Hello again, yes it's me with another one of my things. In last week's update I got the name of Les' girlfriend wrong. This was, of course, because I wasn't paying attention. Well, you know how it goes. You're curled up on the sofa all intent on watching Corrie and the next thing you know, you've drifted into wondering where you can get Guzmalia lingulata this time of year and if indeed it's still legal. Then you're thinking to yourself "crikey, that's a huge spot in my ear" and before you know it, scenes have been changed, Rita's got a different top on, Norris looks worried and Blanche has ran off with the milkman. But anyway, if I'd given it some thought it would have been easy to remember that Les' girlfriend wasn't called Sharon after all, but Sandra. She's yet another woman on the street with yet another name ending in the letter a. I know I've mentioned this before, but stick with me, it's good. We've had Rita and Geena and Maria and Vera and Linda and Emma and Sunita and Edna; Ken's just had a fling with Anita and Wayne's mum was called Sheila. I may well have missed some. And yes, I should get out more. And so, with a large glass of pop - actually, hold on - someone emailed to ask me the other week why I didn't write the update any more with something red and fruity in my hand. I guess it's because when I used to sip and type the update previously, it was at a much later stage of the evening whereas now I write them for you before the sun sets over my particular yard arm. But anyway, without any further ado, here we go with this week's Coronation Street update.
It's been another good week for Corrie this week, the change of direction in tone, pace and dialogue is all for the best. There's been lots of laughs, a bit of pathos and a big pan of panackalty (but we'll come to that later).
After last week's ordeal for Rita, Emily, Blanche and Betty, Norris takes it upon himself to get the ladies through their post-trauma syndrome. "Face those feelings and conquer them!" he tells them but it's too much for Betty who breaks down in the Rovers' back room and Fred sends her to her Gordon's for a while. Fred asks Betty for their Gordon's number. "It's in the book" says Betty (Under R for Rgordon). Emily seems a little stronger although the gun experience has left them all a little shaken. But when Rita sees what the Weatherfield Gazette has gone and printed about their ordeal, her strength returns enough for her to attack the journalist when he dares show his face in the Rovers. The headline screams "Have-a-go grannies tackle armed robber" and Rita firmly tells the hack that she isn't a granny, she isn't even a pensioner. The poor bloke gets battered by newspapers and handbags as he's chased out of the Rovers by the have-a-go grannies having another go.
But now that Betty's gone off to stay with her son, who's to mekhotpotintrovers? Shelley is all for doing some traditional cooking while Geena wants to lift the tone with some gastro pub stuff. So first off it's Shelley with her pan of panackalty, or panack as I know it. (Both the name and the recipe are derived from the Geordie dish Pan Haggerty). Now then, before I gave up eating red meat, I used to love the stuff. When I'd walk through the front door after a hard day at school and say to me mam "what's for tea?" and she'd say "panack" my little heart would lift, it really would. It's not, as Geena called it, corned beef hash, it's more a corned beef and vegetable stew with sliced potatoes or dumplings on top (both of which Shelley forgot). But I digress. It doesn't sell well in the Rovers and Geena thinks she can make Shelley's "pernickety" look sorrowful when it's her turn to cook. Unfortunately her Toulouse sausages, puy lentils and gratinated duchess potatoes don't go down a storm either. "That's just posh sausage and mash" wor lad said to me, about three seconds before Eileen then said to Geena "That's just posh sausage and mash". Fred and Eve know they've got to start selling the hot pot again so Eve has a try at the recipe - with dismal results. Fred's convinced that he can win Betty over when she returns, hoping to get the recipe from her so that he can start selling it in the shop, I say, from under the counter.
Confusion reigned and Norris got wet when he got the wrong end of the stick about baby Ben's christening. Emma and Curly have invited Jack, Vera and Kevin to be the godparents but Norris has taken it upon himself to think he was invited to be godparent too. When Rita points out to him that if he didn't actually hear the words "will you be Ben's godfather" then there's a good chance he wasn't asked. Poor Norris, he was so keen. So Rita goes to see Curly and Emma and tells them about the confusion. Immediately, the Watts wander off to the corner shop to put a smile on Norris' face when they ask him officially. In the Watts household, Emma is preparing to go back to work and Curly spends his last day at Freshco, waved off with a carriage clock and a few goodbye cards. Both of them know they'll have to make an adjustment, and have doubts that they're doing the right thing.
Over at Streetcars Eileen and Les try to work out why Vik has been taking so many calls from Hazel Wilding's address. Les figures that Vik's found himself a bored, randy housewife and he and Vernon wonder what she's like. "I want a crack at her" says Les and demands to take the next call received. So off he goes and of course Hazel answers the door in her frillies. She says she's not dressed yet and asks him to wait but Les takes it all wrong and tries to follow her up the stairs. Hazel's aghast but Les is direct. "Well, I'm sorry love, but I have it on very good authority that you're gagging for it!". Anyway, Vik ends up with a slap round the chops from Hazel for talking about her to the lads on the taxis. Vik denies it all then claims that he loves her. She admits that she has deep feelings for him too (but it's all just so pointless and naff).
And finally this week Martin and Sally decide they need to spend more time together, alone. Oh alright then, they wanted a shag. So Sally sent the kids off to Kevin, got dolled up at the kitchen table and cooked a meal for Martin, who doesn't turn up. With the dinner in the bin and angry messages on his machine, Sally gets a shock when Sarah knocks on her door to tell her that Gail's just had a call from the hospital; Martin's been attacked.
And that's just about that for this week.
Glenda
Apologies for a late update this week. There's a reason why it's late and I could tell you, but as it's pretty humdrum let's pretend I was kidnapped by aliens instead. And so, without any further ado, here we go with this week's Coronation Street update.
After being attacked at work last week, Martin's got a plaster on his head and a plan forming inside him after Sally looks after him at her place for a while. But when he suggests moving in with her and the kids, Sally's less sure that it's a good idea. She tells Martin she doesn't want to ruin this relationship by moving too fast, not like she's done before (and before, and before and before). But Martin can't understand Sally's reasoning and takes it as a personal slight. There's only Rita for Sally to turn to for advice; and couldn't we all do with a Rita for tea and sympathy every once in a while.
Emma returns to work and leaves Curly at home looking after baby Ben. All's going well with inputs and outputs "six bottles of milk in, three dirty nappies out" as the family settle into their new found routine. It's the day of Ben's christening and everyone's dressed in their best bib and tucker, except Ben of course who's just in his best bib. Curly's parents are there, hounded by Norris and his photograph album; and Maxine is there looking extremely pregnant. "Come on Maxine" shouts Curly "show us yer lump!" as Ashley wanders into view quite nicely.
Fred's been bugging Betty for her hotpot recipe but she's not having it, oh no, not when Eve tells her the reason he's after the recipe is because he wants to sell t'hotpotint'butchers. Aye. Betty knocks up a recipe anyway, laced heavily with cayenne and paprika and tells Fred it's the secret to hotpot success. Needless to say it's a total failure and Betty has the last laugh: "You're a damn scoundrel, Fred Elliot".
Les' girlfriend Sandra stays overnight with him after a romantic meal of cheap lager and chips, and Les is starting to think this may well lead somewhere. But when Janice is out for a pizza with Karen, she spies Sandra and another bloke all cosy-like over a funghi margharita at another table. Janice tells Toyah who tells Les who tells Sandra who admits she's going back to her ex-spouse. Les won't admit to anyone who asks what's really happened and pretends for a while that he's still with Sandra but he comes clean in the end. (Sorry, but this was like watching paint dry).
(And so was this). Vik's in trouble after a visit from Hazel's husband who warns him away from his wife. And now Vik's worried when Hazel doesn't return his phone calls so he goes to see her and she says she wants to end it but the whole storyline has one huge question hanging over it. Why?
This week saw Mother's Day in the UK and Deirdre got a ticking off from Blanche for forgetting to buy her a card. Never mind, Blanche has other fish to fry and refused to be placated by the offer of lunch out with Deirdre and Ken as she's going out with Archie instead. "Life", she tells Archie "is like a pint of best bitter. Savour every drop while you can".
And elsewhere this week; Sarah and Todd started going out together (sweet).
And that's just about that for this week.
Glenda
Have I ever started the update with the promise of making you rich? Have I offered you Asian sex porn or asked for cash to fund a life-saving operation on a missing old bloke that has turned up, miraculously, at the foot of my stairs? No, I haven't and I never will because the Corrie weekly update *is not* spam. If you're receiving this in your email box it's becase you bloody well asked for it, remember? You went to the website, you emailed and you received. I have never sold this mailing list on (although if the offer was right, I could mull it over, sure. Hey, I need to eat too you know). So please, please, if you're receiving the update and you no longer want it, don't shout and swear at me in capital letters. If you want to unsubscribe, email: corrieweeks@solarsite.co.uk instead. In the subject line put UNSUBSCRIBE and ensure that you're are posting from the same address you subscribed with. But if you want to send cash for the operation for the old bloke on my stairs, feel free and while I can't promise to ever make you rich, I think you can find your own Asian porn. And so, rant over and without any further ado, here we go with this week's Coronation Street update.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, things are slowing down on the cobbles. Which is all well and good when you've got wonderful scenes with Norris and Rita or lingering camera shots on the loving Watts family but dragging things on between Vik and Hazel is no fun at all. It's so boring and pointless. Hazel tells Vik she doesn't want anything more to do with him, he doodles her name on a notepad, she gets her husband and brother to put the frighteners on him by threatening to give him a kicking in the breakers yard. Dev tells Vik he shouldn't have bothered with a married woman in the first place and zdasioutq3892 34hdsasdjasdma,.5taiosuda ooh sorry, must have fallen asleep at the keyboard.
This week Martin Platt has been a pig-headed runt (in case you thought he could ever be anything else). Clearly wanting to play house with a wifey, any wifey, he chucks a mental with Sally when she says she's not ready for him to move in. Rita can understand what Sally's feeling (probably most of the female audience can understand too) but Martin? Oh no, he strops around and tells Sally he doesn't love her any more. There's a good scene between Gail and Sally when they argue over who knows Martin best but then make up later in the Rovers, and rightly so.
Over at the factory Fiz has been showing her knickers to the girls. They're bustiers or something she's knocked up out of an empty cornflake packet and some peices of string and she reckons Baldwin should be selling them instead of the frillies he's flogging now. When Mike has a visit from some buyers, Fiz wants to get her undies on show but Mike warns her she's likely to get sacked. There was a poignant line on lost opportunity from Karen in the Rovers: "In a different world, she would have been at fashion college"
It looks like the creche in the surgery is set to close so Curly tries to get the residents involved to petition the council to save it. While everyone thinks it a good idea, no one wants to get involved until Sarah Lou (the only one using the creche, it seems) takes on the petition. Blanche belches forth with her views on single mothers then has to eat every word when given baby Ben to babysit while Curly sorts out her bus pass at the council for her. Worn out after a day of worrying about baby, Blanche unfolds into the Kabin: "Oooh, give us a packet of bon-bons, I'm at the end of me tether".
Oh and this week Charli finds out she is pregnant. Look, I'm sorry, I don't care. I'll just be glad when she and the too-tall doctor leave, I really will.
If, like me, you quite like the look of smoothy shopkeeper Dev, point your clicky thing at this for a good laugh http://www.ufoad.funurl.com
And that's just about that for this week.
Here we are again with another weekly update. I appear to have disturbed a few of you with my comments last week about spam emails; I didn't mean to and I'm sorry. I hate spam email as much as you do, I know how frustrating it is when you try to remove yourself from spam mailing lists and they keep coming in, soiling your inbox. And I know that most of you, yes you, are intelligent, kindly and warm. Some of you are even cute. But there are those who confuse me with an evil spammer and throw a tantrum to remove themselves from the updates list, when all they have to do is simply unsubscribe. But enough of this moaning, what with daffodils in the garden and a long weekend coming up with a license to eat chocolate, life doesn't get much better than this. And so without any further ado, here we go with this week's Coronation Street update.
Charli tells Emma she's pregnant and although Emma's disappointed that Charli doesn't want to keep the unborn, she's supportive of her friend. Charli doesn't want anyone else to find out, not Matt, not Curly, not anyone, so why on earth she tells Maxine I'll never know. She tells Max to keep schtum about her being a mum but the implications for Max and Matt are too huge for Mrs Peacock not to crow about this.
Fiz is desperate to put her undies on show but after Mike threatened her with a P45 last week, she's not sure how she's going to get her work noticed. As luck would have it, there's another buyer at Underworld who spies Fiz's frillies and bangs in a big order. At first Mike is aghast then realises he can make big money so he offers Fiz a contract. "You give me permission to manufacture your designs," he tells Fiz, "And I'll give you £500." Fiz's face lights up and you just know that she's thinking: "Mek it £500 and a big bag of chips and you're on". It doesn't take long for the factory girls to realise Mike's ripped Fiz off after Emily points out profit margins on knickers (the bottom line's about 40%). But when Fiz complains to Mike, he sacks her right then. Not content to take this lying down, Fiz takes Emily's advice to "face the oppressor with the unexpected" and mounts a protest from the garage roof (ah, the spirit of Spider lives on). Dressed in her frillies and armed with a loud hailer, she shouts out her demands to Mike in front of a crowd which includes a hack and a snapper from the Gazette. All the blokes from the Rovers are stood standing there also after word went round the bar that a big lass, about 17, was showing her knockers. But to Fiz this is serious; she wants her job back and a proper contract. When Mike refuses to budge, she does what she knows will get her into the papers and rips off her top, proving that she really has got a lot of front. It's too much for Tyrone, he's hugely embarrassed and tells Fiz they're through. But later in the Rovers she has the last laugh when Tyrone has a change of heart and tries to win her back. "I've got ambition, me", she says. "I'll always be stood on roofs and you'll always have your feet on the ground." Sometimes Corrie is simply pure poetry. After the event, Mike grudgingly admits he likes Fiz's pluck and reinstates her at the factory with a better contract for the undies.
Anyway, the hack and the snapper are at it again when Sarah Lou mounts a protest of her own about the closure of the crËche. Curly's there with baby Ben and some woman's turned up with her two kids, Kylie and Robbie, but apart from that there's not much interest in the protest until the hack finds out just how young Sarah is. "15 eh? And the baby's nearly two, eh? Give us a big smile then darlin', go on."
Steve and Vik run into problems when Streetcars are reported to the licensing committee for malpractice. Steve's convinced it's Hazel's husband but I guessed ages ago the perpetrator was closer to home. Steve storms off to the Town Hall to find out what's really going on and it appears Bobbi, sorry, someone anonymous, has reported Streetcars' drivers for sexual harassment. "What, like that stuff you get in offices?" asks Eileen.
There was also some wonderful dialogue this week, particularly between Blanche, Emily and Betty; throwaway lines that meant nothing and didn't progress the story any further, but were particularly welcomed, warm and funny. My pen could have captured the words to put in the update but sometimes with Corrie, to sit back and savour it is the only way to enjoy it.
And that's just about that for this week.
Glenda
