Weekly summaries - June 1998

2 June 1998

I'm pleased to say I'm covering (almost) a full week's worth of Coronation Street this week in the update! I say "almost" as I did miss the first half of Wednesday's episode last week and it was all Sally's fault. I popped round to the shop just after 7pm for a few cans of Guinness, as you do, and Sally was in the shop. Anyone who has ever been cornered by Sally in my corner shop will know, that if you meet her at 7.10pm and she's ready for one of her "little chats", you're going to be there for at least half an hour. I finally managed to pull myself free of the gossip in time to run home and watch the second half - with warm Guinness. So, here I am with my note book at the ready. I've got this big old battered blue book I make notes in after each episode. As I'm making notes and jotting down the oneliners that could easily be missed otherwise, I also make notes for myself, you know, reminders of things I have to do. If I actually typed into the update the notes from the book as I've written them, this week would go something like this: ... Leanne/Darren/Nick divorce?, Gail gloats, get dog's anal glands done at vets, Cafe/where's Roy?, Marks and Spencer's knickers, Des/Sam, baby?, spring onions, ring Ted, Les Battersby petunias...anyway, you get the picture. So, without further ado here we go with this week's Coronation Street update.

Leanne moves back in with her parents after being accosted by Darren "David Essex" Whateley. I can't believe how much this bloke resembles one of my childhood heroes. Along with David Cassidy, The Jackson Five (yes, all of them) and The Osmonds (yes, all of them, too) David Essex was a living God when I was 11 years old. It's worth tuning into the Street these days in the hope that Darren will suddenly burst into "Gonna make you a star" on the cobbles. Anyway, so Leanne's back with the Battersby clan and Gail is gloating, hoping that Nick and Leanne really will get divorced, as Toyah seems to think they will. Neither Gail nor Martin know the real reason why love's young dreamers have split up. It's a heck of a secret to keep. Rather a poignant scene when Darren goes into the cafe and Gail unknowingly sells her husband's killer a cup of tea and a cream bun (or something). It's Martin's 30th (yeah, right, and I'm 18) birthday and there's a bit of a do in the Rovers. Nick has a couple of shandies, enough to turn him into a fighting machine, which is just as well as he goes back to the house and has to tackle Darren "Hold me close, don't let me go" Whateley who is in the house giving Leanne some grief.

After Sam dropped her pregnancy bombshell on Des last week, Des now says he wants her to have the baby, that he'll look after her and he wants them both to live together. Natalie isn't best pleased and tells Des she loves him but doesn't want to share him with anyone else, especially someone else's baby. At first, Sam plays hard to get so Des suggests a long chat and offers to cook her a meal (and when a man, any man, offers to cook you a meal and he does it well AND cleans the kitchen afterwards, hang onto him by his utensils, girls). Des gets all sloppy and father-like and tells Sam he really wants this baby. Having got him where she wants him, Sam turns round and tells Des she's having an abortion and not moving in with him after all. (Wake me up when this storyline is over).

Les doesn't think Maxine is good enough for any son of his, so does his best to be rude and unpleasant to her (not a difficult thing to do, for Les Battersby). Maxine, upset, tells Janice the truth about Les' car accident and drink driving incident. Back at the Battersby house, Janice packs Les' clothes into bin bags and throws both her husband and his belongings onto the Street.

Jim is back at the McDonald house, sleeping on a single bed in the living room. Liz has moved back into the house to look after her ex-husband but Jim is having a hard time coming to terms with the situation. "I'm fine, Elizabeth, I'm absolutely fine." he yells at Liz, in an absolutely unfine sort of way. His wheelchair doesn't fit through the doors and he's unable to do simple things like answer the phone when it rings; it's a situation not helped when Emily calls round in "hospital visitor" mode, bringing Jim a couple of dog-eared novels and a jigsaw with kittens on it. She means well, bless her. Kevin, Gary and Jack (aka the lads) call round to see Jim and bring him some beers but Liz reminds Jim the doctor told him not to drink. Les calls round and in his usual diplomatic way, (obviously a graduate of the Stan Ogden school of charm) offers advice and sympathy.

Judy's boss takes to drinking and starts becoming a nuisance. He tells her he is tormented by what happened "that night" between them both, and won't leave poor Jude alone.

Sally's been making her "Chris Collins" eyes at Greg this week... Anyway, Sally's mum has died and so Kevin is anxious to get his hands on her house. If they sold the house, Kev could buy Natalie out of the garage business, but Sally isn't best pleased with this idea. Natalie wants 50% of the value of the garage, plus an extra £5,000.

Roy was back in the Street this week. A short scene but a good line. When he sees Nick and Leanne enjoying a nice cup of tea together in the cafe, he asks if they're back together or not. "I just wanted to know what was happening, so I know what mood Gail is likely to be in for the next two weeks." he says. Anyway, Nick and Leanne are back together after he sticks a bunch of roses up her nose as she comes out of the Kabin.

And that is just about that for this week/ring Ted/hanging basket sorted/banoffi pie/Rita Sullivan.

Glenda ;-)

9 June 1998

Where would I be without Mike Plowman? I've got a man in doing something with my woodwork at the minute and my house is upside down; the sofa is in the hall, the dining table is in the garden but worst of all, the TV and VCR can't be plugged back in until later this week. And that's where Mike Plowman comes in handy, let me tell you. I missed last night's episode of the Street and have just caught up with events at his brilliant CSVU site. Being turfed out of my home while someone fiddled with the electrics, I spent the night at the Opera last night (for the first time in my life) and had a wonderful time - it was passionate, romantic, powerful stuff (..but enough about the man who was there selling ice-creams and on with this week's update!).

After being turfed out by Janice, Les spends the night in the outside toilet. Charlie comes to his rescue and gives him a camper van to live in, which ends up parked in the street outside of Janice's house - so she's not best pleased. Although he has a chemical toilet, he has no running water so pops into the cafe for a quick wash and shave in the public restroom. This upsets Roy's hygiene sensibilities so much he has to go in there and clean up after Les, blowing into his marigolds before snapping them on. Les tries to wash his laundry in the Rover's toilet, but Betty turfs him out and then Gary and Judy give him short shrift when he asks if they can take care of his laundry instead. He strings a TV aerial from the van to the drainpipe of his house only to have his connection severed when someone skates along the pavement and cuts his connection off. And since when.. when.. have we ever seen someone skating along Coronation Street...?

Kevin is pressing Sally to sell her mother's house and invest the money by buying Natalie's share of the garage. Sally tells Kevin she's still grieving and dithers about whether she wants Natalie to have her mother's money or not. Take the money and run, Sally, run. Sally and Greg do a bit of flirting in the Rovers while Greg is still bonking around with Maxine... sheesh, men.

Samantha leaves in a taxi, telling Des she's going to have the abortion and off she goes. Des drives to the clinic he thinks she'll be at but the staff there aren't allowed to give out any details about their patients and Des is thrown out onto the street after demanding to see Samantha. Meanwhile, Judy Mallett spots Samantha in a clothes store buying jeans at the same time as Samantha is supposedly having her abortion. She tells Des she's seen Sam in town. Des confronts Sam when she arrives back on the Street and she admits that she's not pregnant and never was. "You're evil you are, you're mad, poison, and you've got an orange face," he tells her. (I made that bit up about the orange face). When Natalie confronts Samantha, Sam asks if she'll tell everyone that she's had a miscarriage, and Nat, for some reason, agrees to this. Anyway, later, Sam fakes a phone call from Leeds hospital saying that Natalie's son Tony has been taken into intensive care after a road traffic accident. In tears, Natalie and Alec rush to the hospital only to find that Tony hasn't been admitted to any hospital in the area. Natalie realises she's been the victim of a prank and assumes that Sam is behind it all, but has no proof. While Natalie is at the hospital, Samantha goes to Nat's house and kidnaps her cat, Tiger, which she takes back to Curly's house. Uh-oh, poor little cat is gonna suffer. Samantha tells Betty and then Natalie that she knows who made the hoax phone call from the hospital - Sally! Natalie confronts Kevin who, in his usual sensitive, new man sort of way, thinks.. um, yes, Sally has been acting rather strangely lately and yes, she could have made the call... quickly forgetting that his wife has just lost her mother and is going through the most difficult grief she'll ever know and is bloody well bound to acting rather strangely at the moment.. sheesh, men.

Liz takes Jim to the Rovers in his wheelchair but he comes over all sorry for himself when Maude comes in for a drink and asks him "How're you getting on with your chair?". He spits a bit at Maude and Liz wheels him home again after telling him off for being so rude to Maude.

Jack and Vera have gone off to Wales in a caravan with Trish and the kids, leaving Alec running the Rovers in his usual management style of organised chaos.

Ashley tells Maxine that Zoe is coming home later this week. In the support group that Zoe attends, Judy's boss is also there, saying he's turned to drink since he slept with his employee when she asked for a loan for £2,000. Zoe isn't really listening at first to the confessional, but she soon realises it's Judy the guy is talking about and knows that Gary can't be the father of Judy's baby.

Leanne and Nick go to the police and report what they know about Darren Whateley harassing Leanne. However, they fail to tell all they know, leaving out a couple of important things, like the fact they wrote to him in prison and baited him with a picture and letters from Leanne.

Anyway, that's just about that for this week.

Glenda ;-)

16 June 1998

Warning! Do not read this weekly update unless you bought it for £1.50 from a scruffy student in the middle of Durham town centre this lunch time. Yes... this week is student rag week in the North East, and I was well and truly ripped off when I handed over my cash this lunch time to buy my own little piece of naffness personified: a rag mag. So, to make me feel a little happier about having spent hard earned cash only to wade through pages of poor quality paper, terrible spelling and even more terrible jokes, I thought I'd turn this week's update into rag-update and share with you some of the gems from the rag mag itself. Back to the task in hand first though. This week has been a cracking week on the street; lots of laughs, lots of good one liners, and Spider, lovely lovely, lovely, lovely, Spider. Sigh.

Can you remember watching an episode of "Soap"? If you can, you'll know there was so much going on and it took some figuring out who was doing what to whom, when, where and why. (Or at least it seemed that way to me, I was only 11 at the time). Well, if you can't follow what's going on in the next paragraph, don't blame me, cos I didn't really follow what was going on here either.

Sal tells Kev she wants to buy Nat out of the garage with Sal's mum's cash. Alec tells Kev that Sam told him Nat made the phone call from the hospital last week. Nat threatens Sal with slander and solicitors, after Sam told Nat that Sal had been spreading the gossip that it was Nat who made the phone call (when it was Sam). Sal asks Sam why she's been saying these things, but Sam says that Nat told her it was Sal. Sam tells Sal that Kev and Nat are planning to run away together with Sal's money. Sal tells Rita, who tells Sal to ask Kev about Nat. Kev denies all. Kev gets Des and Nat to tell Sal the truth about Sam but Sal walks out, unconvinced. Kev and Des confront Sam who denies all. Alec enters, Sam cries, Kev and Des leave. Sam tells Alec that Nat said he'd been harassing her in the Rovers and that he'd molested her in the bar area. Alec confronts Nat, Nat blames Sam. Sam also tells Alec that Des laughs at him 'cos he's short and can't get a woman. Alec confronts Des. Des blames Sam. (Are you with me so far?) Des confronts Sam, Tiger escapes from Curly's. Des picks up Nat's pussy off the street. In t'Rovers, Nat and Alec have Sam sussed and confront her with Tiger. Sam lies. Then (phew) Sam admits all, walks out, Alec sacks her, she prepares to ride off on her bike. Finally leaves the Street after telling Des she IS preggers after all and by this time, we're all so flipping grateful she's gone, no one cares whether Des is going to be a dad, or not. Confused? You will be.

Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and asks "Do you know how to drive this thing?

Gary has walked out on Judy and he,s disappeared after she told him about Paul Fisher and playing fast and loose with her personal slot machine. Judy, frightened that Zoe will spill the beans after she lets Judy know that she knows who the real father of the baby is, feels she has no choice but to come clean with Gary and tell him the truth. Gary listens to what Judy has to say, then without histrionics (I think that's the poshest word I've ever used in an update!), he simply turns away, walks out the front door and tells Judy "We're finished."

Q: What's green and takes an hour to drink? A: A student grant

Yup, Spider is back and looks set for some great scenes in the forthcoming weeks. Alf has stepped down as councillor, and Spider overhears Fred and Audrey chatting in the Rovers about this, and decides to stand for council himself. He intends to stand for environmental issues and hopes to win Weatherfield's 'green vote'. He threatens Fred he's going to campaign for Weatherfield to be made a meat-free zone. Audrey, appalled that "Stig of the dump" (her words, not mine) is going to stand for council is enraged enough to announce that she too will stand for council, and give the "scruffy beggar a run for his money" (her words again, not mine - he isn't scruffy, it's more sort of garden-worm chic). Fred offers to orchestrate Audrey's campaign, but it's obvious he has more on his mind, I say more on his mind, with Mrs Roberts than he cares to admit right now. Audrey of course, is lapping up all of Fred's attention, and says she intends to do for Weatherfield what Margaret Thatcher did for the country (well, that's Weatherfield screwed then). Spider asks her what her policy will be, for instance, on air quality. "Well, you see, that's something I know a bit about, 'cos I'm a fully qualified 'airdresser." she replies.

"Trade's bad, Paddy, I think oi'll sell me pub and buy a brothel". "T''wont work Mick. If you can't sell beer, what makes you think you can sell soup?"

Janice has had just about enough of the dirty great camper van outside of her front door, but Les refuses to budge. He goes to the Mallets to use their toilet, even taking his own toilet roll. Janice reports Les to the police but there's nothing they can do as Les has taken the wheels off the van so it isn't a road worthy vehicle any longer and he can't be fined for being in charge of a van with no wheels. Janice cries to Leanne that she loves Les but doesn't like being taken for granted and wishes he would make a bit of an effort for her. Leanne tells Les to get himself sorted - which he does, in style! He wires up the stereo and flashing disco lights to the front of the van, and gets dressed in a blue velvet suit, frilly shirt and dicky-bow tie. As Janice leaves the factory, a bouquet of flowers is delivered to her by a florist, and we all look on in amazement as Les starts crooning the old 10cc hit "I'm not in love." I laughed so much, milk came out of my nose, which was odd as I was drinking Guinness at the time. What a scream this scene was, absolutely brilliant and it did the trick for Janice. Les scoops her up in his arms and marches her up the stairs in the Battersby house, waving at the onlookers from the bedroom window. Mike Baldwin comes out to see what's going on "What are they doing up there?" he asks... as if we needed to be told. A brilliant scene, excellent, a true Coronation Street gem.

A man staggered into a police station with a duck stuck on his head. "Can I help you?" asked the desk sergeant. "Yes" said the duck. "Get this man off my feet"

Greg still has designs on Sally, and it looks like Maxine is going to find out just what a prat she's been dating the last few weeks, when we find out it may be more than Sally's good looks that Greg is after. Remember, Sal's just come into some money and Greg, me laddo, is skint.

First hippy: "Hey, turn the radio on, man". Second hippy: "Radio, you're so sexy and I love you, man"

And that's that for this week. If you haven't paid your £1.50, then you haven't read a genuine rag-update. I'm off to watch the football.

Glenda :-)

23 June 1998

I thought I'd do a World Cup edition of the update this week. So get out your stripey scarf, paint your face and stuff ten lagers down your throat before you even attempt to read this week's update.

Ing-er-land! Ing-er-land! Ing-er-land!

The tension mounts as both Spider and Audrey fight to gain control of the ball, I mean, er, Weatherfield Council. Both of them need 10 people to sign in support of their stand for council, and while Spider has no problem getting his 10 good men (and women) true, Audrey is less popular, it seems. Mind you, Gail Platt signs for Spider but only after Toyah tells her she needs her signature for a sponsored walk. Fred defends Audrey's position and reckons Spider won't be able to stand for council as he won't be on the electoral register, but good old Aunty Em scores the first goal when she slips one past Fred and surprises both Fred and Spider by saying that she registered Spider when he first moved in with her. Spider 1, Audrey 0. Fred discusses team tactics with Audrey, impressing on her the importance of "honesty and integrity" as they're walking past Les Battersby's heap of a camper van. Fred declares the van an eyesore, and with a sharp kick from his right foot, he knocks the van into the back of the net. It topples, it wobbles and then it falls over. Fred is stunned, I say, stunned. Gary and Kev wander by, wanting to know what's happened and Fred blames two football hooligans who were passing by on their way to Marseilles. "What were that you were saying about honesty and integrity?" Audrey asks.

Kev decides to stop playing away from home and wants to play a home game instead. He reckons what he and Sally need to build team morale is a hollider in Florrider. Sally isn't too sure about this, but she'll do it for the benefit of the reserve team, her gels. Greg's still winging it, trying to score with Sally.

Gary returns after spending time with his brother in Newcastle - Shear-er!, Shear-er!, Shear-er! - and Judy tries to explain that she slept with Paul Fisher for the sake of her marriage and to keep baby Katie/Shannon. Judy tells him she's had a scan which shows she's carrying twins. Gary has a hard time forgiving her for bringing on the substitute so early in the game.

Des has got the ball now and he's running with it..... he's dribbling fast... all the way to Natalie's house... she opens the door... and he's in. Yes! He's scored!

The Rovers needs a new team player now that Sam has gone. With Nat on holiday this week too, pressure mounts behind the bar as the Rovers team are all over the pitch trying to serve the customers. Team Captain, Duckworth (No. 9) prepares herself for the new appointment, she wants someone who can perform well, and deliver with style. But can she afford the 4.30 transfer fee? Alec and Jack want a pretty piece of fluff behind the bar (someone like David Beckham would do).

Man of the match, Roy, receives a letter from overseas. As he's preparing to open the letter, the Verve's "Lucky Man" echoes around the stadium and the crowd goes wild. The letter is from Hayley, she's in Amsterdam. Roy tackles well, shoots a long ball to Gail, who fires it back and tells him to get on his bike and go see her.

Playing for the prison 5-a-side is Darren Whately, visited by Leanne this week. He tells her she must go the police and confess she wrote the letters to him. She tells Nick she's been to see him and Nick knocks one off the goalpost. Leanne tells Gail what's happened and Gail, while agreeing what Nick did was wrong, is pleased that her husband's killer is still locked up in prison. Nick should be shown the red card and sent off for being such a prat to start the whole thing up in the first place.

Oi! Ref! That last paragraph was offside, you *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* *bleep*.

Glenda ;-)

30 June 1998

Hello folks, owing to events out of my control, I wasn't able to watch Corra last week and won't be able to watch it this coming week either. However, I've got two willing volunteers (ie they didn't kick and scream TOO much when being told, I mean, asked to write the updates). This week is Ian Harding from Yorkshire, keeper of the Verbal Video Updates page at ........ http://www.geocities.com/TelevisionCity/Stage/1215/Corryupd.html.

Next week's update will be written by another willing volunteer, Chris "The Rattler" Lines. I hope to be back the following week.

Thanks, Glenda ;-)

Hi everyone, without further ado I'll get straight on with the comings and goings in our favourite street............

This week saw Jim feeling very sorry for himself - probably with good reason, but he isn't making himself very popular with his friends and family. Steve asks Gary to convert Jims house so that it's wheelchair friendly - unfortunately Jim is very Gary unfriendly and tells him to get out. As the week drags on in the McDonald household Jim sinks deeper and deeper into depression. The situation isn't helped when he gets thrown out of the Rovers by a young chap with absolutely no acting ability. That night Jim drank himself into a stupour - well wouldn't you? The poor chap's been given nothing but rubbish storylines for the last year or so, then he gets thrown out of his local boozer by a male version of Maxine. The next day Jim is seen revving up his wheelchair outside the Kabin, then, as Mike Baldwin sets off in his Audi, Jim whizzes out in front of him - unfortunately Mike is driving a car with excellent brakes and he stops in time to avoid converting Jim McDonald into Jim McBurger.

This week also brought us much hilarity courtesy of the Duckworths. They need someone to work behind the bar in the Rovers. Jack and Alec want a young woman for the job, preferably a good looking young woman with a large 'personality'. Vera doesn't agree and decides to interview women with more experience (older women). Alec and Jack devise a plan to put Vera off this idea. Alec contacts an actress who he knows and gets her to apply for the job, but he makes sure she knows exactly the right things to say at the interview. As soon as she walks in to the Rovers the actress starts coming on to Jack - making it very obvious that she fancies him in front of Vera. After she leaves Alec points out that a younger woman behind the bar would be no threat to her as Jack isn't attractive to young women. Later we see Alec paying his actress friend and Jack is there preening himself, saying that he thought she wasn't really acting but that she actually fancied him. She made it very clear that she was, in fact, acting.

The outcome of all this is that Vera decides to set on a young bloke behind the bar. Jack and Alec aren't happy about this at all, but as it's Vera's name above the door her word is final. The new bloke is called Sandy and it seems that all the women in Weatherfield fancy him, including Betty. What a pity they couldn't find a good looking bloke who could also act - he is truly terrible - I've seen more acting ability in...well in Maxine...and even Tilly. Anyway - Sandy may not be much of an actor, but he got some good lines to say. A real classic was when he reveals that he used to work in a cocktail bar. He goes on to invent a new cocktail and makes a big show of not spilling the ingredients all over the floor as he makes it. He presents the new cocktail to Vera and says that he's naming it after her. Vera's face lights up at this, but then he tells her what he's calling it - a 'Bloody Vera' hahahahaha - I nearly pee'd myself laughing.

The silly Tilly saga starts to wind down at last when Tilly is finally forced by his mum and Leanne to go to the police to tell them the truth about the letters he sent to Darren Whately.

The council electioneering is hotting up. There's a smear campaign which starts with silly Audrey talking to the press. She tells them exactly what she thinks of Geoffrey - unfortunately thinking isn't one of Audreys strong points, and she gives the press lots and lots of things to say, and they say it all on the front page of the local rag. Geoffrey isn't at all pleased about this and threatens to sue Audrey. Fred and Alec manage to talk Audrey into contacting the press and asking them to print an apology. It seems that the only thing Audrey is really interested in the election campaign is buying new clothes and getting her hair done. And talking of new clothes - Emily buys Geoffrey a second hand suit to try and smarten him up a bit --I think she'd do a better job if she were to sneak up behind him when he wasn't expecting it and pull those ribbons or whatever they are out of his hair.

And my favourite storyline this week is of course the one concerning Roy and Hayley. After much consideration Roy decided that he will go to Amsterdam to see Hayley. As he doesn't have a passport he has to sort that out too. Eventually he arrives in Amsterdam and tries to see Hayley. At first when he finds the boat she's living on he also finds a man who she seems to be living with. At this point it looks as though he might just turn around and go home. Fortunately he doesn't - he waits to see Hayley and discovers that the man she's sharing the boat with isn't interested in women in that way. Roy is rather relieved to hear this.

Roy and Hayley spend some time together but Roy doesn't quite get around to telling Hayley that he's there specifically to see her - he implies that he was "just passing" . I'm looking forward to seeing this particular storyline progressing - I think we're all in for a real treat in the next few episodes.

And that's it. I hope I've managed to give you some idea of what happened this week. I must admit that I didn't actually watch much of what I've just written about due to a family crisis this week. I actually looked at Mike Plowman's CSVU pages and then read all the other snippets and updates and cobbled this together from that - I hope I've done it justice.

Bye for now, Ian Harding

Written by Glenda Young


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