Apologies to those people who haven't yet received last week's update. All I can say is that it's probably got stuck behind a tractor off the B4132 in this magical cyber-superhighway we call the internet. Anyway, it's on its way, honest, but it might mean you receive this week's update before last week's. If that's the case, you'll also receive next month's update before you read this one and by that time you'll have had the missing one. Or something like that, I never was very good with maths and hard sums. Just to set the preamble, it's Monday night, and I'm sitting here with a couple of bottles of Stella my dad gave me the other week, bless him, while I listen to some old, sing-a-long and raise the roof Alison Moyet. Oh, I also missed Friday night's episode this week, well, not missed it exactly, just very nicely distracted, so in my usual fashion I'll probably make up stuff instead. Anyway, without any further ado, here we go with this week's Coronation Street update
Mike is worried about Linda being so distracted (after her attempt at seducing Mark in the gents loo last week) but Linda tells him she's got nothing on her mind, just 'women's things' - a phrase which shuts Mike up good and quick and usually sends most males into a demented scene straight out of Monty Python - 'Run away! Run away!'. (But that Linda, she's such a tart isn't she? In fact she's beyond being a tart, she's a brazen open-faced pie if you ask me). Linda and Mark do get together again in his flat, the pair of them in their undies sprawled on his bed until there's a knock on the door - it's Mike. A few lies are told and Mike takes it all in, then later rings Mark and tells him to get himself round to the flat immediately, he's got something important to say. Mark and Linda fear Mike has found out what's been going on and is going to disinherit the pair of them, throw Linda out onto the street and ostracise his own son. But no, it's much worse. He's cooked Sunday dinner for the three of them and insists on a cosy family day together. The deceit is all too much for Mark to take, and wanting to get as far away from Linda as possible, tells her he's got to leave Weatherfield. He tells Mike he wants to go travelling again but Mike is mystified as to why his son wants to leave at all.
Vinny and Natalie return from holiday all tanned and lovey-dovey behind the bar in the Rovers until they find out what's happened to Amy, of course. Tyrone finds a note that Amy has left in her room at the B&B and the poor little mite is distraught because he can't read it. In the note, Amy is more or less threatening to kill herself, but Dev knows better and tells anyone who cares to listen (not many) that Amy is a nutter and he's not worried. However, when the police arrive at the corner shop to tell Dev they've found a body they need him to identify, he can't quite believe it. Dev goes off to identify the body but it's not Amy (as we all knew it wouldn't be) but he's been given quite a shock and is finding it hard to know what's really going on. Anyway, after Tyrone's shock at finding such an important letter and not being able to read it, Ken starts tutoring him at home. All is going well but Les Battersby sticks his oar in and gives him some cruel grief over not being able to read.
Martin and Rebecca spend the day together at their training course in Liverpool and emotions are becoming stronger between the two of them. So much so that Martin starts talking to her about his kids and how hard it's going to be to have to break the news to them that he's going to leave Gail. Rebecca tells Martin she won't pressure him into making any decision but it seems like Martin has made his mind up, Or has he?
Remember Tom the hairdresser who never had a storyline? He left this week.
Steve and Pat, the builders, start work on Victoria street but it's not long before Duggie is wondering what he's done by hiring this feckless pair. Up here in the north-east we have the same sort of builder's company, they're called Hadaway & Sh*te. Cri key, I don't think I've ever done a swear word before in an update. I'd better go back and put an asterisk in to camouflage it. There, that's better. While in the café, an unhappy customer of Pat's accosts him over his bacon and beans and demands to know why she hasn't had a bath since last Thursday. There's a great scene in the Rovers when Duggie mopes into his pint in the Rovers and Ken tries to engage him in sentimental, nostalgic conversation about the Victoria Street development. "I've lived round here as long as I can remember" he tells Duggie, who turns on his heel, says "Oh well, never mind, eh" and leaves a very stunned Ken stood at the bar alone.
Gwen's got the flu so has a couple of whiskies in the Rovers at lunchtime then goes back to work only to be found drunk in charge of her sewing machine by Mark, who sends her packing. I wasn't sure if this meant she was sent to the packing department or sent home but when Jim found out he wasn't very happy and stormed into the factory to give Mark a piece of his mind, so he did. Gwen sulks over this and gives Jim a Paddington stare in the Rovers.
Candice and Sarah Lou are moping about the street in that way that only girls of a certain age can do so well. Candice decides she needs more money so they pop into the new-look Kabin to ask Norris if he has any jobs going. Fortunately, he does and Candice becomes second in command on the paper round.
Anyway, that's about that for this week. If you haven't already had last week's, it'll be with you before the one in a fortnight's time.
Glenda ;-)
You can always tell what sort of a weekend I've had by what I'm drinking as I write the update on a Monday night. For instance, if it's been a mostly-stay-in and do-nothing weekend, I like to dip into a large glass of red or a bottle of Stella as I write the update with some bangin' music thumping away from my stereo in the corner of the room. And if I've over-indulged at the weekend, (as if!) well, let's just say, I'm sitting here with some old The The playing quietly to themselves in the living room, while I sip on orange juice with some fresh fruit doing its best to detox my system. So yes, it was a good weekend that couldn't have been bettered. Well perhaps it could have been if Phillips had scored one, just one, extra goal on Saturday afternoon at the Sunderland v Newcastle derby game. Anyway, before I retire for an early night and the promise to myself to never, ever drink alcohol again (especially 14% red wine) here we go with this week's Coronation Street update.
Steve and Pat start work on Duggie's Victoria Street development and Steve finds some Victorian cast-iron fireplaces inside one of the buildings. Recognising the value of them, he ropes Pat in on his devious plan to nick them and sell them. Of course, Duggie's not daft and it doesn't take him long to figure out where the fireplaces have gone. He tells Steve he wants them back tomorrow. Or else. Jim reminds Steve why 'Crusher' is Duggie's nickname, aye, so he does.
Little David Platt is brought into hospital after gashing his leg when he falls into one of the rubbish skips on the Victoria Street development. Martin attends to David while Rebecca, not realising who David is, flirts away with Martin in front of his son. Anyway, she proves to be quite a hit with young Master Platt who invites her along to his football match on Sunday. At the game, the Platt's are all there (with the omnipresent Candice) and Rebecca goes alone, un-noticed by any of them, while Martin's playing the family man in front of his mistress. Back at the hospital, Rebecca tells Martin she doesn't want to destroy his family life and can't bear hurting Gail and his kids, but Martin wants to carry on. Despite the guilt, he's determined his family will never find out what he's up to. Around the tea table at the Platt's, is Sarah Lou being a fussy teenager when she refuses to eat her dinner, or is there something more going on?
Mike persuades Mark to stick around, and Linda and Mark agree to keep their hands off each other and stay 'just friends'. Mike gives Mark the chance to travel to Bruges to attend a trade show (never mind the trade show, think of the beer! think of the chocolate!) and Linda isn't best pleased to hear that Mark is thinking of taking Claire with him.
Alma gets her decree absolute and celebrates in the Rovers with Audrey and Gail, declaring that she's going to start using her maiden name of Halliwell now that she's no longer Mrs. Baldwin. Good on yer, Alma. As they drink a toast to Ms Halliwell, Linda looks on and wonders what's happening. When Alma tells her "Oh, you mean. Mike hasn't told you?", she isn't too happy that Mike has kept it secret that he's now free to marry again. Bob the planning councillor calls round to see Audrey and declines her offer of a drink, saying he's got to rush off somewhere. It's only when the new Ms Haliwell returns home that he changes his mind and takes Audrey up on her offer of hospitality.
Poor old Dev, it just hasn't been his week. Amy shows up with a sob story and a hammed-up fainting spell and goes back to work in the Rovers. Dev goes in to see her, only to be thrown out by Natalie when Amy gets hysterical over something, I don't know what, this whole storyline has bored me silly to be honest. Mind you, there were tons of scenes of the delicious, dreamy Dev so I'm not complaining too loudly. (I'd have given anything to have heard him say, just once, 'Hold me close, don't let me go, oh no', wouldn't you?) Anyway, Amy tells everyone she's lost the baby then tried to slash her wrists to kill herself. Fortunately, Dev calls her bluff by being nice to her - he rips off the bandages in the Rovers and exposes her wrists and lies to all and sundry. She storms off, screaming to everyone that they're 'stupid and gullible' and let's all hope she'll not be back. Vera's still not convinced, however, that Dev was innocent of any wrong doing, even when he covers Amy's bill at the B&B that she left unpaid. Rock on.
Les is up in court in front of the magistrate on his benefit fraud case. Before he goes in there, he's already been up in front of the bar - in the Rovers, getting some Dutch courage, so by the time he's in front of the magistrate ("Your Highness") he's begging for clemency, telling them Janice has a baby on the way that needs its father around. He's ordered to do 150 hours of community service, which starts with cleaning up graffiti from Coronation Street, no less. He's working with an ex-Hells Angel called Dennis and the pair of them pop back to Les' house for a quick cuppa and a spot of air guitar. I like Dennis already, he's topper.
Natalie's sister, Debs, turns up in the Rovers after working as a hairdresser on a cruise ship. (I'm sorry, but she'll always be Pat Farnham to me and I'll never forgive that Max for being so utterly, completely, pathetically useless when Pat locked herself in the hospital toilet after giving birth to Alice). Anyway, she's turned up - and it looks like she'll move straight into Nat's old house and she'll walk straight into a job in the salon - well, Audrey will be looking for extra help now that Tom's gone.
And that's just about that for this week.
Glenda ;-)
As I write this week's update, here in the UK, Valentine's day is drawing to a close and I hope it's been a good one for each and every one of the update readers with something pink and stiff popping through your letter boxes this morning (a card! I meant a card!) Anyway, without any further ado, here is this week's Coronation Street update (helped along with Bowie's Hunky Dory and Sainsbury's Cabernet Sauvignon).
Nat's sister, Debs, settles into the Street this week, moving into Nat's old house across the road and taking up a hairdressing job at the salon. When Nat goes out shopping with Debs, Vinny is left in charge to handle a staffing crisis, there's just not enough hands to help pull the pints, so he hires Geena from The Feathers, a barmaid he used to know when he was still a drayman. Anyway, Geena is great stuff, gets on with everyone and knows her way around the optics but Natalie isn't too pleased that Vinny has been making executive decisions and appointing staff in her absence. "You're an employee, and don't you forget it," she warns him. Well, you know, it's Valentine's day and all, so Vinny decides to put his cards on the table and show Natalie what he truly feels for her. Flowers and balloons duly arrive at the Rovers from him to her but all Nat can do is give him a dressing down in the back room about embarrassing her in public. Oh dear. (If only he'd dropped the balloons and given her what I got delivered to me first thing this morning by a strange man in a van. That would have put a smile on her face all day long. I know.) There's a great line from Geena when she's having a girly chat with Leanne and Nat in the back room about a wonderful bloke she met the night before, to which Leanne chips in: "He obviously wasn't from round here, then". "No" says Geena, "I think he were from heaven".
Rita's off to her post office training and there's a great scene where she and Norris confuse Steve McDonald who comes into the Kabin for a biro and they offer him everything from a new passport to a lorry load of green shield stamps. Norris also raised a smile in my living room when he waxed lyrical to Rita about the joys of dot.com.
Les is still working his community service by cleaning up the graffiti on the Street. However, as soon as he clears one bit of spray paint, another has been sprayed in its place, but who can the mystery graffiti artist be? Surely not? It can't be Tyrone can it? Alas, it is. Tyrone writes out a valentine card for Toyah but before he can hand it over to her, she tells him she'll throttle whoever's responsible for getting Les into trouble over the graffiti, as it means Les could get a jail term for not carrying out his community service properly. Anyway, Les comes into the café later and Tyrone, in a lovely scene, hands over the valentine card so that Les can pass it on to Janice. Toyah realises what he's done and rewards him with a peck on the cheek.
Gwen and Jim decide to give their relationship another go and Jim spends the night at Gwen's place. Although Gwen is happy things are back on track with Jim, she tells him she's afraid of his temper, so she is, and advises him to channel his aggression elsewhere. (Oo-er.) However, when Jim goes to use the phone at Gwen's, he discovers a dead line and asks her where the money went that he gave her to pay the phone bill. When Gwen admits she's deep in debt, Jim says all he wants to do is help her out.
Bob the councillor calls round to see Audrey and stays a while longer when Alma returns home. He's obviously keen to know more about the newly divorced Ms Halliwell and accompanies Alma to the Rovers for a swift drink. The tension between Audrey and Alma is just wonderful with Audrey as jealous as sin over her friend's new romance, advising Alma to wear casual clothes for her date at swanky Alberto's with Bob (when Marksies best is what's required, of course). But, despite this, Bob asks Alma out on another date, which she gladly accepts.
Leanne decides to come clean with Mike and tells him it was she who stole the fifty quid from his flat. Mike is happy to have his money back but Leanne doesn't go any higher in his esteem when he learns the truth. However, Mark is happy to hear that Leanne seems to be turning a new leaf and things get cosy at the Rovers bar between the two of them. That is, until Claire reminds them both she's there and would like a glass of wine, if you don't mind, thank you very much.
Martin comes clean to Danny about his affair with Rebecca: "I'm in love with her. I can't stop thinking about her. I want to be with her all of the time". He shows Danny the (unsigned) valentine card that Rebecca has given him and as the card is still on show, Gail comes home and takes the card from Martin's hand. "This isn't your handwriting" she says, to which Danny replies "No, it's mine, it's for Sally". Rebecca can't believe it when Martin tells her he's still sleeping with Gail, and says she hates being the other woman (serves you right for getting involved with a married man, dear).
Ashley and Max plan a cosy meal at home for their first valentine's day together as husband and wife. However, it looks like Fred it set to spoil things as his bad back starts acting up. They're all in the Rovers and Fred offers to buy the drinks. He drops some coins onto the floor, bends over and seizes up. It's left to Maxine and Ashley to pick him up, straighten him up, and drag him out of the Rovers, leaving their valentine meal (and passion) simmering on the back boiler.
And that's just about that for this week. Thanks to the person or person(s) unknown for the anonymous cyber valentines - whoever you are - thank you. And to all of you out there who are within close reach to the person you love, go and give them a hug right now.
Tell them I sent you. Glenda ;-)
Read my on-line newspaper THE DAILY .DOT
Here we are again, another week over, another update due. As part of my journalism degree at Uni, I'm having to learn shorthand, and, as anyone who has ever learned shorthand will know, it's H-A-R-D! Anyway, I'm forcing myself to write things, all sorts of things, in shorthand in an effort to become accustomed to this new language of squiggles, curves and odd wavy lines. I'm only up to 30 words per minute right now, so thought a good idea would be to write my Corrie notes for the update in shorthand then transcribe them for your reading pleasure on a Monday night when I sit down to write the update (as I am now). Good idea, but I've come unstuck, not being able to decipher what I've written so I'll just have to make most of it up (again no change there then). Anyway, with heart any feather adieu (that's what it says here in shorthand, I swear) he rinse this tweek scone and raisin sweet weekly update.
It's Mike's birthday and Linda decides he's having a party, to which she invites all the girls from the factory. When Mike finds out, he makes her go and un-invite them all, of course and asks Linda if she can rustle up a few canapés for the party, just like Alma used to do. Being a woman after my own heart, Linda gets the caterer in and leaves canapé making to those that can, while still taking credit for food she hasn't made herself. Everyone's at the party from the Street with Mark bringing along Leanne. He's given girlfriend Claire the heave-ho so he can liase with Leanne, much to Mike's annoyance. So, everyone's there, except of course for Ken, and sadly, Alma isn't invited, which would've been nice I thought, even if she wouldn't have turned up. There's a great scene between Curly and Alma this week when, with tears in her eyes, Alma tells Curly her life's regrets, urging him to 'get out there, get a nice young woman and have a family together' to which Curly surprises her by saying 'I already have', then goes on to tell her all about his New Year's visit from Racquel.
Sarah-Lou's eating habits are causing major concern for Gail. The girl just won't eat and when she does eat, it's forced by Gail, while Martin takes Sarah-Lou's side, just to wind Gail up. Anyway, when Gail finds Sarah-Lou being sick in the bathroom, she whisks her off to the doctor, fearful that her daughter is becoming anorexic. After examining the patient, the diagnosis is delivered. The doctor is calm. Gail is aghast. Sarah-Lou is pregnant!!
Meanwhile, over at the nurse's home, Martin has reached a decision of his own. He's going to leave Gail and play happy families with Rebecca. His mind is made up - but will Rebecca still fancy him when she finds out he's a (sort of) grand-dad?
Fred's bad back is playing up something terrible and after a visit to his doc on the NHS, he's not best pleased to be told to lose some weight to help his condition. Mrs Maudsely, a customer at Frescho, overhears Fred moaning about his back and offers him a professional massage in the comfort of her home, she's certified and all that, so Fred agrees. Anyway, he's stripped off and Mrs M is in the process of rubbing oil all over Fred's back when the police burst in and arrest the masseuse for running an indecent house (aka brothel). As Fred is taken away in a police car for questioning, Tyrone is walking Monica past the scene, and the next day, the talk on the Street is all about Fred visiting a naughty massage parlour. He soon puts them straight though, I say he tells them all, with a declaration in the Rovers that no charges will be brought against him, then offers to buy drinks all round to shut the lot of 'em up.
Things are tense in the Rovers between Natalie and Vinny, when he gives Geena the night off, forgetting that Natalie was off out on the town that night with sister Debs. "Just you remember who's name is above that door!" she tells him, and how could he forget? In an effort to save their relationship, Vinny gets a labouring job on the Victoria Street site so that he and Nat aren't working together any longer, and the pair of them agree to proper courting again.
And that's just about that for this week. Not a great deal happening right now, but with Sarah Lou being pregnant and Martin about to prove to Gail that he's the immature cretin she always thought he was, well, things could get quite exciting.
Glenda ;-)
It's been one of those days. One of those days when nothing made sense and everything went wrong. This morning's lecture was delivered in double Dutch, but a quick glance around the lecture room proved it was only me having trouble understanding. This afternoon's seminar was delivered in ancient Greek, yet everyone but me seemed to be fluent. Add to that:- me mam's in a bad mood with me, I had a hangover from a dinner party last night, I spilt hot tea down my jeans in the common room at lunchtime and I came home to find that the dog's got diarrhoea. So, not the best of days, no. Anyway, I struggled home to collapse on the sofa, craving chip butties, chocolate and a bottle of Guinness. Having now been fed and watered, I feel able to bring you this week's Coronation Street update (just don't expect 'owt flash, alright?).
Let's just zip back to last week with Gail and Sarah-Lou in the doctor's surgery and the doc has just dropped the bombshell that Sarah-Lou is five (yes, five) months pregnant. It's chaos and disorder in the Platt household as Martin prepares to tell Gail he's leaving her for Rebecca - just as Gail tells him the news about Sarah-Lou. As the news sinks in, Martin offers support to his step-daughter, you know, the one he was prepared to walk out on just a day earlier. ("He's got more faces than a tea-pot," as a certain tea-lady I knew used to say.) Sarah Lou doesn't seem to grasp the enormity of what's happened/happening/going to happen to her and wants to swan off to school and go out with Candice, as per, but she's whisked off to the maternity clinic by Martin and Gail. At the hospital, Martin finds Rebecca to tell her what's happened, there's no way he can consider leaving Gail, not yet, and the pair of them grizzle at each other. A social worker calls round and pries into the Platt family life, leaving Gail and Martin feeling they've failed as parents and need to hush up news about Sarah-Lou. There's some emotional scenes between Gail and her daughter this week which left me in tears. "It's going to hurt, isn't it mum?" Sarah Lou asks Gail, to which mum replies: "Oh yes. More than you can imagine, in more ways than you can know". I crossed my legs and winced.
Over at the factory, Linda wants to prove there's more to her than a bit of gusset, so jumps at the chance to sweet-talk a customer who calls round when Mike is out on business. The girl does good and Mike reckons she should have a crack at one of his toughest customers, but this time there'll be no fluttering her eye lids, for this is one of Mike's toughest customers - nicknamed 'the dragon lady'. Mark goes off on his business trip to Bruges and much to Mike's alliterative annoyance, ("He's taken that Battersby bird to Bruges"), takes Leanne with him.
It's the night of the charity auction and Alma wants her hair done at the salon so she can bop to the ball with Bob. She pops into the salon but jealous Audrey reckons she can't fit her in as there's simpleh no appointments, ladeh, so Debs does her hair instead. Debs is off to the same do with Duggie and everyone seems to have had a good night so Debs isn't sure what Duggie's playing at when he's rude to her in the Rovers the next day. She tells Natalie she's not sure what she's done wrong, so Nat has a word with Duggie who confides that he's feeling guilty as it was his first date since his wife died. Duggie, via Natalie, apologises to Debs for his behaviour. However, all is not so straightforward with Bob-me-laddo. Duggie makes a couple of remarks to him about taking back-handers at the council, and then Bob calls round to see Audrey with the offer to help her do some council finance stuff. While he's there, he makes a play for Audrey and tries to kiss her. She pushes him off and sends him packing, but can't quite bring herself to tell Alma what's happened, especially when Alma comes home later, gushing that Bob is "beginning to restore my faith in men." Oh dear.
Gwen gets a visit from a debt collector, it's obvious that she's in a bit of a pickle money-wise and Jim, bless him, wants to help. The pair of them sit down and work out her incomings, shortcomings, outgoings and outpourings and none of it adds up, it's a fiscal fiasco. She's somehow managed to buy herself a haircut and new hat this week though.
Things are brightening up between Vinny and Nat now that he's working on the building site. He comes into the Rovers, all dolled up, and she looks lovely in a great frock before the pair of them go out together for the evening.
Ken's on the trail of the history of the Cartwright murders, but quite frankly, this storyline is so boring I'm not even going to bother with it (for now, although I do hope it's leading somewhere).
Finally, in the corner shop this week, Vikram gets a panic on when there's more than 2 customers to serve as Dev moves into Nita's flat upstairs (where's Nita gone then?). And, I'm pleased to report that Tunnocks Tea-cakes were involved in a couple of prominent scenes, in which they performed to their usual high standard.
And that's just about that for this week. Glenda ;-)
