July 5, 2004

Greetings and welcome to the weekly Corrie update that comes with long, tanned limbs and a stripey woolly hat.  And so, without any further ado, here we go with this week's Coronation Street update.

Sunita's sad rather than relieved to find out she's not pregnant, she quite liked the idea of becoming a mum even if it was to Danny-boy's baby.  Danny's wife Frankie has a visit from Vinnie (what is this, the Sopranos?) who wants to whisk her back darn sarf to London.  Danny spies Vinnie's motor parked outside the house and walks in on them both, tells Frankie to make her decision and scarpers off to the pub.  When he gets back he finds Vinnie gone and Frankie still there, wanting to give their marriage another go.  Besides which, she's taken a liking to barm cakes and has Vera working for her as housekeeper, cleaner and chief bottle washer.

Vera finds Tyrone clocking the mileage on Jack's exercise bike and isn't best pleased. Filled with Frankie's fancy ideas, Vera tells Jack he's joining a gym and the bike has to go.  And that's when it all went a bit odd with Norman Wisdom (yes, it was he)  in running shorts,  jogging his way along the cobbles and falling though the Duckie's doorway when he comes to buy the bike.  I have to admit, this bit was hilarious but then, well, ITV should have had the wisdom to leave this wonderful walk-on part at the jogging stage before it tripped and fell rather sadly.

Leanne winds things up between Nick and Maria  She lures Nick to Janice's flat on the pretence of having something important to tell him and when he's there she snaps his photo on her mobile phone and sends it to Maria. Maria's straight round there demanding to know what's going on and as she walks through the door, Leanne's got her top open, pretending there's something going on between her and Nick.  At the same time as Maria walks in on this, so does Leanne's boyfriend Phil, also wanting to know what's going on before finally walking out after finding out Leanne's really as common as he feared. Nick went for an interview in Nottingham this week and when they offer him the job Gail sulks at the thought of losing golden boy although Maria, at first, is keen to move with him.  After Leanne's shenanigans this week prove Nick's still somewhat infatuated with his ex-wife, Maria changes her mind and says she's going nowhere.

Pensioner power proves positive in the battle against council funds being spent on Alf's memorial fountain. Audrey takes it all personally and ends up in tears but not before withering Emily, Rita and Blanche in the Rovers with: "You're just a superannuated Sex in the City". Although Norris is no Mr Big.  On the day of the unveiling of the plans at the council where Audrey's in her best suit for the photographers, the pensioners are on patrol, ready for protest. If that fails then they'll settle for Plan B  - a nice sit down and a cup of tea with a biscuit in the council canteen after a bit of complaining. Unfortunately, Betty starts having chest pains and with the size of her chest, the pains are quite big. She's rushed off to hospital in an ambulance.

Jack and Fred decide to put a bowls team together but none of the men in the pub prove forthcoming, so the ladies get their own team instead.  Meet team Rovers Ravers: Hayley, Shelley, Sonia, Eileen, Janice and Fiz. Jack enters them in the interpub challenge where first prize is a crate of ale. 

And that's just about that for this week.

Glenda


July 12, 2004

Greetings and welcome to another weekly update with large fries and a diet coke but none of them slimy green things in the burger please, no.   And so without any further ado, here we go with this week's Coronation Street update.

Frankie bears her soul to anyone who'll listen in the Rovers. Away from her Essex home and living with feckless husband Danny, she's afloat in a sea of insecurity, grabbing on to any old bits of flotsam (Liz) and jetsam (Eileen) to give her some stability after her luxury cruise liner crashed on the rocks and washed her up in the port of upnorth.   Oor-arr me hearties, she's missing her pieces of eight, posh gym membership, designer clothes and her kids - in that order. 

Betty recovers in hospital after the malarkey at the council last week but tells Rita she wants nowt more to do with such doings.  Deirdre gets  a warning at work after sneaking the old folks onto council property in the first place.

It's good news for Dev when he gets his test results and finds out he doesn't have cancer, it's just a benign polyp.  There's champagne celebrations for him and the disgustingly annoying Maya (I have never wanted to put my foot through the telly before, honest).  But it might be bad news for Sunita who collapses in the corner shop in front of a tremendous tower of Tunnocks teacakes. And well done to our works canteen for finally getting them in stock, I had one this afternoon and it were grand.  Dev insists on going to the doc with Sunita who refers her to an endocrinologist which, apparantly, is someone who knows a lot about hormones although I didn't know that and neither did Sunita or Dev. 

Nick naffs off to Nottingham after Maria tells him she's not prepared to come second to his mother or his ex-wife.  Clearly, working with Adam Ricketts has rubbed off on the actress who plays Maria as she was particularly bad in a couple of scenes but I think we can forgive her anything now that Nick's gone.  As you'd expect, Gail simpered a lot and it's left to Audrey to tell her daughter it's way past time to cut the apron springs.  Some mothers never do.

Janice moves in with Les when she finds out Cilla intends to get Les back for herself.  Janice doesn't trust Les with Cilla and he can't trust himself either so Janice bans Cilla from the house.  Cilla then gets Les to drive her to an interview she doesn't even have and tries to divert his attention to.. (look away now if easily offended) ...Cilla's fat thighs poking out of cheap stocking tops but they're interrupted by a call from the cab office.  It's Janice, telling Les that Chesney's  ill at school and he has to go and pick him up. Cilla wants nowt to do with Chesney but knows that her son is her passport back into the house and Les' bed and wallet.

Jack takes the ladies bowls team for a practise and there's some wonderful comic scenes, not least Hayley's enthusiasm and joy at playing a game she adores.   By no means are the team ready to take on opposition but Jack arranges their first match against the team from the Fidler's Elbow. Could be fun.

Elswhere this week Sarah goes back to the work in the cafe but tells Audrey she's ready for more of a challenge and wants to work in the salon.  And Roy, bless him, buys Hayley an antique atlas and brings it home on the Grumbleweed-driven bus.  My favourite telly reviewer, Nancy Banks-Smith who writes for The Guardian, wrote a wonderful piece on Roy Cropper today.  I urge you to read it at:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/tv_and_radio/story/0,3604,1259765,00.html

And that's just about that for this week.

Glenda

July 19, 2004

Greetings and welcome to another weekly update, the one that makes you go all fuzzy in the ears. And so without any further ado, here we go with this week's Coronation Street update.

Audrey has no choice but to take on Sarah in the salon after Gail gives her grief about not putting family first  - no matter that Sarah's got no experience or the inclination to work as a hairdresser, Audrey grits her teeth and employs her granddaughter. On her first day Sarah arrives late, paints her nails and leaves early after complaining about having to clean the salon. (It reminded me of Viz's wonderful, long ago, 'Lazy Disinterested, Shoe-Shop Girl'). Candice isn't best pleased with developments in the salon and neither is Audrey.

With Sarah no longer working in Roy's Rolls, it's left to Vera to juggle jobs as she manages the café as well as being Frankie's PA, chauffeur and cleaner.  Leanne helps Vera out in the café when Roy and Hayley go on holiday.  The Croppers take off with the spirit of adventure and a hot flask in their camper van, a well stocked hamper and a tartan rug in the back, as they explore Britain's highways and byways with the help of an antique road atlas.

It's Frankie and Danny's wedding anniversary and Danny sends Hayley to the shops at the last minute to buy his missus a frock.  When the factory girls tell him that Hayley's, er, fashion sense might not be what he expects, he appears nonchalant, and that's just how it should be.  Hayley comes up trumps with a gorgeous black dress in the style of Lauren Bacall and Frankie loves it, but knows her feckless hubby didn't buy it.  The police pay the Baldwins a visit with news that Vinnie's been beaten up in the Chingford area, which can be pretty painful, and Danny's suspect number one. His alibi is that he was shopping for a dress for his wife at the time and Frankie knows he's lying.  Danny's son Jamie arrives on the cobbles to stay for a few days, he's all cheap fags and a dark, brooding eyebrow.

Maya suspects Sunita's pregnant with Dev's baby and works herself to a mad rage till she's got marshmallows coming out of her nostrils and throws a tin of beans at Dev's head. BeanzHitzDevzHed   Meanwhile, it turns out that Sunita's really ill. Standing beside Tunnocks teacakes which are sandwiched in between the beans and peas (anything for a good camera shot) Dev offers to pay for private health care. He even goes to see the doc with her, all adding fuel to Maya's very wrong idea of what's going on between her finance and the shop girl.  She lets herself into Sunita's flat with a stolen key and finds Dev consoling Sunita on the sofa, they've just found out she's got a benign brain tumour, which isn't too serious but it brings with it the risk of an aneurism, which is.  Maya throws a wobbly, shouts a lot and cries which doesn't exactly endear Dev to her.  Even when she finds out the truth about Sunita's symptoms, she's still hell bent on revenge of sorts, especially as Dev's told her he wants to call off the wedding.

And finally this week, Emily returns from visiting Mavis in the Lakes, committed as ever to continue the pensioner protest to stop council tax being spent on Alf's memorial fountain.   And Sally strops to the headmaster of Rosie's school, wondering why her gifted genius girl isn't being given the attention she deserves before pulling her out of Weatherfield High and signing her up for private school Oakhill - which is something that neither Kevin nor Rosie wants, like duh.

And that's just about that for this week.

Glenda

July 26, 2004

Greetings and welcome to another weekly update, the one that puts a sparkle in your eyes and clears the acne from your chin.
 
Audrey's pal in the world of shampoos, sets and scissors, Tony du Prez (I'd like to think he wears a quiff), has a spare place on a two week hairdressing course. Candice wants to go to learn how to perm and pin-curl but Sarah reckons the place should be hers, despite the fact she's only worked in the salon five minutes, knows nothing and cares less. After calming down Candice and smoothing things with Sarah, Audrey sends Candice away on the course.

Sick Sunita is mithered by Maya, trying too hard to show her caring side to Dev. Maya suggests that Sunita's putting too much pressure on Dev to look after while she's ill and tries to break the emotional bond between Dev and Sunita.  Maya mentions Sunita's symptoms in the Rovers and Ciaran overhears when he turns his attention away from Liz's new top which looked like it had a pair of pants sewn across the cleavage. Ciaran's straight round to the shop to look after Sunita, much to Maya's merriment

Jamie gets arrested for beating up Vinnie and spends time in the cells. Danny gets Frankie to set up a meeting with Vinnie but goes along himself and asks his old pal to drop the charges against his son, which he agrees to do, for a price. The price happens to match almost exactly the cost of Danny's investment in Underworld.  Which means the Baldwins are now brassic and their new home looks more likely to be on the cobbles than in Cheshire.  They invite Mike and Penny to dinner and Vera comes too, baking steak and kidney pie for her first ever dinner party,  imparting words of wisdom to Frankie on the trouble that wayward sons can bring to their own front door. When Frankie meets Penny she tells her she's not keen on talking business although she appreciates a nice pair of Alan's as much as anyone.  And for those not fluent in cockney rhyming slang, Alan's = Alan Whicker's = knickers.  Not,as I thought, Alan Titchmarsh, with which it is difficult to get things to ryhme.

Sally loses Kev's garage the Streetcars contract when she tells Dev he can no longer get his car serviced for free.  Slowly losing the plot and in dire need of vitamin B6 to control those hormones, she drags Kev along to posh school Oakhill to find out about enrolling Rosie, who's resisting the move to a new school and away from her old friends that Sally reckons aren't posh enough any more.  Sally's behaving like a dwarf with learning difficulties, it's not big and it's not clever.

Deirdre and Ken get tiddly on red wine in the Rovers, a lovely little scene, but they soon sober up when Tracy comes in and tells them she's left baby Amy with Blanche who's asleep in front of Richard Whiteley. Meanwhile, Blanche complains that her jigsaw of Sarah Ferguson is missing the left nostril - and we meet Blanche's friend Wanda Brinsley, who's wearing a great big hat that hides a rather familiar face.

It's Chesney's birthday and after a reminder from Fiz, Cilla wends her way into Les' house with a present for her son.  Les and Janice have given Chesney a magician set but unfortunately it isn't magic enough to make Cilla disappear. Who is this magic Ian anyway?  Les throws Cilla out, again, and tells her never to come back into the house. So she makes her way to the backyard instead and starts a birthday barbeque which is dampened down by Norris and his hosepipe after polite requests and then complaints have no effect on the woman. Cilla's soaked to the skin and out of her blouse and Les is wearing magician's handcuffs for a trick he was helping Chesney with - as Janice walks into the house. She tells Les the only way to stop Cilla coming to the house and ruining their relationship is to give up Chesney. It breaks Les' heart to hear Chesney has to go, but he knows Janice is right.  Les tells Cilla she has to take responsibility for her son but it's clear she doesn't want him and Chesney doesn't understand why he has to leave, he thinks he's done summat wrong.  And as Cilla drags a crying, confused Chesney away up the street in his jim-jams, it fair breaks yer heart.

And that's just about that for this week.

Glenda

By Glenda Young , writer of Coronation Street Weekly Updates for the internet since 1995.



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