Coronation Street Weekly
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Weekly updates with pictures on the Coronation
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2008 -
AUGUST 11
In the Barlows' this week, it was hard to tell the
difference between Eccles and Ken. Both were lying around the house,
unwashed, unshaven, unloved. Neither had eaten or taken any fresh
air. They each felt neglected and both had a beard. But wait, what
was that? Ah yes, Eccles had bigger balls than Ken Barlow would ever
have, and Eccles, my friend, is a bitch. Mind you, so is Blanche
when the mood hits her right and it was partly her fault that Ken
let himself go. His novel had caught Blanche's attention and she
started casting her beady eye over it before casting aspersions. Who
was this dashing hero she was reading all about, the one trapped by
his background and bad choice in wool cardis? She read on,
engrossed, to discover the heroine of the piece. Once upon a time
she was a pert bottomed goddess (but then, weren't we all?) and now
Ken's written her up as a chain-smoking fishwife who condemns our
hero to a marriage of misery and a fag-breath life. Blanche can only
make assumptions, well, she plays to her strengths and tells Deirdre
she needs to read the novel too, it's like a badly typed version of
Deirdre's own life and “gives off a self-satisfied hum”, says
Blanche. Deirdre reads Ken's novel and she's upset, confused and
pulls a sickie from work. Work? She hasn't been in to Weatherfield
Council for so long I'm surprised she's still on the payroll. Mind
you, she'll still be on the coffee club rota. There'll be a stern
faced secretary with a face like a disappointed Tuesday who'll be
keeping tabs on that rota, just you mark my words. Anyway my loves,
Deirdre and Ken battle it out at their dining room table, he admits
he's disappointed with his life, with their house and yes, with her
too. Deirdre slaps him hard across the chops before heading off to
Eileen's for a coffee cup full of white wine. While Deirdre's out,
Ken thinks on and by the time she's returned, he's burned his novel
in the backyard, cremated his creation and tells his missus he's
ready to embrace mediocrity. Which is more, much more, than
Deirdre's ready for yet. Bring back Mike Baldwin for her, that's all
I say. Oh no, wait, we can't, he's dead. Ah what the heck, bring him
back anyway, he's probably got more life in him than Ken Barlow will
ever have.
Over in the salon, Audrey has a light bulb moment.
“An epiphany,” says Ted, putting posh words into her tiny mind when
she makes a decision not to let Bill back into her life. Ted tries
to play matchmaker and tells Bill to take chocolates and flowers and
tickets for the opera. Bill Webster does his best. Chocolates he can
do, flowers he can buy but when he presents two tickets to Carmen
for him and Audrey, she knows he's been put up to it by someone
else. If Bill had his way it'd be two cod and chips with two pints
on a big night out, and I say there's nowt wrong with that, but
then, I'm not Audrey Roberts. She wants a bit more romance in her
life, a bit of schmooze, someone she can manipulate just like she
did to her Alfeh. Bill tells her all this in no uncertain terms and
it's a truth she's not happy to hear. Still, it doesn't stop her
from accepting Ted's offer to go to th'opera with him instead of
Bill. Could Audrey Roberts be Corrie's first fag hag?
In the
Morton household, Tina pulverises too much of Jerry's heart
medication and pops it into his food. She wants Jerry to think he
can't live without her when he'll no doubt take ill again as she
knows that she's overstayed her welcome. Then again, haven't they
all? I'd still love Darryl to stay, he's brill. I like him so much,
I just want to pat him on the head every time he comes on
screen.
Now then, I'm all for Gail Platt being happy. If
having a new man in her life puts a smile on her face then good on
her, that's what I say, but please, gawd please, stop the woman from
simpering. Scraped fingernails down a blackboard I can take. Spiders
in the bath? I care not a jot. Wet cotton wool I can just about
(almost) take but the simpering of Gail sends the hairs on the back
of my hands, sorry, back of my neck into a spasm and I feel
physically sick. Yes, Tina's dad Joe has a thing for Gail Platt.
What sort of a thing, well, we haven't yet seen but if it turns up
in the bedroom at No. 8 Coronation Street and she simpers when she
sees it, I might just have to throw summat at the telly. And why
aren't her man-alarm bells ringing? With her track record in
choosing the wrong man, surely she'd have devised a questionnaire by
now to give to new suitors to fill in with green pen.
Q1.
Have you ever, or do you intend to, drive fully clothed, in a car,
head first into the canal? Q2. How many people have you
killed? Delete as applicable: 0-5 / Less than 10 /
50+ Q3. Are you a stark staring loony? Delete as applicable:
Yes / No / Depends on the voices Q4. Do you have a religious
maniac mother called Ivy who'll undermine me every day? Q5. Are
you liable to run off with a 16 year old neighbour? Q6. Will you
be hanging around outside of discos getting into fights?
Anyway, they're going bowling. It'll only end in
tears.
And the reason they've agreed to go bowling is to get
Tina and David back together. They've fallen out after Tina gave
David the heave-ho when she found out he'd hacked into her email
account. Tina turns up for work at the shop in a strop and serves
kebabs with a cob on while demented David stalks her from the
Street.
Anyway, they're going bowling. It'll only end in
tears.
And finally this week, Jed Stone (aka Sunny Jim)
returned to Coronation Street after 42 years. Cast your mind back,
if you will, and you might remember Jed Stone as the son that Minnie
Caldwell never had. He's now an old man, living alone in a terraced
house and Tony Gordon wants him out. Tony Gordon starts menacing Jed
Stone, wanting him to move out so that his plans for world
domination can continue unabated. Yes, the evil empire of Tony
Gordon starts small, he plans it slowly but determined, one terraced
street at a time. Will Jed turn up on the cobbles begging for
help from his old pals? And who will remember him from the old days?
Possible Rita, Betty, Emily and Ken - if he ever recovers from his
creative crisis.
Five things we learned in Corrie this
week. 1. Eileen likes the word
“boff” 2. Ryan's back from holiday but no-one
knows where he's been 3. Sophie Webster's still
missing in action 4. Amy Barlow's not very good
at crying 5. Ken Barlow in a beard is not a
good look
And that's just about that for this
week.
Coronation Street writers this week were Damon
Rochefort, Chris Fewtrell, Jan McVerry, Lucy Gannon and David
Lane.
Glenda Blogging away merrily at http://flamingnora.blogspot.com
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