Well, here I am again. As you know, when I settle down to write the update each week I like to grab myself a glass of wine (check), get myself some nibbles (check) and put on some decent background music. However, as I write this week's update, 'Who Wants to be A Millionaire' is on the telly so I'm half listening, half playing along with that instead. So you'll have to excuse me as I pause now and then to turn round to the telly and yell out the answers: "Zebra!", "Winston Churchill!","Phone yer friend for pig's sake!". But I digress, so without any further ado, here we go with this week's Coronation Street update.
It's been heartbreaking this week in the Platt family household, even Barney the rabbit has barely escaped the emotional turmoil. It's Gail and Martin's wedding anniversary and Sarah and David, bless them, make dinner for their parents. They set the table with candles, napkins and the best cloth and David even lays a tea-towel over his arm as he guides the unhappy couple to their seats. It's all a bit much for the divorcing duo and they accept their spaghetti bolognaise with long sighs and heavy hearts. While they're eating dinner, Sarah Lou sits on the stairs and secretly listens in to her parents conversation (and who didn't do that when *they* were 13, eh?!). Sadly, she hears them mention divorce and she's soon in tears. Worse is yet to come when Gail and Martin have to sit down and be truthful with David. "Of course I know what divorce is" he spits at them, "I'm not stupid" and with that, he runs up to his room and he's in tears too. "He's crying," says Gail to Martin to which Martin replies: "By the time all this is over, we're all going to be". At first, David starts blaming the divorce on Sarah and Bethany and Candice comes to her friend's defence when she has a little chat with young David in the garden. Well, actually, she threatens him a bit at first before softening towards him and telling him that it'll all be alright, she's been through it all too. Audrey's been around them a lot this week, but bless her, she kept her own counsel and didn't apportion too much blame when she bumped into Martin in the Rovers, just simply told him that he wasn't the man her daughter had once fallen in love with. Over a pint with Danny, Martin starts feeling sorry for himself yet in the same breath admits he thinks about Rebecca daily. Anyway, the Platt's dirty laundry goes onto full spin cycle when Sally pops round and lets it slip that she knew about Martin's affair all that time ago. Gail isn't best pleased as you can well imagine, and there's a dreadful air of sadness all around.
Another storyline, another tear in my eye when Gary left this week. He's all packed up at No. 9, waiting for Paula and he's beginning to wonder if she's had second thoughts - is she coming or what? Anyway, she arrives late, with a hangover, after a party her friends had laid on for her the previous evening. Gary puts his final bits and pieces in his boxes, with the very last thing being a framed photo of Judy, which he kisses gently and places on top of the box. The moving van moves off. Gary, Paula and the twins get in a taxi and they're gone, just like that....
.... but not before selling No. 9 back to the Duckies! Yup, in yet another miraculously quick Weatherfield house sale, Gary gives the Duckies the keys to their old house, and it's theirs. Again. It's Jack's idea of course to buy the old place, but it doesn't take much to convince Vera to move back in there too. Norris, however, wondering if there'll ever be any escape from the Duckies, Tyrone and Monica, can't deny he's not happy about the situation: "It's like being stalked!".
Sam (the ex-stripper) starts work at the garage and Tyrone's not best pleased that the new lad gets on so well with Maria. He gets somewhat jealous, telling Sam: "This is Maria. She's mine" and his insecurity leads to him telling Kev that Sam's work at the garage isn't quite up to scratch and he doesn't think Sam fits in there although Kev soon works out what's going on. In a scene with Tyrone, Maria's dad and two of Monica's puppies, Tyrone asks his future da-in-law about buying Maria a diamond engagement ring. For me, the puppies stole that scene, licking faces and chewing cardigan sleeves. Any puppy that can chew a cardigan is worth it's weight in gold. In fact, they should all be trained from birth to chew cardigans.
Anyway, talking about cardigans, Ashley gets himself into a pickle this week when he gives Emily a bag of clothes for the hospital jumble sale. It's not jumble at all though, it's Maxine's designer wear which she'd got ready to go to the dry-cleaner. But by the time Ashley's worked this out, it's too late, Maxine's clothes have been sold as jumble. Ashley spots Karen wearing one of Maxine's pink tops and has to give her £25 to get it back before Maxine finds out what's happened. He also spots Edna wearing a pink fluffy cardigan and gives her £25 and the promise of a large sausage to get Maxine's clothing back. Maxine, of course, finds out what's gone on and when she gets the bag of clothes back, she picks up Edna's cardigan, going: "This isn't mine! I wouldn't be seen dead in this!". Poor Ashley.
Roy and Hayley get a visit from a nice man, a very nice man, from the adoption agency. Roy's slowly warming to the idea of becoming a dad, for Hayley's sake more than his own and wonders what they'll do when the baby arrives as it'll need "full-time surveillance" and he sets off to make a checklist. The Croppers are honest right from the start with the adoption man, and when he hears their news he says "There's nothing in the rules that say you have to be a conventional couple". Discussing things later, Hayley wonders what sort of child they'll get, saying to Roy: "We might get one like you". "No, " says Roy, "No, I wouldn't wish that on anyone".
Toyah and Phil Simmons are like two Yorkshire Terriers, yapping at the heels of Rottweiler Ferguson over eviction of his old tenants, the ones he turfed out illegally and made homeless. Duggie isn't bothered at first but starts getting annoyed when a letter arrives from Phil's solicitor and he's just about foaming at the mouth when he's told by Toyah that his nasty landlord tactics are going to be front page news in the Gazette next week.
Over at the factory, Harvey, fresh from the Sean Connery school of sneering, takes out Karen, then Bobbi. The two girls, never before having had their own storyline, are now thrust in the spotlight arguing over some cheesy bloke they wouldn't give a toss about anyway. Come on scriptwriters, this is pretty poor stuff. Give the girls a chance. Give them a decent storyline.
Emma and Curly go to the pub together to celebrate the end of Emma's armed response training. Her two male colleagues are there with their partners, but the more Curly hears about this armed response unit, the more worried about Emma he becomes.
And finally, Rita confides in Anthony about Sharon, and in turn, Anthony tells Rita about his own children, Gregory and Amanda. It looks like it's time for Rita to meet them both.
And that's just about that for this week. "Geranium! It's Geranium! Ask the bloody audience!"
As I sit down to write the update this week, I'm having a strange experience. HMV is to blame. Well, they've got this sale on, you see, and I couldn't resist picking up on CD, for pennies, absolute pennies, the first vinyl album I ever bought. I won't embarrass myself by telling you what it is, but as I haven't listened to this album for many a year (or twenty) it's stirring some wonderful memories. But it's also bringing back Clearasil, snogging after class and a fake-fur winter's coat me mam made me wear to school, so, moving swiftly along and without any further ado, here we go with this week's Coronation Street update.
The Duckies move back into No. 9 this week but Monica decided she'd rather remain on familiar ground and goes off sniffing for something she recognises, only to be found, later, at Emily's house. She's asleep on Norris' bed. As you can imagine, he's not best pleased.
Emma's started her new job as a Charlie's Angel in CHiPS and Curly starts fretting that she'll either get shot or start wearing flicked out hair in the course of armed duty.
Over at the factory, Karen and Bobbi figure out that Harvey's been having his wicked way with the both of them. As they're working through this revealation, who should walk into Underworld but Harvey's fiancee. You know the type - peroxide, wonderbra and a GCSE in smiling. So, he's been playing away three ways if you see what I mean (do you?). Anyway, Janice prompts the factory girls into action and a plan of revenge is exacted which includes an expensive sports car, cold baked beans, Harvey's head, foam, and his bimbo fiance giving him the elbow. It couldn't have happened to a nicer bloke. Watch out for a wonderful Hayley in these scenes. After a sniff of the brandy bottle she's away with the mixer, dancing in her cardi.
It might have been miserable at the Platts last week but this week, by 'eck, it's been even worse. But it's all worth it (as a viewer, anyhow). This storyline is so good right now, every time Gail or one of the kids comes on screen I'm in bits. Even a shot of that rabbit brings a tear to my eye. (I thought Sunday night's episode was particularly emotional but that could have had something to do with the fact I'd just seen Billy Elliot at the flicks. It was the first time I'd ever tapdanced my way out of an Odeon with tears in my eyes). Anyway, Martin gets himself a solicitor this week so now he and Gail can pay a professional hugh amounts of money to sling muck at each other. Well, at least it comes in a posh envelope. Gail tells Martin it'd be best for them all for him to move out so he gets himself a flat from Duggie, on Victoria Street. There's tears all round this week when Martin says he wants custody of David and he's intent on asking David which parent he wants to live with. Sadly, but fortunately, Martin doesn't have to ask in the end when David pleads with Martin to go and live with him in his new flat. Martin hugs his son, looks at Gail and tells David he has to stay with his mum and look after the girls. Never mind the girls, has he fed that rabbit today?
Rita (sounding more like Annie Walker than Annie Walker used to) got to meet Anthony's children this week; Master shopkeeper and Miss shopkeeper. Master shopkeeper was a kindly soul who seemed happy his dad had someone who put a smile on his face but little Miss shopkeeper wasn't at all happy that her dad's affection was taken by someone other than their mother, Mrs shopkeeper. Anyway, listen to this. Not only was Rita putting a smile on Anthony's face, I rather think Rita might have had a smile of her own this week when, are you listening?, they spent the night together. They did, in York, honestly, I know, at their age. She even took her postcoital glow to the Rovers the next day. When Norris gets to hear about the romantic rendezvous, he comments: "Oscar Wilde, cobbled streets and high emotions". I think I must have missed something. Last time I was in York all I had was fish and chips.
She's back. A taxi pulled up in the street and that means only one thing. Well, no, it means one of two things. Either someone is leaving, or someone is coming back. And so she gets out of the car; stiletto heels, bony knees in black nylon, protruding breasts stuck in a cheap top from Ashton market, gold nail varnish and 'L' round her neck. Ladies and gennelmen, it's Liz McDonald, back from Milton Keynes (and who can blame her?) to see Jim in the big house. Yes, the frizz goes to the prizz. Except she doesn't know he's in the big house, it's up to Steve to break that particular piece of news to her. When she sees Jim in his netball top at visiting time, the pair of them start off arguing and combative but soon warm to each other with Jim confessing how scared he is, so he is. Every time I see Jim in that flippin' netball top, the Clearasil, snogging after class and that fake fur coat me mam used to make me wear all come flooding back again. Ah, the torture of being tall at school, it automatically made you good at sports that required jumping and got you picked to play goal defense (or whatever it was called) guarding the net at netball. Except I was never any good. I was just tall.
Duggie's worried about business when the council take three contracts off him after the damning piece about his landlord practices which appeared in the Gazette this week. He starts talking about having to sell his house to pay off his debts, but it all sounds most odd to me. You can't tell me that a business man like Duggie would let a setback like this, well, er, set him back. It just wouldn' t happen. But then again, if he was a proper businessman, he'd have had watertight tenancy agreements for his tenants and wouldn't have got himself into this mess in the first place.
Maria starts flashing her engagement ring this week with Tyrone, proud as can be, telling Norris: "She's me top bird!". A wonderful scene in which Vera comments to Maria that the ring is a little, well, small. "Oh, I don't like big jewellry" she says, "I think it looks vulgar." Vera starts fingering her enormously disgusting blue plastic ear-rings self-consciously. Tyrone also shows off his new car this week. I was told, by someone who knows these things, that it was a Peugeot 205 but hey, what do you need to know that for, it was red, right? Norris, rattled by Tyrone's drum and base garage deep house rave up that was booming out of the sound system hifi record player CD machine, tells Tyrone he doesn't want to be bothered by loud music from red cars in the street. Another wonderful scene when Tyrone's boasting about the girl-pulling power of his new car just as Vera comes over to him and asks for a lift to Freshco. Oh yes, Tyrone, it's a real granny magnet.
Mike and Linda returned from holiday this week and we meet up with them both at Manchester airport looking all soft focus and dewey eyed. Yeah, right. Why can't they look like normal people who've just got off a long haul flight? Where were the crumpled t-shirts, the tired eyes, the hair stuck down on one side of your head where you've fallen asleep on the plane? Anyway, it looks like they haven't spoken at all while on honeymoon. Over an airport coffee, Mike reluctantly but eventually tells Linda he'll give her another chance. He tells her she's never got to tell anyone what's happened between her and Mark and that no-one else must ever know. Oh dear, just wait until they find out that ex-spouse Alma knows then, it'll be a right carry on.
And that's just about that for this week.
Hello folks, here I am again. It's been a long week. No one told me I'd have to do some work. I mean, you know, you take three years out to be a student and you don't really think, no you couldn't possibly dream, that you'd end up working, and working hand. I mean, being a student's all about waking up in time to watch Richard & Judy and then coming home for a fix of Ready Steady Cook. That's how it's been for the last couple of years, but by 'eck, they've got us working hard now we're in our final year. That's why, as I attempt to produce my final year project in the shape of a magazine all about, and for, women in north-east England, I'm opening the update floor, as it were, to anyone who wants to take over and write a weekly update now and then. Email to let me know if you fancy a go at it. Anyway, without any further ado, here we go with this week's Coronation Street update.
The big story this week was the Freshco siege, so I'll jump straight in and start with that - bear with me, it goes on a bit and will take up most of this week's update.
Mike gets a letter from Mark, telling him that Alma knew of his affair with Linda. Naturally, Mike's keen to speak to Alma and arranges to meet her at Freshco after she finishes work. Mike goes to the store and there's a couple of shifty looking young lads, kids really, hovering by the checkout at closing time. Security guard Frank asks them to move along and flippin 'eck, one of them pulls out a gun on the checkout girl! All of the customers have left for the evening but still in the store are the following: Mike and Alma, Fred and Ashley, Ken and Curly, Security guard Frank and checkout girl er.. I can't remember her name so let's call her, um.. Norma. The two lads with the gun cause a bit of panic, naturally, and take our eight people hostage! Fortunately (for the baddies) the supermarket is well stocked with clothes line to tie the hostage's hands up. Anyway, this went on for an extra 90 minutes of Corrie, it was quite well done, there were a couple of comic moments when Fred got the rump steaks out and there's an impromptu BBQ complete with garden chairs from aisle 10. Mike and Ken get tied together in a stock room, the two of them are snarling at each other when they get locked in there but by the time they come out, after Mike has a panic attack and the pair of them share confidences (Mike tells Ken about Linda and Mark) they come out as pals. Yes, you read that right, Mike and Ken call a truce. Anyway, the hostage scene goes on overnight by which time there's a small crowd outside including a tearful Maxine and a worried Audrey. Linda is also there, wondering what on earth Mike was doing at the workplace of his ex-wife. Just as Curly seems to be getting through to the guy with the gun, Dean, a shot goes off and the police burst in. Yes, you've guessed it, it's Curly's girly, Emma with a gun in her hand and a balaclava on her head, pumping bullets into Dean's chest. But it's still not over. The other guy, Lenny, takes Ashley hostage in the Freshco office and threatens him with the gun. As Lenny's voice comes over the tannoy, it dawns on Fred that Ashley's in trouble so he storms straight into the office and begs Lenny to take him hostage instead. In a fraught scene, Fred closes his eyes and waits to die, powerful stuff indeed. Somehow, Ashley manages to overpower Lenny and Fred sits on him, announcing through the tannoy system that 'the baddie's on the floor'. But hang on, it's still not over, no. Linda recognises young Dean, the lad that Emma has shot; it's her brother (oh purleeze!) and she goes to hospital with him in the ambulance, dragging Mike along with her. Dean later dies in hospital. Later, Emma struggles to cope with her actions, even though it was all above board and what she was trained to do. To make things worse for Emma, Curly's having a hard time in believing what Emma did was the right thing. The pair of them are at odds until finally Emma breaks down in front of Curly and they hug each other to bits with Curly finally, finally telling her: "It's not your fault." Hang on though, there's still more. Linda's dad and her other brother, Jimmy turn up looking for Linda and wanting to know exactly how Dean died. Her dad and brother are right villains, they're quite scary and look like they're straight off the set of 'Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barmcakes'. Linda promises Mike that once Dean's funeral is over, she'll have nothing to do with her family again. After the siege is over, the Weatherfield Eight try to put events behind them all and Mike buys them all a drink in the Rovers. Security guard Frank is now romancing Alma; Mike and Ken are friends; Ashley and Maxine are er.. um.. celebrating life under the duvet and Fred tells Audrey he doesn't deserve Ashley as a son.... and they all lived happily every after.
Right, I think that's the siege done and dusted. Now onto other events on the cobbles this week.
Dev's like a cat that's got the cream after he buys Duggie's house off him for a fraction of the price that Duggie would have hoped for. But he's a desperate man and he accepts the cash that Dev offers him. Deirdre gets all schoolgirl flirty with Dev in the corner shop, she's all 'ooh, Dev' when he tells her about the deal he's just pulled off, but hey, who can blame her? She tells Dev: "I'll take me hat off to yer". Yes, Deirdre, and the rest, dear.
So, now that Duggie is homeless, Debs asks him if he wants to move in with her. He accepts but it's not the cosy, romantic cohabitation she had in mind - she's even cleared a space in her knicker drawer for his socks. Duggie sets up office in her front room, his mobile phone, fax machine and filing cabinet not really fitting in around her DFS sofa and MFI table.
Martin moved into his own flat this week, a sparse, lonely place that the kids visit for tea, leaving Gail on her own for the first time. She's coping well on her own, announces to Sarah Lou that she's thinking of going back to work full-time, planning to leave Bethany in the rabbit hutch with Barney, no doubt. She's even bought a plunger, such are the perils of women living alone. I've lived alone for a lot longer than Gail has and never needed a plunger. A huge chocolate bar has come in handy on ocassion, but never a plunger, no.
Vera plans a party to celebrate Tyrone and Maria's engagement so Tyrone rings his mum (1-800-SLAPPER) to ask her if she wants to come along. Les is more than a little interested to hear that Jacqui Dobbs might be in the area soon. Meanwhile, Janice once more berates Les for not paying the house bills. Will she never learn?
Roy and Hayley go to an adoptive parents meeting in a local community hall - for some reason it's got a boxing ring at one end of it, but there you go. They have to mix with other couples like them, well, not exactly like them, but you know what I mean, telling each other about themselves. It's a wonderful scene in typical Cropper style and wonderfully well written.
And that's just about that for this week.
Remember, if anyone fancies writing a weekly update, let me know.
It's over to Janet Penny this week who kindly volunteered, honest she did, to write this week's Corrie update. I'm up to my neck in final year Uni work so if anyone else fancies writing an update some time soon, do let me know. Anyway, it's over to Janet's update now and I'm sure you'll agree it's a good 'un.
Here she is, laydees and gennelmen.... Janet Penny!!
Warm greetings to all you Streeties from Wakefield, West Yorkshire! Special mention to my sister, Gillian, out in Canada who volunteered my services (I'll be re-thinking your Christmas gift). Along with some Quality Street chocs to get the creative juices flowing, here's your Corrie review for the week of 18 - 23 October. A lot has been happening this week, so I'll work each story line through to the end.
As a new dawn unfolds along the cobbled streets of Weatherfield, Debs is chasing Duggie out of the house for a farewell snog. Silly girl - can't you see that this is all going to end in tears by bedtime? Duggie has a meeting with a "friend" who may just help him out of this mess. Meanwhile, he gives the same just-follow-my-orders, slave attitude to Vinnie who finds that the first command of the day is to deliver the new lease to the hardware store. Sally and Danny can't believe that Duggie has doubled the rent (but we saw it coming, didn't we, boys and girls?). Vinnie is just as taken aback when he realises that the cuppa Sally had offered won't be forthcoming after all. Vinnie storms into Roy's Rolls to have it out with Duggie for putting up the rent without preparing him for the consequences. Duggie is entirely unsympathetic, particularly so since his meeting was put off until tonight. Danny storms in to toss the rent increase in Duggie's face then storms out again. Despite their blond(e) roots, the hardware entrepreneurs have sussed that he's expecting his tenants to bail him out. Vinnie's sympathies clearly do not lie with his gaffer. He shakes his head "I don't know how you think you'll make them pay." Big smirk. "I'm not - you are!" A man clearly in need of unburdening his soul, Vinnie heads over to the Rovers and the ample bosom of Natalie. Alma is also in the pub - it's her birthday, and where else would anyone celebrate anything of importance. Frank the security guard that-was is taking her out to dinner (one assumes it won't be based around Betty's Hotpot) and hands her a gift. "I noticed you wore them," he shyly admits. As we couldn't actually see what was in the box, it could just as easily have been knickers as a pearl brooch.
Duggie's in a foul mood - he's been abandoned by his mate. He's still growsing around the house, and poor deluded Debs just doesn't comprehend that "Yeah, whatever" is a sure signal he'll stand up her dinner invitation. Dev can't resist needling Duggie as he pops into the corner shop for a bottle of scotch (for a man facing destitution, he's got a strange list of priorities), asking if he's in the market for a house as there's one up for sale. Debs tries to empathise with Duggie's bad day, but he storms out, leaving Debs to have beans on toast instead of the caviar and lobster dinner she'd planned. Never one to give up, she books rugby tickets for the two of them, but it's not the right type he snarls at her (I wouldn't have known the difference between union and league either, pet). Fed up with his mobile, Debs hangs up on the caller before Duggie can find out if it was his saviour. He goes ballistic and calls her a selfish cow. Big fight, Duggie gets his face slapped and chucked into the street. He proceeds to send flowers to the salon and pops in after closing, telling Debs he can't afford to lose her. Think he actually meant to say her house. Silly, silly Debs falls for it.
As a new dawn unfolds along the cobbled streets of Weatherfield, Curly lovingly greets Emma with the welcome words "Morning. How would you like your eggs? Scrambled? Fried? Chicken? Ostrich?" (oh, sorry, I was just taking it to it's logical conclusion). Poor Emma turns down food as her mind is in a turmoil (the very time I would have thought appropriate for cream buns). Curly tries to cheer her up with the offer of a trip to France to meet his daughter, Alice. When that's not immediately met with glee, he tries to sweeten the pot with a side trip to Paris. "Please, let me do this for you" he pleads. Works for Emma who has always secretly longed to visit the City of Light (or is that Blackpool?). Later in the Rovers, Ashley is heading for the bar when Curly and Emma walk in. Maxine immediately wonders if Curly has become increasingly frisky since the siege as apparently young Mr. Peacock is doing his best to increase the U.K.'s lovemaking frequency statistics single-handedly (so to speak). No, but they are going on holiday to France! Max immediately starts working on Ashley for a holiday but this time, he's going to have to come back with her, too. Audrey quips that she should come along with them. Completely misreading Max's blazing eyes, sharp intake of breath, tightened mouth and smack across the chops, Ashley tells her she'd be very welcome, too. Fred then proposes that Audrey come with him to France (separate rooms, of course) and they can make it a foursome. Ashley's quite pleased because you can get fed up with just two of you, after all. Audrey calls round to tell Debs the good news about her and Max taking holidays at the same time, but not to worry - Candice will be helping out for the two weeks! "Well, that's all right, then" Debs sarcastically replies.
As a new dawn unfolds along the cobbled streets of Weatherfield, Roy packs Hayley off to work with a Danish for her elevenses. Apparently Toyah's organic ways are starting to rub off as he tries to unsuccessfully convince her an apple would be better, thus prompting a nutritional discussion about "their child's" eating habits. Roy has obviously been put off by his less-than brilliant social performance at the adoption meeting as he's backing away from the idea of becoming a dad. Hayley has bought a parenting book, so, no problem apparently. Vera overhears/oversees, so they claim it's a gift for Sarah (I say she should forget about Sarah, it's Gail who apparently needs lessons on how to be a proper mum - the past few months have been spent either screaming at or revealing adult confidences to the kiddiewinks). However, they can't keep it a secret for much longer as they need some referees (they're taking up football now?). Later that day, Roy pulls his key-on-the-elastic out from his omnipresent shopping bag in his usual manly way and locks up the caff. He and Hayley are still pondering whom to ask as sponsors. I would have thought that his new top mate, Mike Baldwin would have been at the head of the list (after all, Roy was his best man), but apparently they are going to settle on Jessica the minister, Auntie Monica and who else? Apparently the choice has come down to Alma and Gail. Roy is somewhat concerned about Gail's premature elevation to grandmother status. Hayley is horrified at this eloquence and insists that Gail it is. Gail is only too pleased to be asked (imagine she's only too pleased to be asked to be anything by anyone).
As a new dawn unfolds along the cobbled streets of Weatherfield, Underworld is surprised to see Linda return to work. She's still consumed with guilt for deserting poor Dean, and certainly doesn't want Mike to accompany her to the funeral. Luckily Karen is only too pleased to lend her support and goes all out for the occasion, dressing in her solemnest denim outfit. They arrive at the old homestead. Dear heavens! We always knew the family was as common as muck, but the place makes Daisy and Onslow's look positively aristocratic. Car alarms going off, appliances rusting in the front garden and who knows what's underneath that tarpaulin. But the worse is yet to come her mam, who deserted the family years back, had read the news in the paper (what, someone in that family can read?) and shows up. Unpleasantries all round. Ower Jimmy, who apparently used to date Karen, has made just as much effort with his ensemble as she did, putting his good navy fleece over top of his string vest. Obviously bowled over by his sartorial elegance, Karen immediately wants to know if he's seeing anyone. Back at the house, Linda tells Mike she can't forget her family and wants to make them part of her life again. He's not best pleased at the prospect of being forced to socialize with Weatherfield's answer to the Krays.
As a new tea time unfolds along the cobbled streets of Weatherfield, David Platt returns home full of excitement - his school is going on an Outward Bound trip. Gail's chin drops to the floor (well, it would have if she had one) when she reads the price: 180 quid. In desperation, she runs her fingers through her locks, prompting the usual greeting from our house "Get your bloody hair cut! Your mam's a hairdresser, for God's sake!" She's obviously playing the children against Martin as she warns that they can't rely on him to pay his way anymore; she'll do what she can, but don't count on it. David storms up the stairs. Gail and Martin run into each other outside the Rovers. Nice one, missus. You can't find money for your child, but you can for a bevvy? First of all you metamorphosed into Poison Ivy Tilsley, and now you're starting to change into Les Battersby.
Speaking of Les, Dennis has finally convinced him to sell the motorbike which Les fished out of the canal and Dennis has so lovingly restored, on the condition that Janice knows nothing about it - she'd only want to fritter his £3500 away on bills. Janice storms into the pub telling Les to get home for dinner. While he is in the little boy's room (guess that explains why he didn't strip off in The Full Monty), Dennis offers to pay more towards the housekeeping. Janice guzzles down the rest of Les' ale (Aside: have you ever noticed how often the characters don't finish their drinks? That never happens in Yorkshire). Dennis ends up giving her £500 out of his bike money. Bless. Janice is reluctant at first, but Dennis insists - she can think of it as room and board for the bike, on condition that she doesn't tell Les. Next morning, Janice catches Les in Roy's Rolls having a full English. He has an explanation, though - his mate who owed him £100 has paid him back, although later on he sorrowfully admits that he ran into another couple to whom he owed £50 each, so that's him broke. Janice feels a bit let down that Dennis didn't give him any money from the sale of the bike, but Les sees no reason to enlighten her. He ends up hiding the money down the side of his chair as the house isn't due for a cleaning for a good few months yet. So, it's quite a shock to see Janice hoovering the next morning. He quickly gets her out the door and starts to count his money. As Dennis comes through the door unexpectedly, Les frantically stuffs the wad of cash down his boxers.
Gail finally gets around to asking Martin for the money for David's trip, to which he readily agrees. Gracious as ever, she jumps down his throat saying she didn't realise he had money to burn. No just to make sure his child doesn't miss out. After school at his dad's, David sees an opportunity to cut out the middleman and pleads with Martin to allow him to move in. Despite his desire, Martin tells him he has to live with his mum.
It's almost time for Maria and Tyrone's engagement party. Jackie Dobbs phones to say she can't attend after all as she's been arrested whilst nicking their engagement present! She must really love Tyrone, though, as she called him before the solicitor! He ends up confessing the news to Maria's parents as he wants no more secrets. Vera and Jack assure them that as long as they are around, Tyrone will never want for a family. Bless.
Liz Macdonald returns, complete with straight blonde hair (she's looked better) and proceeds to move into Jim's as she's taken compassionate leave from the brewery (don't think my company considers the incarceration of an ex-spouse as grounds for leave). After dumping her six suitcases of makeup and handbag of skirts to see her through a long cold winter, she surprises Deirdre at the shop. Almost expected to hear the neck muscles pop, Deirdre was that excited! The new single girl in town has been noticed by both Dev and Dennis. Potential love interest for Dev, I'd say (anything to get him with his shirt off again). Deirdre starts pushing for news on Michael, but Liz seems strangely reluctant to provide any. Instead, she proceeds to have a row with son, Steve. No happy families in the Macdonald household, then. "Did I make a mistake in coming back?" she bleats.
And that's just about that for this week. Comments, offers of chocolate and nice words, please, to: janet.penny@polk.co.uk
Hello again. Before I get cracking with this week's update I'd like to say a big thankyou to Janet for writing the update last week - she'll be back, I'm sure. Also, there have been a few confused emails from people who think they've been thrown off the corrieweeks mailing list. Don't panic. When an address check arrives in your email box, ignore it. Don't reply to it UNLESS you want to be removed from the list. If you do get an unsubscribe message because you've replied to the email, simply subscribe to the list again. Full details on www.corrie.net
And finally, a request. Are you currently a British ex-pat from the north-east of England? Are you female? (a simple check should confirm). If you've answered yes to both questions and would like to help me in some research I'm doing for my final year Uni project, please email me asap.
Anyway, here I am, still under extreme stress with Uni work but taking a bit of a breather for the next hour as I bring you, without any further ado, this week's Coronation Street update.
And what a week it's been. We've had two episodes shot entirely on location in France. France! With a real chateau to boot, although it looked a bit too Disney for my liking. So we're there on the continent with Curly and Emma who are staying in the chateau. It's Racquel's place but she's away with Armand and their kids, although Curly's daughter Alice is there with the housekeeper. Over in Paris, Fred and Audrey and Maxine and Ashley are living it up with Audrey taking it upon herself to be tourist guide, whether the others want her to be or not. But first, the chateau. Curly's getting to grips with being a dad, again, and doesn't succeed very well at first. He tries to play ball with Alice but she ends up in tears when Curly throws the ball at her head, she falls over and ends up in the housekeeper's arms for a hug. The housekeeper, Christine, is a kindly woman from Yorkshire and Emma, naturally curious, asks questions about Racquel.
In Paris, Audrey leads them all up the Eiffel Tower. Ashley, afraid of heights, ends up clinging on for dear life, afraid to look over the side. Ho-hum.... as a fellow vertigo sufferer, this scene brought back a few sweaty palm moments for me, reminding me of a walk across the Golden Gate bridge this summer. Fortunately, I managed the half hour walk across (trembling and in need of the toilet at the end of it!!) without the aid of security men offering assistance, which is how Ashley had to get down from the Tower, poor soul. But this is Paris, the most romantic city in the world, and it seems to be working its magic on Fred. As he takes Audrey out to dinner, he hands her a rose and tells her "we all need to be special to someone." Indeed.
Curly and Emma are joined at the chateau by the others from Weatherfield, just in time, it seems, to offer Emma some support. She's frustrated with Curly who keeps going on about Racquel and Maxine's only too happy to fill Emma in on the gossip; all about Raquel's affair with Des (strangely forgetting the bit where she slept with Curly). Emma confronts Curly about his feelings for his ex-wife and all he can do is hang his head.... it's too much for Emma to take and she decides to go on without him and head for Paris with the others when they leave.
But it's not all bad news. Fred takes Audrey out on a visit to a winery and the pair of them volatise their esters in the vineyard. There must be something in the air, or the wine, as Fred announces he's bought the whole place for Audrey... oh and by the way, would she do him the great honour of becoming his wife? Audrey says yes and Maxine now has to get used to having her boss as her mother-in-law.
Elsewhere this week, it was half-term at school and Gail has been out and about on her computer course leaving Sarah home alone with the bairn.
Vinny's had enough of taking stick from tenants over Duggie's decision to increase the rents. Vinny's also not best pleased that Duggie hasn't been able to pay him and figures the grief he's been given isn't worth it, even if he had been getting paid. So, in time honoured fashion, the pair of them have a row in th Rovers, and Vinny tells Duggie to stuff his lousy job - about time too. Anyway, for Duggie, things look like they're changing as his contact at the council tells him the planning department are looking kindly on him. Duggie also decides to set the record straight and talks to a hack on the local paper to put his side of the story. Unfortunately, as Vinny will soon find out, Duggie tells a pack of lies about how all the tenants were evicted by henchman Vinny and how poor innocent Duggie knew nothing about it.
Sensitive types, close your eyes now. Liz appears in one scene in a shirt and nothing else. It's really gruesome, even if you screw up your eyes so everything goes blurry. She looks more like Munch's "The Scream" every week, she really does. Michael the physio turns up to see her but it's clear things aren't right between them and she tells him she's going to stay on in the house and help Jim in any way she can. She talks to Natalie, who's more than happy for Jim to have the £10K reward money to put towards a good barrister, or whatever you need to get you out of prison when you're in there for manslaughter. I wouldn' t know.
Candice starts work at the hair salon while Audrey and Maxine are away. She's just washing hair and making tea but manages to set Vikram's heart fluttering when he goes in there to make an appointment. Vik, unaware that Candice isn't the 27 year old he thinks she is, goes out on a date with her and is rewarded by a peck on the cheek at the end of the night.
Dennis can't believe that Les continues to lie to Janice about his share of the money from the motorbike sale. Dennis, he's brilliant, he really is, every girl should have one. Anyway, Janice stumbles across the cash - Les had stuffed it in the pocket of his camel hair coat (the one that was Cliff's, remember?). Dennis comes clean and tells all to Janice.
Deirdre earned herself a few brownie points from me this week with her arrangement of the Tunnocks on the top shelf in the corner shop! She also earned brownie points from Dev when she advises him on soft furnishings for his home. Pah! What does Deirdre know? Ask me Dev, I'm an expert on cushions, I am, ask anyone.
It's Anthony's birthday and Rita goes out for dinner with him and his kids. Daughter Amanda continues to give Rita a hard time over her relationship with her dad, it's clear she isn't happy about it. Rita, wearing a seashell on her lapel, is uneasy about the remarks that Amanda makes but Anthony makes the position quite clear and comes to Rita's defence. Good one.
And that's just about that for this week.
