Weekly updates - September 2004

Much of the last week has been devoted to Karen who is steadily heading towards a new life. The shock of her estranged mother's death has meant
that the make up has been removed from her face and she has stopped arguing with Steve. Also she apologises for smoking at work (well outside) and makes the time up at lunchtime. Later she goes missing completely and Steve starts to go out of his mind looking for her. He drives the streets but cannot find her; she turns up having been to North Wales, to the last place she remembers being happy with her parents before religion took over. She then apologises to Steve for disappearing. She has decided to change and become the good girl her parents always wanted. In fact she promises Steve she is going to become a real angel. The following morning she wants to visit her mother's grave which they do.

Steve and Karen then visit the Rovers and Liz cannot resist giving her d-i-l the usual piece of her mind. Karen listens politely and then apologises to Liz for distress caused. Liz cannot believe her ears - she is silenced. This was a great moment! Karen and Steve then walk out on to the Street and Karen meets Eileen to whom she also says sorry and hugs her. Steve starts looking very worried.

Later Karen asks Steve for a vodka and her fags. He thinks normality has returned and gets both. She goes into the kitchen, tips the vodka
down the sink and throws the cigarettes away - she has turned over a new leaf. The next morning Karen irons Steve's shirt (is this a first?) and his sandwiches are waiting in the kitchen. She has decided she is going to be a better person - the daughter her mother wanted. At lunchtime she drinks mineral water in the Rovers and busy Liz a drink! When Janice winds her up about smoking Karen runs to the other side of the room and starts praying. A little later she updates Steve on her good deeds - she takes two bin bags of clothes over to the factory and gives it away to the other girls. She also brings back the underwear she has stolen from Underworld and Danny uses the value to stop wages all round as Karen admits that all of the girls steal (except Hayley of course). Janice is far from amused. Later Karen plays scrabble with Roy and Hayley - and manages to come second.

Sunita is pleased to show off her new engagement ring to all shoppers! In the background Maya is clearly planning something to cause upset for
the engaged couple, as she practices Sunita's signature. She also has Sunita's birth certificate which prevents a wedding being booked as Sunita cannot find it in her document drawer. Maya tries to return it - but interrupts a little pleasure session in the afternoon. Later Sunita obtains a replacement certificate so that they can progress the marriage. Todd can only work evening shifts in the shop so Leanne gets recruited by Dev. Sunita decides to contact her mother - who almost immediately puts the phone down on her, before the engagement can be mentioned.

A new recruit Sean has joined the Grimshaw family as mentioned last week and he sets about ingratiating himself with all and sundry. Jason is not at all keen on the new fairy queen whilst Todd seems somewhat bemused. Jason expresses dismay at his inability to use the bathroom between Todd and Sean! As a result he spends the rest of the episode being the subject of smelly complaints from other Street residents. Sean later loses his job and demands a taxi from Eileen - it turns out he had stolen some cream as a present for Eileen.

Ciaran is working on his restaurant, although finances are tough. The bank will not lend any more and Charlie the builder keeps finding all these extra pieces of work. Ciaran tries just about every route for extra finance - and decides to invite round the local rich mafia on the hope that they might invest, although it looks a bit like a bomb site. Sadly Tracy makes it clear how desperate they are for the cash (£20k is needed) so Dev, Sunita, Fred, Liz, Danny, Frankie, Mike and Penny leave and the latter realises the existing investment is seriously at risk. (Tracy can scrub up nicely when she wants).

The following morning Penny is desperate to track Ciaran down - and he is doing everything he can to stay out of contact. He and Tracy eventually meet at the restaurant and she suggests that he does a disappearing act and does a runner. He smiles but decides he cannot do it - he really wants it to work. Penny eventually corners him and gets the truth.

For much of an episode Tracy arranges for her baby, Amy, to move between Liz, the Croppers, Blanche, Deirdre (Fred briefly), Steve - in the back of the Rovers, where Tracy recovers her daughter and gets the story out of Steve that perhaps all is not well at home - perhaps her dreams will come true.

There is a new factory worker - Kelly - short skirt - about to leave to get married - whom we have never seen before. But once she has left
Danny is short handed and recruits Sean to fill the gap.

K Richard W

Karen's loss of her mother continues in centre stage. She admits to Steve that she only came second playing scrabble by cheating and her
knowledge of her deception is ruining the new Karen who has to make amends by seeing Hayley and confessing her bad behaviour. Hayley seems
very surprised! Later Steve discovers Karen has given away her expensive clothes, so he grabs her and takes her to the Trafford Centre - a notorious shopping extravaganza with Armani, Gucci, Prada all around. And he has a new untouched credit card which she throws away before starting to pray out loud. Steve retrieves the card and then Karen goes into meltdown screaming she is a rotten person and her mother was right. The next day Karen is still unsettled and Steve says he prefers the gobby Karen to the new one.Karen goes up and down the Street collecting for children's charity (would that be the Pudsey Bear charity?). She also trades insults with Tracy as they pass. Steve of course has his own personal stalker - Tracy - who having sensed that the McDonald household is not the usual disharmonious home zeroes in on Steve at every opportunity to cause upset. And if she is not chasing Steve then she is chasing Ciaran as she wants her cake and eat it. She dumps Amy on the Croppers and joins Ciaran to celebrate Penny coughing up. He is about to declare undying love when Tracy cuts him short and so they end up deciding they are bed buddies and nothing more
(although I am not sure either of them really mean it), later agreeing to meet up as and when rather than being at odds with each other. The
following morning Tracy spots Liz pushing a pram - and then realises that it contains Amy! Tracy whines away and Liz finds that she gets to keep the baby. Shelley is not impressed with a baby in the Rovers and threatens to bar her. Liz tries to interest Blanche in a spot of babysitting - not possible, Deirdre? says Liz - at work, Ken? - Liz is getting desperate - spirited away by the fairies apparently. Liz is stuck! Until she finds Steve in Streetcars. The perfect minder!

Tracy eventually appears in the Rovers and finds that the baby has been passed from hand to hand - Croppers, Ciaran, Liz, Blanche, Emily,
Deirdre and Ken all contribute over 24 hours - it would appear Tracy never looks after Amy - and they all tell her that they are going to stop being taken for muppets - and as she leaves the Rovers meets Steve who hands the baby back with a few choice comments. Except that Tracy leaves the pram and walks off in the other direction. They both go off to Streetcars where Tracy almost convinces Steve that he should be looking after Amy regularly. He is obviously confused. Later Tracy corners Steve in Streetcars again (Deirdre is babyminding) and playing on his weaknesses tells him that they should get together - but Steve says he gives her £50 a week to stay out of his way. Tracy departs but turns up later at the McDonald flat and offers Karen £50 for her collection. The £50 which Steve gives her each week for Amy to stay out of his life. Karen turns on Steve and tells him to be a proper father - not just a money source.

Well that did not bring Karen back to reality - will anything? Especially when she tells the factory girls and Janice reckons she will end up losing Steve. They pass Tracy in the Street and Janice repeats that Karen will lose Steve unless she reverts to normal. She is even cooking Steve meals regularly as well as the ironing. And then she falls apart - she tells Steve that he must go to Amy (or is it Tracy - it is delivered ambiguously) and she pushes him out of the flat as Tracy and pram pass by. The evilly grinning Tracy sees him approach with the wreck of Karen in the background and she knows she has won when he says he wants to see Amy (ugliest child in a soap award pending) ... 30 minute break for second Monday episode ... Karen screams for Steve to come back - he thrusts Amy and Tracy and runs back to Karen - after all he does love her, whilst Tracy whines. Karen and Steve talk about it - but Steve has lost by going to Amy - Karen could not bear losing him as it reminds her of how she lost her parents. Before long Karen is smoking again - she cannot be the good person her parents wanted her to be. She is just garbage - but Steve reassures her he loves her and they have another 40 years together. Elsewhere Tracy is telling Amy that Steve will soon be with them - she knows it, Steve knows and even nasty Karen knows it.

Leanne has dumped Jamie (who can blame her?) and that she has her eye on another male ... Dev (I always thought Leanne had a few more brains than this). She proves me wrong by flirting extensively with Dev every time Sunita goes walkabout. She even tries to kiss him - just as Sunita walks in! After a decent interval (or perhaps even the next episode) Leanne tries it again and Dev sacks her with an instant payoff. He tells Sunita that Leanne had been sexually harassing him! Leanne fabricates a story that Dev tried it on and when he got nowhere she got the sack. The story goes round quickly reaching Jamie's ears who later confronts Dev in the Rovers. Frankie reckons that Jamie must need his head examining before she bawls out Leanne. Frankie later retails the story to Maya who offers Leanne her legal services.

Sean starts work at Underworld and Danny sets him a target of 200 gussets until Karen points out that is impossible - so Danny makes it 210, which cheers the other girls who know it is impossible. At lunchtime Sean knows he cannot make it and Danny enjoys telling Frankie about his latest entertaining activity before Penny arrives to discuss with Ciaran the finance for the restaurant. She decides to chip in the extra £20k needed - on the grounds that he is passionate to succeed. The knicker deadline approaches and Sean has failed - until Karen throws some of her production into his box and effectively shames the other girls to follow suit - even Janice eventually. Danny does the count and announces that Sean has passed and is an employee, he is one of the girls (I stole that line). On starting work the next day he tries to dress appropriately - until Uncle Mike arrives and fires him - as he explains to Danny he does not want that sort working for him. Danny eventually takes Mike to one side and points out that they need a better reason than that before dismissing someone.

Which is just as well because the girl he replaced re-appears in the Rovers - no wedding - she got caught with a cocktail waiter and the intended got caught with the chief bridesmaid! She asks Danny for her job back - as Sean walks into the Rovers. He suggests that he tosses a coin to see who gets the job - and as it comes down he announces that he will keep both girls on - there is a lot of work on at the moment!

Sunita has been shopping with Shelley when a voice from her past is heard - her brother Jayesh who was told about the phone call and has
come to find out what is going on. Upstairs in her flat Jayesh breaks the news that he is married (arranged) and has a daughter. He has not dared tell their mother he was visiting - his mother no longer believes she has a daughter. Sunita has lost her parents for good. The next day Jayesh phones to say that her father would like a meeting in the park. Sunita visits the park and waits until the rain pours down in the park - but not in the street seen in the longshot! Back at the shop she collapses in tears - her father does not love her either. They discuss going and getting married at short notice abroad but Sunita is not easily convinced.

Ciaran needs staff for the restaurant and Sarah Lou is out of work - a match made in heaven. Sarah then meets Todd in the Street (well it is bound to happen eventually) - but she is hardly pleasant to him and makes it clear that she cannot be friends. Sarah goes into training - and the health inspector turns up - and finds that there is no hot water, without which cleanliness cannot be achieved - so no opening. Charlie performs miracles (well there must be some builders who can) and Venables has to return and sign off so that the opening can happen, he is still there when the first guest arrives - Fred - and Venables remembers his shop! Anyway the evening gets off to a good start, until the DuckEggs arrive and it all starts to go horribly wrong. Tracy does not make the opening and Ciaran is disappointed. The DuckEggs complain about the spiciness of the food - particularly loudmouth Vera.

Pussy Galore makes her long heralded arrival in the Kabin and Norris (look I thought he batted the same way as Sean) decides she must be interested in him the way she flirts! Turns out to be an old friend of Rita's known as Rula Romanoff on the stage. Some old stories are told and they arrange a dinner date for later in the week. Sarah delivers steaks to the veggies Dev and Sunita. (They ordered salmon steaks!). Then the DuckEggs loudly leave to go to the chippy!

Sorry - a bit long this week. Hope you enjoyed the roller coaster ride. Respect to Glenda for her concise updates.

K Richard W

Glenda is on holiday. This week's update written by John Dean.

Janice is pointing out to Leanne the flaws in her approach to getting rich at Dev's expense - eg "You used to be a stripper - you've still got
the tassels in the flat" and the fact that Dev's solicitor will be a lot better than Leanne's. Which turns out to be true in a big way because Leanne hires Maya. Yes folks, Maya Maya pants on fire. Leanne claims Dev got hold of the wrong end of the stick while Dev claims there was no stick in the first place. Wait until he has to say "Hiya Maya" at the Tribunal. But the steady drip of Leanne's poison is causing Sunita to doubt Dev.

Karen visits her Mum's grave to say goodbye with a supportive Steve tagging along. Aw. And thence to the Rovers since Karen is now back on the ale and fags.

Rita, who appears to have downsized the Big Red Wig, and Norris Karloff visit Rula's mansion to be entertained. Since Rita has already pointed out that Rula "makes friends very easily" they shouldn't really be surprised that they find themselves in a den of iniquity. Or wife-swapping as they call it in Cheshire.

Norris asks Rula about stage-door johnnies. I expected her to say there was a machine in the toilet but she waxed lyrical about the stage-door johnnies, ronnies and connies she had known. All the bedrooms seem to be themed on James Bond films and Rita finds herself with a large portrait of Pussy Galore on the wall. Another clue if she did but know it. The climax (in only *one*sense of the word) comes (in only *one* etc) when Rula's hubbie (Oo is it!? Duggie Brown) climbs into bed with her and she prises Norris from Rula's clutches to take him home and make him swear never to reveal the night's events to a living soul. (Not sure if Emily is counted in that category).

Ciaran's restaurant venture is going badly. Roy is complaining about smeared glasses and misaligned tines on the forks. If Ciaran knew what a tine was, he'd be offended. As it is, he takes his frustration out on Sarah by sacking her for dropping a tray of glasses. And when Gail (who has taken the hell-spawn that is her immediate family for a meal) complains, he sacks her too. "You can't sack me, I'm a customer!" "Just watch me" Tracy suggests he sells the business and does a runner with the money.

Tracy is giving Karen a hard time about Amy being Steve's first-born child and threatening to invoke the Child Support Agency. Karen snaps and announces she and Steve are having a baby and tells Liz (is it me or have they replaced Bev Callard with Lily Savage?) she will be a grandmother again. When Steve points (in the Rovers) out she isn't actually pregnant she dramatically cancels the hot-pots, proclaims they are going to be "mating, not eating" and drags him off home. As Bettyluv remarks "I hope she gets over that shyness."

Sarah applies for a job at the Corner Shop, specifying she doesn't want to work with Todd. Which is weird because Todd is the only other employee at the Shop now Sunita is sleeping with the Boss. Inevitably the pair turn the place into Fight Club. Todd asks Jason to 'talk to Sarah'. When Todd approaches her in the shop and tells her he has something 'delicate' to say she reaches behind her, pulls a packet of you-know-what off the shelf and points out "If you want flavours you'll have to go to a chemist." Way to go, Jase, star of the Corps Diplomatique!

Les finds out about Leanne and Dev and is most indignant. "Has he ever tried it on with you?" he asks Eileen. "No" she replies, "Who?" She reminisces that she's always been attracted to men you wouldn't want to walk down the street with, let alone the aisle. But she regards the news that Todd intends to try for Uni again as the best news since she won a cruet set at Bingo.

Sunita's Dad turns up and all seems to be going well but he discovers how far her relationship with Dev has progressed and storms off.

Candice is all ballooned up for her birthday but sad that there is no card from her mum. Sadder still that her Mum promised to buy her diamond studs on her 18th and there's no sign of those either. Audrey gives her a pair of hairdressing scissors instead. Aw! But the lovely Kirky has bought Fizz a sapphire ring and she is chuffed to little mintballs. The party swings, especially with the vodka jellies Clare has made. Sarah necks half a bottle of Stolli and cops off with Jason. Seems fair enough. She's not been pregnant for at least 18 months now. But as dear, dear Oscar might have told her "To have sex with one Grimshaw may be regarded as a misfortune; to shag both looks like carelessness."

And Rawsie sets off for her new school in what likes like a schoolgirl-porno kit from Ann Summers. She claims she's been bullied -"They call me Rosie the Refugee and Working Class Webster". (Thinks - How did they know she was working class?)

Back in the Elliott / Peacock household there are strange noises from the attic. Is it a mouse, is it a bird, is it Ken Barlow ...?

(To be continued...)

But not by me - Glenda's back next week so I'll just hoover these Tunnocks crumbs and slip away.

John Dean

Here I am, back again, it's me with a suntan, back from a wonderful holiday. Many thanks to Richard and John for doing a sterling job in my absence. Despite hunting overseas while on holiday and locally since I've returned, I've not been able to find a new weekly update notebook. Such things are needed for the taking of the notes that make up the updates that go around the world and put a smile on your face. However, it has to be a particular kind of notebook - it has to be right. Qualties required are a soft cover (preferably leather), A5 size and lined. You wouldn't think it were so difficult but oh yes, it is. If you've spotted one lurking in a stationery shop near you, priced less than a tenner, do write and let me know before I end up with a functional, but unlovely, Red and Black from Woolworths.   But anyway, without any further ado, here we go with this week's Coronation Street update.

As Sarah lies sleeping with Jason in his bed, Todd walks in on them when he takes a morning cuppa for his brother.   It's too much emotion for Todd (crikey, it'd be too much for anyone) and with Sarah sneering at him, he gives her a slap and throws her out. "You can't be jealous! You're gay," Jason screams at him before siblings scuffle on the sofa. Eileen tells Jason to leave but Todd says he'll go instead and he takes the bus to London to live with a pal. Still determined to throw someone out of her house, Eileen tells Sean he'll have to go and he trolls off back to live with his dad, which is a shame, as he didn't half cheer up Eileen when he lived there.   Gail's a bit confused when she finds Eileen having a go at Sarah in the street, blaming her for Todd leaving, but when she finds out what her wayward daughter's been up to this time she can only sigh: "Oh, Sarah, no." This compared favourably to: "You dirty little trollope" which came from Candice when she found out that Sarah had slept with her boyfriend, even though he wasn't.

Kevin agrees to Rosie's plea to go back to her old school. But after he's made a call to arrange things, she tells him she's changed her mind and wants to stay at the posh place. The Webster's 18th wedding anniversary (from their first wedding) looms large like an aubergine at the bottom of the fridge. While Kev is keen to celebrate, Sally's miserable and wants to forget it. She tells Rita they're not love's young dream any more, even though Kevin would quite like them to be. Sally even manages to find Kevin's 'tache cause for complaint, when everyone knows it's the funniest thing ever to have been on the cobbles and its own spin-off sitcom is sorely overdue.

There's scratching noises coming from the loftspace at Fred and Ashley's house. Prepared for high-jumping, throat-biting rats, Ashley goes into the loft armed with a cricket bat, wearing goggles, a scarf around his neck and has his trousers tucked into his socks, just in case. Anyway, turns out there's squirrels up there running amok and Fred uses a football rattle to scare them off, all the way to next door where they start causing a nuisance for Tommy and Angie. Claire thinks the squirrels are cute and quite lovely and won't allow poison. Mind you, if they're anything like the squirrels in our garden, the ones that eat bulbs, dig up plants and steal apples, I recommend a super-shooter water jet. You can fair knock ten bells out of them from the kitchen window.

Dev's called to the trumped up tribunal and is shocked to find out Leanne's solictior is Maya. She starts off professionally but is soon trading insults with Dev in front of the judge: "You're a dirty old man!" she screams at Dev. "You're stark, staring bonkers." he replies.   He calls to see her the next day, telling her if she pulls any more stunts, he'll throw the book at her (preferably something heavy, like the Argos catalogue). And then off mad Maya goes to the registry office pretending to be Sunita - and gets wed to Walid.

Charlie sells his house and Shelley's upset, she was expecting him to ask her to move in. So he's got nowhere to live now but he's got a cunning plan and of course, ends up living in the Rovers with Shelley. Betty's not best pleased with this turn of events and settles in the back room with a cup of tea and tin hat as war breaks out in the bar. It did, actually. We had Tracy and Karen (more later) in one corner, Leanne and Maria (more later, same update) battling in t'other corner and Liz and Shelley bitching behind the bar too. Betty was by far in the best place. If I'd have been there, I would have been in the back room with her too. So anyway, Charlie's getting his feet under the table in the back room of the Rovers and gets an eyeful of Liz who's swanning around semi-naked saying she'd forgotten he was there, which she reallyhad, while she was looking for the iron. Charlie tells Liz she can iron his boxer shorts for him any time she likes. Go for it Liz, preferably while he's still wearing them.

Liz and Deirdre are shocked to find out that Tracy's entered Liz for the Weatherfield Glamorous Granny competition. They're even more shocked when it turns out Liz has won.

So yes, back to the bar room blitz mentioned above. First off we have Karen who's doing her best to get pregnant so she can have the biggest, best baby and designer maternity gear - although probably not in that order. Even though Karen's got Steve standing in front of the fridge to increase his fertility, the pregnancy test proves negative. Steve takes Karen to the Rovers for a drink to cheer her up but Tracy finds out and calls her Barren Karen. Why Karen just didn't deck her, I still don't understand.

And as for the other fight in the Rovers, t'was a meaningless wobble between Leanne and Maria over Jamie the cockney. Tyrone's doing his best to get back with Maria and he thinks she's interested in him again, which she's not because she thinks she's going out with Jamie, which she's not, so Tyrone thinks, right, I'm in with a chance here, which he's not.

And that's just about that for this week.

Glenda

By Glenda Young , writer of Coronation Street Weekly Updates for the internet since 1995.


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