Apologies in advance if this update seems a little rushed (it is) and if it's a little shorter than usual (it is) and if it's not as funny (it's not). I have no excuse other than I have eight text books which need reading and notes which need taking before the middle of next week. In an effort to chill out and cope with pre-assignment stress I'm sitting here listening to some languid Prefab Sprout, with a very nice glass of White Zin, so without any further ado, here we go with this week's Coronation Street update.
The Freshco outward bound team arrive back on the Street with Fred declaring he knows how the Pope feels, he's so pleased to be back, he could kiss the pavement too. He puts the block on Ashley running home for a quick one with Maxine, telling him that Elliott's butchery is a 'benign dictatorship' and he wants his nephew in at work straight away. Creepy James, the Frescho nephew, wines and dines Nita and she's all over him when he tells her promotion to area supervisor is as good as hers. She opens up her promotion prospects with a couple of nights of passion, although how she can even bring herself to kiss creepy James on the cheek is beyond me, but there you go.
Things get tense in the Kabin when Blanche and Rita have a falling out. Blanche tells Rita there was a "shifty looking sales rep with a suitcase full of tat" who'd been into see her while she was out and it's the final straw for Rita. She's ready to sack Blanche, but there's no need. Blanche tells Rita exactly what she thinks of her and storms out, leaving an hysterical Rita in the back room. Later, Blanche gets a great line when she says of Rita "Any more uppity and she'd need an oxygen mask!". Anyway, who should this 'shifty looking sales rep' be? None other than Norris Cole! Back on the Street, he's as pitiful as ever, now divorced from Angela who kept the business (and his balls by the look of him). Anyway, Fred comes up with a great idea. Rita needs an assistant, Norris needs a job - voila! Rita isn't sure at first but Norris fits right in and gets to work decorating the Kabin with Christmas lights. "Red and yellow and pink and green, orange and Rita do we have a purple light?" (I like him already, much better than I did last time he was on the Street - and then when he appeared with that pen around his neck, I warmed to him even more. I had a pen like that when I was six years old).
Les does his sponsored silence and somehow, being quiet for a whole day changes his personality a bit too, odd, but there you go. He now things of himself as pillar of the community and goes in for hugging everyone he possibly can. He even hugs Deirdre, for heavens sake.
Deirdre and Ken go off to her appeal and her conviction is quashed. An easy end to a long, drawn out storyline. They go out to celebrate on the evening with a meal in a fancy restaurant and get all mushy. Ken starts a conversation and you just know he's going to propose to her, but Deirdre manages to get in first and tells Ken - 'if it ain't broke, why fix it' sort of thing.
Mike finds out that Mark is seeing a Battersby and isn't best pleased. However, Mark stands his ground and tells his dad he'll see whoever he likes, and anyway, he asks his dad, isn't Leanne just a younger version of Linda? No answer to that one, Baldwin.
Alma and Mike get their decree nisi and Alma decides she's going to move out of Audrey's and buy her own flat. Mike's just happy he managed to hang onto the flat and the business (and Linda's relieved too). Meanwhile, Leanne gets her decree absolute and celebrates with a night out with Marky boy.
Over at the Platts, Gail tries to seduce Martin but it all goes horribly wrong. Anyway, undeterred, Gail books a table at a restaurant, gets all dolled up and goes to the hospital to meet Martin from work. While she's waiting for him, she spies him meeting a woman and the two of them go off in a car together. Gail doesn't come out and ask Martin directly what's going on, she drops a few heavy handed remarks for a while until the woman - Rebecca - rings the Platts and ask for Martin on the telephone . Gail is beside herself with worry, convinced that Martin is having an affair and confides in both Alma and Sally. Anyway, it turns out that nothing is going on between Martin and Rebecca, she's a colleague who's having a hard time at home with her husband ("I was going to have a family with him, now I can't even have a conversation") and Martin is being a shoulder for her to cry on. So what's the problem? When Gail asks Martin about it, he's cold and uncaring, and doesn't once tell Gail the whole story. Instead, he storms out after telling Gail to start acting like his wife (when what he means is, they haven't had rumpey pumpey in ages). Was I the only person to swear at Martin during this scene?
Roy and Ken are elected chairmen of the Millennium Party committee and the storyline sort of wandered on a bit this week with Roy asking Audrey if she could close the street off on New Years Eve so he could put his erection up. She said no. Oh, and Curly made a web page for Roy for ex-residents of the Street to get in touch to come along to the party. Roy wants to find out more about the internet and asks Curly if he can find an awning online. Roy, my dear man, online you can find anything you blinking well want, and many things you don't.
Oh, and Gwen and Jim finally started talking this week, so they did, and they even know a few people in common from their time in the forces.
And that's about that for this week.
Glenda ;-)
The update this week will be my last until next year. I'm going away on a holiday that seemed like a good idea when it was booked way back in March. However, now Christmas is just around the corner, it's hit home how much I'm going to miss being away from my family and the people I love at Christmas. Yeah, okay, at the end of this month, sitting on a beach in Hawaii watching the sun rise on the dawn of a new century is going to be pretty awesome, I admit, but I'm going to miss so much and so many people too. Still, a bright spot of my trip to the US will be to meet up, again, with the lady responsible for bringing the weekly updates to life. I started, all those years ago, writing a weekly synopsis for Pauline in San Diego, and the rest, as they say, is history. Very special thanks go to Barry Smith who was mad enough to volunteer to write the updates for you in my absence. I'll pause as I'm typing this, raise my glass of red to each and all of you as I listen to some loud, very loud, Pearl Jam on the stereo - it's that kind of mood, what more can I say? Have a great Christmas, I'll see you mid-January.
Over at Freshco, Fred has some cheap reindeer meat he wants to shift before Christmas. Dressed up as Santa with Ashley as an Elf, off they go promoting the cheap meat around the store, to no avail. Until, that is, it hits Fred that the perfect place for him to sell the meat is to housewives waiting in line to take their kids into Santa's grotto. Unfortunately, to the 5 year olds in the store, a vision of Santa Claus offering one of Santa's little helpers chopped up and served up is more than they can take. However, Fred comes up with a cunning plan to dispose of the rest of the meat and offers to make stew for the street's Millennium party.
So, this party then; Roy and Ken are dismayed that Audrey won't use her influence as lady councillor to get the street closed off so the party can be held outdoors. However, Ken gets in touch with a local journo which could change Audrey's tune; she does n't want to be seen as a kill-joy after all.
Toyah and the lovely Spider (looking more gorgeous than ever this week, by the way, in a suit and shirt) throw a flat warming party to test out some of the veggie cooking they'll be doing for the bash. Toyah ends the night in tears after Leanne drags everyone away from the party to go clubbing after Jez gives her cocaine.
Natalie decides the pub will have to close for the party as none of her staff want to work. "The Millennium?" cries Betty "Not with my feet!". Anyway, Vinny has the idea of drawing straws to decide who'll work on the night and Betty and Leanne pull the short straws leaving Vinny with the night off, but, bless him, he changes his shift with Betty so she can have the night free instead.
Leanne isn't happy that she has to work, but she isn't a happy bunny at all these days, well, not unless Steve's mate Jez is around to give her something to take the edge off things. She's needing money to pay for this new habit of hers, and takes a £50 note from Mike's flat while she's there with Mark. When Mike realises there's money missing, suspicion immediately falls on Leanne and it's Mark that confronts Leanne in the Rovers.
Nita's promotion prospects look perfect after impressing the Freshco nephew. Off she goes for the interview but will she get the job, or not? Curly's not best pleased when he realises he's been passed over for the new job but wishes Nita well, bless him. You've just got to love that man, he's an angel.
Martin returns home in his grumpy knickers. "Are you back for good now?" Gail asks him. "Probably" he replies, in a Kevin the teenager sulky kind of way. At the hospital, instead of sorting out their own lives, dealing with their problems in a mature and understanding way, Martin "Gail doesn't understand me" and Rebecca "Jerry doesn't understand me" dig their heads in the sand and continue to pretend their own problems are caused by anyone other than themselves. More trouble at the Platts when Sarah Lou brings home her school report which makes her parents feel as cheerful as if they'd just listened to Radiohead. When Gail has a go at her, Sarah Lou tells Gail and Martin it's all their fault she's not doing very well at school, what with all the arguments at home, and comes out with that classic line, so beloved of anyone under the age of 17. "No one cares about me! I wish I'd never been born!".
You've got to feel for Alma this week, you really do. Off she goes round to Mike's flat to pick up the rest of her stuff and she and Mike sit and have a drink together until Linda storms in, demanding to know what's going on. Alma leaves in tears, without any of her things, the poor love.
Over in the Kabin, Norris is being a treasure and dusts around the place. When Rita takes to her sofa with a bad flu, he makes sure she's got everything she needs; a honey and lemon drink and three different kinds of tissues. Norris, bless him. Every woman should have one around the house, what a star that man is.
Monica (aka Tyrone's Torpedo) gets her first race at the greyhound track - and wins! The syndicate is overjoyed and Fred gives all of the prize money - 150 quid - to Tyrone. Just as the group get out of the mini-van outside of the Rovers, Monica runs onto the road and gets knocked over by Mark Baldwin, driving Mike's car. The vet reckons she's going to be okay, and puts a pin in her leg (so now she's bionic as well as computerised) but it looks like her racing days are well and truly over.
Jim takes Gwen out for dinner and the two of them are getting on fine, so they are. A lovely line from Jim this week when Natalie comments that Gwen is putting a smile on his face: "Yer gotta have someone to put a clean shirt on for". Indeed.
Sally sorts out Christmas with Kevin, and she plans a family time with the girls and Bland Danny, giving Kevin the kids for New Year.
And that's it for this week. Have a wonderful Christmas and New Year, I'll see you in January and thanks again to Barry for offering to write the next few updates.
Glenda ;-)
Don't forget to visit Spider's Web!
Read my on-line newspaper - THE DAILY .DOT
Hello, as Glenda jets off to sunnier climes for the festive season she has entrusted me with the responsibilty of keeping you all up to date on happenings down Coronation Street. Glenda has been in contact to say that she's arrived safely and that 'it's hot', in marked contrast to the weather here at the moment where we are suffering chilly winds with occasional snow and large amounts of speculation as to whether or not we will be having a white Christmas this year.
Vera meets Fred and lets him know the bad news about the short-lived racing career for Tyrone's Torpedo and he reassures her that the syndicate will cover the vet's bills incurred, which is a relief to poor Tyrone and a fine birthday present. Jack and Vera buy him a course of driving lessons and give him a lovely card and write on it that he's like a son to them. Tyrone seems upset by the card and Vera thinks that she may have upset him with her sentiments, but it soon becomes clear after a heart-to-heart with Jack, that Tyrone has difficulty reading and writing and is very embarassed about it. Vera and Jack try to get him to get some help and Vera has a word with Ken who agrees to teach him if he's willing to learn, but Tyrone is upset that Vera went behind his back. At Vera's request, Ken has a word with Tyrone about his problem, but Tyrone shuns his advances, though after Toyah has a quiet word with him, Tyrone goes to Ken and asks him to help him and Ken agrees.
Everyone is getting sorted out for Christmas Day. Danny has booked himself, Sally and the girls into a hotel in Southport. Rosie and Sophie are excited at the idea, but Sally is annoyed that he sprang this on them as it could cause problems with Kevin. She talks it over with Kevin who isn't best pleased, but agrees to it for the sake of the kids. Natalie has invited Vinny, who was hoping it was just him, Kevin, Curly and Jim round for dinner on the day, though Jim declines as he's clearly hoping to spend Christmas with Gwen. Meanwhile Alma is telling different stories to everyone about her plans and it's clear she'll be on her own and doesn't seem too happy about it. On hearing that Gary intends to spend Christmas and the twins' first birthday on his own, Vera & Jack invite him and the babies round for Christmas Day at the B&B.
Nita receives a letter telling her that she wasn't successful at the job interview and this really knocks the wind out of her sails as James had given her the impression that she would walk it. When she confronts him about it, he accuses her of using him to try to climb the corporate ladder and she goes away dejected, feeling just as used herself. Things are made worse when Curly tries to be supportive over her failure to get the job and she takes it the wrong way, thinking that he's trying it on. She reveals to Linda later that she thinks she has damaged her reputation. Meanwhile in the corner shop, Dev has some news for Nita and Vikram. Ravi is staying in India to try and sort out his brother's business interests, but in order to get hold of some quick cash to pay off some debtors, he has sold his entire chain of shops to Dev. Vikram and Nita are both concerned about the loss of their inheritance, but Vikram more so as he thinks his job is in danger too. He eventually gets to speak to Dev and when he explains himself, Dev agrees to write off the £1000 debt that Vik still owes to the shop and agrees to keep him on.
Spider advises Toyah that 'If someone is a problem, then they usually have a problem', but she gets nowhere in trying to sort out Leanne who has become so desperate for the cheap thrills of cocaine, that she has resorted to getting it on tick from Jez, who assures her that he will get the money 'one way or another'. The two sisters have a blazing row after Toyah sees Leanne getting a wrap off Jez, which ends up with Leanne telling Toyah to mind her own business, 'You're not even my real sister anyway'. Natalie is given further cause for concern about her barmaid, when Mike warns her away from his flat and Leanne admits to Natalie that Mike accused her of stealing money, but she denies that she did. I think Natalie will be keeping a close eye on her in the future.
To the sounds of 'Tragedy', Gail and Martin enter the hospital Christmas party, where they meet Rebecca and her husband Jerry. It's quite clear that this man is an absolute pig and it's no wonder Rebecca is distraught. An argument quickly develops and Martin ends up trying to console Rebecca and they very nearly end up kissing. The following day at work, there's no embarassment between the 2 of them over the previous night and Rebecca tells Martin how nice she thinks Gail is and later in the pub, Gail expresses similar sentiments and thinks it might be a good idea for Martin to invite Rebecca out for a drink sometime. When they meet up in the Rovers, Gail sympathises with Rebecca over having to spend Christmas with someone who clearly doesn't want to be there as she'd experienced a similar situation in her first marriage.
Norris is fast becoming a suitable replecement for Mavis and to celebrate his first successful week behind the Kabin counter, Rita takes him to the Rovers for a drink. While Rita has been suffering from 'flu upstairs, Norris has come up with a few ideas about the running of the Kabin and whilst Rita tries to dampen down his excessive enthusiam a bit, she does seem rather taken with the idea of opening a sub post office. So much so that within a day, she manages to get some plans drawn up for redesigning the shop. She invites Norris round to discuss the plans over dinner and Norris accepts but reminds Rita about his nut allergy, saying 'you only have to put me in a room with a pistachio and I come out in blotches'. Towards the end of the evening, Norris is concerned that there may be more to Rita's invitation than just dinner, but he is soon reassured that Rita is just as happy with her own company as he is with his.
Newton and Ridley have agreed to supply a marquee for the millennium street party and Hayley is busy sewing fancy dress outfits for just about everybody on the street during her dinner hour. With all this talk about the millennium party, the women in the factory realise they've done nothing about a Christmas party. Linda is convinced that she can get some money towards it out of Mike, but Janice and Gwen are more circumspect. They end up having a bet and it looks as though Linda will lose until Deirdre intervenes and points out how hard they've all been working recently and Mike relents, deciding it would be a good idea to keep his workforce sweet in preparation for some big orders in the new year.
Thoughts of Christmas are in the air in the Peacock household, where Maxine decides to have a dummy run for preparing Christmas dinner and despatches Ashley off to the pub. It's a complete disaster of course and on her mam's advice, she decides to pack it all in and go to have a long soak. Just as Ashley arrives home, the smoke alarm goes off as another of Maxine's culinary disasters turns to charcoal and Ashley consoles his poor wife, saying 'Who needs turkey anyway, when I've got a beautiful peacock.' They go out to the pub and return to find out that the bath is still running and they've managed to flood the place. Ashley says he'll have a word with Fred and they can host Christmas Day round at his place, but Maxine insists that they do it in their own house and employs the services of Pat the builder who thinks he can get it sorted out in time after Maxine suggests she pay him on double time. Ashley isn't too happy with the arrangement, but realises that Maxine has the bit between her teeth and there will be no stopping her. She even manages to get Fred involved.
So that's it for this week, I hope you all have a good time over the coming week, whatever festival you may be celebrating.
Barry Smith
That's Christmas over with for another year as we, well at least I, recover from an excess of food, drink, family and chocolate. I hope you all had at least as good a time as I had and came out of the other side, fit and well and ready to bring in the new year/century/millennium or whatever else you may wish to celebrate in the week ahead. I'll be seeing the new whatever in just a couple of hundred metres east of the Greenwich Meridian just over the river from the Royal Observatory, thus being too far down the River Thames for all pyrotechnics, but hopefully they'll be doing something similar over the river at 'The Millennium Dome'.
It's been a busy week on Coronation Street with an extra hour long episode on Christmas Day, which topped the ratings, so let's get started.
With the Underworld office party in full swing, Mike makes his apologies and leaves early, only to bump into Alma in The Rovers and the pair of them go for a meal together. Meanwhile back at the party the women from the factory (plus partners) are having a whale of a time eating pizza, drinking too much cheap Valpollicella and taking Mark's trousers off. The money eventually runs out and Linda invites everybody back to 'her' flat to carry on partying. Everyone's a bit uneasy at first, it is the boss's flat after all, but they soon get stuck into the best malt and have a bit of a party. When Mike gets home he does his nut and throws everybody out. Linda is very upset at the way Mike has treated her friends and things are made worse when she finds out later that Mike had been out with Alma and she's convinced there's still something between them. She packs her bags and threatens to leave and Mike manages to talk her out of it, but after one patronising remark too many, she picks them up and walks out of the door.
Sally mentions to Kevin that she's had a Christmas card from Alison who is currently working in some cafe or other in Morecambe (I went there once, but it was shut). On Christmas Eve, Kevin packs up early at the garage and heads off in search of his lost love and by some strange thousand to one chance he manages to find her just as she is leaving work. He begs her to come back to Weatherfield with him, but she hasn't forgotten how he let her down and didn't trust her before and turns down his tragic pleadings. She tells him that she's pregnant and that she wants to bring her child up on her own. Naturally this distresses Kevin even more, but her mind is made up and eventually he heads off back to Weatherfield.
Kevin's Christmas Day isn't much better as he joins the long faces of Natalie, Curly, & Jim (so he does) sat around the table in the back room of The Rovers. There's not even any sign of Vinny, who would surely bring a smile to the lips of Natalie. Things get so bad as the maudlin crew pass around the whisky bottle that Natalie decides to open up the pub and see if she can find a smiling face to brighten the place up. Vinny arrives late and full of apologies and agrees to help Natalie out behind the bar, but that's not all he ends up helping her with as they head off bedroomwards together at the end of the night. Predictably things are a little awkward the following morning and they agree to try and keep things quiet and on a friendly basis. I don't know how they expect to do that though as Leanne knows about it and she'd sell her granny for buttons to get another cheap thrill. Jez is getting frighteningly heavy with her about the money she owes him for cocaine, which has now reached £400 with interest accruing daily. She tries to borrow some money off Steve to help out, but he turns her down, things are certainly looking bad for her.
Ken continues to help Tyrone with his reading and writing and he helps him to write a really nice Christmas card to Jack and Vera, thanking them for being so good to him. Christmas Day at the B&B starts out happy with Jack & Vera, Gary & the twins and Tyrone & Monica, but it doesn't stay that way long as Terry turns up bearing gifts for his parents just as they're tucking into their sprouts. Jack tells his son he's not welcome and when Terry tries to claim he knew nothing about the state of the car that caused Judy's death, Gary attacks him. Jack and Tyrone eventually manage to prise the two of them apart and when Gary cools down he heads home with the twins. Hallelujah! Praise the lord! Vera has finally seen the light. She calls Terry 'evil, 'filthy scum' and she wishes 'I'd never had you' and to add injury to insult, she hits him. With Terry gone, Vera and Tyrone box up their disturbed dinner and take it round to Gary's.
Martin is working on Christmas morning in casualty and his plans to get back home at a decent time for dinner are sent awry as a 10 year old car crash victim is brought in (riding his new bicycle round to his mam's to give her her Christmas present). They fail to save the poor boy's life and Martin and Rebecca are both pretty emotionally and physically drained by the whole event, but not so drained that they can't sink into each other's arms, snog and head off into a side room for a bit of festive rumpeh pumpeh. When Martin arrives home late, Gail is understanding of how difficult it must have been for him (their son David is 9 today) and when the kids have gone to bed she consoles him with an 'early night'. When they get back to work on Monday, Rebecca has a black eye courtesy of her husband and Martin offers to go round and sort him out, but Rebecca stops him and says that she is going to leave him, though claims this decision has nothing to do with their earlier fling.
From little snippets of overheard conversation and by misconstruing chats he has with Ashley, Fred gets it into his head that Maxine is pregnant and he decides that he'll give the pair of them the house as a Christmas present. It transpires of course that the only patter of little feet that will be heard in the Peacock house is from the kitten that Ashley has bought Maxine for Christmas. When they realise why Fred has given them the house, Ashley wants to give it back, but Fred insists they keep it as it would belong to them sooner or later anyway. They have another visitor for Christmas as Sergei, who shared a cabin with Ashley on his voyage back from honeymoon, turns up on the doorstep unannounced. They welcome him with open arms (eventually) and show him a proper British Christmas, whilst he reciprocates by teaching them how to drink large amounts of vodka. Sergei is a bit of a hit with both Doreen and Audrey and, much to Fred's chagrin, Sergei is rather taken with Audrey. Audrey takes him for a day out to show him the sights of Weatherfield and when Fred hints that Sergei is getting in the way at Ashley's, Audrey offers him her spare room. He accepts and the two of them end up drinking vodka on the sofa as Audrey gets tearful about Alf and Sergei laments his lonely existence. He then springs a complete surprise and declares his love for Audrey and asks her to marry him.
I think that just about covers it for this week. Tom's dad, Duggie, visited him on Boxing day and told him that he was buying into the Victoria Street development (where Roy's cafe is) and offers to set Tom up in business in one of the units but they end up arguing about Duggie not letting Tom spend time with his mother before her death. There were the startings of some strange story as Steve asked Emily if he could run a raffle for the Millennium street party even though she has told him that all the proceeds must go to charity, but I've no doubt we'll find out what that's all about over the next week.
So who got what from who?
Ashley and Maxine got a house from Fred Vera and Jack got matching/contrasting Jack and Vera T-shirts from Tyrone. Mike got a jumper from Linda Linda got a corset (ok, a basque) from Mike Jack and Vera got a vase from Gary Janice got a copy of The Kama Sutra from Les
Wishing you all a Happy New Year/Century/Millennium (or whatever)
Barry -- Barry Smith
