By 'eck, a cracker of a week on the Street when Sally finally finds out the truth about husband Kev and nasty Natalie.
Sally starts to get suspicious about Natalie but when she asks Bill about it, he denies there's anything going on. However, when she walks into the Rovers to find Kevin and Natalie holding hands, she's even more convinced that Kevin is up to no good. Kevin tells Sally he has to go to Oldham on a break-down but Chris tells Sally that the breakdown was only a few streets away. Sally knows that Kev was lying to her, and suspects he's with Natalie. She zooms off in her car to Natalie's house, only to find Kevin and Natalie looking at her out of the bedroom window, Kevin with no shirt on too!
As he runs down the stairs fastening up his trousers, Sally brays on the front door, screaming and crying. Natalie lets Sally into the house, and Sally punches and hits Kevin as hard as she can, screaming at him all the time. She turns and runs out of the house, without giving Kevin a chance to say anything and drives back to Coronation Street. (I was hoping, at this point, when she left Natalie's house that she'd give Natalie a thump, for the sake of the nation, round her ear hole too, but sadly, she didn't). Kevin follows Sally back to their house on the Street where he tries to defend his actions, blaming it all on Sally "You were away. I missed you. I wanted a wife" and then the classic "Well, other men do it!". She finally tells Kev to leave, she doesn't want him anymore, and after a great episode with excellent acting from Sally, she finally broke down in tears (and so did I).
Bill tells Kev he must apologise to Sally but Kevin thinks it's up to Sally to save their marriage (huh!). Sally bundles the girls into the car and drives off to her mum's in Scarborough, stopping at Natalie's house en-route so that Kevin can say goodbye to his children. Despite Natalie trying to calm Kevin down with talk of divorce, Kevin realises the magnitude of what he's done, and he drives off to Scarborough after Sally.
Meanwhile, elsewhere on the Street, things are a little quieter. In the Rovers, Jack isn't amused when Alec decides to buy a shelf for the bar, without discussing the purchase with himself and Vera. Jack decides all decisions should be made in formal minuted meetings and is dead against buying the bar shelf. Unfortunately for Jack, Vera sides with Alec, but Jack tells Vera they should watch their backs and not let Alec make all the decisions around the place. Alec presents both Rita and Vera with a peace lilly (and the word he was looking for was spathiphyllum wallisii) to say sorry to both Rita for upsetting her over the purchase of the Rovers, and to Vera for upsetting things at the Rovers (although Rita is less than impressed with a £2.50 pot plant).
Steve McDonald comes into the salon for a hair cut and just as Fiona starts to wash his hair, in walks Alan who gets all upset about it. Fiona has a word with Jim (keep your eye on these two, rumour has it they are about to have an affair) and asks Jim to tell Steve to keep away from her. Steve is sure that he has a future with Fiona until Jim passes on Fiona's message. Des tells Angie that he wants Chris to move out, he feels the house isn't big enough for three adults but really, we know that he wants Angie to himself. Angie tells him that if Chris moves out, she'll move out so Des relents and lets them both stay. He keeps having digs at Chris about his time in Africa, wondering if his stories are true, but Angie defends Chris.
Zoe the young slapper turns up at Gary and Judy's door with all her wordly belongings strapped to her back. Judy takes pity on her and invites her in to stay, feeds her up for a few days and tells Gary she wants to adopt Zoe's baby. Gary thinks the idea is ludicrous (and so do I) and finally gets Zoe to leave after fixing up an appointment for her with the social services. He tells Zoe to leave a note for Judy saying thankyou and goodbye, and acts all innocent like when Judy finds the note, pretending that he didn't know Zoe was going to leave.
Maud isn't best pleased that Maureen has been selling Fred Eliot's meat pies in the corner shop, even though they all got sold. Fred makes a date with Maureen but fails to turn up after he falls and hurts himself after a rather silly game of golf in which he partnered young Ashley to compete against Mike Baldwin and Curly. Maureen thinks she's been stood up but she doesn't know that poor Fred is still lying in a ditch on a golf course in the middle of nowhere. Let's hope he's out of there for next week's update!
The update this week is dedicated to all the great people I met at the ratucs international contress this weekend. (For the uninitiated, ratucs is the acronym for the newsgroup rec.arts.tv.uk.coronation.st, and contress is ratucs-speak for meeting!) A whole bunch of us ratucs regulars met up at ITV Studios on Sunday 6th July, and by 'eck chuck, it was a grand day. I also apologise in advance for the spelling errors and typos I'm bound to leave in my updates from now on, as I'm posting straight to AOL newsgroups. If anyone can tell me either how to check my spelling off-line before I post, or how I can cut and paste into a newsgroup from Word 6 (it won't let me), I'd be over the moon to hear from you.
Anyway, on with the good stuff.
My husband Steve is a bit of a TV psychic. He guessed a long, long, time ago that Jon the airline pilot was up to no good and it looks as if he's going to be proved right - again! Ken spots Jon buying a bottle of Brandy in Firman's, brandy which he later presents to Deirdre, telling her that he bought it in the duty free shop in between flights. Something strange is going on with this bloke. Ken tells Deirdre he saw Jon in the store and Deirdre asks Jon about the brandy, but Jon changes his story, saying that he bought the brandy in Firmans as he didn't have enough time to buy it in the airport. All is not as it seems then, but who cares when he's making Deirdre happy?
Alma is made "Employee of the month" at Firmans which is a bit of a surprise as she's only been there wielding her scanner for a few days. Eric Firman puts a huge poster of Alma on the wall in the store. He's keen to get Alma into advertising for his store and gets Curly involved in his plot too. Alma is a little bemused by it all, but she's probably secretly flattered, I know I would!
Fred eventually gets off the golf course after falling in pain at the end of the golf game. Maureen is less than amused with Fred's disappearance, she assumes he's gone off on a drinking binge and thinks the worst of him. Meanwhile, back at Fred's house, Ashley and Maxine are making the most of their privacy when Maxine promises to 'dance' for Ashley as soon as he comes back with a bottle of (red) wine (what else?) from the shop. However, while Ashley is out, Fred returns on crutches in an ambulance, and is somewhat astounded to enter his house to find Maxine prancing around in her birthday suit. Maureen calls to see Fred and finds out what happened to him, thoughts of impending doom and his own mortality are foremost in his head and he tells Maureen he'll change his will so that he'll leave everything to her, I say, everything to her. Unfortunately, Ashley hears everything as he's accidently eavesdropping at the door and gets a bit miffed, so Fred agrees to change his will so that Ashley inherits the shop but everything else goes to Maureen. After rolling his eyes at her in the Rovers, Steve McDonald calls at the salon to see Maxine again. They end up with a bottle of (less passionate) white wine and the two of them go upstairs to Fiona's flat where they end up playing tonsil hockey. Maxine pulls away, feeling guilty about Ashley but Steve lays a vague threat about telling all to Ashley and calling her a tease before storming out of the flat.
After last week's gripping Kevin/Sally/Natalie update, this week was a bit flat. Kevin leaves Sally's mum's house in Scarborough after Sally tells him she doesn't want him around, and as he's leaving, little Sophie runs after his van. She ends up getting lost, and Sally assumes Kevin has taken her with him, but he's as distraught as Sally when he finds out that his daughter is missing. They call the police to help find her, but she's on the beach with a coastguard when Sally and Kev finally find her. It looked as if the missing child might just bring Sally and Kev back together again, but Sally is sticking to her guns and tells Kevin to leave. Natalie's still sniffing around Kevin but he tells her it's over and she actually sprouted water from her eyes. Meanwhile, Rita calls round to see Kevin, giving him a blasting for having the affair with Natalie (and this was a great scene that got a big cheer at the ratucs special screening!) and then she blasts Natalie when she goes into the Kabin. Kevin pleads with Bill to see Sally on his behalf, to beg her for Kevin's forgiveness and ask her to return home. However, when Bill goes to Scarborough to see Sally, she tells him that she's never going back to Kevin. "Never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never" (yes, she really said that).
Ken wears heavy cardigans as he worries what his future will hold when he's made redundant from the school this summer.
There's a tender moment between Des and Mavis when Des calls into the Kabin and they end up talking, in a round about way, about Derek before both changing the subject and pretending to be jolly.
And last, and by every means, least, the "family from hell" arrived on the street this week. I normally write new and exciting things first in the updates, but these 'Parks-ensteins' monsters deserve to come last. Mum is Janice Battersby, who works for Mike Baldwin, dad Les is a scheming layabout who steals Bill Webster's cordless power drill and then sells it on to Roy in the cafe. Daughters Toyah and Leanne are brain dead and loud mothed, ex-pupils of Ken Barlow. They go shop-lifting at Firmans and draw a moustache on Alma's poster with the words "I'm a sad old bag" alongside her face, and they pull a book from Percy's hand and throw it into the street when he asks them to turn down their boom-box. These are not nice characters, I don't want them on my favourite show. We're used to "common"... Jack and Vera were common, Judy and Gary were common, but these people are thieves and scum. The only place on the street they belong is in the toilet-pan at the Rovers. Let's hope they do something to change my mind before next week's update - I'm waiting to be entertained.
Glenda
I'd quite like to report that the Battersby's have settled in well and are getting on with the neighbours - but alas, they haven't and they're not. Despite some good acting from the chap who plays dad Les, I still can't see why this gruesome lot have been let loose on a show like Coronation Street. Upset with the amount of noise from their new neighbours, Percy and Emily complain to the council who tell them to start recording in a book details of the mayhem the new family are causing "I've filled in 32 pages in 2 days" moans Percy. They enlist Ken to tell the Battersby clan to keep the noise down but all Ken gets is a load of abuse and the door slammed in his face. Curly also joins the small band of protestors, and he finally seems to get co-operation when they promise to turn off the music at 9pm each evening. Curly takes to bed to catch up on lost sleep only to be woken at 10pm when they turn the racket back on. It's too much for Curly to take, he's had enough of the lot of them and storms next door, banging on the Battersby's front door, storms upstairs and throws their CD player out of the window, smashing it on the cobbles. Les is just coming home and sees Curly damaging the CD player, and he head butts him - poor Curly. In the cafe, Bill Webster spots Roy's new drill and recognises it as the one he had stolen by Les Battersby. Les agrees to refund Roy the money he paid for the stolen drill but only gives him £10 instead of the £50 Roy has paid. For this new family to be thieves, liars, cheats, and violent is too much already. For them to belittle characters like Roy and be violent against Curly is beyond the pale.
Sally comes back to the Street. Kevin thinks his luck is in and prepares dinner for Sally with (hopeful..) white wine, but when Sally arrives back home, she orders Kevin out of the house and he wanders morosely down the back lane all the way to his dad's place where he's staying for a while. Meanwhile, Natalie arrives at Sally's house, expecting to see Kevin, she doesn't yet know that Sally is back home! When Sally answers the door, Natalie is more than a little surprised and Sally is very cool towards Natalie, who starts to walk away from the house when she finds out Kev isn't there. But Sally isn't finished with her yet. "Oh Natalie..?" she coos, all innocent like. "Yes?" says Natalie, turning to face Sally - only to receive a big slap across her chops from Sally. The nation cheered - at least it did in our house. Natalie confides all to Audrey Roberts (who we all know has 'discreet' as a middle name, right?) in the Rovers, saying she still loves Kev and can't believe it's all over. (It isn't - she's in the show until Christmas and rumour has it she's pregnant). Rita catches Sally in the Street and tells her she's happy to have her back at home, but Sally gives Rita an earful, saying that she should have rang her at Scarborough as soon as she knew about Kevin's affair.
Andy McDonald gets a 2:2 BA degree and the McDonalds have a champagne celebration for him. However, in the middle of this family scene, in walks the police who take Steve away for questioning about a stolen van load of whisky. Steve is innocent of course, the night of the burglary he was with Maxine but she doesn't want to let Ashley know she was with Steve so she lies and says she wasn't with Steve. He's taken to prison for 48 hours and set free without being charged after Maxine confesses all in the police station. She also confesses to Ashley and he's okay about it, they kiss and make up. However, Fiona isn't best pleased with Alan, she assumes he had Steve arrested on false charges because he was jealous of her relationship with Steve and she has a moan at him about this. Alan tells her he can't take any more of being second best to Steve McDonald, tells Fiona that she obviously still loves Steve and walks out on her, calling off their engagement! "Where are you going?" asks Fiona, to which he replies "I'm going to walk out of that door, and I'm never coming back" (This got a cheer in our house too, I've never liked that Alan bloke).
Alma is a bit perturbed about the huge posters of her which are plastered all over Firmans Freezers. Eric Firman reckons the increase in sales is all due to Alma, her face is moving frozen sprouts like nobody's business and he's very happy. Although the posters of Alma are all well and good, she doesn't look half as nice as she did when she was driving for "Glam-cabs".
Judy gets her appointment for her operation at hospital (the NHS is moving as quickly as ever I notice, the operation is scheduled for January 98!) but she tells Gary she isn't going to go through with the op, she's given up and wants to accept that she can't have children. Gary isn't so keen to give up hope, and can't understand Judy's change of mind.
And finally, for the past few weeks Roy has been saving up some vouchers which will enable him to take a trip to Paris. He's almost saved enough vouchers for his trip. Will he go? Who will he take? And will he be flown there by Deirdre's boyfriend Jon or will he spy Jon working in the airport Sock-Shop? For the answers to these questions and more, much more, tune in next week.
Oh well! Guess who did what to whom this week on Eastend.. sorry.. Coronation Street!
Fiona, still distraught over the break up with sunny-jim Alan me-lad, confides in Jim McDonald and has a few tears on his (rather broad and welcoming) shoulder. Jim calls at the salon to see Fiona as he knows she's still upset about Alan, and before you know it, they're playing tonsil hockey, so they are. Fortunately for all concerned, we're spared the intimate details but the question on my lips is "Did Jim give Fiona the Ulster fry?". I think we should be told. Afterwards, Fiona is trying her best to ignore Jim and goes in search of Alan to beg him to come back to her, but he's not interested. Jim tells Fiona he can't stop thinking about her, he thinks he's fallen in love with her and while he's pouring out his lovelorn ramblings in Fiona's flat, in walks Alan and Fiona is all over him like a rash. Jim leaves, all miserable and feeling foolish and while I felt sorry for him, husband Steve (him indoors) commented "Jimbo, 'tis better to have bonked and lost than never to have bonked at all, so it is". That's when I threw the dog at him.
Meanwhile, Kevin and the old lothario Ken Barlow are having a heart to heart over a plastic cup of whisky outside the garage. Kev is desolate, he doesn't know what to do with his life. Ken (who we all know, has plenty of experience with the opposite sex) gave Kevin some sage advice, asking "If it wasn't for the children, who would you choose, Sally or Natalie?" to which Kevin replied "Oh, that's below the belt Ken". Yes Kevin, it is below the belt. Below the belt is where it's always been and if you'd kept your belt tightened enough to keep your trousers up, you wouldn't be in the mess you're in now. Sally tells Bill she's going to make amends with Kevin, try to give their marriage another go. She walks over to the garage, but when Kevin sees his wife, he bends down over Natalie and snogs her neck, needless to say Sally runs out in tears, straight to Gail in the cafe for some tea and sympathy. Sigh, will it never end?
It's all quiet, too quiet on the Battersby front, the neighbours don't know whether to start rejoicing that they've gone forever. Just when it seems they may have moved out on the quiet, the clan arrive back on the Street after a day out in Sheffield. Just as noisy as ever, they're still upsetting everyone, including Curly who by this time is really manic and has turned into a cross between John Cleese and Jack Nicholson (in a scene from The Shining). Sam manages to get the music turned down when she gets all tarted up and seductively persuades Les to turn the music down. Of course, Les now thinks Samantha is after him and turns the music up even louder when Janice goes to the bingo in an attempt to get Samantha to call round and complain again. She does, just as Janice arrives back from bingo and wonders what husband Les is up to.
In the cafe, Roy has saved up enough vouchers for his Paris trip and Gail is a little apprehensive that he might ask her to accompany him there as the trip is for two people. But, Roy surprises her by giving Gail the vouchers, suggesting that she and Martin make use of the Paris trip instead of himself. Roy eventually gets the money back he's owed from the Battersby's after offering a job to one of the girls (is it Leanne or Toyah? These two are interchangeable grown up versions of Sophie and Rosie, only a bit louder and not as nicely dressed) while Gail is in Paris.
Zoe is back on the street and living with Gary and Judy and Gary isn't happy when he finds out she's back. To cut a very long story very short, Zoe has offered the Mallets her baby when it's born in 7 weeks time, on the understanding that the Mallets will pay Zoe £2,000 for the baby. Judy is all for this idea but it takes a long time for Gary to warm to the idea, but he does so in the end.
Steve McDonald gets the divorce papers from Vicky, with a settlement of £15,000 so he's looking pretty pleased with himself. Andy McDonald, after 3 long years of studying for his degree, has decided to travel Europe and even has his tickets to prove he's going.
Audrey causes a stink in Firman's when she complains about her diarroheah, blaming the scampi dimpers which she bought at the store. The scampi dippers are the "special offer" that the posters of Alma have been advertising in the store this last week, and Alma has just about had enough of being the face of Firmans after Audrey's outburst in front of the other shoppers. She leaves her till, pulls down a poster of herself and walks off with a lifesize model of herself too. Looks like it's back to sitting in the flat drinking whisky all day then Alma.
And that's about that for this week. The Battersbys still haven't endeared themselves to me. I still can't understand why they're in the show at all. They're not big, they're not clever and I want them to leave.
I told you the other week that Jon the airline pilot was up to no good, and the truth can now be revealed! Yes, he does work at Manchester airport, but no, he's not a long-haul pilot, he's not even a very short-haul pilot. He works in an airport concession shop selling ties and socks!! Now that we all know the truth about him, it won't be long before Deirdre wakes up and smells the airport coffee too. When Deirdre gets a phone call from Jon, pretending he's in Nairobi, she's delighted to hear from him. If only she knew that he was calling her from the airport payphone, pausing his conversation to pretend it's an international call, she'd weep for days. So, now that he's invited her to spend the night at his place, I get the feeling that it won't actually be his own house they'll end up spending the night at, but some cosy (but plush) love nest he's managed to either beg, steal or borrow from someone to impress Ms Big Specs.
Denise has given Daniel to Ken for 2 weeks, and of course Ken is delighted to have his son again, but all is not well. Little Daniel is a little bigger than last time we saw him, and won't eat, won't sleep, and is making Ken's life a misery. He opens a bag of rice in the corner shop and spills it all over the floor and knocks a plate of chips onto the floor in Roy's cafe. Oh dearie me. Stick him in front of Teletubbies for half an hour Ken, that'll keep him quiet and stop him from looking into the camera while shouting "mummy, mummy". Never work with children or animals? At least Scamper knows when to be quiet.
Angie is celebrating that she may have secured a contract for her own lingerie designs. She (foolishly) tells Janice Battersby the news, I'm not quite sure why she's chosen to confide inthe daft slapper but she did. Perhaps it'll become apparant next week. While living with 2 blokes might suit Angie, Chris isn't happy that Des follows the pair of them around like a lost sheep because he hasn't got a woman of her own. Oh yes, and why, if Chris spent many a year in Africa, where I'm sure he must have roughed it with the rest of them, couldn't be even manage to grill a sausage on the bbq without dropping it onto the charcoal?
Gary goes to the bank and secures a loan of £2,000 to pay for Zoe's baby when it arrives. Judy takes Zoe to the doctor for a check up, not wanting any fuss, so she's a little annoyed when Zoe has go to the pre-natal clinic for an ultrasound scan. Just when you think there's a soft side to Audrey after she sympathises with young Zoe about being young, single and pregnant (just as she was at her age), she then gossips in the Rovers, telling everyone who'll listen that Zoe is carrying Gary's baby! When Judy finds out the rumour that Audrey is spreading, she has a go at Audrey which quietens her up. Zoe decides to stand on the street corner and sings:
"Nobody knows where my Liam has gone
But Judy came the same time
She can't have a kid of her own
So I'm going to sell her mine
It's my baby, and I'll charge if I want to
Hard cash if I want to
You would charge to, if it happened to you"..
Fiona, in a desperate attempt to forget her night of passion with the old mucker Jim, tells Alan she wants to get married immediately, and books the registery office for 3 weeks time. When Alan's parents come to visit, they're less than pleased about the news, especially as it turns out they wanted to go off in the caravan on the date the wedding was planned! They voice their concerns but Fiona is more determined that she wants to have the wedding her way. However, Alan talks her round when he wonders what the rush is for anyway, and they cancel their wedding plans and decide to have a big, flouncy white church wedding close to Christmas, with Maxine as bridesmaid. When Steve McDonald hears the wedding has been postponed, he of courses assumes it's because Fiona still loves him, and Jim is just as confused and sorrowful as ever. Both Steve and Jim go to see Fiona this week, seperately, to beg her not to marry Alan, and to spend her life with them instead.
Steve puts some of his divorce money into the building business, of which he is a partner. He wants the business to grow, to take on more ambitious building projects and become more established, but Jim and Bill are taking some convincing from an old jail bird who knows less about building anyway than I could write on the back of a Cadbury's chocolate bar wrapper.
There's a great scene this week when Alec is caught red handed salting the (already salted) peanuts he's placed in bowls on the bar, in an attempt to increase thirsts and beer sales!
The Battersby's are still upsetting folk on the Street. Les holds a table top sale outside of Kev's garage on Sunday, and tries to sell off his unwanted household goods. After listening to Emily rant on about her childhood memories of steam journeys, Percy looks deep into his soul for something appropriate to say and after much soul searching comes out with "diddle de dum, diddle de dum" (honestly).. He then spots a recording of steam trains for sale at Les' sale and buys the record for Emily, who seems quite happy about her present after she gets over the initial shock of Percy buying something from the Battersbys.
Seconds out, round 3: Sally and Kevin battle it out in the Kabin after Kevin finds out Sal has taken £400 from his bank account. He tells her he's going to cancel their joint account and that if she wants any money in the future, she has to ask him for it. Sally says the money was spent on the girls, and for food and petrol, but Kevin wants receipts for everything she spends.
And that is just about that for this week. I've decided I'll start advertising in my weekly updates from now on. So, if you're a retailer and you've got a product you want to push, send me a message and I'll flog it for free in my weekly updates. Of course, in the interest of market research, one sample of said product should be sent to me for testing. I'm particulary fond of vodka, chocolate cake and trips to the Caribbean (preferably all at the same time). This week's update was brought to you courtesy of Vic's "fresh algae, no smell" fish tanks.
Glenda :-)
