It's been a long time since I sat and wrote the update while enjoying a glass of the good stuff along with some nibbly things. And so it is that you find me this week with a soft and fruity Argentinian and a plateful of cheeses. White stilton with apricots, blue stilton without, pink stilton with grapefruit. It's all delicious. Apart from the last bit, I made that up. With a couple of Jaffa cakes to help it all down, you can't really go wrong... and only the nicest sort of people eat Jaffa cakes, don't you find? As I write the update this week, I'm listening to my favourite piece of music in all the world. In fact, it's so special to me, it brings a lump to my throat. Can't say what it is though as it's just a little on the embarassing side and you'll all laugh at me. But you shouldn't really, it's all my grandma's fault. It's a soundtrack from a movie my grandma took me see when I was kid. To see it once would have been unfortunate. To see it twice, even carelesness on her part. But to have been taken to see this particular movie every Saturday afternoon throughout the school summer holidays was simply cruel. Yet it remains to this day my favourite movie with my favourite songs, but sorry, it's too embarassing to say what it is. You are, of course, welcome to guess. Answers on a postcard please.
It's been a week and a half for poor Alma after finding out that factory girl Linda is the woman who has replaced her in Mike's affections and bed. In true weekly update fashion - again! - Alma storms into the factory to confront Mike. He's on the phone but she cuts him off mid-setence and walks out after hissing at Linda that she hopes they'll both be very happy together. "Flippineck" says Janice. So their secret's out and everyone knows, and not everyone is happy - Deirdre hands her notice in and tells Mike she refuses to work there any longer with Linda getting all high and mighty about the place. Mike tries to get Deirdre to return to the factory and confides in his friend that he doesn't know what he's up to, he doesn't love Linda and feels his world is crashing down around him without Alma. Serves him bloody well right. The other factory girls aren't happy now they've found out Linda is "bumping bits wi'Baldwin" and Linda finds they're all slowly turning against her. Well, anyone who drinks Vermouth in a back street pub is no better than she ought to be anyway.
With her hands on the £2,000 cash, Leanne takes Vikram out to the casino and wastes the whole lot on the roulette table. Yup, all of it. Gone. Even Vikram wonders what she's up to but she tells him she feels cleansed and glad to be rid of the money. Of course, once she sobered up, the regrets set in and she's been moping around the Rovers ever since. Les is aghast that she's wasted the money on herself instead of spending it on her dad to keep him in beer money for a fortnight.
Sally admits to Rita she's feeling jealous of Sharon's relationship with Danny. Rita gets over her temptation to go "well you had your chance and you blew it, ner ner" and offers Sally one of her very well padded shoulders to cry on.
Jack has another attack and Vera is beside herself with worry. There's a very funny scene, so funny that I laughed out loud and the dog thought I was having a heart attack myself and she did what dogs do when they're protecting their owners. She rolled over on her back with all 4 legs in the air, crying. Anyway, Natalie shows Jack how to programme his mobile phone with a speed dial number for the B&B in case he needs to contact Vera in a hurry. Well, Ravi pushes into Jack in the bar and it rings the number on Jack's phone so unbeknown to Jack, the phone speed dials the B&B and Vera overhears his conversation with Ravi when he asks if the corner shop stocks exotic magazines. Then, with Vera's voice booming out of Jack's shirt pocket, he thinks he's hearing angelic voices until he realises what's happened and switches his phone off. Classic.
Natalie is arranging a day out at the races for Street regulars. Jack is keen to go on the day out but Vera tells him he's not going after his last attack. Oh, a lovely young drayman arrived this week in the Rovers and as Natalie gives him the glad eye, Vera yells: "Does he want his docket doing?". A girl can wait a lifetime for a replacement for Charlie Whelan and ladies, I think we have him here in drayman Vinny. Or at least, I think we do. He certainly seemed to look fanciable enough but the hot weather has made my telly reception go all wavy so watching Corrie tonight was like viewing it all through a dream sequence.
Curly asks Nita if she'd like to travel to Cornwall with him on a camping trip to see the eclipse. She's quite keen until she finds out that Spider might be joining them in the tent, then she changes her mind. Meanwhile, Toyah is trying to get to see the eclipse with the lovely Spider but he's keen to spend time under canvas with Nita too. Poor Curly is forced to admit his feelings in a showdown in the Rovers where he's embarassed to death by half of the Street's regulars, into admitting he fancies Nita and is going to Cornwall with her. "You must be in love" says Vera, "You've got that dopey expression on yer face." The lovely Spider is not best pleased. Oh, go on Spider, Toyah still likes you, go on make her day.
Maxine manages to put her pink and fluffy foot well into her big and ungainly mouth when she blasts Ashley's choice of Gary Mallett as best man. She has a rant in the salon about boring Gary, not realising that Judy is under a towel by the basin. Whoops. Judy isn't happy and tells Maxine exactly what she thinks of her. Meanwhile, Gary and Ashley shake hands, stay mates and Ashley now has to look for a new best man.
Maude calls Fred and Ashley for a meeting at 8pm sharp - she tells them she's getting wed! Yes! Maude and Sidney Templeton, a resident at Mayfield court are getting spliced sometime this summer, before Ashley and Maxine's do. Well, well, well.
And that's just about that for this week.
Glenda :-)
Read my on-line newspaper - THE DAILY .DOT
Well folks, apologies for not writing an update last week. Some considerate update reader suggested I get myself a VCR. Well, I have one, it just doesn't work properly, so there. I'm looking after dog of ex-spouse this evening and the flat is wall to wall shaggy dog. Dog of ex-spouse is somewhat - well, to be kind, let's say he's chunky. Big boned. I've just had both dogs out for a wee before bedtime and walking towards me along the street came a mother with a baby-thing in a pushchair. "Oh, look at that doggy" mother said, pointing at the bigger dog. "What kind of doggy do you think that is?" she asked the baby-thing, who promptly stuck out his finger, pointed and yelled "A fat one!". If anyone is reading this update after reading the article in The Journal at the weekend, please believe me when I say I (thankfully) look nothing in real life like the picture that accompanied the article. Well, here we go with this week's Coronation Street update (which I'm proud to say remains a Carol Vorderman-free zone).
Up on the red rec, Toyah and the lovely Spider camp out hoping to catch a glimpse of the eclipse this week. However, something occurs under canvas between them both, more momentous and exciting than anything going on in the heavens. (The general opinion of the eclipse here was 'it was a bit crap'). Back at Aunty Em's, she asks them both how it was. "Er.. cosmic" says Toyah. Spider's not so sure and spends most of the week afterwards trying to avoid her. Leanne tells Spider if he doesn't do the decent thing with Toyah, she'll tell Les (scary) but Spider really does seem confused, poor soul. Finally though, it looks like Toyah is going to get her man after she storms round to see him at Aunty Em's and demands to know what's going on. After a couple of snogs the pair of them seem a lot happier, so there you go. True love or what?
Jack gets ready for his triple heart by-pass surgery at hospital and before he gets wheeled away to the operating theatre, manages to tell Vera "I love you, Vee". There's a bit of a shock for Jack when he comes round after the op - Terry is back in Weatherfield and Jack is not best pleased. Vera still fails to see (or rather, recognise) any of her son's failings but Jack reminds her this is the bloke who was ready to sell their own grandson. It looks like Jack is making a full recovery but he tells Vera he wants Terry out of the B&B before he leaves hospital next week. Meanwhile, Terry picks on young Tyrone at the B&B and eyes up Sharon Gaskell when he finds out she's now the owner of The Kabin and probably worth a bit of money. Now then Terry, you can do what you want with Sharon. She's big enough to take care of herself, but lay off cuddly Tyrone!
With Ken now working as a trolley pusher at Freshco (and awarded a gold star by Curly for passing his induction!), Blanche is on her high horse, trying to get Deirdre back into her old job at Underworld. She visits both Emily and Mike and pushes them to accept Deirdre back there. Only one problem, Deirdre doesn't want to go back. Blanche is wonderful, she really is, telling Deirdre "you're a very lucky young lady" that Mike was willing to accept her back at the factory. Of course, when Mike finds out that Ken has such a menial job, he feels it only his duty to drive past in the Merc with dolly-bird Linda by his side and give Ken a bit of verbal abuse; a sort of "drive-by slagging off" really. Emily tries to get to grips with the computer system at Underworld and tries to understand database and downloading over the breakfast table.
Poor Ashley. First he was told he couldn't have Gary as his best man. Now, Maxine's telling him where he's going on his honeymoon and organises Tom as the new best man. It's time for Ashley to put his foot down, and after a great scene in the Rovers when Gary and Kevin wax lyrical about the best way to handle women, he finishes his pint and storms off home, ready to tell Maxine he's in charge. Unfortunately, he doesn't get the chance, she sweet talks him as soon as he steps through the door and he just ends up sitting there with that lickle grin on his face. Again.
And that's it really. Not much action to report this week, just a nice building up of the Spider/Toyah storyline, and the Terry/Jack situation too. One of the adverts that came on during an episode of Corra this week, was for Tunnocks caramel wafers. Just thought I'd mention this as Tunnocks caramel wafers are my favourite biscuits in the whole world and are the reason my mother sees so much of me during the week. She thinks I'm a dutiful daughter, pleased to see her and have a natter about events during the week. Ha! It's because she always, always, has a biscuit jar full of Tunnocks.
Next week's update will be a little later than usual. Much as I love doing the update, it's my birthday on Monday next week and I plan to be out somewhere, not at all sober, this time next week! :-)
Glenda :-)
Sorry folks, no preamble this week. What Emily needs is a nice young man to help her with her database, so without anything of the kind, she manages to lose the payroll from the computer at Underworld. After Linda pleads with Deirdre to return to the factory, Mrs. Rashid takes up her rightful place as Queen Bee of the Underworld and tells Mike she's only doing so because of her friendship with him, not for Linda, not for no-one else. Ken isn't best pleased as you can imagine. Mike surprises Linda with a couple of tickets for a trip to the far east and it takes Linda a while to realise this doesn't mean she's off to Scarborough for the weekend, but to Hong Kong, Bali and Singapore for 3 weeks. Lucky cow. The girls at the factory are envious and bitch a lot. And only right too.
Jack returns to the B & B and isn't best pleased to find that Terry is still hanging around the place after promising he'd leave and head off back to Birmingham. Eyeing up Sharon ("ker-ching, ker-ching, ker-ching, went The Kabin"), Terry takes her for a Chinese meal and fondles his chopsticks menacingly at the table. Afterwards he tries to cop a snog and Sharon seems only too keen for a bit of rough, but declines him a cup of coffee for fear of upsetting bland Danny. Meanwhile, Vera warns Sharon to be wary of her son and Terry isn't best pleased to hear his own mam has been badmouthing him. Not his own mam!
There's a great scene when Vinny the lovely drayman calls at the Rovers and asks Natalie "do you want me to sort yer pipes out for yer?". "Come again?" she replies before Vinny asks "to be pointed in the direction of her cellar door". Double, nay, triple innuendo in a very funny scene.
The lovely Spider continues to romance Toyah this week and it's so sweet - actually, better than sweet - delicious. Lads, if you're reading this and wonder how best to woo the woman of your dreams, I recommend you *never* follow the Terry Duckworth method of chatting birds up: "Eeh, you look as gorgeous in the morning as you do last thing at night" (said to Sharon in the Kabin). Instead, to make your woman faint with desire, follow the lovely Spider's example when he said to Toyah, in the café: "You have a beautiful body but your mind is equally as wonderful." We women like that sort of stuff, believe me. And beer. We like beer too.
Kevin takes Alison out for a pizza but the evening is cut short when Sally rings with a stopcock problem. There's an innuendo in there somewhere but I'm too tired to find it. Off Kevin trots, leaving poor Alison alone in the restaurant to pay the bill with the last fiver from her purse. Anyway, as she walks home alone, she ends up the victim of an attempted mugging but who should save the damsel in distress? None other than Terry "I've changed, mam, honest I have" Duckworth. Alison packs her bags and is ready to leave Kevin and their flat behind, blaming him by saying she'll always come second to Sally. As she's phoning the taxi to collect her, Kevin asks Alison to marry him, and she accepts. They tell the Street, Alison flashes the diamond and Sally finds out from Sharon her ex-husband has just become engaged. Kev wants to meet Alison's parents but she's reluctant - and then she tells him why. When she was 9, her parents accused her of murdering her younger sister. Odd? Maybe so. Still not as odd as Anne Malone in the freezer though.
Maxine and Ashley continue to row over best men and weddings. Enough said. A related storyline to this quite boring one now, is that Fred sits on Audrey's new hat. Unfortunately, not while she's wearing it.
Right, that's it, I'm off.
See you next week. Glenda ;-)
Although I have a good excuse, I did miss Wednesday's episode this week so the update only covers 3 episodes, sorry folks. The excuse? My VCR still doesn't work properly and I missed Corrie when I was sat outside in the pouring rain, screaming my head off and watching grown men skip through puddles. Oh yes, quite a night. Sunderland beat Newcastle 2-1. And as a Sunderland lass, born and bred, as well as a season ticket holder, I make no apologies for missing the Street this time. Yes indeedy, some things are more important than the telly, well, only just. Anyway, as I missed one episode, I'll be taking terrible liberties with the truth (again). Well, what's the point of being a creative writer if I can't be creative? So, without any further ado, here we go with this week's Coronation Street update.
Terry somehow manages to sell his old mam a car. Fair do, you might think, but he demands payment in cash and there's something slightly odd with the whole thing. Vera's chuffed she's got a new motor but Jack knows there's summat up. Tyrone's a star (as usual) this week and his interaction with Vera and Jack is wonderful to watch.
Toyah gets her exam results which include 2 B's and an A in English. The lovely Spider encourages her to think about going to college (good one, Spider) and Janice is over the moon for her daughter. Les has a quiet word with Spider, telling him to lower the volume on his noisy love-making, little knowing that it's Toyah he can hear through the terraced wall, enjoying the pleasure with Spider. Mind you, I think she should be a bit more gentle with the eco-totty, it was enough to knock his beard off this week. Meanwhile, over at Aunty Em's, Spider sits reading a newspaper he really shouldn't have gone anywhere near, not with his principles. Was it The Daily Mail? Was it The Express? It certainly wasn't what Spider should have been reading, as the principled, intelligent and damn good looking person he is. Anyway, so he's sat there reading Tory Daily and Aunty Em wonders why Toyah has been around the place so much, so he tells her and believe you me, she isn't best pleased to hear that young Geoffrey is stepping out with a Battersby.
Deirdre's back at the factory as Mike and Linda go off on their far east excursion. Alma returns from her holiday abroad, looking all tanned and lovely, and exchanges all the gossip with Audrey and Gail as she cooks them both a meal at Audrey's place. Alma brings news of a holiday romance with Antony from Kent and the ladies in the kitchen drink a toast to her future.
Now hang on, I got a bit lost with this storyline but I'll try my best to get it straight and make the rest of it up when I come unstuck. So, Ashley wants to meet his real mum and invite her to his wedding, but Fred tells him she's in Australia, which she's not, she's local. Fred meets her and tells her all about the son she never knew, tells her he's a fine lad and a mighty fine butcher: "still has all his fingers". So then, Kathleen (that's his real mum) pops into Freshco to see Ashley who serves her at the meat counter but he doesn't know it's his mum of course. Fred tells Beryl what's going on (she's not the real birth mum but was the one who brought Ashley up). I can't see where this storyline is going to be honest (anything that goes on for more than 2 episodes has me totally confused) but I'm sure Kathleen has been brought into Ashley's life for a reason, we'll see.
Sharon wants to whisk bland Danny away for a dirty weekend. (Heaven only knows what she sees in him, but there's no accounting for taste). Anyway, she has to make sure there's someone to look after Danny's market stall in his absence so offers Sally's help, ensuring that Kevin takes the girls. She's got it all worked out this one, has our Sharon, but Sally isn't best pleased, oh dearie me, no.
Alison's parents call round to the flat and 'something' happens. Sorry, but my mind completely drifted at this point and I don't know what that 'something' was. Hang on, I'll just check my notes... here we are, it says "Alison's parents arrive at the flat". Ho-hum. I think there was a bit of an argument.
Oh, and Jim's worried that Steve will end up in the big house again after Steve's mate Lee gets the lad involved in a run to Amsterdam. However, it's not tobacco this time and something tells me it's not tulips either. It could be antiques though (so I was reliably informed).
Sidney's daughter and her husband come looking for Maude in the Rovers and tell her they think it mightily unfair that Maude was left 10 grand in the will, while they got nothing. Nothing like money to bring family together, eh?
And that's about that for this week. Thanks to everyone who sent emails and virtual cards for my birthday last week. But special thanks indeed to the lovely person who bought me Tunnocks caramel wafers after reading in the update the other week that they were my favourite biscuit of all time.
Glenda :-)
