January 6, 2003
Greetings and welcome to the first weekly update of 2003 and
I must say that Corrie's first week on the screen this year was a belter.
If the standard of dialogue and acting is a taste of what's to come for
the rest of the year, great stuff. But anyway, how are you?
Me? Oh, you know, I'm trying to get used to being back at work instead of
lazing on the sofa eating Thornton's Continental and playing with my trug.
And in a more general sense, thanks for asking, I'm loving the snow we're
having, hating the idea of war and wondering about a train ride through Canada
as my holiday destination this year. And so, without any further ado,
here we go with this week's Coronation Street update.
There's only way to start the update this week and that's with the whole
Ken, Deirdre, Dev and Tracy malarkey. Crikey, where to begin?
Tracey's husband Robert turns up at the Barlows after Deirdre calls him
to tell him where his errant wife has ended up. But when he arrives,
all he wants is his van keys, certainly not his Jezebel of a wife who, he
tells Deirdre, had slept with his best mate. Now that Deirdre
knows Tracey's shagging Dev, she's really not happy. Jealous? Perhaps. Worried
that her secret night of passion with Dev will come out? Definitely… but
out it does come. In the corner shop, Tracey's boasting to Sunita that
she's not like the rest of Dev's girls, she's different. Frustrated and fed-up,
Sunita tells Tracey that she's exactly like the rest of Dev's girls, in
fact, one of his girls was her mother. Tracey takes her pout and storms
straight round to Deirdre where she wheedles and niggles about truth and
honesty before spoiling Deirdre's day when she tells her she knows the truth
about Dev. Cue to the courthouse where Ken is about to plead guilty
to hitting Ade Critchley. Before he goes into the court, he can take
no more of his wife and step-daughter arguing and demands to know what their
fight is about. Deirdre comes clean then Ken gets a conditional
discharge before he gives a speech in court about the importance of being
earnest, honest and how Grecian 2000 helps him no end. But then, oh
wow, we go back to the house where Ken turns the tables on Deirdre. No,
he did, really, he tipped up the kitchen table which was all set with tea
plates where Blanche was going to serve up a pie. Instead, Blanche
went out for a drink after she gives Tracey a big slap:"You nasty mouthed
little madam", and Deirdre a big hug: "You stupid girl". Deirdre
throws Tracy out of the house and straight into the corner shop where Dev
tickles her by the Tunnocks and tells her he'll spend the night reading Shakespeare
to her: "Shall I compare thee to your mother today? Thou art more pouty
and more shouty: Rough winds do shake the corner shop walls, And these bananas
need eating by Friday." And so, Ken and Deirdre are alone in the house
and it's time for the truth. This was so well written, so powerful
that all I could do was write one word in my note book: Fabulous. I had
to watch this episode a second time, it really was wonderful stuff with Deirdre
yelling through tears: "Ken, I doooo loooove yoooooo" and Ken being
all Radio 4 and bitter. He yelled at her, she yelled at her, recriminations
were flung around the living room but never, not once, did Deirdre bring
up Ken's affairs and romances as he hurtled the names of Mike, Samir and
Dev at her. And then Ken left by the back gate, which was odd I thought,
as desperate Deirdre yelled, begged and cried some more.
Much else this week pales into insignificance after the Barlow kit and
caboodle but bear with me and I'll do my best. At the Rovers on New
Years Eve, Fred's happy the punters are spending so much: "There's nowt
so beautiful as the sound of legal tender being crammed into a till."
Toyah's bloke John calls into the flat knowing that Toyah is out.
It doesn't take long for him and Maria to be nekkid in bed and after they've
done it, you know, it, Fiz returns to the flat and catches them both.
Neither Fiz nor Maria have told Toyah the truth yet but Fiz is aghast at
what Maria has done to their mate and wastes no time in telling Maria what
she thinks: "You cow, you rotten cow."
Audrey moves out of Archie's house and back home now that the refurbishment
work has been finished. Although it's clear he'll miss her and the
company, Archie lets Audrey go with the minimum of fuss and the murderous
Richard Hillman has had a pretty low profile this week.
At the café, Ciaran continues to serve up banter with the barmcakes,
friendliness with the fries, ego with the eggs and cheeky charm with the
chips. Roy isn't too keen on having him around, there's the expense
of paying wages for a start as well as the fact he makes Hayley giggle too
much. But when Ade Critchley tries to nick a handbag from one of the tables,
it's Ciaran that manages to get the bag off him and throw him out of the
café after Roy's valiant, but sadly, crap, effort at doing the same
and Roy decides Ciaran can stay. Shelley and Peter aren't happy that Ciaran
is sticking around the street for a bit but in a lovely scene, Roy tells
Ciaran that if he feels his friendship with Peter is worth fighting for,
then he must make every effort to make amends.
So Ade's still holed up in the hardware shop, scrounging food from Sarah
Platt and trying to steal bags from Roys Rolls. Sarah goes back to
school in her bibbly bobbly hat, swishy in her satin and tat while feeling
sorry for Ade who's living rough on the street.
Things are grim at the Grimshaw's as Steve puts their house up for sale.
In an effort to put off prospective buyers, Eileen tells Todd and Jason
to make as much noise and mess as they like, which they do, in order to
scare off the buyers, which they do too. When Dev comes up for
air from snogging Tracy he tells Steve he's prepared to invest in Streetcars
but isn't too happy when Steve tells her the price will be thirty grand.
And that's just about that for this week.
Glenda
January 13, 2003
Greetings and welcome to another weekly wotsit which I trust finds you
all well and happy. I’ve had a number of emails (47 to be precise)
asking me what a trug is. You’ll remember, if you cast your mind back
to Christmas just gone, that I got one for Christmas. Indeed, it was my favourite
present if you don’t count the the six pack of Jack Daniels. A trug,
ladies and gentlemen, is a wooden basket for use in the garden. It
is shaped so as to slip over the arm and to be filled with all manner of
cuttings, plantings, weeds and seeds. As soon as the weather warms up,
I’ll be out there with my trug, digging, planting and disappearing every now
then down to the garden shed.. well, a girl’s gotta hide her Jack Daniels
somewhere (and he never seems to complain). But anyway, that’s enough
trugging stuff so without any further ado, here we go with this week’s Coronation
Street update.
If like me, you’ve never enjoyed the character of Maxine, you’ll not be
upset to know that she’s dead. She has gone. She is no more.
She is deceased. Yes, Richard struck again but I have to say,
apart from losing the most vaccuous tart it has ever been my misfortune to
watch on telly, it was all rather disappointing. Despite being aired
later than usual to indicate a certain level of tension, I thought the acting
was pretty naff by all concerned, especially Tracy Shaw who had trouble
playing herself as a believable corpse (heaven knows why, she’s managed
it these last few years pretty well). But anyway, I digress, let’s
get back to the story. It’s Doreen’s 50th birthday and there’s a party
in the Rovers for that along with Todd Grimshaw’s 18th. Emily is babysitting
at the Peacocks and Richard sees this as his chance to do in Mrs Bishop while
everyone’s drunk and having fun in the pub. But before he sets off
to kill Emily with his crow bar, he’s done a bit of planning in advance.
Oh yes, now that he knows Ade is living in the hardware shop, he wants to
make it appear as if Ade has done the murder. First, he takes Audrey’s
wobbly eggs which have somehow turned up in Gail’s kitchen and he puts
some of them into a bottle of booze. He leaves the booze along
with some food for Ade, who drinks it all down, believing it’s been left
for him by Sarah who’s been supplying him with his only source of food while
he’s been living rough. Then, when Ade’s knocked out by the drugs and
booze Richard takes his coat, baseball hat and trainers to wear.
He crosses the street, disguised as Ade and spotted by Peter. He climbs
over the wall at the back of the Peacocks (dunno why.. there was a set of
steps last time I was there) and sneaks into the kitchen from the back yard.
As Emily watches an old black and white horror film (it couldn’t have been
any more cliched) Richard brings the crow bar down on her head. He
thinks he’s done it, he thinks she’s dead. Just at that moment,
with all that thinking going on, Maxine comes through the front door. She’d
decided to check up on baby Josh but what she doesn’t realise is that her
maternal instinct is just about to get her killed. (What tosh! Who
writes these crappy updates? Oh yeah, me. Right - back
to it then). And that’s when the first episode finished. There
was a half hour break between this episode and the next, a half hour break
in which I cheered on Durham University in University Challenge. By the time
I’d turned the telly over to check back on the Street, I’d missed the beginning
of episode two and tuned in to find Maxine dead on the floor with Richard
leaving the scene of the crime. However, I have it on good authority
from a very nice man that Richard, and I quote: “chased her round the sofa
for a bit and hit her with the crow bar.” So there you have it.
Fortunately for us, but not for Richard, Emily survives the attack although
she’s probably got a bit of a migraine. Maxine, however, is dead.
Norris calls the ambulance and PC Emma turns up (of course). Ashley’s
in shock but gets taken in for questioning. Emily gets taken to the
hospital and Maxine gets taken to Casualty, or Holby City, or A&E, or
Home is Where the Heart Is or...... By the time the police and
the ambulances arrive, Richard is back in the Rovers with his half pint of
beer and his missus.
Meanwhile, elsewhere on the Street the good news is that Ken tells Deirdre
he’ll forgive her and the two of them are back together, stronger than ever.
“You’re simply the best.” she tells Ken. Better than all the rest, better
than anyone, anyone she’s ever met. However, Tracy’s relationship
with Dev isn’t so strong and the jumped-up little madam asks Deirdre if she
can move back in at the Barlow’s. The answer, not surprisingly, was
no. Further surprises are in store for Ken and Deirdre when they
discover Tracy working behind the bar in the Rovers but she’s not there very
long. After spending the night talking to Dev when she should have
been working, Tracy storms out after an argument with Kirk, which saves Shelley
from sacking her, which she was going to have to do anyway.
Karen acts the go-between between Steve and Dev when Dev offers to pay
off Vik’s debts at Streetcars for a partnership in the taxi firm. And
so the new regime of McDonald and Alahan begins with Dev wanting regular
staff meetings and info on the QT from Eileen. Steve is at pains to
point out that Dev isn’t the new boss, merely a partner, but Dev, methinks,
has other plans. With the debts paid off, this means Steve no longer
needs to make the Grimshaws go homeless by selling off his house. Eileen
breathes a sigh of relief and wonders wistfully why her magnificent acting
talent is being wasted away.
And that’s just about that for this week.
Glenda
January 20, 2003
Yes, it’s that time of the week again so greetings and welcome
to another Corrie update. I want to start this week by saying a big
thank you, so THANK YOU, to the two ladies in Canada who sent me the Canadian
sweeties which arrived last weekend. If there’s anyone else wishing
to send me goodies from Canada, my next request is for a Mounty, minus the
horse. But anyway, without any further ado, here we go with this week’s
Coronation Street update.
Events have been somewhat dominated by Maxine’s death this week so
that seems a good place to start. Mind you, I had trouble with one
of the episodes I taped this week (I do have a life and I do go out,
honestly I do). Playing back the video it soon became apparant - when
Blanche told Ken that if he wanted to go on a four day break in the Bahamas
all he had to do was buy three crates of Tesco own-brand lager - that while
the picture had recorded, the sound hadn’t. Instead of Corrie dialogue, the
sound was coming from telly adverts recorded days ago. Remarkably,
most of it synched in quite well although the delights of Centre Parc lost
its charm when it played over a distraught Fred and Ash in the Rovers.
Then we tried to lip-read and finally, exasperated with sound and vision
being seen and not heard, made up our own dialogue and giggled some more.
But anyway, back to events on the cobbles.
Ashley’s taken in for questioning and kept in the cells, unable to talk
to anyone until he’s eliminated from police enquiries - and of course he is.
Doreen’s in distress and no make-up and Ashley’s in shock and won’t talk
about the funeral until, in a lovely scene, Archie Shuttleworth subtly makes
him see sense. Anyway, just as Richard planned, Ade gets arrested.
Ade knows he’ll need help to get him out of this mess and calls on the one
person he knows he can trust – Mr Barlow from school. Ken’s reluctant
at first but he knows what Ade’s capable of and what he’s not and believes
in his innocence, which is more than the other Street residents do.
Meanwhile, back at the hospital, there’s a few tearful bed-side scenes until
Emily makes a full recovery: “Glory! Glory!” cries Norris. Emily ends
up back to the Street, where, after almost being hacked to bits by Richard,
Norris tries to kill her with kindness. (Don’t worry Aunty Em,
Spider’s on his way!!). Richard’s having trouble coming to terms with
what he’s done; he’s not sleeping, goes wandering and twitches by Gail’s
net curtains. When he receives a phone call to say that one of his
investments has paid up twenty three thousand pounds ‘cos some other old
biddy has died, he can’t quite believe the irony of it all, realising there
was no point in trying to kill Emily after all.
Dev tells Roy that his plan to buy the shop next door to Roy’s Rolls (Sally’s
old hardware shop?) and turn it into an arcade, is off. Roy breathes
a sigh of relief until Ciaran suggests to Roy that the two of them go into
partnership, extend the café and Bob’s your uncle. Well, he might
be. He’s not mine, I haven’t got an uncle Bob. Hayleys thinks it’ll
work but Roy isn’t so sure he can trust Ciaran even if he is a good cook,
great with the customers, has a dazzling smile and biceps you could butter
a loaf on. However, perhaps Roy’s right not to trust me-laddo when
Ciaran reveals to Peter that he isn’t on shore leave from the Navy after
all. He’s been kicked out for being caught in bed with the wife of someone
important enough to do the kicking. Shelley’s not pleased with Ciaran
hanging around the street either, believing he’s a bad influence on Peter.
And being a woman, she’s right. Quicker than you can say “Half a dozen
of them long stemmed big pink ones at the back for me mother who’s a martyr
to her corns”, Peter goes round to see florist Lucy once more. She’s
in (of course), alone (of course) and invites him in (of course). Could this
woman be any more boring? Yes (but not much).
There was high drama in the flat above the salon after Maria peed on a
stick that said she was up it. The stick that is. Yes, she’s in the
pudding club and while Bob may not be your uncle, John is definitely the
father. Not my father, you understand. But he might be yours and he’s definitely
Bob’s brother. She gets the pregnancy confirmed by the doctor and ends
up telling Fiz and then of course, Toyah. Toyah passes on this piece
of juicy gossip to John in the Rovers, who tells Toyah he’s going for a take-away
(if he’d took it away when he was with Maria, she wouldn’t be in this
mess now). Instead, he goes to the flat and tells Maria she has to
get rid of it, whatever the cost he will pay. So thoughtful, eh? Maria
had already decided to have an abortion and confides in Betty at the Rovers
- who knew what was going on without Maria saying a word: “Are you in trouble,
my love?” coos Betty gently. “Yes” replies Maria. “I look
like Mark Owen”. Betty isn’t best pleased to hear that Maria’s thinking
of abortion but the conversation between them both in the back room at the
Rovers was done so well, a lovely touch. It was a conversation that Betty
has had so many times before, with so many different women.
And finally this week, Ciaran and Sunita disagree over him coming between
Ciaran and Shelley and they argue in the Rovers. This being Corrie,
the next time we see them is upstairs in Sunita’s flat where she’s cooking
him dinner and planning another date where she’s thinking of kissing his
blarney stone.
And that’s just about that for this week.
Glenda
January 27, 2003
Greetings and welcome to another weekly update and many thanks
for all the kind words that come my way each week after sending out each update.
I know I don’t get around to replying to you all personally but I do appreciate
the emails, so thank you. My life since last week’s update has been
a mixture of turpentine and emulsion and I don’t recommend it, it doesn’t
taste nice and you can’t drink more than a pint in one go, although it does
make the decorating look fab. But anyway without any further ado, here
we go with this week’s Coronation Street update.
Ciaran and Sunita share a sausage for breakfast as their relationship deepens
to that most desirable of all levels, lust. I recommend it highly.
When Shelley finds out that her best mate’s snogging her least favourite person,
she’s not best pleased but Sunita says she just wants to have fun. And who
can blame her for goodness sake, she’s been stuck up in that flat of hers
for months on end with only her unrequited passion for Dev and a staff discount
on the frozen cod cakes to keep her happy. Shelley and Peter
jet off for Mexico but not before Ciaran tells Shelley a tale of when he
and Peter were in Tijuana and Peter drunk that drink, you know, the one with
the worm in the bottom. Except it wasn’t your typical worm, it was one Ciaran
had dug out of a garden and planted in the glass before Peter swallowed the
lot of it, down in one gulp. So, as Shelley and Peter jet off on their
jollies, Shelley’s parting shot to Ciaran is a real worm in his pint in the
Rovers as she wishes Sunita the very best of luck with her new bloke.
Maxine’s funeral takes place in a storyline that was diluted by and didn’t
deserve to be spread over two episodes. Audrey does the hair and make-up
on the corpse, saying it was the most difficult job she’s ever had to do.
Indeed, where does one find six tonne of Max Factor Slap No 2 in Manchester
on a wet Monday? Fred does a reading in the church and then Maxine’s
dad Derek tries to follow but breaks down on the pulpit as Fred helps him
back to his pew. Fred turns around to see who’s sitting behind him and
asks Richard, oh yes, to take over with the speech. It was supposed
to be gripping but it was just rather dull. Richard starts off with
the reading and then announces he has a confession to make..... Audrey and
Norris look aghast, with eyes wide, wondering and hoping if Richard will break
down and tell the truth ..... he says he confesses about being in despair
over the death of such a lovely woman and waffles on about tragedy and triumph
in this life as Audrey walks out, clearly stunned. Later at the graveside
it’s too much for Audrey when she sees Richard take Gail’s hand to help him
cope. “It’s you what did it!” she screams “It’s you, Richard! You killed her!.”
Archie tries to calm her and later in the Rovers she apologies to Ashley
who’s clearly angry with her and to Fred, who isn’t often upset with Audrey,
I say he’s never usually this mad, but this time he is. Meanwhile, Richard
comes out of all this smelling of roses, the hero of the hour for standing
in at the church and doing the reading with Maxine’s parents insisting he
joins them for a drink in the Rovers. Over in the yellow corner by
the fag machine, Norris and Audrey mutter and plan. They know they have
to do something, but what?
So far then so good, for Richard the killer. Incensed to hear that Ken’s
been visiting Aidan Critchley, Ashley tells Ken he doesn’t want him anywhere
near him on the day of the funeral. So Ken goes to visit Aidan instead,
who also tells him he doesn’t want him anywhere near him. He tells Ken
to get off his case. Not only do the residents berate Ken for believing
Aidan’s innocent, but Deirdre and Blanche also give him a hard time. And of
all the people, of all of them, Deirdre is the one who should know by now
that Ken wouldn’t do anything he felt strongly to be fair and just.
Now then, last time he came back I’m sure I must have put it right at the
top of the update. But this time, I don’t know. Is it the post-Christmas
blues, the fumes from the emulsion or could it really be that Spider’s lost
his sparkle (for me)? No, none of those things, it’s just that I know
he’s not around for very long this time so there’s little point waxing lyrical
too much. Anyway, he returned this week in his organic juice-mobile
in time to help Aunty Em cope at the funeral. When he bumped into Toyah
in the street he gave her a peck on the cheek and the promise of catching
up later and Emily is overjoyed to have Geoffrey back - for now, anyway.
Emily had already thrown Norris out of the house after they argued about whether
Richard was the killer or not, so there’s a spare room at Emily’s for Spider
to stay. Poor Norris is shacked up in the same room as Kirk at Les
Battersby’s and you really wouldn’t wish that on anyone.
Despite Betty trying to talk Maria out of having the abortion, she goes
for it anyway, with her good mate Toyah going along for support.
John’s still playing it cool and stringing Toyah along, clearly relieved to
be told that Maria’s been to the clinic. You just know when Toyah finds
out, she’s going to take it badly, and oh, what a co-incidence, Spider’s now
around to offer her a shoulder to cry on.
And that’s just about that for this week.
Glenda
By Glenda Young
, writer of
Coronation Street Weekly Updates
for the internet since 1995.
