Greetings and welcome to another weekly update. It's a bit late
this week because of the annual weekly updater's conference which was held
last night. In attendance were er.. me and Janet Waterhouse (John Dean
sent apologies in advance and had his card marked). Yes, the annual convention
of the Coronation Street writers of weekly updates for the internet (or TACOWOTSITS
for short) is when the weekly updaters get together to deliberate over
important issues. This year we met in a Soho restaurant, where a pianist
tinkled ina corner (well that's Soho for you). And so, without any
further ado, here we go with this week's Coronation Street update.
First off I have to say this update will probably be short and not funny.
I'm in a stonkingly bad mood with what has always been my trusty old HP
printer and has now given up the ghost - 3 days before I need it to work
its little socks off printing this weekend. So. Should I gently unplug it
and recycle it to Oxfam or jump up and down on it,
crushing and kicking it and then throw it out of the window, rock and
roll style? Answers on a postcard please. Anyway, back to the
short and not funny, don't say you weren't warned. I am only human,
oh yes. After Mike caught Tyrone and Katy in his flat last week he gives
Tyrone a hard time by telling him he wants back the money he's nicked from
his flat. Tyrone knows he didn't nick any money but to clear his name that
Mike wants dragging through the mud, he resorts to trying to steal a car
to pay back the cash. Word spreads on the grapevine that
Mike's lost a thousand quid and he really puts Tyrone through themangle
this week until finally admitting he was winding him up to teach him a lesson.
I don't know if it was the colour going iffy on our telly this week or
what like, but the female characters seemed to be in extreme make-up most
of the time. Shelley, Tracy and Angela in particular were almost fluorescent
in one episode but that's by-the-by. By the bar was Bev, Shelley's
mum, settling in and I'm still hoping she'll be around for a while.
She's natural for the Rovers, I say she were born to it. Peter's still pulling
the wool over Shelley's eyes and swinging the lead with Bev, which isn't
easy to do, both at the same time. He tells Shelley he wants them to start
a family and Shelley goes all a-flutter with the hand pumps.
Not surprisingly, no-one believes Les was beaten up by a copper even though
his face is black and blue from the beating. Dev sacks him from Street cars
for bringing the taxi firm into disrayputay after being charged with assault.
Mick continues lying to Janice about beating up Les last week but Emma comes
clean to Curly. "You can't do this" he tells her when she says she's
lied on her statement. "I already have" she replies. Much marital discomfit
follows.
By far the best storyline this week was when Karen went off to the trade
fair with Joe. Against Steve's wishes and ignoring his "If you go,
then don't come back", off she goes on her overnight jolly with the boss.
After a hard day at the rag-trade do, Joe wants to spend the night with
Karen, but after a fair bit of flirting she tells him she's going home to
Steve. By this time however, Steve's assumed the worst, gone out to
get drunk and he's been picked up in a bar by a blonde bit called Julie.
After a bit of hows-your-father in the bedroom, there's a call from Karen
to say she's on her way home. Out Julie goes, in comes Karen.
The subtleties of the storyline can't be
outlined here, I won't be able to do it justice, but it was really rather
good and showed what an excellent actress Suranne Jones can be. When she
finds the blonde hair in her bed, you just want to scream at Steve with her.
He fumbles for the right thing to say but can't deny what happened and she
leaves the flat, in tears. Excellent stuff.
And finally this week Kirk and Jack fill in (or for American readers: out)
another competition entry to win their dream home. It isn't until Vera points
out that the closing date was over a year ago, that it seems a shame they
won't get to use Kirk's slogan: "My dream house is a public house".
And that's just about that for this week. Right, I'm off to give
my printer a kicking.
Glenda
Greetings and welcome to another weekly update. This
week's update is coming to you from the warmth of an English spring evening.
I've just come in from watering the garden where the beans are pushing up
nicely and I managed to hit two squirrels (five points each) with the long-range
water pistol we keep handy in the kitchen. Well, it stops the little
varmits running amok in the sweet peas and gives me no end of fun too.
And so without any further ado, here we go with this week's Coronation Street
update.
Ashley takes on a nanny this week to look after baby Josh and Fred's in
on the interviews, making his preference well known. "The ideal nanny
should be like a good side of beef" he says. A fatty, bleeding piece
of cow? Madonna Grimes from the dry-cleaners is interviewed and dismissed
but gives everyone a chuckle. Sensible Claire is not to Fred's liking although
Ashley takes a shine and it's the one with the NNEAB from B&Q, the BTEC
from the TUC and a handful of NVQs from HMV on her CV that Fred wants to
give the job to. But it's Ashley's decision and he chooses caring Claire
Casey who gets along with little Josh-wah fine.
Much marital discomfit for the McDonald's this week with more slanging
matches between the tears for Karen and Steve. These two are wonderful
together, this storyline is bringing out the best in them both. Karen
stays with Janice then moves back to the flat, has the locks changed and
throws Steve's stuff out on to the street. Steve stays with Mrs Grimshaw
who is much used to looking after feckless blokes. When Steve returns to
pick up his things, Karen gives him three minutes - on the egg timer.
"But that was a wedding present" he says "so one and a half minutes are mine
and one and a half minutes are yours". Great stuff. He naffs off with the
telly and she follows him out onto the street screaming and yelling for its
return. But revenge is exacted when she keeps the remote.
Emily's distracted and worried this week, concerned about losing her house
when Richard's creditors need paying off. Rita and Norris flutter around
suitably caring.
Jack wins £50 from the local paper crossword competition and this
spurs him on to even bigger and better things. Vera's overjoyed when Jack
tells her he's won £100 to spend in the local travel agent, but he
has to break it to her gently that it's not a prize, it's a voucher to be
redeeemd against an £800 holiday if the holder of the voucher is a
family of four who have two children who's first names begin with the letter
B. When Vera's seen beating Jack round the head with said voucher,
the regulars in the Rovers assume he's given her the bad news.
Blanche invites Tracy for tea at the Barlows, telling her that Deirdre
and Ken won't be there. Then she cooks up a storm in the kitchen and has
Deirdre wondering just what's going on. When Tracy walks in, Deirdre
and Ken get all uppity and when Dev waltzes in drunk with a bottle in his
hand they get uppityer still. Dev and Tracy leave after eating half
their meal with no pretence at politeness. Not one of Blanche's best plans.
And finally this week, a cracker of a storyline. Katy Nelson goes
into Manchester to meet her Sheffield mates at a gig. What she doesn't
know is that she's followed home by the brother of the guy who Angela grassed
up in Sheffield - the very reason they're under the WPP. Anyway, and
this gets really gripping (well it did on the telly, I can't vouch for the
update), the guy later returns with his other brother - they're a couple
of pantomime thugs. All that was missing was a couple of neon signs
on their heads flashing "Yob, Hoodlum and General Ne'er Do Well" just in case
any viewer didn't pick up on the otherwise subtle clues as to the unsavouriness
of them both. Katy's home alone as Craig's done a runner after pretending
for weeks he's been rehearsing for the school play when all he wanted was
some time on his own away from his mum and dad. When Craig's found
and taken in by the Croppers for chips, Angela and Tommy chat to their
son in the cafe. Meanwhile back at their house the Morgan brothers are in
the house with Katy, who's increasingly weak because she hasn't had her insulin.
Somewhere between the beans and the washing up, Sally tells Kevin she's seen
two blokes asking for Tommy and Kevin tells Sally to phone the police.
The cop cars draw up at the same time that the Nelson clan come out
of the cafe, people are running around, Claire's walking past with Joshua,
Karen and Steve are chasing each other down the street yelling obscenties
at each other and the police tell Tommy to stand well back, they're dealing
with it all. Katy screams and it's too much for Tommy, he bursts into the
house and a couple of shots ring out. Angela screams and the credits
rolled, oh yes.
And that's just about that for this week.
Glenda
Greetings and welcome to another weekly update. It's late
again this week but it's been the Easter holiday weekend and I've been trapped
under a chocolate egg since last Thursday. But I'm back into the swing
of things today, when it was back to work and back to the update. So
without any further ado here we go with this week's Coronation Street update.
Right then, cast your mind back to last week's tense hostage situtation
at the Nelsons as gun shots ring out, someone screams, the police look nervous
and Katy's in a coma. The police and Angela burst into the living room as
one of the baddies does a runner out the back. "Lie down on the floor"
yells the copper to the other baddy "Cross your legs and put your arm behind
your back". Not an easy move, I know, I do it in yoga every Tuesday.
Tommy's shoulder's shot after he's been shot there with shot and gets rushed
off to hospital. Both father and daughter make the expected recovery under
the watchful eye of the Weatherfield weapons inspector, Nurse Platt.
Mind you, there was some good acting from all of the Nelson clan, apart
from that Katy, I'm not that keen on her but the others were fab. When the
copper tells Angela that both baddies have been rounded up and sent to prison,
she decides to take her family off the witness protection programme.
Fed up with having to lie to friends and nieghbours, the Nelsons breathe
a familial sigh of relief only to have the wind knocked out of their sails
when Sally goes all Daily-Mail, ranting on about how they could have got
someone killed with their secrets and what-not.
Roy's unhappy that Hayley kept the Nelson's secret from him but although
he's clearly hurt he tells Hayley sweetly and understandingly: "You were
a true, steadfast friend when she needed you". You just have to love him,
really, you do. If it wasn't for that anorak, I could fancy him meself. Oh,
and that hair cut of course. And the stoop. And the fact he's tee-total.
And already married. But apart from that, well.
Someone in the Rovers did take a shine to Roy this week, although it was
all done for a (slightly cruel, I thought) laugh. Bev holds court
in the Rovers with Deirdre, Karen, Fiz and Shelley and imparts her barmaid
wisdom. She reckons you can tell a lot about a man from what he drinks in
a bar (true - real ale is ok as long as they're not wearing sandals - with
socks; think lager think lout; avoid cocktail drinkers unless you want a
brittle repressive and as for tee-totallers? You wouldn't drink either if
you had what they had - not enough money to buy a proper round). Anyway,
Bev reckons she can pull any bloke in the bar and bets she'll get a kiss
from the next man to walk through the door of the Rovers. Of course it's
Roy, out to buy Hayley a bottle of wine to celebrate their 4th wedding anniversary
(doesn't time fly? I remember it all so well but then of course, well, that's
a whole other story and I'm not allowed on the Lambrini tonight so I can't
get all giddy and tell you). Try as she might, Bev gets nowhere with
Roy. She flatters him and she flutters her eyelids, puckers up and
tells him she's lonely. "Have you thought of getting a dog?" he opines before
scuttling back to Hayley for their anniversary dinner in the cafe where
"Tulips from Amsterdam" gently plays in the background.
Anyway, with Bev on good form at the bar, it calls for that Corrie
tradition (and no one writes Corrie tradition better than Daran Little)
- a girls only lock-in after hours. Karen's in tears, Janice is on
the table singing into her shoe, Maria's being stroppy and eventually gets
sacked, Shelley's trying to please everyone and Bev and Deirdre get depressed
over daughters. So when they all join in the chorus of "I will survive"
you just know it makes sense.
What didn't make sense was Tracy inviting Shelley and Peter to Dev's flat
for Sunday dinner this week but nay, it were done. Tracy and Shelley get
merry on the after-dinner sherry as Dev and Peter stare daggers at each other
across the dining table. "Do you know" says Shelley "When Peter said
we were coming here for us dinner, I said to him, I said Peter, I said, I'd
rather gouge out me own eyes. But do you know? It's not been that bad".
Tracy tells Shelley she thinks Dev's about to pop the question. ("Why
are you such a vindictive little cow?" would be a good place for him to start
popping).
Eileen's not having such a good week mind you. Young Todd's been
missing in action for the last two weeks, showing Sarah Platt his weapon
of mass destruction. Now it's Jason's turn to disappear when he tells
Eileen he wants to spend more time with his dad. This was a cracking
scene, it was just amazing and my partner, who shall remain nameless to save
any embarassment, was in tears at this point, weren't you Barry? It
was excellent stuff, highly charged with Jason calling his mother (his mother!)
a whore (a whore!) and Eileen giving Jason the slap across his face he so
richly deserved. Now then, I'm probably going to get loads of updates
returned this week after various bits of politically correct computer software
(there's nothing worse than PC-PC) works itself up into a lather and bounces
back the update because it's got a swear word in it. Well, bollocks
to that.
And finally this week Gail, Audrey and David returned from Canada.
Gail's in shock and awe as Vera berates her for stealing her life savings
and then she finds out from Eileen that Todd's been living with Sarah while
she's been away. Much yelling and angst in which the phrase "not while
you're living under my roof" made an appearance and Gail denies the star
crossed lovers to ever meet again until the end of time, the twelth of never
or Sarah's exams, whichever is soonest. Todd has a quiet word with
Mrs H on the street and manages to convince her he isn't some fly by night
johnny come lately. Gail smiles and tells him to come for his tea.
All's well that end's well.
And that's just about that for this week.
Glenda
Greetings and welcome to another weekly update. I have
to admit it's the first time I've ever sat down to write the weekly update
as someone hands me a shower cap (stolen from an hotel, of course) with the
comment "That'll do for the seedlings". So now you know the kind of
life I lead. Too much information, I know. And so, without any
more information or any further ado, here we go with this week's Coronation
Street update.
Roy's in a dilemma thinking he's got a secret admirer after Bev chatted
him up for a laugh in the Rovers last week. He seeks counsel in the
caff from those in the know about such matters - Fred and Harry. Harry gives
him a copy of "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" (which my friend
Emma refers to as 'Men are from Earth, Women are from Earth, deal with it'
and I couldn't agree more). But not Roy, he needs some advice. Meanwhile,
Hayley finds out the joke played on Roy and gives Bev a ticking off for being
so cruel. So when Roy turns to Hayley with the news that Harry has advised
him to confront his paramour in case her crush festers, Hayley relieves Roy
by breaking it to him gently but firmly.
After the girls night in the Rovers, Bev and Shelley have hangovers the
size of Liverpool and it occurs to Shelley that she's short-staffed behind
the bar now that Maria's walked out. Lying through her teeth she tells
Maria she wants her back. "You're my best barmaid" Shelley tells the young
strumpet. "Am I?" says Maria. "Yea... a...h" replies Shelley,
with every fibre of her being yelling a big No. Anyway, Maria's back behind
the bar but the bitching and cat flights soon start between her and Bev. When
Bev tells Maria she keeps her brains in her knickers, Maria throws a pint
over Shelley's mum but ends up soaking Shelley instead. And this time
ladeh, she's out, sacked and told to collect her cards. Why do people say
that? What cards? Leaving cards? Don't you get a P45 through the post
when you leave a job? Anyway.
The factory girls have a whip-round for the Nelson's and collect the grand
sum of £52.04. Only Baldwin would be mean enough to donate the
4p but it don't matter, Angela's in tears when Hayley, Janice and Fiz spend
the money on a furniture voucher and tek it round there for her.
Elsewhere in the factory, Steve tries really, really hard to win Karen back
this week and there's a beautiful speech he makes to Karen in front of Joe,
Baldwin and the girls. It was the sort of speech that women like to
hear every now and then (well, I do) and the sort of speech that brought tears
to my eyes and a lump to my throat (or that could have been the spaghetti
bolognaise I'd just made). But does it do the trick? Well, almost.
Karen melts when Steve gets to the bit that goes something like: "I love being
your husband and I'm rubbish without you. Please take me back". She
gives him the key to the flat and tells him to wait for her there while she
has a chat to Joe. Steve does what he's told and waits, and waits, and
waits until he's waited too long and he's on the phone to her, wanting to
know what she's playing at. What she is playing at is trying to fend off Joe
in the office, who's begging her for a chance (aka shag). And as the
episode ended, Karen and Joe are taking that chance on the office table as
Steve bangs on the factory doors. "Karen, open up!" which is much like what
Joe was hoping she'd do too.
Audrey re-opens the salon with that flipperty gibbert, that will o' the
wisp, that clown Maria helping out and Candice, not having any exams to do,
there on work placement. Taking advantage of a half price hairdo, Blanche
finds it within herself to complain about something while she's there:
"I always get a cuppa tea at Maison Renee". Vera makes her mouth go
at Audrey about losing all her life savings to that Richard Hillan bloke
but even she's placated by the offer of a half price cut and blow job.
Eileen's missing Jason who's staying with his dad Tony who's girlfriend
Merle ("can't forget your name, it ryhmes with girl" says Eileen) doesn't
want Jason there. Eileen wants him back home and eventually gets him
back there through some clever manipulation from Tony although Jason doesn't
yet know what's hit him. And let's face it, who cares?
Tracy thinks Dev is ready to propose but Peter tells Shelley who tells Tracy
that Dev told Peter that Tracy wasn't marriage material, although she was
good in bed. So an enraged Tracy cuts up all Dev's designer clothes. This
was worth it just to see Dev in old jeans and a t-shirt he last wore in 1987.
As Dev's stacking the shelves in the shop, Deirdre walks in on him and slaps
him across the face for being so mean to Tracy - which made him drop his biscuits.
As Dev's in his old clothes, Tracy's in a posh hotel with Dev's credit card
as Deirdre and Blanche try to work out what to do with their wayward family
member. Mind you, the best scene by far this week was Dev and Steve
in the Rovers. Dev in his scruffy old clothes is drunk at the bar and lets
slip to Steve that he slept with Deirdre. "You slept with Deirdre?"
says an incredulous Steve. Dev waffles on about life, women, women,
life and some more about women and a bit more about life and all Steve can
do is sit there saucer eyed and ask again in disbelief: "You slept with Deirdre?"
An excellent scene.
Les is back working on the cabs and he's convinced that what he needs is
a witness to keep him out prison. Someone who saw what happened on the day
of his beating and can give evidence in court. Someone like a tramp that was
sleeping rough in the area, perhaps. With Kirk's help, Les recalls a
dog was barking on the day of the attack and Kirk puts together a photo-fit
so Les can identify which type of dog it was - brilliant stuff. As Kirk
goes back to the area looking for the dog, a Jack Russell, and its owner who
may be a witness for Les, he's caught by a copper for wandering around in
a red-light district - as a tramp that's sleeping rough in the area walks
away from them both, his little Jack Russell by his side.
And that's just about that for this week.
Glenda
