Ahoy matey and welcome aboard another weekly
update. The captain’s in the dead man’s chest, the first officer’s
two sheets to the wind and Jolly Roger’s lost his pieces of eight when his
parrot fell off the perch. There’s mutiny amongst the buccaneers this
week on HMS weekly update so before they make me walk the plank, and without
any further ado, here we go with this week’s Coronation Street update, arrrr.
If you'd like your weekly update with pictures and fun Corrie stuff, have
a look at :
http://coronationstreetupdates.blogspot.com
Danny and Frankie each receive a small bit of paper with big news written
on it. It’s their decree absolute and it unsettles them both. Frankie
takes herself off to her villa in Spain while Danny proposes to Leanne.
“I love ‘er and ah’m gonna marry ‘er”, Danny tells Jamie in the Rovers
when son pushes father on strumpet-related issues. “You what?” screams
a surprised voice with Leanne on the end of it from t’other side of the
Rovers. It’s drinks all round as Danny and Leanne celebrate their
engagement although Danny doesn’t know quite just what’s hit him or indeed,
what just will. His head’s still spinning when Janice walks back into Underworld
as his new machinist / mother-in-law to be / flat mate too as Leanne
offers to take her step-mum in until she finds a place of her own.
Janice has been down in that London place and returned to Weatherfield with
a tan the colour of our garden fence. She must have been staying south
of the Thames ‘cos north of the river where I live, it ain’t been that warm.
After another flick of curls (her) and eyeball rolling (him), Steve
and Ronnie argue again and she drives off into the night in her Streetcars
cab. As she’s trying to reach Steve on her mobile Ronnie’s distracted
for a moment and hits and knocks down some old codger on the cobbles.
After checking to make sure there were no witnesses, Ronnie drives off and
leaves the soap oap for dead on the road. Meanwhile back on the street,
the reason that Ronnie couldn’t reach Steve on the phone is because he was
showing leggy Kelly his matching duvet cover and pillow cases in the bedroom
at his flat. Kelly succumbed to his charms and the delights of his
duvet after the pair of them got trollied in the Rovers. The morning after
the night before rolls around just like Steve’s bloodshot eyes and Kelly
leaves the flat. “Dun’t worry” she tells him. “I’ve not left me undies
in the bedroom, but if yer should find me self respect…..”
So, Ronnie can’t tell Steve what she did that night and Steve can’t tell
Ronnie, it’s just one big squashy secret waiting to be popped like a huge
zit that will spray pus on those who stand beneath it. Streetcars gets a
speeding ticket for the night in question as Ronnie’s cab was caught by the
speed camera the night of the hit and run. She lies and begs Steve to take
the rap for her (see, I know all the gangsta lingo, me) as she’s got 9 points
already on her licence and an extra 3 for speeding would mean she’d lose
her licence. At least I think that’s what happens, I don’t know anything
about cars as I travel everywhere by broomstick which makes parking at Sainsburys
a breeze.
Charlie repairs the roof at Keith’s house which Keith thinks is a result
of the landlord bullying Charlie into doing the right thing. But Charlie
can out-bully bully beef so a landlord is the least of his concerns. Instead,
he tells Keith he’s bought his house from his landlord and serves a notice
giving him two months to pack up and go which is a bit like wash and go
except that’s a shampoo. “You’re just like Roy Rogers and Trigger”
Keith yells at Charlie and Jason to which Jason replies: “How can he compare
me to Trigger? I’m nowhere near as thick as he is!”. It’s left to
Charlie to explain that Keith meant Trigger the magic horse who could fly
and had a song named after him (or was that Champion the wonder horse I’m
getting confused with?) and not Trigger, Del-Boy Trotter’s feckless friend
from Only Fools and Horses. Keith muses about moving back to Sheffield
when Charlie turfs them out but Craig’s not keen. He has a quiet word with
Kev who tells him he’ll help him any way he can.
Amber moves in with Dev this week bringing chaos, mayhem and too many
teddy bears into Dev’s flat and his life. Dev’s got a lot to learn
about being a father and while he’s drinking in the Rovers with Fred, the
Croppers bring in young Amber after they find her sitting on the kerb outside
of the corner shop, cold and alone after she’d locked her key inside.
Sean goes to his aunt Betty’s funeral in his best suit and is disappointed
when his dad doesn’t turn up. With Violet and Jamie as comfort back-up,
he visits his dad at home but gets a frosty reception and not even the
offer of a nice cuppa tea. Sean goes back to work at the Rovers where
he gets a text message from Jason saying his dad has turned up at the house
looking for him and is on his way now to the pub to see Sean. An excited
Sean waits by the door of the Rovers for his dad to walk through it and
into his life but when there’s no sign of him, he goes outside only to see
his dad driving away down the cobbles without saying goodbye, au revoir
or even auf weidersehen, pet.
And finally this week, fed up to the back teeth of the triumvirate
of menopausal matriarchs (and that’s an expression I’ve not used in a weekly
update before) in the back room of the Rovers (Liz, Bev, Deirdre), Shelley
takes matters into her own hands and decides it’s about time she got a life
of her own. There’s a fella in the bar that’s been giving her the
glad eye so she grabs him by the collar and tells him he’s taking her out
on a date. “You and me, we’re going to suck the marrow out of life”
she tells him as they make a date for the Italian pizza place in the precinct.
Glenda Young
June 12, 2006
Greetings and welcome to another weekly update.
This week the update is hot and sticky and lying in the garden under the
sprinkler in the middle of the night so the neighbours can’t see it and report
it to the council ‘cos where we live there’s a hosepipe ban and something
called a drought. And so without any further ado, here we go with this week’s
Coronation Street update.
If you'd like your weekly update with pictures and fun Corrie stuff, have
a look at :
http://coronationstreetupdates.blogspot.com
It all kicked off at Streetcars this week. Kelly moved back in with
Lloyd and they’re playing happy families and making up nicely until the
cop cars arrive at the taxi cab office. The rozzers have identified
Ronnie’s cab at the scene of the hit and run on the night when Steve was
sub-duvet with Kelly. However, as Ronnie had asked Steve to take
the rap for her speeding ticket, the cops think that Steve was driving the
cab at the time and take him in for questioning. There’s a bit of forensic
evidence on the cab that links it directly with the mowing down and killing
of the old codger on the cobbles. Steve’s banged up in the cells overnight
and grilled like a cheese toastie until he tells the cops he has an alibi
and she’s got two very long legs and a tiny little skirt. When the cops question
Kelly she doesn’t cooperate at first, knowing it’ll be the end for her and
Lloyd when the truth comes out. But she can’t stand by and see an innocent
bloke face 14 years in the slammer so she sings like a bird but it’s a tune
that Lloyd doesn’t want to hear. As Steve gets released, Ronnie gets
arrested and the cops take her and her heaving bosom down to the cells.
I don’t know what it was about the bosoms on Corrie this week but there was
a huge cleavage count, and I don’t normally notice this sort of thing myself,
because I am, after all, a lay-dee myself you know. We had Ronnie
and Kelly wobbling out of their tops and Liz “pimp my clothes” McDonald outdoing
even her slag-Barbie clothing in something indecently cheap and tacky off
the market.
As Dev tries to make sense of what’s hit him in the shape of his young
daughter, Amber, she’s wasting no time in making the most of mining Dev’s
thin seam of fatherhood experience. When a bottle of vodka goes missing
in the shop, Amber tells Dev she broke it but I don’t think it’ll be too
long before Miss Alahan starts selling her special brew of alcopops to the
kiddies of the parish. She makes mates with David which puts a hormonal
sheen on his angst-ridden life and the two of them compare fathers, agreeing
that Dev’s a div and Martin’s a moron.
Keith goes to the Citizens Advice Bureau to see if there’s anything
he can do to stop Charlie evicting him. There isn’t. Charlie breezes in
to the house with a surveyor and Tracy in tow. Tracy’s eyeing up the
soft furnishings and dreaming of a new home, better than the Barlows, for
her and Charlie to play mums and dads but Charlie has something else entirely
on his mind. It wouldn’t surprise me if he rented it out to hippies
and students just to spite Tracy. Not that I’ve got anything against hippies
and students. I used to be one of them once and I live with one of t’other.
Brian plays emotional hide-and-seek with Sean’s feelings this week.
Sean waits in the Rovers but will Brian turn up? Peek-a-boo, there he is.
He waits in the pizza place in the precinct, the one with the red checky
tablecloths and Gypsy Kings on rotation. It’s like now you see him,
now you don’t as Brian does a no-show and Sean’s in bits. Sean goes to Brian’s
house and his missus tells Sean his dad’s not home but Jamie spies him peeping
out of an upstairs window. What the devil is he playing at? When
the two of them are together long enough, Sean tells his dad that he’s gay
but Brian says he’s known that since Sean was a kid: “When I saw you dancing
around the living room to My Fair Lady, I thought it was unlikely that you’d
end up knocking one in the back of the net for the Toon Army”. Although
Mary Poppins knocked in quite a few.
Shelley goes on her date with the fella from the Rovers. “You and me,
we’re going to suck the marrow out of life” she trilled. That was before
they got to the pizza place and he entertained Shelley with his knowledge
of bus routes, preferring the 78 over the 92 for reasons best known to
himself. “Have you got a favourite bus, Shelley?” he asked her, which
seemed a perfectly reasonable question to me (my answer: the 73 in central
London) but it seemed to upset Shelley no end. When a text message comes
through from Bev asking “ow r u?”, Shelley uses it as an excuse to rush
home, telling bus bore bloke her mum was ill and needed her.
And a cash-strapped Diggory starts selling off his stale bread products
to make ends meet. He’s so short of dough (the money kind) that he’s
reduced to re-selling floury baps to Sally that he should have rightly
chucked in the bin. Hayley’s distraught that her favourite ‘lumpy-bumpy’
cake wasn’t available as Diggory can’t even afford to keep his shelves
stocked. Hayley, we share your pain.
And that’s just about that for this week.
Glenda
June 19 2006
It's been a World Cup week on telly this week with
Corrie slotted in and around matches. This week's update covers six
episodes instead of the usual five and I'm rushing to get it done so I can
go and cheer on England v Sweden and do Mexican waves all over the sofa if
we win. And so, without any further ado, here we go, here we go, here
we go, with this week's Coronation Street update.
If you'd like your weekly update with pictures and fun Corrie stuff, have
a look at :
http://coronationstreetupdates.blogspot.com
The Gazette's headline screams Killer Cabs and the paper starts a campaign
to clamp down on cowboy cabbies after Ronnie's hit and run last week.
Things aren't good in the Streetcabs office with Steve and Lloyd at loggerheads
(where is that? I can never find it on the A-Z) and Eileen's bored enough
through lack of work to make her own range of jewellry from paperclips
and staples. Steve gets a letter from Weatherfield Council which
revokes his license, and that's always painful.
Diggory's got problems with the dough. Not that dough, the money kind.
His rent's going up and his stock's going stale so he tries to flog it
off and gets sharp words from Blanche about selling bread products past
their sell by date. She should have followed in the footsteps and wise
words of Ena Sharples who asked "Are those cream cakes fresh?" before purchase.
Was mine the only mind that scene sprung into when Blanche took her baps
back to the baker? There's also problems with stale sausage rolls
and hard barms and it looks like the end is nigh for poor Diggory.
I'll miss him as much as a doughnut's hole.
Amber's alcopops find their way into young Sophie Webster's hands when
she finds sister Rosie's stash at the back of the wardrobe. Sophie
gets drunk and throws up in Sally's backyard and when she finds out where
the alcohol has come from Sally's straight round to Dev with a few choice
words. Dev tries to make amends with an apology in the shape of a cheap
bunch of shop flowers, which oddly (and rather sadly) Sally gratefully accepts.
Amber also apologises before Dev packs her away to her mum in Finland for
the summer. He's upset that she sent him a Father's Day card pretending
it was from the baby twins. Any fule no that babies can't write but Dev
was hoping and wishing that the card signalled a return into Sunita's affections
and he takes his anger out on Amber when it turns out not to be.
Leanne tries to get Danny and Jamie to make up for Father's Day but when
Danny spies Leanne and Jamie having pizza together, in that place in the
precinct with the red checky tableclothes, he puts two and two together
and reckons they're having a bit of how's your father. Well they are, sort
of, but Danny coming in all high-handed and argumentative rather spoils
the chances of a reconciliation between father and son.
Another dad and lad having problems are Sean and Brian as Sean finds
out that Brian's not his dad. Brian was away at sea when Sean was
conceived so he knows he's not his own son. There's a joke in their about
seamen, I'm sure, but the England game is on in two hours and I have to
finish this update so I can't stop for jokes, not tonight.
David plays truant and hangs around the house plugged into his Playstation
hoping no one will see him or that Gail will pop back from work for her
lunch. David is great. He's turning into a thoroughly dislikable
teen, which most of us did, if truth be told. I know I was a right
horror and I've got the photos to prove it.
Jason tells Audrey who tells Keith who tells Craig that Charlie's been
refused a mortgage on their house. Much celebrating and smiling for Keith
and Craig until it turns out Charlie gets a mortgage in the end,
just as you know he would. Tracy plans the soft furnishings and moving in
with Charlie while poor Keith wonders what to do with his life. Craig doesn't
want to leave Rosie and the two of them go out to dinner in the pizza place
in the precinct, the one with the red.... well, you know what, for a meaningful
discussion over a hot American.
And that's just about that for this week. Come on you Eng-er-land.
Glenda
June 26, 2006
This week's update written by Barry Smith.
David is still bunking off school and when Keith spies
him climbing over the back fence, he dobs him in to Gail. They have a meeting
with
the headmaster and David makes up a tale that he's being bullied by some
big lads but without names, the headmaster refuses to believe him, though,
of course, Gail does. As it's nearly the end of term and the 'bullies' will
have left the school by next year, Gail decides to keep David at home and
tutor him herself. She can't get to grips with simultaneous equations or
Chaucer, while David pretends that he can't either. A nasty teenager he may
be but you've got to admire him, he even plays truant when being taught at
home. Audrey suggests that they call in the local teacher to help out, Ken
Barlow. That should wipe the smug smile off his face.
Keith is looking for somewhere for him and Craig to live but it's all
proving a bit stressful for him as he's never done that sort of thing before.
Things aren't helped when he asks advice of Roy and Dev, who paint a poor
picture of the private rental market and all the potential problems. After
a fraught day house hunting he collapses in the street and is taken to hospital.
He's had a mild angina attack and is let out the following day but will
have to go back for tests. Keith arranges for he and Craig to move to his
sister's in Bournemouth but Craig is firm that he's not going. Rosie is
off to France for 6 weeks and he promises her that he'll still be there
when she gets back and gives her an eternity ring.
Steve and Lloyd are still at loggerheads (one of Glenda's readers tells
us that it's near Mold in Wales but my road atlas has it near
Market Drayton in Shropshire). Steve goes to a meeting with the council
and comes back to the cab office to tell them that he is no longer considered
a fit person to hold a licence. The business could continue if somebody else
took over the licence but Lloyd won't countenance working with Steve anymore.
He offers him £5000 for his half of the firm but Steve refuses as,
despite the fact that they've got no licence and no customers, he thinks it's
his pride and joy. It all makes for a pretty poor birthday for Steve. Liz
tries to brighten things up by buying him a cake and gets everyone to sing
him Happy Birthday in the pub but a fight nearly breaks out. Steve plots to
set up business on his own and asks Eileen to be the licensee.
Another business in trouble is the bakery where Diggory seems unable to
charm the ladies with his cream slice the way he used to. But all is not
lost as young entrepreneurs Molly and Tyrone decide to help out in their
spare time. Given the success of their last joint venture which ended up
on fire in the middle of a pond, I don't think Diggory will be winning the
Queen's Award for Industry any time soon.
With the cab firm closed, Les asks Leanne for a job at the factory which
prompts a 'no' from Leanne and a vicious cackle from Janice. Shelley's looking
for another position too. Figuring that when Fred and Bev get married, Fred
will instal Bev as landlady and feeling squeezed out already she arranges
to go to the brewery and have a chat about getting another pub. She confides
in Betty about it who promises to keep her secret firmly buttoned under her
ample cardie. Vernon decides to broaden his horizons by becoming a song writer.
He pens a ditty for Liz which is truly awful. Pub quiz, Billy Whizz, fizz,
showbiz, Tariq Aziz and the fat birds from Viz, I think you get the idea.
Not so awful that he couldn't manage to sell it to Kirk so that he could
serenade Fiz though.
Sean's mother (who used to play Connie Clayton) eventually returns from
holiday looking suitably bronzed and no better than she ought to be. He
gets straight to the point and wants to know who his real dad is. He was
just a fling; called Paul Jones; was a plumber and doesn't know about Sean.
Sean is distraught by it all "it's a mess. the more I find out, the less
I wanna know."
And finally, Amber comes home with a glowing school report which Dev eventually
manages to take a small amount of pleasure out of but not enough to stop
him sending Amber off to Finland for the summer holidays (please, please make
sure she comes back safely). Sally admitted that the first time she was drunk
she "ended up in t'gutter wi' me skirt over me 'ead, singing 'The Birdie
Song'". And there was something about Maria, a flash man (little more than
a boy really), an old toilet, a pair of scissors and a dog blanket.
--
Barry Smith bazzas at btinternet.com
'It's not easy ... building Xanadu in the backstreets of Weatherfield.'
