Hello everyone, a quick introduction.
I know Glenda told you a bit about me and maybe some of you have visited my pages, or had the sense not too :-) Not sure whether I fit the Father Jack description, I mean, who could consume that amount of alcohol, I can hear Glenda shouting..."You will, you will, you will, you will". I've only recently become a devotee of the Street and was forced, I mean introduced to ratucs by the lovely Miss Young, recently returned from her foray into the lakes. If her idea of bliss is chewing on Kendal Mint cake then I seriously doubt her sanity [even more than I did before]. You may be thinking, "I've heard this woman's name before" [mine, not Glenda's:)] and wondered in what context. Well, before I joined ratucs, I was thoroughly dragged through the mud by CP regarding a rugby team, well sadly the dragging was only metaphoric at the time however I have worked strenuously to correct this and have narrowed my sights to the fellas wearing number 1 and 3 in the New Zealand 'All Blacks' team, a touching tribute don't you think. I love the way they get hold of their scrums and stick their tongues out before they start on anything energetic and CP agrees with me that these are some of his favourite things. My god, a couple of live volcanos just waiting to erupt so they are and so am I. This prologue would not be complete without some comment on CP. I know that he would never forgive me if I didn't expand and exaggerate his recent exploits. So I won't :-)
Well, enough of my spluttering and wittering, I shall bring this windy prologue to a natural conclusion and on with the update.
Now... just close your eyes and relax... count backwards from 10 and we shall regress [or as Vera would say, reverse] back to Wednesday night.
This episode opens with Gary [holder of the 'Emotional Wimp of the year' competition] tittle tattling to Ashley about how Zoe had gone for Emily. Ashley, bless his cotton socks is still fiercely loyal and defends Zoe's action. Zoe meantime is studying the fake leather on the sofa and is in a world of her own.
Meanwhile, in the Rovers back room, Vera is still trying to persuade Jack to go to the hypnotherapist about his smoking. She has made an appointment to see Magenta Savannah, [i thought this was a shade of household emulsion paint but there you go]. Jack is still not convinced but Nastily says that he may come back a new man, Vera can only hope.
La Mouton is still by Jim's bedside, talking to him as if he were still awake, but I suspect probably sending him deeper into a coma if only to escape. Gareh and Judeh arrive and Liz tells them to talk to him as if he could hear them! [I'm saying nowt].
Back to Magenta Savannah's. After causing a backdraft by fluttering her eyelashes at Jack, Magenta successfully dismisses Vera and tells her to come back in an hour. She bids Jack to lay down on the couch and close his eyes and relax. Jack falls under her spell straightaway. "What is the first image that comes into your mind". [Does a vacuum contain anything?] Jack slips into 'Lusty Jack of Weatherfield ooarr". [Coming from the west country I find this a bit odd, anyway]. Magenta then wants to get in touch with another part of his brain and asks "to speak with his pleasure part" [I'm saying nothing]. After she has got in touch with his pleasure part, not surprisingly she seems keen to get back to his sub-conscious.
Meanwhile, back at the Rovers. Kevin and Steve are holding up the bar and in an effort to make conversation Kevin asks him about Jim so he does. Steve's eyeballs give a shifty swivel like a couple of chair castors in a socket and says very little. As they are having their tete a tete, Des is honing his chat up skills with Nastily.
A quick flashback to Magentas and Jack is still under her spell. Maybe she should practise on herself to get rid of all that verbal diahorrea. She tells Jack to imagine a room filled with every cigarette he's ever smoked and to imagine having one cigarette in his hand. He is to light that cigarette and then set light to all the others. Lots of euphemistic banter about smokey rooms and feeling and smelling fresh air follows.
Steve just can't escape, he's now back at home being grilled again by La Mouton about the accident, again!
Back to the Rovers, early evening shift and Nastily, Des and Kev are all revved up with no where interesting to go, except the football match. In a fetching ensemble of green and white knitwear, the three stooges make their way to watch 'the cup' but not before Kevin has broken the news to Sally that Natalie is going with them. [Sally has been to Fiona's for a new haircut by the looks of it].
Vera and Jack are back from Magenta's and Vera is enthusing about Jack's cure although she has been warned by the lovely Ms Savannah that he may slip back to Lusty Jack and that she must be told if this happens.
Ashley is consulting [in the loosest possible sense of the word] Nurse Florence Platt about poor Zoe's state of mind. Martin says he [Ashley that is] has to get help for Zoe. Steve is nicely crisp and browned on one side and is now being grilled on the other by La Mouton, still.
Ah! TGIF... Jack's still doing his impression of a cocaine user and sniffs the 'fresh air' at every excuse. [Obviously giving up ciggies is not something to be sniffed at]. After Jack drops a clanger about the football match, Nastily and Orange woman are wibbling about the previous night. Sam is not amused that Natalie is seeing Des. Natalie denies she is seeing him, they are just mates [no Natalie, thats what you use, not what you are].
At the House of Elliott, Nicky is seen holding a letter [non, not a la francaise] but one from Whately. He practically drags Leanne up the street so he can read the letter. Back indoors, Ashley and Zoe are talking, Ashley with a comforting arm round her shoulders. Zoe's character adds an extra dimension as she tells Ashley about her life and how she has been moved from one childrens home to another and from one foster parent to another. The last thing she needs right now is intervention from a non-caring do gooder of a social worker, she's had enough of them. Ashley tries to convince her just to go and see the doctor.
Back up Coronation Street, Tilly reads Whateleys letter and tells Leanne that he [Whateley] wants to meet her. Leanne is not sure. [Personally speaking, what kind of man [hah! there is the crux of the matter] sets his wife up like this and puts her in obvious danger by giving her real name and address- more of this later].
Sam's face goes a shade deeper, Magenta perhaps, as she confronts Natalie again about her date with Des. In the Rovers Return, Jack D is now regressing, or reversing as Vera likes to say, to Lusty Jack Johnson, funny how nobody but Vera seems to believe him. [Oh the blessed safety of disillusionment Vera!]
All is calm, for the moment at the House of Elliott, I say, all is calm for now. Then Ashley makes the stupid suggestion of the year when he asks Zoe if she wants to give Shannon's stuff to Gareh and Judeh for their new baby.
Back at the Rovers Sam is still doing a bad job of convincing Natalie that she doesn't care what she and Des do. Jack suddenly metamorphoses into Lusty Jack and offers to take Natalie "out to the stables, while the harodan is absent". From one old mare to another, Jack just can't make up his mind.
It looks like Leanne's character is finally being allowed to grow up as she becomes more and more reluctant to go along with silly Tilly's plan. Ashley has now gone to work and Zoe is about to light up a ciggie when, horror of horrors, no ciggies and no money. She goes round to the Kabin and asks Leanne for some fags. She says she's not going to pay for them and that Leanne should nick them for her. Leanne sensibly says no, and that Zoe shouldn't ask her. At this point, Rita appears. Leanne covers for Zoe and tells Rita that Zoe's forgotten her purse. Rita, with a kind heart says not to worry and that Zoe can drop by next time with the money. Zoe lights up but continues to flick her lighter on and off. After Zoe has gone Rita says, "it will only take one small spark to set her off". [I love them corny lines]
Later on at the Rovers, Fred gives us our first hint that maybe Jack is not completely under Magenta's spell but is actually doing an on-screen audition to play the Baddie in Pantomime at Blackpool this Xmas. After fetching his 'regular tincture' from our favourite schizophrenic, Fred joins Rita and Emily. They tell him about how Zoe bit Rita's head off and then tells him and show him Emily's face where Zoe hit her the other day. Fred is visibly shocked and makes a point of going to see Ashley to get Zoe some professional help.
Back to the scene of the crime, La Mouton lights the grill and starts on Gareh, who is clueless [whats new] about what happened. Steve comes out to meet her and is still shifty and optically swivelly when she asks him more questions about what happened. Gary obviously suspects something is not quite right about the 'accident' and it shows on his face. The machninations of his brain [!] are clearly visible in his expression. Warning: do not ask this man to be your partner in a game of bridge or poker!
We return to the Rovers where 'Lusty Jack' partakes of Natalies rear [he pinches her backside] then tries to sample the ample Betty, but she's not going to be Lusty Jacks Hot Pot and promptly slaps him across the face.
Meanwhile back at the House of Elliot, Leanne tells Zoe off again about asking her to nick stuff and that she actually likes her job and doesnt want to lose it. She reassures Zoe that people do care about her but Zoe runs out of the house almost knocking Nick over. Despite his feeble attempts to get Leanne to sort out about meeting Whateley, Leanne rightly goes after Zoe instead and tells Nick to 'Stuff it'!! [yay and thrice Yay!!]
In the corner shop, whilst clutching a tub of margarine, Kevin assures Liz that Jims job is there for him whenever he wants. [Yeah, like this bit of news is bound to pull him out of a coma so it is!]
Just as Judeh and Gareh are settling down for the evening, Gareh talking about Jim's accident, there is a loud knocking and shouting at the door. It isn't Guy Fawkes night but it is Zoe, screaming her head off at them telling them that they are mean and horrible. They wanted Shannon and now that she's gone they've got their own and don't care about how Zoe feels. Here comes the Guy Fawkes bit. Zoe pours paraffin over the pram full of Shannon's stuff, sets light to it and pushes it towards Gary. He jumps out of the way and grabs Zoe, shouting at her and telling her she's mad. Just the sort of stuff she needs to hear. This episode concludes with Ashley comforting Zoe and assuring Gary that he will get her some help.
Still with me? Hope its not too long winded!
Sunday evening and Tilly is still nagging poor Leanne about meeting Whateley. Has the boy no sense at all? Along the way, Zoe is still on planet zog and nothing is going to get her back to earth it seems. In the Rovers, Betty and Natalie accuse Jack of harrassment, he still makes out he knows nothing and gullible Vera still believes he's 'reversing'. Steve asks Fiona why she doesnt believe him. Erm...where does she start?
When Fred sees Ashley about Zoe and says she ought to see a Psychologist, Maud suggests an Exorcist would be better. Fred suggests that maybe Zoe should have electric chair treatment. Wicked. Maud corrects him and says maybe he means ECT [electric current treatment]. Fred says he knows what he means.
Jack is still vacillating between reality and regression. Des strides into the Rovers with his size 13's and loudly suggests a meal in an Italian restaurant to Natalie, ensuring that not only Sam hears but the people in Baldwins factory and Rita in the Kabin. [visions fill my head of the scene in lady and the tramp [oh how deliciously apt] where they are sucking on their linguine and meatballs]. {This line is dedicated to CP for reasons I'd rather not go into:)] JD slips into Lusty Jack and declares he has to go to the stables and see to the mares. He escapes from Vera's clutches and disappears down Coronation Street to the Bookies. Proof enough that Jack has been pulling peoples plonkers as well as their pints.
Back to the House of Elliott where Zoe is doing a DIY job on her golden tresses. In walks Ashley with the Doctor who asks Zoe if she's been to the hairdressers next door for a new style. ROFLMAO a brilliant line! Seems that not only are Fiona and Maxine known as Muppets 1 & 2 but they also want everyone else to look like one. Anyway, Zoe is finally led off into the ambulance voluntarily [without being sectioned] but her final attack is on poor Ashley as she tells him that he has let her down and she never wants to see him again. Aaaaaahhh.
To the hospital so it is, and could Jim be giving up the ghost, no, he's just choking on his tube. It's enough to scare Steve but is it enough to prick his conscience into saying something. Nah, course not. Back at the flat Steve finally confesses to Fiona that the accident is his fault, and Fiona tells him that he has got to tell Liz or someone.
Monday night's episode opens with poor Ashley still struggling with misplaced guilt. He did the right thing. Leanne tells Tilly she no longer wants to be involved with his little scheme and becomes, quite rightly so, very worried and concerned about the whole thing. It's now Fiona's turn to grill Steven to a crisp. She points out that if Jim comes out of the coma he's going to tell the truth. Turns out that all Steve is worried about is paying his Dad compensation and that this will ruin him financially. Oh the ties that bind, its almost like the Waltons, not!!! Do I spy a devious look in Steve's eye, is there a sub-plot emerging.
There is now confirmation that Fred was in on Jack's joke as they giggle like a couple of school girls, I say giggle. Orangina and Nastily are arguing and Sam threatens to move out. Natalie says she can do what she likes.
Back at the house of Elliott, Tilly forges Leannes signature on a letter and posts it with a photo to Whately. Oh what tangled webs we weave...
Returning to the Rovers and Jack's still auditioning for panto, oh no he isn't, oh yes he is. And surprise, one of my favourites makes an entrance. Roy enters the Rovers. Within two seconds Vera's told him about Jack's regressions and Roy whips out his spiral secretarial [lined] and clicks the button on his biro. He says that this is an ideal opportunity to discover local history as it really was. He sits down with Fred and Jack and begins to chat. Roy may be a bit of an anorak but the lad knows his history. As he interviews 'Lusty Jack' about what events were happening, Jack gets further and further into the mire. Lets face it, Jack is not a graduate with a history degree. As he looks to Fred for help, regrettably Fred is no help and 'Lusty' suddenly changes back to Jack. Phew, that was a close one.
To the hospital so we are. La Mouton is telling Jim about how she felt about him when they were first together. I thought she was giving him a blanket bath but realised it was just her blubbering. Gawd, its enough to send him deeper into his coma, just to escape. Then, suddenly, is it a miracle? can he hear her? [would he admit to it?] Jim's eyes start to blink so they do. 'Nurse, Nurse!!' The nurse comes over to check him then heartlessly [I thought] told Liz not to get excited, people in coma's often have involuntary muscle actions. Good job, its the only way Steve and Tilly could get through a whole episode!
Kut to the Kabin... Leanne has to tell somebody whats troubling her and she confides in Rita who finds it totally incredulous that Nicky could do such a thing. Later on they both confront Nicky who finally looks suitably guilty and realises how stupid he's been. [?!!!!]
Vera pays a return visit to Magenta Savannahs parlour to find that she has now got a different persona, according to the days of the week she's either a hypnotherapist or a Gypsy Rose Lea type telling fortunes. She tells Vera she can see her in a bungalow. After Vera has told her that she's come about Jacks problem, Magenta persuades Vera that she should try it too. [This was my favourite scene]. Vera lays down and Magenta says that she reminds her of Cleopatra. Vera is suitably taken in and says that she remembers a fella who once said that to her and then told her to lie down. We leave her smirking to her own thoughts, wonderful.
Jim continues to draw on the nation's energy reserves causing the occasional surge of electricity.
Nicky confesses to a very troubled [and rightly so] Leanne that he has sent another letter with a photo of her in. Rita can't believe her ears when he says that he has used their home address. God, Gail should have drowned him when she had the chance.
We leave this episode with Steve and La Mouton apportioning guilt for the state that Jim is in. Could the familiar sounds of them two arguing and whinging be the straw on the camel's back, or the comforting familiarity that brings him back to consciousness? We shall soon see, so we shall. Well, th th that's all folks, I hope that I've covered everything in enough depth and haven't sent you running to the Emmerdale farm updates:) It's been a labour of love but it's been fun too. If any of you are making it over for the Spring Ping in London, I'll see you there.
Best wishes, Ruth
You know how I hate to disappoint. Week in, week out, I slave over a hot modem wearing my anorak to bring you the weekly Coronation Street round-up update. Unfortunately, this week there won't be a weekly update.
Normal service will be resumed as soon as possible.
I'm writing this update and dedicating it to all the lovely, lovely people I met at the ratucs pingfest on Saturday night in London. For those of you reading this who don't know what a ratucs pingfest is, it was basically a drunken booze up in a London pub when members of the Coronation Street newsgroup (rec.arts.tv.uk.coronation-st) met up. All those who were there that night, I'm sure will agree it was quite a night (at least I think it was, most of it is still a blur... can't think why!). In fact it was such a night that I'm sitting here tonight writing the update with a glass of iced water, and nothing else. I don't think I'll ever drink again. Anyway, I've just mowed the lawns, fed the cat and brushed the dog, so here I go with this week's Coronation Street update.
Ashley tries to end things with Zoe, but every time he plucks up the courage to tell her it's all off, she cries on his shoulder and tells him how much she needs him. True, she does seem to be coming out of her depressed state after running off with baby Morgan the other week, but Ashley love, if you don't break it to her gently now, you'll never get out of it. Poor lickle thing. Ashley's dilemma is heart touching, I have to say. He doesn't want to leave Zoe on her own, he knows she needs him, but he realises that he has a life too, and it doesn't include looking after someone with Zoe's problems.
While Nat and Des continue to get all smoochy with each other (spit, yuck), they're worried about Samantha's feelings, but she tells them she's fine, she doesn't hold any grudges and encourages them to get on with their relationship. So what exactly is Samantha up to then? Money goes missing from the petty cash box in the Rovers. Of course, we all know Samantha has taken it and wants Nat to get the blame. Jack and Vera can't believe Nat would have stolen from them but suspicion falls on the stottie tottie as she's the only one with a key to the box except for the Duckies. Nat's gold ring also goes missing after she takes it off in the bar to wash up some glasses. Samantha takes the ring and keeps it for a few days before miraculously "finding it" on the floor of the Rovers after she drops and smashes a glass and has to get on her hands and knees to sweep up the broken glass. What is this girl up to? Even Des wonders what she's up to. (Why does this whole storyline remind me of 'Blind Bettina', a comic strip from "Mandy" magazine that I read when I was 11? Most odd).
Les Battersby decides its time to meet Greg's mother, Moira. He borrows a red jaguar from Charlie (Teresa Turkey) West and dolls himself up for the night out, telling Gary in the Rovers that he's "...playing away in Warrington tonight". "What, football, like?" asks Gary. "No, upstairs olympics" replies Les. He should be so lucky. Before calling on Moira, Les has a drink in the pub across the road from the cemetery. Moira susses Les out straight away; he is, after all, less than subtle with his chat up skills, and she soon realises he's only come to see her thinking she's a rich and merry widow. Les takes a bunch of flowers for her, and when a card falls out of them reading ".. gone but not forgotten. From all at No94" she throws Les out of the house, calling him a conniving, lying toe-rag. Indeed. Before she throws him out, they talk about Greg and Moira tells him that all the money Greg has he gets from her, and that she's going to stop that soon if he doesn't get himself a job... so it looks as if he's been lying about working in the fashion industry then and he's really fleecing off his mother. Anyway, by the time he leaves Moira's house, Les has had a couple of drinks and he's drinking a can of beer as he drives home. He swerves to avoid a car in front of him, only to find the driver of the other car is a copper.
Jim's out of his coma, so he is, and lying in his hospital bed. He's now able to speak, funnily enough, like Marlon Brando. The doctor tells Liz that although Jim could possibly regain the use of his legs, they have to be ready to accept the fact that there's also the chance that Jim might never be able to walk again. When Jim finds out this news he throws a wobbler. Liz's hair does the same thing.
A letter finally arrives for Leanne from Darren Whateley in prison. Nick doesn't let Leanne see the letter, as she's worried enough that when Whateley is released from prison he'll come looking for her. The letter contains a prison visiting order, will Nick take it and confront his father's killer?
Not a very exciting week on the Street at all. I'd quite like to see Samantha consumed with rage and do something horrible to Des and Nat, wouldn't you?
That's all for this week,
Glenda ;-)
I'm going to apologise in advance here. According to my Updater's manual, a weekly update should contain a full round up of the week's events in Coronation Street. However, this week, I've only got 2 of the episodes covered - ahem - sorry. But, there is a reason for this, and you can blame it all on football.
Wednesday's episode of Corrie last week started half an hour earlier than normal because of some football match and I only found this out when I turned the TV on at 7.20pm to catch the last 5 minutes or so of the Street.
Then, I missed Monday night's episode because of football again, but this time for a completely different reason (and if you promise not to laugh, I'll tell you all about it). There I was with some friends in the pub watching the Sunderland v Charlton playoffs for the Premier league. Sunderland were being beaten 3-2 by Charlton; the pub was tense, the supporters wanted blood and I was hearing swear words I've never heard before. Anyway, when Sunderland scored their 3rd goal, I was lifted into the air by some bloke I've never met before and hugged to within an inch of my life. I looked around for 'him indoors' wondering why he wasn't celebrating our third goal of the match, when I looked down and here he was, lying unconscious on the floor. Turns out he'd jumped so high when Sunderland scored, he'd cracked his head on the bar and knocked himself out.
Off to casualty we went where we sat for 3 long and miserable hours without being seen by anybody. A battle had erupted in one of the other town centre pubs and casualties of the fight started coming into the waiting area, blokes with ears torn off, faces slashed, bleeding all over the floor. And they sat like that for 3 hours too. New Labour working? Not in Sunderland Royal Hospital accident and emergency ward, it's not. Private health insurance goes against every fibre of my working class being, but there has got to be something better than the service provided there last night. Anyway, off my soap box and back to the Street - there was a TV in the casualty room but it was on BBC1 and there was no way of changing the channels to watch the Street when it came on - so I missed it. Today I taped the repeat episode at lunchtime but when I sat down to watch it just now, it was a repeat of Sunday's episode, not Monday. Ah, well. But I did promise you a good reason why, didn't I?
So, here we go with this week's (very short) update to (some of) this week's events on Coronation Street.
Jim's still angry about the fact he might never recover the use of his legs again, and when Liz visits him in hospital, she tells him to calm down - "It was your temper that got you in here in the first place!". So, now that's out in the open, Liz had to tell Jim about his fight with Steve and how he ended up in a coma. Obviously, Jim isn't best pleased and starts coughing up blood, the doc says this is nothing to worry about unduly and prescribes Warfarin which "clots the blood". If ITV had done their research correctly, however, they'd know that Warfarin does exactly the opposite. Steve wants to pay for a private nurse to look after Jim, but Liz says she'll do it instead.
Steve and Fiona are planning a holiday in Tenerife, leaving Maxine to look after the flat - she's quite happy to do this as it means Greg will be able to stay there with her, as he was most un-chuffed when he found out she still lived with her parents. Greg gets himself introduced to Mike Baldwin. It turns out that Greg's dad and Mike were old rag-trade pals in the past and looks like Greg is going to use this new contact to his advantage somehow.
Nick tracks down Alison Oakley, the girl his dad was with on the night Brian was murdered. She can't quite understand why Nick wants to drag the past up again, but talks to him in an hotel bar and tells Nick what happened that night. Meanwhile, as Nick is finding out about his dad's murder, Leanne gets a surprise visitor - Darren Whately. Released from prison, he goes straight to see Leanne, wanting to take her hospitality and find out if she's really going to be as friendly towards him as she said she would be in "her" letters (the ones that Nick got her to write). Frightened and alone, Leanne manages to get rid of Whately when Ashley returns home. When Nick finally arrives back at the house, Leanne isn't best pleased with him after her ordeal with the 'orrid Whateley and accuses Nick of using her as bait to see his dad's killer, little realising what the consequences would be, to her.
Samantha tells Des she's pregnant, and of course he doesn't believe her at all, even though she swears on the good book itself, the Bible (as opposed to the book I swear by - 'Delia Smith's Summer Puddings'). Even if she was pregnant, it could quite easily be Chris Collin's baby instead of Des'. Natalie tells Des to insist on Samantha taking a test to prove she is pregnant, we all have our suspicions that Sam is just using this as a way to pin down Des.
Ashley goes to see Zoe and she tells him she's thought of them splitting up, but decided that she'd rather stay together with Ashley, after all. It's hard to know whether Ashley is relieved to hear this, or not. He's on the emotional rollercoaster with this one alright.
And that, I'm afraid, is that. Next week, football and emergency rooms permitting, normal service will be resumed.
Glenda ;-)
