Welcome to the Weekly Update from Wednesday 29th October through to Monday 3rd November inclusive. This update is brought to you courtesy of Philippa and Fiona while Glenda is on holiday.
Last week we left Ken Barlow enjoying a teenage sex romp a trois (perhaps even a "menage a bois" seeing as how the Plank was involved) on Leanne's bed. This whole sorry episode came to its sad conclusion on Wednesday night with Les finally being forced to admit to Janice that he was responsible for the so-called ghostly happenings in the Street. Despite berating him soundly and securing the £800 winning betting slip from him, Janice demonstrated her endearing loyalty to her husband by denying Les' involvement to Ken whilst simultaneously accusing the smug floppy haired cardie-wearing one of being a pervert. With this the whole matter appeared to be dropped, with Ken and Em deciding it wasn't worth pursuing. Emily suggests that Les may inadvertently have done her a big favour in prompting Percy's departure.
Another of the Battersby clan was causing a stir this week in her unending quest for Tilly Tilsley's cherry. Unbeknownst to Nick, who had promised his mother that he and Leanne were finished, Toyah had let slip the minor bombshell that when Ken had fallen through the roof, his fall had been broken by naked writhing teenagers. Let's hope he didn't get any splinters. An outraged Gail immediately took off to let the Battersbys know what she thought of their daughter. She didn't quite call Leanne the Weatherfield Bike but came pretty close to it, causing the Battersbys to become understandably angry. This was followed by her haranguing Nick about the dangers of unprotected teenage sex. Gail becomes quite annoying in this and the ensuing scenes. She is apparently terrified that Nick will spend the next eighteen years being pursued by the Battersbys for maintenance money. Do we care? I think not.
In fact, La Camelle seems to be making a habit of trying to spoil other people's sex lives, dropping by once more to Sally's just as she and Chris are beginning to smoulder at each other meaningfully. However, the Sally and Chris thing is progressing nicely, with the two of them sharing intimacies over a romantic meal on Friday night. Meanwhile Kevin and Natalie fall out during a satisfying scene where he falls asleep exhausted on the sofa instead of joining her and her friends for a dinner party. She rounds on him and gives him a verbal battering in the manner of a couple who have been married for years. "Give me a break, Natlie!" he whines, "I was out till all hours doing a pick-up!" Yes, we know, Kevin, in that nightclub toilet wasn't it?
Nastily however is not to be deterred; she soon forgives Kevin and is on to her next Cosmo-woman venture - learning how to use a spreadsheet! Yes, you can have it all! (Top tip Natalie, learn to use a mouse first.) But who is this Computer Doyenne she has brought along to unveil the mysteries of modern technology? None other than Nastily's niece Lorraine, Essex Girl Supreme and latest contender for the Liz McDonald Wig of the Week award (runner up: Maxine). Lorraine has attained a diploma at night class and is a temp, although Natalie tries hard to convey to Chris that she's the next Wilhelmina Gates. Oh yes, Natalie has decided that Chris and Lorraine would make a Lovely Couple now that Angie is off the scene, and wastes no time in railroading him into a cosy foursome dinner invitation. Little does she, or Kevin, know that Chris is already involved with Sally - in fact Chris would rather that this fact was out in the open to save him from having to lie to Kevin, but Sally doesn't feel ready for this yet. In a beautifully ironic scene, Chris asks Kevin how he would feel if Sally was seeing someone else. Kevin arrogantly asserts that Sally is far too wrapped up in the kids to think about it. Ha! Dream on, wimp!
Meanwhile, a house-hunting Drearie and Jon have found Rose Tinted Cottage and have set their hearts on it. Actually it's a rather naff looking detached executive rabbit hutch but they mooch round it positively drooling and hanging off every pearl of wisdom that falls from the estate agent's lips. It's Rachel, of erstwhile Steve McDonald repute. "You'll have to move fast - there's no such thing as a buyer's market with this sort of property!" warns Rachel. "Oooh, we'll remember that!" agrees Drearie. Unfortunately she manages to get even more stupid as the week goes on, and before we know it she's cashed in Samir's life assurance ("What life assurance?" "Shut up, it's a plot device") and is insisting that Mr Tie n Lie takes it as a deposit as their offer has allegedly been accepted. Later he takes off to "York for a conference" or "home" as the rest of the world calls it, where finally, his true profession is revealed: he is a BBC sound effects technician. He impersonates a train (yes really), with the aid of a cooker hood. Enter Linda Lindsay who has just discovered Samir's deposit in the bank, (five donations' worth by all account!), and starts planning her Christmas shopping. Honestly Deirdre, get a grip! This has happened before after all! But no, her short-sightedness knows no bounds.
While Deirdre drones on about houses and conservatories, a lonely and slightly jealous Liz appears to be undergoing some kind of mid-life crisis as her 40th (is that all?) birthday approaches. She witters on to the Drear about how she has nothing, nobody loves her, how pathetic she is, etc. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The upshot of all this is that Jim ends up inviting her round for a meal where she witters on to him in much the same vein. The alarm bells sounded straight away as soon as we saw the red wine on the table, and what she was wearing! She was encased in some kind of top cleverly constructed from the black mats they use round the edge of ice rinks to stop people from slipping. She begins by "scrubbing" Jim's "worktops". Dear reader, could this be a taste of what's to come? As the evening progresses, so does Mouton's tongue, until it reaches its final destination - yes! Tickling Jim's tonsils as the credits rolled and the horrified STV announcer said "Well, well, well!" on behalf of viewers across the land (and no doubt south of the border too). Obvious what she wanted for her birthday, then.
Sure enough, the day of her birthday dawns and she has mysteriously stayed the night again chez Jim. She appears in the living room with one of her miniskirts around her eyes as they surprise her with their gifts. The boys, no doubt embarrassed by their mother's generally skimpy attire, have bought her clothes vouchers. Jim, however, has bought a disgusting looking necklace of the kind you win with those artificial crane-grabber things at funfairs. She enthuses that it's an emerald (hmm, no), and that emeralds are for healing. Jim makes clear that as far as he's concerned, emeralds are for Ireland. In fact, he is being decidedly reticent about the whole thing and who can blame him? Liz, however, is convinced that Jim has changed and has "I'm Desperate, Take Me Back" practically written across her forehead. (Fiona has just looked up emeralds in Brewar and has informed me that according to tradition, if a serpent fixes its eyes upon an emerald, it becomes blind. Well, that's that then.)
Perhaps one reason that Jim is less than ecstatic about his mutton kebab frenzy is the forthcoming wedding between The Psycho-Copper from Hell and Medusa. In a touching scene Angie is to be seen busily adjusting the pregnant one's wedding dress, when Alan arrives home unexpectedly. When Maxine intercepts him on the stairs, he clearly suspects that she is harbouring a man and turns a bit nasty until Angie's voice reassures him. Oh dear, trouble ahead there I think. Touchingly, Fiona's black bra straps can be seen peeking out from beneath the wedding frock - it seems that she has been taking fashion tips from you-know-who.
Finally, in a ludicrous and clumsy plot device worthy of a Shakespearean comedy involving twins, a fool and some cross dressers, (Kevin again?), Alec attempts to sack Betty by sending her a rather curt, hand-delivered note. Said note has to be retrieved courtesy of Ashley, who has a spare set of Betty's keys in order to deliver two legs of lamb. It transpires that Billy has had a fatal heart attack. This really was a sad excuse for a script and totally failed to provoke any emotion at all as far as we were both concerned - but then we're just hard, callous Scottish women (oops no, that's just Fiona. I'm English.)
AWARDS
The Jilly Goolden Award
This week the award goes to Kevin for the immortal line as he
moans about Natlie's posh friends' dinner party: "Wine just
tastes like wine to me".
Euphemism of the Week
"Recreational Activities Afternoon" as quaintly referred
to by the teenage twosome. Oh yeah?!
Most Ludicrous Name
Following the demise this week of William Williams, this title
has passed over to the unfortunate Linda Lindsay. (Surely the
scriptwriters can do better than this - the phone book has hundreds
of choices.)
Until next week, it's goodnight from me and it's goodnight from huuuurrr!!!
PF & FH
This is the update for Wednesday 5th November to Monday 10th November inclusive, once again brought to you by Philippa and Fiona. Sponsored by Deep Fried Mars Bars.
THE WEDDING
This week's action revolved almost entirely around the fated nuptials of Fiona and Alan. Naughty, naughty ITV! Showing us all those happy pictures of the couple posing outside the church AS IF EVERYTHING WAS GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT!! There was no mascara cascading down Fiona's cheeks in those publicity shots, was there?
But first things first. Wednesday night started off with the wishy washy hen/stag fests. Fiona's was a "surprise" event in the Rovers, where as Mike Plowman noted, there was hardly anyone under the age of fifty. Fiona, supposedly drunk, asks a thrilled La Mouton if she'd like to go to the wedding. Would she ever? Free food, free drink, and a chance to wear something which defies description (bear with us - we'll attempt it later on when we're nearer the end of the bottle). As hen nights go, we rate this as two out of ten for effort. After a short discussion, it would appear that both of ours were somewhat more eventful. However a discreet veil will be drawn here as Usenet is a public forum.
Over at the thinly disguised Dolby Hotel, Fiona's brother Lee is joining Alan and his dodgy racist mates for a very boring looking stag night. Lee makes his excuses and leaves fairly early, no doubt threatened at the prospect of a large green neon phallic symbol bearing down on him, but not before Alan's best man has told him what a bright young detective "Mac" will make as a brother-in-law. (We have to admit that we didn't notice the green objet d'art on the wall when we were at the Dolby as we were too pre-occupied with the kickboxing cricketing objets d'art in the lounge.)
Meanwhile chez Macdonald, Jim is having a go at Steve yet again, as he is finding all the wedding talk difficult to cope with. Steve keeps going on about how he still loves Fiona which eventually pushes Jim too far and he explodes that Steve is selfish and doesn't care about anyone except himself. It gradually dawns on Steve that his father has slept with Fiona and in rage, anger and disbelief he throws a bottle at the wall smashing a mirror and ensuring another seven years of bad luck for the Macdonald family. (Obviously Bev Callard has just signed another seven year deal).
Pandora's Box being well and truly open, Steve bolts in to see Fiona on her wedding morning, having spent all night outside. He establishes that what his father told him was true, and also that Alan knows nothing about it. Ooooh dear, it's not really the best start to the day.
Meanwhile the church is filling up and we are treated to a Coronation Street wedding wardrobe extravaganza. Forget London Fashion Week, this stuff was seriously unwearable. Rita is the only one who looks the same as usual, but that's because she always looks as if she's going to a wedding. Audreh is sporting a bird's nest on her head, Vera's outfit is a tribute to Andy Warhol's Campbell's soup tins, topped with a fuchsia and yellow scarf and clashing brolly. Maxine (as bridesmaid) is wearing a ruched pink affair with pink and blue Kleenex headdress. However, nothing could prepare the gentle viewer for the vision of La Mouton, "dressed up".
Imagine, if you will, Fred Elliot's butcher's shop. You know how a rolled shoulder of mutton might look - trussed up with string so that the flesh bulges. Now imagine the shoulder of mutton increased in size and encased in short frayed blue shrink-wrap, through which the string is clearly visible. Connect to a Van der Graf generator, add a wilted pink rose and smother in make-up. Get the picture?
Steve arrives at the church and hurries in just as Fiona arrives. She looks worried as the commercial break kicks in. Oh no, it's all going to go horribly wrong....
This week's episode is apparently sponsored by Bells Whisky, if the amount consumed by Jim is anything to go by. He is repeatedly shown swigging back large quantities of something that looks like Irn Bru in cutaways from the wedding. Things are looking rather ominous.
Alan and Fiona are half way through their vows, and everything is going swimmingly (despite the fact that they've both just found out that their intended has a Stupid Middle Name), and Alan is touchingly referring to his Geordie background. "Why aye!" he says to the vicar. "I know no reason why aye should not marry this woman!"
Not yet you don't, mate.
But what is this? Suddenly an apparition in khaki canvas lurches down the aisle, clearly having had one Irn Bru too many. "Don't do it Fi!! I'm here for you! You don't love him and you can't marry him!" Fiona gazes at him in horror, like a rabbit caught before an advancing juggernaut. Jim is hustled away but not before he has shouted, "Tell Alan the truth! The whole truth!" leaving the congregation aghast.
The quick-thinking vicar starts the next hymn and sends Fiona and Alan off to the vestry to compose themselves. However, Alan becomes rather less composed when Fiona admits after a couple of minutes awkwardness that she has - yes - "done it" with Old Macdonald, but not with the rest of the farm animals, yet. She optimistically suggests that they should go ahead and get married anyway as it is "silly" to let it come between them. Alan doesn't see it this way and storms out, pausing to inform the guests that the wedding is off and if they want to know why, to ask his "ex-bride" - he refrains from saying "the Macdonald family whore" which is what he called her in the vestry. Outside he has to be restrained from flattening Jim who derives morose satisfaction from the knowledge that Alan is now obviously aware of what happened.
The guests slope off to the Rovers at Alec's invitation, mostly desperate to know the reason why the wedding has been called off. It's a bit of a tie between Audreh and Liz as to who is the most anxious to know. Both wrongly conclude that the reason is Steve.
Back at the flat, Fiona confesses to a bemused but understanding Maxine. At the hotel, Alan's obnoxious father can barely contain his glee that the wedding's off. He guesses that Fiona has slept with someone else and makes a series of snide racist comments somehow implying that white Geordie males have better "manners" than the rest of the population. Has anyone told Gazza? To his credit Alan argues with his father and storms out. He is hoping to salvage something from the relationship and goes round to the flat. Fiona is subdued, and amazed to hear Alan's cockeyed plan to put things right - the potted version of which is to have a blood test, if the baby's Jim's abort it and pretend it's a miscarriage. Fiona is appalled and declines his offer of "forgiveness" - quite right too - let's not forget that Alan had actually walked off and left her when it all happened. Alan loses his temper and goes to hit her which kind of sets the seal on things. Bye bye Alan.
He tries once more to patch things up the following day while her parents and brother are there. By this time they know all about Jim as well. But Alan is too late; Fiona has finally realised what a bully he is and decides to go it alone. After packing his stuff, he tells her she disgusts him and leaves.
Meanwhile La Mouton has been acting more and more like a deranged chihuahua as she tries desperately to find out what is really going on. She nags everyone constantly until eventually Alan puts her out of her misery. Disbelievingly, she runs to Jim and demands to know if it is true. He tells her that not only is it true, but that he is IN LURVE. "But you led me on! I thought we wurr going to get back togethurr!" she bleats. "Nurrrrrrrrr!"
That's about it for this week, except for peripheral goings-on: Fred looks set to buy the shop from Maud at a bargain price, Drearie and Mr Lie and Sigh are supposedly going ahead with the house purchase, Kevin and Nastily continue to simper at each other although their fundamental differences are becoming even more obvious, "Have you got any ambitions Kev?" "`Ow do you mean?".
AWARDS:
The Cardigan Crown: no, not to Ken this week, nor even Alec, but to Rita for the outrageous appliqued garment she was wearing in the street while commiserating with Maud on Monday.
Irony of the Week: Drearie gazes into Jon's eyes after the wedding fiasco and lovingly declares, "It certainly makes you grateful when you are sure of your partner!" So sad.
Best Middle Name: Runner-up - Alan Bernard Michael McKenna. Best Middle Name: Winner - Fiona Joy Middleton - but only because it's Philippa's middle name and she hates it :)
So it's goodnight from me and goodnight from huuurrrrr.
Next week the update will be brought to you courtesy of the wonderful world of Pusscat - Ian Harding to his mum.
This is the first time I've written an update so I hope you'll all bear with me. I've watched each episode of Corry this week, trying to work out which parts were worth mentioning, changing my mind with almost every scene. Of course, I also recorded each instalment, and I've just finished watching it all again. Now I'm totally confused and I have absolutely no idea which bits to include and which bits to leave out....... so... here goes........
The McDonald saga continues to wend its weary way along the cobbles of Weatherfield. Is it my imagination, or do they take it in turn to be stupid? This week it was Liz's turn. Casting common sense aside she decides that Jim has been leading her on. It seems that just because he slept with her after she threw herself at him, following an evening spent consuming a lot of red wine, Liz assumed that her and Jim were about to re-marry. But now that she knows about Jims night of passion with Fiona she realises the truth. Jim was only using her to take his mind off the wee girl he's in love with.
After a particularly noisy scene in the Rovers, where Liz made sure that everyone knew that Jim had been to bed with Fiona, Andy decides that he can take no more of this incessant embarrassment and leaves Coronation Street forever. He didn't even stay around to say bye. He just left a note addressed to 'Jim McDonald', and headed off into the sunset in search of the bright lights of London.
Steve seems to be thinking about leaving too. He tells his dad that after they finish the job they're on with, he'll be on his way too. He seems slightly miffed that his dad has slept with his ex-girlfriend.
Fiona isn't too keen on the idea of everyone knowing that she's slept with Jim, so she decides to take a holiday for a couple of weeks. Foolishly she asks Audrey to help Maxine to run the salon while she's away.
Meanwhile, Alec seems to be running some sort of escort agency for senior citizens called 'Golden Years'. One of his male escorts lets him down, so Alec asks Ken if he fancies a free night at the opera with 'an old friend'. Knowing what Alec is like, Ken realises that there must be some sort of catch, but eventually decides to go for it. Alec assures him that he won't regret it.
Ken meets the lady at a hotel. She's a very attractive woman of about fifty called Geraldine. Ken impresses Geraldine with his knowledge of opera and his ability to eat his meal without dribbling his food down the front of his shirt. They both obviously enjoy each others company. Geraldine tells Ken that before he died her husband used to take to the opera, but for the last two years she hasn't had anyone to go with.
At the end of the evening Ken is rather surprised when, as they are saying a polite goodnight, Geraldine hands him an envelope addressed to Golden Years, and asks him to give it to Alec. 'What's this?' asks Ken, 'It's your fee...and you've earned it' replies Geraldine as she walks away. Quick as a flash Ken realises what the catch was.
Geraldine telephones Alec to thank him for supplying Ken for the evening, and says that she'd like him to be her escort again. Alec says that Ken is very popular and that it probably won't be possible to book him again. He soon changes his mind when Geraldine offers to pay a higher fee next time.
The next day Ken tells Alec exactly what he thinks of him, and lets him know that he'll never do such a thing again.......... until Alec hands him an envelope containing fifty pounds in cash. 'It's tax free' says Alec. Suddenly Ken looks thoughtful. It looks as if our Kenneth may have found a new career for himself.
Poor old Deirdre is heading for a very big fall with the lying fake ex- pilot Jon. He seems to be incapable of telling the truth about anything.
Deirdre says that since things are going so well between them maybe they should get married. Jon doesn't seem too keen on the idea....I wonder why.
At Sunliners they're having a bit of a 'do'. There's a ceremony where they are handing over a prize of a free holiday to a couple of lucky customers. Deirdre talks Jon into attending. When Jon realises that there are press photographers in attendance he looks less than happy. He looks even more uncomfortable when one of the photographers takes a couple of shots of him and Deirdre.
For some reason, which isn't properly explained, Jon has a brand new SAAB delivered to him the next day, so he can have a test drive over the weekend. The salesman who delivered the car mentions that they don't mind delivering cars in this way, especially for pilots like Jon. (This whole scene really looked like an advertisement for SAAB cars to me - the salesman shows Jon [and us] all the wonderful features of the car - I wonder how much it cost SAAB).
Jon tells Deirdre that the SAAB is his new car. What he hopes to gain by this I really don't know. But it gets even dafter. The next day Deirdre asks where the new car is and Jon says it's been stolen, but he doesn't seem very upset by it. This storyline is either totally stupid and pointless, or next week we're going to see it reach some sort of conclusion - I hope.
Deirdre is excited to find that there's a photograph of her and Jon in the local newspaper. She tells Jon that she's going to see if she can get copies of them. Jon seems to have other things on his mind. Later that day we see Jon at home with his wife. Jons wife is looking at the newspaper and wonders why there's a large hole cut out of one of the pages. 'It was a special offer' says Jon 'but its OK, there was nothing special on the other side, just a picture of an award or something'..... ...oooooooh..... you little liar Jon!
Now that Fred, I say Fred, has managed to buy the corner shop from Maude he gets some shop fitters in to rip out the old fixtures and install new ones.
Maude calls into the shop to tell Fred, once again, what a fat barrel of lard he is. While she's there, and while Freds back is turned, Maude hides a large fresh fish (which it seems she had bought from the fishmonger) inside one of the new units. She leaves the shop with a smile on her face.
Ashley is annoyed with his uncle Fred for paying less than the asking price for the corner shop. Maude was asking 70,000 and Fred offered her 62,000, which she accepted (It seemed like a fair price to me). Ashley is so annoyed in fact, that he tells his uncle Fred that he refuses to work for him any more. Unfortunately for Ashley, Maxine shows her true colours when he tells her about this. She tells him to get back to uncle Fred and to ask for his job back. She makes it very clear that he isn't going to scrounge off her.
Fred can't face going into the house he bought for himself and Maureen any more, and decides to make things better between himself and his favourite nephew, by offering to let him and Maxine stay there until a buyer is found for it. Ashley is having none of this. He says he can't be bought off in this way. Again, Maxine puts her foot down, and it looks as if she and Ashley will be moving into number four next week. This could prove to be rather interesting as a few days earlier Leanne and Nick had found the door to number four unlocked...........
At last, somewhere for them to be alone together. Somewhere where they won't be disturbed by nosy parents, or by ex-school teachers crashing through the ceiling. Poor Gail seems to have forgotten what it was like to be young. She's been shouting at Nick, telling him what a bad girl Leanne is, and that she doesn't want him to be going out with such a slut. Nick tells her that he and Leanne are in love with each other. Obviously he's delighted that there's somewhere to go to be out of the way of his mum.
Nick and Leanne go to Freds place every night to drink various alcoholic drinks, and do what comes naturally. Unfortunately, one of the things which comes naturally to Leanne is to make a mess. She does this with great style and dexterity at number four by accidentally ripping a central heating radiator off the wall........oops! Water floods out of the pipe. Leanne is ready to just leave it, but Nick says that wouldn't be right, and so he calls a plumber.
The plumber fixes the radiator easily. He suggests that Nick and Leanne 'do it' in the middle of the room next time, then asks for £40. Nick says he only has £30, and Leanne only has a fiver. The nice man accepts the £35 and leaves. Nick looks rather worried - the £30 he's just spent was given to him by Alf and Audrey, and it was supposed to be used to buy text books for college. Oh dear........ I think you are going to be in trouble young man!
And finally, I think that sales of the Coronation Street 'Las Vegas' video must be slow. Vera has received a horrible pink bra from a man in America. Apparently he made it specially for her as she's the only woman he's seen for ages who has breasts which move. There doesn't seem to be any reason for this storyline. I can only assume that they're trying to con us into buying the video to see all those firm breasted young ladies Vera keeps mentioning.
And that's the end of my first ever Corry update. I hope it all makes sense and that you enjoyed reading it. If you liked it please feel free to e-mail me to tell me how wonderful I am. If you didn't like it you'd better write to Glenda and tell her not to let me loose on your updates again.
I'll be back next week with my second and last update.
Bye for now.........
How time flies - you'd never think it was a week since I last sat here, staring at my keyboard, mind blank, wondering what to say about the weeks events in Corry. It seems more difficult this week than last. There seems to have been a dramatic improvement in the quality of the writing this week (not mine - the script writers) - there have been many truly great Corry moments. So, where do I start?
The McDonald story limps along, seemingly going nowhere. Poor old Jim is ripped off by Steve, who still seems a bit upset that his dad slept with Fiona. Steve seems to forget that he'd dumped Fiona a couple of years earlier in order to marry someone else (for money), and that Fiona wasn't even slightly interested in Steve any more. But, this doesn't stop Stevie-boy wanting revenge on his poor old dad so it doesn't. So he starts off when he gets paid for the contract they've just completed. Instead of giving his dad his full share as a partner in the business, he pays him £300 (and 75 pence). Jim is not a happy chap, but there doesn't seem to be much that he can do about it. Liz, of course, agrees with Steve, but she is a bit thick to say the least.
As they are moving in to Fred's house Ashley and Maxine find Nick and Leanne there. Maxine wants Ashley to call the police, and is most upset when Ashley just says "Go on - scarper you pair of monkeys" (I almost fell off my chair laughing at that bit).
The smell in the corner shop is getting much worse. Fred gets a friend of his in to clear the stock out of the shop in order to check thoroughly for the cause of the awful pong. Poor Ashley is feeling quite sick with the smell, and it seems that the smell is clinging to him a bit. One evening, while Ashley and Maxine are having an intimate moment on the sofa in their new home, the romantic atmosphere is shattered when Maxine suddenly says "Eugh! I still get a whiff when I go downwind of you........" !!!
Eventually the cause of the smell in the shop is found. Fred's mate takes the top off the shop counter and finds the fish which Maude hid there. Fred, I say Fred decides that it must be industrial espionage, and blames a three fingered butcher, I say a butcher with three fingers, who is jealous of him.
Maude confesses to Ashley that it was her who put the fish there, but she thinks it was the right thing to do because, in her words 'Fred is a big dollop of dripping'. (I think I'll keep well out of Maud's way as I'm a bit chubby myself).
Leanne has been spreading gossip about Judy and Gary buying their baby from Zoe. Nobody believes her, but this only makes her say it more forcefully. Eventually she knocks on Judy's door and there is a brilliant shouting match between Leanne and Judy, which ends with Judy slapping Leanne across the face. Nick gets a bit fed up with Leanne going on about Judy and the baby. Eventually he asks her to stop going on about it. Leanne doesn't seem to like being told what to do, so she dumps Nick.
The next day Leanne goes to the hostel where Zoe is living and tells her that everyone is telling lies about her, and that she should go back to see Judy and set the record straight. Zoe goes back to Coronation Street........... it looks as if there's trouble brewing for the Mallet family.
Ken is settling into his new job quite well. It seems that Alec is providing him with a different lady every night, but purely in a professional capacity. Jack overhears Ken and Alec talking about the escort business and asks Alec if he could have a go too, but Jack seems to have the wrong idea about the sort of service that is being provided.
In The Rovers they need a new barmaid. Alec decides that he wants to offer the job to Natalie. Jack is on Alec's side in this and talks Vera into agreeing. So Natalie is once more behind the bar of The Rovers. Maybe she'll last a bit longer this time.
The lying fake ex-pilot con man Jon story is getting more and more complex. I'm not sure that I'm following it properly, but I'll try my best to explain it to you......
He has a friend who is going to Singapore for six months, so Jon, being a good friend offers to look after the house for him while he's away. No sooner has Jon's friend gone out of the front door than Jon is rifling through his drawers. He finds various official looking documents and a driving license.
Straight away Jon is on the phone to a building society asking if they'll send someone round as he's interested in taking out a mortgage. Not only that, but the cheeky bugger gives his friends name. When the chap from the building society calls round Jon pretends to be his friend, and uses the driving license to prove it.
The next day Jon turns up at Deirdre's flat with a present. It's an engagement ring. It seems that he's had a change of heart and that he does want to marry her after all. Deirdre is ecstatic and tells all her friends. They all tell her how lucky she is - oooh, I wish they'd read their scripts, then they'd know what a rotter Jon is.
The next day Jon arrives at Deirdre's flat with another present. This time it's a gold credit card in her name. He says it's so she can buy things for their new house. Deirdre says that she doesn't know what to do with it but Jon has the answer, he says 'You can spend spend spend!'. Unfortunately I think the silly woman might do just that.
Jon's wife calls into Sunliners. She's decided to surprise Jon by booking a holiday. Why she should go into a tatty back street travel agents, when there are so many of them to choose from is not fully explained. Anyway, Deirdre is slightly taken aback when Jon's wife gives Jon's name, but for some reason she spells the surname differently to Jon, so Deirdre realises that it's just a strange coincidence.
When his wife tells him she's booked a holiday Jon tells her he can't go as he has to go to a sales meeting. But he tells her not to worry as he'll call into the travel agents to cancel the booking.
Then, when Jon's in the Rovers, Deirdre tells him about the woman booking the holiday, and how strange it was that her husband had the same name as Jon. Jon realises that he'll have to cancel the holiday without calling into Sunliners. So, he waits for a time when he knows that Deirdre won't be at work, and he telephones to cancel the holiday. The excuse he gives for cancelling is that his daughter has been involved in a serious car accident!!!! Ooooh....... you horrible horrible man Jon!!!
And that's about it. That's the end of my two week stint as an update writer. I've thoroughly enjoyed it, I hope you have too. No matter what I say about Corry it is still my all time favourite telly programme - I think it always will be.
Bye for now - Ian Harding
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