June 2, 2008
This week's update written by John Dean. Glenda is on holiday.
If you’d like your weekly update with pictures, fan stuff and fun stuff, then have a look here: http://coronationstreetupdates.blogspot.com
Hola! Willkommen! Wassail! Here I am in the hallowed update chair and unworthy to follow in the footsteps of the mighty Glenda. But I shall try.
This week's theme from the producers was obviously funny voices. Dev continues to alternate putting his voice up and down the melodic scale with making elephant noises, and Fizz has a voice that sounds like a cross between a star of Japanese Kabuki and a refugee from the Chinese State Opera. I should also warn that much of this week is taken up with the Mortons. I find them so hateful and dreary that I haven't learnt all their names (and now I don't need to since Granada are quite properly getting rid) so I hope you recognise them from vaguely libellous descriptions.
Norris gets his CCTV, courtesy of Nigel from Oh No You Don't Security Solutions.Then there's a dreary bit with some of the Mortons. Then Kenzie and his mob return to the Street, bent on mischief. Then another boring bit with the Mortons with the tubby one hoping the yobs come back and try it on with him. Then Kenzie and the gang go to the cafe to rob Roy (Rob Roy! Arf! Scottish connection!) Royston (or Sugar Roy Cropper as he becomes known) effects a citizen's arrest while the yobs try it on with the tubby one (Jerry! I remembered! Later to be Jerry and the Pacemaker) and give him a heart attack which he has in stages - in the street, in the Rovers toilet and finally (but not terminally) in the Rovers yard and so to the ambulance on the way to hospital. Things are not improved when his ex -Mother Teresa, turns up. She describes herself as "cavalry to the rescue" and is reminded that cavalry is " 'orses, not cows." Teresa retaliates by pointing out that Jerry falling over is hardly the best advert for the kebab business.
Chesney (who's starting to resemble more and more the meerkat left to keep lookout after the rest of the tribe have forgotten him and gone into the burrow for the night) has fallen in love with the Morton Girl Who Doesn't Want To Be A Policewoman and chooses this moment to ask her out. She declines, on the reasonable grounds that her Dad is busy with a heart attack. And she is also upset because, as she later tells Lloyd, she knows who's doing the robberies. Later, Lloyd tells the Dopy Morton Who Wants To Be A Policewoman that the MGWDWTBAP knows the robbers so the DMWWTBAP interrogates her sister who has been softened up by hearing about Ernie Bishop, late have-a-go hero of this parish. and second fastest milkcart in the west. Kenzie is duly dobbed in and picked up by the fuzz - not to mention pulled around by the short and curlies - only to resurface as "the man they couldn't cage!". But not before Surfie has pushed Chesney forward for the lead in "Moss Side Story" (as Nancy said in the Guardian "But soft, what brick through yonder window breaks?") and KayKay breaks up with KenKen to take ChesChes to the ChipChip.
Deirdre is outraged when Roger increases his final bill for the bathroom suite by £300 over the estimate "on account of it being Bank Holiday and needing more pipes than expected" but Ken defends him. Going up for her bath in the posh, new bathroom Deirdre describes it as a "bitter sweet experience" (or is that a bitter suite experience?) while Janice describes Deirdre as "a pair o' specs wi' a person crouchin be'ind them."
Becky is so excited at reaching the 4th date for the 1st time with a bloke that she and Jason end up defacing Eileen's sheets with the chocolate body paint Sean gave to Jason for Xmas. Don't ask. But Becky is starting to get a little too clingy for Jase. She goes all mushy when Jase makes her breakfast in bed and starts enthusing about how Eileen would be a much better mother-in-law than Gail.
Steve and Dan have a silly bet about which is the shortest route from somewhere to somewhere else and end up racing each other. Dan wins. Yawn.
Teresa Mama Morton and Lloyd discover they know each other. I mean "know" if you know what I mean. They shared a night of passion in a Ford
Sierra 8 years ago. I say passion - actually, they just sh*gged each other. And Teresa alleges that Morton Minimus The Dopy Little Kid Who Looks Like Lloyd actually is Lloyd's son. Lloyd falls for this and is persuaded to stump up money for "new trainers" and "new jeans" for MMTDLKWLLL.
Vernon returns from his cruise with a craving for Liz's pickled onions. No, that's not a coded reference to some weird practice, he actually wants the jar of pickled onions. He discovers that no-one has missed him and Eileen didn't even know he was away. But he and the band have been invited back to the ship, so successful were they - an ominous marker against Vernon's future. Dev may soon be asking "Where's the Ancient Mariner?" and getting no reply.
Did you know they called Bruce Grobelaar, former Liverpool goalie, the Ancient Mariner because he stoppeth one of three?
I'll get me coat. But I shall return next week.
Writers his week were Lucy Gannon, Chris Fewtrell, Mark Wadlow and Simon Crowther.
John Dean
Blogging away merrily at http://flamingnora.blogspot.com
http://www.corrieweeklyupdates.btinternet.co.uk
June 9, 2008
This week's update written by John Dean. Glenda is away.
If you’d like your weekly update with pictures, fan stuff and fun stuff, then have a look here: http://coronationstreetupdates.blogspot.com
Oops! Tried to straighten the update cushion and a dozen empty wine bottles came clattering out. Luckily their fall was cushioned by the layers of Tunnocks wrappers on the floor.
So.
Roy reckons Jason is bringing out the best in Becky. Cut to Becky perched on Jason, howling like a spider monkey and feeding him chips. She's in love and she can't understand why Jason doesn't say he is too. All Jason wants is a night off. Or two. And for things to s-l-o-w d--o--w--n (like the bionic man). Eileen is encouraging him to talk to Becky. 'Encouraging', in Eileen's case, means a slap on the head at regular intervals. They begin to resemble Laurel and Hardy more and more each episode, these two.
Claire fails to solve the Street Cars Rubik's cube so decides to offer her house to Steve and Michelle but Legohead overrules Steve and decides they can't afford it so Ashley insists Claire put the original deal back on track with Sally.
Dan wants Steve to move the cabs parked outside the bookies. While the row is simmering Norris appears with his paper-round trolley and,
unwitnessed, scrapes an artistic looking scratch along a parked Street Car. For a moment it looked as if he was using a thing like that bloke in Ben Hur used on Charlton Athletic's chariot wheel, but it was only a brolly. Steve assumes Dan did it and has a go at him. When that doesn't work, he instructs lickle Kev to send the bill to Dan. Of course, The Bill is where Dan came from so he wouldn't be interested. Which Kevin works out and tells Steve he'll be addressing the bill to Mr S McDonald. Leeanne points out that if Dan had been involved, he'd have had the cab towed and crushed. Legohead points out that she might yet have Steve towed and crushed. And all through this, Norris is lending Steve a sympathetic ear and accepting free drinks.
Meantime Mother Treeza, Jerry's ex, Ricky Hatton in a fright wig, is extorting more money from Lloyd. He'd like a DNA test to be sure the little lad is truly his but falls for Treeza's line that if they go to court he'll have to pay 8 years arrears. And she, naturally, spends his money on booze and chocolates. (Ah - THAT's the funny smell I keep getting off the update cushion).
David '666' Platt is released, after inviting his loopy pad mate to 'look me up when yer get out'. So that'll be another new character on't cobbles, doubtless with a comic Mum not far behind. Why we need another while we still have Gail "he may have thrown me down the stairs but I still like cooking for the lad" Platt is a mystery. Now Tina has attached herself to the family, as has Ted "looks like Skeletor, talks like Tom Courtenay". However, Audrey alienates herself by not only refusing to give Tina a job but announcing she won't be taking David back, thank yeh vereh much. And before Gail bars her, she points out that Ted was vereh luckeh to miss his daughter's teenage years.
Leeanne and Carla end up on a girls' night out with Legohead and actually end up bonding a little, after they've thrashed out the thorny question of which is more morally reprehensible - relying on sugar daddies and insurance policies or making your way via arson and insurance fraud.
Steve and Dan have a playground fight in the Rovers after hours - all pushing and hair pulling - and Steve pushes Dan into the cellar and locks him in overnight, unaware that Dan has a ruptured spleen. Comes the dawn and an ambulance is summoned, in which Dan goes into cardiac arrest which he survives in order to have his spleen removed. As someone points out, his heart's in the right place even if his spleen isn't. As someone else points out, anyone who thought he had no guts is slowly being proved right. Dan reports Steve to the police and claims Steve deliberately tried to kill him Amy looks to be on course to having both her parents locked up for violent crimes.
And Becky catches Jason out telling lies in order to avoid her. And Eileen takes up the challenge of the Street Cars Rubik's cube and fails to solve it. And one-eyed Tony turns up at Carla's. And the Mortons do some stuff. Then the Mortons do some more stuff. And Tina carves a kebab blindfold. Don't ask.
Writers this week - Martin Allen, Joe Turner and Debbie Oates
Sorry to say there'll be no update next week and possibly none for two or three weeks after that - Glenda's engaged on a secret squirrel project and I have no real excuse - I'm just lazy.
John Dean
June 16, 2008
This week's update written by K Richard Whitbread. Glenda will return on July 7.
Good evening everyone I have slipped into the update office and find
that John has left behind - absolutely nothing. No Tunnocks, no wine,
and he has even stolen the cushion. Anyway online grocers contacted for
restocks and deliveries are expected. I am going to be here for at
least three weeks and it looks as though we are on a real rollercoaster
at present in the McDonald household.
And that is where I suppose I need to start. Shortly after John's last
update finished Steve was arrested and spent the night in jail as he has
to answer some questions concerning Dan's disappearance. He emerges to
face the wrath of Michelle - but first vents his own fury on Dan and
Harry. Anyway he starts off drowning his sorrows with Lloyd and then
following an encounter with Becky in the kebab shop he not only kisses
Becky but goes much much further - in fact too far to describe in a
family newsgroup.
You may recall that Eileen would like Jason to try and explain to Becky
that whilst she might think he is the dog's (expletive deleted) best
bits, the lad himself is rather less keen on Becky reckoning that a
bunch of flowers and two nights a week will keep her sweet. He had not
reckoned with her one night deviation and she senses his reluctance to
get deeply involved and even acknowledges to herself (and Roy who is
aware that Steve strayed in his flat) that if all was well with Jason
then she would not have done what she did. So Becky dumps him pointing
out that she needs excitement and that is hardly Jason's bag is it.
There is obviously an ongoing dispute between Harry, Dan and the
McDonalds. Dan emerges from hospital fairly quickly notwithstanding his
lost spleen and eventually he goes to the police to retract his false
statement - but he cannot resist turning up at the Rovers and winding
Steve up that he was definitely going down. Steve falls for it of
course. This looks like it is going to run and run.
Elsewhere Carla loses a load of work when her computer displays an error
message I have never seen - she must be running Linux. Anyway some hunk
called Tom is in the family and a computer expert and he turns up to put
things right - and seems to be going down a storm with Carla causing
upset to Tony who has returned with a gammy leg, spending time in a
wheelchair before moving on to crutches - amazing how quickly people get
better on the Street.
Better news for those who fancy him but Liam also returns with Maria and
it would appear that they are reconciled - she restarts wearing her
wedding ring. Carla has other ideas and tells Liam very pointedly to
sell his part share in the factory to Tony or she will advise Maria of
the somewhat steamy events from a few weeks ago. Liam almost calls her
bluff but relents. Tony obviously decides to make hay and offers Liam a
take it or leave it offer so low to be considered downright theft - but
Liam has no choice and has to sign. Rosie is wandering around the
factory looking for all the world as if she has a breast enlargement
operation.
Tina's dad turned up to find out what David was like. Who can blame
him? Anyway Joe (as he is called) decides that David is probably an
acceptable escort for his daughter as he promises to reform so that he
can keep her and also identifies that there is a nice bit of skirt to
take for a drink - but Gail turns him down as she is about to visit
Sarah and Beth in Milan - however we can expect more hot and steamy
events no doubt once she returns. Does anyone else use the phrase
"Ugandan discussions"?
Gail is planning to go away and leave two teenagers in her house by
themselves - just how naive is she? Oh correction, Ted is going to
visit and will be staying whilst she is away. Now just how much
experience does he have of teenagers and their ability to cause problems
- yes just enough for this to be entertaining (ie none at all).
Elsewhere Ken continues to assist in the cafe and has received an
invitation to a university reunion, however he seems reluctant - I
wonder which old flame will re-appear?
And Mel is keeping an eye on Mother Teresa, probably but not quite the
worst mother in the world. Not only has she been dipping her hand in
the till but she also managed to convince Lloyd that Finlay was his son.
Lloyd, sadly displaying little in the way of brains keeps handing over
money without the benefit of any tests. This little scam is unwound by
Mel.
Claire and Sally are getting ready to swap houses - more on this next
week.
Steve is getting seriously wound up with the concept that Becky is
stalking him, will dob him into Michelle and that life will not be worth
living (in reality I am not sure Becky wants anyone else to know that
she slept with Steve and wants it kept a secret just as much as him).
Anyway Steve decides that he needs to pop down to Spain for a birthday
celebration with twin Andy leaving Amy behind to be looked after by
Michelle. However his explanation to Michelle does not go well and she
is even more suspicious than she was after the flowers were handed over.
I hope that gives you all a flavour of events.
Another update will be along within a couple of days I hope.
--
K Richard W
June 23, 2008
This week's update written by K Richard Whitbread.
Glenda will return on July 7.
If you’d like your weekly update with pictures, fan stuff and fun stuff, then have a look here: http://coronationstreetupdates.blogspot.com
Good evening. After finishing the last update I had a rummage around and found the updaters credit card. Cancelled the Aldi order and I am
pleased to say that Fortnum and Mason's have delivered, hence the late updater. Lots of champers, caviar and some excellent salmon. With a bit of luck by the time the bill comes I shall be long gone.
At the moment a foreign football convention has been disrupting the sequence so the Monday episodes were then followed by Friday and then two more Monday episodes after which I believe normality returned.
So Liam has said farewell to the factory, forced to sell to Tony for more than £50k under the fair value. He said his goodbyes to the staff who realised that they were losing good cop and getting - much much worse - a second bad cop. Tony was almost instantly on Janice's case and if they thought Carla was bad, then they had better watch out.
House moving does not go well - ask Claire and Sally. Claire had Kirk helping - gives him instructions on where to take the boxes and he picks
up a bedroom one and heads upstairs, completely forgetting to cross the Street into the new house first! Then Claire finds out from her
solicitor that the money has not arrived. So both sides stop work and the men involved start playing football. Eventually the money arrives
and the exchange gets back into its stride. Sal however decides to remove the bulbs and - get this - the light fittings, having remembered
to turn the power off first at the mains. Ashley gets a huge surprise when he turns the power back on - the fuse box goes bang, shower of
sparks and the system is completely fused, the electrics are so old that the house needs re-wiring. And the Peacocks are homeless. Kev cannot stand by and invites them all to live with him - so they all end up living in the Websters new house.
If I have to write about Jerry and Theresa I shall probably get annoyed, never mind. Despite huge antagonism from Mel Jerry relents and does not force Theresa to go. No doubt she will grow on me - not many other female characters in the Street can down a pint in one like her (indeed I am not sure many of the men can either).
With Steve away in Spain Michelle can turn her attention to working out what really happened when Steve disappeared for the night. She and Carla go to work on Lloyd as they try to determine what happened. Michelle goes and sits in Lloyd's cab as he is carrying passengers and between fares she cross questions every single word he utters. He comes up with a good story - that they went to a casino and Steve lost a lot of money - about five thousand. They fail to buy the story particularly well, especially as there is no evidence Steve had the cash and when he denies it completely down the phone, so they decide that Steve must have
slept with someone else.
Looking through the loft in her new house Claire finds a picture which has a signature at the bottom "L S Lowry" and she reckons that she is about to make a fortune. Needless to say Claire believes that the fortune is theirs and theirs alone. Ashley tends to the view that they should share with the Websters. Of course whilst it is in the style of a Lowry are we really sure that it is valuable?
Tony is not only making his presence felt on the shop floor. he has some grand plans for growing the business by merging his existing operation into the one business all on one site. Of course the factory will need extending and this might bring a few problems. Outside Underworld they survey the surroundings - they will have to buy the garage and the corner shop.
Did I previously mention that David had a new job - turns out that the reference the new employers received was unfamiliar to Audrey because when they phone she does not recognise a word of it - well she recognises the words, but not the order in which they arrive! Turns out that super fairy godmother Ted had written a new reference (and signed it Audrey Roberts would you believe) for David - making him nearly as a big a tea leaf as his grandson! When Ted convinces Audrey to back up the reference Tina believes a celebration is planned - a nice party. Super Fairy Godmother (SFG) Ted demurs but eventually concedes that no harm can come if a couple of old friends come round for the evening for a quiet drink [yeah right, teenagers, alcohol, no adults - I think most of us can predict the rest].
And in general terms that's that for this week. If I am sober I will be back next week and if we are lucky Glenda might pop in and tell us how her "special task" is going.
Oh and for those who emailed last week many thanks, nice to know these updates are appreciated.
Cheers until next time.
--
K Richard W
June 30, 2008
This week's update written by K Richard Whitbread.
Glenda will return on July 7.
If you’d like your weekly update with pictures, fan stuff and fun stuff, then have a look here: http://coronationstreetupdates.blogspot.com
Another week another update. And I have recovered from the hangover with no sign of the credit card bill, so another delivery of goodies is anticipated very shortly, Harrods and Selfridges this week for a bit of a change.
Do you remember from last time that Super Fairy Godmother (SFG) Ted had agreed to a party and that he is spending the night at Audrey's? Do you all want to guess what happens at a quiet teenagers party? Can you all guess? Yes mayhem, in no time at all we go from a bit of loud music to
a technicolour yawn from Amber (wall, carpet etc), and the new neighborough Theresa storming in and turning off the mp3 player (well
no-one uses tapes any more do they). Rosie see red (and not just the colour of Theresa's hair) and follows her out into the Street to continue throwing insults, and finally someone in the Street uses my invention (see the regular episode updates) calling Theresa's ex husband Jelly Roll Morton (note to sws I hope the cheque is in the post). Theresa and Rosie start brawling (in the latter case we could easily observe like mother like daughter) in the Street until pulled apart.
The following morning Ted and Audrey arrive to find the damage. Here SFG Ted earns his title - David and Tina go off to work and SFG sets to
work cleaning the place up (after taking advice on the best way of removing carpet stains). Perfection is not achieved - wallpaper flakes off and the cigarette burns in the carpet have to hidden under a new pot plant (in the middle of the room) but Audrey is fooled. Somehow I doubt that Gail will fall for it.
Michelle thinks Steve has slept with someone and overhearing Liz talking to Vernon about Leanne and how Steve has a soft spot for her she puts the usual 2 and 2 together and gets five. Without any real thought and with huge malice (after all Paul may have made the mistake of not
sleeping with Leanne, but getting caught with her) she has a shouting match with Leanne in the Rovers bar in front of the punters and sacks her. Dan and Leanne return to the Rovers where the former points out that she was in the hospital all night with him and Dan and the ward
sister can verify it. Michelle later hesitantly apologises in the bookies but Leanne refuses to return to her job, in her desperation for a barmaid she hires Becky. Is this a wise move?
Later Roy tries to discourage Becky from taking up the new job - and whilst she might have doubts she does not want Roy echoing them - she can look after herself. Roy doubts it but as she departs he just wants to say that she looks very nice and he hopes they appreciate her. She is touched.
Anyway Michelle turns the power back onto Lloyd - she knows he knows and she sits in his cab until he cracks. He agrees there is a big secret and Steve will kill him - but in reality he wants to propose and have the big wedding and he has gone to Spain to get Andy to be best man and find a fairytale castle. Like his last pack of lies Lloyd forgets to pick the phone up and tell Steve the story. Needless to say Michelle has to tell a few essential people - Maria, Liam, Carla and Tony. Steve - wise up, you are in real trouble.
The house move that didn't mean we have the humorous problem of the occupation of the toilet at the new Webster abode. Despite the complaints it appears to have been empty throughout - just that the door sticks a bit. Living together is not ideal it seems. Oh and the picture Claire found by "L S Lowry" was almost certainly the work of Irma Ogden, daughter of Hilda and married to Ken's brother (I had forgotten Ken had a brother - if I ever knew, someone has been checking the history books). Apparently she was good at copying.
And before long Claire finds more in the loft - programmes of events including the first appearance of the Beatles in Manchester, signed by the entire fab four in 1963. Sally reckons it is all rubbish but Claire consults Lloyd who appears to have unknown contacts in the world of memorabilia and sells the lot for £7k - and reckons she might have got more if she had sold on that auction website (brand names this week included iPod and eBay - are you equally sick of capitals in the middle of words?). Claire and Ashley agree to keep their new fitted kitchen money a secret - but Claire takes about two seconds of wind up from Sally before admitting how much she has made. That wipes the smile off the Webster family faces.
In odd scenes we see Jason and Becky both smiling at each other and doing the odd bit of coy courting - and both seem to be enjoying it - and almost planning to meet in the Rovers but not quite when Roy gets upset over the Leanne sacking - he wants Becky to tell the truth - but we all know that cannot possibly end well.
Jerry and Theresa are getting on slightly better with each other and the latter also makes an effort to win over Darryl. Mel remains staunchly opposed and makes her feelings well known at regular intervals.
Vernon and Liz are clearly having problems and it is not helped by being in the Rovers with so many other people. Vernon reckons that they need to escape and he has a solution - a mate selling his cellar bar. Vernon and Liz go to see the bar and Vernon is desperate for her to agree painting the picture of how the dump could be transformed. The seller of the bar is "Nelson" and I recognise the actor - I thought he was the Jason's father? Anyway Liz prevaricates until she tells Vernon that quite simply she does not want to be with him 24 hours a day and that it is all over between them. Needless to say he is devastated. As is Nelson who has lost a certain sale - he had his bags packed!
Liz retreats to Deirdre to update on the latest - she actually liked the bar - there was nothing wrong with it - but the thought of being with him was overwhelming and she could not face it. She returns to the Rovers and tells Michelle - then finds Vernon coming in the back door to collect a few things. Liz cries.
Along at the factory Tony has decided that the time is right for expansion - if they build a much bigger unit then his existing business can move into the same building and they can save a lot of overheads. Carla is not sure - how will they expand - apparently by buying out the adjoining businesses owned by Rita (and Doris) and Kev. Tony and Carla start ingratiating themselves with Rita although Doris is not interested we all sense that perhaps Rita will contemplate retirement (at the right price). Indeed when she is offered 25k sterling over the normal price it looks very likely that the Kabin will close.
And that I think wraps up the week on the Street. Not sure who will be in this seat next week. Glenda may be back if her other tasks have been completed. On the other hand that wine rack looks a little full ...
--
K Richard W
