7 July 1998

*tap*tap* Is this thing on?

Hi friends,

As you can see, I'm not Glenda. If you read last week's Weekly Update, provided by the brilliant Ian Harding, then you'll know that Glenda won't be back for another week and you're stuck with me, The Rattler. If you're a regular on RATUCS or #Coro_Street then you most likely already know me... If not, HI! :) I've not done an update before, so this is my maiden voyage, so to speak. I apologise in advance for typing errors, bad grammar, misinformation, my opinions of certain actors and hope I don't offend anyone. Bear this in mind before sending on the flames. :)

So on with the show... This week has proven to be, at least in my opinion, the best week of Corrie all year and has given us some scenes which are *destined* to be remembered as all time classics. I'm going to have a job putting some of this televisual magic into words but I'll give it my best shot... Basically, we've seen a small selection of solid storylines interwoven brilliantly with each other to create the perfect blend of drama, comedy, heartbreak and joy that made Corrie such a long running show, so here's the lowdown on this week's tales. Oh, and I'm leaving the best 'til last, neener neener neener. ;)

On Wednesday, we see Maud (whose taste in hats is becoming increasingly alarming) give the suicidal Jim McDonald a good talking to. A much needed one at that. She reminds him of his soldier days and how it was more about courage and bravery (two things he was currently lacking in) than it was about running around and acting tough. She also reminds him of those less fortunate than him who lost their lives in the name of being a soldier and going to war. It's a mite contrived, but nonetheless a genuinely touching scene and Jim is left choking back tears as he contemplates Maud's words of wisdom. They worked, as by Friday, Jim is in brighter spirits than we've seen him in years, doing wheelies in his chair (Hey, I'm not making this up!) and exchanging jokes with Maud. She says jokingly "All you need now is a haircut.." and sure enough, by Sunday night, Jim gets a major trim, just in time for a touching scene on Monday in which he invites Liz and Steve round for dinner (aka Fish N Chips) to tell them how much he appreciates them standing by him while his head was stuck up his arse and how much he loves them. Aww... I have to say, I much prefer the new perky perky Jim to the mopey mopey one we've had to witness for the last few months.

Politics are rampant on the street this week, with hilarious results. As you know, Spider & Audreh are running for council and frankly, I wouldn't vote for either of them. Airheaded Audrey makes Alec pay 197 or so for a top notch photo shoot only to be mortified at the results. It finally dawns on her that she's, well, a 'mature woman' and her whole delusion that she's glamourous falls to pieces. Unfortunately for those with a sense of shame, the Muppets (Maxime and Fiona) persuade her she's not old and even offer to restyle her hair in the most ghastly fashion. Imagine Grace Jones if she was Audrey's age and white... It's not a pretty sight. Well anyways, it gives RAudreh a new lease of life and she burns the photos Alec paid for (he's beside himself with grief since he paid so much!) and puts up some ridiculous snapshot of her from the 60's on her campaign posters instead. The whole street erupts in laughter as Audrey steals the Liz McDonald "Mutton Dressed As Lamb" Award for 1998.

Over in the Nugent Party camp, events are making an uncanny paralell of disaster. The week starts out with, as you read last week, Spider telling Aunt Em that, if he is elected, he will not actually take the position because it's against his "Anarchist principles"... [As a sidenote, speaking as someone who's more than a little well-read on his Bookchin, Bakunin, etc, I don't think the scriptwriters are quite on the ball with Spider's "Anarchist principles" but I'm willing to ignore this minor fault because it *is* a good storyline and just a soap. ;)] Well, Ken Borelow and Aunt Em persuade Spidey to change his mind (they just nag him 'til he gives in) and even get him to do some ULTRA-CLEAN publicity shots in a garish white suit that brought to mind the video game character Leisure Suit Larry. He even got his hair cut in the same way and the cloth peace-ribbons are gone! Scary... Well, anyways, Spider realises when he sees Audreh's "Mutton Dressed As Lamb" photos that he himself is doing exactly the same. Making himself out to be something he's not in the name of politics. He gets seriously peeved with Aunty Em and embarrasses her in front of a crowd of pensioners who she's enlisted to pin up posters. By Wednesday, however, the two have made up and agreed to come to a compromise. I'll be interested to see how this election business ends up.

The trivial but ashamedly side splitting story this week stems from Vera's new choice of barman, Sandy, who is going down a treat with the ladies and even more of a treat with... errr... Alec Gilroy. No, Alec isn't buttering his bread on the other side just yet, he of course has nefarious money making plans for the bronze skinned, pinheaded action man doll. He realises that with a bod like Sandy's on the books, his escort agency, Golden Years, could seriously profit. Sandy, being the archetypal HIMBO, agrees without question seeing "Male Escort" as being a dream career. All he has to do is sit there and look good... hmm, much like his acting then. Of course it all goes a bit pear-shaped when Sandy takes a day off to run Alec's seedy duties and *gasp* Vera catches him swapping cheques with Pimpy Gilroy. He's out on his ear instantly and by Wednesday is replaced by Natalie Horrocks' niece, Lorraine. To be honest I liked Sandy better. Lorraine is the standard issue dumb blonde female equivalent with even less screen presence. Oh well. Curly seems to take a serious shine to her as he tells Jack and Spider that she's "Beautiful".... Either this is the beer talking or Curly's glasses need a SERIOUS polishing!

The weak link in the chain this week is the Maxine/Greg storyline. Maxine can't afford the deposit for Fred's above-the-cornershop flat so her *ahem* boyfriend Greg offers to take it instead. Naturally naive Max thinks this means they will move in together. As if! Greg palms her off with some of the most cliche'd and pathetic excuses known to prehistoric man and with a few neanderthal grunts and weak kisses convinces Max that he's sincere... AS IF! The real reason he wants the flat is *obviously* so he can get closer to Sally Webster but to add insult to injury on Wednesday we see him not only FLIRTING with Fiona but PUTTING MAXINE DOWN and even *horror of horrors* suggesting she may be a less-than-perfect hairdresser. Well, I was fainting in shock.... of course.... Bah, to be honest, this whole storyline was complete crud in my eyes so I'll move on to the proper stuff...

I told you I'd save the best until last and there's no way in Hell I can compress/condense this into one paragraph so apologies to Glenda, the daily updaters and the readers. I could not do justice to the amazing scriptwriters and actors by writing a mere paragraph... Again, apologies since this is supposed be brief. I have tried to cut it down...

Sir Royston, as we know, is in Amsterdam. He and Hayley do the tourist thing and take a boat ride along the canal. Hayley, with a new sense of confidence which must obviously stem from her relief at finally getting the operation, is fishing, subtly, for Roy to show that he has more than just a "friendship" interest in her, but Roy finds the whole "relationship" business uncomfortable and is heartbreakingly unable to admit his feelings. On the last day of his trip, the two of them are sat outside drinking tea and she asks where their future lies. Roy obviously knows what she means but in a scene so brilliantly acted it defies words, he wrestles with his insecurities and then, in the tension of it all spills tea all over himself. Hayley sees this as being a display of fear and thinks Roy is uninterested. She drops the bombshell that she won't be returning to Weatherfield with him... Roy shakes her hand and walks away, breaking a nation's heart as he goes...

As a thoroughly agonised Roy walks slowly to the airport, Hayley finds a box on the coffee house table. She opens it and inside is a gold watch engraved with the words "To My Friend, Hayley"... Impossible to put into words the emotions on her face but she realises Roy truly does care for her and races to the airport, whereupon she tries to get his attention by banging on the soundproof glass. Of course, Roy is in a world of his own sorrow at the moment and it takes an observant foreign girl behind him to point out Hayley's frantic bashing on the glass. In the most moving scene I have *ever* seen in Corrie, Hayley takes out her lip pencil and writes the words "I'm coming with you" on the glass... It takes Roy a few seconds to read it backwards, but as he does an ecstatic smile creeps across his face. The phrase "Actions speak louder than words" has never been more apt. Maximum Kudos to David Neillson who, in my eyes, is the best actor ever to grace a soap. The hankies were soggy and the buckets were filling.

Customs prove a major hassle for Hayley as she is still a male on her passport, but after a shudderingly horrific yet mercifully brief scene at the airport, the two of them make it home. She stays at Roy's for the night (sleeps on the couch, of course) and just before they both go to sleep, he admits he went to Amsterdam to see her, not just as a random trip as he'd previously said. She pecks him on the cheek. :))

I should wrap this up really... The week ends with the two of them, sitting feeding ducks by the pond which genuinely is, as Hayley says, very romantic in the context. In a truly stunning act of courage for Roy, who is visibly about as experienced as myself in such matters, he tells Hayley in his own inimitable way, he would... like... to... have... a...... relationship with her in the... future. She is absolutely OVERCOME with joy and in undoubtably the most beautiful scene in Corrie this year, they exchange a kiss. There wasn't a dry eye in the house, at least not this house anyway. Magnificent.

So anyway.. That's this week. If ever you needed proof of the true magic that has made Corrie The UK's favourite soap (TM) this is it. I hope you enjoyed my update and if you didn't I apologise and assure you Glenda will be back next week. Until then, take care and enjoy yourself. :)

This update was brought to you by MANUSKRIPT (what I was listening to) and STELLA ARTOIS (what I was drinking).

The Rattler


14 July 1998

Many thanks to both Ian Harding and Chris "The Rattler" Lines for writing the last two weeks updates for me. They both did a wonderful job and I really am very grateful.

It's been an exciting week on the Street, lots of good stuff happening, some good comedy lines and the actress who plays Audrey has excelled herself as a true comedienne - definitely the star of this week's events. With Fred and Alec (as her campaign managers), Audrey rehearses her speech in the back room of the Rovers. The speech ends with words more uplifting and supportive than a Gossard Wonderbra: ".. so ladies and gentlemen, vote for Audrey Roberts. I am Woman! I am Willing! I am Weatherfield!". Hoping to use Audrey to further their cause; a late license at the Rovers for Alec and freebies and jollies abroad for Fred, they know that Spider can cause problems for their candidate and take votes away from her. Back room shenanigans go on when Fred bribes Spider to stand down as candidate, which of course he won't do. He storms out after telling Fred and Alec exactly what he thinks of them. "He's been sniffing them tea-bags again." says Alec. News of Fred's bribe spreads fast around the Rovers. Even Betty, pulling her cardigan-top thing (that only chubby women over a certain age seem to wear) across her hefty chest says to Fred "I AM surprised at you!". Election campaigning takes place at the local college and Spider is a hit with the college crowd. Audrey starts off very well. She has the college lot eating out of her hand, she's funny, she's assertive, she promises to do more for women - which gets the females in the audience nodding in agreement. "Yes!" she says "I propose to bring back the Miss Weatherfield beauty pageant!". The audience fall silent and then Audrey's just about booed off the stage as Alf, Fred, and Alec try to sneak out of the college hall, trying to be as inconspicuous as they can be, wearing their bright blue "Vote Roberts" baseball caps.

It's been an emotional couple of weeks on the Street with the Roy / Hayley storyline and although they haven't been in much this week, there was one episode which had me sobbing into the Kleenex. Hayley and Roy are sorting through Hayley's dad's belongings when Roy comes across a photograph album which has spaces on most pages where photographs have been removed. Hayley tells Roy her father removed the photos and threw them in the fire on the day she told her dad she wanted to become a woman. In the back of a drawer, Roy finds a photo of Hayley as a child. There's an awkwardness between them, but later in the Rovers, Roy presents Hayley with the photo which he's had framed. He tells her "Don't bury the past. It's made you what you are today". Gulp.

Rita is in hospital, in intensive care! She starts feeling very unwell and despite her GP telling her it was just a virus, she just can't seem to shake it. She's cold and turns up the gas fire in her flat, she's shivering all the time and although she soldiers on in the Kabin, everyone is concerned about her. When Sally returns from her hollider in Florrider, she visits Rita and is very worried about her, but leaves her in the flat after Rita says she'll go to bed and sleep it off. When Sally leaves, she tells Alec that she's concerned about Rita's health so he pops round to see her too, but there's no answer from Rita's flat. Greg kicks open the flat door and Alec, Sally and Greg rush in, only to find Rita unconscious on the living room floor. Greg, wanting to do all he can for Sally, drives her to the hospital as Rita is rushed off by ambulance. Alec and Sally (with velcro-Greg by her side) wait overnight at the hospital for news on Rita and the consultant finally comes out to tell them she's improving slightly. Anyway, it turns out it's carbon monoxide poisoning which could have been caused by a faulty gas appliance, or fumes of some sort. The consultant explains that Rita would have been unaware of the poison as carbon monoxide has no smell and doesn't taste of anything. A bit like Tofu then.

New barmaid Lorraine Horrocks (or is she called Valerie?, I really can't remember... such is the impression she's made on me! ) Anyway, she's Natalie's niece and has Curly all of a-twitter around her. He tries to involve her in campaigning for Spider and invites her round for an evening of stuffing and licking (envelopes, that is) with beer and pizza thrown in. She agrees and Curly's chuffed, but I get the impression she's more interested in Spider than Curly. And who can blame her? Spider can show me his manifesto anytime.

It's the World Cup final this week in the Rovers. Alec, concerned that his punters (and Jack!) are off to the Legion to watch the match on big screen TV with free sandwiches and cheap beer, decides to offer the same at the Rovers to keep the drinkers there. I sat watching this episode of Corra and the World Cup final itself with a couple of bottles of Jenning's Cumberland Ale, wonderful stuff. One of my male friends reckons it's impossible for women to understand football and the only reason we watch it is because we like to see the player's legs. (According to Jo Brand, he's the sort of bloke who thinks any woman who plays football simply pops the ball in her handbag and gets her husband to drop her off at the goal on the way back from the shops). Now, I disagree strongly here. While I may not fully understand the offside rule, okay, I admit I don't understand it *at all*, watching the player's legs isn't the reason I enjoy football, no, not at all. Have you seen those long baggy shorts the players wear? All you glimpse is a bit of knee. If the 1970's revival is so fashionable all of a sudden, why can't we see the return of those little tight football shorts they used to wear then? It's not too much to ask is it? But I digress. Anyway, Kev watches the match while Sal and Greg flirt away, much to Maxine's annoyance. Maxine wonders if she's doing the right thing by going out with Greg and asks Fiona "What would you do if you were me?". The words "get a brain, get a life, stop being a bimbo" came to mind, I have to admit.

Well, catch yerself on and look at love blossoming again for Jim and Elizabeth, so it is. Jim tells Liz he wants to be independent and doesn't want her helping him so much and she's upset by this as she's having strong feelings for her ex-husband once more. While Jim obviously feels the same way for Liz, he tries to push her away, worried that he isn't a real man anymore, and that he can't love her in the way he once used to. With a little help from Jim's physiotherapist Michael, Liz and Jim start talking about how they feel for each other and this week's update ends with a huge McSnog, so it does.

And that's that for this week.

Glenda ;-)


21 July 1998

By 'eck, it's been a long time since I sat down to write the update with a glass of wine and some cheese. The simple reason is that the last few updates have been written during the day and this is the first time in a long time I've written the update with the sun over the yard arm. Sophie, my Old English Sheepdog, is pretending to be asleep at my feet, but she's really eyeing up the Wensleydale on the computer desk. Lou Reed's "Transformer" plays in the background as I write, and the wine I'm drinking came in a bottle with a lovely label on it. The sort of label that draws you to purchase a bottle of wine for 5.49 instead of from the usual 1.39 bargain bucket. The sort of label full of words like "New World promise". The sort of label that makes you think you should really be drinking this plonk in some topical island wooden shack of a bar, watching the sun set over a calm blue sea. The sort of label that promises a wine will taste as good as the bottle looks. Anyway, it's red wine; a couple of glasses a day of which is good for the blood, apparently, and that can't be bad. Not for me. Not after suffering two mini- strokes in the last month. Yes, I'm fine, now, but I did have a rather scary time the last few weeks, hence the stand-in updaters. If anyone reading this has suffered a stroke or TIA at a young(ish) age, (I'm thirty.. er.. something) please email me. Knowledge is power, and all that. Anyway, on with this week's Coronation Street update!

A pretty quiet week on the Street really although the quality of acting at the moment is wonderful. Rita is on the mend after the carbon monoxide poisoning. Alec keeps things ticking over for Rita by helping out in the Kabin with Leanne. The gas man cometh and tells Alec it's the gas fire in Rita's living room that's at fault and has been leaking carbon monoxide into the flat. He's livid of course and remembers that it was Steve McDonald who incorrectly fitted the fire in the first place. Rita doesn't want Alec to cause any trouble, because although Steve fitted the fire, it would be Jim and Bill Webster, as business owners, who would take the blame and be dragged into court, and Rita doesn't think Jim is strong enough to have to deal with that. She's just happy to be alive and doesn't want any trouble but Alec is after Steve's blood. At Rita's bedside in hospital, the bond between Alec and Rita grows stronger. She thanks him for saving her life and Alec tells her "If anything had happened to you, I don't think life would be worth living."

Curly continues to try to impress Lorraine but she's more interested in Spider, and who can blame her, for goodness sake? Curly asks Spider to help him woo Lorraine but she really doesn't want to know Curly at all, the poor lad just drinks his can of Boddys and can't see what's happening (yet). Toyah also notices who Lorraine has set her sights on and isn't best pleased that someone is encroaching on her friendship with Spider. Go on Toyah, scratch her eyes out. For me.

Liz McDonald stays overnight with Jim and he buys flowers for her from the corner shop. They both agree to her moving in with him and Liz is quick to share the news with Deirdre. "I've got a bloke and you haven't, nerr-nerr".

Sally's been putting a little bit of overtime in at the factory this week, spending time there with gruesome Greg when he's supposed to be with Maxine. It's snogarama between Sally and Greg in Baldwin's office and Sally tells Greg to lock the factory door, I think she wanted to show him her cross stitch or something. Anyway, passions rise and we then see Sally and Greg grappling to put their clothes back on when Maxine comes storming into the factory. Greg hadn't locked the door properly! Oh Sally! Oh Greg! Oh bloody hell! Sally leaves and takes her post-coital flush with her. Maxine believes Greg when he tells her he's been inspecting accounts, or something. Later in the week, Kevin is at home with the girls, reading them stories while Sally and Greg have another bash at the zig-zag stitch in the sewing room of the factory. Greg tells Mike Baldwin he's received offers to set up in business on his own. Mike tells him not to be too hasty, there could be a future in the factory for him when Mike steps down to spend more time with Alma and his golf.

Fred takes Audrey out for dinner and flatters her, but she's quick to point out that she's a married woman. She accepts his compliments but tells him it's only because his words make her feel confident of winning the election. Off the pair of them go electioneering, pressing the flesh with the great unwashed public. A great line from Fred when they accost a couple of young mothers with babies in push chairs. Fred bends over one poor little toddler, thrusts a "Vote Roberts" sticker on it and yells "Hello Little Baby!" into it's face.

Roy encourages Toyah to let her teachers know she is having some academic difficulties after she gives Roy an essay of hers to read through before she hands it in at school. Toyah, wonderfully acted, says everyone thinks she's thick, and she doesn't want it proved by her teachers, but Roy, gentle and subtle as ever, persuades her to tell her teacher she needs help.

And that, dear friends, is that for this week. I'm off downstairs for dinner now. Whatever it is, it certainly smells delicious, something 'him indoors' has cooked up for me. I've finished my glass of wine now and need a refill. Sheepdog Sophie has managed to snarf the cheese from the plate while I've been writing this. Oh, I'll admit it, I gave it to her, she kept whining and looking at me with those huge dark eyes she has. I'm such an old softie.

Glenda ;-)


28 July 1998

Well, here I am again. Glass of wine, piece of cheese and a grated elbow. The cheese is wonderful, a new one for me - cheddar with Guinness; edible alcohol, how wonderful! The grated elbow happened about 2 minutes ago, caused by someone putting the big, vicious, metal cheese grater thingry into the dishwasher as I was unlucky enough to be walking through the kitchen. Ouch. Never mind, this lovely wine (no fancy labels here, just good old Napa Valley plonk) and magnificent cheese will take the pain away.

Anyway, not the most exciting week on the street, but here we go anyway. Election day dawns in Weatherfield and the votes are in. Fred, worried that Spider might steal Audrey's seat, so to speak, I said, so to speak, gets confirmation from a little man at the council who knows about such things that anyone having spent time in prison isn't eligible to take up office. That rules Spider out then as he's spent time in prison in the past, or so Fred thinks. He's not quite correct though. As Spider has only spent 14 days in prison (for sticking to his fine principles and refusing to pay a fine) he can still hold office if he wins the election. Sadly though, while Spider gets a whopping 842 votes (837 of which came from me, Toyah and Aunty Em), Audrey wins the election with 849 votes, beating Spider by a mere 7 votes. Returning Officer - I demand a re-count! Alf confides in Fred that he didn't vote for Audrey... meanwhile Fred confides to Alec that he's hopeful of more than a merely professional relationship with the fragrant lady.

Toyah is more than depressed. She's 16, just left school and feels she's thick and on the slag heap. She moans to Ken in the cafe and he gives her his newspaper (probably the Guardian?) to read, telling her if she can read just one article it'll be worth her while. But, sadly, it's too heavy going for Toyah. She blames Janice for never taking an interest in her school work, for causing a punch up at the only parent-teacher evening she ever attended at Toyah's school, and for never encouraging her at school. Janice's eyes well up with tears when she tells Toyah that's the way things were in her day and she doesn't know any better; a good scene. Determined to learn a little, Toyah barges in on Ken at home, demanding that he tutor her, but he turns her away as he's just about to settle down to dinner and the TV after a heavy day of trying to look cool in a cardi. Eventually, Ken agrees to tutor Toyah but she insists it's kept secret, she doesn't want her family to know, and he agrees.

Back home from hospital, Rita is livid when she finds out that Alec has reported McDonald and Webster to the Health and Safety Executive as the company who fitted her faulty gas fire. While Alec wants to become 'more than friends' with Rita, she's annoyed at him for reporting Steve McDonald when she absolutely told him not to. Alec wants to nail Steve though, after a spat in the Rovers between them both, when Steve accuses Alec of being after his grand-daughter Vicky's inheritance money himself. Alec moans to Betty in the Rovers that he thinks he's ruined any chance of friendship with Rita.

Hayley approaches Mike Baldwin and asks him for a job as a machinist in the factory, but he turns her down without question. Later, in the Rovers, Roy places a bet with Mike that if Hayley doesn't prove she is the fastest machinist he's ever seen, that he'll pay Mike 50 pounds. Mike considers this, raises the bet to £100 and says if Hayley does prove to be the best, he'll give her a job. Needless to say, she gets the job, with Mike telling Alma "She can sew like an angel... worth two of Ida Clough!". Hayley decides to start looking for a new place to live, closer to the factory (and to Roy). Roy suggests she has a look at the new flats that Steve McDonald is building, and tells her he'll take a look with her at the weekend. Roy, bless him, advises Hayley to "best keep well to yourself" when she starts at the factory, worried about the lager lout, uncouth mentality of the workforce. "I think I know more about how to be one of the girls than you do" she replies. Quite right too.

Greg and Maxine go off for a dirty weekend (at Maxine's expense, both financially and otherwise) but finds time away from the 4-poster to call Sally (he hangs up when Kevin answers the phone at first). Sally's all of a twitter over gruesome Greg, who is servicing both Maxine and Sally by now and she agrees to meet him in his hotel. He throws his room key on the table and off they go. Rumpeh Pumpeh. Meanwhile, at home, Kevin nurses one of the girls who has toothache, thinking that Sally is visiting Rita. Now, I can't quite believe this storyline at all. I mean, only a few months ago (about the same time it happened to me) Sally went through the utter betrayal, despair and the nightmare of being cheated on by someone she loved and trusted. I can't, just can't believe, she'd now go and cheat with a bloke who already has a partner (even if it is Maxine) without giving a thought to the other woman's feelings. Women - we're our own worst enemies at times. Kev wants Sally to work in the garage with him, but she's just not interested. When your husband tries to seduce with words like "vat" and "tax returns" and offers of passionate nights "doing the books", it's time to move on, it really is. Looking for something to fill in his time while on holiday from college, Nick asks Kevin if he can work for him at the garage during the summer, and it looks like Kevin's considering this.

Anyway, that's all for this week. If you're off to the York ping on Saturday - see you there!

Glenda ;-)



Written by Glenda Young


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