Greetings and welcome to another weekly update.  This update comes with apologies that there wasn't an update last week, but there was too much going on and not enough hours to fit it all in.  I dunno, you wait ages for a night out and then thirty-seven come along all at once.  So anyway, without further ado, here we go with this week's Coronation Street update.

Saint Frankie of the Cobbles is doing right by Vera, helping her  indoors while she recovers from her mugging. Only thing is, she cottons on to Jack's pigeon plan just about the same time Vera rings the council to speak to the man from the North West Conservation society, only to be told it doesn't exist.  Now she knows what Jack's up to, Vera invites Jack and the Conservation society fella for dinner and serves up what she threatens will be pigeon pie if they try a stunt like this again.  Frankie comes to the rescue once more and tells Jack he can keep the pigeons in their yard and everyone's as happy as Larry.

At Underworld Danny gets the girls to put up the Christmas decorations but when they see it all finished, they're not best pleased.  There's a sparkly life-size semi-naked woman  beside two reindeers and a sleigh above the factory entrance.  She's modelling Underworld frillies and showing off her Donner and Blitzen to all and sundry.

Blanche's mate Wanda has been turfed out of her home by termites and sets up home on the sofa at the Barlows, still warm from the last lodger Liz.  Ken's not best pleased and hides behind his paper as Wanda hits the gin for breakfast and carries around her Dicky (dead husband) in a biscuit tin.  When Deirdre finds out from her mate in housing at the council that there's no termites and no reason for Wanda to be staying with them, they turf her out back to her own place but not before she gives Ken a leaving gift of his own cemetery plot.

In the back room of the Rovers the stakes are high in a game of poker as Mike bets his share of Underworld against Fred's butcher shop.  Fred loses and Mike shows no remorse in getting him to draw up the contract so he can add Fred's shop to his retail empire.  Ashley's furious when he finds out what Fred's done and says he'll never forgive him.  When Mike comes to the house to sign the contract, he makes Fred sign it first - and then sets it on fire and shakes Fred's hand as they promise each other never to bear a grudge again.  Seems an odd way to settle a card game debt, although I did once lose two  sherbert lemons in a game of Old Maid.  But Fred's got more to worry about when he gets a visit from Claire's mum in her official capacity doing a random inspection of his VAT books.  Poor Boris is rushed to casualty after falling off the ladder putting up the butcher's Christmas decorations of Gobbling Gordon the turkey and Slaughterman Santa.

Maria and Tyrone return from holiday where she's met a bloke called Dave from Newcastle who pops down to see her. Maria's now sharing her flat with Liz, who's been installed up there by Steve who couldn't bear to see his mother homeless. Well, you couldn't could you? Anyway, this Geordie Dave makes off with two hundred quid that Maria loans to him from the salon takings and she's beside herself with worry that Audrey will find out.  Although Tyrone's telling anyone who'll listen that he's like, so over Maria, he gives her the money to pay back to Audrey.  Audrey realises the money's gone missing but confides in Maria she thinks Candice has had her fingers in the till.

Roy has trouble sleeping, even with a well thumbed Trollope so he gets up at half o'clock to sterilise coins and make a Christmas pudding. When Hayley gets up to see what he's up to he makes her stir the pudding and make a wish before sending her back up to bed.  Punters in the cafe who find coins in their pudding will win prizes in the cafe although Hayley's not sure what health and safety would make of it all.

Kev and Sally meet the Davenports and Tommy and Angela in the precinct for pizza.  Davenport the fella offers Sally a job in his garage, which she accepts while Kevin wonders just what she's playing at.

And just to recap on one big event from last week - Karen is pregnant at last.

And that's just about that for this week.

Greetings and welcome to another weekly update as we take a peek behind today's door of the weekly update advent calendar.  Oooh lovely, it's the St. John's Ambulance tambourine section (North Yorks. division). Anyway, without any further festive ado, here we go with this week's Coronation Street update.

Fred's worried, I say, he's fair flustered to be having his books inspected by th'Inland Revenue in the form of Yvonne (Claire's grumpy tax inspector mum).  As Yvonne works away at the back of the butcher's shop, in comes Rita asking Fred for a nice piece of steak in exchange for his paper bill at the Kabin. Fred has to cover himself and tells Yvonne he always settles such bills with his own personal cash but Yvonne's not daft and keeps looking for ways to nail Fred on his tax.  She's somewhat disappointed therefore to tell Fred she can only find an outstanding amount to be paid of twenty four pounds and nine pence.   Claire has her hen night in the Rovers with champagne from Fred, nibbles and crisps, and now that Yvonne's failed to award Fred the Delia Smith award for cooking the books, she begs Claire's forgiveness and agrees to come to the wedding.  By far the best bit of this storyline this week was when Claire asked Fred to give her away at the wedding, as she doesn't have a dad of her own.  I fair nearly choked on my mulled wine and mince pie.

Karen's furious when she finds out that Steve's bought baby Amy a Christmas present: "You've started cheating on our baby!" she screams.  Determined not to be beaten by the Barlows, Karen demands a key to the car so she can use it whenever she likes. Ken sees Karen has a point and gives her Tracy's spare key.  Karen then takes the car off to the garage and delivers it back to the Barlows with one of them stickers across the windscreen, the type no-one has seen since 1976,
that reads: "Steve and Karen" - just in case anyone should forget who he's married to - especially Steve.

Maria borrows £200 from Audrey to repay Tyrone and get out of his debt. She's knows whatever's going on between her and Tyrone means much more to him than it does to her and she doesn't want any reason to be in debt to him for longer than she needs.  But feeling sorry for him, she offers to cook Tyrone a meal at the flat and plays things cool.  However, Dave the Geordie turns up to repay Maria the money he took and there's a bit of an argument between the three of them about who's going out with who, for how long and what for.  And Tyrone ends up staying the night as Dave leaves. Next morning Tyrone's full of the joys of spring and Maria's full of regret and mixed feelings.  Meanwhile flatmate Liz is full of maternal advice for Maria - who could do worse than listen to Mrs "been there, done that, bought the D-cup-plunge-ceaveage-push-up-drop-down-backless-frontless-quick-release t-shirt" McDonald.

Sally starts work at the Davenport's garage and heads off in her car wearing her posh suit and holier-than-thou smirk.  Which is a shame really, she used to be good but now she's just mad.

Shelley arranges to meet mum Bev for lunch but daren't tell Charlie what she's up to in case he forbids her to go.  She comes up with some story about a brewery do but Charlie calls Newton & Ridley and finds out there's nothing on that Shelley could be attending.  When she comes back from lunch, Charlie has a go at Shelley who agrees with his request not to see her mum any more. His controlling behaviour is worrying Shelley but she goes along with him, too weak to argue, too stupid to know what to do.

Roy hides coins in his figgy pudding that's for sale in the cafe and as the punters much through the pudding, if they find a coin they win a prize.  Les buys up the remaining 15 puddings at 75p each and aims to win the top prize of twenty five quid.  So that's 15 puddings x seventy five pee, carry the one, think of a potato, do some algebra and he still doesn't win.  Betty walks in and asks Roy for the pudding Hayley had put in the fridge for her earlier, 'tis the winner of course.

And that's just about that for this week.

Glenda

Greetings, Merry Christmas and a great big fat jolly welcome with snow covered boots to this week's Coronation Street update.  As I'll be in the frozen north this time next week, the next update will be late but it'll come when it's thawed out and sobered up.   I wish all of the weekly update readers a very happy Christmas and hope you all find a packet of Tunnocks caramel wafers in your stockings. Find out more at www.tunnock.co.uk before they take pride of place in Dev's (currently being redeveloped) new corner shop.    Anyway, without any further ado, here we go with this week's Coronaion Street weekly update.

There's a stash of money goes missing at the factory and as it's the girls Christmas party money, they're not best pleased. It goes missing at the same time that Angela starts talking about the computer they're buying for their young wotsit me laddo (why can't I even remember his name?) and the girls point stubby fingers of suspicion at Angela and lay the blame squarely on her head. They're wrong, of course, as Frankie had taken the cash to the bank not realising it was the party money.  Anyway, the girls realise their mistake only too late and they aren't over the moon at Underworld when the Christmas party knees-up turns into a downer.  That is, until Danny sends Hayley to get Angela to come along, which she does and then the party kicks into full swing.  A time for sentimentality and too much cheap plonk, Mike Baldwin and Janice get cosy under the mistletoe and he offers free kisses all round: "I'm a pussy cat!" he yells as Sean zooms in for a kiss with his mistletoe and a cry of "Here, kitty, kitty!". Much mirth ensues and they all end up on the floor doing Whoops Upside Your Head or whatever it's called. Karen's been on the orange juice now that she's pregnant and although she's not drinking she joins in with the dancing.  But it all ends in tears; Karen starts to have pains and ends up miscarrying the baby in the factory loo. 

Ashley was planning on Nick coming up to be his best man but Nick rings to say he's not coming so what's he to do? Well, Claire arranges for Tyrone to best man as it'll impress Maria but she doesn't tell Ashley, who asks Martin to be his best man. When Fred hears Ashley asking baby Josh to be his best man, he assumes Ashley is talking to him, not the babby, and agrees to the duty now that Yvonne is giving the bride away and he's not needed there. So now Ashley's got three best men for the wedding on Christmas day.  They decide to chivvy up the chores between the three of them and throw a coin to decide on who gives the speech. In order to decide who throws the coin, they have a game of darts and draw straws to decide who's going to throw first.  It's a right old malarky.

Charlie continues to pick faults with Shelley where there are none and offers himself as her only salvation. Shelley of course, knows what he's doing's wrong but is too weak to argue.  Meanwhile Jason and Violet have a heart to heart and he tells her he loves her.  She pulls away and says she wants nowt to do with him then admits she's had her heart broken by an older, married man in the past and didn't want to get too involved with Jason just yet.

Katy's in the Rovers with some of the young 'uns and kisses Warren under the mistletoe in full view of Martin who walks in just in time to see this.  It all goes wonderfully wrong for Martin and Katy, she accuses him of acting like a kid and he accuses her of acting her age. To get revenge on young Warren, Martin kicks him in the knee in a game of football on the cobbles and tells him to keep away from his girlfriend in future.  Warren's on crutches and Danny's not happy. He has a go at Martin in the Rovers, telling him he's a disgrace for lusting after a school girl. When Martin gets back to the flat Sarah's there to thump a bit of sense into her step dad and tells him to grow up.  Gail, of course, comes round to gloat too.

Cilla finds Chesney looking at ladies lingerie in the catalogue so tells Les he has to have a word with the boy about the birds and the bees. In a wonderful scene, Les does his best but Chesney does better and ends up telling the facts of life to Les.  Les is astounded, he didn't know half this stuff and he certainly didn't know that Chesney was so academic.  Cilla decides that posh Oakhill is the place for Chesney to go and gets herself an invite to the Christmas fayre.   Ah, yes, the Christmas fayre. When Sally finds out she's not happy that the likes of the Battersbys are thinking of sending Chesney to the same school as Rosie.  "The only thing we have in common with the Battersbys is our poost coode" says Sally with a flick of her hair in the direction of her working class husband.  Sally's cooking up a storm for the fayre and putting all the best stuff she can lay her hands on in the food parcels for the needy to be given away at the School and forgets to buy anything for the family tea.   To get some attention young Sophie invents an invisible friend, Ebony Rae, whom Sally ends up killing when she's sucked up by the hoover.

And that's just about that for this week.  Merry Christmas.

Glenda

Greetings and a hearty welcome to this week's Coronation Street update. I hope you've all had a great Christmas.  I did. I'm sitting here listening to my new CD, using my new mouse, wearing my new socks, and this afternoon I'm off to the panto.  Oh, yes I am.  Anyway, without any further ado, here we go with this week's Coronation Street update. 

Oakhill Christmas fayre, remarks Sally, is a long way from the Bessie Street nativity play last year where Rosie caught nits from one of the three wise men.  However, it's not that far away that the Battersby's can't turn up with little Chesney. Sally almost chokes on her mince pie when she overhears the headmaster discussing scholarships for gifted children with Cilla and Les.

Candice is incandescent with shame when her picture's in the paper after the Weatherfield Borough Christmas Do.  She and Warren are snapped comatose on the cobbles, with her knickers on display. Candice can't understand how she got so drunk at the party until it becomes clear that Leanne had spiked her drinks with vodka.

As Tracy loads up the car to travel to Portsmouth to spend Christmas with Peter, Karen decides to naff off with the car, little knowing that baby Amy is strapped into the back seat. Karen's beside herself with grief over her miscarriage and doesn't know what she's doing so when she jumps into the car she just drives off and around until Steve rings her to tell her that Amy's in the car too.  Tracy finds the car gone: "The car! The car's gone!  And, er, the kid too!" she yells as the street starts to panic and Deirdre creases her brow.  By the time Steve and Tracy find the car on the red rec, it's up in flames. This was a wonderful scene, running at the same time as Rita in the Rovers  sung 'Silent Night'.  Karen's left the baby with the Croppers and then Tracy corners Karen in the factory.  The pair of them end up on the Underworld roof, fighting over Steve and Tracy's got a huge plank of wood she's trying to hit Karen with.  Steve manages to stop them from kiling each other and when it's all over and calmed down, he tells Karen he wants her to move out, he's had enough.  After much crying, the pair of them split up and Karen dodges off in a cab. Another exit, another taxi, another empty suitcase acting as a bad prop.  Although the Barlows and Liz tell Tracy to give Steve space, she's straight round there doing his shopping and takes him up to the flat after he drowns his sorrows in the Rovers.

The big story this week of course has been Ashley and Claire's wedding, which was just wonderful, with Josh turning up in his Superman outfit.  Ashley's mum Beryl turns up for the wedding and after the organist goes ill, Norris does the honours but only knows two songs and so the Peacocks walk down the aisle to the strains of 'We're All Going on a Summer Holiday' which was thought preferable to the other song he knew how to play: 'Devil Woman'.  Ashley Sibelius Peacock and Claire Jayne Casey were wed and then walked out of the church under an arch made of butcher's cleavers and fake snow on the cobbles.  It were right lovely.

Caught up in the spirit of the Peacock's wedding, Katy asks Martin to marry her and he says no.  Unperturbed, she then decides to get pregnant and stops taking her pills.

The Duckies fall out on Christmas day over summat or nothing and Jack has his Christmas dinner with Frankie and Danny next door.  Tyrone's falling back in love with Maria and she's doing nowt to stop him but Vera and Jack are worried she'll hurt him again.

Deirdre gets a phone call from Bev, she's worried about her daughter and asks to meet Deirdre for a drink and a chat about Shelley and Charlie.  Deirdre agrees to sneak Bev back to the Barlows and tells Shelley her mum wants to see her. Shelley sneaks away from Charlie's beady eye but won't listen to what her mother is saying, she tells her she doesn't want to see her again.  Bev asks Deirdre to keep an eye on Charlie's behaviour towards her daughter as she's sure something very wrong is going on. 

Other Christmas events included Sean staying at Eileen's for his turkey and mince pies; Kirk getting confused and giving Schemicel the nighty he bought for Cilla and Steve getting marital advice from Vera: "I'm a great believer in mahogany, me".

And that's just about that for this week - and this Christmas.

Glenda