October 2, 2006
Glenda was on holiday this week
October 9, 2006
Here I am, back from me jollies all tanned and lovely.
Before I start I’d just like to thank John Dean and Richard Whitbread for
taking up the weekly update mantle while I was away and for doing such a
wonderful job with their updates. Last week’s update from Janet Waterhouse
is currently cooking in the oven at gas mark 6 and expected on the cooling
rack any day now with a cherry on the top. Which means you’ll probably receive
this update in advance of last weeks but I hope that won’t confuse anyone
too much. And so, without any further ado, here we go with this weeks’
Coronation Street update: the one where Fred Elliot died.
If you'd like your weekly update with pictures and fun Corrie stuff, have
a look at :
http://coronationstreetupdates.blogspot.com
As is my wont when there’s been a huge story, I’ll jump right in and
tell you all about it. As Bev and Fred’s wedding day draws near, Fred’s
torn in his feelings towards Audrey and Bev. He should have flipped a coin
instead of getting worked up. Fred heads off to the salon where Audrey
gives him a, well, I’m not sure although it involved running a razor over
his head but the Trades Description Act would sue me if I called it a haircut.
She also gives him a pre-wedding manicure and as she rubs lotion into his
fat butcher fingers, Fred comes over all unnecessary-like and has a bit
of a to-do.
Back at the House of Elliot, Claire’s home from th’ospickle, having
been turned into Brie from Desperate Housewives, medicated up to the eyeballs,
fresh from group therapy with men in bad pyjamas. Then it’s over to the
Rovers for the joint stag and hen (shag?) do where Fred’s fairly uncomfy
when Audrey turns up but keeps face and does his best by Bev. He makes
a speech to all gathered and gives special thanks to the ladies in his
life who have turned him down in the past, glancing at Audrey as he says
this. Unable to handle the pressure any more, Fred heads out the
back and has a fag on a beer crate before confiding all to Ashley who tells
him he’s mad. “Audrey’s no good for yer” he tells his dad. “She’s
a tease”. And it’s true, I’ve felt little sympathy for her because
her actions have been that of a desperate old dear.
On the day of the wedding, everyone’s in best frocks, fiddly hats and
new hair-dos. Bev’s in a confection of froth and Frankie’s got a dead blackbird
on her head. Audrey’s in a right old two and eight and cries off
from doing Bev’s bridal hair-do and then calls to tell Ashley she’s not
coming to the wedding because she’s not feeling well. It’s a lie of course,
she just can’t face the wedding and goes home to mope in her chair.
At the church the Corrie congregation are waiting patiently at first, then
a bit less so, and then the gossip starts when there’s no sight of the
bride and groom. Ashley and Dev wait outside wondering what’s going
on as Bev’s driven up and down the streets and round the bend by the driver
of an old wedding car that’s got a real horn that goes pharp.
Fred’s taken Dev’s car keys and sped off to see Audrey and the two
of them have a little chat. He tells Audrey he hasn’t come to tell her
what she wants to hear, but that he loves Bev and he’s going to marry her.
As he takes his leave he tells her: “Be happy. I say, be happy”. And as
he heads to the front door there’s a crash, a bang and a very deep moan.
Burly butcher Fred has fallen to his death on Audrey’s Welcome Mat laid out
by her front door. Somewhat fitting, but sad nonetheless and I was in bits
by this point. Even Sue Nicholls who plays Audrey was being overcome
by emotion as her real, posh accent kept slipping out more than usual
as it so often does when she plays a scene with real feeling instead of
acted emotion. I guess it’s not just Fred Eliot the cast and Corrie fans
will miss, it’s John Savident too. Anyway, Audrey calls the police who
drive to the church to tell Ashley who tells Bev in the vestry (I love that
word). He then has to break the news to a stunned silence of those
gathered in church. As the news sinks in, Bev wants to know, needs to know,
who found Fred and how he died. When Audrey appears and says Fred was with
her when he fell to his death, well, believe me when I say that Bev was
not best pleased.
Elsewhere on the Street this week, David tells Gail he’s not returning
to school, not ever, never. “I’m a refuser, I do what it says on the tin”.
What tin? The Golden Syrup tin? Thick and dense and gloopy?
By way of punishment, Gail confiscates the TV he keeps in his bedroom
and his Playstation too which kind of winds him up a little so he sneaks
up the ginnel to eat chips.
The Websters plan their Paris holiday and Sophie starts learning useful
French phrases like “frightful weather” and “dangerous bends”. Well, you
can’t be too prepared, I suppose. Rosie and Craig plan to stay home
and Rita’s all for looking after vegetarian Rosie: “Do you eat fish?”. I
was waiting for her to offer her some wafer thin ham. It happens. I have to
refuse it often and I’ve been a vegetarian for over 20 years. But then
Craig hits on a plan. It’s reckless and daft but hey, they’re young, they’ve
got a lot to learn and good luck to them both I say as they plan to head
off to Paris with Sally and Kev then do a runner to Berlin together, forever,
or at least until their money runs out. Ich bin ein Berliner, eh chuck?
There was more references to far away lands this week, not just Paris,
oh no.
Reference 1: Norris starts practicing his Hungarian for his trip to
Budapest with Rita. He thinks he can get one over on Betty in the
bar by ordering his beer in foreign tongues but Betty’s been around the
block once or twice in her time and there’s not much that can throw her.
She replies to him in Hungarian which wipes the smirk off Norris’ face. “It’s
amazing what we picked up in the war” says Betty. “Yes, I can imagine” says
Norris.
Reference 2: Cilla and Yana returned from Ayia Napa all tanned up like
Easyjet girls (they’re bright orange and will go anywhere for £25).
Les isn’t best pleased to have his missus back and won’t forgive her for
going off overseas with her mate instead of him.
And that’s just about that for this week.
Glenda
October 16, 2006
Greetings and welcome to another weekly update. This
week the update is wearing its black arm band in mourning for Fred Elliot,
fat
butcher of the parish. And so without any further ado, here
we go with this weeks' Coronation Street update.
If you'd like your weekly update with pictures and fun Corrie stuff, have
a look at :
http://coronationstreetupdates.blogspot.com
Grief hits the Street this week and Bev blubs into Bacardi in her wedding
frock in the back room of the Rovers, refusing to budge from
the place while there's still a whiff of Fred in the air. Liz wants
to know what's going on with the sale of the pub and Ashley says he'll
help shift Bev, who's taken to mourning Fred as if it were a competition
that she desperately wants to win. When she refers to Fred as her husband
and she as his widow, Ashley's not best pleased. He reminds Bev that
it was his dad's wish to be cremated, not buried which is what Bev wants
to do with the body. Bev hits the booze to help her cope and takes out her
anger on Audrey for killing off Fred. Poor Audrey, meanwhile, is the talk
of the wash house with all the gossip going on about her and dead Fred. In
the Rovers Vera and Blanche have a vicious (but very funny) gossip about Audrey,
who "walks round with her nose in the air and her knickers around her ankles".
Even Rita vents her spleen at her old mate Audrey, giving her merry hell
for carrying on with a fella and being his fancy woman (a wonderful phrase
I hadn't heard in years). It all brings back painful memories for Rita of
Len who did the same thing when he was killed after a night out with his
fancy piece. When Audrey and Bev go to see Fred in his coffin
at Archie Shuttleworth's, they trade insults and snarls before Ashley steps
in to break them up, blaming Audrey squarely and harshly for his dad's death.
He then tells little Josh that grand-dad Fred won't be coming back any
more, he's gone up to heaven to sit on a cloud. "In blue pyjamas?"
asks Josh, so cute you could spread him on toast.
Elsewhere on the Street this week, Les has had enough of Cilla selling
off their stuff on the MyBay website after he finds out she's done the unforgivable
and sold his Status Quo jacket and chinged in his Chopper. Before
she sells off his kidneys, he packs up the PC and stores it at Streetcars,
leaving Cilla's addiction to trading in tat hanging in the balance.
Kirk's also into the MyBay site to bid on a scooter for Fiz after her driving
lessons in a car have been somewhat less than successful.
And so to Paris. And that's not something we've ever said on a weekly
update before. Oh hang on, we have, when Ashley, Maxine, Fred and Audrey
went there a few years ago. Anyway, and so to Paris. Again.
Sally packs the mosquito wipes, just in case, as the Websters head off to
the French capital with a packed lunch – meat, fish and vegetarian sandwiches
– made by the hands of Roy Cropper. Craig and Rosie burn their school ties
(and their bridges) deciding never to return to Weatherfield and plan on
getting the train to Berlin from France to run away together and start a
new life. But anyway, back to Paris where the Websters meet up with
Kev's dad Bill Webster who's treated his family to this French trip.
He takes young Sophie out for the day as Craig and Rosie head back to the
hotel to get their stuff and do a runner. Sally and Kev are left on
their own and rekindle their romance on a riverside with champagne and a
French stick before returning to their room for a bit of Ooh La La. But
when they get back to the hotel, Rosie and Craig have gone, leaving nowt
but a note behind. "Me and Craig have run away" it says. Sheesh, all that
money spent on Rosie's posh education and her grammar is appalling.
They also find a timetable for trains to Berlin so the Webster clan dash
to the Gare du Nord to find Rosie and Craig. Down on the platform,
the runaways have missed their train so Craig has to buy more tickets for
a connecting train which leaves them both skint and upset. Rosie's already
had second thoughts about leaving with Craig and when her future looms with
nothing in it but Craig, thirty euros and an empty ruck sack, she stays put
in Paris as Craig heads off to Berlin alone. Oh yes, there was tears and
snot but then Rosie's spotted by the Websters and is given big hugs back
into the heaving bosom of the clan from the cobbles.
Danny fancies his chances with Frankie so takes her a huge bunch of
lovely red roses, gives her a cheeky smile and Bob's your uncle. The next
day is the morning after the night before and Jamie arrives back from holiday
with Violet, only to spot Danny walking downstairs in Frankie's house.
Jamie flies into a rage and throws Danny out of the house and down on the
cobbles where he clobbers him good and proper. Frankie can't understand why
Jamie's so upset but it's because he loves her and she loves Danny who loves
his son Jamie who doesn't love Violet who's a friend of Sean who possibly
loves
Jamie. It's not so much a love triangle, it's more of a sexual
squiggle.
And finally this week, Liam chats up Maria in the Rovers and she starts
flirting with him - until Charlie comes in. Maria plays it cool but it's
not cool enough for Charlie who follows Maria into the ladies loo (what
a strange man he is) and tells her he doesn't want her messing about with
another fella. When Liam walks Maria home, Charlie follows on and
pushes Liam up against the wall, advising him to leave Maria well alone.
And that's just about that for this week.
Glenda
October 23, 2006
here’s an extra episode in this week’s update due to
Corrie squashing in another for Fred Elliot’s funeral. They were also
cracking episodes and I just hope I can do them justice in this weekly update
for you. And so, without any further ado here we go with this weeks’
Coronation Street update.
If you'd like your weekly update with pictures and fun Corrie stuff, have
a look at :
http://coronationstreetupdates.blogspot.com
“I want gin! Now!” yells Bev in the Rovers when she finds out she’s not
been left a bean in Fred’s will, it’s all gone to Ashley. She sits
at the end of the bar and soaks up the booze. “Cup of tea?” asks Liz. “I’ll
have a gin, it’ll save on the electric. Are you shuggestin’ I’m junk?” Bev
replies before being helped back onto her school after she tries to ban Audrey
from the Rovers. It’s the day of the funeral and Bev’s in her wedding
frock. Ashley gives Bev the silver and diamond watch that Fred had bought
for her as a wedding gift and it looks like the two of them have buried the
hatchet but it doesn’t last long. In the church, it takes four pall-bearers
to carry Fred’s coffin when you’d have expected at least another two what
with the weight of him and all. The vicar asks Ashley if he’d like to
speak. Or did he say squeak? You can never tell with Ashley. Ashley spoke
anyway, then sat down to let Bev have her say. Not one to miss an opportunity,
she falls onto the coffin, beating her fists and yelling through a gin
haze: “I do, I do” to the man she should have married but didn’t. And the
best bit of all, the most wonderful bit, was when the coffin stuttered,
I say it stopped and re-started as it slid through the curtain delivering
Fred to the furnace. A touch of genius, that was.
Outside in the churchyard, emotions run high with Jamie and Frankie and
he kisses her under the foliage. She’s taken aback but doesn’t refuse
and he spends the rest of the week moping and brooding, trying to convince
himself that Frankie loves him. She moves back in with Danny to prove that
she doesn’t after giving Jamie a slap around the chops and hits him with
her suitcase. Danny’s over the moon, chuffed to little mint balls at having
Frankie back in his life and can’t understand why Jamie’s so cut up about
it. As Jamie broods and mopes, mopes and broods, Sean runs behind
him up and down the cobbles like a Jack Russell imploring him to talk about
his feelings and caress his inner Clare Rayner.
Back at the Rovers after the funeral, Rita leads them all in a sing-song
of Bring Me Sunshine - which had me in tears. Dev gets a round of scotch
and threats in for the Peacock clan to eat with their pies and Audrey has
her say when everyone tries to snub her. She tells them she wasn’t carrying
on with Fred before he died but she loved him as a friend. Mind you, it
doesn’t take long before she takes the arm of Archie Shuttleworth and sidles
up against him at the bar. She’s not one for being without male company,
isn’t Audrey. Bev keeps on boozing and collects Fred’s ashes from
Archie, refusing to share them with Ashley. He’s got problems of his own
as he reopens the shop and tries to cope. He cuts his finger when slicing
a chunk of meat and finds a handwritten note Fred had left in the first aid
box: “The butcher with a careless eye loses a finger in every pie”.
It cracks Ashley up and he has a good cry until Claire comes in and says
she’s going to change baby Thomas’ name to Freddie which cheers him up until
Bev comes in with Ashley’s share of Fred’s ashes in an instant gravy granule
jar which plunges him into the depths of despair once again.
Elsewhere on the Street this week, the Websters returned en famille sur
la cobbles from France. I hope it’s not the last we see of Bill Webster,
I liked having him around. Rosie gets a letter from Craig but Sally
keeps it from her distraught daughter thinking it’ll make her want to run
off to Berlin to be with him again.
Violet’s finished with Jamie and moved back in with Eileen so that’s
Violet, Eileen, Sean and Jason living together in that teeny-tiny house.
Sarah’s not happy to find out Jason and Violet are living under the same
roof and she shoots daggers at the pair of them in the Rovers later. “Stop
staring, will yer?” says Jason to Sarah. “I wasn’t staring, it was
just the way me eyes were pointing” lies Sarah back.
Kirk’s bought Fiz a mop-head, sorry, that’s a moped. Or is it a scooter?
Anyway, she’s loving it, revving up and down the cobbles at 30 miles per
hour. It could possibly be the best idea Kirk has ever had.
Norris and Rita prepare for their Budapest binge. She’s all for
visiting the steam baths while Norris wants “an odyssey of edifications”
and plans to take a mini-kettle to make his own tea. Well, they don’t make
it properly over there, do they?
And David finds out about Maria and Charlie after the pair of them use
David as postie ferrying a love note between the salon and builder’s yard
when Sarah takes Maria’s mobile phone to the shops. David reads the
note, of course, as you do and tells Maria he’s rumbled her plan with the
older fella who’s living with Tracy Barlow. Maria begs him to be quiet for
now. David’s still playing truant and Gail gets a letter from the
Education Authority threatening her with legal action if she doesn’t send
her son into school.
And that’s just about that for this week.
Glenda
