June 4, 2007Here we are again with another weekly update fresh from the percolator and full of beans. And so without any further ado, here we go with this week’s Coronation Street update.
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It’s the Licensed Victuallers Association summer lunch and Liz and Vernon are in their best bib and tucker. Well, Vernon was in a red frilly shirt and Liz was in a camouflage frock and fishnet tights. I always thought fishnet tights were for catching crabs, but what do I know? And who’d have thought a camouflage dress could have been so, er, noticeable? At the luncheon, Derek’s there with his wife Linda who tells Liz a few home truths about her errant husband Derek and his eye for the ladies. And when Linda turns up at the Rovers the next day in tears, she tells Liz she reckons Derek’s playing away and not for the first time. Liz tells Derek she can’t have his wife coming round there in bits to cry on her shoulder pads and tells him she wants to cool things.
Now then, this next bit doesn’t half go on. Miss Leanne and Lady Botox sign the contract on their restaurant deal, crack open the bubbly and drink to independence. Ten minutes later, Carla’s calling Leanne “a dirty little tart” after Carla’s propositioned in a bar by a fella assuming she’s on the game like her mate Rachel who’s really Leanne. Keep up, come on. Carla, proving herself something of a smart cookie, takes the bloke’s card and sets him up with Leanne so that she’s forced to tell Carla the truth about her profession. I mean, what’s the big deal? Crikey, a girl’s got to earn a living, leave her alone and get it legalised. Anyway, Carla also realises that Leanne’s job is the reason Paul dislikes her so much. After a quick rifle through the pockets of her hubby’s trews, she finds a receipt for ‘Secretarial Services’ to the tune of £350 and knows it’s a bill for Paul spending time with Leanne. She’s not daft, that Carla, she knows, you know. She confronts Paul and then, well, hang in with me here as it gets a bit complicated. She confronts Paul and he swears he’ll give up his habit, and knock his escort agency visits on the head but after three years addiction, it could take some doing. Carla retires to the back room of the pub to get vair, vair drunk with sister-in-law Michelle. “You don’t like me do you?” she asks Michelle about twenty times in the way that drunk people do. Michelle’s too polite to say “no”. Steve calls Carla ‘Cruella DeVorce’ which made me chuckle tonight. Anyway, as Carla gets drunk, Paul rings the agency and asks for Rachel, who’s Leanne. Leanne turns up and Paul rails at her then bundles her into the boot of his car. Don’t ask, it probably isn’t possible but he did it anyway. He drives off in his car in a temper and Leanne calls Janice on the mobile. “Hello? Yeah! I’m in the boot of the car!”. Liam also gets a call from Paul asking him to meet at the flat. As Paul and Leanne speed to the flat, Liam and Janice follow behind, a bit confused. The next time Paul’s phone ring he has to bend over to the passenger side of the car as he’s driving to answer the call from Liam. He runs a red light and crashes into a truck. He’s a goner, well, he will be next week and Leanne will be fine. At th’ospital, the Connor clan are all gathered and the nurse tells them to prepare for the worst. Just when they think it can’t possibly get any worse, and they’re wondering what Paul was doing with Leanne in the boot of his car, Carla breaks the news to Liam that his girlfriend’s a prostitute and Paul was her client. Oh ‘eck.
Violet gets chatted up in the pub by some bloke called Tam and she’s quite taken with him. Back at Tam’s place after a date she comes on strong and says she wants to see his waterbed but then runs out of his house. Maybe she was feeling seasick? She rings Jamie on her mobile and he collects her in a taxi. “He didn’t get weird with me, didn’t want to tie me up in the cellar and throw blancmange at me” she tells Sean, a trifle upset. But she does tell Sean that she was only seeing Tam in order to get pregnant as she wants a baby so much. Her biological clock is ticking and it’s half past two precisely.
“Josh! What have I told you about wearing Jason’s shoes?” yells Claire up the stairs in Eileen’s house after she hears her son fall and crash. The Peacocks leave the Street for some sanity, peace and quiet and head to the Isle of Man. Yeah, right, and the TT races are on there at the minute so there’ll be motorbikes screaming round the streets as we speak, or read. Well, you’re reading, I’m typing, but you know what I mean. While they’re away, Bill and Jason get cracking on the house and start the repairs.
Steve, Liam and Vernon get very drunk in the pub and it’s revealed that Liam’s middle name is Barrington. Liam Barrington Connor. The talk, as it often does with men who’ve had too much to drink, turns to women they have known and loved and the things they can and can’t say without getting them upset. Steve admits to: “I once told Karen to stop eating wine gums and just inject them into her backside, cut out the middle man. I suffered for that”. Ooh, I bet he did.
Denise tells Ken that he might be between families but his commitment is to neither. He takes this to heart and pops round to see grand-daughter Amy in the back room of the pub. Betty calls Deirdre to let her know that Ken’s there but as Deirdre walks in, Ken leaves even though Betty leaves them together with “Now, play nicely”. “Are you doing anything tonight?” Ken asks Deirdre and just when she gets her hopes up that he means a drink for the two of them and declares herself free, he says “Could you look after Amy as I want to see Daniel?” and off her went, leaving Deirdre alone again.
Sarah wants Jason to move into the Platt house full time. He’s living there at the minute while Claire and Ashley are at Eileen’s for a while. That’s before they went to the Isle of Man, of course, a few paragraphs ago. David overhears his sister planning the move and tells Gail in advance so that by the time Sarah asks Gail if Jase can move in, Gail’s already got her defence ready and says a firm no. Gail asks David about his school exams but David reckons he needs to check his timetable. “Don’t you know when they are?” asks an incredulous Gail. “I like to keep them as a surprise” he says, when really, he couldn’t care less.
And finally this week, Kirk tries his hand at job hunting but nobody wants him and Fiz and Mr Stape aka John the strange bloke in specs, get snuggly on the sofa.
And that’s just about that for this week.
Glenda Young
June 11, 2007
Greetings and welcome to another weekly update. This week the update is helping you to save the environment. It’s wearing its special carbon footprint slippers and has recycled most of its jokes from past updates. But anyway, without any further ado, here we go with this weeks’ Coronation Street update.
If you'd like your weekly update with pictures and fun Corrie stuff, have a look at : http://coronationstreetupdates.blogspot.com
There are some things that should always come in a pair, like socks and Barlows. Yes, this was the week when Ken and Deirdre got back together after Denise scared Ken out of her flat when she moved in for a kiss on the soft furnishings. Ken heads home with flowers knowing full well that carnations wrapped in cellophane from the garage aren’t what’s needed this time. These flowers are huge, proper, in a bouquet with a ribbon. But when he gets back home, Deirdre’s nowhere to be seen as she’s on the razzle with the girls. It was going to be a quiet night with Eileen but Blanche tags along and then they bump into Doreen and Rita in the pizza place so they all bunch up together and get sozzled on red wine. As the wine flows, Doreen reveals that she’s registered disabled as she’s partially sighted in her right eye, a long story involving a lychee and chopsticks. When Deirdre gets home to find Ken waiting for her, there’s a hug and some tears before he whisks her upstairs for a bit of a cuddle. Blanche has the decency to leave the house, goes outside and looks to the sky to whisper ‘thank you’. Was she talking to God or the upstairs window cleaner? It was hard to know. Ken and Deirdre head for a liquid lunch at the Rovers and sit and hold hands and snog in the snug. It was so romantic, really it was.
Paul Connor dies in his hospital bed with tubes sticking in and out the other end. There’s weeping and wailing amongst the ladies of the streak-free mascara Connor clan and Leanne gets well and truly snubbed by them all. She tries to explain to Liam that she never slept with Paul but Liam throws her out on the Street. Just as he’s closing the door on her and screaming that she’s a dirty little hooker, leggy Kelly walks by and catches it all and then throws it all over the factory floor. Gossip hits the street about Leanne’s line of work and Janice defends her step-daughter by wrestling Kelly on the cobbles. Atta girl, go Janice! go Janice! Steve and Lloyd look on, laying bets on who’ll win. Lloyd reckons it’ll be Kelly and speaks from experience about her mean right hook. Steve drives the Connor clan to the airport as they leave for the funeral in Oireland.
Amber’s revising for her exams in Dev’s shop and he’s proud of her studious attitude to schoolwork. Thinking he’s helping her with her French exam, he throws in a bit of bonjour and a splash of c’est la vie. Amber answers back that her dad has the social skills of a Jack Russell but as she’s speaking in French, Dev just nods and agrees, without a clue as to what she’s just said. David tells Gail he’s not doing any exams “cos I can’t be bovvered”. Gail threatens him that he’ll do those exams, my boy, oh yes he will. And he does, in fact he sails through his GCSE but then sets the exam paper on fire before walking out. I’ve got two words for Gail Platt: child psychologist, dear. Oh, that’s three.
At Bethany’s 7th birthday party the adults are all drinking grown-up pop. Bethany’s in her element wearing her new, pink (do they come in any other colour?) Barbie outfit with make-up on too. Oh yuck. David’s headmaster turns up at the door to tell Gail what David’s just done and gets her to make him sign a behaviour agreement. “It’s ASBO-lite” says Sarah, but David refuses to sign on the grounds that it infringes his human rights. Gail tells Jason and Sarah that Jase can move into the house to live with Sarah on one condition, that he looks out for David. She reckons David needs a good male role model and Jason could be it. What a dilemma for poor Jason when Gail forces him to make a decision and, er, think.
Eileen starts flirting over the Streetcars switchboard with a new bloke called Pat. We haven’t seen him yet but he’s played by comedian Sean Hughes so he’ll be Irish, so he will. He’ll also be married but Eileen won’t find that out until her heart’s been broken and she’s taken to binge eating chocolate HobNobs as a coping mechanism. Could Jerry Morton make our favourite taxi controller happy again? Well, the two of them have been getting cosy this week as they worked together at the Peacock’s place to get it ready for Claire and Ashley who returned from their jollies on the Isle of Man.
Kirk’s working at the butcher shop and still thinks he’s in with a chance with Fiz, but he’s not. Fiz can’t quite bring herself to break the bad news to Kirk that her relationship with John is growing stronger and so when Chesney finds his sister snogging John on the cobbles, she asks him not to tell Kirk as she wants to break his heart herself. Poor Kirkeh.
And Melanie Morton has been filling in her application form for a job as a lady policeman. She’s fretting about the dodgy past of her granddad as any criminal activity in the family could be hunted down and her chances of joining the force will be shot.
And that’s just about that for this week.
Glenda Young
June 18, 2007
Hello, come in, sit down and have a barmcake. This week the update is trying to dodge the torrential rain as it starts to look forward to summer. But now, without any further ado, here we go with this weeks’ Coronation Street update.
If you'd like your weekly update with pictures and fun Corrie stuff, have a look at : http://coronationstreetupdates.blogspot.com
Fiz’s scooter gets smashed to pieces on the cobbles, with the words minger and tart scratched into the paint. She assumes wrongly that it’s Kirkeh who’s done this (as if!) and accuses him on the Street of being jealous of her new fella, John (Mr Stape to his mates, Sir to his pupils). Kirk’s hurt and depressed, he never knew about John, and tells Fiz: “I love you so much it hurts me heart”. Fiz finds the real culprit in Sophie Webster as Sophie’s got a crush on Mr Stape, her teacher at school. Sally’s horrified that one of her girls should have done such a thing and Kev stops his daughter’s pocket money, tut-tut.
Norris calls Sarah and Jason “a proper little Burton and Taylor” when he finds out that Jason has moved in at Gail’s house. Gail’s got him there to keep an eye on David who starts work as yard monkey at Bill the builders. Bill and Jason wind David up by asking the new boy to buy elbow grease and a glass hammer (what? no tartan paint or a long stand?) but David gets his revenge. Aware that Jason is afraid of heights (me too!), he takes the ladder away when Jason’s up on Jerry Morton’s roof fixing his slates. After giving David an earful, Bill sacks him on the spot. David continues to wind Jason up and tells him he’s gay. Jason believes him for a long time and starts to look uncomfy when David comments on Gail’s hair and the way Jason suits his manly builder’s shirts. He’s brilliant, is David, and comes clean to Jason later that he was only having a laugh, although Jason didn’t find it very funny.
Claire’s becoming increasingly paranoid and thinks she spies Casey on the cobbles. She runs off and leaves little Josh all alone so that he almost gets knocked over by a cab on the Street. Ashley’s demented and doesn’t know how to cope but sadly, Claire’s got a right to be so paranoid. Casey really is out and about on the street and looking for trouble. When Ashley’s car gets serviced at Kev’s garage, Tyrone finds a disposable camera under the seat. It’s the camera that Josh took a photo of Claire and Casey with a few weeks ago when they were all in the park. An overjoyed Claire, with proof that Casey exists, takes the photo to the police and it’s featured on the news as someone the police want to interview with regard to the arson.
Jerry calls in on Eileen in the cab office with a free kebab and a bottle of wine, clearly knowing the way to Ma Grimshaw’s heart. But she’s flirting on the switch with some bloke called Pat who turns up later with a strange accent and a limp red rose. Jerry calls in at the same time as Pat with a bouquet of flowers for Eileen, but realises he’s come too late and pretends the flowers are for someone else, clearly upset. Pat asks Eileen out on a date and Steve and Lloyd send her home early from the switch with a bottle of cheap bubble bath smelling of coconut oil and aloe vera, or was it hello vera, which is a different sort of smell all together. Even Sean’s drafted in to help Eileen choose what to wear and persuades her to get into her (rather optimistically named) little black dress with a schjuzzy handbag to match. Pat’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer but Eileen finds him charming and they have a pizza together. He doesn’t even seem put off when Eileen gets spaghetti stuck on her frock.
Chesney’s doing his school project on the eco-friendliness of Roy’s Rolls cafe. “Did you flush?” he asks Norris when he comes out of the loo, before berating Roy for not having long-life lightbulbs.
Rita has one of those days that only a custard slice can put right and I think we all know the sort of day that she means. At the BBQ in the Mortons back garden later that week when Blanche and Betty leave early ‘cos of loud music and bad food, Rita stays on and helps herself to more punch. Atta girl, Rita, you just gotta love her.
Grandad Wilf Morton puts his own obituary in the Weatherfield Gazette. He’s hoping that if everyone thinks he’s dead then it’ll help granddaughter Mel to become a lady policeman if she doesn’t have his criminal past holding her up. When Blanche finds out that Wilf’s not really dead, it sets her off thinking about her own funeral and how much she’d hate to miss out on the fun. So she books the Rovers for all her mates and tells Ken and Deirdre she wants a eulogy and sausage rolls in the Rovers next week for her wake before she falls finally asleep.
And finally this week, the Connors returned from Paul’s funeral in Ireland and Carla’s not ready to head home to her horrible flat with the nasty wallpaper so stays on with Michelle for a while. Steve wants Michelle to himself but she tells him she needs some time with her family while Liam and Carla do their best to snub Leanne.
And that’s just about that for this week.
Glenda Young
June 25, 2007
How do, come in, sit down, have a barmcake and put your feet up over there. Oh go on, you know you want to. This week the update is having no fuss, so let’s crack on without any further ado with this week’s Coronation Street update.
If you'd like your weekly update with pictures and fun Corrie stuff, have a look at : http://coronationstreetupdates.blogspot.com
It’s a grief-stricken Connor clan that tries to get on with their lives on the Street but it proves too hard. Liam returns to the factory but walks out in a state and leaves the cobbles in a cab with his passport and bag. He shoves the keys to the factory through Roy’s café door with a note for Hayley to take over as best as she can. She does try, bless her, but the girls run circles round her and take time off for, er, dental appointments, biscuit breaks, and a cleavage with Kelly behind it takes a three hour trip to the loo. Joanne turns up in the factory this week after her asylum seeking appeal had been overturned on human rights and she’s allowed back to work in a Weatherfield back street sweatshop where the owners covered up the death of a woman after working her too hard t’other week. There’s irony in there somewhere.
Michelle and Ryan head back to her mum in Ireland after Ryan gets himself into a state bad enough to start listening to Joy Division CDs. Yes, things were that bad. There’s an emotional farewell between Steve and Michelle where he’s being selfish and thinks Michelle is breaking up with him when she’s breaking up inside. “You’ll be back, though, won’t you?” he pines at Michelle with tears in his eyes. “I’ll be back” she replies. You betcha she will.
Blanche is all done up in her new frock and jacket for her wake in the Rovers. She’s excited and looking forward to it but seems to be the only one who is. Ken and Deirdre think it’s a daft idea and those gathered in the Rovers to wish the not-dearly-departed a send off seem to agree. So, who was in attendance at Blanche’s wake? Well, there was Ken, Deirdre, Norris, Emily, Jack, Wilf and Doreen. Betty and Rita were missing as were Blanche’s mates from the one o’clock club but at least Eccles showed some respect and turned up with a black ribbon round his neck. As the drinks went down, the talk turned to Blanche and it wasn’t good, oh no. Norris started it by saying Blanche wouldn’t be missed when she died and there’d be a street party, never mind a wake. Even Emily (Emily!) nodded her head sagely and castigated Blanche for her wicked ways. A shocked Blanche decided it’s time to mend her ways and she starts being nice to everyone she meets until that is, she meets Amber in the shop. Headphones in ears, fingers texting, thoughts whatever-ing, Amber winds Blanche up something rotten just because she’s young and doesn’t care. And that’s it, as Blanche fingers a box of Tunnocks teacakes she reverts back to type and tells Deirdre that people can either take her as she is or not at all. Well said, Blanche, well said.
Down at Weatherfield nick, Casey turns herself in after her picture’s flashed on the news and in the Gazette. She tells the cops she’s innocent and that she didn’t set the Peacock household ablaze but Claire thinks there’s more to her story than that. She gets Steve McDonald to tell her when Casey lives, as he’d driven her home once in his cab, and Claire knocks on every single door in some flea-bitten council high-rise until she finds Casey behind one of the doors. Casey once again denies all and manages to convince Ashley that his missus is mad. It’s only when the Peacocks leave, deflated, that Casey allow herself a sly smile to the camera and we all know that she did it and she’s as guilty as they come. Ooh, I love it when they do that.
Janice gets to roger the plumber. Oh sorry, that should have read Janice gets to meet Roger the plumber. He’s back on the scene after returning from France with a bottle of French red for some ooh la la on the sofa in Janice’s flat. It’s lovely to see Janice with a smile on her cheeky little face again.
Leanne’s £6k short of funds for the purchase of the pizza place and takes out a loan from Weatherfield Global Loan Sharks with a whopping APR of 35%. Carla tells Leanne she’d rather go into business with the devil than go into partnership with her now, leaving Leanne in a dilemma. She still needs to raise £10k and heads back to London to go back on the game. Janice races to the coach station to find Leanne in tears and there’s hugs all round as Leanne admits she can’t go back to work as an escort girl, no spaghetti carbonara is ever worth that much. But just how will Leanne raise the money needed? Did I mention Roger the plumber was back from France this week? I wonder…
Bill leaves David alone to tidy up the yard while he and Jason go out on a job. David does a decent job of tidying up but then starts sawing up lengths of good wood and putting it all in a skip, costing Bill hundreds of quid. David’s sacked, again, from the builder’s yard and this time Bill tells Audrey and Gail that he’s not taking the little pipsqueak back. Audrey has a word with me-laddo-young-David and tells him to look sharp and report for hairdressing duty in the salon. Or else.
And that’s just about that for this week.
Glenda
