In all the years I've been writing the updates - week in, week out - this is the first time I've typed the update with a cat sitting on my knee. Just thought I'd mention that. After 5 feline-free years, the large, daft, shaggy dog and I now share the house with a large, daft, shaggy cat. I'd forgotten how cats look at you in that scary, starey way they do. And then they look off into the middle distance and follow some invisible being around the room with their eyes. Spooky. And why do they always have to look at you as if they understand (and disagree with) everything you're thinking? Anyway, here is the update for this week, written by me, with a cat on my knee.
Just what are they doing to Spider? He was kind, he was gentle and he loved his Auntie Em. Now, he's growling at Curly and causing obstructions in the High Street. Spider presents Curly with his speech for the W.A.R.T.S. conference, chuckling to himself because he knows the reaction his speech will get. Sure enough, Curly reads out the damning speech, and gets a startled reaction from Fred Elliot and Eric Firman. The speech labels shop keepers as "guilty of killing the earth" and it's full of eco-warrier type stuff. Curly, realising too late what the speech was all about, then turns the whole thing round and announces to the conference that the speech was propaganda to which shop keepers want no part of. Eric and Fred are best pleased with their lad. Still intent on making as much bother as he can, Spider mounts a campaign to save the Norweigan prawn, it all gets very silly, and ends up with whale music being played in Firmans while Spider, Emily and Toyah strut around with placards. (I won't even mention the Prawn Liberation Organisation).
Fiona and her mother argue about Steve McDonald. Fiona wants to stay friends with Steve but her mother thinks she knows best and can't understand why Fiona wants him in her life. Steve makes it obvious to Fi that he wants to be more than friends with her, but she's holding back. When Fi wants a babysitter, Steve volunteers for the job and brings his girlfriend Rachel (the estate agent, remember?) round to Fi's flat for the evening. Fi isn't best pleased to see Rachel there. Could there still be an old flame burning deep within her after all? Fiona's mother goes to see Alan McKenna but he wants nothing to do with either Fiona or the baby and hopes he'll never see either of them again. Although Fiona probably guessed this anyway, to hear it put so bluntly by her mother, stung a little.
Oh Hayley! Oh Roy! Oh dearie me. Yes, she's told him. They're both getting cosy in the cafe after Roy cooks them a meal. Roy asks Hayley if she'd like to take coffee in his flat but Hayley tells Roy there's something he should know about her. She explains that she isn't a female by birth, but by choice. Poor Roy, it hits him hard. He tells Hayley he understands things like stamps, air-craft and trains. He likes to put things in columns (me too), but this he just doesn't know how to deal with. He asks her to leave, and she does. Hayley tries to talk to Roy in the Rovers later, but he's still feeling too confused and leaves her sitting there as he walks out saying "leave me alone!". Without knowing what's gone on between Roy and Hayley, Gail tries to comfort Roy, but he tells her not to be so patronising.
With Des away in Bangor, Chris calls to the house to collect some things he left there when he moved out. Sam is at the house and ends up giving him more than the few things he called round to collect. She tells Chris she loves Des but she wishes their relationship wasn't so suffocating. Later, Sam is throwing herself all over Chris when he pops into the Rovers and they're in the middle of making plans for Chris to er.. pop round again, when Des walks in! Anyway, Des is off again, this time to Newcastle and Sam is more than a little jealous and petulant when Chris ignores her in the Rovers and then doesn't let her into his flat when she calls round to see him.
Deirdre is back in town. She rings Mike to ask if she can stay with him and Alma for a couple of weeks until the trial. Mike tells Ken in the Rovers that Deirdre is staying with them and they have a bit of a spat at the bar. Alma isn't best pleased that Deirdre is staying there with them, and is bemused to find Deirdre in her kitchen when she comes back from work. Not only is Deirdre asserting herself all over Alma's territory, she's only gone and cooked Mike's favourite - steak and kidney pie. Now, there's a thing.
Well, that's just about that for this week. Not a very thrilling week, quite slow really but the scenes with Roy and Hayley have been pure genius. The cat is now fast asleep and purring wildly. I'm terrified to move 'cos as soon as I do, I know it'll be claws at high noon.
See you next week
Glenda :-)
Hi folks,
After posting the message saying I couldn't do this week's update 'cos of VCR problems etc., I've had a lot of email from people desperate to know what went on last week on the Street. So, while I can't promise to let you know everything that happened in each episode, I'll do my best to produce a short version of the update so readers aren't left hanging in suspense until next week.
Okay, here we go. The Coronation Street weekly update - abridged version.
Des has the boys round to watch football so Sam goes out and spends the evening with Chris. We see her chatting Chris up in the garage while Iggy Pop's "Lust for Life" plays in the background. Surely the song, for Sam, should have been "Lust for anything in trousers" but I don't think Iggy Pop recorded that one. Sally gets a bit jealous that Chris is paying attention to Sam, and Kevin wonders what Chris is up to. Des is oblivious to it all.
Hayley tells Alma she's a transsexual and Alma is very supportive. Broad shouldered Alma also takes on the wingeing Deirdre who's staying at the flat with her and Mike. Jon Lindsay comes to the flat and Deirdre calls the police, he gets taken into custody and tells a whole load of moref lies, saying that Deirdre wanted him to dress up as a pilot and that she made him forge someone else's signature to get the mortgage on a posh house. He tells the police that Ken was involved in Deirdre's lies also. Deirdre toys with the paracetemol but Mike walks in before she can top herself.
Steve tells Fiona he loves her. He walks out. She sulks. Fiona tells her mum she loves Steve. Mother sulks. Mother tells Steve her daughter loves him. Steve and Fiona back together. In the salon, "Here's where the Story Ends" plays on the radio. Just thought I'd mention that 'cos the original by The Sundays (released in 1989) is one of my all time favourite top 10 songs in the world, ever.
Toyah pours anti freeze all over the Norweigan prawns in Firmans, gets into trouble with Curly. Even Aunty Em is annoyed because she realises the seriousness of it all. Spider chuffed with Toyah.
And that's about that for this week. I'll be back next week with a full update.
Glenda :-)
It occurred to me before I sat down to write this week's update that it's been a while since I wrote the update while doing two of my most favourite things - eating and drinking. So, I sorted myself out with a huge chunk of Wensleydale (down, Grommit!) and a wedge of Stilton to nibble on and then hunted high and low for a decent bottle of wine to crack open. However, all I could find in the kitchen was a bottle of plonk they were giving away at Asda for Christmas '93, and a bottle of Asti Spumante which has been waiting for a "special occasion" for the last 6 years. Just when the balsamic vinegar was starting to look an interesting option, I found myself a thing of beer. I hesitate to call it a bottle as it's so small, one of these tiny trendy things, but it's beer nonetheless and will go down a treat with the cheese while listening to Chris Isaak. Cheers!
It's been a bit of a classic week on the Street. A 'classic' week normally involves either a singalong in the Rovers, someone running off with someone else's wife/husband/gnome/budgie or a fight between Ken and Mike in the Rovers. And what a fight it was! Mike tells Deirdre to flee the country, gives her Alma's passport and books her onto a flight to Spain. The reason he's done this is because Deirdre's future is looking pretty grim. The barrister and Frankie don't quite believe her story, or that anyone could be that stupid, and Jon's lies are pretty convincing when he's arrested and questioned. He, of course, blames Deirdre for the fraud and denies all knowledge of the gold card. Ken is implicated when he admits to the police that he knew Jon wasn't actually a pilot but kept quiet about the secret as he didn't want to hurt Deirdre. Mike finds out that Ken has been called as a witness for the prosecution, calls him treacherous and says "If Deirdre goes down, it's because of you, Barlow!" Fists fly in the Rovers between Mike and Ken over Deirdre, once again. Alma is jealous enough of Mike's attention to Deirdre over this whole sorry mess (he puts up her bail and offers to pay her legal fees on the condition that nobody - i.e. Alma - ever finds out), but when she finds out, from Deirdre mind you, that Mike took her passport, quite naturally she goes ballistic. Anyway, Ken stops Deirdre from leaving on a jet plane, and takes her back again to his house. Mike calls at the house to see Deirdre and is thrown onto the street by Barlow, as Deirdre looks on helplessly.
So, Deirdre is staying with Ken for now, but is still friends with Mike who calls round to see her and offers more financial and emotional support to his "old mate". Deirdre asks where Ken is off to when she sees him all dressed up in a suit and tie, and Ken admits he's a male escort. Deirdre's face is a picture, the first time we've seen her smile since October 1987. His date is with a retired peripatetic violin teacher from Wythenshawe (who we'll meet in next week's update, she's 'Thelma' from the Likely Lads, should be good).
Toyah decides to make a move on Spider and tarts herself up in a skimpy top of Leanne's, pulls her hair into the sort of style my dog wears when she's just been brushed, and piles on the make up for a romantic evening in Aunty Em's, watching a video about trees with Spider. Unfortunately for her, Log, an old girlfriend of Spider, turns up and he becomes somewhat distracted. Log has just returned from her travels in South America and mentions some of the places she's been to. Wanting to impress with her vast geographic knowledge, Toyah says "Tossa. We've been to Tossa del Mar". Unfortunately, it doesn't work and as Log and Spider go upstairs to become er.. reacquainted, Toyah leaves in tears (and my heart went out to her, it really did). Log certainly doesn't endear herself to Toyah by saying the perfume she was wearing "smells like a tart's knicker drawer". Wanting to discredit Log, Toyah sends a letter to Curly at Firman's saying that the person who sabotaged the prawns lives at No. 3 Coronation Street but isn't Emily or Spider. It doesn't take Curly or Aunty Em very long to figure out Toyah sent the letter. Both Curly and Spider have a word with Toyah, and Toyah is in tears again when Spider tells her all they'll ever be is "comrades in arms" and just friends. Aunty Em, worried about what might happen if she's caught with maryjane in the house, takes it from both Log and Spider and flushes it away.
Roy and Hayley's uneasy friendship continues. Alma tells Roy that she knows the truth about Hayley and advises Roy to write down his feelings for Hayley, and to let Hayley know that he values her friendship. This he does, and in a truly touching scene, he reads out his letter to Hayley in the middle of a crowded street. "Dear Hayley..." it begins. The letter goes on to describe how Roy is touched by Hayley's friendship and how much he wants to remain friends with her. I choked back a tear as Roy finished the letter by saying "Yours faithfully, Roy...... Cropper". Gail invites them both to tea at her house, but Roy offers to cook dinner for Hayley, Gail and Martin in the cafe instead. Gail assumes they're a couple, and Roy feels uncomfortable with this, although Hayley doesn't.
As Steve and Fiona settle down nicely playing happy families, Jim isn't best pleased, so he isn't. He catches Fiona outside of the salon and asks her not to take Steve back. She tells him to leave her alone and stop pestering her. Yeah Jim, just leave her alone.
Kevin puts two and two together about Chris and Sam, and tells Sally, in confidence. Sally asks Chris if it's true about him and Sam and he admits the relationship but says it's purely sexual. Sally wonders if she too, was just a notch on his bed post but he says he had strong feelings for her and that his relationship with Sam is not as deep as the one he had with her. When Kevin finds out that Sally has betrayed his confidence by speaking to Chris, he isn't best pleased and comes over all jealous like. He ends up telling Des about Sam's infidelity. At first Des doesn't believe him, but once the nagging doubts are there, he starts watching Sam like a hawk and wonders if there really is something to what Kevin has told him. With Des away at the races, Sam and Chris arrange to meet for a lunch time quickie but their plans are foiled when Des returns early.
And that's just about that for this week. This little thing of beer has lasted much longer than I expected due to the fact that's it's absolutely horrible. The balsamic vinegar might have tasted better, after all.
Glenda :-)
I'm having to write this update in Word and will transfer it to AOL when the system decides to pull itself together and get on with being an Internet provider rather than a complete and utter waste of space. Actually, I shouldn't be so harsh. Despite the complaints I've heard about AOL stateside, this is the first time in 18 months I haven't been able to connect to the server and for mail and news to be down. But still, it's annoying innit? You pays your money, you expects 100% service, 100% of the time and when you don'ts get it, you wants to bang on the keyboard and scream at the screen like a 5 year old. About five minutes ago, when I decided to write the update, I got the corkscrew from the kitchen to crack open a bottle of wine to enjoy a glass or two as I type away. Anyway, the corkscrew broke in my hand (really) and speared my thumb instead of the cork (really, again). So, I'm typing this update with a huge Elastoplast bandage thing on my thumb and I'm making a huge amount of typos but as I'm using Word, I can spell check them all before you read this! Ha! Technology does have its uses after all.
Anyway, on with the show. Oh, before I do so, I have to say this update will only cover 3 episodes instead of the usual 4. This is all Jerry Springer's fault, of course, and all I can do is apologise and advise you to read the episode update or surf the CSVU site to catch up events from Monday 23rd March. I know that's what I'll have to do.
Deirdre gets a new barrister who takes a more arrogant approach than the other one. He comes up with a cunning plan - to convince the jury that Deirdre really is as stupid as she looks and she's in with a chance of them believing that she did it all for love. Her court case gets brought forward to er... Monday 23rd March (and that's the episode we're missing here, folks!). Alma questions Mike as to why he's taking so much interest in the court case and why indeed, will he actually be in court watching events unfold?
Alec sends Ken out on an escort date with Babs Fanshawe (Thelma from The Likely Lads). I was so looking forward to seeing one of my favourite actresses on the street but I was in for a disappointment when Babs was only on screen for 5 minutes! Sitting in a restaurant with Ken, Babs is one of those women my grandmother always raised her eyebrows to as she described them as "bad with their nerves". Anyway, Babs excuses herself and takes off to the ladies where she pops her clogs! Yes, dead! Now, I know being on a date with Ken Barlow isn't the most thrilling of evenings a girl could ask for, bad nerves or not, but still, surely this was taking things too far? Anyway, Ken wonders what's happened to his date and after a while, worried, he peeks into the ladies toilet, wondering what's happened to Babs. He finds her prone on the floor and immediately raises the alarm. He rings Alec, who is most concerned that Ken makes sure he gets paid for the evening, dead body notwithstanding and Ken is so appalled by Alec's attitude that he tells him he's never working for Golden Years again. Babs' brother assumes Ken was a 'good friend' of his sister, and invites Ken to the funeral. When Ken tells him the truth, the brother is not best pleased and leaves in a hurry. However, all is not over just yet when a (tall, dark, handsome, male) press reporter from the Weatherfield Gazette comes sniffing round looking for a story. Ken gives him short shrift but Alec is more accommodating, hoping to clear the name of Golden Years in this unfortunate incident. I somehow don't think that's what's going to happen here though - the journalist is too dishy to be innocent.
(The cat is now sitting on my knee, trying to chew the bandage on my thumb. Good grief). Des, still wondering what's going on with Sam and if there's any truth in what Kevin told him, comes home early from the races, to try to catch Sam at it with Chris. Well, Sam actually is in bed with Chris as it happens when Des walks in the house and just when you think Sam will finally be caught out, she runs downstairs to stall Des as Chris nips out of the back door. A close shave. Chris tells Sam he doesn't want to see her again but she takes it badly and humiliates herself by banging on his front door as he tells her to go away. Come on Sam, have some pride, girl. Des tells Sam he was told in the Rovers that she was messing about with Chris and asks if there's any truth in it, but she denies all. Oh, the tangled webs we weave....
Log asks Spider to leave Weatherfield with her. He agrees and Toyah, Aunty Em and I were in floods of tears (again! stop doing this to us Spider!). Anyway, a bacon sandwich goes astray in the cafe and the only likely suspect is Log. Surely not ethical, vegan Log? eating bacon? (Actually, I've been vegetarian since I was 18 which is a l-o-n-g time ago and if there's one thing, just one thing, that would make me turn, as they say, it's crispy fried bacon, smothered in brown sauce, between two slices of white bread. But I digress). Aunty Em wonders if Log really did eat the meat, so lays out some bacon and sausages for her Sunday lunch and then leaves the house, her trap set to perfection. When Spider returns to the house, Log is tucking into a full!! English breakfast. He tells her he can't leave with her, with someone as unprincipled as she is. Toyah, Aunty Em and I waved Log (complete with stripey hat and jumper) off with glee. Before leaving, Log turns on Spider and tells him they no longer have anything in common anyway because Spider " has gone all cuddly". And that's just how we like him, dear.
Hayley and Roy meet for a fruit juice in the Rovers and they're chatting along quite nicely when Hayley announces she's had a letter from the hospital about her operation. Silence. Then she tells Roy she hopes he'll still be friends with her after the operation, and Roy confirms he will.
Well, I think that's all for this week. From me and my sore thumb, thank you and goodnight.
Glenda :-)
What a week! After each episode I normally write a couple of lines of notes to remind me at the end of the week what,s gone on in the Street so I can string the update together without having to make too much of it up out of thin air (so now you know where the Tracy Barlow alien abduction storyline came from). Anyway, this week - well, what can I say? A cracking week, and without any further ado, or rambling on about nothing in particular, here we go:-
Deirdre is in prison! Cap,n Lindsay swears in court to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth and then proceeds to tells lies, big lies and nothing but more lies and gets off with a 6 month suspended sentence. Poor Deirdre is sentenced to 18 months for fraud! No! "The Guardian, "The Daily Mirror and even Tony Blair (I kid you not) are now appealing for the release of "The Weatherfield One. Now, I,m a bit thick in general and a bit more thick about court proceedings in particular so I won,t bore you with all the legal shenanigans because, frankly, I didn,t understand them. But, we all know the only criminal thing about Deirdre is those sideburns. Deirdre gets sent down (although the tabloids have already reported she,ll be out in time to enjoy a gin & tonic in the Rovers by summer). and is forced to share her prison cell with Liverpudlian Margi Clarke.
After the judge announces her sentence he asks if she'd like to say a few last words. To the tune of "The Blaydon Races" and with apologies to Geordies everywhere, Deirdre sings:
"Oh M'Lud, I shoulda seen it comin'
The jury has decided that I'm such a stupid woman
When Jon gave me the gold card, he said "Here, Deirdre, try it"
How was I supposed to k-n-o-w, he wasn't a kosher pilot?""Oh M'Lud, don't lock me up with Margi
She looks the type of hard faced blonde that likes some argy-bargie
All the lads and lasses here think that I'm so hopeless
But I'll be out in just 3 m-o-n-t-h-s, drinking in the Rovers!"
Just to back track a little on myself here, before she,s sentenced, Deirdre bumps into Jon,s wife Linda in the ladies loo at the Court. She tries to persuade Linda to tell the truth about Jon but she isn,t ready yet to admit it. She tells her that if she is imprisoned, then it,s all Linda,s fault for keeping quiet about her cheating, lying, scumbag husband. After Deirdre is sentenced, there,s fisticuffs between Mike and Ken outside of the court room as Mike feels Ken has let Deirdre down by giving evidence against her in court, while Ken says he was only telling the truth about knowing Jon wasn't really a pilot. Liz tries to attack Jon's wife and has to be pulled off her by someone, Ken, I think it was. In court, as Deirdre was sentenced, a tear rolled down Liz,s face. I don,t think it was anything to do with sentiment for her friend; more likely her thong had snapped and she couldn,t uncross her legs.
Anyway, Mike pays Deirdre's £8,000 legal bill and tells Frankie that he wants to appeal against her conviction, no matter what it costs. Looks to me like it might cost him a) his wife and b) his business, when he upsets Alma with his Deirdre obsession and writes the £8,000 cheque from the Underworld account. Angie is back on the street this week and is eager to get the end of year accounts sorted out, but Mike is trying to hide the fact he's just paid out all that money for Deirdre,s legal fees. In prison, Deirdre protests her innocence every time she opens her mouth, which could find her in trouble with some of those rather refined ladies of the institution if she doesn,t keep quiet. Ken visits her and tells her the appeal will be put into motion, (slow motion) and that it could take months, rather than weeks, for the appeal to be heard.
Yes, you did read that last paragraph right, Angie is back on the Street, and we catch up with her consoling Des after he kicks out Samantha (and about time too, mate) when he finds her in bed with Chris. Samantha tells Chris she,ll leave the Street with him and she waits in the Rovers for him with her bags packed. Chris walks to the door of the Rovers but decides better of it and walks away without her, leaving the Street behind him. Before he leaves though, he goes to see Sally to ask her to leave with him and tells her he still loves her. The two of them are sitting at the dining table holding hands when Kevin walks in on them both. Sally tells Chris her place is with Kevin and the girls and, Northern to the very end, asks Kevin if he wants some tea as Chris leaves and sulks off into the sunset.
And basically, that's it for this week, most of it taken up with the court case and Deirdre in prison. Chris left, Samantha wanted to, but Sally didn't. Or perhaps she did, deep down, but she had to make the tea and see to the girls first and by the time she'd finished that, well, Chris would have been all the way down Rosamund Street and out of her little world forever. Maxine came back from her holidays, all bronzed and tanned and Angie came back from parts unknown, the same colour as she was before she left. Ashley was pleased to see Maxine back on the Street, and vice versa but they both tried pretending they weren't bothered at all, as you do, at that age - before you realise life's too short to be clever and above yourself. At least, that's what my mother always tells me. Talking of my mother, she is the reason I'm not typing this while sipping wine today. When I started typing this week's update it was only 5:30pm and my mother has a word for women who drink in the afternoon. Not a very pleasant word either. So mother, if you're reading this, don't worry. I haven't yet turned into a *&!R%a(!
That's it for this week.
Glenda :-)
