October 7th, 2002

Yes, hello, I'm back and it's me again. Many, many thanks to the newly appointed Mrs Waterhouse and K Richard Whitbread for doing a sterling job with the updates while I was sunning myself in a very warm, pretty and mostly unspoilt region of Spain. Thanks also to John Dean for sorting out an unforeseen mix-up with getting the update sent out. So here I am, back again, all tanned and fragrant and as gorgeous as ever. Oh all right.... well, two out of three ain't bad. Before I start with the update I really must give Tunnocks caramel wafers another plug this week as they're celebrating their 50th anniversary and regular readers will know I always wax lyrical about Tunnocks when they're in shot in the corner shop. If you're a Tunnocks virgin, then I urge you to visit www.tunnock.co.uk now so you too can enjoy the wafer of pleasure. And so, without any further ado, here we go with this week's Coronation Street update.
It's not often I lose complete interest in a Corrie plotline but this whole Joe / Dev / Geena saga has left me cold and therefore, dear reader, I haven't really got a clue what's been going on. It's basically Dev and Joe battling over Geena, lots of breathless exchanges: "Oh Dev!" "Geeeeennnnaaahhhh!" "Oh Joe!" and in the end she had the good sense to taxi away with a tear in her eye saying she wished she'd never met the both of them. Oh, and yeah, Sunita's the only one who's been telling the truth to anyone and that's only because she's got her own agenda as she wants Dev for herself. But enough already, I'm that bored with it, aren't you?

Over to more interesting goings-on chez Battersby when Les and Kirk pretend they're a gay couple to try to convince the housing officer they're living together. All this so Les won't get sent back to Weatherfield Hall Estate. Unfortunately for Les, Janice pops in for her catalogue while the housing officer's there and manages to screw up what little chance Les had of convincing the council official as she laughs at the idea of Les as a gay man.

Maria comes back from Canada after dumping Nick and waltzes back into the flat to take up where she left off in Weatherfield. Problem is, it's only a two person flat and now that Fiz has moved in, there's not much room for any of the three girls. And when Maria finds out her brother Kirk is going out with Fiz, she tells them both she doesn't want them in the flat snogging now she's back. Audrey doesn't yet know that Maria's dumped her grandson or that she's moved back into the flat so when Audrey hears loud music coming out of the upstairs flat, she manages to convince herself she's having another senior moment because she knows both Toyah and Fiz are in the cafe and both of them swear they haven't left the radio on inside.

Poor Audrey, she doesn't half take a bad turn, worried to death she's losing her mind, and you just really feel for her. She gets her electricity bill and gets confused again, she can't remember letting the little man in to read the meter, how can this bill be a reading, not an estimate? Worried to bits, she doesn't trust herself to babysit when Gail asks her look after the kids as she needs them out of the way because....

.... Patricia's friend Charlotte turns up out of the blue (well, Australia to be precise). She wants to identify her friend's body at the morgue and although Richard does all her can to dissuade her from doing so, she's adamant that she'll go through with this to say goodbye to her friend Patricia. Fortunately for Richard the police call round just in the nick of time to say there's been a mix up. After Richard identified Patricia's body, the dental records have been checked which prove that it's not Patricia who was found in the canal. Gail does her best to be hospital to Charlotte and invites her for dinner, although as you can imagine, Richard's not keen to have her hanging about for fear of her asking dodgy questions. Anyway, over dinner Charlotte spots the bracelet on Gail's arm and knows straight away that it was the one that belonged to Patricia, her favourite one that she loved. Richard even manages to squirm his way out of that by saying it was his grandmother's bracelet that Patricia wore and now Gail's wearing. At the end of a very awkward dinner, Richard drives Charlotte home, threatens her a bit in a quietly menacing way by the light of his dashboard and returns home to Gail. "I think that's the last we'll see of Charlotte" he says, with menace in his eye. Wake up Gail and smell the formaldehyde!

It's work experience week at Weatherfield comp. Sarah's helping out at Audrey's salon and Ade is working at Kev's garage. Tyrone's acting the big fella now he's no longer the junior and makes sure he gets Ade doing lots of MOT (mug of tea) work. It's clear that Ade's more keen to learn how to hotwire cars than mend motors but Sarah's just happy to have him out of Candice's hot little hands all week.

And elsewhere this week, Eileen's over the moon after one of Todd's tutors tells him he's Oxbridge material and Joe does the dirty on Shelley again. When she has a girly night in with Sunita, he's straight up the tradesman's entrance at the florist shop with juicy Lucy. Why? Answers on a postcard please, 'cos he's got a good life and a smashing girl in Shelley and it just doesn' t make sense to me.

And that's just about that for this week.

Glenda


October 14th, 2002

Greetings and welcome to another weekly update, written as it is from my garden shed where, through the red checky curtained window, I can see golden leaves falling from the trees as a cute squirrels eat nuts from my lap. Yeah, right. As if. I'm indoors, it's freezing cold outside and the squirrels in my garden are such a nuisance that we invested in one of them superdooper water pistols with a 20ft range. Now, when one of the darn critters is digging up holes in the flower beds we zap 'em with the ray gun. It's great fun for us, although probably not for the squirrel. Anyway, without any further ado, here we go with this week's Coronation Street update.
Norris, a pernickety Pisces, reads his stars in the paper and gets all a-flutter when they promise (but don't they always?) that today will be a good day for affairs of the heart. He gets even more a-flutter when one of Dr Who's former assistants, still looking more glamorous than K-9 ever managed, comes in to pay her mother's paper bill and tells Norris that sadly, her mother has died. Norris cancels the mother's subscription to Small-Ugly-Dogs-R-Us magazine and redeems her 97 books of Green Shield stamps for a garden gnome and a packet of Lambert and Butler. He tells the woman: "If there's anything I or any of my staff can do for you at this sad time….", as Rita gives him a raised eyebrow, a cold shoulder and a withered look (and all at the same time which is impressive for a woman of her age). The woman tells him that actually, yes, there is something he can do, if he really wants to he can look after Mr Woo the deceased's little dog, just for a while until things are sorted out. Norris is aghast - he can't stand dogs but the promised Piscean affairs of the heart with the lovely Diana Black win him over. "It's just a little shih-tzu," says Rita. "My thoughts exactly," says Norris. And so Mr Woo turns up on the street and he's a disgusting excuse for a dog. He arrives in a taxi, too precious to walk so gets carried around and has a hideous blue ribbon on top of his squashed little head. Rita offers to look after Mr Woo but as she goes off on her cruise with Mavis this week, he goes to live with Emily and Norris until she returns. As Emily gurgles baby noises at likkle Mr Woo, Norris fears for his life.

After swanning back to the Street and into the flat last week, Maria goes for an interview at Underworld as Joe needs a new machinist. She doesn't get the job despite doing her best to flirt for the Commonwealth now that she's returned from Canada as tart of the year. Never mind, she can get her maple syrup out for the boys now that she's working behind the bar at the Rovers. Fred isn't too bothered she's not pulled a pint before as long as she smiles and pulls in the punters.

So Underworld still needs a machinist and Joe can't believe his eyes when Karen McDonald walks in for an interview. He isn't impressed and doesn't want her there but she persuades him to give him an interview in which she 's as honest as she's ever been - she's a factory girl, she'll always be a factory girl and this is where she belongs. So Underworld have found their machinist although when Mike finds out he's not happy and when Steve finds out, he's confused why Joe would take her back when he refused Steve's request to take Karen back a few weeks ago.

In the corner shop, Deirdre offers Sunita a peace offering in a wine glass and the two of them decide to stay friends. Now that Sunita knows Deirdre had a fling with Dev, she reveals her own feelings for the Alahan man: "I love him Deirdre, I love him" she wails and there's big hugs all round (although if she wanted serious cheering up, reaching over to the Tunnocks on the top shelf would be a good way to start and I highly recommend it).

No storyline has quite upset me the way that the Richard Hillman one is managing to do right now. It's Audrey, poor Audrey, she doesn't deserve this, not at her time of life. He can mess Gail around and that's bad enough but she's young, energetic. Messing with Audrey's mind is too evil for words. Richard whisks Gail away on holiday with a bloke from the council and his missus to a villa in Andalucia. "It's beautiful," says Richard. "It is," I agree, having been there this summer. Anyway, the bloke from the council has been invited as a bribe by Richard in the hope he can put a stop to the bail hostel being built next to Richard's newly built (but not yet sold) flats. Of course, Gail doesn't know this. Before they go away, Richard sneaks into the salon and erases some of Audrey's clients from the appointments book and leaves a tap running in the sink. As Gail gives Audrey instructions on what to do with the kids this week, Audrey writes a list - which Richard takes as he leaves. When Audrey loses her list she's convinced she's losing her marbles and then when things go wrong at the salon, she thinks it's the start of Alzheimer's Disease. Archie convinces her to go to the doctor and she humours him, saying she will, but she doesn't. When Archie tells Martin how worried Audrey is, he agrees to move into his old house to look after the kids until Gail and Richard return.

There were plenty of tears from Geena this week as she tells Shelley she's moving away from the Street. Mind you, too much vodka and Coldplay can make anyone that desperate. But she's gone and I won't miss her. See you in Holby City, ladeh.

As Peter promenades with floral Lucy Lastic, some woman comes running at them, screaming she's just been mugged. Peter runs after the little muggers but doesn't catch them. With Lucy's help he bundles the woman into a taxi and gives her £20 for the fare. When the mugged woman turns up the next day at Peter's flat to repay the money, she chats to Shelley first and tells her, all innocent like, that Peter was with a woman on the day of the mugging. When Shelley questions Peter about it, he lies of course. And with Lucy Lastic later, as they're sitting on the sofa sipping something sparkling, it's obvious that he really couldn't give a toss about anyone but himself.

Les gets another visit from the Housing Officer and while she's there, Janice walks in and pretends she's moved back in with her husband. It's enough to convince the Housing Officer that Les and Janice are back as a couple and there's no longer the problem of Les being thrown back onto the scrap heap of Weatherfield Hall Estate. Unfortunately for Janice, it's also enough to convince Les that what she wants, what she really, really wants is to move back in as a couple too. Thick, stupid Les Battersby has got it wrong again. Zigazigaaah.

And elsewhere on the Street this week, Ken's surprised to receive a speeding ticket when he knows he wasn't even out in his car. What he doesn't know is that Ade Critchley has got a key to the car and goes joy-riding in it as and when he pleases. And PC Emma's up for promotion to Inspector Gadget

And that's just about that for this week.

Glenda


October 21st, 2002

Greetings and welcome to another weekly update. Without any ado, further or otherwise (as there isn't time this week, too much to read for my MA and too many art gallery opening nights to attend and then there's that huge pile of ironing to tackle) here we go with this week's Coronation Street update.
Ken gets another nasty surprise when he receives a second speeding ticket through the post. He comments to Deirdre that he just isn't the sort of person who gets speeding tickets, leaving Deirdre to comment that life would be more exciting if he was. He thinks Aidan Critchely is to blame for the tickets, but how to prove it? Anyway, when Ken's car goes missing from outside of the house, Deirdre finally persuades him to ring the police. Meanwhile, riding around the streets of Weatherfield in Ken's car is young Aidan himself, cruising and playing the radio with no particular place to go. Candice and Sarah have been fighting over Ade all week but it's Candice that claims the prize dork for herself. Sarah's upset and finally gets it back together with Ade as he tempts her into Barlow's stolen motor and away they go. Round the roundabouts, over bridges, under bridges, under the underpass and down a blind alley as Ade gathers speed and ultimately loses control of the car. As Sarah tries to leap out of the moving car, it overturns and smashes into the back of a wagon. Ade does a runner while Sarah lies bleeding under the wreckage. Some bloke from a burger van calls the police as he watches Ade running away from the scene. And then in one of them Corrie coincidences, PC Emma turns up and recognises the car: "I know that car!". And she recognises the victim: "And that's Sarah Platt, she lives across the road from me!" and then has the grisly task of telling Gail and Richard that Sarah's been involved in an accident. But first, she goes to Curly and gets a hug of support before she breaks the bad news. Things are already tense in the Hillman household as Gail and Richard have just returned from Spain and Gail has found out that the holiday was nothing more than a bribe to the council. She's furious with Richard for telling her more lies and he, at least, tries his best to look sheepish. But things are about to get worse. PC Emma comes in with her stern face on. "It's bad news, I'm afraid" she says. "Patricia?" says Richard. "Sarah?" says Gail. And so Gail goes off to hospital where Sarah's having brain surgery and there's every possibility things could go seriously wrong. But where was Nurse Platt, the Weatherfield medic when all this was going on? He's always at the hospital, always. It was disappointing not to hear him chirp up in his scrubs: "I know that blood stained car accident victim! It's Sarah Platt, she lives across the road from me!".

In an effort to win Janice back, Les tells her the housing officer is visiting again and needs proof that the two of them are living together as husband and wife, happily ever after, amen. Janice agrees but only because she feels sorry for Les. When she gets there, Les has got the place set for seduction a la Battersby, which is pretty scary, it has to be said. Les is in his dressing gown and medallion and there are cheap candles and even cheaper lager dotted around the room. "Come on, get yer kit off" he tells her. When it becomes obvious to Janice just what's going on, she leaves, giving Les a life time of fry-ups for one to look forward to, and not much else.

Emily brings Mr Woo to the Kabin for Norris to look after while she's out shopping. Norris and the dog still aren't getting on. He tells Maria that he's just not a doggy person and using her canine knowledge, Maria pinpoints this to a Norris childhood trauma when he was savaged by a mutt as he played with his yo-yo. But when he sees David Platt feeding chocolates to the dog, Norris realises there's a way he can become friends with Mr Woo. Later, when Emily asks in the Kabin for a box of chocolate truffles and it's not on the shelf, Norris has a guilty look on his face and Mr Woo has a full tummy. Oh dearie me, doesn't Norris know that chocolate is poison to dogs, especially small, ugly, spoilt brat ones?

PC Emma is after promotion at work but gets passed over in place of a bloke, Roger Overandout. When she tries to talk to Curly about it, he's more interested in baby Ben and the two of them argue. Which leads nicely into PC Emma asking Curly if they can have another baby. Odd, but there you go. In a very tender scene, the likes of which Curly has always excelled in, he delicately but definitely says no, not yet.

Maria starts working at the Rovers this week and like 99.9% of female bar staff I have ever been served by, she serves the fellas first before she serves the women. Back from his holiday, Vik takes a shine to the new barmaid, even if she does pull lager from the bitter pump.

And finally this week, Peter's back in floral Lucy Lastic's bed. Promising Shelley he'll meet her after work for a curry, he rolls over, does it again and falls asleep. Shelley's beside herself with worry over yet another dork.

And that's just about that for this week.

Glenda


October 28th, 2002

Greetings and welcome to another weekly update. Apologies that it's late this week but I think this is going to be the way of things for the next couple of years as I write emails (and updates) in between wading through the mountain of reading for my master's degree course. It's hard work but I love it although even I have to admit, I don't see the point of putting myself through it. I really must be as daft as I look. Anyway, without any further ado, here we go with tired eyes, a hurting brain and a glass of white wine with this week's Coronation Street update.
I'll start with the important stuff first so it's straight down to Weatherfield General where Nurse Platt finally, finally, walks in to find his daughter Sarah in the intensive care unit. Sarah's in a coma, Gail's in a state, Candice is in tears after a grilling from Richard about telling the truth to the police (although she never does), Ade is indoors too scared to go out and I was in bits after David's heartfelt plea to his sister for her to get better soon. When Ade does venture outdoors Richard collars him on the cobbles and gives him a throttling which was pretty scary but nothing compared to what Gail did to him next. Bloody good acting. Anyway, in the Corrie traidtion, Sarah does get better, oh yes. But when she first opens her eyes Gail has to wonder.... the lights are on but is there anybody home? Indeed there is. The tubes come out and Sarah sits up in bed in the recovery position, as the memory of what happened comes flooding back to her. After she makes a statement to the police, Ade gets arrested at Weatherfield comp and he's accompanied to the station. Ken breathes a sigh of relief that Ade's behind bars so can't believe his eyes when later that day Ade turns up behind his classroom desk. Ade winds Ken up, really winds him up, and taunts Ken with being a 60's liberal, the likes of which allowed leniency in the law in the treatment of juveniles - laws which have released him on bail and out of jail. It's too much for Ken to stand, knowing what Ade had done to Sarah and he lashes out at the lad, knocking him off the table and onto the floor with a bloody nose. Ken's distraught at his behaviour (although young David goes "respeck") and immediately goes to the Head. She tells him the same thing that Deirdre tells him later, Ade deserved it and he shouldn't feel so bad. But Ken being Ken, he does feel so bad and duly resigns from his post.

There's more trauma at the Kabin as Norris wonders what to do with a dead dog. Oh yes, Mr Wu he no more. He gone. Dog dead. Respeck. Norris had fed Mr Wu 3lb of chocolates over the last week, enough to be fatal to the little dog and off he goes to get a doppelganger dog before Rita returns from her cruise. The first one he sees isn't ideal, being a Mrs Wu, but he's sure if he can get a replacement and that Rita will never know.

The Alahan Empire just keeps on growing as Dev gets approval for his amusement arcade to be built next door to Roy's Rolls (oh, alright, it might not be next door to Roys Rolls but it's close enough to get Roy uptight about it all). Roy takes to leafletting the locals on the dangers of arcades but most of them seem to quite like the idea, especially Dev.

Richard's still in debt with the bank and tries to bluff his way through a meeting with the bank manager with the promise of money to come from investments. Back home at the house, Richard and Gail have a ding-dong about being deep in doo-doo and then, suddenly, Richard turns the whole thing around, blames himself for Sarah's accident, blames himself for the family's finances falling apart and what does Gail do? She cuddles his head to her bosom and tells him she loves him. What an evil bloke. What a stupid woman.

And that's just about that for this week.

Glenda


By Glenda Young, writer of Coronation Street Weekly Updates for the internet since 1995.


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