Hello and here we go with another weekly update, hot off the press  and still warm from the oven, covered in cake crumbs and ready to digest.  And so, without any further ado, here we go with this  week's Coronation Street update.

Sophie and Chesney set off for big school this week but Sally gets a  rude awakening when Sophie's sent home as there isn't a place for  her at Weatherfield High.  The Websters can't afford to send her to  posh Oakhill along with her sister, which is okay by Sophie as she  didn't want to go there anyway.  But it's not such good news for Sally and Kev when the only option for their daughter is a place at Paddington High - school for the depraved, brave and/or criminally  insane.  Sally gives a right ear-bashing to Weatherfield High  headmaster Mr Lewis but as the two of them have crossed swords  before with cross words, he doesn't take too kindly to helping her  out.  He tells her the school's full - Sally's only option is to  teach her daughter at home.  But after the first day of home  teaching, with only one sentence written in her notebook between  watching telly and painting her toenails,  Sally knows she has to sort something suitable for Sophie.

Kev celebrated his 40th birthday in the Rovers this week with drinks  with the lads - Tyrone, Nathan, Martin, Ashley and er, Emily, Norris  and Rita.  Jamie's mum Carole has turned up on the street again and  after helping herself to Mike's scotch in his office, she helps  herself to a free drink from any of the lads daft or drunk enough to  buy one. She gets comfy sitting on Nathan's knee just as Jamie walks  into the pub to see his mother  muscling in on the muscly  mechanic: "I was Miss Bikini 1977, you know", she tells him.  Nathan  spends the night on Kev's sofa after their heavy drinking session  and young Rosie develops a crush on the fella in the front room.   Nathan spends another night on the sofa after his girlfriend turns up to tell him he's dumped and he has nowhere to stay after Tracy  dumps him too.  But it doesn't take long for Tracy to take him back  and the two of them have lunch in the Rovers while desperate Deirdre  wonders what to do with Amy as she's due back at work - and crikey  o'riley they have the auditors in - and they go through everything,  you know.  Tracy ignores her mother's calls to her mobile and so  Deirdre calls Steve who goes to pick up his daughter just as Tracy  storms in and grabs Amy out of his hands.

Guess who Claire had in the back of her cab this week?  First she  picks up a cab fare called Andrew, a gardener of some passion who  tells her of his dream to create a garden of tranquillity on the red rec.  Claire rounds up a group of willing volunteers to help clear  the site (Emily and Ashley) and another group turn up just to ogle hunky Andrew (Janice, the twins, Sean).  Claire and Janice argue at the site over work to be done and there's lots of mud-slinging, literally, and everyone's covered in clarts until Emily raises her voice and her crutches into the air to quell the affray.  From such  violent beginnings, the garden of tranquillity is born and Sean and Andrew disappear together into the sunset.  Next thing you know, Claire's cab fare is a local big cheese who wants to set up an account for his clubs and pubs with Streetcars.  As Steve's away helping Deirdre with Amy, new partner Lloyd does the business and  gets them the deal.

Norris gets an interview with stationery wholesaler Ream Team but lies on his CV that he's only 46.  Rita's quite surprised and not too pleased when he tells her Ream Team want him on board and have offered him a job.  What she doesn't know yet is that it's a not a job he's been offered - it's a paper caper franchise who want fifteen thousand pounds from him first before he gets to shuffle stationery.  Norris tells the girls in the Rovers that his new firm is full of "thrusting young Turks" which makes Blanche wonder what they want with Norris, "a rusting old berk".

Gail gets dolled up for her date with Phil the foot. Off they trot for a pizza in the precinct where he asks her a question she wasn't expecting.  When he's not feeling feet, Phil's a student of criminology and is researching the experiences of victims of crimes for his dissertation.  When he asks Gail if he can use her experience with Richard Hillman as a case study, she stands up and walks out.  "If Eileen Grimshaw wants him, she can have him" says Gail to mum Audrey, with more than a whiff of disappointment.

With Zak's help, Shelley makes a trip outdoors all the way to Charlie's yard taking him sandwiches for lunch. It's one huge step for Shelly, one giant leap for sandwiches with Zak guiding her every step.  She bumps into Bev on the way, no problem, she deals with it.  There were barking dogs in the street, not a problem, she walks past them.  But when she gives the lunch to Charlie his only comment is that he doesn't like brown bread.  Zak witnesses what happens as Shelley gets into a state, he knows it's Charlie to blame for the way she is.  Shelley berates herself for not having the right bread so she takes herself to the corner shop: "I'm going to see Sunita! I'm going to walk into that shop, look her right in the eye and order some bread!" says a determined, deranged Shelley.  When she does get to the shop, sans Zak this time, Sunita and Shelley dissolve in tears in the back room over a brew when Shelley finds out that her best friend's expecting and that no one had told her. 

When they're ready to go, most characters leave the street in a taxi. The unlucky ones leave in a hearse.  Some go on the bus, some go with a smile.  Martin looks like he'll cluck off in a chicken outfit after he gets to play the part of Weatherfield County mascot Bernard.

And finally this week, Diggory Compton's daughter Molly turned up and hey, as luck would have it, she's a master of canine control so Maria puts her in charge at the kennels, relegating Fiz to the bottom of the pack.

And that's just about that for this week.

Glenda

Hola amigos, here I am again with the weekly update.  I'm off on my jollies so the next three weekly updates will be written by roguish Richard Whitbread, joi de vive-rish Janet Waterhouse and that other bloke, you know, the one that leaves Tunnocks wrappers under the update seat while I'm away, John Dean.  Find out more about the three guest updaters at my website http://www.corrieweeklyupdates.btinternet.co.uk.  So it's thanks to them all and it's adios to me - after I've written this I'm off.  I've packed my case, had a haircut and bought a bag of bon-bons to see me right on the chara.   And so, accompanied by the tunes of Dusty Springfield, here I go waving you goodbye for 3 weeks as I get on with this week's Coronation Street update. 

Sally spies the Weatherfield High headmaster sneaking his daughter into posh Oakhill School when she drops off Rosie.  He can't wriggle his way out of this one but keeps on insisting there's no place for Sophie at his school.  Sally offers the promise of good old fashioned blackmail with a story in the Gazette and the poor fella concedes to Mrs Webster's wishes.  She'd make a good mafia moll, would Sally, don't you think?  It's  a role I quite fancy for myself to be honest. I can't watch 'Casino' without thinking that Sharon Stone is acting a part I would have played in life had the dice been thrown differently. Honestly.  Well, now you know.

Phil the foot apologises to Gail afer the contretemps (I love that word) he caused by the clumsy way in which he asked if he could delve into and rummage around in her painfully emotional scarred life at the hands of a murderer who tied her up and tried to drown her and her kids.  Hey, but it's a date and she hasn't had one of those since 1943 so Gail accepts.

New girl Molly settles in at the kennels as Maria puts her in charge and Fiz isn't best pleased.  It turns out that Fiz used to bully Molly at school and now Molly's out for revenge which she gets by a) locking Fiz in a kennel with a barking dog and b) making a cuppa tea for Kirk when he returns from Cyprus.  "She's pampering him" says Fiz. "He's not used to that, it'll make his head explode".   Molly's clearly out to cause problems and starts by trying to split up Kirk and Fiz.

At the Weatherfield Arms, Liz meets Barry The Plumber.  You know he's  Barry The Plumber because it says so on his t-shirt and I reckon we could all take a leaf out of his book and wear something similar to announce who and what we are: "Glenda The Weekly Updater" or  "Stewart the slightly neurotic tropical fish fancier".  I spot a gap in the market, I really do.    Anyway, Liz has her head turned by the overweight, sweaty bloke (that wasn't written on his t-shirt but it was just as easy to discern) but has her hopes dashed of a quiet night in after hours when Bev turns up in a state saying someone's followed her home from work.

Rita finds out that Norris has been offered a franchise, not a job, when he leaves his contract behind in the Kabin and she reads it. Well, you would, wouldn't you? I would. Go on, you would too. Well anyway, she did, and now she knows and she tries not to gloat but Norris still pesters her to sell him a share of the Kabin and Rita, quite rightly, still refuses.  He can be a nasty old shrew that Norris, he really can.

After she braved the great outdoors and made it all the way to the corner shop last week, Shelley goes a bit further all the way to the church. She makes a date with the vicar to marry Charlie in two weeks. Can you do that? Can you just go and ask the vicar if he's got a window like that?  Don't these things need months, years, of planning, dieting, wishing and hoping? (It's all Dusty Springfield's fault; I'm getting introspective).  Anyway, Charlie takes the news with a forced grin and strong drink.  Zak the psychotherapist fella tells Shelley that inviting Bev for a celebration drink would be a good way to bury the hatchet between them although Bev would, I'm sure, agree on a more appropriate, painful, place for it.  The worm starts turning though, you can see it in Shelley's eyes. When Charlie touches her, she doesn't find it as comfortable as she once did, she's starting to realise that things just aren't right and when he tells her that Bev offered him money to disappear from Shelley's life, Shelley doesn't quite know what to think.  It might be a while yet  before full consciousness raising takes place and her transconfigurationism into Xena Princess Barmaid is complete.  But at least it's started.

Steve and Tracy spit at each other in court as they battle over Steve's access to daughter Amy.  The judge can't believe his ears and has to hang on to his hair piece when he hears just what Tracy's done. Old wounds are opened, the Croppers are covered and scores are settled.  Steve gets access and takes Amy out of Tracy's arms and off on a day out to the safari park with grandmother Liz.

Audrey's frustrations with penny-pinching Keith come to a head after they spend an afternoon at the cinema to get the pensioner's special rate and then go off for a pizza on the early-bird menu for OAPs.   Keith makes no apology for the way he is and Audrey knows if she wants a relationship with the fella, she'll have to accept it.   But when she spies a piglet running around his back garden because "the ham will see me and Craig through the winter" he says, Audrey's wondering just what she's let herself in for.

And finally this week, Danny and Leanne agree that what they've been doing is wrong so they decide to knock it on the head.   Which still doesn't sound very right, but what do I know?

And that's just about that for this week.  See you in October!

Good evening.  Glenda left the door on the latch so I thought I would  drop in and take a look around when I found this note on the 'puter  saying could I let you all know what was going on in the mean Street of  Weatherfield.  Before I do however I should let our non-resident readers  know that ITV is celebrating its 50th birthday and Corrie will soon  celebrate its 45th birthday.  ITV is making much of its achievements  over the last half century and top of the pile as always is our  favourite programme.

Molly is having fun at Fiz's expense - she keeps trying to convince Fiz  that Kirk is about to swap his affections between the girls and flirts
with him.  Now remember Kirk has eaten peas larger than his brain so  either he will fall for the flirting and Molly will gain revenge for  Fiz's bullying - or perhaps she won't.  Fiz decides that the best way of  keeping Kirk loyal is plenty of rumpy-pumpy!  Which given his brain  power is probably the best approach!  After all if he is bed with Kirk  he cannot even speak to Molly.

Anyway Norris's search for a new job steps up notch this week with an  interview, sadly it turns out that the interviewer is his step-son -  Neville, son of ex-wife Angela.  Neville humiliates Dorris by reminding  him of his treatment of his step son and the forgotten birthday presents  (right on Dorris - he deserved it on the basis of this performance) and  terminates the interview by offering Dorris an executive position in  charge of mobile hot liquid refreshments which is refused - tea boy!

However this leads onto the arrival in the Kabin of - yes - Angela  herself, obviously resurrected from the dead and indeed fresh from  burying her sixth husband.  She demands that Norris joins her for lunch  and despite warnings from Rita (one husband dying automatically  generates a vacancy which requires filling immediately) that she is  Angela he goes believing Angela's story that she had changed.  Over  lunch things start well until Angela has a glass or six of red wine and  the overbearing demanding woman appears demanding that Norris eats the  dessert for which she has paid.  After all she wants to name the day.  Norris realises that nothing has changed and departs - but only just in  time with the usual adroit timing we expect from Norris.

Keith is causing mayhem.  He has acquired a pig to keep in the back  garden (no I don't think it is legal either these days) and the pig  keeps escaping into Gail's garden.  She reckons the pig is dangerous but  no doubt it will bring fun and laughter to the entire Street.

The cab office have a falling out.  Lloyd (Craig Charles doing a great  job) decides that the drivers should have their own call signs and Les  decides he is Alpha male, Lloyd is Lone Wolf etc.  Steve is not keen so  they decide to have a vote - Steve gets cornered into looking after Amy  and the drivers go out for a few drinks and the call signs are agreed.  However it all very wrong when Les decides to have a go at Eileen who is  then used by Steve to get his own way.  He pretends to Lloyd that she is  on strike and will not answer the phones.  Eileen plays along and she  ends up with Lloyd on his knees in the Rovers begging her to return to  the switch.  Needless to say she complies.  (And will Lloyd and Eileen  soon be an item?).

Martin the football mascot is issued with a challenge from a competitor  mascot (the previous year the two mascots were given red cards).  More  fun and hilarity no doubt, which is more than can be said for the show  which must not be named - the last time I flicked past the channel two  harpies were arguing over a man!

Liz as often seems to be the case has a new man - Barry.  Turns out  Barry is married - sadly the wife is thick and paints "SLAG" all over  Bev's front door.  All we see initially is a car watching the flats -  Barry however is humiliated even more the following morning when the  wife starts shouting at Bev about Barry - Liz throws him out of her flat  as he protests that the marriage is over - as his wife observes their  marriage is not over until she tells him it is over!

Chesney - doncha' just love him?  Poor lad is not feeling well this week  - he had the misfortune to see Sally with no clothing.  Well she is not  quite the pert young thing she once was.  Fair turned his mind it has.  Particularly as he has been seeing a lot of the suddenly wonderful  Sophie - where do ITV find all these great kids - she is a natural.

And the big event of the week is of course the wedding.  So there has to  be a stag night.  Charlie and the lads go out and have a few, or in  Charlie's case, just the one - female, blonde and available - Charlie's  favourite type.  Just in case you were in any doubt about Charlie seeing  him in bed with the blonde on the morning of his wedding is bound to  re-assure you that this is a good family man looking forward to being  married to R'Shelley.

And of course there is wonderful hen night in the back of the Rovers.  They force feed absinthe to Betty who is asleep in seconds and misses  the excitement.  Shelley is so sorry for the last few months - falling  out with all her friends, with her mother, Sunita, being a poor  employer.  She hopes they can all have a new start with her wedding the  next day.  Bev however cannot let matters lie and she gets Violet to  tell her story of the night that Charlie made advances.  Shelley is  distraught, but refuses, as usual to believe a word of it.

Anyway the following morning Fred takes Shelley to church telling her as  she sits in the car that this is her last chance to change her mind. But  she wants to go ahead and she walks into church.  I suppose we are all  hoping that someone will know of some objection to the marriage and that  when the vicar asks the question that a voice will be heard - Bev looks  on anxiously - but the moment passes.

Charlie confirms that he will take Shelley to be his lawful wedded wife.  The focus moves to Shelley (the voice on BBC7 of the Faraway Tree and  the Enchanted Wood) and what does she answer? "No" Vicar - "I'm sorry?" Shelley - "No I'm sorry, I won't". I am surprised that we did not hear the whoops of joy from Bev but the  signature music was played just a fraction too quickly.

K Richard W

Greetings from Yorkshire, where the sun always shines and stockings always wrinkle around your ankles!  I hope that Glenda is enjoying her hols though she won’t be too impressed to see that Richard has cleaned her out of Tunnocks and red wine.  Luckily, I don’t have either – the new eating regime is going quite nicely, thank you very much, and I look forward to celebrating that significant birthday next summer looking six stone lighter than last Christmas!  So, John – there’s plenty of fruit and salad in the fridge behind the treadmill that Glenda uses as a coat rack when you take over next week.