Here I am, fresh back from my audition for Popstars. I managed to get through to the final 25 but was disqualified for not hitting the soprano vibrato piano forte hotel while going through my Cilla Black medly. I was also too old, too tall and not cute enough either. But hey, who needs stardom and all that money, (although it would have come in handy to pay off the student loan) when we have, with Terry Hall on CD and without any further ado, this week's Coronation Street update.
But first, a quick note to those who asked - I really am looking for work in the fourth estate after graduation this year - email me, go on, you know you want to.
Right, here we go. Mike arrives back in Weatherfield after his trip to Scotland to see Susan. Linda's confused and confides in Geena that she knows something's up about Mike's whereabouts but she's not sure whatabout. There's arguments galore in the Barlow household with Ken blaming Deirdre who blames Dev who lays it all squarely on the price of Tunnocks these days. (Fellow Tunnocks fans - have you noticed how our caramel lovelies seem to turn up in every soap these days? They're always in the corner shop in Corrie, turn up often in Emmerdale and are now, yes, now have a walk on part as Bickey, the loveable alcoholic scouse maniac in Brookside). But I digress and it's back to the Barlow's where there's a family conference about the future of young Adam. Ken almost blows a fuse when Mike turns up to the meeting and is even less pleased when Susan tells him she invited him there. It's no good though, the two men just can't see eye to eye on this matter and Susan has to talk to each of them seperately. When she's at Mike's flat with him, in walks Linda, demanding to know what's going on. After she's calmed down, Linda is surprisingly philosophical about it all and tells Geena she'll do whatever Mike wants to do about Adam. "I owe him a son," she says, "I cost him one, didn't I?" So, things do seem to have calmed down somewhat with Ken and Deirdre making up after Dev apologised to Deirdre and hugged her around the meat pies.
After complaints from regulars in the Rovers, Mike and Duggie have a chat and decide to change their minds about allowing kids in the bar. Young David Platt isn't too happy when he goes in there for a glass of his usual, only to be told to scarper, but at least the adults seem happy again.
Anthony's problems continue this week when Amanda turns up in the Rovers to interrupt his G&T with Rita, telling him that her mother is ill in the nursing home. Anthony goes to the home only to find that Isabelle is no worse than normal and realises that it was another of Amanda's ploys to break up his relationship with Reet of the Street. He's had enough and decides to move out of Amanda's house and into Alec's old flat, you know, the one with the connecting door to Rita's place. It seems an ideal situation with Anthony telling Rita the privacy is ideal for those times when: "I want to get out of your hair" (Why? There's plenty of it). When she finds out about this, Amanda invites her dad to dinner and Anthony tries to put his point of view forward but Amanda's more assertive and won't let him have his say. To be honest, this is such a difficult and sensitive situation, how can there be wrong or right reactions? Having a grandmother who has suffered, and continues to suffer, from Alzheimers for over seven years, and to know the effect this has had on our family, I know how both Anthony and Amanda feel. It's a very, very difficult situation. While he's having dinner with his daughter, in walks Anthony's son and brother in law to remind him of his duty to his wife. It becomes clear to Anthony that the only way he can continue his relationship with Rita without betraying his wife is to divorce Isabelle.
Over at Eileen's, Dennis is getting on well with her lads. They think they're putting one over on Dennis assuming he's too thick to know better but he soon sorts them out and proves he's fair, but firm. It's all working out well there....
... but it's not so harmonious further down the street as Danny tackles some DIY and little Sophie gets injured when a bookcase falls on her head. She's taken to hospital as a precaution and no one thinks to tell Kevin about it, so naturally, when he finds out, he's not best pleased to hear his daughter's been hurt. Danny and Kevin start shouting and then fighting in the street and it's obvious there's more at stake here than which of them is best placed to look after the girls.
Roy and Hayley get a visit from that nice Mr Hartnell from the fostering service. He tells them they're going to get their firist child to look after, a 15 year old girl called Jackie who's mum has had to go into hospital and she has no one else to look after her. Hayley is straight round to the Kabin to buy some teen magazines to find out what's uppermost in the minds of 15 year old girls these days. Boys, Hayley, boys. And spots, but mainly boys.
And finally, over at the health centre, there's a stinky poo smell which turns out to be damp in the cellar. Doctor Ramsden prescribes a visit to the Rovers to talk to Duggie Ferguson to remedy the matter.
And that's your lot for this week.
Happy Valentine's day to all my readers, I love you, yes I do, each and every one of you, especially you, yes, you there in the orange top, no not you, that's brown not orange and I wouldn't fancy you if you were the last person on the planet, no I meant you, you there in the orange, yes orange dear, no, not blue, sorry no, not you in the red and no pet, not you in the dress either, and you in the suit and tie, well, have a hair cut and come back at me and I'll have another look and perhaps you can do something about that cleft in your chin while you're on, 'cos it's that one in the orange I'm after, yes you. You know who you are. Happy Valentine's. And now we've got that sorted out, without any further ado, here we go with this week's Coronation Street update.
Sally's back from her sister's and the two kids are playing up. Danny's going: "Sally, Kevin's hit 'us" and Kevin's going: "Sally, Danny's trying to take me children away," and poor Sally, she's stuck in the middle of it all trying to do the best thing for the girls. Danny makes it clear he doesn't want Kevin to set foot in their house again but when Sally passes on this news, she does it half-heartedly and Kevin's not best pleased either.
Rita lets Anthony know she's not too chuffed with him over his decision to divorce Isabelle. Demon daughter Amanda comes round to the Kabin, reading Rita the riot act and seems genuinely surprised when Rita agrees with her, she doesn't want Anthony to divorce Isabelle either. Such a difficult decision, such a terrible illness, such an emotional mess. When Anthony goes to see his wife in the nursing home, he takes flowers, which Isabelle tries to eat, bless her. He tells her his plans but she sits and stares, unemotionally, ahead. Does she know? Who knows? Rita's feeling guilty and confused and confides to Emily behind locked shutters at the Kabin: "I'm too old for all of this, all these complications. I had no right to fall in love, at my age."
Over at the health centre, the stench is getting worse and Doc Ramsden calls the council to find out how to go about getting it sorted. Duggie has a word with Steve McDonald, as the contractor, he must surely take responsibility for a job done bad? But no, Steve blames the building inspector at the council. Anyway, a bit of red tape at the council means that Duggie's out of their good books and loses out on a new contract. When he breaks this news to business partner Dev, he demands his money back and when Duggie tries to flannel him, he bars Steve McDonald from the corner shop. And when Dev advises you to buy your cornflakes elsewhere, you gotta be sure he means it. Meanwhile at the health centre, the stench is getting worse.
The Croppers are given their first foster child, 15 year old Jackie who's mum has gone into hospital. Poor Hayley, she tries to kill the girl with kindness, offering food, drink and hospitality till she's blue in the face and all Jacky wants to do is leave the flat and be with her friends. Finally, the three of them all go bowling. Armed with his little instruction book and dressed in jeans (Jeans! Roy!), Roy gets the hang of it and even manages a strike, eventually. But Roy's not too happy that Jackie is making friends with the Grimshaw boys, Sarah Lou and Candice as the gang gather round the bus stop for snogging and chips (I heartily recommend both). "But what if she gets pregnant?" he opines.
Max and Ash throw a dinner party for their new neighbours, Doc Ramsden and teacher Charlie. While Ashley and the Doc get comfy on the sofa with the football, Maxine chatters nervously to a less than happy Charlie, who excuses herself with a make-believe headache in a bid for an early escape. Poor Maxine, trying, as usual, just that little bit too hard to impress. With the Doc and Charlie gone, Maxine berates Ashley for watching the football when he should have joined in the conversation. Ashley's not bothered and Maxine storms up to bed in a huff, neither of them understanding the other and proving, once again, that men are from Venus, women are from Weatherfield.
Mike decides he's had enough waiting around and wants to speak to Susan. When he calls to pressure her to let him meet Adam, she's busy packing to do a runner to Ireland. And then, the next thing we know is that there's been a car crash, Adam's in hospital but Susan is dead, Mike's stunned, Ken's in tears and both are into the whisky as they all, including Adam, try to come to terms with what's happened. Deirdre emotes for the England team as she hugs Ken and repeats herself with a, "Come on, love, come on", and a "I don't know, love, I don't know". As Corrie deaths go, it wasn't very sad, love, it wasn't very sad.
And that's just about that for this week.
By 'eck, it's that time of the week again but I'm not a happy bunny this week, oh no. I've been watching Corrie long enough now to know that it has its peaks and troughs, its highs and lows and I sincerely think we're in one of the low periods now. It's dire. Okay, I know we've just had a death, but come on, this isn't Eastenders, it's Corrie. The humour, when it comes, is forced and it's only the young 'uns - David Platt, Sarah Lou, Candice and the exceptional talent - Roy, Hayley, Norris and Eileen, that for me, make it worthwhile tuning in at 7.30 these days. So I'll do my best with the update after a week that hasn't been one of Corrie's best. And so, without any further ado but with the help of cheese nibbles, Californian red and James on CD (I keep telling him not to sit on there), here we go with this week's Coronation Street update.
Ken's blaming Mike and Mike's blaming Ken for Susan's death, culminating in a shocking scene at Susan's funeral when Mike turns up unannounced. Ken, proving he really is the worst dad in the world, ever, part III, shows little respect for his dead daughter when his surprise at seeing Mike at the graveside consumes him with anger towards his sparring partner. Upset, Adam runs from Ken's side, straight into Mike, hitting him in the face after he blurts out, in his anger and his grief: "..but I'm yer dad". I have to say though, there's nothing like a Corrie funeral to get the gossip going and the most outlandish outfits aired. It's cold out so Emily wears a smart hat, Blanche wears a thick scarf and Rita, bless her, puts a snow leopard on her head. Poor Adam, upset as can be over his mother's death and odd relatives, gets whisked off to Glasgow with Peter and Ken to pick up his stuff while Deirdre is left home alone with Blanche to get used to the idea that Ken wants Adam to move in with them all. Deirdre still hasn't managed to pull her chin off the floor after going into shock at having to look after Adam full-time while Mike is already planning with his solicitor to get custody of the boy. As for Adam, he questions Ken about Mike but as you'd expect, Ken isn't giving the bloke two thumbs up.
It's Valentine's day in the Rovers and sexlicious shopkeeper Dev surprises Geena with a smashing bunch of flowers (though they weren't a patch on the ones I received). Anyway, Geena and Toyah are in red slinky tops and Sam and Duggie are in suits with red dickies to sell kisses in the bar, for charity, on valentine's night. However, Dev isn't best pleased to see his girlfriend snogging all and sundry and gets so jealous he pops a fifty quid note in the charity box to stop her from kissing anyone else. Edna (looking glam) keeps managing to find an extra 50p at the bottom of her bag to make merry with Duggie while Janice snogs Sam.
Gail and Martin both receive Valentine's cards - Gail's says "Love from M" and Martin says, you've guessed it, "Love from G". It doesn't take too much sleuthing to figure out that young David had sent the cards to his parents hoping to get them back together again and Martin takes David to the cafe for a milkshake and a fatherly chat. Sarah Lou gets disappointed in the love stakes this week when the Grimshaw lad she fancies turns out to fancy Candice instead. How can any lad resist her when she can "do that thing wi' me hair, you know, like what Jennifer Aniston does". What, sell it to L'Oreal? You're worth more than that, Candice.
Roy and Hayley said goodbye to Jackie this week when her mum was sent home from hospital. Before she went, however, the Croppers worried themselves sick over Jackie being broken hearted when they thought she fancied Jason Grimshaw only to find out, when Roy was hovering with the hot plates, that he had his eye on someone else. What else to do but console her with macaroni cheese and sticky toffee pudding. Prepared for a crying match and teenage histrionics when Jackie returned to the flat, Roy and Hayley were somewhat surprised when she was happy as larry after being asked out by some lad at school. They're learning the rules of parenting slowly, but very, very surely.
Rita's cooled off towards Anthony greatly over the last week or so, and Anthony's just about accepted their relationship is over. They bump into each other in the street and he slowly approaches her. Well, I ask you, could you live with a bloke who spoke to you like this - "Is there any?" Raises eyebrow. "Way?", Twiddles bow tie. "We can sort?" Gestures towards her. "This out?". Fred gives Anthony advice, he can see his point of view but Rita can't, or won't, until she hears Anthony arguing with Amanda next door in the flat. She realises she could lose Anthony's friendship for ever if she doesn't get off her high horse, and soon.
Sam's mam throws him out after she finds out he's gone back to stripping to raise some money to buy himself a jam-jar. He's got nowhere to stay although Kevin offers him some floor space there. Janice and Les chat to Sam about offering him their spare bedroom as a lodger. Les wants to know what music Sam likes to listen to and Janice wants to know if she can stitch the sequins on his posing pouch for him. Fortunately for Sam, he's got other plans (I'm still not sure what) and ends up at Gail's for Sunday dinner with David thinking of him as an elder brother and Sarah Lou making eyes at him over the Yorkshire puddings.
There was also a storyline this week where Vik and Karen tried to pair of Steve and Bobbi which didn't work - neither the pairing off or the storyline. Sorry, but Karen and Bobbi are the most boring women ever to have been brought onto the Street. There was a great scene in the Rovers this week when Peter, drunk at the bar, told Toyah and Karen "The way you two carry on, you'd think you weren't a couple of slappers stuck in a back street bar". While student Toyah knows this isn't true of her, Karen looks confused. Oh, and as predicted, Karen, in a basque, makes a pass at Steve as birthday boy Vikram has broken down in Birkenhead.
And finally, Sal's upset when she finds out that Kevin's done a runner to the cotswolds with flowers and a card after finding out that Nat's had her baby, a girl called Laura that looks like ET. They all do, at that age, don't they?
And that's just about that for this week.
Here I am again, another week over and another update due. Sorry the update's a bit late this week but I was stuck in a moment I couldn't get out of. Actually, I was stuck in a tunnel I couldn't get out of and when I did (along with everyone else on the Kings Cross to Edinburgh train yesterday) I was too tired to stir up a Pot Noodle, never mind write an update. But I'm fine now, tunnel-free and awaiting compensation from GNER. Again. So without any further ado and assisted by hot buttered crumpets and a mug of hot tea, here we go with this week's Coronation Street update.
Sex, sex. sex - that's all it's been this week on the Street. It all started with Karen, the tarty one from the factory on the morning after the night before when she made a play for Steve. Vik knows something went on, he's just not sure what. He questions Steve about his night with Karen and questions Karen about her night with Steve. Choosing to believe Karen, he tells his uncle Dev about Steve making a play for his girl and Dev decides (quite masterfully, I thought) to buy Steve out of Streetcars and out of Vikram's life. But, as is her wont by now, top woman Eileen comes to the rescue. She's in the taxi office when Karen and Steve come in growling at each other. As Eileen leaves the office, she makes sure the mic is switched on so Vik can hear their conversation - and the truth. Vik's not best pleased with Karen: "Get out, you slag", and he makes up with Steve who tells Dev the business deal is off. Dev can't believe what he's hearing and asks Steve to repeat what he's just said. "I'm sorry, are you deaf?" Steve shouts at him. At which point, I so wanted Dev's reply to be: "I'm not deaf, I'm Dev", but it wasn't, alas.
So, yes, it's back to sex as Candice and the young Grimshaw lad swap spit on the cobbles as Candice two-times him with Darren Michaels. Sarah Lou's a little jealous of her friend having a new bloke but she's too busy batting her eyelids at Sam to notice. Audrey, however, notices a thing or two when she finds out from Rita that Sam's been getting his pork-chop grilled at Gail's. Martin's also a little jealous of a new man at Gail's table, even if he is only there for sausage and chips.
There's a great scene this week with Rita in the Kabin, holding court for all and sundry as the locals come to see her. Sally strolls in for sage advice on Kevin; Mike wants her opinion on a coupla 'family' matters, Maxine confides she needs help with fertility and then Jack comes in to talk about horse's heads. It's just like The Godfather.
Anyway, Mike and Ken continue fighting over Adam this week and both have been to see their solicitor. Both solicitors tell their clients what they want to hear, and then charge them for it. When Ken's solicitor stresses the importance of a stable background for Adam, Ken gets foot in mouth disease and asks Deirdre to marry him. Where was the ring? Where were the roses? Where was the romance? Where were the two weeks in Tenerife? It's no wonder that Deirdre turns him down. Under different circumstances, she tells Ken, her answer may well have been different (Three weeks in Tenerife would have swung it, I bet, along with a proposal that didn't go "The ball's in your court to make my case strong"), but she's not marrying Ken for the sake of the courts, or Adam. In fact, Deirdre shows her true colours this week when she takes Mike's side over Ken's in the battle for the boy. Mike's determined to have Adam live with him and Linda so he takes the lad on a tour of the factory and the back room of the Rovers. As confused, hurt Adam cries for both men to stop fighting over him, their solicitors fight it out with an Interim Residency Hearing arranged for next week.
So anyway, where were we? Oh yes, sex. A naked Ashley stands in his back garden airing his meat and two veg when a very shocked Charlie next door asks him what he's up to. It's Maxine's idea to cool down his tackle, advising him to stand at the back door and "waggle them about a bit". Honestly. I didn't even make that up. The Peacock's have Charlie and the Doc and Emma and Curly round for dinner later and the topic crops up, to much hilarity, but a sober Maxine doesn't see the funny side.
Elsewhere on the Street, Linda gave her brother a packing job in the factory this week, much to Mike's displeasure.
And that is just about that for this week.
