November 3, 2003
Right, here I am with another one of me things brought fresh and ripe to your email box, ready to peel. So sit back, relax, put your feet up, let your hair down, do the hokey-cokey and turn around and without any further ado here we go with this week's Coronation Street update. Taxi!
Karen's plans for her big greedy wedding continue unabated and she names the date as Feb 14th next year. She wants rivers of champagne, swans a swimming, geese a laying and five gold rings - despite Steve's protestations that they simply can't afford it. After protestations escalate into argument, Tracy overhears them shouting at each other and hears Steve tell Karen that the wedding's off. She assumes it's because he's found out that the baby she's carrying is his, not Roy's, and doesn't know whether to be relieved or saddened when she realises they weren't arguing about her at all. Peter keeps on telling Tracy that she must tell Steve the truth and if she won't, then he will.
Talking of Peter, Lucy calls a truce and lets him see Simon two days a week while in the Rovers he's being welcomed back, slowly, into Shelly's life. But when Lucy spies her husband walking with her baby and wife v.II, she has a good cry and swears revenge on them all. When Peter next goes to her flat, Lucy's packing to leave. She's off to sunny Spain in the morning and lays down the options for Peter. Either he goes to Spain with her or he won't see Simon again. As Peter pulls the leaves off daisies, wondering should I stay or should I go?, Shelly breaks her mum's heart when she breaks the news that she's thinking of getting back with Peter. Despite warnings from Bev and Sunita, Shelly says it's what she wants... just as Peter's telling Lucy that being with her and Simon is what he wants too.
Hayley stuns the factory girls into silence when she announces she and Roy are having a baby. Fed up with two-faced Tracy, the Croppers are relieved that the news is finally out in the open about their bun in her oven. Tracy agrees to the plan to marry Roy and the pair of them sign up for the doings at Weatherfield registry office, the date cast in the computer for November 17th.
Cilla washes Les' feet and strokes his ego along with his bunions until he asks her to move in with him but Kirk's not best pleased. Ever since Cilla turned up, Fiz has been turning him down and he wants to be alone with his girlfriend: "Kirkeh needs some lovin' babe". When Fiz finds out her mum's moving in at the Battersby's, she's straight over there with her binbags of stuff trying to move in first so that her mum can't. Mother and daughter have a stand-off in the living room amidst much name-calling about who should get to move in there first. "I've brought all me stuff!" says Cilla. "Have you brought Chesney?" asks Fiz. Turns out Cilla's kept quiet about her 9 year old son with a most unfortunate name - but not as unfortunate as the kid I saw at Leeds-Bradford airport a couple of months ago. As the family of seven waddled past in their shell-suits and chip fat, mother yelled to toddler: "Come on, our Eminem". And I kid you not.
And finally, this week took in Hallowe'en and it is to the Rovers we go for the All Hallows Eve party. This was a great episode and as far as I can remember the fancy dress went something like this: Candice (looking like a young Sandra Bullock) was the bride of Dracula (Nick) who was in the middle of three witches (Eileen, Janice, Shelly) who was serving drinks to a horny devil (Karen) and a hairy wolf (Steve) who was disgusted, as you would be, to find out the hair stuck on his face was sweepings from the salon. Morticia (Bev) was up to her elbows in pumpkin and Frankenstein (Fred) tempted punters to Transylvanian stew and dracula pies, which will be making a repeat performance next week, I say, we'll see them again. Tracy came as herself as evil personified and Jack, dressed as normal, said he'd come as the husband of the bride of Frankenstein while advising the undead (Tyrone) that no, the white paint on his face wouldn't come off as it was cheap stuff he'd got for painting the pigeon cree. Terri the tarot card reader sat in a corner dispensing cliches to anyone who wanted to hear them. Fred had a quiet word with her before Ashley came in and told her to say what he thought Ashley wanted to hear. When Terri started on about "I'm seeing the colour pink... and the letter M... " and saying that Maxine wanted Ashley to get on with his life and to find love with another, Ashley knows Fred had something to do with this and isn't best pleased. In fact, he's right angry. Yet Terri tells Fred that it's what she really saw, she hadn't needed his words in advance. Terri tells Bev she sees marriage within the year to someone connected with the Rovers and she gives Ciaran the glad-eye all night - although I do hope it's Fred. That's if, of course, I believed in such things and I'm never right sure that I do.
Sally bores for England on the topic of Rosie's role in Grease while failing to notice that nobody cares. "Have you seen the price of Rosie's taps?" she moans in the bookies. "Is she havin' her own bathroom, then?" asks Jack, while putting a £10 bet on the nose to win with a horse called Alo Vera. It's up to Sally to point out it's not a greeting, it's a skin lotion, beneficial on the nose, yes, or most other places of exposed skin.
Tracy passes her taxi knowledge test and starts work as a proper member of the Streetcars team. Dev doesn't want a pregnant woman working for them, especially not Tracy, and sends her out on the nightshift when she insists she wants the job. Deirdre sends her off with a packed lunch and biscuits and on her first job, Tracy gets a group of students in the cab, all drunk, all penniless, all saying that their mate Tigsy will settle the bill at the end, all Tracy has to do is wake him up. Tigsy, however, is a dummy and when she brings him back to the office, there's giggles all round. It even managed to put a smile on Tracy's face and there's not much that does that these days.
And finally this week saw the start of something new. We've had the caramel wafers. We've had the teacakes. And this week, ladies and gentlemen, saw the arrival of Tunnocks Snowballs which Sunita priced up in Dev's shop. Rush out now and buy some, they're lovely.
And that's just about that for this week.
Glenda
November 10, 2003
ere I am again with another weekly update, trying to recover after a visit from my mother. She said she wanted to take a trip on that thing that goes slowly round and round and I wasn't sure if she meant the London Eye or the M25 so we didn't do either, but we had a good time anyways. And so, without any further ado, here we go with this week's Coronation Street update.
As Peter plans to spend his life in Spain with Lucy and Simon, Ken's concerned and Deirdre's not bothered: "Oh, that's one less for tea then?". For her piece of mind, Lucy says she has to be there when Peter tells Shelley he's leaving the country and in a packed bar at the Rovers in front of everyone plus assorted extras, Peter delivered the news - and then Shelley whacked him right across the face. And then, oh, then, he turned to Lucy and said he was ready to leave but Lucy got the last laugh and told him he wasn't going anywhere. Not only did she not have a ticket for him, she'd never planned to take him along with her at all. I nearly choked on my ciabatta (living in north London, ciabatta has become a staple of my diet but by 'eck I miss stotties). Off she goes to the airport with pleading Peter and caring Ken in tow only to jump aboard a Kanga Air flight and hop off to Oz. Anyway, back on the cobbles Peter tells Ken he's off to Plymouth and away he went in his car. I don't know about you, but he's another one I'll not miss.
Kirk's got delhi-belly, Les has the Weatherfield wobbles and both blame Fred's dracula pies for giving them food poisoning. Fred won't hear of it but plays safe and tries to bribe them both with beer and beef. He also contacts the Weatherfield Gazette who send a reporter to cover the grand launch of Fred's new pies. But when Fred tries to get baby Josh to eat some to prove to the pulsing throng at the butcher's door that the pies are safe to eat, nanny Claire says nay, she won't let him do it. Not because she thinks the pies are unsafe, but because she's against Fred using Josh for publicity purposes - and Ashley agrees. Anyway, the Gazette gives the story front page news: "Butcher Fred eats humble pie", and Kirk and Les play up their condition until Fred notices them both drinking pints pulled from the bottle of the barrel in the Rovers - proof if it were needed that his pies weren't the cause of their galloping backdoor trots.
Dev's not making much progress with Maya the lawyer and isn't best pleased to see her kissing another bloke when she'd cancelled her date with Dev. Turns out she's seeing a married man for which she makes no apology as she reckons Dev's got something going on with Sunita. Maya says she'll stop seeing her married man if Dev stops seeing Sunita - and if that means sacking her, then that's what Maya wants. Meanwhile, Sunita's enjoying seeing Dev getting wound up by his new woman. "Does she think you're her Mr Right?" she asks him "And that your first name is Allways?"
As if being 45 degrees in a love triangle she didn't know she was involved in, Sunita has enough on her plate, being messed around by Ciaran yet again. Bev's got Ciaran working all hours at the Rovers while Shelley takes a break and Sunita complains she's not seeing enough of her fella. Meanwhile, Bev's enjoying the company of Sunita's young man and the two of them have a snog in the back room of the Rovers just as Betty comes in and catches them at it: "Well! Excuse me, I must say" she goes, with her arms firmly folded under her very ample bosom.
A couple of new faces turned up on the street this week - Charlie and Paul - when their builder's van broke down and Kev fixed it for them. They got themselves a bit of a storyline by upsetting Mike Baldwin when they parked their van in his space outside of Underworld and then he blocked their van with his car when they were ready to leave. I mention this only because Charlie's got the sort of face that looks great on TV. His face is right familiar, like a cover from a football magazine, circa 1975. He's a bit of rough with a smooth line in patter, the type of masculinity Corrie hasn't seen since the days of Ray Langton and he could prove interesting in the weeks to come.
And finally this week, all is not well chez Platt and Katy after she cooks dinner for him (chicken dinosaurs with Scooby-Doo spaghetti) and he's in the pub talking to Charlie the builder. Mind you, if I had the choice, that's where I would have been too.
And that's just about that for this week.
Glenda
November 17, 2003
Well, here I am again with another wotsit, yes it's been a week already. In answer to your emails after last week's update, stotty is a flat, round bread local to Northumberland and the north-east of England. Ergo (and there's a word I've never used in a weekly update before) they're unheard of and not on sale down here in London. However, I'll be visiting up north this weekend and have already booked an extra seat for the journey back where I can put all my carrier bags full of plants from mam's garden, stotty breads and the local paper (where the headline is always: Local mother has all her Christmas presents nicked - give generously! She needs more fags and a shellsuit.) Anyway, without any further ado here we go with this week's Coronation Street update.
Les has taken on more than he's bargained for as Cilla's son Chesney moves in with her and Les. Fiz takes on the role of the older, more ginger-headed sibling as Cilla does her best to offload her son any opportunity she gets. Kirk isn't best pleased now he's sharing the house with Les' lover and her little 'un and has to make do sharing bunkbeds with Chesney.
Ciaran and Sunita name the date for their wedding as December 29th. Well it's something to do in that lull between Christmas and New Year, innit? I never know what to do with myself then either, do you? Mind you, there's mind games being played in t'corner shop with Dev fawning over Maya who's jealous of Sunita who's being strung along by Ciaran who's captured Bev's affections. Maya tells Dev he must sack Sunita to prove to her that he values her above all others. Sacked Sunita goes straight to Maya for legal advice and before you can say 'wrongful dismissal', Sunita is back working behind that counter again.
While Ciaran's at the registry office dropping off a cheque to pay for their wedding, or whatever you need to do in a registry office a month before your wedding, he bumps into a bump with Tracy Barlow behind it. She needs him for a witness but when he sees what she wants him for, he can hardly believe his eyes. Tracy marrying Roy? Well, they almost didn't but in the end they did. Roy is in turmoil and sick to the stomach at the thought of marrying Tracy and betraying Hayley, his true love. He tells Tracy: "I can't do it. Wedding's off" to which she replies: "Then deal's off!" With only minutes to spare, Hayley convinces Roy he must go through with it, it's the only way they'll ever have any legal claim over the baby. And so the deed was done, Roy: "I do" but it's only for the baby, and Tracy: "I do" but it's only for the money. Before the wedding takes place, Roy has the good sense to transfer all his worldy goods (the cafe and a couple of books on Manchester's trams) from his own name to Hayley's in case Tracy goes after his assets when they eventually divorce.
Katy has her mates round at the flat while Martin's out and when he comes back before the party's over he's shocked and stunned at what he sees. There's teenagers in their bed, Candice is being sick and someone's making merry with his bottle of whisky. He throws the lot of them out and talks to Katy about maturity and responsibility while she sticks her fingers in her ears and goes: "La la la, not listening, la la la". Anyway, it's careers night at school and Martin goes along with Katy with Angela turning up later, of course the teacher assumes these are Katy's parents. And when Tommy turns up unexpected later on, he makes his mouth go and causes a scene in front of all her friends and teachers. Angela's mortified and spends the night in Katy and Martin's flat only to go back home the next day where everytihng seems to be fine with Tommy until they argue again and she throws him out.
Man's man Charlie Stubbs the builder with the 1975 haircut chats up Bev in the Rovers this week and got himself a free pint for his troubles. Turns out he's moved into the builder's yard which, I think, is sort of opposite to where Sally's hardware shop was.
More money moans for Sarah and Todd as they find out Peter Barlow's solicitor has put up the rent on their flat and they don't know how they're going to afford to stay on there, especially since Todd raises the idea of having a baby. Sarah lets nanna Brenda take out Bethany for the day thinking her daughter's safe with a harmless old woman who wouldn't be taking Bethany to her dead father's grave while spouting bile and vitriol about her ex-husband, although it does make a change from going for a happy meal at McDonalds.
Talking of McDonalds, Steve gets a visiting order to see Jim in prison and off he goes without Karen, who couldn't care less. It's the same old Jim with "catch yerself on" and "so it is" in his first line of dialogue, who thinks Liz is having an affair with a bloke in Blackpool and wants Steve to find out where the land lies. It's north of Lytham St Annes, if I'm not wrong. Anyway, gossip alert - my brother manages two bars on the pier in Blackpool and in a call a couple of weeks ago he told me that Coronation Street were fiming there. I said I knew they were doing stuff in Blackpool, yes, and he said, no, they were filming there. Right there. In the bar. In fact, he'd just been asked to turn the music down so it didn't interfere with their sound levels as they recorded. Anyway, the Blackpool connection continues as Bev and Fred are invited to Cecil Newton's 70th birthday. Hmm I can see a theme building here. A seaside special p'raps?
And that's just about that for this week.
Glenda
November 24, 2003
Greetings and welcome to another weekly update. It's being sent out early this week as tonight's the only night I'm in. One of the joys of living in the metropolis is doing things you can only dream about when you live out in the sticks and it is the doing of those things I will be for the rest of this week. So anyway, without any further ado, here we go with this week's Coronation Street update.Blanche returns full of vim and vitriol. Deirdre worries about how best to tell her about Tracy's baby, but Blanche spots the bump the second she walks through the door and demands to know who's the father. When she finds out she gives the Croppers a sharp and nasty piece of her very tiny mind and tells them the only way they'll get their hands on her great-grandchild is over her dead body. She questions the Cropper's ability as parents with a final insult to Roy: "... and you look as if you should be crayoning something". But there's a worse insult for the Croppers than anything Blanche could spit at them. Maya the lawyer who gave Roy the advice to marry Tracy so that he could have a legal claim over the baby, mentions in passing that he doesn't have to do that, no. What he can do, instead, is sign a parental responsibility form which gives him the same rights. As the penny drops, so do the Cropper's faces and spririts.
Nanna Brenda suggests to Sarah and Todd that they move in with her as it's clear they're having trouble finding money for the rent. It'll have to be seperate rooms, she tells them, she can't sanction fornication outside of marriage and in her spare room. Sarah and Todd turn down her offer so she gives them £300 cash to help them with their rent and Brenda takes Bethany to sleep over at her house. When she brings Bethany back the next day, there's a granny stand-off on the cobbles as Gail demands to know just what's been going on. "But I'm her grandmother!" she moans. "And so am I !" says Nanna Brenda, who sort of floated up the cobbles with a self-satisfied smirk on her face while Gail harrumphed to the Rovers to moan at her Nick.
Blackpool featured heavily this week and saw the return of familiar faces. First off there's Liz McDonald working behind the bar in the Black Dog. She's all yellow hair and cleavage and having an unhappy affair with a bloke called Laurie, who looks like he's wearing a toupee even though he isn't. It's Cecil Newton's 70th birthday bash and Liz is invited so off she goes. As she's re-doing her lippy in the ladies, there's a flush behind her, a toilet door swings open and Bet Lynch steps out. It wasn't the grandest of entrances but perhaps the most suitable, considering she left ITV in deep-doo last time she was there. Anyway, so Liz and Bet are catching up, Fred's buying them both drinks and Cecil Newton takes a fancy to Bet and ends up asking her to marry him. He's got a yacht (the 'Last Orders') and a fair bit of money; he's also got a son who's afraid he'll lose his inheritance if Bet marries his dad. So the son hires Lancashire's answer to Magnum PI (without the 'tache and lamborghini) to dig up dirt and prove to his dad that Bet's nothing more than the cheap tart he reckons she is.
And this leads us nicely to escaped convict Jim McDonald who turns up at Steve and Karen's flat with police on his tail. Jim's desperate to see Liz and find out what's going on so they all bundle into Steve's taxi and hit the road, on the run, to Blackpool. Now then, it gets a bit complicated. Fred's got a caravan on the sea-front and he gives the key to Bet who passes it to Jim so he and Liz can talk. Meanwhile Liz's lover, lothario Laurie with the hairpiece calls the coppers and turns Jim in. Ashley, Claire and Josh end up in Blackpool too and have to spend the night in a double bed in a B&B, trying as hard as they can not to touch each other. So, they meet up with Fred and all decide to spend a few days in the caravan which means Bet has to get Jim out of there quick and hides him away in Cecil's boat just before the police turn up to ask a bemused Fred if he called them about an Irish fella, fresh out of jail. Away from the caravan park, Bet spies police cars on the look out for jailbird Jim so she buries his head in her more than ample face and snogs him on the prom - in full view of Magnum PI who snaps what he thinks is the incriminating evidence Cecil's son expected. That evening, Bet and Cecil have dinner and when she agrees to marry him, tomorrow, it brings tears to his eyes. The size of the diamond in the engagement ring does the same to Bet. So will the wedding go ahead before Cecil sees the pictures of Bet snogging Jim on the open front? Will Jim be sent back to prison or find sanctuary as a bell-ringer up the tower, calling out on the half-hour "I love you, Elizabeth, so I do" and "Catch yerself on" on the stroke of midnight. Will Ashley and Claire get over themselves? Tune in for more carry on the cobbles next week.
And that's just about that for this week.
Glenda
