Greetings and Happy New Year! If your festivities over the holiday season were half as good as mine, then you've had a good time. And apart from the 5-0 thrashing that Sunderland suffered last weekend, it's been a wonderful Christmas with presents ahoy. So much has happened in Corrie since the last update of 18th December that this update will contain events from Christmas and New Year wrapped up in one bundle. That means there's a lot to get through so hang on tight. And so, without any further ado, here we go with this and last week's Coronation Street update.
Fred and Eve are still living with the Peacocks and still looking for somewhere to live. When the secret snorer is revealed to be Eve, she confesses to Fred: "I've tried everything - cotton wool, ear plugs, the world service... " but it's all to no avail and while everyone's making an effort to get along in that little house, it's clear something's got to give. It's fortunate then, in't it, that Duggie decides to auction off the Rovers. With Geena and Shelly fighting for role as queen bee behind the bar, it's Eve that nabs the limelight when Fred buys her the Rovers - lock, stock and barrel - on the auction night. In a move that fair knocks the smile off Shelley's face and the evil grin from Geena's, Eve's over the moon but Audrey has a few choice words for Fred. "If she's the queen of the palace, does that make you her king or court jester?" Fred reminds Audrey that despite their friendship, Eve's his wife and Audrey would do well to remember that, so think on, I say, respect his decision.
With Richard being pestered by an unhappy client, he decides to do a runner for the festive season and whisks Gail off to Canada. Leaving David and Sarah to celebrate Christmas with Martin and Sally, Gail and Richard jet off from Weatherfield to spend Christmas with Nick. Audrey's not best pleased with this arrangement for Christmas as Sally cooks turkey in Gail's kitchen. But Martin knows just how to handle this tough old bird and keeps Audrey merry with sherry as best as he can. But what's this? The turkey's not cooked, the sprouts are still raw, the pudding's gone cold and the gas has gone off. There's a problem with the gas supply and one side of the street are left without power to cook Christmas dinner. It's fortunate then, in't it, that the Croppers are cooking up a storm in the cafe, turning the place into a soup kitchen for the homeless with Norris in control: "It's one can per tramp!". As the homeless move on to somewhere bigger and better, offering perhaps two cans per tramp, Roy's Rolls is turned over to the gas-less, as the street descends on the cafe for a hot meal and a cracker.
Sam's got problems with his plumbing so moves in with Toyah, much to her dismay, she's got enough to handle with Les around the place. It all gets too much for her and she cracks with the strain. Mind you, I don't blame her, it can't be easy having a boyfriend hoping for a part in the next Wallace and Gromit adventure. Cracking cheese, Sam. Anyway, talking about Sam, he strips off and bears all for the girls at the factory when he turns up as sexy Santa (aka mistletoe Mike) at their annual party. However, drunken women, as is their wont, turn their attention from Sam to chasing Vik through the streets and then ripping off Steve McDonald's shirt. Sam finds out that Vik's got a spare room in his flat, a spare room that Vik's not keen to have Bobbi taking over so he agrees to Sam moving in with him and everyone's pleased all round. Sam's sorted, Toyah's relieved, Vik's delighted and Bobbi doesn't know if she's coming or going.
Ashley's overjoyed when Maxine has a scan at the hospital - he can see the baby waving at him on the monitor - and he waves back: "Hello little baby!". He even has the image printed onto a t-shirt and wears it with pride to drinks at Emma and Curly's. Matt's cracking up and pesters Maxine more than ever, offering her love and affection and the promise of being a proper family. She's terrified he'll tell Ashley the truth about the baby so doesn't want to upset him too much incase he cracks. Instead, she lets him kiss her and there's a lot of 'those' kind of looks between the pair of them often.
With the Duckies away in Blackpool, Tyrone moves Fiz into the house where they receive an unwelcome house guest when Terry returns. It's hard to know who gets the biggest shock as Terry stumbles across Fiz in a bath towel (a scene which almost, but not quite, put me off my Terry's Chocolate Orange washed down with Bailey's Irish Cream). Tyrone offers Terry 600, money he'd earned from clocking cars for Karl, to leave them alone and get out of their life before Jack and Vera return. I lost a bit of what happened next, probably distracted by too much Terry's Irish Chocolate being gushed down by the Bailey's Orange Cream but the next thing you know is that Jack is in the shed with Terry when he starts having pains in his chest. Torn between doing a runner or taking his dad to the hospital, Terry does the decent thing (for once) and speeds Jack to the emergency ward. Fortunately (although rather embarassingly) for Jack, it's not an angina attack, it's wind! Flamin' Nora. Anyway, Terry gets nicked, again.
Dev and Geena lie to both sets of parents, pretending to be in Madrid for Christmas. When Geena's mum goes to the corner shop to drop off presents for her daughter, Sunita unwittingly lets slip that Geena's not gone anywhere and this creates more friction between Geena and Dev. Unable to agree, Geena flounces out of the flat. Meanwhile over in the cafe, Deirdre and Peter have a humdinger of a fight and after deciding she needs a shoulder to cry on, Deidre flounces in. And then, oh God, this is SO horrible. No, honestly it is. Look away now. Look away, I tell you. Dev and Deirdre... I can hardly bear to say it. Dev and Deidre shag. There, I've said it. It was horrible. Everyone in the living room (and being Christmas, there were a lot of people in the living room at the time. There was aunty Beryl;, uncle Stewart - the one with the limp, not the one who ran off with the man from the pie shop; cousin Katie - fresh back from Tanzania with a face full of spots; great aunt Ethel.. sorry, you get the picture). Well, everyone in the living room, all of us, as one, went "yeeeeeeeeeuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhh". Afterwards, once he'd been showered (with Dettol and a scrubbing brush) Dev does his best to be civil to Deirdre, they do have to work together after all. But Deirdre's got other ideas and grabs Dev by the Tunnocks at every opportunity. It's clear Dev has to do something, something drastic, to get the message through to Deirdre that he doesn't want to take this relationship any further. And so, on New Years Eve he tells Geena in the Rovers back room that he wants to marry her sooner rather than later. Like now, whenever - just soon.
It's all systems go as Emma went into labour with only Norris for company but he tells her to fear not, he knows what to do. "I go through medical encyclopeadias like other people go through Jilly Coooper's". While he's very well meaning, fortunately Curly arrives in the nick of time. In a wonderful scene, Emma tells Curly her waters have broken. "Are you sure?" he asks her. "OF COURSE I'M BLOODY SURE!" is her defnite reply. "The cervix has to be 10cm" says Curly. "Shall we get a tape measure?" asks Norris. Despite Norris, all goes well and Curly eventually delivers his 6lb 2oz son on the sofa. Norris is thrilled to have taken part in the process and the Watts' acknowledge his help by naming the baby Ben after Norris' middle name of Benjamin. The only trouble is, Norris then takes it upon himself to be available for the baby, Emma and Curly as often as possible and for as long as possible.
Elswhere on the Street, Sarah gets dumped by boyfriend Luke when he sends her a text message "u r my x". Wonderful stuff. Mind you, she had been seen kissing Todd (or is it Jason? I still can't tell) who tells her he fancies her more than he fancies Candice.
And finally, I've kept this storyline till last. I know it should have been riveting, I know that in the scheme of things to a Corrie fan like me, it should have mattered. But it didn't. I don't know why, but it didn't. Perhaps it was Bruce Jones' wooden acting but I'm just glad this storyline will soon be over, I really am. Here's what happened. Les is already distraught over losing Janice, blah blah, she tells him she wants a divorce and he's also upset after being told that Leanne won't be coming home for New Year after all. So, with all this on his mind, he asks Vik if he can work new year's eve, it'll be better than sitting around the house alone. Vik agrees and off Les goes in the car with a bottle of whisky that Vik has left behind on the back seat. Drunk and desperate, Les tries to commit suicide by putting the pipe thing into the car and letting it fill up with carbon monoxide. When Eileen and Steve hear Les on the car radio, they know he's in trouble and it's Dennis who goes off, on his bike, looking for Les. When he finds him, he drags him out of the smoke filled car. Les is barely conscious. Dennis takes the driving seat and sets off for the the hospital. En-route, they have a car crash and the wrong character survives. Lovely, cuddly (but ultimately unfaithful) Dennis will die in next week's update, and that really is a shame.
And that's just about that for the last two weeks.
Happy New Year!
Glenda
Greetings and welcome to another weekly update. I'm in a state of high excitement as I write this week's update and I've got a Tunnocks and a cuppa to help soothe the happy tension. What with starting a new job tomorrow and moving house next week I don't know which way to turn. And to top it all off, I'm having a good hair day. It's all just SO exciting. In fact my life at the moment is almost as exciting as an episode of the Street. Mind you that's not saying much. In last week's Guardian there was a list of the 50 most requested topics typed into the MSN search engine during 2001 (omitting prurient content). "Coronation Street" came in at a respectable 49th position - which isn't too bad until you I tell you that "Eastenders" came in at 4th. So what's to do? I say forget the Thursday episode - 5 times a week is too much for anyone (as her across the road at No. 11 often tells me, with a limp). You can indeed have too much of a good thing. And so, with tea and Tunnocks and without any further ado, here we go with this week's Coronation Street update.
Norris has been an absolute joy this week, being the only one able to stop baby Ben bawling and send him to sleep. Emma and Curly are run ragged after sleepless nights until Norris starts crooning and the baby starts snoring. Whether it's "Underneath The Arches" or "Love is a Many Splendored Thing", Norris manages to sing his way into the baby's heart and lull him to sleep. In desperation for a good night's sleep, Curly borrows Norris' cardigan, hoping the scent from the cardi will comfort the baby. It doesn't work, but when Curly realises Norris' crooning does the job quickly, he tapes him for posterity on the cassette recorder. Norris welcomes the task. He clears his throat, asks for a glass of water and wonders how Ben would like a spot of Judy Garland. I remember doing much the same thing babysitting my neice, then aged 4, when she asked me to sing her to sleep. Assuming 4 year olds liked simple songs I tried her with Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. It didn't work and I got a puzzled look. I sang Kumbayah and got the same response. "Sing me songs like grandma sings me" she pleaded. And then I got it; mam is a huge Shirley Bassey fan. If you've ever seen a 4 year old fall asleep to "Hey Big Spender" being sung in a whisper, it's quite a sight to see. Anyway, Norris reckons the reason he can send Ben off to sleep is because of their special birthing bond as Norris was the first person Ben saw when he came into the world. They do this at Eurodisney, you know. When ducks are born, they make sure someone in a duck suit is the first person the ducklings see, creating a special birthing bond which ensures the ducks follow the person in the duck suit on each and every Disney parade. Whether the ducklings fall asleep to "Somewhere over the Rainbow" sung by a short man in a cardi has yet to be proven.
Vera goes to see Julie Reardon, the woman Terry had his affair with. The woman who's husband is the policeman who fitted Terry up for a crime he didn't commit. Julie, as you'd expect, is almost as blonde and brassy as Vera and at first won't admit to Vera that she knows the truth about Terry. However, when Julie's husband up and leaves her for her best friend, Julie's straight round to Vera's ready to put the record straight and nail the lying toe-rag. Meanwhile, Fiz realises she can earn a bob or two by telling tales to the journalist who's come snooping around for news on Terry. When the article appears in the local paper, Vera's not best pleased to read all about Fiz and "My Night of Passion with Fugitive", even if it's not true. Fiz finally comes clean, after prompting by Tyrone, and gives Vera the money she received as payment for the article. (I don't know about you though, but I still don't like her).
Over at the Rovers, Eve starts to settle in. Betty delivers her verdict on her new boss to Rita and Blanche - with a sniff: "She'll do". But within days Eve's upset Betty and she's off out of that door as quick as you like. "You can't just walk out!" yells Eve. Oh yes she can, she's done it before and she'll do it again. Shelly hands in her notice and tells Eve she's going to work for Duggie at the rugby club and then Geena decides she also doesn't want to work at the Rovers anymore. When Duggie's deal with the rugby club falls through, Shelley has to grovel for her job back and Geena decides to stay too. That leaves only Betty to sort out and with a kind word from Fred, he persuades Betty to get back to work, but Eve's not best pleased to have her authority undermined.
Geena and Dev, while beautiful to look at, continue to bicker and bitch about weddings and families. So it'll be a typical marriage, then. Mrs Geena comes round to the flat to say she and Mr Geena have accepted the fact that their daughter will be marrying a foreigner and they're looking foward to the big white frilly church wedding that they want so much to impress their friends with. When Geena tells her mum the pair of them are off to Tobago for the wedding, mum takes her Elsie Tanner accent and flounces out of the flat. In the corner shop, Dev announces to all present (Sunita, Vik, Deirdre) that he and Geena are going abroad to be married. Deirdre's dismayed. Either that or she was sucking sherbert lemons at the time. Who knows? It was one of "those" faces anyway.
And finally, this week saw one of the best characters in a long time leave the Street for good. No leaving the cobbles in a taxi for this one. Dennis dies in hospital after telling Janice at his bed-side that he loved her more than anyone. Everyone's in tears. Janice, Eileen, Les, Toyah, the lot. But it was when Tyrone started bubbling in the garage "He was me mate, Kev", that the emotion got to me. Eileen's boys are confused, they can't understand why their mum wants to go to the funeral to show her respects to a man who tore their life apart. But when the anger subsides, Jason tells Eileen: "I liked him, mum. I liked him better than my dad. I liked him better than Todd's dad. He was the best of them all". It's left to Janice to arrange the funeral and it's to Eileen she turns for help and advice. In an emotional scene at Eileen's house, she gives Janice a photo of the man they both loved and the two of them just look at each other for a while and I'm sat on the sofa with moist eyes going "just hug each other, go on, just hug each other for god's sake" and they did and I cried. On the day of the funeral, Rita proves what a trooper she is and supports Janice all the way. Mind you, if you had ever wondered what happened to Maxine's pussy, then wonder no more. Rita Sullivan was wearing it on her head at the funeral. As Janice and Eileen are about to enter the church, the roar of a couple of dozen motorbikes can be heard in the distance as Dennis' biker friends come to pay their respects to one of their own. To the strains of "Whiter Shade of Pale", Toyah reads a reading, Janice says a few words and there's tears and snot all over the place. Then Les forces his way forward from the back of the church to say a few words of his own. He blames himself for Dennis' death, how could he not, especially after Janice had told him "I wish you had died. I will never forgive you for this, ever!". Later, back at Janice's flat over sandwiches and small talk, Rita gets friendly with a biker and Dennis' aunty Joan (wonderful, bring her back) goes poking for gossip until Rita whisks her away by the scruff of her neck.
And that is just about that for this week.
Glenda
Greetings and welcome to another weekly update. Some of you have emailed to ask what Tunnocks are, to which I keep referring. Well, there is a Tunnocks website, so set your pointer to google and go take a look. There is also a Tunnocks Appreciation Society and I'd be a fully paid up member if I only knew how to join. Tunnocks are a caramel wafer biscuit (they also make tea-cakes but that's by the by). They're deliciously chewy, come in red and gold stripey paper and are often seen for sale on the top shelf in the Corrie corner shop. Delicious as Tunnocks are, they have their equal in next week's update writer. John Dean will be here as I'm in the middle of moving house, surrounded by boxes as I write. So excuse me if this update isn't as lengthy as normal but this evening there's the kitchen to pack, the dinner to cook, the change of address cards to be written, clothes to be packed and somewhere amongst all that, a nervous breakdown to be scheduled. So without any further ado, with a glass of red and some of the remaining Christmas chocolates, here we go with this week's Coronation Street update.
Anita's still coming on strong to Ken and he's not altogether too happy with things. Neither is Deirdre (but she's going through the change so isn't much happy with anything these days). Anita's a woman possesed, on a mission to nab her man and Ken's nutter alarm has obviously lost its batteries. Just because she doesn't smell of moth balls, sing to herself and sit next to him on the bus it doesn't mean she's not raving bonkers. Run, Ken, run. Finally it's too much for Ken when Anita starts rubbing herself against his leg, much like a randy Yorkshire Terrier my grandma once had. Ken tells her to back off, he'll help her with writing her autobiography "My life as a strumpet" but no more. She's aghast! Her? Coming on to him? How could he possibly think that? Of her? There's a big scene and she asserts herself in Ken's living room, making Ken feel as if he's done something wrong and has unsettled her, instead of it being t'other way round. Deirdre realises she needs to do something to bring back the excitement to her relationship with Ken but when she suggests a night out at the pictures with dinner, he tells her he's too busy surfing the web. Uh-oh.
As Dev and Geena set off for their wedding in Tobago, Sunita throws a hen and stag night in the Rovers before the two most beautiful (and annoying) people on the street set off for the airport in a taxi. At the airport Geena's mum Gill turns up, plays Geena like a fiddle and plucks her heartstrings to make her realise that what she really wants is a big frilly white wedding back home in Weatherfield, wearing a dress that looks good from the back. Geena tells Dev she can't go abroad and he sulks for a while before telling all in the Rovers that what Geena wants, Geena gets and if it's a white frilly frock with her friends and family around her, then that's what it's going to be. Gill's not best pleased and warns Dev that she's intent on splitting him and Geena up soon, and when she starts chatting, in confidence, to Karen in the Rovers, you know Mrs Geena is intent on causing big trouble.
Janice copes with the aftermath of Dennis' funeral and packs his clothes away in bin bags. She gets an unlikely visitor at the flat in the shape of Mike Baldwin who consoles her on her loss and tells her to take as much time off work as she needs. She reckons she'll visit her sister. Bring her on! Janice's sister? Got to be worth bringing into the show, eh? God, what a miserable pair they'd make.
Over at the Rovers Fred arranges for his signwriter pal, Melvyn Lush, to paint Eve's name over the door. Trouble is, Melvyn doesn't know the name of Fred's wife and when he turns up at the pub and spies Betty in charge, he assumes Betty's the landlady. Needless to say, Eve's furious, Fred's done for and Betty stifles a giggle when they spy her name above the door, not Eve's. Fred goes further to upset Eve this week, I say he doesn't make her happy when he gives out free pies in the Rovers. With free pies on the go, sales of hot pot go down and people stop drinking. It's time for Eve to lay down the lay, and she gives Fred a right roasting in the back room of the pub (which is looking rather stately now the Elliot's have moved in). A truly wonderful scene.
Audrey's concerned that her financial portfolio is down by £6,000. She mentions it to Rita, overheard by Norris who tells her it's all Richard's doing, he's a bad 'un. Audrey's not convinced but Norris won't be swayed and starts putting doubts into Audrey's mind. Gail and Richard return from their holiday to Canada with presents for the kids and photos of snow. As soon as they hit the street, there's a knock at Gail's door and it's that bloke again, the one pestering Richard about his mother's house that he felt should have been his. Richard gets, well not exactly nasty, but certainly not pleasant, and tells the bloke if he takes it further he'll sue him, and he'll win. And he probably would, as I've said before there probably isn't anything illegal in what Richard does, it just doesn't seem right, somehow.
Elsewhere on the Street this week:
Terry turned up at the Duckies, a free man at last, all charges have been dropped against him. And so he's free to go and I hope he does. Soon. And Sam moved in with Vik and managed to walk in on Bobbi, taking a shower. Why is it never the women who get an eye-ful?
And that's just about that for this week. Right, I've got to go and pack up the kitchen. John Dean will be here next week and I'll see you in a fortnight (that's two weeks in old money).
Glenda
For once, Glenda has miscalculated - only FOUR episodes this week. She usually only lures me in when it's a 6 times a week extravaganza. Hah! To work Ö.
Audrey finds her investments have lost 6,000 UKP in value. She is determined to tackle Richard but Richard is equally determined not to be tackled. Richard falls back on the standby of the professional Financial Adviser from Time Immoral. 'You've lost some money. That's life' Duggie points out to Richard what a wonderful Mother-in-Law Audrey would make someone. Will Audrey be able to audit the accounts? Will Richard's audacious scheme work? An audible mutter runs round the auditorium. 'Who cares?' it whispers.
Sunita gets Duggie to help with her plumbing as she claims not to know a stopcock from a ballcock (I think there's enough material there for you to make several jokes for yourselves)
Gail wants to ask Richard to move in but is fearful she might put him off by asking. 'Hurry Gail' we cry 'Before you run out of bleach for your roots'
Anita is reminiscing about her part in 'les evenements de 1968' in Paris followed by her affair with a member of the British Government. Yeah, right. Then she saved the world by blowing up the lair of an evil genius concealed in a Japanese Volcano, scored the winning goal in the cup final and won a Gold Medal at the Olympics.
Dr Tall is looking for blood donors (speaking of tall, what do you call 12 naked men sitting on each others' shoulders? A scrotum pole). He inveigles his way into Max's house & they have their usual 'We have to talk' 'We have nothing to talk about' 'What about Ash?' 'What about him?' 'Please Max' 'I think you'd better go'. This is the eleventeenth such unlikely exchange of dialogue they've had. I think the script gofer photocopied the same page eleventeen times by accident and is trying to cover up the mistake by inserting an extra Matt 'n' Max page in every week's shooting script.
Gill invites Karen to set a honey trap for Dev. Karen refuses and wants to know what Gill takes her for. We know the answer, don't we boys and girls?
Richard takes Gail for a Chinese (hardly surprising with those cheekbones. Arf arf) Actually, a meal in an Asian restaurant. Gail asks him to move in, Richard proposes marriage. CLUE (Poss Spoiler) - After the show the Central announcer invited viewers to access the ITV website where quote 'the dastardly Richard Hillman will be on-line' (No mention of the muttley Gail Platt heheheheh). So is this an indication that Richard is a baddie?
Deirdre is not impressed with Ken's gallivanting around with Anita. The last late night she had was when the Conservatives were in power. (I love that - most of my life that joke would only have made sense as 'my last late night was when Labour were in power' - now it's the Conservatives. Mind you, my last late night was when the Liberals were in power. I heard Mr Gladstone was out saving loose women and I asked him to save a couple for me.)
Geena and Karen have a slanging match in the Rovers and Karen is sufficiently wound up to agree to Gill's plan. Oh no! Geena will be devastated if this devilish scheme develops into reality. Will she believe her fiance is a deviant who would devalue their relationship with a devious doxy? Will she run away to Devon? Or Devizes?
Duggie & Sunita spend a night of passion. And he's up and dressed early next morning to escape before anyone spots him. But Sunita spots him & drags him back to bed.
Ken has too much to drink at Anita's and can't drive home. No taxis are available so he stays the night. In the spare room. Blanche fails to provoke Deirdre into an angry reaction, even when pointing to Roy and Hayley as being 'What I call a proper marriage, even if it isn't' She takes to calling Ken 'The Biographer'
Ken checks Audrey's investment and it looks OK to him. Audrey is forced to apologise to Richard. But she still doesn't trust him.
The Blood Donor Van arrives in the Street and everyone queues to get in, fired by Eve's promise of a free pint of beer for every pint of blood donated. Dr Tall is reluctant to join in and we soon discover why - he can't stand the sight of blood and faints clean away. Luckily Norris is in the next bed and volunteers to provide a blood transfusion - they can hook Matt up directly to Norris & save having to wash the bottles. Norris also tries to recite the entire Tony Hancock 'Blood Donor' sketch but is prevented.
Gill takes Geena shopping as part of the prearranged plan with Karen. Karen visits Dev in his flat, hurls wine on him, rips off her top, opens his shirt with one practised gesture and leaps on top of him just in time for Geena and Gill to walk through the front door.
And there I must leave you, my little cosmopolitan chums. To resume normal service with Glenda, follow the trail of Tunnock crumbs to the little shed with the red gingham curtains.
John Dean
Many thanks to John Dean for last week's sterling update, what a star he is. And his rash has cleared up, I'm pleased to tell those who have been emailing me to ask on his progress. Another week and he'll be able to sit down. So, here I am again, back in the update chair writing the first of my updates from my new home. And what a fine home it is, tucked away on a mountain top with only a lonely goatherd for a neighbour and a fisherman that comes twice a week selling pegs. So with some crisps and orange pop and without any further ado, here we go with this week's Coronation Street update.
I'm pleased to report not much happened this week, not that it makes my job any easier. In fact it makes it more difficult in some respects because instead of the action-packed updates I've been sending you lately (Karen gets her kit off; Dev dives on Deirdre - that sort of stuff), the pace of the action has slowed down a lot. This is good news for those of us who remember Corrie as it should be; concentrating instead on the cracking dialogue, gentle humour and raised eyebrows that say more in one second than ten lines of script ever could.
So, Karen decides to tell Geena that it was Gill's idea for her to catch her in her vest and pants with Dev on the sofa. Mrs Geena is sent away with a flea in her ear from her disgruntled daughter who tells her she never wants to see her again. In the corner shop Dev grabs Steve by the Tunnocks and threatens to do serious harm if he doesn't keep his wife under control. A bit miffed after Dev's attack, Steve regains his composure enough to comment, rather confusedly: "I only came in for a bag of sugar". But then he lets rip at Karen and tells her to pack her bags and go. "One half of this street think you're a nutter" he tells her. "The other half think you're a slag. I think you're both".
Trying to inject a bit of romance in the Barlow household, Deirdre cooks a special meal for Ken and wears a shiny blouse. But when Ken arrives home he tells her he's already eaten - at Anita's house and Deirdre's not best pleased, as you can imagine. She tells Ken she's sick of life passing her by, she wants to grab it with both hands and enjoy it to the full. (Much like Anita wants to do with Ken). And when Ken suggests Deirdre enrolls for night school when she tells him she needs stimulation in her life, you know it's a relationship in trouble. And worse is yet to come when Ken spends the night at Anita's house, too drunk to return home. Deirdre wonders if Ken's having a torrid affair but Blanche quickly reminds her: "Well I wouldn't call it torrid; it is Ken we're talking about." But later at Anita's, with her in her marigolds sipping sherry with Ken, she tries to kiss him by the cushions. He backs off and tells her he's simply not interested. All of this means that Ken and Deirdre are being lovey with each other all over again, even if it did take a strange lady with an even stranger nose to pull them together and make them realise the depth of their relationship. Oooh, go on, go on, let's have them re-marry, a nice spring wedding could be just what the Street needs.
Vik gets a call from a woman needing a taxi from a posh part of town. When he picks her up, she decides to pick him up and comes on strong, rubbing his leg by the gear stick. The woman, Hazel, goes nuts for Vik and requests again that he pick her up for a shopping trip. Vik obliges and drives her into a frenzy at a hotel bedroom where she's waiting in black underwear with come hither eyes and a bottle of champagne.
There's a wonderful scene in the cafe this week when Roy, suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder, has made himself a happy lamp from an old drawer and some tin foil. Priceless.
Richard and Duggie go into business together as Richard wants to re-develop one of the houses he's inherited from his business dealings. Duggie wants to make a bit of money from the deal so cuts corners on quality, just as Gail warned Richard he would (just like he did at the health centre, remember?). And talking about Gail, there's a green and pleasant basket of plants hanging outside the Platt residence - what could it be at this time of year? Seriously, tell me if you know, I have two that need doing.
And finally this week, Janice has shifted to Sheffield and Toyah goes to visit her. She tells Toyah she couldn't face returning to the cobbles, bumping into Eileen and Les so she's staying on in Yorkshire. She asks Toyah for advice as she has an interview to work in a cafe the day after Toyah's visit. When Toyah asks what kind of cafe it is, Janice replies: "It's a bacon, egg, beans, Roy's Rolls kind of caff." And that's hardly surprising, because Janice Battersby is and will always be a bacon, egg, beans, Roy's Rolls kind of person.
And that's just about that for this week.
Glenda
