I'm full of the joys of spring, me. Our garden looks amazing; my hair's growing into a decent shape at last; I've got a 6 day weekend coming up and a licence to eat chocolate all day on Sunday. And so without any further ado, here we go with this week's Coronation Street update.

Les reckons Cilla should get herself a job and fixes her an interview with the manager at the Turk's Head. She gets the job but isn't best pleased that her lady of leisure days will be no more.  Over the road Fiz is confused by a credit card statement for a card she doesn't have. Someone's using the card in her name and she reckons it's Candice or Maria, but it's got to to be Cilla. Who else would go shopping at Sassy Girl and defraud her own daughter?

Claire and Ashley finally get together as they make up and then wake up under a post-coital duvet in the middle of th'afternoon. Claire still has suspicions about Penny King when she overhears her and Mike planning to meet while Fred's at the Offal Trader's Dinner and Dance.  Claire lets Penny know, in no uncertain terms, that she thinks she's leading Fred a merry dance and should be ashamed of herself, ladeh.  Penny retaliates but she's fair had the wind knocked out of her sails and later admits to Claire and Ashley what she's up to with Mike.  She then puts Fred out of his misery when they go out for dinner and Fred loses his appetite and his smile.

Karl's bloke Robbie turns up, all bruises and scrapes from his fight with Karl and finds Karl together with Martin on the street. Assuming Martin's the bloke from work that Karl fancies, Robbie starts fighting with Martin while Todd looks on and it's left to Sarah to sort the lot of them out.  With passion and tension between Todd and Karl pulled as tight as a 99p Top-Shop thong, Karl decides he's got to move out of their flat as a room becomes available in the nurse's home so off he goes.  Todd tells himself by way of telling Sarah their life will get back to normal now he's gone - but it's unlikely things will ever be the same again (according to the magazine I was reading over someone's shoulder on the Tube this afternoon).

Tracy calls in the family to babysit as she flits off to be a florist in the precinct.  Working again, she asks Ken to mind Amy and Blanche is put out she hasn't been asked.  When Tracy comes back home later smelling of booze that she's drunk with her male colleague after work, Deirdre's not happy and the whole happy maternal thing could start falling apart soon.

For some reason there's been a storyline involving Maya and Dev and a bagful of stolen watches he's hiding in the shop for his cousin Naveen.  It all seemed a bit pointless but there you go, it happened.

Fred's angry to hear things aren't going well in the Rovers.  First off Bev tells him she's ready to leave, she's unhappy that all this bother is causing a rift between her and her daughter.  Fred convinces her to stay on, which she does but only just.  With Shelley refusing to help out behind the bar, Bev's bothered and doesn't do herself any favours when she calls Betty "just a part time cook and barmaid".  Betty, quite rightly, pulled her cardie across her ample bosom and walked out. Then Bev tries to turn the charm on Ciaran, it misfires and he walks out although I'm not sure what upset Bev more.  Was it the fact he said she'd had more men than the Grand Old Duke of York or that she was a Desperate Old Slapper?  Your guess is as good as mine. Left on her own behind the bar, Bev clearly can't cope and when Fred walks in and sees punters leaving because they can't get served, he has a swift talk with Beverley and tells her to pull herself together.  In reply she tells him she's had enough, she's done, she's leaving, she's outta there.

And that's just about that for this week.

Happy Easter!

Glenda

Greetings and welcome, here I am again popping into your email box with my weekly wotsit of wonder.  I hope your week has been a good one, mine's been sterling with a flourish on the top. And a bag of chips on the side. And some of that bread you know, warm and fresh just out of the oven. Yes, it's been one of those weeks when I haven't been at work (much), been enjoying working in the garden (lots) and have been eating chocolate eggs and watching telly with my feet up (quite a bit).  The diet can start next week. Or the week after. Mebbee.  Anyway, without any further ado here we go with this week's Coronation Street update.

Fred tries to clear up confusion at the Rovers with a big bouquet for Bev but neither Bev nor Shelley want to work there any more and the pair of them can't stand the sight of each other.  Both pack their bags and call for a taxi argue over who's taxi it is when it turns up at the pub, so they both get in and glare at each other.  Bev wants the train station, Shelley the bus station and through gritted teeth it turns out they're headed to stay with the same relation at the same destination.  Laugh?  I nearly choked on my creme egg. The taxi goes once round the block, pulls up outside the Rovers where a smiling mother and daughter get out and make up,  hug and then go back to work in the pub. Fred doesn't know whether he's coming or going and puts Ciaran in charge of the bar.  Ciaran's in his element. He bars Charlie for coming in wearing mucky work clothes, lays down the law for his barmaids and gets fancy ideas for turning the Rovers into a gastropub before he tells Fred he was happier in his old job and wants it back.  Fred tosses a coin to decide the manager between Bev and Shelley.  Shelley calls heads and Bev throws the coin. It lands on tails but Bev tells her it's heads and lets her have her old job back.  So that's cleared that up then. Even Betty came back to work after much grovelling from Fred and two free glasses of port.

Taking a leaf out of Charlie's little black book, Jason thinks he's in for a treat with one of his lady clients when Gail Tilsley answers the door to him wearing her silky black dressing gown.  After fixing Gail's plumbing, Jason gets the signals very wrong when Gail makes him a cuppa and asks how he's getting on with Candice, telling him in passing that he's a good looking bloke.  Next thing you know, Jason's trying to kiss her and Gail's highly embarassed but not as much as Jason when he realises he's made a mistake.  "But I'm old enough to be your mam!"  she cries as he hurries out the door with his wrench and his screws.  Audrey reckons Gail should be flattered and wonders if her daughter isn't menopausal but it's Candice who comes off worse when Jason has to fess up and tell her - and she knows it's not the first time he's tried cemeting a relationship with a client.  Wearing her jeans with "Luscious" written across the bum (I've got Marianne Faithfull's autobiography written across mine. It all fits quite nicely and she's lived quite a life), Candice is in bits and finishes with Jason after belting him with a tea-tray. 

Ken continues to babysit Amy for Tracy while she's floristing in the precinct.  What he doesn't know is that it's half day closing and Tracy's brought a male colleague home to snog on the sofa.  Just as the action starts, in walks Blanche in rubber gloves and Tracy tells lover-boy it's her cleaner, just as Ken walks in with Amy who tells him it's Tracy's baby and then lover-boy walks out.

Kirk figures out that Cilla's the one using Fiz's credit card and the two of them confront her.  Fiz keeps Cilla talking in the kitchen while Kirk goes through Cilla's purse and finds Fiz's card: "This'll do nicely!" Kirk says. When Les finds out he actually showed some moral fibre and backbone and tells Cilla they're finished.  She gives him a sob story about not having enough money to buy shoes for Chesney and softens Les up.  Out of sight, little Chesney looks at the holes in his shoes and knows his mum's lying.  He's a little star, that Chesney one, he brightens up every scene he's in.  Fiz says she won't go to the police if Cilla repays the money and Cilla knows just how she's going to get it, she'll go on the game - and we're not talking Scrabble. Unless you can spell the word Dirtyprozzie with 7 tiles. Mind you, it would net 546 points on a triple word score).   After a trip to see Uncle Ronnie, Cilla repays her debt to Fiz but Chesney knows what his mum is up to. Cilla warns him that if he breathes a word of it she'll have him put into care.

It's Karl's 23rd birthday and he invites Todd and Sarah to a gay bar to celebrate.  After Candice calls off babysitting duty as she's in bits over crumpling her best tea-tray around Jason's backside, it looks like Sarah won't be able to go until Katie nominates homophobe Martin to look after Bethany because he's too scared to go into a gay bar in town.  Ok, with me so far?  Hang on tight then and scream if you want to go faster.  As Katie and Sarah make their way into town in a taxi, Todd and Karl are already sharing confidences and they end up kissing in Canal Street.   Todd's confused.  And when Karl asks him "Are you coming out or are you staying in?" we all know it's the closet and not the bar he's talking about.  Todd's confused. Karl's ex boyfriend Robbie is in the bar making eyes at Karl.  More confusion for Todd, it's too much for him to handle.  Sarah's having a great time and doesn't want to leave but Todd says he's going and the two of them head home.  In bed, Todd gets a text message from Beckham, sorry from Karl, and he calls him back, tells him he likes him but that he's confused.  Did I mention already that Todd was confused?  Only thing for sure is that Sarah's going to get hurt, one way or t'other.

It's Dev and Maya's engagement party which coincides nicely with Tyrone's dog Monica going missing.  Last person to see Monica was Maya when she was getting into her red sports car and Monica had her paws all over the paintwork.  Tyrone's convinced the woman has had Monica turned into a pashmina and gatecrashes the engagement party just as Dev is singing his fiancee's praises.  Along with common thief, nicker of other people's husbands and general ne'er do well who can't hold down a job, Tyrone bursts in and adds dog-killer to the list of Maya's attributes.

And finally this week, young Rosie Webster is dating young Craig Nelson from across the road.  Kevin has a chat with Tommy in the Rovers who tells him he's going to speak to Craig about, you know, protection and stuff. Kevin shuffles back to Sally's side, keener than he was earlier in the episode to talk about enrolling Rosie in stage school and away from the likes of young Craig-me-laddo. --

And that's just about that for this week.

Glenda

Greetings and welcome to the Coronation Street weekly update that does what it says on the tin.  Now then, without Sir Peter of the Flint these weekly updates wouldn’t reach you. Peter is the man who runs the software that powers the updates that are delivered to your inbox each week and I don’t thank him often enough for what he does. He is the unsung hero of the weekly updates, truly. And so, without any further ado here we go with this week’s Coronation Street update.

There’s a smarmy shampoo sales rep making eyes at Candice in the salon. His name’s Ian and his last name, sadly, is Marsden not O’Tei, which would have been nice.  He’s all swept back hair, tight trousers and secrets and Candice falls in lust, waiting for phone texts to come through from lover boy instead of doing any work.  “Less bleeping, more sweeping.” Audrey tells her.  The Silvikrin smoothy sets up a date with Candice but calls off at the last minute with a sob story about his poor mum. Despite advice from Fiz and Maria saying she should tell him where to stick his Herbal Essence, Candice jumps at the chance of yet another date and flutters round the flat waiting for him to take her somewhere nice.  Trouble is, he wants to stay in and take her to bed before he heads (and shoulders) off somewhere else.  Fiz tells Candice she needs to have more respect for herself and not let the L’oreal lothario use her like that, because she’s worth it.

Sally’s dreams for her Rosie look set to come smashing down around her head like a china teapot that crashes into pieces when it falls off a cheap shelf from Ikea that hasn’t been fitted to the wall properly and slips to one side.  Desperate to get Rosie into the Northern Academy for Dramatic Art she wheedles Kev into going along to the open day and tells him they’ll simply have to find a way to pay the exhorbitant fees.  She’ll do whatever it takes to send Rosie there and warbles to Rita and Norris in the Kabin about how Rosie will be a star, oh yes, she’ll be a star there with its sprung-floor dance studio and aqua aerobic singing tutor.  “Don’t they all loll around in leg warmers? What about the three R’s?” asks Norris, but Sally has that covered already:  Rosie, Rosie, Rosie.  Desperate for the school fees, Sally tells Rita in the Kabin “If you want to lend us the fees for the first year, we’d be happy to let you” and Rita sends Sally out with a few sharp words and a stinging refusal.  Meanwhile Rosie skips her dancing class and waltzes straight to the Nelson’s for a night of snogging and doing homework with young Craig.  Only Sophie knows what her sister’s really up to when she spies her and Craig from her bedroom window.

Monica’s still missing and Tyrone’s in bits.  Dev wants the truth and when Maya tells him she threw the dog into the canal with a brick round its neck, it’s hard to know whether she’s lying or not.  Dev looks for evidence and finds Monica’s name-tag under the front seat of Maya’s car and confronts her again. She admits Monica got into her car and she drove to the middle of nowhere and let the dog loose.  Dev does the decent thing and throws Maya in the canal with a brick around her neck.  Sorry, got a bit confused there.  Dev does the decent thing and takes Maya out in the car to the spot where she freed Monica and the two of them look for the dog until Maya distracts Dev with some evil caresses and weird looks.  She’s mad, that woman, mad.

More confusion for Todd this week and anguish for Sarah who knows not what’s going on- when Karl revs up the predator-o-meter and won’t leave the boy Grimshaw alone.

It’s Gail’s birthday and a family portrait is taken, this time including Todd and Maria, to erase memories of the last one which included Richard Hillman if you recall. Then they all head out for dinner where David presents his mum with a silver necklace. She accuses him of nicking it, little knowing that Martin gave him the money to buy it.  David walks out in a strop and stays overnight at Martin’s until Gail tempts him back home with an apology and steak and chips. 

Thanks again to Peter Flint, the unsung hero of the updates.

And that’s just about that for this week.

Glenda

There is nothing more scary than an empty screen with a cursor blinking at me when I sit down to write the weekly update.  Phew, there, that's better,  I've already filled up half a paragraph.  Mind you, walking across the Golden Gate Bridge was probably scarier but I don't have to do that every week. So without any further ado, here we go with this week's Coronation Street update.

Sally tells Rosie if she wants to be a star she'll have to focus on her work and give up boyfriend Craig.  Unsure what to do, Rosie goes to see Craig who's burned her a CD and put her picture on the front. Ah, bless. He tells her she's dead good and should reach for the stars, climb every mountain, follow every rainbow and ford every stream.  She ponders on this, remembers what her mam said and then duly dumps Craig.  It doesn't last though.  Next thing you know Rosie's got a lovebite on her neck and tries to hide it with a scarf.  A frustrated Sally tells a tragic tale about Isadora Duncan under a Bugatti and sends Rosie to her room with the harsh words of her mother ringing in her ears: "I though you wanted to be singer, not a slapper!". 

The Karl / Todd storyline has worthy written all over it. Unfortunately it's now also dull.  The most powerful thing on the story this week has been Todd telling Eileen he's gay and Eileen siding with Todd not because she's supporting her son coming out but because of her negative feelings towards Sarah.  Stressed Sarah this week is rushed into hospital when she starts bleeding and thinks that her baby has died. It hasn't, she's kept in for observation and Todd tries to pull away from Karl and convince himself that Sarah and the baby are what he wants in life. He even sets a wedding date of July 3rd.   There was a scene at the very end this week with Todd in Karl's room but as I turned the TV over to watch the snooker, your guess is as good as mine as to what happened next. Answers on a postcard please or not if you prefer, I don't mind really. A postcard anyway would be nice.

Feeling guilty for making Monica disappear, Maya magics up a puppy in a basket and leaves it on the Duckie's doorstep.  It's a Great Dane puppy that Tyrone names Schmeical - after the greatest goalkeeper that Jack reckons there ever was. Unfortunately for Vera, little Schmiecal keeps leaving piles of own goals all over the carpet and chews her stockings she's left out to dry before bringing them back up on the penalty spot.  Just as they're getting used to the new pup, in walks Monica, back from who knows where and been up to all sorts.  Tyrone is as happy as a dog with two tails or a man with two dogs, or a man with two tails, I can never remember which it is but I suspect the latter.

Fed up with being made to play the fool, it becomes clear to Fred - by  Audrey coming straight with him in the Rovers - that he's been duped. I say he's been conned by Penny and Mike who've been at it behind his back.  When they told Fred they were doing business together, they were doing the business instead. Fred goes to Mike's flat in a state of some inebriation and tells Penny he would have expected notihng less than betrayal from a woman - but from his bessie mate Mike? Well, he's distraught.

Meanwhile Mike has been given the insurance money to get the factory refurbished so he can get back into lady's pants.  When he finds out that the building company he's hired has subcontracted to Charlie Stubbs and Jason, he's not best pleased but realises he doesn't have much choice other than to let the local cowboy start work on his pride and joy.

And that's just about that for this week.

Glenda