July 2, 2007Greetings and welcome to another weekly update. This week the update is coming atcha through the gloom of what should be a hot and sunny summer day but is overcast and grey with the threat of storms and rain. To bring a bit of cheery summer to the update, you find me writing while quaffing from the very first bottle of our home-made wine, made from our garden apples last year. I think I’ll name it Chardonnay du Backyard. And do you know what, it’s not half bad. And so, without any further ado, here we go with this week’s Coronation Street update.
If you'd like your weekly update with pictures and fun Corrie stuff, have a look at : http://coronationstreetupdates.blogspot.com
In an effort to instil some sense of discipline into David, Audrey makes him work at the hair salon and it starts off ok. David’s happy chatting to the soapy oaps in the salon while he pockets their tips and he has them all thinking that he’s such a lovely lad. Maria’s not best pleased as David’s getting tips that by rights should be hers but it’s keeping David quiet, for now.
Violet and Sean decide to have a baby together. He offers to be the daddy and she accepts, how much more straightforward could it have been although when they try to do, you know, it they come a cropper and giggle nervously. Sean gets on th’internet to find out ways of doing, you know, it without having to actually do anything and there’s something involving kitchen gadgets and a cement mixer which seems to do the trick. Don’t ask me, I haven’t a clue, I’m just repeating what was said. Violet breaks down in tears in the Rovers although whether this because she was overjoyed at the thought of getting pregnant or as a reaction to Sean’s nasty pink stripey jumper, it was hard to tell. “Better the devil you know than the donor you don’t” Sean tells her.
Eileen cooks for Irishman Pat but she ends up with more food on the kitchen floor and all over her face than she does in the pan. In the end they go to Jerry’s kebab shop for dinner. “Better the doner you know than the devil you don’t” Jerry should have said, but didn’t. A heartbroken Jerry watches on as Eileen and Pat eat their kebabs at the bus stop before skipping back to Eileen’s for a spot of rumpeh-pumpeh for dessert. However, all is not as it seems when Jamie tells Steve and Lloyd that he recognises Pat as a regular cab customer, and one that he’s sure is wed.
The Rovers Return went smoke free this week when the national smoking ban came into force. Steve and Lloyd are demeted, they can’t smoke in the cab office or the pub and have to join a motley crew of extras in the Rovers backyard to light up and smoke. When Steve announces he’s off to Spain to enjoy a fag, Sean’s eyes light up in predictable surprise.
Roger loans Leanne, via Janice, the ten thousand quid she needs to buy Valandros pizza place in the precinct. It’s the one with the red checky tablecloths, garlic bread, cheap plonk and Gypsy Kings on rotation, and who would have thought our Leanne would have ended up owning it? I wonder if she’ll change the name to Leanndros? Oh go on, just for me. She meets hew new staff, cracks open the bubbly and tells Janice, no, she’s not getting a job there as a meeter and greeter. You need someone called Rita or Peter for that kind of work and a doorman called Norman. I’d say Janice would be less of a meeter and greeter and more of a scare to the chair if she stood by the restaurant door to meet and greet.
Chesney shows Roy the report from the eco-project he’s been doing for school. Roy’s café fails to come up to scratch in the eco-department and Roy feels he needs to do more to help the environment and reduce his carbon footprint, perhaps by wearing smaller shoes, who knows. Hayley and Roy invite Fiz and new bloke John to the café for dinner. Hayley’s all dolled up with her butterfly clip in her hair and Roy’s in his best bib and tucker complete with knitted waistcoat. The only fly in the ointment is that Cilla invited herself, turned up and proceeded to embarrass Fiz no end and get flirty with John.
But Cilla’s got other things on her mind when Mr Wong decides the chippy is going down the pan and he needs to pull his finger out to save his dying frying empire. He gets Cilla and Yana dressed up in promo t-shirts and caps that read Wong’s on the front and Chips on the back to give out advertising leaflets on the Street.
At the factory, Hayley’s having problems controlling the girls and they’re taking the mickey something rotten. She goes to see Carla to tell her they’ve ran out of fabric and have no money for wages. If I were Hayley, I’d have had the girls out on strike until fabric and money could be found - money first, fabric later. Becky gives Hayley a power hug in the café when she hears about Hayley’s problems and Hayley gives that giggle that she does at such times. When Becky finds out that the girls are winding up Hayley, she storms round to give that Carla Connor a piece of her mind. Hayley manages to stop her just before she knocks on Carla’s door, both of them unaware that Carla can hear every word they’re saying about her. Hayley pleads with Becky to leave Carla alone, that whatever Hayley is going through in the factory pales into insignificance with what Carla’s dealing with right now. Next thing you know, Carla’s back in charge and in the hot seat at the factory, taking the girls’ mobile phones off them and stamping her mark all over the place. Sally wheedles in to see Carla to ask if the PA job still stands which Paul had promised to her. Carla’s no fool. She demands to know where Sally worked last and when she says it was Davenport motors, Carla’s fingers are dialling directory enquiries to ask for the number to speak to the boss for a reference on Sally. But Sally’s fingers are quicker and she stops Carla from dialling. “Er.. it’s just that me and the boss had a bit of a falling out” she tells Carla. Yeah, falling out of bed more like. Needless to say, Sally doesn’t get the PA job.
And that’s just about that for this week.
Glenda Young
July 9, 2007
Do you know what? I think we know each other well enough by now, you and I, to cut short the formalities and just get down to the business of the update, don’t you? I mean, I’ve been popping through some of your letter boxes for over 12 years. 12 years! So this week, there’ll be no ‘greetings’ or ‘welcome’ and there’ll be none of this telling you to take the weight off your face, put your feet up and have some tea and cake because you know where the kettle is, you know where the biscuit jar is so just help yourself and don’t wait to be asked. And so, without any further ado, here we go with this week’s Coronation Street update.
If you'd like your weekly update with pictures and fun Corrie stuff, have a look at : http://coronationstreetupdates.blogspot.com
Violet checks her ovulation cycle. I wonder if it’s got ten gears and a basket on the front? No, hang on, let me get my notes right. Ah yes, Violet tells Sean she’s got a window of opportunity in her ovulation cycle and he should jump on her and do the business if she’s to get pregnant. Come on, Sean, jump, she urges him, jump. Sean’s a gay man so this doesn’t really fill him with glee but jump he does until he feels he can jump no more. But is Violet with child? Has all his effort paid off? Sean buys her a pregnancy kit and tells her to keep the weight off her feet behind the bar at the pub, just in case she’s going to be the mammy of the baby to which he’ll be daddy.
Molly and Tyrone start house hunting but their plans are put on hold after Jack does his back in when he tries to move his pigeon loft with Jamie. So, there’s Jack lying on the sofa in agony under doctor’s orders not to move and there’s Vera with her bad foot, the two of them stuck indoors together getting on each other’s nerves. Jack tells Tyrone he needs to escape, even if it’s just to the pub for a swift pint so Tyrone fashions a wobbly wheelchair by putting castors on the legs of an old kitchen chair of Vera’s. Meanwhile, Molly’s not best pleased that they’re tied to the Duckworths and can’t leave them yet for a place of their own.
After Jamie’s revelation about Pat being wed, Steve and Lloyd go on a stake-out in Pat’s street to see if he’s really the cheating sort of bloke. The pair of them sit in their cab for hours acting like a super-annuated version of Abbot & Costello, watching and waiting, smoking and smirking until they’re given a prod by the local busybody from the Neighbourhood Watch scheme. But they do find out the truth about Pat and it’s left to Steve to give the bad news to Eileen. But is she bovvered? Eileen? Face? Bovvered? Well no, not really. She admits she’d kind of guessed anyway and she’s not going to let the fact that he’s married put an end to the happiness she’s having with her new bloke. Come on, Eileen! There’s a bloke across the road, jolly Jerry the kebab king who’s worth ten of Pat the Irishman (no, that’s not a game) and can fill your heart with glee and your appetite with cheap meat based products of indeterminate origin.
Carla cracks the whip at the factory and lets the girls know she’s back in charge. Oh yes, Carla DeVille, as Janice now calls her, takes no prisoners and has the girls working overtime on a Sunday. She promotes Hayley to line manager and gives her a payrise and it’s in that thrusting frame of mind that Carla greets Liam when he returns to the Street. She tells him the factory’s hers as she owns 60%. “I’m the boss, get used to it. You’re working for me now” she tells him and we all know that Liam’s not best pleased. I know I use that phrase a lot, but I don’t half like it. Carla even hires Rosie Webster as an admin assistant which knocks Sally’s seams out of kilter when she finds out that her daughter’s working with the management while she’s still on the shop floor.
Wong’s wages war on the Street as competition between the chippy and Mortons kebab shop heats up. Cilla calls in the pest control to Jerry’s kebab shop to put off his customers and tempt them all back to eating chips further up the street. Surely, that was the Wong thing to do?
Leanne’s pizza place in the precinct opens for business. The standard menu is £50 for a half hour, £350 for an overnight stay, £20 if you bring your own cutlery and any extras to be negotiated with Miss Leanne herself.
Sarah and Jason return from their jollies with news for Eileen and Gail. “You’re not pregnant, are you?” sighs Gail, but no, Sarah’s not, not this time at least. Love’s young dream are planning on getting wed, again, and Maria’s in line to be matron of honour. Gail’s not happy and heaven only knows what Ma Grimshaw will say when she finds out.
Liz also returned to the Rovers this week after visiting Bev, Shelly and Shelley’s baby somewhere vague in the north-west, reachable by coach from Manchester bus station. While Vernon buys eight bunches of cheap flowers from Dev’s shop and sprays himself silly with aftershave to prepare for Liz’s return, Derek meets her at the coach station. He whisks her to the flat where there’s luscious red roses and champagne to woo her into bed for some rumpeh-pumpeh. But wait, what’s that? A knock on the door and it’s Derek’s wife Linda. Derek bundles Liz out onto the balcony in her undies. I loved this bit, it was really funny but Liz doesn’t look too happy about it all. Torn between Vernon and Derek back at the pub later, Derek calls round and she tells him it’s all over: “I’m too old to be standing on balconies in me underwear” she cries. Vernon knows summat’s up and tries to have a word with Liz, bless him, and comes out with a heart felt message about how much he missed her while she was away: “It’s like when I lose me drumsticks, but a hundred times worse”.
And that’s just about that for this week.
Glenda Young
July 16, 2007
Don’t come in and whatever you do, don’t sit down. In fact, it’s probably best if you left, right now. I’ve got a nasty cold and I’ve been off work all day. So it’s up to you. If you come in, I’ll be asking you to put the kettle on and mix me up a Lemsip. Or you could stand by the letterbox and I’ll shout out this week’s update to you through the front door. Except I won’t shout because I can’t, in fact I can hardly speak as my throat is so sore. But enough of this moaning. Without any further ado, let’s crack on with this week’s Corrie update as I’ve got up off the sofa and pulled myself together for long enough to write it.
If you'd like your weekly update with pictures and fun Corrie stuff, have a look at : http://coronationstreetupdates.blogspot.com
It’s Sally’s 40th birthday and there’s karaoke in the Rovers with Kevin belting out Mustang Sally: ride, Sally, ride. Yes, most people have. “I love her so much, I married her twice” Kev announces in his speech before Sally takes the microphone for a spot of Nancy Sinatra. She’s got the mother of all hangovers the next day and takes the day off work which doesn’t go down well with daughter Rosie, who’s now management at Underworld, you know. Sally muses on the mid-life direction her life is taking her. Instead of it leading from house to factory to pub to corner shop she wonders if there’s more. Oh yes, Sally, much more.
Speaking of Underworld, Carla sacks Joanne this week as she was last in, first in. Well, sort of. She was last in most recently and that’s good enough reason for Carla to get rid. Liam, who knows Joanne’s knicker seams a bit better than Carla does, reinstates her at the factory.
At the Rovers, Derek breaks Vernon’s heart by telling him the truth about him and Liz. Vernon had only gone and proved how much he loved Liz too when he sold all of his record collection to buy two tickets to Paris. “I’m sorry” says Liz but that’s not good enough for Vernon this time and he walks out with his bags packed, splitting up their Liz and Vernon mugs in the Rovers back room. He spends his time sleeping the cab office and moaning about life in the café to Roy. Liz finally finds him and begs him to take her back and try again. She even asks Lloyd If he’ll take Vernon in to his spare room and look after him there, as a mate.
Jack and Vera’s grandson Paul Clayton arrives on the Street and Tyrone’s not best pleased. His antenna for a bad ‘un twitches when he spies Paul and it hasn’t stopped twitching all week. Paul gets his feet under the Duckworth table good and proper, he’s a chef and cooks up all manner of fancy meals for the Duckies. “It’s real steak pie with a lid on” enthuses Vera while Tyrone watches on, starving himself rather than eat anything made by a son of Terry Duckworth.
And it’s little Freddie Peacock’s first birthday and a party’s in full swing at the house. Claire’s nipped out for a new cushion, as you do, when the party guests arrive and Ashley’s frantic with worry. Casey turns up with a pressie for Freddie and Claire unburdens her soul to the woman who tried to burn her house down. Ashley storms out with his confused face on, followed by Kevin Webster with one much the same.
And that’s just about that for this week. Now then, where’s me hot Lemsip?
Glenda Young
July 23, 2007
Hello, come in and welcome to another weekly update. This week the update is wearing its black armband in recognition of the news that Vera Duckworth is leaving Coronation Street this year. Vera’s been in Corrie for 34 years, and that’s about as long as yours truly has been watching our favourite telly show and it feels like it’s the end of an era. And so, to cheer ourselves up, let’s have some cake and a cuppa and crack on with this week’s Coronation Street update.
If you'd like your weekly update with pictures and fun Corrie stuff, have a look at : http://coronationstreetupdates.blogspot.com
There’s underhand dealings at Underworld when sacked knicker-stitcher Joanne is paid off with a cheque for five grand. That’s after she threatens to sue Carla for unfair dismissal and Liam for sexual harassment, but Carla knows how Joanne’s mind works, offers her the cheque and sits back in her office chair to lick thorns and trim the heads of her roses. I bet she’s even got a screensaver on her PC that shows little kittens being drowned. Has Corrie ever had such a witch? (watchable though she is). Anyway, it was clear that Carla was going to win this fight, she was wearing bigger hoopy ear-rings than Joanne, it’s always a sign of a clear winner in a cat-fight on Corrie. The bigger the hoopy ear-rings, the better the bitch.
Claire’s packed and left Ashley to his own devices when she moves in with her mum. She’s too scared to stay in the house for fear of someone burning her alive in her bed. But Ashley’s hoping for a bit of fire in the bedroom and starts cosying up to Casey, Claire’s nemesis. No one yet knows that Casey’s the fire-starter, twisted fire-starter. She wheedles her way in with Claire at her mum’s house and later with Ashley who’s home alone where there’s a gentle stroke of his hand across her baps. She made him some lunch, dear, do keep up. And before you know it, Ashley’s kissed Casey on the welcome mat after she spends the day looking after little Josh for him.
Leanne’s staff walked out of the restaurant this week, her chef and waiter have gone, leaving her in no doubt that they think her talents in the catering business are equal to those she had on the game. Leanne lies back and thinks of pizza margherita and how to repay Roger’s loan when Janice tells Leanne that Roger’s skint and needs his money back, oh dear. Best line of the week was Doreen and Rita in the restaurant having lunch. Leanne: “Would you like a drink, ladies?”, Doreen: “Yes please, I hate to eat on an empty stomach”. Leanne’s so desperate for cash that she even asks Carla Connor to come into business with her. It was just like Dragon’s Den. Carla offered twenty thousand pounds for sixty per cent of the business but Leanne walked out in a huff. Paul takes Molly and Tyrone to the pizza place for lunch and is disgusted by the state of the food, and who can blame him? It’s all ready meals brought in from Freshco by Janice when Leanne finds out there’s no food in the fridge for the agency chef to cook up. Hang on, but isn’t Paul a chef? And doesn’t Leanne need, let’s see, what was it again? A chef? I see a plot forming, it’s a shame that Leanne and Paul haven’t yet.
Tyrone continues to feel pushed out at the Duckies when golden-balls Paul, son of Terry (he who cannot be rubbished in the eyes of our Vera) starts wheedling his way in to Jack and Vera’s lives.
Meanwhile at the butchers, Kirk is over the moon cutting and slicing and naming all 14 cuts of a cow: “I love being a butcher, me”.
Sally feeds her desire to learn something new and while Janice rubbishes her idea, Vicky supports her co-stitcher. Well, Vicky’s got a degree you know. Sally aims to start an English course and Kev’s as supportive as he knows how to be, although clearly disappointed his missus isn’t going to study advanced toasting and postgraduate knowledge of beans.
Vernon heads off to Spain away from Weatherfield and Liz. Lloyd tells him he’ll have a bevy of bikini clad beauties wanting to bang his bongos, but Vernon only wants Liz yet feels he can’t live with her. Ah, but it also turns out he can’t live without her either. Liz sneakily gives Lloyd a tape cassette made up of her and Vernon’s special songs which she asks Lloyd to play in his cab when he drives Vern to the airport. As the cab drives Vernon away from the Street, the songs stir something in Vernon’s heart. He gets Lloyd to turn the cab around, and Lloyd drives Vernon back to the Street and into Liz’s waiting arms. Ah, bless. I do hope these two get wed, it’ll be camp central on national camp day.
And that’s just about that for this week.
Glenda
July 30, 2007
Hello me little muffins. Come in and sit down and without any further ado, here we go with this week’s Coronation Street update.
If you'd like your weekly update with pictures and fun Corrie stuff, have a look at : http://coronationstreetupdates.blogspot.com
Sally flicks through Howard’s End which was as painful for Howard as it was for her Kev. “I remember Howard’s End. It was a telly programme about boats” he says when Sally starts her book-learning for A-level English. Kev was recalling Howard’s Way which was indeed a programme about boats, I always thought of it as a posh Coronation Street-on-sea. Sally also attempts The Tempest and picks through Pride and Prejudice while Fiz’s fella John the teacher offers his services to Sally if she wants some home tutoring at a reasonable fee. Janice belittles Sally’s studies and tells her she’s just a back street knicker stitcher and always likely to be so but it does start Janice wondering what she could do to be a better Battersby. Maybe buy some bitter butter? When John (Mr Stape to his mates) comes round to Sal’s for her first home tutor session, Sal’s got the kitchen table full of dips and crisps and Kev warns Sophie “Don’t diss the Stapester”.
Claire moves back in with Ashley this week, little knowing that Ashley and Casey have kissed while she’s been at her mums. Ashley suggests the Peacocks go to the pub to get p-p-pleasantly plastered but all Claire wants to do is lie in a darkened room and cry her eyes out. Watching this story drag on makes me feel much the same. Ashley and Casey are down to their grundies in the Peacock house while Claire’s out at a support group meeting Casey suggests she attends. It was just like a game of Coronation Street Cluedo with Mr Peacock in the conservatory with a piece of lead piping. Or was it a candle stick? Claire walks in just as Ashley’s considering taking off his tartan boxer shorts (we never got to see them; this is just a hunch), and her hubby and the woman she thinks is her best friend manage to get dressed before Claire finds out just what’s really going on.
Paul starts his new job as chef at Leanne’s pizza paradise place in the precinct. She quizzes him on where he worked last and he admits he’s not worked for the last 18 months after having to do a runner from his last job when his boss found out he’d been sleeping with his wife. It’s so far, so good at the pizza place and Paul woos the punters with his pasta carbonara. Mind you, I did wonder why there was an industrial can of baked beans on the shelf in the kitchen, but maybe Spaghetti-a-la-Heinz-beanz is a north-west delicacy, who knows?
Blanche catches Liz smoking in the ladies loo in the Rovers and makes her confess all to Vernon. Steve returned from Spain this week and Liz had to come clean to her son about her fling with dull Derek while he was away and says he should be nice to Vernon because he’s forgiven her completely. “If it had been yer dad, he’d have belted the foundation off me face” she says to which Steve replies: “Just because he doesn’t hit you doesn’t make him a saint”.
Violet’s pregnant, with child, has a bun in the oven and is in the pudding club. Sean’s over the moon but he can’t keep his mouth shut and blabs all to Jamie. Jamie tells Violet she could have done a lot better than getting pregnant by the walking nightmare that’s Sean and she’s not pleased that Sean’s given away their secret and that Jamie knows.
Gail has another go at the Morton clan next door about the level of noise coming out of their shed. She sits down in the Rovers with the whole bleedin’ lot of them and Jerry gives her his mobile number, telling her to ring him and complain when the noise gets too loud.
Eileen returns from a dirty weekend in Scarborough with Pat and has to suffer the slings and arrows of guilt-inducing remarks from just about everyone. In the Streetcars cab office, she moans to Steve who moans back about how much he’s missing Michelle. Pat pops into the cab office to see Eileen but leaves his mobile phone and Lloyd and Steve egg Eileen on to read Pat’s text messages. She holds out long enough but when she caves in she gets a big shock. There’s a message from Justine who’s keeping the bed warm for him and messages for Carol, Sue and Fluffy Bunny too. When Pat pops back to pick up the phone, Eileen knocks him through the door with a mean right hook which is driven with extra power when he admits he’s not even married, he just tells that to all the girls he meets to keep them at arm’s length. So there’s Eileen, miserable at the switch and there’s Steve, feeling just as blue. What’s to do? They only go and book cheap flights on th’internet, pack their bags, jump in the back of a taxi and wave goodbye to an incredulous Liz as the pair of them head off to Malta together. “Separate beds!” they yell back at Liz.
Cilla’s sacked from the chippy when Mr Wong says he’s closing it down. She reckons it’s because of the competition from Jerry’s kebab shop and goes in there making her mouth go and then tells big fibs about food poisoning and dodgy meat to anyone who’ll listen. When Schemicel goes missing on Chesney’s 13th birthday, Cilla reckons the Mortons are behind the dogknapping as revenge for her badmouthing their food. The dog turns up later in the Morton’s shed. My guess is he’d probably gone in there to see where the noise has been coming from.
And that’s just about that for this week.
Glenda Young
--
