Nov 7, 2005

Here we are again, another week, another update.  This week the update comes to you fresh from the fireworks party with a couple of sparklers in its hand.  If it feels brave enough, it might even light them.  But until that happens and without any further ado, here we go with this week's Coronation Street update.

Eileen and Sean are over the moon when they spy two wine glasses downstairs and assume it's Violet upstairs with Jason in bed. However, hopes are dashed when Sarah makes her appearance by the sofa and Eileen has a strong word with her son. When Jason finds out that Violet wants him back, he makes things up with her but Sarah's not about to forget their naughty night of passion. She bombards the poor lad with text messages: "r u ok?" followed by a large number of kisses that could have only meant a numbed finger after all that pressing.  So things are back on between Violet and Jason and she moves back into Eileen's who welcomes her back into the fold with a hug and a cuppa. But Jason's torn betwixt love and lust.  Or at least that's what it says here.  Sarah dumps Scooter this week and the poor lad had only gone and brought her a gift of a stuffed and mounted halibut, she should think herself lucky.  So Scooter scooted away from the street after thanking Mrs Platt and telling Sarah he didn't think he could continue the relationship if she didn't like fish. How odd.  Shame really, he was an excellent character.

Martin helps Robyn move her stuff into her new flat in Liverpool. During a slushy moment between unpacking her tea-pot and moving the mattress, Martin decides to move in there with her. The only problem now is that he has to tell everyone back on the Street. Gail takes the news well as does Sarah, but David shows his appreciation of the news by getting drunk on Thunderbolt from BoozeBuster.  Gail's called to the school and gives her son a clip round the ear for his trouble after the headmaster suspends him for a week.  Now, we all know that the first ever hangover is the worst and I'll bet you that's the last time he'll ever touch Thunderbolt.  I still can't look at aniseed after a bad time with Pernod oh, way back when. And talking of Pernod have I imagined it or was there really a wonderful cinema ad in the early 80s that involved a yellow vinyl record in  a juke box? Seriously, I've done internet searches for it, I'd love to see it again, if you know where it is let me know.   Anyway, moving on.

After the wedding fiasco last week, Cilla refuses to take Les on honeymoon to Magaluf.  "Come on Yana" she tells her best mate. "All you need is your passport, you can wash your knickers in the pool". And with that they were gone, leaving Les home alone with Chesney, Fiz, Kirk and the dog.

Candice mopes around the salon waiting for the call from the Quo that will whisk her away from the cobbles and into the limelight.  She waits but it just doesn't come. But hang on, what's this, a fax arrives in the salon!  I don't know who was more suprised - Candice to receive the fax or Maria to discover ther was a fax machine in the shop.  Anyway, the fax tells Candice to be ready to rock and roll at 3pm sharp. She's all packed and she's said her goodbyes. She's even given Sarah her best salon comb as Audrey will be looking for a replacement no doubt. 3pm comes and goes and Candice is still waiting.  And just when everyone had given up hope, here comes Quo man Barney in a car that's broken down and is being towed on the cobbles.  In hops Candice and away she goes with the Quo.  Some people leave Corrie with more of a bang than a whimper, but Candice left with a band as a crimper (thanks for that one, Barry). And although I didn't expect it, I did find myself with a tear in my eye as Candice was leaving.  Let's hope she'll be back in say, three years time, as a burned out rock-chick demanding a double gin for breakfast in the Rovers and chain-smoking cigars.

It was high drama over at Streetcars this week when Lloyd got his windscreen smashed and Ronnie knows that Jimmy was the culprit.  Eileen - a woman with a face that looks like it needs a good, strong cup of tea - is under orders from Steve and Lloyd to keep Claire and Ronnie in the cab office and not let them out of her sight.  But as soon as she nips out for the barm cakes, Ronnie picks up a cab job at a deserted farm and off she goes alone with her hair curled and lacquered just in case 1987 should be hanging about on Rosamund Street.  At the farm is Jimmy who's got a gun, and his son, who hasn't.  Eileen alerts Steve that some woman's just come into Streetcars to tell them that Ronnie's in danger so he screams over there in his taxi just in time for Jimmy to point the gun in his face as well as Ronnie's.  Then comes Lloyd doing handbrake turns in his cab, ooh, it was just like Dukes of Hazzard with a country lane where a freeway would have been. Now the police are on the trail and there's a bit of a kerfuffle and the goodies end up smashing into a barn and the baddies are carried away on a stretcher.  It's brandies all round in the Rovers afterwards for Lloyd while Steve escorts Daisy Duke and her hair-do back to the flat for some TLC.

Mind you, Lloyd almost didn't manage to get through this week never mind get involved in a car chase.  Kelly decided to get her own back on him for messing her about as he's seeing another woman. She puts - count 'em - five packets of laxatives in his drinks at the Rovers when he cancelled another of their dates for an emergency darts meeting.  Lloyd ended up in agony in the Rovers and was rushed to hospital where Kelly had to come clean about what she'd done.  Needless to say he wouldn't accept her apology the next day although Eileen made the best of the box of chocolates Kelly brought into Streetcars for Lloyd.  Lloyd finally explains that the woman he's seeing isn't a lover or anything like that, he's repaying a debt to a woman who's married who gave him the money to buy his share of Streetcars. Kelly doesn't believe a word and tells him to get lost.

At the kennels Molly is turning Kirk's head when they try out dog biscuits together. Fiz is losing her grip on the relationship as Kirk falls for Molly's canine charms, not realising that she's out to destroy his relationship with Fiz.

And finally this week, Gail hosted a bonfire party in her back garden. Keith's pigs were safely indoors and he brought along homemade nettle wine.  Rosie ranted about vegetarian food (lack of) and Audrey's hat (mink) before throwing said hat onto the bonfire while sister Sophie chanted manically into the fire: "Kill the hat! Kill the hat!" before her head spun round three times and she turned into a newt.  Sally might have brought her homemade bonfire toffee but she had to leave in shame with her daughters.

And that's just about that for this week.

Glenda


Nov 14, 2005

Greetings and welcome to another weekly update. All the leaves may be brown and the sky might indeed by grey but I tell you, there’s nothing much that can beat a crisp autumn day in north London which is where, ladies and gennelmen, this week’s update comes to you from.  And for now, just relax. Sit down, put your feet up, put the kettle on and drift away on the lilo of words that floats in the non-threatening shallow end of the pool. Without any further ado, here we go with this week’s Coronation Street update.

Martin left this week with his girlfriend by his side and his life’s belongings stuffed in the boot of the car.  There’s goodbye hugs and handshakes from all the usual suspects but David’s a bit stubborn at first and still can’t get to grips with his dad moving away.  I don’t know the north-west that well but even my CSE geography (grade 2, 1980) tells me it isn’t that far from Manchester to Liverpool, yet everyone’s acting like Martin’s moving to the end of the world. Perhaps it is.  

Martin moving away leaves an absence that has to be filled and I’m not talking about who’s going to be moving into his flat - although there’s a question.  No, I’m taking about Gail filling the man-shaped void in her life with Phil the foot fella.  She invites him out to dinner and the pair of them eat in that pizza place in the precinct, the one with red checky tablecoths (my favourite kind), cheap red wine (ditto) and The Gypsy Kings CD on rotation (hmmm…).  After dinner Mrs Platt leads the foot fella upstairs to her bedroom which turns her into the grinning, simpering Gail that I just can’t bear to watch, can you?

One of Dev’s shop assistants Ravinder is taken into hospital and her teenage daughter Amber comes to stay with Dev and Sunita in the flat. Amber’s all Ipod and attitude (from a wonderful young actress) but when Sunita takes Amber back home she spots a photo of Ravinder and Dev stuck on the kitchen wall. Puzzled, she asks Dev about the photo and he says they’re old friends. But when Sunita visits Ravinder in th’ospital and finds out Dev has been there before her and has lied that he was at the cash and carry instead, Sunita digs deeper to find out what’s going on.  In her hospital nighty, Ravinder tells a stunned Sunita that Amber’s Dev’s daughter and just as the news is sinking in for our favourite shop girl, Ravinder advises her to have a word with Sandra in the Gorton shop too.  Yoiks! Sunita calls Sandra to the corner shop and she turns up with her blonde tips, heavy mascara and cheap jewellery (you  know the type).  Sandra’s mum to more of Dev’s kids and tells Sunita to speak to Shareen in another shop. Yoiks again!. Poor Sunita, she distraught but not destroyed, down but not out, pregnant but no push over. She walks out on Dev when Shareen – and her baby – turn up at the flat.   Maybe mad Maya had the right idea by trying to firebomb all the shops when she did, perhaps she was trying to stop the Alahan clan growing ever larger?  Now then, think on, are you dark skinned with a mop of black hair?  Do you enjoy going to partays with the laydeeze?  I’ve got news for you matey, Dev’s your real dad.

Jamie goes on a hot and sweaty date with factory girl Joanne.  Well, it was hot and sweaty for Joanne as she turned up in a plastic coat that she couldn’t take off as she was in the all-together underneath.  He’s not sure if he’s on the rebound or if he really likes her and there’s a bit of tension when Jamie sees Leanne watching him snog his new girlfriend.  He’s a lovely lad Jamie, too good for Leanne of course, and confused after his date, he goes home to have a cry on Frankie’s shoulder.  Mum Carol turns up all glam and sober, even Frankie tells her she looks like she’s been Trinny and Susannah’d. I love those two but fear I am beyond help style-wise even from them.   She doesn’t stay sober for long though when the increasingly cruel Janice buys her a vodka in the Rovers. Carol’s dragged back to Frankie’s where it looks like she’ll be staying for a while.

At Underworld there’s a fight by the gussets when Danny and Adam have a bit of a punch up.  Adam’s written a press release to impress Mike but Danny can’t handle it, can he, innit, luvaduck, cor blimey, do wot?  To get his own back on Danny, Adam tells Janice the truth about Mike being Danny’s dad. She swears to keep the news to herself and she does, for all of oh, maybe 10 seconds before it spreads around the factory and gives the machinists something to brighten up their day.

Sarah continues her plan to nab Jason and bless him, he does try a bit at first to play down her advances and commit to Violet.  Jason turns up at the Platts to measure for some shelves in the cupboard under the stairs and finds Sarah all done up in full warpaint and battle gear but Jason retreats on this particular manoeuvre. But it doesn’t take long for Sarah’s seduction to wear him down and Violet notices something’s definitely wrong between them.

And finally this week, young Sophie tells Sally she’s not wearing her minging trainers to school any more. I know the feeling.  My mother might have been right, darn it, she ‘was’ right. They were warm, they were comfortable, they kept the mucky ice and clarts of a north-eastern winter well away from my legs when I was Sophie’s age, but flipping heck, Derry boots were the ugliest things I’ve ever, let me repeat that, ever had the misfortune to wear. Where was Trinny and Susannah then, eh?  I still shudder when I think of those boots.  So I was mightily pleased when Sally relented on the fashion footwear front and bought a lovely pair of Suede-iques (que?) for a fiver in the pub. 

And that’s just about that for this week.

Glenda


Nov 21, 2005

Greetings and welcome to another weekly update. It’s been a week dominated by episodes of Corrie, they’ve been coming at me from every direction, every night, all the time.  Not even hiding behind a cushion on the sofa has stopped their transmission beaming into my brain and after a whopping six episodes this week (with three last night and a further two tomorrow night) I am most definitely Corrie’d out.  It seems that Corrie this week is being wrapped around the beginning and end of the new series of “I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here” and as much as I enjoy both Corrie and the Celebrity programme, this evening I am turning off my telly and going out, as far away as possible from it all.  Too much, too much. Pass the tablets, nursie. Anyway, without any further ado here we go with this week’s Coronation Street update.

It can’t be a coincidence that the perils of alco-hic-holism as shown via Danny Baldwin’s ex-wife Carol comes at a time when Britain’s pubs open their doors for 24 hour drinking.  We’ve had it all on Corrie this week with Carol binge-drinking, vomiting and - is this a first for Corrie? – drunken incontinence.  I hid behind my cushion again at that point.  If ever there was a storyline that’s going to put me off having that extra glass of red on a Friday night, it’s this one.  Maybe that’s the point.  Carol goes through alcohol withdrawal and gets the DTs – Delirium Tremens – not to be confused with a nastily strong Belgium beer by the same name. I was once in a pub in Brussels where I watched madness and mayhem unfold by those who’d been on the DT.  One minute it was karaoke and kissing, the next a kerfuffle and a fella falling asleep standing up.  Anyway, I digress but you’ll have noticed by now that I tend to do that each week. 

Claire’s pom-poms jiggle in anger at Tracy when Ms Scarlet tries to wind up Mrs Peacock in the Streetcabs office with the candlestick.  Or was it Mrs White (Eileen) with Professor Plum (Norris)? Tracy’s got it in for Claire after Nathan turns down an afternoon of passion with Tracy to fix Claire’s cab thereby servicing Streetcars instead of the strumpet.

At the Websters Sally and Kev decide to swap roles with Sally as good cop and Kevin as menacing PC plod.  It doesn’t last long when the girls see through what their parents are trying to do and anyway, being nice doesn’t sit well with Sally these days.  She’s definitely the more dominant of the two and keeps a tight hold of Kevin by his meat and two veg.  Indeed, the only time Kevin gets a breeze round them parts is when Sally opens her handbag.

Sarah’s still chasing Jason and corners him in the cupboard under the stairs at the Platts house when he’s round there installing some shelves.  A distracted Jason hits his hand with his hammer and just as Sarah tries to kiss it better, Gail walks in to spoil the moment.  Never mind, they finally get together upstairs at Gail’s but David discovers what they’re up to and takes to blackmailing Jason to keep the news from girlfriend Violet.  When Jason refuses to pay up, David tries to biff him one on the cobbles just as Phil is passing by.  Gail rings the police when David tells her that Jason tried to beat him up and she’s straight over the road banging on Eileen’s door and calling the Grimshaw’s all sorts before Phil tells Gail that he saw it all – and David’s the one to blame.

A stunned Sunita sits in the Rovers back room with Shelley as she tries to figure out what her future will hold.  Dev tries, and fails, to get Sunita to forgive and forget but she blames him for being heartless and uncaring towards his children and grandchild. Could the fact the kids are all female be the reason?  As Dev moves into their new house the baby buggies and cots arrive and he’s in (very self-deserved) bits.  Sunita says she’s going to abort the twins so Dev serves an injunction against her to which she replies by suing him for divorce. Ah, the path of true love, eh?

Roy laminates the accolades and sticks them up in the café. His cooking is credited in the national and local press as “the best full British breakfast in the whole of north-west England served without flourish or fanfare” just a dollop of brown sauce and plenty of salt.  (He couldn’t win that award down here in London mind you). Further credits come his way when he’s crowned the unlikely darling of the bistro set. The sweet scent of success goes to Hayley’s head and makes her giddy enough to suggest they open a bottle of Pomagne to celebrate.

Phew, it hasn’t half gone on this week hasn’t it? All them extra episodes makes for a much longer update. Elsewhere this week young Rosie and Craig chain themselves to the butcher’s shop in a vegetarian protest until Sally comes along with  bolt-cutters to set them both free.  Convinced they’re doing the right thing by turning the residents veggie, they take one of Keith’s pigs for a walk down the street and I don’t know that I’ve seen anything so sinister in Corrie than the sight of two Goths walking a pig in harness on a lead down the cobbles. It fair puts off people ordering their Christmas ham from Keith who has to sell the porkers to Fred for a knock down price and with no money in his piggy bank now, the poor bloke’s broke.  After the veggie protest, Emily tells Sally she admires young Rosie’s spirit and even Norris agrees he can see the beginnings of a tyrant in a certain Miss Webster.  With a mad glint in her eye, Sally prepares celebratory beans for her daughter later at home.

And finally this week Molly succeeds in breaking up Fiz and Kirk. She takes Kirk for a lunchtime booze up and when he rolls home to see Fiz he tells her: “Talk to the hand ‘cos the ears aren’t working” before falling asleep on the sofa after telling her a few home truths and says he doesn’t like being bossed around.  Fiz apologises and tells Kirk the relationship’s on his terms now but when Molly finds out she winds Kirk up again, enough this time for Kirk to tell Fiz he wants to finish things with her, he wants a bit more of that stuff, what do you call it, that stuff that there’s plenty of in between Kirk’s ears where his brain should be. Ah yes, space.

And that’s just about that for this week.

Glenda


Nov 28, 2005

Here we go again with another weekly update.  This week the update is being typed by icy cold fingers after I lost my thermal gloves on the train and I haven’t had time to go to the shops to buy another pair. The update this week is also wearing big pants as the cold weather tightens its grip round these parts. Yes, winter drawers on. And so, without any further ado, here we go with this week’s Coronation Street update.

Sarah the sultry teenage temptress leads Jason astray this week and Violet’s heart breaks when she finds out the news. She’s even more unhappy when she finds out that Sean and Eileen knew Jason had been seeing Sarah behind her back, under her nose and upstairs in her bedroom.  David winds up Bethany and tells her Jason’s going to be her new dad. Bethany, being a little kid who says inappropriate things, blurts this news to Gail who has a word or two with her wayward young daughter. And in the hair salon Audrey takes her granddaughter to one side for a talk, young ladeh, when Betty comes in for a wash, blow and some gossip about bar colleague Violet.  Jason’s torn and in tears over hurting Violet but his groin thrusts him ever forward towards perky Miss Platt.  He tells Violet he’s sorry and asks for another chance and when she calls him a hypocrite he gets a puzzled look on his face and searches for a dictionary.

Sunita’s brother Jayesh pays Dev a visit in the shop. He tells him what he thinks of the abominable (and there’s a word I’ve never used in an update before) way he’s treated his sister before punching him in the biscuits. “Go near her again and I will kill you, I promise” he tells the sorry shopkeeper. Sunita takes refuge in the back room of the Rovers with Shelley and Violet, a trio of troubled women, all having been disappointed by feckless, lying, cheating, good for nothing fellas.

Tracy launches a campaign of trouble towards Claire. First off, she refuses to pay the cab fare, and Claire does her best to be polite to her customer but secretly seethes.  Clare’s concerned about Amy’s bad cough and while Tracy is happy to ignore her kid’s cough, Deirdre takes it seriously and takes the bairn to th’ospital where she’s pronounced fine.  But Tracy’s had enough of care-bear Claire and winds her up in the Rovers until Claire chucks her drink at her, soaking Tracy’s t-shirt. “Ooh, white top, black bra. Very classy.” sneers Clare.  But it doesn’t end there.  Nathan and Ashley go training in the boxing ring and argue about the women in their lives. Nathan defends Tracy and Ashley sticks up for Clare but Nathan loses his cool and knocks Ashley out cold.  Ashley’s rushed to the hospickle where he could lose the sight in his eye. When Nathan takes him some grapes Ashley tells him he doesn’t hold a grudge and says it was an accident. Fred and Clare are more concerned and hold Nathan – and Tracy – responsible for it all.

Cilla’s gutted that she didn’t pull a fella while on honeymoon with Yana. She reckons that now she’s married it puts fellas off and her sparkle has gone.  Meanwhile, Yana’s enjoying consensual texts with a posse of men she met while they were away and mooches over Billy from Market Harborough: “He had a look of Mike Nolan from Bucks Fizz”.  When Fiz tells Cilla that Les is her only supply of marital connubials from now on, Cilla reckons she’ll have to do something to keep it that way.  She cooks up a special meal – tomato soup, tuna, peas (yes, on the same plate) – and tells Les she’d like to get wed, legally this time.  Ey up, and as luck would have it, there’s a cancellation at the registry office the very next day.  Les dons his snakeskin pulling jacket, grabs Cilla from the chippy and off they go and get wed. The Battersby-Brown’s return to the street legally married and Les buys him and Chesney a cake to celebrate as Cilla returns to work at Wong’s with a resigned married sigh.

Fiz has had enough of Molly molly-coddling her Kirkeh and punches her in the Rovers. What is it this week with people hitting each other? There must have been something in the beer at the pub.  Kirk doesn’t know what to do – there’s only one thing he does know for sure and that is he’s excited ‘cos it’s nearly Christmas (me too). But when he secretly overhears Fiz apologising to Molly he realises it’s Fiz that he loves and decides to get back together with her. Ah bless. And about time too.

It’s Frankie and Danny’s anniversary and he sends her a bouquet of flowers followed by a blimp flying from the factory roof.  With Jamie and Carol out of the way he calls in to see his missus and asks her to forgive him. He tells her she’s the only girl for him: “You’re the only girl for me, Frankie” and that he still loves her: “I still loves yer, Frankie”.  Frankie wobbles, you can tell, and there’s tears in her eyes. Well, a flying blimp can do that to a girl. But just as she’s about to get all sentimental, in walk Carol and Jamie who throws his dad out on his ‘arris before punching him down on the cobbles (see what I mean, what’s all this aggression this week about then?). 

And finally this week, it’s the Weatherfield Traders Ball this coming Friday night. Diggory needs a date and has to bribe Liz by paying  her time and a half to accompany him there.  Fred also needs a lady friend to take wi’him and is both astounded and pleased with Bev agrees to go along.

And that’s just about that for this week.

Glenda

By Glenda Young , writer of Coronation Street Weekly Updates for the internet since 1995.



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