The update's a day later than usual folks, due to the fact that I'm knackered. I am, honestly. I'm just not used to getting knocked up so early on a morning and doing it five times a week. When you're a student, you tend not to do it much; at all, if you can help it. But now that school's out for summer, I'm doing it every day, day in, day out. Fortunately, I'm getting paid for it, but by 'eck, when you haven't done it for a while, work comes as a bit of a shock to the system. Anyway, here I am, bleary eyed after a day of database work, weary after word processing and sparked out after spreadsheet updates, but richer and wiser. So that was my day. How was it for you? Anyway, with David Gray on CD, red wine and green olives to nibble on, and without any further ado, here we go with this week's Coronation Street update.
Things are tense, very tense in the Platt household. Martin blames Gail for upsetting Sarah Lou and if I type what I've actually written here in my update notes, I'd be banned by my ISP, so I won't, but I happened to think that was a rather selfish thing of him to say, the hypocrite. Martin and Gail try to talk but end up arguing. They can't live together and they can't live apart, so they're both suffering in their own ways. "Can we start again?" asks Gail, "If you stay, it has to be for you and me, not for the kids. Do we have a future?". "Don't push me," he replies "Let's take it one day at a time".
Vera gets an invitation to Blackpool from the Hortons. They're off on holiday without little Tommy so Vera and Jack plan to spend their holidays at the Horton's house. Somehow, some way, Tyrone and Maria, Norris, and Gary and the twins end up going there with them. Norris ends up sleeping in the caravan in the drive after giving it a good going over with Mr Sheen and a Jeyes Cloth. Vera insists Tyrone and Maria have seperate rooms, but the two of them never seem to have any time on their own. Just when it looks like they can sneak away and go on the funfair, Vera drags Maria off to see the clairvoyant as Jack and (not so) little (anymore) Tommy play on the amusements. Meanwhile, on the beach, Gary dives in the water to save a kid from drowning - and reappears without so much as a splash on him, odd that. The kid, Walter, has a mum, Paula, who thanks Gary, but our hero is too modest and wanders away from all the excitement with the twins.
Over at the Rovers, Vinny wonders what Natalie's up to by putting on this male stripper - isn't that sexist of her? And when can he come in to watch a female stripper? "Catch me in a good mood and you can have a private show," she tells him, and the nation's males drooled. Anyway, the stripper comes on in the Rovers and by 'eck, he's crap. In fact, I laughed at him. He was supposed to be The Masked Python and was all green shiny pants, arm bands and helmet (ahem) but he wasn't so much sexy or snake-ish and looked more like a space invader. So he's strutting his stuff and the crowd (Janice) is going wild, until he spots someone in the audience he recognises, and she recognises him - it's his mum! "I used to put talcum powder on that" she said (well, no, she didn't, but she should have). The lads on the building site find out the stripper was Sam and they have a laugh, natch, but he promises them he'll pay them back the money he owes them from last week.
Mark gives Linda an ultimatum; "It's me dad or me" and when she says she can't choose, he tells Linda he's going to travel to Bangkok with his mate Craig. He leaves a letter for Mike telling him that he's gone, but when Mike reads it, the shock is too much. He collapses holding his chest and is rushed to hospital where they put him in intensive care and tell him he's had a heart attack. Linda finally manages to get Mark on his mobile, in Amsterdam, to tell him the news and he quickly comes back to be with his dad. Linda, meanwhile, doesn't quite know what's going on between her and Mark now. She assumes he doesn't want to be with her any more as he took off for Bangkok without telling her but he says he wants to cool things between them for fear of what finding out could do to his dad and his dicky ticker.
Poor Emily. Just when we were getting used to her as the cake-baking, tea-drinking eco-warrier, she's reduced back to her role as dotty old woman. She arrives back at her house to find two lads in there, they've burgled the place and quickly run out of the back door. They've taken money, jewellry and thrown stuff about the house, but worse, they've taken a wedding photo of Emily and Ernest for its silver frame. Fortunately, Spider later finds the photo in the back lane and has it reframed for Em. She's distraught, of course, but refuses offers from both Rita and Betty to spend some time living with them. She wants to be independent and get on with things - and her first step in doing this is to get a burglar alarm fitted. Danny offers to fit one for her and although it's not something they stock in the hardware shop, Sally and Danny think it's about time they did start selling more security products. The burglars have also struck at Deirdre and Ken's house. Blanche's purse goes missing so she has to have drinks bought for her in the Rovers, and Ken's laptop goes missing also. He doesn't mind the theft of the computer itself so much, but the complete draft of his new book was on there too. Rita suggests placing an ad in the Weatherfield Gazette asking for the return of his work on the diskette.
And that's just about that for this week.
Glenda
Thank you, update readers everywhere, for pointing out that the first paragraph in the update last week contained sexual innuendo. I was rather hoping it would be read in the same manner as it was written; as a joke. However, it seemed as if my sense of humour went a bit aeroplane that time. Straight over peoples heads.. ;-) This week the update is being brought to you with the help of Rosemont red, The Unbelievable Truth on the record player and a stunning red sunset out of the window. Anyway, without any further ado and certainly no ironic jokey stuff, here we go with this weeks Coronation Street update.
In Blackpool at the Hortons house, Jack and Vera put two and two together and realise Gary was the modest hero who saved the young lad from drowning on the beach. A journo turns up to get the whole story and Vera unwittingly tells him more than she should about Gary - and Judy. Anyway, when Gary reads the piece, he wrongly assumes Paula has been talking to the press and storms off down the pier to give her a piece of his mind. Vera apologises to Gary after the journalist tells him how he got the story, and Gary finally makes things up with Paula, after a little chat with Jack about how he feels hes betraying Judys memory. Jack tells him to do it, so he does and the pair of them go out for dinner at a posh restaurant. The newspaper is picking up the tab for the meal so the journo assumes he can hang around for a decent picture but he fair puts the two of them off their food. They decide to leave before pudding and have a kiss by the donkeys on Blackpool sands. Elsewhere in Blackpool, Vera and Norris are tripping the light fandango in the tower ballroom. Veras enjoying every minute with Norris, an expert dancer. I never knew you had it in yer, she tells him. Neither did I! he replies. Anyway, theres a dance contest later in the week and Norris gets chatted up by quickstep dancing, sparkly sandal wearing Celeste Pickersgill. Norris soon decides hes going to enter the contest with his new lady friend, a much better dancer than his original partner, much to Veras disappointment.
So when Gary and Paula are out wining and dining and Jack and Vera are out seeing something on the pier (probably Chubby Brown, or The Nolans, at a guess), Tyrone and Maria have the house to themselves, after offering to stay in and babysit the twins. Maria wants to get passionate and offers up her dignity to Tyrone, who refuses it. He was hoping for a couple of hours playing cards and tells Maria hes not ready to have sex, not yet; he wants to wait until hes legally wed.
Mikes back at the flat, home from the hospital and Linda takes charge of looking after his diet for him - no whisky, no cigars, no cheesy puffs, no pies and none of them little chocolate things. Fred pops round for a man to man chat and wonders if Mikes heart is up to the romance of dating such a determined young filly as Linda. Back at the Rovers, Fred bumps into Alma and tells her about Mike. Shes upset - both at hearing about Mikes attack but also that no one else had told her before now. She goes round to the flat to see her ex-spouse and the two of them have a comfy chat until Linda comes in - all insecure and nasty to Alma. Later in the Rovers, Linda has to face the wrath of Blanche as she defends Alma and Mikes friendship. Whats this then? asks Linda, The old bags union or summat? Yes says Blanche It is. And we all stick together so just you watch out. More continuance of the Mike/Mark/Linda sex triangle (sextangle?) with Mark not knowing if hes coming or going, Linda coming everywhere, nothing getting sorted and viewers getting bored.
Kens quite chuffed at having been offered a job at the Weatherfield Gazette as a freelance columnist. Blanche wonders (out loud, very loud) what on earth her supermarket working, trolley pushing son in law could possibly have to say to the masses, but this doesnt deter him at all.
Roy holds the first of his Homewatch meetings in the cafe. Its a chance for the neighbours to unite and talk through security issues in light of the recent burglaries. They invite PC Emma who offers to come along to talk to everyone, but when she doesnt arrive, they wonder what shes up to, and comment on the fact that policemen look younger these days and that some of them even look like women. Anyway, the reason that Emma misses the meeting is that shes too busy catching the burglars, with the help of Curly and Les, as Curlys house is in the process of getting burgled as she returns there to pick up something to take to the meeting with her. Next day, as Emma is given a heros breakfast by Roy in the cafe, Curly gets all protective about his Wonder Woman and muses on the inherent dangers of her job. She tells him she loves her job and doesnt want to discuss it any further. Fair cop.
The lovely Spider offers to stay with Aunty Em for a few nights after her break- in, but when Em notices theres some tension between him and Toyah, she insists on Spider going straight back to the flat to stay with Toyah instead. It seems as if the first green bits of whiffy mould are starting to grow on the organic, wholemeal, free range egg on toast that was Spider and Toyahs love thing.
And thats just about that for this week. And if anyone knows where I can buy a ladybird nighty just like Marias, do let me know..! Glenda ;-)
Stig of the Dump or The Armchair Anarchist? You decide! http://zen.sunderland.ac.uk/~aa8gyo/spidersweb.html
This week's update has been brought to you in the face of adversity and at personal danger to myself. Yes indeed. While watching Corrie this week, I noticed a faint whiff of Eau de Singe so went to investigate behind the telly where the smell was coming from. Anyway, the back of said telly was all red and hot like and I can only have it on for 30 minutes at most for fear of it doing whatever hot and red television sets seem likely to do (and if anyone knows, please tell). I might have to get a little man in, but until then, with the help of Phileas Fogg's Thankfully Cool Tortilla Chips (made in Medomsley Road, Consett), here we go with this week's Coronation Street update.
Tyrone and Maria tell Vera about their engagement, the pair of them are dead excited but Vera's curious to know if Maria's up the stick. When it becomes clear that Tyrone's mum isn't interested in the engagement, Vera offers to throw a party for our young lovers. There's more excitement in store for Tyrone when Monica gives birth to five healthy, cutesy, waggy tailed, button-nosed puppies and he tells Vera: "First I get engaged and then I get me own family!". However, Norris isn't best pleased about Monica's choice of his bed as maternity ward and with nerves rattled, he accepts Rita's offer to spend the night on her sofa.
Now then, here's my version of this storyline, which I *think* is correct but if it's wrong, I'm sure you'll let me know. Here we go. Ken gets an idea for his column in the Gazette after Audrey points out that the new Health Centre will probably be named after one of the no-good, fat-cat councillors who fiddle their expenses and harass the women who work for them (they do in Sunderland anyway, according to our local paper). So, Ken decides to write his column on that basis. However, the council then decide it's going to name the Health Centre after Alf - so by the time Ken's column is printed, it looks as if the fat-cat councillor he's criticising is Alf. Letters flood into the Gazette in praise of Ken's article, and of course Audrey is up in arms about the whole thing.
So it's not been a good week for Audrey. Alma organises a surprise party for her friend's 58th birthday and with the help of Ken, traces an old schoolfriend of Audrey's who turns up and manages to ruffle a few feathers by nudging Audrey's memory. She's not 58 at all, she's 60 and little David Platt does his best to spread the word around family, neighbours and friends.
Talking about friends, Maxine decides it's time for her and Ashley to move up in the world and start hob-nobbing with people who matter. She draws up a list of suitable victims for her to get her claws into, giving each one a score against their names, and it's Curly and Emma who are the first lucky couple to be schmoozed. Ashley doesn't really understand but does what he's told. As always.
Mark discovers the truth about his dad, and about Linda. After taking Mike to the hospital for a routine appointment, he collars the consultant to ask him how long his dad has to live. The consultant's a bit confused and tells Mark his dad has another 20 years or so left in him, not the 6 months that Linda told him last week. Realising what Linda was up to, Mark decides this time he's going, this time for good. Linda's there to wave him off, of course, as he leaves the street in a cab. Another taxi. Another exit. Another short word with an x in it, like box.
Vikram fires Gary after he took off to Blackpool last week without telling him, but Eileen gets him his job back after taking the twins to the corner shop and laying it on thick with Maya: "How's that decent, honest Gary going to manage looking after these two gorgeous little 'uns with no job, now that that wicked nephew of yours has sacked him?" sort of thing. It works though, and Gary gets his job back. He also gets a surprise visitor when Paula turns up on his doorstep to apologise for what happened last week in Blackpool, but Gary's pride is hurt and he turns her away, he doesn't want to know. Fortunately, Vera finds Paula at the bus stop, sticks her oar in and gets the two of them to talk, properly, and they do. Despite the distance between them, they feel they can make a go of the relationship and agree to see each other at weekends, although rainy days and Mondays could be difficult.
Spider gets an interview for promotion at work and not only does he play down his principles at interview, it's obvious he's become so much part of the system he should be up against the wall and shot. Shame on you Spider, shame on you. You're turning into one of those people who raise their glass to say "Gawd bless yer" to the telly when the Queen Mum comes on. (And was it just me, or did anyone else think that Spider sounded like Harry H Corbett during his interview?) Anyway, Toyah's really unhappy with lover boy (me too dear, me too) and tells him he's changed so much since they first met - is he really that same special person who washed his tent in Aunty Em's backyard a couple of years ago? Nope.
Janice goes off to stay with her mum for a while as the old dear's not well so it gives Les plenty of chance to, well, be Les, while she's away. When Emily complains to him that his music is too loud as he's having a barbie in the backyard, he starts playing church music and gives her a burnt offering but it's clear his neighbour is not a happy bunny. When Audrey has Denis' van towed away for being an eyesore, Denis moves in with Les and the pair of them start drinking, farting, scratching and end up cleaning a motorbike on the living room carpet, you know, normal bloke stuff. Denis gets excited when he discovers the bike isn't just any old hog though, it's a Black Shadow worth £9,000. Les is pretty pleased too.
And that's just about that for this week.
Your last chance to post to the web before "Spider Legs It" (copyright exclusive to every UK TV listings mag). http://zen.sunderland.ac.uk/~aa8gyo/spidersweb.html
Glenda ;-)
