Nov 7, 2005
Here we are again, another week, another update. This week
the update comes to you fresh from the fireworks party with a couple of
sparklers in its hand. If it feels brave enough, it might even light
them. But until that happens and without any further ado, here we
go with this week's Coronation Street update.
Eileen and Sean are over the moon when they spy two wine glasses downstairs
and assume it's Violet upstairs with Jason in bed. However, hopes are dashed
when Sarah makes her appearance by the sofa and Eileen has a strong word
with her son. When Jason finds out that Violet wants him back, he makes things
up with her but Sarah's not about to forget their naughty night of passion.
She bombards the poor lad with text messages: "r u ok?" followed by a large
number of kisses that could have only meant a numbed finger after all that
pressing. So things are back on between Violet and Jason and she
moves back into Eileen's who welcomes her back into the fold with a hug
and a cuppa. But Jason's torn betwixt love and lust. Or at least that's
what it says here. Sarah dumps Scooter this week and the poor lad had
only gone and brought her a gift of a stuffed and mounted halibut, she should
think herself lucky. So Scooter scooted away from the street after
thanking Mrs Platt and telling Sarah he didn't think he could continue the
relationship if she didn't like fish. How odd. Shame really, he was
an excellent character.
Martin helps Robyn move her stuff into her new flat in Liverpool. During
a slushy moment between unpacking her tea-pot and moving the mattress, Martin
decides to move in there with her. The only problem now is that he has
to tell everyone back on the Street. Gail takes the news well as does Sarah,
but David shows his appreciation of the news by getting drunk on Thunderbolt
from BoozeBuster. Gail's called to the school and gives her son a
clip round the ear for his trouble after the headmaster suspends him for
a week. Now, we all know that the first ever hangover is the worst
and I'll bet you that's the last time he'll ever touch Thunderbolt.
I still can't look at aniseed after a bad time with Pernod oh, way back when.
And talking of Pernod have I imagined it or was there really a wonderful
cinema ad in the early 80s that involved a yellow vinyl record in a
juke box? Seriously, I've done internet searches for it, I'd love to see
it again, if you know where it is let me know. Anyway, moving
on.
After the wedding fiasco last week, Cilla refuses to take Les on honeymoon
to Magaluf. "Come on Yana" she tells her best mate. "All you need
is your passport, you can wash your knickers in the pool". And with that
they were gone, leaving Les home alone with Chesney, Fiz, Kirk and the dog.
Candice mopes around the salon waiting for the call from the Quo that
will whisk her away from the cobbles and into the limelight. She
waits but it just doesn't come. But hang on, what's this, a fax arrives
in the salon! I don't know who was more suprised - Candice to receive
the fax or Maria to discover ther was a fax machine in the shop. Anyway,
the fax tells Candice to be ready to rock and roll at 3pm sharp. She's all
packed and she's said her goodbyes. She's even given Sarah her best salon
comb as Audrey will be looking for a replacement no doubt. 3pm comes and
goes and Candice is still waiting. And just when everyone had given
up hope, here comes Quo man Barney in a car that's broken down and is being
towed on the cobbles. In hops Candice and away she goes with the Quo.
Some people leave Corrie with more of a bang than a whimper, but Candice
left with a band as a crimper (thanks for that one, Barry). And although
I didn't expect it, I did find myself with a tear in my eye as Candice was
leaving. Let's hope she'll be back in say, three years time, as a
burned out rock-chick demanding a double gin for breakfast in the Rovers and
chain-smoking cigars.
It was high drama over at Streetcars this week when Lloyd got his windscreen
smashed and Ronnie knows that Jimmy was the culprit. Eileen - a woman
with a face that looks like it needs a good, strong cup of tea - is under
orders from Steve and Lloyd to keep Claire and Ronnie in the cab office
and not let them out of her sight. But as soon as she nips out for
the barm cakes, Ronnie picks up a cab job at a deserted farm and off she goes
alone with her hair curled and lacquered just in case 1987 should be hanging
about on Rosamund Street. At the farm is Jimmy who's got a gun, and
his son, who hasn't. Eileen alerts Steve that some woman's just come
into Streetcars to tell them that Ronnie's in danger so he screams over there
in his taxi just in time for Jimmy to point the gun in his face as well as
Ronnie's. Then comes Lloyd doing handbrake turns in his cab, ooh, it
was just like Dukes of Hazzard with a country lane where a freeway would
have been. Now the police are on the trail and there's a bit of a kerfuffle
and the goodies end up smashing into a barn and the baddies are carried away
on a stretcher. It's brandies all round in the Rovers afterwards for
Lloyd while Steve escorts Daisy Duke and her hair-do back to the flat for
some TLC.
Mind you, Lloyd almost didn't manage to get through this week never
mind get involved in a car chase. Kelly decided to get her own back
on him for messing her about as he's seeing another woman. She puts - count
'em - five packets of laxatives in his drinks at the Rovers when he cancelled
another of their dates for an emergency darts meeting. Lloyd ended
up in agony in the Rovers and was rushed to hospital where Kelly had to come
clean about what she'd done. Needless to say he wouldn't accept her
apology the next day although Eileen made the best of the box of chocolates
Kelly brought into Streetcars for Lloyd. Lloyd finally explains that
the woman he's seeing isn't a lover or anything like that, he's repaying
a debt to a woman who's married who gave him the money to buy his share of
Streetcars. Kelly doesn't believe a word and tells him to get lost.
At the kennels Molly is turning Kirk's head when they try out dog biscuits
together. Fiz is losing her grip on the relationship as Kirk falls for Molly's
canine charms, not realising that she's out to destroy his relationship
with Fiz.
And finally this week, Gail hosted a bonfire party in her back garden.
Keith's pigs were safely indoors and he brought along homemade nettle wine.
Rosie ranted about vegetarian food (lack of) and Audrey's hat (mink) before
throwing said hat onto the bonfire while sister Sophie chanted manically
into the fire: "Kill the hat! Kill the hat!" before her head spun round three
times and she turned into a newt. Sally might have brought her homemade
bonfire toffee but she had to leave in shame with her daughters.
And that's just about that for this week.
Glenda
Nov 14, 2005
Greetings and welcome to another weekly update. All
the leaves may be brown and the sky might indeed by grey but I tell you,
there’s nothing much that can beat a crisp autumn day in north London which
is where, ladies and gennelmen, this week’s update comes to you from.
And for now, just relax. Sit down, put your feet up, put the kettle on and
drift away on the lilo of words that floats in the non-threatening shallow
end of the pool. Without any further ado, here we go with this week’s Coronation
Street update.
Martin left this week with his girlfriend by his side and his life’s
belongings stuffed in the boot of the car. There’s goodbye hugs and
handshakes from all the usual suspects but David’s a bit stubborn at first
and still can’t get to grips with his dad moving away. I don’t know
the north-west that well but even my CSE geography (grade 2, 1980) tells
me it isn’t that far from Manchester to Liverpool, yet everyone’s acting
like Martin’s moving to the end of the world. Perhaps it is.
Martin moving away leaves an absence that has to be filled and I’m not
talking about who’s going to be moving into his flat - although there’s
a question. No, I’m taking about Gail filling the man-shaped void
in her life with Phil the foot fella. She invites him out to dinner
and the pair of them eat in that pizza place in the precinct, the one with
red checky tablecoths (my favourite kind), cheap red wine (ditto) and The
Gypsy Kings CD on rotation (hmmm…). After dinner Mrs Platt leads the
foot fella upstairs to her bedroom which turns her into the grinning, simpering
Gail that I just can’t bear to watch, can you?
One of Dev’s shop assistants Ravinder is taken into hospital and her
teenage daughter Amber comes to stay with Dev and Sunita in the flat. Amber’s
all Ipod and attitude (from a wonderful young actress) but when Sunita
takes Amber back home she spots a photo of Ravinder and Dev stuck on the
kitchen wall. Puzzled, she asks Dev about the photo and he says they’re
old friends. But when Sunita visits Ravinder in th’ospital and finds out
Dev has been there before her and has lied that he was at the cash and carry
instead, Sunita digs deeper to find out what’s going on. In her hospital
nighty, Ravinder tells a stunned Sunita that Amber’s Dev’s daughter and just
as the news is sinking in for our favourite shop girl, Ravinder advises her
to have a word with Sandra in the Gorton shop too. Yoiks! Sunita calls
Sandra to the corner shop and she turns up with her blonde tips, heavy mascara
and cheap jewellery (you know the type). Sandra’s mum to more
of Dev’s kids and tells Sunita to speak to Shareen in another shop. Yoiks
again!. Poor Sunita, she distraught but not destroyed, down but not out,
pregnant but no push over. She walks out on Dev when Shareen – and her baby
– turn up at the flat. Maybe mad Maya had the right idea by trying
to firebomb all the shops when she did, perhaps she was trying to stop the
Alahan clan growing ever larger? Now then, think on, are you dark skinned
with a mop of black hair? Do you enjoy going to partays with the laydeeze?
I’ve got news for you matey, Dev’s your real dad.
Jamie goes on a hot and sweaty date with factory girl Joanne. Well,
it was hot and sweaty for Joanne as she turned up in a plastic coat that
she couldn’t take off as she was in the all-together underneath. He’s
not sure if he’s on the rebound or if he really likes her and there’s a
bit of tension when Jamie sees Leanne watching him snog his new girlfriend.
He’s a lovely lad Jamie, too good for Leanne of course, and confused after
his date, he goes home to have a cry on Frankie’s shoulder. Mum Carol
turns up all glam and sober, even Frankie tells her she looks like she’s
been Trinny and Susannah’d. I love those two but fear I am beyond help style-wise
even from them. She doesn’t stay sober for long though when
the increasingly cruel Janice buys her a vodka in the Rovers. Carol’s dragged
back to Frankie’s where it looks like she’ll be staying for a while.
At Underworld there’s a fight by the gussets when Danny and Adam have
a bit of a punch up. Adam’s written a press release to impress Mike
but Danny can’t handle it, can he, innit, luvaduck, cor blimey, do wot?
To get his own back on Danny, Adam tells Janice the truth about Mike being
Danny’s dad. She swears to keep the news to herself and she does, for all
of oh, maybe 10 seconds before it spreads around the factory and gives the
machinists something to brighten up their day.
Sarah continues her plan to nab Jason and bless him, he does try a bit
at first to play down her advances and commit to Violet. Jason turns
up at the Platts to measure for some shelves in the cupboard under the
stairs and finds Sarah all done up in full warpaint and battle gear but
Jason retreats on this particular manoeuvre. But it doesn’t take long for
Sarah’s seduction to wear him down and Violet notices something’s definitely
wrong between them.
And finally this week, young Sophie tells Sally she’s not wearing her
minging trainers to school any more. I know the feeling. My mother
might have been right, darn it, she ‘was’ right. They were warm, they were
comfortable, they kept the mucky ice and clarts of a north-eastern winter
well away from my legs when I was Sophie’s age, but flipping heck, Derry
boots were the ugliest things I’ve ever, let me repeat that, ever had the
misfortune to wear. Where was Trinny and Susannah then, eh? I still
shudder when I think of those boots. So I was mightily pleased when
Sally relented on the fashion footwear front and bought a lovely pair of Suede-iques
(que?) for a fiver in the pub.
And that’s just about that for this week.
Glenda
Nov 21, 2005
Greetings and welcome to another weekly update. It’s been a week dominated
by episodes of Corrie, they’ve been coming at me from every direction, every
night, all the time. Not even hiding behind a cushion on the sofa has
stopped their transmission beaming into my brain and after a whopping six
episodes this week (with three last night and a further two tomorrow night)
I am most definitely Corrie’d out. It seems that Corrie this week
is being wrapped around the beginning and end of the new series of “I’m
a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here” and as much as I enjoy both Corrie and
the Celebrity programme, this evening I am turning off my telly and going
out, as far away as possible from it all. Too much, too much. Pass the
tablets, nursie. Anyway, without any further ado here we go with this week’s
Coronation Street update.
It can’t be a coincidence that the perils of alco-hic-holism as shown
via Danny Baldwin’s ex-wife Carol comes at a time when Britain’s pubs open
their doors for 24 hour drinking. We’ve had it all on Corrie this
week with Carol binge-drinking, vomiting and - is this a first for Corrie?
– drunken incontinence. I hid behind my cushion again at that point.
If ever there was a storyline that’s going to put me off having that extra
glass of red on a Friday night, it’s this one. Maybe that’s the point.
Carol goes through alcohol withdrawal and gets the DTs – Delirium Tremens
– not to be confused with a nastily strong Belgium beer by the same name.
I was once in a pub in Brussels where I watched madness and mayhem unfold
by those who’d been on the DT. One minute it was karaoke and kissing,
the next a kerfuffle and a fella falling asleep standing up. Anyway,
I digress but you’ll have noticed by now that I tend to do that each week.
Claire’s pom-poms jiggle in anger at Tracy when Ms Scarlet tries to wind
up Mrs Peacock in the Streetcabs office with the candlestick. Or was
it Mrs White (Eileen) with Professor Plum (Norris)? Tracy’s got it in for
Claire after Nathan turns down an afternoon of passion with Tracy to fix
Claire’s cab thereby servicing Streetcars instead of the strumpet.
At the Websters Sally and Kev decide to swap roles with Sally as good
cop and Kevin as menacing PC plod. It doesn’t last long when the girls
see through what their parents are trying to do and anyway, being nice doesn’t
sit well with Sally these days. She’s definitely the more dominant
of the two and keeps a tight hold of Kevin by his meat and two veg.
Indeed, the only time Kevin gets a breeze round them parts is when Sally opens
her handbag.
Sarah’s still chasing Jason and corners him in the cupboard under the
stairs at the Platts house when he’s round there installing some shelves.
A distracted Jason hits his hand with his hammer and just as Sarah tries to
kiss it better, Gail walks in to spoil the moment. Never mind, they
finally get together upstairs at Gail’s but David discovers what they’re
up to and takes to blackmailing Jason to keep the news from girlfriend Violet.
When Jason refuses to pay up, David tries to biff him one on the cobbles
just as Phil is passing by. Gail rings the police when David tells her
that Jason tried to beat him up and she’s straight over the road banging on
Eileen’s door and calling the Grimshaw’s all sorts before Phil tells Gail
that he saw it all – and David’s the one to blame.
A stunned Sunita sits in the Rovers back room with Shelley as she tries
to figure out what her future will hold. Dev tries, and fails, to
get Sunita to forgive and forget but she blames him for being heartless
and uncaring towards his children and grandchild. Could the fact the kids
are all female be the reason? As Dev moves into their new house the
baby buggies and cots arrive and he’s in (very self-deserved) bits.
Sunita says she’s going to abort the twins so Dev serves an injunction against
her to which she replies by suing him for divorce. Ah, the path of true love,
eh?
Roy laminates the accolades and sticks them up in the café. His
cooking is credited in the national and local press as “the best full British
breakfast in the whole of north-west England served without flourish or fanfare”
just a dollop of brown sauce and plenty of salt. (He couldn’t win
that award down here in London mind you). Further credits come his way when
he’s crowned the unlikely darling of the bistro set. The sweet scent of
success goes to Hayley’s head and makes her giddy enough to suggest they
open a bottle of Pomagne to celebrate.
Phew, it hasn’t half gone on this week hasn’t it? All them extra episodes
makes for a much longer update. Elsewhere this week young Rosie and Craig
chain themselves to the butcher’s shop in a vegetarian protest until Sally
comes along with bolt-cutters to set them both free. Convinced
they’re doing the right thing by turning the residents veggie, they take
one of Keith’s pigs for a walk down the street and I don’t know that I’ve
seen anything so sinister in Corrie than the sight of two Goths walking a
pig in harness on a lead down the cobbles. It fair puts off people ordering
their Christmas ham from Keith who has to sell the porkers to Fred for a knock
down price and with no money in his piggy bank now, the poor bloke’s broke.
After the veggie protest, Emily tells Sally she admires young Rosie’s spirit
and even Norris agrees he can see the beginnings of a tyrant in a certain
Miss Webster. With a mad glint in her eye, Sally prepares celebratory
beans for her daughter later at home.
And finally this week Molly succeeds in breaking up Fiz and Kirk. She
takes Kirk for a lunchtime booze up and when he rolls home to see Fiz he
tells her: “Talk to the hand ‘cos the ears aren’t working” before falling
asleep on the sofa after telling her a few home truths and says he doesn’t
like being bossed around. Fiz apologises and tells Kirk the relationship’s
on his terms now but when Molly finds out she winds Kirk up again, enough
this time for Kirk to tell Fiz he wants to finish things with her, he wants
a bit more of that stuff, what do you call it, that stuff that there’s plenty
of in between Kirk’s ears where his brain should be. Ah yes, space.
And that’s just about that for this week.
Glenda
Nov 28, 2005
Here we go again with another weekly update.
This week the update is being typed by icy cold fingers after I lost my thermal
gloves on the train and I haven’t had time to go to the shops to buy another
pair. The update this week is also wearing big pants as the cold weather tightens
its grip round these parts. Yes, winter drawers on. And so, without any further
ado, here we go with this week’s Coronation Street update.
Sarah the sultry teenage temptress leads Jason astray this week and Violet’s
heart breaks when she finds out the news. She’s even more unhappy when she
finds out that Sean and Eileen knew Jason had been seeing Sarah behind her
back, under her nose and upstairs in her bedroom. David winds up Bethany
and tells her Jason’s going to be her new dad. Bethany, being a little kid
who says inappropriate things, blurts this news to Gail who has a word or
two with her wayward young daughter. And in the hair salon Audrey takes
her granddaughter to one side for a talk, young ladeh, when Betty comes
in for a wash, blow and some gossip about bar colleague Violet. Jason’s
torn and in tears over hurting Violet but his groin thrusts him ever forward
towards perky Miss Platt. He tells Violet he’s sorry and asks for
another chance and when she calls him a hypocrite he gets a puzzled look
on his face and searches for a dictionary.
Sunita’s brother Jayesh pays Dev a visit in the shop. He tells him what
he thinks of the abominable (and there’s a word I’ve never used in an update
before) way he’s treated his sister before punching him in the biscuits.
“Go near her again and I will kill you, I promise” he tells the sorry shopkeeper.
Sunita takes refuge in the back room of the Rovers with Shelley and Violet,
a trio of troubled women, all having been disappointed by feckless, lying,
cheating, good for nothing fellas.
Tracy launches a campaign of trouble towards Claire. First off, she refuses
to pay the cab fare, and Claire does her best to be polite to her customer
but secretly seethes. Clare’s concerned about Amy’s bad cough and
while Tracy is happy to ignore her kid’s cough, Deirdre takes it seriously
and takes the bairn to th’ospital where she’s pronounced fine. But
Tracy’s had enough of care-bear Claire and winds her up in the Rovers until
Claire chucks her drink at her, soaking Tracy’s t-shirt. “Ooh, white top,
black bra. Very classy.” sneers Clare. But it doesn’t end there.
Nathan and Ashley go training in the boxing ring and argue about the women
in their lives. Nathan defends Tracy and Ashley sticks up for Clare but Nathan
loses his cool and knocks Ashley out cold. Ashley’s rushed to the hospickle
where he could lose the sight in his eye. When Nathan takes him some grapes
Ashley tells him he doesn’t hold a grudge and says it was an accident. Fred
and Clare are more concerned and hold Nathan – and Tracy – responsible for
it all.
Cilla’s gutted that she didn’t pull a fella while on honeymoon with Yana.
She reckons that now she’s married it puts fellas off and her sparkle has
gone. Meanwhile, Yana’s enjoying consensual texts with a posse of
men she met while they were away and mooches over Billy from Market Harborough:
“He had a look of Mike Nolan from Bucks Fizz”. When Fiz tells Cilla
that Les is her only supply of marital connubials from now on, Cilla reckons
she’ll have to do something to keep it that way. She cooks up a special
meal – tomato soup, tuna, peas (yes, on the same plate) – and tells Les
she’d like to get wed, legally this time. Ey up, and as luck would
have it, there’s a cancellation at the registry office the very next day.
Les dons his snakeskin pulling jacket, grabs Cilla from the chippy and off
they go and get wed. The Battersby-Brown’s return to the street legally
married and Les buys him and Chesney a cake to celebrate as Cilla returns
to work at Wong’s with a resigned married sigh.
Fiz has had enough of Molly molly-coddling her Kirkeh and punches her in
the Rovers. What is it this week with people hitting each other? There must
have been something in the beer at the pub. Kirk doesn’t know what
to do – there’s only one thing he does know for sure and that is he’s excited
‘cos it’s nearly Christmas (me too). But when he secretly overhears Fiz
apologising to Molly he realises it’s Fiz that he loves and decides to get
back together with her. Ah bless. And about time too.
It’s Frankie and Danny’s anniversary and he sends her a bouquet of flowers
followed by a blimp flying from the factory roof. With Jamie and Carol
out of the way he calls in to see his missus and asks her to forgive him.
He tells her she’s the only girl for him: “You’re the only girl for me,
Frankie” and that he still loves her: “I still loves yer, Frankie”.
Frankie wobbles, you can tell, and there’s tears in her eyes. Well, a flying
blimp can do that to a girl. But just as she’s about to get all sentimental,
in walk Carol and Jamie who throws his dad out on his ‘arris before punching
him down on the cobbles (see what I mean, what’s all this aggression this
week about then?).
And finally this week, it’s the Weatherfield Traders Ball this coming Friday
night. Diggory needs a date and has to bribe Liz by paying her time
and a half to accompany him there. Fred also needs a lady friend to
take wi’him and is both astounded and pleased with Bev agrees to go along.
And that’s just about that for this week.
Glenda
By Glenda
Young , writer of
Coronation Street Weekly Updates
for the internet since 1995.