Here I am again, back in the updating chair - it's still warm from CP. My thanks go to him for the recent update, definitely worth waiting for and all done in the best possible taste. So here I am, a little late myself this week but hey, when I tell you the reason why I'm sure you'll understand. I've just returned home after a wild weekend. One minute I was 500ft up in the air and the next I was surrounded by B-list celebrities and Hawaiian fish. It'll be late again next week as I'll be having a fight in a pub. Anyway, without any further ado, here we go with this week's Coronation Street update.
Norris has been newly appointed as a census enumerator. (I knew this months ago but was sworn to secrecy over a pint in a dark pub while sitting next to a woman who looked like a horse. Honest). A more perfect role for Norris would be hard to find and it gave Rita the best line of the week when she told him in the Kabin to "stay where you are and practise counting." Apart from providing welcome comic relief and professional acting skills (so lacking in Corrie these days), Norris and Rita didn't have much to add to the week's events so I'll move swiftly on.
Tyrone and Maria moan to each other that they're not getting far with their savings. So Tyrone thinks he's onto a money spinner when Ryan offers him some dodgy CD players and between him and Jason, they buy the lot. Unfortunately the CD players are just empty boxes and Tyrone's been had.
There was more raking over the past at the Platt's when Gail found out that Martin had seen Rebecca over Christmas. Martin: "We just bumped into each other!" Gail: "What? With no clothes on?". At first she's angry but as Martin rightly reminds her, it's none of her business. Finally, slowly, the pair of them talk and Martin tells Gail he couldn't leave for Dubai because of his links to the kids, and to her. As Gail tells all this to Audrey in the Rovers (to the strains of that omnipresent and catchy as malaria Hear'Say tune) Audrey's aghast to see Gail softening towards her ex and reprimands her with: "He's coming back to you with his tail between his legs", but perhaps dear reader, that's what's making Gail smile.
In the corner shop, Sunita's parents come searching. As both Deirdre and Dev lie through their back teeth saying they haven't seen her and don't know where she is, the nation shouted from their sofas "She's upstairs!". Then Jayesh, her brother, forces his way into the flat and there's tears as he tries to persuade her to come home. She won't budge. If she does, she'll be off to India and married to Deepak and she'd rather stay in England instead. So then her parents return. Dev and Geena are there with Sunita to support her and help her stand up to her parents. But when Geena tries to help, Sunita's mum shoots her down, critical of her relationship with Dev - a man, she says, that will have fun with a white girl but will never marry outside of his culture. There was some cracking dialogue in this scene. "This Geena..." the mum says "... she thinks she has all the answers. I tell you laydee, you don't even have the questions."
And so, the great Weatherfield Sausage Trail took place with Ashley entering his vegetarian sausage against Fred's lump of dead cow. But what's this? It's carving knives at 10 paces with Fred so desperate to win against his son that he tries to rig the ballot - fortunately Roy catches him before he can sway the vote. And so the judges take their seats and the eating begins. A lot of serious munching goes on before the winner of both the critic's choice and the people's vote is awarded to Ashley. But by 'eck, there's drama in the cafe as Fred usurps the winner by announcing the zero content, I say, no meat, in th'winning sausage. At the height of this denouement, Maxine makes an entrance, wanting to make babies instead of making sausages and there's a horrible confusion of meat and two veg before Fred and Ashley have a major falling out. Later, Ashley tells Fred that he's lost his respect but proudly tells him that he's had a run on his veggie sausages. Yes, I find they do that to me too.
Over at the Rovers, Duggie me-laddo takes on Peter as his new full-time barman and right-hand man. With his left hand, Peter helps himself to whisky from the bar and ingratiates himself with the boss in that sickly way men do when they try to make it look as if they're better than a female colleague. Ex-rugby player Duggie can't see this, of course; to him Peter is simply one of the lads and it's not long before they've got a card school going in the back room as Toyah tends bar on her own.
I now want to mention men's stomachs as both Ken and Martin's beer bellies deserve a paragraph of their own. Where Ken covers his up with his ever expanding cardigan, Martin has taken to wrapping his up in his leather jacket. It's not a pretty sight.
Danny and Sally go off to see some new houses on Park Road. Apparently, they're dead posh, with their own downstairs toilet, or as Ena Sharples would've put it: "It's all very bay window". As they wander around the new house they're encouraged by the sales woman to put down a deposit. Not in the downstairs toilet, I hoped.
And that is just about that for this week.
Glenda
There's a man with piles behind me and a stranger singing in the corner of the room, but apart from that, it's a normal weekday night. I've had a long and tiring couple of days this week doing something I've not done in 3 years since becoming a student, i.e. working hard, so excuse me if the update's a bit shorter than normal. As I mentioned last week, this update's a bit late because I was due to have a fight in a pub last night. Fortunately it didn't come to that but it was close. A sofa was broken and foul play suspected, but fear not dear reader, I escaped unharmed, to bring you, without any further ado, this week's Coronation Street update.
Tests prove positive for Ashley this week - but still not for Maxine which is probably just as well - would you want the fluffy Mrs P for a mother? Ashley's winning sausage is declared 100% meat, proving that it's not the vegetarian impostor that Fred declared it to be. But it takes a few days for Fred and Ashley to get over their hurt pride before they make up in the Rovers, as you always knew they would, with Fred beaming at Ashley as he tells him: "I'm proud of you, dammit, I'm proud."
Unable to contain his feelings over Sally's upcoming nuptials, Kev declares his love for his ex-wife and embarrasses the pair of them. Sally stands firm and tells him straight as he tries to cop a snog on the kitchen table: "I don't want this and I don't want you. Not now, not ever." Well, that told him then. And then, in a major sulk, he gets drunk then goes missing. No one's seen him for a while and the girls wonder if he's ill. "Is he purly?" they ask. "He's never purly'" replies Sally but she does get concerned for his whereabouts and wonders if he's with Natalie or thereabouts. Danny's well cheesed off that Sally still cares for her ex and even Gail tells her friend to get over it and get on with it.
Tyrone and Jason need help to get their money back from Ryan over the dud CD players they've bought in good faith. But Ryan's not having it, at least, that is, until Dennis gets involved. Reminding us that although he might have a heart of gold, he's also got a fist of steel, he pins Ryan against a wall and demands the lads, money back. And he gets it too, which is not surpassing as he was rather scary. But he's still soft enough for Eileen to throw her chips at him in a pique of rage, telling him never to go behind her back again to offer money to her son without her knowledge. So how's Ryan going to get to this training camp in Lanzarote without any cash? Eileen hits on a plan when Audrey comes canvassing for votes for the upcoming elections (that's elections, dear). Talking to the public in her best telephone voice, Audrey declares her preferred canvassing style to be that of "one to one contact with the man in the Street" as if we didn't know already, before Eileen grabs her and makes her promise a council donation to Jason's running fund.
Sunita stands up to her parents over this arranged marriage business. As they leave her alone in the shop with Dev, they tell their daughter "you are no longer a part of our family". Dev offers her a job in the corner shop which takes Deirdre away from the drudgery of the shop floor and elevates her to management level, and mightily pleased she is too. In fact, she's grinning like a schoolgirl when Dev tells her "Just remember, Deirdre, in your capable hands, the Alahan empire stands or falls." Dev even affects Audrey, leaving her almost speechless with his sexlicious shopkeeper act and she flitters out of the shop, saying to Sunita: "Ooooh... isn't he loveleh?". Oh yes, indeed he is.
Before Norris goes out delivering his census forms, he takes advice from Edna on restless legs and arthritis, both topics on which she is an expert, of course. She regales him with horror stories of bad veins and Dolly Schofield from the Star and Garter and Norris starts to wonder if his legs are up to all this walking around that he's going to have to do. Emily comes up with a plan to help Norris deliver all those leaflets and provides him with a shopping trolley that's squeaky and old. (Am I the only one looking forward to filling in my form...? Go on, help me out here, tell me I'm not really that sad. Or perhaps I am).
Fred's found a new lady friend, I say, a new woman that he's met in the Turk's Arms, a pub he's started frequenting after boycotting the Rovers when Duggie doubled crossed him. There's a barmaid there, Eve, he's getting along with pretty well and the pair of them seem well suited. But how much longer will it be before he finds out she's the mother of a certain Linda Baldwin and a certain lad that held him hostage in Frescho a while ago.
Talking about Linda, she's re-joined this week by hubby Mike and step-son Adam who return from their jolly in Florida. She's sat on the sofa ordering some gold-plated TAT from QVC on SKY with her gold-plated credit card just as the two guys come home. Mike's overjoyed with the way the holiday went, especially as Adam has taken to calling him dad'.
Toyah's having a tough time of it in the Rovers, what with Peter watering the scotch so he can drink it himself and Duggie not giving a damn about her as either his employee or housemate. She's expected to put up with card schools in the back room, Duggie's mates leching at her and covering for Peter who's drinking the profits. When she bumps into Phil Simmonds in the Kabin this week, even he snubs her for fraternising with Duggie (who's the enemy, in his eyes) and it seems no one has a kind word for her these days. Unfortunately, worse is yet to come for Toyah, much worse, next week and I've already written to ITV to express my disappointment and sadness that they're going to use violence and rape (again) to boost ratings. And if you agree with me, I urge you to do the same. I'm not an anorak, honest I'm not, I've never written to ITV or anyone else before in relation to anything I've ever seen on the telly. But when we know that Corrie is battling against Eastenders for ratings, I believe it's sinking far, far too low to use such a storyline.
And that is just about that for this week. I'm pleased to report that the man with the piles is all sorted.
Glenda
This week on Corrie has been one of the most powerful I think I've ever had to get down into an update. It's been excellent stuff with little comic relief although the acting's been on top form all round. With The Ramones on stereo (loud, very noisy) behind me and glass of Californian (red, very fruity) in front of me, I'll jump straight in, without any further ado, to bring you this week's Coronation Street update.
I'm going to start with the biggest storyline of the week so I get it over with quickly, it's been rather harrowing, to say the least. In the back room of the Rovers, Peter's organised a card school and there's Duggie, Steve, Vik and Les playing poker with Peter. As they drink themselves stupid, Vern the taxi driver is returning Toyah and Sam to the street after the pair of them had been to the student union together to see some bands. Sam hopes for a quick snog but Toyah's not interested and he walks off, leaving Toyah to reach the back door of the Rovers through the ginnel, alone. Next thing we know, someone, a man, under cover of darkness calls out Toyah's name. Next morning, Jason's out for a run and finds Toyah's bruised body lying on the back lane cobbles. It takes a while for Toyah to remember what happened, but in some powerful scenes that had this household in tears as we watched it, it soon becomes clear that Toyah's been raped. Unable to believe what's happened to her daughter, Janice at first is angry with Toyah until she too breaks down. Even Les sheds tears, although he's by far the least convincing in these scenes - scenes that will surely go on to win some sort of award. It doesn't take long for news of the attack to spread around the street. The police question Jason and warn Duggie that all the members of his card-school are under suspicion too. Before the attack, Duggie had sacked Toyah after a visit from the people at Trading Standards who nabbed him for watering down the whisky. He wrongly blamed Toyah, when it's been Peter all the time. Although it was Mike Baldwin who called in Trading Standards, Duggie won't have it that he was wrong over Toyah and there's plenty of testosterone flying around in the back room before the attack. I don't want to say too much more about Toyah's attack for two reasons. I don't have the space or the time to praise Georgia Taylor (Toyah) and Vicky Entwhistle (Janice) high enough for their portrayal, but also, as I've mentioned before, no matter how good the acting, how powerful the performance, how high the ratings will rocket - I still firmly believe this was a storyline that should never have been dealt with by the world of frothy soap.
But there's been more to this week than trauma for Toyah, much more. As Sally and Danny prepare for their wedding, the police turn up with bad news about Kevin. His van's been found in a train station car-park but he's nowhere to be seen and they're fearing the worst. Kevin does turn up, eventually, he's been to his sister's. He bumps into Danny as he makes his way back to his flat and the two of them fight, as you'd expect. Kevin later tries to gas himself in a car in the garage but can't do it, he won't let Danny win, so he storms into Sally's hen night in the Rovers to announce he still loves her. When Danny returns drunk early the next morning, off his trolley in a trolley, he doesn't have a clue about what's gone on before. But Sally's nervous, she knows what state Kevin's in and decides to tell Danny the truth about them sleeping together that night when they did. Far better to hear about it from her than from Kevin, or so she thinks, so she tells him. As the guests line up at the registry office in their best frocks and suits and with Audrey in a hat that could pick up Sky Sports if the wind was blowing in the right direction, Gail rings Martin to tell him to announce the wedding is off. You need a super large hanky for this week's episode as Danny breaks down in Sally's arms and tells her he can't go through with it. He just can't. Shame really as although I've never liked the lad, by eck he showed he could act this week. As Danny leaves the street in a cab, the camera angle picks up the reflection of Sally and the girls in the car window as the taxi drives away. Kevin's looking on as Danny's driven away and it's too much for Sally to bear. She marches up to Kevin and starts punching him in the chest, over and over, harder and harder, in much the same way she did when she caught him on the job with Natalie when he left Sally to start his affair which began this whole sorry mess in the first place. Ho-hum.
Elsewhere on the Street, away from the main storylines, Audrey pulls a stunt by getting her photo taken with young Jason as she presents him with a cheque from the council to boost his fund for the running school in Lanzarote. It's smiles all around until Eileen discovers the cheque's only for £35, a cheap excuse (really cheap) for Audrey to get her mug in the paper.
Adam delivers gifts to Peter and Ken from his hollida to Florida with Mike. There's more sadness as the trio visit Susan's grave on what would have been her birthday. Back at Mike's flat, Adam isn't happy. He wants to return to his old school in Scotland, to his friends and to a lifestyle he knows but Mike's being selfish and tells Linda he wants his son around him, not miles away, not when he's just getting used to knowing him.
Maxine breaks the news to Audrey that she's got competition in the shape of Fred's new lady friend, Eve. Trying to pretend like she doesn't care, Audrey grills Maxine for details and asks Fred out for dinner - only to be turned down as he's got a prior engagement, I say, a date with Eve.
And Alma spends a cosy weekend with Frank in his white washed cottage in the country.
And that's just about that for this week.
Glenda :-)
Here we are again, another week, another update. I've been sat in all day waiting for my census form to be delivered and getting all excited about the sort of things the government might want to know about me. I've been looking forward to filling in the form, expecting to be asked all sorts of questions about the colour of my bathroom taps or the size of my garden or how many times a week I eat chips, that sort of stuff. But no, all it wants to know is who I am, how long I've been here and what I do. And as I'm still a student, the answer to that last question has got to be 'not a lot'. Ahem. But my student days are coming to a close and who knows, this time next month I could be dealing with members of the public, carrying out investigative journalism, asking pertinent questions like 'do you want fries with that?'. Anyway, listening to the Mamas and Papas that a good friend once taped for me, and without any further ado, here we go with this week's Coronation Street update.
As Toyah struggles to remember what happened to her, one by one the men in the street are taken in for questioning and DNA testing. When it's Peter's turn to be taken to the station, it emerges that he used to beat up his wife. He's so annoyed at the suggestion that he's as violent now as he was back then that he rages at the sargeant, refuses the DNA test and tries to storm out of the station. The only way the police can make him stay to take the test is by arresting him. For some reason Norris is on hand at the station to record events in his notebook (how sad is that? recording notes about goings on in Corrie?... oh, um, er, whoops... ahem! it's not sad at all, no, it's quite cool, indeed some of us are cool enough to do it every week). Yes, Norris seems to be on the case and soon spreads the word that Peter's been arrested on suspicion of raping Toyah. When Peter's released back to the street after giving a DNA sample, Duggie tells him he's not wanted in the Rovers any more and everyone's assuming that he's guilty. Even Ken has a heart to heart with him and tells him he must go and apologise to Toyah after he give her a good talking to in the street about how much trouble she'd caused him. Sam's showing concern but Toyah doesn't want any visitors, she's still nervous as can be and only ventures outside with Janice and Les.
It's Roy and Hayley's 2nd wedding anniversary (hasn't time flown?) and while Roy wants to spend some time with his wife down at the boating lake where they had their first kiss, his plans are thrown awry by the arrival of foster girl Fiona - Fiz, for short. Fiz is a bit, um, lively and soon has Hayley out shopping for clothes that Roy doesn't approve of. Unfortunately, she also sets the cafe on fire when the Croppers are out at the Rovers. There's smoke and flames everywhere but when Roy chastises Fiz for the mess she's caused, Hayley chastises Roy for the way he's carrying on.
Danny arrives back on the street, but it's only to tell Sally he wants his share of the hardware shop, all £12,000 of it. Fortunately, Sally has something (that I'm in dire need of right now) - a fairy godmother in the shape of Rita who offers her a cheque for £12,000, no questions asked, no interest charged. There's more tears when Danny says goodbye to the girls, telling Sally "I want out of the relationship, the house and the business". That sounds pretty final then. Sally's feeling low, naturally, and snaps at David in the cafe, although he really did deserve it, that kid is getting far too big for his boots. After he's taken out of the cafe with a swift clip round the ear from Gail, Sally goes round to Gail's later to apologise. Rosie and Sophie aren't bearing up much better but Sophie is being as strong for her mother as her little heart knows how to be.
Linda and Mike throw a dinner party for Fred and his new lady friend, Eve. In a wonderful scene that Brian Rix would have been proud of, Linda discovers that Fred's friend is her very own mother. "Mother!" says Linda. "Linda!" says Mother. And all that remains is for a vicar in the nuddy to emerge from behind the curtains saying "More tea anyone?" As the shock settles and they start eating dinner, Eve announces she likes the fish paste sandwiches that Linda's prepared. "It's smoked salmon mouse on crustina" she replies. Fred's all at sixes and sevens, I say, he's all upset and he doesn't quite know what to do, so he takes his leave and pretends he's not feeling well. It takes him a while to come to terms that Eve is the mother of the lad who tried to shoot him in the Freshco seige, but come to terms with it he does, eventually. Over a drink in the Rovers, Fred and Eve finally drink to 'friends of the future'.
Fed up at Mike's and missing his mates, Adam goes to see Deirdre and confides to her how much he wants to go back to Scotland. Clever kid, it works and Deirdre passes this on to Mike who has a bit of a think before telling Adam that he's happy to send him back to Glasgow, if that's what he really, really wants. It is. He's overjoyed. It's obvious that everyone's going to miss him and Mike can't help feeling that Ken's got one over on him, again, because he's going to lose Adam to Scotland, but they somehow all agree to travel up there together, in the same car to take him back to his old school.
After a weekend away in his cottage with Alma, Frank asks her if she'd like to move there with him, permanently. It takes a while for Alma to give Frank her answer, but eventually she tells him she'd love to move there with him. There's a farewell drink in the Rovers which Mike and Linda attend, and Alma tells Frank: "Much as I like living here, wild horses wouldn't stop me. You're the best thing that's happened to me in a long, long time." Indeed.
However, it doesn't look like Alma will make it to Shropshire... there's been a mix up at the clinic. Two cervical smear test results have gone to the wrong women and there's a Weatherfield woman who thinks she's in the clear when she's really in danger. We all know it's Alma, but she doesn't, not yet. It's good to see that doctor / patient confidentiality is at its best in Weatherfield though. Announcing to all and sundry in the reception area at the clinic, Doc Ramsden tells the nurse (I can't remember her name) about the disastrous mix up. Just in case there were any residents who didn't hear this distressing piece of confidential news the first time, they talk about it again in the cafe. And again in the Rovers.
And that's just about that for this week.
Glenda ;-)
