Frankly, I'm disappointed. After a whole week with my new mobile phone I've not had the chance to annoy as many people as I would have liked. In fact, the only time it beeped inappropriately was when I got an abusive text message from my brother (the tall one) in the middle of Sainsbury's. I've carried it everywhere with me, ready to yank it out of my bag and bitch about my friends at top volume for the local populace to overhear, sneer at and, quite frankly, be shocked. (After years of studying other people use their phones, I figured this was the done thing). But no, I haven't even had the chance to do that with it yet. The one call I was waiting all week to appear, did in fact turn up when the phone was in one room and I was in t'other, listening to someone I knew do the news on the radio. So do they have their uses, these mobile phone things? On the evidence so far, annoyingly not. But anyway, without any further ado, here we go with this week's Coronation Street update.
It's been a pretty dull week on the street this week and I guess after the trauma of Toyah's rape and Alma's illness getting worse, dullness should be welcome. But it's dullness of the worst kind inducing ennui. (I can use words like that now I've graduated with a 1st). But fear not, for I know that things will spice up next week with an episode every night. Until then, dear reader, bear with me and I'll try not to bore you to tears. (Whaddya mean, I do that every week? Who said that? Who?)
So, you know it's been a dull week when the highlight has been the wedding of Clocking-On Karen to Streetcar Steve. The person at the registry office - I know it's not a vicar, but I don't know what you call them what does the proceedings at such a place - didn't need to ask Karen if she took Steve to be her lawful husband, she just asked if she took him for everything he's got. To hold his wallet, love his money and cherish his paypacket for ever and ever. Amen. At the wedding, Karen's done up in a pink frock with straps so thin they look like joints on Barbie's shoulder. Oh yes, Karen's a sharp one alright. She's got her sights on half of Streetcars while Steve's fallen for his new wife hook, line and sinker. He tells her he loves her. He tells her he meant every word at the service and needless to say, she doesn't reply. Vik can't stomach what his best mate has gone and done so he goes and stays with Bobbi while Geena's been whisked away by Dev for 3 weeks in Barbados. Lucky cow. 3 weeks with Dev in Blackpool would do me. Actually, a 10 minute chat over a cup of tea and a Tunnock's would be fine, really.
The test results are back for Ashley and Maxine and it's not good news. Ashley's sperm count is low and the doc suggests letting nature take its course for a few more months before running tests like a testicular biopsy. Maxine empathises with her husband in that special loving way she has about her: "I want IVF and I want it now!". Her attitude stuns Ashley, and he tells Maxine he can't go for further tests, he's too scared. Maxine, however, hints that if Ashley can't provide her with a baby, she might look somewhere else, at someone else, who can give her what she wants. Ashley, scared that infertility will lead to infidelity talks to Fred in the cafe and says he feels inadequate not being able to provide what Maxine most desires. Fred reminds him the condition is medical, not emotional and that sorting things out with Maxine is "a hard lesson of what marriage is all about". Fortunately, the pair of them do make up later when Ashley agrees to further tests and Maxine apologises for being a spoilt brat/drama queen/nagging hag/far too immature to be a good mother/all of the above.
As Curly oohs and aahs over a picture of little Alice that Raquel's sent him from France, Emma knows she has to come clean with her news. When she tells Curly she's pregnant, he rushes her off to the doc's for a confirmation test (yes, she is, it's 6 weeks gone), hugs and kisses Emma, he's smiles all over and then promises to keep it a secret before blurting it out in the Rovers. Right in front of Maxine and Ashley. Not the best place perhaps and not the best people. Maxine runs home crying: "I want what they've got, s'not fair, s'not". (I have never wanted to hit someone as much as I have wanted to slap Maxine to tell her to pull herself together. Not that I can't understand her situation, I can - I think - but it's just that she's already proving she's a bad role model for any child and therefore should not be allowed anywhere near one. So there.) But anyway, I digress. Emma confides to Charli that she doesn't feel ready to become a mum just yet but she'll do it for Curly, because, bless him, this is the best thing that's happened to him, ever. "Me, you and a couple of kids" he says, "Life doesn't get any better than this."
Some strange (but still dull) goings-on in the hardware shop as Kirk, Todd and Candice tease Jason about fancying Sally, his boss. Jason tries to kiss Sally when they're in the shop together and when Sally tells him to lay off, he walks out in a strop. Back at No. 11, Dennis spots Jason taking money from Eileen's purse and when he confronts him, somehow Jason ends up with a bloody nose (although I didn't see anything more violent that Dennis putting his arm up to stop Jason leaving the room with the money). Eileen doesn't believe Jason when he tells her that Dennis hit him and when Dennis denies the charge also, Jason walks out of the house in another strop. Teenagers, eh? Can't live with them, can't sell them for horse meat.
As Ken tries to interest Peter in a teaching career, and he also gets some advice from Charli, it looks like Corrie's doing one of their 'This is a Government announcement, we need more teachers' sort of storyline. But fear not. Peter has done his sums and added up the pros and cons of teaching and decided instead, to work as a cashier in the local bookies. And so another dusty, long forgotten set has to be repainted and polished to give Peter a life.
As Alma gets worse, she forces herself out for Bethany's 1st birthday party over at the Platts. An interesting party, one of those occasions where what isn't said is more important than what is. And because it wasn't, it was. Roy and Hayley turn up with the biggest box - a 10 volume set of children's encyclopedias, although Bethany was more interested in watching the cameraman to the left. Candice leaves the party early, bored with babies; Maxine coos in the kitchen; Alma issues invitations for dinner to the Croppers; Audrey worries for her friend while presiding over her matriarchy; Kevin's reminded of the 1st anniversary of Jake's death and all the while, Gail captures everything on her video camera as S Club 7 play on in the background. She captures every lie, every tear, every false smile. What she doesn't see is Sarah Lou in the garden with Hayley, wondering what's happened to her life, her friends, her future.
And that's about that for this week. Don't forget to vote.
Glenda
"I've always wanted to be stormy, passionate and tempestuous.
But you can't be. Not when you're born with a tidy mind".
Emily Bishop.
As my life takes on a new shape, possibly a triangle, or one of those with twenty seven sides and a star in the corner like an octadoctamoctahedron, it's necessary for me to have a break from writing the update next week. That martyr to his bunions, John Dean, will be in the update chair with his special blend of wit and chocolate biscuits to bring you a whole week's worth of Corrie next week. There's an episode every night, no mean feat for an update writer and my heartfelt thanks go out to him for volunteering (ahem). But anyway, without any further ado, here we go with this week's Coronation Street update.
Although she's in pain, Alma throws a dinner party and invites the Croppers and Ken and Deirdre, who was, I must say, looking rather glam in a pretty summer frock. As their toast their host, Ken can't help wondering what's wrong wtih Alma but when he asks her if she's okay, she doesn't give anything away. Mike's also asking questions of Audrey, wondering why his ex-wife is looking so rough but of course Audrey, however unlikely it may sound, stays mum. But as we always knew it would, Alma's secret gets out in the end. Alma decides she wants to take herself away to the hotel in the Lakes where she and Mike spent their honeymoon, to have some time to reflect on the past instead of the future. Audrey can't see the sense in it and worries about her best friend, leading to a very nasty argument between them both. Alma tells Audrey she's smothering her, badly, but Audrey just cares and wants to help best she can. And so it is with a suitcase and animosity that Alma departs in a taxi from Weatherfield to the Lake District, leaving Audrey to stew at home on her own. When Audrey wants to find the hotel Alma's gone to, she seeks help from Mike to find out where Alma's at, and this leads in the end to Audrey confessing the truth about Alma. Immediately, Mike sets off to be with her, but not before Linda issues the ultimatum: "If you go after Alma, I'll divorce you." Go on then, you silly tart, go on.
Meanwhile, the poor man's Mike and Linda are settling into marital bliss and seem to have worked out a few domestic rituals already. Steve hands Karen the housekeeping money, she spends it on a new frock and they entertain friends with pizza and beer. Sounds good to me.
Kevin pesters Molly for the money she owes him for fixing her car but she keeps saying she can't pay him. Kevin decides he's been patient too long, gets Mol's address from Gail and storms round to her flat to demand she coughs up. Instead, he's in for a shock as a drunken and dog-rough Molly answers the door after one Carling Black Label too many. It turns out she was ready to top herself too, there's a pile of pills on the table and she's completely depressed. Kevin stays and depresses her even further when they share problems - she's heavy in debt and he just can't seem to grow back his moustache since that Steph one shaved it off. Somehow, the pair of them put a smile on each other's face, and then Molly brings him a thankyou present to the garage, giving him a kiss beside the big end he's got propped up and working on.
As Emma and Curly get used to the idea of becoming parents, Emma asks Vera if childbirth is really as painful as she's expecting it to be. The old wives come out with their tales, as Vera replies with the mother's mantra: "It's worth it" and Betty advises a nice glass of stout to keep her pregnancy healthy.
Meanwhile, Ashley's feeling inadequate and anxious since the results of his sperm count (890,120) and nothing Maxine can say changes how he feels. In the end, the pair of them decide to go on holiday, hoping some recreation will take their minds off procreation.
So, as ITV take their outside broadcast team to the Lakes to film Alma's final scenes, they make do and mend and send Rita there on holiday to see Mavis, thereby saving the cost of two different set locations. This means of course that Norris is left in charge of the Kabin, so Anthony offers to help him out. Norris accepts his help on one proviso: "I'm in charge". So be it. At first Anthony is calm and unflappable, putting up with Norris being bossy, but finally has to tell him to stop being so, well, Norris. These two work great together and there's some nice moments, especially when Norris gets Betty to buy sweets she doesn't want and she gets her revenge in the Rovers.
In the cafe, the Croppers get a visitor. Wayne walks in with his mum, he's clearly not happy at home and it's no surprise when he returns the next day and tells Roy and Hayley that his stepfather beats him. The Croppers pass on this information to Mr Hartnell who in turn informs the Child Protection Unit. Oh dear, it's going to end in tears, I just know it.
And finally, in the factory, creepy Harvey Reubens returns and rubs himself up against Linda (much like my grandma's Yorkshire Terrier used to do to the sofa). Linda's playing games with him, but what's going to happen next week with Mike away in the Lakes? Tune in for the next thrilling instalment of the Coronation Street update with John Dean himself, he'll be here with his inflatable cushion.
And that's just about that for this week. See you in a fortnight (that's two weeks in old money).
Well, here I am again, like a bad penny / old friend (delete as applicable) Since much of the update concerns sombre material I imagine the readership would be less indulgent than usual at my attempts at levity. So I'll get the worst one out of the way now. Asked about deathbed scenes, Oscar Wilde said a person would have to have a heart of stone to read Dickens' death of Little Nell without laughing.
So - Alma vants to be a lawn in the Lake District but Mike turns up, the living embodiment of 'I want to be there for you' - literally. 'How long have I got?' asks Alma 'Not very'. Strangely, now she's all on her own, Alma's hair looks neater than when she was living with a hairdresser. Hmmm. Linda phones Mike (at last! a plot device where the mobile phone can be used to advantage!) Hearing that he intends to stay a while with Alma, Linda collars Karen - when the going gets tuff, the tuff go shopping. Mike decides he will take care of Alma and tells Linda he's not coming back after all. Linda announces to Karen that they're now beyond shopping. Shortly afterwards, Harvey Reuben turns up. Linda drops hints that Mike's away for the night. Harvey takes a pace backwards. Linda tells him he's scared. Harve denies it. Linda says he would be if he knew what she had in mind. (Oh NO! Not sex!) Meanwhile Mike keeps vigil by the bedside of the sleeping Alma.
Came the dawn (not the only thing that came, by the look on Linda and Harvey's faces) and the Grrrls are stuck outside Underworld. Karen rings Linda (again with the mobile phones - obviously part of the economy drive - ITV are planning to shoot the whole show on one set and most of the dialogue will be over the phone to unseen characters thus also saving appearance fees) Linda says the Grrrls are like cats - want to be in when they're out, want to be out when they're in. She gives them 2 days paid holiday. (To follow Maundy Thursday & Good Friday, Linda Day and Harvey Bonk Holiday)
Meantime Norris and Anthony are bonding. Norris reveals he thinks of Rita as an honorary man. Anthony blanches visibly. ''You haven't actually told her?'' Alma and Mike are doing a Kate Winslet and Leo on a boat on the Lake. Alma compares her death to coming out of a film before the end. Gail persuades Audrey to go away with her and Sarah after Mike rings to say everything's OK.
Two Social Workers arrive at the Caf. They have investigated Roy and Hayley's complaint and believe they are making false allegations to enable Wayne to stay with them. Wayne's Mum and Stepdad and Wayne himself deny there has been any violence. R & H pay a visit to Wayne's Mum but she's too scared to talk.
Alma begs Mike not to leave Linda - 'so you won't be lonely when I'm gone'. Meanwhile, Linda has Harvey back at the flat. 'I hope you've not eaten' says she. 'You told me not to' quoth he. 'Yes, but I don't know how obedient you are.' She should really be wearing a PVC boiler suit to deliver lines like that. Linda has decided to divorce Mike so he will be forced to sell the Factory for a settlement. ''So someone could pick up me and the business as a package ..' Harvey looks as if he's lost a shilling (N. America dime) and found a sixpence (N. America nickel)
Came the dawn . oh, I already did that one .. and Harvey is trying to sneak out without paying, I mean without waking Linda. But she appears and traps him in her dressing gown. (What he was doing in her dressing gown I'll never know)
But Alma feels poorly and Mike brings her back home. He finds the Factory shut as Audrey and family shoot past on their way to London. He returns to the flat to find hairy Harvey getting out of the shower. He hits Linda and tells her 'Alma is worth a hundred of you'. 'So,' says Linda, 'I was right all along' Mike tells her she's trash. She points out she filled his order book. 'Yes,' says Mike, 'and now I know how.' Harvey keeps trying to leave and / or get dressed and keeps getting told to shut up.
In the Rovers, Dougie is looking at the entry forms for 'Landlord of the Year'. He wants to know 'What's a B-52?' Betty thinks it's an aircraft, Shelley says it's a cocktail. Mike starts knocking back large Scotches and spills the beans about Alma.
Peter Hartnell turns up at the caf to tell Roy and Hayley that Social Services think they are using Wayne to satisfy their emotional needs. Accordingly, they are suspended from fostering.
Karen arrives at the flat to find Linda sinking champagne and discover she's slept with Harvey. 'You never!' (So Karen uses the old Lancashire irregular verb 'to never' as in I never, you never, he never, we never, they never) Anyone noticed, Karen's starting to act like Steve MacDonald (in both sense of the word)? Linda's started to act like Bette Davis (''Yes! I slept with him! And I'm glad. I tell you, glad!'')
Mike arrives at Alma's to find her being comforted by Ken. Civil greetings are exchanged. Alma realises how bad things must be if Ken and Mike are being nice to each other.
Meantime Norris and Anthony, the Odd Couple, are perfecting their double act at the Kabin, telepathically (or even telepathetically) anticipating what their customers require and offering fulsome 'Thank you for your custom' and 'Nice Day' wishes
Linda turns up to confront Alma. 'Yer look all right to me'' ''Do you know, that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me''. She explains that she and Mike are friends, not lovers, though she's flattered Linda would be jealous. ''And it's no good screwing your face up like that'' (Uh-oh, Linda *wasn't* screwing her face up - that's her normal expression! Now there'll be trouble) Alma confirms she persuaded Mike to go back to Linda. She guesses what must have happened and calls her a stupid girl. Linda pushes her. (Linda PUSHES St Alma of the Hairdo?! And does a bolt of lightning descend to strike her hand and wither her fingers? It does not - and they claim this is the realistic soap! Hah!). Alma collapses and Linda takes her to the hospital, pursued by Mike, Ken and Curly. Linda denies she did anything. The Doc confirms Alma's kidneys are failing. Linda nips out for a cig. Alma says she doesn't want to die in Hospital and Mike bullies the Doc into discharging her.
Meantime, Norris is in the soundproof booth of the Post Office while Anthony pushes him for the 125,000 quid question. 'Guacamole?' suggests Norris. 'You sure? Final answer? Phone a friend?' 'I'm sure' 'You are correct' Hurray! Jumping up and down by both parties as Rita arrives in the Kabin. Remember those Morecambe and Wise shows where Ernie is Centre Stage rabbiting on and Eric suddenly appears right at the back of the set? So far away you can't clearly see the expression on his face but you can tell exactly what he's thinking by the way he tilts his head? That's exactly the shot we get of Tony with Rita in the background. Colonial chums should video this episode so they can watch Anthony and Norris without distraction then rewind and watch Rita without distraction.
And Roy and Hayley invite Alex round on pretext of having money for Wayne. Roy has hidden a tape recorder to catch Alex in an admission of violence to the Boy. He succeeds but Alex spots the recorder and smashes it to bits. And does a bolt of lightning descend to strike his foot and wither his toes? No. Realism? Ptoooi. Alex tells the Croppers they can have Wayne - for ten grand.
Mike is keeping vigil at Alma's bedside, assisted by Ken. Alma is fading fast, becoming incoherent from the painkiller, but wants to see Audrey. Linda turns up with a Fathers' Day card for Mike from Adam and Mike tells her to sling her hook.
Alex turns up at Roy's with Wayne who has a bandage on his wrist. Roy insists on checking the injury - 'I'm a trained first-aider' - and it is badly bruised. Alex claims Wayne fell over and Wayne supports the story. Alex points out it's a dangerous world out there - ''one day some kid's going to get seriously hurt ...'' Alex is prepared to settle for 5 grand for Wayne as he has debts to pay.
Four generations of Roberts's Platts and Tilsleys tumble out of a taxi. Curly gives Audrey the news and drives her to Alma's. But Audrey can't face going in .. Alma is weak. She asks Mike to choose some music. Mike puts on Perry Como (Perry Como? Perry COMO?) Apparently Mike took Alma to see a Como concert at the Albert Hall and still remember show her face lit up when Perry walked on. Alma is asleep. Mike tells her he's never loved anyone the way he loved her.
Audrey is persuaded to see Alma. Even Linda has crept into the bedroom (Bitch! Bitch! Bitch!) Alma is sleeping. Audrey prattles on about nothing until it becomes apparent that Alma is no longer sleeping.
Cue silent credits.
(What should happen next, as written by Terry Pratchett)
Alma looked at the throng of people round her bed. Why would Ken *and* Mike and Curly and Linda and Audrey and Gail and Doctors and Nurses all be in her bedroom? And she couldn't see who was in the bed.
'Excuse me,' said Alma, trying to push her way through the throng.
'I'M AFRAID THEY CAN'T HEAR YOU'
'Oh, it's you'.
'I RATHER THOUGHT YOU WERE EXPECTING ME'
'Well, yes. It's just happened quicker than I thought.'
'IT OFTEN DOES. WOULD YOU CARE TO STEP THIS WAY?'
Alma found herself in the Caf.
'Why', she said, 'There's Alf Roberts. And Kevin's Alison. And Judy Mallett. Is that Babeh Kateh she's holding?'
'YES'
'Who are those three old biddies in the corner?'
'JUST OLD FRIENDS. THE ONE WITH THE HAIRNET FRIGHTENS ME A BIT'
A scruffy man limped up.
'I don't know if you can forgive me.'
'Of course I can, Don. This is no time to bear grudges'.
'Can I help you dear?' came a posh voice from behind the counter ' Only we prefer our clientele to at least purchase a beverage.'
'What about all my other friends?'
'THEY'LL TURN UP SOONER OR LATER'
'Mike and Audrey?'
'NOT FOR A WHILE, BUT THEY'LL BE HERE'.
I suppose even Baby Bethany ends up here.'
'YES. AND QUITE SOON IF SHE DOESN'T PACK IN THE OVERACTING. ANYWAY, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME I'VE A COLLECTION IN ALBERT SQUARE..'
What actually happened next ....
Dawn breaks to find Audrey maniacally cleaning the house. She breaks down as Gail comforts her.
Dawn breaks to find Linda trying to charm her way round Mike. Unsuccessfully.
Sgt Emma's eating oranges, Max is advising on ante-natal cravings.
Janice is grilling Karen for the lowdown on Baroness Baldwin. Curly's upset that Emma hasn't told her boss she's pregnant - she's still taking chances with the Weatherfield Sharpshooters.
Hayley thinks it's wrong to buy children. Roy believes it can't
be bad if it achieves good. So, Monsieur Cropper is a closet Marxist,
tendence Groucho!
Audrey and Mike keep each other company. Audrey has Alma's instructions
- no religious ceremony, no-one to wear black - plus a video -
not to be shown until after the cremation. Mike acknowledges that
a dying person 's last wishes are sacred but wants to bung the
video on anyway.
Chez Platt, David is annoyed that Sarah has brought *his* computer downstairs from his room. So Sarah's like it's *our* computer and she won't go in David's room because it smells like a kennel and David's like you're the only dog who goes in there. I personally think it's quite miraculous Sarah has managed to set up the computer in a place where previously there were no electric sockets. Could it be there's to be a storyline involving a computer? And ITV are saving money by not having to build a set of David's room? Hmmmm!
And Mike puts Linda in the spare bedroom. And Roy goes for a walk - just him and his shopping bag - and there's Alex - what a surprise! Roy agrees he will hand over the five grand on Wednesday two thirty while Hayley's at the Cremation on condition that Alex says nothing to either Hayley or Wayne about the deal.
And so ends another enjoyable week doing the update. As always, my admiration for Glenda's ability to produce these week after week knows no bounds. I shall have to go and lie down.
I'll leave you in the capable hands of Emily Dickinson :-
The Bustle in a House The Morning after Death Is solemnest of industries Enacted upon Earth - The Sweeping up the Heart And putting love away We shall not want to use again Until Eternity
John Dean, Oxford
Many thanks of the special and fluffy kind go out to John Dean for looking after last week's update. He's a good lad, is John. He's tall, he's dark and very good looking in a simian sort of a way, once he's got his teeth in. And he writes a mean update - so thanks again. Well, here I am with Bryan Ferry and a chilled pint of something lovely to bring you, yes you, without any further ado this week's Coronation Street update.
I didn't cry. No, honest I didn't. I did cry last week when Alma died, on that bed, with Audrey on the duvet and Perry Como on the wireless. But this week, with the funeral and goodbyes, it was acceptance that Alma has finally gone. Following Alma's instructions for her humanist funeral, no-one wore black and those sitting in the back pew of the church led the others out in a conga when the service was over. One chap who did turn up in black was Alma's cousin Richard, who made eyes at Audrey but shook Gail's hand just that little bit too long for my liking. (Ah! Meester Shakee-Hands! Bet now! Bet now! Bet now!) Back at Audrey's later over buffet and small talk, Alma springs to life on the telly when Audrey plays a videotape that Alma made before she died. In it, she addresses all her friends and people she loved, leaving messages for each of them, all except Frank - and yes, he was at the funeral to say his goodbye. The cheek of the man, eh? Audrey and Mike take the ashes to the Lake District and on a boat called appropriately "The Lady of the Lake", they throw her overboard and feed her to the fishes. Both were in tears but when Audrey was acting her heart out, Mike was just snivelling in that way men do, when they're pretending.
And so to the Croppers who this week paid Alex (top bloke from north-east and SAFC supporter in real life) Swinton five thousand pounds in exchange for Wayne. When Hayley finds out what Roy has done, she's furious, oh yes, but secretly happy to have a child of their own. Wayne's mum Sheila comes round in a strop, bringing back the money: "He's my son, my Wayne and he's not for say-el". But she soon realises that Wayne will have a better life without getting beaten up by Alex on a regular basis. As the Croppers adjust to life in their tiny flat with an extra person around, Wayne doesn't settle well and starts wetting the bed. Terrified that Hayley will be mad with him, he doesn't mention it, but as you'd expect, Roy and Hayley offer nothing but affection, support and loving concern.
As Mike comes to terms with Linda's appalling behaviour over Alma's death, she's sent to the spare room and he's doing his best to ignore her. However, Linda won't take this lying down (which is most unlike her) and decides to fight for Mike's attention, putting all her effort into getting things going at the factory again. Pushing the girls to work overnight to fulfil the contract from Reubens, the work gets done in time, but only just. But when the phone call from Harvey comes in cancelling the order, it can only mean one thing - Mike hasn't got the finance to keep the girls on at the factory, he's going to have to dish out some P45s (American translation: pink slips). "What will you tell the girls?" asks Linda, astonished. "I'm not telling them" he replies, "You will". Well, she's made her bed, screwed around in it and now she has to lie in it - and on the wet bit too. Oh dear. I feel the factory girls will be revolting.
Bethany's become an internet orphan now that Sarah-Lou has discovered the delights of chat-room heaven. Pretending to be someone she's not (Julia), she's chatting to Todd (TJ) but neither of them know that. Meanwhile, Candice is like, well, if you can get out that chatroom we can go have some pizza, so Sarah's like ok, but Gail's like no, I'm going out on the razz with me mate Molly. And as we all know how much Molly likes to put the beer away, it could be some time before Gail is sober enough to realise what her daughter is doing on-line. Because remember, boys and girls, in cyberspace you can be anyone you want to be. Ah yes, that reminds me, Vera Lynn will be here writing the update next week.
Too-thin Toyah went back to work in the Rovers this week but I think it's more important she gets a pie and some chips down her neck pretty soon. You just have to remember that Anne Malone one, she got that skinny once - and look what happened to *her*.
As Emma puts her feet up and reads Expectant Mum magazine, Curly surprises her with an announcement. He wants to be a stay at home father and a househusband once the baby comes along, feeling that he's missed out on too much of Alice's life when she was growing up. It doesn't take long for Emma to come around to the idea of going back to work to shoot people.
Anthony's wife, Isabelle has died in the nursing home and he's naturally upset, especially as awful Amanda won't let him get involved in the funeral arrangements. Norris reminds Rita this now leaves Anthony flee to mally. Oh no! It's the Consumating Cornershop Conundrum So - will Anthony ask Lita to mally him? Yes or no? Yes or no? Bet now! Bet now! Bet now! Betting ends! Answer: next week.
And finally, just a word about Janice. I mean, we know she's common, we've always known that. But she's plumbing new depths in taste-free living, she really is. Not content with going to Alma's funeral in her denim jacket, she also has the most scary haircut I've ever seen. Who cut it for her? The council?
And that's just about that for this week.
Glenda :-)
