October 4, 2004

Here I am again, writing this week's update while listening to the new Matt Bianco CD.  Yes, I am a 1980s throwback and no, I don't care.  It's good stuff and if you're a fan of jingly-jangly, sing-a-longly, boopety-doopety kind of music, rush out and buy it now.  Anyway, here we go with this week's Coronation Street update.

The squirrels that were in Fred's and then Tommy's loft set up home at the Platt's where Martin calls out the pest control people who do away with the critters for £165.  Fred and Tommy reckon it's best to keep quiet so they're not collared by Martin to pay a share of the cash.  But it all comes out when Fred returns the football rattle to Roy who tells Martin why he gave it to Fred in the first place.  Fred and Tommy cough up the cash and if you know where this storyline's going, write your answers to me on a postcard at the usual address 'cos I'm beggared if I know.

Shelley's on a night out with Tina's Brandford Hen Night Do (2004) stamped on a t-shirt covering her ample bosom.  I must get one of the t-shirts for the next time I go out: Glenda's Weekly Big Shop at Sainsbury's, it would probably say, such is my world at the minute.  Anyway, while she's away Charlie and Liz are in the bar after hours  and Liz is chatting about how much she's missing Jim who's locked up in the big house, so he is.  Charlie fancies his chances and tries to grab Liz but when she tells him to stop, that she's not interested, he carries on anyway and gets a good slap for his trouble. Nay, a great slap.  I'd go even further. This was probably the best, most realistic slap I've ever seen on Corrie, knocking my previous favourite of Sally slapping slapper Nat into 2nd place.  I think I even cheered at this point.  When Shelley returns home, Charlie's lied and told her Liz had come onto him the night before and Shelley believes every stinking word before throwing Liz out. With nowhere else to go she turns up in Steve and Karen's living room with her suitcase just as they were about to test Karen's fertility. Again.  Steve calls to see Charlie, it was all very High Noon, Charlie with a hammer in his hand and Steve with a smirk on his face to tell Charlie to leave his mother alone in future.  Liz and Deirdre chat about what's happened and when Liz finds out that Charlie had tried it on with Shelley's own mother, she's straight back to the Rovers to tell Shelley how stupid she really must be to believe Charlie's lies.  Doubt starts to creep into Shelley's mind (let's face it, it'll have plenty of room in there to creep, stretch, do a bit of pilates) and when she confronts Charlie later, he says he won't stay where he's not trusted, loses his temper and says he's moving out.

It's the Webster's anniversary and while Kev's thinking of a romantic meal for two in Delfine's, Sally books a table for six at McPizza.  She wants the girls there with them and their friends, now she knows that one of Sophie's friends from the posh school goes on holiday to Greece, for a month each year. Well.  The friend, Pippa Popadopolous is Greek and her parents own a kebab shop, they live in the flat above, and Sally's not quite sure what to make of it, especially when Pippa moans about how much she dislikes her parents and wants to be different from them. Is this how Sophie will turn out too?  Meanwhile young Rosie throws a tantrum, sick of being ignored by Sally in favour of her sister. Rosie demands a dog for her birthday and there's friction in the household when Kev agrees and Sal says no: "What'll it lead to next? Purnies?".  A guinea pig is suggested instead. As if.

Sunita and Dev set the date for their wedding as October 25th and over lunch with Frankie, mad Maya wants to hear all the gossip on her least favourite couple.  Maya's recognised in the restuarant by the taxi-driver who drove her to the fake wedding she took part in, pretending to be Sunita t'other week. He asks her about the wedding and she has to bluff her way out as Frankie wonders what the 'eck they're on about.

And there's lust in the air this week as Candice and Jason get back together, with a little help from fairy godmother Sean.  Also back in each other's pants are Jamie and Leanne, much to Frankie's disgust but these two are well suited, being as bad as each other and Tyrone's still not having any luck with Maria.

And that's just about that for this week.

Glenda


October 11, 2004

Come in, sit down, put your feet up (not there, I've just cleaned it), settle back and relax with another one of them Coronation Street weekly updates.

It's Ken's 65th birthday and Deirdre whisks him away to Dublin as a treat.  With Blanche sorting out her dentures in the precinct, there's no one at the Barlows to look after Amy so Tracy dumps her on her daddy's doorstep, rings the door bell and walks away.  Karen's not best pleased to have Amy dumped on them in the flat, all that nappy nonsense and burping bed-times is interfering with her plans to get pregnant and have a baby of her own.  However, she actually ends up doing her best with the baby and even starts to enjoy playing happy families but she's furious with Tracy who doesn't want to take Amy back. When flinging a dirty nappy at the bus as Tracy shoots off into town doesn't work, Karen gets a blinding idea. She storms into the Rovers and tells Tracy she and Steve are applying for custody of her child. Tracy's straight out there demanding Amy back and Steve hands her over. Karen tells Steve to tell Tracy he doesn't want Amy ever again. Steve does what he's told, but you can tell he doesn't mean it. And who could blame him? Little Amy is gorgeous.

Liz buzzes off to Brighton for a bit to see her mate Bet and a new barmaid turns up in the Rovers. Wearing a daft hat, we meet Violet Wilson who gets chatted up by Jason who's been dumped by Candice who's chatting up Wayne now he's playing footy for Weatherfield County and she can pursue her dream of becoming Perm Solution Spice.  There's not much to say about the new barmaid. When you know she enjoys being  chatted up by Jason, well, that speaks volumes.  Mind you, he did take her home for tea with Eileen, who whisked up gammon and pineapple, er, chunks.

Charlie wheedles his way back into Shelley's life with lines like "I can't live without you" and "You are the one".   I was thinking, as you do when you're between stops on the underground in a tunnel, trying to avoid sticking the nut on the bloke sitting opposite who's taking a photo of you with his phone (it happened to me, honestly), about Shelley being in charge of the Rovers, and do you know what, I don't think I like it.  It's not just because she's stupid.  It needs a bigger personality, someone with more experience of the brewery trade, life, mascara, men.  Liz would be perfect.

As Ciaran slices lemons with a bread knife, the restaurant fails to bring in the punters, customers or any passing trade and when he gets a visit from the fella who wanted to buy the place originally, he gives in and sells the place to him.   However, he needs Penny's signature before he can sell so Tracy pretends to be Penny and forges her signature. The contract's signed, a cheque's handed over and Tracy persuades Ciaran to do a runner with the money, giving Penny not as many pennies as she's due from the sale.

Fred's feeling lonely and sorry for himself and gets vey, vey drunk azza bar. He starts moaning on about how love means nothing these days to the young 'uns in the pub and promises a weekend in Paris for the couple who can prove romance isn't dead.  To prove how much he loves Fiz, Kirk gets her name tattooed on his arm, at least it would've been her name if it'd been spelt correctly but instead it reads: I Luv Fez.  When Fred sobers up he knows he can't afford to send a couple to Paris so changes the prize to a weekend in the Paris Hotel, Bridlington instead.  Results will be announced on Friday night, an episode I'll have to tape as I'm out to see Siouxsie.

And finally this week, Sunita's brother comes to see her and it's looking likely he might find it in himself to attend his sister's wedding, even if he doesn't agree with her marrying Dev instead of going through with the arranged marriage her parents originally planned.  Dev pops over to see Sunita's mum to ask her  to come to the wedding but the woman's pretty bitter and throws Dev out.

And that's just about that for this week.

Glenda


October 18, 2004

Greetings and welcome to another weekly update.

Fred's prize of a weekend in Bridlington for the most romantic couple in the Rovers goes to Ashley and Claire when he gets down on one knee and asks her to marry him and she says yes.  In second place was Ken with a romantic poem for Deirdre: "A rose by any other name as Deirdre is not a rose at all" he mused, although far better would have been:
        There was a young woman called Deirdre
        Who's specs made her look a bit weirdy
        She's got a wayward daughter
        Who's no better than she oughta
        And a partner who's turned a bit seedy
While everyone's celebrating Ashley and Claire's engagement, Janice gets drunk in the corner, snogs Patrick and ends up in tears when she remembers, with regret, that she was only ever a Spanish onion. Yes, it was one of those epidoes.  Claire's mum is invited for dinner,  takes the news of her daughter's impending nuptials badly and walks out.  Maxine's mum is also given the shock news but at least has the good grace, through her tears, to wish them both well before she walks out too.

Ciaran packs his suitcase for his holidays with Tracy and the stolen money just as Penny King calls by for a quick chat and he ends up confessing all.  Just at that minute, Tracy's swanning out of the Barlow's with her suitcase and some stinging farewells for her family and then ends up begging them to take her back in when she finds out what Ciaran's done.  The truth about Tracy posing as Penny comes out and both Ciaran and Tracy are arrested and taken away for fraud in a jam tart, sorry, sandwich.  And then in the most cringe making scene I've ever witnessed on Corrie, Deirdre goes to Mike and begs him on bended knee (not a pretty sight, oh no) to do what he can to stop Tracy going to jail.  Penny walks in on them and Mike persuades her to drop the charges, to which she agrees.  But later in the Rovers, Penny  wonders where her relationship with Mike's going and realises she's no closer to him than she was when they first met, so she tells him it's over and walks out.

Fiz is doing all she can to get Tyrone and Maria back together again. She fixes them up on a blind date but Maria knows that Tyrone will be there and Tyrone knows that Maria will be there and we know that both of them know but  they don't know that the other one knows.  It's all a bit sad really as Tyrone's still lusting after lost love and Maria just wants to be friends.

Charlie's giving Shelley the run around, staying out drinking and not coming home when he says he will.  He's got his glad eye  fixed on Gail at the minute, she's asked him to erect some woodwork in the bedroom and Shelley faces up to the fact she'll never be able to trust him.  When he turns off his mobile phone as she tries to give him a call, Fred says: "Perhas he had a weak signal?" but Shelley knows the signal's strong, the battery's fully charged and she's just one of many on a list in his little black (phone) book.

Les overhears Dev talking about Indian weddings that feature an elephant and how it's traditional to reward those who offer up their services to the groom.  Les thinks if he gets Dev an elephant he'll be rewarded handsomely but even after roping in Kirk to help, they find a llama, an ox and a horse - but no elephant for Dev.  Dev's amused when he hears why they've been trying to find him the animal and tells Les the reward is the animal's manure, good for the garden but can hardly be exchanged for pints in the Rovers.

And that's just about that for this week.

Glenda

October 25, 2004

Here I am again with your weekly dose of what you like best, the Coronation Street weekly update.  I'm writing this with the radio playing beside me, trying to let the news sink in that John Peel died today.   I'm not really sure now how to go from feeling sad to being irreverent in the weekly update but I'll give it a go.

Ashley and Claire get engaged with a ring he buys her from th'internet website e'bay-gum.  Diarising (I love that word) a date for their wedding, Ashley manages to fit in the nuptials between sales of lamb chops in April, cleaning the deep freeze in January and cutting his toe nails in June.  The date is set for August 2007 and Claire's not best pleased to have to wait until then, although she says nowt, just pouts.

Charlie's working at Gail's house and Shelley gets the wrong end of the stick about what's going on between him and Mrs Platt.  After a few drinks in the Rovers, she storms round to see Gail who comes out for a fight in her dressing gown, again. Shelley's made to look a fool as the neighbours come out to watch what's going on. Cilla's hanging out of her bedroom window screaming for blood and Ashley turns up in his pants telling them all to keep the noise down as they've woken up Josh.

The big story this week has been Sunita and Dev's wedding.  First off they get legally hitched at the registry office with the Croppers as witnesses and then it's the full Hindu-do as they dress up in their finery and silks, get showered with flowers and Les turns up with a decorated horse.  Even Sunita's parents turn up to make the wedding perfect and  all the usual suspects are present, Emily even brings along a flask of hot tea with a little something in it.  Deirdre wears a wonderful hat that wobbles when she speaks and Shelley's done up in a sari, straight off the set of Carry On Up the Khyber.  Penny turns up to make amends with Mike, and Charlie turns up to make up with Shelley and the whole thing's going great until five! yes! five! police officers turn up to arrest the bride for bigamy.   Off to the station Dev and Sunita go to assist with enquiries, where they're given the routine hard time. Dev manages to convince them of his innocence as they reckoned he was an illegal immigrant marrying Sunita to stay in the UK.  But poor Sunita has an impossible time explaining why her signature is on six certificates of marriage to known illegals and why six large payments of cash were paid into her bank account after each wedding.  Although they both know Maya's behind all this, the rozzers won't believe Dev and Sunita's story that she'd used Sunita's birth certificate and Sunita is charged and locked up in a cell.  Back at the wedding, Les and Cilla lead a hungry congregation and tuck in to the buffet.

Elsewhere on the street this week, young Warren's over the moon that he's been accepted to play football with Weatherfield County. The news delights Candice and she starts Warren on his way to becoming a footballing star by giving him one of them daft haircuts. She reckons her life with Warren is her ticket from perm to the prem.

Karen buys another pregnancy test but doesn't need to use it and gets  all upset as, zut alors!, she's started her period (is this a Corrie first - this mention of such previously unmentionable ladies goings-on? About time too.)

And that's just about that for this week.

Glenda

By Glenda Young , writer of Coronation Street Weekly Updates for the internet since 1995.



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