawaiian shirts
-Sean doesn't suit fluffy pink wrist warmers
-Chesney's business involves buying, selling, ducking and diving.
-Kirk is the Rodney to Chesney's Del Boy (One for the 'Only Fools and Horses fans)
-Tears dissolve granite before they get through to Liz
-Sean slides down learning curves
-A fig roll eating rat the size of Chesney's dog is doing the rounds on the Coronation Street back alleys.
-Snoop Dogg wants a role in Coronation Street
-Liz's heart is as soft as Sean's head
-Liz had a huge following on the oil riggers network page
-Fiz can't pronounce the following words when intoxicated: Roy, Hayley and pimpernel
Worst case of wishful thinking: "There's no way they can link us to this!" John to Charlotte about Colin's death.
Understatement of the week: "I've had better weeks" John. Mind you, he's had worse too
Most questionable fetish: "I could do with some Oompa Loompas myself" Cheryl
Most unwelcome reminder: "You know what I'm like!" Sean. Sadly, yes...
Most agreeable statement: "I would have made him laugh!" Sean about Dylan
Worst advert for feminism: "I'm not safe behind a wheel." Charlotte. Is any woman...?
Most understandable sentiment: "Would you like a punch Mary? Nothing would give me more pleasure than to deliver you a punch" Roy
Most laughable statement: "It's your lucky day love." Rita to Charlotte. I'd hate to see her unlucky ones!
That's all this week
Until next time