Greetings and welcome to another weekly update. It's late this week, I know, but hey, there's been a four day weekend and I wasn't going to waste a second of it holed up in the spare room on the computer so I know you'll forgive me. I don't quite know where to start with this week's update - so much has happened, with an hour-long special and a load of great stuff. So without any further ado, here we go with this week's Coronation Street update.
One storyline dominated events on the cobbles and will no doubt dominate the update this week as Fred and Roy rallied their troops to do battle on the red rec. There's a lot of great dialogue, some wonderful costumes but best of all is the clash of egos and the realisation by Roy that this time, perhaps, his obsessive behaviour got a bit out of line. With pikes, sticks and swords, Roy decides he also needs a musket and hires one from a fellow reader of Civil War Journal. Deciding to unsheathe it in Freshco to do a test drill, Roy gets arrested and kept overnight in the cells on charges of endangering public safety and using threatening behaviour, "But I only came in for shoe polish," he says in all innocence. As Roy's being grilled at the station, meetings are called in the Street. In the cafˇ we have Roy's team: Emma, Curly, Ken, Peter, Anextra and over in the Rovers there's Fred's costumed cast: Shelley & Geena with full supporting cleavage, Sam, Kirk and the wonderful Norris adorned with pink ribbons and feathers. When Karen sees the costumes she wants to dress up too and as fortune would have it, she can - the woman lined up to play the part of witch has rung in sick, she's got trouble with her corns. Unfortunately for Karen, she doesn't know she's the witch until it's too late but the smirk on Steve's face is priceless. Back at the station, will the police release Roy in time to do battle? Of course they will and they do and then it's all systems go. At the red rec it's party time. There's a Rovers beer tent, an ice cream van, a tug-o-war team and the Bessie Street twirling kazoo band. Archie is the compere and when the battle commences both teams stick to their scripts, for a while at least, and the skirmish begins. Curly kills Les, Emma kills Kirk, Sam kills Curly and Roy looks bemused. Ashley kills someone, Norris kills Emma (with drama, passion and style), Peter kills Sam and Fred kills Ken. And then, oh then, it's time for Fred to kill Roy but Roy's got other plans. Fred's team has played dirty, deviating from the agreed plan and bringing shame to the skirmish with a pantomime horse and free pies. And Roy has had enough - he refuses to die! The two of them argue and trade personal insults. "I'd rather be a showman than an anorak!" says Fred. Ouch. Then Roy bitches a remark about Fred's wives always leaving him. Double ouch. Finally, somehow, the battlefield turns into real fisticuffs with pies being thrown and egos being dented. But it doesn't end there, oh no. Back on the cobbles the two teams repair to the cafˇ and the Rovers to decide their next step. Roy comes out of the cafˇ. Fred comes out of the Rovers. Think John Wayne, you get the idea. The camera does a close up of Fred's face - then Roy's face. Then an even closer upper of Fred's eyes - then Roy's eyes. This is serious stuff. Both have been humiliated and neither will admit defeat or apologise. Roy takes a pike, Fred stumbles and falls and Roy raises the pike above Fred in his finery, lying there on the ground. There's a manic look on Roy's face, has he finally flipped? Will he plunge the pike? Of course not, but seeing Roy overtaken by his obsession was disturbing nonetheless.
Joe Carter and Geena continue to get friendly and he takes her out on a date, revealing nothing about what he's been up to for the past two years. It was noted in our house this week (by someone other than me) that after spending the last two years in prison, Joe Carter is a man who must be dying for a shag. Mike leaves Joe in charge of the factory as he goes off on his holidays for two weeks of sangria, golfing and very sad pullovers.
Elsewhere on the street this week, Sarah's getting friendly with Adrian Critchley and starts bunking off school with him. He makes it clear to Sarah that he doesn't want to hang around with baby Bethany but his aloof appeal makes Sarah like him all the more and Todd's getting jealous. You just would not want to be that age again, would you?
Dickie makes Gail his business partner in Kellett holdings which is most odd indeed. He's not doing it because he's a good bloke and he's not doing it to make any money off her, so just what is he up to?
Sally gets a cheque from the insurance company and it's nowhere near the amount she expected. She'd already told the girls she was going to take them onollider and has to untell them when the cheque arrives, crying at the kitchen table. "Are you alright?" one of the girls asks her. "Yes, I'm fine, everything's fine." Sally says, in a voice that is anything but. She pays back Rita the money she owes her and while Rita thinks about taking Mavis on a cruise, Sally is left with just enough for a small tin of beans.
Betty's starting to feel a bit odd in her old age, wondering where her future lies and what she's doing still working at the Rovers. It starts when she sees Fred's name going up above the door (in a touching scene where Fred takes off his wedding ring as Eve's name comes down) and Betty comments she's seen more names up there than she's had hot, er, pots.
And that's just about that for this week.
Glenda
Greetings and welcome to another weekly update. It's been a week of changes on the street with an old face leaving, an even older face returning and new face pretending to be an old one. So without any further ado, here we go with this week's Coronation Street update.First off this week, Betty told Fred she was handing in her notice at the Rovers. Fred takes it with a pinch of salt until he realises she's serious and then he gets worried. And so, as Betty pulls her last pint (which she hands over to Jack) and serves her last hot pot, her leaving was almost, but not quite, as sad as when Hilda went. Fred arranges a party for her in the Rovers and invites some old faces to share the event. There's her son Gordon ("that's not Gordon!" the nation cried as A Jobbing Actor tries to fill Gordon's shoes) with his snooty blonde wife and Betty's overjoyed to see them. She's even more pleased when Gordon asks Betty to go live with them in Wimbledon and Jack muses that he and Vera once thought of moving south once, to Macclesfield. And then, just when Betty was thinking of resting her corns, an old face from the past returned to the Street. There was never a subtle way to handle the return of Bet Lynch but John Stevenson, the writer for these cracking two episodes, did it with humour and style. I guess it depends on whether you like her or loathe her but I wanted Bet back and I think it worked. In full drag-artist make-up with leopard skin prints, ear-rings the size of flash bulbs and artificial blonde wig, the creature that is Bet Lynch climbed out of a taxi and walked into the Rovers. Her vulnerability is apparent right from the start (but only ever to the viewer), and it's interesting to see how the regulars react. Many know her, of course, and are glad to see her turn up for Betty's party. But a lot of them have never met Bet before. "Who's that old slapper?" asks Janice while Les tries to chat up "that old tart over there". Bet has yet to meet Roy and Hayley and it'll be interesting to see what she makes of those two although it'll be even more interesting to see what they make of her. Bet tells Audrey she had fallen in love in Tenerefee to a man called Bruce with a 40ft barge. But now he's dead and she's feeling alone; who better than Audrey to understand and let her stay at her house? Bet catches up on all the news, astounded to hear that Jack and Vera once owned the Rovers but even more surprised to hear that Curly's married a copper: "Never mind who wears the trousers in that house, who's in charge of the truncheon?". The only one not gushing to speak to Bet is Rita, who remembers only too well that their friendship had ended just before Bet left. They speak to each other, finally, cordially. As Bet lights up another cigarette and does her second rate Bette Davis routine, the one she's always done so well, Audrey comments: "I see you're still smoking, then?" to which Bet replies: "I'm still everything, chuck." And indeed she is. And so as Bet returns, Betty leaves. I'm sorry for the clichˇ but it really is the end of an era - for Betty Williams, the Rovers, Coronation Street and us. She'll be missed.
After last week's shenanigans on the red rec, Fred and Roy finally shake hands and make up after Roy admits: "I behaved in a petty and infantile manner". Oh yes, you did. Roy tries to explain to Hayley how his raging emotions and violent feelings came to the fore as he cornered Fred on the cobbles, but she isn't listening to him too much, not as he's fondling a huge knife in the cafˇ as he speaks. Bless him.
It's Bethany's second birthday and Sarah's in no mood to stay indoors and play mum. She nicks off out with Ade and Candice leaving the baby at the party with everyone else. When Todd finds out he finishes with her and when Gail finds out she grounds her.
Norris is thrilled to be picked as a steward in the Manchester Commonwealth Games. There was a dodgy scene in the Rovers when Jack collared Norris to ask him if he could get him access to the swimming pool where the synchronised swimmers do their swimming, synchronised. Too many shades of Len Fairclough for that scene to be funny.
Les is a stinking, creepy rat. Whoops, read my notes wrong, it should have said Les has stinking, creepy rats. Ah, what the heck. Emma and Curly have a BBQ in their back yard and have already taken issue with Les over the amount of rubbish he's hoarding in his. Les does nothing, of course, and on the day of the BBQ there are rats running around inside Curly's kitchen. "I'll talk to him!" says Curly. "I'll cripple him!" says Emma, and she almost does too. She grabs Les by the lapels and slams him up against the wall (it was dead good this bit) and threatens to stick rats where the sun don't shine if he doesn't clear his rubbish. Les still does nothing and neither does Curly, who had promised Emma he'd call the rat-catcher at the council. Masculine inertia proves too much for Emma so she takes baby Ben and stays at her mate's.
Karen overhears Vik say that Joe's fresh out of prison and of course, she's straight on the gossip to Janice and Fiz. Later in the Rovers, Geena overhears and isn't best pleased but doesn't seem bothered after Joe gives her a bit of a talking to. He tells her that there's no need to worry, he was only jailed for doing fraudulent things with ladies pants.
Sexy (yeah, right) Sam the stripper left this week; what a waste of time he was.
And that's just about that for this week.
Glenda
Greetings and welcome to another weekly update. You find me today rather languorous, it's this hot weather, you know. That, coupled with the fact I've just returned from an hour long session on the mat realigning my chakras means I could drop off into a zen like state of yoga-induced slumber at any moment. So if this update seems a little more, you know, chilled out than usual, you'll know what to blame. Not the red wine this time, but the pigeon, the camel and other assorted positions where my body's contorted into shapes that clearly aren't natural... so why I turn up there every bloody week to pay my money to have my ligaments torn and my feet stretched to my elbows by a teacher who thinks that standing on your head while chanting through one nostril is normal, I just don't know. Ahh, that's better. Rant over, large coffee looming to get me through the next hour without zoning out completely and without any further ado, here we go with this week's Coronation Street update.I laid my cards on the table last week and I'll do it again this. I like having Bet back. To have Bet back is to have Julie Goodyear back, it's buy one get one free (bogof if you will and I know a lot of people want her to do just that). So there seems to be a bit of a divide, some love her, some loathe her but I'm just glad that she's back adding a bit of humour, albeit unintentional. So there Bet is, floating around Audrey's living room, she's all cheap cigarettes and leopard prints, spinning the line that she's in Manchester on business for a couple of weeks. There's a wonderful scene - that you always knew just had to happen - where Rita and Bet have their heart to heart while Audrey's at work. (It was dead good, I chewed a hole in my pen top while watching). It starts off well enough, the two seem cordial with each other as Bet tells Rita, looking around Audrey's front room: "It's a nice house this - I can see you with a bay window", and "Is there any aftershave on your dressing table, Reet?" But any pretence at friendship soon falls apart after Bet splashes her jewellery about and tells Rita they're one of a kind. Clearly Rita doesn't feel the same and tells Bet to get lost before leaving with a stinging remark that hits home very hard. Rita guesses the real reason for Bet's return involves a bloke and some debt. You could tell she'd got it right as Bet inhaled so sharply that her wig almost fell off. Bet confesses to Ken later in the Rovers that she's a witness in a court case against an ex who owes her money - and if she loses the case, she'll be broke. But that's all by the by. Who needs a storyline when Bet/Julie can throw a scene just by raising her eyebrows and being unintentionally rude to Roy Cropper when he asks her if she'd like to give a talk to the historical society. And when she runs into Mike Baldwin, Bet thumps him on the jaw, calls him cocker and arranges to meet him for a drink in the Rovers. All this and more - yes, more as Julie/Bet is filmed seated behind her plastic handbag each time she's in t'pub; to hide her ego, presumably.
Les still hasn't cleared up the mess in his back yard and Emma's still concerned about rats running loose. A woman from the council turns up with some rat bait and it looks like it's done the trick but Les doesn't want Emma to know or she'll make him clear his yard now the rats have all gone. Kirk's looking for a place to stay now that his mum has taken up line dancing and Maria suggests he lives on his own: "But what if I don't get on with meself?" he asks before cornering Les and asking if he can move in with him. Les is pretty pleased, it's like Kirk is the son that he's never had. With air guitar, pin-ups, rat shooting, beer drinking and fry-ups, the two of them are getting on great until Les makes Kirk clear up his back yard.
Now that the rats have gone, Curly gets ready to host his first mother and toddler morning while Emma sleeps off her night-shift upstairs. You'll have to wait for next week to hear all about it but it's going to be good as he'll be the only male there not wearing a nappy. Curly invites Maxine and baby Ben to join the coffee morning and Max gets excited about what outfit to wear before realising she has nothing suitable and needs to go shopping for something glam, expensive and probably pink.
Sarah's home alone and Ade comes round with a bottle of vodka. What with them being 15 and vodka being vodka, they both end up drunk on the floor with Ade trying to pierce Sarah's eyebrow (as it's before 9pm it's all very metaphorical) until Gail walks in, throws a wobbly and throws Ade out. After he's gone, there are lots of giggles from Sarah and a telling off from Gail until Sarah admits she doesn't want to look after Bethany any more and talk turns to her giving her daughter away. Martin has a word with her and asks her if she loves Bethany. "Of course I love her, what sort of a question is that?" and as she picks Beth up to hug her, Gail and Martin know that their work is done. For now, anyways.
Over at the factory it's all been a bit pointless while Mike's been away. Joe's been in charge and Karen doesn't respect him although Hayley clearly adores him. The girls pull a fast one and get Joe to pay them double time to work on Sunday to fill a huge order. But when Janice spies Joe in the Rovers watching Geena's midriff have a storyline of its own, the girls aren't impressed that he isn't working as hard as they are and it's everyone out. This was so dull. Mike returns from hols just as Joe was about to sack Karen but Mike ends up sacking Joe instead. Ho-hum.
And on the 1st anniversary of Alma's death, Audrey and Mike hug and remember.
And that's just about that for this week.
Glenda
It looks like Julie/Bet's done a runner, according to the red top tabs in the UK. After returning for a week or two it seems she's wobbled off the cobbles, possibly never to return. Shame really, never mind. Anyway, before she left there was a good scene with Audrey, horrified (always a good look on the fragrant lady Roberts) that Bet has been out in the garden - the front garden - smoking, and in her dressing gown too. Anyway, while Audrey's out with Gail, Bet has a bloke in and Eddie-luv turns up to go through her briefs. When Audrey returns to find Bet with her solicitor she jumps to the wrong conclusion and gives Bet a stern talking to about having men in the house. Bet has to come clean and tells all to Audrey. And then she does a runner, but not before she snorts with derison at Fred Elliot when he asks her to manage, I say, run the Rovers for him.Greetings and welcome to another weekly update. Without any ado, at all, whatsoever, here we go with this week's Coronation Street update.
At Curly's girly coffee morning, Maxine is done up like a dog's dinner with matching ensemble of designer-clad baby a la Posh Spice; never a good look. She giggles, gossips and mingles with the mummies as Curly tries his best to hold his first parent and toddler bash. When the subject turns to breastfeeding, Maxine covers her boobs protectively and coos: "Oh no, I couldn't do that. These are for Ashley, these". Curly doesn't miss a beat with his "Anyone for cheesey puffs, then?". As the last of the mothers leave and Curly sees them off at the door, the sweetest little coat embroidered with the letter B can be spied hanging on the coat rack in the hall. Aww. Later, Curly breaks his glasses and needs to go into town to pick up some new ones, calling into the nursery to pick up Ben on the way home. Without his glasses, he says, the world is mystic and romantic and as if by magic baby Ben turns into a little girl when Curly brings home the wrong baby, but it all sorts itself out in th'end.
Archie has a proposition for Audrey; he asks her how she feels about coiffeuring his corpses. Well, someone has to do it. The lady who used to do his hairdressing has passed on to the other side (gone to join Casualty) and after giving the matter much thought, Audrey confides in Archie, strictly entre nous, that yes, she'll do it. But on the day when Archie tells her he needs her services, she falters a bit (well you would, wouldn't you?) before agreeing to help out. Turns out her first corpse is the ex-hairdresser herself. Afterwards, in Archie's car with a bunch of flowers from the dead woman's family, Audrey holds Archie's hand by his gear stick and tells him she found it " the most rewarding thing she's ever done."
Much malarkey at the factory when Joe sacks Karen who tells Steve she walked out so Steve asks Joe to give Karen her job back and Joe tells Steve that he sacked her. Steve now knows that Karen doesn't know that he knows she's been sacked. So Steve pretends he's going to give Joe a good thumping in the packing department until Karen comes clean and admits she was sacked. But who's to care? Richard's paid Steve his gaffer fee of ten grand and Karen's set her sights on shopping, not job-hunting. But Steve tells her straight - no job, no designer flat. Now that Karen's gone, Sally asks Joe if she can fill his opening in ladies pants and he's ready to interview her before Mike lets him know she once tried to nick the customer database.
There's war on at the Platts as Sarah continues to see Ade but Gail makes Ade even more irresistible to her daughter by telling her never to see him again. Lots of shouting ensues with Sarah telling Gail she's going to have to get herself a new bridesmaid for the wedding, 'cos she won't be there. Like duh.
And that's just about that for this week.
Glenda
